Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2014

‘I Told Luis He Was Too Good For Arsenal’ – Liverpool Captain Steven Gerrard Has Pop At Gunners Over Last Summer’s Suarez Transfer Saga

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By Alan Duffy

Thursday's newspaper are full of quotes from Liverpool captain Stevie G, who has lifted the lid (a bit) on last summer's transfer saga involving Luis Suarez and Arsenal.

Gerrard's revelation that he told Suarez to forget the Gunners and ultimately aim for a bigger and better club will no doubt irk some Arsenal fans.

Football Vine: Cesc Fabregas Gets Off The Mark For Chelsea With Sweet Freekick vs Vitesse Arnhem

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By Chris Wright

Cesc Fabregas has, almost as we speak, opened his account for Chelsea (unofficially, of course) with a sweetly struck 25-yard free-kick against Vitesse Arnhem...

Apparently, Cesc then kissed the Chelsea badge on his shirt during his celebration make of that what you will.

BREAKING: Premier League Referees To Use Freekick Vanishing Spray This Coming Season

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By Chris Wright

Steady yourselves, this is a biggy...

BREAKING: Vanishing spray will be used in the Barclays Premier League from the start of this season #SprayForBPL pic.twitter.com/uiTPXT4Ph3

— Premier League (@premierleague) July 30, 2014

Told you!

Over-Casual Polish GK Gets Short, Sharp Comeuppance (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We're skipping back to last Friday night here so apologies for the tardiness, but we feel it's our duty as concerned denizens of decent football to bring you the forlorn tale ofRichard Zajac, overly-casual goalkeeper of Polish top-tier side TS Podbeskidzie.

The Black-And-White Years: 21 Brilliant Vintage Photos Of Footballers In Pre-Season Training

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By Chris Wright

We've gone trawling through the PA archives again, this time bringing you 21 brilliant vintage black-and-white photos of players slogging their way through the bane of every professional footballer's life: pre-season training...

Notts County players go for a jog during pre-season training at Meadow Lane, 1929

Chelsea's John Harris commandeers a team-mate to help him stretch at Stamford Bridge, 1950

West Ham playersplay leapfrog on the beach at Southend, 1951

Brentford player-manager Tommy Lawton brings out the hardware as his players train at Griffin Park, 1953

Blackpool pair Stanley Matthews (left) and George Farm run up and down the terraces at Bloomfield Road, 1959

Norman Deeley leads the rest of the Wolves squad in an energetic 'knees up' exercise, 1960

Arsenal 'keeper Jack Kelsey poses proudly aftersaving nine shots at once, 1961

ArsenalteammatesBill McCullough, Gerry Ward and Danny Clapton go for a run aroundLondon Colney, 1961

Chelsea practice their shooting en masse atEwell, 1961

ChelseatrioPeter Brabrook, Peter Sillett and Johnny Brooks practice their juggling skills, 1961

QPR pair Roy Bentley and Mark Lazarus link arms and leap over hurdles at White City Stadium, 1962

Southend United players loosen up with some heading practice at Roots Hall, 1962

Tottenham striker Jimmy Greaves tests his balance atCheshunt, 1962

Arsenal limber up(side down) at London Colney, 1962

Charlton Athletic's Brian Kinsey goes head over heels at The Valley, 1965

Charlton players Jack Kennedy, Len Glover, Roy Matthews and Brian Kinsey do laps at The Valley, 1965

One season on and nothing changes as Charlton's players go a-hurdling once again, 1966

New signing Derek Possee is given a ride on the roundabout at the children's park near Millwall's practice pitch at Eltham, 1967

Leyton Orient 'keeper Ronald Willis, 19, and his 15-year-old youngerbrother Allen (still an apprentice at the time) prepare for the new season, 1967

Arsenal captain Frank McLintock leaps over chairs to demonstrate his fitness at Highbury, 1968

Arsenal 'keeper Pat Jennings lends the Highbury ground-staff a helping hand during training, 1981

(Photos: PA)

Romelu Lukaku To Sign For Everton In £25m Permanent Deal After Cryptic-Ish Tweet Gives The Game Away

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By Chris Wright

Earlier this afternoon, Romelu Lukaku emitted the following Tweet, showing himself mid-air in a plane heading somewhere to do something along with the cryptic message "Time to write a new chapter..."

Time to write a new chapter.

Hyde FC Forced To Disguise Trialist Players With Pseudonyms Again, This Time Choose Famous Actors

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By Chris Wright

You may remember that, just a couple of days ago, Hyde FC were forced into devising a method of keeping the names of their various trialist players under wraps while live-Tweeting their pre-season friendly against Altrincham to avoid alerting rivals teams as to their availability.

Man Utd Forwards Indulge In Impressively Slinky Tiki-Taka Passing Manoeuvre vs Inter Milan (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Long since thought to be extinct thanks to the Moyesian era, here's Manchester United's forwards actually playing with a bit of spontaneity and finesse and putting together an impressively slinky passing manoeuvre against Inter Milan last night...

Here's the GIF version, just in case.

Daniel Sturridge Croons His Way Through Drake’s ‘Too Much’ With Bit Of Help From Jordan Ibe (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It was just meant to bea routine quiz with LFCTV about hip-hopat Liverpool's team hotel in New York, but Daniel Sturridge took it upon himself to steal the show by crooning and rapping his way through Drake's "Too Much" anyway (with a little bit of help from Jordan Ibe on high harmonies).

Group Of Gormless Real Madrid Fans Interrupt Roma Friendly In Search Of ‘Selfies’ (With Video)

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By Chris Wright

The "pitch invader selfie" (oh, how we've come to loathe that word) is definitely the footballing fad of the summer friendlies, with several fans interrupting last night's gamebetween Real Madrid and Roma by bursting onto the pitch, cameras gormlessly held in front of their facesin search of photographic mementos.

Man Utd Release New Blue 2014/15 Third Kit – Inspired By That Most Tasteful Of Decades: The 1980s (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Thus completing the set, here's Manchester United's new Chevy-sponsored third strip for 2014/15 which is, and we quote: "inspired by United's tradition of blue kits from the 1980′s, as well as uniform worn when they became the first English side to win the European Cup in 1968″.

Roma’s Seydou Keita Refuses To Shake Pepe’s Hand Before Friendly, Chucks Water Bottle At Real Madrid Defender (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Pepe embroiled in controversy: who'd have thought?

It may well have been a "friendly" on paper but there was certainly a fair degree of acrimony in the air when Roma met Real Madrid in Texas last night.

Ex-Barcelona midfielder Seydou Keita re-ignited an ongoing feud with Pepe which began back in their La Ligadays, with the Real Madrid centre-back accused of calling the Mali international a "monkey" during a Clasico game back in August of 2011.

Snapshot: MUTV Graphics Department Make Utter Hash Of Man Utd’s Starting XI Against Inter Milan…

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By Chris Wright

This here is the starting line-up graphic that MUTV used to inform viewers ofManchester United's starting XI for last night's Global Super International Power Cup friendly against Inter Milan in Washington DC -MUTV, of course, being United's officially licensed in-house television channel.

Wantaway Southampton Star Morgan Schneiderlin Blasts Saints On Twitter

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By Alan Duffy

Keen to follow the likes of Luke Shaw and Adam Lallana out the door at St. Mary's, Southampton's French midfielder Morgan Schneiderlin has taken to Twitter to express his frustration of the Saints' failure to green-light his move to Tottenham.

Earlier today, clubchairman Ralph Krueger stated that neither Schneiderlin or and attacker Jay Rodriguez are for sale, which has left the French anchorman rather irked.

Edinson Cavani Replaced In Artwork For PSG’s New Kit Launch As Exit Rumours Continue To Stir…

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By Chris Wright

For what it's worth, PSG and Nike have deleted the face of supposedly "wantaway" forward Edinson Cavani from the artwork accompanying the launch of their new kits.

The Uruguayan international, who has been repeatedly linked with a move away (to Manchester United) from the Ligue 1 champions this summer, was stationed on the left of the collagethat accompanied the launch of the new PSG home shirt a few days ago.

Electric Boogaloo: Leroy Fer Hits The Dancefloor With His New Wife At Their Wedding (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Norwich City midfielder Leroy Fer and his new wife taking to the dancefloor for their traditional first dance...

Was that the Wacky Dip we spotted in at the end there?

Daniel Sturridge, ladies and gentlemen.

(Via Daily Mirror)

Snapshot: Thumbs Up If You’re A Sexy Beast…

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By Chris Wright

Gerard Pique in rolled-up shorts and a little pink crop-top = one-way ticket to Sexytown...

(Photo:Mike Egerton/PA Wire)

Paul Scholes Signs Up As Pundit For Both BT Sport And ITV For 2014/15 Season

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By Chris Wright

"I'll be in my trailer, bitches"

Despite steadfastly refusing to say a word throughout his playing days, Paul Scholes can't keep from spouting off with a Paddy Power blog, a cameo pundit stint with Sky Sports toward the tail-end of last season and now two count 'em!

Sky Sports’ Gobshite Jim White Launches ‘The Goal Line’ To Help Despondent Fans Make It Through The Non-Football Void

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By Chris Wright

Several weeks before they usually let him out of his soundproofed cupboard for transfer deadline day, Sky Sports have decided to put their resident howler monkey, Jim White, to use by having him man a new helpline fordespondent football fans make it through the interminable void between the World Cup andthe start of the 2014/15 season.

This Is How Carles Puyol Is Spending His Summer, Post-Retirement (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

So, this is the kind of thing that recently-retired Carles Puyol and his girlfriend Vanesa Lorenzo are getting up to these days...

You're a long time retired, you know! You've got to fill your days somehow.

(Photos: vanesalorenzo_/Instagram/Via: @kelly_welles)

Sam Allardyce’s West Ham Future Thrown Into Doubt Once Again After Owner David Gold Drops Massive Clanger On Twitter

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By Chris Wright

New strain has been placed on the already rickety relationship between West Ham boss Sam Allardyce and the club's higher-upsafter co-owner David Gold dropped a hefty old clanger on Twitter yesterday.

Gold publicly "favourited" (i.e, saved for posterity) the followingTweet, directed at him bya disgruntled Hammers fan.

‘He’s Not Fit Enough To Do What I Want’ – Louis Van Gaal Makes £27m Signing Luke Shaw Train Alone

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By Chris Wright

Alas, it would appear that, despite costing a whacking great £27million, Manchester United summer signing Luke Shaw is a way off being ready for first-team dutiesas far as Louis van Gaal is concerned, with the new United boss reportedlyforcing the 19-year-old full-back to train alone on a specialised programme in order to reach the stringent fitness level required of him.

Snapshot: Ashley Cole Bonding Nicely With His New Roma Team-Mates…

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By Alan Duffy

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you...

It was a good move for Ashley Cole to leave England and get a taste of top-tier football elsewhere, in his case in the form of 2013/14 Serie A runners-up AS Roma. Indeed, maybe if more English players get some experience abroad it might help the national team.

Snapshot: Ashley Cole Bonding Nicely With His New Roma Team-Mates

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By Alan Duffy

It was a good move for Ashley Cole to leave England and get a taste of top-tier football elsewhere, in his case in the form of 2013/14 Serie A runners-up AS Roma. Indeed, maybe if more English players get some experience abroad it might help the national team.

New Brazil Coach Dunga Will Not Accept Branded Hats, Dyed Hair Or Crying On His Watch

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By Chris Wright

Like a cigar-chewing, crew-cutted drill sergeant, new Brazil coach Dunga has been laying down the law to his Selecao, indirectly informing the likes of Dani Alves and Neymar that flouncy crap like dyed hair, branded baseball caps and crying will no longer be permitted on his watch.

Better Angle Emerges Of Zlatan’s Outrageous Backheel Volley During PSG Training Session (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Zlatan Ibrahimovic scored one of his routine bamboozlingleaping backheel volleys during a PSG training session in Hong Kong last night though unfortunately the Instagram footage didn't show the ball actually crossing the line.

Well, here it is again only this time you actually get to see the whole thing through to completion.

Arsenal New-Boy Callum Chambers Sings The Kooks At Gunners’ Initiation (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

A common tradition at football clubs, the new-boy is expected to 'do a turn' in order to entertain his new team-mates. Young defender Callum Chambers, Arsene Wenger's latest purchase, and yet another player to leave Southampton, chose tosing The Kooks' 'Naive' hit in front of the Gunners squad at their Austrian training camp.

‘It’s Not Possible He Failed His Medical’ – QPR Boss Redknapp Questions Loic Remy’s Aborted Liverpool Move (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Never one to eschew a chance to throw the cat among the pigeons, QPR boss Harry Redknapp has questioned the story that Hoops' striker Loic Remy failed his medical ahead of his £8.5million move to Liverpool.

The general consensus among the UK footballing media was that a heart issue had caused the French striker's move to Liverpool to crash and burn.

Official: Arsenal Announce Arrival Of £16m Teenage Defender Calum Chambers (First Photos)

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By Chris Wright

It's official people, Arsenal have splurged another £16million this summer to procure 19-year-oldright-back Calum Chambers from Southampton (where else?), with the England U21 international signing a "long-term contract" at The Emirates.

The Gunners then released several photos of the youngster sporting his new colours, as well as unveiling his squad number for next season.

