Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2013

Sky Sports Journalists Give Harry Redknapp A Birthday Cake (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's common knowledge that Harry Redknapp is Fleet Street's favourite manager just look at the press-wide clamour to get him the England job for proof what with him always being a phone call away and available 24/7 for a quote here and an opinion there.

Presumably for all his hard work appearing on tap to talk about other club's players on their rolling Deadline Day coverage over the years, Sky Sports journalists presented old 'Arry with a special birthday cake at his weekly presser yesterday afternoon.

Brazil Have Special ‘Double Wide’ Seats For Obese Fans At 2014 World Cup Stadiums

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By Chris Wright

"Thank-you for coming along Mr Ronaldo, now if we could just measure your arse?"

Brazilian authorities have inserted a number of 'double wide' seats into the stadiums being built for the 2014 World Cup so that even the most portly of fans can watch the tournament from the stands in comfort.

Corinthians Set World Record For Lowest Ever Attendance – Four Fans Allowed Into Millionarios Game

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By Chris Wright

After a 14-year-old football fan, poor Kevin Espada,was tragically killedin the stands when a flare thrown by away fans wedged in his eye during a Copa Libertadores game against San Jose in Bolivia, Corinthians fans were barred from attending the Brazilian club's next two fixtures with their subsequent Copa Libertadores tieagainst Colombian side Millionarios being played behind closed doors in Sao Paulo last Wednesday night.

Hot Stuff: When Gig Audiences Attack, Why Nasri Should Return To Arsenal, Racist Dogs And More…

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Top stories from Pies and our pals...

Five of the worst Euro pop songs ever

When gig audiences turn bad pop stars who have been hit by missiles thrown from the crowd

Woman complains about racist dog

Pies all time Premiership eleven Brazil

Ryan Giggs a career in pics

The top eleven home kits in Premiership history

How a move back to Arsenal could resurrect Samir Nasri's career

Dress like Don Draper the Mad Men clothes range goes on sale

The best Harringtons and casual jackets for Spring

St David's Day Special ten corking Welsh pop tunes

Is the iPhone going to have an even bigger screen?

Friday Tactics: Why Rafa Benitez Needs To Get Tough

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Rafa: Tough enough?

Andre Villas-Boas was sacked following a defeat to West Brom, Roberto Di Matteo was sacked following a defeat to West Brom... so Rafael Benitez would do well to avoid an embarrassing result at home to the Baggies this weekend.

Di Matteo based his Chelsea side around the creative trio of Oscar, Eden Hazard and Juan Mata earlier this season, but Benitez has favoured a more cautious starting XI.

Pies’ All Time Premier League XI: Brazil

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By Alan Duffy

In this week's edition of the Pies' Premier League XI, we're off to home of sun, sand, transsexual prostitutes and samba football.

There actually aren't all that many Brazilians have made the move to the top tier in English football during the Premier League years, with just 51 in total playing in the division and only a few really flourishing over here.

Jose Mourinho To Have Street In Hometown Of Setubal Named After Him

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By Chris Wright

Don't you just hate it when you get trapped inside an evil mirror by mistake?

Real Madrid coach Jose Mourinho is to have a street named after him in his hometown of Setubal after the town hall decided to honour the Portugeezer's achievements over the past decade, i.

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #25

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By Chris Wright

Friday Flashback XXV: When Harry Met Lloyd...

Jeff Astle: The man responsible for the definitive version of Rod Stewart's "Sailing"...

Merci beacoups once again to our friends over at Old School Panini for sharing their wonderful wares!

Fulham Do The Harlem Shake, Dimitar Berbatov Does Not Do The Harlem Shake (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We promise this is the last of these confounded Harlem Shake videos we're going to post, and to be honest we're only slapping this one up because Dimitar Berbatov is... well... because he's Dimitar Berbatov and he can do no wrong...

Thanks to Pies fan @MilesFFC for the nudge!

Ryan Giggs Signs Up For One More Year At Man Utd: A Career In Photos

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By Chris Wright

With the news today that he's put hispaw printon a new one-year contract extension at Manchester United, Ryan Giggs OBE will now play into his 40s for the club he joined as a schoolboy in 1987 at the age of 14.

Disappointing private indiscretions aside, Giggs' long, yoga-assisted career in English football has been without peer (he's the most decorated player in English football by a country mile); winning 12 league titles, four FA Cups, four League Cups and a couple of Champions Leagues among many, many other gongs and trinkets along the way.

Turns Out Mario Balotelli Isn’t Getting A Statue Of Himself Commissioned

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By Chris Wright

"You guys will believe any old toss"

To be honest, we actually half-suspected it was bullhonky at the time, but an emailreceivedbyCorriere della Sera yesterday purporting to have been written by Mario Balotelli and sent into the Italian paper on his behalf by his brother Corrado has debunked the rumour that the Milan striker has commissioned a bronze sculpture of himself in 'Power Flexâ„¢" mode.

“If Was Alone Here I’d Hang Myself” – Gael Givet Possibly Not 100% Happy At Blackburn

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By Chris Wright

Remember this guy? From the "Streets of Philadelphia" video?

It's fair to say that Gael Givet is currently out of favour at Blackburn, what with thehirsute defender playing but one match since Christmas.

By his own admission, Givet has been struggling to keep his pecker up since Rovers were relegated from the top table last season and the fact that he's only played nine minutes under new manager Michael Appleton has only worsened his mood with the bearded centre-half quipping thathe'd have topped himself by now if his family weren't with him in Lancashire.

Top XI Best Home Kits In Premier League History

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By Chris Wright

For absolutely no reason other than we fancied compiling a good old fashioned list today, here's Pies' pick of the XI finest home footballing liveries to be sported in the Premier League since its inception in 1992 and any clever gits out there who think this was originally supposed to be a 'Top 10′ and we failed to count properly are WAY WRONG, capiche?

Carlos Bianchi And His Long Ass Balls Are Introduced To Boca Juniors Fans (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Carlos Bianchi received a pretty... pretttty... prettttttttygood reception from the Boca Juniors fans upon returning to the club for his third stint in charge recently and thankfully there were television cameras present to capture the big moment...

If you haven't got a clue what we're harping on about, here's your first clue.

Football Art: Dimitar Berbatov Draws Celebrity Caricatures On The Side (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

As well as being the silkiest vampire ghoul to ever leave a trail of ectoplasm across a football pitch, it turns out that debonair Fulham striker Dimitar Berbatov is also pretty darn handy with a 2B pencil in his hand too as the various celebrity caricatures he's uploaded to his Facebook page over the past few months duly attest.

Not The Hair, Anything But The Hair: David Beckham’s Superb Reaction To Jordan Ayew Fisticuffs (Video)

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By Chris Wright

David Beckham lives by one rule and one rule only: No touching of the hair or face... AND THAT'S IT!

Here's Beck's superb reaction to Jonathan Ayew's scuffle-based dickheadry in infinite loop form...

Wonderful.

Football GIF: Note To Self – Don’t Leave Plastic Furniture Out When Gary Medel Is Around…

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By Chris Wright

After being sent-off against Atletico Madrid last night, Sevilla's Gary "The Pitbull" Medel lived up to his moniker by thrashing several shades of scheisse out of a poor old plastic garden chair that was stood innocently watching the game from the side of the pitch.

Humour Bypass: Chelsea Bring In Lawyers Over ‘Burger Van’ Poster Mocking Fernando Torres

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By Chris Wright

It seems a certain moribund Russian oligarch has well and truly failed to see the (fairly tenuously) funny side of a billboard whacked up outside Stamford Bridge that mocked "Fernando's" recent inability to bother the onion bag.

The offending message reads: "Fernando, we've got an onion bag you can actually find.

Joey Barton Politely Informs Zlatan That He Has A Rather Large Nose (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Tonight, in the second Classique fixture in the space of a few days, "le démon" not only crossed paths with "le ange" but with "le egomaniac avec le gros nez" as well...

"U mad bro?"

Thanks to Pies fan Tim for the nudge.

FA Cup: Middlesbrough 0-2 Chelsea – Blues Brush Past ‘Boro At The Riverside (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Middlesbrough 0-2 Chelsea FA Cup 27th February 2013

Chelsea eased into the last eight of the FA Cup courtesy of a comfortable win against Middlesbrough.

John Terry was back in the Chelsea side but it took the Premier League club until just after the break to finally open the scoring, courtesy of Ramires, with his shot hitting Fernando Torres on the way in.

Rafa Benitez Confirms Chelsea Exit At End Of Season, Criticizes Club And Fans In Spiky Rant

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By Alan Duffy

No stranger to a tetchy rant or two, Chelsea boss Rafa Benitez publicly criticized both the Blues and their fans over their behaviour during his tenure at Stamford Bridge.

Speaking after his side had strolled past Middlesbrough to reach the last eight of the FA Cup, the Spaniard had a pop at Chelsea's decision to label him as an "interim" boss.

25 Footballers With Astoundingly Crap Wikipedia Profile Photos

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By Chris Wright

Exactly what it says on the tin: a 25-strong compendium of some of the very worst Wikipedia profile photos assigned to members of the footballing community available on the internet today.

Hold tight, find something to bite down on and awaaaaaay we go.

Top Stories: Classic Bobby Moore Pics, How Arsene Shoud Spend His Cash, How Not To Tackle A Streaker…

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Top stories from Pies and our pals...

The weird case of the Tenby beach monster

Some glorious vintage shots of the late great Bobby Moore

The absolutely worst way to tackle a streaker a male one at least

Who should take the credit for Gareth Bale? Harry?

The History Of Football Goal Posts

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The History of Football Goal Posts

The football goals used in the modern game have evolved greatly since the original laws of the game were drawn up.

The 1848 Cambridge Rules stated that a goal should be awarded when the ball passed between upright posts and a string.

Vaslui’s Zhivko Milanov Loses FIVE Teeth After Being Boshed In The Mouth By CFR Cluj Captain (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Honours were even when the Bulgarian Premier League match between Vaslui and Cluj finished goalless on Monday night, but Vaslui defender Zhivko Milanovleft the pitch with significantly less teeth than he started the night with after having five of his pearly whites knocked out when he was absolutely wellied in the face by Cluj captain Cadu (who saw a straight red) a couple of minutes before half-time.

Around The Grounds: FC Gspon’s Ottmar Hitzfeld Stadium, The Highest Pitch In Europe

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By Chris Wright

Swiss village side FC Gspon don't have many claims to fame, but the one they are able to laud is a beauty. Carved into the mountains just outside the resort of Zermatt and above the valley of Saastal, Gspon's Ottmar Hitzfeld Stadium clocks up a lofty altitude of around about 2,000 metres (6,561 feet)above sea level, making if the highest stadium in Europe.

Defender Does His Best To Nobble Ronaldinho With Disgusting Airborne Two-Footer (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during the Copa Libertadores game between Brazil's Atletico Miniero and Argentina's Arsenal de Sarandi on Tuesday night, Arsenal defenderDiego Braghieri attempts to break Ronaldinho with a potentially leg-busting, shin-high, two-footed horror lunge.

Classic Moments: Torsten Frings Scores 30-Yard Super Blooter vs Costa Rica At 2006 World Cup (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Hard-rocking German hairball Torsten Frings announced his retirement from the game at the age of the 36 yesterday, so to mark his passage into the footballing hereafter we thought we'd revisit his definitive career highlight: his 30-yard super blooter against Costa Rica for Germany in the opening match of the 2006 World Cup.

Snapshot: Arsenal Legend Dennis Bergkamp To Get A Statue Outside The Emirates…

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By Chris Wright

The Ice Man('s statue) cometh...

Sadly, it seems Andy O'Brien won't be part of the finished statue. Damn shame.

Is it just us or does the Bergkamp statue look a bit silly? They've used Jens Lehmann's face for starters, the pose seems a tad on the cartoonish side (it hardly encapsulates a man who spent very little of his time in the air!

Mario Balotelli Has Commissioned A Bronze Statue Of Himself In His ‘Power Flex’ Pose

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By Chris Wright

Whisper it but it seems highly possible that Mario Balotelli may have commissioned a statue of himself in his Euro 2012 'power flex' pose which, it would appear, is to be finally immortalised in bronze for the sake of all mankind.

An Italian sculptor is claiming that he has received the order from Balotelli, though the pair are yet to meet.

Snapshot: Carles Puyol Does His Groin A Mischief Against Real Madrid… (With Bonus GIF)

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By Chris Wright

When Angel Di Maria bobbed past and put Carles Puyol on his arse in the build-up to Real Madrid's third goal in their 3-1 Copa Del Rey victory over Barcelona (Real won 4-2 onaggregate)in the Camp Nou last night, the whole ordeal had a rather negative effect on Puyol's groin muscles.

