Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2014

Model Pro: Arsenal’s Aaron Ramsey Lands Modelling Gig After Being Snapped Up By Elite Agency

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By Chris Wright

We will be introducing our board today, first up, check out @aaronramsey http://t.co/zjmGv3gTTG #somethingspecial pic.twitter.com/iZXmjhGJuh

— Elite London (@Elite_London) January 30, 2014

Thankfully the pesky thigh injury that has kept Aaron Ramsey out of action for the past few weeks obviously hasn't interfered with his face in any way as the Arsenal midfielder has today been announced as London's Elite Models agency first signing of the January window.

Wicked Wednesday ‘Big Head’ Quiz #2: Can You Identify These Corinthian Figures?

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By Chris Wright

The observant among you may have noted that we completely forgot to publish the latest edition of our new 'Wicked Wednesday' quiz yesterday but, thanks to time being a linear constant, we're able to being you it just a day later than planned in the guise of of 'Tricky Thursday' (so to speak) quiz.

Adel Taarabt Gushes Over ‘Best Club In World’ After Sealing AC Milan Loan, Roughly One Year After Writing Them Off As ‘No Longer One Of The World’s Top Clubs’

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By Chris Wright

While the news hasn't been made official quite yet, we're hearing that Adel Taarabt has landed in Italy and has finalised a six-month loan move from QPR to AC Milan (points on offer to anyone out there who can name the last player to make that switch), with the Italian club also retaining the option to make the Moroccan's transfer permanent at the end of the season for a€7million fee.

Hernanes Leaves Final Lazio Training Session Before Inter Milan Move, Cries While He Poses For Fan Photos… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Touching stuff here from Brazilian midfielder Hernanes who, while driving out of Lazio's training complex for the final time ahead of his impending move to Inter Milan, stopped and smiled while he posed for photos with the fans gathered outside though he could only stave off the EMOTIONS for so long before he burst into tears in his car.

Football Vine: Mohamed Diame Takes Heavy Tumble Over Advertising Hoardings vs Chelsea

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By Chris Wright

In which West Ham midfielder Mohamed Diame goes arse-over-tit into the front row of the Chelsea fans after overshooting a hurtle at Stamford Bridge during one of West Ham's rare forays forward...

Ouch.

(Vine: Football_Tweet)

Talking Point: Should Managers Feel Obligated To Play ‘Attractive’ Football?

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By Chris Wright

"I'm the king of the world!"

Serial bus-parker Jose Mourinho's slightlyhypocritical, passive-aggressive post-match spat with serial bus-parker Sam Allardyce over the requisite aesthetics of 'bus parking' after West Ham held Chelsea at bay last night last night made a little red LED start flashing in our heads and we thought it'd serve as good jump-off point for a new, perhaps weekly opinion thingy we're thinking about running on Pies.

‘I Couldn’t Give A Shite’ – Sam Allardyce Reacts To Jose Mourinho’s Passive-Aggressive ’19th Century Football’ Jibes

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By Chris Wright

Jose Mourinho did his darndest to deflect attention away from his Chelsea side after the failed to register with any of their 39 shots against a defiant West Ham at Stamford Bridge last night.

True, it didn't make for much of a spectacle,but Sam Allardyce's Hammers successfully shut up shop from minute one and went on to avoid slumping to their 14th defeat in 17 meetings against the Blues.

Chelsea 0-0 West Ham – Heroic Hammers Hold Blues At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 0-0 West Ham United Premier League 29th January 2014

King of the bus-parkers Jose Mourinho was left frustrated by West Ham's very own bus-parking performance on Wednesday night, with Sam Allardyce's charges securing an unlikely point at Stamford Bridge.

Tottenham 1-5 Man City – Citizens Go Top After Mauling 10-Man Lilywhites (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 1-5 Manchester City Premier League 29th January 2014

Manchester City moved one point clear of Arsenal at the top of the Premier League table after yet another goalfest against Spurs. Having thrashed the Lilywhites 6-0 at the Etihad earlier in the season, they won this latest meeting 5-1, although Tottenham will feel somewhat aggrieved at some of the decisions by the officials.

Football GIF: Patrice Evra Fails To Conquer Small Slope At Side Of Old Trafford Pitch

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By Chris Wright

In which poor old Patrick Evra tries and fails to scale the small gradient at the side of the pitch at Old Trafford, to splendidly comic effect...

Oh Paddy! U such a ditz!

(GIF via 101GG)

Bayern Munich’s Thiago Scores Outrageous, Acrobatic 93rd-Minute Winner vs Stuttgart (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Bayern Munich have started very much where they left off when the Bundesliga wrapped up for Christmas, snaffling themselves a second successive post-hibernation victory with a 2-1 victory over Stuttgart though they left it until the 93rd minute to harvest all three points when Thiago Alcantara took to the air to score with an outrageously dramatic acrobatic effort.

Steve Bruce Claims Allan McGregor Had ‘Every Right’ To Lash Out At Stuart O’Keefe After Red Card vs Crystal Palace (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Speaking after last night's 1-0 defeat at Selhurst Park, Hull City manager Steve Bruce admitted that he thought his goalkeeper, Allan McGregor, had "every right" to take a swipe at Stuart O'Keefe after the Crystal Palace midfielder ran his studs down the Tigers keeper's shin after leaping to close him down in the corner in the final few minutes of the game.

Yohan ‘Nice Guy’ Cabaye Arrives At Paris Hospital To Undergo PSG Medical Ahead Of £19m Switch (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

While they're hardly the most stunning batch of images you're going to see (essentially a man getting out of a van and walking toward a hospital), what we have here is photographic evidence that soon-to-not-be Newcastle midfielder Yohan Cabaye is currently in Paris to undergo his PSG medical ahead of his increasingly imminent £19million (plus add-ons) move to the Ligue 1 table-toppers.

Southampton 2-2 Arsenal – 10-Man Gunners Slip Up At St. Mary’s (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 2-2 Arsenal Premier League 28th January 2014

Arsenal could have extended their lead to four points over Manchester City on Tuesday night, but instead had to settle for a draw against a superb Southampton side. The Saints totally bossed the first-half against a lacklustre Gunners and deservedly went ahead courtesy of a Jose Fonte header.

Mick McCarthy Delivers Truly Beautiful ‘McCarthyism’ In Response To Critical Ipswich Fans

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By Chris Wright

"ARE YOU NOT F**KING ENTERTAINED?!!"

Looking more and more like the Championship's answer to Captain Birdseye thanks to a newly-sprouted beard made from pure white light, Ipswich manager (and Pies' absolute footballing hero) Mick McCarthy delivered a brisk and beautiful retort to claims that some of the club's fans were left frustrated by last night's 1-1 draw away against Leeds.

Shit Lookalikes: Jordi Alba & A Yawning Capybara

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By Chris Wright

Spot on.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it over to us at @waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet us @waatpies and we'll give it a shufty, free of charge!

Liverpool 4-0 Everton – Toffees Come Unstuck At Anfield As Reds Go On Rampage (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 4-0 Everton Premier League 28th January 2014

Under Roberto Martinez, Everton may be enjoying a very good season so far, but at Anfield on Tuesday night the Toffees were well and truly battered by a rampant Liverpool side. Daniel Sturridge netted a brace, including a fine chip over Tim Howard, after Steven Gerrard had opened the scoring with a close-range header.

Argentinian Referee Hands Yellow Card Over To Fourth Official, Tells Players He’ll Only Show Reds From Now On (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Eight yellow cards in and thoroughly aggrieved at the level of venom on display while overseeing a mid-season 'friendly' between Argentinian rivalsEstudiantes and Gimnasia, referee Carlos Maglio decided it was high time to make a stand in the 79th minute of the match to make it very obvious to both sides that he's reached the end of his tether.

Oguchi Onyewu Performs ‘Wannabe’ By The Spice Girls At Sheffield Wednesday Initiation (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This? Oh, it's just video evidence of Sheffield Wednesday's new 6'5″, 16-stone, brick sh*thouse centre-back Oguchi Onyewu singing and shimmying his way through 'Wannabe' by the Spice Girls at his Sheffield Wednesday initiation...

Frankly, if it's a 'zig-a-zig-ah' that Gooch wants, then it's a 'zig-a-zig-ah' he's gonna get are you going to tell him no, cos we sure as schiesse aren't!

Diego Maradona’s ‘Goal Of The Century’ Against England From Never-Before-Seen Angle (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's a cracking little bit of footballing curio for thou, in the shape of an unbroadcast television replay of Diego Maradona's magnum opus: his 'Goal of the Century' against England at the 1986 World Cup, as seen from behind Peter Shilton's goal.

SPOILER ALERT: Peter Reid still can't get anywhere near him.

Retro Football GIF: Graeme Souness Plays Truly Majestic 65-Yard Backpass vs Dynamo Kiev, 1987

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By Chris Wright

This very morn, the brilliant Adam Hurrey (or @FootballCliches as he's perhaps better known) has written a marvellous paean in memory of the legal backpass (RIP 1863-1993) for Guardian Sport, which eulogises the long lost art which was actively outlawed by FIFA in 1993 as a reaction to the turgidly negative passages of defensive play that dogged the 1990 World Cup.

Diehard Everton Fan Has Liverpool Motto ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ Tattooed Across His Back To Raise Money For Ill Child (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Upon hearing of the plight of young George Johnson from Liverpool, lifelong Everton fan Matty Bowman decided he was going to go the distance in an effort to raise funds and haveLiverpool's club motto, "You'll Never Walk Alone", tattooed across his back if people pledged enough money.

‘He Plays Like A Romanian But Drinks Like An Englishman!’ – Footage Emerges Of Tottenham’s Vlad Chiriches Squiffy After Night On Booze

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By Chris Wright

The big news and we use the word 'big' incredibly loosely there emanating out of Romania today is that tabloid gossip site Cancan.Ro have obtained footage of Tottenham defenderVlad Chiriches looking ever-so-slightly tipsy after spending the weekend back at home on leave due to Spurs' early FA Cup exit.

