Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2016

Olimpico Goal: Phil Neville’s Son Harvey, 13, Scores Direct From Corner For Valencia Youth Team (Video)

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Not that he's going to be getting a call-up from Uncle Gary any time soon (he's still only 13, after all), but Harvey Neville, son of Phillip, scored a bit of a peach while playing for Valencia's youth team in a recent game.

Charged with corner-taking duties, Harvey Nev somehow managed to send the ball across the box and directly into the far top corner, thus netting what's known as an 'Olimpico' goal in latin football parlance.

‘He’s No Homer Simpson’ – West Ham Boss Slaven Bilic Critiques Michail Antonio’s Goal Celebration

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Pies, much like the entire internet, couldn't help but notice the parallel between Michail Antonio's post-goal celebrations against Sunderland on Saturday afternoon and one of Dancin' Homer Simpson's most famous pieces of choreography.

The West Ham winger opened the scoring after half an hour and proceeded to celebrate by getting down on the ground and marching round in a circle on the turf.

Presenting: The Most Pivotal Piece Of Testimony To Emerge From The Adam Johnson Trial

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With the jury having just sent out in the ongoing trial of formerSunderland winger Adam Johnson, a stunning factoid of salient information has come to the fore.

As reported diligently by Daily Mail journalist Craig Hope, we're treated toan intriguing bit of testimony from Johnson's ex-partner, Stacey Flounders.

Reports: Cristiano Ronaldo Has ‘Stopped Moving’ During Real Madrid Training Sessions

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With their La Liga title push all but scuppered for this season, things are starting to get a bit antsy at Real Madrid.

A 1-0 home defeat in the Madrid derby at the weekend saw Cristiano Ronaldo publicly castigate his teammates for letting him down, ranting to MARCA:

If we were all at my level, maybe we would be (league) leaders.

North London Derby Special: 5 Cringe-Inducingly Embarrassing Tottenham & Arsenal Fan Anthems (Videos)

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With a rather important North London derby beginning to crown on the horizon, Piesthought we'd get into the swing of things by popping on a few rousing fan anthems to get the juices flowing.

Sadly, all we could find was this shower a multitude of toe-curling assaults on the auditory system from both sides of the divide.

Manchester United: Dutch TV Cameras Capture Louis Van Gaal’s Dive From Fantastic Alternate Angle (Video)

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Here's a fantastic alternative angle of Louis van Gaal's startlingly graceful prat fall at Old Trafford the other day, as captured by Dutch television.

It clearly shows the second stage of the incidentwhich weirdly didn't seem to be picked up by the Sky Sportscameras...

Voetbal International | Facebook

De geweldige parodie van Lucky TV op de schwalbe van Louis van Gaal.

Insult To Injury: Philippe Coutinho Takes A Tumble After Collecting Capital One Cup Loser’s Medal At Wembley (Video)

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Poor old Philippe Coutinho endured a painful Capital One Cup final on Sunday. Despite scoring Liverpool's equaliser to set up a penalty shoot-out, he then made a right mess of his own spot-kick before falling on his backside after collecting his loser's medal.

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The footage of the Brazilian schemer slipping on his arse emerged on Monday, as the 23-year-old's disappointing Wembley trip ended badly.

Portsmouth: Harry Redknapp Reveals Nwankwo Kanu’s Regular Method For Getting Out Of Training Each Week

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Nwankwo Kanu was and indeed still is something of an anomaly in the world of professional football.

While undoubtedly capable of moments of mercurial poise and skill in isolation, the lanky forward boasted a fairly unimpressive overall goal record, a knack for missing nailed-on sittersand also, if memory serves, was injured for roughly two-thirds of his entire career.

Iconic Moments In Sport: Mark Today, February 29th 2016, As The Day Richard Keys Met Sepp Blatter (Photo)

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It's important that we never forget

Mark this day for all eternity as the day that twofootballing titans nay, colossi finally met face-to-face.

We are of course talking about Richard 'Your Key To Sports' Keys and Sepp 'Use My Off-Shore Account' Blatter aseminalparlaythat was sealed with a dad joke for the ages.

On This Day In 2004: Ali Brownlee In Overdrive As Middlesbrough Win Rare Cup On February’s Rarest Day (Video)

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The 29th February only comes around once every four years, so it was perhaps fitting that on this day in 2004 an even more unusual occurrence befell Middlesbrough.

Indeed, the Teesside club won the very first major honour in their 128-year history by beating Bolton Wanderers in the League Cup final.

‘The Worst Thing I’ve Seen In Football’ – Dodgy Fair Play Fail Leaves Braintree Boss Dan Cowley Fuming (Video)

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A slight schism in fair play etiquette left Braintree Town manager Dan Cowley seething about 'the worst thing he'd even seen on a football pitch' in the aftermath of Saturday's 1-1 draw against Guiseley AFC in the National League.

With Braintree leading 1-0 at the time, one of their players went down injured.

‘Yaya, Penalties, Roll It In’ – Noel Gallagher Accurately Predicted The Nature Of Man City’s Capital One Cup Triumph

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Shortly before the Capital One Cup Final at Wembley yesterday, Manchester City caught up with celebrity fan Noel Gallagher outside the stadium and pressed him for his predictions.

As it duly turned out, the ex-Oasis star got it bang on, replying that he thought the game would be "mega close" but that City would win on penalties.

Cut Up: Irate Arsenal Fan (Literally) Rips Shirt To Shreds After Feeble Display By Gunners At Old Trafford (Photo)

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Facing a Manchester United side besieged by injury, and with their best chance of winning the Premier League in years, Arsenalonce again bottled it at, instead going down 3-2 after a feeble display.

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Not surprisingly, that defeat has not gone down too well with Arsenal fans weary of their side's annual collapse.

Incroyable! Segri Darder Nets Exquisite Goal For Lyon As PSG’s ‘Invincibles’ Dream Ends (Video)

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PSG's hopes of going the full Ligue 1 season unbeaten ended on Sunday night, with the all-conquering Parisians beaten 2-1 away at Lyon.

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Going into the game at theParc Olympique Lyonnais having won 23 and drawn four of this 27 league games this season, Laurent Blanc's petro-chem giants were expecting to extend their unbeaten run to 28.

Manchester United: Louis Van Gaal Fakes A Dive In Bizarre Touchline Argument With Fourth Official (Video)

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Manchester United boss Louis van Gaal hit the deck during an argument with fourth official Mike Dean during his side's 3-2 win over Arsenal at Old Trafford.

Van Gaal was incensed by Alexis Sanchez taking a tumble in the United box and quite literally demonstrated his point with a slapstick pratfall over on the touchline.

Snapshot: Man City Crowned 2016 Capital One Cup Champions After Penalty Shoot-Out Win Over Liverpool…

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We'll have more reaction in due course but for now we'd just like to congratulate Manchester City for eventually coming out on top in the 2016 Capital OneCup Final.

1-1 after 120 minutes, the game was eventually settled by penalties City's stand-in 'keeper Willy Caballero putting ina heroic shoot-out shift to thwart Liverpool with three fantastic intuitive saves.

Blackpool Apologise For Playing ‘We Didn’t Start The Fire’ Over Stadium Loudspeakers Before Bradford City Match

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Photo: Allsport UK /Allsport

Blackpool were forced to apologise after getting Bradford City fans' dander up by playing Billy Joel's chronologic classic 'We Didn't Start The Fire' before the League Onemeeting between the two sides on Saturday.

Bradford's Valley Parade stadium was reduced to cinders by a huge fire in May of 1985that eventually claimed the lives of 56 fans.

Falkirk Stadium Evacuated After ‘Suspect Package’ Discovered, Turns Out To Be Box Of Unattended Chocolates

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Photo: Scottish Football Partnership

Falkirk's stadium had to be evacuated shortly after thefinal whistle of their 3-1 win over Queen of the South on Saturday afternoon when a 'suspicious parcel' was spotted in the terraces.

Fans were rushed out of the stadium so the unattended package could be properly identified and dealt with.

‘Apologies For That Tweet, It Was Sent From Our Pocket’ – Stoke Troll Joleon Lescott DuringAston Villa Clash

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Joleon Lescott's now infamous explanation for that flashy car Tweet after Aston Villa's 6-0 defeat to Liverpool remains one of the more ridiculous moments of the season so far. And on Saturday duringthe Villans' clash with Stoke City, the Potters' media team decided to have a little fun with the centre-half's faux pax.

Punch Drunk: QPR Fan Knocked To Floor After Approaching Birmingham Fans At Loftus Road (Video)

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It's only a few weeks since we brought you those incredible scenes of a Southend fan trying to fight (all of) a packed Colchester stand. However, on Saturday during QPR's Championship clash with Birmingham City at Loftus Road, yet more fisticuffs ensued, with one Hoop's fans on the end of a mean left-hook.

Arsenal Flop Yaya Sanogo Bags Hat-Trick In First Start For Charlton, Still Ends Up On Losing Side (Video)

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French striker Yaya Sanogo's chances of making it at Arsenal looked dead and buried when, after a dismal spell with the Gunners, he again fail to make his mark on loan at both Crystal Palace and Ajax.

However, on Saturday, in his first start for Charlton, the gangly 23-year-old netted a shock hat-trick in his first start for the Addicks against Reading.

Way Down In The Hole: Watford’s Nathan Ake Falls Down Pitchside Pit O’ Doom At Vicarage Road (Video)

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Watford's Nathan Ake was extremely lucky to escape largely unhurt after coming a cropper during today's Premier League game against Bournemouth at Vicarage Road.

After overshooting a dash into the corner, the youngDutch midfielder was forced to vault the advertising hoarding to avoid colliding with it.

‘He’s A Beast With Two Wives’ – Andrea Pirlo Warns Chelsea Players About Antonio Conte’s Volatile Aggro Streak

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It's looking increasingly likely that Antonio Conte will be the man tasked with re-floating Chelsea'scapsizedluxury liner next season, with the Italy coach having held several rounds of talks with the club's top brassover the past couple of weeks.

Having played under him at Juventus for several years, hirsute pass-master Andrea Pirlo was wheeled out and asked what the Chelsea gang can expect with Conte at the helm.

‘It’s An Absolute Scandal’ – Man Utd Boss Louis Van Gaal Vents Spleen About Persistent Mourinho Rumours On Dutch TV

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Withthe planets purportedly aligning for Jose Mourinho to usurp him at Manchester United at the end of the season, Louis van Gaal has publicly addressed the persistent rumours as per his long-term employment by branding thesituation"an absolute scandal".

Speaking to Dutch television channel RTL7in the wake of United's 5-1 Europa League win over Midtjylland on Thursday evening, Van Gaal was asked about the pressure both he and his players are enduring at the moment.

Meet The New Boss: Gianni Infantino Is Officially Your New FIFA President

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It's official. The FIFA congress has spoken and Gianni Infantino will be the man to succeedSepp Blatter at the top of the shop.

Infantino saw off stiff competition from Sheikh Salmanto secure electionwith 115 of the 207 votes. This after the ballot went on for a second round.

So, the new face of FIFA is one of Michel Platini's old lackeys.

‘It’s Your Problem Now’ – Tokyo Sexwale Quits FIFA Presidential Election Race In Dramatic Fashion

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"Oh, grow up you lot. It's pronounced 'sek-wah-leh'"

Tokyo Sexwale has pulled out of the FIFA presidential race in dramatic fashion, waiting untilvoting day toannounce his withdrawal with the words "It's your problem now".

Delivering his final speech to the FIFA congress ahead of this afternoon's vote, Sexwale took to the stage and, after informing the room that he'd just become a father for the third time, toldthose assembled:

My candidacy ends today, I end my participation, I leave you four candidates.

‘I Won’t Hesitate To Hack Yaya Down’ – Kolo Toure In Full ‘Older Brother’ Mode Ahead Of Capital One Cup Final

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Photo: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images

Kolo Toure has said (in a round-about way) that he won't hesitate to hack brother Yaya to pieces on Sunday if it means getting his hands on the League Cup.

With Liverpool and Manchester City set to contest the Capital One Cup in a couple of day's time, the elder of the Ivorian siblings has insisted that he is fully prepared to sacrifice his younger sibling for the greater good.

Europa League Round Of 16 Draw: Liverpool To Square Off Against Manchester United, Tottenham Face Tricky Trip To Dortmund

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The draw for the last 16 of the Europa League has just been performed in Nyon and the plastic balls of fate have coughed up more than a few choice fixtures.

First up is theall-Premier Leaguer between Liverpool and Manchester United, whileTottenham have snagged a tricky two-legger against Borussia Dortmund.

Midtjylland Right-Back Andre Romer Admits He Was ‘Close To Tears’ After Being Nutmegged Into Oblivion By Memphis Depay

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While Midtjylland as a collective hardly emerged from last night's Manchester United mauling smelling of roses, the evening proved particularly difficult for right-back Andre Romer.

Tasked with man-marking Memphis Depay, the Danish defender was nutmegged into oblivionby the long-dormant winger, who finally turned in a performance worthy of his bloated transfer fee after idling for the past several months.

