Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2013

Norwich 1-0 Crystal Palace – Canaries Bag Vital Win Against Pulis’ Palace (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 1-0 Crystal Palace Premier League 30th November 2013

Norwich registered a precious victory against Crystal Palace on Saturday, as Tony Pulis' first game in charge of the Eagles ended in defeat.

The home side created a number of chances in the first-half, with Johan Elmander hitting the woodwork before the goal finally came, courtesy of Gary Hooper after good play from both Elmander and Wes Hoolahan.

David Beckham Fondly Recalls The Time He Tossed Off Over Clayton Blackmore At Man Utd Initiation

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By Chris Wright

As part of the pre-release plugging for the new Class of '92 film, David Beckham has been forced to delve into his repressed memories and relive his Manchester United initiation which and there's no other way we can really put this saw him forced into performing a 'lewd, masturbatory simulation' while hunched over a photo of United teammate Clayton Blackmore.

Snapshot: Europa League Broadcasters Take Extremely Relaxed Approach To Captions…

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By Chris Wright

Somebody get the Europa League's research department a big, shiny medal for their wonderfully attentive performance on Thursday evening, when their caption proudly told us that "someone" (who actually turned out to be Jeffrey Bruma) had been sent-off for PSV against Ludogorets.

20-Month-Old Baby Becomes Youngest Professional Footballer In Belgium After Signing For FC Racing Boxberg

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By Chris Wright

See that impossibly adorable-looking little tyke up there? His name is Bryce Brites, he's 20 months old, he can't even say 'ball' properly yet, his Mum changes his nappies and he's already twice the football you or I will ever be.

That's right! One-year-old Bryce has become the youngest 'professional' footballer in Belgium (and surely the world?

Classic Moments: Ryan Giggs Misses *That* Sitter Against Arsenal In The FA Cup, 2003 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Anyone remember what happened next?

Ryan Giggsy Wiggsy turns 40 today and, to mark the momentous occasion, we thought we'd revisit what perhaps might be the only memorable blip (other than the onewe're still not sure if we're allowed to mention from a legal standpoint) ina career of nigh-on unparalleled success and longevity his simply marvellous open-goal miss against Arsenal in the FA Cup fifth round at Old Trafford in 2003.

Woman Who ‘Used To Be Joan Of Arc’ Claims Aliens Told Her Crystal Palace Will Stay Up This Season

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By Chris Wright

A female 'spiritual healer' from Bromley has made Tony Pulis' job that much easier this morning after assuring the new Crystal Palace manager that his side are going to avoid relegation this season...because aliens told her.

Stephany Cohen claims she is in constant contact with "grey aliens, Cat People and half-alien, half-reptile Reptilians", who have taken a great interest in the lower echelons of the Premier League table and have seen something in Palace which has led them to believe that the Eagles will pull themselves out of the bottom three before the end of the season.

Bebe Manages To Miss Nailed-On Open Goal Sitter For Pacos De Ferreira vs Fiorentina (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Manchester United's walkin', talkin' punchline, Bebe, systematically fails to put it in the corner after being presented with a 100% vacant goal during Pacos de Ferreira's (where he is currently on loan) Europa League tie against Fiorentina last night instead choosing to politely pass the ball gently back to the 'keeper instead.

The Great Disallowed Goals #4: Yoann Gourcuff (Lyon) Smashes One In From Half-Way Line vs Real Betis

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By Chris Wright

Lyon beat Real Betis 1-0 in the Europa League last night, though sadly it wasn't the following half-way line super smasher from Yoann Gourcuff (remember him?) that separated the two sides what with it being chalked off as player was stopped a millisecond before the French midfielder left fly due to one of Betis' players 'keeling over' with a nothing injury.

Scunthorpe Politely Request Fans Do Not Dress As Squirrels When Former Manager Alan Knill Returns To Glanford Park

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By Chris Wright

Scunthorpe have issued what might just be the most bizarre request for their fans ahead of their game at the weekend, begging supporters not to dress up as squirrels when ex-Irons boss Alan Knill returns to Glanford Park with Torquay on Saturday.

The reason?

Gillingham’s Adam Barrett Somehow Misses Open Goal From Directly Underneath The Crossbar vs Stevenage (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting, the latest contender in the hotly-contested "worst miss of all time" stakes: Gillingham defender and club captain Adam Barrett's physics-defying open-goal shonker from directly and we mean directly underneath the crossbar in the ninth minute of the game against Stevenage on Tuesday night.

Sven Bender Bled On So Many Shirts That Dortmund’s Kitman Was Forced To Fetch One From Club Shop

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By Chris Wright

As can clearly be seen, Borussia Dortmund's Sven Bender took a nasty blow to the face against Napoli in the Champions League last night, breaking his nose and releasing an unstoppable tsunami of blood.

Even though Bender, who was playing as a makeshift central defender due to Dortmund's current injury crisis, had his nostrils plugged several times over the course of the evening.

Gareth Bale Whips In Splendid 35-Yard Freekick As Real Madrid Make Light Work Of Galatasaray (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Not entirely sure what the 'keeper is doing here, but Gareth Bale whipped in a humdinger of a 35-yard freekick in ten-man Real Madrid's 4-1 belittling of Galatasaray last night putting a little 'knuckle' on the ball; obviously just enough jink to tie Eray Iscan up in knots as the shot wafted past him.

Top 20 Champions League Photos, 27th Nov: Man Utd Lay Waste To Leverkusen, Man City Pummel Plzen (With Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

It's always nice to win a throw-in

Apologies for the short shrift this morning folks, but Alan's been waylaid this morning so we're not going to be featuring our usual game-by-game Champions League match reports. Instead, we're conglomerating all the night's action onto one page for ease of digestion.

Philippe Mexes Missed AC Milan’s Win Over Celtic With Injury Caused By ‘Excessive Sunbed Use’

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By Chris Wright

You may have noticed that Philippe Mexes was missing from AC Milan's backline for their 3-0 victory over Celtic at Parkhead in the Champions League last night, as the French defender was forced to miss out on the trip to Glasgow due to a niggling injury.

Classic Moments: Legendary Energie Cottbus Keeper Tomislav Piplica Scores Most Baffling Own Goal Of All Time, 2002 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With a doff of the cap to poor old Thibaut Courtois, who dropped a bit of a ricket against Zenit last night, we thought we'd show him that his gaffe is by far the worst we've ever seen of the "catastrophic error of judgement" sub-genre of goalie farce far from it in fact, for that particularly mark of excellence belongs to Bosnian keeper and cult legend, Tomislav Piplica.

Wolves Striker Leigh Griffiths Celebrates Goal With ‘RIP Brian’ Shirt, Fans Wrongly Assume It’s A Tribute To Brian Griffin From ‘Family Guy’

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By Chris Wright

@Leighgriff09 celebrates after scoring his goal #ripbrian pic.twitter.com/kJe6rnMGNy

— Sam Bagnall (@sambagnallphoto) November 26, 2013

Wolves stuck two past Tranmere at Molineux last night to go top of League One, with striker (and perennial Horror Hair candidate) Leigh Griffiths getting the ball rolling with the opener in the 17th minute, which he celebrated by revealing a t-shirt with the message "R.

Ajax Fan ‘Seriously Injured’ After Falling Head-First From 15ft Perimeter Wall At Amsterdam Arena

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By Chris Wright

According to the Amsterdam Police force via their official Twitter feed, an Ajax fan was "seriously injured" during last night's famous 2-1 Champions League victory over Barcelona when he fell head-first over the perimeter wall around the pitch at the Amsterdam Arena.

Atletico Madrid ‘Keeper Thibaut Courtois Drops Bit Of A Clanger vs Zenit (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

He may well have a splendid Musketeer-like name and a near-flawless reputation as one of the most promising stoppers in Europe, but last night Atletico Madrid 'keeper Thibaut Courtois showed that even the finest 'keepers are prone to acute clanger droppage from time to time when he watched a long, looping deflection off Toby Alderweireld's head sail over him in and drop inside his far stanchion while he flapped at it flaccidly like a young David James.

Champions League: Celtic 0-3 Milan – Bhoys Bow Out Of Europe After Poor Home Display (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Celtic 0-3 AC Milan Champions League 26th November 2013

This is far, far, far from being a top class Milan side but on Tuesday night in Glasgow, the Rossoneri outclassed Celtic courtesy of a 3-0 win, a result that knocks the Scots out of European football for another season.

Champions League: Basel 1-0 Chelsea – Blues Through To Last 16 Despite Defeat (Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Basel 1-0 Chelsea Champions League 26th November 2013

Chelsea produces a rather toothless performance in Switzerland on Tuesday, eventually going down 1-0 to hosts Basel. However, with Schalke and Steaua Bucharest drawing 0-0, the west Londoners place in the knockout stages of the Champions League is now secure.

Champions League: Arsenal 2-0 Marseille – Wilshere Bags Brace In Gunners’ Stroll At Emirates (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 2-0 Marseille Champions League 26th November 2013

It was hardly a vintage Arsenal performance at the Emirates on Tuesday night, but courtesy of Jack Wilshere's brace the Gunners are all but through to the knockout stages of the Champions League.

Irish Sunday League Forward Scores ‘Bergkamp-esque’ Goal, Mate Captures It On Film While ‘Just Testing Out’ His New Camera (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Over in Division 1A of the Kerry District League (in the south-west of Ireland) on Sunday morning,CSKA Tralee forwardMichael Griffin scored an absolute belter of a goal: deftly clipping a pass over his marker, turning on a large novelty Lottery cheque and looping a finish over the oncoming goalkeeper.

Nicklas Bendtner Arrested For Criminal Damage After Kicking In The Gym Door At His Apartment Block

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By Chris Wright

The Great Nicklas Bendtner was arrested on suspicion of criminal damage and warned by police last night after damaging the door to the communal gym at his apartment block when it refused to let him and a gaggle of his friends in for a midnight swim.

According to reports, the door was damaged by a hefty kick and a window was cracked during the Bendtner/inanimate object stand-off, thoughHertfordshire Police confirmed that the situation has been dealt and the 25-year-old striker has been let off with a caution.

Shit Football Kits: 1993-95 Argentinian Goalkeeper Strips Provide Impressive Cavalcade Of Pure Disgustingness!

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By Chris Wright

If you thought the various retina-pummelling 'keeper kit designs on show in the Premier League in the early-to-mid 1990s were bile-inducingly vile, then feast your eyes on this little lot.Turns out the Argentinians had it worse. Far worse.

WARNING: Some of these kits are probably best viewed through welding goggles if you happen to enjoy your eyes functioning normally.