New France 2013 Away Kit Is A Thing Of Pale Bleu Beauty (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

What you see Blaise Matuidi, Raphael Varane and what we can only assume is the rest of their sewing circle wearing up there is the brand spanking new Nike France away strip for 2013; a subtle pale blue number with tricolours on each sleeve which apparently "fuses French tradition with style and pride".

FA Cup: Everton 3-1 Oldham – Latics’ Cup Run Comes Unstuck Against Toffees (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 3-1 Oldham FA Cup 26th February 2013

A fine FA Cup run it has been for Oldham, what with beating Liverpool and taking Everton to a replay. However, at Goodison Park on Tuesday night, that cup adventure finally came to an end.

The Premier League side were deserved 3-1 winners, with Kevin Mirallas' early strike settling the nerves before a Leighton Baines spot-kick on 34 minutes and a second-half strike from Leon Osman.

Shit Lookalikes: Marko Marin & Breckin Meyer

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By Chris Wright

Marin is Chelsea's pocket dynamo, used mainly for warming the dugout at the moment.

Meyer is a true Hollywood titan and star of Clueless, Garfield, Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties, Road Trip and Rat Race as well as the truly loathsome 'Franklin & Bash' with Zach from 'Saved By The Bell'.

25 Of The Best Club Badges In Asian Football

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By Chris Wright

We've already covered South American and African football's finest insignia over the past couple of weeks, so it's bloody well high time that we turn our sights on Asian football's mostest fantabulous-est club badges.

Here goes.

Xerez’s Ernesto Galan Scores Exquisite Flicked Backheel Lob Own Goal To Lose Game In 95th Minute (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Oh Ambassador, you're really spoiling us with the own-goals this morning.

Following hot on the heels of Galatasaray 'keeper Fernando Muslera somehow managing to lob himself using the heels of his teammate, here's Xerez CD defender Ernesto Galan doing it all on his own, flicking a delightful backheel lob over his his 'keeper and into the back of the net against Sabadell in the Spanish second tier at the weekend.

Pep Guardiola Hired Private Dick To Spy On Gerard Pique After He Began Dating Shakira

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By Chris Wright

"I gots my eye on you buddy boy"

Word is going around in the Spanish tabloids that during his time as coach of Barcelona, Pep Guardiola may have hired a private detective agency to spy on known hell-raiser Gerard Pique when the Spanish centre-half first began dating his now-wife Shakira back in the spring of 2010.

Newcastle Plan To Build Slides Outside St James’ Park To Help Ease Matchday Congestion

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By Chris Wright

In a bid to move crowds out of the area more efficiently on matchdays, a Newcastle-based business NE1 are exploring the possibility of building two slides outside Newcastle's St James' Park stadium at the side of the stairs which currently lead down to the car park and the Metro station.

Did You See Miralem Pjanic’s Freekick vs Atalanta? Nope, Neither Did Anyone Else… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Things got a little obscure during the Roma-Atalanta game last night. Snow was a factor...

Great goal... we think.

Football GIF: Galatasaray Keeper Fernando Muslera Concedes Brilliantly Farcical Own Goal vs Orduspor

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By Chris Wright

We had a video but it got away, so you'll have to make do with this 'ere GIF of Galatasaray 'keeperFernando Muslera walloping a low clearance off the heels of his own player the poor unfortunate figure of Selcuk Inan and back over his head into a gaping goal to give Orduspor a farcical headstart in the Turkish Super Lig last night.

Football GIF: Gareth Bale Wonder-Strike Keeps Tottenham On Course For Champions League

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By Alan Duffy

The former Southampton starlet can do no wrong these days, and at the Boleyn Ground on Monday night, he produced a magnificent strike which secured a precious 3-2 win for Spurs. Champions League football (surely) awaits the Lilywhites next season. But will the G-Man be there to enjoy it with the north Londoners?

West Ham 2-3 Tottenham – Bale-Issimo! Wondrous Welsh Wizard Lights Up The Boleyn Ground (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 2-3 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 25th February 2013

He's had his doubters in the past, but Welsh wing-wizard is now entering the realms of the world-class. Against West Ham on Monday night, the ex-Saint bagged two goals, with the second a stunning 30-yard injury-time Roy Of The Rovers effort.

Mismatch Of The Day: Lip Syncing Premier League Managers, Episode Two (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Brilliant...

This way for the first installment of Mismatch of the Day.

(Video: SlurpyJ)

Portsmouth’s Sam Sodje Sent Off For Punching Oldham’s Lee Barnard In The Crotch… Twice! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Seems that, with his new side bottom of the table and slowly but surely going under in the League One relegation quagmire, Sam Sodje took his manager's instructions to fight for every single point between now and the end of the season a little too literally against Oldham on Saturday afternoon, with the 33-year-old defender sent-off for jabbing Latics' Lee Barnard in the general penis region not once but twice in the space of 20 seconds.

Beautiful, Beautiful David Beckham Makes PSG Debut In 2-0 Victory Over Marseille (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Almost a month into his five-month Parisian love affair, the beautiful, beautiful man that is David Beckham made his PSG debut in the freezing, rain-swept environs of theParc des Princes, coming on for the last 15 minutes of the 2-0 victory over third-place Marseille in Ligue 1′s famous 'Classique' encounter on Sunday evening.

Snapshot: Photographic Evidence That Jack Wilshere May Actually Be Arsenal’s Chosen One…

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By Chris Wright

Superb photo (which is not doctored in any way, as far as we know) from The Emirates over the weekend, in which a celestial beam of light appears to find Arsenal's new chosen one as he prepares to swing in a corner against Aston Villa...

Either that or L'il Jackie came dangerously close to getting nailed by a SWAT team on Saturday afternoon.

Palermo Sack Manager Alberto Malesani After Three Matches, Re-Hire The Man He Replaced

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By Chris Wright

Considering they have perennial fruitloop Maurizio Zamparini as an owner, it's a wonder he lasted this long, but Palermo have today made the not-the-least-bit-surprising announcement that their manager of three matches,Alberto Malesani, has been sacked after Sunday's 0-0 draw against Genoa.

PSV’s Jeremaine Lens Waits For Joris Mathijsen In Tunnel, Silly Shirt-Grabbing Scuffle Ensues (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Feyenoord beat PSV 2-1 at De Kuip over the weekend to whittle down Eindhoven's lead at the top of the Eredivisie to just three points, but it was the guff that followed the match which has gained the most attention.

Having already had a bit of a barney on the pitch during a tetchy match, PSV's Jeremaine Lens was caught on 'tunnel-cam' lurking at the top of the stairs for Joris Mathijsen to come in from the pitch and, after waiting for some time, Lens pounced on the Feyenoord centre-half, grabbing a handful of Mathijsen's shirt before a multi-man fracas ensued.

Retro Football: Finn Laudrup (Michael And Brian’s Father) Was A Rather Good Player Too (With Video Evidence)

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By Chris Wright

Most people would consider having two world class silkmongers in the family as being a bit greedy, but the Laudrups boasted three.Along with Michael and Brian, the Laudrup brothers' old man Finn was a bloody dandy player in his pomp too, as the following archive footage will duly attest to.

Capital One Cup: Swansea 5-0 Bradford – Swans Make History In One-Sided Final (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 5-0 Bradford City Capital One Cup 24th February 2013

League Two Bradford have enjoyed an incredible giant-slaying Capital One Cup campaign, but against Swansea in the final on Sunday, they were given a lesson in football by Michael Laudrup's classy Swansea side.

Newcastle 4-2 Southampton – Cissé Stunner Pick of The Bunch In St James’ Park Goal-Fest (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 4-2 Southampton Premier League 24th February 2013

A wonder-striker from Papiss Cissé helped BNewcastle on their way to a thrilling 4-2 win against Southampton on Sunday after the Saints had taken the lead.

One of the most impressive performers in the top division this season, midfielder Morgan Schneiderlin, put the visitors ahead after just three minutes after good work from Rickie Lambert.

Man City 2-0 Chelsea – Citizens Close Title Gap To 12 Points After Easy Win Over Blues (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 2-0 Chelsea Premier League 24th February 2013

Manchester City kept their (very very) faint hopes of retaining their Premier League title alive by comfortably beating Chelsea at home on Sunday.

The home side dominated for large periods of the game, with Yaya Touré playing in a more attacking role, but it took until the second period for the Citizens to finally open the scoring.

20 Years Gone: R.I.P Bobby Moore – A Life In Photos

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By Chris Wright

Twenty years ago today, English football lost a true bastion when Bobby Moore lost his battle against cancer at the age of 51.

R.I.P

(Photos: PA)

Robin Van Persie Falls Into Camera Pit Of Doom vs QPR, Badly Bruises His Hip (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Shortly before Rafael almost tore the net from its moorings with a sweet-as-you-like drive to open the scoring against QPR yesterday, Robin van Persie suffered one of the strangest on-pitch injuries we've seen in quite a while when he fell down one of the camera pits behind the goal at Loftus Road and almost tore one of his kidneys out.

Porto’s Jackson Martinez Cocks Up Panenka Penalty In Spectacular Style vs Rio Ave (Video)

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By Chris Wright

West Brom 2-1 Sunderland – Lukaku Double Keeps Baggies’ Euro Dream Alive (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 2-1 Sunderland Premier League 23rd February 2013

With Fernando Torres struggling at Chelsea, surely Romelu Lukaku must be in line for a place in the Blues' squad next summer, sharing striking duties with Demba Ba? Against Sunderland on Saturday, the burly Belgian bagged a brace and was superb throughout as the Baggies kept alive their Europa League hopes.

Fulham 1-0 Stoke – Berbatov Beauty Gives Whites Deserved Win At The Cottage (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 1-0 Stoke City Premier League 23rd February 2013

Fulham secured a well-deserved win against the Potters on Saturday, courtesy of a fine strike by Dimitar Berbatov. The striker's fabulous volley on the stroke of half-time proved to be the Cottagers' only goal of the game but they were by far the better side for the majority of this mid-table clash.

Reading 0-3 Wigan – Latics Out Of The Drop-Zone After Vital Win At The Madejski (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Reading 0-3 Wigan Athletic Premier League 23rd February 2013

Wigan secured a vital victory at the Madejski on Saturday to leap-frog Reading into 17th place and climb out of the drop-zone.

Arouna Koné was the star of the show for the Latics, bagging a brace just before the break to put Roberto Martinez's side in the driving seat.

Norwich 2-1 Everton – Late Late Holt Winner Dents Toffees’ Top-Four Dreams (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 2-1 Everton Premier League 23nd February 2013

Everton's hopes of a top-four finish took another blow on Saturday at Carrow Road, with the Toffees conceding two late goals to go down 2-1.

The visitors dominated for most of the first period, with Leon Osman's goal on 39 minutes giving the Merseysiders a deserved lead going in at the break.

Arsenal 2-1 Aston Villa – Cazorla Brace Helps Gunners To Nervy Win Against Villans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 2-1 Aston Villa Premier League 23nd February 2013

After painful home defeats at the hands of Blackburn and Bayern Munich, Arsenal needed to give the Emirates' faithful something to cheer about, which ultimately they did on Saturday albeit after yet another nervy display.

QPR 0-2 Man Utd – Red Devils Go 15 Points Clear After Hard-Fought Win At Loftus Road (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Queens Park Rangers 0-2 Manchester United Premier League 23rd February 2013

In winning 2-1 at Loftus Road on Saturday, Manchester United extended their lead over Man City at the top of the table to 15 points and in doing so, all but rubber-stamped their 2012/13 title win.

Remember Hannover’s Signing That Turned Out To Be 9cm Shorter Than Advertised? He’s Also Got Tuberculosis…

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By Chris Wright

Signing of the season

Remember, not so long ago, when Hannover 96 found they had been quite literally short-changed over their new €1.3 million January signing, midfielder Franca, when the Brazilian was found to be a full 9cm shorter than he was being billed by his former club Criciuma?

German Couple Take Neighbours To Court Over ‘Noisy’ Borussia Dortmund Flag In Garden

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By Chris Wright

Borussia Dortmund flags: Absolutely deafening

A couple in the German town of Hemer are taking their next-door neighbours to court over the ear-splitting noise created by the Borussia Dortmund flag they have fluttering in their garden.

Local Dortmund newspaper Der Westen have identified the couple as "Jutta and Walter H", who told the paper that the sound of the BVB flag flapping in the wind on the other side of the fence disrupts them from reading their books next door.