Success: Leicester City Fan Passes 5,000 Signature Goal In Quest To Name Baby Daughter After Jamie Vardy

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Photo: Leicester Mercury

Good news everybody. Remember the Leicester City supporterwho was after 5,000 people to sign his petition to name his unborn daughter after Jamie Vardy?

Well, we're (semi-)pleased to announce that the plucky Foxes fan in question, one Ashley Marriott, successfully passed his target on Thursday after his intrepid quest made headlines the world over.

FAIL: Zimbabwean Duo Attempt The Messi-Suarez Tandem Penalty With Calamitous Results (Video)

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Already 4-0 up against their fantastically named opponents Wha Wha FC, Zimbabwean top flight side Dynamos attempted to round the thrashing off in style after winning themselves a late penalty.

Indeed, Roderick Mutuma andValentine Ndaba hatched a fiendish plan to replicate the tandempenalty routine successfullyexecuted by Barcelona duo Lionel Messi and Luis Suarez a week or two prior.

Bust: As Portsmouth Mark Unhappy Anniversary, Another 26 English Football Clubs That Went Into Administration

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Portsmouth earned the unwelcome distinction of becoming the first English Premier League club to go into administration when, on 26th February 2010, debts of £70million took the famous old side under.

Since the turn of the millennium, a total of 27 sides from the professional divisions of English football have gone into administration.

Reports: Antonio Conte Nailed On To Be Chelsea’s New Manager, Three-Year-Deal Agreed

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He's been a frontrunner for a while, but it's being reported in certain quarters today that Antonio Conte is now nailed-on favourite to take over at Chelsea next season.

Italian journalistGianluca Di Marzio reckons he's privy to details of Conte's contract agreement with the Blues, with the Sky Sports Italia reporter claiming the Azzurricoach has shaken on a three-year deal after holding "positive talks" with the suits at Stamford Bridge.

Dream Debut: 18-Year-Old Marcus Rashford Bags Brace As Man Utd Ease Past Midjtylland (Photos & Video)

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Only starting the game after Anthony Martial injured himself in the warm-up, 18-year-old Marus Rashford made the most of his senior debut for Manchester United in the Europa League on Thursday night, bagging a brace againstFC Midjtylland to help the Red Devils to a 6-3 aggregate win which takes at least some of the pressure of Louis van Gaal.

Arsenal Legend Robert Pires Officially Announces Retirement At The Grand Old Age Of 42

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The year is 2016 and Robert Pires has just announced his retirement from professional football. Again, the year is 2016.

Now aged 42, the former Arsenal winger had beenflitting in and out of the game for several years,but has now officially put the kibosh on his playing days.

Having last played a competitive game for FC Goa in the Indian Super League last March, Pires made his big announcement live on BeIN Sports:

I'm 42 years old so some time must stop.

Infographic: How Things Would Look If Every English Fan Supported Their Nearest Football Club…

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Football being football, you don't usually have to go too far before you bump into what we used to call in the playground, a 'glory hunter'.

You know the type: the self-proclaimed "Manchester United fan of 30 years" (usually born and bred in deepest, darkest Essex) who can't for the life of him put a name to George Best's face.

Cheeky Tweet From Tim Sparv Reveals Midtjylland’s Tactical Approach For Second Leg Against Manchester United (Photo)

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Having snaffled a 2-1 win in the first leg, it would appear that FC Midtjylland are planning to stage a Helm's Deep-style defence of their slim lead going into the second leg of their Europa League last-32 game against Manchester United.

Indeed, it looks like Midtjylland skipper Tim Sparv let his side's stubborntactical approach slip when he posted the following cheeky Tweet as the Danes arrivedin England.

At Long Last, Liverpool Finally Have An ‘Official Coconut Water Provider’ To Call Their Own (Photo)

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Photo: Theppadungporn Coconut Co.

If you've ever wondered whatRobbie Fowler's 'I'd-literally-rather-be-anywhere-else' face looks like then wonder no longer!

The former Liverpoolstriker was on hand to help shore up a fantastic new commercial partnership for his old club.

After all these years being forced to go without, the Reds can finaly boast about having their very own "official coconut water provider".

Boy In The Bag: Lionel Messi Personally Sends Signed Shirt To Little Aghan Fan Murtaza (Photo)

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Photo: @UNICEFAfg

Remember little Murtaza Ahmadi? The little Lionel Messi fan who sparked a worldwide search after being photographed wearing a DIY Argentina shirt with his hero's name and number scrawled on the back?

Well, after being located in southern Afghanistan and invited to train at the national team's training complex in Kabul, the five-year-old urchin has just received his first official dispatch from Messi himself.

The Joy Of The Penalty Shoot-Out: Landmark Victories In The Use Of Spot-Kicks To Win Trophies

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On 25th February 2001, Liverpool lifted the League Cup against Birmingham City after emerging victorious in the first ever penalty shoot-out used to decide a major English football competition.

The Reds won 5-4 on penalties after the Blues snatched a last-minute equaliser in normal time. Jamie Carragher despatched his kick, and when CitystrikerAndy Johnson saw his tame shot saved by Sander Westerveld, the trophywas on its way up to Merseyside.

‘The Difference Is I’m World Class And They’re Sh*t’ – El-Hadji Diouf Has Yet Another Pop At Steven Gerrard And Jamie Carragher

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To be fair, it's been a couple of months so we were probably overdue, but El-Hadji Diouf has delivered yet another sermon on why he's bloody great and why Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher are both but inconsequential specks of nothing in the great football pantheon.

After labelling Gerrard "an egotist" and Carragher a "useless turkey" during an interview with a Portuguese radio station back in December, Diouf has spewed forth his latestexpletive-filled diatribe while talking toSo Foot magazine.

Turkish Legend Hakan Sukur Faces Four Years In Jail For Insulting President Erdogan On Twitter

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Turkey's legendary strikerHakan Sukurcould face up to four years in prison after the former Galatasaray and Inter Milan star was charged by Turkish prosecutors with insulting President Erdogan on Twitter.

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According to a Turkish news agency, the 44-year-old 'Bull of the Bosphorus' posted Tweets from his @HakanSukur account which contained"insulting content against Mr President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan and his son.

Reports: Gary Neville’s England Coaching Role In Jeopardy As Valencia Put New Two-Year Deal On Table

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After enduring a difficult start to his managerial career with Valencia, Gary Neville's fortunes have turned at the Mestalla, with the former Man Utd star steering his side to three wins in their last three games. And thanks to that upsurge in form, Los Che owner Peter Lim wants to extend Neville's stay in Spain.

Champions League: Yaya Touré Bags Beauty As Man City Cruise To 3-1 Win in Kiev (Video)

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Both Manchester City as a team and Yaya Touré himself have blown hot and cold this season. However, against to Dynamo Kiev in the Champions League on Wednesday night, the Citizens enjoyed a deserved 3-1 win, with Touré netting the best goal of the night.

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After fielding a weakened side in City's 5-1 FA Cup mauling by Chelsea at the weekend, Manuel Pellegrini brought back the big guns and by half-time, the Premier League side were 2-0 up, courtesy of goals from Sergio Aguero and David Silva.

Sunday League In A Nutshell: Cuckfield Town Post Brutally Honest Match Report After Losing 4-0 To Ditchling

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Photo: Cuckfield Town FC

Hats off to amateur mob Cuckfield Town, who are responsible for producing one of the finest match reports Pies have ever had the fortune to stumble across.

It was written in the aftermath of a bitter, lacklustre 0-4 (or possibly 0-5) home defeat against Ditchling in theMid-Sussex Football League on Saturday.

Retro Football: The Day Mick McCarthy Almost Scored A Freekick From The Halfway Line, 1990 (Video)

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Photos: Getty Images/Billy Stickland/Mark Leech

The year was 1990. Michael Boltonruled the pop charts, Texas Chainsaw Massacre IIIwas entertaining families at cinemas the world over and Maggie Thatcher endeared herself to a nation by introducing thePoll Tax. It truly was a fine old time to be alive.

Retro Football: Remembering The Late, Great Bobby Moore In Five Timeless Photos

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On the 23rd anniversary of the great Bobby Moore's death on 24th February, 1993 here's an attempt to capture the spirit not only of one of England's greatest players but also one of its most stylish icons.

Let's crack on, shall we? (Hover over images to readthe caption)

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This picture won't be far from any Moore retrospective.

The Romford Pele: Front Cover Of Ray Parlour’s Forthcoming Autobiography Is A Work Of Tim Lovejoy-Bashing Art (Photo)

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Ray Parlour is on the brink of releasing an autobiography, which is wonderful news for fans of under-appreciated Arsenal midfielders and/or men whose dainty ginger ringlets seemed to bepermanently glistening with dew drops of sweat.

The "wonderfully funny and candid" book documents Parlour's impressive careeron his slog upfrom scrubbing boots at Arsenal as a traineebefore going on to make over 330 Premier League appearances as part of the famous all-conquering Invincibles team.

Hey Presto: Umbro Use Sprinkling Of Magic To Flog Their New ‘Medusae’ Boots (Video)

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Umbro are currently rolling out their new Medusae boot and as such have created a cracking little promo campaign to coincide which plays on the otherworldly qualities of a boot they say is designed to deliver a "magic touch and lightning speed".

In fact, theMedusae areso mysticalthat several limited edition pairs are being sold in trickboxes beloved of amateur magicians the world over.

Horror Hair: Andres Iniesta Takes To The Pitch Looking Like An Escaped Lobotomite (Photo)

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Looking like an escapee from a 1950s lobotomy clinic, Andres Iniesta debuted a daring new look while taking to the field for Barcelona against Arsenal last night...

He's holding on to thatlast smattering of hair for grim death.

Twitter was subsequently awash with suggestions as to quite what Iniesta had asked for at the barbers, given that four dayspriorhe had a perfectly reasonable barnet on the go.

FAIL: Classic Dreadful Goalkeeping Howler Opens The Scoring In AFC Asian Cup Tie (Video)

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Lebanese side Al Ahed FC lost 2-0 against Turkmenistan outfitAltyn Asyr FK in the Asian Cup on Tuesday night, the opening goal coming on the hour mark when 'keeper Hassan Bittar made an absolute dog's dinner of a simple back-pass...

At least he tried. That's the main thing.

Plucky Leicester City Fan Launches Petition To Name His Newborn Daughter After Jamie Vardy

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A plucky Leicester City fan is seeking to pay homage to Jamie Vardy and his superb 2015/16 campaign by naming his newborn daughter after the Foxes hero.

However, for Ashley Marriott, there is still one obstacle to overcome namely, his altogether more sensible girlfriend Rebekah.

Thankfully, our friend Ashley had the presence of mind to launch a petition in order to convince his reluctant partner that naming their unborn baby girl 'Vardy' was and is a terrific idea.

Arsenal Fan/Olympic Medallist Kelly Sotherton Smashes TV As Mathieu Flamini Concedes Penalty Against Barcelona (Photo)

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A goal down and chasing the game, Arsene Wenger did the done thing and sent renowned penalty box poacher Mathieu Flamini on for the last ten minutes against Barcelona last night in the hunt for a last-gasp equaliser.

Sadly, the plan slightly backfired when the French midfielder's very first involvement in the game was to hack down Lionel Messi and concede a penalty.

Champions League: Did Barcelona’s Gerard Pique Purposefully Pick Up ‘Tactical’ Yellow Card In 2-0 Win v Arsenal ? (Video)

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It was Groundhog Day for Arsenal at the Emirates on Tuesday night, with the Gunners missing chances, conceding a goal on the break and then shooting themselves in the foot as only Arsene Wenger's men can. However, after visitors Barcelona had gone 2-0 up via a Lionel Messi penalty, BT Sport noticed that Gerard Pique may well have got himself booked on purpose in order to have a clean slate ahead of their now inevitable quarter-finals appearance.

‘Scandalous’ – Valencia Boss Gary Neville Livid After Youth Side Denied Perfectly Good Goal In Shoot-Out v Chelsea (Video)

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Valencia boss Gary Neville was not a happy bunny on Tuesday night after Los Che's youth side were the victims of a quite awful refereeing howler during their Champions League U19 clash away to Chelsea.

After the game, played at the Blues' Cobham complex, had ended 1-1, a penalty shoot-out ensued.

Championship: Leeds’ Lewis Cook Lasers Home 35-Yard Screamer In 1-1 Draw With Fulham (Video)

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While the European elite were slugging it out in the Champions League last 16 ties, one former Euro heavyweight, Leeds United, were hosting Fulham in the Championship.And in 18-year-old Lewis Cook, United may well have a player destined for the very top, with the gifted 19-year-old netting a magnificent long-ranger effort.

Oxford College Student Team Embark On Ambitious Bid To Sign Jose Enrique From Liverpool

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Will Jose have his head turned by Somerville College's offer?

An Oxford College football team have launched an ambitious bid to sign Jose Enrique from Liverpool on a short-term deal.

The plan was originally proposedby student Sam Billington, who identified the Spanish full-back as a man who could definitely do a job for theSomerville College men's side.

Leicester City Lay On Special VIP Day For Nine-Year-Old Fan Who Recently Lost His Mum (Photo)

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Here's a lovely little cockle-warmer coming courtesy of Leicester City, who laid on a special VIP day for a young fan by the name of Charlie who has been going through some incredibly tough times of late.

