Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2015

Bolton’s Financial Crisis Mounts As Player Wages Go Unpaid For November

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As if being rock-bottom of the Championship and without a win in 11 games wasn't bad enough news, it looks as though the financial quagmire thatBolton Wanderers currently find themselves stood thigh-deep in is getting steadily thicker and thicker too.

Indeed, the club were forced to announce today that their players are yet to receive their wagesfor November.

Horror Hair: Jamie Vardy And His Grotty Looking Cornrows, Circa 2013 (Photo)

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Here at Pies, we feel it's our duty to continually remind people that, amid the ever-escalating hype and adoration surrounding him, Jamie Vardy was found guilty of a gross cultural misdemeanour not so very long ago.

We are of course referring to the time when, if only fleetingly, he was a whiteblokefrom Sheffield with cornrows.

Robert Lewandowski Receives Four Guinness World Record Certificates After Smashing Bundesliga Scoring Records To Smithereens (Photo & Video)

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Photo: @HomeBayern/Guinness World Records

Robert Lewandowski was presented with not one, not two, not three, but four official Guinness World Record certificates at a special press conference at Bayern Munich'sstadium this morning to formally recognisehis incredible five-goal blitz against Wolfsburg back in September.

FIFA 2015 Ballon d’Or: Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi And Neymar Make Up Stellar Three-Man Shortlist

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Image: @FIFAcom/Twitter

First came the long-longlist, then came the short-longlist, then the long-shortlist and now FIFA have finally seen fit to furnish us with the final shortlist for the 2015 Ballon d'Or award and there are no prizes for guessing the three names on the list.

As expected, we're looking at Lionel Messi+Cristiano Ronaldo + A.

Arsenal Fan Buys Commemorative Stone On North Bank Terrace To Profess His Love For Taylor Swift

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"Here's a little song I wrote about Anders Limpar..."

Pretty much ever since the Emirates Stadium opened in , Arsenal fans have been able to purchase special commemorative stones on the North Bank Terrace area outside engravedwith their own personal messages.

The folks over at Humans of the Arsenalrecently stumbled across a slab with a rather perplexing message, with a Gooner by the name of Timotius shelling out to have his undying love of Taylor Swift forever immortalised outside the stadium of his beloved football team.

Tim Sherwood Reveals He Hates Modern Scouting, Blankets, Cappuccinos, Pie Charts And Data Analysts

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In an exclusive interview with Sam Wallace in the Telegraphthis morning, former Aston Villa manager (and card-carrying member of the Proper Football Man™ Alliance) Tim Sherwood has railed against the whims and fads that have come to pollute the modern game.

Coming as a surprise to absolutely nobody, Sherwoodhas revealed that he simply cannot stand modern football's blind reliance on statistics and data, as the beautiful game's earthen roots continue to be eroded by an army of pencil-necked geeks with sport science degrees.

The Bloke That Wrote The ‘Goal!’ Trilogy Wants Zac Efron To Play Jamie Vardy In The ‘Ultimate Rags To Riches’ Movie

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Coming soon to a cinema near you,"Chat Shit, Get Banged: The Jamie Vardy Story" that's if BritishscreenwriterAdrian Butchart has his way, anyway.

Yep. Butchart, who co-wrote the "Goal!" footballmovie trilogy, has revealed to the The Sunthat he has half a mind to turn Vardy's "rags to riches" life story into a Hollywood blockbuster.

Football Fan Receives Belated Plaudits After Correctly Predicting Jamie Vardy’s Meteoric Rise Back In 2012

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Given that he was plugging away in the non-leagues with Fleetwood at the time, you'd be hardpressed to find many folks who foresaw Jamie Vardy's incredible ascent to the top of thePremier League goalscorers chart four years ago.

However, one fan had the gumption to stick their neck out and earmark Vardy for big things in January of 2012by issuinga pre-emptive Tweet that has since been receiving a shed load of belated attention for obvious reasons.

On This Day In 1872: Scotland Play England In The First Ever International Football Match

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Football's international tradition began in front of 4,000 spectators at the West Of Scotland Cricket Ground in Hamilton Crescent, Partick on 30th November 1872.

Those 4,000 spectators paid a shilling each and, after a 20-minute delay caused by heavy fog, were treated toa spirited contest that ended in a 0-0 draw.

Celtic Striker Anthony Stokes Tweets Frustration At Not Even Making Bench For Inverness Caley Thistle Clash

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Celtic striker Anthony Stokes has struggled for playing time this season and, on learning that he'd not even be on the bench for the Bhoys' top-flightaway trip to Inverness Caldonian on Sunday, the Irishman took to Twitter to vent his frustration.

The 27-year-old Dubliner wrote...

After beingchallenged over the fact that he'll still get paid handsomely for his troubles, Stokes then replied.

The Best Bits: Liverpool 1-0 Swansea (Photos)

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Liverpool 1-0 Swansea City Premier League 29th November 2015

Liverpool secured a first home league victory for Jurgen Klopp on Sunday, courtesy of a drab 1-0 win against Swansea.

The Reds did start brightly, with Jordan Ibe going close. However, overall, the first period was a flaccid affair, with the Swans offering little in the way of a goal threat.

The Best Bits: Norwich 1-1 Arsenal (Photos)

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Norwich City 1-1 Arsenal Premier League 29th November 2015

With a couple of major injuries, dominant possession and sloppy defending to lose a lead, this was a classic Arsenal 90 minutes, with the Gunners only managing to draw against an impressive Norwich City side.

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Carlton Cole Scores Absolute Scorcher Of An Overhead Kick On His Celtic Debut (Video)

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Flying through the air with the grace of an old septic tank...

And when we say "absolute scorcher", of course what we actually mean is the complete polar opposite...

Carlton Cole scoring the most Carlton Cole goal ever.

The Best Bits – Tottenham 0-0 Chelsea (Photos)

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Tottenham Hotspur 0-0 Chelsea Premier League 29th November 2015

Hardly a plethora oif 'best bits' in this London derby, with Tottenham and Chelsea playing out a rather dull goalless draw at White Hart Lane.

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The Blues started with Eden Hazard in a central striking role, with Diego Costa on the bench again.

Chelsea: Diego Costa Sulks At Being Dropped For Tottenham Game, Throws Bib At Jose Mourinho, Still Misses (Video)

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Diego Costa was forced to watch the entirety of Chelsea's goalless draw against Tottenham from the bench today after Jose Mourinho decided to not to call upon his woefully out-of-form striker at any stage during the match.

The snubdidn't go down well with our Diego, who threw a minor wobbly after realising he wasn't going to be coming on and huffily lobbedhis pink bib in the general direction of Mourinho, sat a couple of rows in front.

Inter Milan Players Treat Roberto Mancini To Special ‘Flour Shower’ On His 51st Birthday (Photos & Video)

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With the boss man turning 51 on Friday, several of the more daring members of Inter Milan's senior squad decided to treat coach Roberto Mancini to a traditional 'flour shower' during training.

Felipe Melo, Fredy Guarin and Mauro Icardi were the ringleaders as Mancini found suddenly himself coated by two jugs of flour the prankstershad stashed inside a training bag beforehand.

Norwegian Great-Grandmother, 90, Proves She’s Still Better At Kick-Ups Than You’ll Ever Be (Video)

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Photo: Ingvil Bakka/Ryfylke (via Dagbladet)

The wonderful old gal you see before you isAse Marie Nordhagen who,despite turning 90 earlier in the week, is still more handy with a football than most of us will ever be.

The great-grandmother from the small town of Sauda began juggling as a schoolgirl, and claims a personal record of 1,003 kick-ups which she set in April of 1940.

Sky Sports’ Chris Kamara Flips His Lid During Bournemouth’s Dramatic 3-3 Draw With Everton (Video)

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Amidst the turgid morass of charmless, lazy football pundits, Chris Kamara is a beacon of well, fun. The Sky Sports pundit was on top form on Saturday, with his reporting from Bournemouth's dramatic 3-3 draw with Everton matching the drama on the pitch.

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Firstly, when Cherries' defender Charlie Daniels hit the frame of the goal with the scores at 2-2, Kamara went ballistic.

The Best Bits: Leicester 1-1 Man Utd (Photos)

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Leicester City 1-1 Manchester United Premier League 28th November 2015

Man of the moment and lover of all things Japanese Jamie Vardy set a new Premier League record, courtesy of yet another scoring performance (his 11th in a row), this time in a 1-1 draw with Manchester United.

The Red Devils started with three at the back, but they struggled to deal with Riyad Mahrez, who, like Vardy, has been superb this season.

The Best Bits: Man City 3-1 Southampton (Photos)

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Manchester City 3-1 Southampton Premier League 28th November 2015

Manchester City bounced back from last weekend's 4-1 hammering at the hands of Liverpool, with the Citizens running out deserved 3-1 winners against Southampton.

Kevin De Bruyne was the star man for the hosts, opening the scoring on nine minutes before his corner lead to Fabian Delph's strike on 20 minutes.

‘Ridiculous And Embarrassing’ – Arsenal Criticised For Taking 14-Minute Flight To Norwich Before Sunday’s Game

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Arsenal's decision to take a 14-minute flight from London Luton airport to Norwich ahead of Sunday's game at Carrow Road has been chastised by a group of environmental campaigners.

By comparison, the 115-mile journey from the club's London Colney training ground to Norwich's stadium would take around two hours by coach or train.

West Brom Fans Left Dumbfounded After Receiving Strange ‘Phone Calls’ From Tony Pulis

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If the myriad bemused responses on Twitter are anything to go by, it looks as though West Brom may have missed the mark with a little PR ploy they've attempted this afternoon.

Some bright spark in the Baggies' marketing department decided it would be a good idea to have manager Tony Pulis record a message, disguised as a genuine personal phone call, to alert fans to the fact that half-season ticket cardsare now on sale via the club.

Corinthians Pay Tribute To Italian Chums Torino With Cracking New ‘Granata’ Retro Shirt (Photo)

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Corinthians have released a lovely new retro shirt which features both the club crest and colours of Torino in loving homage to the Brazilian side'soldest international football adversaries.

Rendered in Torino's famous Granata maroon, the vintage-styled shirtmarks the special, if slightly unlikely relationship between two clubs separated by almost 9,500 kilometres of ocean.

Spanish Player Receives 12-Month Ban For Attempting To Slap Female Linesman With His Penis

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You may recall, not so very long ago we brought you news of a harrowing incident in the Spanish regional leagues wherein aplayer stormed the pitch and attempted to slap a lineswoman with his...ahem...'old chap'.

The incident occurred during the final stages of the Andalusian Senior Second Division match between CD Abes and Gabia CF in mid-November.

Retro Football: Sheffield United Boss Dave Bassett Defends ‘Monstrous’ Tactics In Letter To Local Journalist, 1995 (Photo)

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Photo: Dave Cannon/Allsport

Here's a cracking little curio from the archives concerningDave 'Harry' Bassett (a Proper Football Man™ if ever there were) and the"monstrous" tactics he employed to get results while in charge at Sheffield United in the mid-1990s.

The yarn starts with a particularly sour article published in the Liverpool Echo on 8th March, 1995 a match report to be precise following the Blades'2-0 win over Tranmere at Bramall Lane in the old First Division.

Charlie Mulgrew Writes Extended ‘Apology’ To Fans After Celtic Go Whimpering Out Of Europa League

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A 2-1 home defeat against Ajax last night saw Celtic tumble out ofthe Europa League at the group stage having amassed just two measly points in the space of five games.

Indeed, the Ajax loss marked the first time in history that Celtic have failed to win a single group match at home in a European campaign their final fixture being a forlorn trip toFenerbahce.

Europa League – The Best Bits: Liverpool 2-1 Bordeaux (Photos & Highlights)

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Liverpool 2-1 Bordeaux Europa League Group B 26th November 2015.

Liverpool became the second English side to book their place in the last 32 of the Europa League on Thursday night, following Tottenham into the knockout stages courtesy of a 2-1 comeback win against Bordeaux.

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Europa League – The Best Bits: Qarabag 0-1 Tottenham (Photos & Highlights)

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FK Qarabag 0-1 Tottenham Hotspur Europa League Group J 26th November 2015

Harry Kane netted for the sixth game in a row for Tottenham on Thursday night, as the Lilywhites booked their place in the last 32 of the Europa League courtesy of a 1-0 win away to FK Qarabag.

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Justin Bieber Takes Unlikely Credit For Southend United Midfielder Ryan Leonard’s Recent Return To Form

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It's what Kurt would've wanted...

In what surely must be the first and only time the two entities have ever been mentioned in the same sentence, we bring you news of an unholy social media alliance between Southend United and Justin Bieber.

The story goes that, having failed to find the net in his 17 previous games, Southend midfielder Ryan Leonard has recently returned to goal-scoring form with three goals in his last four outings.

FIFA Ethics Committee Donate ‘Dodgy’ Brazilian World Cup Watches To Street Football Charity

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FIFA's Ethics Committee have announced today that the dodgy watches gifted toFIFA representatives by the Brazilian football federation as a sweetener before the 2014 World Cup will be donated to charity.

