Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2013

Sunderland 0-1 Man Utd – Bramble Own-Goal Moves Red Devils Closer To Title (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 0-1 Manchester United Premier League 30th March 2013

The Red Devils' grip on this season's Premier League tightened some more after a rather comfortable win at the Stadium of Light.

However, despite the visitors' dominance it took an own-goal from Titus Bramble on the half-hour mark to split the two sides.

Southampton 2-1 Chelsea – Saints Bruise Blues’ Top Four Hopes At St Mary’s (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 2-1 Chelsea Premier League 30th March 2013

All of a sudden Chelsea's place in next season's Champions League is anything but secure after a 2-1 defeat away at Southampton.

The home side were superb, with Rickie Lambert assisting one (for Jay Rodriguez and scoring one (a fine free-kick) while John Terry's headed goal on 33 minutes was all the visitors could muster in what was a poor performance from Rafa's reshuffled side.

Arsenal 4-1 Reading – Gunners Focused On Top Four After Routing Royals At The Emirates (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 4-1 Reading Premier League 30th March 2013

In-form Arsenal kept the pressure on Chelsea and Tottenham in the race for Europe with a 4-1 battering of strugglers Reading at the Emirates.

Gervinho had one of his "on" days, netting one and setting up another while Santi Cazorla was also superb, scoring one and running the show in midfield.

Man City 4-0 Newcastle – Magpies Just Three Points Clear Of Drop-Zone After Etihad Drubbing (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 4-0 Newcastle United Premier League 30th March 2013

With 15 points between themselves and league leaders Man Utd, Man City's task in the league is now to keep some daylight between themselves and third-placed Spurs. And at home to Newcastle at the Etihad, the Citizens did just that, romping home 4-0 to keep a five point gap between them and the Lilywhites.

Swansea 1-2 Tottenham – Bale Nets Another Cracker As Lilywhites Stay On Course For Europe (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 1-2 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 30th March 2013

Tottenham remain on course for a Champions League berth after an impressive victory at the Liberty Stadium.

Two of the stars of Spurs' season so far, Jan Vertonghen and Gareth Bale were the scorers for the north Londoners, with the Belgian defender surging out of defence to net a fabulous opener on seven minutes before Bale bagged yet another cracker from outside the box on 21 minutes.

Wigan 1-0 Norwich – Koné Kicks Latics Out Of Drop-Zone At The DW (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wigan Athletic 1-0 Norwich City Premier League 30th March 2013

Aroune Koné was the goal-hero for Wigan on Saturday, netting a late winner against Norwich which could prove vital in their battle to avoid the drop.

Wigan's relegation-defying feats have become an annual occurrence but for large periods of this game at the DW Stadium, the home side struggled to get into gear.

West Ham 3-1 West Brom – Clinical Carroll Crushes Baggies At The Boleyn Ground (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 3-1 West Bromwich Albion Premier League 30th March 2013

Andy Carroll was in superb form at the Boleyn Ground on Saturday, bagging a brace and giving the Baggies' backline a rather torrid afternoon.

West Brom started the stronger but Carroll's opener on 16 minutes set the tone for the rest of the game, with Gary O'Neil doubling his side's advantage before the break.

West Brom’s Youssouf Mulumbu Loses Plot, Lashes Ball At Gary O’Neill (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

After a rather bad day at the office, where his side were well beaten by West Ham, West Brom midfielder Youssouf Mulumbu got a little teeny bit ikred by a rather harmless foul on him by Gary O'Neil, lashing the ball at the West Ham offender.

Not surprisingly, Mulumbu saw red for the moment of madness.

Everton 1-0 Stoke – Mirallas Magic Keeps Toffees In Euro Hunt (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 1-0 Stoke City Premier League 30th March 2013

A superb solo effort from Belgian attacker Kevin Mirallas illuminated a rather dour affair at Goodison Park on Saturday and kept the Toffees in the hunt for a place in Europe.

Stoke's games this season have been lacking in goals and this clash was no different, with neither side really getting into their stride.

Brazilian Side Uniao Barbarense Field Two Players Wearing Same Shirt Number To Deliberately Confuse Opponents

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By Chris Wright

Brazilian side Uniao Barbarense have sprung a new one on us after admitting to deliberately sending out two players wearing the same shirt number on their backs in a bid to befuddle their opponents.

Having played the first half of their recent Campeonato PaulistaSerie A2fixture against Linense wearing his officially assigned No.

Introducing… Japanese Bicycle Football (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's football on bicycles, it's a bit wappy and it's Japanese. That's pretty much all you need to know...

All well and good, but once you've sat through a game of speedway motorbike football, plain old bicycle football just seems a bit weak...

For those who may be interested, this is the Crystal Palace Glaziers speedway team having a kickabout in the local park in 1929.

Shit Lookalikes: Gerard Depardieu To Play Doppleganger Jules Rimet In Film About History Of FIFA

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By Chris Wright

Good news for fans of horrible miscasting in that everybody's favourite plane-piddling Gallic thesp Gerard Depardieu is to play former FIFA president and World Cup creator Jules Rimet in a new film about the inception and history of football's governing body.

Friday Flashback Special: Random 1990s Premier League Football Sticker Quiz, Edition III

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By Chris Wright

Time for a bit of Good Friday fun with the third installment of Pies' extra special random Premier League sticker quiz. You know the drill: All you've got to do is try to identify this battalion of 90s heroes, tot up your tally and tell us how well you went on in the comments below the dotted line if you see fit.

‘It’s Too Expensive’ – Impoverished UEFA Big-Wig Michel Platini Pooh-Poohs Goal-Line Technology For Champions League

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By Alan Duffy

Frankie Lamps' infamous 'goal that never was' against Germany in the 2010 World Cup.

Never used 'pooh-pooh' in anything before. Feel proud of myself. And I got a 'big-wig' in there too!

Anyway, UEFA President Michel Platini has come out against the introduction of goal-line technology in the Champions League on the basis of its pretty hefty cost.

Competition: WIN! An Italy ‘Confederations Cup’ Shirt Courtesy Of Puma

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By Chris Wright

Italy played in their brand spanking new"2013 Confederations Cup" Puma kit for the first time against Brazil last week and look damned fine doing so, so it's with great pleasure that we can announce we have an Azzurri shirt to give away courtesy of our pals over at Puma Football!

Shit Lookalikes: Roy Hodgson & Tito Puente

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By Chris Wright

Mr Roy is the England manager.

Tito is The Simpsons' resident Latin Jazz bandleader (he was also a real-life musician) who famously defamed Mr Burns with a"slanderous mambo".

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to us at waatpies@gmail.

Italian Club Triestina Fill Stadium With Fake Vinyl Fans To Make It Look Full On Television

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By Chris Wright

Triestina Calcio: Forever alone

Tired of having his stadium look deserted on matchdays, the general manager of Serie B side Triestina has taken drastic steps to flesh out the attendance at the club's 32,454-capacityStadio Nereo Rocco by filling the empty seats with fake fans.

Cristiano Ronaldo’s New Nike Mercurial Boots Are What One Might Call ‘Garish’ (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting: CR7′slairynew kicks...

They're part of a new leisure line Ronaldo has co-created with Nike as part of hisCR7 Collection, which includes the boots, a football, an assortment of clobber and, for some unknown reason, a moped helmet...

Clarence Seedorf Faces Hefty Six Match Ban For Heinous Crime Of ‘Leaving The Pitch The Wrong Way’

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By Chris Wright

Remember when Clarence Seedorf was administered with the second red card of his 800+ game career against Madureiralast weekend when he refused to leave the pitch in the "correct" direction? Well, the Dutch veteran could now be facing a whopping six-match suspension for his crimes.

The Dreadful Challenge That Ruined Arsenal Midfielder Abou Diaby’s Career (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

The day Diaby's career started to unravel...

Poor old Abou Diaby, only days after speaking about how he has learnt to 'manage his body', the gifted French midfielder went and gubbed his cruciate ligament in training.

The 26-year-old's Arsenal career has been one long stint in the treatment room, peppered with appearances on the pitch where his mix of physique and technique often hinted at what might have been.

Step This Way To Watch Wayne Rooney Poleaxe Himself With A Blindfold Kick-Up (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This following video sees former Manchester United strike partnership extraordinaire Andrew Cole and Dwight Yorke test the club's current batch of forwards, Wayne Rooney, Danny Welbeck and Javier Hernandez, to see just how telepathic their partnerships are.

Which is all well and good, but the real reason we're posting it is, a minute or so in, Rooney poleaxes himself by clouting a blindfolded kick-up into his own face (he also scores a pretty darn impressive volley to even things out).

More Footage Surfaces Of Incredible ‘Fat Freestyler’ Andrew Cassidy In Action (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Remember when we brought you a clip of a rather large chap putting on a solo freestyle masterclass last Saturday? Well, since his video went viral people have tried to pinpoint the bloke responsible (he's even done an interview with Sky Sports News) and more footage has now surfaced.

Sacked Southend Manager Paul Sturrock Turns Down Offer To Return For Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Final, Chooses To Watch Game With Fans

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By Chris Wright

Along with his kilt, here's another one to add to the 'Paul Sturrock is a colossal dude' file in that the recently sacked Southend United manager has politely turned down Shrimpers chairman Ron Martin's generous offer to return to manage the clubon a one-off basis for their imminent appearance at the Johnstone's Paint Trophy Final on 7th April.

Shit Lookalikes: Lukasz Fabianski & Matt Le Blanc

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By Chris Wright

Uncanny. How the hell have we never noticed this before?

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to us (waatpies@gmail.com) or Tweet us (@waatpies) and we'll happily give it the once over.

Shit Football Kits: Sheffield Wednesday’s Shiny Silver And Lilac Abomination, 1986/87

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By Chris Wright

It's fair to say that Sheffield Wednesday have suffered at the hands of some franklyabominableaway kits over the years (take Exhibits A, B and C for example) but none were worse than the silver and lilac nylonaberrationthat adorned The Owls on their travels for the 1986/87 season.

12 Cracking Photos Of Francesco Totti To Mark Il Capitano’s 20 Years In Business

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By Chris Wright

While we can't even dream of surpassing Gigi Buffon's gushing tribute to Francesco Totti on his 20th year in the game, Pies have cobbled together a humble tribute to the granite-jawed, inexplicably handsome Roma legend in the shape of a dozen of his finest stills from the archives.

