Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2015

The Best Bits: Sunderland 0-1 Liverpool (Photos)

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Sunderland 0-1 Liverpool Premier League 30th December 2015

A Christian Benteke goal secured Liverpool all three points at the Stadium of Light in the last top-flight game of 2015.

The hosts forced Black Cat's 'keeper Vito Mannone into a number of fine saves, with Brazilian attackerRoberto Firmino going close.

Turkish Club Genclerbirligi Sack Fifth Coach This Season After Latest Fall Guy Lasts Just SIX DAYS In The Job

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Genclerbirligi president Ilhan Cavcav is not a patient man

Genclerbirligi have sacked their manager, which is news that probably won't come as much of a shock to you if you happen to follow the turnover rate at the Turkish club.

The SuperLig side dismissedcoachYilmaz Vural yesterday after giving the 62-year-old a whopping SIX DAYS to stamp his authority on the struggling team.

Harry Redknapp In Frame To Take Over At Slovenian League Leaders Olimpija Ljubljana

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"I'll do anyfink for a pony mate"

Harry Redknapp might just be on the brink of being tempted back into management after finding himself on the shortlist for the head coach vacancy at NK Olimpija Ljubljana.

The Serbian league leaders, who it should come as no surprise are owned by Milan Mandaric, are currently assessing their options after parting company with previous incumbent Marijan Pusnik a fortnight ago.

El-Hadji Diouf Goes Off Again: ‘Steven Gerrard Is An Egotist, Jamie Carragher Is A Big Turkey, Neil Lennon Is A D**khead’

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It's that time of year again, when El-Hadji Diouf comes crawling out of his underground nest to rattle through the list the people he still hates.

Unsurprisingly, perennial foes Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher feature once again, though ex-Celtic boss Neil Lennon is a new addition and a "dickhead", according to our central protagonist.

Crystal Palace Admit They Wouldn’t Stand In Alan Pardew’s Way If Real Madrid Came Calling

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Next stop, the Bernabeu?

With his Crystal Palace side riding high in the upper echelons of the Premier League, manager Alan Pardew is quite rightly attracting his fair share of praise at the moment.

Indeed, one of Palace's topexecutives has openly conceded that the club may risk losing their if things continue to pootle alongquite so nicely at Selhurst Park for the foreseeable future.

On This Day In 2009: Portsmouth Play Arsenal Without A Single Englishman In Either Starting XI

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The extent of the effect thePremier League has had on the English game had never been quite sounderlined before Portsmouth welcomedArsenal to Fratton Park on 30 December, 2009.

As well as Arsenal's impressive 4-1 win, the game was also memorable for the fact that not a single English player made the starting line-up for either side the first time it had ever happened in the English top division.

Tunisian Referee Comforted By Players After Being Reduced To Tears By Insults From The Crowd (Video)

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A Tunisian referee had to be visibly comforted by players after being reduced to tears during a recent top flight match.

While officiating CA Bizertin's home game against AS Marsa in the Tunisian Ligue 1 on Christmas Eve, referee Yassin Hroh was so upset at the insults he was receiving from the terraces that he couldn't help but burst into tears.

Man City Fans Baffled After Vincent Kompany Begins Tweeting Hour-Long Nursery Rhyme Compilations

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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Vinny together again

Many Man City fans were left baffled in the aftermath of their Boxing Day victory over Sunderland whenclub captain Vincent Kompany began Tweeting links to nursery rhyme compilation videos on Youtube.

The Belgian centre-half made his long-awaited return from injury against the Black Cats but lasted a matter ofminutes before having to be subbed off again after over-stretching and doing himself yet another muscular whoopsie.

RIP Pavel Srnicek – Former Newcastle ‘Keeper Passes Away After Suffering Cardiac Arrest

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It's with great regret that we announce thetragic passing of Pavel Srnicek, who died earlier today after suffering a cardiac arrest while out jogging over a week ago.

He was just 47 years old.

The former Newcastle, Portsmouth and Sheffield Wednesday goalkeeper collapsed nine days ago near his homein Bohumin, near Ostrava in the Czech Republic.

On This Day In 2007: Berbatov Scores Four As Reading Ship Six Against Tottenham To Complete Miserable Double (Video)

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A suitably high-spirited crowd at White Hart Lane was treated to a 10-goal Christmas bonanzawhen Reading came a-callin' on this day in 2007.

More specifically, they were treated to the second highest-scoring game since the Premier League began.

Dimitar Berbatov put Spurs a goal up afterseven minutes, but Kalifa Cissé pulled the visitors level again nine minutes later.

Retro Football: First Division Fans Treated To Amazing 66-Goal Christmas Extravaganza On Boxing Day, 1963

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Jimmy Greaves (centre, no hat) and the rest of the Tottenham lads show us what a top-flight Christmas party looked like in the early 1960s

Boxing Day is traditionally a big day for football, and the top-flight programme certainly made its presence felt in 1963.

Across the 10 games played that day in the old First Division, a stunning 66 goals were scored.

Horror Hair Special: 10 People/Things That Andy Carroll’s New Braids Look A Bit Like

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You go away for a few days, for Christmas no less, and return to this nonsense...

Complied hereunder are Pies initial reaction to the West Ham battering ram's daring new 'do, which is giving us subtle shades of....

British Bulldog

Obligatory 'Monica with dreadlocks' reference

His gawky teenage self

Chingachgook, The Last of the Mohicans

This delicious loaf of bread

Pippi Longstocking

Vintage Jamie Vardy

Thisfancy horse

Snoop Dogg

An apple strudel

Why can't the white boys just leave the braids alone?

Fight The Good Fight: Leeds Owner Massimo Cellino Attempts To Ban Sky Sports Cameras From Elland Road

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Massimo is a man on a mission

Leeds owner Massimo Cellino has apparently warned club staff that they will face disciplinary action if they allow Sky Sports cameras into Elland Road ahead of the club's Championship game against Derby today.

According to the Daily Mirror, Cellino believes that the relatively high amount of Leeds games being televised is not only disrupting his team's fixture list but also having a negative impact on attendances and therefore the club's overall commercial income.

Barcelona Terminate Sergi Guardiola’s Contract Just Two Hours After Signing Him Due To ‘Offensive Tweets’

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"Well, it was fun while it lasted"

Barcelona have announced that they terminated the contract of Sergi Guardiola just two hours after the young midfielder signed for their B team after discovering a series of "offensive tweets" dating back to 2013.

The 24-year-old, who is no relation to Pep, was photographed signing his one-and-a-half-year contract on Monday afternoon.

Stoke Forgotten Man Peter Crouch Fires Out Cracking Self-Effacing Tweet After Dramatic 4-3 Win Against Everton

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Once a stalwart of Stoke City's frontline, gangly striker Peter Crouch has found himself on the sidelines as Mark Hughes' side continues its impressive metamorphosis from long-ball hoofers to silky passers. However, after the Potters superb 4-3 win against Everton on Monday, the former England man Tweeted a classy line in self-effacement.

The Best Bits: Arsenal 2-0 Bournemouth (Photos)

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Arsenal 2-0 Bournemouth Premier League 28th December 2015

Arsenal put their St. Mary's horror show behind them and returned to the top of the Premier League, courtesy of an impressive 2-0 win against Bournemouth at the Emirates.

The hosts, with Calum Chambers in midfield and Kieran Gibbs in at left-back, started nervously but eventually found their stride, with Mesut Ozil at the heart of everything good for the Gunners.

The Best Bits: Man Utd 0-0 Chelsea (Photos)

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Manchester United 0-0 Chelsea Premier League 28th December 2015

Manchester United played out yet another goalless draw on Monday under Louis van Gaal, although the Red Devil's improved display against Guus Hiddink's Chelsea hinted at a better 2016 for the Red Devils.

Embed from Getty Images

Wayne Rooney was back in the starting line-up for the Red Devils and the England captain produced a much-improved display.

The Best Bits: Southampton 4-0 Arsenal (Photos)

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Southampton 4-0 Arsenal Premier League 26th December 2015

Title-chasers Arsenal failed to make the most of Leicester's defeat on Boxing Day, deservedly going down to a shock 4-0 defeat at St. Mary's against a superb Southampton side.

The Gunners had been in a superb run of form, beating Manchester City on Monday at the Emirates, However, apart from a couple of chances for Olivier Giroud and Theo Walcott, the north Londoners were limp throughout against a Southampton side eager to rediscover last season's fine form.

The Best Bits: Man City 4-1 Sunderland (Photos)

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Manchester City 4-1 Sunderland Premier League 26th December 2015

Manchester City bounced back from their defeat away to Arsenal on Monday, thrashing struggling Sunderland at the Etihad.

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Belgian schemer Kevin De Bruyne was the star of the show for the Citizens, setting upRaheem Sterling after just 12 minutes.

The Best Bits: Liverpool 1-0 Leicester (Photos)

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Liverpool 1-0 Leicester City Premier League 26th December 2015

Liverpool ended league-leaders Leicester's nine game unbeaten run, courtesy of a hard-fought 1-0 win at Anfield.

Jurgen Klopp's charges started well against a Leicester side who looked some way off their vibrant, speedy selves.

The Best Bits: Chelsea 2-2 Watford (Photos)

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Chelsea 2-2 Watford Premier League 26th December 2016

A late fluffed spot-kick from Oscar robbed Guus Hiddink of a win against Watford in his first game back in charge at Stamford Bridge.

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Diego Costa gave the hosts the lead just after the half-hour mark, with the Spaniard netting from close-range from a John Terry knock-down.

The Best Bits: Stoke 2-0 Man Utd (Photos)

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Stoke City Manchester United Premier League 26th December 2015

The pressure mounts on Louis van Gaal after yet another defeat for the Redc Devils, this time (deservedly) at the hands of Stoke City.

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Starting with Wayne Rooney on the bench, the visitors to the Britannia Stadium were dismal in the first-period.

Pies Would Like To Wish You All A Very Merry Christmas!

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On behalf of everybody at Pies (not to mention our good friends Chris and Paul here), here's wishing you all our readers a very merrynon-denominational, all-inclusive holiday festive period.

Who loves ya? We loves ya.

Photo: Ben Radford /Allsport

Just so you're aware, Pies will be powering down slightly for a couple of days to recharge our batteries a little/drink the pain away.

Valencia Coach Gary Neville Almost Loses His Keen Analytical Eye In Christmas Champagne Cork Mishap (Video)

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In attempting to wish the Valencia fans a feliz navidad via the club's official website, Gary Neville came perilously close to losing his famous keen analytical eye.

While offering a simple champagne toast, the bottle in Neville's hand popped its cork without warningandthe projectile pinged past his face at a fair old rate of knots.

David James Dresses Up As ‘Urban Father Christmas For The 21st Century’ To Shill Mobile Phones, 2004 (Photos)

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Life is most definitely not good

With the world still struggling to find direction in a brave new millennium, 2004 will forever be remembered as the year that mobile phone company LG came forth to save Christmas for a listless generation trapped hopelessly between the old ways and the new.

Claudio Ranieri Likens Leicester City’s Run To Forrest Gump – Sum Up Your Team’s Season So Far Using A Tom Hanks Film

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With his effervescent team sitting pretty top of the Premier League table against all the odds, it's not entirely surprising that Leicester City managerClaudio Ranieri is in a bouyant moodat the moment.

Beaming away during his pre-Christmas press conference, the Foxes boss was asked just how long he thinks his side's streak will last.

Shit Lookalikes: Claudio Ranieri & Toby The Turtle (From Disney’s Robin Hood)

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Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Is it a bit shit? Email it over to us atwaatpies@gmail.com or bang us a Tweet@waatpies and we'll gladly give it a look.

Man City’s New Club Badge ‘Leaked’ By UK Intellectual Property Office

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Image via UK IPO

It looks like Man City have had the grand unveiling for their new badge design spoiled by none other than the vicious, meddling swinesover at the UK Intellectual Property Office.

Having consulted with their fans, City recently announced that they were planning to ditch their 'eagle shield' crest in favour of a return to a more traditional round badge.

Another Day In Paradise: Alexis Sanchez Uses Phil Collins Hit To Pay Loving Tribute To His Dogs (Video)

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Photo: alexis_officia1/Instagram

Alexis Sanchez is a man with a passion for piano-driven 80s soft rock balladry this, we know.