Snapshot: ITV News Mistake Juan Mata For The Bloke Who Wrote ‘The Frog Chorus’…

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By Chris Wright

Either ITV news were a tad slap-dash with their captioning at Juan Mata's unveiling or Manchester United have been well and truly swindled...

(Via Off The Post)

Ronaldinho Teams Up With Brazilian Rapper EdCity To Release New Song (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Ronaldinho makes a brief musical cameo, rapping on a track called 'Vai na fe' (which translates as 'Go in Faith') by his friend, Brazilian rapper EdCity.

If you can't bear to sit through the whole thing, Ronaldinho farts into life at the 2:33 mark.

Stockport County vs Histon FC: One For Goalmouth Scramble Enthusiasts… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

One for the goalmouth scramble (or 'stramash' for the Scottish among our flock) enthusiasts here, with Stockport County somehow managing to survive a real humdinger to win 1-0 against Histon in the Conference North on Saturday afternoon...

Good, but we fear this classicof the genre from Norwich-Southampton in 1994 (we think) will never be bested.

Nando’s Provide Adnan Januzaj With £50 Gift Voucher After ‘Stingy’ Kiss-And-Tell Tabloid Revelations

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By Chris Wright

The world was rocked rocked, we tell you this morning when The Sun ran with a spectacularly bland 'kiss and tell' farticle (typo, but it stays) about "Man United's £30,000-a-week wonder boy" Adnan Januzaj escorting Melissa (above) to Nando's on a date, spending an apparently derisory £18 and making her pay for the parking.

AFC Wimbledon Issue ‘Flossed And Found’ Plea After False Teeth Found In Stands After Exeter Game

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By Chris Wright

AFC Wimbledon have issued a rather bizarre 'lost and found' plea (or 'flossed and found' to use the club's pun) after a set of false teeth were left in the stands by a supporter following Saturday's League Two game against Exeter City at Kingsmeadow.

The Dons sent out the following Tweet earlier this morning:

These dentures were left in the stand on Saturday.

#PooOrWee???!! – Rio Ferdinand Uses Twitter To Ask The Big Questions

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By Chris Wright

A few days back, Rio Ferdinand suffered an existential crisis of conviction and was forced to turn to his 5.1million Twitter followers to help settle humanity's most divisive philosophical quandaries since Andrex asked the nation if wescrunched or folded afore wiping faeces from our hind quarters.

Gareth Bale Subbed Off After Taking Hefty Hoof To The Gentleman Vegetables vs Granada (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid ascended to the top of La Liga with a routine 2-0 win over Granada on Saturday, though Gareth Bale's game only lasted 45 minutes the Welshman having to be substituted off at half-time after recieving a rather hefty swipe to the gonads with just eight minutes gone, courtesy of Colombian centre-halfJeison Murillo.

FA Cup: Chelsea 1-0 Stoke – Oscar On Target As Blues Coast In Fifth Round (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 1-0 Stoke City FA Cup Fourth Round -26th January 2014

A superb free-kick from pint-sized playmaker Oscar secured safe passage into the fifth-round of the FA Cup for Chelsea after a thoroughly dominant performance against Stoke. The home side bossed the game and really should have scored more, with Samuel Eto'o, Andre Schurrle and the superb Eden Hazard all going close while new-boy Nemanja Matic impressed on his (second) debut for the west Londoners.

Football GIF: Oscar Whips In Majestic Freekick As Chelsea Dump Stoke Out Of FA Cup

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By Chris Wright

We'll be giving Chelsea's 1-0 FA Cup win over Stoke the full 'photos and highlights' treatment shortly, but until then let us all revel in these little loops of Oscar's perfectly-judged, game-winning freekick...

It looks even better from the reverse angle.

Football GIF: Stevenage Very Nearly Pull Off Superb Freekick Jiggery-Pokery vs Everton

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By Chris Wright

Sensing their moment, League One bottom side Stevenage attempted a delightful little bit of set-piece jiggery-pokery against Everton in the FA Cup yesterday evening a quick bait-and-switch freekick routine that came within a whisper of becoming a thing of true beauty.

Act, Zlatan, ACT! Ibrahimovic Stars As Brooding Swedish Hunter In New Volvo Advert (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Whole lotta tundra...

(Video: Volvo)

Liverpool Unveil Their New, Big-Money January Signing Underneath ‘This Is Anfield’ Sign (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Anything Manchester United can do, Liverpool can do better with more sprinkles...

(Image: @dunkindonutsUK/via 101GG)

Juan Mata Completes £37.1m Man Utd Transfer, Writes Emotional Farewell Letter To Chelsea Fans

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By Chris Wright

It is done...

I can confirm that I'm a new player of @ManUtd. Os confirmo que ya soy nuevo jugador del @ManUtd_Es pic.twitter.com/Jhu1iW8GIU

— Juan Mata García (@juanmata10) January 25, 2014

We can scarcely believe that something genuinely interesting has actually happened during this January window, but Juan Mata has officially signed for Manchester United from Chelsea for a club-record fee of £37.

Out-Of-Control Non-League Player Tries To Attack Fan In Stands After Being Sent Off (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

In a nod to that famous Eric Cantona kung-fu kicks from days of yore (whenever or wherever 'yore' was), Karl Colley, the captain of non-League First Division side Coalville decided to take out his frustrations with a fan of opposing side Goole after being sent off.

FA Cup: Man City 4-2 Watford – Aguero Hat-Trick Takes Sting Out Of Hornets Shock Lead At The Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 4-2 Watford FA Cup Fourth Round 25th January 2014

Tow goals down on the hour-mark, the all-conquering Man City were on the verge of a major cup shock exit against Watford. However, in the diminutive figure of Sergio Aguero, they have one of the very best strikers in the game and when needed, the Argentine hitman delivered the goods, netting a hat-trick as the Citizens eventually won 4-2.

FA Cup: Bournemouth 0-2 Liverpool – Reds Pop Their Cherries On Way To Fifth Round (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Bournemouth 0-2 Liverpool FA Cup Fourth Round 25th January 2014

Goals from Victor Moses and Daniel Sturridge, one in each half, ensured safe passage for Liverpool into the fifth round of the FA Cup against Bournmouth. The Cherries impressed throughout the game but failed to turn their passages of good play into enough clear-cut chances.

FA Cup: Arsenal 4-0 Coventry – Gunners Too Good For Sky Blues, Coast Into Fifth Round (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 4-0 Coventry City FA Cup Fourth Round 24th January 2014

A first-half brace from Lukas Podolski and late goals from subs Olivier Giroud and Santi Cazorla secured a comfortable win for Arsenal against League One side Coventry. The home side, with Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain starting in central midfield, totally dominated the first perido and could have scored more than the two they managed.

Snapshot: Arsenal And Coventry Use Mobile Phones To Help Illuminate Pitch After Lights Go Out At Emirates

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By Alan Duffy

In the first-half of Arsenal's 4-0 FA Cup victory over Coventry, an apparent power-surge knocked out lots of the Emirates' floodlights, leaving fans of both clubs to use their mobile phones (the modern day cigarette lighter) to help illuminate the ground. And what a lovely sight it made.

Clueless Chelsea Fans Deliver ‘Expert’ Opinions On Players That Don’t Actually Exist… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which TalkSPORT bodAndrew Ryanstops Chelsea fans outside Stamford Bridge and asks them for their opinions on some of the club's rumoured January transfer targets, the cruel twist being that none of the players in question actually exist.

Not that that stops them.

Photo Of The Day/Week/Year/All Time: Rene Higuita Quenches A Golden Eagle’s Thirst…

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By Chris Wright

Behold: Legendarily doolally Colombian 'keeper Rene Higuita, currently the goalkeeping coach (yep) at Saudi Arabian sideAl Nassr, just passing the time by quenching the thirst of a mighty Golden eagle from a paper cup...

The circle...is complete.

(Image via @mynetspor)

Nine Uruguayan Players Arrested And Banned For Two Months After Mass Brawl Erupts During ‘Friendly’ Game

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By Chris Wright

All the fun and frolics begin at the 2:55 mark

Nine Uruguayan players have been suspended from football for two months for their respective parts in the mass brawl that erupted during the closing stages of Tuesday evening's game between Penarol and Nacional.

Brazilian Youth Defender Ferociously Studs Striker In The Heart, No Foul Given (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during Thursday evening's Brazilian youth fixture between Novo Hamburgo and Internacional, Novo centre-back Luis Henrique follows through a defensive clearance by callously planting his studs intoRaphinha's chest, thus poleaxing the Inter striker.

The Official 2014 World Cup Song Is Going To Suck Big Hairy Sasquatch Balls…

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By Chris Wright

FIFA & @SonyMusicGlobal confirm @pitbull @JLo & @ClaudiaLeitte will sing OFFICIAL #WorldCup song. #WeAreOne http://t.co/yphfKh8wvX

— FIFA.com (@FIFAcom) January 23, 2014

It's official now lets make history @FIFAcom @JLo @ClaudiaLeitte #WeAreOne pic.

Southampton Suspend Dani Osvaldo For ‘Head-Butting’ Jose Fonte In ‘Brutal’ Training Ground Barney

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By Chris Wright

"AVAST!"

Southampton have confirmed that the club have suspended striker Dani Osvaldo after the Argentinian striker reportedly 'head-butted' centre-back Jose Fonte during a training session earlier in the week.

The alleged incident took place during a training match at Staplewood on Thursday and, though Southampton have refused to comment on the specifics, the Daily Mail are claiming that a club source told them that "there was blood everywhere" and that the offence Osvaldo laid on Fonte was "brutal".

Shit Football Kits: Napoli Use New Signing Jorginho To Unveil Horrendous New Camo Kit

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By Chris Wright

This is Napoli's brand new, ultra-disgusting "Xtreme" (their words, not ours) away/third/change jersey, as sprung upon the unsuspecting masses by the club today when they unveiled new signing Jorghino at a press conference earlier this afternoon.

Yep, poor Jorginho's first duty as a Napoli player was to venture out in public dressed in this abhorrent mess.