Gianluigi Buffon Sends Sweet Tribute Message To Francesco Totti On 20th Anniversary Of His Serie A Debut

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By Chris Wright

"It's guy love between two guys"

Roma icon FrancescoTotti is currently in the process of celebrating his 20th year in Serie A after making his Giallorosso debut way back in the primordial ooze of 1993 after coming on as a substitute against Brescia.

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart: Exeter City Manager Paul Tisdale Is The Sharpest Dressed Man In Football, Favours The Gent’s Cravat

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By Chris Wright

Exeter City manager Paul Tisdale, ladies and gentlemen behold football's sharpest dressed man...

Boom.

Oops, how did that one get in there?

Anyway, it takes a real sartorial cavalier to carry off the gentleman's cravat successfully, especially in the cookie cutter tracksuit/Matalan suit world of English football management, so a doff of the cap is definitely due to Tisdale for having the clangers to step out in style.

Windsor FC And Flackwell Heath Thrown Out Of Berks & Bucks Cup After Both Fielded Ineligible Players Against Each Other

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By Chris Wright

It's not every day we get t0 feature news from the Berks & Bucks Cup here on Pies, so we're going to grab this opportunity with both of our greasy, claw-like hands.

The big story coming out of the regional competition is that bothWindsor FC and Flackwell Heath have both been expelled from the tournament after it came to light that both sides attempted to playineligible players against each otherin their semi-final on March 6th.

Paddy Power Refuse To Give Up On Billboard Mocking Fernando Torres, Return To Stamford Bridge With New Digital Version

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By Chris Wright

If you cast your mind back a month or so you may recall that mischievous bookmakers Paddy Power invoked the Chelsea legal department's wrath by slapping up a billboard outside Stamford Bridge which poked pun at a certain chap by the name of Fernando and his lack of goals by pointing the way to "the onion bag".

Robin Van Persie Passes Johan Cruyff’s Goal Tally With Instinctive Header From Tight Angle vs Romania (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Robin van Persie overtook Johan Cruyff as Holland's all-time leading goalscorer by way of snaffling himself a brace in Oranje's 4-0 tonking of Romania last night, the first of which was a fantastic, instinctive header to steer Arjen Robben's clipped cross over Costel Pantilimon (no mean feat) and dropping it neatly inside the far post.

Former Lyon Coach Bernard Lacombe Tells Female Radio Phone-In Caller To ‘Stick To Cooking’, Claims It Was Just A Funny Joke

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By Chris Wright

Lacombe: Ladies man

Former Lyon player and coach Bernard Lacombe, who now serves as an unofficial "specialadviserto club president Jean-Michel Aulas, has done a whoopsie by telling a female caller on a live radio phone-in to, in essence, "get back in the kitchen where she belongs".

Ukraine’s Taras Stepanenko Sent Off For Almost Decapitating Moldova’s Vitalie Bordian (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As red-card head-high horror tackles go, Taras Stepanenko's effort in the last minute of Ukraine's 2-1 victory over Moldova last night was a true classic of the genre...

We're willing to accept that the actual collision itself may have been purely accidental but, in that case, what in the blue blazes was Stepanenko going for by flinging himself into the air like that bearing in mind Ukraine were on the attack?

International Snapshot: Argentina’s Angel Di Maria Huffs Oxygen During Bolivia Game, 3,600 Metres Above Sea Level

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By Chris Wright

Cracking snap from yesterday's various international dealings wherein spindly Real Madrid flyweight Angel Di Maria is forced to huff away on an oxygen canister after running out of puff during Argentina's World Cup qualifier against Bolivia in La Paz,situatedsome 3,637 metres (11,932 feet)above sea level.

Luis Suarez Punches Chile’s Gonzalo Jara In The Face (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Luis Suarez was at it again last night, giving Chile right-back Gonzalo Jara a quick jab in the face in retaliation to some particularly "attentive" man-marking from the Forest loanee...

Seeing as the ref missed it, no punishment was forthcoming.

"Like I give a shit!

World Cup: Northern Ireland 0-2 Israel – O’Neill’s Search For First Win Scuppered By Visitors’ Late Show (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Northern Ireland 0-2 Israel 2014 World Cup Qualifiers 26th March 2013

Two late goals from the visitors left poor old Michael O'Neill still waiting for his first win as Northern Ireland boss.

With extra time to prepare for this game after the postponement of their clash with Russia, the home side had chances to ahead in the first-half, although Israel did hit the woodwork after just two minutes.

World Cup: Wales 1-2 Croatia – Eduardo Pounces At The Death To Down Dragons (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wales 1-2 Croatia 2014 World Cup Qualifiers 26th March 2013

An exquisite strike from ex-Arsenal man Eduardo completed a Croatian comeback at the Liberty Stadium on Tuesday night, as the Welsh failed to build on their recent win against Scotland.

World Cup: Serbia 2-0 Scotland – Scots Outclassed By Serbs, Remain Bottom Of Group A (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Serbia 2-0 Scotland 2014 World Cup Qualifiers 26th March 2013

Gordon Strachan's men were deservedly beaten away in Novi Sad on Tuesday night after a rather lacklustre display from the Scots.

The visitors battled hard in a goalless first half but the Serbians' superiority eventually paid off in the second period, with a brace fromFilip Duricic securing a valuable win for Sinisa Mihajlovic's side.

World Cup: Rep Of Ireland 2-2 Austria – Late Alaba Strike Breaks Irish Hearts At The Aviva (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Republic Of Ireland 1-1 Austria 2014 World Cup Qualifiers 26th March 2013

Bayern Munch's young defender David Alaba was the man to break Irish hearts in Dublin on Tuesday night, firing home from long-range to secure an injury-time equaliser for the visitors.

World Cup: Montenegro 1-1 England – Rooney Scores But Three Lions Feel The Pressure In Podgorica (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Montenegro 1-1 England 2014 World Cup Qualifiers 26th March 2013

A right old game of two halves this was, with England bossing the first period and going in deserved 1-0 leaders at half-time. However, after the break, Montenegro were a totally different proposition, and laid siege to Joe Hart's goal for much of the game.

Snapshot: Mad Scotland Fans In Kilts Turn Up To Clear Serbia’s Pitch Of Snow (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

It looked for a moment like Scotland'sWorld Cup Qualifier against Serbia may succumb to the snow that has engulfed the country today that was until these three bonny lads, led by Scotland fanaticDougie McKinlay (the chap in the middle), turned up at theKaraorde Stadium and helped shovel the snow from the pitch.

Georgian Club FC Zestafoni Provide Us With ‘Utterly Dismal Open Goal Fail’ Of The Day (Video)

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By Chris Wright

There seems to be a bit of consternation as to who the actual perpetrator of this dismass goal-line miss is, but it matters very little. What does matter is that it was caught on camera.

Georgian Premier League side FCZestafoni played a friendly against fellowUmaglesi Liga opponents Merani Martvili, with Zestafoni spaffing the chance to go 3-1 up when their striker singularly failed to stick this sitter away from roughly 25cm out.

Southend United Sack Paul Sturrock, Appoint Phil Brown, Allow Sturrock To Take Charge For Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Final

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By Chris Wright

"This stuff tastes like shite. Got any Irn Bru laddy?"

You've got to give it to Southend Unitedchairman Ron Martin, the guy's obviously got huevos the size ofcantaloupemelons.

With The Shrimpers six points off the League Two play-offs, Martin saw fit to sack manager Paul Sturrock on Sunday, citing the club's dodgy form of late having won just once in their last six matches.

Burnley Fan Submits Joke Application For Blackburn Manager Job, Sent Reply Saying He’s Been Shortlisted

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By Chris Wright

"You're hired!"

As a bit of a piss-take, avid Burnley fanJames McDonagh threw his name into the hat and applied for the freshly-voided Blackburn Rovers vacancy on the basis that he once managed a Sunday League side and that he had put in countless hours on Football Manager over the years the bedrock of any aspiring managerial prankster's CV promising to guide the club to "back-to-back relegations".

Shit Lookalikes: Toby The Tram & David O’Leary

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By Chris Wright

One for the ages...

Wondrous, wondrous stuff from Noel Slevin, a.k.a @Slevatron. Cracking spot Sir!

Got a Shit Lookalike of this calibre for Pies? Email it over (waatpies@gmail.com) or Tweet us (@waatpies) if you're that way inclined.

Reading Appoint Nigel Adkins To Drag Them From Sarlacc Pit Of Relegation (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

A fortnight after shafting Brian McDermott, Reading have appointed former Southampton middle manager Nigel Adkins as their new manager on a three-year deal.

A statement of Reading's official site reads:

"Reading Football Club are delighted to announce the appointment of Nigel Adkins as first team manager on a contract until the summer of 2016.

England U21 4-0 Austria U21: The One Where Nathaniel Chalobah Almost Scores Scholes-esque Worldy (Official Highlights & Photos)

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By Chris Wright

England's young'ns racked up their ninth successive victory after sticking four unanswered goals past nine-man Austria in a friendly atBrighton's Amex Stadium last night, with Jonjo Shelvey, Josh McEachran, Marvin Sordell and Connor Wickham doing the honours.

Russia Score Bizarre Goal Against Brazil At The Zillionth Time Of Asking (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Well, maybe not the zillionth, but you get the picture.

Victor Fayzulin was the man to finally put the ball in the back of the net for Fabio Capello's side after both sides played pinball in the Brazil box. But ultimately, Fred would score to rob the Russians of a glamorous victory.

22 Of The Best Football Club Badges From Scotland, Wales, Ireland and Northern Ireland

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By Chris Wright

Having scoured the globe for the best club badges on offer in Asia, South America, Australia and The States, we reckon it's about time to come back home and have a root around. As such, here's 22 of our favourite football logos from all around the other home nations and Eire.

Around The Grounds: Podgorica City Stadium, Montenegro

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By Chris Wright

The City Stadium in Podgorica, Montenegro: Home ofFK Buducnost Podgorica and theMontenegrinnational side, henceforth also the venue for England's crucial 2014 World Cup Group H qualifier tomorrow evening.

A traditional 12,000-capacity stadium set in picturesque hillside surroundings, the City Stadium was built in 1945 almost immediately after the Second World War and by the looks of it today, that may well have been the last time the pitch was laid too.

Clarence Seedorf Shown Second Red Card Of Career For ‘Walking Off The Pitch The Wrong Way’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Clarence Seedorf's exemplary, almost immaculate career is almost typified by the lack of cards he's been shown, having only ever picked up one single red card in his 21 years as a professional.