As such, it should come as no surprise that the Arsenal man chose a little number from Steven Gerrard's heavy rotation playlist to accompany this stunning Instagram tribute to his two canine companions.

The Sun ‘Apologise’ To Louis Van Gaal After Manchester United Boss Walks Out Of Press Conference

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As you may have heard, Louis van Gaal was in fine form at his midweek press conference at Carrington on Wednesday, pugnaciously addressing the media hordes for five minutes before wishing them a Merry Christmas and walking out.

Van Gaal began proceedings by demanding an apology from the assembled hacks in attendance after largely baselessspeculation about his imminent sacking had provided the media mileage since Manchester United's loss against Norwich last weekend.

Leicester City Plan To Reward Fans For Continued Support By Plying Them With Free Beer…Again!

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As another token of gratitude for their continued support, Leicester City are planning to offer a free beer on the house to all fans attending the Foxes final Premier League game of 2015.

The club's Thai owners have agreed that they, along with sponsors Singha Beer, will stump up for thousands ofcomplimentary drinks before the home game against Man City on 29th December.

Borussia Dortmund Fan Arrested After Having Naked Kickabout In Signal Iduna Park

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Showing a naked contempt for the rules, a Borussia Dortmundwas arrested on Tuesday night after breaking into theYellow & Blacks' Signal Iduna Park stadium before partaking in a solo kickabout on the hallowed turf, all whilst completely naked.

The streaking superstar, who remains nameless, was apparently caught after heat censors picked him up cavorting about on the pitch.

German Magazine Kicker Go Out On A Limb And Confirm Pep Guardiola Will Be Man City’s Next Manager

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"You know where's nice this time of year? Longsight"

While Pep Guardiola turning up at Man City next season wouldn't entail the greatestleap of anybody's imagination, it's being reported with a fair amount of conviction in the German press that the departing Bayern Munich coachhas confirmed he will be City's next manager.

De Montford University Strip Sepp Blatter Of Honorary Degree – The Final Crushing Blow In The Fall Of An Empire

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Photo via Leicester Mercury

Having been suspended by FIFA for eight years for ethics breaches, Sepp Blatter has suffered further ignominy this week with the announcement that Leicester De Montford University have stripped him of his honorary degree.

Blatter was bestowed with anhonorary doctorate in Arts and Humanities ten years ago.

Gunnerblog & Arseblog Combine To Produce Cracking Christmas Ode To Arsenal’s Annual Winter Injury Crisis (Video)

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Once again, Arsenal's medical department are rushed off their feet this Christmas

As they do each week, Gunnerblog and Arseblog have joined forces to pump out another Arsecast Extra podcast, this time throwing ina little festive treat for their fans in the shape of a Christmas parody song.

On This Day In 2006: Cristiano Ronaldo Scores 2,000th Goal Of Alex Ferguson’s Manchester United Reign (Video)

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For almost an hour, Manchester United had found it hard to break Aston Villa down at Villa Park on this day back in December of 2006.

With Park Ji-Sung and Louis Saha deployed up front alongside Cristiano Ronaldo, the stodgy 4-3-3 formation manager Alex Ferguson had opted for looked not to be working and he was preparing to bring Wayne Rooney on when the breakthrough came.

Marko Grujic’s Father Hides His Passport In Desperate Attempt To Stop Red Star Youngster Joining Liverpool

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"I swear I've seen that bloody passport around here somewhere"

Having seen his son repeatedly linked with Liverpool in the past few weeks, the father of Red Star Belgrade prospect Marko Grujic has taken desperate measures to prevent his boy from "ruining" his career by moving to Anfield.

Indeed, Goran Grujic has admitted to hiding his son's passport in an attempt to stop him leaving Red Star, who he believes are surreptitiously coercing 19-year-old Marko into a transfer as they need the fee to help balance their books.

Turkish Footballer Sacked For Deliberately Kicking Opponent In The Head After Being Sent Off (Video)

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A Turkish footballer has been sacked by his club overa despicable bout of violent conduct in a recent match.

Mehmet Degirmenci, who played for Sanayispor way down in the amateur leagues, booted his prone opponent in the headin retaliation after being sent-off against Dallicaspor.

The victim, Kayhan Karakas, somehow managed to escape serious injury and went on to complete the match, but only after having nine stitches in his lip.

Harry Kane Vows To Score 21 Goals Against Norwich To Match Lionel Messi’s Calendar Year Goal Tally

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Raw ambition, thy name is Harry

Never let it be said that Harry Kane is a man without ambition.

Indeed, with 30 goals already to his name this calendar year, the Tottenham striker has set his sights on matching Lionel Messi's goal-scoring record for 2015.

As such, Kane simplyneeds to bag another 21 goals against Norwich on Boxing Day or Watford on the 28th December to draw level with his Barcelona counterpart.

Pachuca Disguise New Signing Omar Gonzalez As Darth Vader At Introductory Press Conference (Video)

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Not wishing to miss the chance to horn in on the Star Wars buzz, Mexican side Pachuca decided it would be a cracking idea to disguise new signing Omar Gonzalez as Darth Vader at his introductory mediaconference yesterday.

The defender had recently arrived from a galaxy far, far away LA Galaxy, to be precise and as such was unveiled to the press in fitting fashion.

West Ham’s James Collins Posts Instagram Injury Pic After MOTD Criticism

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During West Ham United's goalless draw with Swansea on Sunday, the Swans were livid after an apparent James Collins' handball in the box went unpunished by ref Lee Mason. Welsh defender Collins held his head in pain after clashing with Swans's midfielder Ki justafter blocking the midfielder's shot, leaving a number of pundits to criticise him for faking an injury in order to dodge a spot-kick decision.

Banter: Dietmar Hamann Reveals Newcastle Teammates Once Bought Him Adolf Hitler’s ‘Mein Kampf’ For Christmas

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Photo via NUFC

Despite having only been at the club for six months at the time, Dietmar Hamann has revealed that his Newcastle teammates still saw fit to buy him a copy of Adolt Hitler's autobiographical manifesto "Mein Kampf" as a hilarious Christmas present in 1998.

Geddit? He's German.

Ex-Swansea Goal Machine Michu Signs For Spanish Fourth Division Side UP Langreo

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Not so very long ago, back in 2012/13, Miguel 'Michu' Perez Cuesta was one of the hottest properties in the Premier League.

Having joinedfrom Rayo Vallecano for just £2million, the gangly Spanish forward scored 22 goals that season as Swansea were repeatedly forced to fend off flirtatious eyelash-flickeringfrom the likes of Arsenal and Manchester United.

The Best Bits: Arsenal 2-1 Man City (Photos)

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Arsenal 2-1 Manchester City Premier League 22nd December 2015

Arsenal moved to withing two points of league leaders Leicester City, after a hard-fought but overall deserved win against fellow title-chasers Manchester City at the Emirates on Monday night.

The visitors, with Sergio Aguero leading the line, started well.

Cristiano Ronaldo Treats Us To Special Christmassy Tour Of His Swanky House In Madrid (Video)

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Being thejolly fine fellow he is, Cristiano Ronaldo has seen fit to treat his fans to a little VIP tour around his swanky bachelor pad in Madrid.

With the house freshly decked in Yuletidefinery, the tour takes in Ronaldo's lovely porcelain dog, his leopard-print sleeping quarters, his enormous billiard-tabled sized television, his really rather unnervingly thin dining room chairs, his great glass elevatorand his gigantic Christmas tree tableau in the back garden.

Arsenal’s House Band On Form As Petr Cech And Alexis Sanchez Play Us Into Christmas (Video)

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"Take it for a stroll, keep it loose and watch for the key changes"

Watch in wonder at the sheer syncopation on show as Arsenal'sin-house lounge band Petr Cech on drums, Alexis Sanchez on keys, Nacho Monreal on sleigh bells jam their way through a selection of easy-listenin' Christmas classics.

On This Day In 2007: Nicklas Bendtner Sets New Premier League Record By Scoring Against Tottenham With His First Touch

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With 16 minutes to go in yet another fiercely-contested North London Derby at the Emirates, Arsene Wenger sent on striker Nicklas Bendtner for midfielder Emmanuel Eboue. Just 1.8 seconds after taking his place on the pitch, the lumbering Danescored to seal the win for the home side.

All the goals had come in the second half.

Ex-Ireland Winger Damien Duff Retires From Football As Injuries Finally Take Their Toll

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"Duffman! Oooh yeah!"

Damien Duff called time on his20-yearcareer on Monday after finally accepting that, while the head and heart are still willing, hisbody can no longer keep up.

The former Republic of Ireland international winger had been on the books at Shamrock Rovers, where he was donating all of his wages to charity.

Hertha Berlin Sign Off For Winter Break With No Less Than 40 Bottles Of Champagne! (Photo)

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Riding high in the Bundesliga, Hertha Berlin signed off for the winter break with a 2-0 win over Mainz on Sunday to end the first half of the season perched just behind Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund in the table.

To celebrate their impressive start to the 2015/16 campaign, Hertha coach Pal Dardai made sure that 40 bottles of champagne and a posh buffet lay in wait in the dressing room for his players after the Mainz match.

Tim Roth Freely Admits He Hated Playing Sepp Blatter In FIFA’s Disastrous Movie And Only Did It For The Money

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No doubt you've done your utmost to erase it from your consciousness entirely, but last summer saw the self-funded FIFA movie, United Passions, bomb spectacularly at the box officebyrunning at at loss of around $30million after its opening weekend.

Despite a relatively stellar cast (Tim Roth as Sepp Blatter, Sam Neil as Joao Havelange and Gerard Depardieu as Jules Rimet) and a vast production budget, the movie turned out to be exactly the kind of expensive gilded turd that everyright-minded personexpected it to be.

Ex-Newcastle Goalkeeper Pavel Srnicek In ‘Critical Condition’ After Suffering Cardiac Arrest While Out Jogging

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Former Newcastle goalkeeper Pavel Srnicek is fighting for his life today after suffering a cardiac arrest in his native Czech Republic.

The ex-Toon stopper, who also played for West Ham, Sheffield Wednesday and Portsmouth during his time in England, reportedly collapsed while out jogging near his home in Bohumin.

‘I Regret, But I Am Not Ashamed’ – Top 10 Quotes From Sepp Blatter’s Rambling, Delusional Press Conference

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Earlier today, both Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini were banned from the football realm for eight years apieceafter being found guilty of ethics breaches.

Directly after the verdict came in, Blatter pitched up at FIFA's former headquarters in Zurich to stage anews conference. He hired the building, which still houses FIFA's marketing department, as a private citizenin order to give his reaction to his exiling at the hands of the very Ethics Committee he put in place.

On This Day In 1957: Christmas Miracle At The Valley As Charlton Come From 1-5 Down To Pull Off Amazing Comeback Against Huddersfield

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Charlton captain Derek Ufton strides out onto the pitch, 1957

Few footballing fablescan match the remarkablestorythat unfolded at The Valley when Charlton Athletic took on Huddersfield Town in a Division Two game in 1957. Apologies for the cliché, but the words 'Christmas' and 'miracle' are impossible to resist trotting out.

Christmas Football Gift Guide: Emile Heskey & Wayne Bridge Airfix Model Set (Photos)

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We hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you're still searching for gift ideas with just four days left then you might have left it a little too late.

Still, Pies feel it's our civic duty to assist you in any way we can at this frantic time of year.

While trawling through Craigslist (don't ask), we stumbled across this fantastic 'England Stars' Airfix model kit that is up for grabs in Vancouver, Canada.

Shit Lookalikes: Sepp Blatter & Nelly (The Rapper)

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Sepp Blatter was proudly sporting a band-aid for his fallen homie, M-Platz, at apress conference this morning...

You just gotta eat the time Sepp, eat the time.

Top marks go to Pies fan Phill Nathan (@thisaintsparta) for the spot.

Festive Flourish: Gareth Bale Adorns His Christmas Tree With Rayo Vallecano Match Ball (Photo)

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Just like the savage warriors of auld used to display the severed heads of their enemies on pikes outside the town gates to ward off foes, so Gareth Bale did likewise in his front room shortly after Real Madrid's unholy slaughtering of Rayo Vallecano on Sunday evening.

