Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2013

Man Utd 2-1 Southampton – Rooney Bags Brace But Saints Push Red Devils All The Way (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 2-1 Southampton Premier League 30th January 2013

Manchester United came from a goal down at home to Southampton to win the game 2-1, a result which puts them seven points clear at the top of the table.

Jay Rodriguez opened the scoring for the visitors after just three minutes when he made the most of a horrendopus Michael Carrick back-pass.

Reading 2-2 Chelsea – Blues Blow Two-Goal Lead As Le Fondre Bags Le Brace (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Reading 2-2 Chelsea Premier League 30th January 2013

The knives will surely now be out for Rafa Benitez after his Chelsea side threw away a two-goal lead in the dying minutes against Reading.

Juan Mata opened the scoring on the stroke of half-time, but only after the Blues had rather toiled against the Royals.

Norwich 1-1 Tottenham – Bale Wonder-Goal Rescues Point For Lilywhites At Carrow Road (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 1-1 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 30th January 2013

A superb solo effort from Gareth Bale, which saw him start off in his own-half, gave Spurs a share of the points at Carrow Road on Wednesday night.

Norwich, currently enduring a poor run of form, were a much improved side against the Lilywhites and took a deserved lead on the half-hour mark, courtesy of Irish schemer Wes Hoolahan.

Arsenal 2-2 Liverpool – Gunners Fight Back To Draw With Reds After First-Half Horror Show At The Emirates (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 2-2 Liverpool Premier League 30th January 2013

Shocking defending has been a trademark of Arsenal's season so far anad against Liverpool on Wednesday night, the Gunners' backline once again handed two goals to the visitors.

To be fair to Liverpool, they started the better of the two sides, with Luis Suarez dictating the play from the left flank.

Pies’ All Time Premier League XI: France

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By Alan Duffy

What with Monsieur Alain Pardeaux deciding to set up a rather well-stocked French Quarter on Tyneside (which is all the more amusing considering this gem of a quote from 2006), Pies have decided to give up a best French XI from the annals of the Premier League.

Competition: WIN! Celebrate The AfCoN And Win A Togo Shirt Courtesy Of Puma!

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By Chris Wright

As part of our bumper AfCoN shirt giveaway, Pies have once again teamed up with PUMA® (the Official Fan Supplier to the Orange African Cup of Nations)to offer one lucky fan the chance to win the official replica home shirt of Togo and a belter of a shirt it is too!

Greek Striker Confesses To Scoring With His Hand, Shown BLUE Card By Referee (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Well well. This is a new one on us. Over in the Greekamateurleagues it would appear that a new scheme is being pioneered that allows referees to show players a blue card for good sportsmanship.

Here we see a Tsiklitiras Pylos striker by the name ofGeorge Kaldis (eventually) owning up to scoring a goal on an absolute dog of a pitch against AE Longa with his hand, with the referee awarding his honesty with a blue card.

Gormless Dave Bassett Mannequin Spotted On Sky Sports (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting: Dave Bassett performing a visual interpretation of tinnitus on Football First...

Oi! Sky Sports! We think your Dave Bassett might need new batteries.

10 Most Terrifying Fans At The Africa Cup Of Nations

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By Chris Wright

Click for full-sized images...

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 10

The John Wayne Gacy of Ghana supporters.

Photos: PA

Shit Lookalikes: Clarke Carlisle & Ashley Banjo

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By Chris Wright

Carlisle is a Northampton centre-half, Britain's Brainiest Footballerâ„¢ (by virtue of being able to use the correct tense in basic sentences) and chairman of the PFA.

Banjo is some kind of urban dancer fellow and proud owner of the middle name "Modurotolu".

Horror Hair: Tigre Coach Nestor Gorosito Possesses Clarkson-esque Tightly Permed Mullet Of Doom

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By Chris Wright

This is Nestor Gorosito. He is the head coach of Argentinian side Tigre. He also possesses one of the most tightly weaved mullerms/permlets we've ever seen and HE WANTS YOU...

We'll just leave this here...

Fitba Thatba Present: Transfer Deadline Day! The Musical (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Pies' good pals over at Fitba Thatba capture all the subtle shades of maddening tedium brought about by the garbage whirlwind that is a Sky Sports News-stoked Transfer Deadline Day© - in musical form...

WARNING: Features some powerfully intense high notes!

Aston Villa 1-2 Newcastle – Villans Put To The Sword By Magpies’ French Revolution (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 1-2 Newcastle United Premier League 29 January 2013

With reinforcements from across the Channel in place, Alan Pardew's Franco-football team secured a vital 2-1 win away at Villa Park on Tuesday night.

