Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2013

Neymar Makes Debut And Messi Scores Cracking Team Goal As Barcelona Draw In Gdansk (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Brazilian superstar Neymar finally made his debut for Barcelona, albeit as a late sub towards the end of the Catalan side's 2-2 friendly game with Lechia Gdansk in Poland.

Prior to Neymar's cameo, a young Barcelona side were forced to come from behind twice, courtesy of goals from Sergi Roberto and Lionel Messi, which cancelled out strikes fromJaroslaw Bieniuk andPiotr Grzelczak.

Snapshot: Liverpool Give Staff List Of Unacceptable Words In Fight Against Discrimination

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool have found themselves in the firing line in last year or so over both the apparently racist behaviour of striker Luis Suarez and the club's public support for their player. However, behind the scenes, the club have been one of the most progressive and active in terms of making their club welcome to all strands of society, whatever their race, religion, gender or sexual preference.

The Black-And-White Years: Scorching Vintage Photos Of Fulham’s Craven Cottage, Between 1923-1978

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By Chris Wright

This week, Fulham's Craven Cottage gets the vintage "Around the Grounds" treatment, as we have a nosey around the Cottagers home since 1896.

For those who don't know, the ground is named after an actual cottage, built by a chap named...yep, you guessed it: Craven, back in 1780 or thereabouts which is said to have stood exactly where the centre spot is now and to have been inhabited at various times by the likes of Arthur Conan Doyle, Florence Nightingale and Queen Victoria before it was gutted by fire in 1888.

Escalando! Argentinian Magazine Catch Lionel Messi Canoodling With Mystery Blonde And The Pope In Las Vegas Strip Club (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Argentina's answer to "Hello" magazine, Pronto, are running with the following cover; showing a photo of what appears to be Lionel Messi canoodling with what appears to be the ample bosom of what appears to be Topanga from "Boy Meets World" at a Las Vegas strip club shortly after the "Messi and Friends" charity match in Chicago.

Man Utd Wide-Boy Wilfried Zaha Produces Snazzy No-Look Pass Against Kitchee (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Looking good ahead of the new season, Man Utd new-boy Wilfried Zaha produced a rather spiffing moment of quality to set up Fabio for the Red Devils against Kitchee.

The former Crystal Palace starlet's no-look pass set up the Brazilian full-back who fired home.

Fronk Ribery Realises His Mascot Is As Tall As Him, Swaps Him For A Smaller Model (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's a little swatch of candid footage showing short-arse Fronk Ribery taking umbrage that his "player escort" is almost as tall as he is and swapping the kid out for Holger Badstuber's smaller model in the tunnel before Mark van Bommel's testimonial game last week.

Shit Football Kits: Napoli’s Gross New Grimy Camouflage 2013/14 Third Strip

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By Chris Wright

Don't get us wrong; camouflage is good for many things: hiding from the Vietcong, paintball overalls, obscuring Bentleys and ambushing stormtroopers on the forest moon of Endor, but, as Everton and Partick Thistle have so successfully proved in the past, it doesn't necessarily lend itself to adorning football kits as Napoli's rather grotesque new third strip for 2013/14 will duly attest.

Horror Hair: Nott’m Forest’s Henri Lansbury Debuts Fluffy ‘Edd The Duck’ Mohawk, Seems Awfully Pleased With It

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By Chris Wright

This is Nottingham Forest midfielder Henri Lansbury's new hairstyle, with the word "style" being used quite out of context there, and boy oh boy does he look pleased with it...

That is bloody awful. Bloody. Awful.

Doff of the cap goes to @danielstory85 for the spot.

Newcastle Player Has Name Mispelled Again, Nike Balls Up Papiss Cisse’s New Personalised Boots (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

As Tweeted by Sammy Ameobi yesterday along with the message "well that's awkward", here's a shot of the new personalised boots that Nike have sent out to Papiss Cisse now the Senegalese striker has decided he fancies playing again.

See if you can spot the minor error.

Swedish Keeper Sent Off In First Minute For Utterly Ridiculous Leaping Handball (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In whichPeter Abrahamsson, goalkeeper for Swedish second division side Örgryte, is sent off after a full 44 seconds of his side's game against Hammarby for what can only be described as a good, old-fashioned "howler" tear-arsing out of his goal toward a bouncing ball and thumping it back up the pitch despite being a clear couple of yards outside his area.

Crawley Town Fan Banned For ‘Winding Up’ Crystal Palace Boss Ian Holloway

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By Alan Duffy

Never short of a cheeky word or two himself, Crystal Palace manager Ian Holloway recently found himself on the receiving end of some fan abuse at a friendly away at Crawley Town.

According to the Brighton & Hove Argus, Red Devils' fan Paul Prendergast spent most of Staurday's friendly hurling abuse at Holloway from the stand behind the dugouts, with the Eagles' boss eventually losing patience with the Crawley fan.

Former Birmingham City Striker Christian ‘Chucho’ Benitez Dies Aged Just 27

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By Chris Wright

Terrible news has broken this afternoon that former Birmingham City striker and Ecuador international Christian Benitez has died at the tragically young age of 27.

'Chucho', who spent time on loan at St Andrews in 2008/09, had recently joined Qatari clubEl Jaish Sport Club, who posted the following statement on their website:

"The club would like to offer its sincere condolences to the family of the player.

World Freestyle Football Champion Andrew Henderson Gets Insanely Tricksy On Tour Around London Town (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's World Freestyle champ Andrew Henderson doing his tricky-dicky thing all around London town like some kind of mad Dick Whittington using various flailing body parts to flamboyantly keep a football from touching the floor including a little spell on the Tube, strap-hanging and playing keep-ups while stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway.

Snapshot: Thai Liverpool Fans Proudly Unfurl Pathetic Man Utd-Baiting ‘Munich’ Banner…

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By Chris Wright

As spotted outside the stadium before Liverpool's 3-0 pre-season win over Thailand yesterday, here's a small group of silly, ill-informed supporters (and we use the word "supporters" incredibly tenuously there) proudly holding aloft a Manchester United-baiting and largely nonsensical "Fergie go to hell, Munich 58″ banner.

Pepe Reina Writes ‘Goodbye Letter’ To Liverpool Fans On His Personal Website

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By Chris Wright

"GIVE US A GOODBYE HUG THEN!'

After eight long years at Anfield, long-serving Liverpool goalkeeper Pepe Reina is moving to Napoli on a season-long for 2013/14 after being bumped down the food chain by the arrival of Simon Mignolet from Sunderland.

Football GIF: Getafe’s Miku Nobbles Feyenoord Youngster With Knee-High Horror Tackle

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By Chris Wright

Nasty looking stuff here from Getafe's pre-season friendly against Feyenoord yesterday afternoon in which Miku goes in with a horrendously high nobbler on Dutch youngsterJoey Sleegers' 19-year-old kneecap and reduces him to a quivering pile of flesh-coloured putty.

‘I’m Going To Start A Trend’ – Edgar Davids Will Wear No.1 Shirt In Midfield Next Season Because He Bloody Well Wants To!

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By Chris Wright

Barnet player-coach Edgar Davids has declared that he will be wearing the "No.1″ jersey in midfield for the non-league side next season as he plans to start a trend, having already worn the number throughout the Bees' pre-season so far.

"That is my number for the season," Davids told the Barnet Times.

Philippe Coutinho Nets A Cracker As Liverpool Win 3-0 In Thailand (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

While all the talk concerning Liverpool has been about Luis Suarez's future, on the pitch Brendan Rodgers' men produced an impressive performance against the Thai national side in Bangkok.

Suarez started the game on the bench but it was Brazilian playmaker Philippe Coutinho who was the star of the show, netting a terrific solo goal before setting up Iago Aspas for the Reds' second.

Euro 2013: German Women Make It Six Euro Titles In A Row, Losers Norway Rue Penalty Misses (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Germany retained the European Championship trophy in Stockholm on Sunday afternoon, deservedly beating underdogs Norway 1-0.

The Germans started slowly but would ultimately break the deadlock in the second half, courtesy of sub Anja Mittag who scored after a superb passing move from the holders.

Ajax Keeper Kenneth Vermeer Misses Team Photo, Nobody Notices Until Far Too Late (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's a mirthsome little clip from before yesterday'sJohan Cruyff Schaal (Dutch Super Cup) tie between Ajax and AZ Alkmaar in which AWOL Ajax 'keeper Kenneth Vermeer completely misses out on the pre-game team photo only for nobody to remotely notice until captain Siem de Jong realises far, far too late.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Struts Around Pitch In Ultra Masculine Bikini After Real Madrid Friendly (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

One for the "hairless gentlemen in beach volleyball bikinis" fetishists out there...

Pep Guardiola Slaps Thiago Alcantara In Super Slow Motion (Video)

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By Chris Wright

No idea of the context here (perhaps someone could fill us in? *hint hint*) but here's Pep Guardiola giving Thiago a bit of a slap across the face during/after Bayern's German Super Cup defeat to Dortmund last night , all captured in glorious super slow mo.

Asia Trophy: Man City 1-0 Sunderland – Dzeko Skies Spot-kick And Scores Beauty As Citizens Win In Hong Kong (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 1-0 Sunderland Asia Trophy Final 27th July 2013

Bosnian hitman Edin Dzeko was the goal-hero for Man City in a rainy Hong Kong on Saturday, netting the only goal of the Asia Trophy final to gun down Sunderland.

Dzeko's strike was superb although he did also manage to produce a quite woeful penalty miss.

Fan Fulfills Vow To Walk From Bosnia To Munich After Bayern Win Champions League

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By Alan Duffy

Unconvinced football fans usually promise to "eat my hat" or "run naked down the high-street" if their team goes and does something spectacular, but for Bayern Munich fanVahid Cehaja, his promise involved a mammoth trek of 960 kilometres.

The Bosnian had vowed to walk from his hometown of Bugojnoall the way to the Allianz Arena if his beloved Bayern Munich won the Champions League last season.

Shit Football Ink: Nile Ranger Has His Own Name Tattooed Across His Face…

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By Chris Wright

What Nile Ranger did next...

As they so often do when Nile Ranger is involved, words utterly fail us.

(Photo via Instagram)

Flow Chart: The Evolution Of Twitter Conversation Into Full Blown Transfer Rumour…

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By Chris Wright

Taken from a Liverpool fan forum, here's a flow chart explaining how an innocuous comment (made by Times journalist Rory Smith in this instance) rapidly gains traction and becomes a full-blown, utterly baseless transfer rumour within the space of an afternoon.

Classic Moments: Finn Harps Defender Terry Leake Scores Incredibly Composed Lob Own Goal, 1989 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here we have a bit of an Irish classic, with Finn Harps defenderTerry Leake composing himself before scoring an exquisite own goal against North-West Derby rivals Derry City in the League of Ireland Premier Division in 1989 with Leake nabbing the ball away from one of his own players, taking his time to get it all under control in his own box and then scooping a delightful finish over his own keeper in a flawless display of totally shite technique.

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #44

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By Chris Wright

Friday Flashback XLIV: Adventures In Babysitting...

Great name for a goalie...

Merci beaucoup to Old School Panini (@OldSchoolPanini) for letting us rifle through their archives once again.

More Friday Flashback goodness on Pies.

Transfer Toss: Andre Villas-Boas Confirms Gareth Bale Talks ‘Ongoing’ Over New Contract As Real Madrid Hover

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By Chris Wright

"We've still got Adebayor, and Sandro will be like a new signing!"

Proof if proof were needed that a well-timed bit of agent agitating = £££, Tottenham boss Andre Villas-Boas has confirmed that the club are currently ensconced in talks with Gareth Bale over at new contract at White Hart Lane in a bid to stop Real Madrid loitering with intent.

Per Mertesacker & Lukas Podolski Dress Up And Engage In Samurai Showdown (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Teenage Mutant Ninja Germans

Just in case you're struggling to guess, Arsenal's pre-season Asian tour has rolled on to Japan, where the Gunners' have been ingratiating themselves with the locals by immersing themselves in the culture starting with Per Mertesacker and Lukas Podolski going "full samurai" and engaging in eternal battle.

Terminally Ill Feyenoord Fan Has Final Wish Granted, Given Tear Jerking VIP Treatment At De Kuip (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having been told he had terminal cancer and just days to live, the last wish of 54-year-old lifelong Feyenoord fan "Rooie Marck" (Red Mark) was to attend the Dutch club's first training session of the season.

Fans of the club traditionally turn out in decent numbers to watch the session held annually at De Kuip, though 2013′s vintage was just that little bit more emotional as Feyenoord supporters and ultras turning out in their thousands to help make Mark's day as special as possible.

Snapshot: Radamel Falcao Publishes Photo Of Birth Certificate To Nip ‘Age Scandal’ In The Bud…

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By Chris Wright

After Tweeting that he was surprised to see stories in the media churned up by his former primary school's insistence that , Radamel Falcao published a scan of his birth certificate to prove that he was born in February of 1986 in Santa Marta, not 1984 in Bogota as stated on his college induction forms.