Sort of, anyway.

Having helped himself to four goals in Real's 10-goal rogeringof Rayo at the Bernabeu, the Welshman found the perfect place to display his symbolic match-ball after arriving back home.

Strange But True: David Hasselhoff Reveals Himself To Be A Huge Partick Thistle Fan

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We honestly don't know which is the more terrifying

Hisstint playing Captain Hook in panto at the Clyde Auditorium has obviously had a deep and profound effect on David Hasselhoff, who appears to have become immersed in the local football scene during his time in Glasgow.

Indeed, The Hoff wasso moved after watching Partick Thistle beat Ross County to secure their fourth straight SPL victory at the weekend that he felt compelled to Tweet his praise of the team's efforts.

Inter Milan Nutjob Felipe Melo Sent Off For Studding Lazio’s Lucas Biglia In The Neck (Video)

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As well as losing 2-1 at home to Lazio on Sunday evening, Inter Milan were also forced to contend with the sending-off of Felipe Melo in the dying moments of the match when the hot-headed Brazilian's infamous temper once again got the better of him.

With the ball hovering up around Lazio midfielder Lucas Biglia's head, Melo went storming in with his studs ridiculously high and managed to plant a stamp on the side of his opponent's neck.

Merry Christmas One And All: Sepp Blatter & Michel Platini Banned From Football For Eight Years

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FIFA president Sepp Blatter and his UEFA counterpartMichel Platini have both been suspended from all football-related activities for the next eight years as a result of an investigation into corruption within both organisations.

Both men were found guilty of ethics breaches pertaining to a £1.

Gareth Bale Bags Four As Real Madrid Batter Rayo Vallecano 10-2 (Photos & Highlights)

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Real Madrid have rather struggled to find their best form under Rafa Benitez this season, with the former Liverpool and Chelsea boss under increasing pressure.However, against Rayo Vallecano at the Bernabeu on Sunday, Los Merengues produced a superbly clinical display, winning the game 10-2, albeit with the the visitors playing most of the game with just nine men.

The Best Bits: Watford 3-0 Liverpool (Photos)

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Watford 3-0 Liverpool Premier League 20th December 2015

Watford made it four league wins in a row courtesy of a superb 3-0 win against a limp Liverpool at Vicarage Road on Sunday, a result which sees the Hornets just a point off the top four.

The visitors started with Adam Bogdan in goal, replacing the injured Simon Mignolet, and it was the Hungarian who would hand Watford their opening goal after just three minutes.

Emotional Leicester City Fan Sobs With Joy On BBC Radio Phone-In (Audio)

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Embed from Getty Images

Ringing into the BBC 606 phone-in to discuss Leciester's 3-2 win over Everton yesterday (a result that ensured the Foxes would be top of the Premier League at Christmas this season, as opposed to bottom at this point last year), one fan was so overcome with emotion that he couldn't prevent himself from sobbing.

The Best Bits: Everton 2-3 Leicester (Photos)

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Everton 2-3 Leicester City – Premier League – 19th December 2015

A year after finding themselves bottom of the Premier League table for Christmas, Claudio Ranieri's upwardly mobile Leicester City will top the very same table on the 25th this time around, after an entertaining win at Goodison Park.

Adel Taarabt Bungles Pathetic, Half-Arsed Penalty As Benfica Reserves Soundly Beaten By Porto (Video)

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Adel Taarabt is going great guns at Benfica at the moment, by which of course we mean he's currently plodding aroundlike a lobotomised heifer in the B team.

A mere matter of days after we saw him deliver the shoddiest corner kick in living memory, our Adel attempted to rectify the situation by converting a penalty against Porto's second string yesterday a game Benfica went on to lose 3-0 at home.

Performance Enhancing Glug: Massimo Maccarone Grabs Quick Beer After Scoring For Empoli (Video)

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"Right lads, I'm gasping for a pint"

Ex-Middlesbrough cult hero Massimo Maccarone found himself back among the goals on Saturday, scoring twice in Empoli's 3-2 away win over Bologna.

With the score locked at 1-1, Maccarone pounced to put Empoli back in front shortly before half-time and promptly decided to celebrate by helping himself to a swig of a fan's beer that he'd obviously been eyeing up for a while.

The Best Bits: Chelsea 3-1 Sunderland (Photos)

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Chelsea 3-1 Sunderland – Premier League – 19th December 2015

Chelsea ended a traumatic week on a high at Stamford Bridge on Saturday, with the Blues getting back to winning ways against Sunderland.

With new interim boss Guus Hiddink watching from the stands, Steve Holland oversaw a display from the reigning Premier League champs which more than hinted at a positive second half of the campaign.

The Best Bits: Man Utd 1-2 Norwich (Photos)

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Manchester United 1-2 Norwich City – Premier League – 19th December 2015

The Man Utd malaise continued on Saturday afternoon at Old Trafford, with Louis van Gaal's underwhelmers going down 2-1 to relegation-threatened Norwich.

The Red Devils were toothless throughout the game, despite having more than the lion's share of possession.

Official: Guus Hiddink Named As Interim Chelsea Boss For Rest Of 2015/16

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As expected, Chelsea have officially named Guus Hiddink as the man to replace departed boss Jose Mourinho in the Blues' hot-seat for the rest of the season.

Embed from Getty Images

The Dutchman will be taking over the reins at Stamford Bridge for the second time, having lead the club to FA Cup glory in 2009.

Reports: Carlo Ancelotti Set Replace Pep Guardiola At Bayern Munich As Managerial Merry-Go-Round Picks Up Pace

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Following Jose Mourinho's ejection fro Stamford Bridge, we are now about to witness one of the biggest and most high-profile managerial merry-g0-rounds in quite some time. However, while some Chelsea fans would no doubt have welcomed back with opened arms former manager Carlo Ancelotti, according to reports the former Real Madrid tactician is set to replace Pep Guardiola in the Bayern Munich hot-seat for the 2016/17 season.

Adult Male Chelsea Fan Sings Cringeworthy Ode To Jose Mourinho Live On Television (Video)

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Image via Sky Sports

Being interviewed at Ascot, this Chelsea fan seized his nano-second in the spotlight to serenade Jose Mourinho with a loving and seemingly pre-planned ode to the dearly departed Blues manager.

To call it cringeworthy is something of an understatement, especially at the point he ropes in his female accomplice (daughter?

Pies Exclusive: The Brochure For Cristiano Ronaldo’s New CR7 Luxury Hotel

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With Cristiano Ronaldo announcing that he's planning to sink £54million of his own money into a line of luxury hotels, Pies thought we'd do a little digging into the Real Madrid man's latest business venture.

As you may have guessed, Ronaldo is planning to theme each of the hotels after his only true passion in life: himself.

Jurgen Klopp On Bongos As Liverpool Players Sing ‘Jingle Bells’ With Kids At Alder Hey Hospital (Video)

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Embed from Getty Images

Much as they do every year, the Liverpool players toddled en masse down the road to Alder Hey Children's Hospital to pay a visit to the local kids, many of whom have life-limiting illnesses and therefore face spending Christmas on the wards.

At one point, somebody decided it would be a good idea to divvythe box of instruments in the play roomout amongst a room full of Premier League footballers and perform a hearty rendition of Jingle Bells.

On This Day In 2001: Newcastle United End 30-Game London Hoodoo By Beating Arsenal

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Since last leaving the capital with something to show for their troubles in 1997, by the time their game against Arsenal came around in December of 2001 it had been a whopping 30 matches since Newcastle United last managed to win a match in London.

With that in mind, you can forgive most of the travelling Toon fansfor nursinga slight sense of foreboding ahead of their long-haul trip to Highbury.

Manchester United Youngster Cameron Borthwick-Jackson Breaks Unusual Club Record

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In starting for Manchester United in last Saturday's dismal defeat against Bournemouth, young defenderCameron Borthwick-Jackson managed to unwittingly break a club record.

Quite who was assigned to look intothe statsis a mystery, but United's official website declared that Borthwick-Jackson, in appearing against the Cherries, is now the proud owner of the longest name ever to represent the Red Devils.

Jose Mourinho Left Chelsea With Cardboard Cut-Out Of Himself And Mug With ‘Special One’ Written On It

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A cardboard cut-out might have made a better fist of it this season

As you well know, Jose Mourinho was sacked by Chelsea on Thursday afternoon, thus bringing his second stint at the club to a rather unceremonious conclusion.

After being let go by Roman Abramovich, Mourinho was left to clear two-and-a-half years' worth of detritus out his officeat Cobham and the specific two items he was said to retrieve for posterity really do boggle the mind.

Jose Mourinho More Popular Than Star Wars On Google And Twitter (For Around 25 Minutes)

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"I felt a great disturbance in the Force"

Not that it will come as much consolation, but for a brief window Jose Mourinho managed to overtake Star Wars as the most popular thing on the internet following his sacking by Chelsea yesterday afternoon.

The news came on the very day that 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens' hit cinemas worldwide, with the movie unsurprisingly dominating internet traffic all day.

Reports: Chelsea To Appoint Guus Hiddink As Interim Manager Until End Of Season

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Christmas is coming, the Guus is getting hired

While an official announcement is still believed to be a way off, The Telegraph have gone out on a limb and declared that Chelsea will plug their Mourinho-shaped hole by appointing Guus Hiddink as their interim manager until the end of the season.

Shit Lookalikes: Kurt Zouma & John Boyega (From Star Wars: The Force Awakens)

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One is an swashbuckling, all-action defender of all that is right and proper.

The other is John Boyega from the new Star Wars film...

Manythanks to Pies fan Mark Rebelow for the spot. Terrifically shit!

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Is it a bit shit? Email it over to us atwaatpies@gmail.

Intrepid Southend United Fan Travels 10,000 Miles From Brisbane Only To Find Match Against Bradford Called Off

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Photo: @BNEShrimper/Twitter

Apologies for being slightly tardy on the uptake here but the man you see before you is Andrew Urry, a Southend United fan currently living in Brisbane, Australia.

Take it from us, he really is deserving of your sympathy.

Poor Andrew made the decision to travel back to England as part of a tour around Europe in order to watch his beloved Shrimpers take on Bradford City in League One on Saturday.

Jose Mourinho Sacked By Chelsea…Again

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Well, well, well. We know the situation is dire any everything but still, we quite honestly didn't see this one coming.

According to widespread media reports, Chelsea have sacked Jose Mourinho (for the second time) this afternoon...

Chelsea have parted company with manager Jose Mourinho https://t.

‘His Hip Is Really Hurting’ – Eden Hazard’s Dad Denies His Son Is Exaggerating His Non-Existent Injury

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There were many observers (including Pies) who simply refused to believe Eden Hazard was genuinely in pain ashe limped out of Chelsea's embarrassing 2-1 defeat to Leicester City after just half and hour on Monday evening.

Indeed, Belgian newspaper Het Laatste Niuews used their front page to openly query whether or not Hazard faked injury to "boycott" Jose Mourinho.

Barcelona Youth Team Put On Skill Showcase In Epic Advert For UEFA Youth League (Video)

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Get down off that table young man!

Those bloomin' Barcelona youth team players. You can't take them anywhere without the whole thingdescending into a skill-laden free-for-all.

Take this lovely barbecue at La Masia for example. What should've been a friendly get-together with lashings of grilled meat for all quickly turned into what can only describe as utter chaos and debauchery.

Vladimir Putin States For The Record (Once Again) That Sepp Blatter Should Win Nobel Peace Prize

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Sepp +Vlad 4 eva

As Sepp Blatter continues to stand trial in the very ethics court he created, one of his long-time allies has once again reared his head to blow smoke up the deposed FIFA president's bung-hole.

Speaking in defence of his friend during a press conference in Moscow today, Vladimir Putin stated for the record that he believes Blatter should receive a Nobel Peace Prize, presumably for his tireless work in the 'flagrant self-interest' sector.