FC Seoul Striker Mauricio Molina Knocked Out Cold After Being Headbutted And Punched In The Face Simultaneously (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We always assumed the 'K' in K-League simply stood for 'Korea', but it turns out that it actually stands for 'Krazy Kranium Krunching' especially if theBusan IParkdefence's double-team assault on FC Seoul striker Mauricio Molina's face this weekend is anything to go by.

Snapshot: Scottish Guy Dressed As Luigi Wins ‘Selfie Of The Day’ Award…

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By Chris Wright

Excellent work here from this Scottish chap, who went the extra mile to source a world class Luigi costume and then lie in wait at Glasgow airport for a supreme meta-selfie with Super Mario...

*Golf applause*

(Image: Getty/The Scotsman)

Horror Hair: Jose Mourinho Borrowed Fernando Torres’ Clippers To Shave His Head Because It Was ‘Nice And Cheap’

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By Chris Wright

Forget Wes Brown's horrific perfectly legal horror lunge, City's thrashing of Tottenham or Artur Boruc's twinkle toes; the big story in the Premier League this weekend was Jose Mourinho's severe new militant buzz-cut, which had tongues-a-waggin' up and down the country.

West Brom 2-2 Aston Villa – Long Brace Not Enough For Baggies As Villans Fight Back (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 2-2 Aston Villa Premier League 26th November 2013

A quickfire Shane Long brace at the start of this west Midlands derby looked to have sent West Brom on their way to a valuable win on Monday night. However, a second-half rally from Aston Villa secured a vital point for Paul Lambert's side.

‘Whoever It Is, Heads Will Roll!’ – Pep Guardiola Vows To Silence Bayern Munich’s Little ‘Mole Problem’

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By Chris Wright

"Here moley, moley, moley..."

Rumours of a mole within the Bayern Munich camp have persisted for a good while but it has come to light today that the rumours are indeed true, and that a member of Bayern's squad has been feeding line-ups and tactics to the Bild newspaper.

15 Excellent Photos Of Man Utd Legend Bill Foulkes In His Pomp

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By Chris Wright

We're sad to say that Bill Foulkes, one of the oldest surviving members of the famous 'Busby Babes', former Manchester United captain and bona fide one-club man, has passed away today at the age of 81, as confirmed by the club themselves.

After giving up his job down t'pits to join United as an amateur in 1950, Foulkes made his professional debut in 1952 against Liverpool and went on to rack up 688 appearances at centre-back for United (a total only surpassed by Sir Bobby Charlton, Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes), being made club captain in the aftermath of theMunich air disaster (previous incumbent Roger Byrne sadly lost his life in the accident)and becoming a central figure in Sir Matt Busby's reborn team winning the 1968 European Cup title as well as four league titles and an FA Cup during his time at Old Trafford.

Competition: WIN! Copy Of FIFA 14 Ultimate Team (For PS3 Or Xbox360) Signed By Gareth Bale, Juan Mata Or…Erm…Darren Bent

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By Chris Wright

Don't ask us how, but Pies have managed to get our hands on a small stash of FIFA 14 Ultimate Team goodies and, because we're mega awesome chaps, we've decided to give them away to you lot by way of one of our world famous competitions! We're excited, and so's Gareth!

Nike Release New Brazil 2014 Home Kit – Perfect For World Cup Hosting Duties! (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

The Brazilian version of Trainspotting is a little more clean-cut

To be honest, it wouldn't take an astounding leap of imagination to guess what Brazil's new kit for 2014 looks like, with Nike sticking vehemently to their well-worn template: yellow, green, blue, white: but if it ain't bloody broke then don't try to bloody well fix it, eh?

This Spoof Interview With Roberto Soldado Could Probably Pass For The Real Thing… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The #SoldadoBANT has begun

During the Man City trouncing yesterday, we joked that Roberto Soldado is so ridiculously isolated at Tottenham at the moment that we keep half-expecting him to start trying to take out his teeth with an ice-skate during games, with the Spanish striker touching the ball once during the afternoon, and that was at kick-off!

CSKA Fan Goes On Hunger Strike While Demanding Life Ban For ‘Arrogant’ Referee

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By Chris Wright

Whether it be digging graves for the club's owners in the middle of the pitch or watching their coaches come and go every fart's end, it seems like there's never a dull moment if you're a CSKA Sofia fan there's always something to rant and rave about!

Cardiff 2-2 Man Utd – Kim On Target As Bluebirds Bite Back Against Red Devils (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Cardiff City 2-2 Manchester United Premier League 24th November 2013

Kim Bo-Kyung's last-gasp equaliser on Sunday will be seen by Bluebirds' fans as nothing more than justice after a hotly contested clash at the Cardiff City stadium.

Wayne Rooney opened the scoring on 15 minutes with a deflected effort, but only after he had received just a yellow card for kicking out at Jordon Mutch, a loss of control could should really have warranted a red.

Southampton Keeper Artur Boruc Mocks His Mistake Against Arsenal On Instagram, Posts Photo Of ‘Cruyff Turn’

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By Alan Duffy

Fair play to the man, after making an absolute howler at the Emirates on Saturday, when his attempts to dribble past Olivier Giroud ended in the Frenchman knocking in an easy goal, Polish 'keeper Artur Boruc posted a photo of himself trying to trun past Giroud from the game alongside the great Johan Cruyff doing his famed 'Cruyff turn'.

Man City 6-0 Tottenham – Citizens Batter Limp Lilywhites As AVB Struggles With Post-Bale Era (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 6-0 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 24th November 2013

Not so long ago the footballing media were talking of a power shift in north London, with Spurs escaping from Arsenal's shadow to assert themselves as a real title contender.

Dortmund Fans Once Again Pelt Bayern Munich Keeper Manuel Neuer With Bananas (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Bayern Munich made light work of Borussia Dortmund at the Westfalenstadion yesterday afternoon, with the Bundesliga leaders maintaining their four-point lead at the top of the shop with a comfortable 0-3 victory though the Dortmund fans still had their fun, pelting Bayern 'keeper Manuel Neuer with bananas.

Dortmund Fans Once Again Pelt Bayern Munich Keeper Thomas Neuer With Bananas (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Bayern Munich made light work of Borussia Dortmund at the Westfalenstadion yesterday afternoon, with the Bundesliga leaders maintaining their four-point lead at the top of the shop with a comfortable 0-3 victory though the Dortmund fans still had their fun, pelting Bayern 'keeper Manuel Neuer with bananas.

Diego Costa Gets Some Serious Air To Score Outrageous Overhead Kick vs Getafe (Video)

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By Chris Wright

True story: Watched the Atletico Madrid-Getafe in a pub last night, genially debating/furiously arguing with a mate that Diego Costa is just a load of fuss about nothing; a flash in the pan; a one-season wonder; not worth Spain or Brazil going out of their way for and little more than a nuisance to defenders without being particularly technically gifted then he goes and does this.

Swindon Fan Banned For Life After Running Onto Pitch And Punching Leyton Orient Keeper In The Face (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Swindon Town have confirmed this morning that they have banned for life the fan who dragged his knuckles onto the pitch during yesterday's game against Leyton Orient and thrust them into the face of Orient 'keeper Jamie Jones to assert his super-duper hardman credentials.

West Ham 0-3 Chelsea – Ex-Hammer Lampard Bags Brace At The Boleyn Ground (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 0-3 Chelsea Premier League 23rd November 2013

Chelsea kept the pressure on leaders Arsenal with a convincing 3-0 win way at West Ham.

The evergreen Frank Lampard bagged a brace against his old club, the first coming from the penalty spot in the first-half (after Jussi Jaaskelainen had felled Oscar) and the second on 82 minutes courtesy of a fine finish.

Arsenal 2-0 Southampton – Two For Giroud As Gunners Extend Lead At Top (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 2-0 Southampton Premier League 23rd November 2013

Arsenal weren't at their best against Southampton on Saturday, but against a Saints side that rarely threatened the Gunners' goal, the home side had enough to secure yet another three points.

Stoke 2-0 Sunderland – Potters Down 10-Man Black Cats In Controversial Clash (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 2-0 Sunderland Premier League 23rd November 2013

A goal in either half secured a controversial win for Stoke at the Britannia on Saturday, with Charlie Adam and Steven Nzonzi netting the goals against Gus Poyet's Black Cats.

And while the home side did dominate for large periods of the game, the sending-off of Wes Brown on 36 minutes, for what looked like a fair challenge no doubt influenced the result of the game.

Football GIF: Sunderland’s Wes Brown Gets Sent Off For Hard But Fair Challenge On Stoke’s Charlie Adam

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By Alan Duffy

I don't even think this challenge was a foul, no matter a red card. However, the man in black at the Britannia on Saturday, Kevin Friend, decided to send Wes Brown off for this challenge on Charlie Adam. A dreadful decision, no?

GIF: 101gg

Newcastle 2-1 Norwich – Magpie’s French Connection Too Strong For Canaries (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 2-1 Norwich City Premier League 23rd November 2013

Former Newcastle boss Chris Hughton saw his Canaries go down by two goals to one at St. James Park on Saturday, with the pressure sure to increase on the former Ireland international.

Fulham 1-2 Swansea City – Shelvey Shocks Jol With Late Winner At The Cottage (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 1-2 Swansea City Premier League 23rd November 2013

Nothing seems to be going right for Fulham boss Martin Jo this season, and on 56 minutes at Craven Cottage on Saturday, he watched as Aaron Hughes put through his own net to give visitors Swansea the lead.

Hull 0-1 Crystal Palace – Pulis Purrs As Palace Tame Tigers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Hull City 0-1 Crystal Palace Premier League 23rd November 2013

With new manager Tony Pulis looking on from the stands, Crystal Palace produced a battling performance to beat Hull at the KC Stadium (to be fair, the 'Pulis Purrs' headline is a tad over the top.

Everton 3-3 Liverpool – Lukaku Bags A Brace In Cracking Merseyside Clash (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 3-3 Liverpool Premier League 23rd November 2013

A late Daniel Sturridge goal rescued a point for Liverpool in an enthralling Merseysie derby at Goodison Park.

An earlyPhilippe Coutinho strike on five minutes put the visitors ahead only for Belgian wideman Kevin Mirallas to level the scores just three minutes later.

Football GIF: Everton’s Kevin Mirallas Only Sees Yellow For Horror Challenge On Liverpool’s Luis Suarez

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By Alan Duffy

For some bizarre reason, referee Phil Dowd only booked Everton's Kevin Mirallas for this horrendous challenge of Luis Suarez. Either Dowd failed to see the true extent of the challenge or he really doesn't like Suarez. Either way, Mirallas should have seen red.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Gives All His PSG Team-Mates Brand New ‘Zlatan Limited Edition’ XBox Ones (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

With the powers invested in him as France's official Xbox One ambassador, the Great Zlatan has bestowed every single one of his PSG team-mates with a brand new, limited edition, personalised "Zlatan" Xbox One on the day of the console's release, with Gregory van der Wiel then taking to Instagram to show off his new present.

