Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2014

Aston Villa 4-1 Norwich – Benteke Bangs In Brace As Villans Shoot Down Canaries (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 4-1 Norwich City Premier League 2nd March 2014

Aston Villa came from a goal down to register a vital win at home to Norwich on Sunday. Playmaker Wes Hoolahan had given the visitors the lead after just three minutes but between the 25th and 41st minutes, Villa shocked their opponents with a four-goal salvo.

Tottenham 1-0 Cardiff – Soldado Ends Barren Spell As Lilywhites Win At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 1-0 Cardiff City Premier League 2nd March 2014

Since taking over at beleaguered Cardiff, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer was enjoyed just one win in eight Premier League games, with Sunday's defeat at White Hart Lane keeping his side three points away from safety.

Swansea 1-1 Crystal Palace – Swans Pay Penalty At Liberty Stadium (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 1-1 Crystal Palace Premier League 2nd March 2014

Crystal Palace's forgotten man, Glenn Murray, converted a late penalty to give the Eagles a share of the points at the Liberty Stadium on Sunday. For most of the game, the home side were well in control, taking the lead on 25 minutes courtesy of a strike from Dutch midfielder Jonathan De Guzman.

WTF? Snapshot: Man City Fans Sneak Wooden Door Into Wembley For League Cup Final…

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By Chris Wright

You can go ahead and file this one under "W in T good name of the ever-loving F?"

It would appear that, for reasons we can't even begin to fathom, went out of their way to sneak a wooden door into Wembley to wave about in the crowd during the League Cup Final.

Madrid Derby Vines: Pepe Dives As Only Pepe Can, Livid Atletico Staff Member Attempts To Batter Referee…

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By Chris Wright

Spotted during the borderline unwatchable Madrid derby earlier this evening, here's Real Madrid's sub-human scum centre-half Pepe doing what he does best in a bid to get Atletico Madrid's Diego Godin spiralling to the floor like a dying mayfly after pretending to take a clout to the face shortly before half-time.

Capital One Cup: Man City 3-1 Sunderland – Class Tells As Citizens Come From Behind To Lift Cup (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 3-1 Sunderland Capital One Cup Final 2nd March 2014

Despite producing a superb performance against their more illustrious rivals, Sunderland would ultimately come away with losers' medals from a superb League Cup final at Wembley.

Snapshot: Man City Are The 2013/14 League Cup Champions!

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By Chris Wright

We'll have a full report up shortly, but for now we'd just like to congratulate Manchester City for securing the first silverware of the season beating Sunderland 3-1 at Wembley to win the 2013/14 League Cup...

We'd also personally like to thank Vincent Kompany for providing us with what must undoubtedly go down as the photo of the final.

League Cup Final GIF: Yaya Toure Scores Magical First-Time Stonker vs Sunderland

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By Chris Wright

Yaya-o-rama!!!

Absolutely drop-dead gorgeous, in fact we really should have included a 'NSFW' warning in the headline.

(GIF via Fred Sports)

Southampton 0-3 Liverpool – Suarez On Target At St. Mary’s As Reds Go Second (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 0-3 Liverpool Premier League 1st March 2014

Goals from Luis Suarez, Raheem Sterling and Steven Gerrard (via the penalty spot) gave Liverpool an impressive 3-0 win at St. Mary's on Saturday, a result which sees them leapfrog Arsenal and go second in the table.

Here’s Jeff Stelling’s Reaction To Alan Pardew’s Head-Butt On David Meyler (Video)

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By Chris Wright

(Video: Sky Sports)

Andy Carroll Suffers Hideous Dislocated Finger vs Everton (Gruesome Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Apologies to all those eating their breakfast at the moment...

Tut tut, Andy. Has no-one ever told you it's rude to point?

(Image: andytcarroll/Instagram)

Everton 1-0 West Ham – Lukaku Finds Key To Break Down Hammers At Goodison (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 1-0 West Ham United Premier League 1st March 2014

A late goal from sub Romelu Lukaku eventually broke down a stubborn West Ham rearguard to secure a precious three points for the Toffees at Goodison Park on Saturday. Despite having the lion's share of the possession, the home side struggled to break down a well-organised Hammers' defence.

Stoke 1-0 Arsenal – Gunners Slip As Potters Power To Victory At The Britannia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 1-0 Arsenal Premier League 1st March 2014

A rather limp Arsenal suffered a potentially fatal blow in the race for the title after coming a cropper against Stoke. The home side arguably deserved the win, with the only goal of the game coming after Laurent Koscielny handled the ball in the Arsenal box in the second-half.

Hull 1-4 Newcastle – Pardew Madness Overshadows Magpies’ Win At The KC (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Hull City 1-4 Newcastle City Premier League 1st March 2014

Alan Pardew's bizarre headbutting of David Meyler in the second-half would overshadow what was a very good win for Newcastle away at Hull on Saturday. Despite having the better of the first-half, the Tigers were two goals down by the break, courtesy of goals fromMoussa Sissoko and Loic Remy (after a poor back-pass from Maynor Figueroa).

Fulham 1-3 Chelsea – Schurrle Shows Sends Blues Four Points Clear (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 1-3 Chelsea Premier League 1st March 2014

A second-half hat-trick from German attacker Andre Schurrle secured a west London derby win for Chelsea which saw them go four points clear at the top of the table. The first-half produced no goals although the Blues looked far more likely, with Eden Hazard superb throughout.

Football Vine: Nuts! Newcastle Boss Alan Pardew Headbutts Hull’s David Meyler

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By Alan Duffy

Magpies' boss Alain Du Pardew is no stranger to losing his temper, is he? Coming only weeks after the angry boss verbally abused Manchester City manager Manuel Pellegrini, Pardew has gone one step further, by actually headbutting an opposition player! The Newcastle boss was sent off for the offence and surely the question now is will he keep his job at St.

England Fans Start Petition To Ban Tom Cleverley From 2014 World Cup Squad – Already Has 7,000 Signatures

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By Chris Wright

An England fan has started apetition to have Tom Cleverley banned from inclusion in this summer's England World Cup squad on the grounds that the Manchester United midfielder doesn't possess "any genuine qualities whatsoever".

The "Ban Tom Cleverley from the World Cup squad" campaigned is directly petitioning the FA to veto Cleverley from travelling to Brazil and was created byGlenn McConnell from Blackpool who outlines his manifesto thus:

"Tom Cleverley, owner of 13 England caps, six more than Ross Barkley, Adam Lallana and Leon Osman combined, has been regularly selected by Roy Hodgson in his squads without possessing any genuine qualities whatsoever.

Laurent Koscielny Donates €600,000 To Save Home-Town Accordion Factory From Going Under

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal centre-back Laurent Koscielny has pledged a considerable amount of money to help save an accordion factory in his hometown from having to close down.

According to the Guardian, Koscielny is part of an investment group which has donated €600,000 (approx.

‘I’m Not A Villain, The British Press Is A Little Bit Racist’ – Top 6 Quotes From Vincent Tan’s BBC Sport Interview

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By Chris Wright

Having polished off his 20-foot, dragon-shaped birthday cake, Cardiff City owner Vincent Tan gave an interview to BBC Sport earlier in the week that is scheduled to air during this Saturday's Football Focus (at least we assume it is), in which the Malaysian businessman does his outright to refute the British perception of him being a cartoon villain.

Ice Cube Critiques John Barnes’ Rap Skills On ‘World In Motion’ And ‘The Anfield Rap’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As part of the continuing promo drive for their new movie 'Ride Along', former NWA rapper Ice Cube and comedian Kevin Hart dropped into the talkSPORT studios yesterday and were immediately pressed into critiquing three of the English nation's finest football/rap hybrid offerings two from John Barnes in 'World In Motion' and 'The Anfield Rap' and a third in the tuneless guise of Andy Cole's 1999 masterpiece, 'Outstanding'.

Horror Hair: Sandro Returns From The Wilderness With Blue, Braided Barbarian Beard

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By Chris Wright

Sandro made his long-awaited return from injury for Tottenham in their come-from-behind Europa League salvage operation against Dnipro last night, with the Brazilian midfielder having spent the last two months out with an ankle injury sustained during Andre Villas Boas' last game in charge of Spurs.

Football GIF: Benfica’s Nicolas Gaitan Scores Delectable ‘Panenka’ Freekick vs PAOK

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By Chris Wright

You see the Panenka attempted from the penalty spot by cocky gits all the time (some more successfully than others) but never, to the best of our recollection, have we seen one put away from outside the box before.

That was until last night, when Nicolas Gaitan opened the scoring for Benfica against PAOK in the Europa League last night with a "falling leaf" free-kick from 18 yards that floated up, over the wall and in past the rooted 'keeper.

James Collins Entered Into ‘Miss Wales 2014′ Competition By Mischievous West Ham Team-Mate Andy Carroll (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

As tacked to James Collins' locker at Chadwell Heath this morning by none other than West Ham's resident secretary of banter, Andy Carroll here's the gristly defender's stunning poster for his "Miss Wales 2014″ entry...

We've no idea if potential Miss Wales entrants are actually sourced or voted for on Instagram like this, but what we do know is that phwoar Collins don't half scrub up well.

German Anti-Doping Doctor Resigns Over Leaked Photo Of Kevin-Prince Boateng Smoking

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By Chris Wright

One of the DFB's anti-doping doctors has resigned from his post today over the furore caused when a leaked photo of Schalke's Kevin-Prince Boateng smoking a post-match cigarette was published in Bild earlier in the week.

The image shows Boateng sat on the dressing room sink at Bayer Leverkusen's stadium, still dressed in his match kit and chuffing away on a cigarette while halfway through a bottle of lager as he waits to be tested by the DFB doctors following his side's 2-1 victory a week a fortnight or so ago.

England Squad For Denmark Friendly Announced – Southampton’s Luke Shaw Recieves First Call-Up

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By Chris Wright

Mucho congratulatorios to 18-year-old Southampton left-back Luke Shaw, who has played his way into Roy Hodgson's 30-man squad for England's friendly game against Denmark at Wembley next Wednesday.

Along with Rickie Lambert, Jay Rodriguez and Adam Lallana, Shaw's inclusion ensures Hodgson will have a quartet of Saints to pick from.

Sir Tom Finney’s Funeral Sees Thousands Line The Streets Of Preston As Entire Town Says Final Goodbye (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Preston has come to a reverent standstill this afternoon as thousands of people have lined the streets to say their final goodbyes to North End legend Sir Tom Finney, who passed away at the age of 91 a fortnight ago.

Due to his synonymous affinity with Preston and its football club, Finney was given a civic funeral atPreston Minster earlier this afternoon, with Sir Bobby Charlton, David Moyes, Jimmy Armfield, Tommy Docherty and Sir Trevor Brooking among the many footballing faces in attendance to pay their last respects to the man they called 'The Plumber'.

When Attempted Fair Play Goes Horribly Wrong: The Dinamo Tbilisi Edition (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, over in the Georgian Premier League, Dinamo Tbilisi forward Xisco tries his very bestest to observe the unwritten rules of fair play by returning the ball back to FC Sioni keeperMirza Merlani after a stoppage in play, only to inadvertently score a 45-yard screamer by mistake.