However, that was before last weekend, when the Dutch midfielder, now aged 36 and gradually winding down in Brazil with Botafogo, was shown his second ever red when he was booked twice in a minute for the heinous crime of "refusing to leave the pitch the right way after being substituted" againstMadureira.

‘Something May Be About To Happen That No-One Could Imagine!’ – Jose Mourinho Is Nowt But A Dirty Flirt

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By Chris Wright

"Well hello there!"

As is his wont, Jose Mourinho has been fanning the flames of speculation once again, after taking a small group of wide-eyed tabloid hacks aside during his trip to London this weekend and whispering seductively in their ears that he may be about to do something unimaginable as far as his managerial CV is concerned.

Football League Goal Of The Year: Simon Cox’s Sumptuous Control And Cute Lob vs Birmingham (Video)

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By Chris Wright

'Twas the Football League Awards in London last night, with on-song Watford striker Matej Vydra being named Championship Player of the Year and Blackpool's Tom Ince being named Young Player of the Year while Matt Ritchie and Tom Pope collecting theLeague One and Two Player of the Year awards respectively.

Corpulent Chap On Milford Docks Has Wicked Epic Freestyle Football Skillz Brap Braaaap (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which a decidedly corpulent chap hanging around in the Milford Docks area of Pembrokeshire in Wales (according to Twitter, at least) puts on a freestyle masterclass while no-one is looking well, no-one except a car full of guffawing Welsh lads in awe of what they are seeing.

Non-League Gateshead Forced To Travel 360 Miles To Play ‘Home’ Fixture

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By Chris Wright

They usually play in the shadow of The Angel of the North but non-league Gateshead FC are now facing a punishing 360-mile round trip tofulfill one of their home fixtures after theBlue Square Conference decreed that the club are to play their rearranged home game against Newport County at Boston United's ground, some 180 miles away.

Man City Fan Has Season Ticket Torn Up For Smoking Electronic Cigarette

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By Chris Wright

A Manchester City fan has had his season ticket torn up by the club after security staff mistook the electronic cigarette he was toking away on during the Chelsea game last month for a real lung dart.

Apparently the fan, who has not been named, was hauled aside by security staff at half-time, taken into a side room at The Etihad and informed that his season ticket had been cancelled.

Snapshot: San Marino FA Get (Justifiably) Irked By ITV’s Sneering Commentary

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By Alan Duffy

Good on the San Marino FA's Twitter people. Having had to listen to Adrian Chiles and co. sneer their way through England's 8-0 hammering off the Euro minnows, the San Marino Twitter people decided to hit back. And rightly so!

World Cup: Sweden 0-0 Rep Of Ireland – Boys In Green Make Deserved Point In Solna (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sweden Republic Of Ireland 2014 World Cup Qualifiers 22nd March 2013

Millwall 'keeper David Forde produced a superb performance for Ireland in Sweden on Friday night to help his side to a deserved 0-0 draw.

The visitors started the game superbly, with James McCarthy superb in midfield and Jame McClean dangerous on the flanks.

World Cup: San Marino 0-8 England – Three Lions Left With Bigger Fish To Fry After Battering Minnows (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

San Marino England 2014 World Cup Qualifiers 22nd March 2013

Cheapskates...

Not really much to say about the game. It went as one would have expected it to.

The goals came from an own-goal, Oxo-Chamberpot, Jerry Defoe (a brace), Ash Young, Frankie Lamps, Big Wayne Rooney and Dan Sturridge.

World Cup: Scotland 1-2 Wales – Ramsey Inspires Welsh Fight Back At Hampden (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Scotland Wales 2014 World Cup Qualifiers 22nd March 2013

Aaron Ramsey has endured a difficult couple of years. Since coming back from that horror leg-break, he has struggled to hit the heights expected of him, instead struggling to secure a regular place in Arsene Wenger's inconsistent Arsenal side.

Classic Moment: David Hirst Shot Breaks 100mph Barrier vs Arsenal, 1996

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By Chris Wright

There's bugger all going on elsewhere thanks to the crawling International lull in which we're currently engulfed, so we thought we'd take a trip back at random to Highbury, 16th September 1996 the day Sheffield Wednesday striker David Hirst broke the sound barrier using nothing but his feet.

Around The Grounds: Upton Park, West Ham

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By Chris Wright

Time for a photographic trip around the grounds and, seeing as though West Ham have set the Boggle timer of fate ticking this morning by announcing that the 2015/16 season will be their last at Upton Park before moving to the Olympic Stadium, we've decided to have a look around The Hammers' spiritual home.

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #27

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By Chris Wright

Back after a week off, it's Friday Flashback XXVII:The Squeakquel...

Do. Not. Mess...

Time for our weekly pointer toward the football sticker goldmine that isOld School Panini (follow them on Twitter @OldSchoolPanini).

Shit Lookalikes: Harry Redknapp & Heribert Bruchhagen (Eintracht Frankfurt Chairman)

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By Chris Wright

Looks like 'Arry's got a baggy-faced German doppelganger in the shape of Eintracht Frankfurt chairman Heribert Bruchhagen. Brothers in jowls...

Uncanny!

Many thanks to Pies fan Fabian Link for the spot.

Wilfried Zaha Scores Beaut As England U21 Soundly Beat Romania U21 (Highlights & Photos)

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By Chris Wright

England U21 sashayed to a comfortable victory over their Romanian counterparts in a 3-0 friendly victory at Wycombe Wanderers' Adams Park last night, with Manchester United's layaway signing Wilfried Zaha stealing the show, scoring a rather nice goal (his first for the U21s) to open proceedings by jinking past a couple of defenders and bending a sweet shot inside the far post from the edge of the area.

West Ham Finally Bag Themselves The Olympic Stadium, Set Moving Date For 2016

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By Chris Wright

Welcome to the Enormodome, home of The Hammers

After years and years of bids, counter-bids, red tape and back-biting, West Ham have finally agreed a deal to become 'anchortenants' at the London Olympic Stadium, with the club now scheduled to move in ahead of the 2016/17 season.

Italy And Brazil Provide The Glamour And The Goals In A-List 2-2 Draw (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Sometimes these kind of glamour ties can fail to live up to expectations, but on Thursday evening, the traditional workd footballing powers of Italy and Brazil served up a highly entertaining spectacle, topped off by a number of superb goals.

After Fred had opened the scoring, Chelsea's Oscar fired home a clever second.

Arsenal ‘Keeper Wojciech Szczesny And His Father Poles Aparts Over Wenger Treatment

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By Alan Duffy

We've all had our embarrassing parent moments. And as a parent now myself, I'm making sure I cram as many in for my kids before the ungrateful feckers eventually fly the nest.

Arsena's out-of-form 'keeperWojciech Szczesny is a rather embarrassed young man after his father publicly criticised Arsene Wenger for his treatment ofSzczesny junior.

Top 30 Classically Pithy Brian Clough Quotes

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By Chris Wright

"Now listen 'ere young man..."

We can't let a mention of Old Big 'Ead pass without having a gander at some of his finest orations over the years. Ever the gobby sod, Cloughie certainly had araconteur'sway with a quip or a barb, with his pithy, often withering one-liners coming to define hiscantankerous, razor sharp and focused personality before it all started going tits up.

12 Brilliant Photos Of Brian Clough In His Pomp

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By Chris Wright

On what would've been his 78th birthday, here's a grid of 12 classic shots of Brian Clough from both his playing and managerial heyday. As the man himself once said, Clough wasn't the best manager in the business, but he was in the top one.

Click for the full-sized images.

Keeper Comes Up For Corner, Gets Caught Out, Hitches Ride Back To His Goal On Strategically Placed Motorbike (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's a situation that most goalkeeper's dread: going up for a corner, the setpiece going awry and suddenly you're caught deep in enemy territory as your opposition break past you and bare down upon your unguarded net.

While some keepers like Joe Hart deploy their bionic cheetah legs and hurtle back downfield at the speed of light, this ingenious chap took an altogether more relaxing option, hopping on the back of a strategically placed motorbike and pootling back to his own net in both comfort, style and record time.

Why Does No-One Like Michael Owen?

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By Chris Wright

The Owen in it's natural habitat

Earlier in the week a man who has scored 150 Premier League goals, 40 goals in 89 games for England and represented the likes of Liverpool, Real Madrid and Manchester United announced his retirement for the game and the footballing fraternity bar the likes of Gary Lineker and Alan Shearer responded with a resounding 'meh'.

The Hot Pep Guardinator: McDonald’s Launch Pep Guardiola Tribute Schnitzel Sandwich

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By Chris Wright

Pep Guardiola not due to take up the reigns at FC Bayern until the summer but still McDonald's German wing have seen fit to launch a tribute sandwich in his honour, with "The Hot Pep Guardinator" due to go on sale in their Munich and Bavarian branches very soon.

Football Ink: Lionel Messi Has Tattoo Of Son Thiago’s Handprints On Leg For Father’s Day

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By Chris Wright

In Spain, Father's Day (or El Dia del Padre if you'd prefer)falls on March 19th and to mark the occasion Lionel Messi went about getting the handprints of his five-month old son Thiago implanted within the epidermis of his sainted calves...

Perhaps pull those shorts down a little, eh champ?

Ugly Scenes As England Train At St George’s Park Ahead Of San Marino Qualifier (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

If ever a picture summed up a man's international career

For your eyes only, here's a few selected shots from England's training session at St. George's Park today ahead of their 2014 World Cup Qualifier against San Marino on Friday evening.

Keep a peeper peeled for Joe Hart's bloaty head (and shoulders?

Edgar Davids Orders Team Bus U-Turn To Rescue Barnet Fans Stranded On Motorway

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By Chris Wright

There are few worse feelings in football than facing up to the miserable, soul-sapping journey home that follows any given crushing away defeat especially if you've driven over 220 miles to watch your side get soundly trounced of an afternoon/weeknight.

Having made the three-and-a-half hour journey from Barnet to Accrington to watch their club go down 3-2 in League Two on Saturday, 36 members of The Bees' traveling contingent were faced with misery heaped upon misery after the game whenthe supporters' coach conked out on the M6.

Rangers Striker Francisco Sandaza Admits Joining For The Money After Being Duped By Celtic Fan Posing As MLS Agent

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By Chris Wright

Hook, line and Sandaza

Francisco Sandaza is unlikely to be the most popular chap round Ibrox way for the foreseeable future after the Spanish striker admitted joining the club solely for the money and also that he would be willing to leave at a moment's notice after being duped by a Celtic-supporting taxi driver posing as an MLS agent.

