Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2014

Asda Supermarket Defend Wearable England Flag Which Has Subtle Hints Of ‘Ku Klux Klan’ About It

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By Alan Duffy

Supermarket Asda have defended the sale of their new wearable England flags after critics claimed it looked like a Ku Klux Klan hooded outfit.

The rather hideous looking garment, with the word "England" emblazoned across a St. George's cross, costs £3 and comes with a special pointy hood.

Football Vine: Paul Gascoigne Proves He Hasn’t Lost That Sweet First Touch

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By Chris Wright

This amazing little snippet somehow managed to pass us by when it cropped up during the "Being Paul Gascoigne" documentary which aired on ITV last September, but we're going to plead "better late than never"and give it a belated home on Pies.

Basically, what we have is footage of Gazza having a kick-around on the street with his nephew and showing that despite the years of drinking, he hasn't lost that famously sweet first touch of his.

Snapshot: Japan’s Limited Edition ‘Pikachu’ World Cup Jersey…

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By Chris Wright

He may not be their officialmascot (that honour goes, as ever, to Yatagarasu) but it would appear that the Japanese Football Association have struck a deal with Adidas and the company behind Pokemon to allowPikachu to become the Japanese national side's alternative mascot at the World Cup.

Real Madrid’s Angel Di Maria Claims It ‘Hurt’ Being Linked With A Move To Tottenham

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By Chris Wright

"Angel, I've got a Daniel Levy on the phone for you here..."

Angel Di Maria has admitted that he was"hurt" by being linked toTottenham last summer having been mooted as a potential make-weight in Real Madrid'scolossal deal for Gareth Bale.

ASDA defends Wearable England Flag Against ‘Ku Klux Klan’ Criticism

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By Alan Duffy

Supermakert ASDA have defended the sale of their new wearable England flags after critics claimed it looked like a Ku Klux Klan hooded outfit.

The rather hideous looking garment, with the word "England" emblazoned across a St. George's cross costs £3 and comes with a hood.

One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson Set To Buy Doncaster Rovers As Club Confirm Takeover Talks

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By Chris Wright

Remember Louis Tomlinson? Our little friend who, as well as doing little song-and-dance routinesin One Direction, made his way onto the books of Doncaster Rovers last year (even playing in a reserve game, if memory serves) as a bit of a publicity stunt?

Arsene Wenger Agrees New Arsenal Contract, Set To Sign On At Emirates Until 2017

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By Chris Wright

Shhh everybody, we think Sky Sports News might betrying to tell us something...

That's right! After weeks of wrangling, Arsene Wenger has finally agreeda new three-year contract at Arsenal not that he's actually officially signed it yet,though the club are expected to formally announce the news tomorrow.

Norwegian FA Warn Fans With Rainbow Flags Will Be Thrown Out Of Friendly Against Russia

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By Chris Wright

Sorry lads, you ain't gettin' in

The Norwegian FA have warned any fans who plan to attend Saturday's friendly game against Russia with large rainbow flags that they will be expelled from the stadium.

The announcement comes afterGjert Moldestad, a Norwegian football fan, editor of "The 12th Man" magazine and staunch anti-discrimination activist, had publicly organised on Facebook for a large group of like-minded fans to bring their rainbow flags to the match as a show of solidarity.

The Great World Cup Goals, #18: Hans Krankl (Austria) vs West Germany, 1978 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With the game itself still referred to by Austrian football fans of a certain vintage as "The Miracle of Cordoba", it was striker Hans Krankl'sstunning volley that gave Austria their first international victory over rivals West Germany for 47 years and it just so happened to come in the second round of the 1978 World Cup in Argentina.

Fish Flop: Maldives Striker Pulls Off New, Cutting Edge Version Of ‘Stuttering’ Penalty Run-Up (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The Maldives beat Afghanistan 7-8 on penalties to win the third-place play-off game of this season's AFC Challenge Cup on Wednesday night, with Maldives strikerAshad Ali Adubarey debuting a daring new take on the 'stuttering' penalty run-up to tuck his crucial spot-kick away to level the shoot-out score at 6-6.

Spanish Minnows Eibar Buy Barcelona’s Unused Title Confetti To Celebrate Their Own Promotion To The Top Flight

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By Chris Wright

Relative minnows SD Eibar are currently in the process of saving up to fund a concerted crack at Spain's top flight next season after winning the Segunda Division by a single point.

Following two remarkable successive promotions from the lower reaches of Spanish football, Eibar are currently too small to technically be allowed to play in La Liga next season as the league requiresall Primera Division sides to have a minimum capital of€2 million.

Stirring World Cup Advert Sees Trapped Chilean Miners Send Rousing Message To Their National Team (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Put together by Banco de Chile, the official principle sponsor of the Chilean national side, this stirring new World Cup advert reunites the 33 miners who were trapped 2,000 feetbeneath the Atacama desert for 69 days back in 2010, and sees them sending a powerful 'nothing is impossible' message toLa Seleccion to take into the tournament with them.

Football Songs: ‘Red, White & Blue’ – Official Unofficial U.S World Cup Anthem, Feat. Alexi Lalas (Video)

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By Chris Wright

So bad it's almost bordering on brilliant, here's "Red, White & Blue" the country-tinged official unofficial US World Cup anthemby The Soccer Gods, featuring the one and only Alexi Lalas in a cameo role...

YOO, ESS, AY! YOO, ESS, AY!

(Many thanks to Pies fan Michael for leaving this little treat in the comments)

School Teacher Works Out The Maths Behind (And Total Cost Of) Completing His Panini 2014 World Cup Sticker Book

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By Chris Wright

Got, got, got, need, got, got, etc, etc...

Matthew Scroggs, a secondary school teacher from West London who was presumably at something of a loose end, has crunched the numbers and calculated the minimum amount of stickers (as well as the total cost) that you will have buyin order to complete the Panini 2014 World Cup sticker album.

Wayne Rooney’s World Cup Spotify Playlist Is About As Dismal As You’d Imagine…

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By Chris Wright

Wayne Rooney has sharedthe Spotify playlist he has assembled for his imminent trip to Brazil, and it's just about as dismal as you'd imagine though, admittedly, it doesn't feature quite as much of the vacant R&B and hip-hop slurry that is so ubiquitously loved by footballers as we imagined it would.

Retro Football Advert: George Best Strikers – All Action Shoes For All Action Boys! (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

George Best peddled several versions of his signature (and incredibly futuristic for the late 1960′s) Stylo Matchmaker football boots during his heyday, but he also put his name to a leather casual shoe aimed squarely at schoolboys the pithily-named 'Georgie Best Strikers from Stylo Matchmakers'.

The Great World Cup Goals, #17: Gheorghe Hagi (Romania) vs Colombia, 1994 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The summer of 1994 was a good one forGheorghe Hagi, with the Romanian talismanperforming in a starring role at USA '94, playing his way into the Team of the Tournament and then securing a big move to Barcelona shortly thereafter.

Hagi scored three goals onRomania's run to the quarter-finals, with his fantastic, opportunisticlong-range lob over Colombiagoalkeeper Oscar Cordoba in front of nearly 92,000 fans at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena being the pick of the bunch.

Paul Scholes Urges England To ‘Play Like Liverpool’ At World Cup – There’s Just One Snag…

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By Chris Wright

In his new guise as Paddy Power's in-house blogger, Paul Scholes has urged England boss Roy Hodgson to mimic Liverpool's strain of attacking football at this summer's World Cup in Brazil.

Scholes reckons that England need to play with Liverpool's "swagger" and try to emulate Brendan Rodgers' side's penchant for coming flying out of the traps and blitzing their opponents early on.

Did He Mean It? Scotland’s Charlie Mulgrew Scores Nifty Back-Heeled Flick Lob vs Nigeria (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

We must admit we're not entirely sure he meant it, but we're willing to give Charlie Mulgrew the benefit of the doubt after the Celtic forward scored with a nifty little back-heeled lob against Nigeria at Craven Cottage last night.

Our initial reaction was that Mulgrew was merely trying to stunJames Morrison's wayward shot back across the front of goal where a couple of his team-mates lay in wait but perhaps we're just getting too cynical in our old age, who knows?

Versace Unveil Monstrously Hideous New ‘World Cup’ T-Shirt, Yours For Just £410 (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Described over on the Versace webstore as "a brand new Versace baroque print is created using the colours of a Brazilian carnival, decorated with repeated images footballs and flowers. Gold chains and leopard print add luxury, while silhouettes of football players connect the glamour of Versace with the sportsmanship of Brazil" this is the famously gaudy Italian fashion house's idea of World Cup merchandise.

Nigeria Goalkeeper Austin Ejide Scores Very Odd (Disallowed) Own Goal Against Scotland (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

In the days leading up to Wednesday night's friendly between Nigeria and Scotland at Craven Cottage, an investigation was launched into potential match fixing related to this game and reported to involve the Asian betting market.

The National Crime Agency, who were reported to be investigating the potential case, refused to confirm the reports and the game went ahead as normal.

Andres Iniesta Finally Sees His 2010 World Cup Final Winning Goal Immortalised In Ice Lolly Form! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Quite why it's taken them four years is beyond us, but finally the good people at Kalise have decided to immortalise Andres Iniesta's 116th-minute winning goal for Spain in the 2010 World Cup Final against Holland in the most fitting way imaginable an ice lolly.

Man City Fan And Performance Poet Pens Fine Ode To Citizens – “Proud To Be Blue”

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By Alan Duffy

Away from all the transfer speculation of pre-World Cup padding, here's a rather decent poem by Man City fan and performance poet JB Barrington. It's good stuff and should appeal to the blue half of Manchester, if not the Red!!

I suggest you take a look at his other stuff here too.

Football Vine: Nigeria Goalkeeper Azubuike Egwuekwe Scores Very Odd OG Against Scotland

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By Alan Duffy

In the days leading up to Wednesday night's friendly between Nigeria and Scotland at Craven Cottage, an investigation was launched into potential match fixing related to this game and reported to involve the Asian betting market.

The National Crime Agency, who were reported to be investigating the potetnial case, refused to confirm the reports and the game went ahead as normal.

New Tottenham Home And Away Shirts Leaked After Images Found On Official Online Store (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Emanating from a mysterious Youtuberknown only asSpurs Leak, it would appear that Tottenham have already addedimages of the club's supposedly as-yet-unveiled new home and away shirts for next season into the back end of the Spurs official online store images which have been sniffed out, filmed for posterity and then posted in the public domain.

15 Photos Of The Angry Anti-FIFA, Anti-World Cup Protest Graffiti Being Daubed All Over Brazil

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By Chris Wright

As with the lasthost nation into which the parasitic, tax-exempt FIFA bandwagon rolled, an awful lot of Brazilians are irate with their government for pumping millions of dollars intothe funding of a show-piece, eight-week World Cup instead oflittle social luxuries such asschools,hospitals, general demilitarisation, the eradicationof violence, drugsandweapons from their streets, etc, etc.

The Great World Cup Goals, #16: Esteban Cambiasso (Argentina) vs Serbia & Montenegro, 2006 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Argentina well and truly thumpedSerbia & Montenegro in their second Group C fixture at the 2006 World Cup, winning 6-0 in Gelsenkirchen and comfortably securing themselves a berth in the last 16 as a result.

On an afternoonwhich saw Maxi Rodriguez, Carlos Tevez, Hernan Crespo and Lionel Messi all finding themselves on the score sheet, it's perhaps surprising that Esteban Cambiasso snaffledthe 'goal of the game' honours, but it was Inter'scombative midfield scrapper that popped up in the right place and the right time to put the finishing touch to a vast, sweeping 24-pass Argentinian manoeuvre after beingplayed in by a perfect, crafty little back-heel from Crespo.