Boreham Wood To ‘Go Legal’ Over Accusations They Ransacked Carlisle’s Dressing Rooms And Left A Kettle In Their Urinal

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By Chris Wright

A vicious war of words is whipping up between Boreham Wood FC and Carlisle United after this week's FA Cup first round replay between the two clubs ended on a particularly sour note.

After the first fixture finished goalless a fortnight or so ago, the two teams went at it again at Carlisle's Brunton Park on Tuesday evening to settle the matter, with the home side squeaking a narrow 2-1 win courtesy of a 94th-minute winner to put little Boreham Wood a full74 league places below the Cumbrians in the league pyramid out of this year's cup.

Around The Grounds: Brisbane Road, Home Of Leyton Orient

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By Chris Wright

This week's Around the Grounds sojourn spirits us to Brisbane Road (or the Matchroom Stadium for professional purposes), just a stone's throw across the Olympic Park from West Ham's manor and home patch of League One high-fliers Leyton Orient since they ousted amateur side Leyton FC and moved in back in 1937.

Brazilian Drug Dealer Uses Neymar’s Face To Flog ‘High Quality’ Cocaine

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By Chris Wright

Neymar has reason to feel very proud today after learning that his face is being used by Brazilian drug sealers as a kind of 'stamp of excellence' which they proudly display on their very finest cocaine.

According to Globo, the Sao Paulo military police arrested a27-year-old man for flogging drugs on Thursday night after he was caught with 31 vials of cocaine, 43 rocks of crack and 80 grammes of marijuana about his person.

Argentinian Football Violence Is Making Lionel Messi Cry, So Bloody Stop It You Rotters! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Oi! Argentinian football hooligans! Now look what you did! You went and made Lionel Messi cry...

Yep. There's L'il Leo, quite literally crying for Argentina, in a video to promote his foundation's new 'No One Wins' anti-hooliganism campaign which they are hoping will help put an end to the woeful levels of violence that has engulfed Argentinian domestic football over the past few years.

Street Magician Dynamo Pulls Off The Most Impressive Freestyle Football Trick We’ve Ever Seen (Video)

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By Chris Wright

You may fancy yourself as a decent freestyler: You may be able to keep the ball in the air as you march around the entire central reservation of the M25; you may be able to whirl your leg around the ball five times between each touch; you may be able to do each keepy-uppy with an alternating earlobe but we're guessing that street magician Dynamo is the only freestyle trickster who can pull this particular feat off.

The Movember Moustache Match Game

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PLAY our Movember Moustache Game and never be bored again (well, until December, at least).

Snapshot: Lionel Messi Wears Another Heroically Hideous Jacket To Receive Third Golden Boot Award…

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By Chris Wright

As we mentioned on Twitter yesterday (join the party @waatpies) Lionel Messi picked up yet another award yesterday when he swanned into town to be bestowed with his latest Golden Boot award (dating from last season) by Hristo Stoichkov and, as per, the wee man chose to wear the most obnoxiously hideous jacket he possibly could to the event this time opting for a repugnant black-and-white embroidered floral number.

Adrian Mutu Banned From Romanian National Team After Comparing Manager Victor Piturca To Mr Bean

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By Chris Wright

Poor old Adrian Mutu, eh? The guy just can't seem to catch a break these days.

As his career continues to nosedive thanks to his brief nasal dalliance with the White Witch of Bogota, Mutu has today been told that he will never play international football again after comparing Romania coachVictor Piturca to Mr Bean for having the temerity to leave him at home for the crucial World Cup play-off double-header against Greece.

Gunnerblog Present: ‘Bad Buyz 4 Life’ By Park-Diddy Feat. Nicklas Bendtner (Video)

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By Chris Wright

More genius spoofery from Jamesover at Gunnerblog, in which Arsenal miscreants Park Chu Young and Nicklas Bendtner (or, to give them their hip-hop names: Park-Diddy and...erm, Nicklas Bendtner) team up to boast about being two of the club's worst ever purchases.

Weather Girl Promises To Report Naked If France Reach World Cup, Admirably Keeps Up Her End Of The Bargain (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Along with most other people of a French persuasion, Dorian Tillier, weather girl forLe Grand Journal de Canal+, reckoned Les Bleus had zero chance of qualifying for the 2014 World Cup as they went into Tuesday night's play-off second leg against Ukraine trailing by two goals to nil following a dismal showing in the first leg.

Pepsi Forced To Apologise After Using Cristiano Ronaldo Voodoo Dolls In Ill-Judged Advert Campaign

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By Chris Wright

Pepsi's Swedish subsidiary have been forced to apologise after suffering a rather significant backlash to a series of viral adverts they ran before Sweden's World Cup play-off second leg against Portugal which featured a Cristiano Ronaldo doll being tortured in many and varied ways.

Nike Unveil New France Home Kit For 2014 And C’est Tres Magnifique! (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Fresh from brushing Ukraine aside to reach the party, France have rolled out the new kit they'll be provoking their destiny with in Brazil next summer and a handsome if a little familiar beast it is too.

With the beautiful Fronk roped in to model Nike's new Bleu wares (alongsideBlaise Matuidi, Yohan Cabaye and Raphael Varane), the kit is loosely styled upon France's 1958 home strip and cockerel crest (don't tell Tottenham!

Pies’ Official ‘Not Going To The 2014 World Cup’ XI

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By Chris Wright

That's it, time up! Qualifying for the 2014 World Cup in Brazil is now officially over and done and the 32 berths at the tournament have all been filled.

As Zlatan so rightly quipped after Sweden bowed out of the running against Portugal/Ronaldolast night, "a World Cup without me is not worth watching," but the Almighty One isn't the only top-notch talent who won't be gracing the greenery in Brazil next summer.

Beautiful Finish: Greece Defender Vasilis Torosidis Scores Impressively Deft Own-Goal vs Romania (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Zeus be praised, Greece made it through to the 2014 World Cup courtesy of a 1-1 draw in the second leg of their play-off against Romania last night which, allied with their 3-1 first-leg victory, duly sent theEthniki to Brazil with a 4-2 aggregate win though they did offer the Romanians a customary olive branch through Vasilis Torosidis' calmly struck own-goal 10 minutes after half-time.

World Cup: Portugal, France, Greece and Croatia Make It To Brazil After Night Of Genius And Drama (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Cristiano Ronaldo fired Portugal to Brazil (and most likely himself to a Ballon D'or) courtesy of a magnificent hat-trick against Sweden in Stockholm.

All five goals came in the second half, with the great Zlatan Ibrahimovic bagged a brace himself. But ultimately it was his fellow megastar Ronaldo who would steal the show and give Portugal a deserved 4-2 aggregate win.

Football GIFs: Cristiano Ronaldo’s Triumphant Trio Against Sweden In World-Cup Play-Off

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By Alan Duffy

With Leo Messi hampered by injury, Cristiano Ronaldo has arguably edged ahead in his battle with the Argentine imp for the title of Best Player In The World, and on Tuesday night the Madrid maestro did it again.

After netting the only goal of the first-leg of the World Cup play-off against Sweden, Ronaldo only went and netted a hat-trick to give Portugal a 4-2 aggregate victory over Sweden.

Friendly: England 0-1 Germany – Mertesacker Heads To Germany To Victory At Wembley (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

England 0-1 Germany International Friendly 19th November 2013

After losing to Chile on Friday at Wembley, England made it two home defeats in a row after going down 1-0 to Germany on Tuesday.

With a whole host of first-teamers either rested or sidelined with injury, German boss Jogi Low picked a mix and match side which still boasted the like of Marco Reus, Mario Goetze and Toni Kroos, but it was Arsenal's Big F******g German, Per Mertesacker, who nodded home the only goal of the game on 39 minutes.

Friendly: Poland 0-0 Rep. Of Ireland – Boys In Green Bag Deserved Draw (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Poland 0-0 Republic of Ireland International Friendly 19th November 2013

Martin O'Neill and Roy Keane extended their unbeaten run in charge of Ireland to all of two games after an impressive performance away in Poland.

Aiden McGeady was the star of the show for the Irish, proving to be a constant thorn in the side of the Polish defence.

Friendly: Norway 0-1 Scotland – Scots Battle To Fortunate Victory In Molde (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Norway 0-1 Scotland International Friendly 19th November 2013

Scott Brown bagged the only goal of the game in Molde on Tuesday night as Gordon Strachan's improving Scotland finished off the year with a hard-fought win against Norway.

Brown's goal came on the hour-mark but overall it was the home side who created the best chances, withMarcus Pedersen andAnders Konradsen amongst others going close.

Fan Finds He’s Six Stickers Short Of Completing His 1996 Premier League Merlin Album, Tracks Down Every Missing Player And Takes Their Photograph

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By Chris Wright

This 'ere be the tale of Adam Carroll-Smith, a 29-year-oldfootball fan from Portsmouth who recently found his old 1996 Merlin Premier League sticker album while rooting around in his loft.

Of course, Adam stopped whatever he was doing and began to leaf through, and it was during said perusal that he recalled that his 12-year-old self had come perilously close to completing the entire album, with just six stickers left unaccounted for: Stuart Ripley and Lars Bohinen (both Blackburn), Philippe Albert (Newcastle), Keith Curle (Man City), Scott Minto (Chelsea) and Gary Penrice (QPR).

Shola Ameobi Scores Super-Duper Leaping Volley For Nigeria vs Italy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As expected, the great Shola Ameobi well and truly upstaged Mario Balotelli as Nigeria drew 2-2 with Italy's B string in a friendly at Craven Cottage last night, with the lanky Newcastle striker putting the Super Eagles 2-1 up shortly before half-time with a well-taken, leaping near-post volley.

Wrexham Have Goal Disallowed After Net Comes Loose, Livid Fan Provides His Own Commentary On The Situation (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In fairness, referee Amy Fearn did eventually award Wrexham their goal against Kidderminster in the Conference on Saturday but it did take her six long minutes to come to a decision afterAdrian Cieslewicz's 71st-minute strike unclipped the goal-net and trundled away down towards the corner flag.

Per Mertesacker Pulls Off Cheeky Little Rabona Pass During Germany Training Drill (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting reason 1,004 to love Per Mertesacker: Despite having to waft around his giant, hollow bamboo legs, he can still pull off nifty little rabona passes like this (at the 0:15 mark)...