Cristiano Ronaldo Travels To Galicia, Donates Blood To Victims Of Spanish Train Crash

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By Chris Wright

According to reports in the Spanish press (notably here) Cristiano Ronaldo has travelled to Galicia in order to donate blood to the victims of the train crash near the north-western city ofSantiago de Compostela which, at time of writing, has has claimed the lives of at least 80 people and injured over 160 more.

Papiss Cisse Backs Down In Newcastle Shirt Row, Agrees To Wear ‘Wonga’ Kit Next Season

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By Chris Wright

We couldn't possibly speculate that it was anything to do with the photo of him of frittering away chips at the casinosurfacing or not but two days after the image started doing the rounds, Papiss Cisse has backed down and agreed to wear Newcastle's Wonga-sponsored kit next season.

Football Ink: Thierry Henry Shows Off Huge New Tattoo Sleeve Inspired By New York, New York (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Thierry Henry has been showing off his new tattoo sleeve, jabbed about his person by New York-based tattooists to the stars Bang Bang Tattoos, which covers the length of the Red Bulls striker's left arm and features several NYC landmarks such as the Brooklyn Bridge, the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building as well as the face of what we can only assume is his daughter Tea.

95,000 Liverpool Fans Sing Electrifying Version ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ In Unison Before Friendly In Melbourne (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Wow, just...wow. Here's around about95,000 Liverpool fans (and one Celtic fan) bellowing out 'You'll Never Walk Alone' at the top of their collective lungs ahead of the Reds' pre-season friendly against Melbourne Victory at the MCG yesterday evening.

It's a damn shame that this video in no way does the cacophony justice, but it's the best we could find.

Oopsy Daisy: Everton Spell New Signing Gerard Deulofeu’s Name Wrong At Official Kit Launch (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Everton have kept their hot streak of buggering up their spelling at their megastore events going into its second year by getting new signing Gerard Deulofeu's name garbled at the launch of their new 2013/14 home kit with the blue replica shirt on display in the doorway displaying the name "Deufoleu" as fans swarmed in to pick up their new strip.

Arsene Wenger Pulls Magic Trick, Disappears Into Thin Air (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As if a perfectly timed visual metaphor for Arsenal's chances of spending any money any time soon, here's Arsene Wenger mysteriously disappearing into thin air during a training session...

Nicely done, but not a patch on Ajax youngster Ricardo van Rhijns' work.

Retro Football: Diego Maradona Unveiled At Napoli, 1984 (Photos & Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Benvenuto a Maradona

With the club in the process of making their first significant dent in their Cavani money with the high profile £36million acquisition of Gonzalo "El Pipita" Higuain after steering him away from Arsenal's clutches, we thought we'd take a trip back in time to when El Pipita's fellow countryman Diego Armando Maradona washed up at Napoli in the summer of 1984 without a penny to his name, with ambitious presidentCorrado Ferlainoforking out a then-world record fee of £6.

Celtic 2013/14 Away Kit Revealed – Green, Gold And G-G-G-Gorgeous (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Georgios Samaras releases a potent cloud of mustard gas when startled

Celtic's new home strip for 2013/14 is so hoopy even the hoops are hooped, and it would appear that their change strip is to follow suit, resplendent in gold and green with seven thin hoops banded around the belly.

Arsenal Tour 2013 Outtakes – Warning! May Contain Traces Of Olivier Giroud Dancing And De-Pantsing (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With Arsenal's tour of the Asian frontier almost at an end, the club have released their blooper reel which features, among other things, Lukas Podolski proudly showing the world a toilet, players struggling to grasp the mechanics of "bowing in unison", a Vietnamese gentleman with the voice of Lee Evans chanting outside a stadium and the majestically handsome Olivier Giroud doing a little dance in the middle of a pitch and then whipping off his shorts after the game and chucking them into the crowd as a lovely little rain-sodden, bum sweat-infusedmemento for some "lucky" fan.

Barcelona To Keep Tito Vilanova On Payroll On ‘Head Coach’ Wages For Final Year Of His Contract

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By Chris Wright

Those solid, stand-up chaps at Barcelona have announced that, as a gesture of good will, the club are to honour the last year of Tito Vilanova's contract and keep the recently departed coach on the payroll while he once again fights to rid himself of throat cancer.

Clement Grenier Scores Fabulously Nonchalant ‘No Look’ Volley vs Real Madrid (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Lyon midfielder and on/off Arsenal target Clement Grenier and the rather fabulous, nonchalant "no look" volley he scored against Real Madrid in a pre-season friendly last night...

See, we told you he was a bit special!

Friendly: Bayern 2-0 Barcelona – Guardiola Gets One Over On Barca As Munich Motor To Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Bayern Munich 2-0 Barcelona Friendly 24th July 2013

Ahead of the impending arrival of Gerardo Martino to the Barcelona hot-seat, coach Jordi Roura took charge of the Catalan giants in this glitzy friendly against the European champions at the Allianz Arena.

Snapshot: Newcastle Captain Fabricio Coloccini Chokes His Way To A Red Card In Portugal

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By Alan Duffy

No stranger to a bit of rough and tumble, Argentine centre-half Fabricio Coloccini found himself on the receiving end of a red card on Wednesday after man-handling an opponent in Portugal.

Newcastle were playing Portuguese side Pacos Ferreira in a pre-season friendly when Coloccini rather lost his rag towards the end of the first-half.

Let’s Hear It For…James Alexander Gordon

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By Chris Wright

Sad news has broken today that BBC Radio Five Live's long-serving "voice of the football results", James Alexander Gordon, is to retire after 40 years on the wireless due to ill health.

Just as the voice of Tim Gudgin became synonymous with the classified results on television, Gordon's gentle Scottish burr became a fixture at 5pm on Saturday afternoons in radio circles, thought the 77-year-old recently had surgery to remove his larynx after being diagnosed with throat cancer which has left his supremely soothing voice just too weak to broadcast.

Subtle Hint Of Corruption As Kazakhstan Embassy Refuse Visas For IL Hødd’s Two Best Players ‘For No Reason’ Ahead Of Europa League Game

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By Chris Wright

Ever-so-subtle suspicions of corruption are being leveled Kazakhstan-wards this afternoon as, with IL Hødd due to playKazakh club FC Aktobe in the Europa League preliminary qualifying rounds, the country's embassy announced that the Norwegian side's two best players wouldn't be allowed to play after convenientlyhaving their Visa applications rejected.

Football GIF: Zlatan Botches Elastico vs Hammarby, Ends In Hugs All Around

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By Chris Wright

In which Zlatan Ibrahimovic botches an elastico/flip-flap/whatever-you-wanna-call-it during PSG's friendly against Hammarby and, just when you think it's all going to get ugly when he fluffs his lines in front of centre-half Daniel Theorin, hugs spontaneously break out.

Arsenal Target Bernard Celebrates Birthday With “Ben 10″ Cake And Party Hat (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Born in 1992, reported Arsenal target Bernard celebrated his last birthday with a "Ben 10″ birthday cake (a children's cartoon which we're told is very much the modern-day answer to "Mighty Max" or "Johnny Quest") and a party hat as this picture doing the rounds this morning will duly attest.

Man Utd Advertise Gross Japanese Tomato Juice, Not Awkward At All… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Robin van Persie, Michael Carrick, Ryan Giggs and Shinji Kagawa having been roped in to shill for Kagome during the Japanese leg of Manchester United's pre-season tour, with the players barely able to feign smiles as they slurp away on one of the most disgusting widely-available "drinks" humankind has ever produced.

Cristiano Ronaldo Freekick Breaks Young Bournemouth Fan’s Wrist, Club Donate Signed Shirt To Ease Pain (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We can think of several things we'd rather do than get in the way of a wayward Cristiano Ronaldo tomahawk (like lick cat piss of a thistle, for example) but that's unfortunately just what happened to 11-year-old Bournemouth fan Charlie Silverwood on Sunday afternoon, when Ronaldo's exocet freekick rocketed over the bar and clattered the wee nipper on the arm in the 6th minute of the game breaking his wrist in two places.

Inter Milan’s Fredy Guarin Scores Outrageous Scorpion Volley During Pre-Season Friendly (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The footage is a little shonky due to it apparently being filmed using a potato, but you can just about make out Inter Milan midfielder Fredy Guarin scoring a superbly executed "gol de escorpion" during Inter's friendly against Vincenza yesterday afternoon.

Scratch all that, we've found a video from Inter's official Youtube account, so prepare for some HD magic-osity!

Papiss Cisse Buggers Up ‘Wonga Kit’ Ethics Stance After Being Photographed In Newcastle Casino (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Having steadfastly refused to wear Newcastle United's new kit because the sponsor clashes with his religious beliefs, Papiss Cisse has gone and undone all his hard moral crusading work by (allegedly at time of writing) being photographed gambling away in a casino in the city.

Snapshot: Bayern Munich ‘A’ vs Bayern Munich ‘B’ Is Enough To Make You Sick With Envy…

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By Chris Wright

As squads go, Bayern's 2013/14 vintage ain't half bad as the line-ups for their pre-season "A Team vs B Team" friendly last night duly attests...

Back-to-back trebles? Would you put it past them?

(Thanks to Pies fan Stefan Ratakowski for the tip-off)

Transfer Toss: Arsenal Table Crafty £40,000,001 Bid For Luis Suarez Designed To Trigger Contract Clause

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By Chris Wright

Being the crafty devils that they are, Arsenal tabled a £40,000,001 offer for Luis Suarez last night with the extraneous penny thought to be designed to trigger a clause in the Uruguayan's Liverpool contract that meant the club had to inform the striker of the bid.

Sacré Bleu! Former French International Pascal Chimbonda To Line Out For Non-League Market Drayton

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By Alan Duffy

French left-back Pascal Chimbonda, he of Le Havre, Bastia, Tottenham, Sunderland, Wigan, QPR, Blackburn and Doncaster fame, is set to appear for Evo-Stik League side Market Drayton Town in a pre-season friendly against Notts County on Wednesday.

The 34-year-old former French international (courtesy of a solitary cap) is currently without a club after leaving Donny last season and has been cajoled into playing for Market Drayton by his former boss at Wigan, Chris Hutchings.

God Is A Catholic: Lightning Strikes Rangers’ Training Ground, Scares Bejusus Out Of Players (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

No doubt a section of Celtic fans will see this as a judgement from on high from Rangers fans' pope-bashing. Or some such sectarian nonsense. Anyway, seeing Rangers' players and staff given a right scare by a bolt of lightning is well worth a watch, no matter who you support or who you despise with a pointless, seething mass of prehistoric contempt.

Tricky Dicky Freestyle Goalie Lassi Hurskainen Returns To Thwart Mischievous Gorilla In ‘Banana Kick’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Lassi is back, and this time he's attempting to thwart a meddlesome, ball-pilfering gorilla in a SNES-style romp using nothing but the power of TRICKSHOTS...

The boy Hurskainen always delivers some damn impressive stuff in there.

That shot off the car windscreen and into the bin?

Yeovil Town Rip Off Royal Baby’s ‘Golden Easel’ To Announce Glorious Loan Signing Of Alan Tate (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

"Hear ye, hear ye! The princess has shat out a 8lb nipper!"

A doff of the cap is definitely due to newly-promoted Championship side Yeovil Town, who have taken there cue from the silly golden easel ceremonially placed outside Buckingham Palace to announce the birth of Royal babies by using their very own version to announce the club's glorious loan signing of Swansea centre-half Alan Tate.

Official: Barcelona Appoint Gerardo ‘Tata’ Martino As New Coach On Two-Year Contract

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By Chris Wright

Barcelona have officially confirmed that Gerardo "Tata" Martino has been appointed as their new manager, with the former Newell's Old Boys and Paraguayan national team coach signing a two-year deal at the Camp Nou.

Hands up, we'd never knowingly heard of him until his name began being mentioned in connection with the Barca job a couple of days ago though what we do know is that heled Newell's to the Argentine Clausura title last season and that helikes "protagonists" i.

Snapshot: Wes Hoolahan Gets Stuck Into Some Serious Colouring-In, Concentrates Real Hard At Staying In The Lines…

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By Chris Wright

As posted on Twitter by Luciano Becchio, here's a cracking little insight into the fun and frolics going on on Norwich City's pre-season tour of Yankland and Mexico, with Wes Hoolahan whipping his Crayolas out and getting stuck into some serious colouring-in in the airport departure lounge as the squad prepare to fly to Portland, Oregon.

Aston Villa Send Baby-Sized Replica Kit To Prince William To Commemorate Birth Of Royal Sprog (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

To help celebrate the birth of the baby born into unimaginable wealth and privilege atSt Mary's Hospital in Paddington yesterday, Aston Villa have seized their opportunity for a bit of quick publicity by sending the Royal sprog his very own "HRH No.1″ kit what with Prince William supposedly being a die-hard Villa ultra and all.