Roma’s Swanky New 2014/15 Nike Home Kit Is Thoroughly Deserving Of A Good Ogle (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Apologies for laying it on a bit thick with the new kits today but we really couldn't pass up the opportunity to show you Roma's ridiculouslyhandsomenew offering for next season...

Absolutely ruddy bloody gorgeous!

We'd suggest that Gervinho has never looked better, but sadly that would be nowt but a bold-faced lie.

Mario Balotelli Interviews Mario Balotelli About His World Cup Memories And The Like… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As part of the promo push for Puma's new odd-coloured pink and blue evoPower Tricks boots, they've had several of their shiniest poster boys interview themselves with Mario Balotelli grilling Mario Balotelli about his World Cup memories, the power of self-belief, his opinion ofthe current Italy squad and just who is the coolest guy in the Azzurrifoldright now (spoiler: it's this guy) among other things.

FIFA Force Spain To Prepare ‘Emergency’ White Kit For World Cup Due To Baffling Holland Kit Clash Fear (With Leaked Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Spot the difference

Spain and Adidas have been rushed in producing an "emergency" third kit for the World Cup after FIFA raised concerns that fans wouldn't be able to distinguish between theirs and Holland's strips during the opening Group B fixture between the two sides.

Transfer Toss: Man Utd Heavily Linked With £24m Move For Atletico Madrid Collosus (With Girly Name) Miranda

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By Chris Wright

According to reports emanating from Spain this morning, specifically in AS, Manchester United are on the very brink of completing a£24million deal for Atletico Madrid centre-back Miranda.

Miranda has enjoyed a fantastic season at the back for Atletico, putting in a series of rock solid shiftsas his sidewent from also-rans to league champions in the space of ten months under Diego Simeone's fiery tutelage.

Snapshot: QPR Celebrate Return To Premier League By Rolling Out Three New Nike Kits For 2014/15…

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By Chris Wright

To celebrate their return to the big time, QPR and Nike have rolled out a trio of new kits for 2014/15 expertly modelled by Messrs Barton, Onuoha and Austin here...

Nice.

Arsenal’s Olivier Giroud Bags Brace As France Warm Up for World Cup By Beating Norway 4-0 (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Two goals from Arsenal's Olivier Giroud, including a superb volleyed effort, helped secure a 4-0 win for France against Norway as Les Bleus prepare for the World Cup. QPR striker Loic Remy also found the back of the net while Juventus powerhouse Paul Pogba opened the scoring,

Video: 101gg

Man Utd Fan Makes Smiths Parody – “Heaven Sent Us Louis Van Gaal”

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By Alan Duffy

To be fair, it starts well but then goes nowhere, something Man Utd fans will be hoping won't happen to Louis Van Gaal's career at Old Trafford, but at least United fan @yeahbigjimmy does a decent Moz impersonation. Worth a watch!

Video:@yeahbigjimmy

Official: Tottenham Appoint Mauro Pochettino As New Manager On Five-Year Deal

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By Chris Wright

The deed is officially done...

The Club is delighted to announce the appointment of Mauricio Pochettino as our new Head Coach on a five-year contract.

— Tottenham Hotspur (@SpursOfficial) May 27, 2014

Presumably his translator is bundled in there as well.

The ‘Kevin Keegan Will Flog Any Old Tat’ Files: Goal! Football Ice Lolly With ‘Free Toy’, 1978 (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

In a new series we are planning to run semi-regularly on Pies, we take a look at the great groaning pantheon of footballing and non-footballing tat that Kevin Keegan has signed up to shill over the years starting with the 'Goal!' ice lolly from Lyons Maid, circa 1978.

This Is The Super Secret Stealth Plane Brazil Will Use To Get Around At The World Cup… (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

This is Brazil's private team jet, aboardwhich they'll be pootling around the country at the World Cup.

Being as demure and understated as it is, you'll barely see 'em coming...

(Image via @TSF)

The Great World Cup Goals, #15: Chiqui Arce (Paraguay) vs South Africa, 2002 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

One of the great unsung dead-ball specialists of the relatively recent past, two set-pieces from Francisco "Chiqui" Arcesaw Paraguay go 2-0 up over South Africa in the opening Group B fixture at the 2002 World Cup: the first being a pinpoint far-post cross for Roque Santa Cruz to headover the line and the second being thiswonderful direct free-kick which crashed in off the barfrom an improbable angle.

Adidas Stage Brutal Public Destruction Of France’s Infamous 2010 World Cup Team Bus (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Point final sur l'un des épisodes les plus noirs de l'histoire du football ! #allin or nothing pic.twitter.com/GIxM8DX5V1

— adidas France (@adidasFR) May 26, 2014

"The end point of one of the darkest episodes in football history!

Notorious Criminal (And Tottenham Fan) Charles Bronson Coats Himself In Butter And Attacks Prison Wardens After Arsenal’s FA Cup Victory

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By Chris Wright

The man most widely acknowledged as Britain's most dangerous inmate, Charles Bronson, lived up to his billing earlier this month after taking news of Arsenal's FA Cup victory really rather badly.

Upon hearing of the result of the final at Wembley, Bronson (who is a Tottenham fan, it should be noted) admitted that he "lost it" before smearing himself in butter and attacking 12 prison wardens in the yard atFull Sutton jail in York- regaling the incident in a letter sent to his friend Kate Kray, ex-wife of Ronnie.

Deaf Football Team Concede 164 Goals And Finish On -6 Points Because They Couldn’t Hear Referee’s Whistle

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By Chris Wright

Birmingham Deaf FC endured a truly torrid season over in theBirmingham AFA Saturday League, breaking record afterrecord whilelosingall but one of theirfixtures on the way to finishing bottom of their division on -6 points.

BDFC lost 25 of their 26 games andfinished bottom of the fifth division, concedingan impressive 164 goals in the process though they do have a rather good excuse.

Veteran Serbian Striker Nenad Mirosavljevic Posts Incredibly Strong ‘Worst Penalty Ever’ Contender (Video)

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By Chris Wright

That awkward moment when you're lining up to take a penalty and, just at the most inopportune moment imaginable, your legs suddenly turn into two inanimate tubes of pâté...

Just for the record, the game:Cukaricki vsRadnicki in the Serbian top flight: finished goalless.

Fan Footage Captures Bernabeu’s Explosive Reaction To Sergio Ramos’ Champions League Final Equaliser (Video)

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By Chris Wright

While Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid were busy duking out the Champions League Final over in Lisbon, a giant cube-screen was set up inside the Bernabeu for fans to watch the game.

Thankfully, some diligent chap with a camera phone was on hand to capture the moment that Sergio Ramos popped up in the 90th minute to snatch parity from the jaws of defeat and send the game into extra-time.

Shit Lookalikes: Gareth Bale & Pink Floyd’s The Wall

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By Chris Wright

We knew we'd seen that contorted gob somewhere before then it twigged...

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to us at waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet it over to us @waatpies and we'll glady give it a butcher's.

Carlo Ancelotti Sings Real Madrid’s New ‘La Decima’ Song To 50,000 Fans At Packed Bernabeu (Video)

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By Chris Wright

No stranger to serenading stadiums full of people after celebratingseveral of AC Milan's various title victories with a sing-song in the past, Carlo Ancelotti took to the stage to perform a solo rendition of Real Madrid's new 'La Decima' anthem during the Champions League celebrations at a packed Bernabeu last night.

Luka Modric Celebrates Real Madrid’s Champions League Victory By Having His Long Hair Cut Off (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Having promised Alvaro Arbeloa that he'd cut off his hair if Real Madrid won La Decima on Saturday, Luka Modric proved to be a man of his word and duly kept up his end of the bargain the following day.

Modric posted the following photos of the resulting trim on his Facebook page yesterday, along with the caption "No more Guetta jokes".

Football GIF: Joey Barton Almost Drops QPR Owner Tony Fernandes On His Head During Play-Off Final Celebrations

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By Chris Wright

Steady as you go there, Joey lad!That be precious cargo ye carrying...

League One Play-Off Final Snapshot: Rotherham Players Mob Shoot-Out Saviour Adam Collin As Millers Down Orient

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By Alan Duffy

Rotherham came back from two goals down to book their place in the Championship courtesy of a dramatic penalty shoot-out. 2-0 down at the break after goals fromMoses Odubajo andDean Cox had put the O's in the driving seat, the Millers fought back courtesy of brace from Alex Revell.

Football Vine: Rotherham Boss Steve Evans Celebrates Play-Off Final Equaliser With Heavy-Duty Touchline Sprint

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By Alan Duffy

Rotherham boss Steve Evans may not have the svelte figure he once possessed whilst plying his trade as a striker in Scotland, but the 51-year-old 'curvy' coach still managed to sprint/waddle his way down the Wembley touchline on Sunday.

Evans was celebrating his side's equaliser (to make it 2-2) in the League One Play-Off finalagainst Leyton Orient,with the game eventually going to penalties where the Millers secured a dramatic victory.

Champions League Final GIF: Isco’s Magnificent Twirling First Touch Definitely Deserves Another Look…

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By Chris Wright

We're not ashamed to admit that this little touch from Isco during the latter stages of last night's Champions League Final coaxed a girlish whimper out of Pies while surrounded by a phalanx of burly, mildly racist blokes in the pub last night...

Diego Godin's last-ditch tackle wasn't half bad either.

Clueless ESPN Anchor Lisa Kerney Does Terrible Job Of Explaining Real And Atletico Madrid’s Respective Trophy Hauls (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Everybody clear?

(Via 101GG)

Champions League Final: Real Madrid 4-1 Atletico Madrid (a.e.t) – Real Win ‘La Decima’ After Epic Two-Hour Slog (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid got their mucky paws on their precious 'La Decima' (tenth European Cup title) last night, taking the best part of two gruelling hours to finally break through Atletico Madrid's Helms Deep-style defensive barricade andeventually beat their beloved neighbours by a comfortable, if slightly misleading 4-1 scoreline.

Championship Play-Off Final Snapshot: Bobby Zamora Sends QPR Up With Their Only Shot On Target (With Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having gone down to ten men and scraped through the last half-an-hour, QPR scored in the 90th minute of the Championship play-off final to secure promotion back to the Premier League.

Bobby Zamora scored the only goal of the game with QPR's only shot on target, clipping home with his left foot from 12yards after a naff touch from Derby captain Richard Keogh (who was absolutely inconsolable after the final whistle) serendipitously let the big striker in.

Football Art: Brazilian Graphic Designer Cristiano Siqueira Produces Brilliant World Cup Posters For ESPN (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

As commissioned by the good folks over at ESPN, these here be a small swatch of the 32 brilliant 'nickname' posters created byBrazilian artist and graphic designer Cristiano Siqueira to represent each and every nation taking part at the 2014 World Cup.

David Luiz Says Goodbye To Chelsea ‘Geezers’ On Instagram As Massive £50m PSG Transfer Looms

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By Chris Wright

It's still sinking in with us, but Chelsea have confirmed today that they have agreed terms with PSG for the eye-watering £50million sale of David Luiz,subject to the Brazilian defender agreeing terms andpassing his medical at the Ligue 1 champions.

With his departure imminent, Luiz took to Instagram to write an emotional farewell tothe friends he's leaving behind after a thoroughly successful three-and-a-half years at Stamford Bridge: his team-mates, staff and even his "geezers" in the terraces.

Champions League Final 2014: Real Madrid vs Atletico Madrid – What Are Your Predictions?

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By Chris Wright

Tonight's the night. The roles have been metered out. Two rival sides; polar opposites in terms of identity; Real: the immaculate, arrogant landed gentry, steeped in pomp and circumstance; Atletico: the pub car-park brawlers with gravel in their guts and spit in their eyes, ready to jump off bridges for their charismatic ring-leader.