BOOM!You just got Mertesackered sunshine!

The Great Disallowed Goals #3: Thiago Silva (Paris Saint-Germain) vs OGC Nice

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By Chris Wright

The face of a man thwarted by fate

Here we are! The third instalment in a series that, in all honesty, we completely forgot about for a while: Pies' collection of the finest disallowed goals ever scored.

In at number three we have this fine non-effort from PSG centre-half Thiago Silva from the tail end of last season, in which the Brazilian defender reaches Zlatan's round-the-corner pass just a millisecond too late before bending a delicious shot in from a nigh-on impossible angle only for the linesman to (correctly, as it happens) rule that the ball had crossed the touchline.

Man City Stars Play Giant Game Of Keepy-Uppy Around New York To Promote Their NYCFC Venture (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Man City stars Vincent Kompany, Sergio Aguero, Joe Hart, David Silva,Samir Nasri, Gael Clichy, James Milner, Matija Nastasic and Paddy Vieira cheerfully nick a small child's football and then proceed to play a gigantic game of keepy-uppies around various bits of New York in a promo viral for the club's imminent New York City FC tie-in MLS venture thing.

Joachim Loew’s Germany Squad Take Tube To Wembley For Training Session (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

For some reason, it's always deemed significant when the famous share public transport with the mere peons of this world and the Germany squad's journey to Wembley for a training session yesterday morning has proved to be no different with the following photos gracing the pages of almost every single national newspaper today under various headers of the "EWMAHGAWD DEY'RE JUST LIKE US!

Snapshot: What Do The Designs For The New Al Wakrah 2022 Qatar World Cup Stadium Remind YOU Of…?

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By Chris Wright

Study the image below intently for a few minutes and then tell us just what the prospective new 2022 World Cup stadium in Al Wakrah, Qatar as seen here in this still from the official CGI conceptual design promotional video reminds you, the discerning Pies enthusiast, of.

If All 20 Premier League Clubs Were Named Literally, Based On Their Badges (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

The good people over at Buzzfeed have taken the time to re-imagine what all 20 Premier League clubs would be called if they decided to take their name directly as a literal representation of their respective club crests and the results are definitely worth a look.

Disgruntled Customer Offered Refund After Noting 45 ‘Factual Errors’ In Sir Alex Ferguson’s Autobiography

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By Chris Wright

"...then we whupped Barcelona at the Stadio Olimpico; I remember it clear as day..."

One customer has been offered a refund by the publishers ofSir Alex Ferguson's latest autobiography after noting 45 'factual errors' included in the 402 pages of the book.

Brian Deane Was So Emotional He Locked Himself In The Toilet After Sarpsborg Avoided Relegation On Last Day Of Norwegian Season

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By Chris Wright

Deano's not crying; his eyes are just sweating heavily

Former Doncaster, Sheffield United, Leeds, Benfica, Middlesbrough, Leicester, West Ham, Sunderland and Perth Glory striker Brian Deane was so overcome with emotion that he locked himself in the toilet after watchingSarpsborg 08 successfully manage to consolidate their place in the top tier of Norwegian football on Sunday afternoon.

Yeovil Town Launch Their Own Girl Band To Help Gee-Up Supporters And Stave Off Relegation

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By Chris Wright

Go away Big Jolly, nobody loves you

Currently wallowing at the bottom of the Championship, Yeovil Town have been putting their heads together over the past few weeks in an attempt to conjure up ways to gee-up the crowd at their Huish Park ground as the club fight tooth-and-nail to stay in the Championship.

Ravel Morrison Scores Unbelievably Silky ‘Lollipop Back-Heel Volley’ During England U21 Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Ravel Morrison connects with an exquisite through-the-legs back-heel volley during yesterday's England U21 training session at St George's Park...

Oh how we'd dearly love to see that kind of flair, technique and invention actually attempted out on the pitch by a chap in an England jersey just once in a while.

Shit Lookalikes: Cristiano Ronaldo & This Baby Burrowing Owl

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By Chris Wright

Excellent work from Pies fan Callum H who has cottoned on to the fact that Ronaldo's trademark pre-freekick stance makes him look suspiciously like a fledgling burrowing owl...

Top notch stuff Callum. Now may we suggest you lay off the strong cheese before bedtime for a while, yeah?

Frickley Athletic Defender Scores 40-Yard Own-Goal Against FC United Of Manchester (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

A quite magnificent own-goal here, courtesy of theEvostik Northern Premier League on Saturday.

Frickley's Steven Gardner looked to have the situation under the control ont he half-way line, despite the attentions of Rhodri 'Ryan's Brother' Giggs. However, instead of simply knocking the ball either back to his 'keeper or just out of play, Gardener walloped the ball back towards goal, over his stranded 'keeper and into the Frickley net.

FA Trophy Game Abandoned After Replacement Referee Deemed ‘Too Drunk’ To Officiate Properly

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By Chris Wright

The FA Challenge Trophy tie betweenColwyn Bay and Altrincham ended prematurely in strange circumstances on Saturday afternoon when, on 83 minutes, the referee on duty pulled up with a calf injury and had to limp out of the game.

After a request was put out over the stadium loudspeaker, a replacement referee was quickly sourced from the crowd when an Altrincham fan with Grade 5 refereeing qualifications volunteered to run the line and allow one of the linesman to take over as referee, butColwyn Bay -who were trailing 0-2 and being played off the park by Altrincham refused to allow the auxiliary ref to oversee the final seven minutes of the game after claiming to have smelled alcohol on his breath.

Barnet Have 92nd-Minute Winning Goal Disallowed After Smoke Bomb Obscures Linesman’s View (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Barnet drew 2-2 with Cambridge in the Conference yesterday but Edgar Davids' side could and should have pinched all three points in the dying seconds when a looping ball bounced off George Sykes and over the line in the 92nd minute.

The only problem was, due to a smoke canister being set off in the stand behind the goal, the assistant was unable to track the ball properly as it ricocheted off a Cambridge defender on the goal-line and looped up into the air above the crossbar.

Friendly: Wales 1-1 Finland – Riski Does The Business For Finns In Cardiff (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wales 1-1 Finland International Friendly 16th November 2013

A late late equaliser courtesy of Riku Riski robbed Chris Coleman of a celebratory victory after recently penning a new two-year deal to stay in charge of Wales. However, overall the Welsh boss can be relatively happy with his side's display.

Zut Alors! France Lose To Ukraine As Arsenal’s Laurent Koscielny Has Night To Forget (Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Les Bleus may well need another helping 'hand of Thierry' if they are to dig themselves out of a very sticky situation. Didier Deschamps' men were beaten 2-0 in Ukraine on Friday night, with the goals coming courtesy ofRoman Zozulia,just after the hour-mark and then Andriy Yarmolenko, with a spot-kick.

Ronaldo 1-0 Zlatan: Cool Cristiano Gives Portugal One-Goal Advantage Over Sweden In World-Cup Play-Offs (Highlights)

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by Alan Duffy

Billed as a head to head clash between the two best players (on current form) on the planet, Cristiano Ronaldo and Zlatan Ibrahimovic, this first legWorld Cup Play-Off clash between Portugal and Sweden was ultimately decided by the Madrid superstar, who headed home late on in Lisbon.

Friendly: Rep. Of Ireland 3-0 Latvia – O’Neill And Keane Off To Impressive Winning Start With Boys In Green (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Republic of Ireland 3-0 Latvia International Friendly 15th November 2013

Martin O'Neill and Roy Keane's much vaunted managerial partnership got off to a flying start in Dublin on Friday night, as the Boys In Green produced an impressive display to beat Latvia 3-0.

Friendly: Scotland 0-0 USA – Teams United In Stalemate At Hampden (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Scotland 0-0 United States Of America International Friendly 15th November 2013

Scotland, reinvigourated under the stewardship of Gordon Strachan probably shaded what was a rather dull encounter at Hampden Park on Friday night.

Everton 'keeper Tim Howard had to be at his best to keep out a fine Robert Snodgrass free-kick while Brighton's Craig Conway fluffed a great chance to put the Scots ahead.

Friendly: Turkey 1-0 Northern Ireland – Erding On Target As Turks Down Irish In Adana (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Turkey 1-0 Northern Ireland International Friendly 15th November 2013

Facing Turkey on their own patch was always going to be a difficult game for Northern Ireland, particularly as the game saw managerial legend Fatih Terim take charge of the Turks at the start of his third spell in charge of the side.

Friendly: England 0-2 Chile – Super Sanchez Puts Three Lions To Sword At Wembley (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

England 0-2 Chile International Friendly 15th November 2013

A brace from Barcelona wideman Alexis Sanchez secured a deserved 2-0 win for visiutors Chile at Wembley on Friday night. England, starting with Saints' new-boys Adam Lallana and Jay Rodriguez struggled to match La Roja's impressive mix of high quality technique and defensive nous as the South Americans looked untrobuled for mo of the game.

Steven Taylor Sends Incredibly Iffy Tweet To Several Of His Newcastle Team-Mates (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

So, Steven Taylor just sent this Tweet to four of his Newcastle teammates all of whom happen to be black gentlemen: Massadio Haidara,Moussa Sissoko, Papiss Cisse and Vurnon Anita...

Footballers, eh? Aren't they silly?

For what it's worth, Haidara responded instantly to the criticism being flung Taylor's way, telling his followers that the group had previously been joking in the dressing room and that it was all just.

Around The Grounds: Meadow Lane, Home Of Notts County

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By Chris Wright

The subject for this week's instalment of Pies' Around the Grounds series is a stadium incredibly close to my heart being as though, despite being a Forest fan, it's actually the venue of the first 'proper' football game I ever attended: NottsCounty get turned over by the mighty Cambridge United in the third round of the Coca Cola Cup on a perishingly cold October night in 1992.

Snapshot: Lionel Messi Kills Bit Of Time By Emptying Out His Impressive Trophy Cabinet…

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By Chris Wright

Given that he's been told to stay off his feet for the next 6-8 weeks while he nurses a groin twang, here's Lionel Messi, at home, killing some time by fetching his fairly significant trophy haul out of the cabinet to give them a good polishing...

(Image: @_MatiasMessi)

What you're looking at there is among other things four (consecutive) Ballon d'Ors, six La Liga trophies, three Champions League winner's trophies, one Best Player in Europe award, two Golden Boots (of the three he's won), two Copa del Rey trophies and many various other Super Cup trinkets.

Tottenham Order Non-League Club Fleet Spurs FC To Change Their Cockerel Badge

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By Chris Wright

Tottenham's legal department have been busy over the past few days, putting the kibosh on a non-league side using their club badge after deeming it to similar to their own.