Levante Defenders Combine To Score Utterly Hapless Own-Goal vs Barcelona (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Barcelona spanked Levante 4-1 in the first leg of their Copa Del Rey quarter-final tie last night, with Cristian Tello scoring a hat-trick of almost genetically identical goals (with Lionel Messi assisting all three) as Arsene Wenger watched on in the stands.

Football Vine: Referee Lee Mason Wipes Out Two Players At Once During Man Utd-Sunderland

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By Chris Wright

In which referee Lee Mason bulldozes over Danny Welbeck and Phil Bardsley during last night's League Cup semi-final, leaving the pair sprawled out on the ground; dazed, confused and wondering whether it was a freight train or a cross-channel ferry that just hit them.

Shit Football Kits: Warrior Strike Again With Baffling New Shamrock Rovers Goalkeeper Jersey

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By Chris Wright

Whether we're talking Liverpool's fleet of migraine-inducing change strips, Sevilla's rather 'busy' new home shirt or Japanese side Sagan Tosu's retina-blistering neon kits, Warrior are steadily garnering themselves quite the reputation as being one of football's most unorthodox (to put it politely) kit designers.

Drunken Man Utd Fan Calls 999 And Demands To Speak To Sir Alex Ferguson After Sunderland Defeat

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By Chris Wright

"Aye, ah know lad. Ah jus' witched that shower a' shite me self..."

It's perfectly understandable that last night's penalty defeat to Sunderland in the League Cup semi-finals might have been hard to take for many a Manchester United fan, but one supporter who was a few flaggons of ale in by that point, it should be pointed out felt the situation was so perilous that he made an emergency 999 call and asked to speak directly to the only superhero capable of saving him and his ailing club: Sir Alex Ferguson.

Radamel Falcao Suffers Serious Knee Injury In French Cup, May Miss World Cup (With GIF)

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By Chris Wright

While he's still awaiting an expert opinion, it looks very much like Radamel Falcao's season could be over after the Monaco striker suffered a fairly grim-looking knee ligament damage in theCoupe de France last night.

Having already scored in the 29th minute, Falcao was stretchered off shortly before the break when a last-ditch challenge from Chasselay Monts d'or Azergues defenderSoner Ertek saw the Colombian's left knee buckle inwards awkwardly.

Football Vine: David Moyes Watches His Man Utd Side Stumble Out Of The Capital One Cup

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By Alan Duffy

Poor old David Moyes. Faced with the impossible task of filling Fergie's shoes, his first season in charge has gone pretty awfully so far. However, seeing his side dumped out of the League Cup by Sunderland at Old Trafford is surely a new low for the former Everton boss in what has been a season with far too few highs.

Capital One Cup: Man Utd 2-1 Sunderland (1-2 Pens) – Red Devils Crash Out After Spot-Kick Shambles (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 2-1 Sunderland (Agg 3-3, Pens 1-2)- Capital One Cup Semi-Final 2nd Leg 22nd January 2014

Well you'll have to look far and wide to find a worse example of a penalty shoot-out than that which ultimately dumped Man Utd out of the Capital One Cup and Sunderland into the final.

Man Utd Lodge Bid ‘In Region Of £35m’ For Juan Mata, Spanish Star Ducks Out Of Chelsea Training

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By Chris Wright

Seems that things are moving forward apace in the 'Juan Mata to Manchester United' department, withBBC Sport, ITV and several newspaper journalists all reporting that United have now gone and lodged an official bid for the Chelsea attacker believed to be "in the region of £35million.

‘Arrogant, Bozz-Eyed Joke Of A Manager’ – Ex-Blackpool Defender Ian Evatt Not Much Of A Paul Ince Fan…

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By Chris Wright

It would appear that former Blackpool centre-half Ian Evatt, now at Chesterfield, is not much of a fan of Paul Ince especially if the way Evatt trumpeted the news of Ince's recent sacking-by-text at Bloomfield Road is anything to go by, branding the man who released him back in the summer as an "arrogant, bozz-eyed joke of a manager".

Wicked Wednesday Quiz: Can You Identify These Rubbish Corinthian Figures?

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By Chris Wright

Time for a little quiz that we've been sitting on for a while after stumbling upon an old Bryan Roy Corinthian figurine and realising just how bloody terrible the likeness was. Resin casting has come a long way since the dark days of 1995.

The premise of our Wicked Wednesday quiz really is as simple as chips: Can you successfully identify these 16 Corinthian 'Bigheads'?

Football GIF: Marseille’s Saber Khalifa Demonstrates Perils Of Misjudged Diving Headers

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By Chris Wright

That awkward moment when you find you've fully committed to a diving header only to realise the ball is actually low enough to kick, as demonstrated admirably by Marseille forward Saber Khalifa against OGC Nice in the French Cup last night...

Thankfully, in a bid to provide some acrobatic yang to Khalifa's horrific yin, his Marseille strike partner Andre-Pierre Gignac scored this little beauty to pull his side back to 4-3.

Snapshot: Ronnie O’Sullivan Sneaks Onto West Ham Pitch For After-Hours Kickabout…

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By Chris Wright

After the truly despondent, apathetic crowd had milled out of the Boleyn following last night's second consecutive League Cup evisceration by Man City, snooker World Champion Ronnie O'Sullivan (who, if memory serves, is an Arsenal fan by trade) made his way onto the pitch to have a little after-hours kickabout with his son, Ronnie Jnr, while the grounds staff packed away the detritus of the evening.

Capital One Cup: West Ham 0-3 Man City – Citizens Ease Into Final (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 0-3 Manchester City (Agg 0-9) Capital One Cup Semi-Final 2nd Leg 21st January 2014

As expected, Man City booked their place in the Capital One Cup final after beating West Ham 3-0 at the Boleyn Ground. Already 6-0 up after the first leg, there was little to play for, but an early goal courtesy of Alvaro Negredo killed off any hopes of a dramatic comeback for the Hammers.

Man Utd And Chelsea Agree ‘Provisional’ £40m Juan Mata Deal, Formal Offer In The Pipeline

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By Chris Wright

According to several fairly reputable sources (including the Guardian) this morning, Chelsea and Manchester United have come to a "provisional" agreement over a deal for Juan Mata, with the two clubs apparently settling on a £40million fee.

Chilean FA Ban Deportivo Palestino From Wearing Controversial Kits With ‘Map Of Palestine’ On Back

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By Chris Wright

You may recall that not so very long ago we told you about the Chilean side who found themselves accused of, among other things, "fomenting terrorism" for replacing all the No.1′s on the back of their jerseys with little maps of Palestine?

Cristiano Ronaldo Becomes ‘Grand Officer Of The Order Of Prince Henry’ For Services To Portugal, Now Has Letters After His Name (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

"What's got two thumbs, two golden balls, four letters after its name and can't stop winning sh*t?"

Cristiano Ronaldo now has a few rather more impressive letters after his name than the usual 'OMFG!' after being named a 'Grand Officer of the Order of Prince Henry' by Portuguese President Anibal Cavaco Silva for his services to the country namely getting them to the 2014 World Cup.

FA Charge Nicolas Anelka Over ‘Quenelle’ Goal Celebration, Striker Faces Minimum Five-Game Suspension

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By Chris Wright

It's taken them a while to get there (a "longer time than desirable" as far as Kick It Out are concerned) but the FA have finally brought charges against West Brom striker Nicolas Anelka for his controversial 'quenelle' goal celebration against West Ham back on December 28th.

Shit Lookalikes: Ole Gunnar Solskjaer & Emily Beecham (From ‘The Musketeers’)

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By Chris Wright

For those who are wondering, Beecham played Peter Capaldi's missus, Adele, in the first episode of the BBC's latest attempt to flog the festering horse cadaver that is The Three Musketeers.

Seriously, other than 'Dogtanian & The Three Muskehounds', has anyone ever made a decent fist of it?

Gary Medel Sits In Economy Class On Train Home From Man City Game After Cardiff Bus Leaves Without Him (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

It would appear that the Cardiff City team bus fled the scene of Saturday's 4-2 drubbing by Manchester City in so much of a hurry that they left a bemused Gary Medel behind in the Etihad carpark with the Chilean midfielder forced to get the train back home on his lonesome after the game.

Police Called To Swansea’s Training Ground After ‘Screaming Chico Flores Threatens Garry Monk With Brick’

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By Chris Wright

According to the Daily Telegraph, police had to be called to the Swansea training ground on Friday after Chico Flores and Garry Monk became embroiled in a slanging match that culminated in the Spanish centre-back allegedly threatening to throw a brick at the team's former captain.

West Brom 1-1 Everton – Mel Makes His Point As Baggies Draw With Toffees (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 1-1 Everton Premier League 20th January 2013

New Baggies' boss Pepe Mel saw his side battle to a decent draw against Everton at the Hawthorns on Monday night. Belgian attacker Kevin Mirallas had given the Toffees the lead just before half-time.

Zoopla Terminate West Brom Shirt Sponsorship Deal Over Nicolas Anelka’s Controversial ‘Quenelle’ Gesture

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By Chris Wright

Property search website Zoopla have announced that they are planning to pull the plug on their sponsorship deal with West Brom amid the controversy whipped up by Nicolas Anelka's "quenelle" goal celebration against West Ham at the arse-end of December.

Anelka apparently deployed the quenelle gesture (described as an 'inverted Nazi salute' in some quarters) as a show of solidarity for his friend, comedianDieudonne M'Bala, who is in the process of being prosecuted for anti-semitism by the French government though M'Bala's supporters claim that he is merely being pilloried by the French authorities for his aggressive anti-government material.

Lionel Messi Accidentally Passes Ball To Barcelona Teammate Waiting To Come On As Substitute (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This one coaxed a titter out of us while we were watching the Barcelona-Levante game last night: Lionel Messi catching a glimpse of that awful Estelada-themed away strip out of the corner of his eye and laying a pass off to his supporting teammate only to swiftly realise that Sergi Roberto was just stripped and waiting on the touchline to be subbed on.