‘I Think He’s A Bit Of An Idiot’ – West Brom Winger James McClean Singularly Unimpressed By Jurgen Klopp So Far

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As the old quipgoes, you only get one chance to make a first impression. Unfortunatelyfor Jurgen Klopp, in the aftermath of the slightly uncouth 2-2 draw between Liverpool and West Brom on Sunday, the impression he left James McClean with wasn't particularly favourable.

With a prominent peppering of full-blooded thunder-lunges flying in throughout, the feisty encounter at Anfieldculminated in Klopp eschewing atraditional post-match handshake with Tony Pulis to run off and celebrate Liverpool's 96th-minute equaliser with his players.

Suspended FIFA President Sepp Blatter Named ‘Swiss Person Of The Year’ By Prominent Swiss Newspaper

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Without any apparent semblanceof irony, Sepp Blatter has been named "Swiss of the Year" for 2015 by a prominent Swissnewspaper.

Indeed, Die Weltwoche (who have something of a reputation for siding with controversial figures) have bestowed the honour to Blatter in the very year he was suspended from his post as FIFA president due mainly to the fact that he's currently smack dab in the middle of a major international corruption investigation.

Leicester City Fan Set For £5,000 Windfall After Sticking An Optimisitic Fiver On Foxes Being Top At Christmas

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One plucky Leicester City fan looks all but set to receive a timely Christmas windfall after sticking a speculative fiver on the Foxes being top of the league this Christmas.

The bet was placed just a few days before the start of the season. As things stand, Leicester need to keep themselves at the summit for just nine more days for it to pay off.

Nick Blackman Nets For Reading vs Hull After Superb Double Back-Heeled Build-Up (Video)

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Reading may have ultimately lost on their visi to Hull City in the Championship on Wednesday night. However, the Royals' opening goal, finished off by Nick Blackman, was a thing of back-heeled beauty.

The goal came just before the half-hour mark at the KC Stadium, with the Royals initially working the ball up the right flank.

Bonus Balls: Claudio Ranieri Will Earn £100,000 For Every Place Leicester City Finish Above 18th This Season

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No wonder the man'scock-a-hoop. Leicester City's astounding 2015/16 season could prove to be incredibly lucrative for everybody involved.

The Daily Mail claim to be privy to the finer details of Ranieri's bonus clauses, which apparently entitle the Italian to a tidy £100,000 for every place they finish above 18th in the Premier League this season.

Football Art: Graphic Designer Martin Turner Returns With Four More Pixar Inspired Fantasy Kits (Photos)

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Do you recall, just a few weeks back, when we featured the Pixar-themed fantasy football kits of graphic designer Martin Turner (@martin_turner) here on Pies?

Well, just as he promised at the time, Martin has returned with a second instalment, this time inspired by Sulley from Monsters Inc, Eve the robot from Wall-E, Sadness from Inside Out and Lightning McQueen from Cars.

Reports: Chelsea To Appoint Juande Ramos As Interim Manager Should Jose Mourinho Be Sacked

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Juande in your life

It's being widely reported in today's press that the Chelsea board have met "within the past 24 hours" to discuss Jose Mourinho's immediate future.

As you're more than likely aware, things are a little wobbly at the club at the moment with the team having lost 9 of their opening 16 Premier League games this season.

Lazio ‘Keeper Federico Marchetti Sparks Farcical Sequence Of Events After Injuring Himself While Celebrating Goal (Video)

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Spare a thought for poor old Lazio 'keeper Federico Marchetti, who somehow managed to do himself a mischief in the act of celebrating his side's opening goal in Monday night's Serie A clash with Sampdoria.

Moments after Alessandro Matri put Lazioahead in the 78th minute, Marchetti appeared to wrench an ankle as he cavorted over to the touchline to celebrate with his teammates.

On This Day In 2006: Frank Lampard Officially Becomes Chelsea’s Deadliest Midfielder (Video)

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When Frank Lampard hit the equaliser for Chelseaagainst Everton in the 80th minute at Goodison Park on the 16th December 2006, he bettered a record previously held by Dennis Wise.

It was his 77th goal for the club, which therefore took him past former club captain Wise to become the most potent midfield goalscorer in Chelsea history.

Ipswich Boss Mick McCarthy Subtly Crushes Babbling BBC Radio Journalist (Audio)

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Having tasted defeat just once in theirlast nine games, Ipswich Town are going steady at the moment as they find themselves tucked just inside the play-off spots in the Championship table.

Anaway win over Fulham on Tuesday night did their quest for promotionno harm at all,with goals from Freddie Sears and Brett Pitman sealing a2-1 victory for the Tractor Boys.

FIFA Announce Co-Hosts For 2015 Ballon d’Or Gala Will Be Kate Abdo And That Bloke From The Yellow Pages Adverts

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In their infinite wisdom, FIFA have announced that the dual hosts for the next month's Ballon d'Or ceremony will be Kate Abdo and James Nesbitt.

One is a multilingual British sports presenter, the other is that bloke with the eyebrows from Cold Feet/the Yellow Pages adverts.


Christmas Football Tat: Montpellier Flog Bottle Opener In Shape Of Lunatic Owner Louis Nicollin (Photo)

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It's that time of year again, when football clubs all around the world attempt to empty out their warehouses byattempting to sell you all the branded tat under the sun in the build-up to Christmas.

Montpellier are no different, with the Ligue 1 side proudly announcing the arrival of a brand new Christmas bottle opener in their club store a magnetic bottle opener that just so happens to be shaped like theclub's lunatic owner Louis Nicollin.

Why Not Treat The Huddersfield Town Fan In Your Life To A Club-Themed Funeral Plan This Christmas?

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In the unlikely event that you find yourself quite literally bored to death at a Huddersfield Town game, the club's new money-making venture has you covered.

The Terriers have teamed up with Cheshire-based undertakers Avalon to offer fans a Huddersfield Town-themed funeral plan.

It's the perfect gift for the Town fan in your life this Christmas.

Awkward: Thierry Henry Tears Into Chelsea In Front Of Cesc Fabregas At Sky Sports Facebook Q&A (Video)

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Fresh from Chelsea's deserved 2-1 defeat at the hands of high-flyers Leicester City on Monday night, Blues' midfielder Cesc Fabregas took part in a Sky Sports Facebook Q&A thingy along with former Arsenal team-mate Thierry Henry.

In what was an interesting and entertaining chat, poor old Cesc had to endure the obvious questions about his side's dismal form, which sees the reigning champions languishing in 16th place in the Premier League table.

Louis Van Gaal Plane Banner Photo Hints At New Airborne Man Utd Fan Protest

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Not content with booing their own team, or throwing a ripped up season ticket in the direction of their own team's bench, the ingenious modern football fan nowexpresses their dissatisfaction with their beloved club by taking to the skies. We've already seen anti-David Moyes banners flying over Old Trafford, and according to photos released on Twitter on Tuesday, current Manchester United boss Louis van Gaal could be next in line for an airborne attack this weekend.

Ludogorets Threaten To Quit Bulgarian League Unless Referees Stop Favouring Their Rivals

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Reigning champions Ludogorets Razgrad have threatened to quit the Bulgarian league entirely due to their suspicions that referees are favouring title rivals Levski Sofia.

Levski,who currently sit three points behind leaders Ludogrets at the top of the Group A table, saw their opponents Litex Lovech walk off the pitch during the game between the two sides on Saturday in protest at having two red cards and a penalty given against them.

Bored Aston Villa Fan Shreds Season Ticket Because He Just ‘Can’t Be Arsed’ Any More (Photo)

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Aston Villa's 2-0 defeatagainst Arsenal on Sunday afternoon proved to be the final straw for one exasperated fan, who promptly took an executive decision in response to sitting through one toothless display too many.

Indeed, the poor bugger was so disheartened that he felt compelled to not only chop his season ticket in half, but his wife's ticket too.

Green, Green Growth Of Home Park: Plymouth Argyle Manager Blames Late Defeat On Excess Algae

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Photo: Dave Rowntree/Pinnacle/via Plymouth Herald

Plymouth Argyle found themselves bumped down from second to third place in League Two on Saturday afternoon after succumbingto mid-table Cambridge United in the final few minutes of the game.

With the scores level at 1-1 going into the last knockings of the match, an unfortunate slip from Plymouth defenderPeter Hartley allowedCambridge in to score the winner in the 86th minute at Home Park.

On This Day In 1982: Seven Goalscorers And Nine Goals Set An International Record As England Batter Luxembourg (Video)

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When England played Luxembourg at Wembley in the third game of their Euro1984 qualifying campaign the horribly mismatched rampage that ensued sent international scoringrecords a-tumbling.

The hosts ran out 9-0 winners on the night, but the goal-scoring avalanchewas to begin with Luxembourg's Marcel Bossi opening the scoring – the defender ricochetingthe ball in his own net in the 18th minute.

Desperate Times: Cameroon Football Federation Take To Twitter To Advertise For New Head Coach

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Having decided to part company with Volker Finke a fortnight before their World Cup qualifying campaign began against Niger in mid-November, the Cameroon Football Federation (Fecafoot) are still in the process of hiring themselves a new head coach.

Obviously a bit short on applicants in the intervening weeks, Fecafoot have taken the unorthodox/slightly desperate step of advertising for a new coach both on their official website and through social media.

Juventus Coach Massimiliano Allegri Quotes Jedi Master Yoda After Being Lumped With Bayern Munich In Champions League Knockouts

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When the plastic mini-footballs of outrageous fortune saddled Juventus with a Champions League last 16 tie against Bayern Munich in Nyon yesterday, there were precious few in the Bianconeri camp relishing the prospect of going up against one of the very best club sides in world football.

However, coach Massimiliano Allegri took an altogether more philosophical bent, musing that should Juve somehow manage to oust Bayern in the last 16, their impending run to the final would feel like a cake walk in comparison.

Bottle Jobs And Gutless Wimps: Jose Mourinho Is Right To Feel ‘Betrayed’ By His Chelsea Players

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Having watched his Chelsea side slump to yet another Premier League defeat their ninth of the season so far against Leicester last night, a beleaguered Jose Mourinho told the baying press that he felt "betrayed" by the performance he'd just witnessed.

The loss left Chelsea in 16th place, dangling precariously just onepoint above the dotted line of doom after 16 games.

Gary Lineker Vows To Present Match Of The Day In His Pants If Leicester City Win The Premier League

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With their plucky side sitting pretty at the top of the shop going into the Christmas schedule, you can forgive Leicester City fans for getting a wee bit carried away.

Following last night's 2-1 win over Chelsea, Gary Lineker echoed the giddy sentiments of many of his Leicester-supporting brethren by vowing to present the first Match of the Day of next season wearing nothing but his shreddies should the Foxes do the unthinkable and actually win the Premier League this year,


The Best Bits: Leicester 2-1 Chelsea (Photos)

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Leicester City 2-1 Chelsea – Premier League – 14th December 2015

After yet another scintillating display from Leicester on Monday night, it's hard to believe that last season, the Foxes were at one stage odds on for the drop. What's even harder to believe is that reigning champions Chelsea have plummeted so far this season, with the Blues deservedly going down 2-1 at the King Power Stadium to a Jamie Vary & Riyad Mahrez-inspired homeside.

Lionel Messi Nonchalantly Tucks One Away From 50 Yards During Barcelona Training Session (Video)

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Barcelona are currently in Yokohama gearing up for their imminentFIFA Club World Cup tie againstGuangzhou Evergrande on Thursday night.

As part of their preparations, the Barca teamtook turns in attempting to score in a tiny goal set up on the opposite touchline.

Guess who steps up and pops in at the first attempt.

Blackburn Legend Alan Shearer Has Road Named After Him Outside Ewood Park (Photos)

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It may seem positively ludicrous to Pies fans of a younger persuasion but there was a time, not so very long ago, when poky little Blackburn Rovers were crowned champions of the Premier League.

This was largely to do with the fact that Rovers happened to employ Alan Shearer at that time, a man whowould regularly stick away 30+ goals a season and think nothing of it.

Still Got It: Patrick Kluivert Scores Outrageous First-Time Lob In Barcelona Legends Match (Video)

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Uganda president Yoweri Museveni comes out to meet the Barca boys (Photo: Citizen Digital)

The Barcelona Legends tour touched down in Uganda recently in time for a charity match against a team of ex-Ugandainternationalsat theat Namboole stadium.