New-boysMoussa Sissoko and Yoan Gouffran both started, with the former blossoming in his first taste of Premier League action.

Sunderland 0-0 Swansea – Stalemate At The Stadium Of Light As Black Cats And Swans Fail To Fire (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 0-0 Swansea City Premier League 29th January 2013

Despite dominating large periods of the game, particularly in the first-half, Michael Laudrup's Swansea couldn't find a way past the Black Cats on Tuesday night.

Chico Flores came closest to opening the scoring in the first-half, only to see Simon Mignolet save well from the Spaniard.

‘You Pray They Can Improve Themselves’ – Referee Stops AZ Match Over Racist Chants, Jozy Altidore Asks For Play To Continue

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By Chris Wright

We're sad to say that AZ Almaar's 5-0 walloping of Den Bosch in the Dutch Cup last night was marred by racist chanting from the away fans, aimed pretty much specifically at AZ's American striker Jozy Altidore.

The chanting arose in the first half with the referee calling a halt to the game there and then, but Altidorerequestedthat official not let the smallcontingentof slobbering morons ruin the evening for everyone else and that play should be allowed to continue.

Strangest Red Card You’ll See Today: Roda JC Captain Sent-Off After Two Players’ Feet Stick Together! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This is, without doubt, the weirdest red card you'll see today hell, it might even be the weirdest you see this week.

We join the action in the Dutch Cup game between Ado Den Haag and Roda JC, with Roda captain Sanharib Malki receiving marching orders after his boot mysteriously latched onto that of his opponent and clung on for dear life.

Stoke 2-2 Wigan – Latics Battle Back At The Britannia To Move Out Of Drop-Zone (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 2-2 Wigan Athletic Premier League 29th January 2013

Wigan hauled themselves out of the bottom three on Tuesday evening after coming from two goals down to draw with Stoke at the Britannia Stadium.

Ryna Shawcross had opened the scoring for the Potters on 23 minutes as the home side looked comfortable for long periods of the first half.

QPR 0-0 Man City – Hail Cesar! Julio Shines As Hoops Dent Citizens’ Title Hopes (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Queens Park Rangers 0-0 Manchester City Premier League 29 January 2013

In a magnificent individual display on Tuesday night, QPR 'keeper Julio Cesar pulled off a number of superb saves to keep Man City at bay and earn the Hoops a well-deserved point.

Top Stories: Eden Hazard Specsavers Ad, Surprise New iPad On Sale Next Week And More…

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More top stories from Pies and our pals...

Specsavers mock Chelea's Eden Hazard for ballboy incident

101 year old women comes back to life at her own funeral

France Football claims that Qatar's World Cup bid was fixed

Man Utd Rings Into Radio Phone-In, Pretends To Be Heartbroken Liverpool Fan After Oldham Defeat superb wind up

Surprise new Apple iPad launch Due in the stores next week

Five sad, but fascinating tales of musicians who went AWOL

Robbie Williams' menswear label Farrell unveils some very smooth 50s style shirts and coast

Preview of this year's Sim City reboot looks good

Tactics Special: How Should Reading Line Up Against Chelsea?

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Brian McDermott has a selection dilemma for the home match with Chelsea: he's started the last two matches with a 4-5-1 formation. However, in both matches he's changed to a 4-4-2 formation midway through the second half, with fantastic results. First, Reading won 3-2 at home to West Brom, having trailed 2-0, and then they came back from 1-0 down at Newcastle, to record a 2-1 victory.

Snapshot: Subbuteo Produce Awesome Eden Hazard/Ballboy Figurine…

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By Chris Wright

There's no reason no to love these limited edition Subbuteo figurines...

(Image: @SubbuteoArt)

More Subbuteo magic on Pies...

Mario Balotelli's Power Flex In Subbuteo Form
Wayne Rooney's Manc Derby Overhead Shinner
Top 10 Subbuteo Accessories From Yesteryear
Rene Higuita's Scorpion Kick

Peru U20 Player Sent Home For Being 25-Year-Old Ecuadorian Bloke Now Facing 10 Years In Prison

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By Chris Wright

Remember Max Barrios? That said, you may know him asJuan Carlos Espinosa.

A few days back we brought you the story of Barrios/Espinosa; the Peru U20 player who was sent home from theSouth American U20 Championships after turning out to be a 25-year-old Ecuadorian fellow.

