Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2015

German Club Now Have The Most Badass Kit In The World Thanks To New Heavy Metal Sponsors (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

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http://www.otz.de/startseite/detail/-/specific/Leuchtender-Himmel-ueber-dem-FCC-Thueringer-Band-8222-Heaven-shall-burn-8220-472164474

http://www.fc-carlzeiss-jena.de/aktuelles/fcc-news/details/heaven_shall_burn_wirbt_auf_fcc_trikot.html

Pies’ Top 10 Favourite Umbro Football Kits

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By Chris Wright

With the news today that Umbro are wading in and taking over West Ham's kit duties for the next five years, Pies thought we'd take a shufty at some of the very finest togs they've knocked out over the years.

10. Newcastle away, 1983-85

Silvery, sleek and positively reeking of the mid-1980s, even the kitschy badge can't stop this Newcastle shirt from looking the dog's danglies.

Football Funnies: David Brent Interviews Nigel Pearson (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting, the finest take on the whole Nigel Pearson/Ostrich thing we've seen all morning:David Brent interviewing our Nige for a position at Wernham Hogg...

David Brent interviews Nigel Pearson #Ostrich #OstrichGate @HuffPostUKCom pic.

Mother Of Arsenal Player Banned By Club After Training Ground Scuffle With Staff Member

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By Chris Wright

View image | gettyimages.com

The mother of Arsenal youngster Ainsley Maitland-Niles has reportedly been banned from entering the club's training ground after scufflingwith a member of the Gunners' back-room staff during a recent Under-21 game.

Police were called to London Colney during the U21 fixture with Aston Villa on March 20th and arrested a woman, reported to be the mother of 17-year-old Maitland-Niles on suspicion of assaulting two people, one of them being Arsenalclub negotiator Dick Law.

Mard Arse: Cristiano Ronaldo Throws Petulant Tantrum After Alvaro Arbeloa ‘Steals’ His Goal Against Almeria

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By Chris Wright

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As well as James Rodriguez's marvellous 25-yard walloper, Real Madrid's 3-0 victory over Almeria in La Liga last night also saw workhorse right-backAlvaro Arbeloa score his first league goal in over five years.

‘I Don’t Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry’ – Non-League Manager Snaps Achilles Tendon While Celebrating Title Win

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By Chris Wright

Football can be a bittersweet pursuit at the best of times, but Barnstaple Town manager Barry Yeo tasted both the ecstasy and the agony within a split-second of one another recently while celebrating his team's recentWestern League First Division title win.

“You Are An Ostrich” – Leicester Boss Nigel Pearson Loses Cool (Again) With Journalist (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

View image | gettyimages.com

Leicester City manager Nigel Pearson has done little to endear himself to both the football media and fans in general this season, despite his side's plucky battle against relegation.

After the Foxes' 3-1 defeat at home to Chelsea on Wednesday night, the 51-year-old was once again at his nasty, bullying worst, taking exception to a question from journo Ian Walker before embarking on a bizarre, aggressive, smug and utterly embarrassingrant.

Transfer Balls: PSG Ponder Di Maria Bid, Tottenham Turf Out Lamela, Swansea Court Castaignos

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By Alan Duffy

Transfer Balls: Rounding up the day's football tittle-tattle so you don't have to...

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Blanc-ety Blanc Gets Out His Chequebook And Pen For Di Maria

The Express is the latest trusted publication to link Angel Di Maria with a summer move to PSG.

Leicester 1-3 Chelsea: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea moved a step closer to their inevitable Premier League title victory after a hard-fought win away at Leicester.

View image | gettyimages.com

While the Blues were thinking of the title, hosts Leicester had their minds firmly set on putting even more distance between themselves and the relegation zone.

‘Enough, Put An End To This Mess’ – AC Milan Ultras Form Human Protest Banner Before Genoa Game

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By Chris Wright

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Once again, the AC Milan ultras have choreographed a public display of angst over the club's ongoing limp stasis,using tonight's home tie against Genoa as a platform to stage a large-scale protest over the austere ownership and paleperformances.

Real Madrid’s James Rodriguez Scores Absolute Ripper From 25 Yards Against Almeria (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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With a 3-0 victory over Almeria mere minutes from being sealed at the time of writing, it looks like Real Madrid are going to fight to the bitter end in their bid to usurp Barcelona at the summit of La Liga James Rodriguez getting the ball rolling (or rather 'arrowing') with a sensational opener.

Horror Hair: Serial Offender Dominic Oduro Debuts Brave New ‘Montreal Impact’ Mohawk (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

You may remember Dominic Oduro as the former Columbus Crew wingerwho once had a slice of pizza shaved and dyed into his hair for the sole reason that he bloody well loves pizza.

Well, that and the fact that he was probably givena few quid by Crew sponsors Papa Johns to do so.

Random Great Goals: Maverick Mexican Goalkeeper Jorge Campos Scores Incredible Bicycle Kick After Coming On As Substitute Striker, 1997 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Stop it Jorge, you'll have somebody's eye out

By day he was your average, mild-mannered maverick Mexican goalkeeper with a penchant for designing his own kits, but it's perhaps less well remember that Jorge Campos also did a tidysideline in playing as an auxiliary striker from time to time over the course of his career.

Lukas Podolski Finally Scores For Inter Milan, Courtesy Of Thunderhammer Against Udinese (Video & Vine)

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By Alan Duffy

View image | gettyimages.com

King of the Selfie, Lukas Podolski, has struggled since his loan move to Internazionale in January. The World Cup Winner has struggled to shine in a wide role under Roberto Mancini as he did under Arsene Wenger. However, in a bizarre game against Udinese on Tuesday night, the ever-smiling German finally broke his Serie A duck.

Snapshot: German Amateur Club Sportlust Gröna May Have The Strangest Home Pitch In The World…

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By Chris Wright

Other than that pitch in Brazilwith the tree in the middle of it, we think we may have just stumbled upon the strangest regularly-used football pitch in the world.

The cock-eyed pitch sits next to theRiver Saale in the picturesque Gröna district of Bernburg in eastern Germany andbelongs to hometown side SV SportlustGröna, who play in the Der Kreisklasse league.

Oyston Charm Offensive Continues As Blackpool Owners Remove Statue Of Club Legend Stan Mortensen From Outside Bloomfield Road

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By Chris Wright

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Set against a backdrop of a whimpering relegation from the Championship and with multiple law suits against their own fans still pending as well ascontinued bitter protests against their ownership, it looks like the Oyston family's charm offensive at Blackpool shows no sign of abating at any point in the near future.

Transfer Balls: Arsenal Consider Casillas, Everton Edge Towards Januzaj, Red Devils Nearing Nainggolan Deal

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By Alan Duffy

Transfer Balls: Rounding up the day's football tittle-tattle so you don't have to...

View image | gettyimages.com

Iker Itching For Emirates Move

Real Madrid legend Iker Casillas is talking up a move to Arsenal, according to the Sun, in a transferwhich could see the Spanish giants finally go for Manchester United's in-form glovesman David De Gea.

Dortmund Into German Cup Final After Proving Slightly Less Rubbish At Penalties Than Bayern Munich (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Dortmund kept alive the opportunity for the departing Jurgen Kloppto sign off with a trophy by edging out big bad Bayern Munich in the semi-finals of the DFB Pokal (German Cup) on Tuesday night.

Just to get things rolling, there were weird effigies in the crowd.

Football Art: Drop Dead Gorgeous Football Shirt Designs Inspired By Famous Paintings (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

As knocked up by the chaps over on the La Casaca blog as part of a fantasy collaboration with Nike, here are a cavalcade of pre-existing football stripdesigns(think Barcelona, PSG, etc) infused with famous works by some of the most famous names in the art world.

Alexis Sanchez Would Like You To Know He’s Smooth And Almost Entirely Hairless Thanks To His New Gillette Razor (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Alexis Sanchez shilling for Gillette in his first advert of 2015.

The Arsenal star must really rate his new ProGlide razor, becuase it would appear that he has used it all over...

Gillette 2015 ......

A video posted by Alexis Sanchez (@alexis_officia1) on Apr 27, 2015 at 4:02am PDT

Grooming fact we wish we hadn't learned today: 'The Chilean' is obviously one level of hairlessness beyond 'The Brazilian'.

Craptastic Football Mascot Of The Day: The Tonbridge Angel

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By Chris Wright

Presenting the official club mascot of Ryman Premier League side Tonbridge Angels FC: The imaginatively named 'Tonbridge Angel'.

The Angelapparently never goes anywhere without his bodyguard, which appears to be either former West Brom manager Alan Irvine or Father Ted.

Pies Classics: 20 Utterly Craptacular Football Mascots (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

This post first appeared on Pies a year or two back but we're having to re-post it in order to restore it to our database after it was mysteriously deleted. Feel free to enjoy the craptitude all over again.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then we'll begin.

Blind Footballer Yvan Wouandji Dribbles Entire Length Of Pitch To Score Excellent Solo Goal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Defying his visual impairment, French blind football international defenderYvan Wouandji scored a cracking solo goal in an international gameagainst Germany last Friday afternoon.

Wouandji, 21,tookthe ball off his 'keeper on the edge of his own box and left three German defenders for dead as he weaved his way up the pitch before pinging a smart shot into the bottom corner.

‘I F**king Love These Boys!’ – Bournemouth Chairman Jeff Mostyn Celebrates Premier League Promotion In Style (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Turns out Jeff Mostyn, the man who signed a £100,000 cheque to keep the club from being mulched six years ago, was really quite pleased about watching his Bournemouth side all but seal their promotion to the Premier League with a 3-0 win over Bolton last night.

Fan Makes His Girlfriend Sit An Arsenal Exam To Fully Test Their Compatibility (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

With their entire relationship on the line, one football fan has made his girlfriend sit a formal Arsenal exam to fully test their compatibility.

She seemed totally buzzed about the whole thing...ish.

boyfriend made me take an @Arsenal exam pic.

Transfer Balls: Real Madrid To Swap Bale For Hazard, Arsenal Pounce On Pedro, Man City Woo Wilshere

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By Alan Duffy

Transfer Balls: Rounding up the day's football tittle-tattle so you don't have to...

View image | gettyimages.com

Hazard Warning For Blues As Real Madrid Plan Swap Swoop On Stamford Bridge

Managing to shoehorn two of the most high-profiles names in the game here, the Sun 'reports' that Real Madrid want a swap deal involving Gareth Bale and Chelsea's Eden Hazard.

Snapshot: Blossoming Bournemouth Headed for Premier League After 3-0 Win Against Bolton…

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By Alan Duffy

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Eddie Howe's Bournemouth all but sealed their place in next season's Premier League after a convincing 3-0 win at home to Bolton. The goals came from Marc Pugh, Matt Ritchie and Callum Wilson with the Cherries even missing a spot-kick.