Champions League: Schalke 1-6 Real Madrid – Bale Brace Helps Los Blancos Batter Germans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Schalke 04 1-6 Real Madrid Champions League Last 16 1st Leg 25th February 2014

A brace each from Karim Benzema, Gareth Bale and, of course, Cristiano Ronaldo on Wednesday night all but secured Real Madrid's place in the last eight after a superb attacking display.

Shit Football Ink: Disgruntled Man Utd Fan Has ‘Moyes Out’ Tattooed Across His Arse (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Now, given their current predicament, you can forgive Manchester United fans for feeling a little underwhelmed at the moment. You too, can forgive them for harbouring vague feelings of grievance against David Moyes for being the man to preside over such a cauldron of grey, tawdry, tasteless, lumpen gruel but there's always one pillock who takes it too far.

Champions League: Galatasaray 1-1 Chelsea – Blunt Blues Make Their Point In Istanbul (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Galatsaray 1-1 Chelsea Champions League Last 16 1st Leg 26th February 2014

A 1-1 draw away at Galatasaray is hardly a disaster but had Chelsea made the most of their first-half dominance they could well have put the whole tie to bed within 45 minutes.

Snapshot: Chelsea Players Meet Their Simpsons Alter-Egos Ahead Of World Cup Episode…

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By Chris Wright

As part of their pre-tournament build-up, FOX are planning to air a World Cup-themed Simpsons special at some point in March which will see players from several famous clubs cameo in a yarn about Homer inadvertently becoming one of the world's finest referees in an episode brilliantly entitled,"You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee".

Adidas Release First Ever Knitted Football Boot – All Hail The Samba Primeknit! (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

What you see Luis Suarez pawing at up above is Adidas' brand new boot model, the Samba Primeknit, which just so happens the world's first ever knitted football boot.

Yep. Knitted.

Inspired by the success of the similarly woollen Primeknit running trainer, Adidas have used the same process to create a limited edition boot the first ever to be knitted from heel to toe.

Football GIF: Klaas-Jan Huntelaar Scores Monstrous Consolation Volley vs Real Madrid

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By Chris Wright

They may have been pasted 6-1 in the end, but Schalke definitely scored the goal of the night against Real Madrid with action-starved striker Klaas-Jan Huntelaar scoring an absolute belter of a consolation goal in the 91st minute...

Huntelaarge and in charge!

US Comedian Kevin Hart Drops In At Man City, Takes Penalty Against ‘Cousin’ Joe Hart (Video)

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By Chris Wright

On a whistle-stop tour of England to promote his new film, US comedian Kevin Hart dropped into Carrington on his way to Manchester to catch up with his 'cousin' Joe, and even took the time to bury a penalty past the flip-flop-clad England 'keeper despite having never played soccer before in his entire life.

Shit Football Kits: Scotland’s Dismal New ‘Candy Stripe’ 2014 Away Kit (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Look upon Scotland's new away kit for 2014 ye mighty, and despair...

The Look: Imagine you spent three weeks eating nothing but Refreshers and Love Hearts then contracted a chronic vomiting virus.

(Image via @ayshardzn)

Adidas Stop Selling Brazil World Cup T-Shirts Over Claims They ‘Encourage Sexual Tourism’

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By Chris Wright

Adidas have heeded the call to pull two World Cup 2014 t-shirts from their online catalogue after being bombarded with complaints from the Brazilian tourist board that the designs were too "sexualised" and also "encourage sexual tourism".

The first design (both were intended to be limited edition runs on sale in the US only) sees a bikini-clad Brazilian woman stood alongside the slogan "Lookin' to score" we're fairly certain we won't have to explain the innuendo there.

Wrexham Post Open Advertisement For New First Team Manager On Club Website

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By Chris Wright

With the club in treading water down in 13th place in the Conference Premier after reaching the play-offs the two seasons previous, Andy Morrell stepped down as Wrexham manager two days ago, admitting that it was 'in thebest interests of both the club and himself' to make a change given the disappointing start to the season.

Parma Players Hand Out Vacuum Cleaners To Fiorentina During Pre-Match Handshakes (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Parma played host to Fiorentina in Serie A last night and, as is apparently customary these days at theStadio Ennio Tardini these days, Antonio Cassano and co. were tasked with handing out small robotic vacuum cleaners to their opposition during the pre-match handshakes as part of the club's ongoing centenary celebrations.

Champions League: Zenit 2-4 Dortmund – Lewandowski Brace Helps Borussia To Deserved Win In Russia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Zenit St. Petersburg 2-4 Borussia Dortmund Champions League Last 16 1st Leg 25th February 2014

Two goals in the first five minutes (courtesy ofHenrikh Mkhitaryan and Marco Reus) helped to fire Dortmund on their way to a well-deserved victory in Russia.

Football Vine: Arsenal Loanee Joel Campbell Scores Cracker For Olympiakos Against Man Utd

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By Alan Duffy

It will be very interesting to see what happens with Costa Rican youngster Joel Campbell in the summer. Owned by Arsenal, the attacker has impressed for both Real Betis in Spain and, more recently, with Olympiakos. On Tuesday night Campbell netted a superb effort which is sure to have Arsene Wenger salivating.

Champions League: Olympiakos 2-0 Man Utd – Campbell Curler Puts Red Devils In The Soup (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Olympiakos 2-0 Manchester United Champions League Last 16 1st leg 25th February 2014

Manchester United produced an utterly limp performance away at Olympiakos on Tuesday night, with the 2-0 defeat heaping even more pressure on David Moyes.

Kiss Of The Season: Botafogo’s Junior Cesar And Fluminense’s Diguinho Share Beautiful Passionate Moment (Video)

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By Chris Wright

While you could be forgiven for assuming that tempers were permanently on the point of boiling over during Sunday'sCampeonato Carioca derby fixture between Rio-based rivals Botafogo and Fluminense, nothing could be further from the truth.

In fact, Botafogo's Junior Cesar and Flu's Diguinho even straddled the club divide and joined in beautiful union at one point, with the two players sharing an incredibly passionate moment after the former had brought down the latter with his hefty tackle which was made even more sensuous when Brazilian broadcasters added a bit of The Bee Gees to the slow-motion replays.

Snapshot: Kevin-Prince Boateng Enjoys Relaxing Beer And Cigarette Before Schalke Doping Test

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By Chris Wright

Here's Kevin-Prince Boateng, settling his nerves before his doping test in the Schalke dressing room following his side's 2-1 victory over Bayer Leverkusen a couple of Saturday's agoby happily chuffing away on a cigarette and sipping an ice cold beer...

The image has apparently caused a smidgen of controversy within Bundesliga for obvious reasons, but Schalke general managerHorst Heldt has since claimed that it's common practice for dehydrated players to have a beer before doping tests to help them urinate, while it's also no secret that Boateng often takes in victories with a celebratory post-game ciggie.

Goalkeeper Saves Penalty During Azerbaijan Premier League Game, Immediately Sent-Off For Offensive Celebration (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, over in the Azerbaijan Premier League on Sunday afternoon, bottom sideRavan Baku FK's Polish goalkeeperLukasz Sapela pulls off a fine save to repel a penalty fromGabala strikerLeonardo da Silva (his second penalty save of the game, by all accounts) and then is immediately sent-off by the referee for celebrating his save with a string of angry 'up yours!

Remember Matt Eliason? The US College Player Who Scored A Spectacular Overhead Kick In The ‘Messi & Friends’ Charity Game? He’s Just Signed His First Professional Contract…

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By Chris Wright

Does the name 'Matt Eliason' ring any bells? If not, then allow us to refresh your memories.

Eliason was theformer US college player (the Northwestern Wildcats' all-time leading goalscorer, no less) who was one of several amateurs who turned out in the heavily criticised "Messi & Friends" charity game at Soldier Field in Chicago last July.

Cruz Azul’s Rogerio Chavez Scores Crazy 50-Yard Looping Volley In Mexican Top Flight (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's a little tricky to tell due to the off-kilter camera angle, but here's Cruz Azul right-back Rogerio Chavez scoring his second goal of the game from the half-way line against Queretaro in Liga MX on Saturday with an outrageous swirling volley that had all kinds of bend, swerve and yaw on it.

Snapshot Of The Season (So Far): Carlos Tevez Taken Unawares By Referee While Celebrating Goal…

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By Chris Wright

Here's an exquisite photo of Carlos Tevez celebrating his rather fine goal against Torino at the weekend that made us giggle far more than it probably should have...

(Via 101GG, with a rinky dinky tip of the hat to Sabotage Times too)

Relentless Swearing Forces BBC To Broadcast Scottish Premier League Game After The Watershed

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By Chris Wright

"Oi ref, you flippin' pudding! Something awry with your eye-sight or something, you big bloomin' wally britches?"

...and other such coarse language to that effect saw the BBC forced into delaying the broadcast of Saturday's SPL game between Ross County and St Mirren by five hours after it was deemed unsuitable to go out before the watershed.

Hallelujah! Tunstall Town Successfully End Six-Year, 171-Game Winless Streak Dating Back To 2007

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By Chris Wright

Rejoice, one and all, for the longest winless streak in English football was quashed over the weekend when Staffordshire side Tunstall Town ended their mammoth six-and-a-half-year hoodoo with a victory overBetley Reserves.

Town, who hail from Stoke-on-Trent, had gone a whopping 171 games without a win beforehand but went on to beat Bentley by three goals to two in Division Two of the Staffs County Senior League on Saturday thus bringing to an end their winless run which beganin September 2007.

Porto Lose First Home Game In Five Years, Madness Ensues As Fans Revolt And Coach Offers Resignation

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By Chris Wright

Ten-man Porto put in a collective wibble of a performance on Sunday evening and duly suffered their first home league defeat since 2008 as Estoril managed to snaffle themselves a 1-0 at theEstadio do Dragao courtesy of a late penalty.

Previously, Porto had gone an impressive 81 games unbeaten on home soil (last losing3-2 to Leixoes in October, 2008)though that was beforeEvandro showed up and tucked away his 78th-minute spot-kick duly putting the kibosh on his opponents' all-conquering run.

Hakan Calhanoglu Scores 45-Yard Monster Free-Kick In Stoppage Time As Hamburg Dismantle Dortmund (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Apologies peeps, for we're a little tardy to the party with this one. This post was scheduled to auto-publish yesterday morning but that was before the system gremlins got hold of it.

Anyway, as you may well have seen, Dortmund lost 3-0 to relegation-threatened Hamburg in the Bundesliga on Saturday, with Hakan Calhanoglu completing the scoring in the 91st minute with an absolute monster of a free-kick from bloody miles out.

Leyton Orient Fan Forced To Clean Stadium Seating After Losing Public Bet With Club Over Transfer Targets (Video & Photos)

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By Chris Wright

It all started with a Tweet. Back on February 11th, disgruntled Leyton Orient fan Craig Delew contacted the club's chief executive, Matt Porter, vowing that he would personally "clean the dust off every seat in the East Stand" at Brisbane Road if the club went out and re-signed former Orient 'keeper (and fan favourite)Eldin Jakupovic back on loan from Hull City.

Snapshot: Scunthorpe Keeper Gets Bored During 5-1 Victory, Entertains Himself By Taking ‘Selfie’ With Portsmouth Fans…

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By Chris Wright

Finding himself with nothing to do while his side ran roughshod over Portsmouth in League Two on Saturday, Scunthorpe 'keeper Sam Slocombekept himself entertained by posing for a 'selfie' with a Pompey fan behind his goal as his team-mates were busy sticking five past his opposite number up at the other end.

