Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2013

Chelsea 2-1 Liverpool – Blues Edge Contentious Battle At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 2-1 Liverpool Premier League 29th December 2013

Chelsea produced an impressive display against Liverpool on Sunday to stay just two points behind leaders Arsenal. Martin Skrtel opened the scoring on just three minutes but by half-time the Blues were ahead, courtesy of a super strike from Eden Hazard and a goal from Samuel Eto'o.

Tottenham 3-0 Stoke – Lilywhites Cruise To Victory At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 3-0 Stoke City Premier League 29th December 2013

Robert Soldado (from the penalty spot), Mousa Dembélé and Aaron Lennon were all on target at White Hart Lane on Sunday as Tim Sherwood's Spurs cantered to victory against Stoke.

Everton 2-1 Southampton – Toffees In Top Four After Classy Clash At Goodison (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 2-1 Southampton Premier League 29th December 2013

Two sides who have been playing some rather sexy football this season met at Goodison Park on Sunday, with the host coming out on top thanks to yet another goal from Seamus Coleman (and a right cracker too) and one from Romelu Lukaku.

Newcastle 0-1 Arsenal – Gunners Back On Top As Giroud Gets Back In The Goals (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 0-1 Arsenal Premier League 29th December 2013

In what was a right tight old battle at St. James' Park, Arsenal defended resolutely and bagged the only, precious, goal of the game. Olivier Giroud was the scorer, finally ending his goal drought when he glanced home Theo Walcott's floated free-kick.

Cardiff 2-2 Sunderland – Black Cats Bag Draw After Late, Late Comeback (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Cardiff City 2-2 Sunderland Premier League 29th December 2013

Yes this is rather late but hey, it's Christmas so there. With Malky Mackay out and a permanent new boss yet to be enlisted by Cardiff's resident loon, Vinny Tan, the Bluebirds still looked to have secured a precious victory on Saturday.

Man City 1-0 Crystal Palace – Dzeko Fires Citizens To Top Of Table (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 1-0 Crystal Palace Premier League 28th December 2013

Not the goal-fest most would have expected here, but the Citizens still managed to secure all three points on Saturday, courtesy of Edin Dzeko's second-half strike. Tony Pulis' Eagles produced an impressive defensive display against the Manchester giants and even went close themselves on a few occasions.

Hull 6-0 Fulham – Tigers Maul Whites In Second-Half Massacre (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Hull City 6-0 Fulham Premier League 28th December 2013

It's probably fair to say that few people saw this one coming. Hull had hardly been the most potent side this season, but at home to Fulham on Saturday, the Tigers blitzed the visitors in a six-goal second-half mauling.

Norwich 0-1 Man Utd – Welbeck Downs Canaries As Red Devils Win Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 0-1 Manchester United Premier League 28th December 2013

Sub Danny Welbeck's second-half goal was enough to secure victory for Man Utd at Carrow Road on Saturday. That win makes it four victories on the trot in the league for David Moyes' men after they produced a discplined display against a Norwich City that struggled to threaten the United goal too often.

Aston Villa 1-1 Swansea – Villans Stop The Rot In Hard-Fought Draw With Swans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 1-1 Swansea City Premier League 28th December 2013

Aston Villa ended their four-game losing streak on Saturday, courtesy of a 1-1 draw with Swansea. However, judging by the boos from the home support at the final whistle, that's hardly enough to impress the Villa faithful.

West Ham 3-3 West Brom – Anelka Back In The Goals As Baggies Draw With Hammers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 3-3 West Bromwich Albion Premier League 28th December 2013

Nicolas Anelka bagged his first goals for West Brom as the Baggies battled hard for a point in an entertaining 3-3 draw at Upton Park. The French striker's goals came after Joe Cole had opened the scoring, with the Baggies going in 2-1 leaders at the break.

L’Equipe Name Their Team Of 2013: Suarez Shunned, Bayern Munich Dominate And Two Man City Players Make The Grade

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By Alan Duffy

Nothing sparks a good old debate like a team of year, and in this case, the esteemed French newspaper L'Equipe has produced their own best 11 of the year, with five Bayern Munich players making the cut. The Premier League only sees two entries, courtesy of Man City stars Vincent Kompany and Yaya Touré.

Boxing Day Round-Up: Arsenal Back On Top As Man City Gun Down Liverpool (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Here's hoping you all had an at least above-average Christmas Day this year. Rather than do individual reports for each Premier League game on Boxing Day, I've decided on a smorgasbord of the best photos of the day, mainly due to laziness!

So, what a day Boxing Day was!

Merry Christmas/Non-Denominational, All-Inclusive, Omni-Faith Winter Festival Holiday Wishes From Pies!

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By Chris Wright

Barry Fry, ladies and gentleman...

We say it every year, but we at Piesreally do appreciate your fine, fine exquisite, even taste in independent football blogs. We'd be nowt without you guys so please accept our sincerest gratitude.

As is tradition at this time of year, I'm going away to hibernate and recharge my batteries for the next week or so, but Alan may just drop in with a few bits and bobs to keep the site ticking over in my absence so Pies won't be grinding to a complete halt.

Pitch-Invading Portuguese Granny Laughs It Off At Stewards Escort Her Back To The Stands (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Braga knocked off for the winter break with a 2-2 draw away against Maritimo after coming from 2-0 down to salvage a point with five minutes left to play.

Overcome with the rapturous joy of finishing up 2013 in seventh place in thePrimeira Liga, a small gaggle of the Braga fans charged onto the pitch at full-time, with one particularly rowdy pitch invader catching the eye largely because she was of theseptuagenarian persuasion and chortled merrily as she was escorted back to the stands by the Maritimo stewards.

Some Chap Hopes To Create Biggest ‘Kolo/Yaya Toure’ Chant Ever During Man City-Liverpool Boxing Day Fixture (Video)

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By Chris Wright

For reasons beyond our powers of comprehension, some pithy chap out there in Youtubeland by the name of Joe Weller has made it his mission to stage the world's largest 'Kolo/Yaya Toure' chant (i.e, the viral chant based on 2 Unlimited's 'There's No Limit' and utterly beloved of pissed students everywhere, as well as Yaya himself) when Man City host Liverpool in the Premier League on Boxing Day the first time the two Ivorian siblings will have met since the chant became a 'thing'.

FC Groningen’s Michael De Leeuw Scores Brilliant Twirling Backheel Volley Through His Own Legs! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which FC Groningen striker Michael de Leeuw wraps up his club's Goal of the Season award nice and early with a stupendous, confusing, twirling, through-the-legs back-heel volley in the Dutch side's 5-2 mauling of NEC on Sunday evening.

Believe us, you're definitely going to have to study the slow-motion replay on this one.

Gervinho Misses Absolute Nailed-On Sitter With Catania’s Goal Yawning In Front Of Him… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ex-Arsenal wimp Gervinho was up to his old tricks for Roma again this week, failing and failing hard directly in front of the Catania goal when presented with a gift-wrapped chance to simply prod the ball into an entirely vacant net...

Just add it to the list.

Anorthosis Coach Hit With Glancing Blow From Half-Arsed Snowball, Hits The Deck Like KO’d Prize Fighter (Video)

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By Chris Wright

'Twas the Cypriot League derby between Omonia Nicosia and Anorthosis Famagusta on Saturday, with the former running out 3-2 winners though there was no question who the real loser was, with a member of the Anorthosis coaching contingent taking a glancing blow from a half-arsed handful of thrown snow like a complete and utter pansypants.

Aleksandar Kolarov Follows Up Success Of ‘Jingle Bells’ With Sparse, Haunting Rendition Of ‘Santa Claus Is Coming To Town’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We haven't stopped harping on about it all month but, as you no doubt are equally unable to erase from your waking nightmares, Aleksandar Kolarov gave one of the most terse, challenging and eerily spartan reading of Jingle Bells ever committed to film as part of Manchester City's Youtube advent calendar.

Dutch Side NAC Breda Celebrate Rare Eredivisie Win By Jumping In Their Pitchside Jacuzzi (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Before the weekend's round of fixtures, NAC Breda found themselves squatting perilously above the Eredivisie drop zone, a mere two points clear of the dotted line that was until they managed a rare win (their first in four games) over fellow relegation-botherers Cambuur, thus earning themselves three points and a couple of rungs on the ladder.

