Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2014

Tottenham 2-1 Everton – Bob’s Yer Uncle As Soldado Snatches Victory At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 2-1 Everton Premier League 30th November 2014

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Misfiring striker Roberto Soldado finally rediscovered his shooting boots at White Hart Lane on Sunday, netting his first league goal of the season and helping Spurs to a hard-fought win against Everton.

Southampton 0-3 Man City – Saints No Match For 10-Man Citizens (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 0-3 Manchester City Premier League 30th November 2014

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Manchester City revitalised their title tilt with a powerful display away at second-placed Southampton on Sunday, despite having to play the last 16 minutes with 10 men.

Snapshot: Sweeper-Keeper Superhero Manuel Neuer Uses His Head For Bayern Munich…

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By Alan Duffy

As comfortable with the ball at his feet as he is with it in his hands, Germany's uber-sweeper-keeper/libero Manuel Neuer showed off his heading (and flying) skill against Hertha Berlin this weeked. Here's another photo of the World Cup-winning flying German..

Swansea 1-1 Crystal Palace – Eagles Enjoy Mile-High Club As Jedinak Scores Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 1-1 Crystal Palace Premier League 29th November 2014

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Midfield enforcer Mile Jedinak continued his superb goal-scoring run with his fifth in eight games for Crystal Palace in an entertaining game at the Liberty Stadium.

Step This Way To See Red Priestess Melisandre From ‘Game Of Thrones’ Mime Along To Louis Van Gaal Quotes (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Not a headline we were planning on writing today, but then we didn't envisage we'd be treated to watching Dutch actress Carice van Houten,who plays Melisandre theRed Priestess Melisandre in "Game of Thrones", lying in bed and miming along to Louis van Gaalquotes.

Mario Götze To Auction Of His World Cup-Winning Left Boot In The Name Of Charity

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By Chris Wright

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Having rebuffed offers for it all summer long, Mario Götze has decided to auction off the very left boot he dangledto score the goal that won Germany the World Cup out in Brazil.

Götze, who popped up in the 113th minute of extra-time to score the only goal of the game against Argentina in Rio, is flogging his famous size 9to raise funds forGerman children's charity "A Heart For Children".

Football Vine: Worcester City Midfielder Sean Geddes Scores Glorious Rabona vs AFC Barrow

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By Chris Wright

As you no doubt heard, Worcester City beat Barrow 3-0 in the third qualifying round of the FA Trophy on Saturday evening, with Sean Geddes bagging himself a brace for the home side his first being a work of genius.

Having brought the ball down succinctly on the edge of the Barrow box, Geddes took a split-second to collect himself before sending a wonderfully impudent rabona lob over 'keeper Aaran Taylor.

Sunderland 0-0 Chelsea – Blues Frustrated By Disciplined Black Cats (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 0-0 Chelsea Premier League 29th November 2014

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A superb defensive display from the Black Cats saw league-leaders Chelsea held to a goalless draw at the Stadium of Light on Saturday. Indeed, this was the first time this season, in any competition, where the Blues failed to find the back of the net.

Man Utd 3-0 Hull – Red Devils Back In Top Four After Old Trafford Stroll (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United- Hull City Premier League 29th November 2014

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Louis Van Gaal's side strolled to victory at Old Trafford on Saturday against a Hull side which struggled to provide a threat to the hosts.

United were 2-0 up by the break, courtesy of a scrambled goal from Chris Smalling on 16 minutes followed by yet another Wayne Rooney goal just before the break.

Liverpool 1-0 Stoke City – Reds Leave It Late As Potters Push ‘Pool All The Way (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool- Stoke City Premier League 29th November 2014

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A late and very brave header from Glen Johnson secured a precious win for Liverpool at Anfield on Saturday, after the Reds battled hard for the three points against an impressive Stoke side.

West Brom 0-1 Arsenal – Welbeck Heads Gunners Back On Track At Hawthorns (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion Arsenal Premier League 29th November 2014

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A powerful Danny Welbeck header gave Arsenal a much-need victory at the Hawthorns on Saturday, a result which put the Gunners, at least temporarily, back in the top four.

Scottish Non-League Player Provides Very ‘Non-League’ Reason For Missing Cup Tie

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By Chris Wright

Given that he was a little bit sheepish about informing his club as to why he'd be missing this weekend's cup tie against Arbroath in the first place, Bo'ness United player Stewart Divine must have been chuffed to wake up to find his gloriously non-league excuse plastered across the BBC Sport website.

Fans Of Japanese Side Cerezo Osaka Unveil The Least Pithy Banner In The History Of Football (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

With their relegation-threatened team languishing second-bottom of the J1 League and losing at home againstKashima Antlers, fans of Cerezo Osaka decided it was time to make their frustration known.

Mid-way through the game, the Osaka fans unfurled a huge banner which displayed what might just go down as the least pithy message in the history of such things.

Shit Lookalikes: Koln Coach Peter Stöger & Bez (Of ‘Happy Mondays’ Fame)

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By Chris Wright

Stöger is the current Köln coach more umlauts than you can shake a stick at,

Bez is ananti-fracking activistandindependent Parliamentary candidate for the Salford and Eccles constituency.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies?

Football World Mourns Cricketer Phillip Hughes With Solemn ‘Put Out Your Bats’ Tributes (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

As cricket fans and human beings in general across the world continue to mourn the tragic death of Australian batsman Phillip Hughes, social media has been awash with solemn and touching tributes.

Hughes passed away after being struck in the neckby a fast bowl during a domestic match in Sydney.

Europa League: Wolfsburg 0-2 Everton – Toffees Through To Last 32 After Counter-Attacking Masterclass (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wolfsburg 0-2 Everton Europa League Group C - 27th November 2014

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An entertaining game at the Volkswagen Arena say Everton seal their place at the top of Group H and their qualification for the last 32 of the Europa League.

Europa League: Tottenham 1-0 Partizan – Stambouli Shoots Lilywhites Into Last 32 (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 1-0 Partizan Belgrade Europa League Group Stages 27th November 2014

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Aside from the silly pitch invasion nonsense, this was hardly the most thrilling of games at White Hart Lane on Thursday night.

Instructional Guide: 10 Effective Ways To Deal With Your Pitch Invader Problem (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

With the moronic dingbats responsible for last night's triptych of pitch invasions(the photos have since been stripped) at White Hart Lane announcing that they are planning further invasions at other London grounds, Pies thought it was high time to providethe stewards of the landwith the necessary tools to helpstamp out this burgeoning plague of idiocy.

Roy Keane Tells Aston Villa To Stick It Up Their B*ll*cks, Reliquishes Role As Assistant Manager

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By Chris Wright

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You may well remember Roy Keane being really quite spiky when asked by the media if he would be able to handle his dual assistant roles with Aston Villa and the Republic ofIreland.

Well...

Roy Keane has relinquished his role as #AVFC assistant manager with immediate effect.

Tottenham Players Walk Off As Pitch-Invaders Cause Multiple Disruptions At White Hart Lane (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

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Tottenham eventually saw off Partizan Belgrade in the Europa League on Thursday evening but the game finished almost a full hourlater than scheduled thanks to a trio of dimwits who ran onto the White Hart Lane during the first half in what is being reported as a pre-planned viral "troll" stunt.

Europa League: Granit Xhaka Scores Absolute Rocket Of A Free-Kick vs Villarreal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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Pick. That. Out. You. Motha...

Granit by name, granite foot by nature...or something like that anyway!

Arsenal Prank Welbeck, Ramsey & Cazorla With Phony Driving Challenge (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having cobbled together a phoney "Parking Challenge" in conjunction with sponsors Citroen, Arsenal recently spent the day scaring the living bejesus out of a few of their players in the name of viral entertainment.

Posing as a new signing for the Arsenal Ladies team, the club actually had professional stunt driver Annalese Ferrari chauffeur Danny Welbeck, Aaron Ramsey and Santi Cazorla around the course at break-neck speed.

Bakary Sako Marks His 100th Game For Wolves By Getting Boots Encrusted With Swarovski Crystals (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

With his 100th game for the clubcoming up against Brentford this weekend, Wolves winger Bakary Sako wanted to find a special way to mark the occasion and so set about commissioning himself a very special pair of centenary boots.

As such, he went out and commissioned himself a stunningly gaudypair of Swarovski crystal-encrusted Nike boots.

Bastia Striker Brandao Given One-Month Jail Sentence For Headbutting PSG’s Thiago Motta

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By Chris Wright

Already serving a six-month ban from football metered out by the LFP for the same offence, Bastia striker Brandao has today been served with a one-month jail sentence for head-butting PSG midfielder Thiago Motta in the Parc des Princes tunnelafter the fixture between the two sides on 16th August.

Ryan Giggs Personally Congratulates Xavi After Barcelona Veteran Equals His Champions League Record

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By Chris Wright

WithLionel Messi creating all the fanfare by surpassing Raul to become the all-time top goalscorer in European football history with a hat-trick against APOEL on Tuesday evening, it almost went unnoticed that another long-serving member of Barcelona's team created his own little piece of history in the same match.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Tasked With Picking His ‘Dream XI’, Semi-Serious Blasphemy Ensues (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Tasked by PSG's in-house Youtube channel to select a "Dream XI" of the best players he's ever played alongside over the course of his long and distinguished career, Zlatan Ibrahimovic sets about selecting a formidable side including the likes of Gigi Buffon, Fabio Cannavaro, Xavi, Pavel Nedved and Lionel Messi.

Football Vine: Pair Of Completely Oblivious Pitch Invaders Disrupt Real Madrid-Basel

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By Chris Wright

In which two completely oblivious pillocksdisrupt Real Madrid's 1-0 win over Basel by wandering out into the middle of the pitch like they'd accidentally rambled onto a farmer's private land.

"Don't mind us, we're just filming a documentary"

Seriously, what?

Champions League: Arsenal 2-0 Dortmund – Gunners Get Their Yaya’s Out, Cruise Into Last 16 (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 2-0 Borussia Dortmund Champions League Group D 26th November 2014

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A much-improved Arsenal performance saw the north Londoners secure a deserved win against Borussia Dortmund at the Emirates on Wednesday, a result which sees Arsene Wenger's men once again qualify for the last 16.

Champions League: Ludogorets 2-2 Liverpool – Reds Keep Knockout Hopes Alive In Bulgaria (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Ludogorets Razgrad 2-2 Liverpool Champions League Group D 26th November 2014

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Liverpool may have conceded late equaliser away in Bulgaria, but the Reds now find themselves just one win away from the knockout stages of the Champions League.