Ronaldinho Puts Luxury Home Up For Rent During World Cup For Incredibly Reasonable £9,000-Per-Night

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By Chris Wright

Despite missing out on a place in Phil Scolari's squad, Ronaldinho is still hoping to make a bit of money out of the World Cup in his home country this summer bymaking his luxury home in Rio available to rent during the tournament.

Advertising the listing via his official Facebook page, Ronaldinho announced that his five-bedroom mansion inBarra da Tijuca (referred to as "#CasaR10″) will be available to rent for the princely sum ofR$34,148 per night roughly £9,120 of your English pounds throughout the World Cup.

Champions League Final Snapshot: Diego Godin Has The Best View In The House…

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By Chris Wright

The good news as far as Atletico Madrid are concerned is that the magical Serbian horse placenta worked; Diego Costa is just about fit enough to play in this evening's Champions League Final despitetearing a hamstring against Barcelona just one week ago.

The bad news?

Premier League Publish List Of Released Players – Including Frank Lampard, Gareth Barry And Arsenal Megastar Nicklas Bendtner

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By Alan Duffy

Take a look at the list of Premier League players deemed surplus to requirements by their respective clubs this summer here.

There are some mighty fine names on the list, with the Brazil-bound Frank Lampard one of the biggest following Chelsea's decision to release the veteran midfielder (though contract talks are scheduled for after the World Cup).

Premier League Publish List Of Released Players, Including Frank Lampard, Gareth Barry And Arsenal Megastar Nicklas Bendtner

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By Alan Duffy

Take a look at the list of Premier League players deemed surplus to requirements by their respective clubs this summer here. There are some mighty fine names on the list, with the Brazil-bound Frank Lampard one of the biggest following Chelsea's decision to release the veteran midfielder.

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain Pinches Daniel Sturridge’s Dance Moves, Daniel Sturridge Not Impressed (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which a giddy Alex-Oxlade Chamberlain half-inches Daniel Sturridge's goal celebration dance moves poolside with Raheem Sterling and Jordan Henderson while the man himself looks on in sheer disgust...

The Ox was absolutely bloody crying out to be pushed into that pool.

The Great World Cup Goals, #14: Dragan Stojkovic (Yugoslavia) vs Spain, 1990 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As we've eulogised before here on Pies, Dragan Stojkovic was one of those players, like Matt Le Tissier, who would never be allowed to make it through the ranksnowadays.

Phenomenally gifted but arrogant, resolutely unathletic and unable/unwilling to fit into a "system", Stojkovic was instead solely interested in playing beautiful footballwitha consummate touch, a playful technique and desire to entertain only himself.

Young Brazilian Lad Finds Dead Insect Inside His Packet Of Panini World Cup Stickers (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Spare a thought for four-year-oldGuilhermeAmarelo, who, upon opening a packet of Panini World Cup stickers recently didn't experience the usual glee of finding CheickTiote or Jozy Altidorepeaking out, but rather something altogether more traumatic for a child of his tentative years.

Chelsea Agree Pre-World Cup Deal To Flog David Luiz To PSG For Astronomical £50m Fee

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By Chris Wright

We're not overly sure what to make of this, but The Telegraph are reporting this morning that Chelsea have agreed a deal to sell David Luiz to PSG for a truly astronomical fee of somewhere around the £40million-mark.

Elsewhere, several other papers are also running with the story and are quoting a price-tag closer to £50million.

Borussia Dortmund Tackle Racism In Football With Bold ‘Neo-Nazi’ Slapstick Comedy Sketch (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Under the tag-line'Football and Nazisjust do not fit together', Borussia Dortmund have released a bold anti-racism video that sees a team of hapless Neo-Nazi thugs struggling to get to grips with the beautiful gameand getting their slapstick comeuppance as a result.

La La La: Shakira Unleashes Monosyllabic 2014 World Cup Anthem – Enlists Messi, Neymar, Aguero, Falcao And Pique To Star In Official Video

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By Chris Wright

Shakira has finally got round to releasing her anthem for the 2014 World Cup, a monosyllabic slab offaux-Samba 'world party' gunk called "La La La" though she has gone to the trouble of traipsing through her husband's phonebook to enlist the likes Lionel Messi, Neymar, Sergio Aguero, Radamel Falcao and Mr Shakira himself to appear in the video.

FA Release England Squad Numbers For World Cup – Lampard Bags No. 8!

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By Alan Duffy

The FA today released the squad numbers for England ahead of the World Cup, which we wish would bloody hurry up and start! The numbers given out by Roy Hodgson to the various members of the 23 have thrown up a few rather interesting questions re: the England coaches' thinking over his first choice 11.

Neil Lennon Parts Company With Celtic, Linked With Premier League Move

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By Alan Duffy

Celtic's Irish manager Neil Lennon has announced that he has left Scottish giants Celtic after four very successful years. Since taking over in 2014, 42-year-old Lennon led the club to three league titles and two Scottish Cups as well as some memorable performances in Europe.

Bacary Sagna On Very Cusp Of Joining Man City From Arsenal On Three-Year Deal After Completing Medical

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By Chris Wright

Having completed a medical this very afternoon according to the Mail, Bacary Sagna is on the very cusp ofjoining the likes of Emmanuel Adebayor, Kolo Toure, Samir Nasri and Gael Clichy (and NiallQuinn and David Seaman for that matter) by leaving Arsenal to join Manchester City after agreeingwhat is being described as a "mega" three-year deal with the Premier League champions.

Man Utd Reject Bebe Can’t Stop Scoring Spectacular (And Crucial) Goals For Loan Club Pacos De Ferreira (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

He'll more than likely forever be a punchline in the eyes of English fans, but Manchester United exile Bebe hasscored an impressive (not to mention crucial) 12 goals in 27 appearances for Pacos de Ferreira in the Portuguese Primeira Liga this season, almost single-handedly saving the club from relegation and also finding himself tipped fora surprise inclusion in the Portuguese World Cup squad in some quarters before the final cut was announced.

United Passions: The FIFA Movie Starring Tim Roth, Gerard Derpardieu & Sam Neill Looks Totally And Utterly Terrible (Official Trailer)

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By Chris Wright

Coming to an industrial landfill site near you, we give you 'United Passions' a new film about the formation of FIFA which looks about as exciting as you'd imagine a film about the formation of FIFA would.

Debuting at Cannes, Tim Roth plays theyoung Sepp Blatter, while Sam Neill plays Sam NeillJoao Havelange (Blatter's predecessor as FIFA president) and Gerard Depardieu plays Jules Rimet despite looking absolutely nothing like the manin any way, shape or form.

The Black-And-White Years: David Rocastle Dances On Islington Town Hall Balcony After Arsenal’s League Title Victory, 1989 (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Dated 28th May, 1989: Here we see the late, great David Rocastle dancing (rather precariously) on the balcony of Islington Town Hall, League Championship trophy in hand, as thousands of Arsenal fans pack the streets below during the Gunners'homecoming parade that followed their title-clinching 2-0 victory over Liverpool two days previous.

Brazilian Beach Football God Bruno Xavier Scores Absurd Goal By Juggling It In From The Half-Way Line (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Brazilian beach football legendBruno Xavier scores an absolutely outrageous goal againstGermany at the 2014 Riviera Maya Cup juggling his way in from the halfway line, breezingpast two defenders and the goalkeeper, keeping the ball in the air all the while before nudging it nonchalantly over the goal-line.

Luis Suarez Suffers Knee Injury In Uruguay Training, Scheduled For Emergency Surgery, World Cup In Doubt

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By Chris Wright

Judging bymedia reports emanating from Uruguayan sources this morning, it would appear that Luis Suarez will beundergoing emergency surgery today after injuring his knee while training with his national side thus putting his World Cup in jeopardy.

According to broadcasters Tenfield, Suarez is due tohave keyhole surgery later this morningto repair damage to his meniscus suffered during a training session.

Ryan Giggs Vetoed Thiago Alcantara Move To Man Utd Last Summer, According To BBC

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By Alan Duffy

In a rather fascinating disclosure on Radio 5 Live today, journalist Ian McGarry has claimed that Manchester United legend Ryan Giggs, in his role as assistant manager to David Moyes, vetoed the signing of Spanish midfielder Thiago Alcantara last summer.

According to McGarry, who was interviewed by Mark Chapman, the then United boss Moyes asked for all his head coaches to give their opinion on Thiago Alcantara, with the deal all but done.

Introducing Jarbas Meneghini, The Brazilian Mechanic Who Makes And Sells Replica World Cup Trophies In His Back Room At Home… (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

This here is Jarbas Meneghini, a 46-year-old mechanic from Rio de Janeiro who, for the past 18 years has been using his home as a makeshift workshop to produce hundreds of hand-built replicas of the World Cup trophy (or the Jules Rimet trophy if you submit a special order)to sell tolocal football fans.

The Great World Cup Goals, #13: Dennis Bergkamp (Holland) vs Argentina, 1998 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Perhaps lucky to be playing in the first place after petulantlystamping on Yugoslavia's Sinisa Mihajlovicin the previous round, Dennis Bergkamp reached his immaculate zenith against Argentina in the quarter-finals at France '98 with agoal that still makes Pies' special parts tingle at the mere mention of it.

Can You Find All 37 Football Clubs Hidden Inside The Carlsberg Fan Squad’s ‘Eternal Optimist’ Pub? (Game)

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By Chris Wright

To counteract anachingly slow day in the football world, we thought we'd treat you to a little game with which to while away a few minutes of your time.

With subtle shades of the club nickname-spotting game BT Sport launched last year, all you have to do is successfully identify the 37 different football league teams from the visual clues hidden around 'The Eternal Optimist', i.

Dutch Newspaper Provides British Journalists With 10 Golden Rules To Follow When Interviewing Louis Van Gaal

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By Chris Wright

"Only 10? Are they mad?"

Dutch newspaper NRC have called on their manyyears' experience of treading on eggshells around the notoriously volatile Louis van Gaal in press conferences to provide their British colleagues with ten golden rules to follow when interviewing the new Manchester United manager to avoid having their danglies torn off.

Barcelona Move Into New Era With Snappy New 2014/15 Home Kit (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

With a new manager and a new goalkeeper already on board (and Jose Pinto finally out of the door!), Barcelona are in the process of taking steps to make sure 2014/15 doesn't end up as barren as 2013/14 and the Catalanshave unveiled the brand new home kit in which they will begin this brave new chapter in the club's history.

Snapshot: Nine-Year-Old Aberdeen Fan Sends Club His List Of Transfer Priorities…

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By Chris Wright

Here's a hand-written list sent into Aberdeen FC by nine-year-old fan Boyd, outlining his suggestedtransfer priorities for theclub this summer.

It's the if-all-else-fails nature of "Option 12″ that tickled us. Proof that our Boyd has his head screwed on.

Sam Allardyce To Stay On As West Ham Manager, Board Promise ‘More Entertainment’ Next Season

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By Chris Wright

Beholdthe face of entertainment!

West Hamhave released a statement to officially confirm that Sam Allardyce will remain in situ as Hammers' manager despite large pockets of their supporters clamouring for him to be catapulted into the sea.

Roma’s Miralem Pjanic Buys Pharmacy’s Entire Stock Of Medicine To Send To Victims Of Bosnian Floods

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By Chris Wright

In a bid toaid people hit by devastating floods in his homeland of Bosnia & Herzegovina, Roma midfielder Miralem Pjanic visited a pharmacy in Sarajevo and purchased the entire stock before divvying it out and sending it to those who need it most.

According to Radio Sarajevo, Pjanic was able to make the gesture in conjunction with the Sports Journalists Association, who have been organising a humanitarian effort to help people who have been hit by the freak floods throughout the country.