St Mirren Club Captain Mortified After Accidentally ‘Spearing’ Young Teammate Through The Thigh

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By Chris Wright

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St Mirren captain Steven Thompson says he's been left "mortified" after accidentally injuring one of his young teammates during a training session.

According to reports, 21-year-old midfielder John McGinn was woundedafter Thompson accidentally javelined a "spiked training pole" through his leg in a textbook case oftraining ground anticsgone awry.

The BIG Question: Is John Terry The Premier League’s Greatest Ever Centre-Back?

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By Chris Wright

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John Terry is the best centre-back in Premier League history not our words, Carol. The words of Jamie Carragher.

That's right. In light of Chelsea's cold, hard, calculated shutting-out of Arsenal yesterday, Carra has gone big and declared Terry to be the finest example of central defendership the Premier League has even seen.

Arsenal 0-0 Chelsea: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Jose Mourinho's Chelsea moved a step closer to the 14/15 Premier League title after another trademark solid but dour performance at the Emirates.

View image | gettyimages.com

The first half was peppered with penalty shouts, the first of which saw the impressive Hector Bellerin accidentally catch Oscar in the Gunners' box.

Torino’s Famous Derby Victory Over Juventus Overshadowed By Crowd Violence As ‘Bomb’ Injures Nine Supporters (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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Torino ended a 20-year hoodoo to finally put one over on Juventus in aDerby di Torino, beating the Serie A leaders 2-1 on Sunday to end two decades of unrelenting misery at the Stadio Olimpico.

The shock win was made all the sweeter for Torino fans by virtue of the fact that it prevented Juventus, if only temporarily, from sealing their fourth straight Scudetto.

RB Leipzig Goalkeeper Scores Nifty, And Vitally Important, 93rd-Minute Winner In German Second Division Promotion Clash (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Well aware that a draw wouldn't be enough to keep his team's hopes of promotion to the Bundesliga alive, RB Leipzig goalkeeperFabio Coltorti ventured forth during the dying seconds of Friday's game against fellow promotion hopefuls SV Darmstadt 98 to get himself in the mix for a late corner.

Six Chelsea Players Included In 2014/15 PFA Premier League Team Of The Year (Graphic)

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By Chris Wright

As part of the PFA Awards shindig at theGrosvenor Hotel last night, the various 2014/15 PFA Teams of the Year were unveiled with the Premier League edition featuring a heavy Chelsea bias as six Blues made their way into the XI.

Let's be honest, you probably couldn't grumble if there had been a couple more Chelsea names (Courtois, Fabregas, Azpilicueta, Willian) in there too, such has been the general paucity of the competition this season.

With Four Games Left, All 16 Algerian Premier Division Teams Can Still Win The League! (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

If you think you've witnessed a few tight title races in you time then just hark at the run-in of the 2014/15 AlgerianChampionnat National de Première Division.

With four fixturesleft and 12 points still to play for, a measly 11 points are all that separate league-leaders ES SEtif and bottom side NA Hussein Dey meaning, therefore, that any of the 16 teams in the Premier Division can still feasibly win the championship.

Snapshot: Eden Hazard Wins PFA Player Of The Year, Harry Kane Named Young Player Of The Year…

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By Chris Wright

Not that it should come as much of a surprise, but Eden Hazard has beennamed the PFA Player of the Year for 2014/15 after weighing in witha healthy 13 goals and eight assists in 33 Premier League games for title-winners-in-waiting Chelsea so far this season.

Transfer Balls: Chelsea Break Bank For Bale, Saints Hope For Hernandez, Liverpool Dig Deep For Depay

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By Alan Duffy

Transfer Balls: Rounding up the day's football tittle-tattle so you don't have to...

View image | gettyimages.com

Jose Mourinho Eyes Real Madrid Triple Swoop

The Metro have gone big with their transfer stories this morning, claiming that champions elect Chelsea are about to launch the mother of all swoops for the £130m rated Real Madrid trio ofGareth Bale, Raphael Varane and Jesé Rodriguez.

Here’s The Precise Moment Watford Realised They’d Been Promoted To The Premier League… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As captured by full-backMiguel Layun, here we see the precise moment the Watford squad realised they'd mathematically secured their promotion to the Premier League after seeing Middlesbrough's result come through on board the team bus on the way home from their early kick-off against Brighton.

Transfer Balls: Liverpool Mull Milner & Jovetic Double Swoop, Gunners Focus On Fekir, Man Utd Linked To Lloris

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By Alan Duffy

Transfer Balls: Rounding up the day's football tittle-tattle so you don't have to...

View image | gettyimages.com

Reds Ready For Milner And Jovetic Double Swoop

Linked with a move Arsenal in recent weeks, Manchester City midfielder is now set to join Liverpool in the summer according to the Daily Star.

Man City 3-2 Aston Villa: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

While Aston Villa may have an FA Cup final to look forward to, they remain in real danger of relegation after going down 3-2 at the Etihad on Saturday.

View image | gettyimages.com

Manuel Pellegrini's under-performing side were handed an early lead, after Brad Guzan's sliced clearance allowed Sergio Aguero to net his 27th goal of the season.

Snapshot: Watford Secure Promotion To Premier League For First Time Since 2006

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By Alan Duffy

On an exciting day in the Championship, Watford secured their place in next season's Premier League thanks to 2-0 way away at Brighton.

The goals came courtesy of Troy Deeney and Matej Vydra, firing the Hornets to a win while fellow promotion-chasers Middlesbrough lost 4-3 at Fulham and Norwich could only draw 1-1 away at Rotherham.

Football Art: Tottenham Hero Harry Kane’s Incredible Season Captured In Stop-Motion Animation Form (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With 20 Premier League goals, an England debut, a goal on his England debut, a double PFA Player/Young Player of the Year award nomination and even a (slightly less impressive) stint in goal under his belt so far, it's fair to say that Harry Kane has made the most of his breakthrough season at Tottenham.

Diehard Aston Villa Fan David Cameron Momentarily Forgets Which Football Team He Supports (Video)

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By Chris Wright

David Cameron goes for a run (with Brad Friedel?) around Hyde Park wearing his beloved Aston Martins shirt

Prime Minister David Cameron has long been purported to be among Aston Villa's legions of aristocratic "celebrity" fans, being as he is the nephew of former Villa chairman Sir William Dugdale (of course he is!

Transfer Balls: Man Utd Gunning For Gundogan, PSG Chew Over Cech Bid, Barry Tells Barkley To Forget Goodison Exit

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By Alan Duffy

Transfer Balls: Rounding up the day's football tittle-tattle so you don't have to...

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Man UtdGunning For Gundogan

According to those mysterious 'Sky sources',Manchester United are edging ever closer to securing the signature of Borussia Dortmund midfielder Ilkay Gundogan.

Retro Football: Elton John Can’t Resist Innuendo While Presenting ‘The Big Match’ With Kevin Keegan And Mick Channon, 1976 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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Every year, The Big Match (pretty much ITV's answer to Match of the Day) would produce a special Christmas edition of the show where the format went out of the windowfor a weekand a mix of professional players and celebrity football fans were invited on to generally act upa bit in the spirit of the festive season.

Puma Go All Japanese And Mystical With Bonkers New evoSPEED ‘Dragon’ Boots (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Football boots fit for a Khaleesi

Taking a leaf out of Adidas/Yohji Yamamoto's Eastern-mythology-inspired sketchbook, Puma have cooked up these new evoSPEED 1.3 Graphic boots which, according to the accompanying blurb, take theirinspiration from the Japanese dragon, "a traditional symbol for speed, power, wisdom and agility".

Champions League Semi-Final Draw: Barcelona Paired With Bayern Munich, Juventus Play Real Madrid…

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By Chris Wright

The balls are out of the pots and the draw for the 2014/15 Champions League semi-finals look something like this...

The result of the #UCLdraw pic.twitter.com/P9900eTiUQ

— Champions League (@ChampionsLeague) April 24, 2015

The first legs are to be played on 5th/6th May with the second legs on the12th/13th May the following week.

Cesc Fabregas At Chelsea Symbolises Arsenal’s Failures Under Arsene Wenger

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By Paul Sorene

In the build up to Arsenal's Premier League match with Chelsea, the tabloids are focusing on the Blues' Cesc Fabregas. The match will be the first time the Chelsea player has faced his old club on their home pitch.

The Daily Star leads with news that Fabregas "snubbed" Arsenal.

Athletic Bilbao To Present Southampton Legend Matt Le Tissier With Their First Ever ‘One-Club Man’ Award

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By Chris Wright

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Being the jolly good sports they are, Athletic Bilbao have decided to create their very own "One Club Men" award, with which they plan to pay an annual tribute to those players around the world who spent their entire professional careerswith just one team.

Football Art: Champions League Semi-Finalists Kits Redesigned In Beautiful Vintage Style (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Ahead of the UEFA draw later this morning, somebody out there in the wild blue yonder has produced these beautiful images of all four of the Champions League semi-finalists' kits redesigned in classic vintage style...

Bayern Munich

Juventus

Real Madrid

Barcelona

Absolutely gorgeous.

Transfer Balls: Man Utd Hold ‘Secret’ Talks With Depay On His Day Off, Chelsea Fancy Falcao, West Ham Chase Chicharito

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By Alan Duffy

Transfer Balls: Rounding up the day's football tittle-tattle so you don't have to...

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Depay the man!

Reports from Dutch outlet Voetbal International claim that Memphis Depay's seemingly inevitable move to Old Trafford moved a step closer with the much-coveted Dutch attacker and his agentKees Ploegsmaholding "secret talks" with the Red Devils on his day off.

Luis Fabiano Shown Red Card For Fabulously Dramatic Piece Of Play-Acting During Copa Libertadores Game (Video)

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By Chris Wright

"Jazz hands!"

We feel we really must congratulate Luis Fabiano for his wild, engrossing am-dram performance during Wednesday evening's Copa Libertadores clash between Sao Paulo and Corinthians, in which the 34-year-old former Sevilla striker managed to get himself sent-off for a truly marvellous play-acting.

Europa League Vine: Zenit’s Hulk Nets Incredible Super-Heroic Long-Range Zinger Vs Sevilla

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By Alan Duffy

A player who has rarely really lived up to his superhero moniker, Brazilian attacker Hulk did do something rather special on Thursday night in Zenit St. Petersburg's Euro-clash with Sevilla.

Seeing the Sevilla 'keeper Beto off his line, Hulk, from 40 yards out and almost on the right touchline, produced a perfect curling zinger which bamboozled the 'keeper and went in off the crossbar.

Cheltenham Boss Gary Johnson Admits Ingenious Masterplan To Beat Relegation May Have Failed…

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By Chris Wright

Second bottom of League Two with just two games left to play, it looks for all the world that Cheltenham Town are going to be playing non-league football next season.

This will no doubt come as a major disappointment to new bossGary Johnson, who was appointed last month to help steer the struggling club clear of relegation.