Retro Football: Barcelona (Laudrup, Koeman, Etc) Perform ‘The Dream Team Rap’, 1990

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By Chris Wright

Just Barcelona's 1990-era vintage (Ronald Koeman, Michael Laudrup andTxiki Begiristain among others) performing a delightfully urban ditty by the name of "El Rap del Dream Team" or, if you'd prefer, "The Dream Team Rap"...

White guy rap Ahoy! The word we'd choose to sum that up would probably have to be "awkward".

Wolves Keeper Carl Ikeme Out For Season With Broken Hand After Punching Cardboard Tactics Board

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By Chris Wright

As some of you will know, I've been out of the country for the past few days on Stag detail, and it would seem that barring Callum McManananananananaman shreddingMassadio Haidara's knee ligaments I haven't missed an awful lot.

That was until I happened across the tale of Carl Ikeme's season-ending injury.

New Italy 2013 Confederations Cup Kit Is Molto Bene (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Morning all. I'll begin easing back into things around here with a few photos of Italy's lovely new kit, which will be worn for the first time later this week for the Azzurri's friendly against Brazil in Geneva which will serve as prep ahead of the Confederations Cup in Brazil later in the summer.

Blackburn Look For 4th Manager Of Season As Michael Appleton Gets Chop After 67 Days In Charge

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By Alan Duffy

A distraught Michael Appleton on hearing that he's been fired

Those crazy Venky's boys have been at it again, with poor old Michael Appleton in the firing line this time.

The 37-year-old, whop left Blackpool to take over at Ewood Park on January 11th, has been given his marching orders after a poor run of form which has seen Rovers go six league games without a win, a winless streak which has left them just four points clear of the drop-zone.

Michael Owen Announces Plans To Retire At End Of Season

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke bench-warmer Michael Owen has decided to call it a day at the end of this season after a couple of campaigns in which he rarely got any playing time.

The 33-year-old said:

"It is with an immense amount of pride that I am announcing my intention to retire.

Snapshot: Non-League Guernsey FC Suffer An Extreme Case Of Fixture Congestion

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By Alan Duffy

Playing in theCombined Counties League Premier Division, which is the fifth-tier of non-league football in England, Guernsey FC have quite a month ahead of them.

With the weather buggering up a lot of their fixtures this season, the Channel Islanders will be forced to play a total of 17 games in April, which is, er, quite a lot.

Wigan 2-1 Newcastle – Latics Secure Vital Win In Controversial Clash At The DW (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wigan Athletic 2-1 Newcastle United Premier League 17th March 2013

Wigan secured a vital victory at the DW Stadium on Saturday as they dodge the drop once again. However, the result was overshadowed by Callum McManaman's dreadful lunge on Newcastle'sMassadio Haidara which looks to have inflicted serious knee ligament damage on the French player.

Chelsea 2-0 West Ham – Hazard Shines As Blues Cruise At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 2-0 West Ham United Premier League 17th March 2013

Frank Lampard netted his 200th goal for Chelsea as the Blues coasted to a 2-0 win at Stamford Bridge.

The midfielder headed home on 19 minutes in a game which the home side could have won by a far greater margin, had it not been for some poor finishing, particularly from Demba Ba.

Football GIF: Wigan’s Callum McManaman Gets Away With Horrendous Lunge On Massadio Haidara

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By Alan Duffy

This really is a 100% appalling tackle from Wigan winger Callum McManaman. He may have got a touch on the ball, but the player then launches himself at Newcastle'sMassadio Haidara, catching him right on the knee.

Referee Mark Halsey did look unsighted when the challenge happened and so nothing was given for the assault, but surely the FA can do something in terms of retrospective action?

Sunderland 1-1 Norwich – Drama At The Stadium Of Light As 10-Man Canaries Earn Deserved Draw (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 1-1 Norwich City Premier League 17th March 2013

This was hardly a game to whet the appetite but in the end, this clash at the Stadium of Light produced a shedload of drama as the two sides played out a draw.

The visitors netted the opener on 26 minutes, courtesy of a close-range header from Wes Hoolahan, with the Dubliner becoming the first-ever Republic of Ireland player to score a Premier League goal on St.

Tottenham 0-1 Fulham – Berbatov On Target As Lilywhites Wobble At White Hart Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 0-1 Fulham Premier League 17th March 2013

Coming on the back of that 3-2 loss away at Anfield, Tottenham's home defeat against Fulham on Sunday will certainly have the alarm bells ringing for the Spurs faithful.

The game itself was a rather subdued affair, with Tottenham failing to spark despite having Gareth Bale back in action.

Man Utd 1-0 Reading – Red Devils Go 15 Points Clear After Hard-Fought Win Against Royals (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United Reading Premier League 16th March 2013

Man Utd came into this game buoyed by Man City's defeat at Everton, a result which all but handed the Red Devils the Premier League trophy on a silver platter. Reading, on the other hand, were hoping to get something from the game in order to boost their survival chances.

Stoke 0-0 West Brom – Mediocrity Rules At The Britannia As Potters Draw Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 0-0 West Bromwich Albion Premier League 16th March 2013

Not much to write home about here, as you can imagine from a 0-0 draw.

For draw-specialists Potters, it was a point which saw them move back into the top 10 after an appalling 2013 so far.

Aston Villa 3-2 QPR – Villans Win Six-Pointer As Hoops’ Hopes Of Survival Take Another Hit (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa Queens Park Rangers Premier League 16th March 2013

Christian Benteke was, once again, the saviour of Aston Villa on Saturday, with the striker's late goal securing all three points for the Villans in their relegation clash with QPR.

Swansea 0-2 Arsenal – Gunners Stay In Top Four Frame After Solid Win At The Liberty (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 0-2 Arsenal Premier League 16th March 2013

With a trophy under their belts and a comfortable mid-table position, Swansea had rather less to play for than Arsenal today, and ultimately it was the Gunners who deservedly came out on top.

Southampton 3-1 Liverpool – Saints Shoot Down Reds’ Euro Hopes At St. Mary’s (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 3-1 Liverpool Premier League 16th March

A revitalised Liverpool side went into this game with their eye on a Champions League spot, but after losing 3-1 on the south coast, they now find themselves seven points behind fourth-placed Chelsea, having played two games more.

Everton 2-0 Man City – Citizens’ Title Hopes Shot Down By Resurgent Toffees (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 2-0 Manchester City Premier League 16th March 2013

No Premier League silverware at the end of this rainbow for City

Any faint hopes Roberto Mancini had of seeing his side retain their Premier League title were all but snuffed out by an Everton side who produced a superb performance at Goodison Park.

Everton’s Leon Osman Nets Long-Range Bendy Stunner Against Man City (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

What a strike this is from Everton's pint-sized schemer, Leon Osman. Hit with Roberto Carlos-esque bend, the strile left Man City's Joe Hart with no chance.

Enjoy...

(video:101gg)

Chelsea Goal-Hero Fernando Torres Get Kicked In The Face Against Steaua (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Fernando Torres had a rather dramatic time of it on Thursday night against Steaua Bucharest, scoring the tie-winning goal, missing a penalty and also getting a nasty kick in the face.

The Spaniard was left bruised and bloodied by the incident but must be feeling rather happy with himself after his vital goal.

Europa League: Newcastle 1-0 Anzhi (agg 1-0) – Cissé Scores Again As Magpies Scrape Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 1-0 Anzhi Makhachkala(agg 1-0) Europa League 14th March 2013

After a hard-fought 0-0 away in Russia, this tie was nicely balanced. And at St. James' Park, the two sides produced an enthralling clash.

The nouveau-riche visitors produced a much better performance than they had managed in the first leg, but couldn't make the most of their good play in a goalless first period.

Quarter-Final Euro Draws: English Sides Kept Apart While Barca Get PSG In The Big Cup

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By Alan Duffy

The three English sides still left in Europe, albeit in the Europa League, missed out on meeting each other in the quarter-finals, as sports editors put away their 'Battle of Britain' headlines for at least another round.

Spurs arguably get the pick of the bunch, facing FC Basel while Chelsea will be confident of getting past Rubin Kazan.

Europa League: Chelsea 3-1 Steaua (agg 3-2) – Torres (Yes, Really!) Fires Blues Into Last Eight (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 3-1 Steaua Bucharest (agg 3-2) Europa League 14th March 2013

Fernando Torres finally gave the Chelsea faithful something to cheer about after what has been a season full of glaring misses, miskicks and lethargic performances for the Spaniard.

Europa League: Inter Milan 4-1 Tottenham (agg 4-4) – Lilywhites Through To Last Eight After San Siro Scare (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Internazionale 4-1 Tottenham Hotspur (agg 4-4 Tottenham win on away goals) Europa League 14th March 2013

Tottenham survived a superb Inter Milan assult at the San Siro to eventually come out on top in the tie courtesy of away goals.

Emmanuel Adebayor, a player who has endured a difficult season with Spurs, was the goal-hero for the north Londoners, netting a precious away goal in extra time after goals from Antonio Cassano, Rodrigo Palacio and a William Gallas own-goal had seen the home side get back on level terms.

The New Pope Is A Die Hard San Lorenzo Supporter (With Photo Evidence)

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By Chris Wright

"Alwight you MADDA FACKERS! Brap braaaaaaaaaaaap!!!"

The white smoke of destiny wafted from the Vatican's three-bar fire last night and it turns out the whole place wasn't on fire, rather a new Pope had beenanointed.

The man given the job was an Argentinian bloke by the name ofJorge Mario Bergoglio, who has taken the name of Pope Francis I.

FA Cup: Blackburn 0-1 Millwall – I Shitt-u Not! Danny Heads Lions To Wembley (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Blackburn Rovers 0-1 Millwall FA Cup 12th March 2013

Nigerian international Danny Shittu headed the Lions into the semi-finals of the FA Cup after a hard-fought 1-0 win away in Blackburn

The sparse crowd at Ewood Park witnessed a rather poor clash, with chances for either side few and far between.

Champions League: Bayern 0-2 Arsenal (3-3 agg) – Pyrrhic Victory For Gunners After Superb Display At Allianz Arena (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Bayern Munich 0-2 Arsenal (agg 3-3 Bayern win on away goals) Champions League 12th March

With a crushing 3-1 home defeat to Bayern under their belts, not to mention their hopes of qualifying for next season's Champions League hanging by a thread, a bedraggled and under-pressure Arsenal travelled to Munich to play a side who are currently receiving as much praise as the Gunners are criticism.

