Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2013

Champions League: Real 2-0 Dortmund (agg 3-4) – Klopp & Co. Head For Wembley As Madrid Comeback Falls Short (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Real Madrid 2-0 Borussia Dortmund (agg 3-4) Champions League 30th April 2013

Despite a stirring comeback by Real Madrid late on at the Bernabeu, Borussia Dortmund held on to book their place in the Champions League final at Wembley.

Jose Mourinho's men had a massive mountain to climb after their shock 4-1 defeat at theWestfalenstadion but started the game all guns blazing.

Classic Moments: Eric Cantona Launches Into ‘Assassin Tackle’ On Michel Der Zakarian, 1988 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Proof, if it indeed were needed, that Eric Cantona has always lived with the madness, even before he kicked that gobby Palace fan in the heart: here he playing for his first professional side, Auxerre, in 1988 aged 21 and almost slicing Nantes midfielderMichel Der Zakarian in twain with a bloody horrible flying lunge.

Arsenal Legend Andre Santos Entrusted With Important Penalty, Skies It Into Stratosphere vs Juventude (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With their Campeonato Gaucho Cup semi-final against Juventude finishing1-0 after extra-time and with both sides scoring all of theprecedingnine penalties in the shootout, Gremio put their place in the final in the hands of a loanee:beloved Arsenal legend Andre Santos.

Shit Lookalikes: Luis Suarez & Pepper (From ‘American Horror Story’)

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By Chris Wright

Genius.Massive thanks to our brethren over at Anorak for the spot.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to us atwaatpies@gmail.comor Tweet is over@waatpiesif you'd prefer.

Jamie Carragher To Pundit For Sky Sports Next Season – To Celebrate, Here’s The Best Of Our Carra Butchering The English Language

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By Chris Wright

Having made his decision to retire at the end of the current season, Liverpool stalwart Jamie Carragher has sorted himself out with a nice little earner for life after football landing a job on Sky Sports' punditry panel (alongside Red Nev, no less what could possibly go wrong?

Football’s Founding Fathers: FA Launch Search For Living Descendants Of Eight Men Who Gave Football To The World

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By Chris Wright

As part of their ongoing 150th anniversary celebrations, The FA are launching a search to find the living descendants of the founding fathers of football, i.e, the eight men who together outlined the 13 original "laws" of the game and bound them together to produce association football's first official rule book in the Freemasons' Tavern, London,150 years ago a weighty tome which is now estimated to be worth £1 million!

One Solitary Fan Turns Up To Support Swedish Side, Grateful Player Treats Him To VIP Day Out

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By Chris Wright

Swedish side Brommapojkarna took a travelling contingent of just one to their Allsvenskan tie against Mjallby on Sunday, and their players were so impressed with the solo supporter's dedication that they have decided to lay on a bit of an all-expenses-paid VIP treat to show their gratitude.

Aston Villa 6-1 Sunderland – Black Cats Neutered By Rampant Villans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 6-1 Sunderland Premier League 29th April 2013

Christian Benteke may not have won any prizes at the PFA awards last night, but the Belgian bruiser has unquestionably been one of the players of the seasons, with his goals central to Aston Villa's push to stay in the top division.

Incredible Sulk: Rosenborg’s Nicki Bille Nielsen Throws Tantrum Over Iffy Red Card, Tears Shirt Off In Pure Rage (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, after not getting a penalty despite having his leg caught "bear trap" style bySandes Ulf 'keeper Sean McDermott and picking up a second yellow for dissent to rub salt into the wound, Rosenborg striker Nicki Bille Nielsen lets the 'mania run wild as he tears his shirt from his body in a state of pure, unadulterated RAAAAAAAAAGE as he trudges away down the tunnel.

Blackburn Award Henning Berg £2.25m Compensation For Peerless Work During His 57 Days In Charge

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By Chris Wright

Alas, 57 days seems to go by with the blink of an eye

Newsflash: Blackburn Rovers are an absurd excuse for a shambles of a football club. Today former manager and we use that term in the loosest sense imaginable Henning Berg has been awarded £2.

David Beckham Sent Off For Debatable Lunge Just Six Minutes After Coming On As Substitute (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With PSG 1-0 through Javier Pastore and already down to ten men following the dismissal of Marco Veratti for two yellow cards, David Beckham managed to get himself sent-off in inury time against Evain yesterday despite only having been on the pitch for six minutes.

Southend Manager Phil Brown Invites Jeremy Kyle To Give Motivational Team Talk Before Final Game

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By Chris Wright

Ahead of their final game of the League Two season, Southend's players were given a pre-match gee-up by none other than Jeremy Kyle, i.e, the megalomaniac host/ringleader of the scum circus that is The Jeremy Kyle Show.

Can we just point out now that Southend's manager is Phil Brown.

Snapshot: Rapid Vienna Fans Build Brick Wall In Front Of Club Offices In Protest Over Shoddy Season…

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By Chris Wright

Peeved at the decidedly average 2012/13 season their side have muddled through this term, a group of Rapid Vienna fans staged a protest at the club's general offices in the Austrian capital by building a brick wall across the entrance to prevent management from going into the building.

Ajax Ladies’ Nicoletta Den Ridder Applies Ruthless Finish To Open Goal Sitter (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Oh, sorry, did we say "ruthless"? We meant "completely and utterly shite"...

No comment, your honour.

(Via 101GG)

Gareth Bale Named PFA ‘Player Of The Year’ And ‘Young Player Of The Year’ (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

"Ma, it's Gareth. We're going to need a bigger cabinet"

Late last night, Tottenham talisman Gareth Bale won both PFA Player of the Year and PFA Young Player of the Yearat the Grosvenor House Hotel, becoming only the third player ever to do, the other two being Andy Gray (1976/77) and Cristiano Ronaldo (2006/07).

Old Habits: Robin Van Persie Almost Walks Into Wrong Changing Room At The Emirates (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Robin van Persie was on autopilot when he arrived at The Emirates ahead of Manchester United's game against his old club yesterday, so much so that he almost took a wrong turn down Herpy Derpy Avenue and ended up in the Arsenal dressing room...

Doh.

Arsenal 1-1 Man Utd – RVP Scores On Return To Emirates As Gunners Stay In Hunt For Europe (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 1-1 Manchester United Premier League 28th April 2013

Robin Van Persie's much discussed return to his old Emirates stomping ground saw the Dutchman net from the penalty spot to help his side to a 1-1 draw.

The Gunners gave the newly elected Champions the customary guard of honour while RVP got a fair amount of abuse from the Arsenal faithful as expected.

Chelsea 2-0 Swansea – Lampard Leads Blues Back Up To Third After Super Sub Cameo (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 2-0 Swansea City Premier League 28th April

Coming on for the injured Ramires after just 24 minutes, Chelsea legend Frankie Lamps inspired his side to a vital win that keep the west Londoners on track for Champions League football next season.

Reading 0-0 QPR – Sub-Standard Stalemate Sounds Top Tier Death Knell For Royals And Rangers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Reading 0-0 Queens Park Rangers Premier League 28th April 2013

In a disappointing game lacking the quality of a top tier clash, the Grim Reaper of relegation finally caught up with both Reading and QPR at the Madejski.

Both sides came close to scoring but ultimately it was a poor game worthy of two sides not good enough to stay in the Premier League.

Rejoice People, For The 2012/13 Australian A-League Bloopers Are Upon Us! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's that time of year again...

A-League Blooper Archives...

2011/12
2010/11
2009/10

2008/09

Norwegian TV Show Experiment Answers Age-Old Question: Can 22 Amateur Footballers Beat Team Of 11 Professionals?

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By Chris Wright

Norwegian television show Golden Goal the same intrepid chaps who bought us "Bubble Football" and "Electric Shock Football" have been busying themselves once again, asking one of the most hard-hitting questions to dog the mind of the football fan since time immemorial: could a team of 22 amateur footballers beat a team of 11 professionals (from Valerenga no less)?

Ronaldo Scores With Rinky Dinky Flip-Flap Maneuvre During Maracana Exhibition Match (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The Maracana re-opened yesterday with a "Friendsof Bebeto vs Friends of Ronaldo" charity game laid on especially for the workers who have been toiling away on it over the past three years, in which the latter Brazilian striker rolled back the years (and the flab) to score with a rinky dinky elastico-type thing in an 8-5 win for his side.

Stoke 1-0 Norwich – Adam Fires Potters Towards Top-Tier Safety (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 1-0 Norwich City Premier League 27th April 2013

Charlie Adam was the goal-hero for Stoke on Saturday, producing a fine finish just after the break to move the Potters a healthy eight points clear of the drop-zone.

This game was never going to be too pleasing on the eye, with very few decent passages of play.

Southampton 0-3 West Brom – Red Card Madness As Baggies Down Saints At St. Mary’s (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 0-3 West Bromwich Albion- Premier League 27th April 2013

A whopping three red cards were shown at St. Mary's on Saturday, in an eventful game which saw West Brom convincingly beat the Saints.

Marc-Antoint Fortuné scored from close-range early on to put the visitors in the driving seat with Romelu Lukaku superb in attack for Steve Clarke's men.

Everton 1-0 Fulham – Toffees Stay In The Race For Europe After Goodison Victory (Photos & Highlghts)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 1-0 Fulham Premier League 27th April 2013

Everton now find themselves just three points off a Champions League spot after a deserved 1-0 win at home to Fulham on Saturday.

Steven Pienaar netted the only goal of the game, from a Seamus Coleman centre, in a first-half in which the Toffees were dominant.

Newcastle 0-6 Liverpool – Sturridge On Song As Suarez-Less Reds Batter Magpies (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 0-6 Liverpool Premier League 27th April

Any fears Liverpool fans may have had about how their side would perform without the services of the suspended Luis Suarez were put to bed in clinical fashion at St. James' Park on Saturday, with the Reds totally annihilating Alan Pardew's sorry Magpies.

Wigan 2-2 Tottenham – Boyce Scores At Both Ends As Draw Satisfies No-one At The DW (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wigan Athletic 2-2 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 27th April 2013

Wigan and Spurs may have their eyes on different ends of the table, but the 2-2 draw played out at the DW Stadium on Saturday did little to move either side closer to their respective targets.

Man City 2-1 West Ham – Citizens Too Good For Hammers At The Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 2-1 West Ham United Premier League 27th April 2013

In a game involving two sides with not a great deal to play for in the league this season, City deservedly came out on top after producing some superb passages of play.

Sergio Aguero's superbly worked goal on 28 minutes was the only advantage the Citizens had going into half-time despite dominating.

French Radio Presenter Loses Bet That Cesar Azpilicueta Would Never Play For Spain, Forced To Eat Coypu Live On Air (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having been singularly unimpressed by Cesar Azpilicueta upon his arrival at Marseille in France in 2010, French radio presenter and former Marseille left-back Eric Di Meco brazenly vowed to his co-hosts that he would "eat a rat" if the Spanish right-back ever became first-choice right-back for his country.

Non-League Rimington Given Ticket Allocation Of 19,000 For Cup Final At Elland Road, Entire Village Only Has Population Of 400!

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By Chris Wright

Non-league side Rimington FC have been bestowed with ahumongousticket allocation of 19,000 for their upcomingWest Riding County FA Challenge Cup Final against Bay Athletic at Elland Road ground, despite the tiny village in Lancashire only having a population of around 400 people.

Watford’s Nathan Chalobah Scores Thunderous 30-Yard Boomsmasher vs Leicester City (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Watford beat fellow play-off contenders Leicester City last night to delay Hull City's promotion party by at least another day, with The Hornets' England U21 international Nathan Chalobah lighting up the tie with a 30-yard torpedo that left Kasper Schmeichel well and truly helpless.

Friday Flashback Special: Random 1990s Premier League Football Sticker Quiz, Edition IV

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By Chris Wright

Time for a bit of Friday fun with the fourth installment of Pies' extra special random Premier League sticker quiz.