France Football Claim To Have Proof That Qatar Rigged 2022 World Cup Vote

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By Chris Wright

After conducting an investigation of their own, French football magazine France Football - yes, the Ballon d'Or monsieurs have claimed that they are sitting onempirical evidence that the bidding process for the 2022 World Cup was rigged in Qatar's favour.

Snapshot: Fabio Borini Buys Sister Slightly Curious Birthday Present…

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By Chris Wright

It was Liverpool forward Fabio Borini's little sister's birthday a couple of days ago and this is what he bought her, sharing the following spoiler photo with his 60,000-odd Twitter followers...

Some new shoes, a pink purse-looking thing and... a sexy little Victoria's Secret bra.

Should Man City Just Cut Their Losses And Flog Mario Balotelli?

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By Chris Wright

Let's just clear one thing up before we start: by 'flog' we mean 'sell', though we suspect that there are more than a few City fans out there who'd welcome the chance to thrash Mario with pickled birch rods given his recent form.

With Milan known to be sniffing, Manchester City would appear to be in a viable position to offload problem child Mario Balotelli back from whence he came this month though with only a couple of day's worth of window left, they're facing a somewhat of a hurried decision.

Paul Scholes Has Car Stolen After Leaving It To Defrost On Driveway

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By Chris Wright

Guard it with your life lads!

In other "footballer's cars" news, Paul Scholes had his car stolen on Monday morning after leaving it; doors open, keys in the ignition and engine running, to defrost on his driveway.

Scholes nipped back inside his home in Oldham, perhaps to fetch a couple of Hobnobs for the drive into work, while he left the ice melting on the windscreen of his Chevrolet Captiva estate which the papers are keen to let you know costs around £30,000 new.

Doxa’s Ricardo Fernandes Scores Sublimely Ridiculous Scorpion Volley vs Alki Larnaca (Video)

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By Chris Wright

in which, over in the Cypriot top tier, Doxa Katokopia captainRicardo Fernandes connects with a ridiculous/ever-so-slightly fluky scorpion volley and sends a shot over the keeper and dinking in off the far post against Alki Larnaca...

You jammy swine!

Snapshot: Dumbass Man Utd Fan Urinates All Over Mario Balotelli’s Car…

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By Chris Wright

Despite the camouflage paintjob, unfortunately there's no mistaking Mario Balotelli's Bentley so when these two Manchester United fans came across it parked outside a restaurant in the city, they did the only thing their feeble minds could conjure up and pissed all over it.

Everyone Enjoys A Good Rabona Penalty Now And Again (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during the penalty shootout at the end of a pre-season friendly between Finnish lower league sides FC Ilves and FC Hameenlinna, Ilves centre-back Jan Kulokorpi steps up and ratchets home a rabona spot-kick without so much as a second thought...

Those Finns and their crazy penalties, eh.

Football Boots We Have Loved: Patrick Juventus

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By Chris Wright

This ‘ere be ‘Football Boots We Have Loved', in which we have a look back at some of the football boots which have tugged on our heartstrings down through the years.

In a sport which only really requires you to supply a minimal amount of gear, your boots take on an added sentimental significance.

Top Stories: Hottest New Mobiles, Stupid Acts Of TV Censorship, Questions About The New Star Wars

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Top stories from Pies and our pals...

Top 12 ballboy misdemeanors videos - some very cool ones

That newsreader falling into a canal video

The silliest acts of TV censorship ever

Obama's inauguration in pictures

Top 10 Football Transfer U-Turns, Close Shaves & Last-Minute Changes Of Heart

All you need to know about twitter's hot new video app Vine

Countries that you didn't know Britain used to own including Hawaii, Minorca and weird bits of Germany

The hottest thing in mobile phones the Phablet all you need to know and the seven top models

Nokia to take on Spotify

Why I have a very bad feeling about the new Star Wars film

Man Utd Rings Into Radio Phone-In, Pretends To Be Heartbroken Liverpool Fan After Oldham Defeat (Audio)

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By Chris Wright

Bit of banteriffic BAANTZ from a Manchester United fan who rang into BBC Radio's 606 phone-in and pretends to be a disconsolate Liverpool fan, bemoaning "his side's" fall from grace, calling for Roy Hodgson'sreinstatementand the immediate sale of Luis Suarez (among other things) after yesterday's FA Cup defeat at Oldham Athletic.

Shit Lookalikes: Zambia Coach Herve Renard & Jaime Lannister (From ‘Game Of Thrones’)

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By Chris Wright

Renard is Zambia's knee-trembling handsome matinee idol of a coach.

Lannister is a bad bastard of a knight from 'Game Of Thrones'(played by Danish actor Nikolaj Coster-Waldau)whose special power just so happens to be incest.