Random Great Goals: Unknown Norway Striker Ole Gunnar Solskjaer Earns His Move To Man Utd, 1996 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's June of 1996, and Norway are about to kick off their qualifying campaign for France '98 with a foregone conclusion of an opener against minnows Azerbaijan.

Got that? Okay, then let us proceed...

Of course, Norway absolutely thumped their also-ran opponentsas you might expect:Ole Gunnar Solksjaer (of Molde) and Stale Solbakken (then of Lillestrom) helping themselves to two goals apiece in a 5-0 demolition job at theUllevaal stadium.

Official: Jordan Henderson Signs Huge Five-Year Contract At Liverpool Worth £100,000-A-Week

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By Chris Wright

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It looked for a second that he might be erring, but Jordan Henderson the man who would be king/Steven Gerrard's replacement has signed a vast new five-year contract with Liverpool said to be worth a hefty £100,000-a-week.

Yep, that's right.

‘It’s Just A Drawing’ – Graphic Designer Receives ‘Torrents Of Abuse’ After Sketching Colourful Bolivia Concept Kit

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By Chris Wright

A graphic designer from England has unwittingly sparked outrage after innocently posting a concept sketch for a fantasyfootball kit.

Angelo Trofa, 26, regularly sketches kit designs as a "geeky hobby" and posts them to his blog, though his latest creation saw him receive "torrents of abuse" from irked Bolivians.

‘Griezmannia’ Is Running Wild: Mothers Weep As Horror Hair Epidemic Has Youth Of Madrid In Its Peroxide Grasp

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By Chris Wright

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Here at Pies, we endeavour to keep you abreast of the latest in Horror Hair knockings, so we feel duty-bound to inform you of a follicular epidemic that has Madrid in its bleach-blonde grip and is currently reducing hundreds,nay, thousands of distraught mothers to tears right across the city.

Bad Books: Thierry Henry Admonishes Chicharito For Having Gall To Celebrate Scoring 88th-Minute Winning Goal

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By Chris Wright

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Pies would've thought you be hard pressed to find anyone who didn't feel at least a flicker of joy watching Javier Hernandez celebrate like mad after scoring the 88th-minute winning goal in a Champions League quarter-final for Real Madrid last night.

Transfer Balls: Southampton Hardman Victor Wanyama Talks Up Move To Arsenal

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By Alan Duffy

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Southampton fans will be bracing themselves for yet another summer exodus of star players, with the likes of NAthaniel Clyne and Morgan Schneiderlin expected to leave St. Mary's. Although, to be fair, last summer's clearout didn't do the Saints too muich harm , did it?

Cristiano Ronaldo Sings Along With The Champions League Anthem (Video)

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By Chris Wright

All together now: Da daaah da, da daaah da, da da da duh duh, THE CHAAAAAAMPIONNNNNNS!!!

Real Madrid 1-0 Atletico Madrid: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

A late Javier Hernandez goal was enough to see Real Madrid overcome their local rivals and book a place in the last four of the Champions League.

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This was another tense affair, with Diego Simeone's Atletico proving a tough nut to crack at the Bernebeu.

Criminally Underrated: Paul Merson

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By Chris Wright

You may know him as the enthusiastic,jibbering, permanently confusedcourt jesteron the Soccer Saturday panel, but before Paul Merson committed himself fully to mangling even the most straightforward of common English phrases, he was a bloody good footballer.

Data Shows Man Utd Are Better Off With Louis Van Gaal But Not With The Glazers

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By Paul Sorene

WereManchester United right to get rid of David Moyes as manager after a mere 10 months in charge? It was hasty but then, the average tenure of all current Premier League managers is 1.57 years. Life is brief at the top.

The Daily Mirror has statistics to prove that under Louis van Gaal, Man United are a tougher prospect.

Porto Fans Flock To Airport To Give Beleaguered Players 3am Hero’s Welcome Despite 6-1 Pounding (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Après, le déluge

Despite getting themselves well and truly eviscerated by Bayern Munich in the second leg of their Champions League quarter-final last night, Porto received heroes' welcomes when they touched down atFrancisco de Sá Carneiro Airport in the wee small hours of Wednesday morning.

Former Brazil International Ze Maria Sacked As Coach Of Romanian Club Twice In One Week

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By Chris Wright

"Wait...what?"

As far as football management goes, getting sacked twice in a week is tough going. Getting sacked by the same club twice in one week displays nigh-on godly levels of incompetence.

That's where we pick up the tale of former Brazil international and Inter Milan full-back Ze Maria, who has received not one but two P45s from struggling Romanian clubCeahlaul Piatra Neamt over the course of the past few days.

Transfer Balls: Arsenal Close To Signing £14.3m Espanyol Defender Hector Moreno

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By Alan Duffy

The Metro report that Mexican international defender Hector Moreno is on his way to Arsenal with the Gunners apparently readying a £14.3m deal.

The story comes via a piece in Spanish outlet sport.eswhich claims the 27-year-old centre-half is set to choose the Gunners over their north London rivals Tottenham this summer.

Barcelona 2-0 PSG: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

A brace from Neymar was enough to secure Barcelona's safe passage into the semi-finals of the Champions League, with the Spaniards winning 5-1 on aggregate against PSG.

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The La Liga giants' opening goal was a thing of beauty, with Andres Iniesta slaloming through the PSG midfieldbefore setting up Neymar with a perfectly weighted through ball.

West Ham Become First Premier League Team To Cut Ticket Costs In Wake Of Record £5.1bn Television Deal

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By Chris Wright

BBC Sport are crowing this morning that West Ham have become the first Premier League side to announce that they are planning to slash their ticket prices as a direct result of the enormous new television right deal signed a few months back.

As you may recall Sky and BT Sport have paid £5.

Louis Van Gaal Given Ambitious £271m Transfer List By Young Fan At Man Utd Foundation Event (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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Every year theManchester United Foundation host a 'Dream Day' experience at Carrington wherein a select group of United fans with life-limiting disabilities get to mingle with their heroes.

Louis van Gaal was present at this year's event, where hewas presented with a summer shopping list by one particularly plucky young fan.

Bayern Munich 6-1 Porto: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

After suffering a 3-1 defeat in Portugal in the first leg of this Champions League quarter-final tie, Bayern Munich looked to have quite a task on their hands on Tuesday night. However, the Germans produced a scintillating display to batter Porto and book their place in the last four.

Transfer Balls: Palermo President Maurizio Zamparini Confirms Arsenal Have Bid For Paulo Dybala

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By Chris Wright

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Forget what we told you earlier,Palermo president Maurizio Zamparini has confirmed that it is Arsenal and not Chelsea who have blinked first in the race to hoover up highly-rated young striker Paulo Dybala.

Zamparini has claimed this afternoonthat he's received a bid from Arsenal for 21-year-old Dybala, whohas scored 13 goals in Serie A this season and is nowsupposedly valued up around the £36million mark for reasons we don't fully comprehend.

Top 10 Premier League 2014/15 Golden Oldies

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By Chris Wright

With the PFA Player of the Year shortlist having a decidedly youthful bent to it, we thought we'd doff our proverbial caps to the golden oldies (we're talking 33-years-old and up) who have impressed us this season.

Let's hear it for the biddies!

Football Fan Sees Attempt To Purchase ‘Pirlo’ Replica Shirt Brilliantly Ruined By Autocorrect (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Being a young man of sound mind and free will, when Everton fan James decided he fancied acquiring himself an Andrea Pirlo replica shirt, he jolly well went and ordered himself one of the internet.

The only problem was that our James forgot to proof-read his order form before submitting it.

Football Tat: The Official New York City FC Frank Lampard Plush Doll (Complete With Double Chin)

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By Chris Wright

Yours for just 20 bucks, it's the new official New York City FC Frank Lampard plush doll...

Here it is in the flesh, so to speak...

Super Frank (10″ plush doll) is at Yankee Stadium! #nycfc pic.twitter.com/lqSxgupIFC

— Michael Milberger (@mmilberger) April 19, 2015

Cor blimey, they've not done him many favours there have they?

Ronaldo And Zinedine Zidane Roll Back The Years During 2015 Match Against Poverty (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

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Last night was the 12th annual Match Against Poverty crack off in Saint Etienne, with Zinedine Zidane roping in an entire constellation of his peers for the occasion.

The likes ofRonaldo, Cafu, Clarence Seedorf, Youri Djorkaeff, Jay-Jay Okocha, Didier Drogba and Edwin van der Sar were all numbered among the 40-odd legendary names cobbled together by Zizou, charged with squaring off against a St-EtienneXI that included former players such asPierre-Emerick Aubameyangand Kurt Zouma.

Transfer Balls: Chelsea Ready To Splash Out £36m On Palermo Hitman Paulo Dybala

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By Alan Duffy

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Touted by many (unimaginative goons) as the 'new Sergio Aguero', Argentine attacker Paulo Dybala is in Jose Mourinho's sights according to the Telegraph.

The 21-year-old has been in superb form for mid-table side Palermo this season, netting 13 goals and 10 assists, figures which have alerted the giants of Europe to his undoubted talents.

Random Great Goals: Mick Channon Finishes Off Telepathic Southampton Team Goal, 1982 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

At one point at the back end ofJanuary,1982, Southampton found themselves perched atop the First Division table and looking down on creation.

Boasting a team chock full of talent, Lawrie McMenemy's young and stylish side looked odds-on to bettertheir club record sixth-placed finish the season previous, with their experienced star trio of Kevin Keegan back in English football after his three-year continental sojourn with Hamburg and former England internationals Alan Ball and Mick Channon all mucking in hither and thither.

Presenting: Doncaster’s Official ‘Highlights’ Of Their 0-0 Bore Draw Against Fleetwood (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which we're treated to Doncaster's official "highlights" gleaned from Saturday's dismal 0-0 draw against League One opponents Fleetwood.

94 minutes'-worth of thrills and spills condensed into 14seconds...

We think that tells you all you need to know.

Brilliant Campaign To Raise Funds For Blackpool Fan Sued By Club’s Owners Smashes £20,000 Target

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By Chris Wright

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A fund-raising campaign to raise money for a Blackpool fan who was sued by the club's owners has smashed its £20,000 target today.

Frank Knight, a 67-year-old pensioner, was sued by the Oyston family after posting comments on his Facebook page which criticised Tangerines directorsKarl and Owen Oyston's much-maligned and oft-protested ownership of the club.

Non-League Footballer Sacked After Being Filmed Enjoying Sexy Times In Opposing Manager’s Dugout

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By Chris Wright

Clitheroe FC striker Jason Hart has been sacked by theEvo-Stik Division OneNorth sideafter he was filmed having sex with a female supporter in the manager's dugout after a 4-1 away defeat toMossley AFC at the weekend.

Incidentally, the game in question was Clitheroe's final fixture of the season and had been billed as 'Ladies Day' in a bid to attract more female supporters.

