Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2014

Champions League: Chelsea 1-3 Atletico Madrid – Mourinho’s Men Shot Down At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 1-3 Atletico Madrid (Agg: 1-3) Champions League Semi Final 2nd Leg 30th April 2014

After Real Madrid's super counter-attacking display away from home on Tuesday, Atletico produced a similarly devastating performance at Stamford Bridge on Wednesday night, shooting down Chelsea's hopes of another Champions League final appearance.

Andros Townsend Ruled Out Of World Cup Due To Ankle Ligament Injury, But It’s Not All Doom And Gloom…

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By Chris Wright

It's been confirmed this afternoon that Andros Townsend has officially seen his World Cup aspirations all but certainly go up in smoke after being ruled out for the next ten weeks with an ankle injury.

Townsend came on for the last 10 minutes of Tottenham's 1-0 win over Stoke but left the Britannia in a protective boot afterwards having knackered his ankle ligaments as his x-rays later confirmed.

Corinthians Players To Mark 20th Anniversary Of Aryton Senna’s Death By Lining Up In Crash Helmets Before Kick-Off

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By Chris Wright

Cada jogador subirá ao gramado com uma réplica do capacete usado pelo tricampeão mundial de Fórmula 1. #SennaEterno pic.twitter.com/RG1iMWtxLB

— Corinthians Paulista (@Corinthians) April 29, 2014

Corinthians have announced that their players will pay tribute to legendary Formula 1 driver Ayrton Senna before Wednesday evening's cup tie against Nacional-AM by taking to the pitch for the pre-game line-ups wearing replica's of Senna's famous crash helmet, adorned in the colours of the Brazilian flag.

Carlo Nash Leading Norwich City’s ‘Player Of The Season’ Vote Despite Being 40-Year-Old, Third-Choice Keeper With Zero Appearances

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By Chris Wright

Thanks to a deliberate sabotage campaign by disgruntled Norwich City fans, Carlo Nash is currently first in the running to be named The Canaries' Player of the Year despite not making a single first-team appearance in 2013/14.

Understandably, an awful lot of Norwich fans are not best pleased with the way the side's season has panned out, with several players coming in for a panning over the course of the campaign.

Report Claims Banana-Eating ‘We Are All Monkeys’ Social Media Campaign Was Pre-Planned And Originally Intended For Neymar

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By Chris Wright

A report published in Spanish newspaper AS has claimed that the 'We are all monkeys' campaign that swept social media in the wake of the banana taunts quite literally tossed at Dani Alves at the weekend was pre-planned well in advance by agroup of marketing firms.

A Shit Kit Love Story: England Fan Finally Gets His Hands On David Seaman’s Infamously Awful Euro ’96 Goalkeeper Jersey After 10-Year Search

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By Chris Wright

Don't say you weren't warned!

And now, folks, it's time for a true 'Shit Kit' love story betwixt a plucky young man named Joel and, of all things, David Seaman's seizure-inducing Euro '96 goalkeeper kit.

Notorious in shit kit circles for its power to nauseate even the sternest stomach, Joel had tried relentlessly over the course of several years to get his hands on a replica of Seaman's infamous jersey, repeatedly tapping "Euro 96 England goalkeeper kit" into Ebay with the vain hope that one day a suitable listing would appear.

The Great World Cup Goals, #3: Giovanni Van Bronckhorst (Holland) vs Uruguay, 2010 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Giovanni van Bronkhorst captained Holland throughout their run at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, receiving an election into the Order of Orange-Nassau and letters after his name for his troubles, with the highlight of the veteran left-back's tournament undoubtedly being his outrageous goal to open the scoring against Uruguay in the semi-finals the penultimate game of his professional career (the less said about his final game, the better).

Shit Lookalikes: Andre Schurrle & Hugh Dennis

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By Chris Wright

Apologies to whomever it was that submitted this one to Pies a while ago; we can't remember for the life of us who it was so credit wherever credit is due.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it in (waatpies@gmail.com) or Tweet us (@waatpies) and we'll happily give it the once-over.

Cristiano Ronaldo’s Hand Jive Goal Celebration Gets Beyonce ‘Single Ladies’ Treatment (Vine)

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By Chris Wright

After scoring his first goal on the break against Bayern Munich last night, Cristiano Ronaldo was obviously well aware he had just broken the record for most goals scored in a single Champions League campaign when he celebrated with a cheerful little '15′ hand jive.

Football GIF: Noted Bayern Munich Hardman Franck Ribery Slaps Dani Carvajal Around The Face

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By Chris Wright

Amid the sea of now-obligatory childish petulance, Bayern Munich enforcer Franck Ribery managed to slip a slap across Dani Carvajal's face under the radar during last night's Champions League semi-final at the Allianz after the Real Madrid right-back antagonised the Frenchman by marking him thoroughly and even tackling him a few times.

Football Vine: Cristiano Ronaldo Bags Crafty Daisy-Cutter Free-Kick In 4-0 Munich Romp

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By Alan Duffy

This strike, which made it 4-0 on the night to Real Madrid at the Allianz Arena, was a superbly clever effort from Cristiano Ronaldo, who kept the ball low while the Munich wall jumped. The goal was also Ronaldo's 16th in the Champions League this season, a record unsurprisingly.

Champions League: Bayern 0-4 Real Madrid – Mediocre Munich Kicked Right In The Mannschaft By Rampant Real (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Bayern Munich 0-4 Real Madrid (Agg: 0-5) Champions League Semi-Final 2nd Leg 29th April 2014

Pep Guardiola and co. may have romped to the 2013/14 Bundesliga title, but against Real Madrid on Tuesday evening in Munich the European champions were well and truly battered by the Spaniards.

Robbie Savage Disguises Himself In Prosthetic Mask To Take Part In Welsh Sunday League Game (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

As part of a segment on grassroots football for the BBC's The One Show, Robbie Savage spent his weekend disguising himself using a prosthetic mask, a stick-on beard and a scraggy old wig in order to turn out for Bradley FC, a Sunday League side based in Wrexham for whom Savage used to play as a lad.

D’Oh! Coventry City Somehow Manage To Spell Their Own Club Name Incorrectly On Match Programme (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Oh Coventry. Coventry, Coventry, Coventry. You had one job...

It's quadruple facepalm time...

Cheers to Pies fan Chris Bickley for the tip-off!

Retro Football: Six Glorious Minutes That Showcase Diego Maradona’s Astounding Natural Balance (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Like a weeble, it took some going to knock Diego Maradona over askAndoni Goikoetxea.

What we have here is a six-minute compilation (including some really rather rare footage) of Maradona in his pomp; weaving, carving and squeezing through hacks and tackles like wild, thin mercury.

Fitba Thatba Present: Manchester United’s Managerial Game Of Thrones… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Pies are the first to admit that we haven't got the foggiest when it comes to Game of Thrones (Krull is the only epic fantasy adventure we're ever going to need!), but a horn-blowing Louis van Gaal riding to Manchester United's rescue on shark-back what's not to love about that?

Mehdi Benatia Admits He Rejected Chelsea Move After Living With Didier Drogba And Claude Makelele For A Few Days

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By Chris Wright

One of the most sought-after defenders in European football following a fine season in Serie A, Roma'sMehdi Benatia has found himself linked with scores of potential suitors this season with a summer move to Manchester United heavily mooted to be on the cards.

We Are All Monkeys: Footballers Around The World Show Support For Dani Alves Following ‘Banana’ Taunt, Including…Um…Luis Suarez (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

In an incredible, worldwide show of support for Dani Alves and the exemplary, "no f**ks given" way in which he reacted to a banana-throwing incident at Villarreal (who have subsequently banned the fan responsible for life) over the weekend, scores of footballers and other personalities have posted photos on social media of them eating bananas, along with the tag-line "we are all monkeys".

Young Southampton Fan Fires Shot Directly Into Face Of Everton Sub Aiden McGeady During Half-Time Relay Race (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As if the game itself wasn't slapstick enough, at the interval of Everton's 2-0 defeat to Southampton last week, a young Saints fan taking part in the half-time relay race rang Aiden McGeady's bell when his wayward shot smacked the winger in the head as the Toffees subs warmed up in front of the goal(ish).

Football Vine: Arsenal’s Mesut Ozil Bamboozles Yoan Gouffran With Sublime Turn

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By Alan Duffy

Mesut Ozil may not have made quite the impact many fans were expecting although overall he has still had an impressive first season in the Premier League. And against Newcastle United on Monday night, the Arsenal playmaker netted a goal as well as pulling off this superb, subtle turn to shake off Yoan Gouffran.

Policeman Accidentally Sets Troublesome Polish Fan On Fire After Pepper-Spraying His Flare (Shocking Photo)

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By Chris Wright

In the act of trying to prevent a trouble-makingZaglebie Lubin fan from clambering over a security gate atSlask Wroclaw'sMunicipal Stadium in the Polish top flight at the weekend, one of the stadium police personnel on duty in the away end accidentally set the trouble-maker on fire when his pepper spray ignited on contact with the supporter's lit flare leading to the capture of a rather amazing, if slightly harrowing photo.

Retro Football: Tito Vilanova Scores Free-Kick Against Barcelona With Pep Guardiola In The Wall, 1998 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

They showed this on Revista over the weekend and Pies have been manfully trying to track it down since: The late Tito Vilanova scoring an unorthodox free-kick for UE Lleida against the club where he'd later make his name as a coach, Barcelona, in the Copa Catalunya back in 1998.

Shit Lookalikes: Sevilla Striker Carlos Bacca & Tuco Salamanca (From ‘Breaking Bad’)

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By Chris Wright

Tight, tight, tiiiight spot fromPies fanLuka Jakovljevic.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Submit it via email onwaatpies@gmail.com or via Twitter @waatpies and we'll gladly give it a look.

The Great World Cup Goals, #2: Saeed Al-Owairan (Saudi Arabia) vs Belgium, 1994 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The goal that saw Saudi Arabian striker Saeed Al-Owairan briefly dubbed "The Maradona of the Arabs" before fading back into footballing obscurity.

Just five minutes into the Saudi's third and final group game, Al-Owairan proceeded to charge almost the entire length of the pitch, bobbing and weaving past several Belgian defenders before sliding his shot past Michel Preud'homme to score the only goal of the game and send his unfavoured country through to the second round.

Stuttgart Captain Christian Gentner Tries And Fails To Pop Team-Mate’s Dislocated Shoulder Back In (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As far as we know, Stuttgart captain Christian Gentner has no medical training per se, neither is he likely to be the designated first-aider at Hannover's stadium, but that didn't stop the midfielder from being first on hand when team-mate Martin Harnik popped his shoulder after an aerial encounter-gone-awry during the game between the two sides this weekend.

Steven Gerrard’s Untimely Slip Against Chelsea Fudges Liverpool’s Title Challenge – The Internet Responds With Major Lolz

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By Chris Wright

The best of the cruel, cruel lollage at Steve G's expense following the Liverpool captain's unfortunately-timed slip against Chelsea yesterday afternoon...

(By @BeardedGenius)

Crystal Palace 0-2 Man City – Citizens In Title Driving Seat After Win At Selhurst Park (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Crystal Palace 0-2 Manchester City Premier League 28th April 2014

With Chelsea beating Liverpool earlier in the day, Manchester City were given the chance to move to within three points of the league leaders and the Citizens grabbed that chance with both hands, winning 2-0 against Crystal Palace.