Swansea 1-2 Everton – Barkely Beaut Keeps Toffees On Track (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 1-2 Everton Premier League 22nd December 2013

Ross Barkley fired home a magnificent free-kick to secure a hard-fought 2-1 win for Everton at the Liberty Stadium on Sunday. The game came to life in the second period, with Seamus Coleman opening the scoring before a Bryan Oviedo OG leveled things up.

Southampton 2-3 Tottenham – Adebay-Scores (Twice!) As Lilywhites Down Saints (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 2-3 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 22nd December 2013

Emmanuel Adebayor netted a brace as managerless Spurs secured an entertaining 3-2 win at St. Mary's. Adam Lallana opened the scoring early on before the re-called Adebayor levelled the scores soon after.

Club World Cup: Bayern Munich 2-0 Raja – Dante And Thiago Fire German Giants To Yet More Silverware (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Bayern Munich 2-0 Raja Casablanca Clup World Cup Final 21st December 2013

As expected, the all-conquering Bayern Munich strolled to victory against rank outsides Raja Casablanca in the final of the Club World Cup, with Dante and Thiago Alacantra securing a deserved 2-0 win for Pep Guardiola's side.

Sunderland 0-0 Norwich – Black Cats Stay Bottom After Dour Draw With Canaries (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 0-0 Norwich City Premier League 21st December 2013

Sunderland stay bottom for Christmas after a fairly insipid display at home to Norwich on Saturday. There were too few moments of quality from either side, but especially the hosts, who were desperately in need of a win.

West Brom 1-1 Hull – Late Vydra Strike Steadies Ship For Baggies (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 1-1 Hull City Premier League 21st December 2013

Former Watford striker Matej Vydra popped up to score his first West Brom goal to secure the Baggies' first point in five Premier League games. Hull were the better side in the first-half and deservedly went ahead courtesy of Jake Livermore.

Fulham 2-4 Man City – Goal-Fest Continues As Citizens Win Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 2-4 Manchester City Premier League 21st December 2013

Man City looked to be cruising to a routine victory at Craven Cottage on Saturday, going in at half-time 2-0 up thanks to goals from Yaya Touré (a superb free-kick) and Vincent Kompany.

Football GIF: Man City Captain Vincent Kompany Scores Stupendous Own-Goal Against Fulham

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By Alan Duffy

After scoring at the right end of the pitch for Manchester City, centre-half Vincent Kompany then produced this moment of well, sheer bad-luck induced flukery to chip Joe Hart in the City goal and level the scores at 2-2. The Citizens still went on to win the game 4-2 but what a bizarre OG from the Belgian superstar!

Man Utd 3-1 West Ham – Red Devils’ Revival Continues After Easy Old Trafford Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 3-1 West Ham United Premier League 21st December 2013

First-half goals from Danny Welbeck and Adnan Januzaj followed by a third United striker after the break from Ashley Young secured a fourth straight win for the Red Devils on Saturday.

Stoke 2-1 Aston Villa – Crouch On Target As Potters Win At Blustery Britannia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 2-1 Aston Villa Premier League 21st December 2013

Stoke once again proved difficult to beat at a windy Britannia Stadium on Saturday with the Potters battling to a hard-fought 2-1 win. All the goals came in the second-half, with sub Charlie Adam finishing well after a knock-down from Peter Crouch before Libor Kozak levelled the scores after an error from Erik Pieters.

Crystal Palace 0-3 Newcastle – Magpies Continue To Soar After Stroll At Selhurst (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Crystal Palace 0-3 Newcastle United Premier League 21st December 2013

Crystal Palace produced their first really limp performance under new boss Tony Pulis on Saturday, with Newcastle strolling to a 3-0 win. Yohan Cabaye opened the scoring before Danny Gabbidon put through his own net while after the break Hatem Ben Arfa scored from the penalty spot after Shola Ameobi was fouled in the box.

Liverpool 3-1 Cardiff – Unstoppable Suarez Stars Again As Reds Go Top (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 3-1 Cardiff City Premier League 21st December 2013

Luis Suarez celebrated the signing of his new megabucks Liverpool deal by producing yet another magnificent solo performance, with two cracking goals and an assist, as the home side secured a win which puts them, at least until Monday, on top of the table.

Squirrel Stops Play Between QPR And Leicester, Crowd Chant ‘There’s Only One Luis Suarez!’ (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

There's no goals and half-an-hour played of the top-of-the-table Championship clash between QPR and Leicester City at Loftus Road, though the match was delayed for a minute or so with 15 minutes on the clock when a squirrel invaded the pitch and brought proceedings to a standstill.

Pies’ 2013 Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.14 – Official Olympiakos Shoe Polish

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By Chris Wright

To be honest, if you're still looking for Christmas gift ideas at this point then there's a slim chance you might have left it too late but still, we press on. We are nothing if not sympathetic to your plight.

To that end, how about an official Olympiakos shoe polish set?

Alvaro Negredo And Jesus Navas Try To Sing Lovely Traditional Spanish Christmas Song…And Fail Dismally (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As part of the club's ongoing Youtube advent calendar, Man City pair Alvaro Negredo and Jesus Navas were corralled into singing a traditional Spanish Christmas carol from their native land.

Armed with nothing but a tinsel-trimmed plant pot and a tambourine, the Spanish pair attempted to lip-sync their way through 'La Marimorena', only to fail dismally as the giggly self-consciousness took over and it all went to Hell in a hand basket very quickly which, apparently, was all Aleksandar Kolarov's fault (Jingle Bells strikes yet again to ruin Christmas for everybody!

Snapshot: Luis Suarez Signs New Contract, Heads Straight To Costco To Blow It On Beer…

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By Chris Wright

Before the Quink had even dried on his vast new mega-contract at Liverpool, Luis Suarez headed out to blow through the first instalment of it, with Twitter-based Liverpool fan @Kop305 stumbling across the minted Uruguayan with a trolley full of bulk-bought Corona (72 bottles by our count!

Luis Suarez Signs New Long-Term Contract At Liverpool, Becomes ‘Highest Paid Player In Club History’

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By Chris Wright

It wasn't so very long ago that he was demanding Liverpool 'do the honourable thing' and let him leave, but this afternoon Luis Suarez has gone and signed a new, long-term contract with the club.

Suarez told Liverpool's official site:

"I am delighted to have agreed a new deal with Liverpool and have my future secured for the long term.

An Ode To Football: Musa Okwonga Performs Brilliant Poem To Mark FA’s 150th Birthday, Feat. Steven Gerrard And Arsene Wenger (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As part of their year-long 150th birthday celebrations, the FA commissioned poet and sport scribe Musa Okwonga to write an 'Ode to Football' which has been released this week to mark the 150th anniversary of the exact week that Ebenezer Cobb Morley first drafted football's rulebook back in 1863.

Pies’ 2013 Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.14 – Official Eintracht Frankfurt PEZ Dispenser

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By Chris Wright

The perfect gift for those who both love Eintracht Frankfurt and choking on largely tasteless, projectile candy...

An entirely reasonable€3.95 (plus €15 shipping!)from Frankfurt's online store.

More in Pies' 2013 Football Christmas Gift Guide.

Aleksandar Kolarov Scores Sensational Christmas Screamer During Man City Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Aleksandar Kolarov, ladies and gentlemen...

First time as well! Say what you like about Kolarov's terse, harrowing folk poetry but Christ-on-a-pushbike can that man strike a football!

Ex-Newcastle Defender Olivier Bernard Becomes Owner And Chairman Of Non-League Durham City

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By Chris Wright

As of yesterday afternoon, former Newcastle left-back Olivier Bernard has become the new owner and chairman of non-league Durham City after agreeing to buy the amateur club, who currently play on an artificial pitch in Northern League Division One, i.e, the ninth tier of English football.

Arsenal Players Pull Out All The Stops In Costume Stakes At Fancy Dress Christmas Party (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Here we have a group shot from Arsenal's fancy dress Christmas party in London last night and, as you can plainly see, most if not all of the chaps went above and beyond when it came to their chosen costumes...