Local Newspaper Really Doesn’t Care About Anything Other Than The Brazilian Cup Final! (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

As things stand, Cruzeiro have it all on to pull off a league and cup double this season afterlosing the first leg of the Copa do Brasil final 2-0 against bitter localrivals Atletico Mineiro on Thursday.

Tonight sees the second leg, and it's fair to say that the localBelo Horizonte press are fairly excited about the game especially the Estado de Minas newspaper, who really don't care about anything else if their Wednesday edition is anything to go by.

Snapshot: Dortmund Train In The Middle Of Regent’s Park…

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By Chris Wright

Under London's leaden skies, Jurgen Klopp took Dortmund to train in the middle of Regent's Park earlier this morning ahead of their Champions League tie against Arsenal...

With the Borussia Dortmund team, who have just finished their light warm-up session in drizzly Regent's Park.

Champions League: Schalke 0-5 Chelsea – Blues Cruise Into Last 16 (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Schalke 0-5 Chelsea Champions League Group G 25th November 2014

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Chelsea's unbeaten start to the 14/15 season continued with a stroll in Germany on Tuesday night against (former Champions League-winning Blues' boss) Roberto Di Matteo and his Schalke side.

Scottish Students May Soon Be Playing ‘Football Manager’ As Homework

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By Chris Wright

Schoolchildren of the world may soon be begging their parents to begin a new life in North-east Scotlandwith the news that theScottish Association of Teachers of Physical Education (SATPE) have discussed introducing Football Manager to PE classes in schools in and around Aberdeen.

‘Mignolet Is Worse Than Dracula’ – Bruce Grobbelaar Lays Into Liverpool Keeper, Confuses Us All In The Process

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By Chris Wright

With all and sundry lining up around the block to bash Liverpool's scapegoat-du-jour, Simon Mignolet, at the moment, it's fairly safe to say that ex-Reds 'keeper Bruce Grobbelaar has taken the award for the most baffling criticism of the slightly unfairly maligned Belgian stopper.

Champions League: Man City 3-2 Bayern – Sergio Surge Sees Citizens On Course For Last 16 (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 3-2 Champions League Group E 25th November 2014

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A magnificent Sergio Aguero hat-trick rescued Man City's Champions LEague campaign at the Etihad on Wednesday. CSKA's late equaliser against Roma in the earlier Group E game had already helped the Citizens cause, but their Aguero-inspired vicotry over Bayern means that the Premier League champions now have a great chance of making the knockout stages.

French Amateur Side Lose 20-0 After ‘Keeper Returns Home To Oversee His Cow Giving Birth

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By Chris Wright

Over in the French amateur leagues, Sunday LeaguesideMarly-Gomont managed to get themselves pasted 20-0 by opponents Tupigny a weekend or two ago.

However, it has since emerged that there were several mitigating factorsas per the otherwise embarrassing scoreline.

21 Sensuous, Alluring Photos Of Footballers Posing In Their Pants

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By Chris Wright

With the news today that James Rodriguez has becomethe latest footballing pin-up to foist a range of own-branded undercrackers unto the world, Pies thought we'd examine the strange, titillating phenomenon so you don't have to.

Turns out they're all bloody well at it!

Lionel Messi Becomes All-Time Top Goalscorer In La Liga AND Champions League History In The Space Of Four Days

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By Chris Wright

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It's quickly becoming nigh-on impossible to keep track of the milestones Lionel Messi seemingly passes on a game-to-game basis, but even by his own inimitable standards, last Saturday's was a biggie.

On Saturday, he surpassed Telmo Zarra's long-standing record (251 goals) to become La Liga's all-time top-scorer with a hat-trick in Barca's 5-1 win over Sevilla thus taking his total haul to253.

Football GIF: Francesco Totti Breaks His Own European Scoring Record With Exocet Freekick vs CSKA Moscow

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By Chris Wright

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Re-breaking his very own record set after scoring against Man City at the beginning of October, Francesco Totti has become the oldest goalscorer in European football history all over again this evening firing in a customarily exquisite free-kick against CKSA Moscow.

‘I’d Love To Come Back’ – Emile Heskey Offers His Services As Leicester City Seek To End Goal Drought

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By Chris Wright

Former Leicester City striker Emile Heskey has announced that he would be more than happy to return to the club in a bid to solve their current goal-shy woes.

Sitting third-bottom ofthe table, Leicester have failed to register in their last five Premier League games and have scored just two goals in their last seven outings both coming in a 2-2 draw against Burnley back at the beginning of October.

David Moyes Struggles To Remember Real Sociedad Players’ Names During First Game, Just Yells ‘Stefano’ At Everyone (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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"Get Stefano off, he's having a bloody 'mare"

Here at Pies, we're not ones for panning David Moyes at every turn in fact, we're really rooting for him to succeed at Real Sociedad as we genuinely thinkheshowed an impressive bit of moxey to go and try his hand in La Liga's upper-middle reaches.

Pies’ 2014 Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.2: Faustino Asprilla Own-Brand ‘Tino’ Condoms

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By Chris Wright

Just as he promised, former Newcastle striker Faustino Asprilla has thrown his legendary girth behind a new line of "Tino" condoms, designed specifically topromote good sexual health in Colombia.

Speaking to a radio station in Bogota in September, Asprilla said told Radio La FM that he and a group of friends were busy designing a line of flavoured condoms on the basis that it would be "fun to help out" in the fight against sexually-transmitted diseases in his native land.

Shit Football Ink: Poor Git Now Has A John O’Shea Tattoo After Losing Crucial Euro 2016 Bet (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

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Footballing wagers between friends are a dangerous thing as, for example, it usually means some poor sap is going to end up with John O'Shea's face tattooed on his leg for the rest of his life or something.

Indeed, that is exactly what happened to young Ireland fan Max Charles, who lost a bet with his friend and now has the Sunderland skipper's mush indelibly inked about his person.

Classic Moments: Southampton Legend Ali ‘The Liar’ Dia Makes His Debut, 1996 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It hardly seems like yesterday, but 18 years ago this very week saw the debut of a man who would go on to establish himself as an absolute,bona fide club legend at Southampton in fact we're fairly sure he's got a statue outside St. Mary's.

If not, why not?

This Might Just Be The Weirdest Foul Ever Committed (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

First up, this clip is overa year old but we missed it at the time and it's doing the rounds again today so we thought we'd share.

What you're about to see is possibly the weirdest foul ever committed in a professional game, withHamilton Academical midfielder Darian MacKinnon sort of intentionally getting himself slowly tangled up in the legs ofDundee United‘s Nadir Ciftci and then refusing to move during theScottish Premier League encounter between the two sides last September.

Ex-Newcastle Flop Causes Controversy After Dressing Up As ‘Fake’ Claudio Caniggia For Charity Match

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By Chris Wright

Spot the difference

We could forgive even the most militant member of the Toon army for not remembering Daniel Cordone's largely featureless stint on Tyneside, but the former Newcastle striker caused a wave of controversy in Brazil over the weekend after impersonating ex-Argentina legend Claudio Caniggia in a charity veterans game.

Aston Villa 1-1 Southampton – Clyne Saves Saints As Villans Push Visitors All The Way (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 1-1 Southampton Premier League 24th November 2014

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At a sparsely-attended Villa Park on Monday night, the home side secured what could be a precious point in their fight for survival in the top division.

Top XI: Weirdest Missiles Thrown From The Crowd

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By Chris Wright

What with a glass of red wine joining the great pantheon of things chucked onto the pitch- or in this case, the Manchester United bench we thought we'd take a look at some of the other weird and wonderful (and potentially dangerous) that have been re-appropriated as impromptu missiles and hurled turf-wards by furious fans over the years.

Paul Gascoigne Reveals Arsenal Have Contributed £50,000 Towards His Various Medical Bills

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By Chris Wright

Despite the obvious Tottenham connection, Paul Gascoigne has revealed that Arsenal have contributed around £50,000 towards his medical bills over the years, including forking out the full£28,000 for his hospital treatment after succumbing to pneumonia in 2004.

Pies’ 2014 Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.1: Dion Dublin’s New Xmas Album – ‘Christmas Presents’

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By Chris Wright

Dion Dublin has a new Christmas album out. What a truly wondrous time to be alive.

Featuring a selection of Dublin's favourite Yuletide classics (all played on The Dube, presumably) the album is on iTunes now and could be yours for just £5.

Rayo Vallecano Vow To Pay 85-Year-Old Woman’s Rent After She Was Evicted From Her Home Near Their Stadium

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By Chris Wright

Vallecasresident Carmen Martinez Ayuso sobs by her bed after being evicted from her home of the last 50 years

These are sad, sick, cynical times in which we live, so it's always nice when a story comes along that restores, if only temporarily, your faith in humanity.

Iranian Team Score Definitive ‘Route One’ Goal Thanks To Keeper’s One-Handed Monster Throw (Video)

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By Chris Wright

English football is regularly panned by the unenlightened continental hordes for its long-ballsensibilities, but Iranian side Naft Tehran demonstrated against opponents Tractor Sazi on Friday afternoon that, when done properly, taking the "route one" expressway can be a thing of high art.

Bordeauxing On Ridiculous: Arsenal Fan Arrested For Splashing Red Wine On The Man Utd Bench

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By Chris Wright

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In what might just be the most 'Arsenal' thing ever (other than the actual result, of course), police have confirmed that one arrest had to be made during Manchester United's 2-1 victory at the Emirates on Saturday evening after onefurious Arsenal fan took umbrage, downed his opera binoculars and folded away his antique Chinese hand fan just long enough to throw his glass of Beaujolais overseveral members of the United bench.

Hull 1-2 Tottenham – Lilywhites Leave It Late Against 10-Man Tigers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Hull City 1-2 Tottenham Hotspur- Premier League 23rd November 2014

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A last-gaspChristian Eriksen goal gave Spurs a hard-fought win away against 10-man Hull on Saturday.

Former-Tottenham man Jake Livermore opened the scoring for the hosts on eight minutes but the sending off of Gaston Ramirez (for a kick at Jan Vertonghen) just after half-time made life considerably for the Tigers.

Crystal Palace 3-1 Liverpool – Eagles Soar On Sunday As Reds Suffer More Selhurt Park Pain (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Crystal Palace 3-1 Liverpool Premier League 23rd November 2014

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Last season a 3-3 draw at Selhurst Park but paid to Liverpool's title hopes and this time around, the Reds suffered yet another disappointing result against the Eagles.