Fleet Spurs currently play in theWessex League Division One in Hampshire and were originally set up in 1948 by soldiers who had returned from World War II though there are no official links between them and the Premier League club, who have now legally requested that they drop their cockerel crest.

Dubious Referee Gives Russian Side Three ‘Highly Questionable’ Penalties In Space Of Three Minutes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Dodgy goings-on from Russia here, with footage from the recent third tier game betweenTerek Gronzy II andAlaniya II in which the home side were gifted three incredibly generous penalties in the space of just under two minutes of actual game time.

When we say "incredibly generous", what we mean of course is "laughably soft and almost definitely fraudulent".

Callum Paterson Salvages Late Draw For Scotland U21 With Impressive Overhead Kick Equaliser vs Georgia U21 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Hands up, we neglected our duties and failed to watch Scotland U21′s game against Georgia U21 last night though the fool was well and truly on us for doing so, as it meant we also missed Hearts forward Callum Paterson's wonderful equaliser.

o-1 down at home and with just five minutes left to play, St Mirren midfielderKenny McLean slung a deep freekick into the box and 19-year-old Paterson did the rest cracking a wonderful acrobatic effort past the Georgian 'keeper to level the score.

Shit Football Kits: Rosario Central’s Hideously Gaudy ‘Moustache Man’ Strip

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By Chris Wright

We're not entirely sure that Rosario Central ever took to the pitch wearing this aberration, and we also suspect that it isn't official merchandise due to the lack of a kit supplier's logo but still, just look at it...

The moustachioed gentleman emblazoned across the front of Rosario's hideous camiseta is actually popular Argentinian slapstick comedianAlberto Olmedo: a lifelong supporter of the club (it is said that Che Guevara was a Rosario fan too) and a man who's image is regularly used by fans on banners, etc.

Rapid Vienna Fans Photograph Themselves Snorting Cocaine Off The Club’s Bundesliga Trophy (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Naughty snorty

"Austrian league in scandal swamp" is the dubiously-translated headline in German newspaper Bild today with the news that an Austrian paper has published photos of a couple of Rapid Vienna hoovering up cocaine through a straw off the the club's Bundesliga championship trophy.

Brazilian Footballers Cross Their Arms And Refuse To Play In ‘Common Sense’ Protest Over Fixture Congestion

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By Chris Wright

Players from Goias and Ponte Preta observe a minute's nothing for the Bom Senso protest

In what is being labelled as the '#BomSensoFC' (which translates as the 'Common Sense FC') movement, Brazilian players up and down the domestic leagues are uniting to protest against the punishing length of the season and fixture congestion issues in their homeland by simply going out on their respective pitches and refusing to play.

Arsenal Fan In Uganda Left Homeless After Betting His House On Gunners Beating Man Utd

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By Chris Wright

An Arsenal fan in Uganda now has two reasons to despise Robin van Persie after the ex-Gunner's goal saw Manchester United pip his former team at Old Trafford last weekend and thus rendered the poor fan homeless due to a stupidly huge pre-game wager with his United-supporting friend.

Snapshot: Terry Butcher Incredibly Excited To Be New Hibernian Manager…

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By Chris Wright

Terry's obviously a bit excited about his new job...

Now where have we seen those wild, staring eyes before?

Football GIF: Edinson Cavani Bags Classic Curling Free-Kick As Uruguay Batter Jordan In World Cup Play-Off

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By Alan Duffy

In-form Jordan would no doubt have been hoping to maybe nick a draw in Montevideo before taking on Uruguay back at home in the return leg of their World Cup Play-off, but instead The Brave Gentlemen found themselves on the wrong end of a 5-0 rout.

Maxi Pereira, Christian Stuani,Nicolas Lodeiro andCristian Rodriguez put the Uruguayans well and truly out of sight before Edinson Cavani netted the goal of the game, a magnificent curled free-kick.

Prodigious Kid On FC Koln’s Under-9 Books Scores Awesome ‘Double Pirouette’ Solo Goal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

His name isRonay Arabaci, he's eight-years-old, he's on FC Koln's books, he has his awesome Zidane-esque goals set to what sounds suspiciously like Enya and he's already probably twice as good at this football malarkey than you'll ever be the prodigious little turdbag.

Irish Football Coach Given Community Service After Being Found In Possession Of A Stolen Marmoset

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By Chris Wright

Marmoset there'd be days like this...

In today's "tenuously football-related headlines that come along once in a lifetime" news, an Irish football coach has been handed 80 hours of community service after being found to have been complicit in a ploy to purchase a stolen monkey.

Massimo Moratti Reveals Roy Hodgson Was Paid In Opera Tickets For His Second Stint At Inter Milan

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By Chris Wright

As you probably already know, Roy Hodgson served as manager of Inter Milan between 1995 and 1997 and is fondly remembered at the Italian club for arresting the Nerazzurri's dreadful, bottom-of-the-table start to the 1995/96 season and subsequently rejuvenating them to a third place finish the season after that.

New Zealand Accuse Mexico Of ‘Psychological Attacks’ Ahead Of World Cup Play-Off For Making Them Wear Their Away Kit

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By Chris Wright

The New Zealand national side have just arrived in Mexico ahead of the first leg of their World Cup play-off against Chicharito and co., and already their press back home have accused their hosts of waging "psychological warfare" on the Kiwis in a bid to get the upper hand.

German Lower-League Match Plays Host To Worst. Dive. Ever, Oblivious Referee Still Awards Penalty! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

If there's one thing we loathe about the modern football more than anything it's the endemic diving, contact-seeking and "simulation" that currently riddles the game from top to bottom, though sometimes you've just got to hold up your hands and offer a polite round of golf applause especially when it's as amusingly half-arsed as this next example, yet still somehow manages to con a penalty out of a referee!

Witness A Miss Of Epic Proportions From The North-East Of Bosnia & Herzegovina (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Who are the teams? What is league? Who is the player in question? We have none of these facts at hand. Indeed, all we can tell you is that the epic, appalling miss comes to you from a low-level game in the town ofŽivinice which, as you all know, nestles in the north-east of Bosnia & Herzegovina.

Classic Moments: Bayern Munich Legend Oliver Kahn Scores Proper Goalkeeper’s Goal vs Hansa Rostock, 2001 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We've seen a steady slew of goalkeeper goals over the past few days so we figured it high time to remind the world of the greatest ever scored: the proper goalie goal smashed home by Bayern Munich's former in-house albino gorilla, Oliver Kahn, who dipped into his vast goalkeeping skillset to smash in this beauty against Hansa Rostock back in 2001.

Hull City Midfielder David Meyler Hacks Down Southampton Mascot During Half-Time Relay Race (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As a bit of fun for their matchday mascots, Southampton held a half-time relay race during their recent tonking of Hull City, in which two teams of kids hurtled around the perimeter of the pitch in a bid to snaffle themselves some prizes.

Everything was going swimmingly and everybody was having fun right up until the moment Hull midfielder David Meyler emerged from the tunnel for the second half and put a stop to all of that when he mercilessly poleaxed one of the kids in full flight and quickly relieved him of possession in one fell swoop.

Kaizer Chiefs Defender Punches Striker Directly In Front Of Referee, Everybody Remains Ridiculously Calm About It… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Over in the South African Premier League on Saturday evening, the Kaizer Chiefs beat the Bidvest Wits 2-1 to draw level with them on points in 5th and 6th spot in the table, though their victory wasn't without controversy not that said controversy seemed to phase anybody in the stadium at the time.

When Football Mascots Observe The Minute’s Silences (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Here's something that always tickles us, though we know it probably shouldn't. What better way to pay your solemn respects to whom or whatever than by doing it from inside a giant foam-rubber fish costume?

Sometimes life, especially when at its most sombre, can be brilliantly absurd.

Snapshot: Pithy Man Utd Fan Edits Mesut Ozil’s ‘Current Location’ On Twitter Profile…

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By Chris Wright

We don't usually go in for this kind of tribal banter/nonsense, but a doff of the cap is definitely due to whichever pithy Manchester United fan edited Mesut Ozil's 'current location' setting on his Twitter homepage after the German no-showed during Sunday's game at Old Trafford.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s Almighty Face Set To Feature On His Very Own Swedish Postage Stamp

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By Chris Wright

...that's if it's possible to immortalise the immortal anyway?

Anyway, have you ever just wanted to lick Zlatan Ibrahimovic's face till the skin comes off?

Yeah, us too and soon everybody will be able to gently lick Ibra's mighty head in unison after the Swedish postal service announced today that they are soon to issue a new postage stamp adorned with the face of humanity's glorious overlord.

Italian ‘Derby Of Shame’ Match Abandoned After 21 Minutes After Away Team Reduced To Six Men

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By Chris Wright

In what is already being labelled the "Derby dellaVergogna" (the Derby of Shame), Sunday's Lega Pro Prima Divisione (Italian third tier, the old 'Serie C1′)game between Salernitana andNocerina had to be abandoned with just 21 minutes on the clock after the away side were reduced to six men, which you probably don't need us to tell you is one less than the minimum amount needed for the game to continue.

Spanish Keeper Scores Late, Great Overhead Kick To Equalise In 90th Minute vs Real Mallorca B (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Putting Asmir Begovic's spawny, whack-it-and-cross-your-fingers effort against Southampton to shame, here's the acrobatic 90th-minute equaliser scored by UE Alcudia 'keeperTolo Barcelo to square the score up at 1-1 in the very last minute of their Tercera Division fixture against Real Mallorca B at the weekend.

FIFA ‘Goal Of The Year’ Puskas Award Nominees For 2013 Released – Who’s Got Your Vote? (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

The ten nominees for the 2013 Puskas Award (i.e, FIFA's Goal of the Year award) have been announced this morning and a wonderful cavalcade of scorchers, pingers and screamers they are too.

As always, FIFA have whittled the long-list down to their chosen ten using their FOUR CRITERIA OF DOOM!

Andrea Pirlo Scores Silky ‘Pirlo-Style’ Freekick vs Napoli, Paul Pogba Matches It With ‘Pogba-Style’ Volley (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Juventus paddled Napoli's little pink backsides in Serie A last night, beating them 3-0 and hopping up to second in the table behind front-runners Roma.

Fernando Llorente quite literally got the ball rolling in the second minute before Andrea Pirlo made it two in the latter stages of the second half with a trademark dreamy, silky, bearded-sex-on-legs Pirloâ„¢ free-kick which he nonchalantly popped over the wall and underneath Pepe Reina's crossbar.