Surprisingly, the Uganda old boys pulled off a shock 5-3 win over their illustrious opponents, whose team included the likes of Patrick Kluivert, Deco, Gaizka Mendieta, Luis Garcia and Edgar Davids.

On This Day In 1935: Ted Drake Scores All Seven Goals As Arsenal Thump Aston Villa 7-1 (Video)

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It's safe to say that the majority of the 60,891 crowd that crammed into Villa Park for the visit of Arsenal on this day in 1935 didn't go away with particularly fond memories of the match, but it certainly proved an historic afternoon as far as the visitors were concerned thanks largely to the efforts of one man.

UEFA Europa League Round Of 32 Draw: Man Utd Matched With Midtjylland, Tottenham Take On Fiorentina, Liverpool Land Augsburg

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Once again the numbered balls of fate have been plucked from the perspex bowl of circumstanceand deigned that Manchester United will begin their great Europa League adventure with a two-legger against FCMidtjylland.

United will travel to Denmark for the first leg on18th Feb (a Thursday night, for those wondering) before returning for the second leg at Old Trafford on 25th Feb.

Champions League Last 16 Draw: Arsenal Bag Barcelona, Chelsea Pull PSG, Man City Draw Dynamo Kiev

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Bugger. All that hard work fighting to get out of the group and Arsenal have gone and got themselves drawn against Barcelona in the last 16 of the Champions League.

The full draw has just been conducted in Nyon and it looks something like this...

Gent vs Wolfsburg
Roma vs Real Madrid
PSG vs Chelsea
Arsenal vs Barcelona
Juventus vs Bayern Munich
PSV vs Atletico Madrid
Benfica vs Zenit
Dynamo Kiev vs Manchester City

While Chelsea will no doubt face a tough task making it into the quarters after drawing PSG for the 100th time in recent years, you'd have a shiny groat on Man City being able to turn Dynamo Kiev over comfortably enough in the space of two legs.

Gianluigi Buffon Explains To 10-Year-Old Fan Why He Stayed At Juventus When They Were Relegated To Serie B In 2006 (Video)

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Speaking at Juventus'annual Junior Members conference, Gianluigi Buffon was asked by 10-year-old fan Lorenzo why he chose not to leave the clubback in the dark days of 2006 when the Bianconeri were relegated down to Serie B for the first time in their history for their part in the Calciopoli match-rigging scandal.

Petr Cech’s Wife Creates Stunning Gingerbread Homage After Arsenal Keeper Equals Premier League Clean Sheet Record (Photo)

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As a direct result of Arsenal's 2-0 win over Aston Villa on Sunday, Petr Cech secured his 169th Premier League clean sheet and in doing so equalledDavid James' cumulative record.

To celebrate, his good lady wife decided to immortalise Cech's achievement by recreating the scene using nothing but gingerbread and icing.

Alan Pardew Celebrates Crystal Palace Win Over Southampton By Joining Fans In The Pub (Photos)

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"Pint of mild and a packet of dry roasted"

Like many of hiskin, Crystal Palace manager Alan Pardew trotted along to The White Horse pub in Croydon for a celebratory jar or two shortly after dispatching Southampton at Selhurst Park on Saturday.

The Palace manager and his assistant Keith Millen made a special trip down to the boozer to join the Holmesdale Fanatics supporters club, who were busy celebrating their 10th birthday.

Borussia Dortmund’s Yellow Wall Sings Deafening Rendition Of ‘Jingle Bells’ (Video)

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Signal Iduna Park was buzzing with festive cheer following Sunday's 4-1 win over Eintracht Frankfurt, so much so in fact that the Yellow Wall broke out into a spontaneous not to mentiondeafening choral rendition of 'Jingle Bells' after the final whistle...


Bayern Munich: Manuel Neuer Makes Outstanding Triple Save To Deny Medhi Benatia In Training (Video)

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You know who's good at this goalkeeping lark? Manuel Neuer.

Bayern Munich have been quick to trumpet their stopper as the best in the world after capturing a snippet of footage during a recent training session that saw Neuer transmogrify into a human wall to deny poor old Medhi Benatia from scoring not once, not twice, but thrice in the space of a fewseconds.

The Best Bits: Tottenham 1-2 Newcastle (Photos)

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Tottenham Hotspur 1-2 Newcastle United Premier League 13th December 2015

Spurs suffered their first league defeat since the opening day of the season on Sunday, with the Lilywhites going down 2-1 to strugglers Newcastle at White Hart Lane.

Embed from Getty Images

The hosts were sharp from the opening, forcing Magpies' 'keeper Rob Elliot into a number of decent saves.

The Best Bits: Liverpool 2-2 Newcastle (Photos)

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Liverpool 2-2 Newcastle United Premier League 13th December 2015

A 95th minute equaliser from Divock Origi secured a share of the points for Liverpool against West Bromwich Albion on Sunday, after a dramatic clash as Anfield.

Embed from Getty Images

The hosts started well, with captain Jordan Henderson impressing back in the starting line-up.

The Best Bits: Aston Villa 0-2 Arsenal (Photos)

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Aston Villa 0-2 Arsenal Premier League 13th December 2015

Arsenal went top of the table after a comfortable win away to bottom side Aston Villa, with midweek Champions League hero Oliver Giroud and Aaron Ramsey both getting on the scoresheet for the Gunners.

Embed from Getty Images

Facing his old side, Villa boss Remi Garde would have been expecting a difficult afternoon and things got off to a bad start for the hosts, when Alan Hutton was adjudged to have pulled back Theo Walcott in the box.

David Luiz Claims To Have Found A Foolproof Cure For Baldness

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"My hair was dull and lifeless...until I started injecting my cranium with hip cells"

Despite being one of the hairiest herberts in the professionalgame, David Luiz has revealed that he is still haunted by the prospect of one day having to surrender his dense thicket of glossy ringlets to the onset of baldness.

Love It When A Plan Comes Together: Northampton Tear Through Luton With Nifty Set-Piece Fresh From The Training Ground (Video)

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Action stations, aaaannnd....GO !!!

Northampton Town escapedfrom Luton with their first win at Kenilworth Road in some 15 years to go top of the League Two table, with a pre-planned training ground manoeuvre getting the ball rolling in some style on the way to a dramatic 4-3 victory.

Indeed, having gone a goal down inside the opening 10 minutes, the Cobblers restored parity again almost immediately by successfully executed a nifty set-piece that saw a quick flurry of disguised passes completely tear theLuton defence asunder.

The Best Bits: Bournemouth 2-1 Man Utd (Photos)

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Bournemouth 2-1 Manchester United Premier League 12th December 2015

Not sure if therewere five billion people watching this one, but those who did either go to Dean Court or watch on TV witnessed another incredible result for top-tier new-boys Bournemouth, with former Manchester United striker Josh King the match-winner for the Cherries.

Ex-Man Utd Striker Javier Hernandez Makes It 15 Goals In 12 Games For Bayer Leverkusen With Neat Hat-Trick vs Borussia M’Gladbach (Video)

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What Manchester United wouldn't do for Javier Hernandez's goals right now. The Mexican striker left Old Trafford in the summer after being deemed surplus to requirements by Louis van Gaal. However, this season 'Chicharito'has blossomed once again for Bundesliga side Bayer Leverkusen, netting a hat-trick in his side's 5-0 home battering of Borussia Monchengladbach on Saturday evening (when United were losing 2-1 to Bournemouth).

Euro 2016 Draw: England Face Wales, Northern Ireland Paired With Germany And Poland, Republic Of Ireland Grouped With Belgium And Italy

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Wales boss Chris Coleman had spoken of his hopes of dodging England in the EURO 2016 draw, but in Paris on Saturday evening, the Dragons were paired with Roy Hodgson's men in Group B.Russia and Slovenia join England and Wales in what's hardly the toughest of groups for the Three Lions.

The Republic of Ireland find themselves in Group E, along with Belgium,Italy andSweden, which hands Martin O'Neill's men a nightmare challenge.

The Best Bits: Man City 2-1 Swansea (Photos)

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Manchester City Swansea City Premier League 12th December 2015

A last-gasp deflected Yaya Touré helped Manchester City to a hard-fought victory at the Liberty Stadium on Saturday, a result which sees the Citizens go back to to the top of the table, at least until Sunday.

Embed from Getty Images

The managerless hosts, with caretaker Alan Curtis in the hot-seat, produced a fine display which frustrated City for long periods of the game.

Essex School Bans Crafty Kids From Putting Rubber Glue On Their Football Boots

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Photo: Sugru/Digital Newsroom

Teachers at a secondary school in Essex have banned their students from wearing football boots they'd craftily customisedusing a new type of malleableglue.

Kids at the Chafford school in Rainham had used a new glue called Sugru, which hardens and turns to rubber in 24 hours, to modifytheir boots into DIY Adidas Predators by moulding the putty into strips and ridges over the toes.

Bournemouth Daily Echo Claims 5 Billion Will Watch Cherries’ Premier League Clash With Man Utd On Saturday

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Bournemouth's maiden Premier League campaign has been quite a baptism of fire for Eddie Howe's hardworking side. However, a shock win away to champions Chelsea saw the south-coast side escape the relegation zone, at least for the time-being. And local paper, the Daily Echo, seems to have let the club's comparative success go to their heads, claiming that 68% of the world's population (5 billion individuals) will tune in to see the Cherries take on Manchester United in Saturday's televised late game.

Leicester City: Walkers Crisps Launch Special Flavour In Tribute To Jamie Vardy And His Goalscoring Feats

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You know you've finally made it when they're naming snacks after you

In a bid to pay homage to Leicester City's flavour of the month, Walkers Crisps have produced a specially-branded line of Jamie Vardy themed crisps.

32,000 of the packets will be handed out free to Leicester fans outside the King Power Stadium before Monday night's game against Chelsea.

Everton Take Legal Action Over Name Of Local Farm Shop Based In Yorkshire Village Of Everton

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Photo: Scott Merrylees

It's been revealed that Everton have taken legal action against a small Yorkshire farm shop over the use of its name even though it is located in a village called...Everton.

The Everton Farm Shop in Doncaster is run by owner Daniela Troop, 46, who recently received a letter from the Premier League club's legal department objecting to her attempt to trademark the name.

There’s Been A Merda: Lazio Fans Dump Several Self-Explanatory Bags Of Manure Outside Training Ground (Photo)

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"Enjoy your meal, rabbits!" Roma fans leave 50kg of carrots outside Trigoria

Following the recent lead of their cross-city Roma counterparts, a gaggle of irkedLazio fans have opted to take the literal route to demonstrate their displeasure at the current state of affairs at the clubfollowing a string of less-than-stellar results.

Charge! Nacional Under-14 ‘Keeper Goes Storming Up Pitch To Score Incredible Solo Goal (Video)

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Half a league, half a league, half a league onward,..

A doff of the cap is most definitely due to Guillermo Centurion (that's a 10/10name right there!), goalkeeper for the Nacional Under-14 string, who took it upon himself to score a freakish solo goal and secure a 3-1 victory for his side in their recent semi-final cup tie against C.

On This Day In 1962: Tottenham Just About See Off Glasgow Rangers In Epic Battle Of Britain

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When the FA Cup-winning Tottenham side led by Danny Blanchflower (above) were drawn against Glasgow Rangers in the Cup-Winners Cup, it created a huge ripple of excitement.

Spurs were being tipped to succeed in Europe where no British team had succeeded before, but this domestic-ish battle caught the imagination and represented a stern test.

Spanish Side Cultural Leonesa Are Back With Second Successive Batch Of ‘Tuxedo’ Novelty Kits (Photos & Video)

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Photo: @CyDLeonesa/Twitter

Saints be praised! For the second successive season, the most stylish team in the Spanish third tier, Cultural yDeportiva Leonesa, will be taking to the pitch wearing novelty tuxedo-themed kits: white at home, black for away games.

The club made the big announcement on Twitter this morning.

Sunderland Youngster Duncan Watmore Becomes Only Second Premier League Player To Graduate University With First-Class Degree

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Having only recentlyforced his way into the first-team reckoning at Sunderland, young Duncan Watmore has also gone and completed his 2015 in style by graduating from Newcastle University with a first-class honours degree ineconomics and business management.