The Great World Cup Goals, #12: Maicon (Brazil) vs North Korea, 2010 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With tempartures dipping below zero at Ellis Park in Johannesburg, it took Dunga's frost-bitten Brazil side (rated number one in the FIFA rankings at the time) almost an hour to score against North Korea (rated 105th) in their opening group tie at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa but my-oh-my was the goal worth the wait when it eventually did arrive.

Ryan Giggs’ 23 Years At Man Utd Beautifully Captured In Animated GIF Form

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By Chris Wright

"I remember the first time I saw him. He was 13 and he floated across the ground like a cocker spaniel chasing a piece of silver paper in the wind." Sir Alex Ferguson

(GIF: @BanditNanna)

Squiffy Andrea Pirlo Spills His Beer On Crowd During Juventus’ Serie A Title Bus Parade (Video)

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By Chris Wright

One too many vinos, Andrea?

Drunk level: Flintoff.

Turns Out Man City Didn’t Forget Yaya Toure’s Birthday At All! (With Video Evidence)

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By Chris Wright

It would appear that, despite his agent's sustained whimpering, Manchester City did wish Yaya Toure a Happy Birthday on their trip toAbu Dhabi, with the entire squad singing to him and then presenting him with a City cake on the flight out.

Gabriel Batistuta Rolls Back The Years To Score 25-Yard Missile During Italian Charity Game (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Now aged 45 and still miles better than you, Gabriel Batistutaturned out in 'La Partita del Cuore' (The Match of the Heart) last night an Italian charity game in Florence between a team of singersand a team of Serie A stars past and present, including the likes of Rino Gattuso, Roberto Baggio, Javier Zanetti, Toto Di Natale and Luca Toni and set the ball rolling with an outstanding opener after just four minutes.

Yaya Toure Wants To Leave Man City Because No-One Wished Him Happy Birthday

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By Chris Wright

"Happy Birthday...*sniff*...to me, Happy Birthday...*sniff*...to me..."

Yaya Toure is apparently on the verge of leaving Manchester City after the club, a) took several weeks to reward him with a massive new contract earlier in the season and, b) forgot to adequately wish him a happy birthday a week ago.

Robin Van Persie Nets Superb Volley For Netherlands Against Ecuador (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

A goal which is sure to have impressed his new Man Utd boss (and current Dutch one) Louis van Gaal, Robin Van Persie's magnificent chest-trap and volley combo was a thing of beauty. The goal came in the Netherlands's 1-1 draw with Ecuador in Amsterdam at the weekend and highlighted just how clinical and classy RVP can be for both club and country.

Retro Snapshot: 19-Year-Old Ryan Giggs Poses With ‘Young Player Of The Year’ Award, 1993…

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By Chris Wright

Just trawling back through Ryan Giggs' archives afterthis afternoon's big announcement, we stumbled across this photo of Giggsy, aged 19, picking up the 'Barclay's Young Eagle of the Year' award alongside Sir Alex with his 'Manager of the Year' trophy following the culmination ofUnited's title-winning 1992/93 season.

Bolivian President Evo Morales, 54, Signs Professional Deal With First Division Club

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By Chris Wright

Sport Boys, a Bolivian Primera Division club based in Santa Cruz, have pulled off what must bethe most high-profile signing in the country's football history after securing a deal for Evo Morales, the actualincumbentPresident of Bolivia.

The first division club have confirmed that Morales, 54, has signed a professional player's deal, agreeing to play for approximately 20 minutes per appearance and receive the country's minimum professional salary in return around £127 a year.

Man Utd Legend Ryan Giggs Announces Retirement From Football After Accepting Role As Louis Van Gaal’s Assistant

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By Chris Wright

On the back of Louis van Gaal being appointed as Manchester United's new manager, Ryan Giggs has taken the opportunity to formally announce his retirement from the game at the age of 40 before taking his place in the dugout as the Dutchman's assistant next season.

Official: Louis Van Gaal Appointed As Man Utd Manager With Ryan Giggs As His Assistant

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By Chris Wright

Try to act surprised. Louis van Gaal has officially been sworn in as the new Manchester United manager and will assume his duties for the first time after the World Cup.

Van Gaal has agreed a three-year deal at Old Trafford and will bring inFrans Hoek and Marcel Bout as his assistant coaches, with Ryan Giggs serving as his assistant manager.

Football Art: Micro-Artist Carves Faces Of Various England Players Past And Present Into Brazil Nuts (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Created by renowned micro-artist Quentin Devine to help launch a new pre-World Cup series on Dave, 'England's Top 19 Footy Heroes' here's the faces of England stars Paul Gascoigne, David Beckham, Gary Lineker, Alan Shearer and Wayne Rooney carved into Brazil (geddit?

The Great World Cup Goals, #11: Josimar (Brazil) vs Northern Ireland, 1986 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As was to be expected, Northern Ireland went out at the group stage of the 1986 World Cup without winning a game-Brazil putting the final nail in the Irish coffin with a comfortable 3-0 victory over Pat Jennings and co. in their third and final fixture in Mexico.

Jack Wilshere Leads Arsenal Fans In Rendition Of ‘Tottenham Are Shit!’ During FA Cup Winners Bus Parade (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As the Arsenal FA Cup winners parade bus made its merry way around Islington yesterday, Jack Wilshere provided the highlight by forcing Sky Sports News into apologising for broadcasting bad language in the middle of the afternoon bytaking to the microphone and gleefully leading fans in a chorus of "what do we think of Tottenham?

Rennes Striker Paul-George Ntep Scores Classic ‘Schoolboy Insult’ Header Against Reims (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We're all familiar with the time-old playground taunt of breaking clear through on an open goal, dropping down on all fours and nudging the ball across the goal-line with your forehead, no?

Well, thanks to Rennes striker Paul-George Ntep, that very taunt beloved of cocky schoolboys across the globe was actually used to really rub it in during a full, professional, Ligue 1 game between two teams of supposedly fully-grown adults at the weekend.

Nike Commemorate 20 Years As Arsenal Kit Provider With Limited Edition ‘Patchwork’ Mish-Mash Shirt (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

With a new contract with Puma due to kick in over the summer, Nike are signing off as Arsenal's official kit provider after a 20-year relationship with the club.

To commemorate Arsenalwinning the FA Cup in the final year of that two-decade love affair, Nike have produced a rather nifty limited-edition "patchwork" jersey featuring swathes of every shirt they've designed for the Gunners over the years.

Let’s Hear If For…Antonio Di Natale!

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By Chris Wright

Let's hear it for Antonio Di Natale, Udinese's veteran (and criminally underrated) talisman who ended his professional career at the age of 36 yesterday with a hat-trick in his final game for theZebrette in a 3-3 home draw against Sampdoria.

Di Natale, who originally announced he would be retiring at the end of the season at the turn of the year, scored his 15th, 16th and 17th league goals of the campaign (including an 88th-minute equaliser) against Samp to shore up a 13th-placed finish for Udinese in his 370-somethingth appearance for the club.

Football Vine: Pep Guardiola Gives Franck Ribery Weird Massage During German Cup Final

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By Chris Wright

Bayern Munich beat Borussia Dortmund 2-0 in extra-time to win the DfB-Pokal yesterday and snag themselves a domestic double during Pep Guardiola's first season in charge.

Speaking of Pep, this also happened...

Tom Hanks was there watching the game too, obviously.

Replays Show Lionel Messi Has Potential Liga-Winning Goal Wrongly Disallowed vs Atletico Madrid (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Barcelona waved 'ta ta' to both the La Liga title and to coach Tata Martino yesterday after a 1-1 draw at the Camp Nou saw the 447 travelling Atletico fans witness their side win their first league championship since 1996.

Alexis Sanchez put Barca ahead with a cracking drivefrom an acute angle, with Diego Godin squaring things up shortly after half-time with a headed equaliser with things remaining thus until the final whistle, ensuring Atleti won the league by a two-point margin.

FA Cup Final: Arsenal 3-2 Hull City (a.e.t) – One Flick Of Ramsey’s Right Foot Banishes Wenger’s Nine-Year Hoodoo (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Apologies for the tardiness here peeps, but we were far too inebriated to muster anything yesterday.

3,283 long long days they'd waited but, as you may well have heard, Arsenal banished their nine-year trophyless hoodoo by coming from two goals down to beat Hull City in the FA Cup Final at Wembley yesterday, with a downright caddishly worked extra-time goal from Aaron Ramsey ensuring the Gunners their first taste of silverware since they last won the same cup back in 2005.

Barcelona Give Atletico Madrid Paltry Away Allocation Of Just 447 Seats For La Liga Title Showdown

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By Chris Wright

All in the name of hijinkery, Barcelona have issued Atletico Madrid with a minuscule away ticket allocation for tomorrow's winner-takes-all La Liga showdown at the Camp Nou.

According to the Daily Mail, despite Barca's stadium having a maximum capacity of 90,000, the Catalan side have issued their title rivals with a paltry ticket allocationof just 447 seats in a bid to minimise any advantageAtletico may get from having araucous travelling support behind them.

Football Songs: Feast Your Ears On ‘Norwich City Calypso’ By The Chic Applin Sound, 1972 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Originally released on 7″ vinyl in 1972, what we have hear is a cracking little pop ditty about Norwich City by a band by the name of The Chic Applin Sound from back when white people called reggae "calypso".

Give it a listen, it's a bloody belter..

The Great World Cup Goals, #10: Emmanuel Sanon (Haiti) vs Italy, 1974 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

While virtually unknown the rest of the world over, Emmanuel Sanon was and is a true footballing icon in his homeland of Haiti-being, as he is, the only Haitian player to have scored at a World Cup during their one and only appearance at the tournament in 1974.

Shop Assistant Suspended For Calling John Terry A ‘Pig’ In Front Of His Wife

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By Chris Wright

A 23-year-old shop assistant has apparently been suspended by her employers after calling John Terry a "pig".

According to The Sun,Elisha Ram, who worked at Bentall's swanky department store in Kingston-upon-Thames, was working behind the clothes counter and greeted Terry when he walked in.

‘Goodbye To A Great Captain’ – Barcelona Wave Off Carles Puyol With Brilliant Farewell Compilation (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Double denim BOOM!

Given that he'll miss Barcelona's winner-takes-all title showdown with Atletico Madrid this weekend due to his pesky ongoing knee injury, Carles Puyol has already played his final game for the club after a total of 19 years at the Camp Nou.

FIFA President Sepp Blatter Admits That Giving The 2022 World Cup To Qatar Was A ‘Mistake’

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By Chris Wright

Speaking in an interview with Swiss news outlet RTS, Sepp Blatter was asked if he thought handing the 2022 World Cup duties to Qatar was an error because of the Gulfatoll's blistering 50ºc summer temperatures

Blatter replied:"Yes, of course.You know, everyone makes mistakes in life.

Brazilian 5-A-Side Team Celebrate Goal By Firing AK47s Into The Air For A Minute Or So… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Filmed somewhere in Rio back in March, this Brazilian 5-a-side team take the concept of "shooting on sight" far too literally celebrating scoring a penaltyby wildly letting rip with a small arsenalof AK47s for approximately 35 seconds...

Christ Al-bloody-mighty!

Arsenal’s FA Cup Winners 2014 Parade Bus Is Already Rigged Up And Ready To Roll (Leaked Photo)

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By Chris Wright

They've already been bunging up signsin the streets around Islington warning the public to expect delays due to the onset of victory parades in the area, but now a photo has leaked of Arsenal's gun-jumping FA Cup Winners 2014 parade bus stashed away somewhere in North London.

Retro Snapshot: Wayne Rooney Licking Enormous Novelty Lollipop Whilst Wearing Glasses and Flip-Flops, 2008…

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By Alan Duffy

This truly bizarre photo has popped up again on Twitter and it remains one of the most bizarre things you could ever see.