You know the drill peeps: Try to identify this score of 1990s heroes, tot up your tally and tell us how well you went on in the comments below the dotted line if you see fit.

Struggling Brazilian Side Santo Angelo Raffle Off Live Sheep At Half-Time To Keep Fans Interested

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By Chris Wright

The half-time entertainment at Santo Angelo leaves a lot to be desired

Gawd bless the Brazilian lower leagues, for they truly are a goldmine of seemingly random footballmiscellania. Like many non-league sides around the world, Brazilianamateur side Santo Angelo are struggling to balance the books at the moment, with attendances dwindling to quite literally nothing as fans find other ways to occupy themselves of a weekend.

Theo Walcott Confesses He And Gareth Bale Were ‘Underpant Bandits’ Together At Southampton

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By Chris Wright

"Underpant bandits...UNITE!"

They may ply their trades on opposite sides of the North London schism these days but there was a time when Theo Walcott and Gareth Bale were BFFs back at Southampton, where the pair became known as the "underpant bandits" for reasons we're not entirely certain we wish to know.

The Goalmouth Scramble During Danubio vs Cerro Was Rather Spectacular…ly Crap (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Complete with Yakety Sax to complete the effect, here's the truly glorious goalmouth scramble (or "stramash" for our Scottish viewers) that graced the Uruguayan Premier League game between Danubio and Cerro last weekend...

(Thanks to Pies fan @JBBetting for the tip-off)

Europa League: Basel 1-2 Chelsea – Blues Beat Basel After Late Luiz Winner (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

FC Basel 1-2 Chelsea Europa League 25th April 2013

Chelsea should really have won this game by more goals after producing an impressive display in Switzerland.

Victor Moses was a livewire in the first-half and was rewarded for his good play with a goal, albeit one he knew little about, when Frank Lampard's corner hit off the Nigerian wideman and ended up in the back of the Basel net.

Horror Hair: Marouane Fellaini Promises To Dye Afro Silver If Fans Raise Enough Money

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By Chris Wright

In a bid to cobble together a wodge of money for Everton in the Community, shrub-headed unit Marouane Fellaini has vowed to dye his big Belgian afro (Belgfro?) silver if Toffees fans donate over £25,000 to the cause.

It's all in honour of Everton's official charity marking its 25th anniversary, with Fellaini telling the club website:

"Our fans have already given thousands of pounds to support Everton in the Community but there's still a long way to go, so I hope that my silver hair challenge will help to bring in lots more money and make a difference.

Shit Football Kits: Sheffield Wednesday’s Sickly ‘Chupa Chups’ Goalkeeper Foul-Up, 2002/03

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By Chris Wright

Without wanting to overly persecute the club for their terrible strips of yesteryear after we featured their silken lilac abomination from 1986 a short while ago, today's Shit Kit nomination once again comes courtesy of Sheffield Wednesday.

Strange Match Programme Adverts #1: Barnet FC Offer Fans Custom Made Coffins In Club Colours

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By Chris Wright

This strange advert regularly appears in the Barnet match programme. It's forChurchillsFuneral Directors, who are proud to provide custom made "Barnet FC coffins and caskets" to any Bees fan who is knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door, close to end or just so happens to get bored to death while watching a game at Underhill.

Mario Götze’s Brother Bullied And Forced To Leave School, Dortmund Ultras Vandalise Family Home

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By Chris Wright

"Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to the Allianz I go..."

Despite having just pressed the flesh over a €31.5million move to Bundesliga top dogs Bayern Munich, it's not all rainbows and unicorn sighs in Mario Götze's world at the moment, with reports in Germany that his family are being traumatised by angry Dortmund Ultras.

Snapshot: Jay Bothroyd Shows Off Pretty Awful New Tattoo, Has ‘Love’ Spelled Out Using Various Weaponry

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By Chris Wright

England international (we must never forget what happened that day) Jay Bothroyd showed off his delightful new tattoo yesterday which sees the word "love" spelled out in guns, grenades and flick knives down his entire left flank.

There's a joke about his Arsenal in there somewhere.

Lecce Winger Ousmane Dramè’s Monday Night Sexcapade: Pays Hooker With iPhone, Steals Her Purse, Escapes On Bicycle, Caught By Transvestite

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By Chris Wright

It's just wonderful when delightfully heartwarming yarns like this fall in your lap of a morning.

It seems like Lecce winger Ousmane Dramè had a fairly eventful Monday night, after details of a sordid little sex romp came to light the following day after the whole shebang went tits up (presumably literally) for the 20-year-old Frenchman after he solicited the services of a prostitute in thePorta Rudiae district of the Italian city.

Introducing Caxirolas: Infernal Percussion Instrument Is World Cup Hosts Brazil’s Answer To The Vuvuzela

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By Chris Wright

After casting their collective mind back to the 2010 tournament in South Africa and recalling just how fondly people took to the vuvuzela's incessant moronic honk, World Cup 2014 hosts Brazil have come up with their very own infernal instrument with which they hope to drive football fans around the world totally and utterly insane.

On the road from Chelsea to Germany with the Champions League trophy

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THE Champions League trophy is, barring a miraculous semi-finals comeback by Barcelona or Real Madrid, heading to Germany. The Cup's destination will be settled at Wembley in Das Teutonico, or whatever the match between Borussia Dortmund and Bayern Munich is called.

We got invited along by HTC to watch the Big Cup makes its way from holders Chelsea's Stamford Bridge home to Banqueting House in Whitehall, where it will used to serve punch or a novelty table centrepiece.

Champions League: Dortmund 4-1 Real – Mourinho’s Madrid Pole-Axed By Brilliant BVB (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Borussia Dortmund 4-1 Real Madrid Champions League 24th April 2013

Coming just 24 hours after the Bundesliga's top side Bayern had pummeled Spaniards Barca 4-0, German giants Borussia Dortmund destroyed Real Madrid at theWestfalenstadion.

Indonesian Football Federation Hand Lifetime Ban To Player For Hospitalising Referee With Sucker Punch

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By Chris Wright

RememberPieter Rumaropen? The striker who caused uproar when hehospitaliseda referee by sucker punching him in the face over a dodgy penalty call in the Indonesia Super League at the weekend? Well, you'll be no doubt glad to know that he's been banned for life today for hisappallingconduct.

Unfortunate Initials See Indian IT Consultant Bombarded With Twitter Messages For Robin Van Persie

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By Chris Wright

An unfortunate set of initials has seen an IT consultant from India bombarded with Tweets intended for Manchester United striker Robin van Persie, known to his friends as "RVP".

52-year-old Ravi Visvesvaraya Sharada Prasad signed up for Twitter under the account handle "@rvp" and is now complaining that the case of mistaken identity is becoming a real "nuisance" after hundreds of over-eager United fans Tweeted him to congratulate him on his Premier League title success.

Top 10: Pies’ Alternative Player Of The Year Shortlist

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By Chris Wright

We've seen the septet whom the PFA deem potentially worthy to take their 'Player of the Year' trinket and, bar a couple of debatable anomalies, it's difficult to argue with their selection- it's just a bit boring and predictable is all.

However, we feel there is a swathe of players who deserve to have their 2012/13 Premier League contributions acknowledged and therefore we've put together an alternative shortlist of nominees for you to peruse, process and react violently to.

Luis Suarez Given 10 Game Ban By The FA For Feasting Upon Human Flesh

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By Chris Wright

After pleading guilty to a violent conduct charge, Luis Suarez has been given a ten-game ban for biting Branislav Ivanovic at the weekend, which comes into force with immediate effect.

A statement of the FA website reads:

"A three-person Independent Regulatory Commission today upheld The FA's claim that a suspension of three matches was clearly insufficient and the player will serve a further seven first-team matches in addition to the standard three.

Shit Lookalikes: Freshly Bald Gerard Pique & John Travolta

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By Chris Wright

We imagine this probably wasn't the look Gerard was aiming at when he decided to take the Bic to his bonce before last night's Champions League semi against Bayern...

Thanks to Bordeaux Blues for the nudge. A full 10 Pies Points are on their way to you Sir, please allow three working days for delivery.

QPR Not Happy Bunnies After Julio Cesar Pictured In Chelsea Kit At David Luiz’s Birthday Party

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By Chris Wright

The media bods at QPR are not happy bunnies at the moment after a photograph of goalkeeper Julio Cesar decked out head-to-toe in Chelsea colours was circulated yesterday.

It won't surprise you to learn that it's all completelyinnocuous,as Cesar and his wife Susanna Werner were merely attending good friend David Luiz's fancy dress birthday party dressed as David Luiz, while the man himself along with good buddy Ramires came as Chelsea pensioners.

Football GIF: Dani Alves Gives Young Mascot A Mohawk During Champions League Anthem (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Nothing wrong with a grown man styling a young boy's hair every now and then...

(Via 101GG)

Mario Gomez’s Little Knee Slide Goal Celebration FAIL vs Barcelona (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's one we missed at the time, but thanks to this high-angle footage sourced by our chums over at Off The Post we're now able to bask in the full glory of Mario Gomez's little goal celebration slip-up, in which he overshoots a knee-slide by several feet thanks to a slick little feint from scorer Arjen Robben.

Champions League: Bayern 4-0 Barcelona – Barca Battered As German Giants Put One Foot In Final (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Bayern Munich 4-0 Barcelona Champions League 23rd April 2013

It's not often that you see the great Barcelona outplayed in a football match but at the Allianz Arena on Tuesday night, Bayern Munich took the Spaniards to the cleaners, hammering them 4-0 to move a step nearer to the final.

Luis Suarez Invited To Zombie Wedding By PR Savvy Liverpudlian Couple

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By Chris Wright

"Mmmm, needs more BBQ sauce"

Sensing a nailed-on publicity opportunity, a couple have invited bitey bitey Liverpool striker Luis Suarez to their zombie-themed wedding after chowing down on Branislav Ivanovic's fleshy bits on Sunday,

Jennifer Jones and Rob Blackmore are to be married as members of the undead on Wednesday with the wedding being paid for as a PR stunt by Deep Silver, thecompany behind new video game Dead Island: Riptide, and the Liverpudlian couple have extended an invite to their favourite cannibalistic Uruguayan.

New Wolves 2013/14 Kits Launched, Bland As Beige Bowl Of Cold Porridge (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

For those who are interested, here's the new Wolves kits for the 2013/14 League One (ahem) season, which is being launched along with the Twitter-friendly tagline "#NatureofWolves".

Ask most Wolves fans what the precise nature of their side is these days as they languish in the Championship drop zone and we're not entirely certain you'd get the kind of buzzwords Puma were angling for when they came up with their slogan.

Indonesian Player Hospitalises Referee After Punching Him Square In The Face Over Penalty Call (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Never mind biting, Indonesian striker Pieter Rumaropen is facing hefty punishment after the Persiwa Wamena player delivered a nasty left hook to the referee's face after taking umbrage at a debatable penalty decision.

The incident occured during the Indonesian Super League match betweenPersiwa Wamena and Pelita Bandung Raya on Sunday evening when, with the scores level at 1-1 and just a few minutes left to play, referee Muhaimin awarded a penalty to Pelita despite their defender appearing to take the ball.

Shit Lookalikes: Philippe Senderos & Krang

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By Chris Wright

For the uninitiated, Krang is the blancmange-y nemesis of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles whose mechanical exosuit bears an uncanny resemblance to a certain permanently sad-looking Swiss centre-half.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to us at waatpies@gmail.

Bayern Munich Agree To Sign Mario Götze From Borussia Dortmund

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By Chris Wright

It's safe to presume that Mario Götze was a name on many-a prospective summer shopping list, but he won't be joining the likes of Arsenal (Gooners can but dream) any time soon as the news has just broken that the Borussia Dortmund forward will join Bundesliga rivals Bayern Munich as soon as the window slams open.

Football GIF: Robin Van Persie’s Immaculate Villa Volley Over And Over Again…

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By Chris Wright

By Allah, this Van Persie fella scores some bloody gorgeous goals...