Football GIF: Norwich City’s Leroy Fer Demonstrates Outrageously Fancy Footwork vs Tottenham

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By Chris Wright

Here's Leroy Fer channelling the great Jose Bosingwa and tying Danny Rose up in knots with some utterly bamboozling footwork out on the touchline.

Also worth noting that supremely dainty dangling of the right hand, too. Dare we say, almost Kaka-esque?

Norwich 1-0 Tottenham – Snodgrass Shoots Canaries To Vital Victory Over Limp Lilywhites (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 1-0 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 23rd February 2014

Chris Hughton watched his side register a deserved win against Spurs at Carrow Road, a victory which may well have kept the under-pressure Canaries boss his job, at least for the time being.

Newcastle 1-0 Aston Villa – Late Remy Strike Stops Rot At St. James’ Park For Magpies (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 1-0 Aston Villa Premier League 23rd February 2014

A last-gasp Loic Remy goal finally brought o an end Newcastle's dreadful recent run of form which had seen them lose four in a row in the league at St. James' Park. The visitors had started the brighter of the two sides, but although Gabriel Agbonlahor was constant thorn in the side of the Magpies' back four, the Villans failed to get that vital goal.

Liverpool 4-3 Swansea – Reds Keep Pressure On Leaders But Defence Remains A Worry For Rodgers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 4-3 Swansea City Premier League 23rd February 2014

Jordan Henderson and Daniel both bagged braces as Liverpool kept in the race for the title at Anfield. However, despite the Reds' four-goal haul, their poor defensive display which saw Swansea net three goals will concern Brendan Rodgers.

Cardiff City Owner Vincent Tan Honoured In Malaysia With 20-Metre-Long, Dragon-Shaped Anniversary Cake (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

To mark the anniversary of the founding of his company, Berjaya, Vincent Tan was honoured with a collosal, 20-metre-long dragon-shaped birthday cake in Malaysia yesterday.

According to Wales Online, the huge dragon cake was the centrepiece of theBerjaya Founder's Day celebrations held on February 22 in Berjaya Times Square the gleaming 48-storey, 203m twin-tower hotel, condominium, indoor amusement park and shopping centre complex that Tan owns in Kuala Lumpur.

Crystal Palace 0-2 Man Utd – RVP And Rooney Shoot Down Eagles At Selhurst Park (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Crystal Palace 0-2 Manchester United Premier League 22nd February 2014

Manchester United produced a strong display at Selhurst Park on Saturday, although it took an hour (and a penalty) to finally break the deadlock. The Eagles defended well for the majority of the game, with re-called midfielder Marouane Fellaini missing the best chance of the first-half for the Red Devils.

West Ham 3-1 Southampton – Resurgent Hammers Win Again As Saints Slump Continues (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 3-1 Southampton Premier League 22nd February

Sam Allardyce's West Ham continued their resurgence with a fine win against Southampton at Upton Park. Saints' defender Maya Yoshida had given the visitors an early lead, but despite their usual lion's share of possession, Southampton failed to test Hammers' keeper Adrian too many times after the goal.

Football GIF: Tomas Rosicky Scores Superb Tika-Taka Team Goal For Arsenal

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By Alan Duffy

If ever there was an 'Arsenal goal' then this was it. A superb sequence of quick passing between Tomas Rosicky, Sant Cazorla, Jack Wilshere and Olivier Giroud, with the latter feeding Rosicky, courtesy of a one-two, before the Czech schemer deftly lifted the ball over former teammate Vito Mannone.

Euro 2016 Draw: England Face Swiss, Wales Get Belgium While Scots Have Tough Draw With Germany, Ireland And Poland

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By Alan Duffy

Roy Hodgson will be rather pleased with the Three Lions' grouping for the EURO 2016 qualifiers, with Switzerland arguably the only other side who can top Group E. Chris Coleman's Wales will face Blegium and Bosnia-Herzegovina in a tricky Group B while Northern Ireland will find it tough againstGreece, Hungary, Romania, Finland.

Cardiff 0-4 Hull – Terrific Tigers Tear Bluebirds Apart In Wales (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Cardiff City 0-4 Hull City Premier League 22nd February 2014

Vincent Tan's 'individual' style of club ownership at Cardiff City is yet to produce much success on the pitch this season, with the Bluebirds, under the stewardship of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, going down 4-0 at home to Hull on Saturday.

Man City 1-0 Stoke – Touré On Target As Below-Par Citizens Stumble To Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 1-0 Stoke City Premier League 22nd February 2014

Manchester City kept the pressure on league-leaders Chelsea albeit with a rather limp performance against a well-drilled Stoke side. Indeed, for large periods of the game it was the visitors who looked the more threatening, with Ryan Shawcross and Charlie Adam going close.

Arsenal 4-1 Sunderland – Giroud Bags Brace As Gunners Bounce Back From Bayern Defeat (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 4-1 Sunderland Premier League 22nd February 2014

Arsenal bounced back from their midweek defeat against Bayern Munich to secure a well deserved 4-1 win against Sunderland. Mesut Ozil was not included in the match squad, apparently due to injury, but French hitman Olivier Giroud was back in action after a difficult period in the tabloids spotlight.

Football GIF: Phil Jagielka Pulls Off Awesome ‘Scorpion’ Clearance vs Chelsea

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By Chris Wright

Oh Jags, you wonderful, majestic beast...

Just imagine if he'd have buggered that one up!

Air Shot: Ridiculous William Gallas Defensive Howler Allows Western Sydney To Score Simple Tap-In (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

In which Perth Glory centre-half William Gallas (yes, that William Gallas) posts his submission for the 2014 A-League blooper reel with a textbook, laughably clumsy 'air shot' against Western Sydney which allowed Wanderers striker Tomi Juric in to score his side's second goal in a 2-0 victory.

Football Vine: Man City’s Edin Dzeko Makes An Utter Mess Of A Two-Yard Tap In Against Stoke

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By Alan Duffy

You really won't see many worse misses in your lifetime than this appalling howler from Manchester City striker Edin Dzeko. Not only does he fail to convert the gilt-edged chance from all of two yards, but the Bosnian doesn't even manage to direct the shot towards goal, instead hitting the ball against his own foot.

Chelsea 1-0 Everton – Late Terry Strike Keeps Blues On Top (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 1-0 Everton Premier League 22nd February 2014

Chelsea captain John Terry was the Blues' goal-hero in Saturday's ealry game, netting in injury time to keep his side top of the table. An impressive Everton side deserved to get something out of the game, with Steven Naismith and Kevin Mirallas impressing up front for the visitors against a rather lacklustre Chelsea.

Diego Maradona, 53, Close To Coming Out Of Retirement And Signing For Argentinian Fifth-Tier Club

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By Chris Wright

In news that should shock precisely no-one, Diego Maradona is reportedly seriously considering coming out of retirement in order to register as a player for Argentinian fifth-tier sideDeportivo Riestra.

Maradona, who is now 53 and hardly what you'd call a "physical specimen", joined Deportivo Riestra as the club's official "spiritual coach" last August and has been asked to take over as manager on several occasions, though his alleged reply every time was simply: "I want to play".

Shit Lookalikes: Felix Magath & Penfold From ‘Danger Mouse’

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By Chris Wright

"Oooh, crumbs!"

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it over to us at waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet it over @waatpies if you're that way inclined.

Snapshot: 7,000 Eintracht Frankfurt Fans Bring Traffic To Standstill As They March Along Motorway En Route To Porto’s Stadium… (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

What you see afore ye here is around 7,000 Eintracht Frankfurt fans bringing all five lanes of the A1 motorway to a complete standstill as they march on foot along the road to get to Porto's stadium ahead of last night's Europe League round-of-32 tie between the two teams.

Jonatan Soriano Scores From Half-Way Line As Red Bull Salzburg Paste Ajax In Europa League (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Red Bull Salzburg pulled off the result of the night across Thursday eve's various Europa League games, beating Ajax 3-0 in Amsterdam to give themselves a more-than-decent chance of progressing through to the last 16 come the second leg at the Red Bull Arenain a week's time.

Wayne Rooney Agrees Enormous New £300k-A-Week Man Utd Contract, Here’s How It Breaks Down…

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By Chris Wright

It's official. Wayne Rooney has agreed a vast new five-and-a-half-year contract at Manchester United that will see the striker earn £300,000-a-week at Old Trafford, ostensibly until he retires.

As BBC Sport have it, Rooney (who was already reported to be earning £250,000-a-week at United under the terms of his old deal) has extended his contract by four years, thus tying him to the club until June of 2019.

Wigan’s James McArthur Refuses To Miss Big Match As Wife Goes Into Labour, Has Television Rigged Up At Hospital Bedside (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Despite his wife being fit to burst in a hospital bed, having her labour induced and generally teetering on the verge of delivering their child on Wednesday night, Wigan midfielder James McArthur made sure his priorities were in check by having a television screen rigged up next to her bed so he could watch the Champions League game between Arsenal and Bayern Munich while she faffed about with all that 'push, push, push' baby delivering malarkey.

Leandro Grimi Struck By Piece Of Flying Wood After Godoy Cruz Score Late Winner vs River Plate (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Godoy Cruz beat River Plate 2-1 in the Argentinian Primera Division on Thursday evening with the winning goal coming late in the day courtesy ofJulio Rodriguez's 93rd-minute strike.

This did not go down well with the 50,000 River fans in attendance, with the home support erupting as Godoy escaped with all three points with the last meaningful kick of the game.

When Panenka Penalties Go Wrong, Vol #3,402: The Lazio vs Ludogorets Edition (GIF)

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By Chris Wright

While his side managed to pip themselves a 1-0 win, Ludogorets captain Stevoslav Dyakov had a rotten old evening against Lazio in the Europa League last night, though, mercifully, it only lasted 55 minutes.

Dyakov was sent-off ten minutes after half-time for picking up a second yellow card but not before he saw his early 'Panenka' penalty saved by Lazio 'keeperEtrit Berisha, who had enough time to dive and get back to his feet before Dyakov's weak shot made it to him.

Europa League: Swansea 0-0 Napoli – Slick Swans Make Point Against Partenopei (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 0-0 Napoli Europa League Round of 32 1st Leg 20th February 2014

Garry Monk's Swansea did all but score against Serie A giants Napoli in an impressive performance which deserved a goal. Wilfried Bony, Wayne Routledge and Chico Flores among others all came close as the home side pushed for a vital first leg victory.

Football Vine: Misfiring Tottenham Striker Roberto Soldado Misses From Four Yards Against Dnipro

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By Alan Duffy

Poor old Bobby Soldado, the Spanish striker has struggled to live up to his £26million price tag for Tottenham this season and away at Dnipro on Thursday night, the hitman again fluffed a great chance to score. The ball did bobble, but still, he surely should have scored!

Europa League: Dnipro 1-0 Tottenham – Ramos Gets Revenge As Wasteful Lilywhites Lose In Ukraine (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

FC Dnipro 1-0 Tottenham Hotspur Round of 32 1st Leg 20th February 2014

Ex-Spurs boss Juande Ramos watched his Dnipro side secure a precious 1-0 win against the north Londoners in Ukraine. The visitors produced a decent enough display but they struggled inf ront of goal, with Robert Soldado guilty of an appalling miss from all of four yards out.