Apparently it's from 2008, and it features a bright pink Wayne Rooney and his wife Colleen taking a stroll while on holiday somewhere, with our Wayne getting stuck into a huge novelty lollipop while wearing an outfit from the council estate scum spring/summer collection.

Football GIF: All Hail Ivan Rakitic’s Absolutely Magnificent Raking Volleyed Through-Ball Pass To Carlos Bacca!

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By Chris Wright

It's little moments like this that make our hearts sing: Sevilla playmaker Ivan Rakitic's simply sublime volleyed through-ball to Carlos Bacca during last night's Europa League Final...

Ugh. That's baby-making music.

Sadly, Bacca was unable to provide the finish that Rakitic's pass so richly deserved.

Retro Football: Drunken Stuart McCall Falls Off Car While Celebrating Motherwell’s Champions League Qualification, 2012 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Just a wee bit worse for wear, here's Motherwell manager Stuart McCall finding himself embroiled in a slapstick car accident after securing Champions League football at the end of the 2011/12season...

Steady as you go there, Stu!

(Via @FootballRamble)

Jack Wilshere Admits He Tracked Down Paul Scholes And Asked Him To Explain Stinging ‘Lack Of Development’ Criticism

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By Chris Wright

"You've reached the Paul Scholes Helpline, how may I be of assistance?"

Jack Wilshere has admitted that he tracked down Paul Scholes to ask him to explain the stinging criticism the former Manchester United midfielder metered outwhile providing rare punditry alongside Gary Nevilleafter the Manchester Derby at Old Trafford back in late March.

Sevilla’s Ivan Rakitic And Daniel Carrico Kiss Tenderly On The Mouth After Europa League Victory (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

In the interests of leaving a tender moment alonewe're going to post this without comment:Sevilla duoIvan Rakitic and Daniel Carrico sharing a beautiful moment amid last night's Europa League celebrations.

Get a bloody room, you two!

(Via Anorak)

Europa League: Sevilla 0-0 Benfica (4-2 Pens) – Curse Continues For Eagles In Turin As Sevilla Secure Shoot-Out Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sevilla 0-0 Benfica (4-2 pens) Europa League Final 14th May 2014

Poor old Benfica's Euro-curse reared it's ugly head once again as Sevilla won the Europa League final in Turin on penalties, making it eight straight European finals that the Portuguese giants have lost.

Stats Folk Infostrada Post Feeble Tweet After Europa League Final

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By Alan Duffy

We all love a clever fact or two on Twitter but sometimes the stats boffins do produce some dreadfully mediocre stuff. Take this Tweet from Infostrada after Sevilla beat Benfica in the Europa League final on Wednesday night. It's awful in so many ways, almost enough to make it rather amusing.

Yoann Gourcuff To Miss Lyon’s Final Game Of The Season After Suffering Ankle Injury Walking His Dog

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By Chris Wright

According to several reports emanating from France, perma-crock Yoann Gourcuff hasn't been training with the rest of the Lyon squad so far this week after picking upan ankle injury.

Nothing overly noteworthy about that, you may muse- especially considering the midfielder's injury record over the past few years but just wait until you hear about how he sustained said knackd'ankle.

Liverpool And Warrior Unveil New 2014/15 Away Kit – Return To The Classic Yellow Of Yesteryear (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool are in Ireland at the moment for a friendly game against Shamrock Rovers, but they've still found time to roll out their brand new away kit for next season a slinky little yellow number (if yellow can be slinky) which harks back to the team's halycon days and is a damn sight easier on the retinas than 2013/14′s gaudy seizure-inducing change strip to boot.

‘It Was A Wonderful Experience!’ – Sylvain Distin Officially Retires From International Football After Racking Up Zero France Caps

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By Chris Wright

At the grand old age of 36, veteran Everton centre-back Sylvain Distin has officially called time on his international football after missing out on France's World Cup squad.

With his langue firmly entrenched in his joue, Distin brokethe news on Twitter earlier announcing that, after amassing a grand total of 0 France caps over the years, he now wishes to concentrate solely on his Everton duties.

Horror Hair: Tim Lovejoy Used To Have Dreadlocks! (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

That's right: drink it in...

What a pillock.

(Photo via Rose Like A Salmon)

The Great World Cup Goals, #9: Manuel Negrete (Mexico) vs Bulgaria, 1986 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Hosts Mexico made it through to the quarter-finals of the 1986 World Cup before going out on penalties to eventual finalists West Germany, though it was the the round previous against Bulgaria that El Tri reached their zenith.

Mexico beat their wilting Eastern European opponents 2-0 in the sweltering heat at the Estadio Azteca in the round of 16, with UNAM Pumas strikerManuel Negrete's 34th-minute unorthodox scissor-kick opener being a work of truly instinctive, mercurial genius.

Bundesliga Youtube Channel Release Their Top 10 Bloopers Of 2013/14 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

More top stuff from the Bundesliga's official Youtube channel, who continue to provide sterling content for their fans for free (*cough Premier League cough*)...

Tottenham Release Cracking Official Footage Of Lewis Holtby Scything Down Howard Webb (Video)

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By Chris Wright

A slight step up in quality from the dozens of grainy Vines that did the rounds yesterday, here's Tottenham's Lewis Holtby giving meddling referee Howard Webb both barrels during Ledley King's testimonial at White Hart Lane on Monday evening.

Jeff Stelling Heads Carlsberg’s Fan Squad On Quest To Provide Ultimate Pub Experience For England Fans (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With the World Cup just 29 days away, Carlsberg and their crack Fan Squad (Jeff Stelling, Ian Wright and...err...Paddy McGuinness) have set about attempting to provide the perfect pub environment for fans to watch the festival of footballbycombating the usual pub-based perils of crowded bars, getting stuck behind the inordinately tall fellow, missing goals while in the toilet,having to swarm around tiny televisions, etc, etc.

Neil Lennon Gives SPL Medal To Young Celtic Fan With Downs Syndrome, Georgios Samaras Makes The Moment Even More Special… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Just as he did last year, Celtic manager Neil Lennon handed his SPL winner's medal over to a young fan in the crowd following the trophy presentation at Celtic Park.

The young lad, who apparently goes by the name of Jay and is a bit of a face around the place, then had his afternoon's awesomeness multiplied several times when Georgios Samaras wandered over (having played his final game for club), plucked him from the crowd and carried him around the pitch as 50,000-odd fellow Celtic fans cheered merrily.

“F**k France And F**k Deschamps!’ – Samir Nasri Left Out Of France World Cup Squad, Girlfriend Doesn’t Take News Well!

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By Chris Wright

Out in the wide, bleu yonder

Samir Nasri has perhaps surprisingly been left out of Didier Deschamps' 30-man provisional World Cup entirely after having pretty much found his place in the France squad pinchedby Antoine Griezmann.

Despite decent enough club form, Deschamps has been underwhelmed with the Man City midfielder's international form with a pale performance against Ukraine in the first leg of Les Bleu's World Cup play-off game seeming to have sealed his fate.

Genoa Congratulate Alberto Gilardino On Making Italy’s World Cup Squad Despite Him Not Making Italy’s World Cup Squad

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By Chris Wright

Italy boss Cesare Prandelli got round to announcing his 30-man provisional World Cup squad yesterday, with whispers that veteran striker Alberto Gilardino was an outside bet for inclusion after an impressive season with Genoa in Serie A.

In fact, his club were so certainthat Gilardino would be on the plane to Brazil that they went ahead and congratulated the 31-year-old frontman (along with team-mate Mattia Perin) for squeaking his way onto Prandelli's long-list.

Luis Suarez’s 31 Premier League 13/14 Goals For Liverpool In All Their Splendid Glory (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

He may have lost out on the Premier League title itself this season but Liverpool's Luis Suarez was an undoubted star of the season for the Reds, breaking all kinds of records on his way to netting 31 league goals. If only the Uruguayan had managed to find his shooting boots against the Premier League's big boys then he could've picked up a winner's medal too to add to his various individual awards.

The Great World Cup Goals, #8: Javier Zanetti (Argentina) vs England, 1998 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

While we accept thatMichael Owen should really take the honours in the 'goal of the night' stakes as far as the last-16 ding-dong between Argentina and England at France '98 is concerned, Pies have always reserved a special place in our jaded heart for the goal that cancelled it outseconds before half-time.

Ariel Forced To Remove World Cup Washing Powder From Shelves Due To ‘Nazi’ Connotations (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Multi-national detergent pedlars Proctor & Gamble have been forced to remove their Ariel washing powder from supermarket shelves in Germany after it was noted that the special World Cup packaging had certain 'Nazi' connotations.

The box, designed to resemble a German national shirt, featured the number '88′ in reference to the amount of washes (83, plus another five free) customers are able to get out of the amount of powder in the special packet.

Spot The Error: Chelsea Take To Facebook To Thank Their ‘Superb’ Away Fans…

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea posted the following photo to their Facebook page yesterday in orderthank theclub'stravellingfans for their "superb away support as always"throughouttheir final game of the season against Cardiff City on Sunday.

There was, however, one small logistical error.

Presenting: The Official World Cup Team Slogans Of All 32 Countries Competing At Brazil 2014

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By Chris Wright

FIFA recentlyrevealed the 32 winners of the competition they had been running over the past few weeks, which has seen fans from across the world voting to decide the official team slogans for each and every country participating at this summer's World Cup.

Wolfsburg’s Ivan Perisic Somehow Hits Both Posts And The Crossbar With One Shot (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Wolfsburg midfielderIvan Perisic somehow manages to complete the woodwork grand slam, with his shot smacking against the frame of the goal not once, not twice, but thriceagainstBorussia Monchengladbach during his side'sfinal game of the season.

Lewis Holtby Hacks Down Referee Howard Webb During Ledley King Testimonial, Webb Reacts By Shoving Him Over (Video)

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By Chris Wright

'Twas Ledley King's Tottenham testimonial last night, with his Guest XI (including the likes of Dimitar Berbatov, Teddy Sheringham, Edgar Davids and David Ginola) whupping a Spurs XI 6-3 at White Hart Lane the man himself getting the ball rolling with an early penalty.

Football Vine: Wigan’s Scott Carson (Accidentally) Kicks Bobby Zamora Hard After QPR Score

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By Alan Duffy

Poor old Bobby Zamora got a right hefty boot in the knee from Scott Carson on Monday after QPR had scored in their second-leg Championship play-off with Wigan. A total accident but rather amusing all the same. Oh and Zamora was able to continue you'll be glad to know.

Eintracht Braunschweig Relegated From Bundesliga, Appreciative Fans Still Celebrate Like Title Winners! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

A 3-1 defeat away against Hoffenheim on the final day of the season saw perennial underdogs Eintracht Braunschweig relegated back down to the 2. Bundesliga after just one season in the German top flight.

However, due to their side's plucky performances over the course of the year, the Braunschweig fans stayed behind after the final whistle to celebrateand applaud their playerslike they'd won the league instead!

Fitba Thatba’s 2013/14 Premier League Review Features Twix Abuse And Vincent Kompany Defiling A Horse (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The waiting is over. Fitba Thatba's 2013/14 Premier League review is here and it's suitably and reassuringly beserk -featuring, as it does, shocking scenes of anonymous Premier League Twix abuse and Vincent Kompany penetrating a horse in order to become a horse(or something like that anyway) all set to a churning, almost Black Velvet-esque blues rhythm.

Roy Hodgson Announces England Squad For 2014 World Cup – Youthful Selection But No Real Surprises

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By Chris Wright

As was foretold in the prophecy, Roy Hodgson has announced the names of the 23 English men; ruddy of cheek and stout of constitution, of which he plans to take to the World Cup this summer.