Retro Snapshot: Uwe Rosler Happily Poses In ‘Uwe Rosler’s Grandad Bombed Old Trafford’ T-Shirt, 1995

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By Chris Wright

Fairly difficult to imagine this kind of photo-op getting past the Man City PR censors: Former City striker and current Wigan manager Uwe Rosler posing at Maine Road wearing an "Uwe Rosler's Grandad bombed Old Trafford" t-shirt as part of an FA Cup promo in 1995.

John Terry Nutmegged By Young Son On Stamford Bridge Pitch, Competitive Dad Nutmegs Him Right Back! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Shortly after providing the English translation services for Samuel Eto'o's post-match interview following Chelsea's 3-1 win over Manchester United on Sunday eve, John Terry took to the Stamford Bridge pitch with his kiddiwinks for a bit of a warm-down though he was quickly shown up when his wee lad Georgie stuck him with a cheeky little lollipop.

Snapshot: Banteriffic Bookees Paddy Power Place ‘Emergency Sir Alex Ferguson’ Outside Old Trafford…

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By Chris Wright

Always making quick with the banterrific marketing stunt, bookmakers Paddy Power placed this waxy 'Sir Alex' figure (complete with trademark 'ninja action watch-point' action) outside Old Trafford this morning following Manchester United's 3-1 loss at Chelsea the previous evening instructing weary United fans to 'break the glass in case of an emergency'.

Transfer Toss: Arsenal Enter Talks To Sign Mirko ‘Do The No-Pants Dance’ Vucinic On Loan From Juventus

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By Chris Wright

Mirko Vucinic: 50% striker, 50% streaker

Depending on who you choose to believe, Arsenal have reportedly entered preliminary talks this morning to sign striker Mirko Vucinic from Juventus.

According to Sky Sports, Arsene Wenger openly statedyesterday that he is mulling over several options in the auxiliary striker mould and that the club are "not especially in for Vucinic", though Sky appear to reckon that Wenger is being a bit canny and that members of his team are due to meet Vucinic's agent,Alessandro Lucci, when he flies into London today.

Football GIF: Seedorf And Balotelli Give Each Other Mutual ‘You The Man’ Salutes As Milan Beat Verona

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By Chris Wright

Clarence Seedorf got off to a winning start as coach of Milan thanks to a slim, 1-0 victory over Verona (who began the day a full five places above their opponents in the table) with Mario Balotelli nabbing the goal via a 82nd-minute penalty.

This is how the aforementioned pair celebrated the goal.

Samuel Eto’o Speaks French During Post-Match Interview While John Terry Translates (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Sky Sports doom-monger Geoff 'Shreevesy' Shreeves caught up with hat-trick hero Samuel Eto'o after Chelsea's rollicking of Man Utd earlier this evening for a few words sadly, however, those words were in French.

Thankfully, John Terry was on hand to provide the English translation.

Chelsea 3-1 Man Utd – Eto’o Hat-Trick Adds To Misery For Moyes (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 3-1 Manchester United -Premier League 19th January 2013

Manchester United find themselves 14 points behind league-leaders Arsenal tonight after going down 3-0 to Chelsea. Samuel Eto'o nabbed all three goals for the Blues as United's defence produced a dismal display.

Swansea 1-3 Tottenham – Adebayor Brace Downs Struggling Swans At Liberty Stadium (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 1-3 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 19th January 2013

A brace from the revitalised Emmanuel Adebayor helped Spurs to an impressive 3-1 win away at Swansea on Sunday as Tim Sherwood's reign keeps on a winning streak. Adebayor's goals sandwiched an own-goal by Chico Flores in a game which the injury-ravaged home side started strongly.

Norwich 1-0 Hull – Bennett Heads Canaries To Precious Win At Carrow Road (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 1-0 Hull City Premier League 18th January 2013

Chris Hughton's Norwich secured a vital win against Hull on Saturday, courtesy of a rare goal from defender Ryan Bennett. The Tigers had started strongly, with new-signing Nikica Jelavic hitting the post early on but the Canaries were the dominant side for long periods of the game.

Football GIF: Luis Suarez Dives, Cons Himself A Penalty vs Aston Villa (With Video)

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By Chris Wright

We can see how, from the reverse angle, the referee assumed Guzan may have tagged Suarez, but we also don't mind admitting that it boiled our piss listening to Mr Shearer try to claim it to be a legitimate penalty shout having seen the replay from the first angle above.

Liverpool 2-2 Aston Villa – Dubious Penalty Secures Comeback Point For Reds Against Villans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 2-2 Aston Villa Premier League 18th January 2013

High-flying Liverpool found themselves two goals down at home to Aston Villa within 36 minutes on Saturday after a poor first-half performance. Andreas Weimann and Christian Benteke had put the visitors in the lead, and deservedly so, as the Villans outplayed the home side.

West Ham 1-3 Newcastle – Cabaye Bags Brace For Magpies As Hammers Slip Back Into Drop-Zone (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 1-3 Newcastle United Premier League 18th January 2013

West Ham produced a rather limp performance against Newcastle on Saturday which saw them slip back into the relegation zone. French schemer Yohan Cabaye was the star of the show, with a fine goal in both halves as the visitors outplayed their lacklustre hosts.

Crystal Palace 1-0 Stoke – Pulis Picks Off Potters At Selhurt Park (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Crystal Palace 1-0 Stoke City Premier League 18th January 2013

Crystal Palace's revival under manager Tony Pulis got another boost on Saturday, with the Eagles beating their manager's former club at Selhurst Park. Jason Puncheon, he of the hideous penalty miss against Spurs, was the goal-hero for the Eagles, cutting inside to fire past Jack Butland on 51 minutes.

Man City 4-2 Cardiff – Citizens Hit Century As The Goals Keep On Coming (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 4-2 Cardiff City Premier League 18th January 2013

Man City hit the 100-goal mark for the season (in all comps) after another goal-fest at the Etihad. However, in Cardiff, they faced a resilient side who battled for the full 90 minutes.

Sunderland 2-2 Southampton – Black Cats Battle Back To Nab Vital Point Against Saints (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 2-2 Southampton Premier League 18th January 2013

Two goals down at the break, strugglers Sunderland battled back to secure a precious point against Southampton on Saturday. First-half goals from Jay Rodriguez and Dejan Lovren had the Stadium of Light faithful fearing the worst with the Saints playing some superb football against the lacklustre hosts.

Arsenal 2-0 Fulham – Cazorla Brace Keeps Gunners On Top (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 2-0 Fulham Premier League 18th January 2013

While the vast majority of the footballing media seem to believe that the destination of this season's Premier League trophy is a foregone conclusion (Man City being the apparent champions elect), Arsenal keep on winning and keep themselves top of the table.

Football GIF: Cristiano Ronaldo Scores Absolutely Ballistic Long-Ranger vs Real Betis

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By Chris Wright

Getting on for lightspeed, this one...

KA...BOOM!

(GIF via 101GG)

Football Vine: Sunderland Fan Gives Incisive Analysis Of Black Cats’ First-Half Display Against Southampton

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By Alan Duffy

BT Sport were somewhat caught out by a Sunderland fan at the Stadium of Light on Saturday, leaving the camera on an angry Black Cats' fan long enough for him to angrily utter "you're s**t" at his team. And to be fair, it was a pretty spot-on analysis of the team's first-half display for the most part, at least before Fabio Borini scored for the hosts.

Ouch: Getafe’s Alexis Suffers Broken Veins In Testicle vs Barcelona, Bruised Bollock Swells To ‘Size Of A Handball’

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By Chris Wright

While Neymar was busy mincing around with a mere sprained ankle, it was Getafe defenderAlexis Ruano who suffered the worst injury of the evening when they met Barcelona in the Copa Del Rey on Tuesday evening with MARCA reporting this morning that the centre-half broke several veins in one of his testicles after colliding with a Barca player, with his bruised bollock later swelling up to the 'size of a handball'.

Alan Pardew Promises To Punish Himself After Escaping With Warning For Swearing At Manuel Pellegrini

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By Chris Wright

Newcastle manager Alan Pardew has promised that he intends to discipline himself after somehow managing to wriggle out of any FA punishment for calling Man City counterpart Manuel Pellegrini a "f**king old c**t" on the touchline after seeing Cheick Tiote's thunderhumper disallowed when the two sides met at St James' Park last weekend.

FAIL: Alessandro Del Piero Clonks Horrendous Freekick Into Row Z From 40 Yards Outs (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It would appear that the patience and goodwill is beginning to wear a little thin among Sydney FC fans with Alessandro Del Piero, with the Italian veteran's performances continuing to drop off as the weeks go by (rumours are also doing the rounds that he has a problem with coach Frank Farina and currently trains alone at Sydney, whether injured or not), with several commentators sussing that he just doesn't seem to care any more.

Jose Mourinho Gives Special Press Conference Welcome To ITV Journalist After Cancer Recovery (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho sat down for his obligatory Friday press conference with a face like a wet weekend, that was until he spotted journalist Rags Martel in the congregation for the first time since the ITV scribe returned from undergoing treatment for cancer.

Irish Novelist Roddy Doyle To Ghost Write Roy Keane’s New Memoirs

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By Chris Wright

In today's helping of 'eh?' news, it's been confirmed that Irish novelist Roddy Doyle, author of 'The Commitments' and 'Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha',has signed up to ghost-write Roy Keane's new memoirs.

According to publishers Orion, the book will "blend memoir and motivational writing in a manner which both disquiets and reassures".

Barcelona Plan To Create Mausoleum So Fans Can Be ‘Put To Rest’ Underneath Camp Nou

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By Chris Wright

Barcelona have created a mausoleum so fans who wish "to be bound forever to FCB" can pay to have their earthly remains stored for eternity (or the first 99 years of eternity, at least) by their beloved club.

Initially there will be space prepared for500 urns at the cemetery of Les Corts in the city of Barcelona, though the long-term plan is to incorporate a large, specially-designated mausoleum with space for 30,000 urns and commemorative ceramic plaques underneath the Camp Nou once it is modernised or into the design of a new stadium should Barca eventually decide to pursue that option instead.

