Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2016

Brondby And The Danish FA Are Working Together To Develop ‘Safe’ Pyrotechnic Flares That Burn At Low Temperatures

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Brondby have announced that they have joined forces with the Danish Football Association (DBU) to help develop a flare that is much safer to use in a stadium environment.

Much like everywhere else, it is illegal to set off flares, smoke grenades and/or firecrackers inside Danish football stadiums, though many fan groups still persist indoing so.

Bayern Munich: Thiago Alcantara Mistakes Santa Claus For Teammate During Clash With RB Leipzig (Video)

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We've often wondered if those newfangled pitch-side digital advertising hoardings ever confused the players during a match.

Well, apparently they do, after Bayern Munich midfielder Thiago Alcantara tried to pass to a digital Santa Claus during Wednesday night's top-of-the-table clash with RB Leipzig.

Ligue 1: Nice Striker Mario Balotelli Sees Red Against Bordeaux, Gives Shirt To Fan On Leaving Pitch (Video)

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Linked with a move back to the Premier League this week, Mario Balotelli was once again grabbing the headlines during Nice's goalless draw with Bordeaux on Wednesday evening.

The former Liverpool man picked up his second red card of the season after kicking out at an opponent late in the game.

Bayern Munich: Mats Hummels Shows Up With Freshly-Dyed Blonde Hair, Even Lidl Have Subtle Dig (Photos)

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On Wednesday evening, Bayern Munich recorded a straightforward 3-0 win over Bundesliga upstarts RB Leipzig tospiritthemselves back to their rightful place on top of the pile.

Other than the result, the game was notable for two reasons: The first being Thiago Alcantara's masterful pass to Santa and the second being the debut of Mats Hummels' horrendous new dye-job.

Reports: In The Spirit Of Christmas, West Ham Are ‘Begging’ The Premier League Big Boys For January Reinforcements

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West Ham have reportedly sent a letter to the Premier League's so-called big fivein a "frantic"bid to fill out their squad in the winter transfer window.

According to Matt Law in the Telegraph, the Hammers have writtena "begging letter" to Chelsea, Man City, Arsenal, Manchester United and Liverpool to enquire as to whether they have any strikers, full-backs or central defenders they'd be willing to loan out in January.

Emotional Scenes As Chapecoense President Lifts Copa Sudamericana Trophy At CONMEBOL Ceremony (Photos)

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Nigh-on four weeks after the tragic plane crash that claimed the lives of almost all oftheclub's players and many of their staff members, Chapocoense were formally bestowed withthe 2016 Copa Sudamericana at an emotional ceremony in Paraguay last night.

After much deliberation, CONMEBOL decided to award the Copa Sudamericana title to Chapecoense, who were flying into Medellin for the first leg of the final against Colombian opponents Atletico Nacional when their plane went down.

Pies’ 2016 Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.17: Official Boca Juniors Chest Of Drawers

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With the geese sufficiently corpulent and the big day crowning on the horizon, Pies are once again here to help with our annual Christmas Football Gift Guide.

Give the gift of storage this Christmas with the official Boca Juniors chest of drawers, available from the club's webstore for just3,500 Argentinian pesos (approx.

Official: Hugo Lloris Is ‘Posing With Poch™’ So That Can Only Really Mean One Thing…

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Photo: @SpursOfficial/Twitter

Tottenham have secured the long-term services ofyet another of their central talents today with the news that Hugo Lloris has extended his contract until 2020.

Six years. Six ans. C'est beau.

Also proving that Spurs really did only hire their photographer for one afternoon back in May, Lloris appeared in the now-familiar 'Poch Pal™' pose as the club announced the sealing of the deal on Thursday afternoon.

Annus Horribilis: Crystal Palace Sack Alan Pardew After Torrid Year Leaves Club Rock Bottom Of Form Table

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Alan Pardewcatches a whiff of hisannus horribilis

Crystal Palace have sacked Alan Pardew with the team languishing down on the 17th rung of the Premier League ladder, one point above the relegation zone.

After paying Newcastle £2.5million to hire him in the first place, it's estimated that Pardew will now receive around £5million in compensation which is a little incongruous given that Palace have been utter tripe for last year.

Emmanuel Eboue Reveals He Once Asked The Queen If He Could Quit Football To Look After Her Corgis

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Emmanuel Eboue has revealed that, back during his Arsenal days, he once asked The Queen if she would be okay with him quitting his day job to become a full-time carer for her corgi dogs.

The Gunners embarkedon a VIP trip to Buckingham Palace in 2007, with Her Majesty turning out to personally welcome Arsene Wenger and his team to her humble abode.

Champions League: Besiktas Goalkeeper Fabricio Weeps After Conceding Four Goals In First-Half v Dynamo Kiev (Video)

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Turkish giants Besiktas endured a horror evening away to Dynamo Kiev on Tuesday night, going down 6-0 and picking up two red cards.