Just can't quite get over how good that sucker was; the floated pass from Rooney, the ground RVP had to make up just to get there, the technique, the connection, the trajectory, Guzan's "WTF" body language after watching it ping past him.

Sepp Blatter And FIFA Have Twitter Accounts Hacked, Hoax Messages Still Seem Perfectly Plausible

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By Chris Wright

Sepp:Bitch got fraped (or whatever the Twitter equivalent is...twaped?)

Last night a series of Tweets were posted on Sepp Blatter's official account which "announced" that the FIFA president accepted money from the Qatari royal family in return for World Cup hosting privileges.

Champions! Man Utd 3-0 Aston Villa – RVP Hat-Trick Fires Red Devils To 20th Title (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 3-0 Aston Villa Premier League 22nd April 2012

A single never wins a trophy for his team on his own, but in signing Robin Van Persie from Arsenal in the summer, Sir Alex Ferguson madethe decisive purchase of the season.

Man Utd’s Patrice Evra Mocks Luis Suarez, Takes Bite Out Of Fake Arm After Winning Title (Photo)

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By Alan Duffy

Never one to let things go, Man Utd's Patrice Evra celebrated his side's title win at Old Trafford by having a little pop at his old friend Luis Suarez.

The French defender held aloft a fake plastic arm (which had been thrown from the stands) before pretending to take a Suarez-size bite out of it.

Classic Moments: Chris Waddle Launches Assault On French Pop Charts With Help From Marseille Teammate Basile Boli, 1991

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By Chris Wright

Though undoubtedly a fine player in his pomp, it's bloody amazing that Chris Waddle emerged from his playing career with a single iota of credibility given his repeated dalliance with producing god-awful, ultra-tacky pop music.

Just four short years after joining forces with Glenn Hoddle to form footballing supergroup "Glenn & Chris" and unleashing power ballad standard 'Diamond Lights' (a number 12 hit in the UK, no less) on the world, Waddle decided it was high time to launch an assault (a word which has never been used so aptly) on the French charts.

Norwegian Club Return From Off Season To Find New Road Built Over Their Home Pitch Without Their Knowledge

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By Chris Wright

Taking corners just got that bit more challenging at Krohnborg

Spare a thought for Norwegian regional sideNy Krohnborg IL, who returned for the start of the season only to find that their local council had given the go-ahead for a new road to be laid which cuts into the corner of their pitch without telling the club.

Luis Suarez Bite Prompts PFA To Offer Him Anger Management Counselling

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By Chris Wright

"Nom nom nom"

After feasting uponst Branislav Ivanovic's flesh at Anfield yesterday, the PFA have offered to help Luis Suarez curb his cannibalistictendenciesby putting him on a strictly vegan dietone of their anger management counselling courses.

Thiago Silva Scores Brilliant ‘Impossible’ Goal From Ridiculous Angle Only To See It Disallowed… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

PSG beat Nice 3-0 at the weekend to put themselves on the cusp of winning their first Ligue 1 title since 1994, withJeremy Menez, Zlatan Ibrahimovic (pen) andClement Chantome all notching to leave the Parisiens nine points clear of second-placed Marseille with five games to play.

Romanian Fourth Division Side Use Motorised Wheelbarrow To ‘Stretcher’ Injured Player From Pitch (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Over in the Romanian fourth division the players' safety is of the utmost importance, therefore specialised research teams are employed to spend countless hours forwarding the technology used to protect and treat injuries that may occur on the pitch.

During Saturday's game betweenPolitehnica Timisoara andTimisul Urseni, one of the research department's most futuristic devices made its debut when an injured player was left in need of an escort from the field.

Shinji Kagawa Plays Second Fiddle To Talking Dolphin In Mind-Boggling Japanese Advert (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Manchester United midfielder Shinji Kagawa's new advert for Japanese internet providers SoftBank. We really can't tell you an awful lot more as it hurts to even think about it.

WARNING: Make sure you've got your Japanese TV-strength mind bleach ready.

Football GIF: Luis Suarez Bites Branislav Ivanovic, Liverpool Fans Claim It Was Arm To Mouth

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By Alan Duffy

In a truly WTF moment, pantomime villain Luis Suarez lived up to his bad-boy image and then some by blatantly attempting to bite Branislav Ivanovic on the arm.

The Uruguayan even has form for this kind of madness, doing it once before with Ajax, but surely this latest piece of nasty and bizarre behaviour could spell the end of his time with Liverpool.

Mike Tyson Starts Following Luis Suarez On Twitter Immediately After ‘That’ Bite

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By Chris Wright

You couldn't make it up: Infamously 'bitey' boxer Mike Tyson (just ask Evander Holyfield actually he probably won't be able to hear you all that clearly) immediately started following Luis Suarez on Twitter in the aftermath of the Uruguayan's impromptu afternoon snack on Branislav Ivanovic's bicep.

Tottenham 3-1 Man City – Lilywhites On Course For Europe As Citizens Collapse At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 3-1 Manchester City Premier League 21st April 2013

Man City all but surrendered their ailing title defence against Spurs on Sunday, throwing away a one-goal lead late on ultimately lose 3-1.

Samir Nasri had opened the scoring on five minutes and for the majority of the game the visitors looked in control.

Liverpool 2-2 Chelsea – Blues’ Top Four Hopes Dented By The Luis Suarez Show (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 2-2 Chelsea Premier League 21st April 2013

No doubt by now you'll be well au fait with Mr. Suarez's bizarre behaviour at Anfield on Sunday. But as well as biting the arm of poor old Branislav Ivanovic, the Uruguayan loon was also involved in a number of key incidents in this big clash on Merseyside.

Swansea 0-0 Southampton – Goalless At The Liberty As Saints Extend Unbeaten Run (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea 0-0 Southampton Premier League 20th April 2013

Not long ago Southampton were one of the sides threatened by possibility of relegation, but a six-game unbeaten run, including Saturday's draw with Swansea, has put them eight points clear of the drop-zone.

QPR 0-2 Stoke – Potters Go Six Points Clear Of Drop-Zone As Hoops Prepare For Championship (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Queens Park Rangers 0-2 Stoke City Premier League 20th April 2013

A goal in either half, courtesy of Peter Crouch and Jonathan Walters (from the penalty spot) went a long way to securing Stoke City's Premier League status at Loftus Road.

Championship Snapshot: Huddersfield’s James Vaughan Goes In Dangerously High On Corner Flag…

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By Chris Wright

The moment when Huddersfield striker James Vaughan went all "Liu Kang" on the corner flag's ass after scoring The Terrier's third goal in their 3-0 win over Millwall yesterday...

(Photo:Nigel French/EMPICS Sport)

Valencia Defender Adil Rami Injures Foot While Dancing To ‘Gangnam Style’

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By Chris Wright

Valencia centre-half Adil Rami has incurred the wrath of the club's fans after injuring his foot while dancing at a charity event and putting himself out of action for the club's La Liga fixture last weekend.

Rami was making an appearance on stage at a charity concert held by his former club Lille a while back and was coerced into throwing some shapes to 'Gangnam Style'.

Football GIF: Seb Larsson Gives Simon Mignolet Heart Palpitations With Massively Over-Hit Backpass vs Everton

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By Chris Wright

Most amusing moment of Saturday's Premier League action: Sunderland midfielder Seb Larsson putting the willies up his own goalkeeper, Simon Mignolet, by hoofing a unfathomable, massively over-hit 40-yard backpass in the Belgian's general direction...

"Deal with it!

West Brom 1-1 Newcastle – Magpies Still Not Safe From Drop After Hawthorns’ Draw (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 1-1 Newcastle United Premier League 20th April 2013

A draw away at West Bromwich Albion, by no means a bad result, still left Alan Pardew's Newcastle just six points clear of the drop-zone, having played a game more than 18th placed Wigan.

Sunderland 1-0 Everton – Black Cats Win Again As Toffees’ Top Four Hopes Suffer Major Blow (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 1-0 Everton Premier League 20th April 2013

Paulo Di Canio has done it again. After steering his new side to a fantastic 3-0 win away at Newcastle last week, the Italian coach oversaw a superb, hard-fought win against Champions League hopefuls Everton.

West Ham 2-0 Wigan – Latics Remain In Drop-Zone As Hammers Win At The Boleyn Ground (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 2-0 Wigan Athletic Premier League 20th April 2013

While Wigan have an FA Cup final appearance to look forward to, their Premier League status is starting to look less and less secure as the season enters the home straight.

Norwich 2-1 Reading – Canaries Go Seven Points Clear Of Danger As Royals Edge Towards Drop (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 2-1 Reading Premier League 20th April 2013

Two Bennetts, Ryan and Elliott secured a 2-1 win for Norwich at Carrow Road on Saturday, a result which hammers another nail into Reading's top tier coffin.

The Royals had looked lively in the first half, but within the space of two second-half minutes, their faint hopes of surviving in the Premier League were given a couple of hefty blows, courtesy of Ryan Bennett's goal on 50 minutes and then Elliott Bennett's two minutes later.

Fulham 0-1 Arsenal – Gunners Move Up To Third After Sloppy Win Against 10-Man Whites (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 0-1 Arsenal Premier League 20th April 2013

Arsenal moved back into third place after a less than convincing 1-0 win at Craven Cottage.

Former Gunners Steve Sidwell, just back from suspension, was shown red for a studs-up challenge on Mikel Areta after just 12 minutes.

David Beckham’s Sons Have Kick-About With Zlatan & Thiago Silva At PSG Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

One of the many perks of having a superstar footballer for a father is that the general quality level of your average park kick-about is increased dramatically.

Here's Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz (it's only when you have to write them down that you realise just how profoundly awful those names really are!

Juan Mata Surprises Fan At Work With New Chelsea Shirt, Offers Him Out For Kick About In The Car Park (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As part of the launch campaign for their brand-new-but-a-little-bit-the-same-as-the-last-few Chelsea shirt, Adidas had Juan Mata surprise a Blues fan at work who had pre-ordered the 2013/14 shirt from the club's website months ago without so much as seeing it.

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #31

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By Chris Wright

Friday Flashback XXXI: The Quest For Peace...

Many thanks to Old School Panini (@OldSchoolPanini) for letting us rummage around their attic again!

More Friday Flashback goodness on Pies...

Friday Flashback Volume #1
Friday Flashback Volume #2
Friday Flashback Volume #3
Friday Flashback Volume #4
Friday Flashback Volume #5

Friday Flashback Volome #6
Friday Flashback Volume #7

Friday Flashback Volume #8
Friday Flashback Volume #9
Friday Flashback Volume #10
Friday Flashback Volume #11
Friday Flashback Volume #12
Friday Flashback Volume #13
Friday Flashback Volume #14
Friday Flashback Volume #15
Friday Flashback Volume #16
Friday Flashback Volume #17
Friday Flashback Volume #18
Friday Flashback Volume #19
Friday Flashback Volume #20 Random 90s Football Sticker Quiz
Friday Flashback Volume #21
Friday Flashback Volume #22
Friday Flashback Volume #23
Friday Flashback Volume #24 Random 90s Sticker Quiz, Edition II
Friday Flashback Volume #25
Friday Flashback Volume #26
Friday Flashback Volume #27
Friday Flashback Volume #28 Random 90s Sticker Quiz, Edition III
Friday Flashback Volume #29
Friday Flashback Volume #30

PFA Announce ‘Player of the Year’ And ‘Young Player Of The Year’ Award Shortlists: Who’s Your Money On?

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By Chris Wright

The PFA have this morningyodeledtheir 'Player of the Year' and 'Young Player of the Year' award nominations for the season of our lord 2012/13 from atop their ivory tower and the shortlists are as follows:

Player of the Year...

Gareth Bale
Michael Carrick
Eden Hazard
Juan Mata
Luis Suarez
Robin van Persie

Young Player of the Year.