Man City’s Slightly Ill-Conceived #AskJesus (Navas) Twitter Q&A Session: The Top 10 Tweets

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By Chris Wright

#ASKJESUS: Got a question for @JNavas? We're sitting down with him today so get them in now! #mcfc pic.twitter.com/Slr8XcM9TA

— Manchester City FC (@MCFC) July 28, 2014

We can only assume that they knew exactly what they were doing, but earlier today Manchester City held a Twitter-based Q&A session with Jesus Navas, inviting City fans to submit their questions to the Spanish winger using the "#AskJesus" hashtag.

Scruffy Git: Rio Ferdinand Officially Unveiled At QPR, Wears Baseball Cap For The Occasion (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

In which Rio Ferdinand is officially unveiled as a QPR player by manager Harry Redknapp, unveiling his new squad number (no.5, of course) while looking like a six-year-old pretending to be a train driver...

PHOTO: #QPR defender @rioferdy5 and manager Harry Redknapp poses with his new @NikeUK shirt and squad number pic.

Diomansy Kamara Re-Signs For Italian Third Division Club After 12,000 Fans Launch Facebook Campaign To Get Him Back After 13 Years Away

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By Chris Wright

Kamara: Back in the U.S. Catanzaro

Diomansy Kamara has definitely done the rounds as far as his career is concerned, having signed up for stints in the French,Italian and Turkish leagues as well as stints at Fulham, Portsmouth, Leicester City, Celtic and West Brom over the years, but nowhere, it would seem, has the Senegalese striker made more ofan impression than at Italian third-tier side U.

Zlatan Takes To The Sky And Scores Another Ridiculous Backheel Volley During PSG Training Session (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Zlatan Ibrahimovic defies the laws of the universe to score yet another remarkable leaping back-heel volley during a recent PSG training session.

Sadly, the video doesn't actually show if the ball went in or not, but if we were to judge from, a) the reaction of the crowd, and, b) the fact that this is Zlatan we're talking about here, then we're more than happy to jump to sexy conclusions.

Dortmund Respond To Bastian Schweinsteiger’s Apology For Calling Them ‘Sons Of Bitches’ By Offering Him Singing Lessons

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By Chris Wright

Several days ago a video circulated that showed a slightly squiffy Bastian Schweinsteiger singing anti-Borussia Dortmund chant "BVB, sons of bitches" at a party somewhere.

Schweinsteiger's antics caused a minor furore in Bundesliga circles and so, as a damage limitation exercise, the Bayern Munich midfielder issued a video apology via his official Facebook page, with Schweinifilming himselfhumbly mumbling:

"Hello, I'm sending you all a message from my holidays, as it's come to my attention that a video of me has found its way onto the internet.

Ex-West Ham Winger Paulo Futre Stars In Bizarre (And Banned) Portuguese ‘Penis Keepy-Uppies’ Commerical (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Already banned from Portuguese television, here's Paulo Futre's unsettling new advert for Viagra-style erectile dysfunction pills which sees the former Atletico Madrid and West Ham winger, now aged 48, proudly performing keepy-uppies with his mighty, engorged penis.

Liverpool Pull Out Of £8.5m Loic Remy Deal After Medical Shows Up Troublesome Heart Defect

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By Chris Wright

Despite it looking like all systems were go a few days ago, Liverpool have pulled out of the £8.5million deal to sign Loic Remy from QPR after the striker failed his medical.

Remy had flown out to Bostonto undergo his medical and finalise the finer details of the transfer, but Liverpool held fire on completing the dealafter issues were raised over the results of his physical examination.

Ronald Koeman Pokes Fun At Southampton’s Distinct Lack Of Personnel With Pithy Tweet

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By Chris Wright

With Southampton's training ground looking like a scene from The Omega Man at the moment following a deluge of player sales over the summer, even new coach Ronald Koeman has seenfit to poke fun at the dire situation he's currently faced with.

Snapshot: Mario Balotelli Stops To Pose For ‘Selfie’ With Two Pitch Invaders During Milan Friendly…

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By Chris Wright

With Bayern Munich midfielder Javi Martinez finding himself similarly interrupted on Saturday evening, it definitely seems like the "pitch invader selfie" is a thing now.

Indeed, Mario Balotelli was all too happy to stop what he was doing during the International Mega FunSuper Champions Ultra Champions Cup game between AC Milan and Man City yesterday to pose for such a thing with two of the hairiest little pitch invaders you ever did see.

Lazar Guided: Liverpool’s Markovic Hits Clueless Steward On The Head With Shanked Shot (Vine)

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By Chris Wright

A solitary goal from Raheem Sterling was enough to see Liverpool pip old foes Olympiakos in the Super League of Beautiful Friends And Eternal Happiness Super Champions Cup in Chicago last night, with recent £20million signing Lazar Markovic making his first appearance for the Reds.

Au Revoir: Tears Flow As Arsenal Signing David Ospina Given Emotional Farewell By Everybody At OGC Nice (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With his £3million move to Arsenal formally announced yesterday, everybody at OGC Nice gathered to give their goalkeeper of the last sixyears, David Ospina, an emotional farewell send-off from theAllianz Riviera yesterday as he prepared to travel Arse-wards.

Robert Lewandowski Scores Yet Another Pre-Season Pearler As Bayern Munich See Off Wolfsburg (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Bayern Munich beat Wolfsburg 3-0 in the final of the Bundesliga's pre-season half-tournamentcurtain-jerker, theTelekom Cup, with Robert Lewandowski continuing his streak of scoring in all of his Bayern appearances to date by bagging himself acouple of goals the second of which was rather easy on the eye.

Kevin Grosskreutz Get World Cup Winner’s Tattoo Despite Not Playing At The World Cup (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

German fringe/utility man Kevin Grosskreutz has taken to Instagram to show off the new tattoo he's had done to commemorate his recent World Cup win despite, of course, not playing a single minute for Jogi Loew's side at the tournament in Brazil...

We suppose he's technically correct but thatreally is the David May of World Cup winner's tattoos.

Football GIF: Failnando Torres Misses Obligatory Open-Goal Sitter Against Olimpija Ljubljana

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By Chris Wright

Fernando Torres really, really hates scoring goals these days for some reason...

Maybe you could argue that it was coming to him at an awkward height and at a fair old rate of knots, but there's little doubt a professional "striker" should be dispatching chances like that.

First Photos: Liverpool Get That Lovren Feeling As £20m Dejan Signs For Reds (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

The Southampon fire-sale continues with centre-half Dejan Lovren the latest Saint to jump ship ahead of the new season. The Croatian centre-half follows former Southampton team-mates Rickie Lambert and Adam Lallana to Liverpool in a move worth £20million to the south coast side.

New-Boys Cesc Fabregas And Diego Costa Combine For Chelsea Goal Vs Olimpija Ljubljana (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Two of Jose Mourinho's heavyweight summer-signings combined superbly to create a goal for Chelsea in their pre-season friendly away to Slovenian side NK Olimpija Ljubljana.

Ex-Barcelona man Cesc Fabregas was the architect of the goal, sliding the ball through to ex-Atletico Madrid hitman Diego Costa, who lashed the ball home.

Official: Arsenal Sign Colombian Goalkeeper David Ospina On Long-Term Contract

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By Chris Wright

OGC Nice manager Claude Puel sort of confirmed it yesterday, but now it's 100% official: Colombia No.1 David Ospina is, to all intents and purposes, an Arsenal player...

It's official @Arsenal are to sign David Ospina!

Hyde FC Devise Ingenious Method Of Keeping Names Of Trialists Under Wraps

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By Chris Wright

Hyde FC's Ewen Fields home ground in all its glory

Unwilling to name their proper line-up for a recent pre-season friendly for fear of advertising their various trialists to other potentially interested parties, Conference North side Hyde FC came up with an ingenious solution to the problem.

James Rodriguez Performs Post-Goal Salsa Dance With Help From His One-Year-Old Daughter (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, perhaps to celebrate being rich, rich, rich beyond his wildest dreams, Real Madrid new boy James Rodriguez performs his familiar post-goal celebratory salsa shuffle to a song called "Ras Tas Tas" along with a little help from his cute-as-a-button daughter,one-year-old Salome.

Robert Lewandowski Tucks Away Filthy Little Lob Against Borussia Mönchengladbach (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Robert Lewandowski is perhaps predictably off to a flyer at Bayern Munich, following up his debut goal against Duisburg earlier in the week with this utterly filthy little lob againstBorussia Mönchengladbach yesterday evening...

Oooh matron, it's enough to make your loins quiver!

Roma Midfielder Miralem Pjanic Scores Amazing Goal From Inside Own Half Against Man Utd (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

A couple of goals from Wayne Rooney helped Manchester United beat AS Roma 3-2 in the International Super World Power Champions Cup of Destiny in Denver last night, though it was Miralem Pjanic who grabbed the goal of the night cracking one in from well within his own half.

Gareth Bale Returns To Haunt Inter Milan With Magnificent 30-Yard Strike In Pre-Season Friendly (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

He may be a Real Madrid player these days, but Gareth Bale returned to haunt Inter Milan (Maicon stillsuffers night terrors) with a magnificent thumping, swerving goal from distance with just 10 minutes of the two sides' pre-season friendly elapsed in California yesterday.

Belgium Broskis Jan Vertonghen & Dries Mertens Go Crowdsurfing At Tomorrowland EDM Festival (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Fittingly taking place in the Belgian town of Boom every summer since 2005, the Tomorrowland festival is pretty much thearmpit of the truly vacuousEuropean dance music scene, with thousands of pisshole-eyed, sweaty-vested, cheek-chewing day-glo ravers swarmingto rural Flanders to mindlesslywomp and woopthe weekendaway.

Napoli Players Amuse Themselves After Heavy Rain Causes Training Pitch To Flood (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With their training pitch inDimaro submerged by the heavy rain, Napoli trio Jose Callejon, Marek Hamsik and Gokan Inler almost inevitably took to amusing themselves in the only way imaginable much to the delight of the small group of fans in attendance...

Like big bloody kids, the lot of 'em!

Snapshot: Jordan Henderson & Daniel Sturridge Do Shift At Boston Branch Of Subway Together…

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By Chris Wright

Because football is money and money is football these days, Liverpool pair Jordan Henderson and Daniel "6-inch chicken teriyaki sub with extra green peppers" Sturridge had to work a shift behind the counter as a Subway drone "sandwich artist" in Boston this morning.

Atletico Madrid Fans Chant For Fernando Torres Before New Signing Mario Mandzukic’s Unveiling

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By Chris Wright

He may well have become a bit of a punchline the rest of the world over, but in and around the Vicente Calderon Stadium, a certain Fernando Torres was and always will retain sainted "prodigal son" status perhaps unsurprising given his 91 goals in 244 appearances for the club having come through the ranks as a little, be-freckled Niño to go on to captain his boyhood side.

Arsenal Preparing To Blow £16m On Southampton Young’n Callum Chambers And £27m On Morgan Schneiderlin

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By Chris Wright

"I feel...ALIVE!"

God knows what happened to Arsene Wenger out there in Brazil, but he's come back to London a changed man as Arsenal gird themselves to spunk another £43million in the transfer market following the already pricey acquisitions of Alexis Sanchez andMathieu Debuchy.

Mineros Striker Gustavo Ramirez Wallops One In After Three Seconds To Score Fastest Goal In Mexican Football History (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Mineros (of the Mexican second division) strikerGustavo Ramirez forgoes wasting time doing all that "passing and moving" jivein favour of simply walloping one in directly from kick-off with about three seconds on the clock...

Blimey. He doesn't hang around, this lad!

Porto Legend Deco Scores Absolute Peach In His Farewell Testimonial Game Against Barcelona XI (Video)

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By Chris Wright

'Twas Deco's farewell testimonial game in Lisbon last night, with Porto's Class of '04 side taking on Barcelona's 2006 vintage and the guest of honourdoing a stint for both of his Champions League-winning XIs.

Deco scored for both sides during the game,but his second goal of the game a90th-minuteequaliser to tie the game at 4-4 was an absolute peach of a controlled volleyed lob over Albert Jorquera.

First Photo: Chelsea Legend Didier Drogba Rejoins Blues On One-Year Deal

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By Alan Duffy

That famous spot-kick against Bayern Munich which won Chelsea the 2012 Champions League will no long be Dider Drogba's final kick of the ball for the Blues after the Ivorian striker signed a new one-year deal with the west Londoners.

Moving from Galatasaray where he enjoyed an impressive spell, Drogba said:

"It was an easy decision I couldn't turn down the opportunity to work with Jose again.

How Much? Nicklas Bendtner’s Wage Demands For Eintracht Frankfurt Move Are Astronomical (But Hardly Surprising)

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By Chris Wright

Potential suitors are invited to form an orderly queue...

It would seem that Nicklas Bendtner is struggling to find himself new employersthis summer following his release by Arsenal, which is perhaps not surprising given the vast yawning schism of difference between his own opinion of his talent and his actual ability.

Bayern Munich Unveil New 2014/15 Away Kit – It’s Got Stripes! (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Stripes are definitely in next season as far as Bayern Munich are concerned, with the German champions'new white away strip mirroring the 1990′s red and blue Bavarian retro styling of their new home shirt...

Kind of looks like jim-jams, but we're cool with that.