Let's see, what do we have here? Wojciech Szczesny as Robocop, Mesut Ozil as Blue Steel-faced Superman, Lukas Podolski as The Hulk, Theo Walcott and Kieran Gibbs as Bananas In Pyjamas, Aaron Ramsey as Rambo, Nacho Monreal as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (complete with inflatable half-shell), Mathieu Flamini as Woody, Emiliano Viviano as a Na'vi, Santi Cazorla as Super Mario, Olivier Giroud as Captain America and Per Mertesacker as Jack Sparrow to name but a few.

Snapshot: Emmanuel Frimpong’s Totally Dench Christmas Lights…

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By Chris Wright

As uploaded to his Instagram account by the man himself, what you're looking at here is part-time Arsenal midfielder Emmanuel Frimpong's totally dench Christmas lights...

Very tasteful.

(Image: frimpong_dench/Instagram)

Cardiff City Owner Vincent Tan Tells Malky Mackay To ‘Resign Or Be Sacked’ Via Email

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By Chris Wright

Cardiff City's delightful owner Vincent Tan has reportedly sent an email to manager Malky Mackay to inform the Red Blue Dragonbirds manager that he is to either "resign or be sacked".

According to BBC Sport, along with a list of his grievances with Mackay in a wide range of areas (including his "signings, transfer budgets, results on the pitch, style of play and his track record as a manager"), Tan issued the Scot with the ultimatum after several days of squabbling between the two came to a frothy head.

Snapshot: List Of 30 Highest Paid Managers In World Football Published…

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By Chris Wright

According toPluri Consultoria (a Brazilian sport economics website), this be the Top 30 highest earning managerial types in world football as things stand, with Bayern Munich head coach Pep Guardiola streaking ahead in the salary stakes with annual earnings of€17million.

Pies’ 2013 Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.13 – Official Juventus Cat Toys

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By Chris Wright

Thepurr-fect stocking filler for the feline in your life with a discerning taste in club-specific playthings it's the official Juventus cat toys set...

Yours for just€5 from Juve's official online store. Christ, these football clubs don't hawk some horrendous tat!

Andre Villas-Boas Still Listed As Tottenham Manager In Match Programme Despite Being Sacked Two Days Earlier (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Either Tottenham's media department used the match programme forWednesday night's Capital One Cup quarter-final against West Ham to publish a lovely little "gone but not forgotten"-style tribute to their recently departed manager, or they went and dropped a bit of a clanker by naming Andre Villas-Boas as the club's head coach despite his fairly high profile sackingtwo days earlier.

Ronaldinho Scores Ace Freekick In Club World Cup, Raja Casablanca Players Ask For His Boots (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Atletico Mineiro lost 3-1 to Raja Casablanca in the semi-finals of the Club World Cup last night with the Moroccan league champions scoring twice inside the last ten minutes to book themselves a place in the final against all-conquering Bayern Munich, though it was the Brazilian side's consolation effort that proved to be the goal of the game with Ronaldinho curling in a pearler of a freekick from 25-yards on the hour mark.

Capital One Cup: Tottenham 1-2 West Ham – Hammers Through To Last Four At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 1-2 West Ham United Capital One Cup 18th December 2013

Spurs, without AVB at the helm, went down 2-1 losers to West Ham at the Lane on Wednesday, with late goals from Matt Jarvis andModibo Maiga securing a semi-final berth for the Hammers.

Capital One Cup: Stoke 0-2 Man Utd – Screamers From Young And Evra Fire Red Devils Into Last Four (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 0-2 Manchester United Capital One Cup 18th December 2013

Superb strikes from Ashley Young and then Patrice Evra secured an impressive 2-0 win for Man Utd on a blustery night at the Britannia. Indeed, the weather was so awful that ref Mark Clattenburg suspended the game in the first-half for a bit due to heavy hail showers.

Horror Hair: Barcelona Keeper Jose Pinto Takes Out Gargantuan Hair Braids, Result Is Not Pretty!

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By Chris Wright

In a post slapped up onto his Twitter account earlier this afternoon, Barcelona's stand-in 'keeper Jose Manuel Pinto revealed that, after several years of uninterrupted growth, he's finally taken out his mammoth braid which was beginning to look like a gigantic hair lobster clinging to the back of his neck.

‘Do You Know What 4-3-3 Is?’ – PSG Coach Laurent Blanc Admonished For ‘Sexist’ Comments Made To Female Journalist

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By Chris Wright

"I'm sorry darlin', I couldn't hear you over your child-bearing hips"

PSG coach Laurent Blanc is taking a fair bit of flack today after making what many are deeming 'sexist' comments to a female journalist during his press conference when she asked a question about his tactics.

Pies’ 2013 Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.12 – Official Benfica Condoms

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By Chris Wright

Available from Benfica's official online storein an array of club-themed designs and all for just€2 a pop, quite literally...

Yes, it's a bit clichéd as far as gifts go, but why not treat the family toprophylactics this Christmas?

Ezequiel Lavezzi Honks Zlatan’s Statuesque Nose To Celebrate Goal vs Rennes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which impish 'ickle PSG frontman Ezequiel Lavezzi takes his life in his tiny hands and decides to honk Zlatan Ibrahimovic's masculine, statuesque nose in the celebratory melee that followed the Swedish behemoth's penalty against Rennes at the weekend...

May God have mercy on his soul.

Football GIF: Eliseu’s Super Swerver Goal Against Osasuna Defies Laws Of Physics

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By Chris Wright

Have a good, close shufty at this 'ere goal, scored by Malaga's Brazilian midfielder Eliseu against Osasuna last night a strike which would appear to defy all known laws of physics and motion...

It may be our Lay eyes playing tricks on us, but Eliseu appears to strike the ball with the outside of the boot and still get the shot to curl 'inwards' like he wrapped his instep around the damn thing utterly boggling Osasuna 'keeperAsier Riesgo as it bends the 'wrong' way.

Gennaro Gattuso Vows To ‘Go Out Into The Street And Kill Himself’ If Found Guilty Of Match-Fixing

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By Chris Wright

As you may have seen over the last few days, former AC Milan scrapper Gennaro Gattuso has found himself facing accusations of match-fixing after it was alleged in certain sections of the Italian media that he, along with former Milan teammate Cristian Brocchi, had been complicit in a fixing ring that fiddled Serie A games during the 2010/11 season.

Crystal Palace Fan Rewrites Take That’s ‘Back For Good’ As Achingly Beautiful Love Song About Marouane Chamakh (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having castigated Marouane Chamakh on his arrival from Arsenal for not only looking but also playing like a newborn, placenta-slathered giraffe calf, Crystal Palace fan Jim Daly has since seen the error of his ways following the Moroccan striker's recent mini goal glut and decided to show just how sorry he is by rewriting Gary Barlow's 1995magnum opus 'Back For Good' as an achingly beautiful ode of love to the man he once cast asunder.

Football GIF: Manuel Neuer’s Über Cocky Reaction To Being Drawn Against Arsenal In Champions League

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By Chris Wright

Like every cigar-toting, tyrannical tycoon owner of everyrival team in every American sporting film ever made, here's Manuel Neuer's supremely confident (some may even say 'cocky') reaction to Bayern Munich being pitted against Arsenal in the last-16 of the Champions League as the entire squad watched the draw together on Monday.

Capital One Cup: Leicester 1-3 Man City – Dzeko Bags Brace As Citizens March On (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Leicester City 1-3 Manchester City Capital One Cup 18th December 2013

In-form Man City strolled to victory away at Leicester on Tuesday night.Aleksandar Kolarov netted a superb free-kick to open the scoring beofre Edin Dezeko netted a goal either side of the half-time break.

Capital One Cup: Sunderland 2-1 Chelsea – Hero Ki Unlocks Blues’ Defence At Stadium Of Light (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 2-1 Chelsea Capital One Cup 17th December 2013

A last-gasp extra-time winner fromKi Sung-Yueng gave Sunderland a dramatic and much-needed win against Chelsea on Tuesday night. The lanky Swansea-loanee popped up at the death to score the winner after the Black Cats had looked the btter side in extra-time.

Spanish Third Tier Club Release Motivational Version Of ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ Before Real Madrid Cup Clash (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's probably fair to say that CD Olimpic de Xativa raised a few eyebrows (not least Carlo Ancelotti's) when they held Real Madrid to a goalless draw in the first leg of their Copa Del Rey fixture with the La Liga giants a fortnight or so ago.