The first-half saw Andreas Beck sent off on 29 minutes for conceding a penalty,with the visitors shipping four goals in a nightmare 45 minutes which had a shell-shocked goalkeeper Fabricio unable to hold back the tears.

Champions League: Lucas Perez Nets Hat-Trick v Basel As Arsenal Top Group (Video)

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After their 2-2 home draw with PSG last time out, Arsenal's hopes of finishing top of Group A were slim. However, while PSG could only draw at home to Ludogorets Razgrad, the Gunners overtook the French giants courtesy of a convincing 4-1 win away to Basel.

Spanish summer-signing Lucas Perez was the star of the show for the Premier League side, with the striker bagging a hat-trick.

Bidding Starts At 99p: Non-League Basingstoke Town Put Themselves Up For Sale On Ebay

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Image: Basingstoke Town/Ebay

With their long-serving chairman due to step down at the end of the current season, the clock is ticking for Basingstoke Town to secure themselves new owners.

However, finding themselves stuck for new investment, the Southern Premier League side have decided to take the initiative and float themselves on Ebay.

UNICEF: David Beckham And His Numerous Tattoos Star In Poignant Anti-Child Abuse Video

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In his role as a UNICEF goodwill ambassador, David Beckham has lent his tattoo-strewn torso to the campaign designed to raise awareness aboutchild abuse, and cruelty.

Indeed, Beckham's exhaustive body art is used as the basis for the accompanying video which sees the former Manchester United midfielder's ink spring to life to showthat 'some marks are easier to see than others'.

Official: Sammy Lee Steps Down As England Assistant After Just Five Games

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The FA have confirmed that Sammy Lee has stepped down fromhis post as England assistant manager after just five games in the job.

The 57-year-old was originally sworn inas Sam Allardyce's right-hand man back in June, only to see his direct superior get himself canned one game later for the sole crime of being himself a massive, undulating, guffawing, cud-chewing foghorn of a man.

‘Love Your City’ – Lukas Podolski Reaches No.1 In German Pop Charts With Debut Rap Single (Video)

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"He's got vomit on his sweater already, Mom's blutwurststrudel..."

As unlikely as it may seem, Lukas Podolski is currently at No.1 in the German urban chart after his single, 'Liebe deine Stadt' ('Love Your City') went straight to the top of the pile this week.

The rap ballad,produced in collaboration with Mo-Torres and Cat Ballou, is the most downloaded song in Germany, and also already has well over 695,000 views on Youtube.

Reports: Roberto Firmino’s £82m Liverpool Release Clause Can Be Triggered By Any Club Except Arsenal

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According to the latest round of documents released by the Football Leaks group, Liverpool saw fit to include a rather particular clause in Roberto Firmino's contract when they signed the Brazilian from Hoffenheim in summer 2015.

It would appear that the Reds included an enormous€98million (£82.

Chile: Universidad Midfielder Alejandro Camargo Scores Whopping 60-Yard Volley From Deep Inside His Own Half (Video)

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CD Universidad de Concepcion went and beat O'Higgins in the Chilean Premier League on Sunday, with a truly monstrous goal from midfielder Alejandro Camargo serving to encapsulate the storming nature of the 3-1 win.

Already 2-1 up as the game ticked over into the 95th minute, Camargo took full advantage of a looseclearance from O'Higgins goalkeeper Miguel Pinto to score an incredible volleyfrom deep within his own half.

Greek Tragedy: Makedonikos Kozanis Striker Suffers Woeful Miss From Approximately 15 Centimetres Out (Video)

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You'll have to forgive the slightly sketchy details here but, alas, Pies' Greek regional tier sources aren't as reliable as they might be.

Anyway, what we think we're looking at here is a swatch of action from a recent tie between Makedonikos Kozanis and Vatera down in the fourth-tier.

Specifically, you're about to witness Kozanis striker Thanasis Takidis etchhis name in eternity by somehow failing to score from around 15 centimetres out despite leaving both the goalkeeper and defender on their backsides.

Pies’ Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.4: Official Fiorentina Paperclips

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With the geese sufficiently corpulent and the big day crowning on the horizon, Pies are once again here to help with our annual Christmas Football Gift Guide.

You know what Italian football fans are like: volatile, disorganised, temperamental, papers always flying everywhere.

Thank heavens, then, that Fiorentina have sought to reign inthe chaos by producing their very own range of suitably purple paper clips.

CONMEBOL: Chapecoense Awarded 2016 Copa Sudamericana Title, Atletico Nacional Receive Special ‘Fair Play’ Award

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After much deliberation, CONMEBOL have decided to award the 2016 Copa Sudamericana title to Chapecoense.

As you well know, Chape were all set to square off against Colombian side Atletico Nacional in the final of the Copa Sudamerican (the South American equivalent of the the Europa League) when their team plane crashed en route toMedellin airportlast Tuesday morning, killing 76 people.