These Are Lionel Messi’s New AdiZero F50 Boots, As Designed By Lionel Messi (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

These 'ere be Lionel Messi's new adiZero F50 boots, as designed by the man himself (though we're fairly sure he didn't produce this sketch)...

The official line is that Messi 'collaborated' with Adidas throughout the design process, which basically translates as "he picked the colour because he likes red" but, as always with this kind of thing, the marketing guff that accompanies Messi's new red pumps is absolutely glorious.

Friday Flashback Special: Random 1990s Premier League Football Sticker Quiz, Edition II

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By Chris Wright

Rejoice! It's the second edition of Pies' extra special random Premier League sticker quiz. All you've got to do is identify this cavalcade of 1990s heroes, tot up your tally and tell us how well you went on in the comments below the dotted line if you see fit.

Around The Grounds: Valley Parade, Bradford City

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By Chris Wright

With Bradford City set to play Swansea in the Capital One Cup this Sunday, we thought we'd take you out on one of our 'Around the Grounds' photo excursions to their 25,136-capacity home patch since 1903: The Coral Windows Stadium or, as any Bantams fan worth his or her salt would call it, Valley Parade.

Ex-Boss Paolo Di Canio Sneaks Into Swindon Town’s Offices To Retrieve Some Old Photos… At 1am!

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By Chris Wright

"Tell anyone about this and I'll fit you for a nice new pair of concrete boots, capiche?"

During his relatively brief tenure as Swindon Town manager, Paolo Di Canio has found the time to complete a half-marathon by mistake, deck one of his players with an accidental touchline WWF-style spinebuster, openly mock Aston Villa for being a bit crap, actually come to blows with one of his own strikers after a game, brand one of his loan signings as "a load of rubbish", sing 'Dancing In The Moonlight' live on stage at The County Ground, sub a keeper off after 21 minutes and call him "the worst, most ignorant athlete"he'd ever seen, buy pizza for 200 Swindon fans who helped clear the pitch of snow over the winter, offer to buy players out of his own pocket and a whole raft of other assorted nonsense.

Top Photos: Europa League, Feb 21 2012 – Hazard Warnings, Sad Face Suarez & Crazy Nudist Metalists

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By Chris Wright

Calm down, it's Pies' pick of the Europa League 'round of 32′ photo's y'all (click for the full-sized images)...

(Photos: PA)

Snapshot: Luis Suarez Bends In Beautiful Freekick Against Zenit (With Bonus GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Sadly it wasn't to be for Liverpool in the Europa League tonight, despite it looking as if a classic Anfield second-leg comeback was shaping up, there was no "GGGGEEEEEERRRRRRRRRAAAAAAARRRRDDDD!!!" finish against Zenit.

Liverpool bossed the second leg with a tidy 3-1 win but the Russian's were able to hold onto their 2-0 first-leg advantage to go through on away goals, despite it looking fairly hairy for them throughout the last half-an-hour or so.

Irate Coventry Fan Demonstrates Perils Of Ringing Radio Phone-Ins To Rant After Leaving The Game Early (Audio)

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By Chris Wright

Complete with sly Alan Partridge reference from the host, here's a Coventry City fan named Dan who called into BBC Radio Coventry and Warwickshire's post-match phone-in to have a right old moan about his side's pallid performance.

Fatefully, Dan stormed out of Coventry's game against Crewe Alexandra while the score was 0-0, with the Sky Blues diddling him late on by sticking away two goals in injury time to win 2-0.

Snapshot: Morrissey Poses With ‘Unidentified Fan’ In LA Galaxy Dressing Room…

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By Chris Wright

Look! It's Robbie Keane and Morrissey everybody!

Morrissey then wrote the following gushing appraisal of Keane's performance against Club Tijuana, which later appeared on a fan blog:

"It was a joyous head-storm to attend LA Galaxy v Club Tijuana last night and to see captain Robbie Keane score in the fourth minute.

Top 20 Brilliantly Cringeworthy Brendan Rodgers Quotes

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool honcho Brendan Rodgers likes to talk in parables. He's very much the Jesus of middle-management-style football coaching. Here are his greatest hits...

1. "It was a perfect away performance, apart from the first 10 minutes."

2.

Top Stories: Arsenal Get Trolled, London Fashionistas, Apple iWatch , PlayStation 4 News And New Stone Roses…

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The hottest stories from Pies and our pals...

Mitch Winehouse at the Brits and his Amy jacket

How The Champions League hoardings trolled Arsenal

London's fashionistas -and how they brightened up Fashion Week

Has Arsene Wenger too much faith in mediocre players?

14-Year-Old San Jose Fan Dies After Being Hit In The Eye By Flare

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By Chris Wright

This is a sad one. A 14-year-old San Jose fan was killed during last night's Copa Libertadores match against Corinthians at theEstadio Jesus Bermudez in Bolivia after being hit by a flare reportedly thrown into the home fans from the Corinthians section.

According to the Press Association, the police originally thought the young fan, Kevin Douglas Beltran,died as the result of a "bomb sound" (whatever the hell that means?

Football Boots We Have Loved: The Pig

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By Chris Wright

We're not sure which is worse: the boot or the ringlet-style mullet?

Upon retiring in 1988 having represented Liverpool some 200 times throughout the 1980s (yes, he appeared in The Anfield Rap "I'm very big down under but my wife disagrees!" was his crowning glory), Australian midfielder Craig Johnston took up boot design.

Dalai Lama Nails Capital One Cup Colours To The Mast, Sends Bradford City ‘Good Luck’ Letter

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By Chris Wright

"You're going home in the back of an ambulance!"

He never seems to go anywhere without his official Bradford City claret-and-custard robes anyway, but the Dalai Lama has firmly nailed his colours to the mast ahead of Sunday's Carling Cup Final by sending the Bantams a blessed 'good luck' letter.

Tottenham Fans Attacked In Lyon Pub By Thugs In Balaclavas

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By Chris Wright

Coming just a couple of months after Tottenham fans were mauled in a pub in Rome before their Europa League fixture with Lazio, three Spurs supporters ended up in hospital last night after being attacked by a group of hooded thugs in a Lyon bar on the eve of the club's last-32 second leg against Olympique Lyonnais.

Stephane El Shaarawy Proves A Syllable Too Far For Expert Pundit Jamie Redknapp (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Top Top Triffic Jnr struggles, quitepredictably to get to grips with Stephane El Shaarawy's name while providing his elite expert punditry on last night's Champions League tie for Sky Sports...

El Jarawee? El Shahawee? El Showaddywaddy? Summink like that innit?

Man City Try Their Hand At This Harlem Shake Thing (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Just keep an eye on Kolarov...

Sorry.

(Video: MCFC)

Champions League: Milan 2-0 Barcelona – Barca Downed By Pompey Power At The San Siro (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

AC Milan 2-0 Barcelona Champions League 20th February 2013

Two ex-Portsmouth stars netted the goals which produced a rather surprising result at the San Siro on Wednesday night, with Milan shooting down the mighty Barcelona.

With Mario Balotelli cup-tied, the Rossoneri started withGiampaolo Pazzini up front, supported byStephan El Shaarawy.

Shit Football Kits: Monterrey’s Giant Alien Head Goalkeeper Jersey, 1998/99

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By Chris Wright

Not sure about you lot, but this is definitely a first for Pies...

Not a lot of background info here folk, but we can tell you that this shirt was actually worn on-field by C.F. Monterrey goalkeeper Oscar Dautt during the 1998/99 season.Hopefully he referred to his 18-yard box as 'Area 51′ at all times while wearing it.

Mismatch Of The Day: Lip Syncing Premier League Managers (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Our brothers and sisters over at Anorak have just foisted this in our general direction and it's too good not to share.

Basically, some crafty boggers have lip-synced and re-dubbed a gaggle of Premier League managers and the results are genuinely hilarious.

Horror Hair: Keith Andrews Debuts New Style, Looks Like Goth Kid On ‘South Park’

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By Chris Wright

So, Bolton midfielder and Ireland international Keith Andrews debuted a new, extra toussled hairstyle while punditing on RTE's Champions League coverage last night...

We'll just leave this here for comparison's sake...

And this...

(Image via Joe.

Champions League: Arsenal 1-3 Bayern Munich – More Woe At The Emirates As Gunners Outclassed By German Giants (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 1-3 Bayern Munich Champions League 19th February 2013

If Arsenal's chances of finally picking up some silverware courtesy of a Champions League success were minute to start with, then after this 3-1 defeat at the Emirates, they were reduced to a molecular level.

Diagnosing Arsenal’s Malaise: Arsene Wenger Has Too Much Faith In Mediocre Players

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By Chris Wright

Let's be right: With things 'as is', if Bayern Munich played Arsenal 100 times the German behemoths would win 100 times such are the relative fortunes of each side (to be fair though, being soundly whipped by Bayern could've happened to anybody last night given their current form).

Man City Chief Executive Ferran Soriano Fingered In Sordid Barcelona Spy Ring

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By Chris Wright

Ferran Soriano: Fingered in the ring

Man City chief executive Ferran Soriano has been implicated by Catalonian prosecutors in an ongoing investigation into the wayformer Barcelona president Joan Laporta allegedly illegally monitored internal communications during his time at the club.

Horror Tackle: French U17 Keeper Studs Onrushing Striker In The Dangly Bits (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during an U17s friendly somewhere in France (the two teams involved are apparently AS Villaret and S.O.M, though we haven't got a clue which way round they are), a goalkeeper takes a heavy touch, comes bounding out of his box and kindly performs an emergency appendectomy on an onrushing striker with one of the most horrendous studs-up lunges we've ever seen.

Swindon Assistant Manager Fabrizio Piccareta Resigns Live On Sky Sports News (Video)

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By Chris Wright

"You coming with me or what?"

As you're probably aware, Paolo Di Canio resigned as manager of Swindon Town on Monday after a botched buy-out and several unsolicited player sales made his position at the League One table-toppers untenable.

His assistant,Fabrizio Piccareta, took charge for Tuesday night's game against play-off contenders Tranmere and racked up a pretty impressive 3-1 victory then, almost immediately after the game, told Sky Sports News in a live interview that he and his entire technical staff were resigning from their positions too.

Champions League: Arsenal 1-3 Bayern – More Woe At The Emirates As Gunners Outclassed By German Giants (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 1-3 Bayern Munich Champions League 19th February 2013

If Arsenal's chances of finally picking up some silverware courtesy of a Champions League success were minute to start with, then after this 3-1 defeat at the Emirates, they were reduced to a molecular level.

Snapshot: Even The Advertising Hoardings Have Had Enough At The Emirates

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By Alan Duffy

Ah poor old Arsene Wenger. His grand plan to fashion a shiny new, post-Invincibles team from cheap, cheerful and young talent rather than big tim Charlies seems to be failing yet again.

After being thoroughly outclassed by Bayern Munich on Tuesday night, the north Londoners' hopes of Euro success are all but dead and buried now.

Shit Lookalikes: Nigel Adkins & Smithers

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By Chris Wright

Got a Shit Lookalike for us? Email (waatpies@gmail.com) or Tweet (@waatpies) it right on over!

Football GIF: Robin Van Persie Dinks Delicious Backheel Into Danny Welbeck’s Path vs Reading

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By Chris Wright

A swathe of 100% Dutch silk from Robin van Persie against Reading last night...

Showboaters of the world take note: No end product = no point.

(GIF: Reddit)

12 Wonderful Photos Of Sir Bobby Robson In His Pomp

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By Chris Wright

Yesterday marked the birthday of the late, great Sir Bobby Robson so to mark the occasion we've trawled through the Pies archives and cobbled together a selection of his finest stills (click through for the full-sized images)...

(Photos: PA)

Suggested further viewing.

Wayne Rooney Allowed To Customise Motorbike, Flogs It For Danish Kids Charity (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

You may think that letting Wayne Rooney customise a top-drawer motorbike is akin to allowing a drunk chimpanzee to perform keyhole brain surgery, but Danish bike buildersLauge Jensen have let Rooney loose on one of their cruisers to create a personalised hog in order to auction off for charity.

So It Begins: Dani Alves Would Love To Sign Jack Wilshire For Barcelona

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By Chris Wright

"Wilshere is a great player who we have met playing against Arsenal and without doubt he can reach the height of the players we have here at Barcelona like Xavi and Iniesta.

"He has a lot of quality and a great personality. If I was given the chance to choose, he is a player that I would sign for Barcelona.

Crystal Palace Cheerleaders Do Something Called ‘The Harlem Shake’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's us thinking the Harlem Shake was something Shaft used to beat down corrupt cops and drug dealers, but apparently it's the latest video meme hot on the heels of that godawful Gangnam Style tripe to take over the world of the simpleton.