Pies’ 2013 Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.11 – Official CSKA Moscow Rubber Horse Mask

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By Chris Wright

Available from theofficialCSKA Moscow webshopfor an entirely reasonable 1490 rubles which, if our (i.e, Google's) conversion rates are to be trusted, is roughly £28!

Because CSKA are nicknamed 'The Horses', that's why!

More in Pies' 2013 Football Christmas Gift Guide.

Ajax Give Dream Day To Chronically Ill Young Fan Jay-Jay, ‘Sign’ Him And Give Him His Debut (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, in collaboration with the Opkikker Foundation, Ajax put on a special day for ill eight-year-old fan Jay-Jay Willems in a bid to give the poor kid a well-deserved break from the mundane medication ritual he is forced to follow due to his chronic bowel disorder.

Brazil U17s Quite Literally Give Up Against USA, Stop Playing Entirely For Final Few Minutes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Without seeing any of the game, you could have flippantly assumed that Brazil's U17 string merely gave up against their USA counterparts at the recentNike International Friendlies tournament, given that the final score wound up being 4-1 in the Yanklings' favour.

Former Brazilian Champions Fluminense Have Shock Relegation Overturned, Reinstated To Serie A

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By Chris Wright

Remember last week when we bought you the news that former 2010 and 2012 Brazilian champions Fluminense had become the first ever side to be relegated from Serie A as reigning champions?

You do? Well forget it. The information we gave you is no longer current or correct.

Veteran Croatia Defender Josip Simunic Banned From World Cup Over ‘Pro-Nazi’ Chant

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By Chris Wright

FIFA have effectively banned Croatian international Josip Simunic from playing at the World Cup after giving the veteran centre-back a 10-game ban for leading a section of fans in a chant with pro-Nazi connotations after Croatia beat Iceland in their World Cup play-off tie to reach Brazil 2014.

Snapshot: Mario Balotelli Plays In Boots Covered In Newspaper Headlines About Himself…

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By Chris Wright

Mid-table Milan toiled their way to a 2-2 draw against second-placed Roma in Serie A on Monday evening and, while he didn't trouble the scoresheet, Mario Balotelli managed to snaffle the headlines again with his boot choice sporting a pair of custom boots that were 'plastered' with various headlines about himself.

Norwich 1-1 Swansea – Hooper Bags Beauty As Canaries Draw With Swans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 1-1 Swansea City Premier League 15th December 2013

A superb long-range volley from Norwich's in-form hitman Gary Hooper secured a point for the home side at Carrow Road. Swansea had taken an early lead courtesy of Nathan Dyer after an error from Sebastien Bassong but ex-Celtic man Hooper hit back in fine fashion on the stroke of half-time.

Tottenham 0-5 Liverpool – Lilywhites Battered As Reds Run Riot At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 0-5 Liverpool Premier League 15th December 2013

Andre Villas-Boas looked to have steadied the ship at Spurs in recent weeks but this battering at the hands of Luis Suarez and co. is sure to have the powers worried about the future.

This Way For A Tour Around Cristiano Ronaldo’s Newly Opened Cristiano Ronaldo Museum (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Cristiano Ronaldo has been a busy boy of late, both opening a museum and anentire social media network dedicated to his favouritest subject in the whole wide world: Cristiano Ronaldo.

Ronaldo's 'CR7 Museum' in his hometown of Funchal on the Portuguese island of Madeira had its big opening on Sunday, with the man himself doing the honours before letting the first batch of fans in for a shufty.

Football GIF: Young Girl Tottenham Mascot Gives Luis Suarez Classic ‘Ner Ner’ Handshake Snub

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By Chris Wright

He may have scored more goals on his lonesome already this season than exactly half of the teams in the Premier League, but even Luis Suarez wasn't above getting the old classic 'ner ner n-ner ner' handshake snub from a young mascot before Liverpool's emphatic evisceration of Tottenham at The Lane yesterday afternoon.

Snapshot: Jon Flanagan Tremendously Excited After Scoring First Liverpool Goal…

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By Chris Wright

Jon Flanagan popped up (if you'll excuse the turn of phrase) in the right place at the right time to score his first senior goal for Liverpool against Tottenham on Sunday an exciting, momentous occasion in any young player's career so we can forgive him the apparent partial crotch inflation suffered during his celebration.

Atletico Madrid Announce Plans To Sell 85p Match Ticket For Unemployed Fans

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By Chris Wright

With adult unemployment currently hovering around the 25% mark in Spain and youth unemployment up around 56%,Atletico Madrid have announced that they are planning to release a batch of match tickets for their cup tie against Sant Andreu on Wednesday night priced at just €1 (roughly 85p), specifically for unemployed supporters.

‘We’ve Reached An Agreement Over The Termination Of His Services’ – Tottenham Sack Andre Villas-Boas

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By Chris Wright

It's official, AVB is a goner with Tottenham announcing the news in his trademark 'why use one word when you could use thirty' style...

We can announce agreement has been reached with Head Coach, Andre Villas-Boas, for the termination of his services http://t.

Pies’ 2013 Christmas Football Gift Guide, No.10 – Official Werder Bremen Potato Chips

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By Chris Wright

Available from the official club webstore in either salted or paprika flavour, why not blow the buffet budget on a couple of packs of delicious Werder Bremen potato chips this Christmas?

€1.89 per pack in case you were wondering.

More in Pies' 2013 Football Christmas Gift Guide.

Champions League And Europa League Knock-Out Draws: Man City To Face Barcelona, Arsenal Drawn Against Reigning Champions Bayern Munich

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By Chris Wright

The draws for the first knock-out stages of both the Champions League and the Europa League have been completed this morning in Nyon, with theChampions League round-of-16 draw looking like this (image via UEFA.com)...

Oooof. While Chelsea and Manchester United have outwardly winnable ties to look forward to, those are twohuge draws for Man City and Arsenal right there.

Harry Redknapp Admits To Being ‘Compulsively’ Addicted To Feeding Birds, Blows £2,000-A-Year On Sunflower Seeds

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By Chris Wright

And, no, that's not a euphemism. Harry Redknapp, QPR manager and sainted national treasure, has a secret shame. The man, by his own admission, is completely and habitually addicted to feeding birds and has confessed that he spends thousands of pounds a year in order to satisfy his squalidornithological dependency.

Intel Agree £15m Sponsorship Deal To Slap Their Logo On The INSIDE Of Barcelona’s Shirt

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By Chris Wright

Global computer processor giants Intel Corp have announced today that they have struck an 'innovative' five-year sponsorship deal with Barcelona that will see the firm pay £15million ($25million) to have their logo displayed on the inside of the Catalan club's jersey.

Pies’ 2013 Christmas Gift Guide, No.8 – Official Fulham Plasters

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By Chris Wright

The perfect stocking-filler for the Fulham fan in your life that you don't particularly like but would begrudgingly spend £1 on to see that their minor wounds are dressed adequately...

More in Pies' 2013 Football Christmas Gift Guide.

FC Gnistan vs GrIFK – Finnish Third Division Game That Had It All: Defensive Howlers, Sandpit Goal Celebration, World Class Volley And The Worst. Miss. EVAH. (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This footage dates back to early May, but it's just beginning to do the rounds this morning after featuring over on the Guardian's Classic Youtube page.

What we have are the highlights from the 3-3 draw between FC Gnistan vs GrIFK over in theKakkonen Miesten (Finnish third division) from May 3rd 2013 a game which, quite literally, had everything.

‘Who You Calling Done?’ – Ashley Cole Gets All Aggressive As Nike Launch New Tiempo V Boots (Photos & Video)

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By Chris Wright

We're guessing this was all shot before he was dropped in favour of an out-of-position right-back, but here's Ashley Cole getting all cranky and black-and-white in the promo video for the new line of Nike Tiempo V boots...

As you're about to see, the new Tiempos have been accompanied by a new trainer, the Tiempo '94, which takes its styling from the original Tiempo boot first worn by the likes of Paolo Maldini and Romario at the USA World Cup in, yup, you guessed it: 1994 (suggested further reading: Football Boots Pies Have Loved: Nike Tiempos).