‘I Wouldn’t Be Able To Face My Family Ever Again If I Spat On A Player’ – Arjen Robben Denies Gobbing On Bacary Sagna

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By Chris Wright

Arjen Robben has come out and vehemently denied spurious claims that he spat on Bacary Sagna during last night's Champions League last-16 tie at the Emirates.

Twitter, Facebook and the like were awash with consternation and diatribe last night when television footage appeared to show Robben allowing a dangle of spittle to fall on the French right-back as he lay face-down on the turf, but the Dutch winger has claimed that it was a bead of sweat and nothing more.

Rivaldo, Rivaldinho And 5 Other Footballing Fathers Who Have Lined Up Alongside Their Sons

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By Chris Wright

Before the likes of Thiago Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo Jnr use their superior accelerated hyper-genetics to make the father-son footballing duo an altogether commonplace scenario, we are here to bring you six fine examples of one of the rarest of occurrences in the football world.

Retro Snapshot: Mesut Ozil And Manuel Neuer In The Same School Football Team, 1993/94

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By Chris Wright

There is a line of thought being peddled today that Manuel Neuer was able to swat away Mesut Ozil's penalty at the Emirates last night with such ease as the pair of childhood friends know each other inside out, having grown up and even gone to school together in Gelsenkirchen as boys.

Football Vine: Little Arsenal Mascot Injured By Per Mertesacker’s Almighty High-Five

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By Chris Wright

Spotted in the Emirates tunnel shortly before Arsenal's 0-2 defeat against Bayern Munich, here's a young mascot coaxing a high-five out of Per Mertesacker and immediately regretting it when the Gunners skip connects with an almighty spanker, leaving the poor lad nursing a scalded palm*.

‘Can’t Believe Another Human Has Taken A Chunk Out Of Me!’ – Chesterfield Duo Accuse Torquay United Player Of Biting Them During Game (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Suddenly finding themselves on the menu, Chesterfield players huddle together for safety

Torquay United have found themselves at the centre of accusations from a pair of Chesterfield players who claim that they were bitten by a Gulls player during Saturday's 3-1 home win in League Two.

Fabio Capello Left Red-Faced After Calling Up Lokomotiv Moscow Reserve Defender Into Russia Squad By Mistake

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By Chris Wright

Russia coach Fabio Capello has been forced into a bit of an embarrassing climb-down after calling the wrong player up into his national side as a result of mistaken identity.

Aiming to hand Terek Grozny defender Andrey Semenov his first international call-up for Russia's upcoming friendly against Armenia, Capello accidentally gave the nod to a 21-year-old Lokomotiv Moscow 'B' team centre-half of the same name who we shall henceforth be refering to as 'Semenov II' to avoid confusion.

Champions League: Arsenal 0-2 Bayern – 10-Man Gunners Downed By Masterful Munich (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 0-2 Bayern Munich Champions League Last 16 1st Leg 19th February 2014

It had all started so well for Arsenal on Wednesday night. Taking the game to European champions Bayern, the north Londoners pressed and pushed for a goal, creating a couple of chances before Mesut Ozil was felled in the box after a clever flick past Jerome Boateng.

Football GIF: Wojciech Szczesny Gives Officials The International ‘W*nker’ Hand Gesture After Red Card vs Bayern Munich

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal 'keeper Wojciech Szczesny can probably expect to be stung for several thousand Euros as and when UEFA get round to processing this one...

Football GIF: Xavi’s Pass Completion Map Against Man City, As Seen At Five-Minute Intervals

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By Chris Wright

Apropos of nothing in particular, here's a cracking little GIF from the stats-obsessed chaps over at Squawka which details all 130 of Xavi's passes (with a completion rate of96%, by the way!)against Manchester City in the Champions League last night in five-minute intervals.

Pepsi MAX Produce Cracking Street Art Portraits Of Messi, Aguero, Van Persie And Others (Photos & Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Pepsi MAX have launched their 2014 football campaign and rather good it is too, with their 'Futbol Now' marketing effort combining the worlds of photography, street art and football to create a series of cracking collage murals featuring the likes of Sergio Aguero, Lionel Messi, David Luiz, Robin van Persie, Sergio Ramos and Jack Wilshere.

Shit Lookalikes: Garry Monk & Thomas Turgoose (Of ‘This Is England’ Fame)

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By Chris Wright

Monk is the Swansea manager at the minute.

Turgoose played little Shaun in 'This is England' and its several off-shoots.

(Thanks to Pies fan Matt Botham for the nudge!)

Mardy Bum: Manuel Pellegrini Claims Referee ‘Was On Barcelona’s Side From The Beginning To The End’

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By Chris Wright

While to the rest of the world it looked like Manchester City were merely suffocated and swamped over the course of 90 minutes by a superior side (who went on to win at a canter), City boss Manuel Pellegrini has had the brass balls to come out and claim that his side lost last night's Champions League last-16 tie due to flagrant referee favouritism.

Official: West Ham Midfielder Ravel Morrison Joins QPR On 93-Day Emergency Loan

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By Chris Wright

EXCLUSIVE: #QPR have agreed the 93-day loan capture of #EnglandU21 ace @morrisonravel #WelcomeRavel pic.twitter.com/xezJ1UbR82

— QPR FC (@OfficialQPR) February 19, 2014

Ravel Morrison has joined Arry's groaning phalanx of Premier League cast-offs at QPR on a 93-day emergency loan from West Ham, delaying a hernia operation to do so if the papers are to be believed.

Champions League: Man City 0-2 Barcelona – Citizens Pay The Penalty At The Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 0-2 Barcelona Champions League Last 16 18th February 2014

After a first-half in which Man City gave as good as they got against the giants of Barcelona, the Citizens saw their hopes of securing a win against the Spaniards all but go up in smoke early int he second-half.

Football GIF: Ibrahimovic Bangs In Humdinger Against Leverkusen, Adds To Smorgasboard Of Wonder-Strikes

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By Alan Duffy

At this stage, the mighty Zlatan Ibrahimovbic has probably netted more wonder-strikes than most players have scored regular goals. And in PSG's last 16 Champions League tie against Bayer Leverkusen, the Swedish superstar fired in a cracker with his weaker foot, the crazy genius.

10 Solid Reasons WWE Supremo Vince McMahon Should Take Over Newcastle United

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By Chris Wright

With the rumours that Vince McMahon is once again purported to be "sniffing around" Newcastle United with a view to buying the club doing the rounds again this morning, we've come up with a solid ten reasons why the WWE supremo should finally do the decent thing, pay up and become the Toon's new owner.

Coach Of Peruvian Side Huancayo Conducts Training Session Wearing Nothing But A Big Red Nappy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Forget your rondos, your tactical drills and your bubble runs; Sport Huancayo coach Daniel Cordoba is a true maverick when it comes to training drills if only because he apparently insists on taking sessions wearing nothing but a large red nappy.

Lokeren Goalkeeper Boubacar Barry Tackled Hard, Can’t Decide If He’s Injured Or Outraged (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

In which, after being clattered (perfectly legitimately) in front of his goal by chargingGent striker Brecht Dejaegere, Lokeren 'keeper Boubacar Barry whips himself up into a mad, frothing frenzy while he struggles to decide whether he's more injured than outraged or vice versa.

Vancouver Whitecaps’ Andre Lewis Suffers Brutally Embarrassing Back-Flip Goal Celebration FAIL (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Vancouver Whitecaps' Jamaican forward Andre Lewis netting a fairly straightforward back-post volley in a pre-season friendly game against college sideUVic Vikes at the weekend and attempting to celebrate his tap-in with a Kenwyne Jones/Nani-style cartwheel-to-back-flip routine.

Referee Accidentally Head-Butts Palmeiras Midfielder Jorge Valdivia To The Ground (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Vicious scenes here from Sunday's Paulista Derby clash between Corinthians and Palmeiras in which Palmeiras midfielder Jorge Valdivia is left all discombobulated and prostrate on the floor after finding himself on the receiving end of a nasty blind-side head-butt from the referee.

Eight-Year-Old Romanian Kid Curls In World Class Freekick, Celebrates Accordingly… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

He may not be tall enough to ride the teacups yet, but this eight-year-old lad (playing in an U8s game in Romania, no less) sure as heck has a mean left foot on him...

(Via ESPN FC)

Brighton 1-1 Hull – Tigers Claw Back Draw At The Amex (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Brighton & Hove Albion 1-1 Hull City FA Cup 5th Round 17th February 2014

Premier League side Hull fought back from a goal down to secure a hard-fought draw with Brighton at the Amex Stadium. The home side had taken the lead after a frantic opening in which Hull's Yannick Sagbo had hit the woodwork, with Argentine striker Leonardo Ulloa deftly lifting the ball over Tigers' 'keeper Allan McGregor.

Lionel Messi To Wear Super Fabulous ‘Rainbow’ Adidas Boots For Man City Clash (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Nothing's concrete as yet, but these are supposedly going to be the new superfab'lous adiZero boots that are to adorn the sainted feet of Lionel Messi for tomorrow evening's Champions League tie between Barcelona and Manchester City at the Etihad...

Hmmmm.

Retro Football: Cracking Vintage Advert For Sir Tom Finney’s Plumbing Business (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

World class spot from the dapper chaps over at @SavileRogue here, with this football-themed advert for the late Sir Tom Finney's plumbing business...

Finney, who sadly passed away at the age of 91 on Friday evening, was affectionately nicknamed 'The Preston Plumber' throughout his football career having famously trained as an apprentice plumber before being signed by North End as a lad in 1946.

Five Touches And In: Boca Juniors Score With Expertly Executed Set Play vs Belgrano (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Not that there was anyone there to see it* but Boca Juniors lost the first game of the Clausura 2-3 at home against Belgrano on Sunday evening though the home side's opener was a thing of superbly-executed beauty.

Presiding over a freekick some 40-yards out from the Belgrano goal, Boca took just five well-regimented touches to get the ball over the line the final headed touch being provided by defender Juan Forlin.

Football World Rocked By Global Pandemic Of Pitch-Invading Dogs (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

This weekend's football global programme was littered (in some cases, quite literally) with dog-related encroachment disorders, with several games across several continents interrupted by canine interlopers.

First of all, kick-off at Crewe's game against Brentford in League One had to be momentarily delayed after the pitch was invaded by Diefenbakerfrom Due South which put the willies right up Mathias Pogba.

Real Madrid’s Luka Modric Makes Brilliant, One-Handed Diving Reflex Save vs Getafe (Video)

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By Chris Wright

If anyone can explain what little Luka was trying with this one then please feel free to send us your answers on a postcard...

Incidentally, the yellow card that Modric was shown for his little brainfart was the Croatian midfielder's fifth of the season therefore earning him an automatic suspension for his troubles.

Football GIF: Raheem Sterling Puts Hand On Howard Webb, Almost Gets Himself Arrested

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By Chris Wright

First rule of the FA Cup: Never lay a finger on a copper...

"Right...you do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court."