Sat-Nav Error Forces Andre Wisdom To Abandon Porsche In Huge Muddy Puddle On Way To Derby County’s Stadium (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Wisdom by name, etc, etc...

Andre Wisdom well and truly lived up to his name over the weekend when the Derby County loanee was forced to abandon his Porsche Panamera Turbo(at this point we're duty bound to inform you the price of said vehicle is somewhere around the £100,000 mark) on his way to Pride Park after his sat-nav told him to drive up a muddy track through dense woodland, nearly six miles from the Rams' stadium.

Red Hot Chili Peppers Drummer Receives Death Threats For ‘Wiping His Arse’ With Flamengo Shirt

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By Chris Wright

With the Red Hot Chili Peppers in town for a concert, drummer Chad Smith made a heinous tactical error during a pre-gig drum clinic at the Hard Rock Cafe in Belo Horizonte that resulted in the Will Ferrell-a-like receiving scores of death threats from jilted Flamengo fans.

Man Utd 1-0 Arsenal – Van Persie Heads Red Devils Back Into Title Race (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 1-0 Arsenal Premier League 10th November 2013

A rather jaded-looking Arsenal side were beaten at Old Trafford on Sunday, with ex-Gunner Robin Van Persie nodding home the only goal of the game in the first-half.

The home side had the greater share of possession in the first period, with Wayne Rooney and Van Persie looking sharper than the under-par likes of Mesut Ozil and Olivier Giroud.

Swansea 3-3 Stoke – Drama At The Liberty As Late Spot-Kick Spoils Swans’ Comeback (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 3-3 Stoke City Premier League 10th November 2013

Swansea battled back from two goals down to take the lead against Stoke on Sunday, only to see the Potters equalise with a last-gasp penalty in a dramatic encounter at the Liberty Stadium.

Sunderland 1-0 Man City – Citizens Arrest On The Road Yet Again As Black Cats Bag Vital Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 1-0 Manchester City Premier League 10th November 2013

A Phil Bardsley goal on 21 minutes fired Sunderland to a shock 1-0 win against Man City on Sunday, as Gus Poyet's impressive start to his reign at the Stadium of Light continued.

Tottenham 0-1 Newcastle – Krul Hand Of Tim Sends Lilywhites To Defeat At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 0-1 Newcastle United Premier League 10th November 2013

Tim Krul produced a superb performance between the posts for Newcastle as the Magpies beat misfiring Spurs 1-0 at White Hart Lane.

Loic Remy netted the only goal of the game on 13 minutes when he fired home from a Yoan Gouffran pass but after that, it was the home side who peppered the Magpies' goal with shots, only for the superb Krul to frustrate every effort.

Joey Barton Helpfully Checks If Danny Guthrie’s Gonads Are Intact After Injury Scare (Video)

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By Chris Wright

A touching moment between Danny Guthrie and Joey Barton here in which, with the Reading man lying injured on the deck and receiving treatment, QPR's resident urologist assists the Royals' medical team by conducting a quick precursory gonad check-up on his prone opponent.

Norwich 3-1 West Ham – Canaries Come From Behind To Secure Vital Win Against Hammers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 3-1 West Ham United Premier League 9th November 2013

Strugglers Norwich produced a fine second-half display to secure a precious 3-1 at Carrow Road on Saturday, a result that takes some of the pressure off boss Chris Hughton.

Aston Villa 2-0 Cardiff – Bacuna On Target As Villans End Goal Drought Against Bluebirds (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 2-0 Cardiff City Premier League 9th November 2013

Dutch wingman Leandro Bacuna netted a superb free-kick to fire the Villans to a deserved win against Cardiff on Saturday.

That goal came on 76 minutes after the home side had created a number of decent chances without making any of them count.

Crystal Palace 0-0 Everton – Eagles Make Their Point In Selhurst Stalemate (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Crystal Palace 0-0 Everton Premier League 9th November 2013

Crystal Palace, still without a manager, produced a fine performance against Everton on Saturday, winning their first point in eight games.

Indeed, the eagles could've picked up all three points only for Jerome Thomas and Marouane Chamakh among others failing to put the Toffees to the sword.

Liverpool 4-0 Fulham – Suarez Brace Heaps Pressure on Whites’ Boss Jol (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 4-0 Fulham Premier League 9th November 2013

Despite missing a big chunk of the season, Liverpool striker Luis Suarez now tops the Premier League goal charts after firing in a brace against a sorry Fulham side.

AFernando Amorebieta own-goal gave the Reds the lead on 23 minutes and with Fulham provided very little in the way of a goal threat themselves, Liverpool romped home, courtesy of two from Suarez and a powerful header from Martin Skrtel.

Southampton 4-1 Hull – Lallana Nets Cracker As Saints Tame Tigers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 4-1 Hull City Premier League 9th November 2013

Southampton continued their superb start to the season with a comfortable 4-1 win against Hull at St. Mary's.

Morgan Schneiderlin opened the scoring early on before Rickie Lambert fired home a spot-kick after Adam Lallana had been felled int he box by Hull 'Keeper Steve Harper.

Chelsea 2-2 West Brom – Flukes Of Hazard: Dodgy Penalty Saves Jose’s Blushes At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 2-2 West Bromwich Premier League 9th November 2013

It took a very very soft penalty decision to save Jose Mourinho's home league record at Stamford Bridge on Saturday, with Ramires' dive and Eden Hazard's subsequent spot-kick extended the Chelsea boss' unbeaten run to 66 games.

Football GIF: Ramires’ Dastardly Dive Saves Mourinho’s Unbeaten Home Record

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By Alan Duffy

Anything Ashley Young can do, Chelsea's Ramires can do better! With the game almost over and Chelsea losing 2-1 to West Brom at home, the Brazilian went down in the box after Steven Reid brushed off him. It was quite obviously not a foul yet Andre Marriner still gave the spot-kick.

Striker Stops To Tie Goalkeeper’s Bootlaces For Him, Referee Wades In And Ruins Touching Moment (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We join the action here midway through theSaudi Arabian Premier League clash between Al-Nahda andAl-Ittihad with Al-Nahda's keeper Taisir Al Antaif panicking and flailing his arms to attract the attention of the referee having just received a back-pass from his centre-half and realising his boot had come undone, leaving him unable to kick the ball properly with Al-Ittihad striker Jobson loitering in the vicinity.

South Korean Women’s Clubs Threaten To Boycott League Until Seoul City Striker Park Eun-Seon Is Gender Tested

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By Chris Wright

Gender is on the...erm, agenda over in the South Korean Women's League at the moment, where rival coaches have threatened to boycott the entire competition until last season's top scorer, Seoul City strikerPark Eun-Seon, is subjected to a gender test.

Park dominated defenders and rattled home an impressive 19 goals in 22 games for Seoul City during the 2013 season and as such, suspicious coaches from six rival teams (there are only seven teams in the league) are now putting pressure on the Seoul Sports Council to have her checked for man bits though the council are hesitant to subject Park to what they themselves are calling a "serious violation of human rights".

FC Ural Goalkeeper Goes To Heroic Lengths To Prevent Conceding A Corner… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

...only to immediately see his desperate clearance fall directly at the feet of FC Rostov striker Guelor Kanga, who duly plonked it into the empty net to put his side 4-0 up in the Russian Premier League last night...

All that hard work, eh fella?For the record, the game ended 4-1 to Rostov.

Lionel Messi Finishes Off Sweet ‘Head Basketball’ Juggling Drill In Style (Video)

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By Chris Wright

A little quickie to get the morning up and running: Here we have Lionel Messi and Javier Mascherano dicking around in training with a little 'head basketball' juggling drill which culminates in the former nodding the ball through the hoop for the big finish, much to the delight of his coach.

What? This? Oh, It’s Just Petr Cech Jamming On Drums With Roger Taylor From Queen… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's Friday tea time and, as they do every week, BBC Sport have leaked the teaser trailer for tomorrow's Football Focus all across the internet's nice clean floor.

Usually, we're treated to snippets from a fairly bog standard interview with but this week's FF instalment is a little different, largely being as though it contains footage of Chelsea 'keeper Petr Cech jamming on drums with Roger Taylor in the back room at the Queen legend's house.

Romelu Lukaku Is Not Especially Gifted In The Freestyle Football Department (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Romelu Lukaku is very good at many things: bustling his markers, stampeding powerfully past defenders, scoring whilst not being in full control of his mental faculties, etc but it would appear that freestyle frippery just isn't the big Belgian striker's thing especially if this video is anything to go by.

Around The Grounds: Whaddon Road, Home Of Cheltenham Town

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By Chris Wright

We're in League Two for this week's Around the Grounds, popping our heads around the door at Cheltenham Town's Whaddon Road (or the Abbey Business Stadium), the Robins' fourth and current home (since 1932), a stadium they have shared with nomadic amateur sideGloucester City since 2010 after the latter were forced out of their ground by severe flooding three years prior.

‘Please, Do Not Bother Me Anymore’ – Neymar Politely Asks Obsessive Fans To Dial The Crazy Down A Notch

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By Chris Wright

Neymar has posted an open letter on his Instagram accountto the more obsessive element of his fanbase, pleading with them to stop bombarding him and his family with calls and messages during the wee small hours of the morning.

No wonder the poor mite is always falling over; he can't catch a wink of sleep at the moment.

Snapshot: One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson Actually Included In Doncaster Squad On Football Manager 14…

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By Chris Wright

In their relentless pursuit of flawless realism, the bods behind life-sappingly addictive manager sim Football Manager 14 have actually gone as far as including One Direction's Louis Tomlinson as a buyable/sellable/playable player in the game after the boyband 'star' signed a one-year, non-contract deal with Doncaster Rovers last season.

Borussia Dortmund To Combat Pigeon Poo Infestation By Fitting 20 Giant ‘Disco Pyramids’ At Westfalenstadion

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By Chris Wright

"There ain't no telling who you might meet, a movie star or maybe even an Indian chief. Workin' at the Westfalenstadion..."

There's no real pleasant way of putting this: Borussia Dortmund have a poo problem. Specifically, their Westfalenstadion has fallen victim to what club officials are calling"a strong infestation of pigeon droppings" which is threatening to sully the otherwise enviable matchday experience at Dortmund's home ground.

Europa League: Tottenham 2-1 Sheriff – Lamela’s The Fella As Lilywhites Shoot Down Sheriff (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 2-1 Sheriff Tiraspol Europa League 7th November 2013

Spurs fired their way into the knockout stages of the Europa League with a 2-1 win against Sheriff Tiraspol at White Hart Lane.