Stoke 1-2 Burnley – Ings Can Only Get Better As Clarets Beat Potters At Britannia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 1-2 Burnley Premier League 22nd November 2014

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A brace from Danny Ings secured a precious three points for Burnley on Saturday, a result which moves the Clarets level on points with 17th placed Leicester.

Snapshot: Watchdog – Colwyn Bay Fan Enjoying Seagulls Win Against Gloucester City…

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By Alan Duffy

Colwyn Bay's Conference home clash with Gloucester City in Wales on Saturday saw one very attentive fan who was litterally the dog's b*****ks. Oh, and the game ended 3-1 to the hosts.

Here's a few more photos of the football-loving pooch....

(Photos: @tigerroarcouk)

Newcastle 1-0 QPR – Moussa Moves Magpies Into Top Five (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 1-0 Queens Park Rangers Premier League 22nd November 2014

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Despite seeing poor old Ryan Taylor hobble off on his return from long-term injury, Saturday was another good day for Newcastle, who recorded another victory, this time against QPR.

Dat Atmosphere: Boca Juniors Fans Lay On Incredible Welcome Party For River Plate Before ‘Superclasico’ Derby (Video & Photos)

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By Chris Wright

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Though the game itself eventually ended goalless, the Boca Juniors fans did all they could to roar their side to victory in last night's 'El Superclasico' tie against despised rivals River Plate, with La Bombonera absolutely rocking from start to finish amid a chaotic cacophony of fireworks, flares, ticker tape, flags and pounding chants.

Football GIF: Fulham’s Bryan Ruiz Has A Sweet First Touch

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By Chris Wright

Have a butcher's at this positively indecent first-timecontrolon display fromFulham forwardBryan Ruiz against Brentford on Friday night...

Filthy almost Berba-esque in its exquisite nonchalance.

Shame, really, that it was pretty much the only thing of any note Ruizcontributed during the entire game/season so far.

Arsenal 1-2 Man Utd – Groundhog Day For Gormless Gunners As Red Devils Smash-And-Grab Emirates Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 1-2 Manchester United Premier League 22nd November 2014

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Arsenal produced a trademark performance at the Emirates on Saturday, with Louis Van Gaal securing his first away win as Manchester United manager?

Man City 2-1 Swansea – Citizens Battle To Vital Victory Against Swans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 2-1 Swansea City- Premier League 22nd November 2014

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Title-holders Man City came from a goal down to beat Swansea at the Etihad on Saturday, a win which sees them stay eight points behind league leaders Chelsea.

Chelsea 2-0 West Brom – Blues Blast Baggies At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 2-0 West Bromwich Albion Premier League 22nd November 2014

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Goals from Eden Hazard and Diego Costa gave Chelsea all three points against West Brom on Saturday, a win which put the Blues even points clear at the top of the table.

Snapshot: Distraught Ryan Taylor Consoled By Newcastle Teammates After Limping Off With Another Knee Injury…

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By Chris Wright

With exasperation and dismay etched across his face, an emotional Ryan Taylor was forced to limp off the pitch after tweaking his knee again with just 33 minutes gone against QPR this afternoon.

Totally and utterly gutted having recently fought back from two years out with an acute knee injury, Taylor was consoled by both sets of players as he made his way down the tunnel.

Football Vine: PSG Playmaker Javier Pastore Pulls Off Cheeky Rainbow Flick Vs Metz

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By Alan Duffy

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A player who is much improved in 14/15 after last season's inconsistency, PSG's Javier Pastore showed off a fine bit of skill in his side's 3-2 win against Metz on Friday night.

The Argentinian midfielder also scored in a game which saw Metz fight back to lecvel the game at 2-2, courtesy of two penalties from ex-West Ham United manModibo Maiga.

Nine-Year-Old Lad Misses Out After Applying For Bolton Manager’s Job, Gets Surprise Visit From Successful Candidate (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

We know these "kid applies for manager's post" things are ten-a-penny, but this one's a little bit different in that the precocious youngapplicant was treated to a surprise visit from the chap who actually went on to get the job.

After Dougie Freedman was deposed as Bolton Wanderers manager at the start of October, the club received an application for the vacancy from nine-year-old Trotters fanThomas Fielding.

If It’s Okay, Didier Drogba Would Like To Do A Little Dance For You (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Given eight days off by Chelsea over the international lull for a spot of well-deserved R&R, Didier Drogba has spent his time wisely,choreographing a brave, sensuous, pioneering,fiercely intricate and absolutely fab'a'lous new dance routine...poolside, of course just like Club Tropicana.

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain Has A Stab At Recreating Thierry Henry’s Famous Goal Against Man Utd (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Blink and you'll miss it

Thierry Henry's instinctive, mercurial volley against Manchester United at Highbury in 2000 is routinely bandied around when discussing the greatest goals ever scored in the Premier League and with very good reason it was as close to a work of art as you're likely to see in footballing terms.

Emmanuel Adebayor Accuses His Mother Of Using ‘Juju’ Witchcraft To Sabotage His Career

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By Chris Wright

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Emmanuel Adebayor picks up the 2008African Footballer of the Year award with his mother (far left, not Sepp Blatter) by his side

We feel you may be best off taking this one with a pinch of salt, but Emmanuel Adebayor has apparently been forced into ostracising his own mum after finding that she and several other members of his family have been secretly attempting to sabotage his football career by using witchcraft.

‘I Would Never Insult A Jewish Person’ – Wigan Owner Dave Whelan Apologises For Spectacularly Crass Comments

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By Chris Wright

We think it's fair to say that Wigan Athletic are having a bit of a shocker at the moment.

Not only have the Latics seen one of their shirt sponsors pull out after hiring Malky Mackay whilethe Scot is still under investigation for alleged racismover "Gay Snake-gate", but owner Dave Whelan also went ON THE RECORD in an interview withThe Guardian yesterday to call all Jewish peoplegreedy.

Batman Creators DC Comics Begin Legal Proceedings Against Valencia Over New ‘Bat’ Logo

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By Chris Wright

It's not exactly one you hear every day but Batman creators DC Comics have begun legal proceedings against Valencia after noticing that the latest incarnation of theSpanish side'sclub crest is now closer to looking like the Bat signal than ever before.

According to Spanish paper Plaza Deportiva, DC have reportedly filed an official complaint with the OHIC, the European Union's trademark registration organization, over the new reworking of Valencia's badge seen here.

Terrified Of Rollercoasters, Blackpool Boss Lee Clark Promises To Ride ‘The Big One’ If He Keeps Them Up

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By Chris Wright

Despite being deathly afraid of rollercoasters, Blackpool manager Lee Clark has vowed to ride "The Big One" at Blackpool Pleasure Beach if he manages to keep the Seasiders in the Championship come the end of the season.

Having won just one game so far this season after beginning the campaign with about five senior players on their books, Blackpool are currently rock bottom of the Championship,ten points adrift of safety and on the smelly end of a six-game winless streak though Clarke is hoping his little wager will inspire him players to pull their collective fingers out.

Around The Grounds: Field Mill, Home Of Mansfield Town (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

These days officially known as the One Call Stadium for commercial reasons, Field Mill has been the home of Mansfield Town since 1919 though the fact that The Stag's humble abodehas been used to stage football matches since 1861 (initially providing a pitch for the work football teams of several of the factories and industries in the local area) makes it the oldest ground in the Football League.

Swiss Team FC Grenchen Find Themselves On Wrong End Of 10-0 Drubbing, Sack All Of Their Players

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By Chris Wright

All the fun of the fair: Stadion Bruhl, home of FC Grenchen

FC Grenchen have been suffering a rather rough time of it recently in the Swiss fourth tier, having shipped 66 goals and picked up precisely zero points over the courseof their last ninegames the most recent being a humiliating 10-0 loss againstFC Lucerne's youth team.

Wayne Rooney’s ‘Cartwheel’ Goal Celebration Against Scotland Mimicked One He Performed Against Them 14 Years Ago (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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In hindsight, Pies did think it was a little strange that Wayne Rooney opted for an uncharacteristic acrobatic hand-spring goal celebration after scoring his first goal of the evening against Scotland on Tuesday evening.

FC Torpedo Moscow Midfielder Causes Uproar After Hiring A REAL, LIVE BEAR For His Son’s Birthday Party (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

FC Torpedo Moscow playerKirill Kombarov has been on the receiving end of a (well-deserved) tidal wave of criticism today after posting photos of his son's birthday party.

The problem being that Kombarov, rather than the usual magician or clown, opted to hire a bear for his young son Timofei's party posting photos of the two-year-old kid playing onthe enormous animal on social media before swiftly deleting them all.

Arsenal Players Star In Weird, Slightly Unsettling ‘Family Face Swap’ Advert (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Shilling for the club's "official car and van rental partner", here's Arsenal stars Per Mertesacker, Jack Wilshere and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain as you've never seen them before/probably never want to see them again...

We could be wrong, but is that Big Keith from The Office voicing "Darren Oxlade-Chamberlain"?

Football Vine: Roy Hodgson And The England Boys Warm Down After Hard-Fought Scotland Victory

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By Chris Wright

Hypnotic, in the most unsettling way possible (turn on sound for full effect)...

(Vine: vonstrenginho)

More Vine-based mirth on Pies...

Top 5 Hilarious Roy Hodgson World Cup Vines
Roy Hodgson Makes His Way Into The Nicki Minaj ‘Anaconda' Video
Top 10 Richard Keys ‘Banter' Vines

Poland’s Artur Jedrzejczyk Leaps Into Front Row Seat To Celebrate With Fans After Scoring Against Switzerland (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

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Poland and Switzerland hammered out a 2-2 draw in their friendly fixtureinWroclaw last night, withJosip Drmic scoring a third-minute opener for the Swiss before most fans had had a chance to wedge their bums in their seats.

German Striker Defies Doctor’s Orders And Returns To Football After Four Heart Surgeries, Plays With Auto-Defibrillator In His Chest

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By Chris Wright

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Back in July of 2013, Stuttgart Kickers striker Daniel Engelbrecht collapsed on the pitch during a game against Rot-Weiss Erfurt in the German third division and had to be given emergency resuscitation to keep him alive.

Having been rushed to hospital, a subsequent medical examination showed the 24-year-old had been suffering from an inflamed heart muscle as well as an abnormal heart rhythm.

British Heptathlon Star Karla Drew Wakes Up £50,000 Richer After Incredible £5 Football Accumulator Bet Comes Off!

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By Chris Wright

Congrats to risingBritishheptathlon star Karla Drew, who has woken up today £50,000 better off afterPanama slogged to a drawagainstCanada and Uruguay beat Chile overnight to see her bold 10-gameaccumulator come off in the wee small hours of the morning.