Snapshot: Luis Suarez Named 2014 PFA Player Of The Year…

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By Chris Wright

Think of him what you may, but with 30 league goals and countless match-winning performances to his name despite starting a month-and-a-half after everyone else, it's little surprise that Liverpool's Luis Suarez has been voted the PFA Player of the Year for 2014 at the award gala in London tonight.

Racist Fan Throws Banana At Dani Alves, Who Promptly Picks It Up And Eats It… (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Dani Alves just ate racism...

Excellent. The correct response.

PFA Team Of The Season 2014 Announced – Couple Of Iffy Picks But Liverpool And Chelsea Dominate

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By Chris Wright

While the main gongs are yet to be divvied out (more on that as and when) and the official announcements are yet to be made, but The Guardian's live feed of the PFA Awards event has confirmed that the 2014 PFA Team of the Year is as follows.

Liverpool 0-2 Chelsea – Reds Slip Up In Title Race As Ba And Willian Fire Blues To Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 0-2 Chelsea Premier League 27th April 2014

Say what you like about Jose Mourinho (and we all have a lot to say about him, don't we!), but the Chelsea boss is a tactical master with his Blues's side once again getting the requisite result at Anfield on Sunday.

Football GIF: Jose Mourinho Celebrates Second Chelsea Goal As Blues Blow Title Race Wide Open At Anfield

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By Alan Duffy.

Holy God! What a day in the Premier League and one potentially pivotal at both ends of the table. At the business end, Jose Mourinho may well have 'parked the bus' at Anfield, but his Blues still netted two goals to stun the reds and make Man City the favourites to win the title.

Sunderland 4-0 Cardiff – Black Cats Move Out Of Drop-Zone After Four-Goal Mauling Of 10-Man Bluebirds (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 4-0 Cardiff City Premier League 27th April 2014

On a dramatic day in the Premier League, struggling Sunderland secured a priceless three points at the Stadium of Light on Sunday, thrashing 10-man Cardiff to climb out of the drop-zone.

Stoke 0-1 Tottenham – Rose On Target As Lilywhites Battle To Britannia Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 0-1 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 26th April 2014

Tottenham battled hard for their first away win in six games at a raucous Britannia Stadium on Saturday. The Potters were their usual physical selves and ultimately would go down to 10 men when Ryan Shawcross was sent off for two bookable offences.

Man Utd 4-0 Norwich – Giggs Gets Off To Winning Start As Red Devils Thrash Canaries (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 4-0 Norwich City Premier League 26th April 2014

Manchester United caretaker boss Ryan Giggs oversaw a comfortable 4-0 win for the Red Devils on Saturday, although the lack of quality of the opposition means that not too much should be read into the result.

Football GIFs: Cristiano Ronaldo Scores Couple Of Beauties During Hour-Long Cameo vs Osasuna

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid stuck four past Osasuna at the Bernabeu last night to keep themselves within three points of Atletico Madrid at the summit of the Liga table, with Cristiano Ronaldo bagging his 29th and 30th league goals of the season before being taken off on the hour-mark and a couple of handsome brutes they were too.

Southampton 2-0 Everton – Saints Curb Toffees’ Euro Hopes At St. Mary’s (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 2-0 Everton Premier League 26th April 2014

A couple of horror own-goals from Antolin Alcaraz and Seamus Colemanhanded Southampton a victory at St Mary's on Saturday. However, overall the Toffees were rather below par as their hopes of a top-four finish now hang by a thread.

Horror Hair: Adam Clayton Dyed His Beard For Huddersfield’s Final Home Game Of The Season…

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By Chris Wright

Look at the state of that...

Magnificent.

(Photo:Lynne Cameron/PA Wire)

Football Vine: Swansea’s Jonjo Shelvey Pops A Beauty In From 50-Yards Out vs Aston Villa

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By Chris Wright

Jonjo's only gone and scored a belter...

Shame that the quality of the clip doesn't really do the goal justice.

Hopefully we'll be able to source a better video in due course.

Norwegian Player Leaps On Team-Mate’s Back Before Kick-Off, Leaves Him Needing Six Stitches (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Before the recent Norwegian cup game between Alta IF and Bossekop UL, Bossekop'sMathias Dahl Abelsen attempted to leap on the back of his team-mate, Martin Mathisen.

Sadly, it was at precisely this point that Mathisen chose to limber up with a leap of his own.

Alcaraz And Coleman Combine To Knacker Everton’s Champions League Aspirations With Double Own-Goal Salvo vs Southampton (Vines)

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By Chris Wright

Our sincerest condolences go out to Antolin Alcaraz and Seamus Coleman this afternoon after the pair provided a double salvo of headed own-goals inside the first half-an-hour as fifth-placed Everton went down 2-0 to Southampton in the early kick-off, thus effectively giving The Toffees' Champions League aspirations a good old-fashioned kick in the cobblers.

Roma Playmaker Miralem Pjanic Scores Potential Goal Of The Season Against Milan (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Gifted Bosnian midfielder Miralen Pjanic netted one of the goals of the season on Friday night at the Stadio Olimpico. With the scores at 0-0 and the home side struggling to create any decent chances, the diminutive schemer picked up the ball outside the box before embarking on a superb jinking dribbling run which culminated in the 24-year-old slotting the ball past Christian Abbiati in the Milan goal.

RIP Tito Vilanova – Former Barcelona Coach Dies, Aged Just 45

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By Chris Wright

Barcelona are in mourning tonight after the sad, sad, shitty news that former coach Tito Vilanova has passed away at the painfully young age of 45.

The FC Barcelona is in immense mourning. Tito Vilanova has died at the age of 45.

Nike Roll Out Brilliant New ‘Winner Stays On’ Advert Featuring Ronaldo, Neymar, Zlatan & Rooney (Video)

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By Chris Wright

An ode to park football matches of yore, when you'd number up, pick which player you were going to be (Gabriel Batistuta, naturally) and proceed to play until the sun went down and you couldn't see the ball any more here's Nike's brilliant advert for their new "Risk Everything" campaign, which stars all of their big guns.

Random Horse Keeps Turning Up To Watch Non-League Ashington AFC’s Home Games (With Photo Evidence!)

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By Chris Wright

Non-league side Ashington AFC are currently having a mare in a very literal sense after finding several of their recent home games gate-crashed by a horse.

According to the Metro, no-one at the club quite knows who the nag belongs to, but it routinely makes its way down to their Portland Park home ground to watch the team in action by exploiting a gap in the fence around its field .

The Great World Cup Goals, #1: Maxi Rodriguez (Argentina) vs Mexico, 2006

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By Chris Wright

With just 47 short days until the World Cup gets underway in Brazil, we thought we'd begin to wet thine whistles with a series (let's say, a couple a week?) recapping the best goals ever scored at the 19 tournaments preceding 2014′s instalment.

We're starting with a personal favourite from the second round game between Argentina and Mexico at the 2006 World Cup in Germany.

Got, Got, Need: Thieves Steal Van Containing 300,000 Panini World Cup Stickers In Rio De Janeiro

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By Chris Wright

Panic spread through the streets of Rio de Janeiro earlier this week when it came to light that opportunistic thieves stole a van containing 300,000 Panini World Cup stickers.

The robbery left many fearing for the completion of their albums and wondering it their rubber-banded stack of swapsies would be enough to tide them over, though thankfully Panini themselves have issued a statement to assure the citizens of Rio that all is well and that sticker stocks are perfectly healthy.

Spoilsports: Government Rejects Petition To Have Emile Heskey Knighted

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By Chris Wright

Arise, Sir Emile Ivanhoe Heskey

Sad, sad news this morning that the poo-poo heads in government have rejected a petition to have Emile Heskey become a knight of the realm.

The petition was started on the10 Downing Street website last monthby Leicester fan Daniel McCarthy and called for Heskey to be awarded a knighthood for his "services to football".

Juventus Pipped By Benfica In Semi-Final As Carlos Tevez Scores First Goal In European Football For FIVE Years (GIFs & Video)

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By Chris Wright

Carlos Tevez scored in a European game for the first time since April 7th 2009 (for Manchester United against Porto) last night, thus ending a bafflingly long five-year goal drought when the diddy Argentinian striker weaved through the Benfica back-line and prodded a shot through the legs of goalkeeper Artur to cancel out Ezequiel Garay's 2nd-minute opener.

Qur’ans, Bananas & Liquid Soap – Brazilian Newspaper Publishes List Of Hotel Requests Made By Various World Cup 2014 Countries

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By Chris Wright

A photo of a Brazilian hotel lobby. Enjoy.

As spotted by our pals over at 101GG, Brazilian tabloid Lance have published what they are claiming to be a list of requirements and demands issued by several of the countries due to compete at the 2014 World Cup to the various hotels at which they are staying during the tournament.

‘Good Energy’: Spain’s Official 2014 World Cup Song Features Xavi On Drums (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Spain have released their official World Cup anthem for 2014, a song called "Buena Energia" (Good Energy) by a band called 'Maldita Nerea' who, for all intents and purposes, appear to be the Spanish equivalent of post-Patience-era Take That.

Aside from the beginning of the video looking like an advert for a dating site for 30+ gay professionals, it also features cameos from several of the Spain squad who will presumably heading out to Brazil with Xavi displaying some fine drum chops, Diego Costa banging away manfully on 'dem bongos and Cesar Azpilicueta absolutely tearing it up on the jazz tambourine.

Shit Football Ink: Disgruntled Man Utd Fan With ‘Moyes Out’ Arse Tattoo Has His Masterpiece Updated (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Remember the disgruntled Manchester United fan who was so upset at life at Old Trafford under David Moyes that he decided togo above and beyond in his quest to get his point across by having ‘Moyes Out' forever tattooed across his backside?

Well, with his quest complete, the very same pillock has gone and had his masterpiece (m-ass-terpiece?

Liverpool Unveil Anfield Stadium Redevelopment Plans In Full – Includes New £100m, Three-Tier Main Stand (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

You may remember that we brought you a leaked snapshot (above) yesterday, but today Liverpool have released the full set of architects' renderings of the club's proposed redevelopment of their Anfield stadium.

With the focus on Liverpool's plan for a new, three-tier, £100million Main Stand, several more images have been released as the club prepare tosubmit planning application for the project that will see Anfield and an accompanying plaza expanded into the area surrounding the stadium.

Shit Lookalikes: Young Gareth Bale & Boy From Cover Of Rage Against The Machine’s ‘Evil Empire’ Album

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By Chris Wright

You wait an age for a Gareth Bale lookalike, then two come along at once...

Fine spot from Pies fan Marko, who says he had to double-take when flicking through his record collection recently.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it over at waatpies@gmail or Tweet us on @waatpies and we'll gladly give it a butchers.

Spanish Police Confiscate Hallucinogenic Drugs Disguised As Barcelona Sweets

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By Chris Wright

Mes que un chocolate

Spanish police yesterday confiscated a batch ofhallucinogenic drugs at the port in the city of Alicante which were disguised as chocolates moulded into the shape of the Barcelona club crest.

According to Policia Nacional, as well as large amounts of cocaine and cash, approximately 300 grammes of the Barca confectionery was seized in Alicante, with one person being arrested amaster "Turronero" (a confectioner specialising in making the famousTurron nougat), dubbed "Willy Wonka", who had obviously been using his powers for evil by producing chocolates laced with marijuana and magic mushrooms.