TheParmigiani watches were ordered to be returned by the Ethics Committee two months after the conclusion of the tournament after they were deemed to be "inappropriately expensive".

On This Day In 1992: Manchester United Sign Eric Cantona, Right After Fergie Takes A Bath…

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Photo: Press Association

After a game against Leeds United in 1992, Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson took the unusual step of joining his players in the team bath.

While soaking up the conversation he heard them waxing lyricalabout the abilities of Leeds striker Eric Cantona.

Ooh La La: Tigres Striker Andre-Pierre Gignac Scores Sumptuous Overhead Kick Against Chiapas (Video)

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With 12 goals in his last 16 games, it would appear that Andre-Pierre Gignac is thoroughly enjoying himself since swapping the homely environs of Ligue 1 for the Mexican top flight over the summer.

Gignac's Tigres side registered a narrow 2-1 win over Chiapas in the first leg of their Apertura quarter-final last night the Frenchstrikeropening the scoring in the 21st minute with an absolutely outrageous overhead kick from the edge of the box.

Champions League – The Best Bits: Man Utd 0-0 PSV Eindhoven (Photos & Highlights)

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Manchester United 0-0 PSV Eindhoven Champions League Group B 25th November 2015

Manchester United's hopes of making it into the knockout stages of this season's Champions League remain in the balance after a disappointing goalless draw at home to PSV Eindhoven.

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Champions League – The Best Bits: Juventus 1-0 Man City (Photos & Highlights)

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Juventus 1-0 Manchester City Champions League Group D 25th November 2015

A Mario Mandzukic goal was enough to seal victory for Juventus against Manchester City and send them through, with the Citizens, to the Last 16.

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City did have a chance to open the scoring early on, only for Fernandinho to fire over from close-range.

Luke Shaw Personally Thanks PSV Fans After Photo Of Giant ‘Get Well Soon’ Banner Does Social Media Rounds

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PSV fans have unveiled (quite literally) their plans to wish Manchester United full-back Luke Shaw well in his ongoing recovery from the gruesome double leg-breakhe suffered the last time the two sides met back in September.

An image of ahuge banner that the PSV supporters in questionintend to unfurl during tonight's game at Old Trafford did the social media rounds this morning.

Barcelona Legend Xavi Reveals He Follows Middlesbrough And Also Admires Sheffield United’s ‘Incredible’ Fans

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"Tee, Tee, Teesiders!!"

Barcelona legend and metronomic midfield passing deity Xavi Hernandez has revealed, rather unexpectedly, that he is a closet Middlesbrough fan.

While discussing the nature of English football fan culture, Xavi let slip that he's been eagerly following Boro's fortunes since his old Real Madrid adversary Aitor Karanka took over as manager in 2013.

‘Boss Tha!’ – Jurgen Klopp Learns To Speak Scouse With Help From Nine-Year-Old Liverpool Fan (Video)

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Not exactly short of a colloquialism or two himself, Jurgen Klopp has been expanding his repertoire as well as further assimilating himself into life on Merseyside by learning to speak the oft-impenetrable Scouse dialect.

With an assist from nine-year-old Liverpool fan Isaac, Klopp sets about trying to master four key Scouse phrases.

Retro Football: George Best Scores ‘Best NASL Goal Ever’ As Superb American Commentary Steals The Show, 1981 (Video)

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Seeing as today is the 10th anniversary of his death, we thought we'd pay timely homage to the great George Best by bringing you this impeccable solo effort scored for the San Jose Earthquakes against the Fort Lauderdale Strikers in June of 1981.

The goal is almost universally regarded as the finest ever scored in the NASL, though the wonderfully stereotypical American commentary is truly the star of the show here.

On This Day In 2000: Marcus Stewart Scores Twice As Ipswich Beat Man City To Go Third In The Premier League

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It's easy to forget how things change in football, even these days when – as we are so often told – the game is all too predictable.

Just 15 years ago, newly-promoted Ipswich Town handed Man City a fifth straight league defeat and climbed into third place in the table thus securing their very own fifth away win in six outings in the process.

Football Art: These Fantasy Kit Designs Inspired By Pixar Characters Kits Are Cracking (Photos)

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We're stone cold suckers for these fantasy football kit designs here on Pies, so when we caught wind of a series of mock strips inspired by Pixar characters, you know we couldn't resist.

They are the handiwork of graphic designer Martin Turner, who drafted up a small batch of prototype kits themed around two of his favourite animated films, Toy Story and Finding Nemo.

Man City Decide To Change Their Club Badge After Consulting With Fans

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Man City have announced that they are now planning to redesign their club crest following several rounds of consultations with fans.

The upshot of it all is that City are planning to ditch their 'eagle shield' crestin favour of a return to a round badge.

From the 1930s onwards, the club's first two badges were round a tradition that continued right up until the point the eagle was adopted in 1997.

Jose Mourinho And Diego Costa Made Up With ‘Kisses And Cuddles’ After Chelsea Pair Involved In Minor Spat

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"Get out there and f**king run about a bit!"

Jose Mourinho admitted that he and Diego Costa shared a few "kisses and cuddles" after the pair were seen arguing during Chelsea's 4-0 spanking of Maccabi Tel Aviv in the Champions League last night.

Mourinho was visibly unhappy with Costa's movement (or lack thereof) throughout thefirst half as the strikerplodded around aimlessly up front.

Champions League: Luis Suarez Scores Sweet, Sweet Volley As Barcelona Batter Roma 6-1 (Video)

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Fresh from their 4-0 El Clasico victory at the Bernabeu, the Barcelona goal-machine produced another magnificent attacking performance on Tuesday night, with Luis Enrique's men putting six past Roma at the Nou Camp, as they secured qualification for the knockout stages.

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Champions League – The Best Bits: Maccabi Haifa 0-4 Chelsea (Photos & Highlights)

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Maccabi Haifa Chelsea Champions League Group G 24th November 2015

Chelsea endured a stress-free evening in Tel Aviv on Tuesday night, with the Blues winning 4-0 against hosts who were forced to play the game with 10 men for all of the second-half.

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Jose Mourinho started with Baba Rahman on the left side of the back four, while Eden Hazard, Willian and Oscar playing behind Diego Costa.

Champions League – The Best Bits: Arsenal 3-0 Dinamo Zagreb (Photos & Highlights)

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Arsenal 3-0 Dinamo Zagreb Champions League Group F 24th November 2015

Arsenal kept alive their hopes of making it through to the knockout stages of the Champions League courtesy of a comfortable and impressive 3-0 win at home to Dinamo Zagreb.

Mesut Ozil was outstanding throughout and it was the German who opened the scoring just after the half-hour mark, heading home from an Alexis Sanchez cross.

FAIL: Clueless ‘Manchester United Fan Of 30 Years’ Fails To Recognise George Best (Video)

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"I've been a Manchesterpool City fan all me life love"

As part of their preamble for Saturday's game between Watford and Manchester United, Soccer AMsent reporterLaura Woods down to Vicarage Road to mingle among the supporters.

To pass the time, Woods challenged fans on their knowledge of United players of yesteryear.

FC Santa Claus: Everybody’s Favourite Christmas-Themed Football Club Release New 2016 Kits (Photos)

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All photos via Todo Sobre Camisetas

While the ad men of the world would have you believethe Christmas season beganinthe second week of November this year, the festive period never truly begins until we hear the first mention of everybody's favourite Yuletide-themed football club, FC Santa Claus.

On This Day In 2001: Southampton Win At St Mary’s For The First Time (With Help From A Pagan Priestess Called ‘Dragonoak’)

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Southampton's move from the famous (but pokey) Dell to the brand-spanking new St. Mary's had not gone well. Their first five Premier League matches had brought four defeats and one draw. Safe to say, changes needed to be made.

The Saints, and I need you to stay with me on this one, approached the situation in a rather different mannerto what you might expect.

Gareth Bale Commissions Replicas Of Three Famous Golf Holes To Be Built In His Back Garden

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With a fair bit of disposable income to rinse through, Gareth Bale has reportedly commissioned replicas of three of the most famous golf holes in all of Christendom to be built in his back garden in Wales.

While we don't know for certain, we're guessing that Bale's garden at his country pile in theVale of Glamorgan is more than big enough to accommodate them.

Upping The Ante: Cabinteely FC Embellish ‘Football Manager Challenge’, Offer Fans Chance To Appear In Game As Official Re-Gen Player

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You may recall not so very long ago we brought you the news that League of Ireland side Cabinteely FC were laying on a special competition to coincide with the launch of Football Manager 2016.

Indeed, the club announced that the first fan to prove that they had won the Irish Premier Division title with Cabinteely in the game would win a season ticket (in real life) for next season.

PSG Drop Shirt Sponsor For Next Two Games In Favour Of Special ‘Je Suis Paris’ Message (Photo)

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Having previously sported a small message of support positioned underneath the badge for a game against Lorient in the immediate aftermath of the Paris attacks, PSG have now seen fit to drop their shirt sponsor entirely in favour of a much more prominent tribute to those who lost their lives in the French capital at the hands of gun-wielding maniacs a fortnight or so ago.

On This Day In 1996: Ali Dia Makes His Legendary Southampton Debut

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Graeme's clearly got no i-Dia what's going on

In one of the more extraordinary episodes in modern football, Senegalese striker Ali Dia made his debut for Southampton on this very day back in 1996 coming on in the 33rd minute for club legend Matt Le Tissier in a game against Leeds.

After an intervening period in which, according to Le Tissier: "he ran around the pitch like Bambi on ice", Dia was subbed off five minutes from the end having somehow made it past half-time by quite some distance.

Sepp Blatter Admits He Was ‘Between Angels Singing And The Devil Lighting The Fire’ During Recent Health Scare

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Sepp Blatter has admitted that he was "close to dying"after being admitted to hospital following ahealth scare earlier in the month.

Shortly after being suspended from his position as FIFA president and having Swiss prosecutors open a criminal case against him, Blatter was admitted to hospital in Zurich after suffering what was described at the time as a "small emotional breakdown".

Scotland Unveil Ghastly New Tartan And Neon Pink 2016 Home And Away Kits (Photos)

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Scott Brown, adjusting his non-existent collar

They may not be going to Euro 2016, but Scotland have muscled in on the raft of new kits for next year regardless with the launch of a brand new home and away strip.

As has probably already become abundantly clear, the home kit is a daring tartan affair which has split opinion (to put it politely).

SPL: Hamilton Play In France Replica Shirts As Show Of Support For Victims Of Paris Attacks (Photos)

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Photo via Guardian

Hamilton Academical players took to the field wearing France kits for their SPL game against Aberdeen on Sunday in tribute to the victims of the Paris attack a fortnight ago.

With almost every combination of the two clubs' kits clashing, Hamilton decided to wear the special all-white French away kit to demonstrate their "sympathy and solidarity with the people of France".

Inter Milan Boss Roberto Mancini Takes A Tumble During 4-0 Win vs Frosinone (Video)

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A superb, clever attacker in his day, Roberto Mancini has carved out a successful career in management since hanging up his boots in 2001. The former Man City boss is currently enjoying a second spell with Internazionale, with the Milan giants moving to the top of Serie A after a thumping 4-0 win on Sunday against Frosinone.

The Best Bits: Tottenham 4-1 West Ham (Photos)

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Tottenham Hotspur 4-1 West Ham United Premier League 22nd November 2015

A Harry Kane brace helped Tottenham to an impressive 4-1 home win against West Ham on Sunday, a victory which sees the Lilywhites equal a club record 12-game unbeaten run in the Premier League.

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El Clasico – The Best Bits: Real Madrid 0-4 Barcelona (Photos & Highlights)

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Real Madrid 0-4 Barcelona La Liga 21st November 2015

A rampant Barcelona sent rivals Real Madrid to a humiliating 4-0 defeat at the Bernabeu on Saturday, a result which saw Los Merengues lose at home for the first time in 23 league games.

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With Lionel Messi on the bench, Sergi Roberto started alongside Neymar and Luis Suarez in attack and it was the Spaniard who would set up the opening goal for Suarez after just 16 minutes.

Brechin City ‘Keeper Turns Up At Wrong Stadium After Mistaking Home Fixture For An Away Game

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The man you see afore ye is Brechin City goalkeeper Graeme Smith, and he managed to make a right old cock-up of his Saturday afternoon after muddling uphis side's fixture list.

Thanks, Smith was forced to make amad dash across Scotland on Saturday morning after accidentally turning up at Stenhousemuir's Ochilview stadium.

Retro Football: Alex Ferguson Writes Poem To His Aberdeen Players To Let Them Know They’ve All Been Fined (Photo)

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Many thanks to Pies fan Greg Kincaird for nudging us toward a lovely little morsel of retro footballing goodness this morning, with a glimpse into Sir Alex Ferguson's early managerial career.

An official club documentwritten by Ferguson while in charge ofAberdeen has bubbled to the surface over on Reddit, in which the "Poet Laureate of Govan" informs his players that they've all been fined £3 in the most un-Alex Ferguson manner you could probably imagine.