As with 'Call Me Maybe' and Psy's aforementioned insipid anthem, Crystal Palace's cheerleaders, The Crystals, have once again pounced and produced their very own high-art rendition of whatever this Harlem Shake thing might be.

Free State Stars’ Fikru Tefera Scores Epic Twirling Volley vs Kaizer Chiefs (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Fitting perhaps that on the back of our Top 20 African Club Badges yesterday this goal should land on our Twitter doormat this morning courtesy of @alpino89, being as it eminates from South Africa 'n' all.

Coming in the recent tie between Free State Stars and Kaizer Chiefs at the weekend, what you're about to see is New State forward Fikru Tefera clanging home a monster of a leaping- volley-on-the-turn from the corner of the box.

FA Cup: Man Utd 2-1 Reading – (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 2-1 Reading FA Cup 18th February 2013

Portuguese wing-wizard was the star of the show for the Red Devils on Monday night, netting one and setting up another as the home side overcame a spirited Reading side.

Nani came on as a sub for the injured Phil Jones towards half-time after United had dominated the first period.

Hot Stuff: Why Arsene Wenger Is So Valuable To Arsenal, Unlikely Celeb Footy Fans, Road Rage Taiwanese Style And More…

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Top stories from Pies and our pals...

How Arsene Wenger is worth 16.6 points to The Gunners every season

Mismatch of the day lip synching Premier League matches - with comic results

The Jedburgh Hand Ba game in pics

Road Rage Taiwanese style - with comedy gloves

Bayern keeper Manuel Neuer and his four fingered gloves

Pies all time Spanish eleven of Premiership players

35 years of football computer games in one excellent video

Ten retro style record players for vinyl nuts and hipsters

Pic of what the Apple iWatch might look like answer amazing

Why Chelsea have the best celeb fans but Arsenal get the Hollywood A listers

Which footy team does your favourite rock star support?

Sergio Ramos Booked Twice In 60 Seconds, Closes In On All-Time La Liga Red Card Record

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By Chris Wright

Having already scored, Sergio Ramos was booked twice in the space of 60 seconds (Jordan Ayew would be so proud!) to pick up the 17th red card of his entire career the 11th of his Real Madrid career (a club record) against Rayo Vallecano on Sunday, thus leaving him one single sending-off from equaling the all-time Spanish league record at the age of 26.

25 Of The Best Club Badges In African Football

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By Chris Wright

We've already had a butcher's at the very finest club logos that South American football (and Central/Northern America for all those geography pedants out there!) has to offer, and now we're shifting continents to bring you our 25 favourite badges from the realms of Africa's various domestic football leagues.

Snapshot: 301 Goals And Counting – Lionel Messi’s Year-On-Year Scoring Rate Is Simply ‘Inmessionante’

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By Chris Wright

Lionel Messi busted into the 300 Club last night with both goals (his 36th and 37th of the season so far)against Granada inBarcelona's2-1 victory, scoring his 300th and 301st goals in 365 official games for the club andextending his scoring run to 14 league games without a single scratch.

Marek Hamsik Robbed At Gunpoint Outside Napoli’s Stadium

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By Chris Wright

I know you. You're the guy from the Aphex Twin video aren't you?

It takes a big old set of hairy swingers to rob a guy who looks like Marek Hamsik, and yet here we are.The Napoli midfielderwas held up at gunpoint as he left the Stadio San Paolo following his side's 0-0 draw against Sampdoria on Sunday afternoon.

Broke-Ass Portsmouth Ask Carlisle To Pay £20 To Park Team Coach Outside Fratton Park

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By Chris Wright

Pompey: Bitches gettin' PAAAAAIIIIIIIDDD!!!

Having traipsed 350 miles across the country for their League One match against Portsmouth on Saturday, Carlisle were shocked to find that it was going to cost them a further £20 for the privilege of parking their team bus outside Fratton Park.

Bayern Munich Keeper Manuel Neuer To Trial Four-Fingered Gloves Against Arsenal

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By Chris Wright

Bayern Munich goalkeeper Manuel Neuer is set to trial his new four-fingered goalie gloves against Arsenal in the Champions League on Tuesday after debuting his innovation against Wolfsburg on Friday night Bayern won 2-0.

The gloves are only four-fingered on Neuer's right hand, with the index and middle fingers connected to presumably increase the surface area of the palm of his hand or some such nonsense.

Shit Lookalikes: Professor Ian Wright & Howard From The Halifax

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By Chris Wright

Poor Wrighty did his level best to give the impression of an intellectual 1950s Oxford professor for his appearance on ITV's FA Cup coverage yesterday by wearing a pair of 'Good Will Hunting' horn-rims, but sadly he just came off looking a bit like that berk from The Halifax adverts.

FA Cup: Huddersfield 1-4 Wigan – Terriers Fail To Bite As Latics Stroll Into Last Eight (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Huddersfield Town 1-4 Wigan Athletic FA Cup 17th February 2013

Wigan proved too strong for Huddersfield on Sunday at the Latics cruised to a 4-1 win away at the Galpharm.

The Premier League side dominated the first-half, with jinky winger Callum McManaman the star of the show.

Liverpool 5-0 Swansea – Reds Batter Weakened Swans At Anfield (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 5-0 Swansea City Premier League 17th February 2013

Liverpool brought to an end their five-game winless run with a thumping 5-0 thrashing of Swansea on Sunday afternoon.

Penalty goals from Steven Gerrard and Daniel Sturridge book-ended a stroll in the park for the home side, with new-signing Philippe Coutinho getting on the scoresheet at the start of the second period and goals from Jose Enrique and Luis Suarez completing the mauling.

FA Cup: Man City 4-0 Leeds – King Kun On Fire As Citizens Steamroll Whites At The Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 4-0 Leeds United FA Cup 17th February 2013

After last week's capitulation at the hands of Southampton, Man City looked more like themselves against Leeds on Sunday, totally outclassing the Championship side in an easy victory at the Etihad.

FA Cup: Chelsea 4-0 Brentford – Blues Take The Sting Out Of Bees In Romp At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 4-0 Brentford FA Cup 17th February 2013

While it may have taken the home side until the second period to finally open the scoring against Brentford, from start to finish Rafa Benitez's men where comfortably in charge of this FA Cup tie.

Snapshot: Oldham Instructed Not To Swap Shirts With Everton Players Due To ‘Severe Shortage Of First Team Kit’

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By Chris Wright

Times are obviously a little tighter at Oldham Athletic than they first let on...

(Thanks to Pies fans Collywobbles for the tip-off)

FA Cup: Oldham 2-2 Everton – Just What The Doctor Ordered As Matt Smith Heads Latics To Goodison Replay (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Oldham 2-2 Everton FA Cup 16th February 2013

A last-gasp equaliser from Matt Smith earned a superb draw for Oldham against Everton on Saturday. The striker produced a towering leap to head home in injury to level the scores at 2-2 and set up a return clash at Goodison Park.

FA Cup: MK Dons 1-3 Barnsley – Dagnall Double Helps Tykes Through To Last Eight (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

MK Dons 1-3 Barnsley FA Cup 16th February 2013

A brace from Chris Dagnall helped Barnsley on their way to a 3-1 win at Stadium:MK on Saturday.

The 26-year-old's goals came on three minutes and in stoppage to bookend a fine 3-1 win for the Tykes away from home.

FA Cup: Arsenal 0-1 Blackburn – Gunners Crash Out Of Cup As Pressure Mounts On Wenger (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 0-1 Blackburn Rovers Rovers FA Cup 16th February 2013

As it customary around this time of year, Arsenal's season is on the verge of being pretty much over after the Gunners lost at home to Blackburn on Saturday.

Despite dominating for the vast majority of the game, for all their pretty passing and possession of the ball, the Gunners couldn't find a way past Jake Kean in the Rovers' goal.

FA Cup: Luton 0-3 Millwall – James Henry Stars As Lions Maul Non-League Hatters (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Luton Town 0-3 Millwall FA Cup 16th February 2013

James Henry was the star of the show as Championship side Millwall ended Non-League's Luton's superb cup run.

The midfielder netted the opening goal of the game on 12 minues after a defensive howler from Janos Kovac before setting up Rob Hulse on 36 minutes, with the striker shinning home a rather fine overhead effort.

Dutch FA Report FIFA 13 To FIFA Because Players React Angrily To Referees In Game

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By Chris Wright

According to Goal.com, the chairman of the Dutch FA (or the KNVB if you'd prefer), Michael van Praag that be him above is in the process of reporting EA Sports' FIFA 13computer game to FIFA after receiving complaints from parents over the way players behave toward the referee in the computer game.

Didier Drogba Scores Battering Ram Header 5 Minutes Into Galatasaray Debut (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After fleeing the Chinese League at the first available juncture, Droggers made his Galatasaray debut last night and it took him a whole five minutes after coming off the bench against Akhisar to do this...

Camp Drog says...

"The call me 'The Five Minute Man' for a reason BITCCCCHHHHEEEESSSS!

‘I Am A Free Man’ – Former Leeds Midfielder Robbie Rogers Comes Out As Gay, Retires From Football

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By Chris Wright

By way of a personal blog post, former Leeds midfielder and USA international Robbie Rogers, 25, has come out as gay while announcing that he is retiring from football with immediate effect to spend the next chapter of his life "discovering himself."

Rogers was released by Leeds in January after returning from a loan spell at Stevenage and has made the decision to come out after keeping his sexuality a secret for so long and step away from the game so as to begin the process of redefinition.

Mario Balotelli Sticks Away Sumptuous 25-Yard Freekick vs Parma (Video)

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By Chris Wright

AC Milan beat Parma 2-1 in Serie A last night to go level third in the table with Lazio, with Mario Balotelli scoring their second with a delightful 25-yard freekick...

Though he had a bit of a stinker against Parma by all acounts, that now four goals in three games for Balotelli at Milan now, all in the space of three weeks.

Shit Lookalikes: Robbie Savage & Richard Hibbard (Welsh Egg Chaser)

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By Chris Wright

Hibbard is the Welsh rugby team's resident blonde bombshell hooker (apparently opposing fans chant "just a fat Robbie Savage" at him all the time).

Savage is what you get when you let Shadowfax mate with a potato.

Gorra Shit Lookalike for Pies?

Retro Football: 35 Years Of Soccer Computer Games Charted In One Brilliant Video

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By Chris Wright

What we have here is one of them there video compendiums of just about every single football computer game made in the last 35 years; from 1978′s imaginatively titled 'Football' on the Atari right the way through to FIFA 13, passing through classics like Sensi, John Barnes European Football and Peter Shilton's Handball Maradona on the way.

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #23

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By Chris Wright

Friday Flashback XXIII: When Nature Calls...

Dear God we hope that's chocolate mousse!

Merci beacoups once again to our friends over at Old School Panini for sharing their wonderful wares! We thoroughly suggest you follow them on Twitter @OldSchoolPanini if you enjoy this sort of thing.

Top 10 Photos: Europa League, 14 Feb 2012 – Bale Beaut, Two Bulging Sacks & Falcao Sad Face…

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By Chris Wright

Pies' hand-picked selection of the ten finest stills from last night's Europa League action (click through for the full-sized images)...

(Photos: PA)

Snapshot: ‘Fat’ Ronaldo Isn’t Fat Anymore…

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By Chris Wright

Judging by the photo posted to his Instagram account, 'Fat' Ronaldo ain't fat no more in fact, he's looks leaner now than he did during his final few years as an active player...

Having battled with his weight during the latter stages of his career, Ronaldo took part in a Brazilian 'Celebrity Fit Club' kind of deal to try and shift a bit of blubber, starting his new regime in September of last year.

Atletico Madrid Send Keeper Forward For Corner, Plan Backfires Horribly! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Reigning Europa League champs Atletico Madrid took a battering at home against ten-man Rubin Kazan last night, eventually losing 0-2 at the Vincente Calderon after conceding in the first five minutes then seeing their plan to pile every man forward in search of a late equaliser backfire horribly when Rubin midfielder Pablo Orbaiz broke ranks and ran the ball into Sergio Asenjo's vacated net in injury time.

Football GIFs: Gareth Bale Scores Two Sweet Doppleganger Freekicks vs Lyon

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By Chris Wright

Lyon and coach Remi Garde did an absolute number on Gareth Bale last night, playing deep and dense, shutting him down quickly and suffocating the Welsh whippet in open play yet he still managed to come away with two goals, thanks to a duo of deliciously dipping doppleganger freekicks.