Arsenal 2-1 Liverpool – Gunners Back To Winning Ways After Classic Cup Clash At Emirates (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 2-1 Liverpool FA Cup 5th Round 16th February 2014

Arsenal took revenge for that 5-1 hammering at Anfield last week by securing a hard-fought 2-1 win at home to Liverpool on Sunday. Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, who was superb throughout, scored one (in the first-half) and made one (in the second, for Lukas Podolski) in a game which could have gone either way.

Sheff Utd 3-1 Nottm Forest – Blade Cuts Down Forest As Porter Bags Late Brace (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sheffield United 3-1 Nottingham Forest FA Cup 5th Round 16th February 2014

Chris Porter was the star of the show for Sheffield United on Sunday, with his two late goals firing the League One side through to the last eight of the FA Cup.

Everton 3-1 Swansea – Toffees Too Strong For Swans At Goodison (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 3-1 Swansea City FA Cup 5th Round 16th February 2014

Everton booked their place in the last eight of the Cup courtesy of a deserved 3-1 win at home to Swansea. Giant striker Lacina Traore opened the scoring after just four minutes, courtesy of a deft backheel, but the Swans were level soon after Jonathan De Guzman headed home.

Man City 2-0 Chelsea – Shot-shy Blues Fail At The Etihad As Citizens March On (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 2-0 Chelsea FA Cup 5th Round 15th February 2014

Chelsea produced a rather impotent performance at the Etihad on Saturday, with the Blues ultimately going down 2-0 to the hosts. Stevan Jovetic in the first-half (courtesy of fine finish) and Samir Nasri after the break (again, another lovely goal) netted the goals in a game which the home side dominated for long periods.

Cardiff 1-2 Wigan – Watson The Cup Hero Again As Latics Win In Wales (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Cardiff City 1-2 Wigan Athletic FA Cup 5th Round 15th February 2014

Wigan's goal-hero from last season's cup final struck again on Saturday in Cardiff, with Ben Watson's 4oth minute strike securing a place in the last eight for Wigan. Chris McCann had put the visitors ahead on 18th minutes before striker Frazier Campbell fired home an equaliser soon after.

Sunderland 1-0 Southampton – Gardner’s World: Black Cats Through To Last Eight Of Cup (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 1-0 Southampton FA Cup 5th Round 15th February 2014

A superb strike from Craig Gardner was enough to earn Sunderland a place in the Fa Cup quarter-finals against a rather limp Southampton side. Rickie Lambert did miss a right sitter for the Saintsbut overall Gus Poyet's side deserved the win, played at a half-empty Stadium of Light.

Snapshot: All Preston North End Players Wear ‘Finney’ On Shirts In Tribute To Sir Tom…

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By Chris Wright

As you're probably already well aware, Sir Tom Finney passed away at the age of 91 last night so, in tribute to their sainted club legend, the Preston North End players all took to the pitch for this afternoon's game against Leighton Orient at Deepdale with 'Finney' across their shoulders.

Football Vine: Rickie Lambert Misses Good Ol’ Fashioned Two-Yard Sitter vs Sunderland

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By Chris Wright

Oh dear Rickie, if you don't want to go to Brazil then just say so!

(Vine: BETFUZE)

Shakhtar Donetsk Vow To Pay Rest Of Maicon’s Contract To His Family After Striker Killed In Car Crash

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By Chris Wright

Shakhtar Donetsk have done the decent thing and announced that the club will pay-up the rest of late striker Maicon's contract to his family after the 25-year-old Brazilian tragically died in a car crash last Saturday.

Appearing at a Q&A session for fans yesterday, ShakhtarCEO Sergie Palkin was asked what support Maicon's family would be receiving from the club in the wake of his sad death, to which he replied:

"The contract with Maicon was valid through mid-2015.

Mario Balotelli Scores 30-Yard Thunderspanker vs Bologna, Chooses Not To Celebrate (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Milan beat Bologna 1-0 on Friday night thanks to an 86th-minute goal from Mario Balotelli.

This be it...

Not even a flicker of a smile.

Markus Rosenborg Donates Entire Contents Of House To Charity After Having West Brom Contract Terminated

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By Chris Wright

After having his West Brom contract mulched by mutual consent, Markus Rosenborg agreed a deal to move back to his native Sweden with Malmo earlier in the week and, as a result, decided to donate the entire contents of his house in Solihull to charity.

The furniture haul was so large that it had to be split between three branches of Sue Ryder charity shops, with Rosenborg donating a large amount ofbespoke furniture and fittings, a couple of his Albion kits, cutlery and even kitchen utensils and crockery.

Jose Mourinho Calls Arsene Wenger An ‘Expert In Failure’ At Press Conference – It’s Getting Boring Now, Jose

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By Chris Wright

Several days after his "small horse/poor little us" schtick, Jose Mourinho has spent his afternoon delivering his weekly glib quip to the adoring press throngs crammed into the media suite at Cobham and, as is customary, he's had a bit of a silly pop at one of his rivals in a bid to keep the nation nattering about anything other than his boring team.

Valentine’s Day Special: 30 Beautiful Photos Of Footballers Hugging

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By Chris Wright

Play this song while perusing through the gallery for maximum emotional impact...

Valentine's Day Special: Beautiful Footballing Hugs â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 30

FC Barcelona's Sergio Busquets, right, hugs Daniel Alves, from Brazil, left after scoring against Real Sociedad during a Copa del Rey soccer match at the Camp Nou stadium in Barcelona, Spain, Wednesday, Feb.

Intrepid Lad Attempts To Bag Valentine’s Day Date Using Dodgy Football Chat-Up Lines (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Get ready to cringe harder than you've ever cringed before...

If you'll excuse us, we just need to find something to be sick into.

(Video: Football Daily)

Bulgarian Linesman Completely Ignores Game To Have Leisurely Natter On His Mobile Phone (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during the recent game between the youth sides of Bulgarian top flight teams Chernomorets and Cherno, the linesman on duty decides he's got better things to do than actually officiate offsides, fouls and the like and decides to have a good ol' fashioned natter on his phone instead.

Kostas Mitroglou Scores Peachy 25-Yarder On Fulham Debut For U21 Side vs Aston Villa (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Many an eyebrow were arched quizzically when Fulham decided to shovel £12million into Olympiakos' lap in order to secure the services of striker Kostas Mitroglou on transfer deadline day, though the Greek striker has gotten himself off to the best possible start for the Cottagers scoring an absolute peach on his debut for their U21 side (i.

Odense Players Celebrate Teammate’s Birthday By Dumping Four Kilos Of Cinnamon Powder On Him (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In whichOdense striker Jeppe Hansen is pinned to the ground and coated in four kilos' worth of cinnamon powder as a special 'birthday present' from the rest of his teammates...

Apparently it's a Danish tradition to give young men a 'cinnamon shower' on their 25th birthday if they are still unmarried.

Football Vine: Referee Mark Clattenburg Calms David De Gea Down By Stroking His Grinch Beard

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By Chris Wright

Here's a brief but truly touching moment spotted during last night's 0-0 draw between Arsenal and Manchester United, wherein referee Mark Clattenburg soothes David De Gea's explosive inner turmoil at play being pulled back for an soft injury to Kieran Gibbs by softly petting his Alpaca beard.

Eric Cantona’s ‘French Farmers’ Kronenbourg Beer Advert Belatedly Banned For LYING TO US ALL

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By Chris Wright

Eric Cantona has seen his advert for Kronenbourg's strangely salty lager belatedly stripped from television screens after it emerged he (or, more accurately, Kronenbourg) lied to us all.

During the really rather good advert (as beer adverts go), we seeAlsacehop farmers re-imagined as being the equivalent of celebrity footballers in their neck of the woods, with Cantona declaring that "If you find a better tasting French beer, we'll eat our berets.

Southampton Defender Jose Fonte Posts Picture Of His Carved-Up Shin After Hull City Game (Gruesome Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Ouch...

We'd probably advise that you stick a plaster or two (or ten) on that one, son.

All in a day's work for a rough, tough centre-half but still....ouch.

(Photo: f6nteofficial/Instagram)

Snapshot: Bristol City Install ‘Rail Seats’ At Ashton Gate In Effort To Reintroduce ‘Safe Standing’ Section

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By Chris Wright

Bristol Rovers have become the first football league club to install new 'rail seating' which is hoped will be the design used at the forefront of the ongoing lobby to bring safe standing sections back into the English game.

The Robins are keen to redevelop Ashton Gate at the end of the season and have pressed ahead in fitting out their Williams Stand with a small demonstration section of rail seating with the usual plastic seats able to be folded up and held in an upright position to create a terraced area for standing, complete with a hand-rail which also doubles as a frame for the seat itself.

Malaysian Everton Fan Travels 6,500 Miles To Watch Game, Sees Lifelong Dream Scuppered By Postponement, Toffees Step In And Save The Day

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By Chris Wright

Having supported the club from afar for 30 years, Malaysian Everton fan Ric Wee (stop sniggering at the back!) decided to book himself tickets for last night's game against Crystal Palace at Goodison in order to fulfil a lifelong dream of his to watch his beloved Toffees playing 'live'.

Street Magician ‘Troy’ Turns Badge On Arsenal Fan’s Replica Shirt Into Tottenham Crest Before His Very Eyes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Possibly employing the same dark arts that Olivier Giroud uses to magically transform gilt-edged chances into 'zero shots on target' most weeks, here's the newest name on the British street magician scene, Troy, plugging his new series by turning up outside a London pub on matchday and turning the Arsenal crest on one chirrupy Gooner's replica shirt into the Tottenham badge right in front of his disbelieving eyes.

Football Vine: Kolo, Kolo Kolo, Kolo Kolo, Kolo Kolo Toure (O.G)

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By Chris Wright

Coming a week or so after his delightfully-weighted assist for (West Brom's) Victor Anichebe, Kolo Toure continued on his magical quest of self-destruction with an absolute howler of an own-goal against Fulham last night slicing a choppy, bouncing ball past Simon Mignolet and into the back of the Liverpool goal under almost no pressure whatsoever.

Get Behind Davina’s Dash: Support The TV Host’s BT Sport Relief Mission

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WHEN the PR firm told us that shouty Davina McCall was running away for charity. We thanked them. And then we learnt that DAVINAAAHHH! would, if things went to plan, be coming back. Do not be downcast. Be joyful and supportive. It's all part of Davina's push forBT Sport Relief. Challenge: Davina Beyond Breaking Point features the TV host running, swimming and cycling over 500 miles from Edinburgh to London.

Stoke 1-1 Swansea – Chico Heads Swans To Point At Blustery Britannia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 1-1 Swansea City Premier League 12th February 2014

Played at a windswept Britannia Stadium, this clash between two sides desperate to move clear of the drop-zone was decided courtesy of a goal in either half. Peter Crouch opened the scoring for the Potters on 17 minutes after Peter Odemwingie had hit the woodwork and for the rest of the half the Swans struggled to create enough decent chances despite their trademark dominance of possession.

Newcastle 0-4 Tottenham – Tim’s Tots Thrash Magpies, Stay On Course For Europe (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 0-4 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 12th February 2014

The Tim Sherwood era continues to reap dividends for Spurs after yet another impressive victory, this time at St. James' Park. Revitalised striker Emmanuel Adebayor bagged a brace for the visitors, with Paulinho and Nacer Chadli (courtesy of a superb effort) rounding off a fantastic night for the Lilywhites.