John Terry Comes Close To Replicating Gianfranco Zola’s Classic Back-Heel Flick Against Norwich In 2002 (Video Comparison)

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It's not often you see burly English centre-backs attempting silken back-heel flicks from set-pieces, but kudos to John Terry for attempting the audacious yesterday.

Just as Zola's brilliant near-post effort came against Norwich in a 2002 FA Cup tie, so did Terry's at Stamford Bridge yesterday afternoon the Chelsea captaingetting across his man and very nearly replicating his ex-teammate's moment of magic.

The Best Bits: Man City 1-4 Liverpool (Photos)

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Manchester City 1-4 Liverpool Premier League 21st November 2015

Liverpool produced an outstanding performance away at Manchester City in Saturday's late game, with Jurgen Klopp's ‘rock'n'roll football' ripping through the Etihad to the tune of an incredible 4-1 scoreline.

The Reds were sharp from the first whistle and found themselves ahead after just seven minutes, when Eliaquim Mangala awkwardly put through his own net.

The Best Bits: Chelsea 1-0 Norwich (Photos)

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Chelsea 1-0 Norwich City Premier League 21st November 2011

Chelsea returned to winning ways on Saturday at Stamford Bridge, with the Blues securing a much-neededvictory against Norwich, albeit by just a one-goal margin.

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Jose Mourinho started with Eden Hazard playing in the hole behind Diego Costa, and the Belgian attacker looked far more like the world-beater of last season throughout the game, with his movement and vision impressive all afternoon.

The Best Bits: West Brom 2-1 Arsenal (Photos)

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West Bromwich Albion 2-1 Arsenal Premier League 21st November 2015

Arsenal missed out on a great chance to go top of the Premier League table on Saturday, going down 2-1 to West Brom on a horrible afternoon for the north Londoners.

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Unsurprisingly, the visitors dominate possession from the off, but the loss of Francis Coquelin to a knee injury after just 14 minutes was hardly the start Arsene Wenger hoped for.

The Best Bits: Watford 1-2 Man Utd (Photos)

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Manchester United secured a hard-fought yet deserved win at Vicarage Road in Saturday's early game, witha late Troy Deeney OG ultimately making the difference.

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In the absence of Wayne Rooney and Anthony Martial, Dutchman Memphis Depay started in an attacking central berth,and itonly took 11 minutes for the visitors to take the lead, with Depay deftly volleying home from close-range after an Ander Herrera cross.

Snapshot: Leicester Hot Shot Jamie Vardy Scores In 10th Straight Game To Equal Ruud Van Nistelrooy’s Scoring Record…

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Congratulations are most definitely due to Leicester City striker Jamie Vardy, who equalled Ruud van Nistelrooy's record by scoring in 10 consecutive Premier League games with a goal in the Foxes' 3-0 win over Newcastle this afternoon.

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In one of those weird coincidental quirks of the universe, Vardy's 11th and potentially record-breaking match will come against Manchester United next week.

Ayr United May Have To Completely Redesign Their Club Badge After Falling Foul Of 350-Year-Old Heraldry Laws

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Scottish side Ayr United are facing the very real prospect of having to completely redesign their club badge after falling foul of heraldry laws dating back over 350 years.

Ayrhave been told that they could face legal actionfromthe Lord Lyon, the Scottish state office in charge of Coats of Arms, if they refuse to re-jig the badge they've proudly been displaying on their kit since 1948.

Watford Striker Troy Deeney Fulfills Promise To Invite Former Prison Cellmates To Watch Him Play Against Manchester United

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Watford captain Troy Deeney has made good on a promise he made in prison by inviting six of his former cellmates along to watch him in action against Manchester United this afternoon.

Deeney served three months of a 10-month stretch back in 2012 after being found guilty of affray following an attack on a group of students outside aBirmingham nightclub that left one nursing a broken jaw and three others injured.

Ruud van Nistelrooy Wishes Jamie Vardy Luck Ahead Of Potential Record-Breaking Feat

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Leicester City forward Jamie Vardy has enjoyed an incredible 2015/16 season so far, with the speedy striker finding the back of the net in each of his last nine Premier League games. On Saturday against Newcastle, the England hitman can make it 10 in a row and thus equal the record, currently held byMan Utd legend Ruud van Nistelrooy.

Fully Grown Adult Male, 34, Arrested For Attempting To Punch Crystal Palace’s Bald Eagle Mascot

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"Take that you feathery sh*tter!"

Hear ye, hear ye. A fully grown, supposedly adult male has been arrested today for attempting to punch an eagle.

For attempting. To punch. An eagle.

It just so happens that the bald eagle in question was Crystal Palace's mascot, named Kayla.

Manchester United: James Wilson Names Stephen Ireland As Fastest Opponent He’s Ever Played Against

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With injuries and illness abound at Manchester United at the moment, it looks as though Louis van Gaal is to entrust young James Wilson with a starting berth against Watford on Saturday afternoon.

With his name at the forefront, United's official club website conducted a quick Q&A session with Wilson in which they grilledthe 19-year-old striker aboutthe fastest, most athletic, toughest tacklers, best passers and best finishers he's played both with and against so far in his short time as a pro.

Study Reveals Derby County Are Statistically The Dirtiest Team In Premier League History

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Derby County have been found to be the dirtiest team in Premier League history, according to a new study conducted by the Daily Mirror.

The findings are based on the average disciplinary points per game picked up by any team to have played in the Premier League for a minimum of three seasons since its inception in 1992/93.

A-League Blooper: Brisbane Roar Goalie Jamie Young Somehow Manages To Nutmeg Himself Before Dropping Even Bigger Clanger (Videos)

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Image: Fox Sports

Coming to an A-League blooper reel near you, Brisbane Roar goalkeeper Jamie Young suffered a right old horror show against Melbourne City last night, surviving one monumental howler only to go lolloping head-long into another one shortly thereafter.

The first cock-up of the night when Young somehow managed to nutmeg himself (see photo above) while attempting to hurl the ball upfield.

Ouch: Vasco Defender Wallops Corinthians Winger In The Face With Textbook Karate Crane Kick (Video)

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"Tatsumaki Senpukyaku!"

Corinthians secured their sixthBrazilianchampionship last night aftera 1-1 draw against Vasco (coupled with results falling kindly elsewhere) saw them take an insurmountable lead at the top of the Brasileiro table with three games left to play.

It was Vasco that took the lead, and did so with ten men on the field after defender Rodrigo was unsurprisingly dismissed for wallopingCorinthians winger Malcom in the face with a flying crane kick that Daniel-san himself would be proud of.

On This Day In 1971: Bournemouth Striker Ted MacDougall Scores Nine Goals In One Game – And He’s Still Not Happy!

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Why so glum, chum?

When Bournemouth, then of the old Third Division, met Southern League Premier Division opponents Margate in an FA Cup first round tie on 20th November 1971, history was made.

The Cherriesrouted their non-league opponents 11-0, with striker Ted MacDougall grabbing an astonishing nine goals, thus setting a record for most goals scored in an FA Cup tie (from the first round proper onwards) by a single player a record that still stands today.

Hard Target Practice: Jean-Claude Van Damme Drops In On Manchester City Training Session (Photos)

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The Muscles from Brussels....and Jean-Claude Van Damme (Photo: MCFC/PA Images)

In town for a black-tie dinner in his honour, Jean-Claude Van Damme took some time out from his hectic schedule to visit Manchester City's training complex and mingle with a few of the players.

As well as Yaya Toure, Sergio Aguero and Aleksandar Kolarov, City'sBelgian contingent made sure to grab a few photos with their fellow countryman, as Vincent Kompany and Kevin De Bruyne took the time to pose with the man in the own-brand hat.

Rap God: John Barnes Demonstrates His Mic Prowess Again, Performs Sugarhill Gang Classic On Stage At Award Show (Video)

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'Twas the Football Blogging Awards in Manchester last night and, as a little bit of after-dinner entertainment, those in attendance were treated to a hot blast of John Barnes' rap realness.

Much to the delight of everybody, Barnes took Sky Sports News presenterBianca Westwood by the hand and serenaded all and sundry with another rendition of his very own version of The Sugarhill Gang's classic hip-hop anthem "Rapper's Delight".

Suck It Up, Haters: Former Footballing Wunderkind Freddy Adu Promotes Hoover On Twitter (Photo)

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Once touted as the 'new Pele' back in the mid-2000s, Ghanian-born US international Freddy Adu never quite lived up to all the hype. Indeed, his career is a harsh lesson in just how difficult it is for a feted young footballer to deal with the pressure and make it to the very top. From France to Brazil, Serbia to Finland, Adu's career is strewn with failed attempts to kickstart his career.

Veteran Goalkeeper Paddy Kenny Cancels Contract With Bury After Just 13 Days

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Paddy Kenny has cancelled his short-term contract with League One side Bury just 13 days after agreeingto return to Gigg Lane.

The 37-year-old former Republic of Ireland goalkeeperstarted his league career at The Shakers in 1998 and re-signed with the club just over a fortnight ago to provide a bit of experienced cover having been without a club since the end of last season.

Little Baby Bermondsey: Millwall Fan Names Newborn Son After Beloved Football Club Without Telling His Wife

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An obsessive Millwall fan now has some explaining to do after pressing ahead and naming his newborn baby son after his beloved club without running the idea past his wife first.

Mike Bloomfield, a life-long supporter, said he made the snap decision to name his son after the Lions' home ground as he thought it would be a "a good way to get the next generation involved".

Gale Farce: Thurrock FC Score Insane Wind-Assisted Own-Goal During Isthmian League Game Against Romford (Video)

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Spotted by one of Pies' favourite football writers Adam Hurrey (@FootballCliches), an own-goal of truly epic proportions was scored in the Isthmian League game between Thurrock and Romford on Tuesday night.

It should be noted that Thurrock's Ship Lane ground was besieged bysurging winds, which made play incredibly difficult all evening.

New Nike Tiempo Legend VI Boots Aren’t Black, But They’re Still Quite Nice Regardless (Photos)

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Paolo Maldini and Romario going at it at the 1994 World Cup. That's the image we have in our heads whenever we heard the Nike Tiempo mentioned.

Plain black leather boots with a fold-over tongue,a white swoosh and N-I-K-E emblazoned in huge lettering across the heel. Nothing comes close.

Over 20 years later, Nike are still pumping out new Tiempo designs but none can hold a candle to the glorious originals.

Craptastic Football Mascot Of The Day: Granota Boja, Levante’s Flea-Bitten Frog (Photo)

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It's been a while since we last featured a craptastic mascot here on Pies, so we thought we'd weight back in with an absolute howler.

To that end, we'd like to courteously thank our pals over at La Casaca for bringing this...thing to our attention.

Introducing Levante's bargain basement mascot Granota Boja (which translates as "Crazy Frog"), who is quite honestly one of the shoddiest creations we've ever laid our disbelieving eyes upon.

Manchester United’s New Half-And-Half 2016/17 Home Kit To Be Inspired By Newton Heath (Leaked Photo)

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Newton Heath have a lot to answer for

If the latest leaked image is anything to go by, it looks as though Adidas are going to be taking inspiration from Manchester United's roots as far as next season's home kit is concerned.

As picked up by the prolific and largely reliable kit design specialistsover at Footy Headlines, Adidas are preparing to mark thesecond season of their massive supply deal withUnited by "fusing the half-and-half design of the very first Newton Heath kits with modern elements and fabric technologies.

On This Day In 1960: 20-Year-Old Jimmy Greaves Becomes Youngest Player To Score 100 League Goals

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Arch-poacher Jimmy Greaves took homethe match ball with three goals in Chelsea's 6-3 thumping of Man City at Stamford Bridge on 19th November, 1960.

Greaves'shat-trick saw him bring about a century ofleague goals and, aged just 20 years and 290 days, it's perhaps unsurprisinghe was the youngest player ever to achieve the feat.

Leyton Orient Players Forced To Stay In Posh Hotel For A Week As ‘Punishment’ For Poor Form

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Photo: National News & Pictures/Daily Mail

As if you needed any more proof that Leyton Orient are being run by a maniac, the first-team are currently being forced to stay in a relatively plush hotel as "punishment" for losing to struggling Hartlepool on Sunday.

Orient are currently seventh in League Two but have only managed one win in their last 12 leaguegames.

A-League: Newcastle Jets Pay Tribute To Local Air Force Base With Stunning New ‘Fighter Jet’ Kit (Photos)

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In the interest of strengthening their ties with the local RAAF (Royal Australian Air Force) base, A-League side Newcastle Jets have unveiled an apt new limited edition kit.

With the WilliamtownRAAF base just down the road from their stadium, the Jets have paid homage with a stunning new strip that features a flock of F/A-18 Hornets tearing across the front of it.

Dele Alli’s Myspace Profile Photo Uncovered, And It’s A Thing Of Ice-Cool Beauty

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Judging by his silky touch and, as witnessed at Wembley on Tuesday night, his eye for a cracker of a goal, it's fair to say that England wunkerkind Dele Alli is a cool customer.