Bochum Striker Mikael Forssell Forced To Report Late For Training Because ‘A Cat Sat Near His Car’

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By Chris Wright

Ex-Chelsea, Birmingham and Leeds strikerMikael Forssell was forced to report late to training with current employers VfL Bochum yesterday after being trapped in his house by a rogue pussy cat.

Before you start sniggering, we should perhaps also mention that the cat was SAT QUITE CLOSE TO HIS CAR.

Friendly: Scotland 1-3 England – Rooney Bags Brace As Three Lions Outclass Strachan’s Scots (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Scotland 1-3 England International Friendly 19th November 2014

England produced a superb, vibrant display at a wonderfully charged Celtic Park on Tuesday evening. While Scotland, coming off the back of a vital Euro 2016 win against Ireland, looked heavy-legged, the Three Lions were quick to the ball and full of movement.

Football Vine: Jack Wilshere Provides Laser-Guided Assist For Alex Oxlade Chamberlain Against Scotland

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By Alan Duffy

Deployed again in the deep-lying midfield role by Roy Hodgson, Jack Wilshere produced yet another superb display for England against Scotland.

He may still have some way to go if he's to hit the quarter-back playing heights of a Guardiola or a Pirlo, but the young Gunners' assist for team-mate Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain's goal was a thing of precise beauty.

Arsene Wenger Dabbles In Quick Game Of ‘Football Tennis’ On French Television (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Appearing on "Le Club du Dimanche" (The Sunday Club) on beIN SPORTS over the weekend, Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger famed the world overfor his silkenkeepy-uppy chops -was talked into a quick game of "football tennis" with the show's hosts.

Meet The New, As-Yet-Unnamed France Euro 2016 Mascot – He Has A Cape! (Photo & Video)

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By Chris Wright

He doesn't have a name as yet, but this little fella is the new mascot for the Euro 2016 tournament in France.

Yes, he has a cape. Deal with it.

According to the Guardian, the new mascot will remain nameless until 30th November (this is despite making him being scheduled to make his first public appearance at the France-Sweden game tonight).

Young Nacional Midfielder Gets Tattoo Of Teammate Alvaro Recoba’s Face After Spectacular Clasico Free-Kick

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By Chris Wright

Last weekend, veteran playmaker Alvaro Recoba whipped ina trademark 30-yard free-kick in the fifth minute of stoppage timeto give Nacional a dramatic 2-1win over despised rivals Penarol in the Uruguayan clasico.

Now aged 38 and already a bona fide hero at Nacional, Recoba entered the game with 20 minutes left to play and duly cemented his legend status by curling home the match-winning goal with pretty much the last meaningful kick of the game.

Shit Lookalikes: Hal Robson-Kanu & His Dreadful PES 2015 Likeness…

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By Chris Wright

Konami have gone out of their way to include the Championship in the 2015instalment of the PES franchise, though it would appear that was pretty much where all the hard work stopped...

Nailed it.

(Image via @TheTilehurstEnd)

Gota Shit Lookalike for Pies?

Scientific Research Shows Footballers With Wide Faces Score More Goals And Commit More Fouls

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By Chris Wright

According to a study conducted by the good people at the University of Colorado Boulder, footballers with wider faces are more likely genetically speaking to score more goals than players with pathetic, weedy little thin faces.

Researchers analysed the facial constructs of 1,000 players from each of the 32 nations which took part at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, measuring each player's "facial-width-to-height ratio" (FWHR) i.

Let’s Hear It For…San Marino, For Ending Their 61-Game Losing Streak With Goalless Draw Against Estonia

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By Chris Wright

San Marino slogged their way to a glorious goalless draw against Estonia on Saturday night a result which saw the minnows, currently joint-rock bottom of the FIFA rankings alongside Bhutan, pick up their first ever point in European Championship qualifying.

As well as being only their fourth ever clean sheet, the 0-0 against Estonia also marked the first time San Marino hadmanagedanything other than defeatin the space of the 62 international fixtures they've played since thenation'sfirst ever competitive game in 1990.

German Sunday League Team Go ‘Swimming’ After Game Called Off Due To Water-Logged Pitch (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Throwing caution (and the risk of anE.coli infection) to the wind,this German Sunday League side in time-honoured tradition decided to go for a "swim" in the standing flood water that reduced their home pitch into a murky brown water-logged swamp at the weekend.

Amazing Drone Footage Captures Medellin Fans Unfurling Absolutely Enormous Banner Before Colombian Clash (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Shot shortly before striker Elton Martins found himself floored for being a big cocky show-off in the same game, this absolutely brilliant footage takenby a drone camera flown over Medellin'sEstadio Atanasio Girardot before their Colombian top flight game against Deportivo Cali on Sunday evening captures the home fans unfurling an absolutely gigantic banner running round the entire stadium.

Medellin Striker Elton Martins Gets Knocked On His Arse For Pulling Off Cocky ‘Shoulder Balance’ Trick (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With his side3-2 up against Deportivo Cali in the Colombian top flight on Sunday evening and with just one minute of injury time left to play, Medellin forward Elton Martins decided it was a good time to get all cocky and start balancing the ball between his shoulder blades.

Chairman Of Turkish Club Genclerbiligi Vows To Fine Any Player Caught Growing A Beard

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By Chris Wright

Something tells us Arda Turan will not be joiningGenclerbirligi any time soon

The chairmanof Turkish sideGenclerbirligi has vowed to rid his club of the current hipster beard scourge sweeping the globe by slapping any player caught sprouting excess facial hair with an on-the-spot fine.

Liverpool Loanee Oussama Assaidi Nets Cracker For Morocco In Friendly Meeting With Zimbabwe (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

What a cracking team goal this was by Morocco on Sunday night, finished off by Oussama Assaidi, who currently plays his football with Stoke City despite still being on the books of Liverpool.

After some rather sexy interplay from the hosts, Assaidi provided the finishing blow for the Atlas Lions, courtesy of a superb long-range effort.

Snapshot: Croatian Fans Launch Volley Of Flares At San Siro During Euro 2016 Clash With Italy

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By Alan Duffy

It's such a shame to see this sort of nonsense still happening at football grounds. This time it was the away fans during Italy's Euro 2016 clash with Croatia at the San Siro who were to blame.

With the game finely balanced at 1-1, courtesy of early goals from Italy's Antonio Candreva and Croatia's Ivan Perisic, the trobule erupted.

Football Vine: Marouane Fellaini Poleaxes Joe Allen With Sneaky Elbow During Belgium v Wales Clash

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By Alan Duffy

Here's one to get both Liverpool and Man Utd fans frothing at the mouth! During Wales' fine 0-0 draw with Belgium on Sunday night, United midfielder Marouane Fellaini caught Joe Allen with a rather vicious elbow.

The dodgy challenge, which left the Reds' star poleaxed and with a rather bloodied nose, saw Fellaini get away scot free, with not even a booking.

Euro 2016: Belgium 0-0 Wales – Dragons Dig Deep For Priceless Draw In Brussels (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Belgium 0-0 Wales Euro 2016 Qualifiers 16th November 2014

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Wales produced a superb defensive display in Brussels to secure a precious draw against a much-fancied Belgian side.

The hosts went close in the first-half, withNicolas Lombaerts hitting the frame of the goal.

Football Vine: Swiss Winger Xherdan Shaqiri Scores Cheeky Back-Heel Against Lithuania

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By Alan Duffy

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Bayern Munich's stocky widemanXherdan Shaqiri bagged a lovely goal for Switzerland against Lithuania on Saturday. With the game almost over and the Swiss 3-0 up, the attacker nipped between two opposition defendersand back-heeled the ball (from Josep Drmic) past 'keeperGiedrius Arlauskis.

Football GIF: Isco Fever! Spain Schemer Nets Beauty Against Belarus

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By Alan Duffy

#459037120 / gettyimages.com

Spain have been blessed with a plethora of world-class playmakers in the last decade and Real Madrid midfielder Isco is the latest schemer to make his mark withLa Roja.

In Spain's 3-0 Euro 2016 win against Belarus on Saturday, the Real Madrid star opened the score on 18 minutes, courtesy of a superbly nonchalant long-range effort.

Euro 2016: England 3-1 Slovenia – Danny’s The Boy As Three Lions Come From Behind To Win At Wembley (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

England 3-1 Slovenia Euro 2016 Qualifying 15th November 2014

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Danny Welbeck continued his superb England goal-scoring run by netting a brace in the Three Lions' less-then-scintillatingwin against Slovenia on Saturday night.

Slovenia Player’s Hat Gives Brutally Honest Critique Of His Team’s Poor Performance At Wembley (Photo)

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By Alan Duffy

No doubt the words on this baseball cap donned by Slovenian player Kevin Kampl refer to old school hip-hop (or something). However, the phrase in question could also be interpreted as a comment on his side's performance against England, which ended in a 3-1 defeat.

Euro 2016: Romania 2-0 Northern Ireland – O’Neill’s Boys Papp-ed In Bucharest (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Romania 2-0 Northern Ireland Euro 2016 Qualifiers 14th November 2014

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A brace fromSteaua Bucharest's Paul Papp sent Northern Ireland to their first defeat of the Euro 2016 qualifying campaign. Michael O'Neill's men had gone into the game on the back of a three-game winning streak but found their hosts too strong.

Euro 2016: Scotland 1-0 Rep. Of Ireland – Maloney Magic Sees Scots Triumph At Celtic Park (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Scotland 1-0 Republic Of Ireland Euro 2016 Qualifiers 14th November 2014

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Gordon Strachan's Scotland side secured a vital win at home to Ireland on Friday night, in a game played at an incredibly high pace.

Shaun Maloney was the goal-hero for the home side, deftly curling home on 74 minutes.

Retro Football: Jimmy Quinn Helps Northern Ireland Secure 1986 WC Qualification With Winning Goal Vs. Romania (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Ahead of Northern Ireland's Euro 2016 clash with Romania in Bucharest, we thought it the perfect time to relive Jimmy Quinn's famous goal for the North away in Romania which helped to secure their passage to the 1986 World Cup finals in Mexico.

Facing a fine Romanian side which included the great Gheorghe Hagi, Billy Bingham's boys needed to secure an unlikely win in Bucharest if they were to stand any chance of making it to Mexico.

Burnley FC Help Open Local Furniture Shop With Extremely Impressive ‘Bertie Bee’ Mascot Cake (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

We appreciate that we're probably appealing to a very niche demographic here, but fans of football-mascot-shaped baked goods this one's for you!