FAIL: Al Faisaly Goalkeeper Scores Bizarre ‘Overhead Kick’ Own-Goal In Jordanian Premier League (Video)

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By Chris Wright

No doubt you've heard but Al Faisaly went down 3-0 at home against league-leaders and local rivals Al Wihdat in the Jordanian Premier League yesterday evening.

Al Faisaly, who came into the game on the back of a six-game winless run, went 1-0 down early on before Al Wihdat doubled their advantage in the early knockings of the second half in truly bizarre fashion.

Football League ‘Team Of The Decade’ Announced: Gareth Bale, Adam Lallana And Wes Morgan All Make The Cut

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By Chris Wright

The Football League got round to doling out their yearly awards at a gala evening in London last night, celebrating excellence both on and off pitch over the past 12 months.

Yes, the timing is just about as weird as it could be.

Anyway, MiddlesbroughstrikerPatrick Bamford, 21, scooped the Championship Player of the Year award after helping himself to 19 league goals so far this season (as well as a decent glut on-loan at Derby last season), with Tottenham-bound MK Dons prodigyDele Alli, 19, collecting the Football League Young Player of the Year award.

Transfer Balls: Chelsea Plan Audacious Bid For Arsenal Schemer Mesut Ozil

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By Alan Duffy

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"Psst, Mesut... I'll turn you into the new Lee Cattermole"

The Daily Star reports/speculates/makes-it-up that Jose Mourinho is planning a summer move for Arsenal's German playmaker Mesut Ozil.

The Chelsea boss won La Liga withOzil at Real Madrid and continues to be a big fan of the World Cup winner, who is started to rediscover his best form after a second season in the Premier League plagued by injury and poor form.

Arsenal Fans Embarrass Themselves With Homophobic Ashley Cole Dirge Ahead Of FA Cup Semi-Final

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By Alan Duffy

The utter stupidity and sheer ignorance of some football fans really is mind-blowing at times. Take this apparent Arsenal fans' band 'The Away Boyz' who serenaded a whole load of Gooners with a vile homophobic ditty aimed at ex-Gunners Ashley Cole, a player who left the club eons ago.

Aston Villa 2-1 Liverpool: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa secured a place in next month's FA Cup final after deservedly beating Liverpool at Wembley.

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Tim Sherwood's men started well with youngster Jack Grealish impressing in midfield and Charles N'Zogbia testing Simon Mignolet with a fine drive.

Dejan Lovren Attempts ‘Gerrard-Style’ FA Cup Heroics In 93rd Minute, Results Are Predictably Abysmal

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By Chris Wright

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Stevie G wallops one home anequaliser against West Ham in the 2006 FA Cup Final

With Liverpool trailing 2-1 to Aston Villa in today's FA Cup semi-final and with the last few dying seconds of injury time wicking away, the ball arrived at Dejan Lovren's feet some 30-odd yards out from goal.

At The Depressingly Young Age Of 27, Lionel Messi Scores His 400th Goal For Barcelona (In His 471st Game)

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By Chris Wright

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He took two stabs at it but Lionel Messi eventually prodded home his 400th goal for Barcelona in their 2-0 win over Valencia yesterday.

This all coming after Luis Suarez (who received a standing ovation after being subbed off) opened the scoring for the league-leaders in the very first minute of the game.

Retro Football: Arsenal, Man Utd, Chelsea And Southampton Players In The Bath With The FA Cup (Photos)

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Paul Sorene

Splashing out after their 3-2 win over Manchester United in this afternoon's FA Cup Final at Wembley. Arsenal players (from left): Pat Rice (captain), Frank Stapleton, Graham Rix, Brian Talbot, Pat Jennings and David O'Leary take a well-earned bath, making sure to keep their victors' trophy high and dry
Date: 12/05/1979

From Flashbak come these great photos of footballers in the bath with the FA Cup.

Reading 1-2 Arsenal: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Abelow-par Arsenal battled their way to a second FA Cup final after a hard-fought Wembley clash with Reading, with an extra-time time blunder from Royals' 'keeper Adam Federici giving the Gunners a helping hand into the final.

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Despite being massive underdogs going into the game, Reading started well as Arsene Wenger's men struggled to get going.

Chelsea 1-0 Man Utd: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea moved 10 points clear of second-place Arsenal on Saturday, courtesy of a trademark hard-fought, if unspectacular, victory over Manchester United (they only had 29% possession).

The Red Devils started the game well, with the in-formAnder Herrerra impressing in a deep-lying midfield role.

Transfer Balls: Tottenham Eye Everton’s Kevin Mirallas, With Aaron Lennon Part Of Deal

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By Alan Duffy

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After a disappointing 14/15 campaign, Spurs boss Mauricio Pohettino is eager to beef up his misfiring squad, with Everton's Kevin Mirallas on the Argentine's shopping list acccoring to the Mirror.

The £15m-rated Belgian has only one year left on his current contract with the Toffees and is believed to be ready to leave Merseyside.

Random Great Goals: Darren Ambrose’s 35-Yard Stonker Sends Man Utd Packing, 2011 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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For a central midfielder, Darren Ambrose has donea decent trade over the years, though his most virileperiod of goal-spurtery definitely fell during his Crystal Palace days.

Having scored an impressive 20 goalsin his debut season, Ambrose went on to amass a total of 39 goals in 126games for Palace.

Transfer Balls: Liverpool Line Up Summer Swoop For ‘Best Player In World’ Javier Pastore

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By Alan Duffy

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With main-man Steven Gerrard heading across the Atlantic at the end of the season, Brendan Rodgers is eager to re-stock his midfield with some creative, match-winning talent. According to a plethora of obviously 100% trustworthysources(including the Mirror and Talksport), PSG's playmkaer Javier Pastore may well be the man to fit the bill for the Reds.

Aston Villa Fan Lands Surprise FA Cup Semi-Final Ticket Thanks To Best Grandad In Whole Wide World (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

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When Aston Villa bookedthemselves a berth in the FA Cup semi-finals with a win over West Brom in the quarters last month, the frenzied race for tickets began.

Thinking he was going to miss out on the festivities against Liverpool this weekend, Villa fanTom McGowan received anoteaddressed to him yesterday.

Bayern Munich’s Iconic Double-Double-Barrelled Club Doctor Quits After ‘Being Blamed For Porto Defeat’

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By Chris Wright

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Bayern Munich's long-serving club doctor,Hans-Wilhelm Müller-Wohlfahrt, has tendered his resignation at the club after 38 years on the staff after claiming he had been blamed for Wednesday night's Champions League defeat against Porto.

Chelsea Most Abused Premier League Club On Social Media, Mario Balotelli Far And Away The Most Abused Player

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By Chris Wright

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Astudy into the levels of abuse targeted atPremier League clubs and players online has revealed that more than 130,000 abusive posts have been made via social media so far this season.

The research, carried out by anti-discrimination body Kick It Out, found that Chelsea were the most targeted club, with surprise surprise Mario Balotelli suffering more abuse than any other player.

Snark: David De Gea Thanks Man Utd Teammates For Making PFA Player Of The Year Nomination Possible…

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By Chris Wright

Quite unintentional we're sure, but still the snark is strong with this one...

"I'd like to thank the porous, often completely absent defence in front of me. You made those endless one-on-ones happen. You guys are the real MVPs!"

PFA Player & Young Player Of The Year Shortlists Announced – This Season’s Theme Is Definitely ‘Overlap’

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By Chris Wright

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It's that time of year again, with the PFA pumping out their shortlists for the 2014'Player Of The Year' and'Young Player Of The Year' awards.

Thesix contenders for the big award are as follows...

Diego Costa
Philippe Coutinho
David De Gea
Eden Hazard
Harry Kane
Alexis Sanchez

While the sixcontenders for the l'il award be these fine ruddy-faced young fellows.

USA Striker Jordan Morris Scores On Debut, Denied ‘Budweiser’ MotM Award Because He’s Not Old Enough To Drink

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By Chris Wright

Playing in their snazzy new "dandruff shoulders" kit, the US national side beat Mexico 2-0 in a friendly in front of 65,000 fans at the Alamodome in San Antonio last night.

It proved to be a special night for young strikerJordan Morris who, despite some wayward shooting in the first half, opened the scoring just three minutes into the second after reportedly being told to "calm down" by Jurgen Klinsmann at the interval.

‘I Have A Son And I Always Will!’ – David Luiz’s Mum Defends Her Poor, Humiliated, Nutmegged Bambino

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By Chris Wright

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"Your innocence has been wretched away. The foundation of your entire belief system has crumbled; you've stared into the abyss and have seen that the world is cruel and the heroes always die at the end."

"You're here because you've been a victim on the football pitch, and now all seems bleak.

Wellington Silva Finally Cleared To Play For Arsenal FOUR YEARS After Joining The Club

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By Chris Wright

To paraphrasean well-worn Arsene Wenger maxim, Wellington Silva's imminent inclusion in Arsenal's first-team pool will feel like a new signing as and when it comes about, despite the Brazilian first signing for the club almostfour-and-a-half years ago.

With around £3.

Raheem Sterling: Monstered Liverpool Star Is An Immoral Idol Of The Thick

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Sterling Watch: The Daily Raheem Sterling: a look at the Liverpool player in the tabloid Press.

Writing in the Sun, Rod Liddle says the Kop are "fed up with Sterling", who "represents an awful lot of what is wrong with modern football". Sterling is guilty of "mind-bending greed".

Transfer Balls: Arsenal Prepare Summer Swoop For Man City Grafter James Milner

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By Alan Duffy

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Arsene Wenger is eyeing a big-money summer mover for Manchester City's James Milner, according to the the Sun.

The England midfielder is out of contract at the Etihad this summer and is said to be keen on a move to the Emirates.

USA Striker Jordan Morris Scores On Debut, Denied ‘Budweiser’ MotM Award Because He’s Not Old Enough To Drink

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By Chris Wright

Playing in their snazzy new "dandruff shoulders" kit, the US national side beat Mexico 2-0 in a friendly in front of 65,000 fans at the Alamodome in San Antonio last night.

It proved to be a special night for young strikerJordan Morris who, despite some wayward shooting in the first half, opened the scoring just three minutes into the second after reportedly being told to "calm down" by Jurgen Klinsmann at the interval.

Klopp Watch: Jurgen Klopp Linked To Man City And Arsenal But Liverpool Are The Best Fit

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By KloppWatch

Jurgen Klopp is heading out of Borrussia Dortmund. But where to next for the affable German?

The Daily Express says Manchester City is Klopp'smost likely destination. Why City, who have moved towards the Spanish model in recent seasons with the appointment of former Barcelona executives Ferran Soriano and Txiki Begiristain (secured in the hope of luring Pep Guardiola to the Etihad), would opt for the man who made Dortmund masters ofhigh-octane gegenpressing is not explained.

Leicester City Fan Attempts To Wangle Day Off Work By Claiming ‘Cambiasso’ As Religious Holiday

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By Chris Wright

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An enterprising Leicester City fan is in the processing of attempting to wangle himself a day off work by citing "Cambiasso" as a religious holiday.