Amazing goal from England's Dele Alli! pic.

Bolton Wanderers Subject Of £15m Takeover Bid Headed By Amir Khan And Dean Holdsworth

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Word on the wire is that Bolton Wanderers are on the cusp of being taken over by a consortium spearheaded by a couple of local heroes.

According to the Daily Star's exclusive report, Bolton-born boxer Amir Khan and former Trottersstriker Dean Holdsworth have joined forces and cobbled together £15million which they are now close tousing to buy out the Championship club.

Republic Of Ireland Players Enjoy Good Old Fashioned Sing-Song In Dublin Pub After Making It To Euro 2016 (Video)

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Shortly after securing themselves a spot at Euro 2016, a few of the Republic of Ireland lads Robbie Keane, Shane Long, Robbie Brady and Wes Hoolahan to be specific ventured on down to the Auld Dubliner pub for a few celebratory ales.

As is usually the case in Irish pubs, the well-greased quartet also treated the regularsto a good old fashioned sing-song.

L’Equipe See Fit To Include Alan Hutton In Their ‘Great Britain XI’ Dream Team

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"I know Raheem, it makes no sense to me either"

Ahead ofthe friendly against England on Tuesday evening, French magazine L'Equipe whetted their whistle by concocting a "dream" Great Britain XI a composite team made up of their pick of the home nations' (excluding both Irish sides for reasons unbeknownst) finest talent.

Female Linesman Attacked In Spanish Regional League After Player Attempts To ‘Slap Her With His Penis’

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Sounds like there wereharrowing scenes in the Spanish lower leagues over the weekend when a player stormed the pitch and reportedly attempted to slap a lineswoman with his gentleman's appendage.

According to MARCA, the incident occured during the 80th minute of Sunday'sAndalusian Senior Second Division match between CD Abes and Gabia CF.

On This Day In 2009: Thierry Henry Single-Handedly Destroys Republic Of Ireland’s World Cup Dreams

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On this very day in 2009, Thierry Henry became public enemy No.1 in theRepublic of Ireland after acontroversial incident that marred the closing stages of the second leg of their World Cup qualifying play-off against France in Paris.

Deep into extra-time, with the tie all-square, Henry flapped an errant hand at the ball not once but twice before squaring it forWilliam Gallas to nod homeand send the Republic crashing out of the reckoning.

‘I Sent Their Whole Nation Into Retirement’ – Zlatan Ibrahimovic Typically Humble After Sweden Knock Denmark Out Of Euro 2016 Contention

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With typical unassuming humility, Zlatan Ibrahimovic has honked that he single-handedly sent Denmark "into retirement" after scoring two goals in Sweden's Euro 2016 play-off second leg in Copenhagen last night.

The quip comes after the Danes had their pre-match merriment with the rumours that Ibrahimovic was to quit international football should Sweden fail to qualify for next summer's tournament.

The Best Bits: England 2-0 France (Photos & Highlights)

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On an emotional night at Wembley, a youthful England side produced a fine performance in an entertaining clash with France, with the hosts running out 2-0 winners.

England started brightly, with Dele Alli catching the eye in midfield and Wayne Rooney impressing on the right of a front three.

Euro 2016: Zlatan Ibrahmovic Fires Sweden To Finals With Outstanding Free-Kick vs Denmark (Video)

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At 34 years of age, Zlatan Ibrahimovic may not getting many more chances (if any) of appearing in a major finals. But courtesy of Sweden's 4-3 aggregate win against neighbours Denmark in the play-offs, Euro 2016 will be graced by the great man's presence. In the second-leg of the play-offs on Tuesday night in Copehagen, the PSG superstar once again produced the goods, conjuring up an outstanding long-range free-kick which gaveKasper Schmeichel no chance in the Danish goal.

Retro Football: San Marino Take Just 8.3 Seconds To Score Fastest Ever World Cup Qualification Goal Against England, 1993 (Video)

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While we're not presentingthis as an official On This Day... post, Pies would like to thank Emil Navarro for giving us a nudge via email that it was on this very day in 1993 that England suffered the humiliation of conceding against part-time perma-minnows San Marino after just 8.3 seconds.

After muddling through a fairly dire campaign, England went into their final 1994 World Cup qualifier in Bologna needing to beat San Marino by at least seven clear goals to move above the Netherlands on goal difference.

Belgian Player Risks €350 Public Urination Fine After Footage Of Him Missing A Goal While Taking Emergency Pee Goes Viral (Video)

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Belgian amateur side Eendracht Aalst racked up an impressive away victory over KFC Izegem in the Belgian Third Division last weekend, though the result has quickly been overshadowed by events (just slightly) off the pitch.

With his side 2-1 up, Eendracht striker Philippe Janssens decided that he just couldn't hold it any longer and dashed off behind the Izegem goal to take a leak against the fence.

Euro 2016: James McClean Politely Shifts Out Of The Way So Ireland Fan Can See Jon Walter’s Penalty (Video)

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Here's a lovely little moment captured from the terraces during the first half of the Republic of Ireland's play-off win over Bosnia & Herzegovina last night, which begins just as Jonathan Walters was preparing to dispatch his 24th-minute penalty.

With the Ireland subs temporarily stopping their warm-up to watch the spot-kick from the corner of the pitch, it just so happened that James McClean was blocking a supporter's view of the Bosnian goal.

On This Day In 1992: Vinnie Jones Fined £20,000 For Being Too F**king Hard For The FA’s Liking

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"Excuse me referee, sir, but it is with great regret I must disagree with your decision"

It probably seemed like a perfectly good idea at the time: Just provide a bit of colourful commentary over a video of footballers kicking each other up in the air and bank the fee.

However, doing just that cost Wimbledon's Vinnie Jones £20,000 and landed him a suspended sentencewith the potential for a six-month ban.

David Moyes Reveals He Rejected ‘Multiple Offers’ From English Clubs Before Real Sociedad Sacked Him

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"...and that's the end of that chapter"

It's taken a little over a week, butDavid Moyes has finally resurfaced after being sacked as Real Sociedad manager almost exactly a year to the day he was first hired.

Moyes has laid low since then, but has today broken his prolonged silence to reveal that he feels "disappointed" by recent events and that he also turned down multipleoffers (presumably to return to the Premier League) during his 12-month stint in Spain.

Bury Town’s Makeshift Goalkeeper Scores 94th Minute Equaliser In FA Trophy Thriller (Video)

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Photo: P7 Photography/BBC Sport

Saturday's FA Trophy second round game between Bury Town and Herne Bay ended in chaotic scenes when the home side's makeshift goalkeeper popped up with a 94th-minute equaliser to snatch a draw from the jaws of defeat.

The man in goal for Bury at the time was actually midfielder Craig Nurse, who was reluctantly handed the gloves when first-choice 'keeper Neil O'Sullivan was sent-off in the 91st minute for deliberately handling the ball outside of his area.

Ireland Fans Gets Creative With Jonathan Walters’ Wikipedia Page After Euro 2016 Qualification Heroics

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As you might have heard, Jonathan Walters finally achieved a higher state of beinglast night as the Stoke workhorse's heroic play-off brace against Bosnia & Herzegovina saw the Republic of Ireland book themselves a place at Euro 2016.

As is the way of the world, a giddy Ireland fan meandered away from the celebrations to head overand alter Walters' Wikipedia page in order to officiallyawardthe striker his much-deserved deification.

Euro 2016 – The Best Bits: Rep of Ireland 2-0 Bosnia & Herzegovina (agg: 3-1) (Photos & Highlights)

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At an electric Aviva Stadium on Monday night, the Republic of Ireland produced an outstanding display to beat Bosnia & Herzegovina 2-0 on the night and register a 3-1 aggregate scoreline, a result which sees the Boys in Green take their place in next summer's Euro 2016 finals in France.

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Draw My Life: Zinedine Zidane’s Illustrated Story (Video)

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Draw my life, with Zinedine Zidane:

Carlisle’s Pitch Completely Submerged By Flood Water, Looks More Like Open-Air Swimming Pool (Photos & Video)

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Photo: @cufckit/Twitter

Thanks to a prolonged bout of torrential rain fall, Carlisle United's pitch was in one hell of a state earlier this morning.

In fact, Brunton Park was left looking more like a local open-air swimming pool. Fans of water-logged irony maybe interested to learn that the stand you can see in the photo above is officially known as the Waterworks End.

FIFA U-17 World Cup: Mexico Youngster Diego Cortes’ Slippery Solo Effort Against Nigeria Voted Goal Of The Tournament (Video)

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The numbersare in and Diego Cortes hasmanaged to salvage a modicum of positivity for the Mexico Under-17 World Cup side in the wake oftheir crushing 4-2 semi-final defeat at the hands ofeventual winners Nigeria.

Indeed, having picked up 33% of the official FIFA vote, Cortes has been bestowed with the 'Goal of the Tournament' award for his sublime solo effort to square things up at 2-2 in the Nigeria game.

Arsenal Goalie Petr Cech: ‘I’d Be More Confident Playing Without My Protective Helmet But My Doctor Insists’

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Petr Cech has admitted that, after nine years, he is now ready to start playing without wearing his protective helmet.

Sadly, however, the Arsenal goalkeeperhas been blocked from doing so on the advice of his doctors and his insurers.

Cech was forced to start wearing his helmet after a heavy collision with Reading forward Stephen Hunt while playing for Chelsea in October of 2006 left him with a depressed skull fracture an incredibly serious injury that doctors later revealed very nearlycost him his life.

Mischievous Schalke Fans Plant Flag On Top Of Dortmund’s Famous Christmas Tree (Photo)

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Safe to say that there's not really any love lost when it comes to the cross-Ruhr rivalry between Schalke 04 and Borussia Dortmund, though the latest quest to secure local bragging rights is definitely more "good-natured ribbing" than "crucified swine".

As is the case every year, the town of Dortmund opened their world famous Christmas market over the weekend, with tourists from all over flocking to gawp at the huge, 45-metre Christmas tree thatdominates the market square.

On This Day In 1996: Gary Speed Scores Hat-Trick As Everton Knock Seven Bells Out Of Southampton (Video)

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Everton came into the game at Goodison just three points ahead of Southampton but ended the afternoonstreets ahead after three goalsfrom the late Gary Speed saw the rampaging Toffees knocktheir opponents for six seven.

Graham Stuart opened the scoring for Everton on 12 minutes and then set up Andrei Kanchelskis for the second 10 minutes later.

‘F**ked’ – Cesc Fabregas Describes Chelsea’s Naff Season In One Word

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Cesc Fabregas neededjust one word one solitary syllable, in fact to forensicallydeconstruct Chelsea's naff start to the 2015/16 season.

Currently wallowing just three points above the relegation zone having lost sevenof their opening 12 league matches, Fabregas' dilapidated mob are already 13 points off making the top four.

England U19 Scamps Tammy Abraham And Patrick Roberts Play ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ Over Penalty Duties (Video)

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England's U19 string cruised to a comprehensive 5-1 win over their Japanese counterparts atthe Man City academy on Sunday evening, with City young'n Patrick Roberts among the goals on his home patch.

Having already gone1-0 up during the early knockings, England had the chance to double the lead from the spot with just 20 minutes on the clock.

Euro 2016: Former Watford And Ipswich Striker Tamas Priskin Bags Cracker For Hungary vs Norway (Video)

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Between 2003 and 2012, striker Tamas Priskin plied his trade (with varying degrees of success) with a whole host of Championshipsides, including Watford, Preston, Ipswich, QPR, Swansea and Derby. However, on Sunday night, the Czech-born forward netted arguably the most important goal of his career for Hungary, in their Euro 2016 play-off 2nd leg against Norway.

Costa Rican Match Halted While Referee Turfs Loud-Mouth Commentator Out Of The Stadium (Video)

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There were weird scenes over in the Costa Rican second tier recently when a match had to be temporarily stopped while the referee had the gobshite pitchside commentator turfed out of the stadium.

The rain-drenched game between Coto Brus and Barrio Mexico was interrupted when the linesman overheard STV commentator Henry de Jesus Diaz callthe referee "terrible".

Plymouth ‘Keeper James Bittner, 34, Makes First Ever Football League Start After Waiting 13 Years For His Chance

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Photo: Penny Cross/Plymouth Argyle

Congratulations are most definitely due to Plymouth Argyle 'keeper James Bittner after the 34-year-old finally made his first ever starting appearance in a Football League match on Saturday afternoon.

Bittner's incredibly belated bow comes a staggering 4,991 days after he first sat on Bournemouth's bench as an unused substitute for a match against Tranmere in 2002.

Mathieu Flamini Reveals He Owns A Revolutionary Biochemical Energy Company That He’s Kept Secret For The Past Seven Years

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Mathieu Flamini has a secret, a secret he has kept from his friends and family for the past seven or so years.

However, having finally decided to end the years of inner turmoil, the Arsenal midfielder has come clean and confessed all:He, along with a business associate, both created and now ownsand runs a pioneering biochemical company that could very realistically end up revolutionising the energy industry.