With Burnley midfielder Scott Arfield showing up to open the new SofaStore on the town's Prestige retail park this morning, the good fellows at Oak Furniture Land had a Clarets-themed cake baked especially for the momentous occasion.

Breaking Down Barriers: Monaco Test Maarten Stekelenburg’s Reflexes With Ingenius New Goalkeeper Training Drill (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In a bid to help Maarten Stekelenburgcope with his reflexes vis-a-vis late divots and bobbles, Monaco's goalkeeping coaches have devised a fiendishly clever drill using nowt but a ball and a securitybarrier tipped on its side...

Well, we're impressed anyway small things please small minds, after all.

Coventry City Caught Selling Old Knock-Off Leicester City Kit In Official Club Store (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

As if they haven't had enough flak to deal with over the past few years, Coventry City fans have once again been reduced to a state of "W in T ever-loving F?"by their club after the Sky Blues' were caught selling re-hashed Leicester City knock-offsin their official store.

David Moyes Helms His First Training Session As Real Sociedad Coach (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

His official presentation press conference is literally about to begin as we speak, but David Moyes oversaw his first training session as Real Sociedad head coach earlier today meeting director Lorenzo Juarros at the front door before running a beady eye over the various goings-on at the club'sZubieta training ground in San Sebastian.

Fitba Thatba Present: Dapper Laughs Replaces Arsene Wenger As Arsenal Manager (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Now, we admittedly had to look him up on the Google having never heard of him before the start of the week, but it would appear this "Dapper Laughs" arsehole has caused quite a commotion of late, with hordes of people uniting to condemn his particular brand of crass, sleazy, misogynistic and intermittently rapey "comedy".

Mesut Ozil Receives Laureus Award After Paying For 23 Brazilian Children To Have Life-Saving Surgery

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By Alan Duffy

What a cracking bowtie too!

Arsenal's injured schemer Mesut Ozil picked up a "Sport For Good" prize last night at the annual Laureus awards following his decision to pay for23 Brazilian children to have life-saving surgery this summer.

The midfielder, who has somewhat struggled to find his best form with the Gunners as well as having to deal with a messy court case involving his own father this week, explained his decision to donate his World Cup-winning bonus to the seriously ill kids, saying:

"We had the idea to help 23 children, because we had 23 players in the squad.

Alessio Cerci Absolutely Kills It On The Mini-Hurdles During Atletico Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

NOT!

Clumsy beggar!

(Via Corriere dello Sport/@JamesHorncastle)

Klaas-Jan Huntelaar Unleashes Unfortunate Pre-Game Battle Cry Before Missing One-Yard Sitter vs Mexico (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

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While Wesley Sneijder was busy getting his 25-yard thundercannon on, fellow Dutch cohort Klaas-Jan Huntelaar suffered a less than stellar run-out in the Netherlands' 2-3 international friendly loss against Mexico in Amsterdam last night missing an absolute howling one-yard sitter at the back post in the first half.

Breaking: Roy Keane Alleged To Have Punched Fan Outside Republic Of Ireland Team Hotel

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By Alan Duffy

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Now here's a story to get the media into a frenzy! According to a growing number of media sources, Gardaí were called to an incident at the Republic of Ireland's hotel in Portmarnock outside Dublin on Wednesday night, ahead of their Euro 2016 clash with Scotland.

Football GIF: Wesley Sneijder Scores Thumping 25-Yard Smasheroo vs Mexico

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By Chris Wright

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The main story of the night so far is Carlos Vela scoring twice on his long-awaited return to the Mexico fold, but Wesley Sneijder gave him some stout competition just after the break cancelling out the ex-Arsenal striker's 8th-minute opener with an absolute stonker from 25 yards.

FIFA ‘Goal Of The Year’ Puskas Award Nominees For 2014 Announced – Who’s Got Your Vote? (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

With the cut-off point for eligible goals being September 26th, FIFA have announced their ten-strong list of nominees for the 2014 Puskas Award, i.e, the most beautiful goal of the year.

We've got a couple of World Cup belters from the likes of Tim Cahill, James Rodriguez and Robin van Persie and an obligatory contender from Zlatan as well as a couple of left-field entries from Japanand the Irish Womens' league.

Higuita Approves: Spanish Subsititute Keeper Pops Up With Last-Minute Scorpion Kick Equaliser (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Life can be tough for a second or third fiddlegoalkeeper: endlesshours of boredom, sitting on your arse, waiting in vain for your chance to step into the limelight.

So when life hands you the opportunity to step out of the shadows, you've got to prove your mettle and come wading through the metaphorical crowded six-yard box of life tocollect it (the opportunity, in case you were struggling to follow the allegory)with bothhands.

Tim Wiese Set To Make WWE Debut This Weekend – What Will His Wrestling Name Be?

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By Chris Wright

According to reports in today's Bild, ex-Germany 'keeper turned solid meat-wad Tim Wiese is set to make his long-awaited WWE debut this weekend.

Apparently Wiese, who told the paper he "no longer gives two figs about football" is set to make his first appearance for the wrestling companyat their"WWE Live Event" in Frankfurton Saturday, though it's unlikely that the former Werder Bremenstopper will actually be doing any grappling yet.

Norwegian Prodigy Martin Odegaard Added To Football Manager 15 After Dad Grants Special Permission

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By Chris Wright

As well as doing sick bunny hops on his BMX and absolutely owning noobs with his epic sniper skillz on Call of Duty, Norwegian prodigy Martin Odegaard has also found time this year to well and truly tear in up for Stromsgodset in the Tippeligaen and, as a direct result, become the youngest ever player to represent his country at senior level.

Cristiano Ronaldo Actually Forced To Deny He Secretly Refers To Lionel Messi As ‘The Motherf**ker’

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By Chris Wright

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With spurious gossipwhipping up a minor frenzy in the Spanish press, Cristiano Ronaldo has actually been forced into denying, in a public forum, that he doesn't, hasn't and also never plans tosecretlyrefer to Lionel Messi as "The Motherf**ker".

Snapshot: Shakhtar Captain Darijo Srna Sends 20 Tonnes Of Tangerines To Children In War-Torn Donetsk…

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By Chris Wright

As you may well be aware, Shakhtar Donetsk are currently playing their home games in the western Ukrainian city of Lviv some 1,200-odd miles west of their home at the Donbass Arena stadium due to the ongoing conflicts in the east of the country.

Indeed, the city of Donetsk itself is tantamount to a war-zone as things stand, with the Donbass Arena having been damaged by shelling several times over the course of the past few months.

Football GIF: Czech Side FK Pribram Debut Gloriously Pointless New ‘Ring-A-Roses’ Corner Routine

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By Chris Wright

We're not entirely sure if Czech side FK Pribram were really excited afterwinning a corner against Teplice on Friday evening or just plain daft, but here's how they attempted to bamboozle their opponents before the ball got slung into the box...

You can dance ring-a-ring-a-rosies all you want chaps but if your set-piece specialisthas a foot like a sledgehammer then it ain't gonna count for nowt.

Wembley To Offer Personal Butler Service To England Fans During Slovenia Qualifier (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

If your idea of the perfect matchday experience happens to include having a fellow human being beholdenin servitude to you for the entire duration of the game then, by Jove, you're in luck!

For this weekend's Euro 2016 qualifier against Slovenia, England fans attending the fixture at Wembley will be able to apply for the chance to win themselves a butler.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Gives Emotional Speech After Winning Sweden’s Golden Ball For The Eighth Straight Year (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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Having been bestowed withSweden's "Guldbollen" (i.e, Player of the Year) award for the eighth consecutive year and the ninth time overall, Zlatan Ibrahimovic momentarily misted up while delivering his acceptance speech mentioning, as he did, two late Swedish footballers,Klas Ingesson andPontus Segerstrom, who both passed away last month, as well as his own brother, Sakpo, who died of cancerback in April aged just 40.

David De Gea Is An Absolute #Baller…Or Something Like That Anyway (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which David De Gea goes all #SWISH #nothingbutnet #fromdowntown #hesonfire #SPACEJAM #baller #takeittothehoop #DUNKANFERGUSON

...or something like that anyway.

A video posted by David De Gea (@d_degeaofficial) on Nov 11, 2014 at 11:39am PST

Far From The Madding Crowd: David Moyes Appointed As New Head Coach Of Real Sociedad

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By Chris Wright

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Dave's off on his jollies

In case you managed to miss it while you were darning your socks by candlelight last night, Real Sociedad have appointed David Moyes as their new head coach.

Moyes has signed an 18-month contract at the La Liga side up until the end of the 2015/16 season with his first official match in charge being againstDeportivo on 22nd November.

Argentinian Side Bumble Home Scrappiest Goal Ever Scored, Ref Suspended For Adding Nine Mins Of Injury Time (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Allow us to set the scene: title-chasing Lanus are trailing 2-1 at home to Arsenal in the Argentinian top flight and are pushing hard for an equaliser.

Thankfully, the referee on duty sees fit to tack an extra nine minutes of injury time (more on that later) onto the end of the game, allowing Lanus just enough leeway to ram this absolute beauty home.

10 Things Pies Just Can’t Bloody Stand About Modern Football

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By Chris Wright

Believe it or not, here at Pies we love football,bloodylove it -it's pretty much the only reason we do what we do for the kind of pittance we get for doing it.

While we're not exactly card-carrying members of the Against Modern Football sect, there are certain aspects of the game that boil all four of our humours.

West Brom 0-2 Newcastle – Magpies Go Eighth After Deserved Win At Hawthorns (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 0-2 Newcastle United Premier League 9th November 2014

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Newcastle's resurgence continued at the Hawthorns on Sunday, with the Magpies securing a deserved 2-0 victory.

England's new striker, Saido Berahino, went close in the first-half for the hosts.

Swansea 1-2 Arsenal – Groundhog Day For Brittle Gunners At Liberty Stadium (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 1-2 Arsenal Premier League 9th November 2014

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It was the same old story for Arsenal against Swansea on Sunday, with the Gunners throwing away a lead to ultimately lose 2-1.

In a game of little real quality, the visitors took the lead in the second-half after Danny Welbeck set-up goal-machine Alexis Sanchez.

Tottenham 1-2 Stoke – Kane Unable To Stop Lilywhites’ Loss At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 1-2 Stoke City Premier League 9th November 2014

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Mauricio Pochettino handed in-form Harry Kane his first league start of the season, but the striker failed to fire as the Lilywhites went down 2-1 at home to Stoke.