Foxes fan Andy (@general_dawson) submitted his request to HR, announcing that he'd like some time off tocelebrate the Argentinian festival ofCambiasso.

Transfer Balls: Chelsea Ready To Dump Oscar With West Ham’s Enner Valencia Heading To Stamford Bridge

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By Alan Duffy

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A wonderfully gifted playmaker, Brazilian international Oscar has become something of an unglamorous workhorse under Jose Mourinho's all-work-and-no-play Chelsea regime.

However, despite Oscar's willingness to graftfor the Blues' cause, Jose Mourinho is now planning to offload the 23-year-old.

PSG 1-3 Barcelona: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Barcelona took one huge step towards their seventh Champions League semi-final in eight seasons after securing an impressive 3-1 win away to PSG.

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The Spaniards started superbly, with Lionel Messi hitting the frame of the goal early on.

Raheem Sterling’s Impending Death: A Daily Mail Horror Story

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By Paul Sorene

Not Raheem Sterling. Paul Gascoigne and Paul Merson of Middlesbrough celebrate a return to top flight football after a Nationwide Division One match against Oxford United,May 1998

Liverpool's Raheem Sterling is part of a trend. The shisha smokin', laughin' gas inhalin' star isjust the latest footballer to be "involved in off the field controversy".

English Journalist Bravely Attempts To Live-Blog Jurgen Klopp Press Conference Despite Not Knowing Single Word Of German

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By Chris Wright

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Unfortunately for him, Telegraph journalist Ben Bloom was despatched tolive-blogback from Jurgen Klopp's farewellpress conference.

The issues arose when, in his very first missive Bloom revealed that A) he wasn't expecting the presser to be conducted entirely in German and, B) he wasn't familiar witha single word of German beyond "Ja", "Nein" and "Fantastich".

Absolute Must Read: Daniel Taylor’s Chilling Guardian Article On The Valley Parade Fire Of 1985

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By Chris Wright

If you read any newspaper article today, make sure it is the Guardian's piece, written by Daniel Taylor, centringaround extracts from a new book written by one of the survivors of the Valley Parade fire.

As we've already Tweeted this afternoon, it left us cold uponreading it.

Transfer Balls: Real Madrid’s Sami Khedira Rips Up Arsenal Agreement And Heads to Manchester United

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Paul Sorene

Transfer Balls spots the Sun's story that Real Madrid's Sami Khedira is heading to Manchester United. Readers are told that Manchester United "lead the Kehedira chase". Given the state of Khedira's knees, hamstrings and leg muscles, you wonder how fast United's will haveto run to catch the German.

Charm Offensive: Newcastle Dispose Of Sir Bobby Robson Team Photos By Dumping Them In A Skip

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By Chris Wright

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Betweensyphoning the very soul out of hisfootball club, removing all trace of ambition and/or generally running the thinglike one of his ubiquitous sportswear jumble sales, it's becoming increasingly difficult some may argue impossible to find anything to like about Mike Ashley.

Shit Lookalikes: Marco Veratti & Tyler The Surfer Chick From ‘Point Break’

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By Chris Wright

This nodcomes via Pies fan Helena, who noticed while re-watching Point Break recently that spunky surfer Tyler (played by Lori Petty) bore a passing resemblance to a certain lagoon-eyed PSG midfielder...

We kind of see what she's getting at.There's definitely something in them thar peepers.

Liverpool: The Media Monstering of Raheem Sterling Reaches Rock Bottom

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Paul Sorene

Raheem Sterling, the Liverpool player, is the worst person on the planet. We know this because the Daily Starfeatures him on itsPage 5. Pictured smiling andgiving the thumbs up, the 20-year-old Liverpool and England player is placed alongside a photograph of Jimmy Guichard, also 20.

Football Vine: Sky Sports Expert Iain Dowie Struggles To Count To Three

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By Chris Wright

While reporting in for Sky Sports News onChesterfield's 6-0 bashing of Colchester in League Onelast night, perennial dunderhead Iain Dowie demonstrated his counting prowess while announcing the Spireite's third goal.

Or was it their fourth?

Jurgen Klopp Asks To Leave Borussia Dortmund At End Of The Season After 2014/15 Annus Horribilis

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By Chris Wright

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The breaking news over in the Bundesliga this morning is that BILD are reporting Jurgen Klopp has told Dortmund's top brass he wishes to leave the club at the end of the season.

Klopp has requested (like Pep Guardiola before him) a sabbatical after enduring something of an annus horribilis throughout 2014/15, with Dortmund spending the first six months of the season wallowing at the foot of the table before eventually finding themselves clawing toward lower-mid-table obscurity of late.

Liverpool Balls: Raheem Sterling Heading To Man City For £30m, But Prays For Arsenal Instead

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By Paul Sorene

Liverpool fans looking to the papers for news of Raheem Sterling will beconfused.

The Daily Mirror leads its sports sectionwith the news that the Liverpoolstar is wanted by Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester United and Manchester City.

Having name-checked the top sides, the Mirror says Sterling will head to City for £30million, with John Cross confirming that City are "confident of getting their man".

Manchester Thunder Netball Team Rope Man Utd Old Boys Into ‘Is This The Way To Amarillo’ Promo (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With a big Superleague semi-final against Hertfordshire Mavericks on the horizon, netball side Manchester Thunder have produced their very own trailer video a re-jigged version of Peter Kay's re-jigged version of Tony Christie's infinitely maddening hit, "Is The Way To Amarillo".

Liverpool: Raheem Sterling Heads to Manchester City for £30m But Prays For Arsenal

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Paul Sorene

Liverpool fans looking to the papers for news of Raheem Sterling will beconfused. The Daily Mirror leads its sports sectionwith the news that the Liverpoolstar is wanted by Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester United and Manchester City. Having namechecked the top sides, the Mirror says Sterling will head to ManchesterCity for £30m.

Atletico Madrid 0-0 Real Madrid: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

In their seventh meeting of the 14/15 campaign, the two Madrid giants cancelled each other out at the Vicente Calderon, with Carlo Ancelotti's side at least securing a draw following their three previous defeats there this season.

However, despite the lack of goals onTuesday night, the Champions League quarter-final was stillquite the spectacle.

British Champion Sprinter Bets £30,000 He Can Beat Arsenal Duo Bellerin And Walcott Over 100 Metres

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By Chris Wright

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Bellerin and Walcott: Like sh*t off a shovel

Haven't you heard? Hector Bellerin is THE FASTEST MAN IN THE WORLD™...well sort of, anyway.

The nonsenseall began last August, when it emergedthat Bellerin had shaved a few tenths of a second off Theo Walcott's club dashrecord, clocking an undoubtedly impressive 40-metre time of just 4.

Random Great Goals: Andres Vasquez And The 25-Yard Rabona, 2007 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Currently plugging away in the Swiss second division with FC Wil, Peruvian-born winger Andres Vasquez began his professional career in his transplantedhome of Sweden with an almighty bang.

The former Sweden U21 midfielder scored his first ever seniorgoal in May of 2007 aged just 19, nabbing the fourth and final goal in IFK Goteborg's comprehensive 4-0 evisceration of Orebro.

Lookin’ Good: Charles N’Zogbia Turns Up For Aston Villa Training Wearing His Nan’s Old Sofa (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Charles N'Zogbia and the state thereof...

Yeah, we'd hate to see your nana's knackered old floral sofa go to waste too, Charles.

Alex Song would be proud.

Eric Cantona Thinks Javier Pastore Is The Best Player In The World Right Now

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By Chris Wright

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Eric Cantona is not a man to be swayed by the faddy and fickle winds of fashion. He cares little for your zeitgeist. He has his own, merci beaucoup.

Addressing the press ahead of the upcoming Laureus Sports Awards in Shanghai, Cantona was asked who he thought the best player in world football is at this very moment.

Blackpool Goalkeeper Joe Lewis Forced To Play In Autographed Shirt After Kit Cock-Up

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By Chris Wright

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As if the club weren't enough of a laughing stock anyway, a slapstick kit blunder meant that Blackpool 'keeper Joe Lewis had to turn out in a Championship game while wearing a shirt he'd previously autographed for a fan.

Lewis was forced to wear the besquiggled shirt for Blackpool's home league game against Readinglast Tuesdayevening after the ailing club ran out of fresh goalkeeper jerseys before the match.

Tim Sherwood Replies To Six-Year-Old Fan He Pipped To The Aston Villa Job

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By Chris Wright

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Aston Villa manager Tim Sherwood has replied to the youngfan who he beat in the running for the Villa vacancy in February.

Shortly after Paul Lambert's canning, six-year-old Charlie Pye threw his hat into the ring to take over at Villa Park, officially submitting his application to club chief executive Tom Fox.

Transfer Balls: Tottenham Planning Squad Overall, Target Sporting Lisbon Full-Back Miguel Lopes

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By Alan Duffy

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The arrival of Mauricio Pochettino hasn't had quite the desired effect at White Hart Lane this season, with the Lilywhites nowhere near target of a top-four berth and with the club's season rather petering out.

While the club are expected to ship out a whole host of underperforming stars in the summer, Portuguese right-back Miguel Lopes looks set to join the club at the end of the season.

Liverpool 2-0 Newcastle: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool, without the injured Daniel Sturridge, kept alive their (faint) hopes of a top four finish with a deserved 2-0 win at home to Newcastle.

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Man of the moment Raheem Sterling opened the scoring after just nine minutes, with the England man cutting inside Ryan Taylor before firing past Tim Krul in the Magpies' goal.

Liverpool: These Pictures of Raheem Sterling On Hippy Crack Should Make You Laugh

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Paul Sorene

The Daily Raheem Sterling delivers a bumper crop of news and views in the tabloids. Today Sterlingcoverage reaches peak tabloid as The Liverpool players is all over the Sun's front and back pages.

On the front page wesee a photo of Raheem holding an orange balloon to his lips.

Manchester United’s Blind Gets An ‘Excellent’ 6 Out Of 10: Good Enough For Manchester City

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Paul Sorene

Manchester United's comprehensive victory over Manchester City is reported on in the Daily Mail. The paper's Ian Ladyman tells readers that the "home team had all the game's best players". He says Daley Blind was "excellent".

One page on and readers are treated to those all-important scores out of 10.

Classic Moments: Louis Van Gaal Parties Hard At Amsterdam Gay Pride Parade, 2013 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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Ain't no party like an LVG party, just ask Patrick Kluivert

Hands up, this might just be our favourite thing on the internet: Louis van Gaal letting loose and just surrendering his body to the musicwhile the Netherlandsnational team's open-top busmade itsway through Amsterdam as part of the 2013 Gay Pride parade.

Manchester United: Juan Mata’s Love For Chelsea Earns Him A Six-Match Ban

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Paul Sorene

Sorry: Ronaldo scores for Real Madrid against Manchester United

Manchester United midfielder Juan Mata has a blog. He wrote on it following United's4-2 win over city rivals Manchester City.