Notts County To Use Cannabis Lamps Confiscated By Police To Help Pitch Grow

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By Chris Wright

I can hear the grass grow, I see rainbows in the evening

Who knows, this may be standard practice across the country but it just seems fitting that Notts County of Nottingham are to start using cannabis heat lamps confiscated in police raids next season in an effort to encourage the pitch at Meadow Lane back to its verdant and healthy best.

Around The Grounds: San Mames, Athletic Bilbao

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By Chris Wright

At the end of the current season Atheltic Bilbao's historic San Mames stadium will be closing its doors for the final time ahead of the club completing their proposed move into their new stadium the Nuevo San Mames for the 2013/14 campaign.

As such, 2012/13 will be Bilbao's 100th and final season at La Catedral, with building work almost complete on the three sides of their new home that are due to open up in time for next season.

Football Art: Non-League Lewes FC Have Cornered The Market In Brilliant Matchday Posters (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

We're pretty late on the uptake here, but that's just the way it goes sometimes. Anyway, Lewes FC are an East Sussex-based club currently playing in theIsthmian League Premier Division which is, by our count, the seventh tier of English football.

Known as "The Rooks", Lewes have played at The Dripping Pan a 3,000-capacity (though only 600 seater) former cricket ground since their inception in 1885 and, since 2010, have been a member-owned football club, with comedian Patrick Marber (of "Alan Partridge" and "The Day Today" fame) one of the six founder members of the Rooks' community ownership board as such, the club count the likes of Charles Saatchi, Nigella Lawson and Steve Coogan as shareholders.

Joey Barton’s Magnifique Faux French Accent Is Back! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With Marseille's media department presumably on strike (this is France after all), Joey Barton was given the interviewing duties for a bit with Andre-Pierre Gignac for the club's in-house television channel OMTV, and you'll be glad to hear that his wonderful cod-Francais accent made a glorious reappearance.

Odd Stat Of The Day: Barcelona Have 100% Record Of Winning 4-0 During Papal Conclaves

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By Chris Wright

They wanna live like common papal

Football is absolutely awash with tedious, largely menial statistics these days, but every so often a stat crops up that is worthy of a second look.

Lord knows who noticed it, but it came to light after last night's Champions League to-doings that Barcelona have played three official competitive games during a Papal Conclave (i.

Horror Hair: M’Baye Niang’s Bog Brush Fringe Mohican w/ Shooting Star

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By Chris Wright

It'd been shaved off by last night's game against Barcelona, but this is the look Milan forward M-Baye Niang was "rocking" up until very recently...

We can certainly see where Niang got his inspiration...

Is it possible that the Milan front-three (Niang, Balotelli and El Shaarawy) is the most ridiculously coifed strikeforce in the whole of world football?

Galatasaray Fans Caught Digging Tunnel Into Schalke 04′s Veltins Arena

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By Chris Wright

What with some of the 2,700 away tickets for last night's Champions League quarter-final ripsnorter between Schalke 04 and Galatasaray going for almost€1,000 before kick-off, it's understandable that a few fans attempted to find alternative means of watching the game.

Ex-Liverpool Blunderer Djimi Traore Scores Ballistic Screamer For Seattle Sounders In Champions League (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Now plying his trade in Yankland with Seattle Sounders, former Liverpool cock-up merchant Djimi Traore scored and absolute belter in the Champions League last night the CONCACAF Champions League that is when the 33-year-old defender wellied in a screamer from range to draw Sounders level at 2-2 (on aggregate) against Mexican side Tigres.

Champions League: Barcelona 4-0 Milan (4-2 Agg) – Messi Masterclass Helps Barca Through To Last Eight (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Barcelona 4-0 Milan (agg 4-2) Champions League 12th March 2013

Lionel Messi was at his beguiling best at the Nou Camp on Tuesday night, inspiring Barcelona to a well-deserved 4-0 win against AC Milan, who had held a two-goal advantage coming into the game.

Rio Ferdinand Escapes Punishment Over Silly Fernando Torres Kerfuffle, Wilfried Zaha Collared For Bird Flip

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By Chris Wright

The FA have declared that Rio Ferdinand will not be charged for shunting Fernando Torres over during the FA Cup quarter-final between Manchester United and Chelsea on Sunday, as refereeHoward Webb who had his back to the incident at the time has been shown footage and deemed Rio's nudge as not being worthy of a red card.

Ecuadorian Club President Resigns To Re-Register As Player, Scores On His Debut

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By Chris Wright

This man here isJaime Estrada Medranda, the president of Ecuadorian top flight side Manta FC who, lest we forget, are proud owners of the very best/worst club crest in all of South America.

Or rather, this isJaime Estrada Medranda, the former president of Manta FC because, as of a few weeks ago, he resigned his post to resume his career as a player.

Grasshopper Zurich’s New VIP Package Allows Fans To Watch Game From Pitchside Jacuzzi (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

We're assuming they had to pay through the nose for the privilege, but these two Grasshopper fans became the first people to test run the Swiss club's new VIP matchday package during their 3-1 win over St. Gallen at the weekend a packagethat allows you to take your seat for the game in the newly-installed pitchside jacuzzi at the Letzigrund Stadium, swig complimentary beer and even celebrate with the players after they score.

Sir Alex Ferguson Offers To Raise Funds For Penniless Former Club Dunfermline

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By Chris Wright

Sir Alex knocks in but one of the 66 goals he scored in his 89 games for Dunfermline

With the club pretty much penniless and without a suitable vessel to urinate in to, Sir Alex Ferguson has offered his services to former club Dunfermline Athletic, who were relegated from the SPL last season (and subsequently had to sell off 22 first team players to balance the books), in a bid to help raise some much needed cash as an HMRC winding-up order looms large on the horizon.

Greek Amateur Side Hit Woodwork Four Times With One Shot! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Get ready for an amazing 'all around the houses' trick shot from the Greek amateur leagues...

*Ping*, *ping*, *ping* and, indeed, *ping*!

(Video: Metro)

Caerphilly Castle Ladies FC ‘Put Brave Face On’ After Record 43-0 Defeat

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By Chris Wright

Caerphilly does it

Given that their "best" result so far this season was a 0-5 home defeat on the opening day, it's fair to say thatCaerphilly Castle Ladies FC aren't having a stormer in the Women's Welsh Premier Leaguethis year.

In fact, 'Castle' - who are one of the biggest clubs in the country have somehow conspired to concede 219 goals in the space of ten matches, though they have managed one goal in reply, grabbing a solitary concilation in a 1-14 loss toCaernarfon Town.

Brazilian Nutjob Karate Kicks Referee In Face For Only Adding Four Minutes Injury Time (Video)

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By Chris Wright

What you're about to see here is a trulyappallingincident from a recentBrazilian Paulista A3 (the third division of the Sao Paulo regional championship) match between Inter deLimeiraand Marilia on Saturday evening, wherein Inter's Johnny Dos Santos, taking the addition of only four minutes injury time as his side pushed for a late equaliser as a personal insult, strides up to the referee and completely poleaxes him with a studs-up Yakuza kick to the face.

Palermo Sack Coach Gasperini Two Games After Rehiring Him, After First Sacking Him 19 Days Before That!

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By Chris Wright

Gian Piero Gasperini: A man well-acquaintedwith the exit door at theStadio La Favorita, and the entrance...

Did you follow that? Here it is one more time for those struggling to keep up: Roughly a fortnight after rehiring coach Gian Piero Gasperini to replace Alberto Malesani (who lasted three games at the helm) despite originally sacking Gasperini to hire Malesani,Palermo chairman Maurizio Zamparini has seen fit to sack Gasperini again after just two more games in charge at Serie A's bottom club.

Brian McDermott Leaves Reading, Struggling Royals Say ‘Change Was Necessary’

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By Chris Wright

Former Reading manager Brian McDermott

With the club joint-bottom of the Premier League, stragglers Reading have confirmed that they have parted company withmanager Brian McDermott after four defeats on the bounce.

A Reading statement said:

"[Reading have] announced today the departure of Manager Brian McDermott.

Supersport’s Mor Diouf Scores Epic Boomtanker From Deep Within Own Half (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Supersport United defender Mor Diouf utters the immortal words "Don't worry, I got this brah", sets himself and then takes it upon himself to absolutely honk one in from well within in own half againstMamelodi Sundowns in the South African Premier Soccer League on Sunday afternoon.

Retro Football: Brian Clough Rants About ‘Cockney Spiv’ Alan Sugar On ITV’s ‘Sport In Question’, 1995 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's a classic blast of Cloughie getting into his gin-soaked, cantankerous and semi-lucid stride while laying into "unshaven Cockney spiv" Alan Sugar (then Tottenham chairman), the nature of football chairmen, King Eric, Stan Collymore's multicoloured hair and several other pressing subjects after ever-so-possibly having one too many in the green room before an appearance on ITV's 'Sport in Question' hosted byIan St John and Jimmy Greaves in 1995.

25 Of The Best Club Badges In Australian Football

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By Chris Wright

Don't ask us how but it's Monday again, so it's time to bring some more of our favourite football club badges from around the world.

This week we're poring over 25 of the best of the badges from Australian football; the A-League, the National Soccer League that proceeded it and a few crests roped in from the country's other various regional leagues too.

Officials Drop Clanger As Hibs’ Leigh Griffiths Has Superb Freekick Chalked Off vs Hearts (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Watch this stunning 30+ yard free-kick from Leigh Griffith ping in off the crossbar and see if you can fathom how the Hibs-Hearts Edinburgh derby somehow managed to finish 0-0 at the weekend...

Now watch as we zoom in on the linesman's kit for the afternoon.

Football GIF: Ian Harte’s Amazing Slapstick Prat Fall vs Aston Villa

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By Chris Wright

Remember Ian Harte? From 1997? Well he's still playing in the Premier League somehow, for Reading no less, and despite being from a bygone era, he's still obviously savvy to the crazes of today's footballing youth take his attempt at "contact anticipation/simulation" against Villa for example.

Rogue Pine Marten Invades Swiss Super League Game, Bites Players’ Finger (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's one for all the "You Are the Ref!" buffs out there.

A rogue pine marten invades the pitch during a Swiss Super League game between FC Thun and FC Zurich a proceeds to wreak havoc by charging around all over the place like the crazy fancy weasel it is.