Epic Star Wars Theme Played Ahead Of Poland vs Iceland Friendly in Warsaw (Video)

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I'm not sure if there is a more epic way to start a game of football than by playing the Star Wars theme. That's exactly what happened on Friday night when Poland hosted Iceland in a friendly game at the Warsaw National Stadium.

View image | gettyimages.com

Wedon't know exactlywhy the famous John Williams-penned music was chosen by the Polish powers-that-be.

Wrexham’s Dominic Vose Slaloms His Way To Incredible Solo Goal vs Gateshead (Video)

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Wrexham's Dominic Vose produced a moment of magic on Saturday in his side's 4-0 National League win against Gateshead. 10 Gateshead were already a man and three goals down when the 21-year-old Vose, a former Fulham and West Ham youth player, netted his second of the game with some style.

Picking up the ball midway inside the Gateshead half, Vose slalomed his way past at least five players before firing past 'keeper Sam Russell.

UNICEF Match For Children: David Beckham And Paul Scholes Roll Back The Years To Open Scoring At Old Trafford (Video)

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It took a little over 10 minutes for theManchester United old boys reeling in the years during the star-studded UNICEF Match for Children at Old Trafford this afternoon, with captainDavid Beckham slinging a trademark cross into the box for Paul Scholes to head home the opening goal.

Just harkat the trajectory on Beckham's cross.

Rare First Edition Panini 1970 World Cup Sticker Album Sells For Record €2,400 At Auction

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Last night saw a rare Panini World Cup sticker album flogged at auction for seriousspondoolicks.

According to online auction site Catawiki, who were responsible for overseeing the sale, the first edition album eventually went for a hefty€2,400(approx£1,700), which is believed to be a world record amount for a football sticker album.

12 Shades Of Blue: Everton Stars Launch ‘Sexy’ Naked Charity Calendar

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It's that time of year again (mid-November) when football clubs the length and breadth of the land begin to foist their Christmas merchandise on us, and Everton are right at the festive vanguard with the release of their "sexy" new club calendar for 2016.

Indeed, the "12 Shades Of Blue II" calendar it would appear that the first edition completely passed us by features a dozenEverton stars in varying states of undress.

Euro 2016 – The Best Bits: Bosnia & Herzegovina 1-1 Rep Of Ireland (Photos & Highlights)

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The Republic of Ireland's hopes of making it to France 2016 remain in a healthy state after a hard-fought draw in a very foggyBilino Polje Stadium on Friday night.

View image | gettyimages.com

Ireland boss Martin O'Neill had to do without a whole host of first-choice players, including the injured Shane Long and suspended captain John O'Shea.

The Best Bits: Wales 2-3 Netherlands (Photos & Highlights)

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An Arjen Robben brace gave Dutch fans something to cheer about again, against a Welsh side without star men Gareth Bale and Aaron Ramsey.

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Wwelsh boss Chris Coleman handed Leicester attackerTom Lawrence his first start while Dutch boss Danny Blind left out Robin van Persie as he looks to rebuild after a disastrous Euro 2016 qualifying campaign.

The Best Bits: Spain 2-0 England (Photos & Highlights)

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Spain gave Roy Hodgson's England side a bit of a lesson in Alicante on Friday night, with the classy hosts' possession football ultimately earning them a deserved 2-0 win.

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The Three Lions started with Michael Carrick back in midfield alongside Fabian Delph, with Phil Jones partnering Chris Smalling in the centre of defence.

Spain’s Mario Gaspar Tucks Away Audacious Volley To Open Scoring Against England (Video)

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Rock the Gaspar!

Despite some admirable huff and puff from England in the face of an acute class deficit, Spain cantered to a 2-0 friendly victory over Roy Hodgson's mob in Alicante on Friday night.

The opening goal took 72 minutes to arrive but bloody hell firewas it worth the wait Villarreal right-back Mario Gaspar scoring his second international goal on his second internationalappearance with an absolutely inspired volley on the turn.

‘Factually Inaccurate And Completely Unnecessary’ – Cardiff City Supporters Trust Not Happy About Football League Rebrand

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We think it's fairly safe to assume thatthe majority of the football community are at odds with the Football League's recent decision to rebrand themselves as the "English Football League" due to the simple fact that itequates to little more thanaglibcorporate ploy and an utterly needless one at that.

Iconic 1990s Football Game ‘Sensible Soccer’ To Be Revived And Revamped By Original Designer

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Sensible World Of Soccer in all its 32-bit glory

The man behindboth Sensible Soccer and Sensible World of Soccer (SWOS) is currently in the process ofrevamping the iconic 1990s football gaming franchise with a brand new instalment.

Sensi designer Jon Hare (who also wrote SWOS theme tune 'Goal Scoring Superstar Hero') is reviving his magnum opus under a new name, Sociable Soccer, which he is callingthe "spiritual successor" to his original games.

On This Day In 1945: Pandemonium At Stamford Bridge As 90,000 Fans Flock To Watch Dynamo Moscow Play Chelsea

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In 1945, Britain, as well as the rest of the world, was recovering from six years of war.

You'd think that the last thing the country's weary population would have on its mind would be football.You'd think wrong.

Starved of proper football for six years, and with admiration and gratitude forthe Soviet war effort still strong, the news that the famous Dynamo Moscow or Moscow Dynamo, as they were known then would be playing a series of friendlies in Britain in 1945 sparked huge excitement.

Forgotten Man: Roma Crop Poor Old Ashley Cole Out Of Mohamed Salah’s Injury Update Photo

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Happier times

AS Romawere left with a slightly bittersweet taste in their mouths after theirrecent 2-0 win over Lazio in theDerby della Capitale thanks to a fairly serious ankle injury suffered by Mohamed Salah.

The Egyptian international winger had been in fantastic form going into the game but left it on a stretcher after rupturing ankle ligaments in a challenge by Lazio midfielder Senad Lulic.

Jeden Za Všechny – Czech Republic Record Rocking New Anthem For Euro 2016 With Petr Cech On Drums (Video)

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Having successfully booked themselves a berth at Euro 2016 last month, the Czech Republic squad have now turned their collective attention to properly preparing themselves for the tournament next summer.

As any sports psyhologist worth their salt will tell you, a key weapon in the motivational arsenal is a storming anthem and the Czechs are already one step ahead, having recorded arocking little power ballad number called "Jeden za všechny!

Argentina’s World Cup Qualifier Against Brazil Postponed As Things Get Torrentially Damp In Buenos Aires (Photos)

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Last night's2018 World Cup qualifier between Argentina in Brazil had to be called off less than an hour before kick-off after Buenos Aires was engulfed in a torrential rainstorm and it's not hard to see why looking at the photos.

The pitch became increasingly waterlogged as the flood water rose to shin height outside El Monumental stadium, leaving thousands of fans stuck in traffic and/or unable to reach the turnstiles.

‘I Put France On The Map’ – Super Swede Zlatan Ibrahimovic Stays Humble Ahead Of Euro Play-Offs

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Forget Jules Rimet, Michel Platini, Euro 1984, Zinedine Zidane and the 1998 World Cup, it is the one and only Zlatan Ibrahimovic himself who has put France on the footballing map. Well, that'saccording to the modest man himself.

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Ahead of Sweden's European Championship play-off against Denmark at the weekend, the PSG striker spoke of his desire to take part in next year's finals in France, saying;

I would love to play at the European Championship in France.

Football League To Be Renamed ‘English Football League’ In Most Pointless Rebrand Ever Conceived

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"They've re-badged it you fool!"

Rather than reduce tickets prices or anything drastic like that, the Football League have announced that they are revamping their corporate image and therefore wish to be known as the "English Football League" from the end of the 2015/16 season.

Along with new name comes a brand new logo,which looks like it was pilfered directly from a box of supermarket own-brand dishwasher tablets.

Cabinteely FC Offer Free Season Ticket To First Fan That Wins League Title With Them On Football Manager 2016

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League of Ireland side Cabinteely FC have put one of their season tickets up for grabs after issuing their fans with a Football Manager-related challenge.

Having only turned fully professional earlier this year, the 2016 edition of the Football Manager franchisesees Cabinteely appear in the game for the very first time.

Former Sunderland Goalkeeper Marton Fulop Dies Of Cancer, Aged Just 32

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Terriblenews is reaching us this afternoonthat former Sunderland and Ipswich goalkeeper Marton Fulop has passed away at the heart-breakingly young age of 32.

Fulop was first diagnosed with cancer in 2013 while playing at Greek sideAsteras Tripoli, and subsequently had atumour removed from his arm.

Beau Jeu: Adidas Unveil The Official Euro 2016 Match Ball (Photos)

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If it's not a Tango then we couldn't care less, but as some of you seem to dig this kind of thing then we feel it's our sworn duty to acquaintyou with the new Euro 2016 match ball, the Adidas Beau Jeu.

Beau Jeu, for non-Gallic scholars, means 'Beautiful Game' en Francais.

It's red, white and bleu, probably rounder than any ball ever made, has numbers on it and, for what it's worth, David Guetta certainly likes what he sees.

On This Day In 1881: The Heathens Play The Saints In First Ever Manchester Derby

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The Newton Heath team photo, circa 1890

It was on 12th November of 1881 that St Marks football club (named after a church in West Gorton, Manchester) hosted near neighbours Newton Heath in a friendly that would be the precursor to one of the fiercest rivalries in football.

The Heathens beat the Saints 3-0 and the match was quaintly described as "pleasant" by a reporter from the local newspaper.

Football Daily: Top 10 Moments That Made…Barcelona FC (Video)

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Camp Noustadium, Barcelona, circa 1920

In which the Football Daily pore over the Top 10 Moments that made Barcelona Football club...

Goalscoring Goalie: Netherlands U20 ‘Keeper Indy Groothuizen Heads Home 90th-Minute Equaliser Against Czech Republic (Video)

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'Twas a proud moment for Mr and Mrs Groothuizen last night as they watched their 19-year-oldson join the Ancient Masonic Order of the Goalscoring Goalkeepers© with a 90th minute equaliser in an U20 international friendly.

Trailing 2-1 against the Czech Republic and with the clock ticking over into stoppage time, Ajax youth team stopper Indy Groothuizen came lolloping up for a corner and promptly stuck a header past his opposite number to equalise at the death.

BAM!! POW! Puma Unveil Brilliantly Gaudy New Pop Art Inspired EvoPower Boots (Photos)

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Today sees the launch of Puma's new 'BAM!! POW! evoPower 1.2′ football boot which, as you may have already guessed, are inspired by the Pop Art movement of the 1950s and '60s.

The result is a delightfully gaudy boot covered in swathes of Roy Lichtenstein-esque comic book art.

Here's the photos.

Stoke’s Ryan Shawcross Given Year’s Supply Of Deodorant After Sweet-Smelling Diego Costa Troll

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Just days after Ryan Shawcross (and his wife) cleverly responded via Twitter to Diego Costa's silly body odour insinuations during Stoke's weekend win against Chelsea, the centre-half has been rewarded for his deodorant product placement with a nice surprise from Dove.

Made sure @Ryanshawy put his deodorant on this evening pic.

‘Paella Vomit’ – Spain’s Outlandish New Euro 2016 Away Kit Is Certain To Divide Opinion (Photos)

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Photo via Footy Headlines

While the home kitis a fairly standard and sedate Roja-themed effort, Adidas have slapped their balls out of the bath in designing Spain's change strip for Euro 2016.

Described in various quarters as a"waking nightmare" and looking like "paella vomit", the predominantly white shirt features a tessellating cascade of coloured triangles over the chest, ranging from 'Charred Habanero' to 'Dreamy Blancmange' (approximately) on the Dulux colour chart.

Cristiano Ronaldo Movie Screen Time Broken Down – Star Appears Shirtless For More Than Three Minutes, Playing For Man Utd Less Than 20 Seconds

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Something to forever be thankful for, The Wall Street Journal have watched the new Cristiano Ronaldo movie so we haven't got to.

Paying close attention to the facts and figures, the WSJ have broken down the screen time allocated to various aspects of Ronaldo's life and career.

Despite only being 89 minutes long in total, a relatively massive 17 minutes is devoted to Ronaldo either wearing an expensive tuxedo or going completely shirtless.

All Hail King Kazu! World’s Oldest Professional Footballer Signs New Deal To Play On Past 49th Birthday

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Good news for fans of antiquated footballers today with the news that Kazuyoshi Miura, thought to be the oldest active professional player in world football, has signed a new one-year deal with Yokohama FC that will see him play on past his 49th birthday.

Miura, known affectionately as 'King Kuza' in his native land, made his professional debut way, way back in 1986 and quickly became Japan's first footballing superstar as he played his way around the globe and back.

Adidas Ensure Wales Will Look All Fancy At Euro 2016 With Stylish New Home And Away Kits (Photos)

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Adidas have today unveiled thenew kit that Gareth Bale and the rest of his Wales cohorts will be wearing come Euro 2016.

This coming after the Welsh ended their 58-year major tournament exile by securing their spot at next summer's European Championships with a 2-0 win over Andorra last month.