Coming via the official FA website, the England squad for the 2014 World Cup in Brazil is as follows.

The Great World Cup Goals, #7: Alessandro Del Piero (Italy) vs Germany, 2006 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With the first 90 minutes of their semi-final finishing goalless and penalties seemingly an inevitability, Italy farted into life and blitzed tournament hosts Germany in the lasttwo minutes of extra-time to haul themselves through to the 2006 World Cup Final.

Let’s Hear It For…Richard Wright!

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By Chris Wright

Let's hear it for Richard Wright,who has made acombined 12 Premier League appearances for Arsenal and Man City (none of which have been for City) and now has two count 'em: TWO Premier League winner's medals to his name after the '10-game minimum' rule was scrapped a while back.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s Dodgy Grasp Of French Reduces PSG Team-Mates To Giggles During Ligue 1 Award Ceremony (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Wee, say le bon!

Zlatan Ibrahimovic was crowned the Ligue 1 Player of the Year for the second season running last night, also picking up trinkets for ending 2013/14 as the French top flight's top goalscorer and the scorer of the league's most beautiful goal (for this handsome brute against Bastia in October).

‘Fates Are Fickle In English Football, I’ve Pushed Mine Past The Limit’ – Randy Lerner Puts Aston Villa Up For Sale

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By Chris Wright

Randy "Face Like A Slapped Arse" Lerner

Aston Villa owner Randy Lerner has surprised literally nobody by announcing this morning that he is selling up and shipping out at Villa Park, releasing an almost poetic statement via the club's official website to confirm as much.

Martin Demichelis + Premier League Trophy + Slow Motion + Celine Dion = Glorious Scenes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

(Video via Reddit/Thanks to Pies fan Mark for the tip-off!)

Ashley Cole Retires From International Football After Missing Out On England World Cup Squad

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By Chris Wright

Ashley Cole has announced his retirement from international football after learning that he will not be included in England's squad for the 2014 World Cup.

Cole said that he made the decision after being told by Roy Hodgson that he wouldn't be going to Brazil, with Southampton's Luke Shaw being awarded a berth in the squad in his stead, Tweeting:

"I got the call from Roy and agree the England team should be about the young players.

Hull 0-2 Everton – Toffees End Impressive Season With Win Against Tigers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Hull City 0-2 Everton Premier League 11th May 2014

Everton finished their impressive with a deserved win against Hull at the KC Stadium. James McCarthy and Romelu Lukaku were the scorers for the Toffees in a game where Hull rarely threatened the Everton goal.

Southampton 1-1 Man Utd – Red Devils Miss Out On Europe After St. Mary’s Stalemate (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 1-1 Manchester United Premier League 11th May 2014

With Tottenham winning in north London, the result of Manchester United's final day clash with Southampton was in consequential. Southampton were the better side for long periods of the game and deservedly took the lead through Rickie Lambert.

Tottenham 3-0 Aston Villa – Lilywhites Secure Europa League Berth After Stroll At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 3-0 Aston Villa Premier League 11th May 2014

Spurs secured a place in next season's Europa League on Sunday, which or may not be considered a positive end to their season. Goals from Paulinho, Villa's Nathan Baker (an OG) and Emmanuel Adebayor (via a penalty) gave the Lilywhites a deserved win against a lacklustre Villa side.

Football Vine: Aaron Ramsey Scores Superb Volley For Arsenal Against Norwich

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By Alan Duffy

Not quite as good as Marco Van Basten's volley against the USSR back in 1988, but Aaron Ramsey's effort is still quite a magnificent strike, which came after a superb pass from Olivier Giroud. If only the Welshman hadn't spent so much of the season injured, then Arsenal could have ended the campaign a lot closer to champions Man City.

Norwich 0-2 Arsenal – Gunners On Song As Canaries Bid Farewell To Top-Tier Football (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 0-2 Arsenal Premier League 11th May 2014

With Norwich already down (unless they had beaten Arsenal by around 18 goals) and the Gunners already booked in to the qualifying stages of next season's Champions League, there was little to play for here.

Cardiff 1-2 Chelsea – Below-Par Blues Battle To Victory In Wales (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Cardiff City 1-2 Chelsea Premier League 11th May 2014

Chelsea had to work hard to secure a win on the final day as the already-relegated Cardiff pushed the Blues all the way. Craig Bellamy bagged an early goal and for much of the game the visitors struggled to make their mark.

Man City 2-0 West Ham – Champions! Citizens Win At Etihad To Secure Second Title in Three Seasons (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 2-0 West Ham United Premier League 11th May 2014

And so, as expected, Manchester City beatWest Ham to win their secondPremier League title in three years. The Sky Blues only needed a point from this game to secure the title but they bagged two goals, one each from Samir Nasri and captain Vincent Kompany to overcome a West Ham side who rarely threatened.

Football Vine: Yaya Touré Gets Choked By Scarf Malfunction During Premier League Title Celebrations

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By Alan Duffy

What a disaster that would have been, to have your star players killed due to a scarf malfunction while celebrating a title win! It would have totally topped Steve Morrow's broken arm after arsenal won the League Cup. Anyway, Yaya Touré seemed okay after the City scarf he was wearing tightened around his neck.

Liverpool 2-1 Newcastle – Anfield Win Not Enough As Reds End Season Runners-Up (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 2-1 Newcastle United Premier League 11th May 2014

Liverpool came from a goal down to beat Newcastle at Anfield but it wasn't enough to stop Manchester City claiming the Premier League title. A Martin Skrtel own-goal gave the visitors the lead in a first-half which saw the Reds struggle to get going.

Tim Sherwood Plucks Random Tottenham Fan From Crowd, Hands Over Gilet And Lets Him Sit In Dugout (Photo & Video)

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By Chris Wright

Strange scenes at the end of Tottenham's final league match of the season against Aston Villa this afternoon, when outgoing manager Tim Sherwood plucked a random Spurs fan from the crowd at White Hart Lane, handed over his managerial gilet and allowed the supporter to take his place on the bench for the last few minutes of the game.

Snapshot: Man Utd Fans Fly ‘United 20 – Gerrard 0′ Banner Over Anfield To Mock Liverpool Captain’s Trophyless Season

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By Chris Wright

Withplane banners being the badinagedu jourof the epic footballing banter merchant, a group of Manchester United fan spaffed upwards of £850 on having a banner flown over Anfield this afternoon to mock Steven Gerrard's lack of title silverware.

Football Art: Liverpool’s Impressive 2013/14 Season Captured Beautifully By Animator Richard Swarbrick (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As with all of Richard Swarbrick's work, this animated short of Liverpool's 2013/14 season is, of course, a thing of true visual beauty though we can't help but notice there's one glaring omission as far as season-changing moments are concerned (*cough* slip *cough cough*).

863 Games, 1 Haircut: Javier Zanetti Bids Tearful Farewell To Inter Milan After 19 Years Of Esteemed Service (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

The man they affectionately call 'The Tractor' ploughed his last furrow last night, with Javier Zanetti making his 863rd and final appearance for Inter Milan before his impending retirement at the grand old age of 40.

If it ain't broke, etc, etc.

Playing a shirt with 'Zanetti 4 Ever' on the back and wearing a special captain's armband featuring the same slogan along with the names of every single team-mate he's played alongside at Inter, the Argentinian veteran (wh0is due to become Inter's sporting director as of next season) came on for the last 35 minutes of Inter's resounding 4-1 win over Lazio at the Giuseppe Meazza in their final home game of the season, duly receiving a rapturous standing ovation from the sell-out crowd after the game as he said his tearful goodbyes.

Preston’s Joe Garner Scores Resplendent Volley In League One Play-Off Semi-Final vs Rotherham (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Preston and Rotherham will go into the second leg of their League One play-off semi-final dead level after the first leg finished square at 1-1 at Deepdale this afternoon.

That said, Preston are definitely ahead on style points, with Joe Garner's 49th-minute equaliser being a self-set volley of true beauty.

Shit Lookalikes: Georgios Samaras & Conchita Wurst (Of Eurovision Fame)

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By Chris Wright

Samaras is the Celtic striker who both looks and plays like a poisoned pony.

Conchita is Austria's Eurovision Song Contest entry this year. He is a lady with a beard.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it in (waatpies@gmail.com) or Tweet us (@waatpies) and we'll happily give it the once-over.

Tottenham Media Department Up To Old Tricks Again, Troll Manager Tim Sherwood With Crafty Twitter Jibe (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

After getting themselves into a spot of bother and having to publicly apologisefor mocking Liverpool's title capitulation against Crystal Palace last week, Tottenham's social media department have been at it again by the looks of things getting in a subtle, sly dig at Tim Sherwood while posting a link to an interview with thebeleaguered Spurs manager on Twitter yesterday.

Praise Be To Glory On High, For The 2013/14 Australian A-League Bloopers Are Upon Us! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Yep, it's that time of year again! Enjoy...

Pies' A-League Blooper Archives...

2012/13
2011/12

2010/11
2009/10

2008/09

Injury-Stricken Mario Gomez Accurately Captures The Acute Heartbreak Of Missing Out On A World Cup In Open Facebook Letter

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By Chris Wright

In an open statementpublished on his Facebook page and picked up by Bild, injury-ravaged Fiorentina striker Mario Gomez has written to his fellow German compatriots after missing out on inclusion in Jogi Loew's provisional World Cup squad to wish them all the best in Brazil this summer.

Snapshot: Puma Partner Up With Fashion Poobah Alexander McQueen To Create World’s First Chocolate Football Boots…

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By Chris Wright

Hot on the heels of Adidas and their weird and wonderful knitted boots, Puma have buddied up with fashion bod Alexander McQueen to faithfully recreate their timeless Puma Kings using nowt but milk chocolate...

We jest, of course. It's chestnut leather and it's beautiful.

Competition: WIN! A Pair Of Brand New Warrior Gambler Football Boots – Launched Today!

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By Chris Wright

Warrior have launched their brand new line of Gambler boots this morning and don't ask us how but Pies have managed to get our grubby paws on a pair to give away to one lucky reader.

The best bit? All you have to do to be in with a chance of winning a swanky pair of Warrior Gamblersin the size of your choosing is to answer the following question correctly.

Bayern Munich’s New 2014/15 Home Kit Is All Kinds Of 1990s Bavarian Retro – Red And Blue And Beautiful All Over (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

So, Bayern Munich have just launched their new home strip for 2014/15 and it's a thing of true beauty to Pies' eye, evoking memories of several classic FCB kits of yesteryear with the re-introduction of a nice bit of blue into the whole equation.

It's got a distinct 1990′s feel about it, and that's all good by us.

Accrington Stanley Irked By FA’s Proposal For ‘Premier League B-Team League’, Vow To Start B-Team And Apply To Join Premier League

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By Chris Wright

"Wibble wobble wibble young English talent wobble wibble"

As you may well be aware, the FA Commission presented their plan to save English football yesterday with one of their ideas being the inclusion of a newtier within the Football League, between League Two and the Conference, to accommodate Premier League B teams.

Chilean Players Star In Fantastic New World Cup Hype Advert With Nod To Several Classic Horror Films (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here be the new pre-World Cup hype advert from Chilean lager pedlars Cristal, which sees several members of La Roja donning their best scary faces andgiving knowing nods to an array of classic horror films as the entire world wakes up to the fact that CHILE IS COMING.

The Great World Cup Goals, #6: David Platt (England) vs Belgium, 1990 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Aftersqueaked through the group stages at Italia '90, England came up against Belgium in the round of 16, with Enzo Scifo hitting the woodwork twice and John Barnes having a goal chalked off (wrongly, as it happens) before the game crept over into extra-time.