Rio Ferdinand Kicks Fernando Torres Before Lifting Him Back Up Onto His Feet (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Is Rio Ferdinand on the verge of a nervous breakdown or something? Coming after the Man Utd defender sarcastically applauded the ref (in his face) after the Real Madrid game before then shaking his hand, the former West Ham has once again exhibited some rather extreme behaviour, this time in the FA Cup clash with Chelsea.

FA Cup: Millwall 0-0 Blackburn – Second Tier Strugglers Fail To Shine At The New Den (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Millwall 0-0 Blackburn Rovers FA Cup 10th March 2013

The two worst sides in the Championship (on recent form) will have to meet again after a goalless cup clash at the New Den.

The game lacked much quality with the Lions hitting the woodwork in the first-half, courtesy of Andy Keogh, before Rovers saw an effort of their own, from Josh King bounce back off the frame of the goal in the second-period.

FA Cup: Man Utd 2-2 Chelsea – Blues Fight Back To Secure Deserved Draw At Old Trafford (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 2-2 Chelsea FA Cup 10th March 2013

A right old game of two halves this was, with Man Utd strolling to a 2-0 half-time lead before the visitors totally bossed the second period.

Javier Hernandez opened the scoring after just five minutes, heading home a looping effort after a superb pass from Michael Carrick.

Liverpool 3-2 Tottenham – Lilywhite’s Unbeaten Run Ends After Five-Goal Thriller At Anfield (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 3-2 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 10th March 2013

Even two goals from none other than Jan Vertonghen weren't enough to earn Spurs any points at Anfield on Sunday afternoon after an entertaining encounter with Liverpool.

Luis Suarez scored yet again, this time opening the scoring on 21 minutes to give the home side the lead.

Newcastle 2-1 Stoke – Cissé Strikes Late As Magpies Down Potters (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 2-1 Stoke City Premier League 10th March 2013

Newcastle came from behind to secure a vital win at St. James' Park on Sunday against Stoke.

After a hard-fought first-half in which the Potters looked comfortable defending deep, the deadlock was finally broken on 67 minutes when Jonathan Walters fired home from the penalty spot.

Norwich 0-0 Southampton – Boruc Saves Saints After Dull Draw At Carrow Road (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 0-0 Southampton Premier League 9th March 2013

Norwich and Southampton produced a rather dismal goalless draw at a cold and wet Carrow Road in Saturday, although the Saints were the better of the two sides.

Despite producing the better chances, the Saints failed to make the most of their possession and almost lost the game at the death in controversial circumstances.

West Brom 2-1 Swansea – Romelu’s On Fire! Lukaku On Target Again As Baggies Beat Swans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 2-1 Swansea City Premier League 9th March 2013

Chelsea loanee Romelu Lukaku kept up his good run of scoring form by netting against Swansea on Saturday and helping his side to a hard earned three points.

Another player currently experiencing his best spell of form in quite a while, ex-Baggie Luke Moore, opened the scoring for the Swans just after the half-hour mark, courtesy of a clever back-header.

Reading 1-2 Aston Villa – Villans Clear Of Drop-Zone After Vital Win At The Madejski (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Reading 1-2 Aston Villa Premier League 9th March 2013

Aston Villa were the victors in a right old relegation battle at the Madejski Stadium on Saturday.

The home side had taken the lead on the half-hour mark courtesy of a rather fine sliced OG from Nathan Baker however, with two minutes Christian Benteke had levelled the scores for the Villans.

QPR 3-1 Sunderland – Hoops Keep Survival Hopes Alive After Vital Win Against Black Cats (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Queens Park Rangers 3-1 Sunderland Premier Leage 9th March 2013

QPR came from a goal down against Sunderland to secure a precious victory at Loftus Road on Saturday.

Steven Fletcher had put the visitors ahead on 20 minutes after good work from Adam Johnson.

FA Cup: Man City 5-0 Barnsley – Three-Goal Tevez Too Good For Tykes At The Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 5-0 Barnsley FA Cup 9th March 2013

A superb individual display from Carlos Tevez helped the Citizens stroll past Championship side Barnsley and into the last four the FA Cup.

The Argentinian striker shrugged off all his current troubles with the law to net a hat-trick and set up up City's other two goals as the Premier League side totally outclassed the visitors.

FA Cup: Everton 0-3 Wigan – Latics Reach First FA Cup Semi After Superb Win At Goodison (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 0-3 Wigan Athletic FA Cup 9th March 2013

Three goals in four blistering first-half minutes fired underdogs Wigan into the last four of the FA Cup for the first time in the club's history.

Everton started with Jan Mucha between the sticks, with Tim Howard still crocked.

St Johnstone To Play In Colours Of Turkish Club Eskisehirspor After Being Given Royal Welcome Before Europa League Tie

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By Chris Wright

Earlier in the season, St Johnstone were dumped out of the Europa League qualifying rounds byEskisehirspor, though the hospitality that the Turkish club showed their Scottish counterparts on their first foray into European football for over a decade obviously made a lasting impression.

Blind Kid Visits Barcelona, Able To Identify Most Players With His Hands (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which a young blind lad by the name of Mamadou visits his Barcelona heroes at their Joan Gamper training HQ and is, most impressively, able to identify most of the players using nothing but his sense of touch all except Jose Pinto, who he refused to identify on account of his awful 'The One Where Monica Got Dreadlocks' hair.

Super Mario Balotelli Makes It Five In Five For Milan With Fine Finish Against Genoa (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Since moving back to Milan, albeit with AC rather than former club Inter, Mario Balotelli has rediscovered his mojo on home soil.

The former Man City man has been in superb form for the Rossoneri and against Genoa on Friday night, the striker netted a quality goal to help secure a vital 2-0 win for third-place Milan.

Shit Lookalikes: Julio Cesar & Stan Smith From ‘American Dad’

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By Chris Wright

It's all in the cleft humong-a-chin!

Cesar is the achingly tender-hearted QPR goalkeeper

Smith is the titular CIA agent from Family Guy knock-off American Dad.

Cracking spot from the boy Joe Smith (no relation).

Sao Paulo Players Disappear For Emergency Kit Change, Keeper Rogerio Ceni Left To Sing National Anthem Alone (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Due to an unforeseen kit clash, Sao Paulo's players were forced to scurry back to the dressing room to change before theirCopa Libertadores game againstArsenal Sarandi, leaving their poor bewildered old (quite literally, he's 40) goalkeeper Rogerio Ceni tosing the Brazilian national anthem solo surrounded by several thousand fans at SPFC's Morumbi stadium.

Friday Tactics: How Liverpool Might Line Up Against Tottenham

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"I am the Keymaster", "I am the Gatekeeper"

A midfield trio of Lucas Leiva, Joe Allen and Steven Gerrard appears a little too cautious on paper, but their collective performance in last week's comprehensive 4-0 win over Wigan Athletic will have encouraged Brendan Rodgers, who likes to fill his sides with as many passers as possible.

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #26

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By Chris Wright

Friday Flashback XXVI: Viva Rock Vegas...

SmugglingGuineapigs again...

Time for our weekly pointer toward the football sticker goldmine that isOld School Panini (follow them on Twitter @OldSchoolPanini). Give them a visit and be prepared to lose hours.

Retro Football: The 1935 Umbro Kit Catalogue

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By Chris Wright

The chaps over at Yank sports uniform-obssessed blog Uni Watch have stumbled across this little beaut and we thought it was definitely worth sharing with a more 'soccerconscientiousness'audience.

What you see before you is the official Umbro kit catalogue from 1935 which lists the Sports and Athletics Outfitters' entire kit range; from football strips to rugby shirts, boxing shorts, jock straps and various running apparel including a rather suspect looking adult-sized babygro.

Nice’s Valentin Eysseric Banned For Rest Of Season Over Leg-Breaker Horror Lunge On St Etienne’s Jeremy Clement (With Grim Video)

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By Chris Wright

The LFP's disciplinary committee have seen fit to suspend Nice midfielderValentin Eysseric for a whopping 11 games- meaning the 20-year-old has, in effect, been banned for the rest of the season -after being red-carded for a horrific lunge last weekend which leftSt Etienne's Jeremy Clement with a broken leg and several sheared ankle ligaments to boot.

Football GIF: Fernando Torres Puts On Intricate Dribbling Masterclass vs Steaua

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By Chris Wight

Bumble bumble bumble *fart*...

Truth be told, Torres had a bit of a stinker all round last night, with the moment he decided to play as an auxiliary Steaua sweeper rather than lashing one home being a personal lowlight...

We still rate Torres rather higher than most but, Christ on a cocktail stick, it's getting harder and harder to defend him.

BBC Newsreader (And Man City Fan) Struggles To Maintain Impartiality While Reporting Man Utd’s Champions League Defeat (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Employees of the BBC, especially their various news teams, are strongly encouraged to have no opinion either way on any matter whatsoever such is their stringent quest for absolute impartiality, so you can take it as read that BBC News anchor Clive Myrie spent Wednesday night in the subterranean dungeons that sprawl beneath the corporation's new media citadel in Salford Quays.

Top 10 Photos: Europa League, 7 Mar 2012 – Tottenham Roll Inter Over, Steaua Stun Chelsea

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By Chris Wright

Pies' pick of the ten finest still exposures from last night's round of Europa League antics...

Steaua Bucharest's Lukasz Szukala stretches a gangly leg to block a shot from Chelsea striker Fernando Torres(AP Photo/Vadim Ghirda)

That man Szukala again, seen here cruising in at high altitude(AP Photo/Vadim Ghirda)

Steaua's Raul Rusescu cracks a penalty past Chelsea goalkeeper Petr Cech to settle the first leg with the only goal of the game (AP Photo/Vadim Ghirda)

Benfica midfielder Carlos Martins hitches a ride on the back of teammate Rodrigo Moreno after the Portuguese side took the lead against Bordeaux through what went down as technically being a Cedric Carasso own-goal (AP Photo/Francisco Seco)

Anzhi's Andrey Eschenko and Newcastle's Gabriel Obertan: Not a pretty sight (AP Photo/Misha Japaridze)

Newcastle stand-in keeper Rob Elliot waits for the ball to drop from the heavens as Anzhi's Joao Carlos pulls up a pew alongside him (AP Photo/Ivan Sekretarev)

Fenerbahce's Joseph Yobo waltzes past a challenge from Viktoria Plzen's Marek Bakos(AP Photo/Petr David Josek)

Tottenham's Gareth Bale catches some serious air to score the opener against Inter after just six minutes and take his fantastic recent goal tally to 11 in his last nine games(Jonathan Brady/PA Wire/Press Association Images)

Gareth Bale is administered with his fourth booking of the season for "simulation" by referee Antonio Miguel Mateu Lahoz after feigning yet another penalty claim (Jonathan Brady/PA Wire/Press Association Images)

Inter goalkeeper Samir Handanovic is left sprawling asJan Vertonghen buries a header to complete Tottenham's 3-0 victory.