Retro Football: Good Old Fashioned ‘Sensible World Of Soccer’ Rage Quit (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's one that's sure to chime with all those millions of people (like Pies) who found Sensible Soccer and its sequel utterly, brain-achingly infuriating: a good old fashioned Sensible World of Soccer rage quit!

The fiddly controls, the hopeless inability to turn with the ball, the sheer amount of curve and power computer players were able to get on their shots while yours repeatedly lilted gently into the opposing goalkeeper's arms like a downy feather falling into a basket of cotton wool and kittens combined it was enough to induce haemorrhaging.

Arsenal Trio Almost Sent Home From US Tour After Pranking Arsene Wenger With The Old ‘Coffee/Gravy Switcheroo’

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By Chris Wright

We've no idea if there's any truth in it or not, but the Arsenal Reddit page contains a spurious story thata trio of Arsenal players were almost sent packing from the club's pre-season tour of the USA yesterday after having the brass gonads to pull a prank on manager Arsene Wenger.

Norwich City Thump Italian Minnows 13-0 In Pre-Season Friendly Only For Opponents To Deny Playing Against Them

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By Chris Wright

Norwich City's pre-season tour of Italy is fast becoming farcical, with the travelling hordes of Canaries fansseeing their club's first friendly fixture on Sunday evening cancelled and replaced by an ultimately underwhelming "open training session".

Less than 24 hours later, Novarathen also pulled out of a friendly scheduled for Wednesday night, with Norwich left scrabbling around for new opponents.

Horror Hair: Pepe Debuts Stunningly Atrocious New Dreadlocks (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Just when we were kind of getting used to the atrociousness of his loose, wet, Mark Crossley-esque bubble perm look, Pepe has gone and done this to himself...

Ugh.

The guy from the Counting Crows called, wants his hideous matted rat's nest of a hairstyle back.

Official: Frank Lampard Completes Freebie New York City FC Move (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

It's been in the works for quite sometime but now the deal is public and official: Frank Lampard has signed a two-year contract with start-up MLS club New York City FC after leaving Chelsea at the end of last season, thus ending his13-year stint with the Blues.

German Magazine 11 Freunde Re-Imagine Bundesliga Fixture List As Music Festival Poster, Results Are Sublime… (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

With the Bundesliga fixture list for 2014/15 released today, German football magazine 11 Freunde have re-imagined the timetable as a music festival poster...

Coooool.

+1 for using The Scorpions' font, we appreciate that. "Rock You Like A Hurricane" is a t-ch-oon!

Fan Footage Captures Louis Van Gaal Reminding Wayne Rooney How To Shoot (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It was all bear hugs and high-fives yesterday, but it seems that Louis van Gaal is now getting down to the nitty-gritty of whipping Manchester United back into shape with a swatch of fan footage emerging that shows the Dutch coach reminding Wayne Rooney (and possibly Antonio Valencia) how to shoot properly.

Retro Football: Archive Pathé Film Shows Leather Footballs Being Made In 1950 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As unearthed by our pals over at Savile Rogue(@SavileRogue), here's a wonderful piece of archive colour Pathé film that shows just how leather footballs were made back in 1950.

The first line of narration is an absolute belter, too.

Boga Jonito: Chelsea Teenager Jeremie Boga Stampedes 65 Yards To Score Cracking Friendly Goal (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea drew 1-1 withRZ Pellets WAC (also known, rather confusingly, asAC Wolfsberger) in a pre-season friendly in Austria last night, with the Blues solitary goal scored by 17-year-old midfielder Jeremie Boga in the 83rd minute and a beauty it was too.

Having picked the ball up inside his own half, Boga went on a headlong stampede up the pitch, skinning a couple of defenders before taking advantage of a fortuitous rebound to charge into the area and steer a shot past the WAC 'keeper.

Real Madrid Sell 345,000 James Rodriguez Replica Shirts In Space Of 48 Hours

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By Chris Wright

Having spluffed a reported £71million to procure his signature from Monaco, it seems like Real Madrid are well on their way to recouping the money they spent on James Rodriguez in shirts sales and merchandising alone.

Spanish paper Sport are reporting that, according to the people atEuromericas Sport Marketing, Real Madrid have capitalised on "Jamesmania" both among Madridistas and Colombian fans by successfully shifting approximately 345,000 "James" replica shirts in the 48 hours since the forward was unveiled in front of 44,000 people at the Bernabeu.

Snapshot: Steven Gerrard Given Fond Farewell By Vietnamese Newspaper…

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By Chris Wright

After retiring from England duty on Monday, Steven Gerrard was given a fitting farewell bythe sport section of the Vietnam News after his 14 years of dedicated service...

Nearly chaps.

Seriously, how could you not know that Steven Gerald is a professional footballer?

New York Red Bulls Players Practice Their English Accents As Club Prepare To Welcome Arsenal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With several of the Arsenal squad demonstrating their finest "New Yoick" brogues earlier in the week ahead of this Saturday's pre-season game againstNew York Red Bulls, a few of theRed Bulls mob havereturned the favour by brushing up on their English accents before the game too.

Man Utd Off To Winning Start Under Louis Van Gaal, Spank LA Galaxy 7-0 In Pasadena (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Not that muchstock should be put in pre-season friendlies, but Manchester United got themselves off to a winning start under the stewardship of Louis van Gaal by trouncing LA Galaxy 7-0 in Pasadena last night.

Danny Welbeck opened the scoring before Wayne Rooney, Ashley Young and Reece James all snaffled a couple of goals apieceas the Galaxy imploded in front of almost 90,000 fans at the Rose Bowl.

Iago Aspas Reckons FIFA Have Treated Ex-Liverpool Teammate Luis Suarez Like A ‘Murderer’

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By Chris Wright

"He says he's got hostages, five more inside"

Ex-Liverpool employee Iago Aspas has claimed that former teammate Luis Suarezhas been treated like a "murderer" by FIFA after biting Giorgio Chiellini at the World Cup.

Aspas, who recently joined Sevilla on loan for the whole of next season after a dismal year at Anfield, toldSpanish radio station Cadena Cope that while he thought Suarez should been banned from playing, the Uruguayan striker'sban from all football-related activity by FIFA was more befitting of a killer.

Cristiano Ronaldo’s Bewildered Appearance On Japanese Television Provides Our New Favourite GIF…

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By Chris Wright

What with media commitments being what they are, Cristiano Ronaldo found himself appearing on what we an only assume is the Japanese version of This Morning recently with the Real Madrid star looking distinctly out of his comfort zonefrom the off as the madness slowly enveloped him.

Louis Van Gaal Gives Wayne Rooney Gigantic Bear Hug During Man Utd Training Session (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With the new manager doling out giant bear hugs for even the most averageof corner kicks, it certainly looks like squad morale isn't going to be as much of an issue at Manchester United this season...

Van Gaal, eh? The man certainly has his methods.

Man Utd Unveil New Nike 2014/15 White Away Kit – Little Bit On The ‘Meh’ Side (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

As you'd expect, Manchester United have rolled out a sparkling new white away kit to go with their new red home togs.

It's a clean, simple affair once again besmirched by thathorrible chintzy Chevrolet logo...

Bit dull, isn't it?

James Rodriguez Officially Unveiled As Real Madrid’s Latest Galactico (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid are currently getting the Galacticos back together, with a squad list to die for and a fearsome front-line now including Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Bale, Karim Benzema, Angel Di Maria, Isco and the club's latest enormo-signing: James Rodriguez, who was officially unveiled in front of thousands of fans at the Bernabeu last night.

Jurgen Klopp Gives Typically Klopptastic Response To The ‘Mats Hummels To Man Utd’ Rumours

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By Chris Wright

It would appear that Manchester United fans may have to forget about Mats Hummels joining the club at any point in the near future, as Borussia Dortmund coach Jurgen Klopp has issued a fairly definitive response to the ongoing rumours of a transfer this summer.

Mario Balotelli Does Some Fancy Ironing (Video)

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By Chris Wright

17th century portraiture? Check.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic's autobiography in hand? Check.

Biggie Smalls on the stereo? Check.

Puma product placement strategically placed around the room? Check.

Shirt off? Check.

Okay, let's do someironing.

Snapshot: Spanish Side Cultural Leonesa Unveil Marvellous New ‘Joke Tuxedo’ Home Shirt…

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By Chris Wright

It would appear we are enteringthe summer of Spanish lower league teams releasing truly outrageous new strips.

Hot on the heels of CD Lugo's outstanding new lager and octopus kits, comes the big unveil of third tier side Cultural y Deportiva Leonesa's new home jersey for 2014/15 which features a classic "joke tuxedo" design across the front.

British Heavyweight Boxer Tyson Fury Accidentally Challenges England Women’s International Lucy Bronze To Fight

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By Chris Wright

Thismanis Tyson Fury. He is a 6'9″, 19-stone heavyweight boxer who repeatedly punches people in the face for a living...

This is Lucy Bronze. She is a 5'5″, 9-and-a-bit-stone female footballer who currently plays right-back for England and Liverpool Ladies and, to the best of our knowledge at least, has never punched anybody in the face.

Official: James Rodriguez Completes £63m Real Madrid Move, Signs Whopping Six-Year Contract

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By Chris Wright

As per the Real Madrid website, James Rodriguez has completed his move from Monaco to the Bernabeu after passing a medical and puttingboligrafoto papel on a mahoosive six-year contract.

The site also confirms that Rodriguez will be presented at the stadium later today, at roughly 8pm Spanish time.

Retro Football: A Large Selection Of The Various Tat Flogged By Kevin Keegan Over The Years (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

God bless Kevin Keegan and all that ride upon him, but by heck has the man put his name, face and perm to some shoddy merchandise over the years.

Here at Pies, we feel it's our duty to round it all up, seal it hermetically and blast it off into space so such nonsense is never dwelt upon by mankind ever again only because we love him, you understand.

Chelsea Ready To Re-Sign Didier Drogba For One Last Fling As Man City Continue To Flirt From Across The Bar

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By Chris Wright

A free agent since his 18-month contract at Galatasaray waned to nowt at the end of theTurkish Super Lig season, it seems that Didier Drogba is on the verge of returning to Chelsea and into the arms of Jose Mourinho once again if reports are anything to go by.

Robert Lewandowski Scores His First Goal In Bayern Munich Colours Against MSV Duisburg (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Bayern Munich were held to a measly1-1 draw by third-tier side MSV Duisburg last night but the pre-season friendly was notable for one reason, with Robert Lewandowski scoring his very first goal in Bayern colours to open the scoring on the hour mark...

They'll be many, many, many more of those to come in the not-so-distant future, we suspect.

Presenting: The Weirdest 2014 World Cup Highlights Compilation You’re Ever Likely To See (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ah, the 2014 World Cup. It was a good'n, wasn't it? Remember when Robin van Persie decapitated Louis van Gaal? Or when Arturo Vidal planted a hunting knife in Charles Aranguiz's cranium? Remember how we all laughed when Steven Gerrard had to move that baby out of the way so he could take a corner?

Arsenal Players Attempt New York Accents Ahead Of Pre-Season Jolly (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ahead of the club's pre-season game against Thierry Henry's New York Red Bulls this coming Saturday, Arsenal have had their players bone up on their "New Yoick" accents to help them blend in during their Stateside trip with decidedly mixed results...

Kieran Gibbs and Carl Jenkinson take a bow.

Rio Ferdinand’s New Autobiography Has A Hashtag In The Title Because Of Course It Does

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By Chris Wright

Not that we read many sporting autobiographies on "stultifying dullness" grounds, but it's good of Rio Ferdinand to provide more than one reason for us to steer way clear of his new autobiography.

Yep, that's right: Rio's only gone and crowbarreda Twitter-friendly hashtag in the title.

114 Caps And Out As Steven Gerrard Announces Retirement From International Football

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By Chris Wright

After picking up his 114th and final cap against Costa Rica at the World Cup, England captain Steven Gerrard has announced his retirement from international football with immediate effect.

Gerrard told theFA website:"I have enjoyed every minute of representing my country and it is a sad day for me knowing that I won't pull on the England shirt again.

FIFA Provide Us With An Excellent Excuse To Gawp At James Rodriguez’s Immaculate Volley Against Uruguay All Over Again!

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By Chris Wright

FIFA have this afternoon declared that James Rodriguez's drop-dead gorgeous volley against Uruguay in the second round has been officially voted the 2014 World Cup's Goal of the Tournament,beating Robin van Persie's swan dive header against Spain into second place which gives us a good excuse to marvel at it's immaculate majesty all over again.

Seattle Sounders Give Make-A-Wish Kid Xander Bailey His Full Professional Debut Against Tottenham (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With Tottenham in town for a pre-season friendly, Seattle Sounders took the opportunity to make a young lad's wish come true over the weekend by handing him his first-teamdebut.

Xander Bailey is an 18-year-old kid from West Virginia who suffers from cystic fibrosis and had always dreamt of becoming a professional footballer.

Andres Iniesta Knighted By ‘Illustrious And Noble Order Of The Wooden Spoon’ While On Holiday (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

What with his eponymous wine bodegaand aburgeoning acting career to juggle, Andres Iniesta certainly has plenty of extra-curricular activities to keep him busy during the fallow months withan incredibly nerdy-looking holiday excursion nowflesh further fleshing out the Barcelona midfielder's non-footballing CV.