Summer-signing Eric Lamela scored first for the Lilywhites, courtesy of a cool finish on the hour-mark while the Argentine wideman was also instrumental in Tottenham's second, when his ran at the Sheriff defence before being fouled in the box.

Europa League: Rubin Kazan 1-0 Wigan – Defensive Lapse Sees Latics Lose (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Rubin Kazan 1-0 Wigan Athletic Europa League 7th November 2013

Owen Coyle's Wigan side produced a good display away in Kazan but came away empty-handed courtesy of a 1-0 defeat.

Oleg Kuzmin was the goal-hero for the home side. netting on 22 minutes after a long ball caught the Latics' backline napping.

Europa League: Kuban Krasnodar 1-1 Swansea – Balde Cancels Out Bony As Swans Draw In Russia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Kuban Krasnodar 1-1 Swansea City Europa League 7th November 2013

Swansea failed to properly bounce back from the weekend's defeat to Welsh rivals Cardiff, instead playing out an entertaining draw against Kuban Krasnodar.

Wilfriend Bony gave the visitors an early lead, firing home on nine minutes to move the Swans a step closer to sealing a place in the last 32 of the Europa League.

‘Zlatan Told Me I Have A Terrible Moustache’ – Anderlecht’s Sacha Kljestan Rocked After Having Facial Hair Ibra-sulted

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By Chris Wright

Heartbroken and confused, Anderlecht midfielderSacha Kljestan spent several hours softly weeping and folornly staring through the tears into his bathroom mirror with a disposable razor in one hand and a can of shaving foam in the other this morning after having his facial hair insulted by Zlatan Ibrahimovic during last night's Champions League to-doings.

Football GIF: Dortmund Fans’ Priceless Reaction At Very Moment Aaron Ramsey Scored

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By Chris Wright

Pre-Arsenal, Borussia Dortmund's home record reads a little something like this of late: WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, so it's hardly surprising that Aaron Ramsey's stumbly bundler last night shocked a few of the home fans at the Westfalenstadion into a moment of stunned silence.

England Announce Squad For Chile And Germany Friendlies: Bang In-Form Southampton Trio Get The Nod

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By Chris Wright

"Wibble"

Roy Hodgson has used his afternoon press conference to announce the England squad for the upcoming home friendlies against Chile and Germany on the 15th and 19th of November respectively, and it looks a little something like this...

Goalkeepers:Fraser Forster, Joe Hart, John Ruddy.

Brazilian Club Make Fortune By Slapping Che Guevara’s Face On Their New Kit (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Madureira players pose in their 'revolutionary' new kit

Brazilian third division side Madureira have enjoyed record shirt sales by simply slapping Che Guevara's face on the front of their new kit, i.e, the very same tactic people have been using to flog cheap t-shirts, posters, stash tins and energy drinks to clueless student "rebels" for years and years.

Football Tat: Liverpool Attempt To Follow Roaring Success Of ‘Anfield Bomber Jacket’ With Official LFC ‘Rudolph’ Woolly Christmas Jumper

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool's Christmas gift/merchandise catalogue has just landed on the front doormats of fans on the mailing list everywhere and it seems like the club are keen to follow up the roaring viral success of last year's 'Anfield' panorama shirt and reversible bomber jacket combo with an equally stylish Yuletide option for 2013.

Strategic Goalmouth Mud Puddle Saves VMFD Zalgiris From Getting Knocked Out Of Lithuanian Cup Quarter-Finals (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We join the action here during yesterday's Lithuanian Cup quarter-final betweenKruoja and Zalgiris with the home side 1-0 up and bearing down on goal in pursuit of a second goal to put the tie to bed with ten minutes left to play.

Having latched onto a long ball over the top, Kruoja's striker rolled the ball past the advancing 'keeper with ease and began wheeling away in celebration as his shot trundled toward the goal.

Shit Lookalikes: Diego Simeone & Tom Waits

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By Chris Wright

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Send it over to us at waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet it over @waatpies if you're feeling fruity.

Champions League: Chelsea 3-0 Schalke – Samuel Nets Two’o As Blues Stay On Course For Last 16 (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 3-0 Schalke 04 Champions League 6th November 2013

He may be well into the autumn of his esteemed career, but veteran hitman Samuel Eto'o showed there's still life in the old multi-millionaire superstar footballer yet by bagging a brace at the Bridge against Schalke.

Champions League: Ajax 1-0 Celtic – Below-Par Bhoys Well Beaten In Amsterdam (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Ajax 1-0 Celtic Champions League 6th November 2013

Celtic were deservedly beaten in Amsterdam on Wednesday night after a flaccid display which leaves the Bhoys bottom of Group H.

Neil Lennon's men failed to recapture the spark which brought them a victory against Ajax in Glasgow, instead producing a display which rarely threatened to trouble the Dutch giants.

Football GIF: Samuel Eto’o Capitalises On Clanger Dropped By Schalke ‘Keeper Timo Hildebrand

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By Chris Wright

After dallying on the ball for what seemed like an absolute bloody age, Schalke 'keeper Timo Hildebrand was still somehow taken by surprise by Samuel Eto'o's marauding charge, with the veteran striker capitalising on the dalliance to to duly open the scoring for Chelsea.

Champions League: Dortmund 0-1 Arsenal – Gallant Gunners Bag Massive Win At Westfalenstadion (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Borussia Dortmund 0-1 Arsenal Champions League 6th November 2013

While many TV pundits still remain unconvinced by Arsenal's chances of silverware this season, the Gunners just keep on winning. Coming on the back of a fine 2-0 win against Liverpool at the weekend, Arsene Wenger's men produced a magnificent defensive display to beat the mighty Borussia Dortmund on their own patch.

Retro Football: ‘Look At Life: Saturday Fever’ – What Matchday Looked Like In 1960 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Many thanks to Pies compatriot Liam Rayner, who emailed this delightful little mosey down memory lane over to us this morning. Well worth a share.

What we have here is a short featurette entitled 'Saturday Fever' which is one of over 500 episodic 'Look at Life' documentaries that werescreened in Odeon cinemas before the main feature began back in the early 60s and which all focused on various aspects of contemporary British life.

Adidas Release Vivid ‘Samba’ World Cup Boot Collection With One Eye On Brazil 2014 (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

We appreciate that we're flirting with overkill at the moment when it comes to the never-ending slew of boot releases, but an awful lot of people seem to like looking a photos of shiny new things so who are we to argue?

To that end, here is the new 'Samba' colourway range from Adidas which, with one eye on the World Cup next summer, sees the adipure, the predator, the nitrocharge and the F50 all givenshockingly vivid neon makeovers in preparation for Brazil 2014.

Uruguayan Goalkeeper Juan Obelar Chops Off Four Fingers In Hideous DIY Accident, Forced To Retire

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By Chris Wright

Former Penarol goalkeeper Juan Obelar has been forced to retire from football altogether after severely maiming one of the tools of his trade in a horrifically unfortunate DIY accident which saw the 34-year-old lop off four of the fingers on his right hand.

Here's the man himself with the gruesome story:

"I was doing a few things for my house, putting wood through a plane and the next thing I know the machine ripped off four fingers.

Shit Lookalikes: Gareth Bale & Little Billy (From ‘Halloween V’)

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By Chris Wright

Wonderful work from Pies faithfulCharles Tiene there. Look at their cheeky little faces!

Got a Shit Lookalike for us? Email it over to us at waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet the little blighter to us @waatpies and we'll gladly give it a butcher's.

Juventus 2-2 Real Madrid: Cristiano Ronaldo Breaks One Of Lionel Messi’s Records For A Change

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By Chris Wright

In the act of grabbing Real Madrid's first goal of the night in their 2-2 draw with Juventus in Turin last night, Cristiano Ronaldo finally got round to breaking one of Lionel Messi's many, many performance records overtaking the Barcelona man in the 'most Champions League goals scored in a calendar year' stakes.

Football GIF: Man Utd’s Ashley Young Performs Trademark ‘Simulation’ In Sociedad

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By Alan Duffy

This classic Ashley Young dive, performed in Spain on Tuesday night, has it all; the faintest of contact from the opponent, followed by the half-twist dive onto the grass. Bravo!

However, justice did win out when Robin Van Persie failed to convert the subsequent spot-kick.

Champions League: Man City 5-2 CSKA Moscow – Aguero And Negredo Fire Citizens Into Knockout Stages (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 5-2 CSKA Moscow Champions League 5th November 2013

Coming hot on the heels of their 7-0 mauling of Norwich at the weekend, Manchester City enjoyed another goal-fest on Tuesday night, spanking CSKA Moscow 5-2 to book their place in the last 16 of the Champions League for the first time ever.

Champions League: Real Sociedad 0-0 Man Utd – RVP Fluffs Spot-Kick And Fellaini Sees Red In Spanish Stalemate (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Real Sociedad 0-0 Manchester United Champions League 5th November 2013

Manchester United failed to all but cement their place in the knockout stages of the Champions League after playing out a disappointing goalless draw in Spain.

Good chances were few and far between for both sides but after the break the game became more open, with Javier Hernandez missing a right sitter before sub Robin Van Persie hit the woodwork after an Ashley Young centre.

Snapshot: Ravel Morrison & Carlton Cole Buddy Up And Get Into The Christmas Spirit…

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By Chris Wright

We couldn't help but notice that 'Jingle All The Way' was on television over the weekend so we guess that means Christmas is officially upon us and West Ham have been getting into the ridiculously premature festive spirit, posting the following photo on their official Twitter account Ravel Morrison and Carlton Cole (in a particularly snazzy dressing gown!

Germany’s New 2014 World Cup Shirt Looks Like It’s Going To Be A Belter! (Leaked Photo)

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By Chris Wright

What you're looking at their is what several sources are purporting to be a leaked computery knock-up of the shirt that Germany will be wearing at the 2014 World Cup in Brazil next summer.

According to the Hamburger Morgen Post newspaper, the new Germany kit is to be promoted by Adidas as part of a campaign with the tagline "All in White" which will be teased in the build-up to the German national team's upcoming pre-World Cup friendlies against Italy and England on Friday 15th and Tuesday 19th of November respectively before being properly unveiled next February.

17 Cracking Photos Of Roy Keane Looking Slightly Uncomfortable Everywhere

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By Chris Wright

In what sounds like a pitch for a terrible, terrible sitcom, the Republic of Ireland are all but set to appoint Martin O'Neill as their new manager with Roy Keane brought in as his assistant.

This prompted us to have a flick through the archives for photos of 'Keano' playing in the emerald green of Eire and we suddenly came to a stark and vivid realisation: the man has the uncanny knack of looking ever-so-slightly uncomfortable almost everywhere that isn't either, a) when knee-deep in a knee-high tackle and/or, b) when finding solace in the wordless kinship of his dogs.