His article is entitled 'Outstanding Atmosphere at the Theatre of Dreams':

Hi everyone.

Dion Dublin Puts In Solid Shift On Long-Awaited ‘Homes Under The Hammer’ Debut (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As was first revealed a fortnight or so ago, Dion Dublin made his screen debut on BBC daytime property show 'Homes Under The Hammer' this morning.

The man himself Tweeted several minutes before his maiden episode aired on BBC One, admitting he was beginning to feel the nerves.

KABOOM: Real Sociedad’s Chory Castro Scores Emphatic Whoomping Volley Against Deportivo (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

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David Moyes seems to be going down quite well at Real Sociedad this season, having transformed them from a colander-like leaky defensive unit into a fairly hard-to-beat (if only at home) little band of brothers.

That said, they did manage to drop points against struggling Deportivo last night, letting a 2-1 lead slip with ten minutes left to play to end the evening square at 2-2.

‘Everybody Needs £1’ – Jose Mourinho Philosophical After Chelsea Players Pelted With Coins, Bottles And Lighters By QPR Fans

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By Chris Wright

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Branislav Ivanovic, shortly after being clonked on the head by a cigarette lighter

Despite watching his players being repeatedly pelted with coins, lighters and bottles during their 1-0 win over QPR yesterday, Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho remained decidedly philosophical in the aftermath.

Transfer Balls: Chelsea Prepare Cut-Price Move For Atletico Madrid Defender Miranda

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By Alan Duffy

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Following in the footsteps of Diego Costa and Filipe Luis, Brazilian international centre-half Miranda looks set tomake the move from Atletico Madrid to Chelsea, with the Blues preparing a summer swoop for the 30-year-old.

The Mirror tells as that Chelsea's technical director, Michael Emanalo, travelled out at the weekend to watch the player in Atletico's 2-2 draw with Malaga.

Raheem Sterling Invites Liverpool Fans To Make Up A Chant For Him: Enter Below

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Paul Sorene

Speaking to the SundayTimes for their Day In The Life magazine feature, Liverpool's not-in-the-least-bit money-grabbing gilded starletRaheemSterling invites the club's fans to makeup a chant for him.

He says:

"My ambition is to have my own song from the Kop.

Man Utd 4-2 Man City: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City's dismal run of form continued at Old Trafford on Sunday, with the Premier League title holders well beaten by their local rivals.

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The Citizens did start well and took the lead after just eight minutes when Sergio Aguero netted from a David Silva pass.

QPR 0-1 Chelsea: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea move closer to securing the 14/15 Premier League title after yet another unconvincing but ultimately victorious display at Loftus Road.

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For the majority of the game it was the hosts who looked more like scoring, with Thibaut Courtois pulling off a number of saves.

Bayer Leverkusen Sack Defender Emir Spahic For Attempting To Head-Butt A Security Guard

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By Chris Wright

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Bayer Leverkusen have sacked defender Emir Spahic after the Bosnia-Herzegovina centre-back was filmed brawling with the club's security guards after Lverkusen'srecent DFB Pokal quarter-final defeat against Bayern Munich.

Spahic, 34, was seen aiming a head-butt at a steward during an altercation at the side of the pitch shortly after Leverkusen had been dumped out of the cup on penalties.

Livid: NAC Breda Coach Punches Hole Through Dugout After Team Concede Two Goals As Many Minutes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having witnessed his side bin a two-goal lead in the space of two minutes against FC Dordrecht yesterday, NAC Breda coach Robert Maaskant was so irate that he punched a hole clean through his own dug-out...

The punch was so fierce that it actually drew blood.

Burnley 0-1 Arsenal: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

It may not have been the prettiest of performance from Arsenal at Turf Moor on Saturday, but in grinding out a 1-0 win, they extended their Premier League winning-streak to an impressive eight games.

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The only goal of the game came after just 12 minutes, with Aaron Ramsey blasting home after efforts from Santi Cazorla and Mesut Ozil had been saved.

Liverpool’s Raheem Sterling Smokes The Shisha And Is Heckled By Fans

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Paul Sorene

The naughty stool

It's the Daily Raheem Sterling a look at the Liverpoolplayer in the news.

The Sunday Mirror has news that Sterling, 20, has been photographed smoking a shisha pipe during a night out with friends. Was this a bonding session with Arsenal's smoking Jack Wilshere and Wojciech Tomasz Szczęsny?

Transfer Balls: Man Utd In Talks With PSG Over £55m Deal For Edinson Cavani

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By Alan Duffy

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Fresh from his brace inPSG's 4-0 French League Cup finaltriumph on Saturday night, Edinson Cavani is, according to the Sunday Express, headed for a move to Old Trafford in the summer.

The newspaper reports, in an 'exclusive', that Manchester United have already opened talks with their Parisian counterparts over a big-money move to the Premier League, with PSG eager to recoup the £55m they paid Napoli for the Uruguayan.

Aston Villa Release Video Of Tim Sherwood’s Glorious Celebrations After Villans’ Priceless Win At White Hart Lane (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

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In scenes which will have Arsenal fans sniggering with glee, self-proclaimed Gooner Tim Sherwood couldn't hide his joy after watching his Aston Villa side secure a precious 1-0 win away at his former club Tottenham on Saturday.

The win sees the Villans go six points clear of the relegation zone and Sherwood and co's celebrations were so good that Villa decided to release this video to mark the occasion.

John Terry Votes Liverpool’s Philippe Coutinho As His PFA Player Of The Year (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Being the good sort he is, John Terry has posted him PFA Player of the Year voting slip on Instagram so we can all have a shufty at his picks.

As you can see, unable to vote for Chelsea players what with being the club captain and all, Terry has plumped for Philippe Countinho as his POTYwith Harry Kane getting the nod for YPOTY.

Transfer Balls: Man Utd Put £15m Aside To Fund Move For Dortmund Midfielder Ilkay Gundogan

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By Alan Duffy

With defender Mats Hummels' £35million signature apparently alreadyin the bag for Manchester United,the Daily Mailnow reports that Red Devils' boss Louis van Gaal is planning to add midfielderIlkay Gundogan to his shopping basket in a Dortmund shopping-spree totalling £50million.

Transfer Balls: Man Utd Plan £15m Swoop For Dortmund Midfielder Ilkay Gundogen

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By Alan Duffy

With defender Mats Hummels' £35m signature apparently alreadyin the bag for Manchester United,the Daily Mailnow reports that Red Devils' boss Louis van Gaal is planning to add midfielderIlkay Gundogen to his shopping basket in a Dortmund shopping-spree totalling £50m.

Retro Snapshot: Liverpool Stars Dress Up As The Beatles To Launch New Away Kit, 1996…

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By Chris Wright

All this talk of Liverpool kit unveilingsthrows our minds back to a beautiful day on the Melwood training ground in 1996 whenrocking horse people ate marshmallow pies and Reebok hadSteve McManaman, Rob Jones, Stan Collymore and Jason McAteer dress up as The Beatles to plug Liverpool'snew beige away strip.

Liverpool Unveil 2015/16 New Balance Kit – Spoiler: It’s Mostly Red (First Photo)

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By Chris Wright

After enduring several waves of retina-bruising strips from Warrior,Liverpool (as of 2015/16) are in kit cahoots with New Balance, who are currently in the process of adding more and more names to their burgeoning football portfolio.

To that end, New Balance got round to launching Liverpool's brand new kit today, teasing the event with a slew of whistle-wetting press releases and the like.

Botafogo Players Find Out About Guanabara Cup Victory After Borrowing Journo’s Phone To Watch Flamengo Result (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having secured a 1-0 win overMacae, Botafogo faced a nervous interludeafter their game while their Guanabara Cup fate was decided by results elsewhere.

As Flamengo were still playing out the final minutes of their concurrent game againstNova Iguacu, Botafogo were left waiting to see if their narrow victory would be enough to usurp Fla at the top of the tournament table known as the Carioca 1 league.

Transfer Balls: Arsenal Swap Old Boy Walcott Plus £20m for Liverpool’s Raheem Sterling

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By Paul Sorene

Transfer Balls looks at today's reporting on Liverpool star and Arsenal target Raheem Sterling.

The Daily Star leads its sports coverage with news that Sterling is off to Arsenal.David Woods has an "exclusive". He "can reveal" that Arsenal are buying Sterling.

‘People Had Agendas, I No Longer Knew Who Was On My Side’ – Harry Redknapp Farts Out More Excuses For Leaving QPR In The Sh*t

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By Chris Wright

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The official party line was that he was leaving to undergo emergency surgery on an acute knee problem that had coincidentally flared up just at the pointQPR were busy failing to take a single away point under his command, but it seems that brave Harry Redknapp was merely using his physical condition as a smokescreen when he resigned the very day after being told he wasn't allowed to bring inCarlton Cole, Matt Jarvis, Aaron Lennon and Emmanuel Adebayor ontransferdeadline day.

Reading To Play In Special One-Off Kit Designed By 14-Year-Old Fan With Muscular Dystrophy (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Hey look everybody, it's Anton Ferdinand!

Forgoing their usual stripes, Reading will play Blackburn Rovers on Saturday wearing a special one-off kit designed by 14-year-old fan Ryan Duval.

Ryan drafted up the nifty electric blue shirt as part of a school project.

Swish: Martin Montoya Sinks Impossible Basketball Trick Shot During Barcelona Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Barcelona youngster Martin Montoya sinks a nigh-on impossible trick-shot through the basketball hoop at Joan Gamper...

Swish indeed!

Art Of Football T-Shirts And Prints: Capturing The Beautiful Game’s Most Memorable Moments (10% Off For Pies Readers!)

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By Chris Wright

Gazza snot not included

As you may recall, last week we ran a competition in conjunction with our pals over at Art of Football to win one of their fantastic t-shirts.

Alas, the winner has already been notified so if you haven't received a conformation email then we're sorry, but hard cheese you ain't the one.

England Women U19 Forced To Replay Euro Qualifier Game, But Only From 96th Minute Onwards

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By Chris Wright

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Both the FA and UEFA have confirmed that the England Women's U19 team will have to replay their recentEuropean Championship qualifier against Norway in Belfast after a refereeing error in stoppage time saw Englandsuccumb to a 2-1 defeat that endedtheir hopes of qualification.

Random Great Goals: Cruzeiro’s Geraldão Clangs An Elastic Freekick Into The Top Corner, 1986 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We could forgive you for not being immediately familiar with the man you see above you, seeing as though he retired in 1993 having spentthe majority of his career in Qatar, Mexico and his homeland of Brazil.

His name isGeraldo Pereira Dutra known to his friends as Geraldão and we're sure he is very pleased to make your acquaintance.