Fulham 2-3 Liverpool – Comeback Win At Craven Cottage Sees Reds Put Pressure On Top Three (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 2-3 Liverpool Premier League 12th February 2014

Coming on the back of the weekend's thrashing of Arsenal, this dramatic comeback win puts Liverpool well and truly into title contention, with the Reds now just four points off the top.

Arsenal 0-0 Man Utd – Olivier Gi-Rues Missed Chances As Gunners Fail To Regain Top Spot (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 0-0 Manchester United Premier League 12th February 2014

This had the air of a game in which both managers wanted to consolidate after suffering poor results at the weekend and thus there was little excitement throughout. Robin Van Persie failed to convert an early chance after an error from Mikel Arteta while late on the Dutchman saw his point-blank header superb saved byWojciech Szczęsny.

Shit Football Ink: Liverpool Fan Unveils New Brendan Rodgers Tattoo, Complete With Inspirational Quote… (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

"I've always said that you can live without water for many days, but you can't live for a second without hope."

Stirring stuff, though if we were going to commit to a Brendanism tattoo across our midriff, we'd probably opt for "My biggest mentor is myself" instead.

17-Year-Old Lazio Youth Player Closes All Social Media Accounts After Being Harangued For Looking 40 (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Born in 1996?

Lazio youth playerJoseph Minala, who is 17-years-old, has had to actively shut down both his Twitter, Facebook and Instagram accounts after being mercilessly harangued by fans for looking far, far older than the age on his passport and

Strangely, no-one saw fit to pick fault with his sparkly little gold handbag at all.

Italian Lower-League Player Scores Monumental 75-Yard Goal From A Sliding Tackle (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting the only goal of the game fromVigor Lamezia's recent 0-1 away win overTuttocuoio 1957 in the Italian fourth tier on Sunday afternoon: as scored by Lamezia midfielderDomenico Zampaglione.

With the ball breaking loose and holding up on the swampy pitch, Zampaglione launched into a 50/50 sliding tackle with a Tuttocuoio player and somehow managed to launch the ball 75-yards up the pitch, over the goalkeeper and in.

‘I Lost A Bet And I Had To Cook!’ – Lionel Messi Loses Mysterious Wager, Rustles Up Steak And Chips (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Lionel Messi posted the following nifty, three-stage video to his Instagram account last night along with the caption "I lost a bet... And I had to cook!" though, as it appears, no-one quite knows what the flutter was or who/what the wee Barca man had wagered against.

Cardiff 0-0 Aston Villa – Marshall Magic Keeps Villans At Bay In Wales (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Cardiff City 0-0 Aston Villa Premier League 11th February 2014

David Marshall has been kept very busy this season between the posts for Cardiff and on Tuesday night, the 'keeper produced a superb performance to keep Aston Villa at bay and secure his side a point.

With Switzerland Voting To Cap Immigration, Here’s How The Swiss National Team Would Look Without Immigrant Players…

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By Chris Wright

A couple of days ago Switzerland as a nation voted (by a slim majority of 50.3%) to cap immigration quotas. We're not really in a position to wade into the politics here, but it's safe to say the results of the referendum has been 'controversial' to say the least, what with it playing fast and loose with the EU's laws on freedom of movement and all.

Football GIF: Cristiano Ronaldo Hit On Head By Cigarette Lighter vs Atletico Madrid

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By Chris Wright

Come for Cristiano Ronaldo taking a laser-guided cigarette lighter to the head; stay for Sergio Ramos' ever-so-slightly delayed reaction at the moment of impact...

(Via Reddit)

Cuteness Overload: Neymar’s Young Son Tries, And Fails, To Juggle With Oranges… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Neymar's son (Neymar Jnr Jnr?) has a go at juggling and sends the cuteness meter into meltdown while FAILING MISERABLY...

(Via neymarjr/Instagram)

Snapshot: How The Switzerland National Team Would Look Without Immigrants…

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By Chris Wright

A couple of days ago Switzerland as a nation voted (by a slim majority of 50.3%) to cap immigration quotas. We're not really in a position to wade into the politics here, but it's safe to say the results of the referendum has been 'controversial' to say the least, what with it playing fast and loose with the EU's laws on freedom of movement and all.

Football GIF: Javier Manquillo Suffers ‘Whiplash’ After Bouncing Off Cristiano Ronaldo And Landing On His Neck

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid became the first side ever to reach the Copa Del Rey final without conceding a goal with a 2-0 second-leg victory over Atletico Madrid at the Vicente Calderon last night, though Atleti's teenage full-back Javier Manquillo probably won't remember much of it.

West Ham 2-0 Norwich – Hammers Go 10th After Late Win Against Canaries (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 2-0 Norwich City Premier League 11th February 2014

Norwich were left to rue a number of missed chances as late goals from James Collins and Mo Diamé secured another win for Sam Allardyce's rejuvenated Hammers. West Ham 'keeper Adrian was kept very busy in the first period, withGary Hooper, Robert Snodgrass and Alex Tettey all going close for the Canaries.

Hull 0-1 Southampton – Slick Saints Tame Tigers At The KC (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Hull City 0-1 Southampton Premier League 11th February 2014

Jose Fonte was the goal-hero for the Saints at the KC Stadium, firing home on 69 minutes to give the visitors a deserved win. Southampton dominated for large periods of the game, although both sides did hit the woodwork.

West Brom 1-1 Chelsea – Blues Bogged Down At Hawthorns As Anichebe Make Points For Baggies (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 1-1 Chelsea Premier League 11th February 2014

League leaders Chelsea missed the chance to go four points clear at the top of the table on Monday night, with Victor Anichebe's late equaliser nabbing a share of the points for West Brom.

Jack Wilshere Says ‘Y’Know?’ 20 Times In Space Of 80 Seconds During Sky Sports Interview (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We're well aware that, like Jermain Defoe before him, Arsenal midfielder Jack Wilshere is more than fond of a slapping a good 'y'know?' in at the end of every sentence/word/syllable/glottal stop, but the Arsenal midfielder's fire rate during a recent interview with Sky Sports was nigh-on phenomenal- we're talking an average of one every four seconds here people.

Middlesbrough Boss Aitor Karanka Embroiled In Blazing Row Over Photocopying Costs At Doncaster Library

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By Chris Wright

Okay, perhaps not 'blazing', but still...

Anyway, it would appear that Middlesbrough boss Aitor Karanka recently became embroiled in a bit of a tetchy row about unpaid photocopying debts at a library in Doncaster a week or so ago.

With Boro in town to play Donny two Saturdays back, Karanka had his back-room staff traipse down to the local library to get a few of his tactics sheets copied before the game.

The Continuing Story Of Salvador Cabanas: Paraguayan Striker Who Was Shot In The Head Now Sells Bread For A Living

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By Chris Wright

Salvador Cabanas and his old man,Dionisio

Does the name Salvador Cabanas ring any bells? If not, allow us to refresh your memories: Cabanas is the former Club America and Paraguay striker who was shot in the head at close range in a Mexico City bar back in January of 2010.

Snapshot: Match Of The Day Punditry Summed Up With One Spectacular Subtitle FAIL…

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By Chris Wright

The sad thing is that we really can't be sure if this is a tremendous subtitles failure from the BBC or if one of thesedimwits (Mr Martin 'I hereby steadfastly refuse to pronounce any non-Anglo Saxon name correctly' Keown being prime suspect) actually let those words dribble out of their gibbering faceholes.

Horror Hair: Would You Just Look At The State Of Joey Barton These Days?

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By Chris Wright

Joey Barton, as is...

And, yes, that's a cheeky little half-ponytail knot he's rocking back there. Doesn't he look all 'continental'?

Well, no. Indeed, to regurgitate a quip we made on Twitter; he looks like he's wearing one of the oil-slathered seagulls they pulled out of the sea after the Exxon Valdez ran aground strapped to the top of his head.

Let’s Hear It For…Sevilla Coach Unai Emery’s Colour-Coordinated Jacket Elbow Patches

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By Chris Wright

We feel like these aren't getting nearly as much love as they deserve, so we're taking this opportunity to inform Sevilla boss Unai Emery that his efforts haven't gone unnoticed and that Pies really do appreciate the obvious time and dedication he's putting into colour-coordinating his jacket elbow patches of late not only with his scarf and tie, but with Sevilla's kit too.

Snapshot: Someone Stole The Wheels Off Robert Lewandowski’s Porsche Last Night…

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By Chris Wright

It would seem that Robert Lewandowski had the rims and tires nicked off his Porsche Cayenne from directly in front of his house on Monday night, with the thief/theives leaving the car jacked up on paving stones right outside the Dortmund striker's apartment.

Italian Amateur Player Celebrates Goal By Head-Butting Through Dugout Wall (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Call off the search for this year's Goal Celebration of the Year, cos this bloke (from Italian amateur side Riole Terme)already has it sewn in very much the same way he probably had to go and get his forehead sewn up after staging this absolute beauty...

We shall dub thee 'Rhino Gattuso'!

Wilfried Zaha Posts Barbed Instagram Message Aimed Squarely At Man Utd Boss David Moyes

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By Alan Duffy

Quite the barbed comment this from young wideboy Wilfried Zaha who, on Monday, posted a photo on Instagram of new boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer giving him instructions, alongside the words "Nothing like someone who believes in you". Ignoring he questionable grammar, this was obviously a shot aimed at Manchester United manager David Moyes, who rarely played the winger before letting him join Cardiff City and Solskjaer on loan during the transfer window.

Zing-A-Ling! Fulham Centre-Back Dan Burn Likens Man Utd Tactics To ‘Conference Football’

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By Chris Wright

After Man Utd managed to sling in a whopping 81 crosses into the Fulham box at Old Trafford on Sunday evening (thus breaking a Premier League and Opta record which has stood since 2006) without so much as steering one of them goal-wards with any menace, Cottagers coach Rene Meulensteen was left to remark that David Moyes'approach was "straightforward" and that United just "got it wide and got it in the box", adding that it was "easy to defend against.

Iran Expel Four Players From Women’s National Team For Failing Gender Tests

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By Chris Wright

Please note: These are not the Iranian players in question

The Iranian Football Federation (FFIRI) are to make players in theirprofessional women's league undergo mandatory gender tests having had to expel four players from the women's national team recently after it was established that they weren't "fully female".

Football Vine: Steven Naismith Got Da Mad Skillz

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By Chris Wright

Brap brap brrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap....

Lionel Messi And Dani Alves Play Super Long-Range Keepy-Uppies Again Before Valencia Game… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Barcelona buds Lionel Messi and Dani Alves indulge in another round of their really rather impressive long-range keepy-uppies before Barca's streak-ending defeat against Valencia at the Camp Nou last week.

There's just something so soothing about watching these two pelt the ball back and forth 30 metres between each other time after time without letting it touch the floor.

Irate Arsenal Fan Stabs Liverpool Fan To Death In Kenya After Being Goaded About 5-1 Defeat

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By Chris Wright

Just months after a Manchester United fan leapt to his death in Nairobi after watching his side lose 1-0 to Newcastle, we have another instance of shockingly extreme post-match overreaction in Kenya.

Apparently an "ardent" Liverpool fan was stabbed to death at a bar in the town of Meru on Sunday by a livid Arsenal fan who was incensed after watching his side whimper their way to a 5-1 defeat at Anfield.