Painting Worth €1.2m Stolen From A Yacht Turns Up At Former Juventus Star Roberto Bettega’s House

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By Chris Wright

A painting by preeminent Russian-Jewish artist Marc Chagall that was stolen from an American yacht anchored in an Italian port over a decade ago has resurfaced hanging on the walls of former Juventus striker Roberto Bettega's house in Turin after being tracked down by Italy's art-theft police squadron.

Masked Huracan Fans Storm Training Session And Attack Players In The Showers After Copa Argentina Exit

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By Chris Wright

Huracan in action at what looks like Meadow Lane

A mob of masked andseverelypeeved Huracan fans have stormed the club's dressing room after a training session yesterday and set about flogging several shades out of some of the players after the Argentinian side limped out of the national cup on Wednesday evening.

Shit Lookalikes: Martin Jol & Darkseid (Villain From ‘Superman’)

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By Chris Wright

One's a scowling, granite-faced behemoth who talks in a menacing, low-decibel growl.

The other's one of Superman's various nemisii/ses.

Ba-dumtish!

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it over at waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet us on @waatpies and you could win one of three deluxe fridge-freezers*.

Blue Square Conference Trophy To Be Delivered To Winners By Ford Mondeo From Tamworth Services Car Park

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By Chris Wright

Tamworth Services: Ain't she purty?

With just two points separating Mansfield Town and Kidderminster Harriers at the top of the Blue Square Bet Conference Premier table going into their final round of games this weekend, hi-tech measures have been taken to ensure that the trophy will be delivered on time to whichever side snags the title.

Statshot: How The Premier League Table Would Look If Only Goals Scored By English Players Counted…

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By Chris Wright

Those crafty cats over at Opta have collated their stats and produced a dystopian vision of what the 2012/13 Premier League table would look like if only goals scored by English players counted...

Maybe it is going to be Liverpool's year after all?

(Via Reddit/thanks to Pies fan Ian Mullan for the tip-off)

Swansea’s Kemy Agustien Banned From Driving After Picking Up A Whopping 39 Points On His Licence

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By Alan Duffy

Racking up the kind of points Premier Legue strugglers QPR and Reading would kill for, Swansea's Dutch midfielder Kemy Agustien has been banned from driving for a year by Neath Magistrates, according to the Beeb.

The 26-year old picked up his grand total of 39 points, 27 more than the limit of 12, after a catalogue of speeding and other charges, the big eejit.

Juninho Pernambucano Shown Just About The Stupidest Red Card You’re Likely To See vs Sporting KC (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This is just one of those red card incidents where neither party comes out smelling of petunias. During last night's MLS tie between New York Red Bulls and Sporting Kansas City, Juninho picked up a 91st-minute red card when, fed up with JimmyNelsen'stime-wasting (KC were 1-0 up), the Brazilian irritably toe-poked the ball at the KC goalkeeper's general arm/chest region from several yards away.

Shit Football Kits: Remember When The Prodigy Sponsored An U13s Team From Hampshire?

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By Chris Wright

Bands/musicians sponsoring football teams is nothing new. In fact we've seen Goldie Lookin' Chain, Wet Wet Wet and even Stone Roses frontman Ian Brown plastering their names across the front of football strips in the past, but perhaps the most unlikely confluence betwixt music and football was between hardcore 90s ravemongers The Prodigy and Eastleigh Reds, an U13s side from Hampshire.

Arsenal Fan Receives Compensation After Dislocating Shoulder While Jeering Tottenham Too Vigourously

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By Chris Wright

"What's got two functioning shoulders and doesn't give a shit?"

An Arsenal fan has somehow managed to snag himself an insurance payout after he dislocated his shoulder while throwing a hissy fit following Aaron Lennon's goal in the North London derby in early March.

Argentina U17′s Sebastian Driussi Scores Sensational Overhead Kick From Outside The Box vs Uruguay (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After just three minutes of last night's South American U17 Championship final stage tie, Argentina's Sebastian Driussi decided he'd had just about enough of not scoring sensational long-range overhead kicks and immediately set about redressingthe situation.

Snapshot: The Portrait Of Sepp Blatter That Will Haunt Your Nightmares Forever…

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By Chris Wright

WARNING: Do not make eye contact with this painting. It may steal your soul out through your tear ducts.

We're not sure if this is some Dorian Gray thing or whether the Haitian Football Federation really did bestow this wonderful portrait uponst FIFA's Grand Leader after he opened their brand new headquarters inCroix-des-Bouquets yesterday.

Football GIF: Low Flying Andy Carroll Absolutely Decimates David De Gea

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By Chris Wright

HE'S A WRECKING MACHINE!!!

The moment of impact...

Well, that looked a smidge on the painful side.

West Ham 2-2 Man Utd – Red Devils Edge Closer To Title After Hard-Fought Draw At The Boleyn Ground (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 2-2 Manchester United Premier League 17th April 2013

A late RVP goal gave runaway league leaders Man Utd a share of the points away at West Ham on Wednesday.

This was by no means a classic display from the Red Devils, with West Ham pushing them all the way and the nature of Van Persie's equaliser is sure to irk Hammers' fans, as the Dutchman netted from an offside position.

Fulham 0-3 Chelsea – Centre-Halves Take Centre Stage For Blues At The Cottage (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 0-3 Chelsea Premier League 17th April 2013

A brace from John Terry and a wonder-strike from David Luiz fired Chelsea to a precious victory over neighbours Fulham, a result which sees them go back ahead of Arsenal as the race for Europe heats up.

Man City 1-0 Wigan – Late Tevez Strike Fires Citizens To Lacklustre Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 1-0 Wigan Athletic Premier League 17th April 2013

Man City kept alive their teeniest tiniest (i.e. feck all) hopes of retaining the Premier League trophy courtesy of this rather poor winning performance at the Etihard.

Carlos Tevez was the goal-hero for the Citizens, netting late on to secure the win, but for much of the game, it was the Latics who carried the greater attacking threat, with Franco Di Santo going close on more than one occasion.

Croatian Coach Arrested And Fired After Stealing Player’s Credit Card To Buy 36 Bottles Of Jagermeister

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By Chris Wright

To be honest, you don't look well chief

Former Dinamo Zagreb midfielder Josip "Jozo" Gaspar has been sacked as manager of NK Precko Zagreb after reportedly stealing a player's credit card and using it to buy not one, not two, but 36 litres of Jagermeister.

Shit Lookalikes: Phil Parkinson & Scott Maslen (From ‘Eastenders’)

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By Chris Wright

It's been narking us off for weeks trying to pinpoint just who it was we thought Bradford City boss Phil Parkinson looked a bit like, then last night it hit us like an atom bomb...

BOOM!

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to us on waatpies@gmail.

Referee Files Lawsuit Against Kenyan FA After Testicle Assault Leaves Him ‘Unable To Enjoy Conjugal Rights’

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By Chris Wright

Referee Martin Wekesa Wamalwa is in the process of suing the Kenyan football federation (the FKF) after having his plums nearly twisted off by a manager during an altercation during a match he was officiating back in September 2012.

The local derby between Admiral and Sparki Youth had to be abandoned with just two minutes left to play when Sparki coach Daudi Kajembe grabbed Wamalwa by the nards and squeezed, leaving the poor referee sprawling in agony on the floor before he was taken to hospital with chronic testiculartorsion three words that should never, ever be that close to each other.

EA Sports Drop First Images Of FIFA 14 – Don’t Worry, Gabriel Obertan Is Definitely On There (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

The chaps over at EA Sports have just sent this wodge of screenshots over to us which represent the world's first look at the new FIFA 14 game which is due to be released in the Autumn some time.

Judging by the images, we can confirm that both Gareth Barry and Gabriel Obertan are included.

Cristiano Ronaldo’s Significant Other Irina Shayk Refuses To Cut Up Lionel Messi Shirt (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In a fairly laughable attempt to sucker Cristiano Ronaldo's girlfriend Irina Shayk into pouring petrol on the utterly inane Ronaldo-Messi non-feudthat continues to rage on ad infinitum, a Greek reporter tried and happily failed to get the Sports Illustrated model to cut up a Barcelona shirt on the red carpet at some MTV event at the weekend in a bid to engineer himself a headline.

‘I Love Animals, I’ve Got Three Dogs And A Fishpond’ – Newcastle Fan Apologises For Punching Police Horse

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By Chris Wright

The Newcastle fan who was caught on film delivering a Mongo-style punch to the face of a Police horse during the skirmish that marred the aftermath of Sunday's Tyne-Wear derby at St James' Park has apologised for his actions and insisted that, rather thanrevelingin physically assaulting them, he actually loves animals.

‘He Should Bet His Hair Transplant’ – Bayern President Karl-Heinz Rummenigge Gets Arsey With Dortmund Coach Jurgen Klopp

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By Chris Wright

Bayern Munich vice-president Karl-Heinz Rummenigge has pulled a bit of a dick move in response to Dortmund coach Jurgen Klopp "betting his arse" that his Bundesliga rivals will tap up incoming FCB coach Pep Guardiola for a few tips on beating Barcelona ahead of the Champions League semi-finals by telling the press that Klopp "should've bet his hair transplant" instead.

Snapshot: Cardiff City Are Promoted To The Premier League

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By Alan Duffy

So next season we'll have two Welsh sides in the Premier League, with Cardiff City deservedly securing their first ever place in the top division, where they'll join Swanswa City, after a 0-0 draw at home to Charlton. Cue massive celebratory pitch invasion.

Just shows you where a lot of hard work and, er, a Malaysian billionaire can get you.

Arsenal 0-0 Everton – Stalemate At The Emirates Leaves Top Four Chase Wide Open (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 0-0 Everton Premier League 16th April 2013

Everton produced a muscular and hard-working display at the Emirates on Tuesday night to halt Arsenal's winning streak and give fellow top four hopefuls Chelsea and Spurs something to cheer about.

Everton Chairman Bill Kenwright’s Speech At The Hillsborough Memorial Was Really Rather Fantastic (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Despite being with the enemy (so to speak), Everton chairman Bill Kenwright gave a really rather fantastic speech at yesterday's Hillsborough Memorial at Anfield, in which he harked back to the days he used to spend in The Kop as a kid and then strummed arpeggios on everybody's heartstrings by thanking the mums of Liverpool and of The 96 for never giving up in their relentless quest for justice.

Do You Care What Time The FA Cup Final Kicks Off?

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By Chris Wright

A quick scout around Twitter today has shown that an awful lot of people are up in arms about the FA's decision to have this year's FA Cup Final between Wigan Athletic and Manchester City kick-off at 17:15 BST again.

It is the second time in a row that the final will kick-off "late" with last year's game between Liverpool and Chelsea also starting in the early evening.

The Entire FA Cup Semi-Final Weekend At Wembley In Time Lapse (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's an ace video cobbled together by FATV of the entire we're talking 36 hours' worth of footage FA Cup semi-final weekend at Wembley in time-lapse form, with the Man City vs Chelsea and the Wigan vs Millwall last four games thrown in for good measure...

If you watch closely at the 1:52 mark, you can see the precise moment that Sergio Aguero shredded David Luiz's bunghole.

Brazilian ‘Spotkick Specialist’ Somehow Manages To Send His Penalty Backwards (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Worst. Penalty kick. Ever...

The guilty party is America-SP'sdesignatedpenalty taker, Pilo (againstVotuporanguense in the Paulista A3 league) if you were wondering.

AEK Athens On Brink Of First Ever Relegation Thanks To Points Deduction Incurred By Irate Fans Chasing Players Off Pitch

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By Chris Wright

"SCATTER!"

AEK Athens are on the brink of being relegated from the top flight of Greek football for the first time ever in their 89-year existence after seeing their penultimate league game of the season abandoned in the 87th minute when AEK fans stormed the pitch after opponents (and fellow relegation botherers) Panthrakikos went 1-0 up through an untimely own-goal.