Eight Glorious Minutes Of Great Players Humiliating Fellow Great Players (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This one does exactly what it says on the tin...

(Via Inside World Soccer)

Football GIF: Schalke 04 Expertly Spring Basel’s Offside Trap…ish

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By Chris Wright

Schalke made it through to the knock-out stages of the Champions League win courtesy of a 2-0 win over Basel last night, with centre-half Joel Matip scoring the second goal of the evening when the German's somehow managed to 'spring' the Swiss side's offside trap, despite having at least five players offside by a yard or more at the point the freekick was slung into the area.

Man City’s John Guidetti Singing ‘Last Christmas’ By WHAM! Is A Treat For All The Senses… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As per, Man City have produced a Youtube advent calendar over on their official channel (remember Aleksandar Kolarov's bleakly intense recital of 'Jingle Bells' from last year?) with young striker John Guidetti playing a central role in the festivities thus far, including this wonderfully faithful rendition of one of his favourite Christmas songs WHAM!

Sky Sports Punditry Pair Gary Neville And Thierry Henry Demonstrate Poor Tracking Back By Using Jamie Redknapp As An Example (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during the post-game analysis of the Arsenal midfield on Sky Sports last night, punditry's answer to the Chuckle Brother Gary Neville and Thierry Henry give fellow analyst Jamie Redknapp a ribbing over the importance of tracking back by surprising him with a clip from the North London derby in 2002 where the silken Frenchman leaves a knackered Redknapp in the dust on the way to scoring one of his many trademark, gazelle-like goals at Highbury.

Champions League: Barcelona 6-1 Celtic – Neymar Nets Hat-Trick As Barca Batter Bhoys (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Barcelona 6-1 Celtic Champions League 11th December 2013

Neymar netted a superb hat-trick at the Nou Camp/Camp Nou on Wednesday night as Barca battered Celtic 6-1. The Bhoys were already well out of contention for a last 16 berth before this game, while goals from Pique, Pedro and Christan Tello (added to Neymar's three) secured a rather convincing win for the La Liga giants.

Champions League: Chelsea 1-0 Steaua Bucharest – Ba Bags Winner As Blues Top Group E (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 1-0 Steaua Bucharest Champions League 11th December 2013

Chelsea rather strolled into the last 16 of the Champions League courtesy of this 1-0 win at Stamford Bridge. It really should have been won by a much bigger margin, with the Blues consistently profligate throughout the game.

Champions League: Napoli 2-0 Arsenal – Defeat In Naples Sees Euro Giants Await Gunners In Last 16

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By Alan Duffy

Napoli 2-0 Arsenal Champions League 11th December 2013

So after all the hypothesising and mathematics, the complicated Group F finally spewed up Arsenal and Dortmund as the two qualifiers. The Gunners though will be disappointed not to top the group after going down 2-0 in Naples.

Mousa Dembele, Moussa Dembele And The Great Namesake XI

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By Jonathan Weinberg

Ever since Moussa Dembele (note the crucial extra 'S') made his debut for Fulham a fortnight ago against West Ham, it got us thinking – what other pockets of namesake players are there playing around the world?

According to the tittle-tattle grapevine, the Cottagers' young starlet is being studiously tracked by Manchester United which is lucky, because it could be very confusing if he ended up at White Hart Lane in the not-so-distant future and lined up for Tottenham alongside Mousa Dembele (note the crucial missing 'S').

Pies’ 2013 Christmas Gift Guide, No.7 – Official Newcastle Hand-Warmer Gel Sachet

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By Chris Wright

Given that the general Geordie populace deem the wearing of anything resembling an outer layer of clothing in temperatures above -30° to be "a bit pansy-ish", we can't imagine that Newcastle's official online store have shifted too many of these hand-warmer gel packs, despite being an utter bargain at 50p for a pack of two.

CFR Cluj Player Flunks Open Goal From Two Yards Out, Teammate Immediately Scores ‘Rebound’ From 50 Yards (Video)

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By Chris Wright

CFR Cluj andSageata Navodari met in the Romanian top flight on Monday evening, with the home side yomping to a 6-1 victory, though it was their first goal of the night (after just two minutes) that has had tongues a-waggin' ever since.

Upon being gifted with a gilt-edged chance, Cluj defenderVasile Maftei's entire lower body turned to blancmange as he somehow conspired to miss an otherwise unmissable chance despite being stationed a matter of feet away from a completely vacant net with the ball at his feet.

Snapshot: John Terry (And Oscar?) Does His Christmas Shopping At Poundworld…

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By Chris Wright

As well all know, JT just gotsta have his Christmas tinsel and it seems the Chelsea captain took team-mate Oscar down to the Poundworld in Woking to pick up some up at the weekend...

We jest, of course! Why, that's not Oscar you're looking at there (in fairness, he looks far too old) but rather 17-year-old Knaphill Atheltic winger and Chelsea fan Jack Jeffrey, who was astonished upon finding Terry roaming the aisles at Poundland with a basket full of bargains.

Slovenian Fourth Division Side SD Gorisnica Use Live Cannons To Train Their Goalkeeper (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Served with a generous side salad of 'WHAT IN THE EVER-LOVING F**K?', here's what is purported by the internet to be a simple goalkeeper training drill at Slovenian fourth tier side SD Gorisnica a simple goalkeeping drill which happens to incorporate live cannons into the equation.

Dutch Club Den Bosch Caught Out By ‘Fake Sheikh’ Takeover Prank, Claim To Have Known It Was A Joke All Along

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By Chris Wright

Dutch side FC Den Bosch have become the latest suckers to fall foul of candid cameras after a group of pranksters from a Dutch television programme did the old 'fake sheikhs' schtick and met with club officials to discuss a completely fictitious€50million takeover.

Pies’ 2013 Christmas Gift Guide, No.6 – Official ‘His And Hers’ Matching Atletico Madrid G-Strings

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By Chris Wright

As part of what is a surprisingly comprehensive range of official Atletico Madrid underwear come these fine matching pair of his (on the left) and hers (right) G-strings for, as everybody knows: the couple that thongs together, stays together.

Shane Long And Boaz Myhill Go Busking In Dublin Wearing Terrible Suits, Croon Their Way Through ‘Wonderwall’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Looking like members of a colour-blind Showaddywaddy tribute band, West Brom pair Shane Long and Boaz Myhill wandered away from the rest of the group at the club's Christmas do (we sincerely hope it was a 'bad suits' dress code) and went a-busking in the Temple Bar area of Dublin on Sunday night commandeering a guitar and crooning their way through four-chord busker standard 'Wonderwall' while a small crowd gathered to listen and take photographic proof of a story no-one in the office would believe on Monday morning.

Football Art: Dimitar Berbatov Celebrates Slinky Performance vs Aston Villa By Sketching Muhammad Ali (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

To wind down after his impossibly slinky performance against Aston Villa on Sunday and inspired by nothing more than his own languid greatness, Dimitar Berbatov after washing down a post-match gauloise with a mint julep out on the veranda spent the rest of the afternoon, as he so often does, sketching other such moments of consummate greatness, pencilling a fine tribute to Muhammad Ali then posting it on his official Facebook page.

Adrian Chiles Gets Merrily Abused By Tamworth Fans During Live FA Cup Broadcast (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's not big and it's certainly not clever, but it is Adrian Chiles shuffling nervously while being verbally abused by Tamworth fans stood just a couple of metres away during Sunday's live FA Cup broadcast so we heartily approve...

Swansea 1-1 Hull – Former-Swan Graham Ends Goal Drought In Mid-Table Draw At The Liberty (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 1-1 Hull City Premier League 9th December 2013

Danny Graham finally got back in the goal in what was hardly a class c at the Liberty Stadium. The former Swansea striker netted after just nine minutes against a poor Swansea side.

Didier Drogba And Emmanual Eboue To Be Punished Over Nelson Mandela Tribute Shirts

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By Chris Wright

In what just may well be the most egregious lengths the rules of football have ever been taken to, Galatasaray pair Didier Drogba and Emmanuel Eboue are likely to be punished by the Turkish FA for revealing undershirts with tributes to Nelson Mandela on them after their side's 2-0 win overElazigspor on Friday night.