All Players And Officials Involved In ‘Mind-Bogglingly Shameful’ Nigerian Goal Scandal Given Life Bans

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By Chris Wright

Just a little follow up to a story we featured on Pies a couple of weeks ago, in that every single player and official involved in the "mind-boggling show of shame" that saw two Nigerian lower league sides win 79-0 and 67-0 on the same weekend have been banned for life by the Nigerian Football Federation (NFF).

Wayne Rooney Chases Chelsea Team Bus In Banterrific Spoof Of Arsenal’s ‘Running Man’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Some #EPIC #BANTZ now from bookmakers Coral, who have cobbled together this spoof of the tale of Arsenal's "Running Man" i.e, the Indonesian fan who ran alongside the Gunners' team bus for five miles before getting to meet his heroes which sees a portly Wayne Rooney ambling alongside the Chelsea team bus with a burger in his hand, desperate to climb aboard and leave David Moyes far, far behind.

‘Were You Pulling A Caravan?’ – Oxlade-Chamberlain Hijacks Aaron Ramsey Interview And Jibes Him Over Lack Of Pace

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By Chris Wright

Having seen off Nagoya Grampus 3-1 in Japan, Aaron Ramsey was fulfilling his post-match interview duties with an Australian reporter when the chinwag was crashed by Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Theo Walcott, with the fleet-footed Arsenal duo proceeding to mock their Welsh teammate for his lack of pace centring around a bit of a bumbling sprint he made during the game.

Figueirense Defender Invents Ingenious Method Of Blocking Low Freekicks (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In whichFigueirense's No.10 finds a truly novel and unique (to the best of our knowledge) method for blocking low freekicks while lining up to face a set piece from Palmeiras'Jorge Valdivia during theBrazilian Campeonato Serie B match between the two sides on Saturday evening.

Man City’s Svelte New ‘Half N Half’ Black 2013/14 Away Kit Officially Launched (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Man City have just officially rolled out their new change strip for 2013/14 in Hong Kong and it is a beauty...

The black("charcoal" if we're being specific)-on-black design takes its queue from City's origins as a football club specifically the year City were founded as St Mark's in 1880 before becoming Gorton AFC in 1884, and then Ardwick AFC between 1887 and 1894.

Big In Japan: Arsenal Cruise Past Nagoya Grampus As Gedion Zelalem Shines For Gunners

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By Alan Duffy

In a game against his former club, Arsene Wenger oversaw a decent performance by the Gunners, with one young German playmaker in particular hinting at quite an exciting future.

Olivier Giroud and Ryo Miyachi (courtesy of a spot-kick) had put the visitors 2-0 up at the Toyota Stadium before sub Gedion Zelalem produced a sublime through-ball to set up Theo Walcott for Arsenal's third.

27, Going On 29: School Registration Documents Suggest Radamel Falcao May Be Two Years Older Than He Says He Is

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By Chris Wright

We've got no idea how much stock to put in this, but murmurs are emanating in Colombia that Radamel Falcao may have "Obafemi Martin-ed" the footballing world, with Monaco's £50million striker possibly being a full two years older than he says he is if several of his early football documents are anything to go by.

Gus Hiddink Linked With Barcelona Vacancy After Abruptly Resigning As Anzhi Michaeljfoxkala Coach

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By Chris Wright

Word on the wire is that Gus Hiddink is all but set to take over the recently-vacated managerial opening at Barcelona after abruptly quitting as coach of Anzhi Michaeljfoxkala this afternoon.

Anzhi accepted Hiddink's resignation and duly did the whole "future endeavours" thing via a statement on their official website before almost immediately swearing in former Manchester United first team coachRene Meulensteen as their new head coach which was Hiddink's official job title at the Russian club.

The Black-And-White Years: Fantastic Vintage Photos Of ‘Old’ Wembley Stadium, Between 1923-1963

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By Chris Wright

Unfortunately we've had to nix requests from Pies fans for Anfield and Elland Road to be covered as part of our ongoing vintage "Around the Grounds" series as, weirdly enough considering the history shared between them, there just aren't enough decent archive photographs of the two stadiums so you'll just have to make do with a monochrome tour around 'Old Wembley' as it's now known.

Retro Snapshot: Sheffield Wednesday Show Off New Italian Pair Di Canio & Carbone With Dash Of Cultural Sensitivity, 1997

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By Chris Wright

Having just signed Paolo Di Canio from Celtic in August of 1997, Sheffield Wednesday opted to present their new man to the press at Hillsborough in as culturally sensitive a manner as possible: by roping in their only other Italian player, Benito Carbone (who joined the Owls from Inter Milan the previous summer), and have the pair pose with a mouthful of what was obviously considered in Yorkshire to be the Italian national dish a £1.

David Moyes Confirms Man Utd Have Made Second, Improved £30m Bid For Cesc Fabregas

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By Chris Wright

"Ah jus don't waenta be stuck wi' Anderson, the chubby wee prack...shite, he's behind me aint 'e?"

Having gone in at £26million last week, David Moyes has confirmed this morning that Manchester United have made a new, improved bid believed to be in the region of £30million plus add-ons for Cesc Fabregas, despite Barcelona's insistence that the silky midfielder will not be going anywhere this summer.

Cristiano Ronaldo Massages Nervous Ballboy Shortly Before Real Madrid Annihilate Bournemouth (Photos & Video)

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By Chris Wright

Like bullseyeing womp rats in a T-16

Seeing as though it was a whopping £60 to get in, Real Madrid fielded a suitably strong side for their pre-season friendly against Bournemouth at Dean Court yesterday evening, with Cristiano Ronaldo, Isco, Karim Benzema, Mesut Ozil, Fabio Coentrao, Luka Modric and Sami Khedira all starting as the Spanish giants rolled over the newly-promoted Championship side 6-0 in Carlo Ancelotti's first game in charge.

Bébé Come Back! Portuguese Flop Hides From Bailiffs At Man Utd Training Ground

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By Alan Duffy

Arguably the worst signing of Sir Alex Ferguson's trophy-laden tenure at Manchester United, Portuguese misfit Bébé (yes is is still a United player!), is apparently in a bit of financial trouble after bailiffs, along with the police, visited the team's Carrington training facilities last week to try and find the winger.

Football GIF: Thiago Scores First Bayern Munich Goal With His Nipples In Telekom Cup Final

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By Chris Wright

On what we think we're right in saying was his second appearance for the club, Thiago Alcantara opened his Bayern Munich account this afternoon deflecting a cross home with nowt but his nip-nips as Bayern beat Borussia Monchengladbach 5-1 in the Telekom Cup Final.

Snapshot: Arsenal Give Asian Media Helpful Phonetic Guide To Player Names

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By Alan Duffy

Ahead of an open training session in Japan, Arsenal gave the local media present a little helping hand by inlcuding phonetic pronunciations of the players' names.

I particularly like "Purr Mert Tiss Sacker".

Apologies for the poor quality of the photo, by the way.

Boreham Wood Score Bizarre Free-Kick Against Arsenal XI, But Should It Have Been Disallowed?

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By Alan Duffy

While Arsenal youngsters such as Serge Gnabry, Chuks Aneke and Chuba Akpom are enjoying a glamorous trip about the Far East with the big boys, some of the Gunners' youngsters left behind faced Boreham Wood in a traditional pre-season friendly. The young Arsenal team included the likes of Brazilian wastrel Wellington Silva, Nico Yennaris and highly-rated playmaker Dan Crowley but still lost the game 3-0.

Liverpool Captain Steven Gerrard Reduces Woman To Tears In Jakarta (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

No, the woman in question wasn't on the receiving end of a Gerrard right hook after refusing to play Phil Collins, or she hadn't just witnessed a horrendous dive from the Liverpool man,but rather the very presence of the Kop icon was too much for her.

The Reds are one of a number of Premier League giants currently touring the Far East and this tear-sodden incident occurred in Jakarta, Indonesia.

Southampton Players Warm Up With Some Pre-Season Fire Walking (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Rather than the usual "swimming in the frigid North Sea" or "endless laps of the training pitch", Southampton boss Mauricio Pochettino opted for something a little less unorthodox in his efforts to bond his squad with a spot of fire walking in the car park at The Saints' training complex.

Snapshot: Man Utd Fans Pay Tribute To Legendary Man City Goalkeeper Bert Trautmann Outside The Etihad…

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By Chris Wright

Manchester has united in grief over the death of legendary City goalkeeper Bert Trautmann yesterday, with United fans leaving tributes and scarves propped against the statue of the "greatest goalkeeper of all time" which sits in the grounds of the Etihad Stadium among all the flowers and eulogies left by their City counterparts.

Jurgen Klopp Chooses Interesting Analogy To Describe How Henrikh Mkhitaryan Will Fit In At Dortmund

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By Chris Wright

"You'll do nicely my little one, you'll do nicely"

When asked just how new £24million signing Henrikh Mkhitaryan would fit into his system,Borussia Dortmund coach Jurgen Klopp, being the maverick wordsmith that he is, chose a marvelously intriguing analogy to describe the intricacies of his new, re-jigged tactical system.

Juan Sebastian Veron Comes Out Of Retirement For One Last Season, Will Donate Wages To Estudiantes Youth Team

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By Chris Wright

Juan Sebastian Veron has announced that he is to reverse his decision to retire in order to play one last season for Estudiantes in the Argentinian Primera Division.

Veron, now 38, has been serving as a technical director at Estudiantes since calling time on his playing days at the end of the 2011-2012 due to a troublesome ankle injury, but the former Argentina captain has now signed a new one-year contract with his boyhood club also announcing that he is to donate his wages for the entire year to the club's youth team.

Man City Welcome £22m’s Worth Of Stevan Jovetic To The Etihad… (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Here he is folks; as promised earlier today, Stevan Jovetic is officially a Manchester City player having passed a medical at the Etihad this afternoon.

This here is what £22million's-worth of Montenegrin striker looks like...

(Photos: PA)

Barcelona Confirm Tito Vilanova Has Stepped Down As Coach Due To Ill Health

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By Chris Wright

Barcelona have scheduled an unexpected press conference for 19:30BST tonight at which Sandro Rosell and Andoni Zubizaretta are reportedly going to announce that Tito Vilanova is to step down as Barca coach with immediate effect.

Nothing's certain as yet, but sadly it would appear that Tito's cancer is back, despite him already getting the "all clear" twice following surgery in New York last year.

Stoke City Offer Fans Free Coach Travel To Away Games In 2013/14

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By Alan Duffy

They may struggle to impress the football purists, but Stoke City's decision to offer free coach travel for their away fans in 2013/14 is sure to win them a whole lot of respect.

Aware of the financial burden being placed on their loyal fans, the club will provide free coaches to all 19 of the Potters' top-flight away games in the coming campaign.

RIP Bert Trautmann – 16 Excellent Vintage Photos Of The Truly Legendary Man City Keeper In His Prime

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By Chris Wright

It's an overused phrase at the best of times but they really don't make players like Bernhard Carl "Bert" Trautmannthese days: the legendary (in the truest sense of the word) German keeper who made545 appearances for Manchester City in a 15-year stint at Maine Road between 1949 and 1964.

Classic Moments: Leonardo Scores Magical Jiggly-Juggle Goal vs Yokohama Flugels, 1995 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This cracker just surfaced on Twitter (thanks to Pies fan @Kalrageou) and it's far too good not to share. Here's a wonderful goal that we've never seen before, scored by recently departed PSG director Leonardo during his mid-career stint in Japan with Kashima Antlers against the magnificently-namedYokohama Flugels in the J League in 1995.

The BIG Question: Does Luis Suarez Owe It To Stay At Liverpool?

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By Chris Wright

Aside from continuing his sworn duty to educate his players, nurse their key pass completion rates and fight for his life for the people of Liverpool, capeless crusaderBrendan Rodgers has largely spent his summer repeatedly batting away questions about Luis Suarez upping sticks and doing one over the summer.

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #43

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By Chris Wright

Friday Flashback XLIII:l'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer...

As per bloody usual, gracias to Old School Panini (@OldSchoolPanini) for letting us rifle through their archives.

More Friday Flashback goodness on Pies.

Alvaro Negredo Joins Man City In £16m Deal, Takes The No.9 Shirt (First Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Alvaro Negredo is unveiled at City's new Laser Quest facilities

Manchester City have just confirmed via their official Twitter feed that Alvaro Negredo has joined the club from Sevilla in a deal initially worth €19million (£16.4million) with€5million's worth of add-ons (£4.

Man City Lose 2-1 To AmaZulu As Weak Pre-Season Continues, To The Delight Of Five Man Utd Fans In Stadium (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Even though pre-season games mean zippo, it's always nice to clock up a few easy victories to get the juices flowing; though Man City faltered in South Africa once again last night losing 2-1 to AmaZulu at the Moses Mabida stadium in Durban, with a dreadful backpass from Aleksander Kolarov pretty much gifting the South African side the lead with just 20 minutes gone.

Shit Lookalikes: Elena Terekhova & ‘The Old Fernando Torres’

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By Chris Wright

Call off the search! The hunt for the oft-lamented "Old Fernando Torres" is over he's been hiding in the Russian womens national team...

Muchos gracias to Pies fan Jon Bone for doing the leg work on this one.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to us atwaatpies@gmail.