Michael Laudrup Turns Out For Swansea Staff XI, Very Much ‘Still Has It’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Michael Laudrup was a little bit tasty in his day, and glimpses of the old silk were definitely visible when he took to the pitch as part of a Swansea City staff XI for the club's annual game against the "This Is South Wales" press selecao during the week.

The Black-And-White Years: 12 Great Vintage Football Photos Plucked At Random From The Archives

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By Chris Wright

It's been a while since we've done one of these, so here's 12 brilliant vintage football photos chosen and plucked at random from the Pies' archives (click for the full-sized images)...

(Photos: PA)

Esbjerg’s Youssef Toutouh Scores Truly Splendiferous On-The-Turn Volley vs Randers FC (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Esbjerg fB forward Youssef Toutouh scored an absolute rasper of a turning, swinging volley from 20-odd yards againstRanders FC in the Danish Superliga at the weekend.

Don't believe us? Take a butcher's at this bombastic beaut...

Woof!

(Thanks to @ShanklyGamer for tipping us off!

Swiss Goal Glutton Alexander Frei Plays Last Ever Competitive Game, Signs Off With Excellent Freekick (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Veteran Swiss goal glutton Alex Frei played his last ever competitive game at the weekend before he turns in his gun and badge to become FC Lucerne'snew sports director (in fact, he started his new job today) and the 33-year-old signed off in fitting style by sticking away a suitably sweet freekick against FC Zurich.

Utrecht’s Mike Van Der Hoorn Scores Inexplicably Terrible Own Goal Under No Pressure vs AZ Alkmaar (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Utrecht had a pretty dismal old weekend over in the Eredivisie, losing 6-0 to AZ Alkmaar and finishing the game with just nine men on the field.

In fact, Utrecht were already down to nine men on the half-an-hour mark with AZ's Yank striker Jozy Altidore scoring the two resulting penalties on his way to completing a first-half hat-trick within the space of seven minutes.

Newcastle Fan Punches Police Horse During Post-Derby Skirmish, Possible Homage To Blazing Saddles (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Soooo, a Newcastle fan punched a police horse during one of the several ugly, utterly tedious scuffles that kicked off in the city centre after yesterday's Tyne-Wear derby football match at St James' Park...

We'll just leave this here...

Shit Lookalikes: Fatih Terim & DCI Burnside (From ‘The Bill’)

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By Chris Wright

Terim is the Gala coach that Morrissey may or may not have written "You're The One For Me, Fatih" about.

Burnside is/was a hard-arsed detective inspector from The Bill, played by Christopher Ellison.

Another cracking spot from Ian Thomas.

FA Cup: Chelsea 1-2 Man City – Citizens Reach Final After Spiky Win Against Blues (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 1-2 Manchester City FA Cup 14th April 2013

On the day that Man Utd tightened their grip on the Premier League title, Man City kept alive their hopes of winning some silverware this season by beating Chelsea at Wembley in an entertaining clash.

Stoke 0-2 Man Utd – Red Devils Edge Closer To Title As Pulis & Co. Potter Towards Drop-Zone (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 0-2 Manchester United Premier League 14th April 2013

Man Utd strolled to closer to lifting the 2012/13 Premier League after a comfortable 2-0 win at the Britannia, a result which leaves Stoke in serious trouble.

Michael Carrick prodded home the opener on four minutes after a corner while Robin Van Persie ended his goal-drought, courtesy of a spot-kick, on 66 minutes as the visitors dominated against a Sotke side bereft of confidence.

Football GIF: Sergio Aguero Launches Two-Footed Stud Stamp On David Luiz’s Hindquarters

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By Chris Wright

He may have scored the goal that made the difference, but Serge Aguero should've seen red for this rather horrible and vindictive stamp on David Luiz's hindquarters...

Get's worse everytime you see it.

Disgusting.

Newcastle 0-3 Sunderland – Mackems Murder Magpies As Di Canio Gets Di Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 0-3 Sunderland Premier League 14th April 2013

The much-maligned Paulo Di Canio steered his Sunderland side to a superb 3-0 win away at rivals Newcastle on Sunday, a result that moves the Black Cats three points clear of the drop-zone.

FA Cup: Millwalll 0-2 Wigan – Latics Stroll Into Cup Final As Lions Fall Short (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Millwall 0-2 Wigan Athletic FA Cup 13th April 2013

Wigan deservedly booked their place in the FA Cup final after a rather comfortable 2-0 win against Millwall at Wembley.

A goal in each half, one from Shaun Maloney and the other from Callum 'not that type of player' McManaman secured the victory for the Premier League side against a Millwall team that struggled to match their opponents.

Southampton 1-1 West Ham – Carroll Rescues Points For Hammers In Hard-Fought Clash At St Mary’s (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 1-1 West Ham United Premier League 13th April 2013

With neither side not quite safe from the possibility of relegation, this was an important clash and one in which neither team held back, with nasty challenges peppering the 90 minutes.

Aston Villa 1-1 Fulham – Delph Dishes Out OG As Villans Draw With Whites (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 1-1 Fulham Premier League 13th April 2013

Despite creating enough chances to win this vital game, Aston Villa only came away with a point which leaves them just three points above the drop-zone.

Despite going close on a number of occasions, it took until the 55th minute for Villa to break the deadlock, courtesy of Charles N'Zogbia.

Silly Old Mark Clattenburg Forgets His Cards For The Second Half Of Reading vs Liverpool

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By Chris Wright

Err, Mark, you've forgotten something fairly crucial mate...

That's right. Referee Mark Clattenburg forgot his red and yellow card upon emerging back onto the pitch for the second half of Reading's 0-0 draw against Liverpool yesterday and only realised when he tried to book Danny Guthrie, only to realise that he'd left the requisite tools on the sidelines!

Reading 0-0 Liverpool – Ice Cold Alex Keeps Reds At Bay (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Reading 0-0 Liverpool Premier League 13th April 2013

A superb individual performance from goalkeeper Alex McCarthy secured a goalless draw from relegation-doomed Reading against Liverpool , a result which also dented the Merseysiders hopes of a place in Europe next season.

Everton 2-0 QPR – Hoops Move Closer To Trap-Door After Defeat At Goodison (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 2-0 Queens Park Rangers Premier League 13th April 2013

Despite giving a pretty decent account of themselves, strugglers QPR failed to take anything from their visit to Goodison Park, losing 2-0 as their minute hopes of avoiding relegation took another pounding.

Arsenal 3-1 Norwich – Late Gunners’ Show Downs Canaries At The Emirates (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 3-1 Norwich City Premier League 13th April 2013

This was, in many ways, a trademark Arsenal performance. Totally dominating in terms of possession, the Gunners failed to make their dominance pay for most of the game and, not for the first time, eventually went a goal behind.

Lithuanian Keeper Maris Eltermanis Deploys Canny Penalty Distraction Tactics (Video)

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By Chris Wright

You can keep Bruce Grobbelaar's spaghetti legs and quite frankly Fabian Barthez's heel-dragging lollygagging can go and hump itself to Kingdom Come asMaris Eltermanis, goalkeeper for Lithuanian sideFC Kruoja, has trumped them both in the "penalty distraction" stakes with a fine display of "what the hell's he doing?

Ajax Trio Eriksen, De Jong & Sigthorsson Present Their Version Of The Messi/Alves Warm-Up (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Ajax trio Christian Eriksen, Siem de Jong andKolbeinn Sigthorsson do their own version of the Lionel Messi-Dani Alves "30-yard keepy uppy" warm-up routine that went viral last week.

That's right, a warm-up has officially become a meme.

Nike Roll Out Official ‘Maxim’ FA Cup Match Ball Ahead Of Semi-Finals (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

One for all you ballfetishists now- hang on, that came out wrong anyway, this is the match ball that will be used for both of the FA Cup semi-finals and the final.

It's ultra round, totally spherical, entirely ball-shaped, made of stitched-together space shuttle parts and turns invisible when it comes into contact with sea water.

Coke Zero Mark Five Decades Of German Football With Clever ’50 Years Of The Bundesliga In One Attack’ Series (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

The Bundesliga is 50 years old this season and, to mark the gold anniversary, Coke Zero are producing a cracking little series of virals which see five decades of German top flight football compressed into the space of one "spielzug", i.e, attacking move.

If you don't understand what we're yammering on about, you soon will.

Shit Football Kits: Bolivia’s Brown-Nosing ‘Viva Uruguay’ World Cup Strip, 1930

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By Chris Wright

This is the kit that Bolivia's national team wore at the 1930 World Cup in Uruguay...

That's right. Bolivia turned up to the first ever World Cup in Uruguay in a specially made strip that paid homage to their hosts and dear South American neighbours with a lovely bespoke message spelled out across the teams' chests.

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #30

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By Chris Wright

The Friday Flashback XXX: The Naked Mile...

Many thanks to Old School Panini (@OldSchoolPanini) for letting us rummage around their attic again!

More Friday Flashback goodness on Pies...

Friday Flashback Volume #1
Friday Flashback Volume #2
Friday Flashback Volume #3
Friday Flashback Volume #4
Friday Flashback Volume #5

Friday Flashback Volome #6
Friday Flashback Volume #7

Friday Flashback Volume #8
Friday Flashback Volume #9
Friday Flashback Volume #10
Friday Flashback Volume #11
Friday Flashback Volume #12
Friday Flashback Volume #13
Friday Flashback Volume #14
Friday Flashback Volume #15
Friday Flashback Volume #16
Friday Flashback Volume #17
Friday Flashback Volume #18
Friday Flashback Volume #19
Friday Flashback Volume #20 Random 90s Football Sticker Quiz
Friday Flashback Volume #21
Friday Flashback Volume #22
Friday Flashback Volume #23
Friday Flashback Volume #24 Random 90s Sticker Quiz, Edition II
Friday Flashback Volume #25
Friday Flashback Volume #26
Friday Flashback Volume #27
Friday Flashback Volume #28 Random 90s Sticker Quiz, Edition III
Friday Flashback Volume #29

South Africa Consider Vuvuzela Ban After Referee Attacked By Trumpet-Wielding Pitch Invader

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By Chris Wright

Pies have long considered South African football's audio torture device of choice, the vuvuzela, to be offensive, largely due to the parp-induced tinnitus we still suffer with after sitting through the 2010 World Cup two summers ago.

It seems the South African footballing authorities are finally twigging too, though it's not the perpetual, stupefying 190-decibel drone that they have a problem with, it's the fact that the vuvuzela may now have to be classed as a "dangerous weapon" after a flurry of trumpet attacks over the past couple of weeks.

Champions League & Europa League Semi-Final Draws: Bayern To Face Barcelona, Dortmund Get Real Madrid, Chelsea Pitted Against Basel

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By Chris Wright

The plastic balls of destiny have been removed from the Ikea vase of fate by the Ruud van Nistelrooy of circumstance and the line-ups for both the Champions League and Europa League semi-finals look a bit like this...

Champions League

Semi-final 1: Bayern Munich vs Barcelona
Semi-final 2: Borussia Dortmund vs Real Madrid

Europa League

Semi-final 1:Fenerbahce vs Benfica
Semi-final 2:FC Basel vs Chelsea

Would you believe it, Chelsea have never ever played Basel before in any capacity?

Football Art: Ronaldinho Tricks And Skills Animated In Flipbook Form (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Someone or something by the name of Etoilec1 has taken the time (and let's face it, it must have taken bloody ages) to produce a fantastic flipbook-style animation of a compilation of Ronaldinho's finest flicks, tricks, skills and doohickies during his time at Barcelona and Milan, and the result is really rather charming.

Vincenzo Montella Doesn’t Give Two Hoots About Mario Balotelli’s Fake Out Shot (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Just hark at the utterly nonplussed look on Vincenzo Montella's face when Milan goofball Mario Balotelli pulled a fast one and pretended he was going to smack the ball at the Fiorentina coach during the warm-up before the 2-2 draw between the two sides last Saturday afternoon.