Tragically, Charlie's mum passed away recently and, in a desperate attempt to give hisgrieving nephew something to smile about, supporter Rob Keyworth contacted the club.

Leeds Fan Claims He Was Paid £500 A Month To Say Nice Things About Massimo Cellino On Facebook

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Say what you like about Massimo, but the guy knows a top valuemeal deal when he sees one!

Just when you think it couldn't get any more absurd, a Leeds United fan is claiming that he was unofficially put on the club's payroll with orders to say nice things about widely-despised owner Massimo Cellino on social media.

FA Cup: Manchester United Fan Somehow Gets Into Shrewsbury Tie Using Three-Year-Old West Brom Ticket (Photo)

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While it's probably not entirely cool to be swindling lower league teams out of much-needed matchday revenue, one Manchester United fan showed impressive levels of gumption in his quest to watch last night's FA Cup fifth rounder against Shrewsbury on the cheap.

Believe it or not, our anonymous protagonist appeared to somehow wangle his way into New Meadow using a spent ticket stub that was not only for an entirely different fixture, but also the best part of three years old.

Retro Football Puzzler: Name The Missing Men In England’s 1966 Pre-World Cup Friendly Against West Germany

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England's World Cup squad and staff pose together outside the National Recreation Centre at Lilleshall, June 1966

Five months before England won the World Cup against West Germany at Wembley, the two teams first played each other in a dry-run friendly at the same stadium on 23rd February 1966.

Flippin’ Eck: Alex McLeish To Replace Mido As Head Coach Of Egyptian Side Zamalek

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That's the closest you're getting to a smile from Big Eck

The big news on the managerial front this morning is that perennial face ache Alex McLeish is to take over at Egyptian side Zamalek as their latest head coach.

McLeish replaces former Tottenham and Middlesbrough striker Mido at the helm, who lasted a mighty 37 days in the job prior to his sacking last week.

Manchester United: Louis Van Gaal Admits He Nicked Juan Mata’s Dodgy Freekick Routine Off FC Midtjylland

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Manchester United rumbled to a 3-0 win overShrewsbury Town in the fifth round of the FA Cup last night.

Following on fromChris Smalling's opener, Juan Mata put the away side 2-0 up shortly before the break with a slightly controversial free-kick controversial because the three men in United's 'dummy wall' appeared to be several fathoms offside as they attempted to obstruct the view of goalkeeper Jayson Leutwiler.

Aston Villa Manage To Lose Against Their Own U21 Side In Behind-Closed-Doors Friendly

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Aston Villa have managed the frankly laughable feat of losing a behind-closed-doors friendly against their own Under-21 side.

According to Sky Sports, Remi Garde was forced to watch on as his senior players slumped to a 3-0 loss at Bodymoor Heath last Friday.

The 'first team' included regulars such asBrad Guzan, Alan Hutton, Ciaran Clark, Kieran Richardson, Ashley Westwood, Jordan Veretout, Idrissa Gueye, and Scott Sinclair.

Quids In: West Brom Fans Plan To Throw More Coins At Chris Brunt, But This Time In The Name Of Charity

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West Bromsupportersare planning to collect money to give to a charity of Chris Brunt's choosing after the Baggies stalwart was hit by a coin thrown by his own fans after Saturday's FA Cup defeat against Reading.

Brunt was the only West Brom player to go over and applaud the travelling fans for their dedication, but his humble gesture was curtailed when a coin was lobbed into his eye.

Manchester United: Fanzine ‘Red Issue’ Offer Glimpse Of Complex Power Struggle Behind The Scenes At Old Trafford

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As you might expect, the inner machinations at a club the size of Manchester United are pretty convoluted.

With the managerial situation almost certain to be in flux again sooner rather than later, speculation has arose as to where exactly the power lies behind the scenes at Old Trafford.

Helpfully, United fanzine Red Issue have compiled their take on relentless struggle for leverage an in-depth and fascinating exposé of the various wrangles that go on daily at one of thebiggest, most bloated football clubs in the world.

On This Day In 1913: Arsenal Move Into Tottenham Territory By Ditching Plumstead For Highbury (Photos)

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Woolwich Arsenal welcome Tottenham to their old Plumstead ground, 1906

With the next North London Derby fast approaching, and this one really shaping up to be a vital tussle, it's worth reflecting on the origins of the great rivalry, especially on the anniversary of the decision that kicked the whole thing off.

Trabzonspor Player Sent Off For Showing Red Card To Referee As Galatasaray Pinch Late Victory (Video)

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Photos: Anadolu Agency/Getty Images

Sunday evening'sTurkish SuperLig tie between Galatasaray and Trabzonspor quickly devolved into anutter farce as the visiting side ended the game with just seven men on the pitch.

Referee Deniz Bitnel sent four Trabzonspor players packing, including Salih Dursun who received his marching orders in the 87th minute for sarcastically flashing the red at the official just after teammate Luis Cavanda had been ejected from the field.

Liverpool: Danny Ings Shares Slightly Overblown, Rocky-Inspired Film About His Comeback From Injury (Video)

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Photo: Andrew Powell/Liverpool FC/Getty Images

As he continues to muddlehis way back from a season-ending cruciate knee ligament injury, Danny Ings has been provided with the ultimate motivational tool a montage.

Specifically, somebody out there in the great wide world has taken the time to produce a film centred around the Liverpool striker's current injury plight.

Friends Reunited: Mamadou Sakho Almost Literally Bumps Into Blaise Matuidi On The Streets Of Paris (Video)

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Having spent several years together playing both for PSG and for France, there were manic scenes when Mamadou Sakho was fortuitously reunited with his old mucker Blaise Matuidi over the weekend.

Pootling down a Parisianboulevard on his motorbike, Sakhoalmost dumped it when he suddenly spotted a familiar face getting out of a car at the side of the road.

Serie A: Chelsea Reject Mohamed Salah Scores From ‘Impossible’ Angle As Roma Beat Palmero 5-0 (Video)

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Roma's top-flight clash with Palermo was chock full of talking points, with Edin Dzeko's howler surely the miss of the season. However, theGiallorossi frontline did ultimately produce a potent display, with Dzeko himself getting on the scoresheet in a 5-0 romp. But it was a goal from former Chelsea winger Mohamed Salah which really had the Stadio Olimpico buzzing.

Shades Of Iwelumo: Roma ‘Striker’ Edin Dzeko Somehow Misses Gaping Open-Goal Sitter Against Palermo (Video)

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Edin Dzeko is hardly going great guns on loan at Roma at the moment, and the Bosnian striker's howling open goal miss in their Sunday night game against Palermo is hardly going to change things...

Here's an auxiliary Vine version just in case...

To be fair, he duly opened the scoring minutes later, but still yeesh!

FA Cup: Dimitri Payet Nets Brace Of Beauties As West Ham Hammer Blackburn 5-1 (Video)

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French playmaker Dimitri Payet has one of the stars of the season so far, with the Frenchman's eye for a goal and creativity firing West Ham to what has been a superb campaign in both the league and FA Cup. On Sunday against Blackburn Rovers, the 28-year-old netted two fantastic goals which helped the Hammers to a 5-1 win and set up a quarter-final clash with either Manchester United or Shrewsbury Town.

FA Cup: Holders Arsenal Or Hull Host Watford, Chelsea Travel To Everton In Quarter-Final Draw

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Sunday's FA Cup action saw Chelsea batter Manchester City 5-1, Crystal Palace Beat Spurs 1-0 at White Hart Lane and West Ham came from a goal down to thrash Blackburn 5-1. After those entertaining clashes, the draw for the quarter-finals was made at Stamford Bridge, with an interesting set of fixtures thrown up by Graeme Le Saux and Trevor Sinclair's ball-fiddling.

Weird Scenes: Dortmund Match Suspended In 65th Minute After Livid Leverkusen Coach Refuses To Leave Pitch (Video)

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There were strange scenes over in the Bundesliga this afternoon after Borussia Dortmund's game against Bayer Leverkusen had to be suspended in the 65th minute over a disciplinary issue.

Even stranger was the fact that the disciplinary issue revolved around Leverkusen coachRoger Schmidt, who refused to leave the pitch having been sent off in the aftermath of Dortmund's opening goal.

Hemel Hempstead ‘Keeper Jamie Butler Scores Stoppage Time Equaliser With Massive 75-Yard Punt (Video)

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Photo via @ButlerJamie26/Twitter

Hemel Hempstead managed to snatch a draw against Sutton United in stoppagetime yesterday thanks to the scoring exploits of 'keeper Jamie Butler, who plonked one in the top corner in the dying moments to rescue a point at the buzzer.

Trailing 2-1 as injury time wicked away, Butler sent a desperate kick upfield with just second left to play.

Slick Operation: Cheltenham Town Execute Intricate Set-Piece Routine With Military Precision (Video)

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Cheltenham Town beat Tranmere 1-0 in theVanarama National League yesterday,but the only real highlight of the game was the spectacular hash they managed to make of the following set-piece.

Watch and, indeed, weep...

Well played lads. Slick as sh*t.

Bundesliga: Thomas Muller Scores Exquisite Overhead Bicycle Kick v Darmstadt (Video)

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Ahead of their midweek heavyweight Champions League clash with Juventus, German juggernauts Bayern Munich warmed up with a 3-1 Bundesliga home win against Darmstadt. The visitors had taken the lead through Sandro Wanger, but a brace from Thomas Muller and a goal from Robert Lewandowski secured a win for the hosts, with Muller's second of the game a magnificent overhead strike.

FA Cup: West Brom’s Chris Brunt Hit By Coin Thrown By Own Fan After 3-1 Defeat To Reading (Video)

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Midfielder Chris Brunt may well have expected West Brom fans to be less than happy with his side's 3-1 FA Cup defeat at the hands of Reading. However, he won't have expected to have found himself on the receiving end of a coin thrown by a Baggies' fan.

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The incident happened after the game at the Madejski stadium, when Brunt went over to applaud the away end.

Dirty Den: Millwall Fans Attack Police During League One Clash With Peterborough (Video)

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During Millwall's 3-0 win against Peterborough at the Den on Saturday, a group of home fans decided to have a right old rumble with the local police.

Surrounded by the proverbial baying mob of Lions' fans, a group of police took a bit of battering before eventually retreating down one of the entrances to the stand.

‘He’s Going To Manchester’ – Sister Of Ex-Inter Milan President Massimo Moratti Claims Jose Mourinho Is Headed For Man Utd (Video)

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Bedy Moratti, the sister of former Inter Milan president Massimo Moratti, has claimed that Jose Mourinho is heading to Manchester to take over at Old Trafford, news which will no doubt irk current Red Devils' boss Louis van Gaal.

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Moratti, who is the honorary president of the 'Inter Club' supporters' group, had just been for lunch with Mourinho in Milan when she was asked by a calciomercato.

Wolfsburg Fine Nicklas Bendtner For Breaking Club Rules With Instagram Photo Of His Mercedes Car

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Wolfsburg have confirmed that they have punished Nicklas Bendtner for posting a photo on Instagram of him getting into his Mercedes S-Class car outside a hotel.

It might seem a tad harsh on the surface, but the Bundesliga side are owned and bankrolledby Volkswagen. You see the issue.

The perennially out-of-sorts striker has now been fined by Wolfsburg for his misconduct, withthe club's sporting director Klaus Allofs dulyconfirming as much: "This is a misbehaviour and in the end it will cost money.

Shut Up! Arsenal Fans Pay Tribute To Mesut Ozil With Clever Stormzy Parody Song (Video)

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Say what you want about Arsenal fans (and there is much to say!), their social media game is second to none. One member of the Gooner Twitterati, @Gunnerblog, has added to his collection of clever song parodies by posting arather finetribute to the club's assist king Mesut Ozil.

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Based around Stormzy's 'Shut Up' grime anthem, the tune features a rather decent rap from 'The Real Mr.

Jimmy Bullard Claims Hull City Accidentally Paid Him Far Too Much Thanks To Contract Misprint

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There's little denying that Jimmy Bullard, a massive bloomin' wally-britches though he may be, was a half-decent midfielderon his day.

However, it would appear that there was littlewonder the former Hull City manalways played with a gigantic grin across his face, especially if his latest claims are to be believed.

Tittle Tattle: Dortmund’s Official Twitter Account Expertly Shoots Down Spanish Tabloid Over ‘Ilkay Gundogan To Man City’ Story

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There used to be two distinctive 'silly seasons' when it came to football rumour-mongering but the relatively recentriseof click-hungry online sourceshas seenthe bullshit-alanche become an almost entirely uninterrupted, year-long onslaught.

To that end, Spanish tabloid SPORT picked a name and a club out of the hat and went big with their claims today that Borussia Dortmund midfielder Ilkay Gundogan has agreed a deal to become Pep Guardiola's first signing at Man City.

Happy Birthday Old Trafford: Manchester United’s Famous Ground Turns 106 Years Young Today (Photos)

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Manchester United's Old Trafford stadium, circa 1930

One hundred and six years ago today, on 19th February 1910, the United Football Ground staged its very first game.