Shia Laboeuf Quotes Eric Cantona’s ‘Seagulls And Trawlers’ Speech While Storming Out Of Press Conference (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Child actor and amateur plagiarist Shia Laboeuf was on top form at the Berlin Film Festival press conference for his latest movie, Lars Von Trier's 'Nymphomaniac', storming out after about 10 minutes after facing one question about the amount of sex scenes quoting Eric Cantona's infamous "seagulls.

Melbourne Victory ‘Striker’ Andy Nabbout Demonstrates His Finishing Prowess vs Perth Glory (Video)

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By Chris Wright

From the game against Perth Glory a fortnight or so ago, here's an early contender for a spot on the 2014 A-League blooper reel courtesy of Melbourne Victory's predatory striker Andrew Nabbout.

After being put clean through on goal, bearing down on the Glory keeper, Nabbout quickly assesses his options and.

Adidas Will Cancel Sponsorship Deals Of Any Players Belonging To Organisations Which ‘Represent Principles Of Scientology’

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By Chris Wright

Yay!

Don't ask how, but German magazine Der Spiegel have gotten hold of and published a leaked Adidas endorsement contract/equipment agreement belonging to an anonymous Bayern Munich player which reveals the many forfeiture clauses inserted into his€400,000 deal.

Football Vine: Mario Balotelli Cries On Bench As AC Milan Lose 3-1 To Napoli (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Despite Adel Taarabt scoring after only eight minutes to put the visitors ahead, AC Milan eventually went down 3-1 to Napoli and the San Paolo yesterday evening and it was all too much for poor Mario, who was in floods of tears on the bench after being fetched off in the 73rd minute.

Liverpool 5-1 Arsenal – Rampant Reds Shoot Down Gunners At Anfield (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 5-1 Arsenal Premier League 8th February 2014

Liverpool produced a magnificent display in the early game on Saturday, thrashing league-leaders Arsenal at Anfield. The home side rocketed out of the blocks, closing down the Gunners and tearing the famed Arsenal backline apart.

Snapshot: Olivier Giroud’s Shooting Stats vs Liverpool Presented In Graphic Form…

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By Chris Wright

For the record, Giroud played for almost exactly an hour before making way for Lukas Podolski.

(Image: @AlexKunawicz)

Brazilian Side Gremio Plan To Launch Chain Of Club-Themed Fast Food Restaurants

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By Chris Wright

In a bid to raise a few extra pounds for the transfer kitty by adding a few extra pounds of flab to their fans' midriffs, Brazilian side Gremio are planning to open their own chain of club-themed fast food restaurants.

Gremio are hoping to flog 90 or so franchises for between$80,000 and $270,000 (approx.

Shakthar Donetsk Striker Maicon, 25, Killed In Car Crash

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By Chris Wright

#Shakhtar regretfully informs that today the life of a footballer Maicon tragically ended. http://t.co/eYzr7IljfX pic.twitter.com/kdOxAyw8J8

— FC SHAKHTAR DONETSK (@Shakhtar_ua) February 8, 2014

Shakhtar Donetsk have this morning announced the tragic news that striker Maicon Pereirade Oliveira has sadly passed away after being involved in a car crash in the Ukrainian city a few hours ago.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Tucks Away ‘Knee Volley’ During PSG Training Drill (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Short and sweet one in which, deeming scoring with one's feet and/or head to be far too humdrum, Zlatan tucks away a pinpoint volley during a PSG training exercise with nowt but his leg elbow...

Big whup, Pies distinctly remember scoring a volley with our arse-cheek during a Sunday League game way back when.

Referee Responsible For Sending Off Cristiano Ronaldo Suspended For One Month, Banned From Officiating Real Madrid Games

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By Chris Wright

Miguel Angel Ayza Gamez, i.e, the referee who sent Cristiano Ronaldo off for softly molesting the face of Athletic Bilbao's Carlos Gurpegi on Sunday evening, has reportedly been banned for one month and is in danger of being demoted from officiating in Spain's top flight as a result of the debatable decision.

Italian Lower League Team Investigated After Scoring Eight Own-Goals In Final 10 Minutes Of Cup Tie

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By Chris Wright

An Italian lower-league side (the eighth tier to be exact: the 'Eccellenza Sicilia' league) are to be investigated by the relevant authorities after they mysteriously conspired to score eight own-goals in the final few minutes of a recent cup tie.

Playing against Borgata Terrenove in the Coppa Sicilia and losing 6-3 with 10 minutes left to play, SSD Bagheria unfortunately stuck eight unanswered goals past their own goalkeeper meaning Borgata duly won the game 14-3.

Snapshot: Eric Djemba-Djemba Unveiled At St. Mirren Wearing Authentic Scottish Attire…

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By Chris Wright

After sealing arguably the most high-profile acquisition of the January cattle market, St. Mirren finally got around to officially unveiling new signing Eric Djemba-Djemba this morning after the 32-year-old Cameroon midfielder joined the SPL side on a short-term deal a few days ago having been released by Partizan Belgrade in December, just six months into a two-year deal.

Paralysed Child To Ceremonially Kick-Off 2014 World Cup Using Mind-Controlled Exoskeleton Suit (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Now that's a headline! Brazil's World Cup committee are hoping that a paralysed child will be able to perform the ceremonially 'kicking-off' of the 2014 tournament with assistance from a mind-controlled exoskeleton suit.

The exoskeleton suit is being designed and tested by the Walk Again Projectand, according to Gizmodo, "supports the lower body, using brain activity to trigger movements in the suit":

"Brain waves are detected using electrodes on the scalp, beamed wirelessly to the exoskeleton, and processed into commands which produce movement.

Paul Pogba Demonstrates Some Impressive Freestyle Skills…While Blindfolded (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In between scoring hellacious 30-yard raspers for Juventus, here's Paul Pogba i.e, the man Sir Alex Ferguson went to great, almost definitely illegal lengths to tap-up aged 16 only to release back into the wild several years later for a pittance showing off his freestyle football skills.

Andrea Pirlo & Stephan Lichsteiner Enjoy A Spot Of Brunch Together… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Juventus pair Andrea Pirlo (looking ridiculously dapper, as always) andStephan Lichtsteiner enjoy a spot of brunch together in a new viral for the Bianconeri's in-house social media channels.

The central concept seems to be a 'practice makes perfect' kind of thing, explaining just how Pirlo is able to find Lichsteiner in front of goal so often it would appear the answer is 'repetitive brunches'.

Venezuelan Keeper Makes Opposing Striker Look Foolish With Sweet Slide Tackle/Nutmeg Combo… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Deportivo Tachira's 19-year-old goalkeeper,Jose Contreras, doing an absolute number ofACD Lara strikerGustavo Paez first pipping the forward to the ball in a straight foot-race, slide-tackling possession away from him and then, just to grind some coarse sea salt into the wound, sticking a cheeky little lollipop back through his legs for good measure.

Newcastle United Cancel Season Ticket Of Disabled Gran After Missing Her First Game In 13 Years

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By Chris Wright

Newcastle United have seen fit to confiscate the season ticket of a65-year-old, disabled grandmother after she was found guilty of the heinous crime of lending it to her son for one match the first Toon home game she'd missed in 13 years!

Lilian Held, who lives within 10 minutes of St James' Park, allowed her 29-year-old son Christopher to use her season ticket for Newcastle's game against Southampton last December while she was away on holiday.

The Black-And-White Years: 10 Haunting Images Of The Munich Air Disaster Wreckage, 1958 (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Today is the 56th anniversary of the Munich Air Disaster which claimed 23 lives, including eight members of Manchester United's Busby Babes and three members of the club's staff, back in February of 1958 a true tragedy which still echoes in the halls of footballing lore.

Viewers Demand Payment After ITV4 Presenter Adrian Chiles Promises £5 To Anybody Still Watching Fulham’s Turgid FA Cup Loss

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By Chris Wright

Adrian Chiles has found himself nervously thumbing his wallet today after several ITV4 viewers contacted the station to demand the presenter honour his pledge to send £5 to anybody who managed to watch the whole of Fulham's dismal FA Cup replay trudger against Sheffield United on Monday night.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Sends Birthday Present To Cristiano Ronaldo In Shape Of ‘Dare To Zlatan’ T-Shirt (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Zlatan and Ronaldo: Just two guys desperately in need of t-shirts

As you may garnered, yesterday (February 5th) was and will continue to be an extraordinarily prolific day as far as footballer's birthdays were concerned; with Cristiano Ronaldo,Neymar, Gheorghe Hagi, Carlos Tevez, Cesare Maldini, Sven Goran Eriksson,Gio van Bronckhorst, Vedran Corluka and the great John Aloisi all celebrating their birthdays uponst the very same day.

Real Sociedad’s Elustondo And Zubikarai Combine Effortlessly To Score Beautiful Own Goal vs Barcelona (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's not usually the smartest idea to give Barcelona a helping hand in paddling your backsides but, during last night's Copa Del Rey semi-final first leg, Real Sociedad did just that with defender GorkaElustondo whittling when a loose ball fell to his feet in the box and, despite being under very little in the way of attacking pressure, firing a panicky clearance directly into goalkeeper EnautZubikarai and into the back of his own net.

Pies’ Top 10 Favourite German Football Phrases

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By Chris Wright

No explanation needed we hope; this one does exactly what it says on the tin...

10.Schwalbe: Literally translates as "swallow" and used to mean a deliberate dive complete with arched back, spread wings, tucked legs, double pike and a twist.

Peterborough Legend Barry Fry Enjoys Kickabout With His Over-55s Walking Football League Teammates (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Peterborough United's director of football Barry Fry (though he's held just about every other position at the club too) enjoys a brisk kickabout with his 'senior' teammates at Posh's training pitch as part of a push for his local Over-55s walking football league.

Michael Laudrup Leaves Swansea Amid Rumours Of Dressing Room Cliques, Poorly-Timed Trips To Paris And General Ill Discipline

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By Chris Wright

"Not arsed, mate"

As you may have heard, Michael Laudrup was sacked by Swansea late last night just before the close of play and, as is customary with these things, the muck-raking has begun in earnest the following day with reports circling that the Dane left the Welsh side amid a maelstrom of dressing room unrest and poorly-timed two-day breaks to Paris.

Lifelong Leyton Orient Fan Leaves £150,000 In His Will To His Beloved Club

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By Chris Wright

A lifelong Leyton Orient fan who recently passed away after losing his battle with cancer has done his beloved club one last astonishing posthumous service by leaving £150,000 to the O's in his will.

John Burman, known locally as 'Chingford John', was by all accounts a fanatical Orient supporter and followed them home and away for over 30 years before he sadly passed away, aged 55, last summer.

Nike Redesign Corinthians, Internacional And Santos Kits In Brazilian Yellow To Show Selecao Support (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

In what we think is a rather nifty little flash of inspiration, Nike have redesigned the jerseys of five of Brazilian football's top club sides in the yellow of the national team in a show of support for La Selecao as the 2014 World Cup begins to crown on the horizon.