Europa League: Basel 2-2 Tottenham (agg 4-4) – Lilywhites Suffer Spot-Kick Sorrow In Switzerland (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

FC Basel 2-2 Tottenham Hotspur (agg 4-4 Basel win 4-1 on pens) Europa League 11th April 2013

Emmanuel Adebayor and Tom Huddlestone both missed from the penalty spot as Spurs lost out to Basel in a rain-soaked St. Jakob Park on Wednesday night.

Football GIF: Emmanuel Adebayor Skies His Spot-Kick Against Basel

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal's Togolese sleeper cell is finally activated...

Europa League: Newcastle 1-1 Benfica (agg 2-4) Magpies Out After Draw At St James’ Park (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 1-1 Benfica (agg 2-4) Europa League 11th April 2013

Despite playing in front of their own fans, Newcastle failed to overturn Benfica's 3-1 advantage from the first leg, instead playing out a 1-1 draw with the Portuguese giants.

Europa League: Rubin Kazan 3-2 Chelsea (agg 4-5) – Blues Through To Last Four Despite Nervy Defeat In Russia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Rubin Kazan 3-2 Chelsea (agg 4-5) Europa League 11th April 2013

A weakened Chelsea side stumbled to a 3-2 defeat on Rubin Kazan's plastic pitch but it was still enough to secure safe passage to the semi-finals.

Fernando Torres opened the scoring on five minutes but after the break, the Blues, with the likes of Nathan Ake and Paulo Ferreira (yes really!

The Continuing Story Of The Los Angeles Floor Waxer Who Became Jose Mourinho’s Special VIP At El Clasico

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By Chris Wright

Abel and Jose, sitting on a settee, G-R-I-M-A-C-I-N-G

There's a cracking bit over on Sports Illustrated.com today in which Grant Wahl tells the tale of Abel Rodriguez, i.e, the 41-year-old Mexican man who went from waxing floors in Los Angeles to being Jose Mourinho's guest of honour at the El Clasico back on March 2nd.

Around The Grounds: De Kuip, Feyenoord

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By Chris Wright

Alas, news is filtering through to us that Feyenoord's home of 76 years, De Kuip (or "Stadion Feijenoord" to give it its proper name), is to be replaced in 2018 after the Dutch clubokay-edplans to begin building a new, larger 63,000-capacity stadium right next to the 46,000-capacity ground they currently inhabit.

CRAC Striker Skies Shot So Badly He Turns Away In Disgust, Still Somehow Manages To Score! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We've all been there: buggering up a pass or a shot so badly that the only acceptable reaction is to turn away and grimace in pure disgust at your own ineptitude it's exactly what Phil Jones should've done after spluffing a woefully botched "header" in off Vinnie Kompany's back against Man City on Monday night, rather than celebrating like he'd just pinged in a 30-yarder off the underside of the crossbar.

‘There Is No Agreement’ – Joey Barton Claims Deal In Place To Stay At Marseille Next Season, Marseille Not Quite So Sure

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By Chris Wright

The self-awareness is weak in this one

Joey Barton was busy dribbling away on his Twitter account yesterday, chiding fans who were baiting him over having to play in the Championship after returning to parent club QPR at the end of the season by claiming that he has a deal in place with Marseille that will see him retained by the Ligue 1 club next year.

Shit Lookalikes: Tito Vilanova & The Young Mark E Smith

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By Chris Wright

Vilanova is the Barcelona caoch

Smith is the painfully Mancunian, fag ash-throated lead singer of The Fall. It'd be remiss of us if we didn't include the following clip of him reading out The Beeb's classified football results a few years back.

Football GIF: Andres Iniesta’s Sweet Outside Of the Boot 180° Turn vs PSG

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By Chris Wright

It's a bit of a shame that it ended up in nothing more than a shanked shot, as Andres Iniesta's silky 'about face' 180° turn against PSG last night was a touch of sheer class...

(GIF via 101GG)

Champions League: Juventus 0-2 Bayern (agg 0-4) – Old Lady Outclassed By German Giants In Turin (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Juventus 0-2 Bayern Munich (agg 0-4) Champions League 10th April 2013

Juventus failed to produce the requisite performance against Bayern Munich on Wednesday, conceding two goals themselves on the night rather than cancelling out the Germans' first-leg lead.

Champions League: Barcelona 1-1 PSG (agg 3-3) Barca Through To Last Four Despite Camp Nou Scare (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Barcelona 1-1 Paris St Germain (agg 3-3 Barca win on away goals) Champions League 10th April 2013

Barcelona struggled to overcome visitors PSG at the Camp Nou on Wednesday night, managing to squeeze through the tie courtesy only of away goals.

Wigan Fail To Sell 10,000 Of Their 31,000 Allocated Tickets For FA Cup Semi Final At Wembley

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By Chris Wright

Given that their average Premier League attendance has bobbed around the 17-18,000 mark for the last few years it's prehaps not altogether surprising, but the FA have announced that Wigan Athletic have so far failed to sell around 10,000 of their 31,000 allocated tickets for Saturday'sFA Cup semi-final against Millwall at Wembley.

Mirko Vucinic Scores Penalty vs Pescara, Whips Off Shorts In Celebration (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's not like a stranger to wafting around in his shreddies (please see Exhibit A, B and C), but Mirko Vucinic thought it appropriate, once again, to whip off his shorts and twirl them around his head after tucking away a penalty against Pescara over in Serie A at the weekend to leave Juventus within spitting distance of wrapping up the Scudetto.

Genoa To Sue Fan Who Scammed Club Into Donating €70k To ‘Critically Ill’ Son With Mild Asthma

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By Chris Wright

"Genoa could stare into your eyes all day"

Italian side Genoa have launched legal proceedings today against one of their own fans who conned the club's ultras, players and management into donating €70,000 to his 'critically ill' son only for it to come to light that it was all a scam.

Assorted German Commentators Go Ballistic As Dortmund Pip Malaga At The Death (Audio)

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By Chris Wright

Safe to say that Borussia Dortmund's injury time salvo pleased this particular German commentator, who was reporting the Champions League action for a regional station last night (the fun really begins when Marco Reus' 90th-minute equaliser pings in at the 0:36ish mark).

Leighton Baines Personally Delivers Season Ticket And Flowers To Bereaved Everton Fan

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By Chris Wright

As part of a club initiative to give a little something back to their fans, Leighton Baines personally delivered a new season ticket to Toffees fan Gordon McKee's front door earlier in the week after his wife sadly lost her five-year battle with a brain tumour recently.

‘How Good Are You On A Scale Of 1-10?’ – See If You Can Guess Zlatan’s Answer…

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By Chris Wright

This is a fairly entertaining, light-hearted interview with CNN in which Zlatan gives the least surprising answer imaginable to the question "How good are you as a player on a scale of 1-10?"...

Big reggae fan too. Who knew?

Champions League: Galatasaray 3-2 Real Madrid (3-5 agg) – Real Into Last Four As Gala Fightback Falls Short (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Galatasaray 3-2 Real Madrid (3-5 agg) Champions League 9th April

Goals from Cristiano Ronaldo bookended this quarter-final second-leg tie in Istanbul, but in between those two goals, Gala produced a superb battling performance, roared on by the home fans.

Champions League: Dortmund 3-2 Malaga (agg 3-2) – Spanish Hearts Broken By Incredible Late Drama In Dortmund (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Borussia Dortmund 3-2 Malaga (agg 3-2) Champions League 9th April 2013

Jurgen Klopp's much-vaunted Dortmund side produced an utterly dramatic comeback against Malaga on Wednesday night to secure their place in the last four of the Champions League.

Dortmund Fans Produce Incredible Tifo At The Westfalenstadion Before Malaga Clash (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Holy God, don't those Dortmund fans do a mighty good tifo. Following on from their stupendous skull extravaganza, the Black Yellows' faithful put together quite an astonishing tifo ahead of their uber-dramatic Champions League clash with Malaga.

It's bloody mad!

Swedish League Game Abandoned After Players Pelted With Beer Bottles And Fresh Fruit

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By Chris Wright

Skandal has hit Swedish football after the Allsvenskan game between Djurgarden and Mjallby last night had to be abandoned five or so minutes before half time when home fans began pelting Mjallby players with anything they had to hand.

The problems arose when Djurgarden midfielderYussif Chibsah went down in the middle of the pitch clutching his face and, while the home side eased off expecting the ball to be put out of play, Mjallby capitalised on their numerical advantage to score the opening goal of the game.

Uganda Coach Sacked As ‘April Fools Joke’ Actually Sacked One Week Later

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By Chris Wright

The fool's on you Bobby

We missed it at the time but the Ugandan FA (FUFA) merked the world on 1st April by announcing via their official website that long-serving Scottish coach Bobby Williamson had been sacked as manager of the national side.

West Ham Fans Chant ‘Harry Potter Is Coming For You’ At Baldemort Jonjo Shelvey (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The West Ham fans had a bit of top bantz at the expense of Jonjo Shelvey at the weekend...

Whatever could they mean?

Oh.

That.

Shit Lookalikes: Kyle Walker (With New Horror Hair) & Vaas From ‘Far Cry 3′

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By Chris Wright

Walker is the Tottenham right back with some kind of Walnut Whip on his head.

Vaas is the one-man mind-mental villain from 'Far Cry 3′.

Cracking spot from Chris over at Tottenblog Hotspur.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies?

Classic Moments: ‘Maggie Thatcher, Your Boys Took A Helluva Beating!’, 1981 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The year was 1981 and England had just lost 2-1 to Norway in a World Cup qualifier in Oslo. Step forward veteran Norwegian commentatorBjørge Lillelien, who duly etched his name into footballing folklore by flying into a jubilant rant in broken English at the final whistle.

Snapshot: The Amazing Face Phil Jones Pulled As Sergio Aguero Scored…

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By Chris Wright

Phil Jones' truly terrifying "game face" reared its incredibly ugly head again during the Manchester Derby last night, quite literally in fact, as Sergio Aguero lashed home the winner past David De Gea...

Suggested further viewing...

More of Phil Jones' Amazing Face

Man Utd 1-2 Man City – Aguero Magic Restores Pride For Citizens At Old Trafford (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 1-2 Manchester City Premier League 8th April 2013

Sergio Aguero, like his team-mates, hasn't quite hit last season's heights this time around, but in netting a superb late winner for the Citizens at Old Trafford, the Argentine hitman will at least have restored some pride for the blue half of Manchester.

20 Examples Of Football’s Most Fabulously Naff Knitwear

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By Chris Wright

Wool is a bit chintzy at the best of times so, in honour of Mr Di Canio's choice of outfit for his maiden whirl on the Sunderland touchline this weekend, Pies thought we'd compile an odyssey of football's worst/naffest knitwear ordeals.

Staring with the man himself.

Bulgarian Manager Loses It Over Soft Red, Steals Referee’s Cards And Throws Them Away In Protest (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which the manager of Bulgarian side Botev Vratsa, Mr Antoni Zdravkov, is so incensed after conceding a penalty and having a man sent-off against CSKA Sofia for (what he obviously deemed) a soft handball, yanks the offending cards from the referee's hand, books the official for his ineptitude, tries and fails to tear the laminated cards up and then chucks them into the crowd in a wonderful display of sporting good humour.

Eric Abidal Receives Rapturous Ovation From Camp Nou On Return From Liver Transplant Surgery (Photos & Video)

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By Chris Wright

Against Real Mallorca on Sunday evening one Eric Abidal made his first appearance for Barcelona for over a year (402 days to be exact) after undergoing A LIVER TRANSPLANT back in April of 2012 when the French defender replaced Gerard Pique in for the last 20 minutes of the game.

Udinese Talisman Antonio Di Natale Scores Filthy Volley From Tight Angle vs Chievo (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's a shame we couldn't source a better quality video but a couple of doughy pixels aren't going to reduce the majesty of Toto Di Natale's drop dead gorgeous volley against Chievo at the weekend...