It has since been rechristenedas Old Trafford (in 1936 to be precise) and the inaugural tie it hosted – Manchester United versus Liverpool – has subsequently become one of the most fiercely-contested in football.

Europa League: FC Midtjylland Celebrate Win Over Manchester United With Jubilant Dressing Room Dance-Off (Video)

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While Louis van Gaal was left to ruminate as to why his compartmentalised, minute-by-minute possession retention stratagems had once again failed to bear fruit, FC Midtjylland were busy celebrating a famous win over Manchester United in the Europa League.

The Danish side mustered a 2-1 win over United in the first leg of their Round of 32 tie, which they duly celebrated with an impromptu dressing room dance-off.

Nick Powell Admits He ‘Forgot’ To Watch Manchester United Against Midtjylland Because He Was Busy Playing FIFA

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Many fans weren't blessed with the same good fortune, but Manchester United midfielder Nick Powell hasrevealedthat he completely missed his teammates'dismal Europa League defeat against Midtjylland on Thursday night because he was busy at home playing FIFA.

Powell is currently on loan at Hull City, where he is yet to make his debut due to a pesky injury.

Europa League: Augsburg Present Jurgen Klopp With Pretzel To Eat During Post-Match Press Conference (Video)

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"I could murder some scran right now"

In the act ofwatching his side labour to a goalless draw against Augsburg in the Europa League last night, it would appear Jurgen Klopp managed to work up quite an appetite.

Thankfully, his incredibly hospitable Germanopponents once again went out of their way to provide,presentingthe Reds boss with a complimentary Bavarian pretzel to be going on with during his post-match press conference.

Just Faustino Asprilla, Dressed As A Tyrannosaurus Rex, Riding His Horse While Dribbling A Giant Football (Video)

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Does exactly what it says on the tin, this one...

Enseñándole a mi caballo Firulai a jugad futbol. pic.twitter.com/OBN1trmzm0

— Faustino Asprilla (@TinoasprillaH) February 18, 2016

"Teaching his horse to play football", apparently though why he felt the need to dress as a dinosaur is anybody's guess!

‘I Expected More From Man Utd’ – Midtjylland Goal-Scorer Paul Onuachu Surprised As Limp Red Devils Lose 2-1 (Photos & Video)

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Manchester United's mess of a season hit a new, painful low on Thursday night, with Louis van Gaal's charges going down 2-1 away to Danish minnowsFC Midtjylland in the Europa League Last 32.

After the game, Paul Onuachu, who scored the second goal for the club who only came into existence in 1999, revealed that he (like everyone else) expected more from the Red Devils, words which will have added insult to their significant injury.

Europa League: Borussia Dortmund Fans Produce Incredible Tifo Ahead Of 2-0 Win Against Porto (Video)

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Borussia Dortmund's 'Yellow Wall' are famed for their amazingly choreographed Tifos but on Thursday night, ahead of their team's Europa League clash with Porto, they outdid themselves with a fabulous sticker album production.

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The superb Tifo included all of the trophies the Black and Yellows have won, with one empty space left for the Europa League, atitle they are yet to lift.

On This Day In 1987: ‘Relentless’ Gary Lineker Scores Four As England Trounce Spain In The Bernabeu (Photos & Video)

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One evening in Madrid, almost exactly 29 years ago, Gary Lineker inspired England to a stunning 4-2 win over Spain at the Bernabeu.

Lineker finished his evening's work with less than an hour on the clock. In fact, all four goals came in a frenzied 33-minute burst, two before half-time and two after the restart.

Andy Gray Translates David Luiz Interview In French Until Graeme Souness Points Out He’s Speaking Portuguese (Video)

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"Needless to say, we've had the last laugh"

Praise be, for the footballing gods have bestowed upon us an absolute beauty here.

Having left Sky Sports entirely of their own accord several years ago to forge a successful new career over in Dubai with BeIN Sports, Andy Gray and Richard Keys demonstrated once again why they are so highly sought-after in punditry circles with another choice piece of analytical gold on Tuesday evening.

England Stars Certainly Look The Part As Dashing New M&S Suits For Euro 2016 Unveiled (Photos)

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Photo: England/M&S

Whereas the actual kit is still as the 'leaked photos in the back room of a Chinese factory' stage, England have at least been furnished with the team suits they will be gadding about in at Euro 2016 this coming summer.

Supplied by your nan's favourites, Marks & Spencer, the deep blue whistle is most certainly a dashing three-piece affair, which will be accompanied by a matching team tie and black leather shoes for good measure.

Manchester United Are Now Being Criticised By Their Own Official Adidas Club Merchandise (Photo)

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Not so very long ago, Adidas chief executive Herbert Hainer went as far as he could to criticiseManchester United's languorous approachunder Louis van Gaal by condemning it as "not exactly what we want to see".

Fair enough, you may argue, especially given that Adidas had just paid a world-record £750million to slap their logo on all of United's kits and merchandise for the next 10 years.

Chelsea: Roy Keane Reveals Just How He’d Deal With ‘Spoilt Child’ Eden Hazard – No Prizes For Guessing…

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Roy Keane has revealed the precise manner in which he'd deal with Eden Hazard were he playing alongside him at Chelsea, and it shouldn't come as much of a surprise to anybody familiar with the former Manchester United midfielder's ways and means.

Keane went in hard on Hazard while discussing his questionable commitment to the cause this after the Belgian winger had openly stated he'd be keen on a move to PSG the very day before his current club took on the French giants in the Champions League on Tuesday night.

Champions League: Old Softie Cristano Ronaldo Makes Mascot’s Day As Real Madrid Beat Roma 2-0 (Video)

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Cynics look away now! Ahead of Real Madrid's deserved 2-0 Champions League win away at Roma, Cristiano Ronaldo showed his cuter side while lining up on the pitch with the mascots.

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Giving the little girl a sweet kiss on the cheek (again, cynics and smartarses keep quiet!

La Liga: Lionel Messi Becomes First Player To Hit 300 Goals in Spanish Top-Flight (Video)

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At this stage, Lionel Messi has long since transcended hyperbole, with the Argentinian wizard already cementing his place as the greatest player ever to play football. On Wednesday nightagainst Sporting Gijon,the Barcelona star broke yet another record, this time becoming the first player to reach the 300-goal milestone in La Liga.

French Prince Of Bel-Air: Steven Fletcher Raps His Way Through Marseille Initiation Song (Video)

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Having scored his first goal on his first start for Marseille t'other day, Steven Fletcher was tasked with clambering up on a chair and performinghis official initiation songat a team lunch today.

Forgoing a traditional Scottish folk ballad, the on-loan striker decided to opt for an American one instead.

Europa League: Augsburg Welcome Travelling Liverpool Fans With Handy Scouse-To-German Phrase Book (Photo)

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Having already laid on a pair of emergency spectacles for Jurgen Klopp, Augsburg have once again gone out of their way to make their fair city a home from home for travelling the Liverpool contingent ahead of Thurday night's Europa League clash between the two sides.

Indeed, the Bundesliga side have taken the time to prepare a handy little Scouse-to-German phrase pamphlet to help Liverpool fans get over the language barrier in and around the WWK Arena.

Retro Football: ‘The Arsenal Stadium Mystery’ And Four Other Classic Football Films You Must See

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On 17th February 1940, the first film to feature football in any significant way opened in UK cinemas.

The Arsenal Stadium Mystery was not, as fans of Tottenham may think, the story of a search for the missing atmosphere at Highbury, and the ‘mystery' part of the title did not refer to how the Gunners managed to drag themselves up into the First Division in the first place.

Europa League: FC Midtjylland Insist They’re Doing Manchester United Fans A Huge Favour By Charging £71 For Tickets

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Photos: Getty Images/Thomas Kearney

Manchester United fans are quite rightly revoltingover the £71 they're being charged to attendtheir side's Europa League tie against FCMidtjylland this Thursday evening.

United supporters have accused the Danish club of exploiting them, especially asSouthampton fans were charged just £22 to get in for a Europa League play-off back in August.

‘He Used To Live Next Door To Me!’ – Rio Ferdinand Taken Aback By Cristiano Ronaldo’s Claims The Pair Were Never Close At Manchester United

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Rio Ferdinand was visibly taken aback while punditing on BT Sport last night when faced with Cristiano Ronaldo's claims that the pair were never that close during their time together at Manchester United.

Ronaldo made the assertion during a pre-Champions Leaguepress conference,which he later marchedout of in a bit of a huff.

Lokomotiv Moscow Midfielder Courts Controversy By Revealing ‘Putin Is Polite’ T-Shirt After Fenerbahce Defeat

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Lokomotiv Moscow midfielder Dmitri Tarasov did nothing for international relations between Russia and Turkey by unveiling a very dubious t-shirt to the Istanbulcrowd after last night's Europa League game againstFenerbahce.

Tensions between the two countries have becomeincreasingly fraught since Turkey shot down a Russian jet back in November.

Official: Ezequiel Lavezzi Joins Chinese Super League Side Hebei Fortune In Massive £23.5m Deal (Photo)

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Photo via TransferMarkt China

The mass migration eastwards continues apace with the news that Ezequiel Lavezzi has become the latest star name to sign up for a Chinese Super League side, namely Hebei Fortune.

Hebei have paid PSG a whopping £23.5million to procure Lavezzi's services.

PSG To Fine Serge Aurier €180k, Banish Player To Reserves For Rest Of Season After Periscope Nonsense

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Full-back Serge Aurier took no part in PSG's 2-1 Champions League win against Chelsea on Tuesday evening after being suspended by his club overhis now infamous slagging off of coach Laurent Blanc and team-mates on social media. However, according to Canal+,the Ligue 1 giants have nowdecided on what the player's punishment should be for the rest of the season.

Joy & Pain: Arsenal Fan Suffers Hernia After Over-Exuberant Post-Welbeck Winner Celebrations

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Danny Welbeck's last-gaspgoal for Arsenal against Leicester at the weekend could prove pivotal in the race for the Premier League title, while it was also a perfect example of a dramatic late winner, the kind of goal which can make even the most restrainedof fans go a little bit mad. And for a certain Scott Woods, those post-goal celebrationsended in a hospital visit.

Mohd Faiz Subri Gets Some Truly Outrageous Curl On His Freekick Over In Malaysian Super League (Video)

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A polite doff of the cap is most definitely due to Penang FA striker Mohd Faiz Subri, who stuck away an absolute beauty against Pahang in the Malaysian Super League this afternoon.

Stationed 30-odd yards out on the left-hand side of the penalty area, Subri proceeded to curl an absolute stonker right across the face of goal and into the far top corner.

‘Erroneous And Unequivocally Wrong’ – Barnsley Angrily Refute David Moyes’ Claim Everton Only Paid £1.25m For John Stones

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Photos: Gareth Copley/Getty Images/Popperfoto

Barnsley have forcibly denied claims made by David Moyes that Everton were able to purchase John Stones from the then-Championship club for just £1.25million back in February of 2013.

Moyes said as much while making an appearance on Goals on Sunday at the weekend, despite the fee being widely reported at the time as being up around the £3million-mark.

Danny Mills Straight Up Accuses Robert Pires Of Introducing Diving To English Football

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Photo: Mark Thompson/Getty Images

Such is his wont, Danny Mills has gone in hard on Robert Pires and accused the French winger of being solely responsible for introducing diving to English football when he pitched up at Arsenal.

Wibbling on in his Times column, Mills parped:

It is true that there was no love lost between me and Pires.

Man City Fan Begs For Help After Realising Now Is A Really Bad Time To Have A Huge Tattoo Of Adam Johnson (Photo)

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We're fairly sure we don't have to go over the reasons that now is a really bad time to have a large tattoo of Adam Johnson indelibly inked about your person.

As such, one Man City fan has desperately appealed to E4 show 'Tattoo Fixers' to help him out of a tricky spot by covering up the oversizedtattoo of Johnson's signature he has stencilled onto his leg.

On This Day In 1999: Marian Pahars Arrives At Southampton To Give The Premier League A Swift Kick Up The Baltics (Video)

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When Marian Pahars signed for Southampton on 16th February 1999, he became the first Latvian to feature in the English Premier League. Only four have followed since.

Saints paid £800,000 to Skonto Riga to bring the forward to England's south coast on the recommendation of then-Latvia national team coach Gary Johnson, who billed him as the Latvian answer to Michael Owen.

Argentinian Match Ends In Tragedy After Player Shoots And Kills Referee For Sending Him Off

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Yet more tales of woe are emerging from the volatile world of South American football today with the news that an Argentinian referee has been shot dead for having the temerity to send a player off in a local league match.

The tragic incident occurred during a gamein the Cordoba district of Argentina on Sunday.

Shaquille O’Neal Posts Personal Good Luck Message To Northampton Town, His Favourite English Football League Team (Video)

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Without meaning to do them a disservice, we think it's fair enough to suggest that Northampton Town aren't exactly the most glamorous option when it comes to attracting celebrity fans.

Indeed, after conducting a bit of cursory research (we Googled it), it would appear that not one solitary famous name claims to be a Cobblers fan.