The 21-year-old striker started his degree at Manchester University whileplaying non-league football with Altrincham, but switched to Newcastle University after joining Sunderland's youth ranks in 2013.

David Beckham Not Happy As Noel Gallagher Forces Him To Pose Next To Man City Flag (Photo)

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While we're not overly sure what the precise sequence of events is leading up to this photo, it's fair to say that David Beckham doesn't look best pleased about being forced to pose in front of a Man City flag after the latter's gig at the Royal Albert Halllast night.

Amazing evening only disappointment from the night was the color and size of this flag .

CSKA Sofia Fans Give In To The Dark Side, Perform Gigantic Star Wars Choreo (Video)

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The CSKA Sofia fans went momentarily to the Dark side before Wednesday night's Bulgarian Cupquarter-final against Sozopol by laying on a gigantic Star Wars-themed choreo display in the stands.

Thankfully, it was all captured on film by the intrepid Copa 90 chaps...

Surely a world first?

Former Rangers Midfielder Arnold Peralta Shot Dead While On Holiday In Honduras

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Terrible news is reaching us this morning that Honduran international Arnold Peralta has been shot dead in his hometown. He was just 26 years old.

According to BBC Latin America & Caribbean, the midfielder was on holiday in La Ceiba where he was gunned down in the car park of a shopping centre.

Sporting Lisbon Striker Teo Gutierrez Booked For Pinching Referee’s Vanishing Spray To Celebrate Goal (Video)

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Sporting Lisbon striker Teofilo Gutierrez found himself booked in the act of celebrating his goal against Besiktas in the Europa League last night, not for diving into the crowd or yanking his shirt over his head, but for an altogether stranger transgression.

After sticking away Sporting's third and final goal of the evening, Gutierrez approached the referee, nabbed his canister of vanishing foam and proceeded to attempt to write his name out on the turf.

Europa League – The Best Bits: Tottenham 4-1 Monaco (Photos & Highlights)

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Tottenham Hotspur 4-1 Monaco Europa League Group J 10th December 2015

A first-half hat-trick from Erik Lamela fired Spurs to a thumping 4-1 win against Monaco at White Hart Lane on Thursday night, a result which sees the north Londoners comfortably top Group J.

Despite neither Harry Kane, Christian Eriksen nor Dele Alli starting the game, the hosts got off to a perfect start when Lamela fired home within the first two minutes.

Europa League – The Best Bits: Sion 0-0 Liverpool (Photos & Highlights)

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FC Sion 0-0 Liverpool Europa League Group B 10th December 2015

Hardly chock full of best bits, this one, but Liverpool's rather dull draw away in Switzerland sees them finish the Europa League group stages sitting pretty atop Group B.

While there were no goals for the Reds, the return of captain Jordan Henderson was a huge positive on the night.

‘Do You Take Me For A Sucker?’ – Marseille President Vicent Laburne On Being Offered Riyad Mahrez Last December

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Marseille presidentVincent Labrune may well be kicking himself today after passing up, in somewhat haughtystyle, on the opportunity to pursue a move for Leicester City winger Riyad Mahrez not so very long ago.

An exciting player who makes things happen, Mahrez haseven been linked (admittedly somewhat spuriously) with Barcelona during the early knockings of the 2015/16 season having popped up with ten goals and six assists so far inLeicester's unlikely assault on the Premier League summit.

Everton Samaritan Steven Naismith Treats Hundreds Of Homeless People In Glasgow To Christmas Dinner (Photos)

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Photo: Martin Shields

As he's demonstrated several times in the recent past, Steven Naismith is a jolly good egg.

Indeed, the Everton forward's latest incredibly generousgesture has seen him lay on a complimentary Christmas dinner for hundreds of homeless people in Glasgow.

Naismithagreed to sponsor an annual meal that was organised by national homeless charity Loaves and Fishes, which seeks to provide support for those unfortunate enough to be sleeping rough on city streets.

Karim Benzema Sees Euro 2016 Thrown Into Doubt After Being Suspended By French FA Over Sex Tape Blackmail Investigation

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Karim Benzema's participation at Euro 2016 has been plunged into considerable doubt this afternoon with the announcementthat he has been suspended by the French Football Federation until the ongoing investigation into a blackmail case involvingteammate Mathieu Valbuena reaches a conclusion.

The Real Madrid striker is tangled up in the case, having been charged and placed under formal investigation after admitting to police he had an involvement in the case which centres around an alleged sex tape.

Unbelievable: Koi Carp Found Swimming In Carlisle United’s Goalmouth After Storm Desmond Floods Stadium (Photo)

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Having been hit by devastating floods brought on by Storm Desmond over the course of the past week or so, Carlisle is now just beginning to piece itself back together in a town-wide clean-up operation.

When the town flooded, Carlisle United saw their Brunton Park home ground turned into a giant open-air lido for the second time in a month as the entire stadium was submerged once again.

FA Issue Blanket Ban On Youth Football Match Reports For Being ‘Demoralising And Upsetting’

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Seeing your name proudly on display in the local paper after a Sunday League match will sadly be a thing of the past for an entire generation of young footballers after the FA issued a blanket ban on the publication of youth game match reports a day or two ago.

In their infinite wisdom, the FA have seen fit to ban local newspapers, club and league websites and social media channels from reporting on youth matches on the basis that publishing results could demoralise young players.

Everton Invite 89-Year-Old Lifelong Fan To Watch Game Alongside Roberto Martinez On The Bench

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Photo: Everton FC

Anybody born with the ancient Navajo gift of hawk-sight may well have spotted an unusual face sat on the Everton bench during the 1-1 draw with Crystal Palace on Monday evening.

That face belongs to 89-year-old Peter Owens, a lifelong Toffees fan who gratefully accepted an invitation from Roberto Martinez to watch the match alongside him in appreciation for his decades of loyal support.

On This Day In 1960: Newcastle Rack Up Big Numbers With 5-5 Draw Against West Ham

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Newcastle team circa 1960, including Bob Stokoe (back, 3rd left) Ivor Allchurch (front,2nd left) Len White (front row (c) and Joe Harvey (front, 2nd right) (Photo by Getty Images)

It wasn't the biggest crowd ever at St James's Park. In fact, just 20,106 turned up on this chill December day in 1960 to witness a 5-5 draw duringa season in which the Toon racked up some big, big numbers.

Champions League – The Best Bits: Chelsea 2-0 Porto (Photos & Highlights)

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Chelsea 2-0 FC Porto Champions League Group G 9th December 2015

Chelsea put their Premier League troubles to one side on Wednesday night, with the Blues comfortably beating Joe Mourinho's old side Porto to top Group G ahead of the knockout stages.

The Blues, with Diego Costa starting in attack, enjoyed a perfect start whenIvan Marcano put through his own net after Iker Casillas had saved a shot from the Chelsea striker.

Man City Players Spread Christmas Cheer By Reading Out Mean Tweets About Themselves (Video)

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As part of their festive Youtube advent calendar, Man City had the likes of Yaya Toure, Vincent Kompany and Bacary Sagna sit down and read out mean Tweets about themselves y'know, because it's Christmas and all.

Some are funny, some are quite brutal. In fact, Sagna looks genuinely hurt at being called sh*t by some fat bloke from Altrincham.

Porto Players And Staff Receive Venomous Airport Reception From Livid Fans After Going Out Of Champions League (Video)

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Today in "Grown men queueing up at an airport to scream blue bloody murderat other grown men for losing a football match" news...

I guess this is what you call a hot reception. Lopetegui stayed pretty cool to be fair. #FCPorto #Lopetegui pic.

Manchester United Players Complain About ‘Stifling Heat’ Of Wolfsburg Dressing Rooms

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"Is it me or is it bloody boiling in here?"

Manchester United went a-rollin' and a-tumblin' out of the Champions League last night with a dramatic 3-2 away defeat against Wolfsburg in their final group game condemning them to their fate.

Whereas you may well cite a lack of creativity, ruthlessnessor defensive focus for the loss, it would appear that atmospheric conditions before the game also had a part to play.

Jose Mourinho Stokes Ongoing Iker Casillas Feud By Wishing Him Well In Europa League

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Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho chose last night's post-Porto press conference to once again stoke his ongoing feud with Iker Casillas by aiming anothernone-too-subtle jab in the former Real Madrid goalkeeper's general direction.

The pair endured a prolonged squabble during Mourinho's time in charge at the Bernabeu, largely centred around Mourinho's suspicions that Casillas (who now plays for Porto) was leaking confidential team chatter to his cronies in the media.

Little Chelsea Mascot Visibly Shocked By How Tall Thibaut Courtois Is (Video)

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Spotted in the tunnel shortly before Chelsea's 2-0 win over Porto in the Champions League last night, one little mascot was visibly in awe of the skyscraper stood next to him after being paired up with the Blues' 6'5″ (1.99m) tall goalkeeper Thibaut Courtois...


Champions League – The Best Bits: Olympiakos 0-3 Arsenal (Photos & Highlights)

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Olympiakos 0-3 Arsenal Champions League 9th December 2015

Oliver Giroud inspired Arsenal to produce one of their best-ever European performances in Greece on Wednesday night, beating Olympiakos 3-0 to bounce back from a dreadful start to the group stages and qualify for the last 16.

Needing to beat the Greek side by two clear goals (or 4-3) to book a place in the knockout stages, the Gunners started with Giroud flanked by Theo Walcott and Joel Campbell.

Garry Monk Sacked By Swansea For Keeping Pace With Chelsea This Season

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The decisionhas felt imminent for weeks but today is the day that Swansea have finally made the call to terminate the employ ofmanager Garry Monk.

The Swans have "reluctantly parted company" with Monk after a run that saw the club pick up just one win in their last 11 Premier League games, leaving them perched perilously just one point above the dotted line of doom (though only one point behind Chelsea too!

The QPR Version Of ‘Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time’ Is Simply Bewildering And Strange (Video)

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Grant Hall sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...

It's nudging towards being that time of year again as football clubs the world over begin upping the ante with their weird and wonderful Christmas social media output.

As part of their ongoing Youtube advent calendar, QPR have press-ganged their players into miming awkwardly along to Paul McCartney's 'Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time' and the results are a mix of weird, bewildering and in some cases slightly unsettling.

Interesting Graph Shows How Complexion Of Manchester United’s Dramatic Champions League Group Changed In Space Of Two Hours

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As you've probably heard by now, Manchester United's 2015/16 Champions League campaign came to a dramatic end in Wolfsburg last night as Louis van Gaal's limp mob failed to bring home the bacon in their final group stage fixture.

Going into the game in second spot in Group B, the various permutations meant thata win for United against Wolfsburg would guarantee their safe passage into the knockout round.

Neymar’s Humongous New Calf Tattoo Is Actually Rather Impressive, Not To Mention Poignant (Photos)

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With a bit of free time on his hands and bundles of disposable income to fritter away, Neymar has done the done thing and gone out and had several more squareinches of his skin filled up with a gigantic new tattoo.

Shockingly for a professional footballer, the Barcelona striker's new addition to his ever-swelling ink collection,while undeniably massive, is not altogether awful or hackneyed.

Champions League – The Best Bits: Man CIty 4-2 BMG (Photos & Highlights)

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Manchester City 4-2 Borussia Monchengladbach Champions League Group D 8th December 2015

Manchester City secured adramatic Raheem Sterling-inspired victory at home to Borussia Monchengladbach on Tuesday night to secure top spot in Group D.

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The Citizens got off to a fine start with David Silva netting on 16 minutes after a clever Sterling backheel.

Champions League – The Best Bits: Wolfsburg 3-2 Man Utd (Photos & Highlights)

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Wolfsburg 3-2 Manchester United Champions League Group B 8th December 2015

Manchester United crashed out of the Champions League on Tuesday night, after going down 3-2 to Wolfsburg in a dramatic Group B clash.

The Red Devils started withyoung Uruguayan right-back Guillermo Varela, and it was another more feted youngster, Anthony Martial, who would open the scoring for the visitors on 10 minutes.