Pies’ All Time Premier League XI: Spain

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By Alan Duffy

Here we are again, another week, another Premier League XI. This time it's courtesy of the all-conquering Spain, who have dominated international football for the past five years or so.

There are plenty of trademark diminutive schemers to choose from here, but the defensive options are rather less plentiful.

Brazilian Side Caxias Spark Superb Rain-Drenched Goalmouth Scramble vs Internacional (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The Guardian have a cracking snippet of footage of the superb rain-drenched goalmouth scramble that gracedCaxias' 0-2 defeat against Internacional at the Estadio Francisco Stedile last night.

It truly was a 'stramash' for the ages, with nearly every single player getting caught up in the maelstrom.

The Beatles’ favourite football team, Valentine’s Day disasters and Arsenal’s injury woes

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Top stories from Pies and our pals

The Clash's incredible 1979 New York shows and the story behind that pic

The best Valentine's Day disasters punch ups, murder and Spaghetti attacks

The mobile phone that costs £7,000 and it isn't even 4G

Football's 12 top romances John and Frank, Ronaldo and himself and more

10 conclusions Man United V Real Madrid

Realchester Madnited A composite of the best players of the two CL giants

Loads of rock stars support Arsenal, very few support Man United and which team The Beatles supported

Cool retro cycling gear from, wait for it, H&M

The latest on Arsenal's injury woes and who Wenger should play against Blackburn

Very cool festival jacket from Liam Gallaher (and he has played a few) and some cool lightweight coats

Shit Football Kits: Jaguares Outrageous ‘Jaguar Print’ Retina Destroyer, 2001-ish?

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By Chris Wright

Here's a blooter of a shit kit we stumbled across while putting together our "Favourite Sudamericano Football Badges" piece earlier in the week, which belongs or belonged to Mexican side Jaguares de Chiapas.

What you see here isn't the the first or last Jaguares shirt to feature a jaguar print motif, but it's definitely the worst.

Classic Pies: Spend Valentine’s Day With Football’s Top 12 Epic Bromances

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By Chris Wright

As far as we're concerned Valentine's Day is nowt but a stark reminder that no-one loves us on the 364 other days of the year either, but hey ho love is theoretically in the air, the goose is getting fat, yadda yadda yadda.

We thought we'd have a look at some of the greatest, most enduring bromances that football has incubated over the years because love, in all its many forms, is a beautiful thing.

Ronaldinho Uses Cunning ‘Water Bottle’ Ploy To Dupe Sao Paulo’s Defence (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here we see Ronaldinho, in action for Atletico Mineiro against Sao Paulo in the Copa Libertadores last night, asking for a swig of opposing 'keeper Rogerio Ceni's water following a knock in the gob though it quickly transpired that it was all just a deliberate ploy to shake the Sao Paulo backline and remain high up the field while his teammate slung a long throw back in his direction.

Edin Dzeko Sells Undershirts On Ebay To Raise Money For Sarajevo Orphanage

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By Chris Wright

There's just so much cockle-warming charity going on this morning!

Following swiftly on the heels of Cristiano Ronaldo slinging €100,000 in the Red Cross's directioncomes the news thatEdin Dzeko is flogging the two personalised undershirts he exposed after scoring against Arsenal and Stoke earlier in the season on Ebay to help raise money for an orphanage in his hometown of Sarajevo, Bosnia.

Cristiano Ronaldo Donates €100,000 To Aid Afghan Landmine Victims

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By Chris Wright

Just a quickie to warm your cockles this morning.

Shortly before cruising in on a wave of phase to equalise for Real Madrid against Manchester United last night, the Red Cross announced thatCristiano Ronaldois donating €100,000 on behalf of UEFA to help rehabilitate Afghans who have lost limbs, mostly as a result of landmines.

Top 10 Conclusions: Real Madrid 1-1 Man Utd

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By Chris Wright

1. Manchester United would've taken that result before kick-off. While they're not necessarily in pole position for the Old Trafford leg, with an away goal under their collective belt United are in a much stronger position to squeak through than many including yours truly predicted.

Champions League: Real Madrid 1-1 Man Utd – De Gea De Star As Red Devils Secure Away Draw At The Bernabeu (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Real Madrid 1-1 Manchester United Champions League 13th February 2013

An early goal from Danny Welbeck followed by a superbly disciplined second-half performance saw Manchester United secure a fine 1-1 draw at the Bernabeu on Wednesday night.

Man City Quartet Mancini, Kompany, Milner & Hart Become Official Voices Of Metrolink’s East Manchester Tram Line

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By Chris Wright

Tram buddies Joe and Vincent share a 'Brief Encounter' moment at the Campus stop

Oh, the razzmatazz life of the Premier League footballer. Following in Charlie "Face of Cheque Centre" Adam's glamorous wake, Man City quartet Roberto Mancini, Vincent Kompany, Joe Hart and James Milner have agreed a glitzy deal to become the official voices ofMetrolink's east Manchester tram line.

Buyer’s Remorse: Bury Release Striker Jeanvion Yulu-Matondo After One Day At The Club

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By Chris Wright

We've all been there. Buying a pair of Legion of Doom-style neon purple Zubaz pants off Ebay after a heavy night on the ale only to wake up in blind panic at 6:30am and desperately trying to convince the seller that you we're identity frauded as you slept.

It’s Grim Oop North: Newcastle ‘Enjoy’ Training In Sub-Zero Temperatures… (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Looks like it was a bit brass monkeys round Newcastle way this morning...

That's right lads, huddle for warmth.

To be honest, it also looks a bit grim dahn sarf as well, especially if the snooded-up-to-the-nines images from Tottenham's training session are anything to go by.

Realchester Madnited: Real Madrid & Man Utd Composite Best XI

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By Chris Wright

With tonight's Champions League blockbuster at the Bernabeu just hours away, we thought we'd have a dabble at putting together a stellar composite XI of Real Madrid and Manchester United.

Flick through our team, then leave your own XI in the comments.

Anzhi Claim QPR Were ‘Out Of Their Minds’ To Sign Chris Samba

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By Chris Wright

Using the most rudimentary of mathematics (£12.5 million + (£100k x 238 weeks)), Pies have estimated that Chris Samba's deadline day move from Anzhi Makhachkalato QPR will cost the club somewhere in the region of £36 million.

For Chris Samba.

£36 million.

Andre Bikey Celebrates Middlesborough’s First Win Of 2013 By Giving Referee Big Bear Hug! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Things have been getting a little tense at Middlesborough over the last month or so as Tony Mowbray's side, who were a single point off the automatic promotion places in the Championship on December 31st, had failed to pick up so much as a single point since January 1st -'had' being the operative word.

Lukas Podolski Takes In London On Black Cab Tour (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Finding himself with a day to kill in the capital, Arsenal striker Lukas Podolski took it upon himself to book a black cab tour of London yesterday in which he toured the city's various landmarks in a bid to #learnlondon on his day off.

Beginning with a photo of himself looking suitably excited and all thumbs-uppy in the back of his commandeered taxi accompanied by the message, "Starting my London tour from #N5 in a real black cab!

Shit Lookalikes: Stephen Lichtsteiner & Lee Evans

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By Chris Wright

Lichtsteiner is the Juve defender whose rather 'hands on' approach to man-marking against Celtic last night looked more like something you'd expect from Rick Steiner.

Evans is a gangly comedian and proud owner of the most profuse sweat glands in the known universe.

Champions League: Celtic 0-3 Juventus – Bhoys’ Bluster No Match For Old Lady’s Class (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Celtic 0-3 Juventus Champions League 12th February 2013

For all their possession, pressure, hustle and bustle, Celtic were undone by Juventus on Tuesday night, with the Italian giants running out 3-0 winners in the end.

Neil Lennon's side got off to the worst possible start when, on three minutes, African Cup of Nations winner Efe Ambrose misjudged a long ball, leaving Alessandro to fire home.

Football GIF: Zlatan Sees Red After Injury-Time Stamp During PSG’s 2-1 Win In Valencia

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By Alan Duffy

With the game into added-on time and his PSG side 2-1 up away at Valencia, there was no need for Zlatan Ibrahimovic to get himself sent off. However, the mighty Zlatan lives only by the wonky tenets of Zlatanism, as this little clip shows.

Taking out both Dani Parejo and Andres Guardado, the Swedish superstar was red-carded (for the stamp on Guardado) and will now miss the return leg in Paris.

Stat Boffins Opta Deconstruct Andrés Iniesta’s 2010 World Cup Winning Goal (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Brought to us by the maths websitenumperphile.com, this is a rather interesting look at how the stats geeks at Opta look, in minute detail, at the sport we are all obsessed with.

The video focuses on Andrés Iniesta, he of the ghostly pallor and quick feet, and his match-winning goal for Spain against the Netherlands in the 2010 World Cup final.

Man Utd Train Ahead Of Real Madrid Blockbuster, Paul Scholes To Miss Game With Knee Knack (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Judging from that face, Luis Valencia takes his poledancing incredibly seriously

Nothing more, nothing less. Just a flurry of photos from Manchester United's training session at Carrington today ahead of their blockbuster Champions League game and the return of a certain fearsome bully at the Bernabeu on Wednesday evening.

Hot Stuff: Arsenal’s Best Champions League Moment, Zombies In Montana, Best Mobile Phone Games And Morrissey’s Top Films…

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Here's the best of Pies and our pals this week...

Real Madrid v Manchester United: Redknapp says flop Modric is better than all United's midfield

When David Bowie committed Rock ‘N' Roll Suicide live

KRTV reports that Zombies are attacking Montana

20 of the best club badges in South American football

Horror hair AFCON special

Arsenal's finest CL moment remembered – beating Real Madrid at the Bernabeu

Valentine's gifts for blokes cool gadgets and more

The films that inspired Morrissey and The Smiths

Five sad, but fascinating tales of rock stars who went AWOL

REVIEW: Aliens: Colonial Marines (Xbox 360, PS3, PC)

The top ten most addictive mobile phone games

Apple's new iWatch the future of watches?

Snapshot: 400 Luzern Fans Dress As Sperm, Perform Suitably Appropriate Tifo At The Wankdorf…

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By Chris Wright

Let's face it: As much as we like to think we're abovepuerile childish sniggering at words that sound a bit rude, the fact that Young Boys play at the Wankdorf Stadium will never not be funny.

With that in mind, 400 or so Luzern fans dressed as spermatozoa for their side's first Swiss Super League game back after the winter break and put on the following suitably apt beans-blowing tifo while their team played below them.

20 Of The Best Club Badges In South American Football

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By Chris Wright

Apropos of nothing, here's Pies' pick of our 20 favourite South American football badges. Are you sitting comfortably? Then we shall begin..

1. Colo Colo, Chile

Emblazoned with a Mapuche indian, who refused to surrender to the Spanishcolonialistsway back when.

Mansfield Town Owner Gives Aston Martin To Manager Paul Cox For Thumping Barrow 8-1

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By Chris Wright

"You are supreme, the chicks'll cream!"

Who said there's no money in non-league football, eh? Mansfield Town owner John Radford obviously has a few bob to spare between keeping his trophy loving, doting wife in collagen trout pouts and creosote tans, offering free honeymoons to his staff and flitting away £80,000 Aston Martins whenever the mood takes him.

Fernando Torres Gets His Cupcake On In Strange Samsung Advert (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Fernando Torres being a full kit wanker in what looks like the galley aboard the Starship Enterprise, baking the ever-lovin' heck out of a cupcake in some weird, fairly nonsensical advert for Samsung...

Choose your punchline...

1.

Liverpool 0-2 West Brom – Baggies’ Late Show Downs Reds At Anfield (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 0-2 West Brom Premier League 11th February 2013

The Rodgers' Revolution at Anfield took a hefty blow on Monday night as visitors West Brom secured a 2-0 win on Merseyside.

Baggies' boss Steve Clarke may have left out naughty boy Peter Odemwingie, but the game at Anfield saw midfield duo Youssouf Mulumbu and Claudio Yacob both start for the first time since the start of the December (due to injury and ACON duties).

Comedian John Bishop Performs Best Joke Of His Career, Gets Kicked In The Face By Robbie Fowler (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

In recent years, comedian John Bishop has gone from B-list comic to A-Grade star, due to his rather gentle, if charming, brand of homespun japery.

Anyway, before Liverpool's defeat to West Brom on Monday night, the comedian took part in a pre-match penalty shoot-out with legendary striker (and homophobe) Robbie Fowler in aid of the 'Seeing Is Believing' chairty which fights avoidable blindness around the world.