Spoilsports: Uruguay FA Ban Brilliant Parody Advert On Basis It ‘Denigrates’ Uruguayan Football (Video)

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With the start of the 2016 campaign imminent, Uruguayan broadcaster TCC decided to plug their coverage of the new football season with a frankly rather brilliant parody commercial.

Taking pointers from the ridiculously bombastic coverage of the UEFA Champions League, TCC focused on the more.

Competition: WIN! A T-Shirt Or Print From Art Of Football’s Brand Spanking New ‘Artists’ Collection

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Since the last time we ran a competition in conjunction with them, the chaps over at Art of Football have been busy putting together a brand new collection, inspired by the players that truly made the beautiful game...well, beautiful!

Launched this very day, The Artists range containsa batch of lovely new prints and t-shirts featuring the sainted likes of Johan Cruyff, Diego Maradona, Pele, George Best, Bobby Moore, Eusebio and Ronaldinho all captured in Art of Football's signature splotchy collage style.

Loved Up: Couple Of Vitesse Arnhem Fans Watch Game From Pitchside Bed As Valentine’s Treat (Photos)

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With love most definitely in the air at the GelreDome over Valentine's weekend, Vitesse Arnhem decided to treat one lucky couple of fans to a very special matchday experience.

Ahead of their game against Heerenveen, Vitesse ran a competition to find two lucky fans to watch the action from a special pitchside double bed.

Portuguese Primeira: Elderly Fan Indulges In Fabulous Crotch-Grabbing Celebration As Sporting Braga Beat Maritimo 3-0 (Video)

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During last night's Portuguese Primeira Liga clash between Maritimo and Sporting Braga (which ended 1-3), one elderly fan of the Archbishops was rather pleased with her side's third goal of the night.

Pedro Santos was the scorer of Braga's third of the night, after he was set up by Rui Fonte (brother of Southampton's Jose Fonte).

Manchester United To Rename Old Trafford’s South Stand In Honour Of Sir Bobby Charlton

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He's already got a statue on the front porch, but soon Sir Bobby Charlton will be on the receiving end of yet another esteemed accolade from Manchester United.

As announced by the club this morning, the South Stand at Old Trafford is set to be renamed in honour of Sir Bobby to mark the 60th anniversary of his United debut in 1956.

Aston Villa: Joleon Lescott Claims Poorly-Timed ‘Fancy Sports Car’ Tweet Was The Work Of Devious Trouser Goblins

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As you may recall, Aston Villa defender Joleon Lescott seemed to decide that the perfect moment to tweet a photo of a flashy £125,000 sports car was in the direct aftermath of the club's worst home defeat in over 80 years.

Shortly after Liverpool had inflicted a fairly casual 6-0 home gubbing on the Premier League's bottom side, Lescott went and placated Villa fans with the following yowl of defiance.

Retro Football: First ‘Two-Man Penalty’ Routine Captured On Film, 25 Years Before Cruyff & Olsen (Video)

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Contrary to popular belief, the old 'tandem' penalty routine executed by Lionel Messi and Luis Suarez last night wasn't the creation of one Johan Cruyff and his partner in crime, Jesper Olsen.

Oh no, in fact it dates back way further than the Ajax pair. Indeed, it was spotted some 25 years before Cruyff & Olsen, and almost 60 years before Messi & Suarez came along.

Neymar: ‘Lionel Messi’s Penalty Pass Was Meant For Me, Then Greedy Guts Luis Suarez Turned Up…’

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The whole world was set ablaze last night when Lionel Messi and Luis Suarez combined to pull of an astonishing tandem penalty routine in Barcelona's 6-1 pummelling of Celta Vigo.

Messi hovered over the spot-kick but quickly rolled the ball sideways for Suarez to steam in and tap home, thus successfully recreating a 34-year-old set-piece first pioneered by Ajax duo Johan Cruyff and Jesper Olsen.

Memphis Depay Presents His Lady Friend With An Entirely Creepy Valentine’s Day Gift (Photo)

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Something of a modern day Casanova, Manchester United winger Memphis Depay stole the show on Valentine's Day not at the Stadium of Light (where he was the square root of bobbinsonce again), but in his stunning choice of gift for his lady friend,Lori Harvey.

After all, what better way to express your love for another human being than by having their massive face airbrushed onto the back of a bespoke bomber jacket?

La Liga: Lionel Messi And Luis Suarez Nail Cruyff/OIsen Penalty Ruse As Barcelona Batter Celta Vigo 6-1 (Video)

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Lionel Messi, Luis Suarez and co. have been at it again on Sunday, helping all-conquering Barcelona to another thumping win, this time via a 6-1 hammering of Celta Vigo at the Nou Camp. Messi bagged a superb free-kick in the mauling while ex-Liverpool striker Luis Suarez nabbed a hat-trick, one of which came courtesy of a cheeky penaltyruse.

You Can’t Buy Class: Aston Villa’s Joleon Lescott Tweets Picture Of Flashy Car After 6-0 Battering By Liverpool

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Aston Villa's painful march towards the Championship quickened a bit a Sunday, with the sorry Villans battered 6-0 by Liverpool as Villa Park. It was another awful performance by Remi Garde's side, who even let Kolo Touré score!

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However, after the game, centre-half Joleon Lescott, no doubt after receiving a shed-load of abuse about the result, Tweeted a picture of his expensive car in what seems to be a rather lame attempt to silence the 'haters'.

Saviour Returns: Danny Welbeck Heads Arsenal To Dramatic Late Victory v Leicester (Photos & Video)

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On Sunday at a very tense Emirates Stadium, 'Dat Guy' scored 'Dat Goal'. Danny Welbeck, in his first competitive appearance since April, wasthe match-winner for Arsenal, nodding home a dramatic last-minute winner which sees Arsenal close the gap on Premier League leaders Leicester to just two points.

PSG Suspend Serge Aurier After Full-Back Slags Off Manager Laurent Blanc And Team-Mates On Periscope (Video)

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We all get the value, for clubs, of getting their players on social media, but sometimes it can all go horribly wrong. On Saturday, Ivorian full-back Serge Aurier did a Periscope question and answer session, with incredible results whichhave since prompted his club PSG to suspend the player.

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Aurier was an used sub for Ligue 1 leaders PSG on Saturday, with his side playing out a disappointing 0-0 draw with Lille.

Ligue 1: Misfiring Striker Edinson Cavani Walks Into Camera As PSG Only Draw 0-0 With Lille (Video)

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Spatial awareness is key to the success of a goal-scorer, but before Saturday's Ligue 1 clash between PSG and Lille, Uruguayan hitman Edinson Cavani had a little 'coming together' with a TV camera.

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Chatting to a team-mate in the tunnel, the long-haired superstar walked bumped his bonce against the camera before jokingly pushing it away.

La Liga: Gary Neville Enjoys First League Victory With Valencia After ‘Passionate’ Verbal Tirade (Video)

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It's taken him 10 games, but Valencia boss Gary Neville has finally secured a La Liga victory, courtesy of Valencia's hard-fought 2-1 win against Espanyol at the Mestalla. Indeed, Neville had to work hard for the three points, with the former England star roaring on his players from the sidelines.

Meat Cleavers And Cocaine: Former Everton Striker Marcus Bent Provides Your WTF Headline Of The Day

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If you're sat there wondering how Marcus Bent is going on in his retirement then wonder no more. He's not doing all that well, as it happens.

Indeed, the 37-year-old former Everton,Ipswich and Charlton striker has hit the headlines after being handed a suspended 12-month jail sentence for a crime that sounds like something taken straight out of the Tony Montana playbook.

RIP Trifon Ivanov – Hairiest Member Of Bulgaria’s 94 World Cup Squad Dies Of Heart Attack, Aged 50

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Sad, sad news is reaching Pies this morning that Trifon Ivanov a man we simply presumed was immortal has passed away after suffering a heart attack at the age of 50.

As well as winning championships galore with CSKA Sofia, Ivanov was a member of the great Bulgarian 1994 World Cup squad, instantly recognisable by his wild mane of unkempt hair.

Diego Costa To Join Chelsea Masquerade After Having Nose Broken By Teammate During Training

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Diego Costa is to be the latest Chelsea player to take to the field wearing a protective mask this Saturdayafter having his nose broken by a teammate during a training session earlier in the week.

Guus Hiddink confirmed that the Spain striker bust his conk after catching an elbow to the face whilechallenging for a headeron Thursday.

‘I’m Not Handsome, It Was My Only Chance’ – Antonio Cassano Admits He Was A Sex Addict During His Real Madrid Days

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When onceasked what he'd be if he weren't a professional footballer, Peter Crouch famously replied "a virgin".

It would appear that the same may be true for one Antonio Cassano, who has revealed that his former status as a Real Madrid player definitely proved a more potent aphrodisiac than his craggy face ever had up to that point.

Guarani Coach Sent To Stands, Uses Handy Traffic Cone To Communicate With Players (Video)

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Image: SporTV

After finding himself banished to the stands during his side's game againstFigueirense on Wednesday night,Guarani de Palhoca coach Sergio Ramirez was forced to improvise in his efforts to communicate with his players from afar.

Thankfully, Ramirez happened across a handy traffic cone on his way up to the gantry on the roof of the stadium and duly used it as an impromptu megaphone to bawl his instructions downfrom the gods.

Lionel Messi Responds To Rumours He Paid €32m To Buy World’s Most Expensive Ferrari (Photo)

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As you may have heard, there were whispers on the wind earlier in the week that Lionel Messi had pippedhis arch-nemesis Cristiano Ronaldo in a bidding war for the most expensive car on the face of the planet.

It was mooted that Messi had dropped a whopping€32million to get his paws on a ridiculously rare 1957 Ferrari 335s Spider Scaglietti specifically the one driven by Sir Sterling Moss at the 1958 Cuban Grand Prix.

Let’s Hear It For… Valentine FC, The World’s Most Lovey-Dovey Football Team!

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Love is always in the air at Valentine FC (Photo: Sportshunter)

WithValentine's Day weekend looming there's really only one football club we should be profiling and that's little-known (and aptly-named) Valentine Phoenix FC.

Just as FC Santa Claus have cornered football'sChristmas market, Valentine FC are moving in on the Stick-Pink-Hearts-On-It-And-Double-The-PriceDay racket.

Real Madrid Nutbasket Pepe Shows His Rarely-Seen Romantic Side For Valentine’s Day (Video)

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You may know him as Real Madrid's residentelbow-chucking, toe-stamping, referee-baiting hatchet man, but Pepe is keen to show the world that he's not an animal entirely as Valentine's Day rolls around.

Indeed, the Portuguese defender has sought to show the world his softer side by appearing in a new short, tinkling the ivories amid the rose petals while reciting a loving ode to the thing he loves most in the world his Umbro boots, i.

Steven Fletcher Praised For His ‘Flair’ After Scoring First Goal On First Start For Marseille (Video)

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After completing a slightly off-kilter move to Ligue 1 on deadline day, Steven Fletcher made his first start in Marseille colours last night, scoring and providing an assist in his new side's 2-0 win over amateur outfit Trelissac in the Coupe de France.

Fletcher laid on Romain Alessandrini for the opener before getting on the scoresheet himself in the 87th minute by applying a rather smart finish to a low cross.

Oops: Trinidad & Tobago Women Concede Farcical Penalty After Defender Misjudges Ball Being Out Of Play (Video)

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Trinidad & Tobago Women just about rallied to beat Guatemala in their CONCACAF Olympic qualifier on Thursday night, but they were forced to battle back after going behind early.

With 18 minutes on the clock, Trinidad & Tobago conceded a strange penalty when defender Karyn Forbes assumed the ball had trickled out of play and picked it up.

Official: Sunderland Sack Adam Johnson After Star’s Guilty Plea In Court Appearance

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We usually try to keep things on the humorous side of the tracks here at Pies, but there's very few laughs to be got out of the whole Adam Johnson child sex case. After the former England winger pleaded guilty this week to one count of sexual activity with a child and one charge of grooming, sportswear company Adidas terminated their contract with the 28-year-old.

Just Banter: Cardiff City Owner Vincent Tan Equates Scoring A Goal To Having A ‘Beautiful Wife’

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Cardiff City owner Vincent Tan is no stranger to controversy and putting his foot in his rather big mouth. This week, theMalaysian billionaire has giventhe Bluebirds' players a rather ridiculous team-talk as they look to climb into the play-off places from their current ninth placing in the Championship.

‘Time To Go Massimo’ – Leeds Owner Cellino ‘Agrees’ With Protest Billboard Erected By Fans Outside Elland Road (Photo)

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Photos: Daniel Kilburn/Twitter

With tempers piquedand patience in short supply, Leeds United fans have planted an anti-Massimo Cellino outside Elland Road as part of the continued protests about the Italian owner's reign of madness.

Listing several of Cellino's unfulfilled and unsubstantiated promises, the poster was whacked up on a billboard directly outside the entrance to the stadium's East Stand.

Hoffenheim Appoint Bundesliga’s Youngest Ever Coach In 28-Year-Old Julian Nagelsmann

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He was originally set to take over in the summer, but Hoffenheim have gone ahead and fast-tracked Julian Nagelsmann's appointment as head coach thereby making him the youngest manager in Bundesliga history.