Dimitar Berbatov Scores Nonchalantly Stylish Volley For Monaco During Pre-Season Friendly (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Smoother than Des Lynam's velvet codpiece, here's Dimitar Berbatov tucking away a lovely acrobatic volley for Monaco during their recent pre-season jolly against Atletico Junior while barely being arsed...

Not one single tosseth was giveneth.

Golfer Rory McIlroy Booed By Liverpool Fans For Mentioning Man Utd After Winning The Open (Video)

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By Chris Wright

YAYGOLF!

Here we were thinking thatRory McIlroy wasjust a fancy ventriloquist's dummy used onSantander adverts, but it turns out he's actually a professional golfer (yes, apparently they have those these days!) and a rather good one for that matter with the 25-year-old Norn Irishman doing some good putting, etc on his way to winning the2014 Open Championship over the weekend.

Spanish Club CD Lugo Unveil Amazingly Hideous New ‘Beer’ And ‘Octopus’ Kits (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

As you may recall, last season Spanish third division sideLa Hoya Lorca decided to pay homage to the principle agricultural export of their particular corner of the country by playing in a rather fetching "broccoli" kit.

Following suit for 2014/15 are second tier Spanish club CD Lugo, who unveiled their new home and away kits for the coming campaign yesterday kits predominantly designed topromotethe wares of their main sponsor, brewers Estrella Galicia, andone of the mostpopularitems of local Galiciancuisine: octopus.

Young Boy Galic Nets Cracking Own-Goal In Swiss Super League (Video & GIF)

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By Alan Duffy

The Swiss Super League, up and running for the new season, may have already produced what may well be the best own-goal of the 2014/15 campaign.

Young Boys' Serbian midfielderMilan Gajic was the scorer of the unfortunate own-goal in the Bern club's clash with St.

Clever Youtuber Creates Real Life Version Of FIFA Video Game (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Youtube video makerMHJerpseth has created a very clever video in which a typically match from a FIFA video game has been recreated with real players performing the classic FIFA moves.

Actually, it's simpler if you just watch this "FIFA Future: Real Life Video Game" yourself.

Man Utd Put Boot Into Former Boss David Moyes In TV Advert

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By Alan Duffy

We're a day or so late with this one but it's still worth a mention! Manchester United's MUTV channel had a right bitchy swipe at the Red Devils' former boss in a new advert previewing the new season.

Using the infamous "Chosen one" phrase beside a picture of Moyes, along with the words "Following a season of discontent", it rather puts the boot in to a coach who one imagines tried his best, albeit unsuccessfully.

‘He Never Wanted Arsenal Return’ – Chelsea Boss Jose Mourinho Denies Fabregas’ Gunners Dream

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By Alan Duffy

Never one to shy away from a contentious comment, Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho has claimed that his £27million midfielder Cesc Fabregas never wanted to return to former club Arsenal this summer.

Asked whether it had been difficult to persuade Fabregas to move to Stamford Bridge, Mourinho said:

"I spoke with him for 20 minutes.

Free Agent Nicklas Bendtner Enjoys The Sunshine In NSFW Instagram Pic

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By Alan Duffy

The lad may not have reached the heights he proclaimed he would in his footballing career, but ex-Arsenal striker Nicklas Bendtner has always been entertaining off the pitch, at least.

The 26-year-old is currently without a club ahead of the new season but it doesn't seem to be bothering the Dane too much.

German World Cup-Winning Captain Philipp Lahm Retires From International Football With 113 Caps (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

He may be only 30-years-old, but Germany's World Cup winning captain Philipp Lahm has decided to call time on quite a fantastic international career and focus on his club football with Bayern Munich. The full-back finishes with 113 caps, a haul only Lother Matthaus (150), Miroslav Klose (137) and Lukas Podolski (116) can better.

Barcelona’s Gerard Deulofeu Mocks Cristiano Ronaldo’s Signature Celebration (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

To be honest, I've always found the whole hype overEl Clasico a bit much. However, young Gerard Deulofeu has done his best to get in a pre-season dig at Barcelona's rivals Real Madrid.

The playmaker, who enjoyed a fine time at Goodison Park last season, performed his own version of Cristiano Ronaldo's goal celebration as a team-mate drove by in the club car-park.

First Photos: French Full-Back Mathieu Debuchy Joins Arsenal In £12m Deal

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By Alan Duffy

With Bacary Sagna already departed and Carl Jenkinson not yet considered by Arsene Wenger to be ready for regular first team football, the Gunners needed a right-back. And in £12million new-signing, Mathieu Debuchy, they have a Premier League-ready, experienced and consistent player who should slot into the Arsenal backline quite nicely.

England Drop To 20th In FIFA Rankings, Three Lions’ Lowest Position Since 1996

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By Alan Duffy

FIFA's rankings aren't always the most accurate, with their complex formula of coefficients and points meaning that it occasionally throws up an anomaly or two.

However, following England's dismal show at the 2014 World Cup, the Three Lions' fall from 10th to 20th is within the realms of believability.

Retro Football: Dullest Documentary Of All Time Follows Rochdale FC On Their Journey To Wycombe In 1993/94

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By Alan Duffy

Sometimes 'fly on the wall' documentaries can be full of fascinating insights into lives you wouldn't ordinarily see. But on other occasions they can simply put you to sleep. This cheapo film follows Rochdale as they make the journey to play Wycombe in a Division Three clash which, to add to the lack of action, was ultimately called off.

FIFA Object To F1 Ace Nico Rosberg Using World Cup Image On Helmet for German Grand Prix

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By Alan Duffy

FIFA have once again endeared themselves to the sporting public by stopping German Formula One driver Nico Rosberg from celebrating his nation's World Cup win by featuring an image of the World Cup trophy on his helmet. The 29-year-old Mercedes driverwas planning to unveil the new helmet at this weekend's German Grand Prix at Hockenheim and posted a picture of it on Twitter.

Veteran Striker Robbie Keane Scores Long-Range Stunner For LA Galaxy (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Robbie Keane has enjoued a fine career for both club and country but Ireland's all-time top scorer is still banging in the goals in the autumn of his career. Against New England Revolution on Wednesday, the LA Galaxy man produced a superb long-range effort which sailed into the top corner.

BT Sport Pundit Owen Hargreaves Goes Out On Limb With List Of Players To Watch In 2014/15

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By Alan Duffy

Owen Hargreaves was a very fine, if injury-prone, footballer but his punditry skills are less Toni Kroos and more Tom Cleverley.

In an advert for BT Sport's coverage of the upcoming Premier League season, he picks Cesc Fabregas, Robin Van Persie, Wayne Rooney, Yaya Touré and Mesut Ozil as ones to watch.

Ex-Red Devil Park Ji-Sung’s Wedding Photos Are A Gloriously Camp Collection Of Korean Kitsch (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

After seeing the Old Trafford-based "Wedding of Dreams" invitations for former Man Utd star Park Ji-Sung's wedding, we should have known that the photos of the 33-year-old's nuptials would be rather entertaining. And entertaining, in a highly kitsch way, they certainly are.

West Ham Splash The Cash On Enner Valencia, Spend £15m On Ecuador World Cup Star

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By Alan Duffy

One of the most fascinating parts of a World Cup is watching players who have shone at the event are snapped up by clubs eager to boost their squad with a bit of World Cup magic.

West Ham are reported to be the latest side to do some Brazil 2014-based shopping, spending the very sizeable sum of around £15million on Ecuadorian striker Enner Valencia.

World Cup GIFs: Every Dirty, Rotten Dive From Brazil 2014 Presented In Smogasbord Of Deceit

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By Alan Duffy

Those bastions of morality and upholders of justice in the world of football, The Golden Dive, have collated GIFs of every single horrible dive in the 2014 World Cup to give us a smorgasboard of cheats which makes for embarrassing viewing.

Which one is you favourite?

First Photos: £20m Serbian Wideboy Lazar Markovic Signs For Liverpool

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By Alan Duffy

Brendan Rodgers has wasted little time in spending some of that £75million earned from the sale of Luis Suarez to Barcelona. With Rickie Lambert, Adam Lallana and Emre Can already brought in this summer and a number of others set to follow, the Reds have now officially signed Benfica winger Lazar Markovic.

Boffins At Visualizing.org Produce Superb Graphic Of Every Injury Sustained In The 2014 World Cup

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By Alan Duffy

Not being the brightest, some of this confuses me. However, I'm sure you clever Pies' readers will understand every single dot and line on this fascinating illustration of all the injuries in Brazil this summer. Brought to you by the boffins at Vizualizing,org, it's a fabulous, complex piece of work.

World Champions Germany Return Home And Kick Back At Berlin Bash (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

In front of Berlin's Brandenburg Gate, World Champions Germany celebrated their victory with their fans in quite a spectacular event. And don't they deserve it. Since (and including) the 2002 World Cup, Germanyhave finished2nd, 3rd, 3rdand1st in the World Cup.

World Cup Vine: Victorious Germany Unveil World Cup To Fans In Monumentally Uber-Cool Fashion

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By Alan Duffy

Not only did they play the best football in Brazil, but the Germans are also rather deft at celebrating it seems. Although, to be fair they have had a lot of practice over the years. Here, captain Phillip Lahm along with four other World Cup winners, unveils the trophy itself to German fans in a quite fabulous way.

Blackburn Rovers Produce ‘So Bad It’s Good’ New Kit Advert (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

This video is actually made by actual professionals. Really! Enjoy the sky-high production values as Blackburn Rovers fan Alan 'Birdy' Birkbeck prepares for what seems to be a big date with a lady. Indeed, we see a photo of a woman in a Blackburn Rovers shirt, but she looks young enough to be his granddaughter, which adds another level of tawdriness to the proceedings.

RTE Produce Lovely Tribute To Retiring Broadcast Legend Bill O’Herlihy (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

One for the Irish Pies' fans here. While too often football pundits and presenters on ITV and BBC have wallowed in 'in-jokes' and clichés, RTE's Bill O'Herlihy presided over a football panel famous for its arguments and reticence to resort to lazy sound-bites.

2014 World Cup Magic Moments Recreated By Richard Swarbrick In Superb Animation (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

It's sad to think it's all over now but sit back and watch yet another magnificently classy animation from Richard Swarbrick, aka @Rikkileaks. This is wonderful stuff and will make you miss Brazil 2014 already!

More of @RikkiLeaks handiwork on Pies.

Brazilian TV Host Gets Emotional After Congratulating His Country On Successful World Cup Hosting

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By Alan Duffy

Poor old Ricardo Rocha, Brazilian football TV host, couldn't hold back the tears when summing up what the 2014 World Cup had meant to his country. At the end of an impassioned rant, he said:

I congratulate the people of Brazil for this World Cup.Before, we had a lot of strikes, many problems, but we've shown what the Brazilian people are about.

FIFA Mix Up ‘Biggest Name’ With ‘Best Player’, Give Lionel Messi 2014 World Cup Golden Ball

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By Alan Duffy

Even poor old Lionel Messi looked a little sheepish when collecting the Golden Ball award last night after Argentina's final defeat against Germany.

Out of a pool of nominated players including Germany's Mats Hummels, Thomas Muller, Toni Kroos and Philipp Lahm, Argentina's Lionel Messi, Javier Mascherano and Angel Di Maria as well as Neymar, Arjen Robben and James Rodriguez, FIFA's technical team (along with members of the media) somehow decided that the Albiceleste captain had been the most consistently good player of the tournament.

World Cup: Germany 1-0 Argentina (AET) – Super Mario Fires Germans To Glory In Rio (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Germany 1-0 Argentina World Cup Final 13th July 2014

And so a quite superb World Cup comes to an end with Germany, the best team in the tournament, deservedly lifting the trophy and thus becoming the first European side to win it in the Americas.

Russian Comedian Vitaly Zdorovetskiy Does Semi-Streak During World Cup Final (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

The general consensus seems to be firmly against streakers and other loons who run onto football pitcvhes during games. However, I'm a quite a fan of this silly yet harmless behaviour.

During the World Cup final in Rio, Russian 'prankster'Vitaly Zdorovetskiy managed to get onto the pitch where the half-naked headcase, who had the words 'natural born prankster' scrawled on his chest, was quickly caught by security.

World Cup Snapshot: The Goal That Won The World Cup…..

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By Alan Duffy

Just when it looked as though the 2014 World Cup was going to be decided on penalties, up steps Bayern Munich forward Mario Goetze to score a superb winning goal in extra-time. That goal gives Jogi Loew's side a deserved fourth World Cup title and makes then the first European side to win it in the Americas.

World Cup Vine: Benedikt Howedes Luck To Escape With Booking After High Challenge On Pablo Zabaleta

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By Alan Duffy

The last time these two sides met in a World Cup final in 1990, bothPedro Monzon andGustavoDezotti saw red for the Argentinians. Fast forward to the first half of the 2014 final and a high challenge by Germany's Benedikt Howedes could have, with a more strict referee, have also seen red.

Danny Murphy Voted Best World Cup Pundit, Andy Townsend Picks Up Wooden Spoon

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By Alan Duffy

There seems to have been just as much debate this summer about the World Cup pundits as there has been about he actual football, with a number of 'co-commentators' and in-studio guests driving us all up the walls.

Anyway, the Media Blog people have conducted a rather interesting survey of their own on the popularity (or not) of the BBC and ITV pundits, with ex-Liverpool midfielder Danny Murphy's ego-free, charming style bagging him the gong for most popular pundit.