Bayern Munich Keeper Tom Starke Punches Pep Guardiola In The Face At Team Photoshoot (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With a new manager installed, it's only natural that Bayern Munich's reserve keeper Tom Starke would want to impress him taking his opportunity at the club's 2013/14 team photo shoot to demonstrate to Pep just how far his double-fisted punching has come along in recent years.

Dismal England Women Crash Out Of Euro 2013 After Mauling By France (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

England women's team boss Hope Powell must surely be about to get the chop after overseeing a dreadful England EURO 2013 campaign in Sweden which culminated in a thorough outclassing by the French on Thursday night.

Eugenie Le Sommer, the superbLouisa Necib and Wendie Renard all found the back of the net for Les Bleus as the Three Lionesses once again failed to muster a roar.

New Atalanta Signing Giulio Migliaccio Apologises For Driving Tank Over Cars Painted In Colours Of Rival Clubs

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By Chris Wright

New Atalanta signingGiulio Migliaccio for becoming an "inadvertent protagonist" in a stunt at the Atalanta fans' pre-season street festival that saw a tank driven over cars painted in the colours of rival clubs Roma and Brescia - and incident into with the Italian FA (FIGC) have since launched an inquiry.

The Black-And-White Years: Corking Vintage Photos Of Tottenham’s White Hart Lane, Between 1903-1969

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By Chris Wright

Tottenham's turn to get the vintage 'Around the Grounds' treatment...

Action from the FA Cup third round game between Tottenham and Aston Villa at White Hart Lane, 1903

Tottenham goalkeeper Joe Nicholls watches on as a Wolves forward shoots wide at White Hart Lane, 1933

Sunderland goalkeeper Jimmy Thorpe saves from Tottenham's George Hunt, 1933

England and France captains Roy Goodall and Edmond Delfour are joined by three girls in French national dress before an international friendly between the two countries at White Hart Lane, 1933

Stoke City great Stanley Matthews, here aged just 19, crosses into the Tottenham box, 1934

England play Germany at White Hart Lane shortly before relations between the two countries go well and truly tits-up, 1935

Tottenham'sVic Buckingham emerges from the White Hart Lane tunnel, 1947

The Nigerian Representative team are given a tour around White Hart Lane before watching Tottenham take on Sheffield Wednesday as guests of honour, 1949

Chelsea goalkeeper Harry Medhurst pounces on the ball to deny Arsenal's Jimmy Logie a scoring chance during the FA Cup Semi Final at White Hart Lane, 1950

In the replay of the same game, Arsenalgoalkeeper George Swindin barges teammate Les Compton aside to gather in a cross, 1950

Blackpool goalkeeper George Farm goes in where it hurts to deny lurking Tottenham pairLes Bennett and Les Medley, 1950

Tottenham fans are given a closer look atThe League Championship trophy, won by Spurs the week previous, as it is paraded around White Hart Lane before the match against Liverpool, 1951

A good old fashioned goalmouth scramble in front of the be-cockereled, mock-Tudor gable on the roof of the old main stand at White Hart Lane, 1951

Former England Amateurs international George Robb shows what he can do during a pre-season photocall at White Hart Lane having just signed his first professional contract with Tottenham, 1953

Tottenham manager Alf Ramsey welcomes new signing Danny Blanchflower to White Hart Lane, 1954

Tottenham's Harry Clarke runs up the steps and out onto the White Hart Lane pitch, 1956

Tottenham goalkeeper Ted Ditchburn closes down Cardiff City inside-right Brayley Reynolds in front of the newly revamped gable, complete with it's original copper cock and ball, 1956

England pair Derek Kevan and Alan Hodgkinson run laps of the White Hart Lane track during a training session ahead of their Home International tie against Scotland, 1957

Tottenham's Maurice Norman (right) heads a looping ball toward Arsenal keeperJack Kelsey's top corner, 1959

A bit of Hollywood glamour descends on White Hart Lane as glamour icon Jayne Mansfield appears in the directors box at half-time during Tottenham's 5-1 victory over Wolves, 1959

Tottenham manager Bill Nicholson (back to camera) talks with his players in the White Hart Lane dressing room before morning training, 1960

Club physician and trainer Cecil Peynton assesses Tottenham defender Ron Henry's knee injury, 1960

Tottenham players exercise in the White Hart Lane gymnasium, 1960

Tottenham captain Danny Blanchflower selects a suitable pair of boots for a practice match, 1960

Danny Blanchflower warms up with a spot of D-O-N-K-E-Y against the wall of the indoor pitch at White Hart Lane, 1960

Tottenham players compete in a gentle six-a-side practice match on the indoor pitch, 1960

The ale flows freely at Tottenham's Christmas party in the White Hart Lane dining suite, 1960

Sheffield Wednesday goalkeeper Ron Springett lies poleaxed on the ground after being unceremoniously shoved into the goalpost by Tottenham's Bobby Smith, 1961

Tottenham players celebrate clinching the Division One title with a win over Sheffield Wednesday, 1961

Benfica coach Bela Guttman (in the white cap) leads his team in some stretching exercises at White Hart Lane ahead of their European Cup Semi Final against Tottenham, 1962

Mr Poulsen, the Danish referee, finds himself surrounded by protesting Benfica players after Jimmy Greaves scored from an offside position under the floodlights at White Hart Lane, 1962.

Diego Maradona Denied Entry To Disney World Due To Communist Sympathies

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By Chris Wright

An excited Diego rushes to get in the front row for the Princess Parade

The Sun have no doubt snared the biggest story breaking this morning with the news that Diego Maradona has been forced to nix a family holiday to Disney World after being denied a Visa by the US authorities.

Brazilian Air Force Drone Captures Footage Of Neymar’s Confederations Cup Golazo vs Japan (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It looked pretty sweet the first time round, but the Brazilian Air Force have released footage of Neymar's third-minute golazo during Brazil's opening Confederations Cup group tie against Japan which shows the gorgeously-struck goal from an altogether more unique perspective.

Notts County Defender Rages After Conceding Goal vs Galatasaray, Accidentally Wallops Own Keeper In The Face (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having watched his goalie concede against Galatasaray during a preseason friendly at Meadow Lane on Tuesday evening, Notts County defenderAlan Sheehan delivered a damning assessment of keeperBartosz Bialkowski's efforts to repel Burak Yilmaz's 12-yard cracker by absolutely hoofing him one across the face.

Attack Of The Clones: Santos Already Have Spliced Themselves A ‘New Neymar’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Looks like Santos didn't exactly break the mould when they forged Neymar, rather they kept the mould, rinsed it out and used it to produce another cookie-cutter, fleet-footed, jinky, rinky and indeed dinky left-sided forward in the spindly form of Neilton: the 19-year-old who has scored thrice already since being promoted into Neymar's void the third of which being this eerily Neymar-esque goal scored against Portuguesa last weekend.

Olympique Marseille Narrowly Beat Toulon In Bizarre Football/Rugby Crossover Charity Match

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By Chris Wright

As pre-season friendlies go, Olympique Marseille's match against Toulon last night was fairly unique in that Toulon are a rugby club and the game itself was a kind of mish-mash hybrid of the two codes in aid of a local charity all refereed by Eric Cantona. Are you following?

Gunners’ Far-East Goalfest Continues With 7-1 Victory In Vietnam (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

After battering an Indonesian "Dream Team" 7-0 only a few days ago, Arsenal registered another seven-goal haul against the Vietnamese national side on Wednesday, running out 7-1 winners in theMy Dinh National Stadium.

French striker Olivier Giroud continued to stake his claim for a starting berth next season (despite the Suarez and Higuain rumours) by adding a hat-trick to the brace he bagged in Indonesia, with all three of his goals coming before the break.

Retro Football: 1980s Guide To Spotting ‘New Type Of Football Hooligan’

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By Chris Wright

As dug up by our brethren over at Anorak, here's a handy cut-out-and-keep guide to spotting the new breed of casually-dressed football hooligan, as printed in The Daily Mirror (we think, though we may be wrong) in the 1985...

"Can you tell the violent thug from the true soccer fan?

Brazilian Striker Given Huge 14-Game Ban By Peruvian FA For Brutally Reckless ‘Flying Stamp’ On Opponent’s Face (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The Peruvian Football Federation have banned a player from second tier clubAlianza Huanucofor 14 games after he reduced an opponent's face to an oval of ground meat in a brutal collision at the weekend.

Alianza's Brazilian striker Willigton Smith clattered through one tackle with a Deportivo defender only to follow through wildly, swinging a high boot and bringing it down heavily into the face of a second Deportivo player, Omar Cuya.

Shit Lookalikes: Raheem Sterling & Little Richard

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By Chris Wright

Look at the state of that.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to us (waatpies@gmail.com) or Tweet us (@waatpies) and we'll give it the once over.

Per Mertesacker Entertains Vietnamese Arsenal Fans With Amazing Duck Dance (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal are still on the charm offensive and making their supporters' dreams come true in Vietnam at the moment, with Per Mertesacker and Bacary Sagna hosting a special 'Fan Party' in Hanoi last night.

Things got really wild when one teeny tiny Goonerette was invited up on stage with Big Per and asked the gentle German goliath (who was still the taller of the two despite a tactical chair being brought up onto the stage) to, as far as we can tell, to dance around her like a duck while she and the audience sang a little song.

Transfer Toss: Man Utd Reject Chelsea’s ‘£10m Plus Juan Mata’ Offer For Wayne Rooney

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By Chris Wright

It would appear that football has gone truly bonkers this morning with stories emerging that Manchester United knocked back an offer from Chelsea for Wayne Rooney last night, thus offering the "tired and confused" striker a way of his £250,000-a-week misery at Old Trafford.

Super Fergie: Sir Alex Ferguson’s Man Utd Career Rendered In ‘Super Mario Bros’ Style (Video)

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By Chris Wright

There have been plenty of retrospective tributes to Sir Alex's unimpeachable 26 years at Old Trafford knocking around since he stepped aside as Manchester United manager at the end of last season, but none have been rendered in 'Super Mario Bros' style so therefore they've all been rubbish.

Luis Suarez Typecast As Irritating Office Git In New Uruguayan Advert (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We chucked this up on Twitter yesterday afternoon (*cough* follow us on there @waatpies, we're bloody dead good *cough cough*) but we reckon it's worth another plug.

What we have is Luis Suarez acting his backside off having found himself typecast as the annoying office git in an advert for Uruguayan company Abitab, in which the Liverpool striker* generally goes about driving his colleagues up the wall with his competitive disposition, erratic attitude and diving.

Edinson Cavani Joins PSG For Whopping €63m – More Than Bayern Munich Received For Winning The Champions League (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

It's over. It's finally over. Edinson Cavani has moved from Napoli to PSG for £55million (€63million), which is estimated to be around €6millionmore than Bayern Munich received in cumulative prize money for winning the Champions League last season.

Napoli ownerAurelio De Laurentiis summed the madness up nicely (presumably having waiting until after the Ligue 1 champions handed over their check):"The problem with these clubs is that they are owned by businesses that are run by presidents who will pay absurd figures.

The Black-And-White Years: Spiffing Vintage Photos Of Everton’s Goodison Park, Between 1905-1968

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By Chris Wright

Having spent the first few years of their existence playing in a flat corner of Stanley Park and at Anfield, Everton finally moved into their current stadium in 1892 when the club effectively split in twofollowing a fractious dispute with club chairman and owner of Anfield, John Houlding, over repeated rent hikes among many, many other things.

Shit Lookalikes: David Moyes & Troy McClure In HD

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By Chris Wright

Moyes is Manchester United's furrowed gaffer.

You may remember Troy McClure from...

Truly world class work from Pies fan Rob Carty there! Well done sunshine, help yourself to a prize from the mystery barrel.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies?

Good Ol’ Fashioned Rant: Fan-Designed Football Kits Are Rubbish

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By Jeff Maysh

Football shirt expert Jeff Maysh says fan-designed kits are rubbish...

Last Monday, Under Armour unveiled their new Tottenham kits from behind a wall of exploding marketing bricks.

I was secretly hoping a sozzled Gazza would emerge with a fishing rod and a six-pack of lager.

Snapshot: Gareth Bale And Lionel Messi Scream Themselves Silly On FIFA 14 Cover…

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By Chris Wright

Just in case you were wondering, it's going to be Gareth Bale alongside Lionel Messi screaming their lungs out together on the front of FIFA 2014...

There you go. You can all sleep easy tonight.

While we're on the subject, here's Bale all dressed up like Tron Guy and having his motions captured by the bods at EA Sports.

Running Man: Vietnamese Arsenal Fan Runs Beside Team Coach For Five Miles, Eventually Gets Invited On Board (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

This is a cracking little video.While driving through Vietnam on their team bus, the Arsenal players notice a young fan running beside them. And he keeps on running for all of five miles. Eventually, the team decide to invite the 'running man' onto their bus for photos and autographs etc.