Pies’ 2013 Christmas Gift Guide, No.5 – Official #LFC Brendan Rodgers Mask

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By Chris Wright

For just £3, thisofficial Liverpool Brendan Rodgers mask(perforated eye-holes are included in that low, low price) could be yours...

Imagine the fun you could have spouting off your favourite Brendan-isms from behind that sucker!

Blackburn’s DJ Campbell Arrested In Connection With Match-Fixing Investigation, Allegedly Fiddled A Yellow Card

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By Chris Wright

Blackburn striker Dudley Junior Campbell has been arrested as part of the ongoing investigation into alleged spot/match-fixing and corruption in the English Football League, his club have confirmed this morning.

"Following reports in today's national media, we can confirm that striker DJ Campbell has been arrested," Blackburn said via a statement on their official site.

Former Port Vale And Burton Albion ‘Keeper Stuart Tomlinson Quits Football To Join The WWE

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By Chris Wright

It's not much of a surprise given that the guy's built like a fridge-freezer made of meat, but former Port Vale and Burton Albion goalkeeper Stuart Tomlinson is leaving the football world behind after receiving an invitation to join the WWE.

Brazilian Season Ends In Total Carnage As Reigning Champions Fluminense Relegated And Extreme Crowd Violence Delays Vasco Da Gama Match For An Hour

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By Chris Wright

The Brazilian league season culminated in scenes of utter, utter carnage yesterday as reigning champions Fluminense were relegated from Serie A on the final day along with fellow 'big club' Vasco da Gama, whose game againstAtletico Paranaense had to be delayed for just over an hour due to a serious bout of crowd violence in the terraces.

Arsenal 1-1 Everton – Gunners Go Five Points Clear After Cracker At The Emirates (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 1-1 Everton Premier League 8th December 2013

Arsenal and Everton produced one of the most entertaining and high quality games of the season on Sunday, with the two sides having to settle for a draw at the end. The Toffees dominated the first period, with Ross Barkley outstanding.

Fulham 2-0 Aston Villa – Well Deserved First Win For Rene Meulens’-team (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 2-0 Aston Villa Premier League 8th December 2013

New Whites bossRene Meulensteen enjoyed his first win on Sunday as Fulham overcame Aston Villa 2-0. The result was a fair one, with the goals coming from Steve Sidwell and Dimitar Berbatov both within the first half hour.

Crystal Palace 2-0 Cardiff – Pulis Power Fires Eagles to Second Win In A Row (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Crystal Palace 2-0 Cardiff City Premier League 7th December 2013

Tony Pulis saw Crystal Palace made it two wins in two as they deservedly overcame Cardiff at Selhurst Park. Marouane Chamakh also scored again, but only after Cameron Jerome had given the home side the lead.

Sunderland 1-2 Tottenham – Hard-Fought Win For Lilywhites Takes Pressure Off AVB (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 1-2 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 7th December 2013

Spurs battled to a precious victory at the Stadium of Light on Saturday, a result which takes some of the pressure off manager Andre Villas-Boas. Adam Johnson had given the Black Cats the lead after some fumbling from Hugo Lloris but a close-range effort from Paulinho before the break followed by a John O'Shea OG in the second-period secured a hard-fought, but deserved win for a Tottenham side who worked hard for the three points.

Liverpool 4-1 West Ham – Suarez Shines Again As Reds Go Second (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 4-1 West Ham United Premier League 7th December 2013

Luis Suarez was once again the star of the show in an odd game that featured three own-goals. West Ham more than held their own up until the 42nd minute when Guy Demel put through his own net.

Stoke 3-2 Chelsea – Assaidi Cracker Send Blues To Defeat At The Britannia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 3-2 Chelsea Premier League 7th December 2013

Andre Shurrle bagged a superb brace for Chelsea but it wasn't enough for the Blues who went down 3-2 at the Britannia. Peter Crouch levelled the scores after Schurrle's opener while a fine effort from Stephen Ireland put the Potters ahead before the Blues' German attacker netted again.

West Brom 0-2 Norwich – A Ruddy Good Performance Gives Canaries Vital Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 0-2 Norwich City Premier League 7th December 2013

John Ruddy was outstanding in the Norwich goal as he produced save after save to help his side to a vital win at the Hawthorns. Leroy Fer set up Gary Hooper for Norwich's first goal before netting the second himself as Chris Hughton's men secured a win which moves them four points clear of the drop-zone and two points clear of the struggling Baggies.

Southampton 1-1 Man City – Osvaldo On Target Again As Saints Match Citizens (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 1-1 Manchester City Premier League 7th December 2013

Dani Osvaldo has endured a slow start to his Southampton career but the Italian hitman made it two in two games for the Saints, courtesy of a superb individual effort on Saturday.

Man Utd 0-1 Newcastle – Yohan’s The Man As Red Devils Flop Again At Old Trafford (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 0-1 Newcastle United Premier League 7th December 2013

Yohan Cabaye's second-half strike, after great work fromMoussa Sissoko sent Man Utd to their second home defeat in a row. To be honest, the Red Devils, without Wayne Rooney but with RVP back in the line-up, rarely clicked as David Moyes' first season in charge at Old Trafford went from bad to worse.

Swedish Second Division Player Kevin Walker Wins Country’s ‘Pop Idol’ Show

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By Chris Wright

Congratulations are due to GIF Sundsvall midfielder Kevin Walker, who last night won the ninth series of Sweden's version of Pop Idol.

Walker, 24, who is of Irish decent but was born in Orebro was somewhat of a bit-part player last season when Sundsvall were relegated from the top flight but has become a regular in the side this season (imagine Joey Barton winning the X-Factor and you're somewhere close)with several of the club's Superettan fixtures having to be rescheduled to fit around the midfielder's filming commitments.

Shit Lookalikes: Sean Dyche & Army Chap From Lego Advent Calendar

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By Chris Wright

As Tweeted by none other than West Brom 'keeper Ben Foster (@BenFoster) yesterday, who noticed that the little plastic army bloke his young son pulled out from behind door six of his Lego advent calendar bore a striking resemblance to a certain goatee beard-toting, gravel-voiced Burnley manager.

Snapshot: Fabio Capello Photobomb At 2014 World Cup Draw…

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By Chris Wright

Fabio Capello got himself photobombed by one of his contemporaries at the 2014 World Cup draw...

You just got Del Bosque-ed, son!!!

FIFA 2014 World Cup Group Stage Draw – England Pitted Against Italy, Uruguay And Costa Rica In Group D

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By Chris Wright

The balls of destiny have been plucked from the perspex pots of fate and, after an absolutely bloody age of incomprehensible FIFA-waffle (Fifaffle?), the draw for the World Cup groups has been completed in Costa do Sauipe.

It looks like this.

FA Chairman Greg Dyke’s Not-Overly-Optimistic Reaction To England’s World Cup Draw (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It would appear FA Chairman Greg Dyke isn't overly confident about England's chances of escaping Group B next summer...

To be fair, we're not entirely sure exactly at which point during the draw this snippet was captured, but.

Mayor Of World Cup Host City Says England Aren’t Welcome There As Roy Hodgson Isn’t ‘Sensible Or Polite’ Enough

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By Chris Wright

The Arena da Amazonia in Manaus...or three quarters of it, at least

The mayor of Manaus, one of the twelve host cities for the 2014 World Cup, has gone public with his desire to get "a better team" than England staying in his city when the group stage draw is completed this evening specifically as Roy Hodgson is not "polite" enough for his liking.

Pies 2013 Christmas Gift Guide, No.4 – Official Marek Hamsik Perfume/Eau De Toilette

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By Chris Wright

Available for a mere€29 via the official Napoli megastore: The unmistakable smell of Marek Hamsik...

And before you ask, yes, it is dermatologically tested.

More in Pies' 2013 Christmas Gift Guide...

#1: Official Zlatan Ibrahimovic Plush Doll
#2:Neil Lennon 2014 Calendar

#3: Bayern Munich BBQ Spice Marinade

Mario Balotelli Forced To Fend Off Zombie Attack During Interview At Milanello (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In a plug for this year's Web Show Awards (nope, us neither), here's Mario Balotelli coolly dealing with a surprise zombie attack during an interview at Milanello by simply following the Undead Assailant Code we all learn about in school and simply ripping the damn thing's hair off.