Mario Balotelli Sees Superb Last-Minute Scissor Kick Winner Chalked Off vs Cagliari (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having already stuck away a penalty (his third goal in two games for Milan) and the score locked at 1-1, Mario Balotelli came within the width of a mosquito's wanger from wrapping up all three points against Cagliari at the weekend with a superb scissor kick in the 92nd minute of the game.

Competition: Vote For Your Favourite FA Cup Comeback And WIN! FA Cup Final Tickets Courtesy Of ESPN

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By Chris Wright

That's right! Another ace competition on Pies. Never say we don't spoil you.

To coincide with their coverage of the 2012/13 FA Cup in the UK and Ireland, ESPN are conducting a poll to ascertain the nations' favourite FA Cup moments in a variety of fields: greatest goals, giant-killings, comebacks, etc.

Horror Hair Special: AfCoN 2013 Edition

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By Chris Wright

Now that the tournament is done and dusted, we feel the only way to mark the AfCoN's passing is to compile a round-up over the very worst Horror Hair on display in South Africa over the last few weeks.

WARNING: Peroxide is obviously big in Africa this year (click for the biggies).

Shit Lookalikes: Adam Federici & Adam ‘Man vs Food’ Richman

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By Chris Wright

Federici is Reading's Aussie goalkeeper.

Richman is the 'Man vs Food' host who never met a plate of ribs he didn't like and considers 'enough to fill a hammock' to be a perfectly reasonable portion size.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies?

‘Inmessionante’: Lionel Messi Added To Spanish Dictionary

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By Chris Wright

In today's 'Just how far can we slide our collective tongues up Lionel Messi's back passage' news, the Barcelona demigod's name has now been included in the Spanish Dictionary, with'inmessionante' (adj.) defined as...

1.)The perfect way to play football, an unlimited ability to self-improve.

Impressive Feat: Marseille’s Jordan Ayew Subbed On In 73rd Minute, Booked In 74th Minute, Sent-Off In 75th Minute

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By Chris Wright

Jordan Ayew: Blink and you'll miss him

Over in Ligue 1 this weekend, Marseille winger Jordan Ayew (younger brother of Andre, who also plays for L'OM) managed the impressive feat of picking up two yellow cards in the space of 11 seconds against Evian Thonon Gaillard, and all this just in just over a minute after coming on as a second-half substitute!

Competition: WIN! Celebrate The AfCoN And Win A South Africa Shirt Courtesy Of Puma

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By Chris Wright

Here it is people: the very last in our bumper AfCoN shirt giveaway series, with Pies teaming up one last time with PUMA® (the Official Fan Supplier to the Orange African Cup of Nations) to offer one lucky UK-based fan the chance to win the official replica home shirt of host nation South Africa.

AfCoN Final: Nigeria 1-0 Burkina Faso – Super Eagles See Off Stallions To Snaffle Third AfCoN Title (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Can't you read the sign? Nigeria are the WINNERS of the 2013 Africa Cup of Nations after beating surprise package Burkina Faso 1-0 in the final on Sunday evening to snaffletheir third AfCoN title squeezing out The Stallions thanks to a solitary goal from Sunday Mba, and a canny little volley it was too.

Phil Neville Takes Worst Thrown-In Ever During Man Utd v Everton Clash (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

A player who seems to have been around forever, Phil 'Pretty Boy" Neville will rarely have made a bigger balls of a throw-in than he managed against Man Utd on Sunday. Feeble but funny.

Man Utd 2-1 Everton – Red Devils Go 12 Points Clear After Routine Win Over Toffees (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 2-1 Everton Premier League 10th February 2013

With Real Madrid boss Jose Mourinho watching on from the stands, Manchester United moved a step closer to regaining the Premier League trophy after a decent win against Everton.

Aston Villa 2-1 West Ham – Villans Move Out Of Drop-Zone After Nervy Win Over Hammers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 2-1 West Ham United Premier League 10th February 2013

Andreas Wiemann missed an open goal for Aston Villa in the opening stages of what was a dour first-half, but luckily for the Villans, the striker's miss didn't prove costly as the strugglers went on to secure a vital win against West Ham.

Southampton 3-1 Man City – Citizens Arrest At St Mary’s After Defensive Horror Show (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 3-1 Manchester City Premier League 9th February 2013

Manchester City's chances of retaining the Premier League title were dealt a painful blow in Saturday's late game, as Roberto Mancini's megabucks side went down 3-1 at Southampton.

Football GIF: Gareth Barry Bizarrely Composed Own-Goal In Man City Defeat At Southampton

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By Alan Duffy

Not sure quite what Gareth Barry was trying to do here pass it back to Joe Hart, knock it out for a corner? Poor old Barry had already made an error for Southampton's first goal, but this OG after the break is odd to say the least.

Enjoy...

Stoke 2-1 Reading – Potters Halt Royals’ Renaissance At The Britannia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 2-1 Reading Premier League 9th February 2013

Stoke secured their first win of 2013 and in doing so, put a spanner in the works of Reading recent resurgence.

All three goals in the game came in the second half after the home side had dominated proceedings in the first period without making the breakthrough.

Norwich 0-0 Fulham – Canaries Go Nine Without Victory Drab Draw With Cottagers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 0-0 Fulham Premier League 9th February 2013

Norwich City's winless run was extended to nine games on Saturday after they hosted Fulham in quite an abysmal encounter.

The Cottagers themselves have been short of wins recently but neither side could make the breakthrough in a clash of few decent goalscoring chances.

Swansea 4-1 QPR – Spanish Swans Put Hapless Hoops To The Sword (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 4-1 Queens Park Rangers Premier League 9th February 2013

Harry Redknapp's hopes of saving QPR from relegation took an almighty blow at the Liberty Stadium on Saturday as the west Londoners went down 4-1 to Swansea.

Swansea's Spaniards provided all four goals, with Michu bagging a brace, Angel Rangel netting one and the impressive Pablo Hernandez also getting on the scoresheet.

Sunderland 0-1 Arsenal – 10-Man Gunners Battle To Vital Win Against Black Cats (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 0-1 Arsenal Premier League 9th February 2013

Arsenal had to endure an injury to Jack Wilshere and a red card from Carl Jenkinson but the Gunners still managed to secure a hard-fought three points at the Stadium of Light.

The Gunners were superb in the first-half and should have gone in at half-time with more than just the one goal lead (scored by Santi Cazorla).

Tottenham 2-1 Newcastle – Bale-issimo! Welsh Wizard Fires Lilywhites To Victory Over Magpies (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 2-1 Newcastle United Premier League 9th February 2013

Gareth Bale is doing for Tottenham what Robin Van Persie did for Arsenal last season; that is, almost single-handedly keeping them on course for a Champions League berth.

Chelsea 4-1 Wigan – Late Goals Put Gloss On Nervy Blues’ Display At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 4-1 Wigan Athletic Premier League 9th February 2013

Late goals from the in-form Frank Lampard and Marko Marin gave Chelsea an impressive-looking 4-1 win against Wigan at Stamford Bridge on Saturday. However, for long periods of the game, Rafa Benitez's men looked less than assured of a win.

Tactics post – why Tevez is a better partner for Aguerro than Dzeko

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Edin Dzeko may have opened the scoring against Liverpool last weekend, but his all-round game was disappointing, and it's still difficult to find evidence of a promising partnership between he and Sergio Aguero.

City were lucky to snatch a point against Brendan Rodgers' side, and it was frustrating to see Carlos Tevez left on the bench throughout.

Competition: WIN! Celebrate The AfCoN And Win A Burkina Faso Shirt With Puma

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By Chris Wright

We know we said that we were only giving away four shirts in our bumper AfCoN shirt giveaway series, but Pies have mysteriously come into a couple more shirts (don't ask) meaning that, with a bit of help fromPUMA® (the Official Fan Supplier to the Orange African Cup of Nations) we can offer one lucky UK-based fan the chance to win the official replica home shirt of the Burkina Faso complete with prancing pony detailing!

Robert Pires Runs The Show As French And German Media Teams Meet In A Friendly (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal legend Bobby Pires looked like the older kid hogging the ball in park kickabout as teams made up of the French and German media folk went head to head in midweek in Paris.

Alongside Bobby Pies, the French side also had the great Bixente Lizarazu in their ranks although I'm not sure who was representing the Germans.

Snapshot: Turkey And Czech Republic Captains Exchange Carpets Before Kick-Off…

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By Chris Wright

Inlieuof the traditional pennant, the Turkey and Czech Republic captains (Arda Turan and Tomas Rosicky) exchanged carpets before the two sides' friendly in Ankara on Wednesday night...

"This'll look lovely in my downstairs toilet"

But it didn't stop there, oh no.

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #22

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By Chris Wright

Friday Flashback XXII: Pig In The City...

Friday Flashback Volume #1
Friday Flashback Volume #2
Friday Flashback Volume #3
Friday Flashback Volume #4
Friday Flashback Volume #5

Friday Flashback Volome #6
Friday Flashback Volume #7

Friday Flashback Volume #8
Friday Flashback Volume #9
Friday Flashback Volume #10
Friday Flashback Volume #11
Friday Flashback Volume #12
Friday Flashback Volume #13
Friday Flashback Volume #14
Friday Flashback Volume #15
Friday Flashback Volume #16
Friday Flashback Volume #17
Friday Flashback Volume #18
Friday Flashback Volume #19
Friday Flashback Volume #20 Random 90s Football Sticker Quiz
Friday Flashback Volume #21

This May Or May Not Be The New Nike England Kit… (Leaked Photo)

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By Chris Wright

The following image, purported to be the design of the brand new Nike England kit, is doing the rounds today and it would appear that the new strip will be tied into the FA's 150th birthday festivities, what with it being entirely white and gold.

There's no way we can guarantee it's bob on at this early stage, but feel free to have a gander and see what you think.

Retro Football: Chester’s Brynley Jones Scores Freakish Goal After One-Two With Referee vs Colchester, 1981

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By Chris Wright

Allow us to take you back in time to 1981 where, as captured by the Anglia TV cameras at Sealand Road, Chester's welsh midfield harrierBrynley Jones scores a magnificently freakish goal against Colchester in the old Division Three playing a textbook one-two with the referee (with a beautiful headed knock-down by the official) before expertly angling his legs and allowing the defender to cannon a clearance off him and past the U's goalkeeper from 25 yards.

Pies’ All Time Premier League XI: Netherlands

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By Alan Duffy

Another week, another opportunity to delve into the Premier League archives and fish out a pretty decent XI, this time courtesy of the purveyors of shome of the shexiest footbal ever to grace this fair isle the Netherlands.

There's plenty of attacking talent to choose from here; not an awful lot in the way of defensive depth, but have we got the balance right?

Royal Mail Celebrate FA’s 150th Anniversary With Special ‘Football Heroes’ Stamps

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By Chris Wright

The Royal Mail are marking the Football Association's 150th anniversary by issuing a special set ofcommemorativestamps featuring 11 of the British game's most revered players asillustrated by artist Andrew Kinsman.

England are represented by Gordon Banks, Bobby Moore, Bryan Robson, Kevin Keegan, John Barnes, Sir Bobby Charlton and Jimmy Greaves, while Wales' John Charles, Norn Iron's George Best and Scotland pair Dave Mackay and Denis Law make up the rest of the home nations XI all 11 players have been inducted into the National Football Museum's Hall of Fame.

Arsonists Torch Beitar Jerusalem Club House In Suspected Protest Over Recent Muslim Signings

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By Chris Wright

Beitar Jerusalem coach Eli Cohen poses with Muslim signings Kadiev and Sadayev

The club house of Israeli Premier League side Beitar Jerusalem was torched by arsonists last night and police suspect the "extensive damage" was caused in protest over the club's recent acquisition ofZaur Sadayev and Gabriel Kadiev, two Chechen muslim players.

Snapshot: AC Milan Publish No-Racist Photo Of Paolo Berlusconi & Mario Balotelli Shaking Hands…

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By Chris Wright

A day or so after AC Milan vice-president Paolo Berlusconi (brother of leather reptilian humanoid Silvio)referredto Mario Balotelli as 'the little nigger' at a political rally in Italy and with the club making no official statement on the matter Milan's press office have released the photo above to show that e'erthin's a'ight at the Rossoneri.

Basketball GIF: LA Lakers’ Steve Nash Displays Neat Football Skills On Court

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By Chris Wright

LA Lakers' star Steve Nash is a massive dude. We've seen as much several times on Pies before whether he be part-owning the Vancouver Whitecaps, supporting Tottenham, freestyling in Chinese adverts, stealth-nutmegging Alessandro Del Piero, getting a massage with Landon Donovanor, indeed, being quite good at basketball.