Too right you better bow down mortals...

Udinese won 3-1 with Di Natale scoring twice; the second being the volley you've just been gawping at and the first coming from a truly colossal ricket being dropped by Chievo keeper Cristian Puggioni.

Snapshot: Referee Forces Barnsley To Play In Crystal Palace’s Away Kit

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By Chris Wright

As the game itself ended 0-0 the real winners to emerge from Crystal Palace and Barnsley's goalless draw at Selhurst Park on Saturday were Palace's shirt sponsors who enjoyed double exposure thanks toreferee Kevin Stroud ruling that Barnsley's black and blue-striped away kit was too similar to The Eagles' red and blue-striped home kit and therefore forcing the Tykes to play in their opponents' change strip.

Lionel Messi Repeatedly Thwarted By Robotic Keeper On Japanese Gameshow (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ah, the sweet, sweet perks of being a global footballing superstar. Lionel Messi recently appeared on a suitably nonsensical Japanese gameshow charged with beating a robotic goalkeeper from the penalty spot.

Messi's first two efforts are successfully thwarted by his lightning-reflexed, laser-guided cardboard opponent, but you'll be glad to know that the wee Barcelona man does eventuallymanage to stick one away by giving the keeper "the eyes".

Matt Le Tissier Signs For Guernsey FC, Set To Make Debut This Sunday

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By Chris Wright

For those who may have missed it over the weekend, Matt Le Tissier is set to come out of retirement after signing with Guernsey FC in a bid to assist the Channel Island side as they muddle through their mind-boggling fixture pile-up.

After a slew of cancellations and postponementsearlierin the season, Guernsey now need to play 17 games in the space of a month so 44-year-old Le Tissier, who was born on the island and is an honorary president of the club, has agreed to help out by pulling on his boots for the first time competitively since retiring from the professional game in 2002.

Liverpool 0-0 West Ham – Hard-Working Hammers Keep Reds At Bay (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 0-0 West Ham Premier League 7th April 2013

West Ham produced a fine defensive display to keep Luis Suarez and co. quiet at Anfield, a result which sees them move further away from the drop-zone.

The Reds started the game well but failed to create too many chances while at the other end of the pitch,Mohamed Diame failed to find the net after a mazy dribble.

Football GIF: QPR’s Bobby Zamora Boots Jordi Gomez In The Head

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By Alan Duffy

In a bizarrely needless challenge after just 20 minutes, from a throw-in no less, QPR's Bobby Zamora launched a head-high studs-up kick which hits Jordi Gomez in the side of the head. Not surprisingly, the ex-Fulham man was sent off.

The Hoops went on to play well with 10 men but ultimately only draw the must-win game.

QPR 1-1 Wigan – Hoops Dead And Buried After Late Maloney Goal Nabs Point For Latics (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Queens Park Rangers 1-1 Wigan Athletic Premier League 7th April 2013

A last-gasp Shaun Maloney free-kick broke Hoops' hearts on Sunday in what was, according to Harry Redknapp, a 'must-win' game for QPR.

The home side were down to 10 men after just 20 minutes, when Bobby Zamora was sent off for a ridiculous high-foot challenge which caught Jordi Gomez on the side of the face.

Newcastle 1-0 Fulham – Magpies Fly Further Away From Drop-Zone After Deserved Win Against Whites (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 1-0 Fulham Premier League 7th April 2013

A last-gasp Papiss Cissé strike gave Newcastle a deserved win against Fulham, a result that moves the Magpies five points clear of the relegation zone.

The home dominated for large periods of the game, but couldn't find a goal, hitting the woodwork on a number of occasions and failing to convert a glut of great chances.

West Ham 0-0 Liverpool – Hard-Working Hammers Keep Reds At Bay (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 0-0 Liverpool Premier League 7th April 2013

West Ham produced a fine defensive display to keep Luis Suarez and co. quiet at the Boleyn Ground, a result which sees them move further away from the drop-zone.

The Reds started the game well but failed to create too many chances while at the other end of the pitch,Mohamed Diame failed to find the net after a mazy dribble.

Tottenham 2-2 Everton – Sigurdsson Rescues Point For Lilywhites At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 2-2 Everton Premier League 7th April 2013

A Gareth Bale-less Spurs could only draw against Everton on Sunday, with the Toffees still hoping for a top-four finish themselves.

Emmanuel Adebayor netted in the first minute to give the home side the perfect start, but without Bale and Aaron Lennon, the Lilywhites struggled to build on that lead.

Caption This: New Sunderland Boss Paulo Di Canio Embraced By John Terry

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By Alan Duffy

Whatever happens to Sunderland this season, whether they stay up or go down, Mr. Di Canio is sure to provide us all with much entertainment. In his first game in charge against Chelsea, the Italian loon was embraced by Blues' captain John Terry before the game in a snapshot ripe for a caption.

Chelsea 2-1 Sunderland – Black Cats Beaten At The Bridge As Di Canio Reign Begins (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 2-1 Sunderland Premier League 7th April 2013

Paulo Di Canio reign at Sunderland started with a defeat on Sunday, although the Italian would probably have expected to come out second best at Stamford Bridge.

The Black Cats did manage to get their noses in front on the stroke of half-time, but only after CesarAzpilicueta had put through his own net after a corner.

Norwich 2-2 Swansea – Canaries Still Not Safe From Drop After Entertaining Draw At Carrow Road(Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 2-2 Swansea City Premier League 6th April 2013

A late strike from in-form Luke Moore secured a share of the points for Swansea at Carrow Road on Saturday.

The home side are still looking over their shoulder at the relegation battle and were desperate for a win in a very open game.

Stoke 1-3 Aston Villa – Potters In Trouble As Villans Battle Their Way Out Of Drop-Zone (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 1-3 Aston Villa Premier League 6th April 2013

Paul Lambert's young Aston Villa side registered a vital and deserved victory at the Britannia Stadium on Saturday, a result which saw them, at least temporarily, move out of the bottom four.

West Brom 1-2 Arsenal – Rosicky Brace Fires Gunners Into Top Four At The Hawthorns (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 1-2 Arsenal Premier League 6th April 2013

That injury-prone imp Tomas Rosicky was the star of the show for Arsenal at the Hawthorns on Saturday, bagging a brace as the Gunners kept the heat on Chelsea and Spurs in the race for Europe.

Reading 0-2 Southampton – Royals Destined For Drop After Saints Stroll To Victory At St. Mary’s (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Reading 0-2 Southampton Premier League 6th April 2013

Nigel Adkins hosted his former team Southampton on Saturday, desperately in need of a win. However, instead, bottom side Reading were pretty much outplayed by a classy Southampton, with Rickie Lambert and Jay Rodriguez outstanding up front.

Shit Football Kits: Barcelona’s New Training Clobber Might Be Bloody Awful

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By Chris Wright

It's not been confirmed, but Spanish paper Sport have gotten hold of the following samples and reckon they are the training kits that Barcelona will wear at Joan Gamper as of next season...

Apparently the kit features an aerial image of the district of Barcelona known as'Eixample' (where the Sagrada Familia is) which, while a nice intention, doesn't make it okay.

Chelsea Players Covered In Blue Paint For New Adidas 2013/14 Kit Teaser Campaign (Photos & Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ahead of their new 2013/14 kit launch (the internet reckons it's going to look like this), Chelsea and Adidas have clubbed together to launch a bit of a teaser campaign for it called "It's Blue, what else matters" which sees several of the Blues' stars getting smattered from head to toe with blue paint like that famous group full of blue men.

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #29

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By Chris Wright

The Friday Flashback XXIX: Fletch Lives...

Always save the Best for last...

More Friday Flashback goodness on Pies...

Friday Flashback Volume #1
Friday Flashback Volume #2
Friday Flashback Volume #3
Friday Flashback Volume #4
Friday Flashback Volume #5

Friday Flashback Volome #6
Friday Flashback Volume #7

Friday Flashback Volume #8
Friday Flashback Volume #9
Friday Flashback Volume #10
Friday Flashback Volume #11
Friday Flashback Volume #12
Friday Flashback Volume #13
Friday Flashback Volume #14
Friday Flashback Volume #15
Friday Flashback Volume #16
Friday Flashback Volume #17
Friday Flashback Volume #18
Friday Flashback Volume #19
Friday Flashback Volume #20 Random 90s Football Sticker Quiz
Friday Flashback Volume #21
Friday Flashback Volume #22
Friday Flashback Volume #23
Friday Flashback Volume #24 Random 90s Sticker Quiz, Edition II
Friday Flashback Volume #25
Friday Flashback Volume #26
Friday Flashback Volume #27
Friday Flashback Volume #28 Random 90s Sticker Quiz, Edition III

Man Utd Hire ‘Specialist Acoustic Expert’ To Improve Naff Atmosphere At Old Trafford, Jokes Write Themselves

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By Chris Wright

Old Trafford: It's oh so quiet, it's oh so still...

In response to complaints from fans that the stadium is too quiet on matchdays, Manchester United have hired a "specialist acoustic engineer" at great expense to hopefully crank up the decibel level at Old Trafford because the sound of corporate dinks gobbling their way through prawn sandwiches definitely needs to be amplified.

Football GIF: Gareth Bale’s Rubbery Ankle Injury On Infinite Loop

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By Chris Wright

Alan's already covered it in his Spurs-Basel round-up, but just in case you missed it here's Gareth Bale's nasty-looking-but-potentially-not-quite-as-bad-as-it-first-appeared ankle injury last night ininfiniteGIF form for those who wish to study a human ankle going all rubbery again and again and again.

Shit Lookalikes: Wilfried Zaha & Liam Dutton (Channel 4 Weatherman)

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By Chris Wright

Zaha is the winger waiting in Manchester United's...erm...wings.

Dutton is a/the Channel 4 weatherman.

Now that truly is shit, though we can definitely see what Pies' spotter Max Holder is driving at here. There's something in the two ginormous heads.

Nacional Supporters Break World Record For Biggest Flag, Unfurl 600m Behemoth Before Copa Libertadores Game

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By Chris Wright

Now that's a flag

On Thursday, after nigh-on seven years of planning, fans of Uruguayan side Nacional finally realised their destiny and set a new world record for the biggest flag ever unfurled at a sporting event when they broke out an absolute monster during their Copa Libertadores tie against Mexican club Toluca.

Lionel Messi And Dani Alves Play ‘Keepy Uppy’ Over Distance Of About 30 Yards (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Spotted during the warm-up before Barcelona's Champions League tie against PSG on Tuesday evening, here's Lionel Messi and Dani Alves engaging in the longest-range game of keepy-uppy we can remember seeing...

Now that's bloody impressive!

(Via Reddit)

Competition: WIN! New Uruguay 2013 Confederations Cup Shirt Courtesy Of Puma

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By Chris Wright

"Heh heh! Look at this country: U-R-GAY!"

Don't say we never treat you for it's competition time again here on Pies!

Hot on the heels of Italy's new Confederations Cup clobber, PUMA have today unveiled the kit that Uruguay will be wearing at the tournament in Brazil this summer, with the design paying homage to the strip that La Celeste wore when they took home the gold medals at the 1924 Olympic Games in Paris hence the rather eye-catching lace-up neck.

Football GIF: Scott Parker Misses The Mother Of All Sitters Against Basel

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By Alan Duffy

He did have a player on the ground in front of him, to be fair, but Scott 'Scotty' Parker really should have done better here than skew the ball wide. The miss proved costly too, with the Lilywhites drawing the game at the Lane 2-2 with Basel.

Enjoy...

(GIF: 101gg)

Europa League: Benfica 3-1 Newcastle – Magpies Downed By Super Eagles In Portugal (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Benfica 3-1 Newcastle United Europa League 4th April 2013

Newcastle failed to build on a promising start at the Stadium of Light on Thursday night, eventually going down 3-1 after a second-half collapse.

Papiss Cissé had opened the scoring the visitors after just 12 minutes before hitting the woodwork.