Retro Football: Heroic Goalkeeper Jimmy Glass Scores 91st-Minute Goal To Save Carlisle From Relegation, 1999 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

On this day, 15 (fifteen!) years ago at the tail end of the 1998/99 season, Carlisle goalkeeper Jimmy Glass achieved true "legend" status when his incredible last-minute goal against Plymouth Argyle to keep The Cumbrians in the Football League.

Carlisle needed to win to avoid relegation to the Conference and, with the score stood at 1-1 and just one minute of injury time left to play, it looked for all intents and purposes like they would be playing non-league football the following season.

Striker Scores Thumping Header In Lithuanian Game, Heads Up Into The Stands To Applaud Himself! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

When table-toppers Žalgiris went 1-0 up against mid-tableFK Trakai with just ten minutes left to play over in the Lithuanian top division on Wednesday night, the tie looked done and dusted.

However, Trakai upset the apple cart with just three minutes left on the clock when forwardDmitriy Kovb rattled a thumping header past theŽalgiris 'keeper to level the score.

Oblivious French Journalist Makes The Mistake Of Almost Crushing Zlatan’s Son (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

The crowds swarmed on and around the pitch at the Parc des Princes afterPSG secured their second successive Ligue 1 title with a 2-1 defeat against Rennes last night (Monaco can't catch them at the summit after drawing elsewhere), with Zlatan Ibrahimovic making his return from injury to play the final 33 minutes.

Arsenal Players Mertesacker, Podolski & Arteta Respond To Mean Tweets From Fans (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Arsenal players Per Mertsacker, Lukas Podolski and Mikel Arteta ( with an assist from banteriffic bookies Paddy Power) set about responding to the myriad insulting, derisory Tweets directed at them over the course of this season as part of PP's Ball of Shame campaign.

Sunderland 2-0 West Brom – Black Cats Secure Top-Tier Status After Win Against Baggies (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 2-0 West Bromwich Albion Premier League 7th May 2014

It's not always been plain sailing for Sunderland boss Gus Poyet this season, but on Wednesday night the Uruguayan saw his side secure their Premier League survival courtesy of a 2-0 home win against West Brom.

Man City 4-0 Aston Villa – Citizens On Course For Title As Dzeko Bags Brace At Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 4-0 Aston Villa Premier League 7th May 2014

Manchester City move to within touching distance of the Premier League title after overcoming a resilient Aston Villa side at the Etihad on Wednesday night.

Paul Lambert's men defended impressively throughout but the home side eventually made the breakthrough just after the hour mark, when the in-form Edin Dzeko netted from close range, with the big Bosnian adding a second soon after.

Luiz Felipe Scolari Announces Brazil’s 2014 World Cup Squad, And It’s Mighty Strong Lookin’…

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By Chris Wright

Quite overshadowing Honduras' squad announcement earlier this afternoon, Brazil coach Luiz Felipe Scolari has used his press conference today to announce the names of the 23 players he will be taking to the World Cup.

The squad is fairly tasty-lookin', even if we do say so ourselves.

BBC Announce 2014 World Cup Media Coverage Team – Rio Ferdinand & Thierry Henry Join The Usual Rabble

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By Chris Wright

The World Cup will be Alan Hansen's last as a BBC pundit after 22 great years. You can't win anything with kids... pic.twitter.com/pLPPgGEc5V

— BBC One (@BBCOne) May 7, 2014

And those be the hands that the BBC have chosen to accompany us through their 160+ hours of 2014 World Cup coverage this summer though apparently that isn't the complete roster, with Gabby Logan teasing several other "treats"being added before the tournament begins.

This? Oh, It’s Just Lukas Podolski Playing Head Tennis With A Sea-Lion (GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Back home in Cologne for a few days, Lukas Podolski visited the zoo with his family and made himself a new friend a new friend who just so happens to have a far, far better first touch than him...

(Image: poldi_official/Instagram/GIF: Reddit)

Arsenal Players Celebrate Impending FA Cup Final Appearance With Horrendous Sing-Song (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In a bid to help stoke up the anticipation levels ahead of Arsenal's imminent appearance in the FA Cup Final a week next Saturday, the club had several of their players join in the merriment with a rousing version of The Gunners'long-standing FA Cup chant "She Wore A Yellow Ribbon" the results of which, we're afraid to say, were borderline horrific.

Nemanja Vidic: The Greatest Hits

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By Chris Wright

Having said his goodbyes at Old Trafford last night before he toddles off into the sunset (or 'Inter Milan' if you'd prefer) at the end of the season, Pies have seen fit to issue a retrospective 'Best Of' collection in tribute to the Serbian beserker and his eight exemplary years at Manchester United.

Club Pull Out Of Sunday League And Cease Operations Entirely After Thuggish Player Leaves Referee In Hospital

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By Chris Wright

A club from the South Devon Football League have pulled themselves out of the league and ceased operating as a club entirely after one of their players attacked a referee during a recent game, leaving the official bloodied and bruised.

The game in question was the recent fixture between Torre FC and Ashburton Reserves, which had to be abandoned when one of Torre's players (who was reportedly playing under an alias after being sent off in the previous game too) punched refereeDonald Distin, a local councillor and former mayor, in the face just 35 minutes into the game after becoming incensed for some pathetic reason or another.

Japanese Side Kyoto Sanga Bamboozle Goalkeeper With Baffling ‘Dummy Queue’ Set-Piece Routine (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Japanese side Kyoto Sanga FC unveil a dazzling new set-piece routine in which several of their players form an orderly queue and take turns in dummying the free-kick until one of them eventually leathers it past the bamboozled Yokohama goalkeeper.

Mohamed Al-Fayed Reckons Fulham Were Relegated Because New Owners Removed His ‘Lucky’ Michael Jackson Statue

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By Chris Wright

Two men with bubbles on the brain

Regardless of the team being utter bobbins all year, former Fulham owner (and noted thinker) Mohamed Al-Fayed has managed to put his finger on the real reason that the Cottagers bit the big relegation-shaped bullet this season their new owner's decision to remove his Michael Jackson statue from outside the ground.

Helena Costa Becomes First Female Manager In Professional Men’s Football After Being Appointed At French Ligue 2 Side Clermont

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By Chris Wright

Congratulations to Helena Costa who has today become the first everfemale manager in the men's professional game after taking over at the helm of French Ligue 2 side Clermont Foot.

Costa, who is 36-years-old, Portuguese and started her coaching career at Benfica and has most recently been in charge of both the Qatar and Iran women's national sides, was appointed by Clermont and will take over sole charge of first-team affairs at the club as of next season as confirmed by an official statement released via the club's websiteearlier this morning.

Wilfried Zaha Models New Scientific Under-Shorts, Complete With Eye-Catching ‘Pubic Support’ Feature (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

With football obviously on the back-burner this season, Wilfried Zaha has spent his time improving his sponsorship and endorsement portfolio, signing up to become the the face or, more accurately, the crotch- of a new range of gentleman's sports underwear designed specifically to offer much-needed support in the "danglies" area.

Football GIF: Robin Van Persie Shows Off Incredible Trickery While Juggling A Scarf On Man Utd’s Lap Of Honour

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By Chris Wright

Bear in mind that this is a balled-up scarf that RVP is juggling like it ain't even a thang...

Unreal.That might just be Manchester United's season highlight right there.

Football Vine: Hull’s David Meyler Gets Away With Nasty Stamp On Adnan Januzaj At Old Trafford

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By Alan Duffy

This is a rather nasty assault on Manchester United's Adnan Januzaj by Hull's Irish internation David Meyler. The midfielder plants his foot right on the winger's leg and despite getting away with it at the time, one expects a call from the FA. Could the Hull man even miss the FA Cup final over this silly action?

Man Utd 3-1 Hull – Youth Shines At Old Trafford As Veteran Vidic Says Goodbye (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 3-1 Hull City Premier League 6th May 2014

Have we just witnessed the birth of a new Manchester United striking hero or will young James Wilson be just another flash in the pan? Well, whether is he the next Ruud Van Nistelrooy or the new Federico Macheda, the 18-year-old enjoyed a superb debut at Old Trafford netting two close-range goals as the hosts won their penultimate game of the season 3-1.

Crystal Palace 3-3 Liverpool – Big Finish Sees Eagles Come From Three Goals Down To Shatter Reds’ Title Hopes (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Crystal Palace 3-3 Liverpool Premier League 5th May 2014

What an evening of football that was! Having looked totally in control of their Monday night clash with Crystal Palace, courtesy of three-goal lead, Liverpool collapsed in the last 11 minutes of the game, letting their lead slip away.

Snapshot: Wolverhampton Council Dye Swimming Pool ‘Gold’ In Honour Of Wolves Title Win – Fancy A Dip?

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By Chris Wright

To celebrateWolves winning League One at a canter, the city council decided to dye the water atWolverhampton Central Swimming Baths 'old gold' for an entire day as a tribute to their football team's success.

The results werea bit shitty, to say the least.

Dortmund’s Kevin Grosskreutz Publicly Apologises After Attacking Cologne Fan With His Doner Kebab

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By Chris Wright

Borussia Dortmund workhorse Kevin Grosskreutz has publicly apologised after shutting-upa gobby Cologne fan on a night out by ramming his kebab into the chap's face.

It would appear that the Cologne fan was part of a group who were chanting vaguely insulting things at Grosskreutz right up until the point that the Dortmund midfielder snapped and launched his doner kebab atthe 34-year-old man.

The Great World Cup Goals, #5: Nelinho (Brazil) vs Italy, 1978 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Zoff with his head!

Brazilian right-back Nelinho scored oneof the classic "did he mean it?" goals duringthe third-place play-off at the 1978 World Cup in Argentina; unleashing a shot that bent past Italian 'keeper Dino Zoff so wickedly thatthe ball'sflight path almost has a corner in it half-way through with Nelinho accused of flukery ever since, despite his repeated protestations.

AC Milan Unveil New 2014/15 Home And Third Kits – Red And Black And Creamy All Over (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

After a duff season, AC Milan have rolled out their new kits for next season in a bid to cheer themselves up launching both a new home strip and thirdstrip which will be worn in the club's remaining two Serie A fixtures of 2013/14.

For the first time ever, the Milan home strip will feature red and black stripes of differing widths and colour tones which is a fairly big deal, at least when it comes to Milan kits.

Andres Iniesta Celebrates Fifth Anniversary Of Dramatic Chelsea Goal By Failing To Recreate It (Video)

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By Chris Wright

On the fifth anniversary of the last-minute goal that took Barcelona into the 2009 Champions League Final, the Catalan club's official Youtube channel decided to mark the occasion by having the scorer himself, Andres Iniesta, attempt to recreate that fateful shot at Stamford Bridge.

FC Copenhagen Fans Blow Brondby’s Stadium To Smithereens With Awesomely Intricate ‘Cannonball’ Tifo (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Staged ahead of the derby clash between the two Danish sides, FC Copenhagen's fans performed an impressively intricate tifo that saw a Copenhagen cannon used to completely obliterate Brondby's stadium a tifo that included the use of multiple layers, a proper storyline, sound effects and even authentic smokepyro thrown in to the mix.

Football GIF: Luis Suarez Cries On Pitch After Crystal Palace Torpedo Liverpool’s Title Tilt

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By Chris Wright

Just when you thought this title run-in couldn't get any more ridiculous, Crystal Palace scored three times in the last ten minutes to come back from 0-3 down todraw 3-3withLiverpooland give theirhopes of winning the league a swift toe-poke in the gonads.

Presenting: The Only Vine Montage Of Liverpool’s Title Capitulation You’ll Ever Need… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's a brilliant little Vine montage (circulated viaTottenham's official Twitter account, no less!) of Liverpool's all-but-imminent title capitulation, as captured in the space of five seconds...

Brutal.