‘He Has The Face Of An Angel, But He Is A Son Of A Bitch!’ – Gattuso Reminisces About The Time Pirlo ‘Offered His Sister’ To Milan’s Vice-President

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By Chris Wright

As is plainly visible from the photo above, Gennaro Gattuso and Andrea Pirlo are the best of friends and, as best friends tend to do, they really rather enjoy making one another's lives a total misery.

Between jobs having been canned by Palermo (can you believe it?

FC Schweinfurt Player Scores Absolutely Spectacular Own Goal From The Halfway Line (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Gather round all ye good people and marvel at the majesty of what you're about to witness: FC Schweinfurt (FC Pig Fart?) going 0-2 down against1860 Munich's B team in the Bavarian division of the German fourth tier thanks to an almighty own-goal from Schweinfurt midfielderStefan Seufert, scored with exemplary ease from nigh-on the halfway line.

Partick Thistle Striker Kallum Higginbotham Hits Crossbar Directly From Kick-Off vs Aberdeen (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Patrick Thistle's Kallum Higginbotham wasted no time in coming roaring out of the traps against Aberdeen last night, with the impatient midfielder attempting an audacious shot straight from kick-off that clanged against the Dons' crossbar before 'keeper Jamie Langfieldhad time to velcro up his gloves and hang his little towel up properly.

Football Art: Zlatan’s Elastic-Hamstringed Backheel Volley Against Bastia Given Flipbook Animation Treatment (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Everybody's favourite footballing flipbook animator, etoilec1, has been busy of late, rendering Zlatan's hammy-defying scorpion backheel volley thingamajig against Bastia from a week or two ago in his signature style...

Cool little things.

The Crying Game: Gareth Bale Quite Literally Reduces Rayo Vallecano Full-Back Anaitz Arbilla To Tears (Video & GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid survived a late-ish bout of "Penalty Madness Coco Funtime Half-Hour" to edge a 2-3 victory over Rayo Vallecano at the weekend having previously raced into a 0-3 lead by the 50-minute mark, with Gareth Bale tying Rayo full-backAnaitz Arbilla up in knots on Madrid's right flank in the process of providing a couple of assists for Cristiano Ronaldo.

San Lorenzo Captain Booked Before Kick-Off Against Boca Juniors For Bringing Dog Onto The Pitch (Video)

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By Chris Wright

San Lorenzo captain Pablo Alvarado picked up what must surely be the earliest yellow card ever to be shown on Sunday afternoon when he was booked by the referee several minutes before kick-off against Boca Juniors for time-wasting.

Not just any old common-or-garden time-wasting though, oh no, but time-wasting as a result of choosing to walk his dog out onto the pitch just as the two teams were gearing up to get things under way.

Tottenham Branded ‘Irresponsible’ For Allowing Hugo Lloris To Play On After Being Knocked Unconscious

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By Chris Wright

Tottenham have been branded "irresponsible" by a prominent brain injury charity after allowing 'keeper Hugo Lloris to play for the last 20 or so minutes of yesterday's goalless draw against Everton despite having been knocked out cold during a nasty collision with Romelu Lukaku's galloping knee.

Moussa Sissoko Pulls Off Weird, Wonderful ‘No Look’ Corner Clearance vs Chelsea (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Short, sweet and utterly baffling: here's Newcastle midfielder Moussa Sissoko pulling off a textbook headed clearance from a Chelsea corner on Saturday afternoon without so much as looking at the ball even once.

Tasked with marking Branislav Ivanovic, the Frenchman has his back turned to the ball for the entire set-piece yet somehow still manages to position himself perfectly and time his header to perfectionas the corner is slung deep into the area .

Newcastle Super Scout Joe Kinnear Once Tried To Sign A Player Who Already Belonged To Newcastle

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By Chris Wright

"Oi Mike, I reckon we should 'ave a dabble on this Mike Williamson character"

Needless to say, Joe F. Kinnear is doing a wonderful job in his role as Newcastle's director of football, with staff and fans alike regularly publicly praising his input at the club though a gaffe suffered at the start of the season proved that Saint Joseph may actually be human after all!

Everton 0-0 Tottenham – Toffees And Lilywhites Fudge Chance To Go Second (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 0-0 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 3rd November 2013

Both Everton and Spurs passed up a chance to take second place in the table on Sunday after playing out a disappointing goalless draw at Goodison Park.

Roberto Soldado had the visitors' best chance in the first half, only to miss with a header while the Lilywhites had a big shout for a penalty when Jan Vertonghen was challenged by Seamus Coleman in the Toffees' box.

Cardiff 1-0 Swansea – Caulker Wins Welsh Derby For Bluebirds (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Cardiff City 1-0 Swansea City Premier League 3rd November 2013

Despite all the hype about this all-Welsh top-tier clash, large periods of the game were rather subdued. However, ultimately it was Cardiff captain Steven Caulker who would head home the only goal of the game just after the hour-mark.

West Ham 0-0 Aston Villa – Hammers Stop The Rot At Home With Bore Draw Against Villans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 0-0 Aston Villa Premier League 2nd November 2013

A Christian Benteke header which hit the cross bar was the closest either side came to scoring at Upton Park on Saturday, with chances few and far between.

The Hammers will be happy to have ended a run of three home defeats in the league but without Andy Carroll they still looked rather toothless.

Hull 1-0 Sunderland – Nightmare At KC Stadium For Nine-Man Black Cats (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Hull City 1-0 Sunderland Premier League 2nd November 2013

All the positivity produced by Sunderland's derby win against Newcastle last week was extinguished in a disastrous first-half at the KC Stadium. Firstly, Carlos Cuellar headed into his own goal to give the Tigers the lead before Lee Cattermole and then Andrea Dossena were shown red.

West Brom 2-0 Crystal Palace – Baggies Bang In Two As Eagles Lose Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 2-0 Crystal Palace Premier League 2nd November 2013

Crystal Palace worked hard and battled hard at the Hawthorns on Saturday, but in the end, the bottom-placed team in the table once again came away with nothing.

West Brom's came with one in either half, firstly from early sub Saido Berahino just before half-time and then late on, courtesy of a powerful Gareth McAuley header.

Stoke 1-1 Southampton – Begovic Nets Freak Goal As Points Shared At Blustery Britannia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 1-1 Southampton Premier League 2nd November 2013

Asmir Begovic's freak, wind-assisted goal gave the Potters an early lead at the Britannia on Saturday, with the goal coming on 13 seconds and with Stoke's second touch of the game.

Arsenal 2-0 Liverpool – Gunners Too Strong For Reds As Rampant Ramsey Scores Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 2-0 Liverpool Premier League 2nd November 2013

While pundits continue to dismiss Arsenal's title credentials, the Gunners keep on winning, stretching their lead at the top of the table to five points after an impressive home display against Liverpool.

Fulham 1-3 Man Utd – Red Devils Cruise To Victory At The Cottage (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 1-3 Manchester United Premier League 2nd November 2013

That comeback victory against Stoke last weekend may well prove to be a turning point in David Moyes' fortunes with United, as the red Devils ran out deserved winners at Craven Cottage on Saturday.

Man City 7-0 Norwich – Canaries KO’ed By Super Citizens’ Magnificent Seven (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 7-0 Norwich City Premier League 2nd November 2013

Man City's first goal in this uber-rout may have been a rather lucky affair, with the ball going in off Bradley Johnson, but from then on, the Citizens gave Norwich a right old spanking.

Newcastle 2-0 Chelsea – Magpies Too Good For Flaccid Blues (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 2-0 Chelsea Premier League 2nd November 2013

So Jose Mourinho still has never won at St. James' Park after his side were deservedly beaten by Newcastle in Saturday's early game.

Juan Mata was back in the starting line-up but it was John Terry who came closest to scoring for the visitors, hitting the crossbar with a powerful header.

Football GIF: Stoke Keeper Asmir Begovic Scores After 18 Seconds vs Southampton

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By Chris Wright

Asmir Begovic now has more Premier League goals this season that Juan Mata...

(GIF via Genius Football)

Young Argentinian Lad Becomes Local Celebrity For Looking Almost Exactly Like Mesut Ozil (Video)

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By Chris Wright

A 13-year-old lad from Tucuman in Argentina has become somewhat of a local celebrity in his neck of the woods after it came to people's attention that he bears a more than passing resemblance to one Mesut Ozil though quite how the blatant similarity hadn't been noticed before is anyone's guess!

Barnet’s Goalposts Attempt To Escape While No-One Is Looking… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Sick of their monotonous life at Barnet's 'Hive' training ground, the goalposts attempted to do a runner while no-one was looking yesterday afternoon.

Unfortunately, the daring escape was captured on camera and the fugitive goalpost was intercepted as it was about to board a train to St.

Brooklyn Beckham Both Definitely Is And Definitely Isn’t On Trial With Man Utd

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By Chris Wright


Brooklyn certainly impressed with his dribbling skills during his first trial at Old Trafford

You may have caught wind of the news yesterday that David Beckham's eldest son, Brooklyn, 14, had a trial with Manchester United's kiddiwinks side with the logical explanation being that United were eyeing him up for a spot in their academy, thus following in his old man's Predator-clad footprints.

Around The Grounds: Galpharm Stadium, Home Of Huddersfield Town

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By Chris Wright

Come 3pm on Saturday afternoon, Huddersfield Town will be playing their 4,000th game in the Football League having joined the party way back in 1910/11, just three years after the club's formation.

Sadly the Terriers won't be able to stage any kind of commemoration ceremony as they'll be doing it at the DW Stadium in Wigan, but we thought that we'd offer up a small celebration of our own to at least take the edge of the disappointment by giving them the esteemed honour of being the subject of this week's Around the Grounds tour.

Nenad Milijas Files Solid Contender In ‘Worst Corner Ever’ Stakes vs FK Radnicki (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's former Wolves midfielder Nenad Milijas, now back plying his trade for Red Star Belgrade again, pulling off what might just be the most outstandingly crap corner we've ever clapped eyes on during his side's recent Serbian Cup encounter with FK Radnicki.

Andrea Pirlo Does Post-Match Interview On Halloween Wearing Spooky Carlos Tevez Mask (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Juventus spanked Catania 4-0 on Halloween Eve (Wednesday night) and with a nod to the ghoulish, the occult and the unholy, Andrea Pirlo fulfilled his post-game interview duties wearing a really rather terrifying Carlos Tevez mask...

And, yes, before you say anything; we're well aware that we're about the hundredth people to make that joke and attempt to pass it off as our own!