Thierry Henry, Cesc Fabregas And Marco Reus Unleash Chaos In New Puma evoPOWER Advert (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It may be super cheesy and have slightly chintzier CGI production values than Sharktopus, but this new advert for PUMA's evoPOWER boots in which Thierry Henry, Cesc Fabregas and Marco Reus test out their new weapons of choice is a bloody enjoyable romp fromstart to finish.

Non-League Side Brightlingsea Regent Buy Themselves New £5,500 Stand Off Ebay

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By Chris Wright

In order to meet league requirements, Essex-based non-league sideBrightlingsea Regent recently took the executive decision to erect a new stand at theirNorth Road ground in order to boost their overall capacity.

Needing to increase the number of seats available at their home ground from 50 to 100 in order to be allowed to play in the league above, theEastern Counties League Premier Division (ninth tier) side took to Ebay in order to buy a new stand, which they did so at a cost of around £5,500 plus postage and packaging, presumably.

Shit Football Ink: Anderson Undergoes Fiorentina Medical, Reveals Godawful ‘Map’ Tattoo (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Fiorentina have just posted a photo of Anderson undergoing his medical at the club on their official Twitter account ahead of the portly Brazilian's proposed loan move from Manchester United and revealed that he may also be in possession of The. Very. Worst.

Lionel Messi Scores Slinky Solo Beauty vs Getafe, Commentator Ray Hudson Goal-jaculates All Over The Place… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having returned from his winter injury lay-off to score a brace after coming on for the final half-an-hour of the first leg last week, Lionel Messi repeated the feat in the second leg of Barcelona's Copa Del Rey round of 16 tie against Getafe again scoring twice as Barca moseyed their way to a 6-0 aggregate victory.

Football GIF: Neymar’s Foot Turns 180 Degrees, Suffers Nasty Sprained Ankle vs Getafe

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By Chris Wright

There were serious concerns last night that Neymar's World Cup may have been in jeopardy when the featherweight Brazilian went one way and his ankle went the other when he fell on it awkwardly during the opening stages of Barcelona's Copa Del Rey game against Getafe.

Nikica Jelavic Officially Unveiled At Hull City, New £7.5m Striker Sounds Positively Overjoyed To Be There… (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Hull City have been busy showing off their new £7.5million Croatian striker this afternoon, in the shape of Nikica Jelavic who left Everton having penned a rather long open letter to say thank-you to the fans...

Don't let the gormless gurn fool ye!

Liverpool Sign Sponsorship Deal With Dunkin’ Donuts, Snag Themselves New ‘Official Tea, Coffee and Bakery Provider’

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool have this afternoon announced they have agreed a large, multi-year global marketing partnership deal that will see Dunkin' Donuts become the club's "official tea, coffee and bakery provider".

Wooo!

Coincidentally enough, the deal (which will also see Baskin Robbins become the Reds'"official ice-cream provider") is similar to the one the Boston Red Sox have with Dunkin' Donuts.

Osasuna Keeper Andres Fernandez Wibbles At Tame Cristiano Ronaldo Freekick, Punches It In Off His Own Arse (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Apologies are due as we're a little late to the party with this one, but here's Cristiano Ronaldo somehow managing to score with one of the other 99-out-of-100 freekicks that he doesn't find the top corner with y'know? The soft-as-boggery ones he spanks all over the bloomin' shop most of the bloody time that we're not supposed to mention?

Retro Football: Gazza’s Italian Diaries – Full Channel 4 Documentary, 1994 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

*That* ponytail: for shame, for shame

Here we have yet another Grade 'A' Youtube unearthing from Pies' favourite footballing archaeologist, @DavidHartrick(we urge you to follow him on Twitter, you won't be disappointed), in the shape of 'Gazza's Italian Diaries': a full-length documentary centred around the loony England man's time in Serie A with Lazio a club at which he is still sincerely revered in the early-to-mid 1990s which aired on Channel 4 (who had the rights to show live Italian football at the time) back in 1994.

Joe Kinnear Delivers Yet Another Priceless Pearl Of Wisdom In Newcastle Match Programme

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By Chris Wright

Proud as punch

Newcastle's beloved director of football, Joe Kinnear, delved deep into his mighty mind to retrieve yet another gleaming pearl of wisdom while outlining the club's transfer mandate in his notes in the matchday programme for Sunday's game against Man City, musing thus:

"(We want) to recruit players whose futures are ahead of them, not behind.

Napoli’s Lorenzo Insigne Bursts Farcical Atalanta ‘Offside Trap’ Wide Open To Settle Coppa Italia Tie (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Napoli sashayed past Atalanta and into the quarter-finals of the Coppa Italia with a 3-1 victory on Wednesday evening, though Lorenzo Insigne's 72nd minute goal (which saw Napoli go 2-1 up) didn't pass without causing a smidgen of controversy.

After a fairly listless throughball was dinked over the top of the defence toward the clearly offside Gonzalo Higuain, Atalanta centre-halfCristiano Del Grosso decided to turn his back on play and appeal rather than attempt to clear the situation up first and let the officials do their job.

Cristiano Ronaldo To Buy Real Madrid Physio Staff New Cars To Show Gratitude After Ballon d’Or Victory

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By Chris Wright

As a token of his esteem for their hard work keeping his body in fine fettle, Cristiano Ronaldo apparently repeatedly promised to buy each member of Real Madrid's physio staff (including his personal five-man whole body-waxing team, as seen above)a car if he won himself a second Ballon d'Or and, given that he managed the impressive feat on Monday, it would appear that it's now time for him to start flitting through Auto Trader.

FA Cup: Man City 5-0 Blackburn – Citizens Stroll Into Fourth Round After Another Eithad Massacre (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 5-0 Blackburn Rovers FA Cup 3rd Round Replay 15th January 2014

Man City produced yet another goal-fest at the Etihad on Wednesday night, putting five past Blackburn to take their total for the season, in all competitions, to 99.

Robbie Savage Suffers Extreme Giggle Fit During Radio Phone-In When Asked About ‘David Moyes Riding Adnan Januzaj’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Robbie Savage suffered an acute, slow-burn giggle fit during Sunday evening's 606 football phone-in on BBC Radio 5 live when hostDarren Fletcher (for our money, the best commentator in the business at the moment) threw an unexpected and inadvertent innuendo into the mix while discussing Adnan Januzaj's form when he asked the Shadowfax-a-like:"How tempted do you think David Moyes will be to ride him for the rest of the season?

Come Laugh At These Americans Folks Struggling To Answer Questions About Football… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which intrepid YoutuberBaha Salamah traipses around theUCLA campus, vox-popping students with questions about the insanely popular, almost entirely global sport that the majority of America knows (or cares) absolutely zippo about so that we, the enlightened hoards, can giggle at their silly, clueless 'Murican answers.

Stoke Fine Kenwyne Jones £80,000 For Texting Through His Unavailability To Mark Hughes Before Liverpool Game

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By Chris Wright

Stoke City have reportedly fined Kenwyne Jones a hefty £80,000 after the cumbersome striker texted manager Mark Hughes to let him know he was unavailable to play against Liverpool last Sunday.

According to the Daily Mail, Jones sent the message to Hughes the day before the game, informing the Potters boss that he did not wish to be considered for selection.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Gives Xavi A Slap At The Ballon d’Ors (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Because timid human platitudes like 'hello' are deemed meaningless in his world, here's Zlatan attracting Xavi's attention at the Ballon d'Or gala with a quick, sharp slap across the back of the neck...

Funny how Xavi seems perfectly used to Ibra communicating by clouting people that he's completely unphased by it all.

‘I’ve Decided To Stop After 22 Years’ – Clarence Seedorf Announces Early Retirement To Return To AC Milan As New Head Coach

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By Chris Wright

Clarence Seedorf has just announced that he is going into early retirement at a press conference on live TV in Brazil so that he can return to AC Milan as the ailing club's new head coach.

Seedorf will be replacingMassimiliano Allegri at the helm, who was canned yesterday following Sunday's embarrassing 4-3 defeat away against Sassuolo the smallest club ever to have played in Serie A (indeed, they hail from a town with a smaller population that most Serie A ground capacities) which left Milan 11th in the table, 30 points behind Juventus at the top and only six points above the drop zone.

Real Madrid’s Pepe Buys 5,000kg Of Food, Hands It Out To Madrid’s Most Deprived Families

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By Chris Wright

My name is Pepe and I'm here to help

He may well be one of the most odious, repugnant gits ever to have stepped foot onto a football pitch, but it seems Pepe ain't quite as unpalatable off the field.

Indeed, MARCA are reporting that Pepe attended a charity event in Las Rozas (Madrid) on Monday evening and donated money to help buy food for some of the area's most deprived families.

Toronto FC Hype Jermain Defoe’s Imminent Arrival With Brilliant ‘Spit Take’ Promo Viral (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Fans of the old comedic device known as the 'spit take' will most likely love the new viral video that Toronto FC are using to hype the 'bloody big deal' that will see Jermain Defoe join the club in February being as it features lots of stunned Tottenham fans gobbing all over things (the birthday cake is a personal favourite!

Newcastle’s Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa Apologises To Samir Nasri Through L’Equipe After Having His Phone Calls Ignored

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By Chris Wright

Newcastle defender Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa has issued an apology to Samir Nasri after his petulant swipe during Sunday's game at St James' Park knackered the Man City man's knee ligaments and duly put him out of action for the next two months.

Initially, Yanga-Mbiwa attempted to say sorry to Nasri in person after the game but Nasri was off receiving treatment somewhere.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Sort Of Jokingly Promises Jurgen Klopp He’d Gladly Move To Dortmund For Free (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Yes, it's just a bit of a off-hand joke and "the wish is father to the thought" and all that hokum, but while Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Jurgen Klopp were giggling merrily with one another in the foyer at the Ballon d'Or awards, the former playfully enquired as to when the latter would be bringing him to Dortmund.

Football Vine: Neymar Suffers Awkward Handshake Fail With Lovely Ballon d’Or Hostess Fernanda Lima

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By Chris Wright

In what is pretty much the Brazilian equivalent of the 'white guy five', Neymar suffered a slightly awkward handshake fail with lovely Ballon d'Or hostess Fernanda Lima when plodding up onto the stage in Zurich last night clumsily overshooting the shake and landing in a strange forearm grab scenario that neither party had prepared for.