Aly Cissokho’s Mock Liverpool 2013/14 Season ‘Highlight’ Reel Is A Thing Of Pure Brilliance (Video)

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By Chris Wright

To be perfectly honest, while we're aware that he's hardly set Anfield alight,Pies had no idea Aly Cissokho hadbeen naff enough this season to earn himself "comedic no-hoper" status, but it seems the French left-back (on loan from Valencia) is ripe for the pisse-taking among Liverpool fans.

Champions League: Real Madrid 1-0 Bayern Munich – Benzema Shoots Down Blunt Bayern At Bernabeu (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Real Madrid 1-0 Bayern Munich Champions League Semi-Final First Leg 23rd April 2014

Despite dominating for much of this semi-final first leg at the Bernabeu, European champions Bayern Munich failed to turn all that time on the ball into goals, with Real Madrid ultimately winning the game 1-0.

Shit Football Ink: USA International Jermaine Jones Prepares For World Cup With ‘Murican Knee Tattoo (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Just in time for the World Cup, former Blackburn Rovers and Schalke (and current USA international) midfielder Jermaine Jones has pressed ahead and had a thoroughly 'Murican tattoo etched about his person opting for a large 'stars and stripes' on his left knee.

David Moyes Releases Statement Following Sack, Thanks Man Utd For ‘Special’ 10 Months At The Club

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By Chris Wright

David Moyes, in conjunction with the League Managers Association, has issued a statement following his sacking as Manchester United manager yesterday.

The statement reads:

"To have been appointed as manager of Manchester United, one of the biggest football clubs in the world, was and remains something of which I will always be incredibly proud.

Retro Football: Gary Lineker’s First Ever Advert For Walkers Crisps, 1980s (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Partly inspired by Leicester City's return to the top flight, we thought we'd delve into the portfolio of one of the city's most famous sons, Mr Gary Winston Lineker OBE, and hunt out the very first time he shilled for Walkers Crisps from way back in the primordial mists of the mid-ish 1980s.

Neymar Takes On Souped-Up Ford Fiesta In Fun, Nonsensical Freestyle Football Battle (Video)

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By Chris Wright

For reasons we have no intention of fathoming, here's Neymar taking on a souped-up Ford Fiesta driven by Ken Block in some kind of strange football/rally hybrid battle of the ages ably assisted by a team of professional freestylers which includes everybody's favourite freestyle goalie, Lassi Hurskainen.

Shocking: Barcelona Allowed To Sign Players This Summer After All As FIFA Temporarily Lift Transfer Ban

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By Chris Wright

Truly shocking news this morning that FIFA have temporarily overturned the heavy, two-window transfer ban they metered out to Barcelona earlier this month, meaning that the clubwill be able to buy players this summer after all, pending an appeal.

Leicester City Seal Championship Title With 1-0 Victory Over Bolton, Celebrate Accordingly! (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

After securing promotion back to the Premier League around about a fortnight or so ago, a solitary goal from Lloyd Dyer (and a peach it was too) was enough to see Leicester City squeak their 29th victory of the season over Bolton at the Reebok last night and therefore mathematically seal the Championship title with two games left to play.

Snapshot: Liverpool’s Plans For New 60,000-Seater Anfield Redevelopment Leaked…

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By Chris Wright

Whereas they're not the finished article by any means, a set of renderings showing one of the final-ish designs for the proposed redevelopment of Anfield have been leaked this week, showing just how John Henry and his posse intend to boost Liverpool's current 45,000-seater home up to a capacity approaching 60,000 in 2018 or so.

He’s Alive! Arsenal’s Forgotten Man Abou Diaby Returns To Action For Gunners’ U21s (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Poor old Abou Diaby, already injury prone before he made the move from Auxerre to Arsenal in January 2006, an infamous horror tackle from Sunderland's Dan Smith has haunted his career with the Gunners. Each comeback from injury has ended in breakdown and after yet another serious injury last year, few would have expected the gifted midfielder to ever play again.

Champions League: Atletico Madrid 0-0 Chelsea – Well-Drilled Blues Blunt Atletico Attack In Spanish Shut-Out (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Atletico Madrid 0-0 Chelsea Champions League Semi-Final 1st Leg 22nd April 2014

Jose Mourinho and Chelsea produced one of their trademark disciplined and defensive displays at the Vicente Calderon on Tuesday night, ultimately coming away with a very valuable 0-0 draw.

Snapshot Of The Day: Spectacular Scenes As 500,000 Benfica Fans Swarm Into Lisbon To Celebrate Title Victory

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By Chris Wright

There were truly spectacular scenes in Lisbon last night as a reported 500,000 jubilant Benfica fans swarmed onto theMarques de Pombal roundaboutin the middle of the city to celebrate their beloved team's first Portuguese title win since 2010...

Wow.

Crushed: Real Betis Defender Paulao Makes Two Costly Errors For Relegation-Threatened Side, Begs To Be Subbed Off After 30 Minutes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Spare a thought for Real Betis centre-back Paulao, who endured a rotten old afternoon against Rayo Vallecano at the weekend as his two early, almost back-to-back defensive rickets saw Betis pretty much consigned to their fate as relegation certs.

Both errors led directly to goals for Vallecano; the first being a limp, woefully under-hit back-pass that allowedRuben Rochina to nip in and put Rayo 1-0 up after just 14 minutes, and the second coming 12 minutes later when the hapless Brazilian defender shanked a hopeful cross into the box fromAnaitz Arbillainto the back of his own goal via his shinpad.

‘As A Traditionalist, I Don’t Like It’ – Gary Neville Gives Brisk, Considered Reaction To David Moyes Sacking (Video)

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By Chris Wright

More good stuff from The Neviller, who got on the blower to discuss David Moyes' sacking with the Sky Sports News mob this morning, arguing that United let the axe fall too early to justify the length of the contract they handed to Moyes in the first place..

Shit Lookalikes: Gareth Bale & Goku From ‘Dragonball Z’

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By Chris Wright

Cracking spot from long-time Pies' fan Sirreg, who cottoned on to the fact that Gareth Bale, in the act of celebrating scoring the winner in last week's Copa Del Rey Final, bore an uncanny resemblance to Goku from Dragonball Z.

We're also reliably informed that this Goku fella is half monkey so, you know, there's your punchline.

David Moyes’ ‘Chosen One’ Stretford End Banner May End Up In The National Football Museum

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By Chris Wright

Given that they probably won't be needing it around the place much any more, the 'The Chosen One' bannerwhich has been hung in the Stretford End at Old Trafford for the past ten months is to be taken down ahead of Manchester United's game against Norwich this coming Saturday, and itlooks like it may end up in the National Football Museum.

5 Slightly Bonkers Stories About Louis Van Gaal, Man Utd’s Next Manager

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By Chris Wright

Heavily tipped to be taking over from David Moyes at Manchester United after the World Cup, Louis van Gaal has a bit of a reputation in football circles of how can we put this delicately being a bit of a deranged megalomaniac, with many cracking apocryphal stories and quotes being attributed to the man over the course of his long career in football.

Snapshot: Liverpool Troll Michael Owen On His Return To Anfield For Charity Match…

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By Chris Wright

Behold the sight that greeted Michael Owen upon his return to the Liverpool dressing room ahead of Easter Monday's Hillsborough charity game at Anfield...

The banter at football clubs never changes!!! pic.twitter.com/zh63r3JKBu

— michael owen (@themichaelowen) April 21, 2014

Ho, ho and, indeed, ho!

Reaction: David Moyes Sacked By Man Utd As Another Loveless Arranged Marriage Goes Down The Spout

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By Chris Wright

David Moyes: At least he tried

Good of them to hold off until after the Bank Holiday, but after rumours starting swilling on Monday afternoon, David Moyes has been sacked by Manchester United after just 10 months in charge at Old Trafford.

United have exercised remarkable patience by modern footballing standards, though it would seem an 11th league defeat of the season and the fact that the loss against Everton signalled that Champions League qualification had officially become a mathematical impossibility (the first time United haven't qualified for top-tier European football in 19 years) was the final nail in the coffin.

Official: Man Utd Announce That David Moyes Has Left The Club

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By Chris Wright

Well well...

BREAKING: Manchester United announces that David Moyes has left the club. (part 1 of 2) #mufc

— Manchester United (@ManUtd) April 22, 2014

BREAKING: The club would like to place on record its thanks for the hard work, honesty and integrity he brought to the role.

Police Momentarily Mistake Benfica Coach Jorge Jesus For Lairy Fan During Title Celebrations (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Benfica wrapped up their 33rd Portuguese league title with a 2-0 win over Olhanense last night and two games left to play, with the celebrations spilling out on to the streets after the game where Benfica coach Jorge Jesus, draped in red and cavorting around the crowd, found himself very nearly carted off by the police.

Everton 2-0 Man Utd – No Goodison Gifts For Moyes As Red Devils Flop Again On Merseyside (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 2-0 Manchester United Premier League 20th April 2014

David Moyes endured a disappointed return to his old Everton stomping ground, seeing his poor United side lose by two goals to one.The Toffees were the better side throughout and went ahead after Phil Jones handled Romelu Lukaku's goal-bound effort.

Football Vine: King Of Cool Dimitar Berbatov Nets Superb Laid-Back Lob For Monaco

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By Alan Duffy

Nonchalance personified, Dimitar Berbatov netted a magnificent lob for Monaco against Nice on Sunday, with the laid-back strike about as cool as it gets. Tremendous!

Vine: Manour Loum

Hull 0-3 Arsenal – Podolski Pockets Brace As Clinical Gunners Tame Tigers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Hull City 0-3 Arsenal Premier League 20th April 2014

Arsenal kept hold of that precious Champions League spot courtesy of a fine win at the KC Stadium. Hull gave as good as they got in the first period but were undone by two superb Arsenal moves, with the outstanding Aaron Ramsey and then Lukas Podolski putting the Gunners 2-0 up at the break.

Norwich 2-3 Liverpool – Red Go Five Points Clear Despite Canaries’ Comeback (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 2-3 Liverpool Premier League 20th April 2014

Liverpool survived a second-half rally from Norwich on Sunday to go five points clear at the top of the table. Raheem Sterling and Luis Suarez put the Reds 2-0 up within 11 minutes as Brendan Rodgers' charges looked to capitalise on Chelsea defeat against Sunderland.

Chelsea 1-2 Sunderland – Blues Old-Boy Borini Nets Winner As Wheels Come Off For Mourinho’s Men (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 1-2 Sunderland Premier League 19th April 2014

What a dramatic game this was, with Fabio Borini, a former Chelsea youth player who is currently on loan from Liverpool netting the winner for Sunderland. That decisive goal, which saw Jose Mourinho suffer his first league defeat at Stamford Bridge ever came after a rather soft penalty decision, with Jozy Altidore standing on Cesar Azpilicueta's foot rather than the other way around.

Newcastle 1-2 Swansea – Bony Bags Brace As Magpies Lose Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 1-2 Swansea City Premier League 19th April 2014

If Swansea manage to avoid the drop the season they will owe their top tier survival to the goals of Wilfried Bony. The Ivorian striker's late penalty strike was his 13th this season in the league, eight more than any other Swansea player has managed this season.

Cardiff 1-1 Stoke – Bluebirds Bag Precious Point Against Potters (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Cardiff City 1-1 Stoke City Premier League 19th April 2014

A game of two penalties, Peter Whittingham's spot-kick secured a vital point for the Bluebirds after Marko Arnautovic had opened the scoring for the Potters courtesy of his own spot-kick.