Relegation-Threatened Avai Substitute Stashes Phone In Shinpad To Check On Results Elsewhere (Video)

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Image via SporTV

Onthe final day of the Brazilian Serie A season, relegation-threatened Avai went into theircrunch game against newly-crowned champions Corinthians just one point ahead of Figueirense who, by virtue of being 17th in the league, occupied the fourth and final drop zonespot.

On This Day In 2000: Ledley King Scores The Fastest Goal In Premier League History (Video)

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When Tottenhamtravelled up to Valley Parade to take on Bradford City in 2000, the then 20-year-oldLedley King was making a name for himself as a classy centre-half. Little did he know that the day would end with all the talk centred aroundhis goalscoring exploits.

The visitors kicked off and sent the ball deep into Bradford's half.

BT Sport Pundit Owen Hargreaves Doesn’t Realise He’s Live On Air, Gives Honest Assessment Of Louis Van Gaal’s Tactics (Video)

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Being a Manchester United old boy, Owen Hargreaves gave BT Sport viewers an honest and candid if slightly unwitting assessment of his former club's current predicament during a segment of the channel's pre-game coverage in Wolfsburg last night.

Hargreaves was caught off guard when studio host Gary Lineker threw live to him and Des Kelly stationed pitchside at the Volkswagen Arena, when he was heard murmuring about Louis van Gaal's decision to leave his only Champions League winner, Michael Carrick, on the bench for such a big game.

‘We Are Better Than Last Year’ – Louis Van Gaal Defiant As Manchester United Knocked Out Of Champions League At First Hurdle

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Despite being all but through with eight minutes left on the clock, a late header from Naldo resigned Manchester United to a 3-2 defeat against Wolfsburg in their final Champions League group game and ergo a new life in the Europa League.

Condemnation has been rife ever since the final whistle rang around theVolkswagen Arena toseal United's fate, with ex-players and fans alike taking the opportunity to voice their embarrassment, their displeasure and, in some altogether more melodramatic corners, their wont to see Louis van Gaal do the decent thing and resign his post.

Augsburg ‘Keeper Marwin Hitz Receives €120 Bill From Cologne To Cover Cost Of Damaged Penalty Spot

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Cologne have hit Augsburg goalkeeper Marwin Hitz with a spot fine of over €120 to cover the cost of repairing the damage he caused to their penalty spot during a top-notch bout of shenanigans during the Bundesliga game between the two sides on Saturday evening.

Hitz was seen deliberately scuffing the penalty spot at theRheinEnergieStadion momentsbefore Cologne striker Athony Modeste slipped and fluffeda penalty kick.

Gareth Bale Reveals Exciting New Brand Logo, Features ‘Sporting Influences Framed Within Principles Of Luxury Design’

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What you're looking at, dear people, is Gareth Bale's exciting new brand logowhich he now intends to plaster on things relating to his commercial platforms and partners.

This comes two years after Bale first attempted to copyright a logowith the intention of slapping his silly 'love heart' emblemon a range of leather goods and umbrellas.

Neymar Becomes First Ever Barcelona Player To Win La Liga Player Of The Month Award

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With five goals and two assists in the space ofthreeleague games,Neymar has been bestowed with La Liga's Player of the Month Award for November.

While there's nothing untoward about that in and of itself, it does bring to an end one of the most inexplicable runs in the recent history Spanish football.

FAIL: Adel Taarabt Is Most Definitely Not Ripping It Up In The Benfica Reserve Team (With Video Evidence)

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You'll no doubt be shocked to learn that Adel Taarabt hasn't made much of an impact since signing for Benfica in June, having made a grand total of zero appearances for the first team as of yet.

On the day the three-year deal went through Pies predicted two months of Youtube-friendlystep-overs followed by two-and-a-half-years of fitness issues, tantrums, disappointing loan spells and more tantrums.

Shit Lookalike: Jamie Carragher & The Alien Bloke In David Bowie’s New Play

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Kudos are most definitely due to Pies fan Holly Hunt who noticed that Gary Neville isn't the only pundit forced to moonlight away from the Sky Sports studio in order to earn a bit of extra Christmas lolly.

Indeed, it looks like Jamie Carragher has gone and bagged himself a leading role in David Bowie's new off-Broadway play, LAZARUS, in which he plays a confused and bedraggled alien struggling to get to grips with Liverpool's high-press 3-5-2 formation.

Kanye West’s Silly Yeezy Boost 350 Trainers Turned Into Football Boots For Copa Basel Art Exhibition (Photos)

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Balls out of the bathtub here, we can't pretend to have the first clue about Kanye West and theseobnoxiously expensive Yeezy trainershe keeps farting out.

As such, we're stumbling in blind here to inform you that, thanks to a collaboration between 'footwear artisan' Red Ribbon Reconand football lifestyle blog Kicks to the Pitch, a pair of Kanye's Yeezy Boost 350 trainers have been chopped up and spliced with a pair of Adidas Ace football boots to created a studded, woollen prototype football boot called the "Adidas Yeezy Ace".

Fortuna Dusseldorf Force Player To Referee Girl’s Game After Making Sexist Comment To Female Match Official

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Photo: NTB Scanpix (via Dagbladet SPORT)

Fortuna Dusseldorf took the unusual step of punishing one of their own players for making sexist comments by forcing him to referee an all-girl's game.

Shortly after receiving a second booking duringa recent game against FSV Frankfurt, Kerem Demirbay had something manly to say to female referee Bibi Steinhaus as he trudged off the match.

Labour Councillors Caught Watching Crystal Palace’s Match Against Everton During Local Funding Debate (Photos)

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A pair of Croydon councillors are in hot well, perhaps just the top end of lukewarm water today after being caught dipping out of Monday night's council debate over government cuts to watch Crystal Palace's Premier League tie against Everton.

Labour members John Wentworth and Pat Ryan were both spotted watching the match on their tablet screen as their colleaguesdiscussed crucial reductions in local authority funding and the closure of an arts centre for two years of refurbishment.

Arsenal’s Chilean Wingman Alexis Sanchez Scoops FSF’s Player Of The Year Gong

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Arsenal's Chilean wingman Alexis Sanchez has been voted 2015's player of the year by the Football Supporters' Federation ahead of their awards bash on Monday night. 180,000 votes were cast with the former Barcelona superstar coming out on top.

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Sanchezhas been a standout success for the Gunners, inspiringthem to a thumping 4-0 win over Aston Villa in the FA Cup final as well as helping Chile to a first-ever Copa America title in the summer.

FA Cup 3rd Round Draw: Holders Arsenal Host Sunderland While High-Flying Leicester Travel To Tottenham

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The draw for the third round of the FA Cup was made at theSport Wales National Centre on Monday evening, with former Welsh international John Hartson and England Womens' team boss (and Welshman) Mark Sampson.

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Very few standout clashes were thrown up, however, with cup-holders Arsenal will face Sunderland at the Emirates, a side they beat 3-1 at the weekend.

Incensed Chelsea Fan Goes On Uber-Rant After Shock Bournemouth Defeat (Video)

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While Arsenal Fan TV might still be the top of the pile in terms of ludicrous, impassioned post-match ranting, '100% Chelsea' produced a right cracker of a rant in the wake of the Blues' disastrous home defeats against Premier League new-boys Bournemouth.

Flat-capped star of the show, 'Louis Rant', embarked on a magnificent diatribe, with Cesc Fabregas and Diego Costa the target of much of his vitriol.

On this day in 1997: The passing of a true great as Leeds united legend Billy Bremner of Leeds United dies

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Aged just 54 years old, Billy Bremner, one of the giants of the game, died in hospital after contracting pneumonia.
Bremner joined Leeds in 1959 when he was 18 and played for 18 seasons, becoming a stalwart under Don Revie, for whom he captained the side from 1966.

The Best Bits: Newcastle 2-0 Liverpool (Photos)

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Newcastle United 2-0 Liverpool Premier League 6th December 2015

Liverpool failed to build on their recent impressive results on Sunday, instead going down 2-0 to Newcastle after a limp display.

With Daniel Sturridge and Divock Origi back on the bench, Christian Benteke lead the line for the Reds, but the Belgian struggled to provide the requisite cutting edge and missed one good chance after a corner.

Snapshot: Carlisle United’s Brunton Park Submerged By Storm Desmond…

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While League Two side Carlisle United were beating Welling 5-0 away in the FA Cup second round, their home ground of Brunton Park was suffering a hammering of its own. Caught up in the rather vicious Storm Desmond, the 18,2000 capacity stadium found itself submerged as flooding devastated the entire area.

Man Utd Loanee James Wilson Scores Cracking Solo Goal In Brighton’s 3-2 Comeback Win vs Charlton (Video)

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While Manchester United were once again struggling in front of goal against West Ham at Old Trafford on Saturday, their striker James Wilson was busy inspiring Brighton & Hove Albion to a superb 3-2 comeback win against Charlton Athletic.

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With the score 2-0 to the Addicks at the Amex Stadium, Wilson picked up the ball half-way inside the opposition half before producing a superb dribble and finish.

Augsburg ‘Keeper Marwin Hitz Deviously Tampers With Penalty Spot Ahead Of Fluffed Spot-Kick (Video)

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What a conniving fiendAugsburg's Marwin Hitz is. During his side's 1-0 Bundesliga away win against Koln, the Swiss goalkeeper indulged in some Grade A gamesmanship ahead of a penalty kick for the hosts.

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While discussing the decision to award the spot-kick to Koln with the referee and his teammates, Hitzsurreptitiously tampered with the penalty spot by digging a hole with his foot.

The Best Bits: Chelsea 0-1 Bournemouth (Photos)

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Chelsea 0-1 Bournemouth Premier League 5th December 2015

Jose Mourinho lost against a newly-promoted side for only the second time in his glittering Premier League career in Saturday's late game, with the Blues suffering a shock defeat at the hands of Bournemouth.

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The Best Bits: Man Utd 0-0 West Ham (Photos)

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Manchester United 0-0 West Ham United Premier League 5th December 2015

Having already won away at Arsenal, Man City and Liverpool this season, West Ham registered yet another fine result on the road on Saturday, deservedly bagging a draw at Old Trafford.

With Wayne Rooney out injured, Anthony Martial started in a central striking berth for the Red Devils, but the young Frenchman and his teammates struggled to provide much of a cutting-edge.

The Best Bits: Arsenal 3-1 Sunderland (Photos)

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Arsenal 3-1 Stoke City – Premier League – 5th December 2015

Arsenal battled their way to a vital win against Sunderland at the Emirates on Saturday, after the visitors produced an impressive display which arguably merited a share of the point.

Shorn of key performers such as Alexis Sanchez, Santi Cazorla and Francis Coquelin, the Gunners struggled to click into gear in the first-half.

The Best Bits: Stoke 2-0 Man City (Photos)

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Stoke City 2-0 Manchester City Premier League 5th December 2015

League leaders Manchester City were well beaten at the Britannia Stadium in Saturday's early game, with Stoke's Alpine duo of Xherdan Shaqiri and Marko Arnautovic combining for both the host's goals.

Shaqiri superbly set up Arnautovic for the first goal after just seven minutes, with the Swiss winger powering his way to the byline before crossing for his Austrian team-mate.

Watch As Michael Owen Robot Blows A Fuse On BT Sport

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Finally! What we've long suspected is now proven true:Michael Owen is a pundit-bot, a pre-programmed, plug-'n'-play, monotone automaton offering opinion on the human game of football.

The mask slipped this Saturday, when, 'live' on BT Sport, Owen bleeped and burbled like Twinkie on Buck Rodgers re-run.

Generous: Stevan Jovetic Pays Surgery Bills For Young Montenegrin Striker Milivoje Raicevic Despite The Pair Being Complete Strangers

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Young Montenegrin playerMilivoje Raicevic has revealed that shortly after tearing his cruciate ligament in August, he found he had a guardian angel in the somewhat unlikely guise of Stevan Jovetic the Man City striker currently on loan at Inter Milan.

The 22-year-oldBuducnost Podgorica forward revealed to UEFA.

Portland Timbers Haul Their Enormous ‘Victory Log’ 2,400 Miles Across United States For MLS Cup Final

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Portland Timbers have taken the slightly unusual step of hauling an enormous chuck of lumber (if you'll excuse the Yank parlance) across the entire breadth of the United States in preparation for Sunday's MLS Cup Final in Columbus.