The 28-year-old (who is still studying for his senior coaching license) had agreed a three-year deal to take over at the end of the current campaign.

Why Aye Bonny Lad: Georginio Wijnaldum Admits Toughest Thing About Life At Newcastle Is Deciphering The Geordie Accent

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While he may be mired knee-deep in a squelchy relegation battle at the moment, Georginio Wijnaldum has confessed that he's loving life at Newcastle.

The Dutch midfielder has wasted no time settling into the groove at St James' Park, though he has confessed that there is still one aspect of living and working in the north-east that he's struggling to get to grips with namely, the often impenetrable Geordie accent.

On This Day In 1998: Michael Owen Of England Joins Ranks Of Youngest International Debutants (Video)

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It's Wembley, it's the 11th February 1998, England are playing Chile in a friendly and, look, there's spotty little Michael Owen making history.

At 18 years and 59 days old, the nippy Liverpool striker became the youngest player to represent England in the 20th century.

He didn't score that night (Chile won 2-0 with Marcelo Salas scoring twice, starting with a belter of an opening goal) but Owen did go on to bag 40 goals in 89 international appearances for the Three Lions.

Man City Youngster Bersant Celina, 19, Told To Lump It After ‘Demanding Place In Starting XI’ For Norway

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Manchester City's teenage winger Bersant Celina has committed his international future to Kosovo despite having represented Norway at at Under-15, Under-16, Under-17 and Under-21 level.

The youngster, who made hisPremier League debut against Leicester City last weekend,was born in Kosovo but moved to Norway with his family at the age of two, where he proceeded to make it through the national youth ranks.

Teddy Sheringham Turned Up To Watch Stevenage In Disguise After Being Sacked As Manager

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*Artist's impression

Like a spurned lover secretly watching his ex-wife eat lunch with a work friendfrom a van parked across the street, Teddy Sheringham has admitted that he found his recent break-up with Stevenage a little hard to take at first.

Sheringham was relived of his duties on the first day of February after just eight months in charge at the League Two sidehavingmanaged just seven wins in his previous 33 games as head coach.

Everton: Roberto Martinez Officially Presents 9-Year-Old Fan George Shaw With His ‘Goal Of The Month’ Award (Photo)

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Photo: @Everton/Twitter

Cracking scenes at Finch Farm this morning where Everton boss Roberto Martinez officially presented the club's 'Goal of the Month' award for January to its rightful recipient: nine-year-old fan George Shaw!

After taking a massive 86% of the official vote, George's powerful strike at half-time during Everton's recent game against Swansea saw his beat the likes of Ross Barkley and Kevin Mirallas to take the honours.

Hannover 96 Suspend Three Under-19 Youth Team Players For Plotting Casino Heist

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Hannover 96 have suspended three youth players after it emerged they were plotting to rob a casino in the city.

The three unnamed players handed themselves in to police on Tuesdayafter bottling out of the heist at the last minute.

As reported by ESPN FC, the balaclava-wearing trio all members of the Hannover Under-19 team were driving to the casino when they were stopped by police who noticed that their Audi had altered registration plates.

Appalling Dive From Valencia Youngster Robs Celtic In UEFA Youth League Clash (Video)

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Poor old Celtic fans haven't had much to cheer about in recent seasons when it comes to European football, have they? Well on Wednesday night, it was the turn of the Hoops' youth side to suffer some continental pain, afterthey were knocked out of the UEFA Youth League, albeit courtesy of some audacious cheating from one Valencia player in particular.

Liverpool Owners Apologise And Agree To Scrap Controversial £77 Ticket, Announce Highest Price Will Now Be £59 Instead

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"Yep, fair enough. I wouldn't pay £77 to watch this shower either..."

Liverpool owners Fenway Sports Group (FSG) have agreed to scrap the £77 match ticket that sparked a fan revolt over the weekend.

FSG have issued an open letter to the Liverpool fans this evening to apologise and introduce a new, ever-so-slightly cheaper pricing strategy that will see the dearest matchday ticket at Anfield reduced to £59.

Charlton Athletic Vow To Investigate After Receiving ‘Fake Resignation Letter’ From Under-Fire Chief Executive

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Charlton chief executive Katrien Meire (Photo: Press Association)

Charlton Athletic have launched an investigation after a forged resignation letter from under-fire chief executive Katrien Miere appeared on the Companies House website.

Companies House, which is the UK registrarresponsible forincorporating and dissolving limited companies, received the paperwork in early December then ratified the termination of Miere's role before being alerted that the resignation was a doctored fake.

Turkish Cup: Fraught Quarter-Final Clash Culminates In Water Cannons, Fighter Jets, Fake Fans And 12-Match Bans For ‘Ideological Propaganda’

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To say Tuesday afternoon'sTurkish Cup quarter-final between Fenerbahce and Amedspor was poised on a knife-edge going into the game is an understatement of epic proportions.

Amedspor are a third-tier side who hail from the predominately Kurdish region ofDiyarbakir in the south-easterly reaches of Turkey which iscurrently being ravaged by conflict between government security forces and Kurdish militants after a ceasefire collapsed back in July.

Retro Football: Zinedine Zidane Scores First Ever Professional Goal And Wins Himself A New Renault Clio, 1991 (Video)

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Twenty five years ago this very day, a promising monobrowed young prodigy by the name of Zinedine Yazid Zidane opened his professional goalscoring account at the tender age of 18.

After muscling his way up through the youth ranks, Zidanefinally broke into the Canne senior set-up in 1989 aged just 16, just two short years after leaving home to chase down his dream.

Man City: Gael Clichy Scores 50-Yard Monster Goal In Training, Promptly Shrieks Like Little Girl (Video)

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Look at that face. Not only is that the face of Gael Clichy, oh no that's also the face of a man who has just knocked in a 50-yarder in training and wants the whole world to know about it.

While playingon one of the short-scaletraining pitches at Carrington, Clichy picked up the ball and took a moment to look up before humping a monstrous shot in over the keeper's head from waaaay down town.

Hernan Crespo: ‘I’m Almost Happy Gary Neville Is Failing At Valencia’

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Still without a single league win since he turned up at the start of December, it's getting increasingly difficult to put any kind of positive slant on Gary Neville's tenure at Valencia.

The tide really began to turn in the aftermath of the spectacular 7-0 flagellation that Neville's beleaguered troupe received from Barcelona in the semi-finals of the Copa Del Rey last Wednesday evening.

Dortmund Fans Interrupt Stuttgart Match With Good Old Fashioned Tennis Ball Protest Over £15 Ticket Price (Video)

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Borussia Dortmund fans brought a temporary halt to their DFB Pokal cuptie against Stuttgart last night with a mass tennis ball protest over having to pay £15 to get in.

With almost half and hour played, the pitch was suddenly bombarded with tennis balls hurled from the away end, with Dortmund supporters up in arms about being made to pay€19.

Nine-Year-Old Fan Wins Everton Goal Of The Month Award For Stunning Strike Against Swansea (Video)

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Photo: Liverpool Echo/James Maloney

Beating the likes of Ross Barkley and Kevin Mirallas in the running, Everton's Goal of the Month award has been won by the slightly unlikely figure of nine-year-old fan George Shaw.

George, who has cerebral palsy, was invited to the recent home game against Swanseaas a VIP guest of his favourite Toffees player, Gerard Deulofeu.

Carlos Tevez Shows Off Bloody Impressive New Table Football Set – A Scale Model Of La Bombonera! (Photos)

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Obviously wecan't say for certain, but judging by these photos we reckon the chances are that Carlos Tevez has an infinitely better table football set-up than you.

The Boca Juniors striker has shelled out on a foosball table that just so happens to be a scaled-down replica of La Bombanera.

FA Cup: Liverpool Crash Out As West Ham Boss Slaven Bilic Leaves James Collins Hanging (Photos & Video)

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On a night that saw West Ham take some kind of roundabout revenge for their FA Cup final defeat to Liverpool back in 2006, poor old James Collins, West Ham's Welsh defender, found himselfleft hanging after a failed fist-bump withhis boss Slaven Bilic.

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Coming on as a sub, the 32-year-old former Aston Villa centre-half went to fist-bump Bilic, only for the Croatian coach to pull his hand away despite apparently initiating the whole thing.

Championship: Speechless Birmingham Supporter Subjected To Joyous Ridicule By Sheffield Wednesday Fans At St. Andrew’s (Video)

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Sheffield Wednesday's late, late comeback win against Birmingham City at the weekend will no doubt have left many Blues' fans feeling down in the dumps. However, for one particular home fan atSt. Andrew's on Saturday, the pain was magnified to infinity, with wonderfullyhilarious consequences for us neutrals.

Shit Lookalikes: New Premier League Arm Patches & Tesco Value Baked Beans

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As previously mentioned, the Premier League have unveiled their daring new branding for the 2016/17 season today, which can only mean one thing: BRAND NEW ARM PATCHES!

However, the results are what you might call 'disappointing', with the new kit marques looking incredibly cheap and tacky.

On This Day In 1979: Trevor Francis Becomes Football’s First Million Pound Man, But Also Doesn’t, But Then Does…

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Clough unveils Francis to the press in his own inimitable style, February 9th 1979

Thirty seven years ago today, Nottingham Forest manager Brian Clough turned up to a press conference in a fetching red leatherette jacket, clutching a squash racket, to introduce new signing Trevor Francis.

Official: West Ham Open Contract Talks With Dimitri Payet To Ward Off £38m Interest From Anonymous Chinese Club

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West Ham have responded promptly to tittle-tattle involving Dimitri Payet and his immediate future by confirming that they've opened talks over a new and improved contract with the French virtuoso.

Rumours spread that an unnamed Chinese team were positionedto lodge a vast £38million bid for Payet and waft £135,000-a-week wages in his general direction to woothe winger to the Chinese Super League.

Manchester United: David De Gea’s Unsigned Real Madrid Contract Leaked (Photo)

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You may have noticed a steady slew of players having their contracts leaked all over the place recently, with Gareth Bale, Neymar, Anthony Martial and Toni Kroos all having the small print of their respective deals put on showfor the world to see.

This is the work of self-proclaimed "TPO whistle-blowers" Football Leaks, who have come to prominence recently for posting scanned images of tons of paperwork in order to divulge the inner machinations of some of football's biggest transfers.

This Might Just Be The New England Euro 2016 Kit (Leaked Photos)

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Once again, the diligent chaps over at Footy Headlines have come up with the goods after managing to get their hands on a series of leaked images of what is purported to be the new England home kit for Euro 2016.

While predominantly white (that's a good start), the Nike design sees a bit of subtle sky blue trim hither and thither which, while not strictly traditional, doesn't look entirely out of place either.

‘£77 To Watch James Milner? Are You Mad?’ – Irish Liverpool Fan Delivers Most Articulate Response To Ticket Price Quarrel Yet (Video)

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As you're no doubt aware, the fact that they're being vastly over-charged to attend matchesis just beginning to dawn on English football fans the length and breadth of the country.

Indeed, Liverpool supporters made their feelings abundantly clear by walking out of Anfield en masse during the 77th minute of Saturday's 2-2 draw with Sunderland in protest of the £77 they'd had to shell out to get in in the first place.

Iconic Lion Survives The Cull As Premier League Reveal Funky New Branding For 2016/17 (Photos)

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As you may or may not recall, back in January we brought you exciting news that the Premier League had hired a creative agency to unify their various arms under one slick branding theme.

Well, that day is finally upon us. The Premier League have proudly unveiled their new branding scheme and its.

Jonjo Shelvey Rated ‘Best Value January Signing’ After £10m Newcastle Move

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It's not like Newcastle to be smart with their money, but Jonjo Shelvey has been rated as the best valuesigning of the January transfer window by a fairly comprehensive study.

The analytics come courtesy of the CIES Football Observatory, who reckon that Shelvey's £12million move to St James' Park represented the best value for money once the player's true market value is compared to the money paid to acquire his services.

Malfunctioning Plastic Ball Causes Scottish Cup Quarter-Final Draw To Be Bungled Live On Television (Video)

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Despite one fixture having already been pulled out of the hat at the time, the entire draw for the quarter-finals of the Scottish Cup had to be voided and re-started last night due to a equipment malfunction live on television.

With Celtic versus Dundee United already drawn and the home side for second fixture locked in place, one of the little plastic balls came apart asSFA president Alan McRae pulled the away side out of the pot.

Official: Derby Sack Head Coach Paul Clement After Minor Seven-Game Winless Blip

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The managerial madness continues apace this evening with the news that Derby County have relieved Paul Clement of his head coach duties after just eight months in charge.

Derby's higher-ups have pressed the panic button after going seven league games without a win four of those games being draws.

Claudio Ranieri Reveals Secrets Of Leicester City Success In Fascinating Interview: ‘We Keep It Simple And Speak Little About Tactics’

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With Leicester City perched six points clear at the top of the Premier League table with 13 games to play, it's beginning to looklikeClaudio Ranieri's side are sticking around for the duration as the myriad doubters continue in their prolonged wait for the bubble to burst.

To that end,Ranieri gave an in-depth interview with Corriere della Sera over the weekend in which he freely gave up thesecret to his success.