West Ham – Crystal Palace – Eagles Enjoy The Mile-High Club As Jedinak Spot-Kick Keeps Palace Winning (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 0-1 Crystal Palace Premier League 19th April 2014

Whatever you think about Tony Pulis' prosaic brand of football, you've got to admire the Welshman's ability to organise teams and keep them in the top division. On Saturday, Pulis' Crystal Palace were deserved 1-0 winners against a poor West Ham side, with Mile Jedinak's penalty (after Cameron Jerome has been fouled byPablo Armero) the only goal of the game.

Aston Villa 0-0 Southampton – Saints Misfire In Stalemate At Villa Park (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 0-0 Southampton Premier League 19th April 2014

This clash at Villa Park was a bit of a damp squib with both sides struggling to create any decent chances.Adam Lallana had the best chance of the game, somehow missing from six yards, but overall neither side deserved the win.

Football GIF: Ramires Swings Vicious Elbow Into Seb Larsson’s Face

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By Chris Wright

Okay, so it's not an elbow in the truest sense, but Ramires was unarguably an extremely lucky, lucky boy as he managed to avoid any punishment for openly clouting Sunderland's Seb Larsson in the face during Chelsea's 1-2 defeat at Stamford Bridge this evening.

Football Vine: Referee Chris Foy Hit In Face By Blocked Shot, Leaves Pitch With Broken Nose

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By Chris Wright

Referee Chris Foy had to sub himself off during Newcastle-Swansea earlier this afternoon when a Jonjo Shelvey shot cannoned back offFabricio Coloccini and hammered the official square in the face leaving him incapacitated for several minutes before leaving the pitch with a suspected broken nose.

Tottenham 3-1 Fulham – Onward Christian Schemer! Eriksen Helps Lilywhites To Victory At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 3-1 Fulham Premier League 19th April 2014

Spurs registered a 3-1 win at home to Fulham in Saturday's early game, a result which keeps Fulham in a perilous position in the league. Christian Eriksen set up Spurs's first and last goals via superb free-kicks which were finished off by Paulinho (on 35 minutes) and Younes Kaboul (62 minutes).

Blackpool Coach Sent To The Stands For Hitting Own Player In Face During Burnley Defeat (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Things are going from bad to worse at Blackpool at the moment as the club continue their meteoric nosedive toward the Championship relegation zone.

Fans protested during the opening stages of yesterday's game against Burnley, with a hail of tennis balls and satsumas being thrown from the terraces and causing the match to be temporarily halted.

John Terry Scores Splendid ‘Head Tennis’ Golazo…Against Chelsea’s Under-8s Team (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Great build-up, great finish; not sure about the marking...

(Video: Chelsea FC)

Liverpool Players Swamp ‘PFA Player Of The Year’ And ‘PFA Young Player Of The Year’ Award Shortlists

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By Chris Wright

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Liverpool players have swamped the PFA's Player of the Year award shortlists this year, with Steven Gerrard, Daniel Sturridge, Luis Suarez and Raheem Sterling all included in the running for either the full award or its younger counterpart.

Whopper: Marseille Striker Andre-Pierre Gignac Unhappy Over New Burger King Adverts

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By Chris Wright

Burger King have reportedly incurred the wrath of Marseille's Andre-Pierre Gignac after launching a new advert in France that pokes fun at the striker's...erm, shall we say..."heavy-set physique".

According to La Provence newspaper, Burger King have decided to play on the fact that visiting fans regularly chant "a Big Mac for Gignac" by cobbled together the following advert in a bid topublicise the opening of a new branch in Marseille.

Dejan Lovren’s Filthy Drag-Back Sends Southampton Team-Mates Doolally During Training Session (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during a passing drill, Dejan Lovren's downright filthy little drag-back through the legs of Harrison Reed sends the rest of his Southampton team-mates bloody doolally during a training session, with Adam Lallana even hooting that it was "the best one he's ever seen" at one point.

PAOK Fan Arrested For Dumping Crate Of Dead Fish Over Olympiakos’ Subs Bench

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By Chris Wright

Police in Thessaloniki have arrested a PAOK fan accused of dumping fish all over theOlympiakos bench during the Greek Cup semi-final tie between the two sides on Wednesday.

A 34-year-old man has been apprehended after a crate of dead anchovies was tipped over theOlympiakos (whose fans are nicknamed "anchovies") subs bench, causing the already-delayed game to be halted for just over half-an-hour during the second half while PAOK stadium staff cleaned up the briny mess.

Valencia Police Issue Gareth Bale With Mock Speeding Ticket For ‘Reckless Over-Taking’ During Copa Del Rey Final…

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By Chris Wright

As picked up by Spanish newspaper AS, Valencia police have issued Gareth Bale with a speeding ticket and charged the Real Madrid forward with "reckless over-taking and crossing the continuous white line while exceeding the speed limit" in the act of scoring his winning goal in the Copa Del Rey Final on Wednesday evening.

Cardiff City Ask Premier League To Void Crystal Palace Defeat Over Alleged ‘Team Leak’ Espionage

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By Chris Wright

Cardiff City have reportedly written to the Premier League to formally request that their defeat against Crystal Palace from earlier this month be voided entirely on the grounds of ESPIONAGE.

BBC Sport are claiming to have seen the five-page letter, sent to the Premier League by Cardiff's legal team, which kindly requests that the 3-0 loss against Palace on April 5th be struck from the record books on account of Palace's sporting directorIain Moody (who was sacked by Cardiff in October last year, only to be snapped up by Palace the following month) successfully obtaining The Bluebirds' starting line-up for the game beforehand.

Woody’s New Bird: Jonathan Woodgate Acts His Arse Off As Middlesbrough Flog Season Ticket Renewals With Baffling Advert (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's that time of the season again when clubs begin to flog early bird season ticket renewal discounts, and Middlesbrough are no different though the manner in which they've chosen to go about it is pretty bloody baffling.

Presenting: "Woody's New Bird", starring noted thespians/Boro defenders Jonathan Woodgate, George Friend and Ben Gibson.

New Low: Gareth Bale Tweets Football To Thank It For Co-Operating In Copa Del Rey Final, And The Football Replies…

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By Chris Wright

"Luv u babe lol xx"

It's enough to make your bile froth, but Gareth Bale (or one of his minions) has just tweeted the Adidas Brazuca he used to win last night's Copa Del Rey Final to thank it a football for it's co-operation.

Snapshot: Greek Cup Semi-Final Delayed After PAOK Fans Cover Olympiakos Subs Bench In Fish…

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By Chris Wright

There were a couple of reasons that the kick-off of the Greek Cup semi-final second leg between PAOK and Olympiakos had to be delayed last night, with a huge pre-game flare display engulfing the pitch in thick, accrid smoke that took several minutes to clear.

Gareth Bale Settles Copa Del Rey Final In 85th Minute With Magnificent Solo Charge (GIF & Video)

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By Chris Wright

At no point did it ever look truly under control, but Gareth Bale settled the Copa Del Rey Final in Real Madrid's favour last night by yomping past Marc Bartra on the outside from inside his own half, eventually making his way into the Barcelona area and poking a magnificent solo finish past Jose Pinto.

Football Vine: Oh Vito! Sunderland ‘Keeper Mannone Gifts Man City Etihad Equaliser

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By Alan Duffy

How costly could Vito Mannone's blunder on Wednesday night be to Sunderland? Actually, probably not much as I doubt they'll get within two points of safety anyway. Still, it was quite the howler to give Man City a share of the points, made all the more painful by the Italians attempts to get back and stop the ball rolling into his net.

Everton 2-3 Crystal Palace – Toffees Come Unstuck In Race for Top Four (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 2-3 Crystal Palace Premier League 16th April 2014

Everton's hopes of a Champions League spot are now once again out of their hands after the Toffees suffered a shock defeat at Goodison Park to Crystal Palace.

The Toffees struggled to click into gear throughout the game while the Eagles were bright from the start.

Man City 2-2 Sunderland – Citizens Arrest At Etihad As Black Cats Almost Pull Off Shock Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 2-2 Sunderland Premier League 16th April 2014

Manchester City's title hopes took an almighty blow at the Etihad on Wednesday night, with the Citizens lucky to come away with a point after a poor performance against bottom side Sunderland.

Retro Football: Tony Adams Caught Calling Referee David Elleray ‘Cheat’ On His Hidden Microphone, 1989 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having heard that referees over in Australia's A-League are to be miked up to allow their decisions to be included as part of the television coverage la rugby, Pies were instantly reminded of the ill-fated experiment conducted in English football when Harrovian schoolmaster/referee David Elleray wore a microphone around his waist while overseeing Arsenal's suitably tempestuous game against Millwall at The Den in Division One back in 1989.

Snapshot: Fulham Trio Parker, Hangeland and Reither Phone Fans To Personally Thank Them For Renewing Their Season Tickets

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By Chris Wright

Given their shonky season, Fulham were obviously so amazed and grateful that any of their season ticket holders actually renewed their seats for next season that the club had Scott Parker, Brede Hangeland and Sacha Reither take to the phones and call fans to personally thank them for shelling out.

Sir Alex Ferguson To Auction Off Impressive Wine Collection Estimated To Be Worth £3 Million

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By Chris Wright

In a bid to supplement his state pension, Sir Alex Ferguson is set to auction off thevast collection of vintage wines he assembled during his time at the helm of Manchester United no sniggering at the back please!

The extensive collection, which numbers approximately 5,000 bottles (some of which are signed by Fergie himself), is to be flogged at Christie's in May and isestimated to fetch around £3million according to its pre-sale valuation.

Obstruction! Hammarby’s Jan Gunnar Solli Shown Yellow Card For Attempting Classic Playground Dribbling Tactic (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Hammarby pulverised Degerfors in the Swedish Superettan last night, winning 5-0 and closing out the game in comfort maybe a little too much comfort.

Five goals up and cruising, Hammarby midfielderJan Gunnar Solli picked up one of theweirdestyellow cards we've seen in a long while when, in an attempt to wriggle past a Degerfors defender, theNorwegian quickly stuffed the ball up inside his shirt and waltzed on by a dribbling manoeuvre favoured by playground chancers the world over.

Arsenal 3-1 West Ham – Podolski Brace Sees Gunners Back In Top Four (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 3-1 West Ham United Premier League 15th April 2014

Arsenal came from a goal down to secure a vital 3-1 win at the Emirates on Tuesday night, as result which sees them go (at least temporarily) back into the top four.

Matt Jarvis had opened the scoring for the Hammers after the magnificently hirsuteAntonio Nocerino burst into the Gunners' box.

Football Vine & GIF: Arsenal’s Olivier Giroud Pulls Off Magnificent First Touch For Goal Against West Ham

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By Alan Duffy

A right touch of the Bergkamp's from Olivier Giroud here helped calm Arsenal's nerves on the night in their 3-1 win against West Ham and is sure to give the French striker a much-needed confidence boost. Classy!

Vine & GIF: 101gg

Thousands Gather At Anfield For Hillsborough 25th Anniversary Memorial (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

25 years to the day since that awful afternoon in Sheffield, thousands of fans and well-wishers have descended upon Anfield for the Hillsborough 25th anniversary memorial service.

Following his tearful carthasis at the end of Liverpool's 3-2 victory over Manchester City on Sunday, Steven Gerrard and the rest of his Liverpool team-mates are in attendance along with many others whose lives were forever changed by the tragic events of April 15th, 1989.

Port Vale Sack Defender After Club Captain Left Battered, Bruised And Broken Following Training Ground Assault (Nasty Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Doug Loft, back when his face didn't look like a shop-soiled aubergine

Port Vale have sacked defenderDaniel Jones with immediate effect following a training ground incident that left club captain Doug Loft with a pulped face so severe that his injuries have since ruled him out for the rest of the season.