Germany Uber-Fan David Hasselhoff Makes Hoff-Tastic Parody Of Dr Dre Beats World Cup Advert (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

You gotta love the Hoff, a man who has always been able to laugh at himself. And in this spoof of the Dr Dre Beats World Cup ad, the Knight Rider icon, along with his daughter, camps it up in support of his beloved Germany. Good stuff!

Video: 101gg

World Cup: Brazil 0-3 Netherlands – Hosts Humiliated Again As Dutch Bag Bronze In Brasilia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Brazil 0-3 Netherlands World Cup Third Place Play-Off 13th July 2014

Any hopes Brazil had of regaining some of the pride lost in that 7-1 mauling by Germany were ruthlessly extinguished within the first 16 minutes of their 3rd Place Play-Off against the Netherlands.

FIFA Announce Ten Players Nominated For 2014 World Cup ‘Golden Ball’ Award

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By Chris Wright

Announced via the World Cup matchball's official Twitter account (yep), here are the ten names that make upthe shortlist for the 2014 World Cup 'Golden Ball' award(i.e, the "Player of the Tournament" award, by any other name)...

Your #GoldenBall nominees: di María, Hummels, Kroos, Lahm, Mascherano, Messi, Müller, Neymar, Robben & Rodríguez pic.

‘You Are My Champion’ – David Luiz Recieves Heart-Warming Letter From Young Brazil Fan (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Still weepingsoftly at horrors he witnessed first-hand in Belo Horizonte on Tuesday evening, David Luiz had his ongoing misery interrupted momentarily yesterday when he received a heart-warming letter of support from a young Brazil fan named Ana Luz.

In the letter, which is surprisingly philosophical for one so young, little Ana tells Luiz not to worry, focus on the positives and to remember that he'll always be her champion, no matter what (translation underneath).

Alexis Sanchez Once Saved An Injured Rabbit From Being Savaged By A Wild Boar

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By Chris Wright

We feel it's our journalistic duty to inform you that new Arsenal signing Alexis Sanchez once rescued a rabbit he found in the street that had been attacked by a wild boar, adopted it, namedit Alfonso and then nursedit back to full health.

In an interview given toSport back in 2013, Sanchez described just howAlfonso came into his life:

"A few months ago I was coming home with my Mom.

World Cup Snapshot: Arjen Robben Piñata Spotted In Streets Of Mexico…

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By Chris Wright

Spotted hanging in the streets of Mexico by Xeu Deportes, some jilted Mexican fan has seen fit to make themselves an Arjen Robben piñata on which to thrash out their frustrations after the wilting Dutchman dived to con Holland a penalty against El Tri back in the last 16.

Celebrity Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan Attempts To House-Train Luis Suarez (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which celebrity dog whisperer Cesar Millan both tries and fails to house-train Luis Suarez...

MAJORLOLBANTR!!!

Amateur Football Team Dare FC Demonstrate How ‘World Cup Arm-Folding’ Should Be Done! (GIFs)

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By Chris Wright

Inspired by Slate's recent article about the new phenomenon taking the footballing world by storm the starting line-up arm crossing extravangza the chaps who play for Dare FC (i.e, thefootball team belonging to London creative agency Dare) decided to show the world just how it's done properly.

Retro Football: Diego Maradona Enjoys Cheeky Sniff Of ‘Unidentified White Powder’ In Middle Of Charity Game, 1986 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having "single-handedly" (geddit?) won the World Cup for Argentina on home soil a month or so previous, Diego Maradona was invited to play in theUNICEF World Starsexhibition game in front of 60,000 fans at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California as part of a team made up of players from North, Central and South America against a "Rest of the World XI".

L’Oreal Cut All Ties With ‘Most Beautiful Fan At The World Cup’ After Hunting Photos Emerge

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By Chris Wright

Axelle Despiegelaere: "The most beautiful fan at the World Cup"

The photogenic Belgium fan who was offered a hair modelling contract after a photo of her cheering on her national side went viral recently has seen said contract almost immediately pulped after it came to light that she indulged in killing living things forfun.

Luis Suarez Officially Signs For Barcelona, Poses In His New Shirt (First Photo)

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By Chris Wright

No specific details have been released as yet, but Barcelona have just published the following Tweets showing Luis Suarez draped in the famous blaugrana for the first time...

From today, we're all following @luis16suarez.

Losers Brazil Literally Erased From History In Clever Montage Of Germany’s 7-1 Semi-Final Victory (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Well this is rather clever. All seven of Germany's goals in that historic drubbing of Brazil are given a rather cruel makeover, with all the Brazilian players deleted from the proceedings, to make an obvious but fair point. Although Arsenal fans will be rather unhappy about Mesut Ozil being erased for his assist which set up Sami Khedira.

World Cup Vine: Penalty Shootout Gaffe Sees Commentator Peter Drury Blow His Beans Far Too Early

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By Chris Wright

While commentating over the penalty shoot-out between Argentina and Holland, the dullest man in the game, Peter Drury, dropped a sizeable bollock when he accidentally activated "contrived commentator goal roar" mode far too early after mistakenly thinking that Dirk Kuyt's penalty had put Holland through to the World Cup Final.

Argentina v Netherlands Semi-Final Snorefest Re-Imagined In Darkly Humorous Animation (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

The second-semi final in the 2014 World Cup was never going to hit the heights of Germany's bizarre mauling of Brazil. However, the 0-0 draw between Argentina and the Netherlands was a particularly dull affair, with neither Lionel Messi or Arjen Robben able to shine.

World Cup Snapshot: Dirk Kuyt & Arjen Robben Enjoy ‘From Here To Eternity’ Moment On The Beach In Brazil…

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By Chris Wright

In which Holland pair Dirk Kuyt and Arjen Robben nip off to a secluded cove together and frolic gaily amidst the waves for a few stolen hours, before falling amidst the breakers in a passionate embrace la Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in "From Here To Eternity".

Football Art: The Official Poster For The 2015 FIFA Women’s World Cup Is Beautiful (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

This is the official poster for the 2015 FIFA Women's World Cup in Canada and, as you can see, it's a beautiful piece of visual communication...

Brings to mind the old psychedelic rock 'n' roll concertposters from the late 60′s. Gorgeous.

Arsenal And Puma Roll Out Their Swanky New 2014/15 Home, Away, Goalkeeper And ‘Cup’ Kits (Photos & Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Here we go, as promised here's a raft of bigger, better photos of the new Puma Arsenal kits for next season home, away, goalkeeper, and what Puma are calling the Gunners' "cup" kit.

Click to enlarge...

Puma have also prepared a trio of accompanying launch videos for their new Arsenal strips, starting with the new Home kit.

World Cup GIF: Yes Sir, Thomas Müller Can Boogie!

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By Chris Wright

Displaying the kind of movement, poise and agility that no doubt has Argentina quaking in theirbotasahead of the World Cup Final on Sunday, here's Thomas Müller throwing some impeccable shapes at Bayern Munich's title celebration party a couple of months ago.

Snapshot: Arsenal Reveal New Puma Home, Away & Third Kits For 2014/15…

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By Chris Wright

They've been leaked more times than, but here's a little taster of all three of Arsenal's new Puma kits for next season.

The big unveiling event continues to rumble on in London so you'll have to make do with this image from @pumafootballfor now, but rest assured we'll have the big ol' swanky photos up as soon as we have them.

Arsenal Unveil New Figure-Hugging Puma Kit After Brief But Fancy Light-Show In London (Video & Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Not a kit for the more portly fan, it must be said, Arsenal's new kit suppliers officially unveiled their tight-fitting new strips after a snazzy unveiling by the London Eye which featured a hologram of Arsene Wenger over the Thames (no, really).

As for the kits themselves, which were modelled by Santi Cazorla, Mikel Arteta and Mathieu Flamini in the window of the Puma shop in Carnaby Street, they are pretty classic in style with the continuation of the yellow and blue away combo sure to please Gunners' fans.

Official: Arsenal Sign Alexis Sanchez From Barcelona For £35m (First Photos)

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By Chris Wright

As confirmed by their official club site, Arsenal have completed the signing of Alexis Sanchez from Barcelona on a "long-term contract".

The fee is undisclosed but widely reported as up around the £35million mark.

Here's the first couple of photos of Sanchez wearinghis new Arsenal togs.

Horror Hair: Marouane Fellaini Shaves Famous Afro Off, Somehow Manages To Look Worse

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By Chris Wright

The hour is nigh and the deed is done.

Presumably in an effort to sneak past Louis van Gaal's imminent squad cull at Manchester United, Marouane Fellaini has taken a pair of reinforcedindustrial sheers to his mangy, matted wire-wool hair mound and relieved himself of the entire thing.

‘Sometimes You Become Something You’re Not’ – Infamous Bite-Fiend Mike Tyson Understands Luis Suarez’s Pain

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By Chris Wright

Not that he's the kind of character witness you'd want to depend on in a court of law but for what it's worth Mike Tyson has spoken out in support of hisTwitter buddy,Luis Suarez, after the striker was banned from going near his work colleagues for the next four months for you know what.

Cambridge University Produce Table Of Three Words Most Used To Describe Each World Cup Team…

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By Chris Wright

Our buddies over at the Cambridge University Press (one of, if not the world'sforemostlanguage research authorities) have been busying themselves over the past few days, conducting a study into the words most used to describe each of the 32 nations competing at the 2014 World Cup.

Jurgen Klinnsman’s Family Bakery In Stuttgart Celebrate Germany Pounding Brazil With Special 7-1 Cakes (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

As if the result wasn't bad enough, Jurgen Klinsmann's family bakery in Stuttgart have rubbed salt icing and hundreds-and-thousands into Brazil's wounds by baking a batch of special "7-1″ cakes to taunt their crestfallen opponents...

and our bakery in Stuttgart is spot on: pic.

Woman Wins Office Sweepstake After Being Told Germany Would Beat Brazil 7-1 By Her Sleepwalking Husband

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By Chris Wright

A Brazilian artistby the name of Anna Guerra found herself being mercilessly mocked by her work colleagues on Monday when she entered the office score prediction sweepstake for the Germany-Brazil semi-final by predicting a ridiculous 7-1 tonking for the hosts.

Turns Out ‘Brazil’s Saddest Fan’ Is Also Brazil’s Biggest Fan And Brazil’s Nicest Fan!

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By Chris Wright

Clutching his World Cup trophy as if t'were a newborn bairn, with his eyes rouged andthe tips of hishandsome silver moustache sodden with silent tears; "Brazil's saddest fan" found minor fameon Tuesday evening after watching his national team being mercilessly flayed from pillar to post by Germany in Belo Horizonte.

Patrice Evra Politely Asks To Leave Man Utd For ‘Family Reasons’ As Juventus Hover On The Horizon

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By Chris Wright

With a mooted move to Juventus seemingly in the offing, it's being reported today that Patrice Evra has politely asked to leave Manchester United due to "family reasons".

Juventus have expressed an interest in signing Evra and whileno bid has been lodged ortransfer request submitted, it is thought that the French left-back is keen to move on this summer thus ending his illustrious eight-year stay at Old Trafford.

World Cup GIF: Javier Mascherano’s Perfect Sliding Tackle To Deny Arjen Robben At The Death

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By Chris Wright

In a game of very few memorable moments came a sliding tackle so beautiful, so pristine, so timed-to-poetic-perfection that it almost almost!- made up for the proceeding 90 minutes of nothing.

With seconds of normal time left to play, the scores dead-locked at zippo and Arjen Robben about to pull the trigger to send Argentina out, Javier Mascherano made up several metres on his man and slammed the door shut.

Cheeky Website Set Up To Keep Brazil vs Germany’s Brutal Scoreline Rolling For All Eternity

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By Chris Wright

"Stop! Stop! He's already dead!"

Don't ask us why because we don't exactly know, but someone out there somewhere has set up a website called "Brazil vs Germany for Eternity" that's sole purpose is to track the score of Tuesday evening's World Cup semi-final massacre for the rest of time.

Glorious Alan Partridge Quote Slipped Into BBC Sport Live Text Commentary For Holland-Argentina Game

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By Chris Wright

As spotted by Pies' good pal Mr Moon, here's the sumptuous Alan Partridge quote that was slipped into the live text commentary for Holland-Argentina over on the BBC Sport website last night...

To whomever it may concern: well played, well played indeed.

World Cup: Netherlands 0-0 Argentina (2-4 Pens) – Messi Makes Final As Dutch Suffer Spot-Kick Sadness (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Netherlands 0-0 Argentina (2-4 Pens aet) World Cup Semi-Final 9th July 2014

After the incredible goal-fest of the first semi-final, this last-four clash between the Netherlands and Argentina could only disappoint and disappoint it did. It was a dour affair which saw the two sides cancel each other out.

The ‘Before And After’ Shots From Tottenham Pair Lewis Holtby & Sandro’s World Cup Party Definitely Tell A Story (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

It would appear that Tottenham team-mates Sandro (a Brazilian gentleman) and Lewis Holtby (a German by trade) had themselves a little World Cup party last night, with the pair settling in together to watch the semi-final between their two respective nations.

Brazilian Newspaper Lance! Leave Front Page Blank To Allow Furious Fans To Add Their Own Headlines (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

As was inevitable given last night's shambles, the Brazilian newspapers are awash with deflated indignation this morning after seeing their beloved national side getting their collective arses paddled by Germany in Belo Horizonte.