Eintracht Braunschweig Heavily Criticised For Once Using Rescue Helicopter To Dry Waterlogged Pitch (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

There's got to be an easier way to do that

As part of an ongoing investigation into alleged corruption within the German automobile association, ADAC, it has emerged that the Bundesliga's current bottom side,Eintracht Braunschweig, once hired (without really telling anyone) one of the auto club's 'Yellow Angel' rescue helicopters to help clearstanding water from their waterlogged pitch in a bid to make it playable for a game againstDynamo Dresden back in 2006.

Hugo Rodallega Weeps After Being Ironically Applauded Off By Fulham Fans Against Sheffield United (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Typifying Fulham's fighting spirit at the moment, Hugo Rodallega appeared to return to the bench after being taken off following a dismally limp 60-minute run-out against Sheffield United in the FA Cup last night, put his head in his hands and appeared to begin sobbing gently as a coat was draped around his inconsolable little shoulders.

This Jurgen Klopp Photobomb Is Everything It Should Be… (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Little did he know it at the time, but there was a nice little added bonus in store for this Dortmund fan who managed to snaffle a quick photo with Marco Reus at the train station...

There's that winning smile we all know and love!

(Photo via Twitter/Metro)

FA Cup: Fulham 0-1 Sheffield Utd – Last Minute Miller Goal Dumps Woeful Whites Out Of Cup (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 0-1 Sheffield United (AET) FA Cup Fourth Round Replay 4th February 2014

Poor old Rene Meulensteen is enduring a dreadful start to his managerial career in England. With his Fulham side already propping up the Premier League table, the Dutchman would've been hoping for some welcome relief from tonight's home tie with Sheffield United.

PSG’s Zlatan Ibrahimovic Nets Yet Another Cracker: Lobs ‘Keeper With Perfectly-Weighted Long-Range Effort

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By Alan Duffy

While Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi inhabit the most upper of upper echelons of the game, just one floor below you'll find the great Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who now has quite the collection of magnificent goals. And against Nantes in theCoupe de la Ligue on Tuesday night, the Swedish superstar produced yet another moment of magic.

Swansea City Part Company With Manager Michael Laudrup

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By Chris Wright

BREAKING NEWS: #Swans part company with Laudrup ........ http://t.co/5zmBJhUNu3

— Swansea City FC (@SwansOfficial) February 4, 2014

That's what signing David N'Gog gets you...

Two Thespians Perform Dramatic Recital Of Epic ‘Football vs Soccer’ Quarrel In Youtube Comment Section (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which two grizzled, veteran thesps (acting, quite literally, on behalf of comedy group Dead Parrot) perform a wonderfully dramatic recital of a blazing 'football versus soccer' row that kicked off between Youtube users 'IVY KENSO' and 'SHORTSHORTDI' in the comments section of a video entitled "Soccer Player Accidentally Slaps A Referee's Boob".

Santos Laguna’s Javier Orozco Scores, Headbutts Goalpost At Full Tilt, Knocks Himself Out, Subbed Off Injured… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having already opened the scoring on the 33rd-minute mark, Santos Laguna striker Javier Orozco hassled, harried and successfully bagged his second goal of the afternoon against Toluca in the Mexican top flight just three minutes later though he's unlikely to remember much about it.

Bologna Suspend Four Executives After Club Forget To Pick Up New Signing Ibson From Airport

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By Chris Wright

Bologna's owners have today announced that four of the Italian club's executives have been suspended over the transfer farrago that saw new signing Ibson being left stranded at Rome Airport for several hours.

Having signed from Corinthians after having his contract terminated by mutual consent on Monday, Ibson flew to Italy to join up with Bologna later that day however, the Serie A side forgot to dispatch their delegation to go and fetch the Brazilian from the airport, leaving him with no idea how to contact the club or where to go in the meantime after touching down in the capital.

27 Games Into Isthmian Premier Division Season, Metropolitan Police FC Have Most Apt Win/Draw/Loss Record Possible… (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

We're currently 27 games into theRyman Isthmian League Premier Division (seventh tier of English football) season as things stand and, by a coincidental quirk, Metropolitan Police FC have racked up just about the most apt win/draw/loss record possible for a side of their origins.

Joe Kinnear’s Top 10 Finest Accomplishments As Newcastle Director Of Football

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By Chris Wright

It's with much sadness that we have to inform you, but Joe Kinnear has resigned from his post as Newcastle United's director of football after less than eight months in the role.

Plonked in above Alan Pardew in the managerial food chain at the club, Kinnear was charged with overseeing player recruitment at St James' Park, though he failed to bring in anyone, as such, on a permanent deal during his tenure though we'll give him the fact that Loic Remy and Luuk de Jong both signed on loans of varying lengths.

Horror Hair: Mario Balotelli Has Strange ‘Crop Circles’ Shaved Into His Head (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Mario Balotelli took to Twitter in order to share a 360° photographic tour of his new hair cut with the world at large yesterday and, inaddition to the Milan striker's stalwart bogbrush Mohican fringe, his new style has seen a series of random crop circles added to the flanks.

Man City 0-1 Chelsea – Blues Shine At The Etihad As City’s Juggernaut Grinds To A Halt (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 0-1 Chelsea Premier League 3rd February 2014

Jose Mourinho's Chelsea produced a superb display at the Etihad on Monday night, stopping Manchester City's juggernaut in its tracks and securing a well deserved 1-0 win. Branislav Ivanovic was the goal hero for the Blues, firing home on 32 minutes as the Blues dominated for large periods of the game.

Football Vine: Nicklas Bendtner Enjoys Spot Of Gentleman’s Self-Abuse On Arsenal Bench

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By Chris Wright

Sometimes the urge just hits...

(Vine: Paul Wood)

David Beckham Plays…And Loses…Game Of ‘Egg Russian Roulette’ On Jimmy Fallon Show (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which David Beckham, making an appearance on Friday evening's Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, plays and loses a game of 'Egg Russian Roulette' and ends the evening with a healthy amount of albumen in his beautiful, beautiful hair...

Football GIF: Galatasaray’s Wesley Sneijder Plays Outrageous ‘Ass Pass’ Against Bursaspor

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By Chris Wright

The cheek of it...

Oh, he also scored a hat-trick as Gala romped to a 6-0 victory in the Super Lig..

Comprehensive.

Arsenal 2-0 Crystal Palace – Ox In The Box Sends Gunners Top At The Emirates (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 2-0 Crystal Palace Premier League 2nd February 2014

Making his first Premier League start since the opening day defeat to Aston Villa, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain bagged two goals against Crystal Palace to send the Gunner back to the top of the table.

West Brom 1-1 Liverpool – Kolo-ssal Cock-Up Sees Liverpool Slip At The Hawthorns (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 1-1 Liverpool Premier League 2nd February 2014

Liverpool's title tilt suffered a blow at the Hawthorns on Sunday, with Victor Anichebe's second-half goal cancelling out Daniel Sturridge's first-half effort. That opener for the Reds came after good work from Luis Suarez, but that good work was undone on 67 minutes, when a horror pass from Kolo Toure gifted a chance to Anichebe who fired past Simon Mignolet in the Liverpool goal.

Damning Sky Sports Graphic Details David Moyes’ Record-Breaking Start At Man Utd (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

David Moyes is a record breaker...

(Image:Sky Sports/Reddit)

Fulham 0-3 Southampton – Whites Hit Rock Bottom As Saints Stroll At Craven Cottage (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 0-3 Southampton Premier League 1st February 2014

Despite bringing in a number of players during the transfer window and having a backroom staff which includes Ray Wilkins and Alan Curbishley, Fulham boss Rene Meulensteen is facing one hell of a challenge to keep his side in the Premier League this season.

Hull 1-1 Tottenham – Long On Target As Tigers Hold Lilywhites At The KC Stadium (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Hull City 1-1 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 1st February 2014

Hull's new strike partnership of Shane Long and Nikica Jelavic impressed for the Tigers on Saturday, as they battled to a deserved draw against Spurs. Long opened the scoring on 12 minutes, latching on to a Jelavic pass before coolly finishing past Hugo Lloris.

Everton 2-1 Aston Villa – Mirallas Cracker Keeps Toffees’ Euro Hopes On Track (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 2-1 Aston Villa Premier League 1st February 2014

Everton came from behind at Goodison Park on Saturday to keep their hopes for a Champions League berth alive and kicking. Leandro Bacuna has opened the scoring for the Villans in the first-half and after that goal, the visitors defended resolutely.

Stoke 2-1 Man Utd – Moyes’ Morass Continues As Adam Fires Potters To Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 2-1 Manchester United Premier League 1st February 2014

David Moyes' nightmare season continued on Saturday as he saw his side go down 2-1 at the Britannia Stadium. The Red Devils started with Robin Van Persie, Wayne Rooney and Juan Mata but fell behind on 38 minutes courtesy of a wickedly deflected Charlie Adam effort.

Cardiff 2-1 Norwich – Bluebirds Top Pecking Order Against Canaries As Solskjaer Bags First Points (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Cardiff City 2-1 Norwich City Premier League 1st February 2014

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer picked up his first points as Cardiff boss as his side came from behind to beat Norwich in Wales. Robert Snodgrass had given the Canaries an early lead, but the Bluebirds fought back and early second half goals from Craig Bellamy and new-signing Kenwyne Jones secured a vital win for the home side.

West Ham 2-0 Swansea – Swans Get History Lesson Courtesy Of Hammers’ 19th Century Football (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 2-0 Swansea City Premier League 1st February 2014

The partnership of Andy Carroll and Kevin Nolan produced two goals for the Hammers on Saturday as they outmuscled a imp Swansea side at Upton Park. Both goals came courtesy of a headed pass from Carroll and a finish from Nolan as Sam Allardyce's old-school football left the Swans reeling.

Newcastle 0-3 Sunderland – Poyet-try In Motion: Black Cats Maul Magpies At St James’ Park (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 0-3 Sunderland Premier League 1st February 2014

Gus Poyet's impressive reign as Sunderland boss hit another high on Saturday when his side battered rivals Newcastle 3-0 at St. James' Park. A Fabio Borini penalty and an Adam Johnson strike in the first-half were followed by a goal from Jack Colback as the visitors took three points to move themselves two points clear of the drop-zone.

Football GIF: Andy Carroll vs Swansea Sent Off For ____________? (We Have Absolutely No Idea)

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By Chris Wright

Please fill in the blank yourself cos we're buggered if we know!

(GIF via 101GG)

Neil Taylor Sees Fulham Move Collapse After Wife Goes Into Labour On Deadline Day

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By Chris Wright

Poised on the very cusp of sealing a move to Fulham, Swansea left-back Neil Taylor saw his hopes of joining the Cottagers dashed on deadline day when his wife chose the most inopportune moment to go into labour.

Having already had a bid rebuffed earlier in the month, Fulham returned with an improved £4million offer on the final day of the window with things said to be progressing nicely until Taylor's wife reportedly decided to start having a baby mid-afternoon which, fairly understandably, scuppered Taylor's plans to travel to west London to tie up the loose ends.

Valencia Welcome New Signing Philippe Senderos With Large Picture Of Brede Hangeland…

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By Chris Wright

Amid the deadline day frenzy, Valencia put out an official status update via their Twitter account to keep fans abreast of the situation; alerting them to the departure of Ever Banega (to Newell's Old Boys) as well as the twin captures of Vinicius Araujo and Philippe Senderos from Cruzeiro and Fulham respectively.