Crafty Builders Hide Portsmouth Shirt In A Wall While Working At Southampton’s New Training Ground (Video)

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By Chris Wright

A wave of very mild ire has swept through Southampton fans this morn after a video emerged of a couple of crafty Portsmouth fans planting a Pompey shirt within the walls at the Saints' brand new training complex, which is currently under construction in Marchwood.

Mario Gomez Welcomed To Fiorentina By 20,000 Roaring Fans And, Yes – His Theme Song Has Been Updated (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Compared to David Villa's delirious welcome parade at Atletico Madrid, Mario Gomez's unveiling at Fiorentina was an altogether more sedate affair, though only just, as 20,000 Viola fans swarmed into the Stadio Artemio Franchito greet their new€17million-ish striker and his wonderfully sculpted obsidian hair-wave.

David Villa Repeatedly Mobbed By Frenzied Fans At Atletico Madrid Unveiling (Video & Photos)

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By Chris Wright

David Villa was paraded around the pitch at the Vicente Calderon yesterday evening after completing his shotgun budget move to Atletico Madrid last week, and it's fair to say that a few of the thousands of Atleti fans that turned out for the occasion were a tad excited about welcoming their new No.

Barcelona Top Forbes’ Social Media Rankings Courtesy Of 60 Million Followers

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By Alan Duffy

Forbes magazine have pronounced Real Madrid as the most valuable sporting club today, knocking previous chart-toppers Man Utd off their perch, with Barcelona in third and arsenal, the only other football team in the top 10, in 10th spot.

However,the magazine also published this rather fab infographic (see below).

Football Ink: Sunderland Fan Commemorates 3-0 Derby Win With Di Canio Power-Slide Tattoo

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By Alan Duffy

It should obviously read NUFC 0-3 Sunderland, but we'll overlook that small error on the part of the tattoo artist as there is so much else to love/hate about this piece of body art which captures Black Cats' boss Paulo Di Canio and his famous knee-slide during last season's derby win at St.

Real Madrid Top Forbes’ Social Media Rankings Courtesy Of 50 Million Followers

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By Alan Duffy

Forbes magazine have pronounced Real Madrid as the most valuable sporting club today, knocking previous chart-toppers Man Utd off their perch, with Barcelona in third and arsenal, the only other football team in the top 10, in 10th spot.

However,the magazine also published this rather fab infographic (see below).

Retro Football: Chile Qualify For ’74 World Cup By Beating USSR With A Single Shot In Sinister Circumstances (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The Chile squad, 1973

On November 21, 1973, at the Estadio Nacional in Santiago, the Chilean national side beat the Soviet Union to secure the final place at the 1974 World Cup by a single goal in what has since been billed as"the most pathetic match in the history of football.

Shit Lookalikes: Shahid Khan (New Fulham Owner) & Ron Jeremy

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By Chris Wright

Khan is Fulham's new majestically mustachioed billionaire owner

Jeremy is the quintessential hairy 70′s pornman

Kudos to "Picturefixer" for the spot.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it (waatpies@gmail.

Transfer Toss: Man Utd Lodge €30m Offer For Cesc Fabregas After Missing Out On Thiago

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By Chris Wright

According to Sky Sports and a whole heap of journos over on Twitter (including that insatiable transfer shit-stirrer supreme, Guilherme Ballague) Manchester United have, in the last hour, lodged a€30million (approx £26million) bid for Cesc Fabregas and are currently waiting to hear back from Barcelona.

New York Cosmos Try To Retire Pele’s Shirt Number, Only To Find They’d Already Retired It…36 Years Ago!

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By Chris Wright

With the club currently gearing up for their first competitive match since 1984 when the NASL season begins on 4th August, New York Cosmos had designs on commemorating the occasion by putting together a ceremony to honour two of their best ever players, with the intention being to formally retire their number 9 and 10 shirts in tribute toGiorgio Chinaglia and Pele respectively.

Thiago Alcantara Pays €2m From His Own Pocket To Seal Bayern Munich Move

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By Chris Wright

There are reports in Bild this morning that Thiago Alcantara was so desperate to push his transfer to Bayern Munich over the line that he put €2million of his own money toward the fee.

How does a player with less than 60 senior starts have a spare €2million to chuck about?

David Moyes Plays Hardball With Wayne Rooney, Tells Striker He’s ‘Only Vital If Robin Van Persie Gets Injured’

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By Chris Wright

"Here's ye new shirt Wayne, ah've wiped ma f**kin' arse all over it"

David Moyes has taken a firm stance vis-a-vis Wayne Rooney's pricking about, telling the striker in no uncertain terms that he is far from indispensable as far as Manchester United are concerned, thus tactfully deflating any bartering leverage Rooney thought he may have had in the process.

40-Year-Old Sao Paulo Keeper Rogerio Ceni Scores Yet Another Superb Freekick vs Vitoria (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Sao Paulo are in a bit of a funk at the moment having failed to register a victory in their last seven games, tasting defeat once again in theCampeonato BrasileiroSerie A last night, going down 3-2 against Vitoria though one of their consolation goals was worthy of note.

Oliver Giroud Bags A Brace As Arsenal Hit Seven Against Indonesian “Dream Team” (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Not sure this Indonesian 'Dream Team' quite lived up to their billing against Arsenal on Sunday, with the Gunners battering their opponents 7-0 in Jakarta.

Olivier Giroud bagged a brace, with the other goals coming fromTheo Walcott, Chuba Akpom, Lukas Podolski, Kris Olsson and Thomas Eisfeld as a mix-and-match Arsenal side cantered to victory in a stadium full of Gunners' fans.

Ariel Ortega Provides Assist For 12-Year-Old Son’s First River Plate Goal, Bursts Into Tears (Video)

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By Chris Wright

River Plate legend Ariel "El Burrito" Ortega officially retired at the grand old age of 39 with a testimonial at El Monumental last night (though he actually bowed out last August), putting a cap on a professional career that began with the Argentinian side in 1991, with whom he went on to win seven league and cup titles in three separate stints at the club.

Sweet Feet: Danny Welbeck Gets All Fancy In The Corner vs Singha All-Stars (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Look Danny Welbeck ye mere mortals and marvel at his supremely fancy feet...

Oh Danny, Danny...

Snapshot: France Win U20 World Cup After Penalty Shoot-Out Win Against Uruguay

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By Alan Duffy

After a disappointing goalless final in Istanbul, France triumphed on penalties over Uruguay to lift the U20 World Cup.

Goal'keeperAlphonse Areola was the shoot-out hero for Les Bleus, saving two of Uruguay's spot-kicks before Rennes defender Dimitri Foulquier ultimately netted the deciding penalty.

What A Bangkok-Up! David Moyes Loses First Game As Man Utd Boss In Thailand (Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

In his first game in charge of Manchester United, new boss David Moyes saw his Red Devils go down 1-0 against a Singha All-Star XI side in Bangkok.

While the likes of Robin Van Persie and David De Gea were still on extended leave, United still put out a strong side, featuring the likes of Rio Ferdinand, Michael Carrick and Ryan Giggs.

Aspas On Target As Liverpool Stroll To 4-0 Friendly Win Against Preston (Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

As the pre-season action finally kicks into gear, Brendan Rodgers' Liverpool side enjoyed a decent 4-0 win away at Preston North End on Saturday.

The Reds' side featured new recruits Simon Mignolet, Kolo Touré, Luis Alberto and Iago Aspas, with the former Celta Vigo man curling home Liverpool's after PhilippeCoutinho (courtesy of a spot-kick), Jordan Ibe and Raheem Sterling had all netted.

Snapshot: Mohamed Al Fayed Welcomes New Fulham Owner Shahid Kahn To Craven Cottage…

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By Chris Wright

Here's outgoing Fulham owner Mohamed Al Fayed welcoming new grande fromage Shaid Kahn (who also owns NFL side Jacksonville Jaguars and is estimated to be worth a mere £1.7billion) to Craven Cottage early today having completed his £200million takeover...

Oh yeah, Mo chose to wear an oversized comedy moustache for the occasion.

Keeper Karen Bardsley Scores 90th-Minute Own Goal With Her Face As England Women Lose Euro 2013 Opener (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It looked for all the world that England Women were going to get their Euro 2013 campaign up and running with a respectable 2-2 draw against Spain, that was until the 90th minute when keeper Karen Bardsley attempted to collect a cross into the box, fluffed the catch and duly deflected the ball into her own net using her face.

Bayern Munich Boss Pep Guardiola Launches Extraordinary Attack On Barcelona Big-Wig Sandro Rossell (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Pep Guardiola is not renowned for losing his cool but in a press conference yesterday, the Bayern Munich manager had a right pop at his former boss, Barcelona president Sandro Rossell.

Irked by a number of negative rumours emanating from Rossell's camp, including one which claimed that Guardiola had questioned his successor at the Nou Camp, Tito Vilanova's abilities as Barca boss and another claiming he hadn't visited Vilanova when he was ill in hospital in New York, Bayern's new boss let rip, stating that Rossell and co.

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #42

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By Chris Wright

Friday Flashback XLII:The New Batch...

As per bloody usual, gracias to Old School Panini (@OldSchoolPanini) for letting us rifle through their archives.

More Friday Flashback goodness on Pies...

Friday Flashback Volume #1
Friday Flashback Volume #2
Friday Flashback Volume #3
Friday Flashback Volume #4
Friday Flashback Volume #5

Friday Flashback Volome #6
Friday Flashback Volume #7

Friday Flashback Volume #8
Friday Flashback Volume #9
Friday Flashback Volume #10
Friday Flashback Volume #11
Friday Flashback Volume #12
Friday Flashback Volume #13
Friday Flashback Volume #14
Friday Flashback Volume #15
Friday Flashback Volume #16
Friday Flashback Volume #17
Friday Flashback Volume #18
Friday Flashback Volume #19
Friday Flashback Volume #20 Random 90s Football Sticker Quiz
Friday Flashback Volume #21
Friday Flashback Volume #22
Friday Flashback Volume #23
Friday Flashback Volume #24 Random 90s Sticker Quiz, Edition II
Friday Flashback Volume #25
Friday Flashback Volume #26
Friday Flashback Volume #27
Friday Flashback Volume #28 Random 90s Sticker Quiz, Edition III
Friday Flashback Volume #29
Friday Flashback Volume #30
Friday Flashback Volume #31
Friday Flashback Volume #32 Random 90s Sticker Quiz Edition IV
Friday Flashback Volume #33
Friday Flashback Volume #34 FA Cup Final Special
Friday Flashback Volume #35 Champions League Final Special
Friday Flashback Volume #36
Friday Flashback Volume #37
Friday Flashback Volume #38
Friday Flashback Volume #39
Friday Flashback Volume #40
Friday Flashback Volume #41

Red Bull Salzburg Centre-Back Martin Hinteregger Scores 70-Yard Power Thwacker vs Schalke 04 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during a pre-season friendly yesterday evening, 20-year-old Red Bull Salzburg centre-half gets a little lucky in squeezing between a couple of Schalke forwards, only to unleash all holy hell from 70 yards (that's about 65 metres in new money) as the Austrian side clocked up an impressive 3-1 victory over their German opponents.

Shit Lookalikes: Benoit Assou-Ekotto & Rudi (From ‘The Mighty Boosh’)

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By Chris Wright

Benny is Tottenham's ultra-not-arsed left-back, seen here back in Mother Africa connecting with his roots.

Rudi is a shamanic jazz fusion guitarist who goes by many names. Some call himShatoon, bringer of corn. Others call him Mickey Nine, the dream weaver.

Maracana Stadium Officials Consider Banning Fans From Standing Up, Waving Flags, Playing Instruments And Removing Their Shirts

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By Chris Wright

Well, that didn't last for long! The 2013 Confederations Cup showed that, despite years of renovation, an avalanche of strict FIFA initiatives and protestors lining the streets outside, the Maracana Stadium and all those who flock to worship at Brazil's footballing church are still capable of producing legendary atmospheres especially when it came to the national anthems.

Pep Guardiola Joins In At Bayern Munich Training, Shows He Hasn’t Lost His Tiki Taka Touch (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

A magnificent deep-lying playmaker in his heyday, Pep Guardiola apparently hasn't lost his touch after joining in a tikka-takka training drill with his new Bayern side. The former Barcelona boss didn't look out of place either as he exchanged passes with his Champions League-winning players.

New Bayern Munich Boss Pep Guardiola Joins In Training, Shows He Hasn’t Lost His Touch (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

A magnificent deep-lying playmaker in his heyday, Pep Guardiola apparently hasn't lost his touch after joining in a tikka-takka training drill with his new Bayern side. The former Barcelona boss didn't look out of place either as he exchanged passes with his Champions League-winning players.

Non-League Thurrock Relegated By FA After Player Fails To Pay Paltry £16 Fine

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By Alan Duffy

'Harsh' doesn't even start to describe a decision by the FA which has seenIsthmian Premier Division side Thurrock relegated to the First Division.

The FA have upheld a three-point deduction handed out to Thurrock after they had fielded a player who had failed to pay a whopping fine of £16 to West Riding FA.