Sunderland 1-1 Everton – Toffees Battle For Hard-Earned Point At Stadium Of Light (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 1-1 Everton Premier League 9th November 2014

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Everton had to work hard for a draw against Sunderland on Sunday, in a game which saw Gareth Barry taken to hospital with a serious anjle injury.

Seb Larsson had opened the scoring on 67 minutes, courtesy of a free-kick, after both sides had gone close on a couple of occasions.

Snapshot: Respectful Little Arsenal Fan Observes Minute’s Silence With His Toy Football Set…

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By Chris Wright

Before getting down to the serious business of staging a cup final with his toy Corinthian figures, this little Arsenal fan followed correct protocol forRemembrance Sunday fixtures and held a minute's silence before kick-off, even telling his old man to shut it as he paid his respects to the fallen.

Gary Neville Asks Noel Gallagher To Sign His Guitar, The Inevitable Duly Follows… (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

What you're about to see is the inevitable result of Gary Neville (a prominent ex-representative of Manchester United) asking Noel Gallagher (musician and noted Manchester City fanatic) to sign his guitar after the pair met to preview the recent Manchester derby for Sky Sports.

Linfield Midfielder Loses Both His Boots Before Setting Up Goal With Perfect Through-Ball (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Proving that football boots are nothing but an expensive folly, midfielderRoss Clarke played Linfield teammateIvan Sproule in with a perfectly weighted through-ball to seal their side's4-0 win over Dungannon Swifts in the Irish Premiership on Saturday without the luxury of having any shoes on his feet.

Extravagant: Goalkeeper Makes Incredible ‘Bicycle Kick’ Save In Argentinian Third Tier Game (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Gerardo Martinez, playing up front for the delightfully named Deportivo Moron (aaaand with that, Pies have a new favourite Argentinian lower league team!), chances his arm with a pot-shot from the half-way line only to be extravagantly denied by UAI Urquiza goalkeeper Matthew Cano and a spectacular "bicycle kick" save.

FAIL: Christoph Kramer Seals Rare Win For Borussia Dortmund With Nonchalant 45-Yard Own-Goal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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Rock bottom of the3 Bundesliga going into the game following a moribund start to the season, Borussia Dortmund were handed a rare victory over Borussia Monchengladbach this afternoon after Christoph Kramer took pity on Jurgen Klopp's struggling mob and donated them a beautifully nonchalant 45-yard own-goal.

West Ham 0-0 Aston Villa – Villans Dodge Hammer Blow To End Losing Streak (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 0-0 Aston Villa Premier League 8th November 2014

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Despite seeing West Ham lay siege to their goal at times, Aston Villa held on to secure a precious point and end their six-game losing streak.

Football Vines: Carlos Tevez Nets Wonder-Goal As Juventus Batter Parma 7-0

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By Alan Duffy

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Juventus battered a dismal Parma side on Sunday afternoon, putting seven past the Serie A strugglers. The Old Lady's three strikers, Carlos Tevez, Fernando Llorente and Alvaro Morata all bagged a brace each while wing-back Stephan Lichsteiner also scored.

Burnley 1-0 Hull – Barnes On Target As Clarets Finally End Winless Run (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Burnley 1-0 Hull City Premier League 8th November 2014

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Sean Dyche's Burnley finally ended their winless start to the season, courtesy of a 1-0 win at home to Hull on Saturday.

Ashley Barnes was the goal-hero for the hosts, netting on 50 minutes courtesy of an excellent header from a Kieran Trippier centre.

Football Vine: Young Girl Hit In Face By Yaya Toure’s Powerful Wayward Shot

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By Chris Wright

If you think you had a rough day yesterday then spare a thought for five-year-oldQPR fan Chloe Power, who managed to get herself thwacked in the face during QPR's 2-2 draw with Man City courtesy of a wayward shot from one Yaya Toure...

Ooof.

The good news is that Chloe escaped without any serious injuries, with Toure chasing her up after the game in order to check she was okay.

QPR 2-2 Man City – Aguero To The Rescue As Hoops Push Champions All The Way (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Queens Park Rangers 2-2 Manchester City Premier League 8th November 2014

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Manchester City's inconsistent season took another turn for the worse at Loftus Road on Saturday, with the Premier League champions dropping two valuable points.

Southampton 2-0 Leicester – Foxes Come Up Short After Long Brace (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 2-0 Leicester City Premier League 8th November 2014

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A Shane Long brace secured another win for Ronald Koeman's high-flying Southampton at St. Mary's on Saturday.

Nigel Pearson's Leicester side started brightly but struggled to threaten the Saints' goal and as the game wore on, the hosts start to take control.

Man Utd 1-0 Crystal Palace – Juan Goal Is Enough For Red Devils At Old Trafford (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 1-0 Crystal Palace Premier League 8th November 2014

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Manchester United moved up to sixth in the table after a hard-fought win at Old Trafford against a hard-working Crystal Palace side.

For long periods of the game, the Eagles asserted themselves and almost went ahead when United old-boy Frazier Campbell failed to make the most of a one-on-one chance with David De Gea.

Liverpool 1-2 Chelsea – Costa Nets 10th Of Season As Blues Keep Winning (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 1-2 Chelsea Premier League 8th December 2014

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Chelsea registered yet another win against of the Premier League's big guns after securing a 2-1 victory at Anfied.

Emre Can opened the scoring for the home side after just nine minutes, courtesy of his first goal for the Reds.

Football GIF: Manuel Neuer Impresses Eintracht Frankfurt’s Coach With Ice Cold Backheel Flick

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By Chris Wright

Safe to say even Eintracht Frankfurt coach Thomas Schaaf was suitably impressed with Manuel Neuer's gracefully cool flicked pass duringBayern Munich's rampant 0-4 victory...

Now, compare and contrast that with the polar opposite levels of grace under pressure displayed by Liverpool 'keeperSimon Mignolet against Chelsea earlier.

Gobsh*te Analysis: Should Raheem Sterling Have Been Booked For Being Elbowed By Ramires?

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By Chris Wright

Probably not, no.

Samuel Eto’o Puts In Stunning Acting Shift In Everton’s Half-Season Ticket Christmas Advert (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Starring alongside fellow noted thesp Steven Pienaar, here's Samuel Eto'o's simply sublime dramaticperformance in Everton's highly seasonal new advert for half-season tickets an absolute clinic in what we like to call "eyebrow acting"...


That scene.

Europa League: Everton 3-0 Lille – Toffees Cruise To Victory At Goodison (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 3-0 Lille Europa League 6th November 2014

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First-half goals from Leon Osman and Phil Jagielka followed by a second-half strike from Steven Naismith secured a deserved 3-0 win for Everton on Thursday night.

Plucky Fan Who Applied To Replace Giovanni Trapattoni As Ireland Manager Receives Brilliant Reply From The FAI

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By Chris Wright

Trap: Livin' the life

It's been a little over a year since Giovanni Trapattoni left his post as manager of the Republic of Ireland to take up the role as coach of the Vatican City's in-house football team (we're not kidding), with Martin O'Neill stepping in to replace the veteran Italian a couple of months thereafter.

Horror Lunge Sees Romanian FA Slap Two Players With Enormous 16-Game Bans In Space Of 24 Hours

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By Chris Wright

It seems the Romanian Football Federation (FRF) are super serious about cracking down on violent conduct in their domestic leagues.

Just 24 hours after we sawFCM Targu Mures midfielder Gabriel Muresan hit with a record 16-match ban for leaving Steaua Bucharest striker Raul Rusescu with a broken eye socket, the FRF have slapped a second Liga 1 player with an identical ban for an equally rogue tackle.

Snapshot: West Ham’s Sam Allardyce & Diafra Sakho Crowned Premier League Manager And Player Of The Month…

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By Chris Wright

Whisper it, but it seems it's okay to like West Ham again. SamAllardyceis once again the very apex of cool!

Yes indeedy, in fact Large Samuel has been crowned "Premier League Manager of the Month" for October beating the likes of Steve Bruce, Jose Mourinho and Alan Pardew to the punch by guiding his side to victory in all three of his games this last month, including a shock 2-1 win against reigning champs Man City at Upton Park.

Nicklas Bendtner Scores First Two Goals For Wolfsburg Before Being Sarcastically Mocked By Gary Lineker For Doing So

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By Chris Wright

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It's taken him a few months, but Nicklas Bendtner finally got himself off the mark for Wolfsburg last night, scoring his first and second goals for the German club despite only coming on for the last 15 minutes of the Europa League tie against Krasnodar.

Europa League: Asteras 1-2 Tottenham – Kane Scores Again As Lilywhites Win In Greece (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Asteras Tripolis 1-2 Tottenham Hotspur Europa League 6th November 2014

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Harry Kane netted his eighth goal in eight games for Spurs as they battled to a 2-1 win away in Greece. Andros Townsend, who set up Kane to score on 42 minutes had put the visitors 1-0, courtesy of a spot-kick on 36 minutes, after the winger was felled in the Asteras box.

Owen Hargreaves Has Still Got It, Tucks Away Flashy Rabona During TV Rehearsals (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Seconds after admitting he hasn't kicked a football in two years, former perma-crock Owen Hargreaves went and did this during rehearsals before an appearance on BT Sport...

Yowser! Looks like those workouts have really paid off...

Stop Us If You’ve Heard This One Before: The Night 16-Year-Old Wayne Rooney Stunned His England Teammates With A Post-Dinner Poetry Recital

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By Chris Wright

As unlikely as it may seem, beneath that pork scratching of an exterior, it would appear that Wayne Rooney harbours the sensitive soul of a poet.

To that end, former England youth coach Dick Bate hastold the Independentthat once, shortly after Englandhad been jettisoned fromthe U17 European Championships in 2002, the then-16-year-old Rooney stunned his teammates with an impromptu recital of a poem he'd written himself.

England Squad For Slovenia Qualifier Announced – Saido Berahino, Stewart Downing And Theo Walcott (?) Get The Nod

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By Chris Wright

Roy Hodgson has just blurted out his England squad for both the upcoming Euro 2016 qualifier against Slovenia and the following friendly against Scotland later this month, and the good news is that Saido Berahino has finally been given the nod.

The West Brom striker has scored seven Premier League goals so far this season more than any other Englishman and as such, has ferreted his way into the senior squad having scored 10 goals in 13 appearances for the U21s.

Romanian Player Hit With Record 16-Game Domestic Ban For Breaking Opponent’s Eye Socket (Video)

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By Chris Wright

FCM Targu Mures midfielder Gabriel Muresan has been hit with an unprecedented domestic ban after leaving Steaua Bucharest striker Raul Rusescu nursing azygomatic bone fracture a busted eye socket in Layman's terms.