Retro Football: Jimmy ‘Griller’ Greaves Takes On Kendo Nagasaki In Sensational Wrestling Match, 1986 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Legends of the ring (L-R): Fuji Yamada, Mitzi Mueller, Gorgeous George, Kendo Nagasaki, Mighty John Quinn and Klondyke Kate

Here's something you thought/possibly hoped you'd never see: Jimmy Greaves in a pink spandex leotard, grappling with British wrestling legendKendo Nagasaki (real name: Peter Thornley, from Stoke-on-Trent) in a "sensational" wrestling bout, recorded for a television special at the London Hippodrome in 1986.

Robert Lewandowski’s Rapturous Farewell At Borussia Dortmund Was A Bit Of A Tear-Jerker (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We dare say there were a good few tears shed as Robert Lewandowski bid bidded bade baded farewell to Borussia Dortmund after Saturday's final home game of the season against Hoffenheim, with the Polish striker visibly moved by the rapturous send-off he was given by the fans afore his imminent move to Bayern Munich this summer.

Cristiano Ronaldo Scores Outrageous Backheel Volley To Salvage Point Against Valencia (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

With Real Madrid trailing 2-1 at home to Valencia and the game just about to tick over into the second minute of injury time, Cristiano Ronaldo pulled a spectacularly ludicrous back-heel volley to level the scores at 2-2 and just about preserve Real's frail title hopes if only inthemathematical sense.

Football GIF: Ecstatic Dutch Fan Raves Uncontrollably After Dramatic Late Equaliser Keeps NEC In Top Flight

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By Chris Wright

With Ajax leading 2-1 and the game entering its final few minutes, it looked for all the world that NEC Nijmegen (or just plain oldNEC to their mates) were going to be expungedfrom the Eredivisie yesterday, needing at least a point against the recently-crowned champions to stave off automatic relegation from the Dutch top flight.

Middlesbrough Winger Albert Adomah Joins Yeovil Town Cheerleaders For A Dance After Final Game Of Season (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Following the conclusion of the final game of the 2013/14 Championship season at HuishPark yesterday, Middlesbrough winger Albert Adomah ventured back out onto the pitch to join Yeovil's in-house cheerleading troupe, Viva Pitch, for a spot of interpretive dance.

Fan Killed By Flying Toilet At Brazilian Second Division Game In Recife

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By Chris Wright

A Brazilian fan has died after being hit by a ceramic toilet bowl thrown from the upper tier of the stadium at the end of Friday evening's Brazilian second division game between Santa Cruz and Parana.

The Parana fan, later identified asPaulo Ricardo Gomes da Silva, was reportedly struck when a faction of Santa Cruz fans ripped the facilities out of their stadium in Recife and began bombarding the visiting fans below them.

Football Vine: Everton’s Ross Barkley Scores Superb Long-Range Curler Against Man City

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By Alan Duffy

Bagging a wonder-goal which should book his place on the place to Brazil this summer, Everton's Ross Barkley gave Everton the lead against Man City on Saturday. The goal showed off the midfielder's technique although his side did still lose the game. However, one imagines Roy Hodgson will have been rather impressed with the effort.

Everton 2-3 Man City – Citizens Back On Top As Toffees Miss Out On Champions League (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 2-3 Manchester City Premier League 3rd May 2014

Manchester City went back to the top of the Premier League after securing a precious and hard-fought win at Goodison Park in Saturday's late game. The Citizens had to come from behind, however, after Ross Barkley scored a superb curling effort early on.

Swansea 0-1 Southampton – Late Lambert Goal Secures Saints Win At Liberty Stadium (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 0-1 Southampton Premier League 3rd May 2014

With nothing to play for from both side's perspective, this game was a rather dull affair, with neither side creating too much in the opposition box. Most of the better passages of the play occurred before the break, with Pablo Hernandez and then Sam Gallagher going close.

Newcastle 3-0 Cardiff – Bluebirds Bounce Back To Second Tier As Magpies Stroll To Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 3-0 Cardiff City Premier League 3rd May 2014

Cardiff's first-ever season in the Premier League will end with a disappointing whimper after the Bluebirds were relegated on Saturday at St. James' Park. The hosts have been struggling themselves lately, with some of the home fans staging a walk out in the second-half to protest against the club's owner Mike Ashley and manager Alan Pardew.

Stoke 4-1 Fulham – Whites Down And Out After Heavy Defeat To Potters (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 4-1 Fulham Premier League 3rd May 2014

Fulham's 13-year stay in the Premier League will came to an end after the Cottagers were well beaten at the Britannia Stadium on Saturday. Peter Odemwingie, Marko Arnautovic,Oussama Assaidi and sub Jonathan Walters all scored for Mark Hughes' side, who totally bossed the game.

Aston Villa 3-1 Hull City – Weimann Brace Sees Villans All But Safe From Drop (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 3-1 Hull City Premier League 3rd May 2014

A brace from Andreas Weimann has all burt secured Aston Villas presence in next season's Premier League as the Villans enjoyed a 3-1 win at home to Hull. Ashley Westwood had opened the scoring in the the first minute but Ashley Bowery, an early sub for Gabriel Agbonlahor, put through his net on 28 minutes to level the scores.

Football GIF: Reading Winger Garath McCleary Scores Beautiful, Almost Zidane-Esque Volley vs Burnley

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By Chris Wright

Not in the same league (quite literally), but there were very definite shades of Zinedine Zidane's famous standing volley against Bayer Leverkusen at Hampden Park in 2002 in the technique Garath McCleary used to smash home this superb volley against Burnley this afternoon.

Manchester United 0-1 Sunderland – Larsson On Target As Black Cats Take Step Closer To Safety (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 0-1 Sunderland Premier League 3rd May 2014

Sunderland took another great big step to Premier League security for yet another system at Old Trafford on Saturday, where they deservedly beat a flaccid Man Utd side 1-0.

Seb Larsson scored the only goal of the game on the half-hour mark but it could've been more for the Black Cats who counter-attacked with menace time and time again.

West Ham 2-0 Tottenham – Hammers Nail 10-Man Tottenham (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 2-0 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 3rd May 2014

West Ham rubber-stamped their Premier League survival courtesy of a comfortable 2-0 home win against Tottenham. The Lilywhites struggled to deal with the Hammers after Younes Kaboul saw red on 25 minutes for a foul on Stewart Downing.

Snapshot: Another Brazilian Football Pitch That Won’t Be Ready In Time For The World Cup…

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By Chris Wright

Err, your pitch is a bit underwater mate...

We know what you're thinking but, no, this isn't one of Brazil's several unfinished World Cup stadiums rather a beach-side football pitch in the tourist resort of Beberibe, just outside of Fortaleza (one of the 2014 World Cup host cities), photographed a couple of days ago after being submerged by a high tide.

Shit Football Kits: St Mirren’s Garish New Strip Should Probably Come With An Epilepsy Warning (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

The club which currently employ Mr Eric Djemba-Djemba, SPL side St. Mirren, have today released their new home kit for 2014/15 -a cheap and nasty-looking strip so garish (despite being almost entirely monochrome!) that it should probably come with an epilepsy warning.

Top 10 Memorable Andy Townsend Co-Commentary Quotes

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By Chris Wright

Ten of the finest quotes from Andy Townsend's decade-and-a-half on the mic for ITV Football...

1. "I'm just wondering there, Clive: could he have hit that first time?"

2. "I'm just thinking...maybe he could've taken a touch there, Clive.

‘We Wouldn’t Judge Newcastle On The Basis Of Geordie Shore’ – Napoli Seething After Guardian Article Refers To City As ‘Mafia Stronghold’

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By Chris Wright

Yesterday, Guardian scribe Barry Glendenningattracted an awful lot of heat on Twitter over a paragraph in his transfer rumour round-up in which the Irish journo quipped that Napoli, being a team from "one of Italy's mafia strongholds," were planning to make Danny Welbeck an offer he couldn't refuse.

Sevilla Trump Valencia’s Comeback To Reach Europa League Final Thanks To 95th-Minute Stephane Mbia Goal (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Despite losing fairly heavily on the night, Sevilla's 2-0 victory in the first leg ensured that Stephane Mbia's 95th-minute header was enough to see the Spaniards through to the Europa League Final in Turin on away goals (the club's first appearance in the final since winning the competition twice back-to-back in 2005/06 and 2006/07), where Benfica lie in wait.

Football GIF: Benfica’s Ezequiel Garay Suffers Nasty Facial Injury After Paul Pogba Cocks-Up Overhead Kick

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By Chris Wright

Benfica secured themselves a place in the Europa League Final with a spirited defensive display in the second leg of their semi against Juventus, keeping the Italian side at bay all evening and just about protecting the 2-1 lead they took into the tie from the first leg in Portugal.

Snapshot: Australian Paper Uses Photo Of Neighbours’ Harold Bishop For Story About Louis Van Gaal

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By Chris Wright

Hat's off to Australian newspaper MX (essentially Sydney, Brisbane and Melbourne's answer to the Metro), who, after failing to get there hands on a suitable photo of Louis van Gaal for a recent story about Mancehster United's managerial situation, opted for the next best thing.

Man Utd Ban Supporter ‘Indefinitely’ For Having One, Unopened Can Of Beer Confiscated At St James’ Park

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United have seen fit to ban a fan from attending all of the club's future away games for the heinous crime of having one, single, unopened can of beer about his person while passing through the turnstiles at St James' Park earlier this month.

The fan, one Jamie Bazley, had the beer confiscated from his bag on the way into Newcastle's stadium and received a police caution for doing so, though United have since written to him to inform him that he has been banned "indefinitely" from attending away games.

The Great World Cup Goals, #4: Pierre Njanka-Beyaka (Cameroon) vs Austria, 1998 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Pierre Njanka-Beyaka was the very definition of a journeyman defender during his playing days, turning out for clubs in his native Cameroon, Switzerland, France, Tunisia, Saudi Arabia and four or five teams in Indonesia before calling it a day, with a three-year stint at RC Strasbourg between 2000 and 2003 being the highest level he ever reached domestically speaking.

Newcastle United Launch New Puma 2014/15 Away Kit – Grey As The Fog On The Tyne (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Newcastle and Puma have revealed their new away kit for next season, inspired by sickly sausage rolls, dirty old snack bars, the fog on the Tyne and the silvery/grey kits worn by the likes of Toon legends Peter Beardsley, Chris Waddle and Paul Gascoigne back in the mid-1980s.

Roma’s Gervinho Hits The Town Wearing An Adorable Pair Of Ladies’ Shoes (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

As the old saying goes: when in Rome, do as middle-aged Roman ladies do...

Very smart, no?

(Images: Tuttosport)

Diego Simeone Thanks Mothers Of Atletico Madrid Players For Giving Birth To Sons With Big Testicles

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By Chris Wright

Following Atletico Madrid's gutsy performance and victory over Chelsea in the Champions League semi-finals last night, Diego Simeone ended his post-match conference by thanking the mothers of his players for having the foresight to sire offspring with the requisite testicular fortitude to pull off such a performance.

Football GIF: John Terry Cries (Again) After Chelsea Dumped Out Of Champions League By Atletico Madrid

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By Chris Wright

Say what you want about John Terry, but losing out in the big matches always hits him slap, bang in the emotions...

Not quite as despondent as he was after the 2008 Final, but still pretty blubby with the internet reacting in predictable fashion.

As Promised, Corinthians Pay Tribute To Aryton Senna By Lining Up Before Kick-Off Wearing Crash Helmets (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As promised yesterday, Corinthians players chose to mark the 20th anniversary of Aryton Senna's death by lining ahead of their cup tie against Nacional-AM last night wearing replicas of the legendary Formula 1 driver's crash helmet...

For the record, Corinthians went on to win the game 3-0.