FA Cup: Third Round Draw See Holders Man Utd Host Reading, Man City Travel To West Ham And Leicester Face Away Trip To Everton

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The draw for the 3rd Round of the FA Cup was made on Monday night, with ball twiddlers-in-chief Ian Wright and Steven Gerrard picking outa rather disappointing set of fixtures.

Holders Manchester United, who beat Crystal Palace in last season's Wembley final, face high-flying Championship side Reading (managed by ex-Red Devil Jaap Stam) while Premier League champs Leicester City face a tricky top-flight clash away to Everton.

Swansea Legend Lee Trundle Scores Wonderfully Cheeky Penalty During Veterans Charity Game (Video)

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He may be 40-years-old, but former Swansea forward Lee Trundle hasn't lost his touch. Lining out for a Swans All-Stars team at the weekend, the striker netted a double hat-trick which included an outrageous penalty goal.

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Trundle currently plies his trade for Welsh second-tier side Llanelli Town, where he has been banging in the goals this season.

Preston: Jermain Beckford And Eoin Doyle Fined For Fighting With Each Other, Money Will Be Used To Reimburse Fans

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Preston North End have saidthat they will be fining both Jermaine Beckford and Eoin Doyle after the pair were sent off for squaring up to each other during Saturday's 2-1 defeat to Sheffield Wednesday.

The pair, who were likened to "four-year olds" by Preston manager Simon Grayson, almost came to blowsin the final minute of the game at Hillsborough and promptly received their respective marching orders from referee Scott Duncan.

Pies’ Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.3: Official FC Zurich Replacement Sink Plug

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With the geese sufficiently corpulentand the big daycrowning on the horizon, Pies are once again here to help with our annual Christmas Football Gift Guide.

Perfect for the FC Zurich fan in your life with thedrab, old, depressingly generic sink plug it's the official FC Zurich replacement club crest sink plug!

‘Welcome To Those Fans Watching Via Illegal Streams In England’ – BeinSport El Clasico Commentator Gives Shout Out To Cheeky Viewers (Video)

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Obviously we here at Pies would never condone the use of illegal football streams!!

However, during Bein Sport's coverage of the weekend's La Liga clash between Barcelona and Real Madrid, legendary punditRay Hudson cheekily acknowledged the massive UK viewing audience on unauthorized internet sites.

So Near And Yet So Far: Goal-line Technology Denies Liverpool Goal As Reds Lose 4-3 At Bournemouth (Video)

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Liverpool lost ground on league leaders Chelsea afterBournemouth came from3-1 downto beat the Reds 4-3 at the Vitality Stadium on Sunday.

Jurgen Klopp's side almost netted a fourth goal themselves on 74 minutes, only for the goal-line technology to decide on one of the closest calls we've ever seen.

Ligue 1: Lyon v Metz Match Abandoned After Goalkeeper Anthony Lopes Hit By Firecracker (Video)

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The Ligue 1 clash between Metz and Lyon was abandoned on Saturday, after firecrackers were thrown at 'keeper Anthony Lopes.

The incident occurred after home side Metz had taken the lead just before the half-hour mark. A firecracker was lobbed from the stands and then, as Lopes was receiving treatment, another was thrown which exploded next to the goalkeeper.

Arsenal: Alexis Sanchez Nets Superb Hat-Trick As Gunners Batter West Ham 5-1 (Video)

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Alexis Sanchez produced a magnificent individual display at the London Stadium on Saturday, with the Chilean bagging a super hat-trick as Arsenal hammered West Ham 5-1.

Embed from Getty Images

Despite dominating he first-half, Arsenal went in at the break only 1-0 up, with Mesut Ozil netting after being set up by Sanchez following sloppy play from the Hammers.

Championship: Preston’s Jermaine Beckford And Eoin Doyle Sent Off For Fighting With Each Other v Sheffield Wednesday (Video)

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Preston were beaten 2-1 away to Sheffield Wednesday on Saturday with the Lilywhites seeing two of their players sent off for fighting among themselves.

The two eejits in question were Jermaine Beckford and Eoin Doyle, who clashed in the last minute of the game with the score at 2-1 to the home side.

Red Mist Descends On Eithad As Man City See Two Players Sent Off In 3-1 Defeat To Chelsea (Video)

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Table-toppersChelsea made it eight league wins in a row on Saturday, with the Blues deservedly beating fellow title-rivals Manchester City 3-1 at the Etihad.

To make matters worse for Pep Guardiola and co, both Sergio Aguero and Fernandino saw red in a mighty fracas at the end of the game.

Everton: Irked Fans Force Ronald Koeman To Change Colour Of His Christmas Tree (Photos)

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Ronald Koeman doesn't exactly strike us as the kind of chap who readily sways in the wind of public opinion, but still the Everton boss was forced to kow-tow to fans after upsetting them with the colour of his Christmas tree.