Muresan smashed an elbow into Rusescu's face during an aerial tussle between the pairthat, doctors reportedly later stated, almost resulted in the Steaua forward losing an eye.

Champions League: Maribor 1-1 Chelsea – Matic On Target As Blues Struggle In Slovenia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

NK Maribor 1-1 Chelsea Champions League 5th November 2014

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Despite hammering their Slovenian opponents 6-0 at Stamford Bridge, Chelsea found Maribor a tougher nut to crack on their home turf.

The Blues produced a below-par first-half display which prompted Jose Mourinho to send on Diego Costa and Oscar at the break (for Andre Schurrle and Willian).

Presenting: Brian Butterfield’s Back-Room Staff Football Sticker Collection (Video)

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By Chris Wright

"Call now!"

In which famed entrepreneur Brian Butterfield (who we can't help but notice bears a striking resemblance to comedian Peter Serafinowicz) stars in a televisual infomercial advert production for his "Premier Football Back-Room Staff Collectable Card Collection™" just one of many stellar products in the Butterfield Industries catalogue.

Champions League: Man City 1-2 CSKA – Citizens Stunned As Euro Hopes Hang By Thread (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 1-2 CSKA Moscow Champions League 5th November 2014

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A brace fromSeydou Doumbia sent Man City to a shock home defeat on Wednesday night, a result which leaves the Citizens needing to beat both Bayern and Roma if they are to have any chance of qualifying for the knockout stages.

Shit Lookalikes: Jose Mourinho’s Face Appears In Chelsea Fan’s Wonton?

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By Chris Wright

Ladies and gentlemen, Pies can categorically state thatwe have a bona fidePHENOMENON on our hands.

First it was Wayne Rooney's face appearing in his own knee, then Roy Hodgson in fried eggform, then Lionel Messi appearing in a woman's shadow and now.

Montrose ‘Keeper Suffers Absolute Nightmare In 5-1 Defeat, Immediately Flees Back Home To Canada In Shame

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By Chris Wright

As rough shifts in the Scottish fourth division go,Montrose 'keeper Lucas Birnstingl suffered one of the very roughest last weekend as he shipped five goals in theAngus derby againstArbroath last Saturday.

To make matters worse, Birnstingl even conceded a goal scored by his opposite number when Arbroath stopperDavid Crawfordlaunched aseemingly innocuous free-kick from the edge of his own penalty area which somehow ended up nestled in the back of the Monstrose net.

Football Art: Howler Magazine Re-imagine Rooney, Ronaldo, Messi, Neymar & Gerrard As Hirsute 1970s Football Icons (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

As part of their "Anytime Heroes" piece from Issue 6, the good folks over at Howler magazine have commissioned illustrator Chris Moran (@chrismoranART) to re-imagine several of today's top footballing stars including as 1970s footballing icons the heyday of the unashamedly hirsute sportsman.

Lionel Messi Pips Cristiano Ronaldo To Equal Raul’s All-Time Champions League Scoring Record (GIFs)

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By Chris Wright

With Cristiano Ronaldo still stationed on 70 Champions League goals after failing to conjure hisway past Kolo Toure last night, Lionel Messi has now pipped the Real Madrid star to equal Raul's long-standing Champions League scoring record after bagging both goals in Barca's 0-2 win over Ajax this evening.

Ex-England ‘Keeper David James Auctioning Off Career Memorabilia After Being Declared Bankrupt

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By Chris Wright

Seems there was/is a good reason why David James has refused to stop playing into his forties, first withIcelandic side IBV Vestmannaeyjar and now with Indian Super League outfitKerala Blasters the poor guy's completely brasic.

Indeed, it has emerged that James was declared bankrupt in May and, as such,the former England 'keeper is now auctioning off around 150 items of football memorabilia collected during his sprawling career.

Bale, Walcott, Le Tiss And Other Southampton Stars Past And Present Gather To Gush About…Southampton (Video)

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By Chris Wright

To coincidewith the club launching their brand new training facility, Southampton have approached Saints both past and present to share their memories of spending their formative yearson the south coast.

The likes of Gareth Bale, Theo Walcott, Rickie Lambert and Matt Le Tissier all showed up for a good gush, as well as current players like old-timer Kelvin Davis, emergent youngster Matt Targett and Morgan Schneiderlin- who famously threw a tantrum and accusedSouthampton of "destroying his career" when they refused to let him leave for Tottenham this July justgone.

FAIL: Brazilian Lower League Defender Scores Spectacularly Bad Own-Goal With His Arse! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The details are a tad sketchy on this one so you'll have to forgive us for being vague, but we're fairly certain we're dealing with a Brazilian lower league game being played at the stadium of a club calledLeoes da Fabulosa- that's if the accompanying Youtube description is anything to go by.

ITV Pundit Paul Scholes Responds To Heckling Liverpool Fans In Typically Understated Fashion (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having spotted that Paul Scholes was providing mumbles as part of ITV's pitch-side punditry panel for their game against Real Madrid last night, a large section of the Liverpool fans in the Bernabeu stayed behind to give theManchester United alumni some obligatory goading.

Petr Cech Drums Along To ‘Walk’ By Foo Fighters (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Humbly uploaded to his own personal Youtube channel rather than some horribly sterile PR-driven social media account, here's Chelsea 'keeper Petr Cech sat in his skivvies in his drum room at home, merrily thwacking along to 'Walk' by the Foo Fighters his favourite band.

Vincent Kompany Politely Shuns Piers Morgan’s £70m Offer To Buy Him For Arsenal

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal's not-so-secret shame, Piers Morgan, attempted to buy Vincent Kompany on Twitter last night.Tap-a, tap-a, tap-a.

Once again faux-outraged by Arsenal's lack of defensive fortitude having watchedthe Gunners bin a comfortable 3-0 lead against Kompany's former club Anderlecht, Morgan set about tapping up the Man City skipper after heTweeted in celebrationof the Belgian team's Champions League comeback.

Liverpool Fan Arrested In Madrid For Playing Impromptu Game Of ‘Piggy In The Middle’ With Policeman (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It has emerged that one Liverpool fan was arrested before last night's 1-0 tonking (if such a thing exists) at the Bernabeu, after a minor disturbance in Madrid's famous Plaza Mayor several hours before kick-off.

Taking umbrage at Liverpool fans enjoying a bit of a light kickaround around in the square, a couple of police officers attempted to confiscate the offending football.

Straight From The Training Ground: Heung-Min Son Puts Stunning Finish To Bayer Leverkusen’s Perfect Set-Piece Routine

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By Chris Wright

Enjoying some rare old form so far this season with 10 goals to his name already in the space of 17 appearances, Heung-min Son played a blinder in Bayer Leverkusen's hard-fought victory over Zenit in St. Petersburg last night.

The South Korean forward scored both goals in a 2-1 win for the German side, with the first being a really rather beautiful, nigh-on textbook example of the "straight from the training ground" set-piece genre.

Andrea Pirlo Marks 100th Champions League Start By Scoring Slinky Freekick vs Olympiakos (Video)

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By Chris Wright

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Juventus just about saw off Olympiakos in the Champions League last night but they did it the hard way, coming from 2-1 down in Turin to eventually pip it 3-2 thanks to a couple of goals in as many minutes mid-way through the second half.

Tottenham’s Jan Vertonghen Trolls Arsenal Fans With Tweet Celebrating Anderlecht Equaliser

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By Alan Duffy

Spurs' Belgian defender Jan Vertonghan was obviously delighted by Anderlecht's dramatic comeback against Arsenal on Tuesday night. FollowingAleksandar Mitrovic's last-gasp equaliser at the Emirates, Vertonghen Tweeted the following...

No doubt Arsenal fans will take solace in the fact that the defender's experience of European action won't go beyond the Europa League this season.

Champions League: Arsenal 3-3 Anderlecht – Frail Gunners Waffle Their Way To Draw At Emirates (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 3-3 Anderlecht Champions League 4th November 2014

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Arsenal produced a trademark performance against Anderlecht on Tuesday night, creating lots up front but once again showing all the solidity of a trifle.

Champions League: Real Madrid 1-0 Liverpool – Second-String Reds Beaten At Bernabeu (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Real Madrid 1-0 Liverpool Premier League 4th November 2014

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Having decided to resthalf his first team for this Champions League, no doubt in the hope that his side can qualify for it again next season, Brendan Rodgers watched his second-string 11 go down by a solitary goal in Madrid.

Rayo Vallecano Ultras Oppose Monday Night Fixtures By Staging Brilliant ‘Simpsons-Themed’ Protest (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Narked at having to play on a Monday night at the behest of the television companies, Rayo Vallecano's 'Los Bukaneros' ultras group staged a protest by refusing to enter the stadium during the first 24 minutes oftheir game against Eibar.

The section usually occupied by Los Bukaneros was left predominantly empty while a small group of ultrasunfurled giant Simpsons-themed banners and even dressed up as various characters in order toact out "couch scenes" up in the stands.

Crystal Palace 1-3 Sunderland – Fletcher Bags Brace As Black Cats Escape Drop-Zone (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Crystal Palace 1-3 Sunderland Premier League 3rd November 2014

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A brace from Steven Fletcher along with a strike from Jordi Gomezsaw Sunderland come away from Selhurst Park with all three points.

The Eagles did benefit from yet anotherWes Brown OG on 55 minutes, which levelled the scores at 1-1, but the hostsalso had midfielder Mile Jedinak sent off.

Stockport County Fan Outbids Man City And Man Utd Supporters To Buy Young Baby’s Club Allegiances On Ebay

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By Chris Wright

You may recall that last week Pies brought you news of a father who had stuck his newborn son's future support up on Ebay, allowing either Manchester City or Manchester United fans to bid in order to win the seven-month-old's club allegiances.

‘Disgraceful’ Tel Aviv Derby Abandoned At Half-Time After Maccabi Player Attacked By Furious Hapoel Fan (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Never a particularly convivialaffair at the best of times, the Tel Aviv derby between Maccabi and Hapoel had to be abandoned at half-time on Monday evening after a player was sent off for lashing out at a fan.

Maccabi strikerEran Zahavi scored a penalty to cancel out Hapoel's opener afterhalf-an-hour, only to incur the wrath of the Hapoel fans behind the goal by cupping his ear to them.

Melbourne Victory Manage To Score Despite Pitch Being Invaded By Massive Flock Of Seagulls (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Melbourne Victory striker/grizzled film noir private detective Connor Pain scored the second and final goal of his side's 2-0 A-League victory over Wellington Phoenix on Monday evening despite the pitch being invaded by a vast horde of marauding seagulls.