Leicester City: Jamie Vardy Reschedules Summer Wedding In Hope Of Euro 2016 Call-Up

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Currently nine goals into a sustained tilt at the Premier League's consecutive scoring record, Jamie Vardy has reason to feel optimistic about his international aspirations.

Much like Leicester themselves, the nippy forward has (quite literally) come flying out of the traps this season, sitting pretty at the top of the goalscorer's chart with his teamjust one point off the top of the table going into the mid-November international break.

Arsenal, Spurs, Messi and More: A Football Daily Discussion

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Our pals atFootball Dailylook at the week in football. We've formed a deal with Football Daily to feature their videos. In return they pump us up on Facebook.

Let's see how it goes.

United AND City? Utterly Baffling Half-And-Half Shirt Spotted At Non-League Game (Photo)

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It would appear that along with it's close cousin, the half-and-half scarf the scourge of the half-and-half football shirt is most definitely upon us.

Thiscomparatively modern cut-and-splice phenomenon is one we've stumbled across on Pies before, and also one we just can't seem to grasp the reasoning behind.

On This Day In 1987: England Beat Yugoslavia For The Last Time With Victory Inspired By Cliff Richard

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Goals from Peter Beardsley, John Barnes, Bryan Robson and Tony Adams – all in the first 25 minutes – saw England run out eventual 4-1 winners over Yugoslavia in Belgrade in this qualifier for the 1988 European Championships.

It was the 13th time the two nations had met, and it would prove to be the last.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Reunited With Starstruck Mascots At Swedish Player Of The Year Award Event (Video)

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Mondaynight saw the annual Guldbollen (i.e, the Swedish Player of the Year) award gala take place in Stockholm, with Zlatan Ibrahimovic taking home the gong for the ninthconsecutive year and the tenth time overall.

While the award itself was little more than a foregone conclusion, there was a sweet moment when Ibrahimovic was reunited with two young fans who melted everybody's cold, cynical hearts back in June with their starstruck reaction to the Sweden striker ahead of a Euro 2016 qualifier against Montenegro.

Crocked West Ham Schemer Dimitri Payet Posts Video Of James McCarthy’s Offending Tackle (Video)

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What a crafty purchase Dimitri Payet has proved to be for West Ham. One of the most creative talents in Ligue over the past few years, the playmakerhas continued to shine since moving to the Premier League in the summer. However, at the weekend, the West Ham playmaker was the target of a meaty challenge from Everton's James McCarthy, which has put the French international out of action for an expected three months.

On This Day In 2012: No Bore Draw As Arsenal And Fulham Slug Out Dramatic 3-3 Thriller (Video)

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When Fulham sidled across London tothe Emirates on 10th November 2012, they did so sitting in eighth place in the Premier League, just behind Arsenal on goal difference.

Acrowd of just over 60,000 bore witness toa cracking draw, with the two teams laying on a thrilling six-goal encounter.

Good Samaritan: Bournemouth Fan Gives Spare Match Ticket To 86-Year-Old Homeless Man (Photo)

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Saddledwith a spare match ticket after his father pulled out at the last minute, Bournemouth fan Matt Bradley decided to take the opportunity to do a good deed.

Left in the the lurch shortly before The Cherries' Premier League tie against Newcastle last weekend, Matt chose to donate his spare ticket to a 86-year-old homeless man who was stood next to the ticket kiosk.

FAIL: Scottish Highland League Striker Files Incredibly Strong ‘Worst Penalty Ever’ Contender (Video)

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Spare a thought for poor old Brora Rangers striker Steven McKay, who has seen hisspectacularly botched spot-kick against Deveronvale at the weekendgo global as the latest in a long precession of "WORST PENALTY EVER??!!" videos.

With Rangers 2-0 up over Vale in the Scottish Highland League, McKay won his side a penalty to further bolster his side's lead.

Thousands Of Northern Ireland Fans Sign Petition To Change ‘Monstrous’ New Euro 2016 Kit

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It seems that many Northern Ireland fans were revolted at the sight of the new kit they're team will be wearing at Euro 2016 after it was unveiled a few days ago.

Indeed, the strip hasn't been well received at all, with unimpressed supporterslabelling it a "monstrosity", "hideous" and a "perfect storm of rubbish".

Chelsea Old Boys Turn Out For Grand Opening Of Gianfranco Zola’s New Ice Cream Parlour In Bromley (Photos)

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Several Chelsea old boys turned out for the grand opening of a new ice-cream parlour in London, launchedby none other than Blues legend Gianfranco Zola.

Zola and his associates opened the new Unicogelato cafe in Bromley yesterday, and his old Chelsea muckers Roberto Di Matteo, Dennis Wise and Andriy Shevchenko all showed up to wish him well.

Introducing The Serafino 4th EDGE – New Football Boots With ‘Revolutionary’ Square Toe (Photo & Video)

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What you're looking at here folks, is the future of the football boot...apparently.

Admittedly, we had to check it wasn't April 1st, but these are a new concept football boot concocted bysportswear firm Boot Technology, who reckon their revolutionary toe shape is set to change the very face of football itself.

Wayne Rooney Shows Up At WWE Wrestling Event, Slaps The Taste Outta Wade Barrett’s Mouth! (Video)

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The WWE circus rolled into Manchester last night and who should find himself plonked in the front row but Wayne Rooney.

In fact, Rooney got himself embroiled in the action after an altercation with Preston-born wrestler Wade Barrett, thus providing the blow-out to a feud that began back in February when Barrett called Rooney out for divingafter an FA Cup match between Manchester United and Preston North End.

Official: David Moyes Sacked By Real Sociedad After Almost Exactly One Year In Charge

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Real Sociedad have emitted a comunicado oficial this evening to confirm that the club have parted company with manager David Moyes, almost a year to the day they first hired him.

Real Sociedadhave decided to terminate the contract of first team coach David Moyes. His assistant Billy McKinlay has alsoleft the club.

Top 5 Roy Keane Rants: Cutting Quips And Caustic Criticism

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Uncompromising on and off the pitch, Roy Keane has never been a man afraid to voice an opinion.

On the 15th anniversary of his famous "prawn sandwich brigade" rant, here are five other classic examples of Keane giving to someone straight...

1. "Stick it up your bollocks"

Came during a belter of a row with Republic of Ireland manager Mick McCarthy over what Keane insisted tothe Irish Times was a lack of preparation for the 2002 World Cup, an interview that included the modern management classic "Fail to prepare, prepare to fail".

Horror Hair: Paul Pogba’s New Music-Themed ‘Do Is Particularly Noteworthy (Photo)

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Never one to hide his light under a bushel when it comes to furnishing his head with an outrageous, asymmetric dye job or two, Paul Pogba hasn't let us down with his latest effort.

Having bleachedboth trees and stars into his hair over the past few weeks, Pogba turned up for a media event at Clairefontaine today with a brand new style to show off.

Sergio Ramos Kindly Informs Us: ‘El Clasico Has Never Made Me Orgasm’

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With nowt but an international break lying betweenus from the first El Clasico fixture of the season, the pre-match verbals have already begun.

That said, this season's inter-club banter has seemingly taken on an altogether more erotic air.

It all began when Gerard Pique recently admitted that El Clasico makes the Barcelona players "horny" during an interview with El Mundo Deportivo.

On This Day In 2000: Roy Keane Adds ‘Prawn Sandwich Brigade’ To The Great Footballing Lexicon

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Photo: Shaun Botterill /Allsport/Getty Images

Sometimes a particular turn of phrase catches the imagination and instantly becomes part of the language landscape for years to come.

Such is the case with football's "Prawn Sandwich Brigade", a scathing phrase coinedby Roy Keane in one of his more famous stinging grumbles.

Patrick Bamford Reveals Chelsea’s 33 Loan Players Use Their Own WhatsApp Group To Keep In Touch

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Patrick Bamford has revealed that Chelsea's far-flung horde of loan players usetheir own special WhatsApp group to keep in touch.

The Blues currently have 33 players out on loan, of which Bamford is but one having joined Crystal Palace on a one-year deal back in July.

The young striker told the Evening Standard:

We've actually got a Chelsea loan WhatsApp group.

Stoke Defender Ryan Shawcross Posts Fragrant Response To Diego Costa’s ‘Body Odour’ Jibes (Photo)

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After freeing himself from the burden of having to score goals, Diego Costa is currently in full-on 'little bugger' mode at Chelsea, focusing mainly on riling opposing defenders than actually contributinganything meaningful to his own team's cause.

Indeed, Costa spent his evening attempting to goad Ryan Shawcross during Chelsea's 1-0 defeat at Stoke on Saturday, even resorting to a frankly embarrassing playground charade that saw the striker calling his marker'spersonal hygiene into question following a brief physical altercation.

Frosinone Defender Leonardo Blanchard Scores Incredible Scissor-Kick Goal While Laying On The Ground (Video)

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Defender Leonardo Blanchard usually earns his living stopping goal against Serie A new-boys Frosinone rather than scoring them. However, against Genoa on Sunday, the 27-year-old scored a rather incredible goal.

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Having stayed in the Genoa box after a previous set-piece, Blanchard first attempted a bicycle kick which didn't quite go according to plan.

The Best Bits: Liverpool 1-2 Crystal Palace (Photos)

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Sunday saw Jurgen Klopp finally suffer his first defeat as Liverpool manager, with the Reds going down 2-1 at Anfield to a vibrant Crystal Palace side.

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Alan Pardew's side started superbly against a Liverpool side who looked leggy after their midweek Europa League jaunt to Russia.

Neymar Scores Incredible Virtuoso Volley As Barcelona Stick Three Past Villarreal (Video)

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Barcelona stuck three late goals past Villarreal tonight to cement their place at the summit of La Liga, with Neymar scoring twice in a comfortable 3-o win.

While his first goal was perfectly easy on the eye, Neymar's second effort was something a little bit special the Brazilian striker putting the perfect finishing touches to a cute Luis Suarez cross.

The Best Bits: Arsenal 1-1 Tottenham (Photos)

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Tottenham produced a superb, dynamic performance at the Emirates on Sunday, but had to settle for a draw after a late Kieran Gibbs goal cancelled out Harry Kane's first-half strike.

Mauricio Pochettino's side pressed Arsenal from the start, with Mousa Dembele and Dele Alli dominating Francis Coquelin and Santi Cazorla in the middle of the pitch.

The Best Bits: Aston Villa 0-0 Man City (Photos)

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Remi Garde's first game in charge of Aston Villa ended in a superb point against league leaders Manchester City.

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The new boss left Joleon Lescott and Jack Grealish on the bench, as he rejigged the Villa side.

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Unsurprisingly, the visitors started strongly, with Yaya Touré pulling the strings in midfield.

FC Viitorul Coach Gheorghe Hagi Stops His Own Player From Time-Wasting (Video)

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Already something of a hero in most people's minds, Romanian legend Gheorghe Hagi did his credentials no harm over the weekend when he forcibly stopped one of his Viitorul Constanta players from time-wasting.

During the first half of Saturday's 2-1 home defeat against league leaders Astra Giurgiu, one of Hagi's players, wingerBenzar Romario, fell to the floor and began writhing in agony after tangling with a defender on the touchline.

North London Derby Delights: 10 Reasons Why Tottenham Are Better Than Arsenal – FACT!

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Rock you like a Harry Kane!

Today is the North London Derby, Tottenham Hotspur versus Arsenal; the original north London team versus the Woolwich Nomads;the glorious Lilywhites versus the rather mechanically-monikered Gunners.

So, in the spirit of the day and with no quarter given, here are 10 light-hearted reasons why it's always better to be a Spur.

The Best Bits: Leicester 2-1 Watford (Photos)

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Jamie Vardy's incredible season continued to blossom at the King Power stadium on Saturday, with the Leicester striker netting for the ninth game in a row. That run makes the England man the first player to score in nine Premier League games in a single season, while only Ruud van Nistelrooy has netted in more consecutive games (10 in 2003).

The Best Bits: Stoke 0-1 Chelsea (Photos)

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From his hotel room, banned Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho (presumably) watched his side suffer their seventh league defeat of the season after going down 1-0 away to Stoke.

View image | gettyimages.com

With coach Steve Holland dishing out instructions from the sidelines, the Blues started strongly, with Eden Hazard firing over and Ramires shooting wide.

The Best Bits: Manchester United 2-0 West Brom (Photos)

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Goals from Jesse Lingard and Juan Mata secured all three points at Old Trafford on Saturday against a stubborn West Brom side.

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Lingard started on the flanks, with Memphis Depay left on the bench as the Red Devils looked to end a two-game goal-drought in the Premier League.

Chinese Commentator Fired After Falling Asleep For Last 20 Minutes Of Real Madrid’s 1-0 Win Over PSG (Video)

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Not even this kind of action was enough to stop Dong Lu nodding off

A Chinese football commentator is currently in the process of looking for a new job after falling asleep during Wednesday's night Champions League tiebetween Real Madrid and PSG.

Dong Lu, who is or, more accurately, was employed by LeTV, could be heard snoring after he nodded off during the last 20 minutes of the match.