Football GIF: Watch As These Mere Mortals Attempt To Jump As High As Cristiano Ronaldo…

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By Chris Wright

Captured at the Sports Cafe somewhere or other, here we see a sequence of mere mortals trying and failing to reach the requisite altitude to connect with one of Cristiano Ronaldo's famous soaring headers...

2.88 metres (9.4 feet), just in case you were wondering.

Young Boy Named Rooney Scholes Denied Personalised Easter Egg Over ‘Pathetic’ Copyright Issue

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By Chris Wright

Huge news! A three-year-old Mancunian boy by the name of Rooney Scholes (yep) has been denied a personalised Easter egg after Thorntons refused to ice his name onto the confectionery for fear of violating copyright laws.

According to the Manchester Evening News, the next-door neighbour of United fan Jo-anne Scholes, 43, asked for her son's first name to be iced onto the chocolate ovoid as an Easter treat only for the staff at Thorntons in Bury town centre to refuse to write "Rooney" on the egg for fear ofbreaching copyright.

Barcelona Young’n Munir El Haddadi Scores From Inside Own Half In UEFA Youth League Final (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Barcelona's fledglings spanked Benfica 3-0 in the final of the UEFA Youth League in Nyon, Switzerland, yesterday, with 18-year-old strikerMunir El Haddadi snaffling the pick of the goals looking up, seeing the Benfica 'keeper off his line and arching one over the line and in without bouncing from well inside his own half to score his side's third and final goal in the 87th minute.

‘I Think Therefore I Play’ – Top 10 Exquisite Extracts From Andrea Pirlo’s Autobiography

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By Chris Wright

1. "I don't give a toss about pressure. I spent afternoon sleeping and playing Playstation. Then I went out and won the World Cup."

2. On Sir Alex deploying Park Ji-Sung to man-mark him during the 2010 Champions League last 16: "[Sir Alex] isa man without blemish, but he ruined that purity just for a moment when it came to me.

Levante Pair Casadesus & Ruben Garcia Attempt Absurd ‘Twin Freekick’ With Predictable Results (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during Villarreal's 1-0 win over Levante on Saturday, Levante pairCasadesus & Ruben Garcia attempt to nab the points by choosing the 91st minute as the perfect time to unveil their daring nay, pioneering new "twin free-kick" routine.

Bib-Wearing Substitute Interrupts Warm-Up To Make Heroic, But Sadly Illegal, Goal-Line Clearance (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Spotted during last week's spellcheck-battering Iranian second division tie betweenNassaji Mazandaran and Shahrdari Yasuj, in which one of Yasuj's substitute senses impending danger following a calmitous defensive cock-up and curtails his warm-up behind the goal to make an heroic, last-ditch goal-saving clearance from underneath his own crossbar.

Anti-Violence Argentinian Team Founded In Honour Of Pope Francis Have Two Players Sent Off In First Match

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By Chris Wright

Papa Francisco FC, in all their heavenly glory

In a simply delicious twist of irony, an Argentinian football team founded in honour of Pope Francis in order to promote non-violence in the sport had two players sent off in their first ever match at the weekend.

Football GIF: Columbus Crew’s Giancarlo Gonzalez Guilty Of Shameful, Shameful Play-Acting vs San Jose Earthquakes

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By Chris Wright

San Jose Earthquakes and Columbus Crew churned out a 1-1 draw in the MLS on Sunday but, in the closing minutes of the game, Columbus defenderGiancarlo Gonzalez was guilty of a piece of play-acting so shameful that, were there any justice in this world, the game should've been outright awarded to San Jose on principle.

Maxi Lopez Snubs Mauro Icardi Handshake As Lurid Marital Melodrama Consumes Serie A Clash (Photos & Video)

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By Chris Wright

Icardi and Wanda

The game was billed as the "Derby della Wanda"; the Wanda in question being Wanda Nara: Italian model, ex-wife of Sampdoria striker Maxi Lopez and current girlfriend of Inter forward Mauro Icardi, who were both team-mates and friends at Samp last season until the former pilfered the latter's lady friend towards the tail-end of 2013.

Werder Bremen’s Nils Petersen Scores Wonderfully Cultured Own-Goal vs Mainz (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ah! The Bundesliga Youtube channel: the gift that just keeps on giving!

This week's choice instalment comes from Saturday's tie between Werder Bremen and Mainz in which Bremen striker Nils Petersen back to help out in defence for a Mainz corner in the fifth minute of the game awkwardly swings with his outside foot at the cross and shonks an extremely cultured dipping shot into his own top corner.

FA Cup Semi-Final: Hull 5-3 Sheffield Utd – Tigers Show Teeth After Blades Impress At Wembley (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Hull City 5-3 Sheffield United FA Cup Semi-Final 13th April 2014

While yesterday's FA Cup semi-final between Arsenal and Wigan left it's drama until the penalty shoot-out, Hull and Sheffield United provided an eight-goal thriller in normal time at Wembley on Sunday.

Diego Costa Suffers Truly Gruesome Shin Injury In Act Of Scoring For Atletico Madrid (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Diego Costa suffered a truly grisly gash to his shin following a sickening collision with the post in the act of lunging in to score Atletico Madrid's second goal in their 2-0 victory over Getafe earlier this evening.

This coming after the Atleti striker missed a penalty, possibly due to a timely distraction that reared up in the crowd behind the goal.

Swansea 0-1 Chelsea – Ba Scores Again As Blues Keep Pressure On Liverpool (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 0-1 Chelsea Premier League 13th April 2014

Despite seeing Swansea go down to 10 men after just 16 minutes, Chelsea struggled to unlock the hosts defence at the Liberty Stadium on Sunday, only for Demba Ba to finally nab that all important goal in the second-half.

Atletico Madrid Assistant German Burgos Wears Google Glass On Bench vs Getafe (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Soooo...

Well, la-di-da! What the hell is he perusing on those things? Answers on a postcard please...

(Image: AS)

Football Vine: Liverpool Captain Steven Gerrard In Tears After Anfield Win Against Man City

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By Alan Duffy

What a cracking game that was! The victory by Liverpool at Anfield on Sunday could well be the pivotal game in the race for the Premier League trophy and just how much it meant to the Reds was encapsulated by captain Steven Gerrard after the final whistle, with the Kop legend shedding a few tears, tears which are all the more poignant on this weekend marking the 25th anniversary of the Hillsborough tragedy.

Liverpool 3-2 Man City – Reds Move Closer To Title Triumph After Classic Anfield Clash (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 3-2 Manchester City Premier League 13th April 2014

What a cracking game of football this was with Liverpool once again starting superbly against one of their rivals, with Raheem Sterling and Martin Skrtel putting the home side 2-0 up at the break.

West Brom 3-3 Tottenham – Baggies Blow Three-Goal Lead As Lilywhites Bag Draw (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 3-3 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 13th April 2014

What a bizarre game this was. West Brom were a goal up after just 30 seconds, courtesy of Matej Vydra, before Chris Brunt and Stephane Sessegnon made it 3-0 to the hosts with just over half-an-hour played.

Sunderland 0-1 Everton – Brown OG Fires Toffees Into Top Four (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 0-1 Everton Premier League 12th April 2014

Everton leapfrogged Arsenal into into the top four on Saturday, courtesy of a rather less-than-impressive win against Sunderland at the Stadium of Light. The Toffees struggled to click into gear against a Black Cats side fighting for their Premier League lives, with Steven Naismith missing a glorious chance early on.

Stoke 1-0 Newcastle – Potters Deserved Victors Despite Flukey Pieters’ Winner (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 1-0 Newcastle United Premier League 12th April 2014

Stoke's winning goal in this game against Newcastle may have come courtesy of a flukey Erik Pieters effort, a cross which beat Tim Krul in the Magpies' goal) but the Potters were deserved winners overall against Alan Pardew's disappointing side.

Alan Pardew Blames Local Press For Fans’ Anger, Sunday Sun Publish Brilliant Full-Page ‘Apology’…

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By Chris Wright

With Newcastle manager Alan Pardew recently blaming a spate of nay-saying in the local press for cultivating the current hostilities toward him and his ailing side among the Toon Army, Tyneside-based tabloid Sunday Sun responded with a cracking, full-page "apology" to begin their sport section this morning.

Southampton 0-1 Cardiff – Super Cala Keeps Bluebirds’ Fragile Yet Realistic Title Hopes Alive (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 0-1 Cardiff City Premier League 12th April 2014

Southampton may have dominated for large periods of this game at St. Mary's on Saturday, but ultimately it was the visitors Cardiff who would come away with a precious three points.

Fulham 1-0 Norwich – Hugo The Hero As Whites Win Vital Relegation Clash (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 1-0 Norwich City Premier League 12th April 2014

Hugo Rodellega fired home what could be a priceless goal for Fulham on Saturday in their relegation clash with Norwich City. The striker netted from a Lewis Holtby just before the break but prior to that breakthough strike, the Whites had rode their luck somewhat, with 'keeper David Stockdale called upon to make a number of fine saves.

Crystal Palace 1-0 Aston Villa – Eagles Keep On Soaring As Villans Lose Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Crystal Palace 1-0 Aston Villa Premier League 12th April 2014

In-form winger Jason Puncheon scored again as Crystal Palace registered a deserved win against a limp Aston Villa side.The Eagles created the better chances throughout although Ciaran Clark did go close for Paul Lambert's men.

FA Cup Semi-Final: Arsenal 1-1 Wigan (Pens: 4-2) – Plucky Gunners Upset FA Cup Heavyweights To Reach Final! (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal 1-1 Barcelona (Pens: 4-2) – FA Cup Semi-Final – 12th April 2014

Lord alone knows how they pulled it off, but unfancied Arsenal came from behind and took FA Cup heavyweights Wigan the full distance at Wembley this afternoon grinding away and eventually pipping the reigning holders on penalties to reach their first final in living memory.

New Leeds Owner Massimo Cellino Orders Security Sweep Of Elland Road, Finds Hidden Cameras In Boardroom And Toilets

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By Chris Wright

"Ah, sì! I love the Little Britain!"

New Leeds United ownerMassimo Cellino has prompted a police investigation after a preliminary security sweep of the club's Elland Road stadium found hidden recording devices in both the boardroom and the toilets.

Angry Eintracht Frankfurt Fan Topples Acrobatically Over Stadium Wall (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Gawd bless the Bundesliga's brilliant official Youtube channel for continually proffering forth wonderful nuggets like this.

Here we see an Eintracht Frankfurt fan, incandescent with rage despite his side winning 2-0 against Mainz last Saturday, harrumphing his way down to the perimeter wall to unleash all holy hell on the players only to overcook it and lollop over the hoarding in slow, comical style.

Europa League: Valencia Stage Mighty Comeback While Benfica, Juventus And Sevilla All Reach Last Four (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Valencia's incredible comeback was the most dramatic game of the last night's Europa League quarter-final action. 3-0 down against handy Swiss side Basel from the first leg, the once great La Liga club fought back to win 5-0 in extra-time, with Basel seeing two men sent off. What drama!