Top Stories: Arsenal Fans’ Worst Nightmare, Bonkers TV Interview, Valentine’s Day Gifts (For You)…

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Dispatches from Pies and our pals...

Hitchhiker Kai gives the greatest TV interview of 2013

Naples driver's U-turn meets Monty Python (video)

10 Brilliant England versus Brazil moments

England's victory over Brazil highlights and pics

Arsenal fans your worst nightmare may be about to come true

Beatles, Led Zep, Pink Floyd.

Nike Roll Out New Brazil 2013 Away Kit – Also Very Retrotastic (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Nike have today pulled the trigger on Brazil's new away kit for 2013/2014 and, as to perfectlycompliment the new classically-styled home strip (as worn against England last night), it's a suitably retro affair rendered in blue and white as all Brazilian away shirts should be.

Kuwaiti Futsal Team Finally Master ‘Fish Flop’ Freekick Routine (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Lord knows why people are still persisting with it, but following botch after botch after risible Russian botch, Kuwaiti futsal sideAl-Fahaheel have finally managed to pull off a successful rendition of the utterly pointless 'fish flop' freekick routine.

Andy Van Der Meyde Warned Royston Drenthe Not To Join Everton In 2011 Because Of ‘Bacardi, Cocaine And Girls In Short Skirts’

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By Chris Wright

"Look at the pelican fly! Come on pelican!"

As has been made public by Dutch websiteHP De Tijd and reported by the Liverpool Echo today, former Everton wastrel left a voice mail on Royston Drenthe's phone back on 29th August of 2011, warning him not to move to Liverpool as the city's nightlife offered "far too many temptations for guys like them".

Cheeky Web Urchin Buys Michelin Guides Domain, Turns It Into ‘Michel (Platini) In Guides’ Shrine

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By Chris Wright

For those not au fait with fine dining, haute cuisine and the like, the Michelin Guide is a kind of gastronomic bible for those who are only truly happy when their steak is still twitching, their chips come served with a drizzle of helium-flavoured foam and it's all been ordered from a menu written in a language that requires a codex to decipher.

Please Help Find Peter Lovenkrands’ Disgusting £30,000 Hublot Watch

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By Chris Wright

"Look, no watch"

West Midlands police have appealed to the public in a bid to return an expensive watch to Birmingham City winger Peter Lovenkrands after the Dane was mugged by two hooded ne'er-do-wells outside his house in Solihull last night.

Honduras’ Juan Carlos Garcia Stuns USA With Exquisite Bicycle Kick (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having gone a goal down to Clint Dempsey's opener in last night's World Cup qualifier, Honduras drew level in really rather sensational style when Juan Carlos Garcia connected with a peach of an overhead kick that left Tim Howard rooted and made it 1-1...

Oh yes.

Snapshot: Two Blokes In Spacesuits Turn Out To Watch Holland vs Italy…

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By Chris Wright

Just two blokes in spacesuits at the Holland-Italy game last night...

OMG that's like sooooo random!

Well, actually, no it wasn't. Apparently it was all part of a marketing stunt bydeodorant peddlers Lynx. "Smell like a chili con carne fart in a spacesuit?

Paul Ince Not A Massive Fan Of Thomas Ince (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Paul Ince, having watched the fruit of his loins score twice for the England U21s against Sweden yesterday, steadfastly refuses to get involved in any of that namby pamby celebration malarkey quite rightly leaving his bird to embarrass herself by being all 'emotions' in public.

International Friendly: England 2-1 Brazil – Cole Joins The 100 Club As Three Lions Silence The Sambas (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

England 2-1 Brazil International Friendly 6th February 2013

Yes it was only a friendly and yes it really doesn't mean that much, but still, credit where credit is due England performed superbly on Wednesday night against an almost full-strength Brazil side (although where was Andre Santos?

Barcelona Fan Invades Pitch During Sweden vs Argentina Game To Give Lionel Messi A Big Kiss (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

If I had my way this mindless hooligan would've been tazered to within an inch of his life, dragged off the pitch and then had the s**t kicked out of him by security in an alley outside the ground, but you can't do that these days can you? It's political correctness gone mad.

Ashley Cole To Wear Special ’100 Cap’ Nike Tiempos vs Brazil Tonight (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

These are be Ash's new boots for in which to go about picking up his 100th England cap on his 100th England start against Brazil tonight. Look at his little face...

10 Brilliant Classic England vs Brazil Moments To Get Your Juices Flowing

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By Chris Wright

Just to get the juices flowing ahead of tonight's England-Brazil friendly at Wembley tonight (ronaldinho's confirmed to be starting, we haven't been this excited about an international football match in ages!) , here's ten brilliants moments that the fixture has belched forth in the past with which to wet your whistle.

This Is How The Japanese Queue For Football Match Tickets… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which a stubbly chap in a puffa jacket explains the really rather excellent and orderly method that Japanese football fans employ to queue up for match tickets...

Can't quite imagine that kind of thing taking off in England any time soon.

(Thanks to Pies fan Rick Eastwood for the tip-off)

Alex Morgan Poses As Katy Perry For ESPN Magazine (Photos & Video)

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By WAG Watcher

"Alex Morgan as Katy Perry" is never going to be a bad thing, and here is the USWNT star recreating Perry's 'One Of The Boys' album cover for a shoot for the upcoming 'music' edition of the ESPN magazine...

For comparison's sake, it's only right that we throw in a tableau of the lovely Miss Perry too.

Ashley Cole’s 100 England Caps In Photos

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By Chris Wright

Here's a little stat for you: Ashley Cole has started in every single one of his 99 England games to date and, given that he's all set to win his 100th cap by starting against Brazil tonight, we have to mark that as a truly momentous achievement.

Is he England's greatest ever left-back?

Coventry City’s Cyrus Christie Booked For Tripping Pitch Invader (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Coming a day after Wycombe 'keeper Jordan Archer was arse-checked (hang on, that came out wrong) to the ground by a 17-year-old fan, here's Coventry City's Cyrus Christie lashing out and tripping yet another tiresome pitch invader and picking up a yellow card from the referee for his troubles.

Silvio Berlusconi’s Brother Caught On Camera Calling Mario Balotelli ‘Little Nigger’

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By Chris Wright

Incredibly given his surname, you'll no doubt be astounded to know that Paolo Berlusconi brother of former Italian Prime Minister and current AC Milan owner, Silvio is currently mired in a race controversy after being caught on camera at a political rally calling Mario Balotelli a 'little nigger'.

Wayne Rooney Interviews Leon Osman & Leighton Baines On Train Down To Wembley (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, to kill a few minutes on the train down to Wembley for the Brazil game tonight, Wayne Rooney takes to interviewing Everton pair Leon Osman and Leighton Baines about the game, their time with England and Osman's nostalgic hankering for Thomas the Tank Engine.

Liverpool’s Jonjo Shelvey Heads Wide From Four Inches For England U21s Vs Sweden (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Right, it was a bit more than four inches, but dome-headed Red Jonjo Shelvey really should have put away his header against Sweden on Tuesday night.

Stuart Pearce's starlets ran out 4-0 winners on a rainy night in Walsall, thanks to a brace from Liverpool target Tom Ince, an actual goal from Shelvey and one fromConnor Wickham.

Brit Pop is back, BlackBerry’s new phone reviewed, Arsenal’s transfer dilemmas and more

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Top stories from Pies and our pals

Some of the maddest and baddest stuff sold on crafty site Etsy

Bizarre video of banker going begging on the streets of New York

Tribute to the brilliant, and slightly bonkers, Reg Presley of The Troggs

Incredible shot of Gordon Strachan smiling!

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart: What The Hell Did Alan Hutton Wear At His Mallorca Unveiling?

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By Chris Wright

We're a little tardy to the party with his one but, as if it wasn't bizarre enough that Alan Hutton was signing with Real Mallorca in the first place, what in the name of sweet little baby Jesus was he wearing at his unveiling a couple of days ago?

Looks like some kind ofvulcanizedbomb disposal suit/flotation device, or possibly a next-gen post-surgery dog cone collar whatsamajig.

Snapshot: Gordon Strachan Is Really Enjoying The Scotland Manager Job…

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By Chris Wright

You may be enjoying it now Gordon, but just you wait till you lose your first World Cup qualifier against Turks and Caicos Islands!

(Photo:Chris Clark/PA Wire/Press Association Images)

Alex McLeish Sacked As Nott’m Forest Manager After 40 Days In Charge

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By Chris Wright

40 days go by in the blink of an eye

It should come as n surprise to anybody that, after 40 long days in charge, Alex McLeish has been sacked (by mutual consent of course) as manager of Nottingham Forest.

Pallid performances, boardroom-level interference, general friction and a farcically botched deadline day eye test have put paid to Eck's brief tenure and Forest's meddling Kuwaiti owners are now looking for their fifth manager in 20 months.

Gerard Pique & Shakira’s Sprog Milan Has One Hell Of A Thumb! (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Christ almighty! Would you just look at that thumb?!

Little baby Thumbenbauer?

(Via our brah's over at Anorak)

Danish Paper Ekstra Bladet Claim Liverpool’s 1-0 Win Over Debrecen In 2009 Was Fixed By Goalkeeper

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By Chris Wright

After Europol kindly gave us some clues yesterday, Danish newspaper Ekstra Bladet reckon they've nailed which Champions League fixture, played in England within the last four years, it was that was fixed by the nasty men from Asia.

(We must admit that out first thought was the Liverpool 8-0 Besiktas debacle, but it turns out that the Turkish side were actually just that bad!

Nigerian Prostitutes Promise ‘Week Of Free Nookie’ If Nigeria Win AfCoN

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By Chris Wright

"Free sex lads! Fill yer boots!"

The Association of Nigerian Prostitutes have promised to give away "a week of free sex" should the Nigerian national side go on to win the Africa Cup of Nations after ousting tournament favourites Ivory Coast in the quarter-finals on Sunday.

Wycombe ‘Keeper Attacked By Fan, Body-Checked To The Ground (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Wycombe 'keeper Jordan Archer was attacked during the final few seconds of last night's League Two tie against Gillingham, when a young fan bounded onto the pitch and leapt at the 19-year-old Tottenham loanee, knocking him to the ground with a flying butt-bump.

Porto B Centre-Back Maicon Scores Almighty Free-Kick From Own Half (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Porto B's Brazilian centre-back Maicon Periera Roque (plain old 'Maicon' to his mates) honks in an almighty free-kick over the 'keeper and in without bouncing from well within his own half against UD Oliveirense in Portugal's second tier at the weekend.

Portugal & Holland Get Gorgeous New Away Kits: One Inspired By Volcanic Rock, One Inspired By Geometry (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Portugal and Holland have both got new away kits, both are supremely smart...

According to the Nike blurb, Portugal's svelte black strip is apparently inspired by the volcanic basalt rock that is used extensively in constructionthroughoutthe country while Holland's immaculate white, red and blue kit is inspired by Dutch football's "relationship with geometry and space.

So Sad: Paul Gascoigne’s Heartbreaking Charity Appearance Shows A Man Unraveling (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here it is: Paul Gascoigne's addled, mumbling, clearly drunken appearance at a charity event in Northampton onThursdaythat spurred his poor beleaguered agent, Terry Baker, into appearing on Five Live and telling anyone who'd listen that Gazza needs "immediate help" after hitting the booze again over Christmas.

“Yabadabadoo! The Celts Are Here!” – Snoop Dogg Politely Requests To Be Celtic Mascot For Juventus Game

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By Chris Wright

We always find it a little bit unsettling when football mascots are taller than the players they're paired with, but Snoop Dogg sorry, Snoop Lion(he's a Rasta now you see? Wonder what drew him to that particular religion?) -obviously doesn't mind, as he's politely requested that Celtic let him hold Scott Brown's hand and lead the teams out when the Bhoys play Juventus in the Champions League next Tuesday evening.

Europol Identify 380 Corrupt Games In Match-Fixing Crackdown, Includes Champions League Match Played In England

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By Chris Wright

As part of their Europe-wide crackdown on match-fixing across the continent, Europol investigators have identified 380 football matches they believe to be have been fixed as well as around425 officials, players and middle-men they believe to be corrupt.

Included in those 380 games is aChampions League match which was played in England in the last four years, though Europol cannot name the fixture in question due to legal reasons.

Newcastle’s Danny Simpson Left Unconscious On Street After Being Knocked-Out In Take-Away Scuffle

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By Chris Wright

The Sun are reporting this morning that Danny Simpson was left bleeding and unconscious on a Manchester street for 15 minutes after being sparked out in a fight outside a fast food takeaway at 4:00am on Sunday morning.