FIFA Puskas Award 2015 Nominees Revealed: Come Hither And Marvel At All 10 Beauties (Videos)

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It's that time of year again, when FIFA find the time between shredding all their old paperwork to festoon us with their 10 candidates for the 2015 Puskas Award i.e, the gong for the most beautiful goal of the year.

As per there are some absolute belters to be pored over. Indeed, the nominees are as follows.

Retro Football: Nott’m Forest Keeper Barry Roche Foiled By Rogue Coffee Cup Away Against Derby, 2004 (Video)

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Photo: Derby Telegraph

Tonight is the first Nottingham Forest-Derby game of the season a fixture that will almostundoubtedly bringwith it a new, fresh set of painful memories.

Derby are coming into the game bang in form and firing; Forest bang out and limping. A double-figures massacre is a distinct possibility.

North London Derby Delights: Tottenham Come From 2-0 Down To Beat Arsenal At Home For First Time In 17 Years, 2010 (Video)

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This coming Sunday sees the first North London derby of this Premier League season and so, to fuel the build-up, Pies will be running a piece on great derby moments (from a distinctly Tottenham-specific perspective, such is Martin's prerogative!) every day this week, together with some choice trivia and facts.

On This Day In 1986: Alex Ferguson Appointed Manager Of Manchester United – How Did That Work Out?

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Following the sacking of Ron Atkinson in November of 1986, Manchester United were on the prowlfor a new manager.

A young firebrand by the name of Alex Ferguson was hot property, having broken the Old Firm's grip in Scotland while manager of Aberdeen, and having briefly managed Scotland.

In 1982, he'd rejected an offer to manage Wolverhampton Wanderers, and had been linked with the manager's job at Liverpool after Joe Fagan retired in 1985.

Arsene Wenger Busts Out Some Signature Looks While Posing For French Fashion Shoot (Photos)

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Ever the classy urbane gent, Arsene Wenger has posed for a fashion shoot and interview with the L'Equipe Sport & Style supplement, in which he said heavy, philosophical things like "My constant battle in this job is to bring out the beauty in man."

That man, of course, being Per Mertesacker.

Gary Lineker Pops Out For Loaf, Spots Familiar Face Working In Local Bakery (Photo)

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Imagine Gary Lineker's surprise when, upon nippingout for poppy seed batch to dip in his soup, he spots a familiar face skulking around in the back of his local bakery...

Popped out for a loaf and spotted Diego Costa doing a bit of moonlighting. #lookalike

A photo posted by Gary Lineker (@garylineker) on Nov 5, 2015 at 8:18am PST

We know times are leanDiego, but surely this is all a little bit drastic?

Indian Super League Game Delayed For Several Minutes While Referee Orders Player To Change Underwear

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(Photo: ISL)

Last night'sIndian Super League clash between FC Goa andChennaiyin was held up for several minutes when the referee ordered a player to change his underwear.

However, rather than any kind of sanitary issue, it would appear that the official was unhappy with the colour of pantsthe Goa was wearing underneath his shorts.

Philipp Schobesberger Scores Winner For Rapid Vienna After Flummoxing ‘Keeper With Outrageous Skill (Video)

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Rapid Vienna registered a narrow 2-1 away win over Viktoria Plzen to seal their place in the last 32 of the Europa League last night, thanks to a 77th-minute winner from midfielderPhilipp Schobesberger.

Having been played in one-on-one on the Plzen goal, Schobesberger refused to let the enormity of the situation get to him as he sat the Plzen 'keeper down with an outrageous piece of skill and rolled home the winner with consummate ease.

Europa League – The Best Bits: Rubin Kazan 0-1 Liverpool (Photos & Highlights)

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A second-half strike from youngster Jordan Ibe helped Jurgen Klopp to his third victory in a row as Liverpool boss, with the away win in Russia keeping the Reds' Europa League campaign very much on track.

Klopp left Adam Lallana and Philippe Coutinho both on the bench, with Christian Benteke starting up front.

Europa League – The Best Bits: Tottenham 2-1 Anderlecht (Photos & Highlights)

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A late Mousa Dembele winner fired Tottenham to a Europa League victory against Anderlecht on Thursday night, a result which sees the Lilywhites top Group J.

The visitors started strongly, with Stefano Okaka once again a threat for the Belgians.

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However, just before the half-hour mark, the Lilywhites took the lead, with the in-form Harry Kane scoring after a Christian Eriksen flick.

Bonfire Night Special: Top 10 Footballing Guys

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It's Bonfire Night, so Pies decided it'd be a good idea tomake a rod for our own backs by trying to round up 10 famous footballing Guys.

Turns out the name isn't quite as popular as we'd first imagined...

Photo: Bob Thomas/Getty Images

Guy Whittingham Former Portsmouth, Aston Villa and Sheffield Wednesday striker, beloved by fans of both the former and latter clubsforbeing ano-nonsense forwardwho just knuckled down and got the job done, scoring loads of goals along the way.

Eric Dier Gets First Senior Nod As England Squad For Spain And France Friendlies Announced

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Roy Hodgson has announced his England squad for the forthcoming friendly fixtures against Spain and France, with Tottenham's young utility man Eric Dier getting his first international call-up as a result.

Spain are first up in Alicante on Friday 13th November, before France come to Wembley for the second game on Tuesday 17th November.

North London Derby Delights: Gazza Powers Tottenham To FA Cup Final By Seeing Off Arsenal In The Semis, 1991 (Video)

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This coming Sunday sees the first North London derby of this Premier League season and so, to fuel the build-up, Pies will be running a piece on great derby moments (from a distinctly Tottenham-specific perspective, such is Martin's prerogative!) every day this week, together with some choice trivia and facts.

Karim Benzema Charged With ‘Complicity In An Attempt To Blackmail’ In Ongoing Mathieu Valbuena Sex Tape Case

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Karim Benzema leaves the court house in Versailles, near Paris, after appearing before a judge

Real Madrid striker Karim Benzema has got himself embroiled in the ongoing court case centred around an alleged plot to blackmail Mathieu Valbuena over a sex tape involving the wee French midfielder.

‘If My Wife Is Watching: Please Milk The Cows, I’m Going To The Pub’ – Norwegian Fan Struggles To Keep It Together After Dramatic Relegation Escape (Video)

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There were joyous scenes at Byrne FK over the weekend as the Norwegian second tier side successfully managed to fend off the dropwith a dramatic win over fellow relegation candidates Baerum on the final afternoon of the season.

Byrne won the game 2-1 despite having a man sent off in the first half, with the result duly consigning Baerum to the drop in their stead.

On This Day In 1969: The Late, Great Emlyn Hughes Makes His England Debut

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Three years removed from the triumphant World Cup success of '66, Sir Alf Ramsey was in the process of gradually reappointing his England side when he handed 22-year-old defender Emlyn Hughes his international debut in Amsterdam on 5th November, 1969.

Playing for Liverpool at the time, Hughes was a versatileyoungster who had already proven to be equally adept playing in midfield and/or anywhere across the back four.

West Ham Owner David Gold Retweets ‘Missing Person’ Plea….For West Ham Winger Michail Antonio

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West Ham owner David Gold has certainly suffered his fair share of high-profileTwitter gaffes in the past few years.

Whether publicly favouriting Tweets about sacking his manager(and then blaming jet lag) or welcoming the arrival of one black playerwith a photo of another, old Goldie certainly has a clanger or two in him.

‘If He’s A Man Utd Player, Then I’m A Chinaman’ – Roy Keane Goes In Hard On Ashley Young After Pathetic Dive Against CSKA Moscow

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There are few more pathetic sights in modern football than an Ashley Young dive; the stoop, the twist, thedainty flick of the heels above the head, the flail, the shoulder roll, the crash landing, the wail of faux agony, lather, rinse, repeat.

While he's hardlyalone in his penchant for a-rollin' and a-tumblin' with gay abandon, Young has fine-tunedhis unmistakable technique down to an art.

Jose Mourinho Just Wants To Win Matches So Young Chelsea Fans Don’t Get Bullied At School

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Positioning himself as the footballing world's answer to Helen Lovejoy, Jose Mourinho has revealed that the sole driving force behind his desire to arrest Chelsea's slump is to end the suffering of Blues-supporting schoolchildren everywhere.

Chelsea just about saw off Dynamo Kiev in the Champions League on Wednesday night thanks to Willian's superb 84th-minute freekick, though rather bask in the reflected glory of a rare win, Mourinho's post-game thoughts were elsewhere:

It's easy for kids to go to school in a Chelsea shirt when Chelsea win every match.

Champions League – The Best Bits: Chelsea 2-1 Dynamo Kiev (Photos & Highlights)

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Jose Mourinho saw his side pick up a welcome victory against Dynamo Kiev at Stamford Bridge on Wednesday evening, although it took a late Willian winner to give the home fans something to cheer about.

The Chelsea boss was given a warm reception by the Blues' faithful before the game after a nightmare first few months of the season.

Champions League – The Best Bits: Bayern Munich 5-1 Arsenal (Photos & Highlights)

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Arsenal were thoroughly outclassed by Bayern Munich at the Allianz Arena, with the Gunners going down 5-1, a result which sees them needing two wins (including one by a two-goal margin) to secure their place in the last 16 of the competition.

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Despite apparently being fit to play, centre-half Laurent Koscielny was left on the bench for the Gunners, with Gabriel taking his place.

Andros Townsend ‘Banished’ From Tottenham Squad After Altercation With Fitness Coach

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Huge news well, huge-ish on the Tottenham front going into Thursday night's Europa League tie against Anderlecht with reports that Andros Townsend has been "banished" from the seniorsquad after scuffling with a member of Mauricio Pochettino's back-room staff.

Townsend is said to have "shoved and argued" withfitness coach Nathan Gardiner on the White Hart Lanepitch during the warm-down after Monday night's win over Aston Villa.

‘You Lying Piece Of S**t’ – Darren Anderton Furious With BBC Commentator Over Half-Time Entertainment Injury Reports

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You may recall yesterday when we brought you news that Darren Anderton was forced to pull out of the crossbar challengeathalf-time during Tottenham's3-1 win over Aston Villa on Monday evening.

The story emanated from BBCcommentator Conor McNamara, who Tweeted to alert his followers that Anderton had pulled out of the half-time entertainmentdue to injury.

North London Derby Delights: Graham Roberts Flicks The ‘V’ As Tottenham Go Top With 2-1 Win At Highbury, 1985 (Video)

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This coming Sundaysees the first North London derby of this Premier League season and so, to fuel the build-up, Pies will be running a piece on great derby moments (from a distinctly Tottenham-specific perspective, such is Martin's prerogative!) every day this week, together with some choice trivia and facts.

Edenbridge Bonfire Society To Burn 20ft Sepp Blatter Effigy In Honour Of FIFA President’s Annus Horribilis (Photo)

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For his sins, Sepp Blatter is soon to find himself burnt atop a bonfire in a rural village in Kent though sadly, not literally.

Okay, that was a little bit harsh but you get the general gist.

Anyway, with Wayne Rooney and Mario Balotelli both receiving the honour in recent years, Blatter has been selected for sacrifice as theEdenbridge Bonfire Society's annual celebrity Guy given to the rogue of the year on the basis that the suspended FIFA president was the "obvious choice" given the 2015 both he and his organisation have endured.

Leeds United: Massimo Cellino Changes His Mind (Once Again) And Calls Off Plan To Sell Club To Fans

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"Ain't I a stinker?"

It should come as zero surprise to hear that, despite promising he was "100percent" ready to go through with it lastFriday lunchtime, Leeds owner Massimo Cellino has today reneged on aproposeddeal to sell the club to the fans.

Cellino, who is currently in the process of appealing a Football League ban, announced he had agreed to sell Leeds to the supportersat the tail end of last week, also agreeing to forgo any profit.

Man City Fans Find Clever Way To Evade UEFA Thought Police And Boo Champions League Anthem In Silence (Photos)

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After being threatened with a UEFA investigation for having the bare-faced cheek to boo the sacred Champions League anthem before last month's group stage game against Sevilla, Man City fans concocted a new way to show their disdain for the return fixture in Spainon Tuesdaynight.

In a ploy to evade the UEFA Thought Police, many of the travellingCity supporterscovered their mouths during the playing of the anthem and simply held up placards with the word 'Boo' written on them.

On This Day In 1970: Joe Royle’s Blushes Spared As Everton Win First Ever European Cup Penalty Shootout

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Stunning sight to behold: The Joe Royle of 1970

In 1970, UEFA replaced the highly unsatisfactory 'coin toss' method of settling drawn ties with the penalty shootout.

In the second round, second leg European Cup tie between Everton and Borussia Monchengladbach at Goodison Park, this new-fangled method was finally put to use for the very first time.

Gaffe: Manchester United Boss Louis Van Gaal Calls Chris Smalling ‘Michael’ Once Again (Video)

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"Michael, coo-ee! Over here!"

You could forgive Manchester United centre-back Chris Smalling for developing something of an inferiority complex this season after coming to the jarring realisation that his manager still doesn't appear to know his actual name.