Presenting: Pies’ Favourite Photoshop Funny To Come Out Of The 2014 Ballon d’Or Awards…

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By Chris Wright

Your guide to who wore what at this year's Ballon d'Ors...

(Via @davidschneider)

Aston Villa 1-2 Arsenal – Gunners Back On Top Despite Scare At Villa Park (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 1-2 Arsenal Premier League 13th January 2013

After coasting through the first-half and going in at the break two goals up, Arsenal looked set for a straightforward romp at Villa Park on Monday night, only for the home side to finally show some fight in the second period.

Snapshot: Cristiano Ronaldo Wins Second Ballon d’Or, Gets A Little Emotional About It All… (With Video)

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By Chris Wright

A doff of the cap is due to Cristiano Ronaldo, who has just earned himself a second Ballon d'Or award at FIFA's schmoozy gala dinner in Zurich and damn sharp he looked while doing so to boot, save the teary eyes...

Lionel Messi (looking particularly dandy in a crimson tuxedo) and Franck Ribery were beaten into second and third place respectively.

15 Footballers With Impressively Monstrous Thighs (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Make your own mind up as to which crowd we're catering to with this one, but here's Pies' comprehensive run-down of the ten most monstrously-thighed fellows in the biz-uh-niss...

1. Clarence Seedorf

Oo-er missus, Seedorf has bulging thighs like a Danish Blue bullock.

Snapshot: All Benfica Players Wore Eusebio’s Name On Their Shirts For Sunday’s Classico Victory…

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By Chris Wright

Being as it was their first game after Eusebio's sad passing, every single Benfica player took to the pitch for Sunday's O Classico derby against Porto with Eusebio's name printed on the back of their shirt in tribute to the club legend beating their arch rivals 2-0 (in a game they really, really had to win) thanks to goals from Eusebio and Eusebio.

Ligue 1 Silliness: Stade Reims Beat Lille Thanks To Majestic ‘Header’ From Odair Fortes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Lille missed their chance to go second in Ligue 1 yesterday evening when they stumbled to a 2-1 home defeat at the hands of mid-table Stade de Reims, with this majestic, graceful, perfectly-judged header from Reims winger Odair Fortes opening the scoring for the visiting side with 15 minutes left to play.

Irked Jason Puncheon Calls Neil Warnock ‘Crooked’ During Twitter Tirade, Hastily Deletes All Tweets (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Shortly after he'd criticised the Palace man's utter turd of a penaltywhile punditing on Match of the Day 2, a thoroughly peeved Jason Puncheon took to Twitter to air a few opinions on Neil Warnock, calling the currently jobless manager 'crooked' and a blight on the game before alleging that he alsohanded some players bungs in return for their loyalty.

Stoke 3-5 Liverpool – Rampant Reds Hit Five In Goal-Fest At The Britannia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 3-5 Liverpool Premier League 14th January 2014

Liverpool put fice past Stoke on Sunday in a goal-fest at the Britannia. An own-goal from Ryan Shawcross gave the visitors the perfect start Luis Suarez put the Reds in pole position on the half-hour mark.

Newcastle 0-2 Man City – Citizens Go Top After Contentious Clash At St. James Park (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 0-2 Manchester City Premier League 12th January 2014

Manchester City went back to the top of the table, at least until Arsenal play tomorrow night, after a hard-fought win away at Newcastle. Edin Dzeko opened the scoring early on but Newcastle battled back and were incensed with a cracking long-range Cheik Tioté strike, which beat Joe Hart, was chalked off by ref Mike Jones due to Yoan Gouffran being in an offside position and interfering with play.

Cheick Tiote Joins ‘Great Disallowed Goals Club’ After Thunderous Strike Chalked Off vs Man City (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Big, big, possibly wrong call at St James' Park this afternoon, where referee decided to rob Newcastle skirmisher Cheick Tiote of his tri-annual super strike by chalking off the midfielder's thunderous strike against Man City due to Yoan Gouffran being classed as interfering with play.

Football Vine: Newcastle Boss Alan Pardew Launches Foul-Mouthed Tirade At Man City Manager Manuel Pellegrini

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By Alan Duffy

You don't need to be an expert in lip-reading to see what Alan Pardew is shouting in the direction of City boss Manuel Pellegrini during the Magpies 2-0 defeat at St. James' Park. Pardew was incensed at a dodgy decision to chalk off a Cheick Tioté goal for offisde which you can see here, but his rant at Pellegrini seems rather over the top.

Man Utd 2-0 Swansea – Jinky Januzaj Helps Stop The Rot As Red Devils Beat Swans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 2-0 Swansea City Premier League 11th January 2014

Adnan Januzaj produced a superb performance at Old Trafford on Saturday, whipping in both crosses which led to United's two goals. Antonio Valencia netted the first just after the break, with Danny Welbeck doubling the home side's advantage on the hour-mark.

Southampton 1-0 West Brom – Lallana Sinks Blunt Baggies At St. Mary’s (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 1-0 West Bromwich Albion Premier League 11th January 2014

With incumbent boss Pepe Mel looking on, West Brom produced another hard-working but ultimately toothless display against Southampton on Saturday, with the Saints winning 1-0.

Tottenham 2-0 Crystal Palace – MLS-Bound Defoe On Target As Lilywhites Down Eagles (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 2-0 Crystal Palace Premier League 11th January 2014

Ahead of his move to Canada, striker Jermain Defoe scored his 143rd goal for Spurs as they battled to a 2-0 win against a resilient Palace side. Indeed, the Eagles should've been ahead in the first-half, only for Jason Puncheon to sky his spot-kick after Marouane Chamakh had been felled in the box.

Football GIF: Jason Puncheon Launches Woeful Penalty Into The FAILosphere vs Tottenham…

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By Chris Wright

In which Crystal Palace's spot-kick 'specialist' Jason Puncheon aims for the top corner at Selhurst Park quite a feat considering he's actually playing at White Hart Lane...

We think Vlad's face sums it up quite nicely, really...

#FAIL

(GIF via Smaugs)

Leeds Defender Jason Pearce Forgot To Remove Club Shop Price Tag From Replica Shirt Before Sheffield Wednesday Game (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

No idea why, but it became slightly obvious that Leeds defender Jason Pearce had been forced into procuring his match jersey for yesterday's 6-0 thrashing at Sheffield Wednesday directly from the Leeds club shop when his label popped out midway through the game.

Fulham 1-4 Sunderland – Johnson Hat-Trick Boosts Black Cats Survival Hopes (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 1-4 Sunderland Premier League 11th January 2014

A superb hat-trick from Adam Johnson helped secure a precious victory for strugglers Sunderland at Craven Cottage. Johnson's three goals included a superb curling free-kick and a penalty as the former England man shined for the Black Cats.

Cardiff 0-2 West Ham – Hammer Battle To Vital Win Against Bluebirds (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Cardiff 0-2 West Ham Premier League 11th January 2014

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's Premier League managerial debut ended in a defeat on Saturday as fellow strugglers West Ham battled to a precious 2-0 win in Wales. Goals from Carlton Cole and Mark Noble, as the end of either half, gave Sam Allardyce's side a welcome boost in a game which Guy Demel stretchered off with a head injury and James Tomkins sent off midway through the second-half.

Everton 2-0 Norwich – Barry Bags A Cracker As Toffees Go Fourth (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 2-0 Norwich City Premier League 11th January 2014

A superb strike from Gareth Barry followed by a free-kick from Kevin Mirallas secured an impressive win for Everton at Goodison Park on Saturday. Strugglers Norwich once again struggled to create enough decent chances as the Toffees bossed most of the game.

Hull 0-2 Chelsea – Blues Go Top After Clinical Win Over Tigers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Hull City 0-2 Chelsea Premier League 11th January 2014

With Arsenal and Man City not playing today, Chelsea took their chance to go top of the table after a good win away at Hull. Eden Hazard opened the scoring just before the hour-mark, courtesy of a low shot which beat Allan McGregor before Fernando Torres sealed the deal late on.

Snapshot: Pithy Local Takeaway Offer Special Man Utd Calzone That ‘Folds Under The Slightest Pressure’…

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By Chris Wright

Oh, how droll...

Everyone's a critic, eh?

(Via Harker93/Reddit)

Retro Football: Big Match Pundit Malcolm Allison Criticises England’s Alan Mullery To His Face, 1970 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It may only be a minute long, but what we have here is an interesting little window into what football punditry used to be like (occasionally) back when t'were a man's game and, instead of today's crop of cosy, golf-clubby, leg-squeezin', shirt-banterin' "experts" mutually circle-frotting each other to frothy climaxes you got pundits openly criticising players to their faces.

Snapshot: Sampdoria Fans Receive Ridiculous Amount Of Police Protection Away At Roma…

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By Chris Wright

There weren't many Sampdoria fans that made the 1,000km round-trip to watch their side take on Roma in theCoppa Italia last night, but those who did found that they were extremely well catered for in the safety department with all the police on duty at theStadio Olimpico able to former an impenetrable fluorescent boundary around the away contingent to keep them from harm.

Wrecking Machine! Cristiano Ronaldo Destroys Osasuna Defender, Blocks Certain Gareth Bale Goal, Decimates Karim Benzema With Flying Power Leap (Videos & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid eased to a 2-0 win in the first leg of their Copa Del Rey last 16 double-header against Osasuna last night, though the match was notable for the fact that Cristiano Ronaldo didn't score!

Instead, Ronaldo entertained himself by destroying all and sundry that lay in his path; whether it be opponents, teammates or the hopes and dreams of a young Welsh lad from the Valleys.

‘Name Your Price’ – Angry West Ham Fan Launches Petition For Co-Owners David Gold & David Sullivan To Sell Up And Ship Out

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By Chris Wright

We wouldn't trust this pair as far as we could throw 'em

Dismayed at the ailing state of his beloved club, a West Ham fan has launched a crowd-funded campaign to petition co-owners David Sullivan and David Gold to 'name their price' for their controlling shares in the club and sell up, with the long-term aim being to turn the Hammers into a fan-owned football club.