Sporting Lisbon Fans Attempt To Kidnap Bruma In Order To Prevent Him Joining Chelsea

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By Chris Wright

Having lit up the FIFA U20 World Cup over the past couple of weeks with five goals and a flurry of impressive performances, the world and his dog have found themselves linked with Sporting Lisbon wunderkind Bruma of late though it's the interest from Chelsea being mooted which is giving Sporting fans sleepless nights at the moment, with Jose Mourinho thought to be very keen to acquired the€10million(ish)-rated Portuguese winger this summer.

The Black-And-White Years: Cracking Vintage Photos Of Aston Villa’s Villa Park Between 1932-1969

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By Chris Wright

Built on the site of an old Victorian amusement park in 1897, Villa Park is one of English football's oldest and grandest stadiums so we thought we'd give it the old "Black-And-White-Years" treatment.

Sadly, as Villa Park was regularly used to stage FA Cup Semi Finals in days of yore (before the FA realised they had better start staging everything they possibly can at New Wembley if they are to ever to pay the damn thing off) there aren't an awful lot of photos in the Pies archive of Villa's stadium actually full of Villa fans but hey ho, it's still a darn fine looking football ground regardless.

The Top 20 Barcelona Youth Goals Of 2012/13 Are As Bloody Impressive As They Are Bloody Depressing… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Look upon these 20 fantastic goals scored by players in Barcelona's various youth strings last season and weep, weep that you'll never be half as talented with a ball at your feet than these goddamn precocious little bratsprecious little childrenfolk...

Gah.

Spanish Sh*t Stirrers AS Claim To Have Found Mocked-Up ‘Gareth Bale’ Real Madrid Shirt At Bernabeu

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By Chris Wright

According to the delightful shit-stirrers over at AS, a mocked-up "Gareth Bale, No.11″ Real Madrid shirt has been found at the Bernabeu, which the feverishly pro-Real Madrid newspaper claim was commissioned by club executives.

This obviously obviously means that Madrid are still hell-bent on prising Bale from Tottenham this summer, and are so confident that they'll get their man that they went ahead and drafted him up a shirt (therefore reserving it for his arrival) before just casually leaving it lying around at the stadium, as you do.

Snapshot: Chelsea’s Online Megastore Selling Arsenal Baby Clothes…

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By Chris Wright

Either we're looking at a lovely bit of inter-club mutual merchandising, a subtle yet potent dig from Chelsea's online store about Arsenal's player recruitment process or the Yank version of the Blues' online MEGASTORE has been (very gently) hacked.

‘Thiago Is The Only One I Want’ – Pep Guardiola Commands Bayern Munich To Pilfer Man Utd’s No.1 Transfer Target

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By Chris Wright

Not since we can remember have Manchester United fans been so excited about a prospective transfer, but the arrival of Thiago Alcantara at Old Trafford just got approximately 100% less "imminent" with Pep Guardiola's public admission this morning that the 22-year-old Barcelona midfielder is the only player he wants to bring to Bayern Munich this summer.

Leeds Boss Brian McDermott Responds To ‘It’s Your Round’ Chant At Pre-Season Friendly In Slovenia By Handing Over €50 Beer Money To Travelling Fans (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Leeds are pre-seasoning in Slovenia at the moment, beating a local "Select XI" side 3-1 yesterday evening thanks to goals from Matt Smith, Dominic Poleon and new signing from Reading, Noel Hunt.

Impressively for such a low key fixture, a small number of travelling Leeds fans turned out for the game, with the thirsty gaggle of supporters chanting "it's your round Brian" in the general direction of manager Brian McDermott toward the end of the match.

Internacional’s Maurides Celebrates First Career Goal With Backflip, Sprains His Knee, Unable To Continue (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Scoring your first career goal is always likely to be a joyous occasion and when Internacional's Maurides bagged his first ever goal in the 89th minute againstAmerica Mineiro in the Copa do Brasil last night, you could forgive him for going a little OTT in celebration.

Little Boy Leads PSV Eindhoven Fans In Super Chant During Pre-Season Friendly (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

The little lad in question looks around 10-years-old, but sitting on his dad's (presumably) shoulders, he hushes the PSV crowd during the club's friendly with local side Eindhoven FC before leading the fans in a boisterous chant which culminates in a bit of mad jumping around.

Man City Unveil New Boss Manuel Pellegrini, Manuel Pellegrini Unveils New £34m Man Fernandinho (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Manchester City have spent their afternoon showing off their new wares to the press at Carrington, first officially unveiling their new manager Manuel Pellegrini in front of "the Mancini pines", before turning the Chilean loose and letting him unveil his first signing as City boss all £34million's-worth (that fee still sounds ruddy bloody preposterous to us!

Le Mans, Playing In Ligue 2 Last Season, Demoted To French Sixth Tier And Stripped Of Professional Status

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By Chris Wright

Le Mans, a club with whom Didier Drogba, Gervinho and Stephane Sessegnon have all played for in recent years and who were playing in Ligue 2 last season, have been demoted to the sixth tier of French football (the English equivalent would be the semi-pro North and South Conferences) and stripped of their professional status due to the quagmire of debt into which they have sank.

Obafemi Martins Uses Football Shirts From His Many Former Clubs To Upholster His Dining Room Chairs (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Ever wondered why footballers are so desperate to collect up shirts at the end of every game? Well, their dining room chairs aren't exactly just upholster themselves now are they?

Take Obafemi Martins' ensemble for instance, with the ex-Reggiana, Inter, Newcastle, Wolfsburg, Rubin Kazan.

Penniless Costa Rican Club Trade Player For Princely Sum Of 50 Footballs

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By Chris Wright

Try, if you can, to imagine 40 more of these things

Here's little old naive Pies thinking the days when players moved clubs for a set of tracksuits and their bodyweight in Lucozade were long gone, but not so, apparently as a cash-deprivedclub in Costa Rica have taken the old school route and traded a player for the princely sum of a van-full of footballs.

Snapshot: Radamel Falcao Presented At Monaco, Already Has The ‘Riviera Playboy’ Look Locked In…

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By Chris Wright

AS Monaco staged a mass player unveiling yesterday as they presented the £120bajillion's worth of talent they've already bought in over the course of the past two months to the world, with Radamel Falcao looking every inch the swarthy Riviera playboy as he held his new work clothes up for the cameras.

New York Red Bulls Willing To Pay Fans To Stop Chanting ‘You Suck A**hole’ At Games

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By Chris Wright

New York Red Bulls have said that they are willing to pay their fans if it will stop them chanting obscenities at their players.

For reasons far beyond our capacity to comprehend, it's apparently become a bit of a tradition for the Red Bulls fans to chant "you suck a**hole" at the players before each and every goalkick, a chant which has apparently spread to a few other MLS stadiums over the past season.

Diego Cavalieri Leaves Wife After She Talks To Media About Naked-ish Photo Uploaded To Hulk’s Instagram Account

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By Chris Wright

In today's "ridiculous overreaction news", Diego Cavalieri has reportedly left his wife after she blabbed to the press about a photograph which Hulk uploaded to his Instagram account after Brazil's Confederations Cup victory which shows the former Liverpool goalkeeper doing a fine impression of a butchers shop window.

Evasive Action: Barcelona President Sandro Rosell Ducks Into Women’s Toilets To Avoid Press Hordes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Barcelona head honcho Sandro Rosell appeared at the Liga BBVA assembly where the 2013/14 Spanish fixtures were announced on Tuesday night and was constantly harried on his way out of the building by the press hordes wanting to know about Thiago Alcantara's future, the ins and outs of David Villa's move to Atletico Madrid, whether he is a Lynx Java or Africa man, etc, etc so much so, in fact, that Rosell pretended he needed to go to the toilet just to give himself a few minutes of peace and quiet.

RTE Monday Night Soccer: League Of Ireland June Goal Of The Month Selection (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Back to my auld sod for this decent collection of goals. It's RTE's June goal of the month competition for the League of Ireland, a league with a fair amount of talent but unfortunately very little money.

Personally, I think winger Daryl Horgan's dribble and chip effort for Cork City against Drogheda at Turner's Cross (Goal D) is the pick of a quite a decent bunch.

Veteran Aussie Glovesman Mark Schwarzer Joins Chelsea In One-Year Deal

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By Alan Duffy

In a move which has come rather out of the blue, Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho has secured the services of veteran Aussie goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer on a one-year deal.

40-year-old Schwarzer has been one of the most consistent 'keepers in the top division for years now and after turning down a new contract at Fulham, he was available on a free.

New Arsenal 2013/14 Away Kit Launched – Yellow With Just A Soupçon Of ‘Invincibles’ (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

You all know what it looks like by nowthanks to the plethora of leaked images that have been doing the rounds of late, but we've finally got our hands on a batch of Nike-sanctioned photos of the new Arsenal away kit for 2013/14 (which will be Arsenal's final Nike kit before Puma take over next summer), and these are those.

‘Mind-Boggling Show Of Shame’ – Nigerian FA Vow To Punish Four Teams For Shambolic 79-0 And 67-0 Scorelines

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By Chris Wright

The Nigerian national side may well have been put through the ringer several times (most notably by their own government) over the last few years, but life with the Super Eagles looks like a breezy stroll through Peachy Keen Park compared to the state of the domestic game at the moment with mismanagement, match-fixing and other various strains of corruption known to be rife, particularly at lower-league level.

Hristo Stoichkov Resigns As CSKA Sofia Manager After Less Than A Month, Blames Owner’s ‘Endless Lies’

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By Chris Wright

We wouldn't lie to you Hristo, the jacket looks great

Back on June 22nd, Hristo Stoichkov took the managerial job at CSKA Sofia the club he played for with great distinction between 1984 and 1990, winning multiple league and cup titles with the intention of creating a new identity for the troubled Bulgarian club, even proposing to merge CSKA with fellow top flight club Litex Lovech in a bid to preserve both clubs' league licenses.

PES 2014 ‘Game Features’ Trailer Arrives – Features Horrific Close-Ups Of Fronk Ribery, HD Sweat And Terrible, Terrible Dubstep (Video)

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By Chris Wright

'Tis that time of year again and, a couple of weeks after EA Sports started drip-dripping their new FIFA wares, Konami are following suit by releasing their "game features" trailer for the imminent PES 2014 title, which features horrific close-ups of Fronk Ribery's screaming visage, Dante's HD sweat and the game's all new player engine all set to terrible, terrible (and unnecessarily loud) dubstep.

Benoit Assou-Ekotto Admits He’s Never Heard Of New £17m Tottenham Teammate Paulinho (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Looking more and more like a young Gil Scott Heron every time we see him, Benoit Assou-Ekotto gave an interview to Goal.com in which he freely admitted that he's never heard of the chap his club have just spent £17million on acquiring from Corinthians, i.e, the man they call Paulinho.

New Tottenham 2013/14 Kit Accidentally Leaked By Under Armour Moments Before Ritzy Launch Event Hosted By…Under Armour (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Tottenham launched their brand new kits for 2013/14 at ritzy event in London last night, though the club's very own kit suppliersUnder Armour slightly undermined the whole shebang when they accidentally posted images of Spurs' new togs on their website several minutes before the launch due to a "technical error".

Fluminense Fan Invades Pitch To Kiss Fred’s Feet vs Botafogo (Video)

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By Chris Wright

He may well have the name of a hod carrier from Pocklington, but Fred is a deity in Brazil, specifically among Fluminenese fans as demonstrated here during Flu's recent game against Botafogo, as one fan broke onto the pitch in order to pay tribute to his team's sainted No.

Thierry Henry Finally Pulls Off ‘Pires Penalty’ During Charity Game, Eight Years After Botching The Original (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With Robert Pires swapped out for Florent Malouda, Thierry Henry finally laid to rest the gnawing unrequited memory of his woefully inept attempt at the old "Johan Cruyff/Jesper Olsen" penalty he originally botched against Manchester City way back in 2005 by successfully pulling off the cocky two-man setpiece during the recent "Messi & Friends" charity game in Chicago.

Atletico Madrid Sign David Villa From Under Tottenham’s Noses, Possibily For As Little As £2.1m

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By Chris Wright

"David, it's chips for tea!"

Atletico Madrid have just have snagged themselves a hell of a bargain after announcing that they've agreed a deal with Barcelona for the Spanish striker that will see them parting with £5.1million, and that's only if Villa stays at Atleti for the next two seasons.

Thai Striker Shown Red Card For Dancing Dainty Little ‘Obstruction’ Jig (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Many thanks to Pies fanBolipan Imrungraung for getting in touch with us and bringing this little nugget which occurred in the Thailand Division 1 League (i.e, the Thai second tier) last weekend to our attention, in which Ayutthaya FC strikerRachanon Srinok gets his marching orders for choreographing a wonderful little obstruction dance for himself asSinghtarua FC attempt to take a freekick on the halfway line.

The Black-And-White Years: 30 Wonderful Vintage Photos Of Chelsea’s Stamford Bridge Between 1905-1967

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By Chris Wright

We've already basked in the glory of Highbury in monochrome, now it's Chelsea's turn...