Witnesses said that, after a verbal altercation, Simpson clobbered a man "in his late 40s or 50s" then climbed into a taxi, only to be pulled from the vehicle by another man (both were apparently off-duty bouncers) and punched in the face.

Snapshot: This Is What Greeted Peter Odemwingie In West Brom’s Dressing Room…

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By Chris Wright

There's no way Peter Odemwingie was going to escape a flaying on his return to The Hawthorns following his deadline day Range Rover odyssey in north west London and, rather than lopping off a horse's head and slipping it between his satin bedsheets, the West Brom banter squad went out and rigged up a QPR shirt with the roving Nigerian striker's name on the back and hung it on his locker to 'welcome' him back at training.

Mario Balotelli Snaffles Two Goals On AC Milan Debut, Scores Winner With Last Kick Of The Game (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Despite his name not actually being originally etched on the teamsheet (Giampaolo Pazzini pulled out injured in the warm-up), Mario Balotelli hit the ground running at AC Milan, scoring twice on his full debut against Udinese- a brace which saw him scoring the winning goal with the very last kick of the match courtesy of an incredibly dubious penalty.

West Brom 0-1 Tottenham – Bale On Target Again As Lilywhites Move To Within One Point Of Chelsea (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 0-1 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 3rd February 2013

Gareth Bale was once again the match-winner for Spurs on Sunday, as the north Londoners moved to within one point of third-placed Chelsea in the table.

Bale and West Brom's Shane Long had the best chances of the first-half but it was after the break that things got really interesting.

Man City 2-2 Liverpool – Citizens Stumble Again As Reds Impress At The Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 2-2 Liverpool Premier League 3rd February 2013

Manchester City lost more ground on league leaders Manchester United after only managing to draw with Liverpool at the Etihad Stadium.

City had taken the lead through Edin Dzeko on 23 minutes, but the home side never looked in control and it only took Liverpool six minutes to reply.

The New Puma Kings Are Back In Black (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

After a brief dalliance with an entirely wrong yellow colourway, you'll be glad to know that Puma have stopped playing silly boggers, seen sense and reverted to the only acceptable pallette for Puma Kings black, black, black (and a bit of silver in this instance).

The Jig Is Up! Rafael Da Silva Wears Boots With Name Of ‘Twin Brother’ Fabio Stitched On vs Fulham (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

We knew it! We bloody well knew it! The jig is up! We knew that the Da Silva boys were pulling a fast one.

Call it feverishly insane conspiracy theorism if you will, but we knew knew that when they were both at United, Rafael would get suspended then play for the next three games in Fabio's kit.

What Really Happened When The Lights Went Out At Craven Cottage (Video)

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By Chris Wright

He's here...

...which was all just a distraction so Peter Odemwingie could sneak in...

(Video: Live Breathe Football)

Cristiano Ronaldo Own-Goal Sees Granada Beat Real Madrid Without Single Shot On Target! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Thanks largely to the first own-goal of Cristiano Ronaldo's professional career, La Liga stragglers managed to snaffle a 1-0 win over Real Madrid yesterday evening without registering so much as a single shot on target but don't just take our word for it, here's the official stats from ESPN's gamecast match centre.

League One Snapshot: Hartley And Poole Score For Hartlepool!

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By Alan Duffy

Bizarrely, on Saturday, Hartlepool managed to rack up a 2-1 victory over Notts County in League One thanks to a goal apiece from Messrs Hartley and Poole...

You don't get many of them to the pound. It's this generation's "East Fife 4 Forfar 5″!

Reading 2-1 Sunderland – Kebe Brace Downs Black Cats At The Madejski (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Reading 2-1 Sunderland Premier League 2nd February 2013

Mali forward Jimmy Kebe was the star of the show at the Madejski on Saturday, with he Reading star netting twice as the Royals secured a vital 2-1 win against Sunderland.

Reading started superbly and were a goal up after just seven minutes when Kebe fired home from aJobi McAnuff pass.

Fulham 0-1 Man Utd – Late Rooney Strike Sends Red Devils 10 Points Clear In Title Race (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 0-1 Manchester United Premier League 2nd February 2013

A late Wayne Rooney goal was enough to secure a hard-fought victory for Man Utd at Craven Cottage, a result that sees the Red Devils go 10 points clear at the top of the table.

Snapshot: The Lights Go Out At Craven Cottage During Fulham v Man Utd Game

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By Alan Duffy

Towards the end of the first half of Fulham's home fixture with Manchester United, the lights suddenly went out, leaving the players in darkness for all of nine minutes.

They were all quickly shepherded off the pitch in case they got lost or something. But soon power was restored.

Wigan 2-2 Southampton – Shaun Brings Latics Back From Dead At The DW (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wigan Athletic 2-2 Southampton Premier League 2nd February 2013

With just second remaining, Wigan were facing a potentially crucial defeat in their home clash with fellow relegation strugglers Southampton. However, with time running out, Scottish schemer Shaun Maloney popped up to resuce a precious point for the Latics.

Newcastle 3-2 Chelsea – Super Sissoko Shoots Down Blues In Five-Goal Thriller (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 3-2 Chelsea Premier League 2nd February 2013

New-boyMoussa Sissoko was the star of the show at St. James' Park on Saturday, as the French midfielder bagged a brace to help the Magpies come from behind and beat Chelsea 3-2.

Arsenal 1-0 Stoke – Podolski Strikes To Give Gunners Deserved Win At The Emirates (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 1-0 Stoke City Premier League 2nd February 2013

It took a deflected free-kick from sub Lukas Podolski to win a game for Arsenal which they totally dominated from start to finish.

Stoke rarely threatened the Arsenal goal but for all Arsenal's possession play throughout they struggled to break down a resolute Potters' defence

Asmir Begovic was in outstanding form for the Potters from the off, saving from Oxlade-Chamberlain and Koscielyn amongst others as the Gunners pushed for a goal.

Everton 3-3 Aston Villa – Fellaini Brace Rescues Point For Toffees Against Villans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 3-3 Aston Villa Premier League 2nd February 2013

The outstanding Marouane Fellaini rescued a vital point for the Toffees at Goodison on Saturday, after netting a brace to secure a 3-3 draw with Aston Villa.

The visitors had opened the scoring after just two minutes, courtesy of Christian Benteke who powered past Johnny Heitinga before firing beyond Tim Howard.

QPR 0-0 Norwich – Stalemate in West London As Taarabt Fluffs Spot-Kick Chance (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Queens Park Rangers 0-0 Norwich City Premier League 2nd February 2013

QPR kept their unbeaten run in the league in 2013 going but will be disappointed not to have taken all three points against Norwich, with Adel Taarabt missing a second-half penalty.

Graeme Le Saux Attempts To Recreate 1995 Super Looper Goal Against Brazil (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This is great: Ahead of the Brazil friendly at Wembley next week, former England left-back Graeme Le Socks, now 44, attempts to recreate his famous looping volley against La Selecao in the Umbro Cup back in 1995 (England lost 3-1)...

Two things: 1) What a thoroughly lovely chap Graeme Le Saux seems like and, 2) we'd forgotten quite how nasty some of Brazil's tackling was in that game.

Mario Balotelli Unveiled At AC Milan, Has Few Parting Shots At English Football (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Mario with his new work togs, posing with Milan coach Massimiliano Allegri and Adriano Galliani at his official unveiling at the San Siro yesterday.

Balotelli also held a brief press conference, in which he had a few last things to say about English football:

"If I have to be honest English football is beautiful.

Norwegian 8th Division Club Made Bid For David Beckham: Offered No. 7 Shirt, Badge, Discounted Members Fee And A Sports Bag!

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By Chris Wright

Before the ungrateful bastardo went and signed up to play for 'free' at PSG, FK Orn Kristiania tendered a serious offer for David Beckham throwing all they could at him to persuade him to chose theNorwegian eighth division over five months in Paris.

Competition: WIN! Celebrate The AfCoN And Win An Ivory Coast Shirt Courtesy Of Puma!

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By Chris Wright

For the fourth and final competition in our bumper AfCoN shirt giveaway series, Pies have once again teamed up with PUMA® (the Official Fan Supplier to the Orange African Cup of Nations)to offer one lucky fan the chance to win the official replica home shirt of the Ivory Coast look at it's orangey/elephanty goodness!

Raheem Sterling To Pay For Jamaican Village Kids To Get An Education

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By Chris Wright

According to The Daily Star (we know that's not a good start), Raheem Sterling is planning to funnel a substantial wodge of his new £40,000-a-week Liverpool contract into seeing that the kids in the village he was born in on Jamaica get a decent education.

He may have an England cap to his name, but Sterling was sired and raised for the first five years of his life in Maverley, an impoverished suburb of Kingston and, with a littlecoercionfrom his mum, is planning to give something back to theneighborhoodthat made him before he emigrated to north west London in 2005.

‘The Phone Went Dead And I Laughed And Laughed!’ – Gillingham Boss Martin Allen Plays Deadline Day Prank On Chairman

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By Chris Wright

As hard as it is to believe, this outfit is not the prank in question

Amid the flurry of polyphonic ringtones and the gentle hum of antiquated fax machines snarling up, Gillingham manager Martin "Whatever you do, don't call him 'Mad Dog'" Allen put aside a bit of time to do a funny on transfer deadline day pulling his chairman's leg with a ripsnorter of a prank.

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #21

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By Chris Wright

Friday Flashback XXI:The Secret Of The Ooze...

You can see where Hayley got here good looks...

Friday Flashback Volume #1
Friday Flashback Volume #2
Friday Flashback Volume #3
Friday Flashback Volume #4
Friday Flashback Volume #5

Friday Flashback Volome #6
Friday Flashback Volume #7

Friday Flashback Volume #8
Friday Flashback Volume #9
Friday Flashback Volume #10
Friday Flashback Volume #11
Friday Flashback Volume #12
Friday Flashback Volume #13
Friday Flashback Volume #14
Friday Flashback Volume #15
Friday Flashback Volume #16
Friday Flashback Volume #17
Friday Flashback Volume #18
Friday Flashback Volume #19
Friday Flashback Volume #20 Random 90s Football Sticker Quiz

Shit Lookalikes: Nacho Monreal & Former Man Utd Ugger Luke Chadwick

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By Chris Wright

Monreal is Arsenal's new Nacho, Nacho man.

Chadwick is the former Manchester United midfielder (now of MK Dons) who took a long time to grow into his face.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it (waatpies@gmail.

Snapshot: Newcastle Welcome French Legion By Decorating Canteen And Laying On Gallic Menu…

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By Chris Wright

Bienvenue! This is how Newcastle decked out their club canteen to welcome their 14-strong French-speaking legion to dinner on deadline day...

You can almost hear 'La Marseillaise' playing in the background.

As for the menu, it too was suitably Gallic.

Two Norwich City Fans Find Love On Transfer Deadline Day (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Oh, the perils of the Transfer Deadline Day outside broadcast.

As Sky Sports News stooge Kate Riley stood freezing her girl knackers off outside Carrow Road last night doing her best to hype the swirling vortex of nothingness, two Norwich fans did their bit to add to the farcical nonsense by dry-humping one another against the stadium gates.

Nike Launch 2013 Brazil Kit: Retrotastic Shirt, Shorts Have Mesh Gusset (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Neymar waspress-gangedinto launching Brazil's brand spanking new 2013 home strip at Rio de Janeiro's Copacabana beach yesterday, which is to be worn in anger for the first time against England at Wembley next Wednesday.

As you can see, Nike have played the retro card; opting for a very unfussy design, free of redundant green blocks and the like and, yes; before you start worrying, the shorts do have an inner mesh gusset to aid comfort.

Snapshot: Andrey Arshavin Is Russia’s Next Top Model…

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By Chris Wright

Here's Andrey Arshavin all dressed up like the kid off the Hovis advert and posing bashfully in a bid to meet hot guys in his area.

You've heard of "Blue Steel"? Well this is "Wet Lettuce"...

Add it to the Arshavalanche!

(Via So Foot)

Tactics post – Should Carragher start against Man City?

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After receiving the man-of-the-match award for his fine performance against Arsenal, Jamie Carragher was asked if he was enjoying his current run in the side. "What, two games?" came the typically cheeky Scouse reply. He's hardly cemented his position as a first-team regular.

But Carragher certainly performed well at the Emirates, dealing with Arsenal's long balls towards Olivier Giroud in open play, and barking instructions at the rest of the defence, encouraging them to push up as

Arsenal passed the ball around the defence, forcing opposition attackers away from goal.