Snapshot: This Is The Pink, Butterfly-Covered Car Angel Rangel Has To Drive Around In All Week…

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By Chris Wright

Having lost out to his Swansea teammates in a midweek round of 'Crossbar Challenge', this is the delightfully pink, butterfly-encrusted, odd-wheeled Suzuki Vitara that Angel Rangel has to pootle around in for the rest of the week in as punishment...

Absolutely devastated I have to drive this for a few days but will do it for the team.

Racing Santander Stop Playing In Protest Over Unpaid Wages, Fans Attack Club President During Copa Del Rey Match (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's not a particularly good time to be a Racing Santander fan at the moment, with the Segunda B side struggling on all fronts after being relegated down from La Liga to the Spanish third tier in the space of the two seasons and the first-team squad having not received their wages since September.

Bayern Munich To Subsidise Fans’ Tickets For Arsenal Champions League Clash, Supporters Will Pay £37 Instead Of £62

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By Chris Wright

Bayern Munich have announced that the club intend to subsidise the price of their fans' match tickets for the upcoming Champions League last 16 first leg against Arsenal as"a small thank-you for the great support" the club have received in the past 12 months.

‘This Happens Every F**king Game!’ – Pep Guardiola Goes Ballistic During Bayern Munich Training Drill (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's one we originally meant to post uo yesterday but sadly it fell by the wayside for whatever reason: Eight intense minutes of Pep Guardiola going absolutely apoplectic during a recent Bayern Munich training session in Doha, angrily snarling at his players ("this happens every f**king game!

Chris Smalling Apologises For Wearing ‘Suicide Bomber’ Costume To Fancy Dress Party

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By Chris Wright

(Image: The Sun, via Guardian)

Manchester United defender Chris Smalling has publicly apologised for, in his words, the"ill-thought out and insensitive decision"toattend a party dressed as a suicide bomber.

According to the Guardian, Smalling and his girlfriend arranged a private fancy dress party to belatedly celebrate both Christmas and their dual birthdays last night, with the United centre-half attending dressed as 'The Jagerbomber', i.

Capital One Cup: Man City 6-0 West Ham – Allardyce Under Pressure As Hammers Nailed At The Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 6-0 West Ham United Capital One Cup Semi-Final First Leg 9th January 2014

Shipping six goals at the Etihad is nowt to be ashamed of this season, but the lacklustre manner in which West Ham played in their League Cup semi-final first-leg tie against Man City will have concerned the powers that be at the Boleyn Ground.

Chilean Team Accused Of ‘Fomenting Terrorism’ After Replacing All Number 1′s On Their Kit With Little Maps Of Palestine (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

A Chilean team originally founded by Palestinian immigrants back in 1920 have been accused of "fomenting terrorist intent" after choosing to swap all the number '1′ digits on the back of their strip with silhouettes of the former Palestinian map before the disputed territory became Israeli land.

‘It’s Adam And Eve, Not Adam And Yves’ – PSG Defender Alex Makes Crass Anti-Gay Comments During Interview With Canal+

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By Chris Wright

French broadcasters Canal+ have recently filmed a new documentary called 'Jesus Football Club' (which is due to air tonight) in which various Ligue 1 players were invited to talk about religion's place in sport and also discuss their relationship with their special imaginary friends, God and Jesus and the like.

Thomas Hitzlsperger Announces He Is Gay During German Newspaper Interview

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By Chris Wright

Former Aston Villa, West Ham and Everton midfielder Thomas Hitzlsperger has announced that he is gay during a long, full-length interview with German newspaper Die Zeit, in which he admitted he has chosen to publicly come out as he has his sights set on "takingthe discussion around professional athletes and homosexuality forward".

FIFA Officially Rule Out Any Prospect Of Qatar 2022 World Cup Being Played In Summer

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By Chris Wright

"And the cheque's in the post, yes?"

FIFA have decreed that they'd prefer the pesky old 2022 Qatar World Cup to not be played in the sweltering, 35-45°c Gulf emirate summertime but rather in the altogether more clement 25-30ºc Gulf emirate 'winter', after general secretary Jerome Valcke provisionally confirmed today that the tournament will be held between November and January.

Small Lock Of Tom Huddlestone’s ‘Huddlefro’ Hair Sells For Incredibly Vast Sum On Ebay

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By Chris Wright

As you're probably well aware, Tom Huddlestone was finally able to have his ginormo'fro strimmed last week after breaking his 32-month scoring drought with a goal against Fulham at the tail end of December.

At current count, Huddlestone has raised just over £50,000 for Cancer Research via donations made to his 'Huddlefro' campaign, but the Hull City midfielder has been able to bolster that amount by selling the lock of hair he had snipped on the touchline (courtesy of stylist to the stars, Hull physio Rob Price) in celebration after scoring against Fulham in a separate Ebay auction.

Football GIF: Spanish Referee Trips And Tumbles Backwards Over Atletico Madrid’s Joshua Guilavogui

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By Chris Wright

There was a moment of magic captured during last night's Copa Del Rey tie between Valencia and Atletico Madrid where referee Clos Gomez was sent hurtling arse-over-tit when he charged into Atleti'sJoshua Guilavogui while the French midfielder was down on one knee doing up his laces.

Capital One Cup: Borini Bags Winner For Black Cats As Man Utd Lose Third Game Of 2014 (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 2-1 Manchester United Capital One Cup Semi-Final First Leg 7th January 2013

So that makes it three defeats in Manchester United's first three games of the new year, something that last happened before even Sir Alex Ferguson as born (it last happened in 1932!

Freelance Sunday League Striker ‘Gary Goals’ Sells His Services Via Absolutely Brilliant Classified Advert (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

If you have a problematic goal drought, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire...Gary Goals...

"Hi, am I through to Gary Goals? It's my understanding that you do all types of the goals? Let's talk..."

(Via @segalmark)

Big, Bad List Of Footballers With Outrageous Middle Names

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By Chris Wright

Almost every football fan is familiar with the likes of Bobby 'Chelsea' Moore,Emile 'Ivanhoe' Heskey and Gary 'Winston' Lineker, but we though we may be able to tempt you with a fairly comprehensive list of other footballer's with outrageous and/or strange and/or ridiculous middle names.

Shit Lookalikes: Dani Osvaldo & Khal Drogo (From ‘Game Of Thrones’)

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By Chris Wright

Many, many shouts for this one over the past few weeks, though it's Pies fan 'Peter Griffin' who gets the spotter's badge as it was he who shouted the loudest being as he USED ALL CAPS in his email.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it over to us at waatpies@gmail.

Michael Chopra Describes Blackpool As ‘F**king Joke’ After Six Players Turn Up For Training, Immediately Deletes Tweet

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By Chris Wright

Didn't take Michael Chopra long to delete this one...

That's right, Chopra took to Twitter to brand Blackpool's training regimen a "f**king joke" after turning up to find just six players in attendance for today's session, with manager Paul Ince also obviously absent as the session was taken by one of the Tangerines' fitness coaches.

Angel Di Maria ‘Grabs His Crotch’ In Response To Booing Real Madrid Fans…Sort Of…Ish (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Not that he can do much right at the best of times anyway, but Angel Di Maria has once again angered the more sensitive section of the Real Madrid support by 'grabbing his crotch' after being hauled off for Gareth Bale during the club's 3-0 victory over Celta Vigo last night.

Bournemouth Fans Raise Nearly £3,000 To Fund Burton Albion Supporters’ Travel Costs After FA Cup Fixture Rained Off

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By Chris Wright

Due to the heavy rain that enveloped Dean Court at the weeked, around 200 travelling Burton Albion fans received the news that their FA Cup third round tie at Bournemouth had been postponed less than an hour before kick-off, thus rendering their 300-mile round trip utterly pointless.

Snapshot: Eusebio’s Statue Draped In Thousands Of Benfica Scarves As Fans Gather To Say Last Respects…

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By Chris Wright

Eusebio passed away on Sunday and ever since fans and mourners have been making the pilgrimage to Benfica's Estadio do Luz to lay the footballing equivalent of wreathes the 'umble scarf around the great man's statue outside the stadium as a simple gesture of thanks.

West Ham Offer Free VIP Ticket To Young Fan They Made Cry With Their Ineptitude During 5-0 FA Cup Defeat

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By Chris Wright

"Why is Stewart Downing captain, Daddy?"

By way of apology for their sorry performance, West Ham have offered complimentary VIP match tickets to the poor young fan who was filmed sobbing softly into his father's gilet as he tearfully watched his side idle their way to a 5-0 trouncing against Nottingham Forest in the FA Cup on Sunday afternoon.

Shunsuke Nakamura Knocks Bride And Groom Figurines Off Wedding Cake With Superb Free-Kick Trick Shot (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As well as continuing to plug away in the J-League with theYokohama F-Marinos at the ripe old age of 35, former Celtic midfielder Shunsuke Nakamura also has a sideline in performing amazingly accurate free-kick-based trick shots on Japanese gameshows.

Having already posted shots through the windows of a moving bus and into (sadly stationary) bread bins and the like, Nakamura's latest bizarre challenge saw him tasked with knocking the bride and groom figurines of a large novelty wedding cake (at what we can only assume wasn't some poor couples actual wedding reception!

Down The Rabbit Hole: Hibernian Fan Completely ‘Disappears’ While Celebrating Winning Penalty vs Hearts (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, in the act of celebrating Liam Craig's penalty winner against beloved neighbours Hearts at the weekend, one Hibernian fan mysteriously follows Alice down the rabbit hole and completely disappears from his seat.

Keep an eye on the chap in the green coat and scarf ensemble sat behind the goal.

Football Vine: Referee Mike Dean Visibly Disappointed When Swansea Attack Breaks Down vs Man Utd

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By Chris Wright

Here's referee Mike Dean struggling to hide his clear disappointment as Swansea'sAlejandro Pozuelo fails to lay a shot on for him just as he's shaping up to hit one from the edge of the Man United box...