Giving Good Head: The Greatest/Smuttiest Football Headlines Ever Written

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Today marksthe 16th anniversary of arguably the greatest football headline ever committed to press.

When then-part-timers Inverness Caledonian Thistle beat Celtic 3-1 in a Scottish Cup tie, an inspired sub-editor atThe Sun came up with the truly majestic"Super Caley Go Ballistic, Celtic Are Atrocious" a timeless belter and no mistaking!

Southampton: Maya Yoshida Politely Requests Victor Wanyama Apologises For West Ham Red Card With Krispy Kreme Donuts

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With Southampton nursing a slim 1-0 lead at the time, Victor Wanyama went and made his teammates' collective afternoon all the more difficult by picking up his thirdred card of the seasonin the 55th minute against West Ham for taking a reckless swipe at Dimitri Payet.

Having opened the scoring in the early knockings of the match, Maya Yoshida saw his work load doubled when Wanyama went thundering in on Payet and, as such, is seeking amends from the Kenyan midfielder specifically in the form of expensive, gunky and saccharine-sweet dough treats.

Un Oeuf Is Un Oeuf: Marseille Fans Accidentally Pelt Eggs At Chinese Tourists After Mistaking Bus For PSG Team Coach

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With tensions running high ahead of Le Classique, a battalion of Marseille fans attempted to unsettlethe PSG team as they rolled into the Stade Velodrome on Sunday afternoon.

Sadly, due to a heady mix of mistaken identity and itchy trigger fingers, the only people the L'OM ultras ended up intimidating were the innocent Chinese tourists whose bus they accidentally ambushed with eggs outside the stadium.

Man Utd’s Luke Shaw Tweets Kurt Zouma After Chelsea Star Suffers Horror Injury v Red Devils

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Still on the long and rocky road to recovery after suffering a leg break against PSV back at the start of the season, Manchester United's Luke Shaw has offered his support to Chelsea defender Kurt Zouma after the French youngster picked up what could be a season-ended injury on Sunday.

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Playing against the Red Devils at Stamford Bridge on Sunday, the 21-year Zouma fell extremely awkwardly after an acrobatic clearance, with his right knee bearing the brunt of the impact.

Snapshot: Napoli Fans Hold Up Pictures Of Kalidou Koulibaly In Support Of Their Racially Abused Star…

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Ahead of Sunday's Serie A clash between Napoli and Carpi at the Stadio San Paolo, the home fansproduced a lovely act of support for the Partenopei's defensive star Kalidou Koulibaly, who had suffered appalling racial abuse from Lazio fans last week.

The vile abuse suffered by the Senegalese defender at the Stadio Olimpico caused Wednesday's game to be temporarily suspended by ref Massimo Irrati, although it did eventually get back underway, with Napoli winning 2-0.

Ajax Fans Hang Effigy Of Feyenoord Player Kenneth Vermeer During Typically Heated ‘De Klassieker’ Clash (Video)

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Sunday's 'De Klassieker' was quite an occasion, with Ajax beating their bitter rivals Feyenoord 2-1at the Amsterdam ArenA to movejust a point behind leaders PSVin the Eredivisie. Before the game, the intensity of the animosity between the two sets of fans was highlighted by the hanging from the stands of an effigy of ex-Ajax and current Feyenoord goalkeeperKenneth Vermeer.

‘I Thought You Had To Be Clever To Live Around Here?’ – Ruud van Nistelrooy Has Pop At Old Nemesis Martin Keown During Oxford Union Interview (Video)

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In an interview at the Oxford Union which looks to have been chaired by Will McKenzie from The Inbetweeners, Manchester United legend produced a rather clever quip when asked about his famous Arsenal adversary Martin Keown.

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Van Nistelrooy and Keown clashed in that famous Premier League 'Battle of Old Trafford" gamebackin September 2003, with the United striker involved in the incident which saw Patrick Vieira sent off before missing a last minute penalty, a miss which ultimately helped Arsenal to their historic unbeaten "Invincibles" campaign.

Official: Jamie Vardy Signs Bumper New Three-Year £80,000 Per Week Contract With High-Flying Leicester

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On a day where Leicester City enjoyed a magnificent 3-1 win at the Etihad Stadium, the news got even better for the club, with star-striker Jamie Vardy penning a new contract with the Premier League leaders which keeps him at the King Power Stadium until 2019.

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The 29-year-old, who joined Leicester from Fleetwood Town for £1million back in 2012, has blossomed into one of the country's most dangerous strikers, becoming the first-player ever to score in 11 consecutive Premier League fixtures.

League One: Nutcase Colchester Fan Tries To Fight Whole Southend Stand All By Himself During Essex Derby (Video)

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During Saturday's League One Essex derby between Southend United and Colchester United at Roots Hall, one fans of the U's decided to take on a section of the home fans all by himself.

The brave/stupid fan eluded the stewards and ran across the corner of the pitch towards the Shrimpers' fans before throwing a few punches like an utter loon.

Snapshot: Huth Heads Leicester To Etihad Victory As Foxes’ Title Tilt Gets Serious…

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The dream continues for Claudio Ranieri's Leicester City side, who find themselves five points clear in the race for the Premier League title after a deserved 3-1 win away to Manchester City.

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Ex-Chelsea centre-half Robert Huth was the star of the show for the Foxes, netting two headers for the visitors, who were sharper and quicker than their heavyweight hosts throughout the 90 minutes.

Chelsea: Eden Hazard Revealed He Texted Jose Mourinho To Apologise For Being Crap This Season

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Eden Hazard has revealed that he felt compelled to say sorryto Jose Mourinho after the latter was sacked by Chelseaback in December.

Despite being named Player of the Season last time out, the pouty Belgian winger went months without turning in a performance before crying off with a succession of 'injuries'asMourinho's second reign at Stamford Bridge came to aprematureendshortly before Christmas.

Somebody Out There Is Making A Film About The Life And Times Of Jermaine Pennant

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Somebody out there is planning to make a film about the life and times of one Jermaine Lloyd Pennant.

Indeed, the 33-year-old ex-Liverpool winger has given his blessing to 'From The Streets', a biopic that is set to chart his rise from The Meadows estate in Nottingham to the Singapore Premier League.

Terrifying Partick Thistle Mascot Kingsley Launches Romantic Poetry Competition To Find Valentine’s Date

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Photos: Kingsley the Thistle Mascot/Facebook

Since arriving in Scotland from California last summer, Partick Thistle's new mascot Kingsley has struggled to make any headway with the ladies largely due to his thinly-veiled demonic rage.

Now, with Valentine's Day coming up next weekend, Kingsley has taken positive steps to landhimself a date for the big day by launching a poetry competition to find himself a romantic suitor.

On This Day In 2011: Cheick Tiote Scores Blunderbuss Volley As Arsenal Blow Four-Goal Lead At Newcastle (Video)

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When Cheick Tiote rifled onehome from the edge of the box in the 87th minute of a stone-coldthriller at St James's Park on this day in 2011, it completed a remarkable comeback for the Toon. They had been 4-0 down at half time.

Having spent a fallow season down in the Championship, the newly-promoted Magpies were relishing being back in the top flight and had already beaten Arsenal in London earlier in the season.

Play Maestro, Play: Arsenal Star Alexis Sanchez Performs ‘Titanic’ On Piano By Candlelight (Video)

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Arsenal star Alexis Sanchez is hardly your average footballer. Rather than spending his free time spending thousands of pounds to make his stupid car look stupider and working meticulously to better his Call of Duty kill/death ratio, the Chilean is learning to tinkle the ivories.

Having displayed his ever-improving chops before, Sanchez's latest recital is the most emotional yet.

Confirmed: Everton Boss Roberto Martinez Spotted Throwing Shapes At Jason Derulo Gig (Video)

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With all the kind of expressive flair he attempts to eke out of his players, Everton boss Roberto Martinez was spotted throwing his finest shapes at a Jason Derulo gig in Manchesterlast night.

Spotted up on a balcony, Martinez appeared to be lost in the music as he whirled and twirledalong to the musical stylings of the popularAmericanentertainer.

Reports: Jose Mourinho Signs Agreement To Become Manchester United’s Next Manager

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Former Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho has signed an agreement with Manchester United to become their next boss, this according to storiesemanating in the Spanishpress this morning.

El Confidencial are reporting that Mourinho's agent, Jorge Mendes, has "done his job" in securing the United post for his client.

‘I Forgot What It Was Like To Be A Footballer’ – Aiden McGeady Reveals Everton Torment

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Having made a loan move to Sheffield Wednesday on Monday, Everton winger Aiden McGready has spoken of his frustration at falling out of favour at Goodison Park.

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The Republic of Ireland wideman joined Everton in January 2014 but never managed to hold down a regular starting berth, with injury hot helping his cause.

Liverpool Target Alex Teixeira Set For £38m Jiangsu Suning Move As Chinese Transfer Takeaway Continues

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Following hot on the heels of Ramires and Jackson Martinez, Shakhtar Donetsk attacker Alex Teixeira has become the latest European-based star to head to the China, with Super League sideJiangsu Suning reported to have snapped up the Brazilian for a whopping £38million.

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The attacking midfielder was strongly linked with a move to Liverpool in January only for Shakhtar to turn down an apparent £25million offerfrom the Merseysiders.

Leeds Issue ‘Special’ Match Programme To Appease Massimo Cellino’s Superstitious Fear Of The Number 17 (Photo)

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In an effort to avoid upsetting their delightfully quirky owner, Leeds United have been forced to go out of their way while knocking out the matchday programme for this weekend's Championship tie against Nottingham Forest.

Due to Massimo Cellino's all-pervading superstitious mistrust of the number 17, the front cover of the aforementioned programme has been customised to suit.

Arsenal: Slightly Depressing Infographic Charts Every Injury Of Tomas Rosicky’s Career (Photo)

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"I lost these two in an unfortunate marshmallow-eatingaccident"

Tomas Rosicky has become something of a poster boy for Arsenal's infamously overworked medical department over the years, but the truth is that the 35-year-old has suffered with a, shall we say... "temperamentalconstitution" for pretty much his entire footballing life.

Valencia Legend Santi Canizares Calls For Gary Neville To ‘Resign And Apologise’ After Barcelona Mauling

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"You should resign and apologise mate!"

Valencia legend Santi Canizares has demanded that Gary Neville resign and apologise after his side were well and truly embarrassed by Barcelona in the Copa Del Rey semi-finals last night.

Neville was forced to watch on as his Los Che mob were pummelled 7-0 by Barca as Luis Suarez and Lionel Messi ran riot at the Camp Nou.

Ex-Bolton Midfielder Stuart Holden Retires Aged 30 After Prolonged Battle With His Dodgy Knees

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It's a crying shame but Stuart Holden has finally announced his retirement today after succumbing in his prolonged battle to overcome a succession of knee knacks.

The 30-year-old former USA internationalmidfielder managed just 38 appearances for Bolton in four years at the club after first suffering a nastycruciate knee injury in a game against Manchester United in 2011.

On This Day In 1948: The World Goes Mad As Len Shackleton Joins Sunderland For Whopping £20,000

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With Premier League spending passing the £1billion mark this season (up from a mere £965million the year before), it's hard to imagine anybody getting the slightest bit upset by the kind of money Sunderland paid Newcastle for Len Shackleton back in 1948.

At the time, the money involved in the transfer was criticised as being obscene a clear sign that football had completely taken leave of its senses.

Retro Football: Donald Trump Helps Saint & Greavsie Conduct The League Cup Draw, 1991/92 (Video)

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It might be hard to believe but there was a time whenDonald Trump wasn't a clownish, polemic-spewing presidential candidate seemingly intent on setting the entirety of Western civilization back many many decades.

Indeed, back in the primordial mists of 1991, Trump was just ahumble, fresh-faced young billionaire with a luxurious full head of hair and a glint in his eye.

Reports: Ronaldinho Rejected An Offer To Join Leicester City In January Transfer Window

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It's being reported that Leicester City failed in an audacious attempt to finally lure Ronaldinho to the Premier League during the January transfer window.

According to Mundo Deportivo, Leicester made a speculative bidfor the free agent but it was turned down as the Brazilian veteran had his heart set on a lucrative move to China.

Top Of Le Flops: Lyon’s Jordan Ferri Pulls Off Outrageous Dive In 3-0 Win v Bordeaux (Video)

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We love a good old fashioned dive here at 'Pies, despite the obvious moral dubiousness of the whole thing. And in Lyon's 3-0 home Ligue 1 win against Bordeaux on Wednesday night, substitute Jordan Ferri pulled off a right doozy of a flop.

Running at speed towards the Bordeaux box, the 23-year-old midfielder lost control of the ball before falling to the ground courtesy of a quite fabulous dive.

Copa Del Rey: Pressure Mounts On Gary Neville As Valencia Battered 7-0 By Barcelona (Video)

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Poor old Gary Neville has endured a difficult time in Spain since swapping the Sky Sports touchscreen for the Valencia bench. Without a win in eight La Liga games, Neville took his side to the Nou Camp on Wednesday night, for a semi-final first-leg Copa Del Rey clash with Barcelona, and it didn't end well for the former Man Utd man.