Imagine If Facebook, Instagram, Twitter And The Rest Of The Social Media Giants Had Their Own Football Teams (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

The fine fellows over at Mexican site JuanFutbol havedraftedup these fantasy football shirts: one for each of the major social media platforms that plague the very world we live in today.

Put simply: If Facebook had a company 5-a-side team, this is the shirt they would undoubtedly play in.

Blackburn 0-1 Liverpool: The Best Bits

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By Alan Duffy

After a difficult couple of weeks, Liverpool gave their fans something to shout about on Wednesday night, with the Reds booking their place at Wembley after a hard-fought win away at Blackburn.

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Without the suspended Steven Gerrard, Martin Skrtel and Emre Can, the Reds found it difficult to get their passing game going on a poor pitch, while Blackburn, with in-form targetman Rudy Gestade only on the bench, struggled to muster any sort of attacking threat.

Zlatan Reaches 100 Goals For PSG With French Cup Hat-Trick, Moves Into Second Place On Club’s Highest Goalscorer List

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By Chris Wright

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It's only taken him 124 games but Zlatan Ibrahimovic celebrated the launch of his new search engine with a hat-trick in PSG's 4-1 trouncing of Saint Etienne in the Coupe de France semi-finals last night, passing the 100-goal mark for the Parisians in the process.

Transfer Balls: Chelsea Lodge £5.5m Bid For Japan International Yoshinori Muto

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By Alan Duffy

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Maybe FC Tokyo striker Yoshinori Muto isn't the sort of big-name player you'd expect the moneybags of Chelsea to be interested in. However, according to the BBC, via local news agencyKyodo News, the west Londoners are indeed eyeing a move for the 22-year-old Muto.

Terrace Classic: Fans Imitate Linesman During Romanian Top Flight Game (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Granted, it's been done before scores of times but it never fails to tickle us: Here are a group of Romanian fans imitating the linesman stroke-for-stroke during last weekend's top flight clash between CSConcordia and FC Brasov...

Obviously fluorescent flags are at a premium in Romania these days.

Transfer Balls: Chelsea Plan Summer Swoop For Japan International

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By Alan Duffy

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Maybe FC Tokyo striker Yoshinori Muto isn't the sort of big-name player you'd expect the moneybags of Chelsea to be interested in. However, according to the BBC, via local news agencyKyodo News, the west Londoners are indeed eyeing a move for the 22-year-old Muto.

Transfer Balls: Liverpool To Replace ‘Bullied’ Sterling With Pedro

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By Paul Sorene

The Daily Sterling: a look at media stories on Liverpool starRaheem Sterling.

Writing in the Daily Mirror, former Liverpool strikerRobbie Fowler says Sterling "would be crazy to leave" the club:

"Raheem Sterling has been buried under such an avalanche of advice over his future that he must think his head is about to explode.

Official: Tyrone Mings Is A Good Egg – Ipswich Youngster Surprises His Mum By Paying Off All Her Debts

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By Chris Wright

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Not only is he an incredibly promising defender, but Ipswich youngster Tyrone Mings is also a thoroughly good egg. As of today, this is now official.

The 22-year-old (who has been linked with a move to Arsenal on several occasions) published an image of a chat conversation between him and his mother on Instagram, in which it transpired that the young left-back had paid off all of his mumma's debt.

Ex-Liverpool Defender Andrea Dossena Arrested On Suspicion Of Shoplifting From Harrods

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By Chris Wright

We're not sure if he ever truly attained 'cult hero'status so we're simply going to press ahead with 'former Liverpool full-back' Andrea Dossena wasarrested yesterday on suspicion of shoplifting.

The 33-year-old Italian defender, who currently plays for Leyton Orient in League One, was nabbed along with a 31-year-old woman (believed to be his girlfriend) after allegedly enjoying a spot of five-finger discount at Harrods, of all places!

Auxerre Fans Delay Last Few Minutes Of French Cup Semi-Final With Botched Pitch Invasion (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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Yay! It's always nice to win a throw-in

Auxerre beat holders Guingamp 1-0 to reach the final of theCoupe de France on Tuesday evening, with their giddy fans getting just a little carried away by the end of the night.

Transfer Balls: Man City Brewing Up £30m Swoop For Arsenal Crock Jack Wilshere

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By Alan Duffy

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With theirchances of retaining their Premier League title all but snuffed out by that dismal defeat away at Crystal Palace, Manchester City are preparing for a summer of rebuilding.

According to the Daily Mail, one of the Citizens' top targets is none other than Arsenal's injury prone midfielder Jack Wilshere, with the Mancunian giants apparently looking to add some English talent to the plethora of 'Carlos kick-a-balls' hanging around the Etihad.

Saints Be Praised, Zlatan Ibrahimovic Finally Has His Very Own Internet Search Engine

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By Chris Wright

He's already got his own postage stamps, scented candles and plush toys but finally finally! Zlatan Ibrahimovic has aninternet search engine to call his very own too.

Well, sort of anyway.

The Zlaaatan.comsearch site has been cobbled togetherby the SweetPop media agency and is actually little more than a skin over the top of Google with Zlatan's name plastered across it.

Transfer Balls: Liverpool Eye £22m Serie A Replacement For Steven Gerrard

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By Alan Duffy

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What with Steven Gerrard heading stateside and the futures of both Raheem Sterling and Jordan Henderson the subject of much speculation, the media are having a field day with Liverpool transfer rumours.

The latest speculation concerns Roma's Bosnian Playmaker Miralem Pjanic, who, according to the Metro (viaCorriere Dello Sport), could well be on his way to Anfield for a fee of £21.

Armless Fun: Tim Sherwood Gets Stroppy With BBC Reporter After Mistaking His Coat For A Gilet

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By Chris Wright

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"HADOUKEN!"

Last night saw the inaugural "Adebayor Salute Derby" between Tim Sherwood's Aston Villa and Chris Ramsey's QPR, with the two sides playing out a thoroughly entertaining 3-3 draw which nobody thought to televise for somereason or other.

Transfer Balls: Man City Plan Shock £30m Swoop For Yet Another Arsenal Star

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By Alan Duffy

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With theirchances of retaining their Premier League title all but snuffed out by that dismal defeat away at Crystal Palace, Manchester City are preparing for a summer of rebuilding.

According to the Daily Mail, one of the Citizens' top targets is none other than Arsenal's injury prone midfielder Jack Wilshere, with the Mancunian giants looking to add some English talent to the plethora of 'Carlos kick-a-balls' hanging around the Etihad.

Aston Villa 3-3 QPR: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa and QPR played out a fantastic relegation battle at Villa Park on Tuesday night, with a Christian Benteke hat-trick securing a hard-fought point for the hosts.

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In-form winger Matt Phillips opened the scoring on seven minutes after a superb centre from Bobby Zamora.

‘They Don’t Have Male Genitalia!’ – Carlisle Boss Keith Curle Goes Off On Bizarre Rant About ‘Weak’ Players

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By Chris Wright

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"You got a winkie or what mate?"

Carlisle went down 3-1 against Accrington Stanley on Monday afternoon, a result which leaves the Cumbrians perched justthree perilous pointsabove the League Two drop-zone with a mere handful of games left to play and with just one win in their last 11 outings.

20 Photos Of Charlie Nicholas Looking Totally Ridiculous

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By Chris Wright

Before he was "Just sitting there thinking..." on Soccer Saturday all the live long day, Charlie Nicholas was 'Champagne Charlie' one of the flashiestfootballing playboys of the 1980s, with the flouncy mullet and little diamond ear-stud (which he proudly still sports to this very day) to prove it.

Criminally Underrated: Gary McAllister

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By Chris Wright

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In the first of what we're planning to make a semi-regular series here on Pies, we thought we'd doff our proverbial caps to those great players we feel aren't always paid their due.

We're kicking off with a personal favourite, one Gary McAllister.

Transfer Balls: Man Utd Offload Robin Van Persie To Knacker’s Yard With £35m Replacement Already Lined Up

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By Chris Wright

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According to the Independent, Manchester United are preparing to cut their losses on Robin van Persie come the summer afterseeing a fairly ropey season petere out into injury-blighted nothingness.

Van Persie, 31, has a year left on his current contract and United are keen to recoup at least a sliver of the £24million they paid for him ratherthan losing him for nothing next year,while replacing him with a younger, more reliable model in one fell swoop.

Arsenal’s New Puma 2015/16 Third Kit Leaked, Looks Very Much Like Television Test Card (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

While we've no way of confirming they're not just knock-offs run up in a Thai warehouse, these leaked images supposedly reveal Arsenal's new third strip for 2015/16...

Not great is it? Here's a few more shots,frontsies and backsies...

Both odd and dull at the same time.

Joe Ledley Tweet Reveals Shock Secret Of Crystal Palace Success Against Man City On Monday Night

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By Alan Duffy

"Oi, you‘f***ing old c**t!"

Crystal Palace secured a superb 2-1 win at home to Premier League title-holders Man City on Monday. However,while organisation, team spirit and tactical nous no doubt contributed to the win, a post-match Tweet from Eagles' midfielder Joe Ledley suggests Alan Pardew has another, unique way of getting his players 'up' for the big games.

Crystal Palace 2-1 Man City: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City's title aspirations were given another kick in the privates after the Premier League champions went down 2-1 at Selhurst Park on Monday night.

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The Citizens dominated the first period, with Julian Speroni producing a number of fine saves and Sergio Aguero hitting the post.

AC Milan Under-10 Team Subjected To Racist Abuse At Youth Tournament In Italy

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By Chris Wright

Read this from BBC Sportand prepare to weep on behalf of the human race:

Black players from AC Milan's under-10 team allegedly suffered racist abuse at a tournament in Italy on Sunday, say the club.

The incidents were said to have happened during the 4-0 win over PSG which saw them reach the Universal Cup semi-finals.

Transfer Balls: Jordan Henderson Snubs £80,000-A-Week Liverpool Deal As Chelsea Line Up Shock Deal

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By Alan Duffy

"Stamford Bridge, mate, and drop Raheem off at the Emirates on the way..."

It's not been a fun few weeks for Liverpool fans, with the hullabaloo of Raheem Sterling's future topped off with a hammering by Arsenal at the Emirates, a result which all but puts paid to the Red's hope of a Champions League berth next season.

Random Great Goals: Giuseppe Mascara Belts One In From Downtown Against Palermo, 2009 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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With scoring from the half-way line suddenly allde rigueuragain thanks to Charlie Adam and his monstrous effort against Chelsea at the weekend, we thought we'd follow suit with Bank Holiday Monday's random great goal.

Transfer Balls: Arsenal Close In On ‘New Messi’ Maxi Romero From Velez Sarsfeld (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

As the 2014/15 seasons nears its finale, a fertile summer of wild transfer speculation and silly rumours are just around the corner. So we at Pies have decided to give ourTransfer Balls a good old airing (grow up).

First up is the story from the Daily Mail that Arsenal are on the cup of nabbing (yet another) 'new Messi', 16-year old Velez Sarsfeld wunderkind Maxi Romero, for the rather cheap sum of £4.