For those unaware, in typically brash American fashion, the Timbers have their lumberjack mascot Joey hack a slice offthe 'victory log'every time the team score.

‘I Love The Music And The Man’ – Arsene Wenger Reveals His Passion For All Things Bob Marley

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On something of a culture kick at the moment, Arsenal manager Arsene Wengerhas revealed he has a deep-seated admiration for the life and work of Bob Marley.

That's right. When the stress of the job gets too much, Wenger loves nothing more than winding down with a bit of irie Natural Mystic.

On This Day In 2009: Adidas Prepare To Ruin A World Cup With The Worst Football Of All Time – The Jabulani

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Football is a simple game, but those involved with running it really do their best to make it complicated. Take the case of the introduction of the special, official, all-new match ball for the 2010 World Cup.

Named after the Zulu word for 'celebrate', the Jabulani was, we were told, made from eight spherically moulded panels and had a textured surface designed to improve its aerodynamics.

Stoke City Flag Blasted Into Space After Fan Spends Months Campaigning On Twitter

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Stoke fan Andrew Rushton holds the very flag that will go up into space (Photo: Stoke Sentinel)

After months and months of tireless campaigning, the day is finally upon us that Stoke City have had their club crest blasted into orbit.

Thanks to lifelong Stoke fan Andrew Rushton, a small Potters pendant wasstowed in the hand luggage of British astronaut Tim Peake as it was launched from Cape Canaveral to the International Space Station on a supply flight on Thursday evening.

Cadiz’s Next Opponents, Merida AD, Go To Extremes To Ensure They Don’t Field Their Ineligible Player (Video)

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WithReal Madrid still facing possible expulsion from the Copa del Rey for fielding an ineligible player against Cadiz on Wednesday night, it would appear that the wider Spanish football community don't have much in the way of sympathy.

Indeed, Cadiz's next opponents, Merida AD, have poked fun at Real by going to extreme lengths to prevent themselves suffering the same fate.

Newcastle Loanee Remy Cabella Pulls Off Cheeky Back-Heel Nutmeg For Marseille vs Rennes (Video)

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French winger Remy Cabella produced a match-winning performance for Marseille against Rennes in Ligue 1 on Thursday day, with the Newcastle United loanee scoring the only goal of the game in the first-half. The 25-year-old has struggled in the Premier League with the Magpies, netting just one goal in 34 games.

Lazio Midfielder Senad Lulic ‘Loses Part Of His Finger’ In Freak Gym Accident

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Photo: Paolo Bruno/Getty Images

If reports emanating from Italy are to be believed, it looks as though Lazio midfielder Senad Lulic is set for a pretty grim period of recovery over Christmas after doing himself a significant mischief in a freak gym accident.

BeIN Sportshave it that the Bosnian internationalis "risking finger amputation" after injuring his hand, presumably after getting it trapped in a piece of equipment.

Capital One Cup – The Best Bits: Southampton 1-6 Liverpooi (Photos & Highlights)

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Southampton 1-6 Liverpool Capital One Cup 2nd December 2015

A Divock Origi hat-trick and a Daniel Sturridge brace helped Liverpool to a superb 6-1 win away at St. Mary's on Wednesday night, a result which sees Jurgen Klopp's rampant Reds book their place in the last four of the Capital One Cup.

Zzzz: Acting FIFA President Issa Hayatou Falls Asleep During Executive Committee Meeting (Photo)

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Obviously not gripped by proceedings at today's ExCo meetingafter giving his own speech on reforms, FIFA'sacting president Issa Hayatou decided he'd just power down for a moment or two...

Bit sleepy Issa? Don't blame you, early start and all that.

Melodramatic Chilean Linesman Goes Down Like Sack Of Spuds After Having Ball Kicked At His Thigh (Video)

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As far as football is concerned, the age of the wimp is truly upon us. Players are mollycoddled from such an early age that none of them know what genuine pain is any more, hence the reason most of them spend all game screaming in agony.

That's our theory anyway.

Sadly, it would appear that the scourge is now spreading to the officials, with Chilean linesman Carlos Echeverria hitting the deck like a sack of patatas during the recent game betweenHuachipato and Palestino after having aball poked against his thigh from close range.

On This Day In 1963: Manchester United Bring About Beginning Of The End For Tottenham’s Famous ‘Super Spurs’ Team

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Tottenham players listen to manager Bill Nicholson during a break in pre-season training, August 1963

In football, as in life, all things must pass. Even for great sides, the glory years must come to a halt at some stage.

For Tottenham's all-conquering side of the early 1960s, the gradual loss of lustre began against Manchester United in the first round of the 1963 European Cup Winner's Cup a two-legged match that would prove to bethe beginning of the end for Bill Nicholson's Super Spurs.

Ex-Portsmouth Man Andres D’Alessandro Gets His Own Face Tattooed On His Belly (Photos)

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Having struggled to make any kind of prolonged impact during his solitary half-season at Fratton Park, we could forgive Portsmouth fans for not having Andres D'Alessandro's face forever emblazoned fresh in their memories.

The Argentinian attacking midfielder turned up for the second half of the 2005-06 season and proceeded to flounce around a bit, but moved on again to Real Zaragoza before long.

FIFA Set To Discuss Expanding The World Cup To 40 Teams

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As was threatened by FIFA presidential candidate Gianni Infantino a month or so ago, it would appear that the World Cupis set to be expanded from 32 teams to 40 from the 2026 tournament onwards.

This comes following discussions among the FIFA executive committee (ExCo), who seem hell bent on making football'smost exclusive tournament less.

Real Madrid ‘Face Copa Del Rey Expulsion’ After Accidentally Fielding Ineligible Denis Cheryshev Against Cadiz

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"Bad joke in Cadiz"

Real Madrid are facing expulsion from the Copa del Rey for fielding an ineligible player during their last-32 tie against Cadiz last night.

Denis Cheryshev was named in Rafa Benitez's starting line-up and went on to open the scoring for Real in a 3-1 win inside the first five minutes.

Leeds United Fans Furious After Club Effectively Forces Them To Buy £5 Pie With Every Match Ticket

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Leeds United are facing yet another fan revolt after stinging those buying tickets in the South Stand at Elland Road withan additional £5 "pie tax" whether they want food or not.

Supportersare being forced to pay an extra fiver for the "meal deal" on top of the previously announced ticket price.

Movin’ On Up: Gary Neville Appointed Valencia Head Coach Until The End Of The Season

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Coming straight out of left field, Valencia have made the shock announcement this afternoon that they've appointed Gary Neville as their new head coach...

COMUNICADO OFICIAL | @GNev2 -> https://t.co/zFJoNcfDrT #BenvingutGaryNeville pic.

On This Day In 1907: Professional Footballers Decide There Is Power In A Union

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Billy 'The Whiz" Meredith of Manchester United in action during the first ever FA Charity Shield match against QPR, 1908

On 2nd December 1907, Manchester United players Billy Meredith (pictured above) and Charlie Roberts convened a meeting in Manchester's Imperial Hotel.

That meeting decided to form the Association of Football Players' and Trainers' Union, which eventually became the Professional Footballers' Association and is now the oldest players' union in the world.

‘Enjoy Your Meal, Rabbits!’ – Furious Roma Fans Dump 50kg Of Carrots Outside Training Ground

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Photo: @Sport_Mediaset/Twitter

Roma's player had the pleasure of being greeted by a full 50kg of carrots when they arrived for training on Tuesday morning, with furious fans branding the team "rabbits" after a series of meek displays.

After losing 6-1 to Barcelona in the Champions League last week, Roma went down 2-0 at home against Atalanta the following Sunday.

Man City Set To Offer Free Laser Tattoo Removal To Fans As And When They Change Their Club Crest

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Good luck getting that thing off, mate

The top brass at Manchester City are mulling over taking the unusual step of offering complimentary tattoo removal to their fans should the club press ahead with their plans to redesign their crest.

After consulting their fans, City recently announced that they intend to redrafttheir badge ditching the current eagle shield in favour of a return to a more traditional round emblem.

Football Songs: Audio Of Mick McCarthy’s 1991 Pop Single ‘Did You Ever?’ Resurfaces (Video)

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Photo: Richie McCormack/Twitter

Lord knows how we've got this far without being aware of it, but long-lost audio of a charming duet featuring the dulcet tones of Mr Mick McCarthy has surfaced this week and, of course, it's beautiful.

Sung in tandem with former Eurovision winnerLinda Martin, the song is a cover of Lee Hazlewood's "Did You Ever?

Capital One Cup – The Best Bits: Man City 4-1 Hull (Photos & Highlights)

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Manchester City 4-1 Hull City Capital One Cup 1st December 2015

Manchester City reached the last four of the League Cup for the fourth time in the last seven seasons after a convincing, Kevin De Bruyne-inspired win against Hull.

De Bruyne was the star of the show for City, with the Belgian playmaker's shot on 12 minutes coming back off the post, leaving Wilfried Bony to fire hone the opener.

12 Players Who Climbed From Non-League Football To The Premier League

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With Jamie Vardy currently the flavour of the week (that particular flavour being a subtle mix of WKD blue, ecstasyand two-stroke oil), we thought we'd tip our hat to a few of the other players who have hauled themselves from the non-leagues to the top table of English football at acomparablylate age.

Fleetwood Juniors Coach Responds Angrily To Tim Sherwood’s Damning Appraisal Of Lower League Scouting

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Following Tim Sherwood's snippy assessment that all lower league scouting is rubbishbecause there's too many vanilla cappuccinos being sipped and not enough mild-quaffingProper Football Men™ in jobs these days, a member of the aforementioned lower league scouting community has exercised his right to reply.

Gazza Reveals Exact Details Of The Night He Turned Up At The Raoul Moat Police Siege Armed With Roast Chicken And A Fishing Rod

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Back in July of 2010, Paul Gascoigne hit one of his many rock bottoms by turning up at the scene of the Raoul Moat armed siege in Rothbury, Northumberland.

Moat was wanted by police for shooting three people and eventuallyshot himself dead after a tense stand-off in a barn. It was serious business.

Chelsea Submit Plans To Demolish Stamford Bridge And Build Swanky New 60,000-Capacity Stadium (Photo)

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Image: Herzog & de Meuron

It would appear that Stamford Bridge is indeed falling down with the revelation this morning that Chelsea have submitted a planning application to build an enormous new 60,000-capacity stadium on the site of their current home.

The plans have been submitted to the Hammersmith and Fulham Council, who have outlined the club's proposal on their website thus:

The application comprises the demolition of the existing football stadium which has a capacity of 41,600 seats and other buildings within the ground, and the construction of a new larger football stadium with a 60,000 seat capacity.

Competition: WIN! £25 Gift Voucher To Spend On Any ‘Art Of Football’ Product Of Your Choice

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"It's Christmaaaaaaas!!!"

As we stride headlong into December, we thought it high time to get back in bed with our old chums over at Art Of Football and lay on a pre-Christmas competition for the Pies faithful.

As many of you well know by now, Art of Football specialise in capturinghundreds of the beautiful game's most beautiful moments using their signature splotchy artworks and then turn them into the most exquisite t-shirts, hoodies, sweatshirts and art prints all presented in superb luxury packaging.

On This Day In 1959: Liverpool Appoint Their New Manager, Mr William ‘Bill’ Shankly

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Shankly and the rest of Liverpool's 'Boot Room Boys' (L-R): Bob Paisley, Ronnie Moran, Joe Fagan and Reuben Bennett, 1960

In December 1959, Liverpool Football Club was languishing in the old Second Division (where the club had been for five years) and had just been knocked out of the FA Cup by non-league Worcester City.

Mauritanian President Orders Super Cup Match To Go Straight To Penalties In 63rd Minute After Getting Bored

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Photo via Gazzetta World

The recent Mauritanian Super Cup clash between FC Tevragh-Zeina and ACS Ksar was brought to a premature halt after the president of the North African republic declared thatit was too damn dull to continue.

With the gamelevel at 1-1 and the tempo dwindling, President Mohamed Ould Abdel Aziz brought an abrupt halt to proceedings in the 63rd minute after reportedly losing interest in the scoreline.