With the big day just around the corner, the Dutchman proudly posted a photo of his fully-festooned tree on Twitter and a rather classy effort it was too.

Arsenal: Theo Walcott Becomes Proud Holder Of New Guinness World Record (Video)

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Blimey, it really has been a good week for Theo Walcott.

As well as becoming a father for the second time and coming within an inch of earning himself a new coffee machine, the Arsenal forward has capped things off by snaring himself a Guinness World Record.

With a crane parked up at London Colney, several Arsenal players had a stab at controlling a ball being chucked at them from up in the ether.

Restricted View: QPR Fan Pays £33 To Watch Wolves Match From Behind Large Pillar At Loftus Road (Photo)

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One QPR fan was left understandably peevedafter paying through to nose to watch his side play from behind a large pillar on Thursday night.

Supporter Alex Hayes took to Twitter to post a photo of the 'view' from his seat in the South Africa Road stand at Loftus Road.

As noted, Hayes paid a handsome £33 to watch the Hoops take on Wolves with what you'd have to describe as'obstructed' vistas of the goalmouth.

Pies’ 2016 Christmas Gift Guide, No.2: Official Hartlepool United Temporary Sailor Tattoos

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With the geese sufficiently corpulentand the big daycrowning on the horizon, Pies are once again here to help with our annual Christmas Football Gift Guide.

Indeed, if you're stuck on what to get the Monkey Hanger in your life, then why not really go to town and buy thema rather tasteful (and official) Hartlepool United temporary sailor tattoo?

CD Guijuelo: Meat-Obsessed Spanish Club’s Doctor Now Carries Medical Bag Designed To Look Like Ham (Photo)

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By now you're probably well aware of CD Guijuelo's little fixation onIberico ham.

In fact, the Spanish second-tier side are so fixated on their native region's most famous export that they've gone and made their kit look like a giant meatplatter.

However, it's since come to light that Guijuelo's meaty obsession runs a little deeper than their strip as one look at the matchday attire of their club medic will duly prove.

Reports: Ronaldinho And Juan Roman Riquelme ‘Offer To Come Out Of Retirement’ To Play For Chapecoense

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It's being reported that Ronaldinho and Juan Roman Riquelme are considering coming out of retirement in order lend a helping hand to Chapecoense, the Brazilian club that lost 19 senior players in a tragic plane crash on Tuesday morning.

The Sun claim to have heard tell that both Ronaldinho and Riquelme have offered to muck inand help make up the numbers for Chapecoense, who have been asked by the Brazilian Football Confederation, albeit in a sensitive manner,to fulfil their next competitive fixtureagainst Atletico Mineiro.

Sydney FC ‘Keeper Danny Vukovic Rescues Injured Seagull From Pitch During FFA Cup Final (Video)

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Image: Fox Sports Australia

Tim Cahill scored the only goal of the game as Melbourne City beat Sydney FC 1-0 to win the FFA Cup Final, the Aussie equivalent of the FA Cup, on Thursday night.

However, the real action came in the second half when Sydney goalkeeper Danny Vukovic was forced to savetheonly gull of the game (geddit?

Andre-Pierre Gignac Scores Hat-Trick For Tigres After Undergoing Hypnotherapy To End Goalless Slump

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Andre-Pierre Gignac has revealed that he employed a hypnotist to help haul himself out of a long goal-scoring funk.

The 30-year-old French striker had gone two months without finding the net for Mexican side Tigres, so decided to seek the services ofprofessional hypnotist John Milton in a bid to arrest his slump.

Chapecoense: Stunning Scenes In Medellin As Thousands Upon Thousands Of Colombian Fans Gather To Pay Tribute (Photos & Video)

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There were touching scenes right across South America on what would have been the night Chapecoense played Ateltico Nacional in the final of the Copa Sudamericana.

Thousands of fans gathered to both mourn and pay tribute to the 76 people who lost their lives when Chapecoense's team plane crashedjust outside the Colombian city of Medellin in the early hours of Tuesdaymorning.

Official: Harry Kane Signs New Five-And-A-Half Year Contract Extension At Tottenham

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It's official. Harry Kane has signed a new contract extension with Tottenham that ties him to the club until 2022.

It was left to Mauricio Pochettino to strike a familiar pose as the news was announced by the club on Thursday morning...

We are delighted to announce that @HKane has signed a new contract with the Club, which will run until 2022.

Pies’ 2016 Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.1: Official Yeovil Town Cigarette Lighter

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Today isthe first day of December so that can only mean one thing: The grand return of Pies' world-renowned Christmas Gift Guide.

With the festive season upon us, we like to lend a hand to our extended family by offering tailored gift ideas for the discerning football fan(s) in your life.