Radamel Falcao Moved To Tears By Intense Emotional Reaction Of Young Colombian Fan (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Currently out of action with a serious case of the knee-knacks, Radamel Falcao took an afternoon out of his ongoing efforts to regain his fitness ahead of the World Cup by meeting a few of his young Colombian fans asmall group of kids had been specially selected to fly out from Colombia to meet Falcao in Spain,

A young 13-year-old lad from Bogota by the name of Michael Steven then stole the show when he was utterly and helplessly unable to keep a lid on his emotions as the crocked Monaco striker walked through the door bursting into floods of heaving, hysterical tears at the mere sight of his idol.

Sweet Moment As Kolo Toure Gives His Boots To Little Girl At Liverpool Kit Launch (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Hopefully we'll have some decent photos of the event sooner rather than later but, as you may well be aware, Liverpool unveiled their new 2014/15 home kits down by the docks yesterday afternoon with several players emerging from a large shipping container for the big reveal.

Champions League Semi-Final Draw: Real Madrid vs Bayern Munich, Atletico Madrid vs Chelsea

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By Chris Wright

Just to keep y'all abreast, the draw for the Champions League semi-finals has been completed in Nyon and it looks like this...

Semi-final 1: Real Madrid vs Bayern Munich

Semi-final 2: Atletico Madrid vs Chelsea

All first leg ties will be played on April 22/23 with the return legs scheduled for the following week.

Top 5 Remarkable Europa League Second-Leg Comebacks

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By Chris Wright

With a doff of the cap to Valencia for last night's Europa League extravaganza against Basel (more on that shortly), here's Pies' pick of our five favourite Europa league/UEFA Cup second-leg comebacks...

5. Paris Saint-Germain 4-1 Real Madrid, 1993

With Real Madrid carrying over an nigh-on unassailable 3-1 lead from the first leg of the quarter-finals, PSG put in a shift and a half at the Parc des Prince to claw themselves back into it.

Ricardo Quaresma Scores Blistering 90th-Minute Consolation Goal As Porto Rolled Over By Sevilla (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having emerged from the first leg leading by a single goal to nil, Porto found themselves 3-0 down to Sevilla inside the first half-an-hour of the second eventually going on to lose 4-1 on the night and 4-2 overall to their ten-man opposition.

Not that it provided much commiseration for the Portuguese side in the grand scheme of things, but Ricardo Quaresma's 90th-minute consolation was a thing of outstanding natural beauty.

Football Vine: Andrea Pirlo Continues Impressive Streak With Devilishly Handsome Freekick vs Lyon

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By Chris Wright

Andrea Pirlo has kept his impressive free-kick streak alive by clipping home another handsome brute over the wall and past the 'keeper with just four minutes on the clock to put Juventus 1-0 up against Lyon in the Europa League quarter-finals...

We think we're right in saying that's six goals this season for Pirlo, all of them devilishly svelte set-pieces.

Former Valencia President Juan Soler Arrested On Suspicion Of Planning To Kidnap His Successor

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By Chris Wright

Ex-Valencia presidents Juan Soler (left) and Vicente Soriano (centre), seen here playing patty-cake in happier times

Some classic batchy Spanish club presidency scandal for you here, with the news that former Valencia president Juan Soler was arrested on Tuesday on suspicion of plotting to kidnap his successor, Vicente Soriano.

Shit Lookalikes: Phil Jones & Mimsy From ‘South Park’

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By Chris Wright

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Give us a nudge at waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet us your suggestions @waatpies and we'll gladly give them the once-over.

Football GIF: David Moyes Getting Hit By Ball vs Bayern Munich Given Classic ‘Hans Moleman’ Treatment

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By Chris Wright

Rejoice, for David Moyes getting nudged in his "technical area" by Chris Smalling's deflected clearance against Bayern Munich last night has been given the ol' Simpsons GIF treatment...

This isn't David Moyes' first appearance in The Simpsons, of course.

‘It’s Absurd!’ – Lassana Diarra Forced To Legally Deny Rumours He’s Become A Syrian Jihad Terrorist

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By Chris Wright

Lokomotiv Moscowmidfielder Lassana Diarra has been forced to deny the ludicrous internet rumours that he is the "ex-Arsenal footballer-jihadist" who was recently filmed calling for fellowIslamist extremists to join the fighting in Syria.

The footage, circulated by theIslamic State of Iraq and Syria, shows a Portuguese man of African descent claiming to have grown up with Cristiano Ronaldo and having formerly been on the books at Arsenal before converting to Islam, assuming the name"Abu Issa Al-Andalusi" and leaving the football world behind "to make the path of Allah".

Thibaut Courtois Would Miss Hypothetical Chelsea Semi-Final Due To ‘Large Sum Of Money’ Involved In Loan Clause

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By Chris Wright

Atletico Madrid president Enrique Cerezo has confirmed that the club will be unable to field goalkeeper Thibaut Courtois in the Champions League semi-finals should the Spanish side draw Chelsea in the final four as it would trigger a clause in the Belgian keeper's contract that would see Atleti forced to pay a significant lump sum to his parent club.

Champions League: Atletico 1-0 Barcelona (Agg: 2:1) – Koke Is It! Barca Bow Out As Madrid Make Last Four (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Atletico Madrid 1-0 Barcelona (Agg: 2-1) Champions League Quarter Finals 2nd Leg 9th April 2014

Diego Simeone's Atletico Madrid side produced yet another superb performance to knock La Liga giants Barcelona out of the Champions league.

Playmaker Koke was goal-hero for the Madrid side who also hit the woodwork three times early on as they stunned their more illustrious fellow countrymen.

Champions League: Bayern 3-1 Man Utd (Agg: 4-2) – Munich Too Strong For Moyes’ Boys (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Bayern Munich 3-1 Manchester United Champions League Quarter-Finals 2nd Leg 9th April 2014

Manchester United gave European champions Bayern Munich a scare in Germany on Wednesday night, producing a disciplined defensive first-half display before taking the lead, courtesy of Patrice Evra's superb strike on 57 minutes.

Football Vine: Patrice Evra Scores Belter As Man Utd Crash Out Against Bayern Munich

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By Chris Wright

Paddy Evra scored an absolute belter to put United up on aggregate, roughly 22 seconds before Bayern Munich began their procession toward victory...

More photos and highlights as and when...

Francesco Totti Releases Second Rome Guide Book And The Cover Is Just As Glorious As The First One… (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Following on from the whirlwind success of his first guide book to Rome, "Let's Talk About Rome", Francesco Totti has finally gotten round to penning a sequel, unleashing "In giro per Roma col Capitano" ("Around Rome with The Captain") on the world with the front cover seeing the Roma legend mocked up as a cheerful local cabby.

Man City Loanee Emyr Huws Scores 35-Yard Thraiker For Birmingham City vs Middlesbrough (Video)

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By Chris Wright

On loan at Birmingham City from Manchester City's academy side, 20-year-old Emyr Huws (who hails from Wales, as if you hadn't guessed) has been doing his reputation no harm over the past few weeks, following up a beautifully composed 20-yard volley against Burnley a fortnight or so ago with a goal of even greater spectacle against Middlesbrough in the Championship last night.

‘Arsenal Haven’t Got A Winning Mentality’ – Gunners’ Fading Title Mirage Leaves Santi Cazorla With His Eyes On The Exit

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By Chris Wright

As anyone who had the misfortune of setting through their woefully submissive performance against Everton at the weekend will duly attest, Arsenal are feeling mighty sorry for themselves at the moment.

The Gunners spent a significant period of the early season on top of the table, though, alas, their title aspirations have proven to be little more than a mirage created by a heady cocktail of Aaron Ramsey briefly hitting the form of his life before Christmas, a smidgen of momentum and, arguably, afavourable early fixture arrangement.

Crawley Town Defender Paul Connolly In Trouble After Slapping Brentford Supporter Across The Face (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Brentford have agreed to assist an investigation into an altercation between Crawley Town defender Paul Connolly and a Bees fan that cropped up during the two sides' League One fixture last night.

Footage appears to show Connolly slapping the Brentford fan across the face after throwing the ball back rather sharply at the 30-year-old full-back as he sought to take a throw-in during the latter stages of the game, with Crawley 1-0 down and chasing an equaliser.

Behold! PSG Owner Nasser Al Khelaifi’s Rage Face At The Very Moment Demba Ba Scored Chelsea’s Winner (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Behold the face of PSG benefactor Nasser Al Khelaifi at the precise moment Demba Ba popped up to wobble home Chelsea's 87th-minute aggregate winner and send his multi million-Euro investment crashing out of the Champions League last night...


Absolutely fuming.

Eight Players Injured And One Left In Coma After Lightning Strikes Pitch During Austrian Lower League Game

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By Chris Wright

Sunday's Austrian lower league tie betweenFC Notsch and FC Sillian had to be abandoned before kick-off when a freak lightning strike left several players incapacitated.

According to local reports, the heavens opened and the pitch was engulfed in an almighty rain storm as the players warmed-up, with the coaches of both sides instructing their teams to return to the dressing room to let the adverse weather subside before starting the game.

Pele’s Hair Turned Into Diamonds To Adorn Swanky New Limited Edition Souvenir Figurines (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

.@BrilhoInfinito and I have launched an incredible diamond collection made from the carbon contained in my hair. pic.twitter.com/m9kFJ5vWKy

— Pelé (@Pele) April 8, 2014

In conjuction with Brazilian jewellers Brilho Infinito, Pele has put his name to some rather special souvenirs which are made from and we kid thee not his very own hair.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Sneaks In Behind Jose Mourinho, Interrupts Interview To Wish Him Good Luck (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Zlatan Ibrahimovic surprises Jose Mourinho by sneaking up behind him and briefly interrupting the Chelsea coach's post-PSG interview to wish him good luck in the Champions League semi-finals...

Love that little momentary look of shock on Mourinho's face when he realises who it actually is lingering behind him!

Football Vine: Irish Reporter Gives Jose Mourinho Packet Of Custard Creams After PSG Victory

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By Chris Wright

So, this happened last night...

Apparently Jose's love for custard creams is a bit of a thing with Irish broadcasters TV3.

It all stems from an incident four years ago, when Mourinho momentarily paused during an interview with Trevor Welch to finish a mouthful of biscuit.

Champions League: Chelsea 2-0 PSG (Agg 3-3) – Blues Go Ba-llistic As Demba Does The Business (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 2-0 Paris St Germain (Agg 3-3, Chelsea win on away goals) Champions League Quarter-Finals 2nd leg 8th April 2014

Chelsea's forgotten man Demba Ba came off the bench on Tuesday night to net the crucial goal which fired the Blues into the last four of the Champions League.

Champions League: Dortmund 2-0 Real Madrid (Agg 2-3) – Reus Brace Not Enough As Klopp & Co. Bow Out (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Borussia Dortmund 2-0 Real Madrid (Agg 2-3) Champions League Quarter-Finals 2nd Leg 8th April 2014

Despite producing a superb second leg performance in Dortmund on Tuesday night, Jurgen Klopp's German giants fell just short of cancelling out Real Madrid's first-leg lead.

Luis Felipe Scolari Bans Brazil Players From Indulging In ‘Acrobatic Sex’ During World Cup

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By Chris Wright

With the 2014 World Cup beginning to crown on the horizon, Brazil coach Luis Felipe Scolari has admitted that while he's not overly worried about his players engaging in sexy times during the tournament, he is taking a firm zero-tolerance stance against them attempting anything too "acrobatic" in the boudoir.

The Black And White Years: 10 Lovely Vintage Photos Of Pele And Wife Rosemeri On Honeymoon, 1966

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By Chris Wright

In the months leading up to the 1966 World Cup in England, Pele married his first wife Rosemeri at home in Brazil before embarking on a fortnight's honeymoon tour ofGermany, Italy and Austria as the guest ofGerman industrialist (and friend of Pele) Roland Endler; beginning at Endler'sBavarian country house and ending up at the Pope's gaff in Rome.