Esteban Ramirez Scores Jaw-Dropping Volley In Costa Rican Premier League (Video)

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By Chris Wright

CS Herediano saw off Deportivo Saprissa 3-2 in the Costa Rican Primera Division on Monday night, with this absolutely outstanding goal from winger Esteban Ramirez eventually proving the difference...

Apparently, Ramirez requested to be signed up to a "contract for life" with Herediano back in February, telling the club website:

"I feel at home here in Heredia.

Wayne Rooney Duets With Ed Sheeran On ‘Lego House’ In The Pub (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Along with fan club member no.0001 (Mark Clattenburg), it would seem that Wayne Rooney is also a big fan of omnipresent pop troubadour Ed Sheeran.

Indeed, it emerged that Rooney met with Sheeran in the pub after one of the singer's gigs last week in order to personally thank him for the experience.

Costel Pantilimon Has Nervous Breakdown After Wes Brown Scores Calamitous Own-Goal vs Crystal Palace

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By Chris Wright

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Sunderland finally managed to plunder themselves a victory last night by beating Crystal Palace 3-1 (their firstwin on a Monday since April 2002, fact fans) to haul themselves up out of the relegation zone.

However, it looked like the Black Cats were headed back down Crap Alley at one point, when poor old Wes Brown equalised for Palace with a bumbling own-goal an own-goal which hit 'keeper Costel Pantilimon hardest of all!

The #RodgersOUT Campaign Begins: Liverpool Fan Plotting To Fly ‘Rodgers Out’ Plane Banner Over Anfield

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By Chris Wright

Losing to Newcastle is never a nice feeling, but it looks like the 1-0 defeat at St. James' Park on Saturday wasthe final straw for one unusuallymelodramaticLiverpool fan, who has taken it upon him/her/definitely himselfto mastermind the groundswell of a"Rodgers Out" campaign on behalf of his fellow Reds supporters.

Cristiano Ronaldo Celebrates Underwear Brand Success With Cake Shaped Like His Own Pants (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

To celebrate the one-year anniversary of the launch of his highly successful (at least that's what it says here) own-brand underwear range, Cristiano Ronaldo tucked into one of the least appealing cakes we've ever seen...

So happy to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of my #CR7Underwear this weekend!

Virgin Trains Mock Poor Chris Smalling Over ‘Stupid’ Red Card Against Man City…

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By Chris Wright

Chris Smalling has already been labelled as"stupid" by his own manager for diving in on James Milner and getting himself sent off before half-time during the Manchester derby yesterday, but you know things are really bad when eventhe train companies are ribbing you for an easy PR rub.

Adriano (Yes, That Adriano) Attempting Yet Another Career Relaunch – ‘99% Certain’ To Sign For Le Havre In French Second Division

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By Chris Wright

Having invited him over to have a nosey around their facilities several times over the past couple of weeks, it seems that the continuing fableof Adriano Leite Ribeirois set for a new chapter this time in the French second division.

After making a roaring start to his European career at Inter back in the early 2000s, Adriano in the grandest tradition of prodigious Brazilian strikers fizzled out spectacularly as the decade wore on, eventually moving back to his homeland and repeatedly failing to arrest the slump at the likes of Corinthians, Atletico Paranaense and former club Flamengo as injuries, fitness woes and a penchant for shirtless drinking sessions in dangerousRio favelas took priority.

Gobsh*te Analysis: Did Marouane Fellaini Spit On Sergio Aguero During The Manchester Derby?

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By Chris Wright

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Much has been made of an incident during Sunday's Manchester derby in which United collosus Marouane Fellaini appeared to project saliva onto the back of Sergio Aguero's shirt as the City striker lay curled up in a little foetal ball of angst after being hurted by the nasty men.

Katie McCabe Scores Cracking 35-Yard Freekick Screamer For Raheny United In Women’s FAI Cup Final

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By Chris Wright

Already an Ireland U19 international, Raheny United winger Katie McCabe is considered one of the finest talents in Irish women's football at the moment and once you clap eyes on her opening goal in Sunday'sFAI Cup Final you'll begin to see why.

McCabe opened the scoring for Raheny in the 20th minute with a cracking free-kick from looooooooong range that whistled past the UCD Waves 'keeper and straight into the top corner.

Leon Osman Came Here Tonight To Hear The Crowd Go ‘Boom! Shake, Shake, Shake The Room!’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

To mark 14 years of steady service, Everton laid on a testimonial dinner for Leon Osmanon Saturday night, with the man himself providing the evening's entertainment by clambering up on stage and rapping his way through DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince's explosive 1993 hit "Boom!

Aston Villa 1-2 Tottenham – Villans Lose Again As Lilywhites Bag Comeback Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 1-2 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 2nd November 2014

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A last-gasp Harry Kane winner secured a precious win for Tottenham and condemned Aston Villa to their sixth defeat in a row.

Andreas Weimann ended the Villans' goal-drought on 16 minutes as the hosts impressed in the first period.

Man City 1-0 Man Utd – Aguero The Match-Winner In Edgy Derby Clash At Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 1-0 Manchester United Premier League 2nd November 2014

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A second-half Sergio Aguero goal gave City the victory in a bad-tempered Manchester derby at the Etihad. The win, which came after United had Chris Smalling sent off, sees the Citizens move to within six points of league leaders Chelsea.

Stoke 2-2 West Ham – Hammers Battle Back For Share Of Points At Britannia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 2-2 West Ham United Premier League 1st October 2014

West Ham fought back from two goals down at the Britannia Stadium to keep alive their excellent run of form which has seen Big Sam's men fly high in the table.

The Potters were by far the better side for large periods of the game and were 2-0 up before the hour-mark, courtesy of goals fromVictor Moses and Mame Biram Diouf.

Shit Lookalikes: Brad Guzan & Alice The Goon (From ‘Popeye’)

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By Chris Wright

Shamelessly stolen from Twitter. Kudos to whoever.

Sitting ona Shit Lookalike for Pies? Feel free submit it via email at waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet us on @waatpies and we'll gladly give it the once-over!

Hull 0-1 Southampton – V For Victor(y) As Wanyama Stunner Keeps Saints Winning (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Hull City 0-1 Southampton Premier League 1st November 2014

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A superb long-range effort from Victor Wanyama secured yet another victory for high-flying Southampton at the KC Stadium on Saturday.

The visitors were the better side throughout the game but were helped by netting the only goal of the game early on.

FC Rostov Coach ‘Jokes’ That He Won’t Sign Any More Black Players For Fear Of Spreading Ebola

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By Chris Wright

FC Rostovcoach Igor Gamula has demonstrated just how deep-seated the racist mindset is within the Russian game by openly claiming in a press conference that he already has too many "dark-skinned" players in his squad.

Gamula, 54, also took the opportunity to joke that he is refusing to sign any more black players for fear of Ebola spreading through the Rostov squad.

Football Vine: Edwin Van Der Sar Roars Ajax On From Among The VAK410 Ultras (Video)

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By Chris Wright

He may be close to sainthood round Amsterdam way, but that didn't stop Edwin van der Sar from roaring Ajax on against Dordrecht yesterday from amid the section of the stadium belonging to the club's infamous VAK410 ultras.

Looked like he enjoyed himself too, with Ajax easing to a 4-0 win over the Eredivisie's second-bottom side.

Everton 0-0 Swansea – Toffees Toil In Stalemate At Goodison (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 0-0 Swansea City Premier League 1st October 2014

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In his 200th match as a Premier League manager, Roberto Martinez saw his Everton side struggle to break down his former club Swansea at Goodison Park.

Arsenal 3-0 Burnley – Sanchez Stars As Patient Gunners Down Clarets (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 3-0 Burnley Premier League 1st November 2014

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In-form attacker Alexis Sanchez was once again Arsenal's man of the match after a superb two-goal display at the Emirates.

Burnley worked hard to keep the Gunners out until the 70th minute when Sanchez, who had been excellent throughout, rose to head home a Calum Chambers centre.

Newcastle 1-0 Liverpool – Magpies Win Again As Reds Misfire At St. James Park (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 1-0 Liverpool Premier League 1st November 2014

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The Newcastle revival continued at St. James' Park on Sunday, with the Magpies deservedly winning 1-0 against Liverpool. The Reds, on the other hand, continue to struggle to rediscover last season's form.

Chelsea 2-1 QPR – Oscar Nets Cracker As Blues Beat Hard-Working Hoops (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 2-1 Queens Park Rangers Premier League 1st November 2014

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Chelsea increased their lead over title holders Man City to nine points after a hard-fought west London derby win.

Oscar netted a fabulous outside-of-the-boot first-half strike as the Blues looked set for comfortable win.

Football GIF: Dortmund’s Henrikh Mikhtaryan Almost Knocked Unconscious By His Own Goalkeeper!

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By Chris Wright

Looking like something culled from slow-motion NCAP car safety testing footage, here's Dortmund forwardHenrikh Mkhitaryan having his neck muscles and vertebrae tested to their limits against Bayern Munich this evening courtesy of his goalkeeper, Roman Weidenfeller.

James Rodriguez Scores Beautiful Looping Volley As Real Madrid Pulverise Granada (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Given that he's had the bare-faced temerity to not score scorching 30-yardersevery week since his golazo-laden World Cup jaunt, there is a certain line of thought that James Rodriguez's start to life at the Bernabeu has been a little, well...y'know...underwhelming.

Swiss Amateur Footballer Hit With Gargantuan 50-Year Ban For Kicking Ball In Referee’s Face

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By Chris Wright

An amateur player from Switzerland has been administered a gargantuan 50-year suspension after a fairly petty-sounding altercation with a referee at full-time of a recent game in the Bern regional leagues.

Ricardo Ferreira, who plays (or played) for Portugal FC, was an unused substitute during his side's 1-0 defeat to SC Worb in theFussballverband Bern.

Bournemouth Unveil New Club Crest Designed Specifically For Movember (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Bournemouth are going all in to get behindMovember this year, even adaptingtheir iconic club crest to display their support for the global men's health foundation.

To mark their support for the cause, Bournemouthhave stuck a moustache on club legend Dickie Dowsett, whose mid-header silhouette has graced The Cherries'badge since 1971.

Photos Reveal Full Extent Of Damage Mario Balotelli’s Little Bathroom Firework Stunt Caused To His House In 2011

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By Chris Wright

Three years have passed since the fateful day, but The Daily Mail have this morning managed to get their grubby paws on photos of the damage caused to Mario Balotelli's apartment when the then-Man City striker almost burnt it to cinders in 2011.