However, the award for Pies' favourite front cover has to goto this morning's edition of Lance!

Snapshot: Robert Lewandowski Officially Unveiled By Bayern Munich, Will Wear Hallowed No.9 Jersey

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By Chris Wright

As of this afternoon, Robert Lewandowski is officially Bayern Munich's new No.9 having joined on a free transfer following the dwindling of his contract at Borussia Dortmund...

#Lewandowski will be hunting for goals for #FCBayern in the no.

As You Can Probably Guess, Fred’s Heat Map Against Germany Is Not Particularly Impressive (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Mmmm. Would you just look at all that sweet centre-spot action...

HEAT MAP: Fred has taken kick off 5 times and he's not touched the ball in the Germany penalty area. #BRA pic.twitter.com/PVtYiGWgRw

— Squawka Football (@Squawka) July 8, 2014

Compare that to Manuel Neuer's (a goalkeeper) against Algeria.

Norwegian TV Show ‘Golden Goal’ Stage Experiment To See If Team Of 22 Amateur Players Can Beat 11 Professionals (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Norwegian sport/comedy show Golden Goal have pioneered various variations ontheplain old vanilla football theme over the past few years famously giving exposure to alternative disciplines such as the now commonplace Bubble Football and Electric Shock Football.

You Haven’t Lived Until You’ve Heard The Brilliance That Is ‘Mertesacker Emptiness’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

You know "Motorcycle Emptiness" by the Manics, yeah?

Great song, no doubt but justimagine how much greater it'd be if someone replaced all the original lyrics with names of German footballers...

Bravo!

(Via Metro)

Sad Brazil Fans And Their Big, Sad Faces (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

How to break the hearts and spirit of a nation in one fell swoop. Hey Brazil, good hustle...

Lederhosen? Nice touch.

(Photos: PA)

Suggested further viewing...

Sad England Fans And Their Big, Sad Faces (Photos)

Hundreds Of Brazil Fans Give Germany Players Heroes’ Welcome On Return To Training Base

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By Chris Wright

Driven half-cuckoo by last night's proceedings, a large group of Brazil fans reportedly congregated outside Germany's training base last night to give Jogi Löw's victorious side a heroes' welcome upon their return.

According to the Telegraph, several hundred Brazilian fans adopted a "if you can't beat them, join them" approach to dealing with the grief, waiting for hours in the pouring rain to cheer the German players as they disembarked their team bus at gone midnight and boarded a ferry for the crossing to their training HQ in Santo Andre.

35.6m Tweets Sees Germany’s Demolition Of Brazil Break Twitter Stat Records Left, Right And Centre (With ‘Heat Map’)

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By Chris Wright

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Germany's 7-1 dismantling of Brazil set a new record, becoming the most talked about single sporting encounter in Twitter history obliterating the previous record for "Tweets sent during" previously held by last season's Superbowl game between Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos.

Brazilian Press Blame Mick Jagger For Seleção’s Humiliating Capitulation Against Germany

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By Chris Wright

As is the done thing, the Brazilian press have attempted to make sense of last night's sensational drubbing at the hands of Germany in the only way the press knows how by finding a scapegoat and then rogering it into submission.

However rather than Juan Zuniga, Big Phil's drippy tactics, David Luiz's inability to leada defensive line or Fred's inability in general, the collective Brazilian press have decided that the man responsible for La Selecao's humiliating downfall is none other than Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger.

Romelu Lukaku’s Reaction To Germany’s 7-1 Trouncing Of Brazil Pretty Much Sums It Up (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

As posted up on Twitter last night, here's Romelu Lukaku's face after watching Germany stick seven past Brazil in a World Cup semi-final...

Oooh myyyy goood pic.twitter.com/uYIFJ1Mpmm

— R.Lukaku Bolingoli (@RomeluLukaku9) July 8, 2014

1 picture = 1k words, and all that.

World Cup: Brazil 1-7 Germany – Mighty Mannschaft Massacre Hosts In Belo Horizonte (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Brazil 1-7 Germany World Cup Semi-Final 8th July 2014

Well, how to encapsulate a bizarre and utterly unprecedented evening in Belo Horizonte? Without the injured Neymar and suspended captain Thiago Silva, the hosts crumbled in a way no-one would have imagined.

Thinking Outside The (Penalty) Box: Tackling The ‘Professional’ Foul

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By The Angry Red Tomato

With the World Cup semi-finals upon us, it's as good a time as any to remember Laurent Blanc, the French captain who received a red card – the only one of his entire career – in the semi-final of the 1998 World Cup, and missed the final thanks, largely, to Slaven Bilic's theatrics.

Staffordshire Police Investigating ‘Luis Suarez-Style’ Bite Incident In Queue For Nemesis At Alton Towers

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By Chris Wright

Staffordshire Police have confirmed that they are investigating what has been described as a "Luis Suarez-style" biting incident involving a teenage girl at Alton Towers theme park.

The bite reportedly took place in the queue for the Nemesis, which is just wonderful.

Brazil Fans Supplied With 60,000 Neymar Masks For World Cup Semi-Final Against Germany

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By Chris Wright

With their main man-child set to miss the rest of the World Cup with acute back knack, Brazilian fans are to be plied with 60,000 Neymar masks for tonight's semi-final clash against Germany inBelo Horizonte.

Featuring the hashtag #SOMOSTODOSNEYMAR(We are all Neymar), the masks are being circulated by PR agency Pereira & O'Dell, with the plan being to fill the Estadio Mineirao to the brim with Neymar's shiny face.

Russian Priest Claims Coloured Football Boots At The World Cup Are A ‘Homosexual Abomination’

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By Chris Wright

"Remember lads, first rule of tournament football: Gay boots = you're gonna have a bad time"

A Russian priest has claimed that he is "glad" Russia's players failed to make any progress at the World Cup as the coloured boots they wore were an affront to God a "homosexual abomination" if you will.

Inter Milan Debut Slick New 2014/15 Home Strip – Bit Of A Departure From The Norm (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting, Inter Milan's really rather gorgeous new home kit for the 2014/15 season and what a beauty she is.

In a bit of a departure from the norm, Inter's new kit features "inverted" Nerazzurri stripes leaving the strip predominantly sleek and black with blue pinstripe detailing.

The Best ‘Starting Line-Up Arm-Crossing’ World Cup Meme You’re Likely To Stumble Upon Today!

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By Chris Wright

We've seen several hundred takes on the "World Cup arm-crossing" themeover the past few weeks some good; some naff.

However, kudosis/are definitely due to whomever cobbled this one together.

Hands up, we did not see "it" coming...

Suggested further viewing.

Shit Football Ink: Fan Gets Banteriffic Luis Suarez ‘Bite Mark’ Tattoo On Shoulder – With One Small Error (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

So close, and yet so very, very far...

Sir, whoever you may be, the footballing world facepalms you in unison...

(Image via Football Ramble)

Shit Lookalikes: Wayne Rooney And Daffyd (The Only Gay In The Village)

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By Alan Duffy

Figure-hugging kits are all the rage these days, aren't they? Alas, they really don't flatter the huskier gentleman...

This titter-inducingyet disturbing image comes courtesy of theDublin Arsenal Supporters Club.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies?

Man City Announce First Signing Of The Summer: A Six-Foot Hairless Willy (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Flattened by a six-foot Willy: the ultimate humiliation

Manchester City's first major signing of the summer is a largeWilly specifically goalkeeper Wilfredo "Willy" Caballero, who joins from Malaga for a fee believed to be somewhere in the region of€8million.

World Cup GIF: Fred Suffers ‘Ralph Wiggum’ Moment After Being Informed Of Neymar’s Injury

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By Chris Wright

Isolated in GIF form for the rest of eternity, this is the precise moment that Globo reporter Mauro Naves summons up the steel to break the news to Fred that Neymar has been ruled out of the World Cup after Brazil's quarter-final against Colombia.

As the reality dawns (that he'll now have to do a lot more running), Fred's little hummingbird heart visibly breaks clean in two.

Snapshot: Today’s MARCA Front Cover Features Beautifully Simple Tribute To Alfredo Di Stefano…

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By Chris Wright

Being astaunchly pro-Real Madrid paper, today's MARCA features a beautifully simple,effective and evocative tribute to club legend Alfredo Di Stefano, who sadly passed away yesterday evening at the age of 88...

Lovely stuff.

Ex-Liverpool Striker Titi Camara Has Some Reassuring Words For Fans Worried About Luis Suarez’s Imminent Departure

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By Chris Wright

The world has been waiting but finally ex-Liverpool striker Titi Camara has let his thoughtson Luis Suarez's seemingly imminent departure be known.

Camara who spent one sort-of glorious season at Anfield in 1999/2000; scoringnine goals in 33 appearances -dropped one hell of a tongue-in-cheek zinger on Twitter.

Fulham Agree £11m ‘Deal’ With Leeds For Ross McCormack – First Sign Of The Apocalypse?

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By Chris Wright

Fair warning, you may want to find a sturdy leather belt to bite down on Fulham have agreed a deal (and we use the term "deal" in the loosest possible sense) with Leeds United to sign forward Ross McCormack for...wait for it...£11million that's eleven, million, pounds, sterling.

First Photos: Ashley Cole Signs Up For Italian Job, Joins AS Roma In Two-Year Deal

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By Alan Duffy

Following in the footsteps of the great John Charles, 33-year-old Ashley Cole has decided to up sticks and move to Italy where he will line out for 2013/14 Serie A runners-up Roma.

A free agent after being released by Chelsea at the end of the season, Cole missed out on a place in Roy Hodgson's ill-fated England World Cup squad (I still think he was a better option than either Baines or Shaw).

The Great Alfredo Di Stefano Passes Away, Aged 88 – Farewell To ‘The Blonde Arrow’

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By Chris Wright

Sad news. After spending the last few days in a hospital bed as a result of suffering aheart attack on Sunday evening, one of football's all-time greats, Alfredo Di Stefano, has passed away this evening at the age of 88...

This photo shows Di Stefano looking cool as a cucumber after being kidnapped and taken hostage for 56 hoursby members of the outlawed Venezuelan pro-communist Armed Forces for National Liberation (FALN) in August of 1963.

Amusing ‘Flop’ Vine Demonstrates Why Americans Stil Struggle To Take Soccer Seriously (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This 'ere Vine creation demonstrates justwhy the majority of North America still struggles to get on board with soccer (despite it clearly being far superior to their silly Super Bowls World Series and NBA All-Star Smackdowns) in the space of five seconds the sheer amount of, as they call it, flopping.

Warrior Reveal Liverpool’s Inevitably Grotesque Grey Third Kit For 2014/15 (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Good grief...

#DEMAND the Warrior @LFC 2014/15 Third kit pic.twitter.com/elKjAyoASq

— Warrior Football (@WARRIOR_FTBL) July 7, 2014

Quite. Pies#DEMAND that you hurl every single unit of that grotesque monstrosity into the nearest volcano!

FAIL: Stonkingly Horrendous Open-Goal Miss Spotted During Belgian Friendly Game (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As brought to our attention by @FreddieBoswell7, here's a truly stonking open-goal power shanker from yesterday's Beglian friendly game between RAEC Mons and Anderlecht (skip to the 1:39 mark)...

Yeesh.

Man Utd 2014/15 ‘Chevrolet’ Kit Officially Released, Accompanied By Clever Promo Video (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

As you may recall, we managed to get hold of some leaked images a week or so ago, but Manchester United have today officially unveiled their new kit for next season y'know, the one with the chintzy gold Chevrolet logo?

To coincide with the launch, the club and Nike have rolled out a really rather good accompanying promo video which sees United fans through the ages clomping through the streets on their way to Old Trafford to be told by a multi-millionaire that the shirt definitely belongs to them, not him, as it always has although the £10million mansion in Alderley Edge is definitely his.

Dutch Royal Mint Release New Limited Edition Robin Van Persie ‘Swan Dive’ Silver Coin

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By Chris Wright

While it's not nearly in the same league as Sweden's Zlatan stamps, the Dutch Royal Mint in Uhtrecht have produced a new limited-edition coin to commemorate Holland's impressive showing at the World Cup.

The coin features a silhouette of Robin van Persie mid-flight on his way to scoring his spectacular diving header against Spain in the group stages.

World Cup GIF: Ruud Van Nistelrooy Celebrates Tim Krul’s Penalty Save In ESPN Studio

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By Chris Wright

Punditing on the game for ESPN, this is how Ruud van Nistelrooy celebrated Tim Krul's match-winning penalty save for Holland against Costa Rica on Sunday evening...

Not averse to the odd "power stance"celebration, is our Ruud...

Just for the sake of context, the "husky" Andorran defender had previously laughed in Van Nistelrooy's face after missing a spot-kick earlier in the game.

Sporting KC’s Dom Dwyer Booked For Celebrating Goal Against Chicago Fire With ‘Selfie’ (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

After nabbing the ball from a dilly-dallying Chicago Fire defender and slotting his shot past the 'keeper to open the scoring, Sporting KC forward Dom Dwyer went and got himself booked during his celebration though not for any of the usual heinous post-goal crimes; removing one's shirt, leaping into the front row, etc, etc.