Football GIF: Scott Parker Misses The Mother Of All Sitters Against Rubin Kazan

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By Alan Duffy

He did have a player on the ground in front of him, to be fair, but Scott 'Scotty' Parker really should have done better here than skew the ball wide. The miss proved costly too, with the Lilywhites drawing the game at the Lane 2-2 with Basel.

Enjoy...

(GIF: 101gg)

Europa League: Chelsea 3-1 Rubin Kazan – Two For Torres As Blues’ Cruise At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 3-1 Rubin Kazan Europa League 4th April 2013

Fernando Torres, resplendent in one of those rather in-fashion facial masks, re-discovered his shooting boots on Thursday night, bagging a brace as Chelsea ran out deserved winners against Rubin Kazan.

Europa League: Tottenham 2-2 Basel – Bale Injury Overshadows Lilywhites’ Comeback At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 2-2 FC Basel Europa League 4th April 2013

Spurs came from 2-0 down to secure a disappointing 2-2 draw against Basel at White Hart Lane on Thursday night, leaving them with a lot still to do if they are to progress to the last four of the Europa League.

Lebanese Match Officials Charged After Receiving ‘Sexual Bribes’ To Fix AFC Cup Match

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By Chris Wright

Ali Sabbagh smells like cabbagh

Today in Asian football corruption news, three grubby Lebanese match officials have been charged with receiving "sexual bribes" in return for fixing anAFC Cup match in Singapore. The dirty, dirty little ponies.

‘Andy Reid Has No Opinion On Di Canio Controversy’ – Irish Daily Star Have Your Utterly Irrelevent Non-Story Of The Day

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By Chris Wright

Congrats are due to the Irish Daily Star, who somehow managed to print this guff about Andy Reid's shocking reaction to Paolo Di Canio's appointment at Sunderland yesterday with a straight face...

Yep. That's it. That's all she/they wrote!

"Irish star Andy Reid has no opinion on the Paolo Di Canio controversy.

Portuguese Designer Makes Mario Balotelli His Own Custom Camouflage Boots (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Some Portuguese graffiti artist/designer/vegan Crunk night organiser by the name of Mr Dheo has created a specially customised pair of camouflage Nike boots for Mario Balotelli to go with his disgusting Bentley Continental.

These are they.

Classic Moments: Ian Woan Scores Two Exquisite Freekicks Against Tottenham In The FA Cup, 1996 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It may be a balmy, blue-skied 4ºc today but whenever government-administered snow envelopes the hermetically-sealed glass Enormodome™over Nottingham my thoughts invariably turn back to 19th February 1996, when Forest's FA Cup fifth round tie against Tottenham was called off after about 15 minutes of sudden, incredibly heavy snowfall (the pitch was perfectly playable at kick-off) largely due to the fact that the City Ground looked more like blizzard-blasted Arctic tundra.

Mario Götze Caught Short, Has Emergency Tinkle In Malaga’s Stadium (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Dortmund young'n Mario Götze caught in the act of whipping out the old fella, taking a knee and cocking a leg (Jens Lehmann-style) and unleashing forth a stream of pissy justice behind the advertising boards at Malaga's stadium during a pre-Champions League training sesh.

Arsenal De Sarandi Players Scuffle With Riot Police As Copa Libertadores Game Ends In Shotgun-Wielding Skirmish

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By Chris Wright

Last night's Copa Libertadores group stage fixture between Brazil's Atletico Mineiro and Argentina's Arsenal de Sarando ended in time-honoured South American fashion: with shotguns being toted after the away side, a tad angry at having been soundly trounced, took their anger out on the match officials and the armed riot police sworn to protect them.

Champions League: Malaga 0-0 Dortmund – Wasteful Dortmund Fail To Score In Spain (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Malaga 0-0 Borussia Dortmund Champions League 3rd April 2013

Borussia Dortmund failed to net a precious away goal at La Rosaleda on Wednesday night despite creating numerous gilt-edged chances.

Scheming starlet Mario Goetze was one of the main culprits for the Black Yellows, fluffing his lines on a couple of occasions when he should have scored.

Champions League: Real Madrid 3-0 Galatasaray – Los Merengues Brush Aside Gala At The Bernabeu (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Real Madrid 3-0 Galatasaray Champions League 3rd April 2013

Jose Mourinho's Real Madrid firmly planted one foot in the Champions League semi-finals after cruising past Galatasaray at the Bernabeu.

First-half goals from Cristiano Ronaldo and Karim Benzema gave Los Merengues a 2-0 lead at the interval while Gonzalo Higuain finished off the scoring in the second period.

Celtic Boss Neil Lennon Faces Three Match Ban For Calling St Mirren Midfielder Jim Goodwin ‘A Fanny’

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By Chris Wright

"OI JIM YOU MASSIVE GAPING FOO FOO!"

Celtic manager Neil Lennon is staring down the barrel of a three-match ban after Sky Sports' pitchside microphones caught him swearing at St Mirren midfielder Jim Goodwin during Sunday's SPL match between the two sides.

20 Of The Best Obsolete English Football Club Badges

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By Chris Wright

In what is more than likely going to be our 'Football Crests from Around the World, etc ' bit, we're having a butcher's at 20 now-obsolete English football crestthat have been, by and large, replaced by inferior designs over the years...

1. Newcastle United

Pure 70′s bubble letter magic from Newcastle.

Shit Football Kits: Argentina’s Mind Bending Copa America Keeper Shirt, 1995

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By Chris Wright

Take these, you'll be needing them...

As modeled by Sergio Goycochea, this is the Timothy Leary-inspired goalkeeper jersey that Argentina took with them to the 1995 Copa America...

Startled,hallucinatingand beyond confused, the poor bugger obviously didn't know where he was after the game.

Nottingham Forest Super Fan Misses First Match In 40 Years As Unbroken 1,786 Game Streak Comes To An End

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By Chris Wright

The man who may well be Britain's most dedicated football fan has missed his first game in 40 years after being forced to listen to his beloved Nottingham Forest's game against Burnley on Monday on the wireless having been laid up following a foot infection.

Portuguese Keeper Saves Penalty, Immediately Punts Ball Upfield, Scores From 85 Yards! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Seems this week is the week for goalscoring goalkeeper heroes. A couple of days after St Pauli's No.1 Philipp Tschauner pulled a last-minute equaliser out of the bag, here we have some incredible footage from one of Portugal's semi-pro regional leagues.

Football GIF: Can Someone Please Explain The Weird Deflection On David Alaba’s Shot?

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By Chris Wright

Ain't this just the weirdest-lookin' deflection you ever did see?

Anyone out there with a degree in physics/telekinesis explain how the ball can deflect right off the defender's toe and still curl to the left?

Unless, indeed, they playing with a Shoot 5 airflow, and then we understand perfectly.

Champions League: PSG 2-2 Barcelona – Blaise Of Glory! Late Matuidi Strike Keeps Tie Alive For French Giants (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Paris St Germain 2-2 Barcelona Champions League 2nd April 2013

In a rather strange game in Paris, nouveau riche PSG came back twice against Barcelona to set up an interesting return fixture at the Nou Camp.

Despite making a quiet start, as the home side looked the more threatening, Barca eventually opened the scoring on 38 minutes , courtesy of a close-range effort from Lionel Messi after a magnificent pass from Dani Alves.

Champions League: Bayern 2-0 Juventus – Germans Cruise To Victory Against Lacklustre Old Lady (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Bayern Munich 2-0 Juventus Champions League 2nd April 2013

The Bayern player on the far right could do with a few extra training sessions...

In this clash of two of the traditional giants of European football, it was German giants Bayern who came out well on top, dominating the game at the Allianz Arena and securing a healthy two-goal advantage ahead of the return fixture in Turin.

Shit Lookalikes: Victor Moses & Nicola Adams (Female Olympic Boxer)

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By Chris Wright

Many thanks to Pies spotter Lanky for the nudge.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to us at waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet is over @waatpies if you'd prefer.

Paolo Di Canio Unveiled At Sunderland Amid ‘Ridiculous And Pathetic’ Controversy (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Sunderland have unveiled their new coach/possibly facist-sympathising bogeyman at their "Academy of Light" (clever) training ground this morning, which entailed all the various shirt, scarf and football alofting that one has come to expect of these kind of things.

Top 5 Football April Fools Jokes, 2013

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By Chris Wright

We didn't stumble across many (the Newcastle University/Sports Direct prank being an exception) and it didn't seem to be a bumper year, but we've still managed to cobble together our five favourite footballing April Fools japes from yesterday.

Presenting: The Worst Set Piece Freekick Routine In The History Of Everything Ever (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The footage itself may be a couple of months old, but the content is as fresh as a daisy a cesspit full of soiled adult nappies and decomposing animal carcasses.

What you're about to witness is SC Weiz's utterly cunning set piece routine againstSC Fürstenfeldbruck from an Austrian lower tier game, otherwise hereby and forever after to be referred to as "THE WORST FREEKICK ROUTINE EVER EXECUTED BY ANYONE EVER".

St Pauli Keeper Philipp Tschauner Comes Up For Corner, Heads Home 90th Minute Equaliser vs Paderborn (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Every football hipster's former favourite German side (they're waaaaaaay too mainstream now) St Pauli have a new "fussballgott" to worship after 'keeper Philipp Tschauner rampaged up the field for a late corner and, in a turn up for the books, actually got his head to the cross and sent a 90th-minute equaliser past his opposite number to rescue a 2-2 draw from the jaws of defeat against 2.

April Fools Snapshot: Newcastle University ‘Sell Naming Rights To Sports Direct’

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By Chris Wright

God bless those madcap jesters over at Newcastle University who took the opportunity yesterday to prank their students by circulating the following photo of cranes replacing their iconic emblem with the 'Sports Direct' logo on their main building on their official website yesterday along with the news that the University had sold its naming rights to the sportswear merchants.

Top 12 Photos: FA Cup: Chelsea 1-0 Man Utd (With Official Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Nothing more, nothing less: Pies' pick of the dozen finest photos from Chelsea's 1-0 FA Cup quarter final replay against Manchester United at Stamford Bridge yesterday afternoon...

And, cos we like the look of your face, we're bundling in the official FA highlights too.

Fulham 3-2 QPR – Harry’s Hoops Lose Again Despite Valiant Comeback (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 3-2 Queens Park Rangers Premier League 1st April 2013

Despite doing their best to battle back from three goals down, Harry Redknapp's QPR couldn't quite peg back the Cottagers in an enthralling west London derby.

Fulham's goals came courtesy of a Dimitar Berbatov brace (one from the penalty spot) and a Clint Hill own-goal, with Christopher Samba at fault for both the Bulgarian's strikes.

Chelsea 1-0 Man Utd: Demba Ba Settles FA Cup Quarter Final Replay With Outrageous Volley (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea pipped a often risible-looking Manchester United 1-0 to bound into the FA Cup semis (where they'll face Manchester City), with a truly outrageous stretching volley from Demba Ba proving the difference...

May the GIF live on, long after the Youtube video is stripped.

Snapshot: Ever Wanted To See Balotelli, El Shaarawy & Niang Asleep In A Train’s Overhead Baggage Compartment?

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By Chris Wright

Well now's your chance...

(Image: @OfficialEl92/Via 101GG)

Hamburg Invite Fans To Barbecue In Apology For 9-2 Bayern Munich Thrashing

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By Chris Wright

After being well and truly blitzed by runaway Bundesliga leaders Bayern Munich on Saturday, Hamburg have done the decent thing and decided to apologise by plying their fans with the gift of chargrilled meat.

That's right, the club have invited all their fans to a complimentary barbecue at their training HQ later in the month by way of apology for their dire, record-equalingly bad performance at the weekend (Hamburg's 9-2 defeatequaledthe biggest ever Bundesliga defeat on record, with Bayern tying their own record which apparently dates back to a game against 1860 Munich during the 1963/64 season).