He even tells Pozuelo where he wants it!

Of course, this isn't the first time that Dean has been caught letting him emotions getting the better of him at work indeed, he once even went so far as to 'celebrate' a Louis Saha goal against Arsenal a couple of years ago.

Football Vine: Chelsea’s Ramires Produces Shameless Dive Against Derby, Fails To Con Ref

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea strolled to a 2-0 FA CUp win against Derby on Sunday and weren't in need of any favours from ref Andre Marriner. However, midfielder Ramires did his best to con a spot-kick out of the official, diving horribly in the box. Marriner, the same ref who gave a penalty when Ramires dived against West Brom earlier this season, was having none of it this time, though.

Snapshot: Man Utd Lose Again At Home – Is David Moyes’ Job Still Safe?

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By Alan Duffy

Yes, it might sound a bit melodramatic, but even when you factor in the natural teething problems at the beginning of a new manager's tenure, surely Man Utd's fall from grace, particularly at home, is putting the pressure on David Moyes.

With retention of the Premier League title pretty much out of the question, the FA Cup could have provided the Red Devils with a bit of glory this season.

FA Cup 4th Round Draw: Arsenal Host Coventry, Chelsea Face Stoke As Draw Fails To Throw Up Any Inspiring Ties

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By Alan Duffy

Usually there's at least one lip-smacking tie thrown up by the FA Cup 4th Round draw, but this time, the famous balls, handpicked by cardigan afficionado Martin Allen and his cousin Paul Allen, formerly of West Ham, produced little in the way of crunch ties.

On the back of their north London derby win against Spurs, Arsenal drew Coventry at the Emirates while Man City, if they beat Blackburn in the 3rd Round replay, will hostBristol City or Watford.

Eusebio Passes Away Aged 71 – Ten Brilliant Photos Of The Late Portuguese Legend In His Pomp

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By Chris Wright

We're utterly heartbroken to hear of the sad death of Portuguese legend Eusebio, who passed away this morning at the age of 71 after spending the last year going in and out of hospital with various heart and respiratory diseases.

He was one of the very best, and one of the very coolest; as these ten immaculate snapshots duly prove (click on the right-hand side to scroll through).

Shit Lookalikes: Martin Allen’s FA Cup Waistcoat & Elmer The Patchwork Elephant

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By Chris Wright

Just had the misfortune of getting around to watching ITV's FA Cup highlights show from last night.

Martin Allen, what were you thinking, sunshine!?

Yuck.

Costel Pantilimon Boo-Boo Gifts Blackburn FA Cup Replay Against Man City (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

After impressing in his recent stint between the sticks for Man City, beanpole 'keeper Costel Pantilimon ultimately still lost his place in his place in the Citizens' starting 11 to Joe 'England's No. 1′ Hart. However, the Romanian shot-stopper got another chance to show off his skills on Saturday at Ewood Park against Blackburn.

Snapshot: Arsenal’s Theo Walcott Trolls Tottenham Fans With “2-0″ Gesture From Stretcher

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By Alan Duffy

A bit naughty here from Theo Walcott, who, as he was been stretchered off during the Gunners 2-0 win against Tottenham in Saturday's late game, reminded the Spurs' fans what the score was. To be fair to the Arsenal attacker, he was getting a whole load of abuse from the travelling support who were right next to where he was treated, including a fair few coins thrown in his direction.

Royal Antwerp Players Practice Shooting By Aiming And Firing At Glamour Models’ Backsides (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink is currently in charge at Belgian second tier club Royal Antwerp, and it seems the former Chelsea and Leeds striker's first order of business was to introduce some cutting-edge new shooting drills to sharpen up his players' finishing with the help of two scantily-clad ladies, who each donated their backsides to the cause.

Shinji Kagawa And Hiroshi Kiyotake Play Against 55 Japanese Schoolkids In Chaotic Charity Game (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which international teammates Shinji Kagawa and Hiroshi Kiyotake (of Nurnberg) take on a side made up of 55 manically excited Japanese schoolkids as part of a charity game organised last week by Japanese television show 'Kyokygen 2013′.

The actual game gets under way at the 2:00 mark.

Compilation Of The Worst, Most Brutal Tackles In Argentina’s Torneo Inicial 2013 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Viewer discretion is definitely advised for this one: A short-ish yet still harrowing compilation of the very worst 'tackles', loose elbows, ankle-bloodiers and good ol' fashioned mistimed studs-up chopjobs to fly in during Argentina's 2013 Torneo Inicial, i.

Real Madrid’s Dani Carvajal Completely Man-Marked Out Of PSG Friendly By Corner Flag (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Dani Carvajal's man-marker did an absolute number on the Real Madrid right-back during their friendly against PSG in Doha last night, keeping the flying full-back quiet all night with a textbook defensive performance...

Not bad for an inanimate object.

FIFA President Sepp Blatter Proposes ‘Time Penalties’ As Punishment For Dirty, Soulless, Injury-Feigning Divers

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By Chris Wright

In what can only be described as a shocking moment of lucidity, FIFA president Sepp Blatter has sort of half-proposed that players caught feigning injury should be sanctioned with on-the-spot 'time penalties' to prevent them from returning to the pitch immediately after being stretchered off.

Shit Lookalikes: Tom Huddlestone (Mid-Haircut) & Herschel Krustofski

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By Chris Wright

After 32 long, long months without a goal to his name, Tom Huddlestone finally found the net when he scored for Hull in their 6-0 romp over Fulham last weekend, meaning the bedraggled midfielder was finally able to shear his beastly three-year afro.

Bulgarian Club Sack Player Who Allegedly Went ‘Mud Bathing’ Instead Of Turning Up For A Match

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By Chris Wright

Bulgarian top flight sideLokomotiv Sofia have seen fit to cancel the contract of midfielder Martin Dimitrov over incredibly weird allegations made by head coach Stefan Genov, that the 26-year-old chose to gomud-bathing instead of playing against reigning champions Ludogorets back on 15th December.

Cardiff City Confirm Ole Gunnar Solskjaer As Their New First-Team Manager

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By Chris Wright

BREAKING: @CardiffCityFC are delighted to confirm the arrival of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer as first team manager. pic.twitter.com/8tisnayWDu

— Cardiff City FC (@CardiffCityFC) January 2, 2014

Given that he was seen in the crowd watching the club's 2-0 defeat against Arsenal yesterday alongside beloved and mystical owner Vincent Tan it probably shouldn't come as much of a surprise, but Cardiff City have just officially confirmed that they are subbing on Ole Gunnar Solskjaer for the second half of the season, with the former Manchester United striker being unveiled as the Welsh club's newfirst-team manager a matter of minutes ago replacing Malky Mackay at the helm.

Livid Millwall Fan Storms Pitch And Tears Linesman’s Flag In Half After Being Denied Corner Kick

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By Chris Wright

"Anyone seen a bloke with what looks like a slice of fluorescent Battenberg tucked in his pocket?"

Here's one you don't hear every day: assistant referee Alan Young, i.e, the man on duty during Leicester City's 3-1 mauling of Millwall at The Den yesterday, was forced to find himself a replacement flag midway through the game after a livid Millwall fan ran onto the pitch and tore his original flag in half over his heinous decision to deny the home side a corner kick.

Arsenal Fan Forced To Cover Himself In Strawberry Jam After Nicklas Bendtner Scored Against Cardiff

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By Chris Wright

Having learned that Nicklas Bendtner was due to start against Cardiff in lieu of the injured Olivier Giroud, Twitter-based Arsenal fan James 'Raul' Stokes (@_ArmchairGooner) made an outlandish wager in a fit of incredulity promising to smother himself head-to-toe in Hartley's finest if the Dane managed to trouble the scoresheet.

Man Utd 1-2 Tottenham – Adebayor And Eriksen Shoot Down Red Devils (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 1-2 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 1st January 2014

Tim Sherwood continued his superb start to his tenure in the hot seat at Spurs, this time overseeing a fine win at Old Trafford. despite making a good start to the game, the Red Devils found themselves goal down on 34 minutes when Emmanuel Adebayor nodded home a Christian Eriksen centre.

Football GIF: Newcastle’s Mathieu Debuchy Sees Red For Silly Two-Footed Lunge Against West Brom

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By Alan Duffy

This dangerous two-footed challenge on Claudio Yacob by Mathieu Debuchy changed the game at the Hawthorns on Monday, with the Baggies eventually winning courtesy of a late Saido Berahino spot-kick. Debuchy may have been going for the ball, but launching himself with both feet up in the air was always going to get him a red.

Southampton 0-3 Chelsea – Oscar Inspires Blues To Impressive Victory At St. Mary’s (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 0-3 Chelsea Premier League 1st January 2014

A superb second-half cameo appearance from Oscar helped secure all three points for Chelsea on Monday, points which seem them keep the pressure on league leaders Arsenal. The Blues were the better side in the first period but couldn't find a goal, however, the introduction of Oscar (for a rather irked Juan Mata) and Willian changed the game.

Liverpool 2-0 Hull – Suarez Scores Again As Reds Stroll Past Tigers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 2-0 Hull City Premier League 1st January 2014

A header from Daniel Agger and a superb free-kick from Luis Suarez secured another three points for Liverpool on New Year's Day, as the Reds coasted to victory against Hull. The home side dominated the game against a Hull City that look knackered after a busy Christmas period.

Arsenal 2-0 Cardiff – Bendtner To The Rescue As Late Goals Keep Gunners On Top (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 2-0 Cardiff City Premier League 1st January 2014

With new manager-electOle Gunnar Solskjaer watching on from the directors' box, Cardiff produced a dogged defensive display against an Arsenal side who dominated the game. However, without Olivier Giroud up front, the Gunners struggled to provide an adequate goal threat.

Swansea 2-3 Man City – Citizens Too Strong For Swans At The Liberty Stadium (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 2-3 Manchester City Premier League 1st January 2014

A cracking Aleksandr Kolarov effort ultimately won Man City the game at the Liberty as the Citizens proved too good for their opponents. Fernandinho opened the scoring before Wilfried Bony levelled on the stroke of half-time.