One of the very first known photographs of Stamford Bridge, taken during Chelsea's Division Two match against West Bromwich in 1905

A huge crowd swarms into Stamford Bridge to watch England's Home International match against Scotland, 1913.

Minnows Martinique Stun Canada With Stonking 93rd Minute Golazo Winner In Gold Cup Opener (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Martinique racked up their first ever victory in CONCACAF Gold Cup history yesterday whenFabrice Reuperne ratcheted home a stonking first-time strike in the 93rd minute against Canada to win the game 1-0 with what was pretty much the last kick of the game.

Newcastle Boss Alan Pardew Has Stern Word With Joe Kinnear Over Mispronounced Players’ Names

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By Chris Wright

Having single-handedly turned Newcastle back into a laughing stock after the club spent two or three years doing their utmost to see off all their humble pie and rebuild their reputation from the Championship up, it's unsurprising that Joe Kinnear's appointment hasn't gone down well on Tyneside.

Shit Lookalikes: Marco Van Ginkel & Matt Damon’s ‘Team America’ Puppet

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By Chris Wright

Van Ginkel is Chelsea's new £8.5million signing who is set to light up the first few rounds of the Carling Cup next season.

Damon is the sublimely talented, multi-faceted actor and card-carrying F.A.G member who graced 'Team America' in marionette form.

Liverpool Knock Back £30m Bid For Luis Suarez From…Drum Roll Please…Arsenal

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By Chris Wright

Surprising news first thing this morning in that Liverpool have hunkered down and knocked back a not-insignificant £30million bid for Luis Suarez from none other than Arsenal, and with the BBC reporting it it's fairly certain that this isn't you're average spurious tabloid transfer hoo-ha.

Vasco De Gama’s Nei Nets A Beauty Of An Own-Goal, Injures Himself After Colliding With Team-Mate (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

We've had some pretty gruesome news from Brazilian football in the latest few days so here's a bit of light relief for you, courtesy of a cracking own-goal.

Vasco De Gama full-back Nei was the culprit, rocketing home a superb header, albeit into his net, before colliding with a team-mate to add insult to injury.

Amateur College Player Lights Up ‘Messi & Friends’ Charity Game With Absolutely Perfect Overhead Kick (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After the Los Angeles leg of the "Messi & Friends" rolling revue was sacked off 24 hours before kick-off earlier in the week, the charity football tour culminated in Chicago last night as planned, with the opposing "World XI" squad (which featured the likes of Thierry Henry, Florent Malouda and Alex Song) being padded with local college players for the match at Soldier Field.

New Arsenal Away Kit Leaked, And It’s Rather Classy Indeed (Photo)

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By Alan Duffy

In their final season as Arsenal's kit suppliers, Nike have, apparently, produced a rather fine away shirt for the Gunners. Reported to be based on 'The Invincibles' strip, the away shirt is quite a traditional affair, with a plain yellow top which is sure to get Gooners drooling.

Box-To-Box Brazilian Paulinho Finally Joins Tottenham In £17m Deal (First Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

It's been on the cards for some time now, but finally, Spurs have secured the services of Brazilian midfielder Paulinho.

The 24-year-old midfield dynamo was one of his country's star performers in the recent Confederations Cup and joins from Corinthians in deal expected to cost the Lilywhites around £17m.

Gruesome Brazilian Match Ends In Referee Fatally Stabbing Player, Fans Retaliate By Beheading Ref And Putting His Head On A Stake

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By Chris Wright

Brazilian football, especially regional and amateur Brazilian football, provides a rich seam of neck-high tackles, referee abuse and manic crowd "participation", but a recent game in theMaranhao region took the usual madness to a sickening level.

WARNING: As you may have guessed by now, this does not make for pretty reading.

Mario Götze Slapped With Hefty €10,000 Fine For Wearing Nike T-Shirt At Bayern Munich Unveiling

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By Chris Wright

According to Bild. MarioGötze's little faux-pas at his official Bayern Munich unveiling, in which he turned up wearing a Nike t-shirt despite the club being heavily ensconced with Adidas, is going to cost him a hefty€10,000.

Adidas are not only Bayern Munich's official kit suppliers but also are fairly major shareholders in the German club, and every single player that joins the club have a clause inserted into their contract that says they are prohibited from wearing the products of rival sports brands and personal sponsors at official FCB events.

Jacket Worn By Swansea Ballboy Who Tangled With Eden Hazard Up For Sale On Ebay, Could Be Yours For Just £260

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By Chris Wright

Remember back in January, when Eden Hazard toe-poked a Swansea ballboy in the ribs and the whole bloody world went conker-bonkers for a week, with the ballboy suddenly gaining 80,000 followers on Twitter for being such a laaaaaaaad, Subbuteo forever immortalising the fracas in limited edition figurine form and Pat Nevin, in his role as football's moral guardian, actually going as far as to call for ballboys to be removed from the game entirely.

Snapshot: Liverpool’s German Starlet Samed Yesil Snapped Fast Asleep On Astroturf Pitch

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By Alan Duffy

Apparently Brendan Rodgers' pre-season training regime is a right bugger, with one of the Reds' most highly-rated prospects, German attacker Samed Yesil, finding it all too much.

Team-mateHenoc Mukendi took a photo of Yesil, with shoes and socks taken off, conked out on an indoor astro-turf pitch, and promptly posted it on his Instagram account, along with the message, "Samed went missing for like 2 hours & we found him asleep in the indoor astro".

New Borussia Dortmund 2013/14 Home, Away And Third Kits Unveiled Amid Flurry Of Flowers (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Wow! How about that for a photo, eh? Turns out that mystical Borussia Dortmund kit made entirely from flowers wasn't the handiwork of the alien crop circle brigade after all. Indeed, it was all part of the launch for the new 2013/14 Dortmund kits, which have been ushered in with the help of the 80,000-flower "land art" piece in Westfalenpark.

KV Kortrijk Striker Takes Transfer Request Denial Rather Badly, Grabs Club CEO Around Neck And Threatens To Kill Him

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By Chris Wright

"I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!"

There's throwing a hissy fit and there's THROWING A GODDAMN F*£$"$£$£!"£**KING HISSY FIT which is exactly what Cameroonian striker Ernest N'For did when his club KV Kortrijk, who currently play in the Belgian top flight, turned down his transfer request recently.

Football Art Snapshot: New Borussia Dortmund Shirt Made From 80,000 Flowers…

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By Chris Wright

How nice, the new Borussia Dortmund shirt fashioned from 80,645 coloured flowers on the side of a hill in Germany. Why? We have precisely zilcho idea...

(Photo via ITV Football/PA)

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #41

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By Chris Wright

Friday Flashback XLI: First Contact...

As per bloody usual, gracias to Old School Panini (@OldSchoolPanini) for letting us rifle through their archives.

More Friday Flashback goodness on Pies...

Friday Flashback Volume #1
Friday Flashback Volume #2
Friday Flashback Volume #3
Friday Flashback Volume #4
Friday Flashback Volume #5

Friday Flashback Volome #6
Friday Flashback Volume #7

Friday Flashback Volume #8
Friday Flashback Volume #9
Friday Flashback Volume #10
Friday Flashback Volume #11
Friday Flashback Volume #12
Friday Flashback Volume #13
Friday Flashback Volume #14
Friday Flashback Volume #15
Friday Flashback Volume #16
Friday Flashback Volume #17
Friday Flashback Volume #18
Friday Flashback Volume #19
Friday Flashback Volume #20 Random 90s Football Sticker Quiz
Friday Flashback Volume #21
Friday Flashback Volume #22
Friday Flashback Volume #23
Friday Flashback Volume #24 Random 90s Sticker Quiz, Edition II
Friday Flashback Volume #25
Friday Flashback Volume #26
Friday Flashback Volume #27
Friday Flashback Volume #28 Random 90s Sticker Quiz, Edition III
Friday Flashback Volume #29
Friday Flashback Volume #30
Friday Flashback Volume #31
Friday Flashback Volume #32 Random 90s Sticker Quiz Edition IV
Friday Flashback Volume #33
Friday Flashback Volume #34 FA Cup Final Special
Friday Flashback Volume #35 Champions League Final Special
Friday Flashback Volume #36
Friday Flashback Volume #37
Friday Flashback Volume #38
Friday Flashback Volume #39
Friday Flashback Volume #40

Your ‘Diabolical Open Goal Miss Of The Day’ Comes Courtesy Of Portugal U20 Striker Alberto Aladje (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Despite the fact that they were unbeaten in their group, finishing top of the pile with the tournament's top goalscorer to date (Sporting Lisbon winger Bruma) among their number, Portugal were ejected from the FIFA U20 World Cup in the round of 16 when they were beaten 3-2 by Ghana on Wednesday afternoon though it could have been oh so different.

Transfer Toss: Southampton Boss Mauricio Pochettino Unveils Impressive Summer Shopping List – Wanyama, Damiao And Banega

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By Chris Wright

TheLeandro Damiao Fetishist Club arrive for their annual meeting

Southampton managerMauricio Pochettino has already completed an impressive piece of business this summer by tempting Dejan Lovren from Lyon to St Mary's, but it looks like the Saints are going big in their efforts to kit out their squad for next year's Premier League tilt.

David Beckham’s Career Highlights Given The Lego Treatment (Video)

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By Chris Wright

While not the work of Lego maestroFabian Moritz, Japanese media group Mori Pictures have had a good stab at lifting the German's style to create a highlight reel of David Beckham's career (including *that* freekick against Greece, the 1999 Champions League final and Beck's little tantrum with Diego Simeone the year previous) in block form.

Nomadic Nic Anelka Makes It Six Different Premier League Clubs, Joins West Brom In One Year Deal (First Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Moody French striker Nicolas Anelka has sure got around since originally shining as a fleet-footed youth with PSG. From title success with Arsene Wenger's Arsenal, to a megabucks deal with Real Madrid, to PSG again, then Liverpool, Man City, Fenerbahce, Bolton, Chelsea, Shanghai Shenhua and most recently, Juventus, Anelka has lived a nomadic footballing life.

Classic Moments: George Best And His Mum Appear On ‘This Is Your Life’, 1971 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We've been Youtube mining again and this time we've dug up George Best's emotional "This Is Your Life" episode (it would appear that it's quite rare footage) from 1971, featuring appearances from him Mum, Anne, his old landlady and Sir Matt Busby among others.

Xherdan Shaqiri Is Mainly Beatboxing For Swiss Rappers These Days (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Just in case you were wondering what he's been up to of late, Bayern Munich fringe winger Xherdan Shaqiri is mainly spending his summer providing mouth noises for Swiss rappers at concerts in Zurich...

We suppose if you happen to count beatboxing as somehow being good, then Shaqiri ain't that bad.

Shit Lookalikes: Raheem Sterling & Janelle Monae

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By Chris Wright

For the uninitiated, Monae is an American singersteress who did that song with that band.

Massive tip o' the hat to @thehuwdavies over on Twitter. We totally pilfered this one of him!

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email us atwaatpies@gmail.

Lee Dong-Gook Passes Back To Keeper After Injury Stoppage, Accidentally Scores 40-Yard Thumper! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We suspect there are plenty of Middlesbrough fans out there that would tell you it'd probably take a monumental fluke for Lee Dong-Gook to score a 40-yard top thumper, and that's just how the South Korean striker came about scoring a stonking "equaliser" forJeonbuk Hyundai Motors againstSeongnam Ilhwa Chunmain the K League Classic last night.

Top 5 Best And Worst New Premier League Kits For 2013/14

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By Chris Wright

It's kit launch season at the mo, so we though we'd cast our beady peepers around the Premier League club shops and duly rate and slate their wares for next season starting with the five strips that have had us purring with delight since they walked into our lives.

Horror Hair: Raheem Sterling Returns For Pre-Season Sporting An Atrocious New Headturd (*Sideburns Sold Separately)

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By Chris Wright

There is a Japanese word "age-otori" that is used to describe the sinking feeling caused by the realisation that you look profoundly worse having had your hair cut.

With that in mind, we'll just leave this photo of Raheem Sterling returning for pre-season training here and be on our way.

Transfer Toss: Man City Fancy Alvaro Negredo, Hot On The Heels Of £24m-Rated Sevilla Striker

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By Chris Wright

Negredo: Going for a song?

With Carlos Tevez dancing his way to Juventus already this summer, Manchester City are reportedly willing to spend the majority of the £27million the Argentinian would've cost them in wages and bonuses in the final year of his contract on bringing in Sevilla and sometime Spain striker Alvaro Negredo.

Ryan Giggs And Phil Neville Appointed As Man Utd First-Team Coaches

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United have confirmed that both Ryan Giggs and Phil Neville have been appointed as first-team coaches with immediate effect, with Ol' Grandpa Giggs, now nearly 40 and somehowstill alive, set to play on in a player-coach next season.

Giggs, who is in the process of completing his UEFA Pro License and has long been touted as a future United manager, told the Guardian:"It's no secret that I have been taking my qualifications and I see this as the first step in my future career.