The Black-And-White Years: Tottenham Score 13 Goals In Epic FA Cup Victory Over Crewe, 1960 (Video)

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Having battled their way to a 2-2 draw against Tottenham in the fourth round of the FA Cup in January of1960, Crewe Alexandra's thoughts immediately turned to felling their Division One opponents in alucrative replay in front of 64,000 fans at White Hart Lane.

That replay duly came on 3rd February, with Crewe once again forced to face a team a full 83 rungsabove them on the league ladder.

‘I ♥ Palermo!’ – Mario Balotelli Pays Loving Tribute To Sicilian Hometown With Photo Of Completely Different City

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Mario Balotelli isn't the sharpest sandwich in the drawer. This we know. This he has proved time and time again.

Set to return to the city of his birth, Palermo, with Milan on Wednesday evening, the striker decided to pay loving tribute to the town and show everybody just how proud he is of his roots by posting a photo on Instagram.

The BBC Radio Leicester Commentary Of Jamie Vardy’s First Goal Against Liverpool Is Gloriously Manic (Audio)

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Times are very much of the 'exciting' sub-type at Leicester City at the moment as Claudio Ranieri's band of merry men continue to squat three points clear atop the Premier League with just 14 games of the season leftto muddle through.

Safe to say that emotions will become increasingly fraught as we move headlong toward the business end of the season.

Morecambe ‘Keeper Barry Roche Rescues Point Against Portsmouth With Dramatic 94th-Minute Equaliser (Video)

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Photo: Morecambe Visitor

Morecambe managed to salvage a point at the very death against Portsmouth last night, though the dramatic 94th-minute equaliser came from a thoroughly unlikely source in 'keeper Barry Roche.

A goal down and with injury time dwindling away, the ex-Nottingham Foreststopper went steaming up the pitch for a late corner and, hey presto, got his head on it to snatch parity from the jaws of defeat.

Roma Legend Francesco Totti Plays Quick Game Of Keepy-Uppies With Ballboy (Video)

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With his40th birthday just beginning to crown over the horizon, Francesco Totti has accepted the fact that he occupies a fairly reduced role at Roma these days.

Indeed, the veteran was an unused sub in the Giallorossi's 2-0 away win over Sassuolo on Tuesday night, having made just five appearances so far this season.

Reports: Yaya Toure To Ditch Man City After Being Offered Whopping £30m Contract To Move To China

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Come the Pep revolution, it seems that Yaya Toure will be first out of the door at Manchester City just as he was shunted out of the reckoning when Guardiola took over at Barcelona all those years ago.

However, it doesn't look like the Ivory Coast midfielder, 32, is going to struggle to pay the gas bill any time soon, with reports today that he could earn a staggering £30million a year if he chooses to follow the hordes flocking to the Chinese Super League.

Atletico Madrid Flop Jackson Martinez Heads To Chinese Super League, Joins Guangzhou Evergrande In Hefty €42m Deal

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Once considering to be one of the hottest attacking talents in European football, Atletico Madrid's misfiring hitman Jackson Martinez is headed for China after signing for top-flightside Guangzhou Evergrande courtesy of a whopping€42m deal.

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The Colombian forward hit the headlines for his goal-scoring prowess in Portugal with Porto, making him a much-coveted player.

Leicester: Jamie Vardy Long-Range Rocket Keeps Flying Foxes Top Of The Pile (Video).

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Will the flying Foxes' bubble ever burst this season? Judging by Leicester's performance at home to Liverpool on Tuesday night, they may well stay the course in their quest for an incredible and unthinkable Premier League title triumph. Central to Leicester's 2-0 home win against the Reds was speedy striker Jamie Vardy, who netted a brace which included a magnificent long range strike.

Shit Lookalike: Manuel Pellegrini & UrTih The Mystic From ‘Dark Crystal’

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One is wise and mystical shaman with a silver windswept mane and a face furrowedwith runic wrinklesseveral thousands of millennia old.

The other is a puppet from a Jim Henson movie...

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Is it a bit shit? Email it over to us atwaatpies@gmail.

Boy In The Bag: Little Lionel Messi Fan Murtaza Ahmadi Gets To Play In Real Barcelona Kit For The First Time (Photos)

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You maybe recall, just t'other day, when we brought you the joyous news that young Murtaza Ahmadi was all but set to meet his idol Lionel Messi after a worldwide social media search to track down the five-year-old came up trumps.

Quite unbeknownst to him, Murtaza became an internet superstar when a photo of him wearing a homemade Messi shirt, lovingly crafted from a plastic bag by his older brother, was shared online thousands of times.

Hollywood Actress Naomi Watts To Become Honorary President Of Welsh Non-League Football Club

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Non-league Welsh sideGlanraeth FC have only got themselves a brand new honorary club president in the slightly unlikely guise of Hollywood actress Naomi Watts.

Glanraeth, who play their football in thethird tier of the Welsh Alliance football league division one and regularly attract crowds of over 40 people to their home games, are basedin the town of Malltraeth on Anglesey.

Slovenian Side NK Domzale Successfully Use LinkedIn To Sign New Player Before Transfer Deadline

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Photo: @NKDomzale/Twitter

Kudos are most definitely due to NK Domzale coachLuka Elsner after he used his initiativeto bring in somemuch-needed defensive cover just as the transfer window was about to close.

Stuck with a dearth ofoptions at full-back, 33-year-old Elsner posted an advert on professional social networking site LinkedIn looking for an "offensive right-back" with an EU passport and experience playingin a 3-4-3 formation.

MLS: Whitecaps Unveil Handsome New ‘Sea And Sky’ Kit In Homage To Natural Beauty Of Vancouver (Photos)

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Photo: @WhitecapsFC/Twitter

Vancouver Whitecaps have unveiled their fresh new look for 2016 with a handsome new away kit that is inspired by the region's dramatic mountainous landscape.

Featuring an icy blue gradient from top to bottom, the strip is an homage to the sweeping snow-cappedvistas of Vancouver and the surrounding area.

Retro Football Songs: ‘It’s Goodbye’ – Glenn Hoddle & Chris Waddle’s Unreleased Follow Up To ‘Diamond Lights’ (Video)

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"Standing in the rain. Cold electric sky, no diamond lights"

Released in 1987, 'Diamond Lights' by Tottenham teammates Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle instantly proved to be both a critical and commercial success.

Widely regarded as one of the finest musical arrangements of all time, Diamond Lights was a dark, brooding ballad that transcended the pop format thanks to the soaring vocal prowess of the song's dual frontmen.

On This Day In 2009: In, Out, In, Out – Robbie Keane Does The Tottenham Hokey-Cokey

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Think of Tottenham Hotspur and you think of tradition – cup glory, fast flowing football and, for at short stretch after the turn of themillennium, selling players only to buy them back again shortly thereafter.

Case in point. Robbie Keane had left Tottenham in the summer of 2008, completing a stunning double deal in which the North London club managed to sell him and Dimitar Berbatov, thus depriving themselves of arguably the best strike combination in the Premier League.

Dutch Opta Accurately Map All 30 Touches Of The Ball Yaya Sanogo Enjoyed In An Ajax Shirt

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Not the most naturally gifted technicianin world football, Yaya Sanogo concluded a fairly featureless loan spell at Ajax by returning to parent club Arsenal and immediately switching to Charlton Athletic on transfer deadline day.

Sanogo was supposed to stay at Ajax for the entire 2016-17 season but the Dutch club called time on his loan prematurelyafter the 23-year-old French striker failed to make any semblance of an impression in the Eredivisie, making three substitute appearances andfeaturing forjust 47 cumulative minutes.

David Beckham Descends From Heaven To Aid Shivering Paramedic With Celestial Gifts Of Hot Tea And Coffee

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After being dispatched to treat an elderly man who had fallen in central London yesterday,cycle response paramedic Catherine Maynard was forced to keep both her and her patient warm while they waited in the perishing cold for an ambulance.

It was at thatpoint achoir of herald angels suddenly burst into voice, the clouds parted andDavid Beckham descended from on highin a shard of heavenly golden light.

January 2016 Transfer Deadline Day: All The Major Done Deals And Bargain Steals

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In order to save us cobbling up several individual posts this morning, here's a quick round-up of all the major (if you can call them major) deals that were sewn up before last night's 11pm deadline.

Oumar Niasse, Lokomotiv Moscow to Everton (£13.5million)

BREAKING: Forward Oumar Niasse has completed a £13.

Live Italian Deadline Day Coverage Interrupted By Inflatable Banana-Wielding Hero (Video)

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Lord knows that transfer deadline day has been dull as ditchwater, at least as far as English football has been concerned.

However, one mischievous gallivanter (a Charlton fan if we're not mistaken) did his level best to pep things up outside Stamford Bridge over on the Italianequivalent of Sky Sport's rolling coverage usingnothing but aninflatable banana.

Official: Watford Become First Premier League Club To Actually Spend Money On Deadline Day By Spluffing £8m On Abdoulaye Doucoure

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He's totalled just 11 starts for Rennes so far this season, but Watford have still gone and spluffed £8million on Abdoulaye Doucoure therefore becoming the first Premier League club to actually spend any money (on a transfer fee) so far this deadline day. It's now 7.00pm.

Doucoure has signed a four-and-a-half year deal at Vicarage Road.

Deadline Day: Steven Fletcher To Marseille Might Be A Weird Thing That’s Happening…

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Transfer deadline day has thrown up a weird one. In fact, there's almost zero chance you could've predicted this one cropping up today.

With a 32-point deficit to make up on leagueleaders PSG, Marseille are turning to almost entirely barren Sunderland striker Steven Fletcher as the man they expect to fire them back up to the upper echelons of Ligue 1.

Deadline Day: Stoke Set To Break Transfer Record With £18m Deal For Porto Midfielder Giannelli Imbula

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We're lead to believe that Stoke are on the cusp of signing Giannelli Imbula after agreeing a fee of £18million with Porto for the midfielder's services.

According to the Guardian, talks are "advancing quickly" between the two parties with Stoke agreeing to include a 15% sell-on clause in the deal at Porto's behest.

Official: Man City Confirm Pep Guardiola Will Take Over As Manager Next Season

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Not that it needed much confirming, but Manchester City have emitted an official statement via their club website to announce that Pep Guardiola will take over as head coach next season.

City's statement reads thus:

Manchester City can confirm that in recent weeks it has commenced and finalized contractual negotiations with Pep Guardiola to become (head coach) for the 2016/17 EPL season onwards.

Saido Berahino Warned He ‘Could Be A Championship Player Next Season’ If He Signs For Newcastle

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With rumours of a third bid of£24million being knocked back by West Brom already today, Saido Berahino has found himself warned against moving to potential suitors Newcastle as they continue to flirt with relegation.

Since throwing a wobblerand storming off to his bedroom when West Brom blocked hismove to Tottenham back in September, Berahino has spent the past five months in exile at the Hawthorns, appearing a just handful of times.

Deadline Day: Injury-Ravaged Manchester United Keen To Take Arsenal’s Mathieu Debuchy On Short-Term Loan

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While it looked like Aston Villa and Sunderland were his only options at this point last week, it appears Mathieu Debuchy may be offered an entirely more salubrious way out of the Arsenal doldrums before the transfer window closes tonight.

After downing tools and calling the Gunners big nasty lying sods (or words to that effect) for picking Hector Bellerin over him this season, Debuchy isdesperate to move on in order to restore his chances of being picked in France's Euro 2016 squad.

Deadline Day: Newcastle Sign Ivory Coast Striker Seydou Doumbia On Loan From Roma

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The first major-ish move on transfer deadline day has gone through, with Newcastle completing the loan signing of Roma striker Seydou Doumbia.

The deal was reportedly rubber-stamped this morning, with the two parties now merely waiting for the results of Doumbia's medical to come back...

Seydou Doumbia signs for Newcastle on loan from Roma, subject to a medical https://t.

On This Day In 2006: David Bentley Becomes First Player To Stick Three Goals Past Man Utd In The Premier League (Video)

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The highs in David Bentley's career may have ended up being few and far between – and we're mostly talking about scoring from the halfway line for Tottenhamagainst Arsenal and tipping a barrel of icy water over Harry Redknapp live on televisionhere.

However,after his first match as a full-time Blackburn player it seemed the world should havebeen his lobster.

Ecuadorian Referee Asks Ronaldinho To Sign His Yellow Card In The Middle Of A Match (Video)

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As Ronaldinho continues to gad about hither and thither on his extended semi-retirement tour, the circus rolled in toGuayaquil on Friday evening the 35-year-old star having signed up to make a one-off appearance for Ecuadorian top flight side Barcelona in a friendly against Argentinian opponents San Martin.

Lionel Messi To Finally Meet His Little ‘Plastic Bag’ Fan After Worldwide Internet Search Comes Up Trumps

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The young tyke you see afore ye is none other than five-year-oldMurtaza Ahmadi, who is soon to meet Lionel Messi after a worldwide search was launched to track the youngster down last week.

Indeed, Murtaza unwittingly became the centre of a huge internet campaign when a photo of him wearing a home-made Messi shirt crafted lovingly from a blue and white-striped plastic bag started doing to rounds of social media.