Irish Defender Concedes Goal, Vents Anger By Clouting Ball Into Team-Mate’s Face From Point-Blank Range (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, over in the League of Ireland last night, Shelbourne'sGareth Coughlan pops away a delightful free-kick from the edge of the box only for a Finn Harps defender to vent his obvious frustration at conceding by absolutely hammocking the ball directly into the face of his team-mate from point-blank range.

Luis Suarez Stops In Local Park To Play Football With Young Kid With Down’s Syndrome (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

It may date back to last season, but a photo and accompanying anecdote are doing the rounds this morning which show Luis Suarez in an altogether more positive light than is usually the case.

Last year, Suarez was meandering aroundCalderstones Park in Liverpool when he noticed that a young lad, seven-year-old Ethan Mullin to be precise,was having a kick-around with his old man and a Liverpool FC ball.

Fulham’s Michael Jackson Statue To Go On Display At National Football Museum As Testament To The Folly Of Man

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By Chris Wright

In storage since being torn from its moorings outside Craven Cottage last September when former owner Mohamed Al Fayed packed up and shipped out, it looks like Fulham's infamously chintzy Michael Jackson statue is about to find a new home the National Football Museum in Manchester.

Daily Mail Airbrush Tottenham Assistant Chris Ramsey Out Of Sherwood/Adebayor Salute Photo…

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By Chris Wright

Following Tottenham's steamrollering of Sunderland last night, The Daily Mail picked up on the post-goal salute given by Emmanuel Adebayor to his under-siege manager Tim Shwerwood, but completely scrubbed Sherwood's assistant, Chris Ramsey, from the photo...

Daniel Sturridge Surprises Liverpudlian School Kids With Lovely Little ‘Interview’ Prank (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As part of LFC TV's 'Kop Kids' series, here'sDaniel Sturridge traipses down the road to Anfield Junior School in order to surprise various Liverpudlian kids and teach them the mystic ways of his post-goal arm spasm.

Stay tuned for the Everton girl one hell of a reality check.

Handball! Roda JC Defender Guy Ramos Pinches AZ Striker Aron Johannsson’s Gentleman Vegetables (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which,taking a leaf out of Phil Bardsley'sover-literal man-marking handbook, Roda JC defender Guy Ramos attempts to ruffle the feathers ofAZ Alkmaar striker Aron Johannsson by giving his butcher's shop window a bit of a tweak...

There's a lot to be said about the hands-on approach to defending though none of it is particularly complimentary.

Wayne Rooney Makes The Sun’s ‘Team Of The Day’ Despite Not Being In Man Utd Squad Due To Injury!

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By Chris Wright

Kudos to Wayne Rooney who, despite not even featuring in Manchester United's matchday squad for their game against Newcastle this weekend due to a badly bruised toe sustained midweek,still managed to play his way into The Sun's 'Team of the Day' for Saturday.

Gareth McAuley Humps Clearance Into Press Gantry, Accidently Destroys Computer Belonging To West Brom (Video)

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By Chris Wright

During the course of yesterday's 0-1 victory over Norwich City, West Brom centre-back Gareth McAuley lumped a clearance into the stands which not only landed in the press gantry at Carrow Road it also, in a display of pinpoint accuracy not seen since Stiliyan Petrov hit Robbie Savage in the face, completely decimated one of his own club's laptops.

Air Jurgen: Dortmund Coach Klopp Takes To The Skies In Slow-Motion To Celebrate Marco Reus’ Winning Goal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

From the very same game that witnessed Ivica Olic somehow manage to hit the crossbar twice in the space of a fraction of a second, Borussia Dortmund coach Jurgen Klopp celebrated Marco Reus' ever-so-slightly fortunate winning goal against Wolfsburg on Saturday evening by blasting off into the ionosphere in slow motion much like Michael Jordan's climactic dunk in 'Space Jam'.

West Ham 1-2 Liverpool – Gerrard On The Spot As Reds Return To Summit (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 1-2 Liverpool Premier League 6th April 2014

A couple of Steven Gerrard penalties helped Liverpool to a 2- win at the Boleyn ground on Sunday to send the Reds back to the top of the table. James Tomkins handled the ball in the box to give Gerrard his first spot-kick but just before the break Guy Demel equalised, albeit after Andy Carroll had put his hand int he ace of Liverpool 'keeper Simon Mignolet.

Everton 3-0 Arsenal – Toffees Cruise While Gunners Crumble At Goodison (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 3-0 Arsenal Premier League 6th April 2014

Another away game against one of the division's big clubs and yet another disaster for Arsenal, this time against fellow Champions League hopefuls Everton. The Toffees were the btter side throughout, sharper, hungrier and more clinical in front of goal against an Arsenal side which looks devoid of fight.

Chelsea 3-0 Stoke – Blues Enjoy Salah Day At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 3-0 Stoke City Premier League 5th April 2014

Egyptian attacker Mohamed Salah was the star of the show for Chelsea on Saturday, netting one and being fouled before Frank Lampard netted another from the penalty spot. Despite resting Eden Hazard and Oscar, Jose Mourinho oversaw a very good attacking display with Willian impressing in the no.

Newcastle 0-4 Man Utd – The Special Juan: Magnificent Mata Guns Down Magpies (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 0-4 Manchester United Premier League 5th April 2014

Juan Mata produced his best performance in a Manchester United shirt at St. James' Park on Saturday, netting a fine brace and assisting Adnan Januzaj's late fourth as the Red Devils prepared for their midweek clash with Bayern Munich in fine style.

Norwich 0-1 West Brom – Baggies The Victors In Hard-Fought Relegation Battle (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 0-1 West Bromwich Albion Premier League 5th April 2014

Pepe Mel's West Brom's secured a precious three points away at fellow-relegation-threatened Norwich on Saturday. French wideman Morgan Amalfitano was the goal-hero for the Baggies, firing home a superb effort on 16 minutes.

Football Vine: Jamie Redknapp (Possibly) Drops The F-Word Live On Sky Sports

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By Alan Duffy

(This is rather NSFW in terms of the language, by the way!)

Oh dear, Jamie Redknapp, usally such a nicely behaved young man possibly dropped the F-word live on air in Sky Sports' pre-match analysis ahead of the Everton v Arsenal man, explaining the importance of Mathieu Flamini by saying "he was suspended against Liverpool and they were f**ked".

Cardiff 0-3 Crystal Palace – Pulis’ Eagles Pack A Puncheon In Wales (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Cardiff City 0-3 Crystal Palace Premier League 5th April 2014

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's disastrous tenure as Cardiff boss continued on Saturday as the Norwegian watched his side lose 3-0 at home to Crystal Palace. Jason Puncheon netted a brace with from Blurbird Joe Ledley also getting in on the act as Tony Pulis' side produced an impressive display at both ends of the pitch.

Hull 1-0 Swansea – Let’s Hear it For The Boyd! Tiger George Nets Winner Against Swans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Hull City 1-0 Swansea City Premier League 5th April 2014

It's been a rather disappointing season for Swansea this time around and at the KC Stadium on Saturday they once again struggled to test the opposition 'keeper, ultimately going down 1-0.

Aston Villa 1-2 Fulham – Rodallega Winner Keeps Whites’ Survival Hopes Alive (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 1-2 Fulham Premier League 6th April 2014

What a precious three points this could turn out to be for Premier League strugglers Fulham. All of the goals came in the last half-hour, with Kieran Richardson opening the scoring on 61 minutes.

Let’s Hear It For…Leicester City, Back In The Big Time After 10 Long Years!

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By Chris Wright

Hearty congrats to Leicester City who, by way of beating Sheffield Wednesday 2-1 on Friday and then seeing Saturday's Championship results go their way nicely (both QPR and Derby lost), found that their promotion to the Premier League was mathematically sealed come 4:45pm-ish yesterday.

Football Vine: Ivica Olic Somehow Manages To Hit Crossbar Twice In Space Of One Nanosecond

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By Chris Wright

In which Wolfsburg's Ivica Olic somehow manages to hit the bar with both a shot and an unwitting rebound twice in the space of about 0.05 seconds...

Impressive, unless you're a Wolfsburg fan of course.

Man City 4-1 Southampton – Citizens Keep Pressure On Title Rivals After Four-Goal Etihad Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 4-1 Southampton Premier League 5th April 2014

An early penalty from dead-ball supremo Yaya Touré set a Man City not at their best on their way to a 4-1 win at the Etihad. Southampton produced some decent periods of play but all too often failed to produce an end product.

Snapshot: Southampton’s Luke Shaw Posts Instagram Picture Highlighting Dreadful Offside Miss By Officials

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By Alan Duffy

What an utter howler this was from the men in black officiating the Manchester City v Southampton game on Saturday. With the scores 1-1 and City struggling to click into gear, Samir Nasri scored after being set up by David Silva. However, when Silva received the ball from Edin Dzeko he was a country mile offside.

Fans Of Portuguese Third Division Side Indulge In Classic ‘Cadiz-Style’ Linesman Trolling (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during a recent Portuguese third division tie between Ermesinde and Perosinho, a small gaggle of mischievous home fans take it upon themselves to make it their afternoon's work to remorselessly harangue the linesman on duty by following up and down the touchline.

Edwin Van Der Sar Sends Fellow Dutch ‘Keeper Tim Krul Birthday Wishes…Then Swiftly Retracts Them

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By Chris Wright

Thursday April 3rd not only saw the world's finest living screen actor, Sir Alec Baldwin, turning 56, it too sawNewcastle United goalkeeper Tim Krul celebrate his 26th birthday with former Manchester United stopper Edwin van der Sar being one of the many friends, cohorts and well-wishers to extend their birthday wishes to the Dutchman via Twitter.

Sunderland Stung For Fielding Ineligible Player As Gus Poyet’s 2010 Sabre-Rattling Rant Comes Back To Haunt Him

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By Chris Wright

No doubt you've heard by now that Sunderland have been fined for fielding an illegible player back at the start of the season, with Ji Dong-Won playing five times for the Black Cats despite not actually being internationally cleared to do so.

Ji, who has since moved to Augsburg on loan for the rest of the season ahead of an already agreed summer transfer to Borussia Dortmund, played in four Premier League ties (three defeats and a draw) and one Carling Cup game for Sunderland back in October though the club were later fined by the Premier League after it came to light anadministrative error meant the South Korean striker didn't have the necessary paperwork to play.

Barbaric Eintracht Braunschweig Fans Tie Up Dead Goat At Hannover Training Ground (Horrible Graphic Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Ahead of the two sides' Bundesliga meeting this weekend, Eintract Braunschweig fans have apparently left a truly despicable and threatening message at the Hannover 96 training ground this morning tying up a dead goat (crudely painted in their local rivals' colours) to a fence along with a message reading "On Sunday we will suffocate you shitheads".

Bayern Munich Ban Both The Sun And The Mirror For ‘Personally Insulting’ Schweinsteiger Headlines

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By Chris Wright

Bayern Munich have banned the The Sun and The Mirror from the Allianz Arena for thesecond leg of their Champions League quarter-final against Manchester United after both papers ran with "personally insulting" puns about Bastian Schweinsteiger after the first leg at Old Trafford on Tuesday evening.