Snapshot: Feyenoord Fan Builds His Newborn Baby Son Mini ‘De Kuip Stadium’ Cot To Sleep In…

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By Chris Wright

Parenting: You're doing it right.

(Image via 101GG)

‘I’d Make It Like Rugby’ – Michel Platini Would Like To See Yellow Cards Replaced With 10-Minute Sin Bins

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By Chris Wright

Speaking in an interview withSpanish sports newspaper AS, Michel Platini allowed his latest brainfart to leak out into the room, outlining his feverish plan to eradicate yellow cards from the game and replace them with rugby-style sin bins for caution-worthy offences.

Pies 2013 Christmas Gift Ideas, No.3 – Official Bayern Munich Barbecue Spice Marinade

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By Chris Wright

This Christmas, why not give the gift of 125 grams of Bayern Munich barbecue spice marinade? Designed tomarinate steaks (veal, lamb, beef, pork), poultry, fish and to spice the vegetables and fruit of your loved ones this Yuletide...

€8 well spent, and why not wash your carbonised animal flesh down with a nice tall glass of official Bayern Munich isotonic energy drink while you're at it?

Shit Lookalike: Gus Poyet & The Monkey That Got Lost In Ikea

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By Chris Wright

We knew Gus' tiny head popping out of the top of his over-sized jacket reminded us of someone or something; last night, during Match of the Day, it clicked...

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to us (waatpies@gmail.com) or Tweet us (@waatpies) and we'll happily give it the once over.

Eintracht Frankfurt Attempt To Calmly Play Out From The Back, Swiftly Concede Absolutely Rubbish Own Goal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Eintracht Frankfurt managed to beat second tier outfitSandhausen 4-2 in the DFB Pokal (German cup) last night, though they made it unnecessarily difficult for themselves, especially when they went and gift-wrapped a consolation goal for their opponents on the hour mark when a slick attempt at playing it out from the back quickly resulted in Frankfurt midfielder Sebastian Rodeslotting past his own 'keeper in a moment of sheer blind panic a mere matter of seconds later.

Competition: WIN! A Pair Of Warrior Superheat Football Boots

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By Chris Wright

The competitions are coming thick and fast at the moment here on Pies, with the latest seeing us team up with one of the freshest boot providers on the scene, Warrior, to give away a pair of their blazing new 'Superheat' lightweight speed boots to one lucky reader.

West Brom 2-3 Man City – Citizens Bag Rare Away Win At The Hawthorns (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 2-3 Manchester City Premier League 4th December 2013

An early strike from Sergio Aguero followed by a brace from Yaya Touré (including one penalty) secured a precious away win for Man City at the Hawthorns on Wednesday evening.

Arsenal 2-0 Hull – Bendtner Scores As Gunners Stroll To Victory At Emirates – (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 2-0 Hull City Premier League 4th December 2013

None other than the recalled look Nicklas Bendtner opened the scoring within just two minutes for Arsenal on Wednesday night as they strolled to victory against Steve Bruce's Hull. Mesut Ozil netted a fine effort, courtesy of an Aaron Ramsey assist, as the Gunners dominated a limp Hull side.

Football GIF: Luis Suarez Scores Stunner From 40 Yards Against Norwich

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By Alan Duffy

On a night when the Uruguayan genius bagged four and assisted another, Luis Suarez's first goal of the night against Norwich was the pick of the bunch. Seeing Canaries' 'keeper John Ruddy slightly off his line, Suarez launched a perfectly placed long-range shot which had Anfield rocking.

Sunderland 3-4 Chelsea – Hazard Bags Brace As Blues Keep Pressure On Arsenal (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 3-4 Chelsea Premier League 4th December 2013

Eden Hazard netted a fine brace as Chelsea held on to secure a vital win at the Stadium of Light. Jozy Altidore opened the scoring before Frank Lampard levelled the scores. Hazard's two goals sandwiched a John O'Shea strike before a goal at either end courtesy of Phil Bardsley lead to an exciting finale.

Man Utd 0-1 Everton – Nightmare For Moyes As Toffees Bag Old Trafford Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 0-1 Everton Premier League 4th December 2013

Poor old David Moyes, after failing to win at Old Trafford while in charge of the Toffees, the United boss witnessed his former side pull off a fabulous 1-0 win at that very ground on Wednesday night.

Fulham 1-2 Tottenham – Holtby The Hero As Lilywhites Grab Vital Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 1-2 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 4th December 2013

Is is too much to say that Lewis Holtby's late winner at Craven Cottage saved Andre Villas-Boas' job? Probably, but it's sure to take some of the heat off the Spurs manager.Ashkan Dejagah had given new Fulham boss ReneMeulensteen hope of a maiden win but firstly Vlad Chiriches, with a fine volley and then Holtby, secured a precious victory for Spurs.

Liverpool 5-1 Norwich – Super Suarez Nets Four In Carrow Road Massacre (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 5-1 Norwich City Premier League 4th December 2013

Right, I'm keeping these little reports very very short tonight too many games for a mid-week I say! Basically, Luis Suarez, no stranger to a Norfolk goal-fest, single-handedly battered Norwich, netting four including a quite stunning long-range effort.

Football GIF: Entire Crowd Try To Give Nantes’ Fernando Aristeguieta Gigantic Group Hug After Scoring 90th-Minute Winner

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By Chris Wright

Nantes came from a goal down to beat Valenciennes 2-1 in Ligue 1 last night courtesy of a 90th-minute winner from their Venezuelan forward,Fernando Aristeguieta, which released so much tension at the Stade de la Beaujoire thatthe entire crowd attempted to rush forward and give him a great big hug.

Danish Fan Attempts To Return Wayward Shot With Cocky Backheel, Ends Up Hitting The FAIL Motherload! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during the Danish Superliga fixture betweenNordsjælland and Randers FC on Sunday, one hapless fan behind the goal attempts to return a wayward shot to the pitch with a deft backheel without taking his mobile phone from his ear, only to go and hit the mother-lovin' FAIL motherload when his botched flick ends up ricocheting into the cardboard four-pint drinks holder he's carrying in the other hand thus tipping his pricey stadium beverages out all over him.

Pies Christmas 2013 Football Gift Ideas, No.2 – The Official Neil Lennon Calendar

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By Chris Wright

"The Official 2014 Neil Lennon calendar. The Football Manager is having a very successful career, a truly motivational character that embodies the spirit of leadership, determination and this calendar shows some off his style off pitch."

You know you want to.

Behold The Majesty Of This Outstanding Fancy Backheel Flick From Brighton U21′s Glen Rea… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Just sit back and marvel at the majestic back-heel touch taken here by young Glen Rea in this snippet of footage harvested from the U21 game between Brighton and Millwall on Monday evening...

Something tells us this lad's got a bright future.

(Via Brighton Player/101GG)

Adidas Release Cracking Viral Charting Every Official World Cup Football From 1970-2014 In Space Of Six Seconds (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As previously mentioned this morning, Adidas have officially unveiled their new 'Brazuca' matchball for the 2014 Brazil World Cup this morning and, as well as giving away a free one to every Brazilian baby born today, they've also released this corking Vine video which charts every single World Cup matchball they've producedsince they first landed the gig as official suppliers at Mexico '70, and all in the space of six seconds.

Newcastle Fan Gets Special Glass Eye In Tribute To His Beloved Club (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

This chap here is 35-year-oldAndrew Canavan and he, as you might have already guessed, is a Newcastle fan.

In fact, Andrew is such a massive Toon fan that he recently paid a shade over£150 to have the club's crest specially etched onto his custom-made glass eye to bloody well prove it.

Adidas Give Free ‘Brazuca’ Football To All Brazilian Babies Born On Launch Day Of 2014 World Cup Matchball

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By Chris Wright

Yesterday Adidas got round to unveiling their official matchball for the 2014 Brazilian World Cup, the 'Brazuca', and decided to put on a mammoth country-wide giveaway to coincide with the launch.

Along with the big reveal, Adidas vowed that every baby born in Brazil on launch day, i.