Hot Stuff: Your Guide To Banksy, RVP’s Worrying Goal Drought, Samsung’s Amazing New Mobile And More…

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Top stories from Pies and our pals...

Your complete guide to the genius that is Bansky

The in-car record player the Highway Hi-Fi

The bizarre enigma that is Peter Wyngarde

10 great pics of Laurie Cunningham in his prime

The ten best away kits in Premier League history

In praise of Super Kevin Philips

Forget Rooney RVP could soon be Man United's biggest problem

Style special Dress like the fella from Mad Men, or Steve McQueen, or Bowie, or Wiggins, or just buy a cool spring jacket

We test Nike's new state of the art Lunar + 1 running shoes

The latest on Samsung's Galaxy S IV top-end mobile including a revolutionary new feature

A very cool new watch for runners

The 20 most depressing video games of all time

10 Ultra Cool Photos Of Laurie Cunningham In His Pomp

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By Chris Wright

Tomorrow will mark what would've been the 57th birthday of West Brom legend and pioneering black football icon Laurie Cunningham, had his life (and career) not been cut tragically short in 1989 when, at the age of 33, he sadly died in a car crash in Madrid.

One of Ron Atkinson's famous "Three Degrees" at the Hawthorns (alongside Cyrille Regis and Brendan Batson), Cunningham was the first black player to represent England at any level (he received his first U21 cap against Scotland in 1977) and the first black player to play for the England senior side in a competitive match (with Nottingham Forest's Viv Anderson having made his groundbreaking debut in a friendly six months earlier), which meant having to deal with all the racist abuse that came with it this was the 1970s and 80s after all.

Gareth Bale Has Named His Newborn Daughter ‘AVB’

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By Chris Wright

Gareth Bale has a newborn daughter.

He has named her.

Alba Violet Bale.

Honest to God.

A.V.B.

AVB.

Guess we now know who all Bale's little Care Bear loveheart goal celebrations are being directed at.

Celta Vigo’s Enrique De Lucas Sups Cheeky Beer On Bench vs Sevilla (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Celta Vigo forward Enrique de Lucas (who is a former Chelsea player, though you'd be forgiven for not remembering him) was spotted emerging back out onto the bench for the second half of his side's La Liga clash with Sevilla last night with a cheeky little beer in his hand.

Touching Moment As Juventus & Celtic Fan Swap Scarves Over Stadium Wall (Video)

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By Chris Wright

There were touching scenes during the first leg of Celtic's Champions League last 16 tie against Juventus at Parkhead a fortnight ago when both sets of supporters began hurling not bananas, or pint glasses, or Olympic-issue javelins but their scarves over the line of fluorescent stewards strategically placed between them in a show of mutual sporting solidarity.

Wales Manager Chris Coleman Rescues Missing Elderly Woman From Side Of The Road

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By Chris Wright

Hit 'play' before reading on for full effect...

"She says her name is Steve, and that she can't remember where she lives"

Chris Coleman is a bloody hero. Got that? He-ro. The Wales manager has been thanked by police after he helped rescue an elderly woman who had been reported missing from her home.

Kazakhstan Player Struggles With Simple Corner Kick, Fails To Make Sure Ball Is Overhanging Quadrant (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Granted, the surface is a little moist due to the recent rainfall, but just look at this divvy from aKazakhstansemi-pro side struggling to take a corner properly.

It's BASIC STUFF dude...

(Thanks to Nuno for the tip-off, five Pies Pointsâ„¢ are winging their way to you Sir!

Champions League: Juventus 2-0 Celtic (5-0 agg) – Bhoys Bow Out After Defeat In Turin (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Juventus 2-0 Celtic (aggregate 5-0) Champions League 6th March 2013

Celtic once again produced a credible, battling display against Juventus on Wednesday night, but as in the first leg, for all their positive play they were once again beaten by the far better side.

Ekstra Bladet Journalist Matches Nicklas Bendtner’s Boozy Blood-Alcohol Level, Tries To Drive A Car (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As you're probably aware, the big story coming out of Danish football at the moment is that Nicklas Bendtner has been banned from driving for three years, fined€113,000 (£97,000-ish, i.e, slightly more than his boxer shorts cost him last summer)and banned from representing the national team for six months after he was arrested while drink-driving the wrong way up one of Copenhagen's busiest streets in the middle of the night last weekend.

Moronic Man Utd Fan Phoned 999 And Reported That ‘United Had Been Robbed’ When Nani Was Sent-Off

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By Chris Wright

Nottinghamshire Police have actually been forced to remind people about the dangers of wasting police time after a smart-arsed Manchester United fan was so disgusted at Nani's sending-off against Real Madrid last night that he rang 999 to report a crime last night, then told the emergency call handler that "United had been robbed".

This Is How Second Tier Lebanese Football Deals With Unwanted Red Cards (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Nani take note, this is how the Lebanese second division deals with unwarranted red cards. Having been shown a second yellow, the unidentified player in question charges at the referee, swinging punches and proceeds to chase the official around the pitch in a manner befitting the dubbing in of Yakety Sax.

Japanese Jeweler Makes Solid Gold Cast Of Lionel Messi’s Left Foot – Yours For Just £3.5m!

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By Chris Wright

A Japanese jeweler by the name ofTanaka Kikinzoku has produced apure gold model of Lionel Messi's left foot, which was revealed to the public in Tokyo yesterday.

Tanaka took a casting of Messi's foot at the tail end of 2012 and now, three months on down the line, the 25cm-tall, 25kg replica was unveiled by none other than Lionel Messi.

Mila Kunis Wants To See A Watford Game, Pies Hereby Begrudgingly Agree To Take Her (Video)

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By Chris Wright

While going through the motions waffling on about her shoddy-looking new film (that dreadful "Wizard of Oz" prequel thing) in a cookie-cutter promo interview with BBC Radio One's Chris Stark, conversation somehow took a deviation which ended with the lovely Miss Mila Kunis agreeing to go and watch Watford FC with Stark and "the boys".

Let’s Hear It For… Super Kevin Phillips

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By Chris Wright

It's been a while since we've done one on Pies, but let's hear it for Kevin Phillips the grand old man of the English goal poachers' union.

While a certain 39-year-old was soaking up the golf applause on his 1,000th career appearance at Old Trafford, another 39-year-old was busy elsewhere banging away a hat-trick last night with Kevin Phillips scoring thrice (including two goals in the space of two minutes) as Crystal Palace beat Hull City 4-2 to move to within a single point of their play-off rivals in the Championship table.

Man Utd 1-2 Real Madrid (2-3 Agg.): XI Conclusions

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By Chris Wright

1. First up, this never was and never will be a red card offence...

Terrible terrible call. Taken out of context and seen in isolation like this ^ it looks nasty, but it was blatantly obvious that Nani was rising to pull the ball out of the sky and Arbeloa's flank just so happened to get caught in his path.

Champions League: Man Utd 1-2 Real (Agg: 2:3) – Ref In The Spotlight After Red Devils Crash Out At Old Trafford (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 1-2 Real Madrid Champions League 5th March 2013

RefereeCuneyt Cakır, the man who sent off John Terry in last season's Champions League semi-final, was the villain of the piece (from the home side point of view) at Old Trafford on Tuesday night.

Football GIF: Nani’s Red-Card Inducing Challenge On Alvaro Arbeloa: Was It Really Worthy Of A Sending-Off?

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By Alan Duffy

Fergie was apparently too angry to do the post-match prezzer while Roy Keane thought the referee was right to send off Nani. So here's the infamous, game-chaning challenge by the Portuguese attacker on Alvaro Arbeloa. The Madrid defender's Liverpool credentials are sure to add even more fuel to this particular fire, I imagine.

Top 10 Favourite Away Kits In Premier League History

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By Chris Wright

As promised, hot on the heels of our Top XI Favourite Premier League Home Kits, comes its companion piece: Pies' rundown of our ten yes, we counted properly this time favourite away kits to have graced the English top flight since 1992/93.

LET'S DO THIS.

USA U20 Keeper Cody Cropper Lives Up To Name, Deliberately Trips Mexico Scorer After Conceding Injury Time Goal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Mexico beat the USA 3-1 in extra-time to win the CONCACAF U20 Championship Final last night, with Mexico substitute Julio Gomez providing the breakthrough in added time to finally bust open the 1-1 deadlock that couldn't be broken by either side during the first 90 minutes.

Champions League Predictions: Man Utd vs Real Madrid

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By Chris Wright

The hour is nearly upon when the game "the world world will stop to watch" (© Jose Mourinho) kicks off at Old Trafford, with Real Madrid circus rolling into town for the second leg of the Champions League last 16 tie against Manchester United.

With the first leg finishing 1-1 at the Bernabeu a fortnight ago, the second is truly poised uponst the edge of something fantastically sharp say.

Andrea Pirlo Shows Us Around His Vineyard (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Andrea pours himself a cheeky little glass of Mad Dog 20/20

When you think about it, it makes perfect sense that a creature as cultured, sophisticated and precision-bearded as Andrea Pirlo dabbles in fine wine, though we weren't aware that the Juventus string-puller actually owns or, more specifically, his family owns a vineyard in the hills aroundBrescia in northern Italy.

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart: Cristiano Ronaldo Sashays Through Manchester Airport In Knee High Socks

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By Chris Wright

We know it's hardly unusual to see Cristiano Ronaldo in knee-length socks, seeing as though he wears them to work every single week but, still, would you just look at the state of that...

Bloody Nora. They look like something Milly Molly Mandy would wear.

Aston Villa 0-1 Man City – Tevez On Target As Citizens Close Gap On Man Utd (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 0-1 Manchester City Premier League 4th March 2013

A Carlos Tevez goal on the stroke of half-time was enough to secure all three points for Man City at Villa Park in a win which closes the gap between them and leaders Man Utd to 12 points.