Adidas Roll Out Chelsea 2014 Home Kit – Blues Unveil New Strip With Help Of Strange, Semi-Nude Sculptures (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

We can't help but feel like they're jumping the gun slightly here but Adidas, on April 4th, have seen fit to unveil the new Chelsea home strip for next season.

Truth be told, it's a bit of a bobby dazzler...

Adidas Unveil New 2014 Chelsea Home Kit â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 10

Referee Clouted Around The Head By Irate Goalkeeping Coach During Brazilian State Championship Game (Video)

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By Chris Wright

On Wednesday afternoon Fast Clube and Penarol (not that Penarol) hammered out a 3-3 draw in theCampeonato Amazonense, though it was the away side's goalkeeping coach who managed to steal all the headlines by acting like a complete and utter prat.

With Fast Clube having just scored their second goal with a Penarol player down injured, the away team immediately began crowding and haranguing the referee for letting the play continue.

Italian Amateur Game To Be Replayed After Referee Mistakenly Sends Off Wrong Twin Brother

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By Chris Wright

An amateur game in Italy is to be replayed in its entirety after the local football authority declared the referee had sent off the wrong twin brother by mistake.

According to the Guardian, Michele Rossi, who plays for amateur league side SSD Castello in the ninth tier of Italian football, was sent off during a recent game against GS Alviano despite the fact that it was his twin brother, Matteo, had committed.

Top 10 Truly Dismal FA Cup Songs

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By Chris Wright

Inspired to delve into the archives by Wigan's majestic official 2014 FA Cup semi-final anthem, "I'm From Wigan, Me!" by Chockinfeckle, Pies are now wishing we bloody well hadn't bothered.

Some absolute stinkers here...

10.

Stuart Pearce Officially Set To Become Nottingham Forest Manager And I Don’t Quite Know How To Feel About It…

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By Chris Wright

#NFFC have announced Stuart Pearce will become their new manager. http://t.co/xAKtCo3Rqq pic.twitter.com/nP571u9vnB

— Nottingham Forest FC (@Official_NFFC) April 3, 2014

Well then, it's official.

On This Day, Four Years Ago: Chris Kamara Completely Misses Red Card At Fratton Park, 2010 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It seems like it were but yesterday, but today marks the fourth anniversary of the seismic shift in Chris Kamara's broadcasting (and we use the term in the lightest possible sense) persona (again, lightest possible sense).

'Twas April 3rd 2010 and, despite being stationed just metres from the action and being tasked, nay paid to keep an eye on proceedings, Soccer Saturday's roving buffoon completely missed the sole moment of note during Portsmouth's turgid 0-0 draw against Blackburn at Fratton Park when Pompey's Anthony van den Borre was red-carded.

Champions League: Real Madrid 3-0 Dortmund – Bale And Ronaldo On Target As Madrid Cruise To Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Real Madrid 3-0 Borussia Dortmund Champions League Quarter-Final 1st Leg 2nd April 2014

Missing a number of their first team stars, including Robert Lewandowski, Borussia Dortmund struggled at the Bernabeu on Wednesday night, with Real Madrid securing an impressive 3-0 victory.

Classically Handsome Goalmouth Scramble Breaks Out During Wrexham vs Grimsby (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Football in its purest form...

(Video: Wrexham Official)

Champions League: PSG 3-1 Chelsea – Blues Left With Eiffel Tower To Climb After Defeat In Paris (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Paris St Germain 3-1 Chelsea Champions League Quarter-Final 1st Leg 2md April 2014

After losing 3-1 in Paris, Chelsea were left with a difficult but by no means impossible task in the return leg next week.

Argentine attackerEzequiel Lavezzi opened the scoring after just three minutes but the Blues stayed clam and eventually found themselves on level terms after Oscar was fouled in the box, with the superb Eden Hazard firing home the resulting spot-kick.

Behold, The Very Essence Of Marouane Fellaini Captured In One Single GIF!

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By Chris Wright

If ever o' ever a GIF summed up a man and his limitations, it's this one...

That fee again: £27.5 million.

For in-depth chalkboard analysis of Fellaini's 50-yard superdribble, we heartily suggest you give Alexander Netherton's tactical seminaron the subject a butcher's.

Barcelona Offer 14-Point Argument As To Why FIFA Should Overturn Their Transfer Ban

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By Chris Wright

As you're probably aware, FIFA hit Barcelona with a transfer ban yesterday for breaches relating to the registration of several of their U18 players over the past few years, meaning that the club are currently prohibited from making any signings during the next two consecutive transfer windows.

Jose Mourinho Describes Javier Pastore’s Bob ‘n’ Weave Goal Against Chelsea As ‘Ridiculous Joke’ (With GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Having come on as an 85th-minute substitute, Javier Pastore fleshed out PSG's Champions League quarter-final first leg victory over Chelsea last night by helping himself to a spectacular third goal for the French side bobbing and weaving his way in from the corner past several defenders before driving the ball past Petr Cech at his near post.

Wigan Athletic’s Official FA Cup Semi-Final Song Features Owner Dave Whelan On Bass (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Yep, apparently "official FA Cup semi-final songs" exist, and Wigan Athletic's 2014 effort, "I'm From Wigan, Me" byLancashire folk/jug bandChonkinfeckle, features club owner Dave Whelan merrily plucking away on the bucket bass.

Doesn't mean it's not an absolute monster tune though.

Introducing, Gigantes Do Norte: The Most Successful Dwarf Football Team In Brazil (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Based in the city of Belem in northern Brazil, Gigantes do Norte (Giants of the North) aren't you're average football team.

Indeed, formed in 2006, the Gigantes squad is made up solely of players with differing degrees of dwarfism with the squads average height being somewhere around the 4-foot mark.

Norwich City Players Club Together To Refund Fans Who Travelled 612 Miles To Watch Swansea Defeat

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By Chris Wright

By way of an apology for their performance/mark of their appreciation (delete as you see fit), the Norwich City squad have announced that they are clubbing together to reimburse the Canaries fans who travelled to Wales only to watch their side go down 3-0 to Swansea on Saturday.

Keeper Knocked Doolally At Point-Blank Range As Augsburg Score Dreadful Own-Goal vs Mainz (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, over in the Bundesliga last Sunday afternoon, FCAugsburg goalkeeper Marwin Hitz unintentionally has his front teeth knocked down his throat whenteam-mate Matthias Ostrzolek attempts to clear one off the goal-line only to absolutely cannon the ball into his own goal via his 'keeper's face.

FIFA Impose Transfer Ban On Barcelona For Next Two Consecutive Transfer Windows

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By Chris Wright

Breaking news this morning that FIFA have hit Barcelona with a transfer ban, meaning that the Catalan giants will be prohibited from bringing anyone into the club for the next twocomplete and consecutive transfer windows.

Basically, barring an appeal, it means that Barca won't be able to make a signing until summer 2015.

MLS Side Colorado Rapids Slip Into Colorado Caribous’ Infamous 1978 ‘Rodeo Fringe’ Kit One Last Time

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By Chris Wright

We're a day late on the uptake here so forgive the tardiness but, as an April Fools Day jape, MLS side Colorado Rapids announced yesterday that the team were to wear the infamously shite 1978 kit of their NASL predecessors, the Colorado Rapids (the one with the leather rodeo fringe), on a one-off basis for a future match.

Champions League: Atletico Madrid’s Diego Scores Atomic 30-Yard Ripsnorter vs Barcelona (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Over in 'the other' Champions League quarter-final first leg last night, Barcelona and Atletico Madrid (who were meeting in Europe for the first time ever) slugged out a 1-1 draw at the Camp Nou; Diego Ribas putting Atleti ahead in the 56th minute after coming on as a first-half substitute with an absolutely rocket of a shot from 30-odd yards out.

Champions League: Man Utd 1-1 Bayern Munich – Vidic On Target As Resilient Red Devils Hold German Giants (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 1-1 Bayern Munich Champions League Quarter-Final 1st Leg 1st April 2014

Manchester United produced an impressive and organised display against the mighty Bayern Munich, giving themselves at least a chance ahead of the return leg in Munich next week.

Football Vine: Wayne Rooney Produces Magnificent Head Back, Arms Outstretched Dive Against Bayern

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By Alan Duffy

Bastian Schweinsteiger's decision to execute a sliding tackle on Wayne Rooney at Old Trafford on Tuesday night was no doubt a bad idea, considering the German midfielder had already been booked. However, Rooney's melodramatic impression of that iconic scene from Platoon was still rather cheeky.

Retro Football: Des Lynam And The Classic ‘Grandstand Fight’ April Fools Gag, 1989 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Well, "retro football-ish", at least.

Originally aired on April 1st, 1989: here's the classic "Grandstand Fight" April Fools sketch which saw a staged scuffle break out in the newsroom whileomni-suave presenter Des Lynam expertly deadpanned away in front of the whole thing.

Pep Guardiola Jokes He May Well Have Taken The Man Utd Job But For Fergie’s Impenetrable Scottish Accent

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By Chris Wright

Que?

Bayern Munich coach Pep Guardiola has joshed that he may well have taken the Manchester United job a couple of years back but for his inability to decypher Sir Alex Ferguson's nigh-on impenetrable Scottish accent.

Having left Barcelona at the conclusion of the 2011/12 to embark upon a self-imposed 12-month managerial sabbatical, Guardiola met with Ferguson for a casual dinner in a New York restaurant five months before United's Scottish overlord announced he was retiring joking that he may have unwittingly passed on the opportunity to take over from Sir Alex at Old Trafford as he was unable to understand him properly.

The Sun Newspaper Retaliate To Sunderland Press Ban By Referring To Club As ‘Derland’

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By Chris Wright

Having leaked Sunderland's starting line-up player-for-player well ahead of their game against Liverpool last week, Black Cats boss Gus Poyet suspected foul play and subsequently saw that The Sun newspaper be banned from attending his press conferences and from the club in general for the rest of the season.

Snapshot: L’Equipe Front Cover Features Slightly Spooky Image Of Arsene Wenger As A Child…

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By Chris Wright

We've no idea if it's a re-touched photo or a mock-up or some kind but the latest cover of L'Equipe features an image of Arsene Wenger as a child looking very dapper,if notever-so-slightly chilling in a "The Shining" kind of way...

"Play with me, Daddy!

Top 6 Footballing April Fools, 2014

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By Chris Wright

Happy Epic Bantz Day everybody! Here's the best of the admittedly slim pickings that the football world had to offer this morning...

6. Manchester Blue-nited

In an article written by "Kit Mann", the Daily Mirror claimed this morning to have come into possession of a snippet of leaked footage of the new, Chevrolet-sponsored away kit Manchester United will be sporting next season the club's first ever blue strip which is a big deal because rivals Manchester City play in blue.

Football GIF: Kevin Nolan And Phil Bardsley Take Concept Of ‘Man-To-Man Marking’ Far Too Literally!

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By Chris Wright

A fleeting fondle; a forbidden grope; a stolen kiss among the frantic melee of the six-yard box. Kevin Nolan and Phil Bardsley really did come close to getting each other pregnant while waiting for a corner to be slung in last night...

Christ! Get a room, you pair.

Standard Liege Fans Delay Kick-Off With Enormous Toilet Paper Avalanche (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Standard Liege fans managed to delay the kick-off of theirJupiler League play-off game against Anderlecht on Sunday after unleashing an impressive toilet paper avalanche from the stand behind the goal...

The start of the game had to be pegged back by several minutes while all the errant bog roll was cleared from the pitch, though Standard went on to win the game 1-0 with a performance we can only describe as "soft, strong and very very long".