Norrköping Striker Takes Red Card Against Orebro Incredibly Badly (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In whichNorrköping strikerAlhaji Kamara takes his 92nd-minute red card against Orebro incredibly personally sprinting from the pitch and down the tunnel, wailing and bawlingas he makes his ridiculously dramatic exit...

We'll just leave this here.

Uruguay Coach Oscar Tabarez Reveals Barcelona Have Had A Deal In Place With Liverpool For Luis Suarez Since November 2013

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By Chris Wright

In an interview with Montevideo-basedradio station Sport 890, Uruguay coach Oscar Tabarez has apparently revealed that Barcelona have had a long-standing deal in place to sign Luis Suarez from Liverpool since November of last year.

With the translation appearing on Reddit/LiverpoolFC this morning, Tabarez reportedly claimed:

"Luis had told me about the Barcelona interest in November last year a few days before the Jordan match (20th November 2013).

Colombia Receive Heroes’ Welcome As Thousands Of Fans Clog Up Streets Of Bogota (Photos & Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having watched their team go above and beyond at the World Cup, thousands and thousands of fans packed the streets of Bogota to welcome Colombia home as national heroes after the squad flew home intoEldorado International Airport from Brazil on Sunday afternoon.

This ‘Random Angry World Cup Footballer Generator’ Is Way More Fun Than It Should Be!

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By Chris Wright

Remember that random 'annoyed footballer' generatoryou asked for?

No? Well, click hereanyway and prepare to lose the next few hours!

(Top notch find by the one, the only,@dannylooseleaf)

‘My Dream Is Not Over, Just Interrupted’ – Neymar Addresses Brazil Fans Through Tear-Stained Eyes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Like the global manufactured, packaged, anime, Youtube sensation football pop-star he has become, Neymar has addressed his legions of fans (the Neymarzetes) as well as the wider Brazilian populace through tear-stained eyes to thank them for their support following his World Cup-ending injury assuring them all that his dream is not over, it's just been temporarily interrupted.

World Cup Vine: Tim Howard Really Isn’t Big On Hugging

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By Chris Wright

Tim Howard: still making those huge blocks, hours after the final whistle...

Little Brazilian Girl Cries Her Eyes Out After Being Told About Neymar’s Injury (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After being informed by her mother that Neymar will miss the rest of the World Cup due to injury, cute-as-a-button little Brazil fan Ana Bella couldn't hold back the flood struggling to fight the tears while asking "Cadê ele?" ("where is he?

World Cup Vine: Argentina Coach Alejandro Sabella Almost Faints In Slapstick Fashion

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By Chris Wright

Like the Argentinian equivalent of Del Boy falling through the bar, coach Alejandro Sabella almosthada whoopsie on the touchline after Gonzalo Higuain fluffed a chance against Belgium...

Steady on, chief!

Belgium Boss Marc Wilmots Tries (And Fails) To ‘Lose Gracefully’ After Being Knocked Out By Argentina

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By Chris Wright

"I'd like to congratulate Argentina for being such massive arsecandles"

Fair play to Belgium coach Marc Wilmots: the guy had a decent stab at trying the whole "losing gracefully" after his side were shunted out of the World Cup by Argentina this afternoon he just came up a little short.

X-Ray Supposedly Shows Neymar Was ‘One Inch Away’ From Being Paralysed By Zuniga’s Knee (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

It's all a bit spurious, but there are reports emanating from Brazil suggesting that medical professionals have claimed Neymar came "within inches" of potentially being paralysed by Juan Zuniga's knee last night.

Neymar was stretchered off the pitch and taken straight to hospital following the incident, with Brazil's team doctor Rodrigo Lasmar later confirming that the forward would play no further part in the World Cup.

‘Look What You’ve Done To Us Roy’ – England Fans Reduced To Supporting Germany At World Cup (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Spotted in the crowd before yesterday'sWorld Cup quarter-final in the Maracana, this small, forlorn gaggle of England fans had obviously suffered the ignominy of being reduced to supporting Germany following Roy's boys' elimination from the tournament what seems like yonks ago.

‘He Is Very, Very Sad’ – Neymar Ruled Out Of World Cup After Breaking Bone In His Spine

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By Chris Wright

Glum news this morning that Neymar has been ruled out of the World Cup entirely after being stretchered off during the latter stages of last night's hustlin', bustlin' quarter-final against Colombia.

According to BBC Sport, Neymar has suffered a broken bone in his spine after being hit by a roughrunning knee to the back byJuan Zuniga.

David Luiz Consoles Teary-Eyed James Rodriguez After Knocking Him Out Of The World Cup (Photo & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Lovely scene after the final whistle in Fortaleza tonight as Brazilian hero David Luiz consoles his Colombian counterpart James Rodriguez after knocking him and his compatriots out of the World Cup...

In fairness, having a giant bug land on your arm out of nowhere will do that to a ten-year-old.

World Cup: Brazil 1-0 Colombia – Hosts Shoot Down James Gang In Nervy, Niggly Fortaleza Clash (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Brazil 1-0 Colombia World Cup Quarter-Finals 4th July 2014

Well the feast of top-quality attacking football predicted by many ahead of this clash inFortaleza didn't really materialise. Instead, Brazil and Colombia played out a rather scrappy and niggly clash with neither side impressing overall.

World Cup Snapshot: Plague Of Massive Locusts (Well, One) Descends Upon Colombia’s James Rodriguez (With Added Vine)

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By Alan Duffy

If you were in any doubt that God wants Brazil to win the World Cup then look no further than this photo of arather biglocust (the first of a plague, one imagines) which found its way onto James Rodriguez after he scored a penalty.

Here's a Vine too.

World Cup GIF: David Luiz Bursts Colombia Net With Freekick, Bursts Blood Vessel With Celebration!

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By Chris Wright

First came this...

Then came this...

Turns out his dad wasn't fibbing Luiz really does bleed green and yellow!

(Photos: PA)

World Cup Vine: Neymar Takes A Tumble Whilst Celebrating Brazil’s Opening Goal Against Colombia

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By Alan Duffy

Seeing people fall on their backside will never stop being funny and here, Brazil superstar Neymar slips embarrassingly when trying to join in with the Thiago Silva goal celebrations. Comic genius.

(Vine: Steve Noah)

Liverpool Accept £63m Bid From Barcelona For Luis Suarez After ‘Productive’ Talks

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By Chris Wright

It would appear that the team banned from conducting transfer activity are edging ever closer to signing the player banned from all global football activity, with news that Barcelona may have agreed a fee with Liverpool for Luis Suarez following "productive talks" between the two parties.

World Cup: France 0-1 Germany – Mats The Way To Do It! Hummels Header Downs Les Bleus (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

France 0-1 Germany World Cup Quarter-Finals 4th July 2014

Germany secured their place in yet another World Cup semi-final after overcoming France in a rather disappointing quarter-final clash in Rio.

Germany dominated possession for large periods of the game and went a goal up when Mats Hummel's deftly headed home a free-kick after evading the challenge of Raphael Varane.

World Cup GIF: Mats Hummels’ Steered Header Sends France Packing And Germany Into Semi-Finals

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By Chris Wright

So, Germany stroll through to a record fourth-straight World Cup semi-final and France sashay out of the tournamentwith the merest hint of a nonplussed Gallic shrug and a general air of laissez-faire-ness thanks to Mats Hummels' expertly steered header.

Facebook Used To Find Which Nation Uses Most Extra O’s To Celebrate World Cup Goals

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By Chris Wright

Here's an infographic produced by data crunchers Quartz which uses Facebook to chart the average number of extra O's fans of each World Cup nation haveusedto celebrate goals on the social media site throughout the tournament so far...

They are a few anomalies (Algeria way the hell up there and Argentina way down in tenth) but absolutely no surprises which country comes out ontop.

World Cup Snapshot: TV Cameraman Consults His ‘France vs Germany’ Player Cheat Sheet…

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By Chris Wright

Cracking little photo of apitch-side TV cameraman consulting his player identification cheat sheet while filming the French and German line-ups at the Maracana...

Isn't it nice to steal a fleeting glance behind the media curtain once in a while?

(Photo:Frank Augstein/AP/Spotted by @James_Dart)

James Rodriguez To Hand Out £4,000 Bonuses To Restaurant Staff If Colombia Win World Cup

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By Chris Wright

As if the James Rodriguez love-in couldn't get any more feverish, it's been revealed that the Colombian forward is one hell of a tipper too!

According to the Metro, Rodriguez has vowed to hand out a hugebonus to every staff member at the restaurant he part-owns in Portugal if Colombia go all the way and win the World Cup.

Fantastic Nike Film Sees David Luiz’s Dad Explain What The World Cup Means To Him And His Son (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Wereally enjoyed this short film and just thought we'd share it on that basis, and that basis alone.

Here we see David Luiz's father, Ladislau, explaining what seeing his son playing for Brazil and, moreover, seeing his son playing for Brazil at a World Cup in Brazil means to him.

Snapshot: Four Norwegian Brothers Become First Ever Quadruplets To Play For Same Team…

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By Chris Wright

Meet the Wichne brothers:Amund, Idar, Torje and Eirik: who have become the first ever (at least, sowe're told) quadruplets to play for the same team on the same pitch as each other...

The four 17-year-old siblings all play for NorwegianteamFK Mandalskameratene and made history after Torje and Eirik started against in the recent3.

World Cup Vine: This Mad Lionel Messi Robot Will Give You Nightmares For Days!

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By Chris Wright

The nose, THE NOSE!!!

You're welcome.

And before you ask, we have absolutely no idea what's going on.

(Vine: Igor Mello)

Retro Football: Toni Schumacher Poleaxes Patrick Battiston With His Arse, 1982 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With France set to take on Germany in the latter stages of a World Cup tonight, Pies' thoughts are inescapably turned to the semi-final between the same two teams at the 1982 World Cup in Spain a match infamous for one reason and one reason only.

With the scorestoodat 1-1 following Michel Platini's 27th-minute penalty in Seville, France defenderPatrick Battiston raced clear on the break and looked all but certain to put Les Bleus ahead.

Football Tat: Luis Suarez Nipple Clamps Go On Sale In Swedish Sex Shop (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

A Swedish sex shop is seeking to capitalise on the Luis Suarez bite incident by flogging kinky "marital aids" inspired by the Uruguayan striker's recent orthodontic discretion.

‘Oliver & Eva' are flogging the Suarez Nipple clamp, which, despite looking like a piece of cheap tat that cost pence to produce, is on sale in their adult shop for€33 that's approximately £26.

France Players Re-Enact ‘The Wolf Of Wall Street’ Humming Scene During Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Yesterday it was back-spin trick shots but today, for reasons not abundantly clear, several members of the France World Cup squad took a few moments out from training to re-enact the chest-thumping "restaurant" scene from The Wolf of Wall Street in whichMatthew McConaughey's coked-out character teaches Leo the "money chant".

‘He’s A Greedy Thief Who Dresses Like A School Teacher’ – Russian Politician Berates Fabio Capello After Rubbish World Cup

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By Chris Wright

Russia's disappointingshowing at the World Cup has landed managerFabio Capello in hot water, with the Italian coming under intense criticism for failing to navigate a safe passage from Group H despite being far and away the most highly-paid coach at the tournament.

Every Single Player’s World Cup Arm-Crossing Segment In Space Of Two Minutes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As part of their World Cup of Arm-Crossing contest, the scallywags over at Slate have produced a video to accurately detail each and every players at the tournament's various green screen arm-crossing techniques which they've hadset, rather delightfully, to The Brady Bunch theme tune and 'Irreplaceable' by Beyonce.

Man Utd Target Toni Kroos Set For Bargain €25m Move To Real Madrid

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By Alan Duffy

Spanish newspaper Marca has reportedthat Bayern Muncih and Germany midfielder Toni Kroos has agreed a move to Real Madrid for the rather reasonable sum of€25million.

The 24-year-old has played a pivotal role in Germany's march into the last eight of the World Cup and has also established himself as one of the best midfielders in the world in his time in Munich.

Young Brazilian Boy Named After So Many Members Of France 2006 World Cup Squad He Can’t Even Remember His Own Name!

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By Chris Wright

A seven-year-old Brazilian boy has hit the headlines in his native land after it emerged his fanatical father named him after almost the entire France 2006 World Cup squad!

The boy's father, Petrucio Santos became passionate about France and French football after visiting the country.

Emre Can, And Does, Become Liverpool’s Third Summer Signing After Completing £10m Move From Bayer Leverkusen

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By Chris Wright

Emre Can, and he bloody well will!

Liverpool have confirmed that Emre Can has completed a move to Anfield, with theGermany U21 midfielder signing a "long-term deal" with the club.

Can: "It was an easy decision for me to sign for #LFC after a good chat with the manager.

Shit Lookalikes: Angel Di Maria & James Woods

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By Alan Duffy

The eyes of a killer...

James Woods, star of classic fims such as Salvador, Once Upon A Time In America and Ghosts Of Mississipi and more recently garbage like Whitehouse Down (arguably) possesses the same dead eyes as young Mr Di Maria who fired Argentina into the last eight against Switzerland.

Relaxed France Squad Try To Score From Behind Goal In Training (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

While Jogi Loew's German squad are apparently battling a flu bug which is spreading through the squad, Germany's last eight opponents France seem to be in fine spirits ahead of the monumental clash on Friday.

During training, Paul Pgba, Yohan Cabaye and Olivier Giroud decided to have a game of 'who can score from behind the goal', with some impressive back-spinny results.