For the second time in just a few short months, Louis van Gaal gave Smalling's self-esteem another rodgering in the aftermath of last night's scant 1-0 win over CSKA Moscow at Old Trafford by commending the defender for his heroic defendingbefore swiftly accrediting the goal-line clearance in question to "Michael Smalling".

Serie D: Italian Referee Orders Pitch To Be Dug Up After Noticing Minor Problem With Size Of Goalposts

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We often complain that referees are far too officious these days, but the chap responsible for overseeing therecent Italian fifth tier game between Correggese SC and Sammaurese took nit-picking to the next level.

Upon somehow noticing that one of the crossbars was too low, the ref ordered that the turf below one of the goalposts be dug out to compensate.

The Best Bits: Sevilla 1-3 Man City (Photos)

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Manchester City booked their place in the Last 16 of the Champions League after beating Sevilla 3-1 in Spain on Tuesday night.

City boss boss Manuel Pellegrini left in-form playmaker Kevin De Bruyne on the bench, with Jesus Navas starting against his former club.

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The Best Bits: Man Utd 1-0 CSKA Moscow (Photos & Highlights)

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Wayne Rooney became Manchester United's joint-second top-scorer of all-time at Old Trafford on Tuesday night, with the England man's late header securing a precious victory for the Red Devils against CSKA Moscow.

The hosts started well, with Marcos Rojo always a threat on the left flank.

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‘I Can Take Criticism From Decent Ex-Players, But Not Him’ – John Terry Gives Robbie Savage The Mother Of All Verbal Maulings

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As John Terry spoke to the press ahead of Chelsea's Champions League tie against Dynamo Kiev, the subject of criticism was broached.

Terry, who Pies are now seeing in a whole new light, took the opportunity to give gobshite pundit Robbie Savage a verbal mauling and it was glorious.

Asked about having his performances picked apart on television, Terry replied:

I've come under criticism, individually, from certain players and individuals, players I've looked up to and played alongside.

Leeds United: Young Fan Forced To Contend With Ridiculously Long Middle Name (Thanks To Howard Wilkinson!)

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Photo: Yorkshire Evening Post

The young fellow you see before you is 22-year-old student Dominic Cazaux, who has his Leeds United-obsessed parents to thank for one of the most spectacular full names we've ever stumbled across.

Dominic is Scottish, but was born into a family of slightly insane Leeds supporters and thus goes by the official name of 'Dominic Andrew Lukic Newsome Fairclough Whyte Dorigo McAllister Batty Strachan Speed Chapman Cantona Cazaux'.

Romanian Coach Sacked After Beating 16-Year-Old Player For ‘Organising Secret McDonald’s Trip’ (Video)

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A Romanian youth coach has been unceremoniously relieved of his duties after disgusting footage of him attacking a 16-year-old player did the rounds yesterday.

Liviu Petrache, coach of the Under-17 CSM Studentesc Iasi side, was filmed losing his temper on the touchline during a game and hoofing seven shades out of one of his own players.

Stevenage Manager Teddy Sheringham, 49, Officially Comes Out Of Retirement To Play In Cup Fixture

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Just shyof his 50th birthday, Teddy Sheringham has come out of retirement by officially registering as a player for Stevenage, the club he currently manages.

Stevenage are set to play Welwyn Garden City FC in the first round of the Herts Senior Challenge Cup on Wednesday night and, in the interest of preserving his first team for their League Two duties, Sheringham has enlisted as a player.

North London Derby Delights: Chris Hughton And Mark Falco Shine As Tottenham Thump Arsenal 5-0 In 1983 (Video)

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Chris Hughton in full flight for Tottenham, 1983 (Photo by Mark Leech/Getty Images)

This comingweekend sees the first North London derby of this Premier League season and so, to fuel the build-up, Pies will be running a piece on great derby moments (from a distinctly Tottenham-specific perspective, such is Martin's prerogative!

Germany’s Slightly Weird New Reversible Euro 2016 Away Kit Features Built-In Training Bib (Leaked Photos)

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Once again, Todos Sobre Camisetas have managed to get their hands on a fresh batch of leaked images of the new Euro 2016 Germany kits, and while the white home strip (above) is a relatively classy and sober affair, the away kit is definitely worthy of closer examination.

As previously revealed, the away kit is a slightly odd grey and green affair though admittedly this fresh batch of images have the shirt looking entirelyless grotesque than the original dodgy leaked photo.

Darren ‘Sicknote’ Anderton Forced To Pull Out Of Half-Time Crossbar Challenge – See If You Can Guess Why…

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Having soaked up the applause on a lap of the White Hart Lane pitch, Tottenham old boy Darren Anderton was then due to participate in a 'crossbar challenge' during half-time of his former side's 3-1 win over Aston Villa last night.

Sadly, the man affectionately known as 'Sicknote' during his playing days due to being perennially crocked was forced to pull out for the most inevitablereason imaginable.

On This Day In 1987: Chelsea Lose 3-1 Against Arsenal To Spark Dismal Club Record Losing Streak

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On this very day in 1987, sixth-placed Chelsea traipsedto the home of First Division leagueleaders Arsenal for a game that would prove fateful, and not in a good way.

Indeed, the Gunners proceeded to win 3-1, and the defeat duly triggered a run of 21 league matches without a win for Chelsea a dismal club record that still stands.

Study Finds Many Professional Footballers Have ‘Worryingly Poor’ Teeth

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While a comparatively smallsmattering of players are instantly recognisableby their dodgy gnashers (like our Nobby here), it would appear that a good number of current professionals are neglecting their oral hygiene to the point that it affecting their ability to perform.

According to a new study conducted by the British Journal of Sports Medicine, over half of the players they examined showed signs of dental erosionwith four in 10 were found to have cavities.

Chelsea: Cesc Fabregas Takes To Facebook To Deny Rumours He’s Leading An Anti-Mourinho Resistance

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While the 'crisis' at Chelsea really amounts to a handful of duff performances and a couple of tetchy post-match interviews, the media have quickly turned the club's malaise into a pantomime of intrigue, betrayaland subterfuge.

Shortly after the 2-1 defeat against West Ham, BBC 5Live reported that an anonymous first-team player at Chelsea let's call him 'Deep Throat' had contacted a member of the press to confide that he'd "rather lose games than win for Jose Mourinho".

The Best Bits: Tottenham 3-1 Aston Villa (Photos)

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With new manager Remi Garde watching in the White Hart Lane stands, Aston Villa suffered their seventh defeat in a row as hosts Tottenham secured a deserved 3-1 win.

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The Lilywhites took the lead within three minutes of the kick-off when Mousa Dembele outmuscled a weak Ciaran Clark before firing past Brad Guzan.

Aston Villa Spell Their New Manager’s Name Wrong While Announcing Remi Garde’s Arrival (Photo)

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Photo: AVFC

The news had been in the chamber for a couple of days, but Aston Villa have now officially appointed Remi Garde as their new manager.

The former Lyon coach has been handed a three-year deal at Villa Park though, let's face it, the chances of him making it to 2018 unscathed are slim at best.

The Black And White Years: 10 Great Vintage Photos Of Football In The Fog

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In tribute to the fine veil of mist that is currently bringing Britain to a stand-still, here's 10 fabulousvintage photos freshly plucked from the archives of footballers bravely soldiering on through the fog...

Arsenal take on 'a team from Manchester' on a chilly day in the depths of January, 1937

Millwall 'keeper Harold Pearson peers into the fog during a semi-final of the London Challenge Cup against Arsenal at the Den, 1937

The match between Tottenham and Dynamo Moscow slowly succumbs to a thick pea-souper, 1945

Charlton 'keeper Sam Bartram struggles to make out the action during a game against Chelsea on Christmas Day, 1937.

‘Thank You From The Bottom Of My Heart’ – Sunderland Fan Writes To Commend Everton Counterparts For ‘Humbling’ Welcome At Goodison

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Despite making a round trip of 240-odd miles to watch his side get thumped 6-2, one Sunderland fan still felt compelled to write an open letter to thank his Evertonian counterparts for making his day a thoroughly enjoyableone result aside.

John Marshall, 59, contacted the Liverpool Echo to let the Everton fans know that they were done proud by a contingent of their number on Saturday, after he and his family were "completely humbled" by the welcome and generosity they received in and around Goodison on match day.

Shit Lookalike: Santi Cazorla & Vermin (From ‘The Warriors’)

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Re-watching The Warriors for the Nth time over the weekend, Pies couldn't help but notice that gang member Vermin bore a striking resemblance to none other than Santi Cazorla...

Having kept his acting past quiet all these years, Santi's not aged badly considering he was probably in his late 20s when the movie was released in 1979.

North London Derby Milestones: 1887 Sees Very First Local Game Between Tottenham And Arsenal, And Provides A Sign Of Things To Come…

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This comingweekend sees the first North London derby of this Premier League season and so, to fuel the build-up, Pies will be running a piece on great derby moments (from a distinctly Tottenham-specific perspective, such is Martin's prerogative!) every day this week, together with some choice trivia and facts.

On This Day In 1929: Man City Give Debut To Young Forward By The Name Of Matt Busby

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The young Matt Busby of Manchester City, 1928

It's with the red half of Manchester that Matt Busby is most closely associated, but his footballing story began over in the blue half at the tender age of just 20.

Busby, the son of Lithuanian immigrants, was born in the mining village of Orbiston in Lanarkshire and started working down the pit while playing part-time for local side Denny Hibs.

Didier Drogba Booked For Attempting To Lock In The Sharpshooter On Columbus Crew Goalkeeper (Video)

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Photo: Shaun Clark/Getty Images

Fair to say, Didier Drogba picked up one of the strangest bookings of the season so far during the last knockings ofMontreal Impact's 2-1 win over Columbus Crew at the weekend.

Having been beaten to the ball by Columbus 'keeper Steve Clarke, Drogba proceeded to wrap up his opponent and attempt to cinch in a Sharpshooter-style leg lock as famously favoured by Bret 'The Hitman' Hart.

Man Joins Tinder Dating App And Communicates Using Nothing But Mario Balotelli Quotes

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For reasons unbeknownst, football scribe Dov Rawson recently created himself a Tinder profile and proceeded to see how far he could get by solely communicating usingMario Balotelli quotes.

Armed with nothing but an archive ofBalotelli's past Twitter ramblings, Rawson actually made an impressive amount of headway after finding himself matched up with a young temptressby the name of Jen.

Japanese High-School Team Tamano-Konan Score Keepy-Uppy Wonder-Goal (Video)

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It looks as though Japan's next generation of football player could be quite tasty. In a game during the94th Japanese National High School Football Championship, theclashbetween Sakuyo and Tamano-Konan was deep into injury-time and perfectly poised at 1-1 when Tamano-Konan produced a last-gasp goal of outrageous, utter perfection.

FA WSL Continental Cup – The Best Bits: Arsenal 3-0 Notts County (Photos & Highlights)

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England World Cup star Laura Bassett saw red as Arsenal ran out comfortable 3-0 winners in the 2015 Continental Cup final at Rotherham's New York Stadium.

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Notts County started well and went close a number of times in the first period, with Bassett, Jess Clarke and Rachel Williams all going close.

The Best Bits: Everton 6-2 Sunderland (Photos)

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Sam Allardyce's Sunderland failed to build on last weekend's 3-0 derby win against Newcastle, instead finding themselves on the wrong end of a 6-2 drubbing at Goodison Park, with Arouna Kone netting himself a hat-trick.

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The Black Cats started with three centre-halves in an attempt to nullify Everton's creative forward line.

Reports: Anonymous Chelsea First Team Player Admits ‘I’d Rather Lose Than Win For Mourinho’

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With results in the proverbial toilet and good form just a distant memory, it would appear that Jose Mourinho can now add 'dissension amongstthe ranks' to his growing list of Chelsea worries.

As you well know, Mourinho's listless side were soundly beaten by a mid-table outfit at Stamford Bridge yesterday and now, according to a report on BBC 5Live radio, it's being rumoured that a first-team player confided in a journalist shortly thereafter that he would "rather lose" than win a game for his agitatedmanager.

Retro Football: German Art Film Features Eight Cameras Trained Solely On George Best During Manchester United Match, 1970 (Video)

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An Irish composer has set his sights on resurrecting a long-lost conceptual documentary film about George Best.

The avant garde film, titled 'Football As Never Before', was originally made by German director Hellmuth Costard in 1971 and simply features 90 minutes of footage from eight 16mm cameras trained on Best (who was at the peak of his tabloid notoriety) during Manchester United's 2-0 win over Coventry in 1970.

World Class Goalmouth Scramble Breaks Out As De Graafschap Lay Slapstick Siege To PSV (Video)

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Given that the game ended in a 3-6 win for the away side, goals were hardly difficult to come by in De Graafschap and PSV's Saturday night ding-dong over in the Eredivisie.

Strange then, that at one point time seemed to freeze as De Graafschap laid slapstick siege to the PSV goalmouth a world class goalmouth scramble (or 'stramash', for our Scottish viewers) that featured several botched shots, a brutal knock-out blow and lots of suitably skittish defending.