Saint Iker Casillas Gives Shirt To Young Real Madrid Fan Struck By Wayward Ball (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Stuck twiddling his thumbs while Cristiano Ronaldo and co. were busy getting their fill at the other end during Real Madrid's frankly ridiculous 9-1 obliterationof Granada on Saturday, Iker Casillas kept himself busy by doing a few saintly good deeds.

After noticing a young fan get clonked by a wayward shot fromGranada strikerRuben Rochina, Casillas first sent the medics up to check on the boy's well-being.

Kazuyoshi Miura, The World’s Oldest Professional Footballer, Breaks His Own Record As Japan’s Oldest Goalscorer (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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As you may recall, back in December we brought you the joyous news thatKazuyoshi Miura had signed aone-year contract extension with J League Division 2 side Yokohama FC that would see the veteran striker play on well beyond his 48th birthday making him the oldest professional footballer in the world.

Cheeky Little Sod: Celta Vigo’s Fabian Orellana Sent Off For Throwing Turf At Sergio Busquets

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By Chris Wright

Barcelona huffed and puffed their way to a1-0 away victory over Celta Vigo in La Liga this evening, with the hosts ending the evening with ten men on the field for the last few minutes.

Fabian Orellana was the man to be shown the 87th-minute red for the heinous crime of lobbing a handful of loose turf at Sergio Busquets.

Snapshot: Marseille Fans Produce Magnifique Tifo Ahead Of Le Classique Clash With PSG…

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By Alan Duffy

Just before kick-off in Sunday's night's massive Ligue 1 clash between title chasers PSG and Marseille, the Stade Velodrome was quite a sight...

Alas, despite the Tifo-tastic production, the home side ultimately lost a cracking game 3-2, a result which sees title holders PSG leapfrog Lyon into first place.

Jermaine Defoe Leaves Pitch In Tears After Settling Wear-Tyne Derby With Dreamy 25-Yard Volley

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By Chris Wright

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Coming into the game with a dismal goal record for Sunderland (two in 11 games, none in his last six), Jermaine Defoe instantly saw all previously held grievances vanish into the ether when he settled the Northeast derby with an explosive volley mere seconds before the half-time whistle his one and only shot of the game.

Bradford City Fans Start Brilliant Chant About Lack Of Sauce On One Fan’s Pie (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Right up our street, this one.

Safe to say, the Bradford fans were in fine songthroughout Good Friday's 3-0 away victory over Doncaster a win which moved the Bantams to within just three points of the League One play-offs with seven games left to play.

Chelsea 2-1 Stoke: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea too their lead at the top of the table to seven points (with a game in hand) after a rather turgid victory against Stoke at Stamford Bridge.

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For most of the first-half, the combined skills of 'keeper Asmir Begovic and the Stoke City backline kept the Blues at bay.

Manchester United 3-1 Aston Villa: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Louis van Gaal's Manchester United outplayed Aston Villa at Old Trafford on Saturday, with a 3-1 victory putting the Red Devils eight points clear of fifth-placed Liverpool and looking set for a return to next season's Champions League.

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Arsenal 4-1 Liverpool: The Best Bits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

A scintillating performance by Arsenal at the Emirates in Saturday's early game all but extinguished Liverpool's hopes of a top-four finish.

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Man of the moment Raheem Sterling started up front for the visitors, but it was the Gunners who looked sharper from the off.

Charlie Adam Scores Strong ‘Goal Of The Season’ Contender From Deep Inside His Own Half Against Chelsea

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By Chris Wright

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We can't quite remember the last time we heard his name mentioned, but young Charles Graham Adam came roaring back into our consciousness this afternoon with a strong 'Goal of the Season' contender against Chelsea.

Very strong in fact, we're talking65-yards-out levels of strong here!

Snapshot: Arsenal Fans Protest About £64 Tickets After Paying £64 For Tickets…

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By Chris Wright

In which Arsenal fans have a moan about the Emirates' £64 entrance fee shortly after forking over £64 to get in...

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Bit late for all that.

Football Tat: Wesley Sneijder Launches Set Of Galatasaray Knives (At The Worst Possible Time)

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By Chris Wright

Finally!

Yes, finally (his words, not ours...) Wesley Sneijder has his ownset of personalised, commemorative Galatasaray kitchen knives.

Launched on the 15th anniversary of two Leeds fans being stabbed to death before a UEFA Cup semi-final in Istanbul too.

Celtic Sub Leigh Griffiths Pulls Cheeky Tunnocks Teacake Out Of His Pocket And Tucks In!

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By Chris Wright

Because there's never a bad time for a Tunnock's Teacake, striker Leigh Griffiths decided to see off the one he had stashed away in his pocket while sat on the Celticbench during Good Friday's game against St Mirren...

Nom nom nom. Got to keep those energy levels up.

Easter Special: Top 10 Football Eggheads

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By Chris Wright

As a little bit of an Easter treat, we thought we'd dust off Pies'famous(ish) bald footballers compilation and give it a seasonal re-jig withthe inclusion of a few new faces in the barren-boncedparade ofEaster Eggheads.

Jonjo Shelvey

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‘Basically, You’re All Sh*t’ – Roy Keane’s Team Pep Talks At Sunderland Were A Work Of Sweary Art

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By Chris Wright

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"If you give me another 45 minutes of that sh*t then I'll lock you in your car and push it into the sea"

Roy Keane is a raving lunatic, this we know.

However, following yesterday's revelation that Derby County boss Jim Smith once masterminded avictory over Manchester United after receiving an omen from some ducks, Higginbotham has now given us an astonishing glimpse into the grim reality that is having to play under Roy Keane's tutelage.

Notts County Ladies Outfox Arsenal With Cunning Freekick Routine (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We love it when a plan comes together, especially when said plan is for a clever little free-kick routine.

Notts County and Arsenal played out a 1-1 draw in the Womens Super League last night, with County forward Ellen White opening the scoring against her former team by sticking away a lovely dummied set-piece complete with a 'fauxflub' flourish.

Footballers With Silly Food-Based Names No. 314: Introducing Serie B Striker Kevin Lasagna

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By Alan Duffy

We usually do our best to steer clear of such infantile buffoonery, well,most of the timeanyway. However, the uncovering of the magnificently-monikered Kevin Lasagna is, in our view, worthy of a mention. And to be honest, it's not so much the 'Lasagna' as the rather surprising 'Kevin' which makes this such a cracker of a name.

Danny Higginbotham Reveals Derby County Boss Jim Smith Once Masterminded Victory Over Man Utd Using Nowt But Ducks

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By Chris Wright

Aye up me duck!

As far as the pantheon of football's great strategists goes, former Derby County boss Jim Smith is seldom ever mentioned though we have a feeling that one day this maverick thinker's unorthodox tactical approach may justget the acclamation it truly deserves.

Random Great Goals: Ronaldo Effortlessly Obliterates His Peers During Unicef Charity Match, 2003 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here we see Ronaldo in his prime, after just completing his first season at Real Madrid, obliterating his peers with consummate ease ina charity match between theLuis Figo Foundation XI and a team of UNICEF All-Stars at the Bessa Stadium in Porto, Portugal.

Bright, Brilliant And Money-Grabbing: Raheem Sterling Deserves Every Penny He Can Get

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By Paul Sorene for Anorak

Raheem Sterling is not a money-grabber. Well, so says the Times. And ‘money grabber' is in inverted commas, the words appearing in a headline comment on the Liverpool player's view of himself as revealed in a BBC interview which was supposedly unauthorised by his club.

Alan Smith Once Again Rejects Claims His Ambulance Was Attacked By Liverpool Fans After Suffering Horror Injury At Anfield

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By Chris Wright

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Hard to believe it was almost a decade ago, but in 2006 the course of Alan Smith's football career changed forever when he suffered a truly shockinginjury while playing for Manchester United against Liverpool in afairly hostileFA Cup tie at Anfield.

Meltdown: Internacional Defender Fabricio Shown Red Card For Giving Own Fans The Middle Finger (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Internacional just about managed to see ofYpirangaFC in theCampeonato Gaucho on Wednesday night, despite playing for most of the evening with nine men on the field.

Firstly, former Manchester United wastrelAnderson was sent-off four minutes before half-time for scuffling with Ypiranga winger Otacilio Neto who was also dismissed for his retaliation.

Spanish Player Caught Climbing Up Goalpost To Defend Corner, Earns New Nickname: ‘The Koala’ (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Just in case you're struggling to spot him

CD Cuartes captain Daniel Nadales has earned himself the nickname 'El Koala' after indulging in an unusual practise during his side's recent game againstCD Teruel in the Spanish fourth tier.

With Teruel preparing tosling a corner kick into the Cuartes six-yard box, Nadales was suddenly compelled to shin up the goalpost in a bid to prevent a potential header finding its way into the top corner.

Raul Meireles: The Evolution Of A Hipster Style Icon (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Raul Meireles: the evolution of a hipster style icon in photo form.

From his first experiments with bold chequerboard prints and a full head of hair, right the way through to the leather-clad, tattooed, jeggings-wearing neo-dork you see before you this very day.

TV Presenter Apologises After Calling Ex-Norwich Defender Darren Eadie A ‘C**t’ On Air (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The presenter of East Anglian news show Mustard TV has apologised today after inadvertently calling former Norwich and Leicester City defender Darren Eadie a "c**t" on air.

Just to get you up to speed, Eadie retired in 2003 and now fronts The Mustard Show (a sort of regional knock-off of The One Show) alongside former BBC Radio Norfolk presenterHelen McDermott.

Matt Le Tissier To Appear On Countdown After Passing Contestant Audition

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By Chris Wright

Matt Le Tissier has revealed that he is to participate on Countdown after successfully passing his contestant audition for the Channel4 daytime quiz show.

We're not talking about some kind of celebrity version of the show here either.Le Tiss is having a crack at the real, honest-to-goodness Countdown the one where you actually need to be good with numbers and words and junk and stuff.

Shit Lookalikes: Phil Jones & The Banana From The Old Betty Crocker Adverts…

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By Chris Wright

Fantastic, off-kilter spotter work from Pies fan Michael here, who noticed that the talkingbanana in the old Betty Crocker Fruit Gushers adverts bears a striking resemblance to Phil Jones (when not in hell-beast-face mode, of course)...

Cracking stuff!

England Fan Left Distressed After Spotting His Own Face In Ryan Mason’s Tattoo Sleeve (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

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As you may recall, Tottenham rookieRyan Mason made his senior England debut during the latter stages of last night's 1-1 draw against Italy, replacing Jordan Henderson for the last 15 minutes.

Shortly after Mason's arrival, one England fan watching the game at home was left bemused after noticing a unsettling bit of detail in the Spurs midfielder's tattoo sleeve.

BBC Sport Win The Internet With Brilliant April Fool’s Day Football Hoax

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By Chris Wright