Bastian Schweinsteiger’s Shinpads Have Definitely Seen Better Days… (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Before Monday evening's last-16 World Cup tie between Germany and Algeria, Getty Images released a slew of photographs of both sides' respective dressing rooms with the players'kits and gear laid out neatly awaiting for their arrival.

While perusingthe photosdiligently, we couldn't help but noticethe state of Bastian Schweinsteiger's shinpads.

President Of Colombia Declares Friday A Public Holiday So Entire Nation Can Watch World Cup Quarter-Final Against Brazil

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By Chris Wright

Proof that the entire nation is totallyfútbol loco, Colombian presidentJuan Manuel Santos has officially declared that tomorrow (Friday 4th July) afternoon will be a public holiday in order to allow people to watchColombia's World Cup quarter-final against Brazil.

Ezequiel Lavezzi Hastily Deletes Twitter Pic After Spotting Pablo Zabaleta Nudie Rudie Photobomb! (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Ezequiel Lavezzi was forced to hastily delete a photo of himself he had posted to Twitter yesterday after a certain somebody hit him with an unwitting nudie rudie photobomb.

Posing with a shirt given to him by a fan after an Argentina training session, Lavezzi proudly held the jersey aloft for a photo in the dressing room only to accidentally capture Pablo Zabaletahaving a shower in the background!

OLBG Sports Betting Tips App Could Make You A Winner

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THE OLBG Sports Betting Tips App is here.

OLBG has released a pioneering upgrade to their unique sports betting tips app that brings together tips and in-app betting coinciding with the 2014 World Cup and available to download free in iTunes.

This free app for iPhone and iPad combines expert tips from OLBG's 50,000-strong tipster community across a huge range of sports with bookmaker betting, allowing punters to access thousands of insightful betting tips and seamlessly place their bet – all without leaving the app.

McLovin From ‘Superbad’ Travels To Brazil In Search Of The World Cup Party (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As yet another concerted effort to fill in his fellow Americans on the World Cup, comedian and actor Christopher Mintz-Plasse (betterknown as "McLovin" from Superbad) has flown out to Brazil to file a comprehensive video dossier on the tournament while looking for "the party".

Leeds Owner Massimo Cellino Drops Paddy Kenny Over ‘Unlucky’ Date Of Birth

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By Chris Wright

As if to hammer home his credentials as an erratic foreign football club owner once and for all, Leeds chairman Massimo Cellino has dropped last season's first-choice goalkeeper Paddy Kenny for having an "unlucky" date of birth.

Like any sane and rational human being, Cellino is incredibly superstitious about the number 17 even going as far as to remove the no.

Man Utd 2014/15 Home Shirt Leaked – Smart Effort Despite Chintzy Chevrolet Logo (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

As rooted out by Todo Sobre Camisetas, here are some photos of the hotly-anticipated new Manchester United shirt for next season...

What we like is the shirt itself; a very smart affair and a huge improvement on the Gingham-laden efforts of the past couple of years.

Thousands Of USA Fans Sign Petition To Change Name Of Washington National Airport To ‘Tim Howard National Airport’

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By Chris Wright

The national over-excitement at Tim Howard's record-breaking performance against Belgium in the World Cup last 16 has just about reached its zenith, with the 'keeper receiving phone calls from President Barack Obama andU.S. Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel to personally thank him for "defending America" against the rampaging Belgian hordes.

Ghana’s Ludicrous World Cup Bonus Brouhaha To Be Turned Into Hollywood Movie

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By Chris Wright

Let's face it, Ghana have had a miserable old World Cup, crashing out at the first hurdle amid a swirling imploding vortex of bickering, in-fighting, boycott threats, players being sent homeand general disarray.

While it didn't make for particularly good football, a director out there in La La Land has decided that the Black Star's brief,chaotictournamentwould make a perfect screenplay and has duly set about writing a film centred around the 24 hoursdirectly before their final game against Portugal a game which very nearly didn't happen!

Irish U15s Schoolboy Team Fined €200 For Taking Active Stand Against Racial Abuse

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By Chris Wright

Ballea Park, home of Carrigaline United (Image: Irish Independent)

A thoroughly sarcastic doff of the cap is due to theCork Schoolboys League's disciplinary committee, who have seen fit to fine one of their teams for standing up to alleged racist abuse directed toward one of their players.

Robin Van Persie Enjoys Spot Of ‘No Look’ Beach Tennis With Patrick Kluivert (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Impressive shoreline-based skills abound as Robin van Persie and Patrick Kluivert unwind with a light spot of "no-look" beach tennis...

Paddy's in better shape now than he was in his Newcastle days!

Clive Tyldesley Explains Why He Won’t Be Pronouncing James Rodriguez’s Name Properly In The Foreseeable Future

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By Chris Wright

As part of his World Cup blog over on the Kick It Out website, ITV commentator Clive Tyldesley has explained the reasoning behind his huge decision to not pronounce James Rodriguez's name properly throughout the tournament so far.

Despite the world and his dog now knowing that Rodriguez's first nameshould be pronounced "Hamez", Cliveain't playin' ball for fear of confusing us simple Brits.

American Fan Makes Utter Pillock Of Himself After Mistaking Van Persie For Robben (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Just when you think our beloved Yank brethren might just be getting to grips with his soccer malarkey, along comes one clueless pillock to ruin it all for everybody...

What a berk.

Tim Howard’s High School Yearbook Quote Is Suitably Awesome (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Timothy Howard, North Brunswick Township High School, class of 1997...

Tim Howard's yearbook. "It will take a nation of millions to hold me back." pic.twitter.com/5sNFsoRvNs

— Squawka Football (@Squawka) July 2, 2014

You're welcome America.

What Do You Get When You Cross Per Mertesacker With Vanilla Ice? (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After Germany took their sweet time about beating Algeria to reach the World Cup quarter-finals, Per Mertesacker was asked during a post-game interview whether or not he thought Jogi Loew's side were struggling to tread water at the World Cup.

Understandably crabby, the knackered Mertesacker snapped back: ""What do you want from me?

Adam Lallana Thanks Southampton Fans For The Memories With Obligatory Full-Page Message In Local Paper…

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By Chris Wright

As is seemingly par for the course these days, Adam Lallana has taken out a full page in the Southern Daily Echo today to thank Southampton fans for providing him with 14 year's worth of unforgettable memories after leaving for Liverpool yesterday.

Scottish Prodigy Ryan Gauld Joins Sporting Lisbon, Release Clause Set At Whopping €60m (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

DEAL DONE: Sporting have signed Dundee Utd's 18-yr-old attacking midfielder Ryan Gauld. (Source: sporting.pt) pic.twitter.com/pFoC83u2Fh

— Transfer News Live (@DeadlineDayLive) July 2, 2014

Dundee United prodigy Ryan Gauld has completed a£2.

USA Keeper Tim Howard Sets New World Cup Save Record With Heroic Performance Against Belgium

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By Chris Wright

Thou shall not pass!

They may well have lost in the end, but USA 'keeper Tim Howard set an all-time save record by making 16 clear stops against Belgium the most ever recorded by a goalkeeper in a World Cup game.

In fact, Howard made more saves during the first 90 minutes of the Belgium game than he'd registered during the whole of the group stages.

World Cup Vine: Super Intricate Free-Kick Routine Almost Ends In Equaliser For USA v Belgium

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By Alan Duffy

The USA produced a fine performance against Belgium on Tuesday night, pushing the Red Devils all the way. This free-kick showed just how much the US team have developed under Jurgen Klinsmann, and if Clint Dempsey had managed a defter first touch it could have got them that all importantequaliser to make it 2-2.

World Cup: Argentina 1-0 Switzerland – Touched By An Angel: Dull Clash Lit Up By Di Maria Winner (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Argentina 1-0 Switzerland World Cup Last 16 1st July 2014

All the excitement in this last 16 clash came in the last few minutes of extra-time, after Switzerland had battled hard to keep a below-par Argentina side at bay.

Lionel Messi was the one bright spark for the South Americans throughout the 120 minutes of mostly disappointing football, with his team-mates all too frequently failing to perform when needed.

Chelsea Confirm Diego Costa Deal Is All Systems Go After Meeting £32m Buy-Out Clause

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By Chris Wright

Slowly but surely, Diego Costa is edging his way toward Chelsea with today's update being the confirmation that the Blues have officially met the Spazilian striker's€40million (approx. £32million) buy-out clause at Atletico Madrid.

Agreement reached with Atletico Madrid for the transfer of Diego Costa: http://t.

Player-Cam Footage Of Arjen Robben Before, During And After Diving To Con Holland’s Penalty Against Mexico (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which we are treated to some unbroadcastplayer-cam footage of Arjen Robben before, during and after the Dutch winger hurled himself to the ground in order to milk a last-minute penalty for Holland against Mexico.

As the footage shows, Robben first walks off after winning the penalty, noticeably unwilling to make eye contact with anybody while he goes looking for a ball.

Roy Keane Takes Job As Aston Villa Assistant Manager, Retains Role With Republic Of Ireland

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By Chris Wright

"Hey Joe, get a feckin' wriggle on or these two are going straight up yer bollocks!"

As of moments ago, Aston Villa have announced that Roy Keane has joined their managerial staff as Paul Lambert's second in command.

A deal has been struck that will allow Keane to retain his similar position with the Republic of Ireland, granting him special leave for international games.

World Cup Snapshot: The Worst Headline Ever Written…

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By Chris Wright

Look at the state of that...

So bad, it's almost a work of genius.

(Image via @RossLoraine)

Kaka Mobbed By Legions Of Fans At Airport En Route To Sign For Orlando City (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

AC Milan have said their (very) emotional goodbyes and Kaka is currently a whisker away from becoming the very first addition to MLS side Orlando City's roster before jetting off to join boyhood club Sao Paulo on loan for a fewmonths before the 2015 MLS season kicks in.

Retro Snapshot: Adam Lallana & Rickie Lambert Celebrate Winning The Johnstone’s Paint Trophy With Southampton, 2010

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By Chris Wright

A blast from the past: Adam Lallana and Rickie Lambert (now both of Liverpool) celebrating winning the 2010 Johnstone's Paint Trophy together for Southampton having both scored in a 4-1 victory over Carlisle United in the final at Wembley..

Shit Lookalikes: Ivan Rakitic & Chesney Hawkes

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By Chris Wright

Such luscious volume...

Rakitic is the Croatian midfielder who has been officially unveiled as a Barcelona player today.

Hawkes is the one and only.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it in (waatpies@gmail.

Cack-Handed Brazil Fan Accidentally Shatters Mate’s Television While Celebrating Julio Cesar Penalty Save (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Smashing save!

Here's one we meant to post up yesterday and completely forgot about so apologies where apologies are due.

What we have here is hilarious footage of an extremely cack-handed Brazilian fan accidentally karate-chopping his mate's television screen into smithereens while celebrating one of Julio Cesar's penalty saves against Chile a few days ago.

Adam Lallana Completes £25m Liverpool Move, Signs Long-Term Deal At Anfield (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

The deed is done. Adam Lallana is a Liverpool player with Southampton receiving £25million for the pleasure.

Lallana, 26, has signed a "long-term" deal and will wear the No.20 shirt (his number at Southampton) next season...

PHOTO: Adam Lallana holds his first #LFC jersey at Melwood #LallanaLFC pic.

World Cup: Germany 2-1 Algeria – Fennec Foxes Push Germans All The Way In Classic Last 16 Encounter (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Germany2-1 Algeria (aet)- World Cup Last 16 30th June 2014

Germany set up a potentially classic encounter with France in the last eight after battling to beat Algeria on Monday evening.

Jogi Loew's men toiled for large periods of the game, with Mario Goetze, Toni Kroos and Philipp Lahm below par in in midfieldagainst a vibrant, fleet-footed Algerian side.

Manuel Neuer’s Impressive Heat Map Against Algeria Looks More Like A Central Defender’s (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Employedas a roaming sweeper-keeper behind Germany's high defensive line, Manuel Neuer always covers a fair bit of ground, especially for a goalie but his heat map for the Algeria game is bloody incredible.

In fact, it looks more like a central defender's.

‘One Centimetre From Glory’ – Chile Striker Mauricio Pinilla Gets Tattoo Of His Shot That Hit The Crossbar Against Brazil (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Having come within inches of sending Chile through to the World Cup quarter-finals, striker Mauricio Pinilla has had a tattoo on his back to commemorate his shot which thwacked against Julio Cesar's crossbar in the final few minutes of extra time against Brazil.

The Best Of Aussie Comedian Shooter Williamson’s Gloriously Foul-Mouthed World Cup Commentary

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By Chris Wright

All throughout the World Cup, Australian comedian Alex "Shooter" Williamson has been providing snippets of gloriously foul-mouthed commentary via his Instagram account.

It's in largely poor taste and is extremely heavy on the expletives, but we love it mostly as it puts us in mind of Alan Partridge's seminal World Cup '94coverage.

World Cup Snapshot: Robin Van Persie Mans The Crèche While Holland Train In Rio…

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views

By Chris Wright

As the rest of the Dutch squad train on the pitch at theEstadio Jose Bastos Padilha in Rio, it looks like RVP was put on baby-sitting duty...

Holland training sure looks super fun!

"Say 'cheese'everybody!"

(Photos:Mike Egerton/PA Wire)