Snapshot: Real Madrid Show Off Their Brand New £23m Isco…

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By Chris Wright

Here's Francisco Roman Alarcon (or "Isco" to his nearest and dearest) finding himself left with just Florentino Perez and a large photo of the Bernabeu to amuse himself with at his official Real Madrid unveiling after the 21-year-old midfielder fresh from an ultra impressive showing at the U21 Euros finally shored up his £23million move from Malaga yesterday.

Juventus New-Boy Carlos Tevez And Family Dance With Unbridled Joy On Leaving Manchester (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Ahead of his first season in Serie, Juventus' new signing Carlos Tevez danced with joy on leaving Manchester for Turin. Well, sort of.

A video of the Argentine hitman along with his wife and two daughters performing a rather silly new South American dance craze called 'Pasito de Ventura' has gone viral in his home country.

Adidas ‘Power Pitch’ Pick-Up Game Harnesses Energy Created By Player Movement To Illuminate Pitch (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We appreciate these PR-y things are coming a bit thick and fast of late (*there's still time to enter our boot competition, hint hint*) but it's a bit slow out there at the moment so you'll just have to make do until actual football farts back into life again.

Shit Football Ink: Schalke 04′s Dennis Erdmann Turns Up To Pre-Season With Worst Neck Tattoo EVAH! (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Look at the state of that...

Apparently Erdmann had his girlfriend Tanita kiss a piece of paper and then used the lipstick mark as a template for his tattoo, which he proudly debuted at Schalke's pre-season training camp.

End result? Well, at best he's gone and given himself a hickey (as I believe our Yank friends call them) for life.

The Black-And-White Years: 30 Marvelous Vintage Photos Of Arsenal’s Highbury Stadium Between 1931-1967

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By Chris Wright

Forgive the lack of pithy intro, but this one does exactly what it says on the tin...

The Arsenal goalkeeper collects a loose ball as Chelsea's Hughie Gallacher (second right) is ready to pounce at Highbury, 1931

Arsenal's trophy haul (including the League Championship trophy and the London Combination Cup) are wheeled around Highbury for the fans to view at close quarters, 1934

Arsenal captain Alex James leads his team out between Highbury's ornate dugouts ahead of the first match of the 1936/37 season against Everton

Arsenal's Don Roper stages an action shot in front of the North Bank terrace at a pre-season photocall, 1947

England cricketer and Arsenal footballer Denis Compton is massaged by trainer Jack Milne in Highbury's medical room, 1947

Arsenal's Reg Lewis gets his head on a cross during a game against Huddersfield at Highbury, 1947

Highbury as it looked in 1948

A queue of Arsenal fans snakes down the street outside Highbury before the Division One game against Aston Villa, 1948

Highbury, looking from the North Terrace toward the Clock End, 1949

Fans cram into the Clock End to watch Arsenal's game against Sheffield Wednesday, 1950

The East Stand, as seen from inside the stadium in 1950

The expensive Art Deco facade of the East Stand at Highbury as seen from the street outside, 1950

The Arsenal groundsman studiously rolls the pitch at Highbury, 1951

Arsenal play Hapoel Tel Aviv in a friendlyspecificallyarranged to test Highbury's brand new floodlights, 1951

Arsenal players prepare for their FA Cup match against Norwich with a jog around the pitch, 1952

Arsenal, seen preparing for the very same game against Norwich, indulge in a spot of "football tennis" in the exercise yard next to Highbury, 1952

Blackpool fans in fancy dress parade around the Highbury running track before an FA Cup sixth round tie, followed closely by an Arsenal fan brandishing a large cardboard gun, 1953

David Herd, a new £10,000 signing from Stockport County, unpacks his bags at Highbury, 1954

Arsenal trio Jim Fotheringham, Dave Bowen and Derek Tapscott work out in the Highbury gymnasium, 1955

Arsenal's boot-room boy Danny Cripps examines striker Tommy Lawton's boots, 1955

Arsenal's Doug Lishman enjoys a soap foam bath massage, performed by coach Alf Fields and Les Compton, 1955

Arsenal's Jack Wilkinson receives ultra-sonic treatment for a pulled muscle from assistant trainer Bert Owen , 1955

The plush main hall and corridor leading to the offices inside Highbury's East Stand, 1955

Arsenal's new signing George Eastham admires Highbury's marble entrance hall, 1960

Unsurprisingly, Arsenal's third round FA Cup tie against Oxford United had been postponed due to the eight inches of snow covering the Highbury pitch, 1963

Arsenal once again pack out the Clock End to watch their side take on Wolves, 1963

Arsenal and Blackpool players line up in the centre-circle in order toobserve a minute's silence in memory of assassinated American president John F.

Bayern Munich Forced To Apologise To Adidas After Mario Götze Wears Nike T-Shirt At Official Unveiling

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By Chris Wright

Mario Götze has made a cracking start to life as a Bayern Munich player, forcing his new employers into issuing a formal apology to their long-standing kit provider Adidas after turning up to his official unveiling with a mahoosive Nike logo emblazoned across his chest!

Neymar Scores Silky Smooth 45-Yard Lob During ‘Messi & Friends’ Exhibition Match (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Fresh from refusing to score any boring, humdrum goals at the Confederations Cup, Neymar carried on his golazo streak with a silky smooth lob from just outside the centre-circle in last night's "Messi & Friends" game in Lima, Peru the final consolation goal in an 8-5 defeat for the Brazilian's "World XI" side.

‘Messi & Friends’ Exhibition Game In Los Angeles Cancelled 24 Hours Before Kick-Off, Messi Accused Of ‘Defrauding American Citizens’

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By Chris Wright

Messi now has slightly fewer "friends" than he did this time yesterday

Lionel Messi has been accused of "attempting to defraud American citizens" after the Los Angeles leg of his "Messi & Friends" world tour was cancelled just over 24 hours before it was scheduled to kick-off.

Paulinho Bursts Into Tears After Accidentally Joining Tottenham (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As you may have seen, Paulinho got a little choked up yesterday while announcing that he is to leave Corinthians and his Brazilian homeland to join Tottenham for £17million this summer and it's no wonder, as it would appear that the midfielder thought the whole thing was one big practical joke.

Former Arsenal Invincible And Amateur Diet Enthusiast Kolo Toure Signs For Liverpool (First Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Hardly a signing who will single-handedly inspire Liverpool to glory in the coming season, the acquisition of Man City defender Kolo Touré, for free and on a two-year-deal, is still a rather decent bit of business for Reds' boss Brendan Rodgers. The 32-year-old Ivorian veteran will add a bit of depth and experience to the Liverpool defensive ranks, particularly with another old soldier, Jamie Carragher, hanging up his boots this summer.

Arsenal Bring In Ex-Ireland Rugby Pro Jerry Flannery As New Strength And Conditioning Coach

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By Chris Wright

Seems Arsenal are getting serious in their efforts to toughen up their squadfull of nimble wimps this summer, being as the Gunners have announced that formerIreland rugby international Jerry Flannery has joined the club on a work placement as a strength and conditioning coach.

Journalist Matthew Syed Rips Into Roman Abramovich’s Chelsea Tenure, Blows Tony Cascarino’s Tiny Mind (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's sports journalist (and former UK table tennis champion, no less) Matthew Syed being interviewed on Sky Sports News and utterly disassembling Roman Abramovich's tenure as Chelsea owner with a barrage of sound fact, reason and logic while "expert pundit" Tony Cascarino gawps on in dumb confusion as the man he had just branded as "a huge success for the Premier League" is reduced to nothing before his vapid, uncomprehending eyes.

Top 10 Goals Of The 2013 Confederations Cup (Videos)

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By Greg Evans

There was 68 goals scored at the Confederations Cup this year, this being in no small part due to Tahiti's inclusion, with the Pacific island minnows managing to ship a hefty 24 of those in the space of three games. God bless 'em!

Anyway, the overall standard of the goals at the tournament has been, as Mr Partridge would say, "first class", with surgically-precise team goals, individual flashes of brilliance and a healthy dose of superb set-pieces for us to drool over.

QPR Agree £12m Deal To Sell Chris Samba Back To Anzhi Michaelastrachan Five Months After Signing Him For £12m

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By Chris Wright

Amazingly enough, according to the BBC Sport and Sky Sports live feeds this morning, QPR have agreed a £12million fee with Anzhi Michaelastrachan to re-sign Christopher Samba, just five months after flogging him to the freshly relegated Hoops for...around about £12million.

Jack Wilshere Says Photos Of Gonzalo Higuain’s Missus Are Going Straight Up In Arsenal’s Dressing Room

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By Chris Wright

Living with a swimsuit model will do that to you

Jack Wilshere has been shooting the shite with ESPN of late and, among other things, the conversation with the Arsenal midfielder gradually got around to Gonzalo Higuain and the Real Madrid striker's proposed move to The Emirates over the summer.

Football Art: Lionel Messi Given $50m Swarovski Crystal Portrait By Some Colombian Bloke Called ‘Mr Bling’…

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By Chris Wright

The only thing Pies have ever been given while walking through a luxury hotel lobby are dirty looks, but as Lionel Messi sashayed through his lodgings on Monday he was bequeathed a portrait of himself made entirely from coloured Swarovski crystals and estimated to be worth around$50million (£33million).

Arsene Wenger’s Rumoured Summer Spending-Spree Kicks Off With Purchase Of Gangly French Youngster Yaya Sanogo

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By Alan Duffy

While far higher profile names such as Gonzalo Higuain, Julio Cesar and Marouane Fellaini reported to be be in Arsene Wenger's sights, the Gunners' boss has got his summer spending underway with the official signing of French under-21 striker Yaya Sanogo.

The Auxerre attacker joins the Gunners on a free transfer after impressing for the second division French side while he has also impressed in the U20 World Cup in Turkey this summer, nabbing two goals for Les Bleus.

One Brazilian Newspaper Got A Little Carried Away With Their Confederations Cup Final Match Ratings (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

As Tweeted by BBC journalist Ben Smith, one Brazilian newspaper got a tiny bit carried away when doling out their post-Confederations Cup final player ratings this morning...

Everyone gets a ten! Failed to control a ball at the first attempt all night?

Confederations Cup: Edinson Cavani’s 30-Yard Freekick Equaliser Against Italy Is Worth Another Look (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Italy came out on tops in the Confederations Cup third/fourth play-off game which took place a couple of hours before the main event at the Maracana, though it took another penalty shoot-out for the Azzuri to emerge victorious Gianluigi Buffon putting on a bit of a masterclass and saving three penalties in the process.

Classic Moments: Roman Abramovich Crowned Russia’s Most Seductive Fisherman, 2002

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By Chris Wright

Ten years ago this very day, a certain Russian oligarch changed the complexion of the Premier League when he bought perennial also-rans Chelsea from Uncle Ken Bates in 2003 and set about transforming them into the boring behemoth they are today.

What many people don't know is that, just one year previous to his arrival at Stamford Bridge, Abramovich was crowned Russia's Most Seductive Fisherman 2002.

Confederations Cup Final Review: Brilliant Brazil 3-0 Scrappy Knackered Spain (Photos & Highlights)

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By Greg Evans

With just 34 days until the start of the Football League season and 48 till the opening day of the Premier League, the lack of football to imbibe over the summer months is usually enough to reduce us all to brain-dead zombies, lurching around with cold, dead eyes and involuntarily shouting "BALE TO REAL MADRID" and "SOURCES CLOSE TO THE SUN" in little old ladies' faces at bus stops.

Competition: WIN! Pair Of Custom Adidas Camo ‘Nitrocharge’ Or ‘Predator Lethal Zones’ Boots

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By Chris Wright

Taste the rainbow, then stick your feet in it

It's competition time on Pies and the prize, courtesy of our good buddies over at Adidas, is a bit of a bloody stonker, even if we do say so ourselves!

Basically, Adidas added a cool new "camouflage" pattern option to their miadidas custom boot designer tool last week, which allows you to create and order your very own Nitrocharge and/or Predator Lethal Zones IIcustom colour combinations.

Top three cricket video games

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Top three cricket video games

Summer's coming and that means one thing – sport! As a quintessential English game, cricket is always going to be a feature of the British summer and here we look at the top three cricket video games for those who want to brush up on their skills from the comfort of their own home.

Nike Incyte: New Premier League Match Ball For 2013/14 Unleashed (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Behold, here be the new "Nike Incyte" matchball that the likes of Paul McShane, Andy Carroll and Jonjo Shelvey will be feathering delicately around the Premier League next season...

It probably won't surprise you to learn that Nike are claiming their Incyte to be the "most technologically advanced" ball ever made, proudly announcing that it is the "most visible" ball ever produced thanks to its ground-breaking graphics.

Confederations Cup GIF: David Luiz Executes Immense Goal-Line Clearance To Deny Pedro

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By Chris Wright

You could argue that it was the fortuitous bobble just before it reached him that sprang the ball clean over the bar, but David Luiz's sprawling goal-line clearance to deny Pedro an equaliser in the Confederations Cup final yesterday evening was still bloody chuffin' marvelous.