Two Knights Of The Realm Present As Man Utd Train Ahead Of Real Madrid (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Carrington: Home of the beautiful game

Not one but two knights who say 'Ni' of the realm were present as Manchester United trained at Carrington ahead of their balls-out-on-the-table blockbuster (hands up, we've got no idea what that means) Champions League last 16 second leg against Real Madrid at Old Trafford tomorrow night.

Diego Forlan Rears Ugly Head, Scores Long Range Power Screamer vs Gremio (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Saints be praised: Diego Forlan is alive and well, playing for Internacional in Brazil and doing this kind of thing...

That...was a goal!

Just going to leave this here for old time's sake...

25 Of The Best Club Badges From The Old North American Soccer League (NASL)

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By Chris Wright

After taking a gentle stroll through the best badges South American, Asianand Africanfootball have to offer, we thought we'd do something a little different this week and mosey back through time to the now-defunct NASL's heyday to have a cheeky peek at their finest logos, crests andinsignia.

Petr Cech Asks Arsenal Fans If They’d Prefer 10 Managers And Six Trophies To One Manager And No Trophies?

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By Chris Wright

It's hard to argue that Roman Abramovich's chop-and-change approach to football club ownership hasn't worked at Chelsea, with the club going from Premier League also-rans to Champions League winners during the Russian's ten-year tenure at the Bridge and, having seen Arsenal fall seven points behind theirbeloved next-door neighbours yesterday, Petr Cech has been wondering out loud as to whether adopting similar methods might benefit the Gunners.

FC Basel’s Aleksandar Dragovic Sent Off For ‘Over Aggressive’ Goal Celebration (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Austrian centre-back Aleksandar Dragovic scored both goals in FC Basel's 2-1 win over Servette in the Swiss Super League on Sunday, though his afternoon came to an abrupt end after he nodded in the second goal after the referee deemed his celebration to be over-aggressive and sent the 21-year-old defender off.

Arsenal Fan Pelts Gareth Bale With Banana During North London Derby (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Tottenham 2-1 Arsenal – Lilywhites In Pole Position For Champions League After Pulsating Derby Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 2-1 Arsenal Premier League 3rd March 2013

In beating rivals Arsenal on Sunday afternoon, Spurs moved a step closer to securing a place in next season's Champions League as well as moving seven points clear of the Gunners.

Sunderland 2-2 Fulham – Black Cats Battle Back From Two Goals Down To Secure Precious Point Against Whites (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 2-2 Fulham Premier League 2nd March 2013

One player who I've been quite impressed with this season is Fulham's Iranian wideman Ashkan Dejagah, and against Sunderland on Saturday, the attacker was in fine form and at the centre of most of the visitors good play.

Stoke 0-1 West Ham – Collison On Target As Hammers Win At The Britannia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 0-1 West Ham United Premier League 2nd March 2013

With Tony Pulis going head to head with Sam Allardyce, this was never going to be an exhibition game. Both sides battled hard for the win but ultimately it was the Hammers who would come away with all three points.

Swansea 1-0 Newcastle – Swans Stay Well Ahead Of Magpies In Pecking Order After Hard-Fought Liberty Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 1-0 Newcastle United Premier League -2nd March 2013

Fresh from their emphatic Capital One Cup success against Bradford, Swansea battled hard to secure a hard-earned three points against Newcastle on Saturday.

Substitute Luke Moore was the goal-hero for the Swans, netting on 85 minutes but only after both sides had enjoyed dominant spells in the game.

Southampton 1-2 QPR – Hoops Give Harry Redknapp The Perfect Birthday Present At St. Mary’s (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 1-2 Queens Park Rangers Premier League 2nd March 2013

QPR secure an absolutely vital win at St. Mary's on Saturday, coming after a week of rumour and hearsay over their recent (apparently debauched) trip to Dubai.

Jay Bothroyd was the unlikely hero for the Hoops, netting the winner in the 77th minute to move the Hoops to within four points of safety.

Chelsea 1-0 West Brom – Rafa Rides The Banners And The Boos As Ba Fires Blues To Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 1-0 West Bromwich Albion Premier League 2nd March 2013

Under-fire Chelsea boss Rafa Benitez had to contend with a Stamford bridge stadium peppered with negative banners as well as the usual selection of anti-Benitez chants. However, the Spaniard will be buoyed by his side's deserved 1-0 win over West Brom.

Everton 3-1 Reading – Toffees Keep Euro Hopes Alive As Royal Stay In Drop-Zone (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 3-1 Reading Premier League 2nd March 2013

Everton kept alive their hopes of a top-four finish by overcoming a hard working Reading side at Goodison Park on Saturday.

The home side, starting without Tim Howard in goal for the first time in ages, had to contend with an ankle injury for Phil Jagielka which saw the England man depart the field of play after just five minutes.

Wigan 0-4 Liverpool – Suarez Sizzles As Reds Steamroll Latics At The DW (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wigan Athletic 0-4 Liverpool Premier League 2nd March 2013

A superb performance from Luis Suarez, culminating in the Uruguayan netting a hat-trick, secured a very comfortable 4-0 win away at the DW Stadium.

Stewart Downing was the rather unlikely first scorer for the visitors, heading home after just two minutes following great play from new-boy Philippe Coutinho.

Man Utd 4-0 Norwich – Kagawa Nets Hat-Trick As Reds Go 15 Points Clear In Title Race (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 4-0 Norwich City Premier League 2nd March 2013

Shinji Kagawa bagged a hat-trick at Old Trafford on Saturday to send Man Utd 15 points clear at the top of the table.

In netting his three goals, the Japanese schemer became the first Asian player ever to net three in a Premier League game, with his goals coming on 45, 76 and 87 minutes.

Sky Sports Journalists Give Harry Redknapp A Birthday Cake (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's common knowledge that Harry Redknapp is Fleet Street's favourite manager just look at the press-wide clamour to get him the England job for proof what with him always being a phone call away and available 24/7 for a quote here and an opinion there.

Presumably for all his hard work appearing on tap to talk about other club's players on their rolling Deadline Day coverage over the years, Sky Sports journalists presented old 'Arry with a special birthday cake at his weekly presser yesterday afternoon.

Brazil Have Special ‘Double Wide’ Seats For Obese Fans At 2014 World Cup Stadiums

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By Chris Wright

"Thank-you for coming along Mr Ronaldo, now if we could just measure your arse?"

Brazilian authorities have inserted a number of 'double wide' seats into the stadiums being built for the 2014 World Cup so that even the most portly of fans can watch the tournament from the stands in comfort.

Corinthians Set World Record For Lowest Ever Attendance – Four Fans Allowed Into Millionarios Game

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By Chris Wright

After a 14-year-old football fan, poor Kevin Espada,was tragically killedin the stands when a flare thrown by away fans wedged in his eye during a Copa Libertadores game against San Jose in Bolivia, Corinthians fans were barred from attending the Brazilian club's next two fixtures with their subsequent Copa Libertadores tieagainst Colombian side Millionarios being played behind closed doors in Sao Paulo last Wednesday night.

Hot Stuff: When Gig Audiences Attack, Why Nasri Should Return To Arsenal, Racist Dogs And More…

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Top stories from Pies and our pals...

Five of the worst Euro pop songs ever

When gig audiences turn bad pop stars who have been hit by missiles thrown from the crowd

Woman complains about racist dog

Pies all time Premiership eleven Brazil

Ryan Giggs a career in pics

The top eleven home kits in Premiership history

How a move back to Arsenal could resurrect Samir Nasri's career

Dress like Don Draper the Mad Men clothes range goes on sale

The best Harringtons and casual jackets for Spring

St David's Day Special ten corking Welsh pop tunes

Is the iPhone going to have an even bigger screen?

Friday Tactics: Why Rafa Benitez Needs To Get Tough

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Rafa: Tough enough?

Andre Villas-Boas was sacked following a defeat to West Brom, Roberto Di Matteo was sacked following a defeat to West Brom... so Rafael Benitez would do well to avoid an embarrassing result at home to the Baggies this weekend.

Di Matteo based his Chelsea side around the creative trio of Oscar, Eden Hazard and Juan Mata earlier this season, but Benitez has favoured a more cautious starting XI.

Pies’ All Time Premier League XI: Brazil

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By Alan Duffy

In this week's edition of the Pies' Premier League XI, we're off to home of sun, sand, transsexual prostitutes and samba football.

There actually aren't all that many Brazilians have made the move to the top tier in English football during the Premier League years, with just 51 in total playing in the division and only a few really flourishing over here.

Jose Mourinho To Have Street In Hometown Of Setubal Named After Him

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By Chris Wright

Don't you just hate it when you get trapped inside an evil mirror by mistake?

Real Madrid coach Jose Mourinho is to have a street named after him in his hometown of Setubal after the town hall decided to honour the Portugeezer's achievements over the past decade, i.

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #25

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By Chris Wright

Friday Flashback XXV: When Harry Met Lloyd...

Jeff Astle: The man responsible for the definitive version of Rod Stewart's "Sailing"...

Merci beacoups once again to our friends over at Old School Panini for sharing their wonderful wares!

Fulham Do The Harlem Shake, Dimitar Berbatov Does Not Do The Harlem Shake (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We promise this is the last of these confounded Harlem Shake videos we're going to post, and to be honest we're only slapping this one up because Dimitar Berbatov is... well... because he's Dimitar Berbatov and he can do no wrong...

Thanks to Pies fan @MilesFFC for the nudge!

Ryan Giggs Signs Up For One More Year At Man Utd: A Career In Photos

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By Chris Wright

With the news today that he's put hispaw printon a new one-year contract extension at Manchester United, Ryan Giggs OBE will now play into his 40s for the club he joined as a schoolboy in 1987 at the age of 14.

Disappointing private indiscretions aside, Giggs' long, yoga-assisted career in English football has been without peer (he's the most decorated player in English football by a country mile); winning 12 league titles, four FA Cups, four League Cups and a couple of Champions Leagues among many, many other gongs and trinkets along the way.

Turns Out Mario Balotelli Isn’t Getting A Statue Of Himself Commissioned

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By Chris Wright

"You guys will believe any old toss"

To be honest, we actually half-suspected it was bullhonky at the time, but an emailreceivedbyCorriere della Sera yesterday purporting to have been written by Mario Balotelli and sent into the Italian paper on his behalf by his brother Corrado has debunked the rumour that the Milan striker has commissioned a bronze sculpture of himself in 'Power Flexâ„¢" mode.