Crystal Palace 1-0 West Ham – Chamakh-Attack Give Eagles Lift Off (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Crystal Palace 1-0 West Ham United Premier League 3rd December 2013

Arsenal cast-off Marouane Chamakh headed home a precious winning goal for Crystal Palace on Tuesday against West Ham, securing three points for the Eagles which move them off the bottom of the Premier League table.

Opportunistic Female Tottenham Fan Gives Patrice Evra The ‘Goose’ Treatment (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's a little something we missed during the 2-2 draw between Tottenham and Manchester United on Sunday: a cheeky Spurs fan taking her opportunity to give Patrice Evra the old 'goose' treatment when the Frenchman ended up giving the bloke next to her an impromptu lap dance after over-shooting one of his lengthy hurtles.

Juventus Fined €5,000 After Curva Full Of School Kids Shout Rude Word At Udinese Goalkeeper

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By Chris Wright

Rather laughably, Juventus have been fined today after a stand full of schoolchildren yelled a naughty word atUdinese keeper Zeljko Brkic during the recent game between the two sides at Juve's eponymous stadium.

For reasons that are beyond our comprehension, the Italian Football Federation (FIGC) disciplinary committee have deemed a fine to the tune of€5,000 to be sufficient punishment after the 12,000 kids who were let into the curva yelled 'Oooooh MERDA!

Pies 2013 Christmas Gift Ideas, No.1 – Official PSG Zlatan Ibrahimovic Plush Doll

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By Chris Wright

Huzzah! 'Tis that time of year again and, to celebrate the transition into advent and to give those of you out there struggling for suitable festive prezzie solutions for the football fan in your life a helping hand, Pies' celebrated annual Christmas Gift Guide is farting back into life.

Dante Nutmegs Bastian Schweinsteiger During Bayern Munich Training Session, Squeals Like A Small Child! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

A short and sweet little snippet pilfered from Bayern Munich's Youtube channel here in which, during yesterday's morning training session, centre-back Dante sticks a filthy little lollipop through Bastian Schweinsteiger's legs only to squeal like a little girl when he realises it's all been caught on camera.

Sanfrecce Hiroshima Players Perform Goal Celebration Tribute To Retiring Team-Mate By Lying Down And Spelling Out His Squad Number (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As expected, second-placed Sanfrecce Hiroshima beat relegation-flirting Shonan Bellmare in the J-League last weekend with a routine 1-0 victory.

However, there wasn't anything routine about the celebration that accompanied the only goal of the game, with the entire Sanfrecce team staging a mass homage to one of their retiring team-mates,36-year-old Koji Nakajima.

Garth Crooks Gives Utterly Bewildering Reason For Wayne Rooney’s Inclusion In His BBC Sport ‘Team Of The Week’

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By Chris Wright

Every Monday morning, the BBC's resident "expert pundit" (and we use both words incredibly dubiously there) Garth Crooks presents his 'team of the week' over on the BBC Sport website, made up of the 11 Premier League players who have caught his discerning, astute eye over the weekend.

Wayne Rooney Stars Alongside Rory McIlroy In Classy Advert For New ‘Ordem’ Hi-Vis Football (Video)

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By Chris Wright

You've got to give it to Nike; they know what they're doing when it comes to big budget virals and the like.

Indeed, their latest advert sees Wayne Rooney trumping prodigious young golfster Rory McIlroy from the tee in a promo video for the new 'Ordem' hi-vis football which is apparently inspired by the aerodynamic grooves of a golf ball all set to a choice bit of Bing Crosby.

Paul Scholes Scores From Inside His Own Half In Local Over-35s Veterans Amateur Game (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Scholesy proving he's still got it, casually knocking one in from his own half during a recent kick-about somewherein his neck of the woods...

Chadderton Park Legends vs Chaddy Park Veterans (for whom Scholes was playing)in theChadderton Park Sports Club Over-35s Veteran League, in case you were wondering.

FK Zeljeznicar And FK Borac Supporters Enjoy Good Old Fashioned Firework Fight During Bosnian League Game (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which both sets of fans at Saturday's Bosnian top flight game between FK Zeljeznicar and FK Borac decide to inject a little excitement into proceedings by engaging in a good old-fashioned firework chucking fight across the corner of the stadium...

What a wonderful day to be a steward!

Test Your Fan Status With Our Game ‘Around The Grounds’

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NEW game play Around The Grounds. Click here or the picture.

Man City 3-0 Swansea – Nasri Nets A Brace As Citizens Go Third (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 3-0 Swansea City Premier League 1st December 2013

A fine free-kick from Alvaro Negredo along with a brace from the rejuvinated Samir Nasri secured a comfortable win for Man City on Sunday. However, City's opponents Swansea played with authority for large periods of the game but just couldn't find a cutting edge.

Chelsea 2-1 Southampton – Blues Bounce Back To Beat Saints At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 3-1 Southampton Premier League 1st December 2013

Despite going a goal down after just 13 seconds, Chelsea fought back to beat 3-1 against Southampton, a result which moves the Blues to within four points of league leaders Arsenal.

Hull 3-1 Liverpool – Tigers Bite Reds At The (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Hull City 3-1 Liverpool Premier League 1st December 2013

A Liverpool side shorn of the injured Daniel Sturridge produced a rather toothless display away at Hull on Sunday, ultimately going down to a 3-1 shock defeat.

Jake Livermore opened the scoring for the home side on 20 minutes, with his effort deflecting in off Martin Skrtel.

Test Your Fan Status With Out Game ‘Around The Grounds’

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NEW game play Around The Grounds. Click here or the picture.

Tottenham 2-2 Man Utd – Rooney Stars In Four-Goal Fight at The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 2-2 Manchester United Premier League 1st December 2013

Spurs and Man Utd both failed to make significant inroads into Arsenal's lead at the top of the table after an entertaining four-goal clash at White Hart Lane.

Kyle Walker opened the scoring on 18 minutes, with his free-kick going under the jumping United wall but on the half-hour mark Wayne Rooney levelled the scores from a Phil Jones cross.

Football GIF: Sunderland’s Emanuele Giaccherini Misses From All Of Four Yards Against Aston Villa

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland did earn a valuable point at Villa Park on Saturday but it could have been three ifEmanuele Giaccherini hadn't somehow missed from four yards at most. Quite a shocker.

The quality of the picture isn't great but I guess it does match the quality of the finish.

Aston Villa 0-0 Sunderland – Black Cats Battle For Deserved Point (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 0-0 Sunderland Premier League 30th November 2013

Sunderland produced an impressive display at Villa Park on Saturday, securing only their second away point of the season in a game they came very close to winning.

Emanuele Giaccherini was guilty of the worst miss of the game and possibly the season, with the Italian somehow firing over from just four yards out.

Newcastle 2-1 West Brom – Sissoko Screamer Fires Magpies Into Top Five (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 2-1 West Bromwich Albion Premier League 30th November 2013

Alan Pardew's French revolution at St. James' Park continues to finally reap rewards for the club as they registered their fourth win on the trot.

Yoan Gouffran netted the opening goal on 36 minutes afyer Baggies' 'keeper Boaz Myhill failed to adequately deal with a cross in what had been a relatively quiet first period.

West Ham 3-0 Fulham – Hammers Stroll To Victory As Pressure Mounts On Jol (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 3-0 Fulham Premier League 30th November 2013

Martin Jol saw his side easily beaten at the Boleyn Ground on Saturday with the Dutch tactician now in serious danger of losing his job.

While the Cottagers struggled to create any chances, the Hammers, playing with an actual striker this time (Modibo Maiga), totally dominated.

Everton 4-0 Stoke – Deulofeu Destroys Potters At Goodison (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 4-0 Stoke City Premier League 30th November 2013

Barcelona loanee Gerard Deulofeu produced a superb individual display at Goodison Park on Saturday as the home side battered a limp Stoke side.

The youngster opened the scoring just before half-time before setting up Seamus Coleman to make it 2-0 after the break.

Cardiff 0-3 Arsenal – Ramsey Goes Home, Bags Brace As Gunners Win Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Cardiff City 0-3 Arsenal Premier League 30th November 2013

Aaron Ramsey enjoyed a memorable return to his boyhood club, bagging a brace as the Gunners increased their lead, at least temporarily, to seven points at the top of the Premier League.