Plucky Lille Defender Nutmegs Zlatan, Zlatan Is Thoroughly Impressed (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which foolhardy/insane Lille defender Aurelien Chedjou takes his life in his hands and pulls the old lollipop on Zlatan, somehow escaping without being mashed down into a fleshy pulp...

Ibra's post-meg reaction is priceless: "Touché my boy, touché.

Leeds’ Rodolph Austin Scores From Own Half Just As Final Whistle Blows vs Tottenham (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The commentary suggests this was the handiwork of Davide Somma, but Twitter seems to reckon that it was in fact Leeds' Rodolph Austin who managed to slot one in from his own half against Tottenham yesterday only to be beaten by the clock...

Was tattooed Leeds fan impressed?

Feyenoord Present: Heartwarming Tale Of Giovanni Van Bronckhorst And His Huge Stuffed Elephant (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Feyenoord have just signed a new shirt sponsorship deal with theDiergaarde Blijdorp zoo in Rotterdam and to announce the deal the pair have produced the following advert, tracking the eternal love affair between Feyenoord hero (and current assistant coach) Giovanni van Bronckhorst and a stuffed elephant named Oli all set to club anthem 'You'll Never Walk Alone'.

Competition: WIN! Celebrate The AfCoN And Win A Ghana Shirt Courtesy Of Puma!

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By Chris Wright

Pies have teamed up with PUMA®, the Official Fan Supplier to the Orange African Cup of Nations, to offer one lucky fan the chance to win the official replica home shirt of Ghana.

Ghana, who today are playing against Niger, are one of six PUMA® sponsored nations competing in the tournament.

FA Cup: Oldham 3-2 Liverpool – Matt Smith Brace Exterminates Reds In Five-Goal Thriller At Boundary Park (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Oldham 3-2 Liverpool FA Cup 27th January 2013

Steven Gerrard may have been left out of Liverpool's starting 11 for this cup clash at Boundary Park, but Brendan Rodgers still put out a strong side which should have been good enough to overcome Paul Dickov's League One side.

FA Cup: Brentford 2-2 Chelsea – Torres Saves The Day As Blues Stung By Bees At Griffin Park (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Brentford 2-2 Chelsea FA Cup 27th January 2013

It took a late equaliser from Fernando Torres to spare Chelsea's blushes at Griffin Park on Sunday. The much-maligned Spaniard struck on 83 minutes after the Premier League side had been pushed all the way by a superb Brentford performance.

FA Cup: Leeds 2-1 Tottenham – Lax Lilywhites Crash Out Of Cup After Bruising Battle At Elland Road (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Leeds United 2-1 Tottenham Hotspur FA Cup 27th January 2013

In a weekend of cup shocks, north London giants Spurs found themselves on a sharp end of a disappointing defeat from Championship side Leeds at Elland Road.

The home side, missing top-scorer Luciano Becchio who handed in a transfer requests this weekend, were ahead after just 15 minutes.

Football GIF: Glenn Whelan Launches Horrendous Two-Footed Lunge At Javi Garcia, Gets Away Scot-Free

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By Alan Duffy

Glenn Whelan's dreadful challenge on Man City's Javi Garcia unquestionably warranted a red card, yet big Howard Webb, who was well positioned to view the incident, didn't even blow for a foul. Strange.

A right shocking challenge...

FA Cup: Man Utd 5-1 Fulham – Red Devils Cruise Into Fifth Round After Whites-Wash At Old Trafford (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 5-1 Fulham FA Cup 26th January 2013

As one-sided a cup tie as there could be, Manchester United battered a feeble Fulham side which failed to match their hosts in any department of this clash.

Former Red Devils Dimitar Berbatov will no doubt have been hoping to mark his return to Old Trafford with goal or at least a fine performance, but instead the game somewhat passed him (and his team-mates) by as United, with RVP matching on from the bench totally dominated.

Snapshot: Non-League Luton Celebrate After Dumping Top Tier Norwich Out Of FA Cup

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By Alan Duffy

Ah, you can't beat a good old-fashioned cupset, except of course, if you're a supporter of the big-time Charlies who have just been slayed in true giant-killing fashion (I seemed to have mixed a fair few metaphors in there. I'm tired).

Anyway, it was the turn of Luton Town of theBlue Square Bet Premier to a big name out of the Cup, with Chris Hughton's Norwich on the end of a rather embarrassing defeat.

FA Cup: Brighton 2-3 Arsenal – Theo To The Rescue As Gunners Strain To Shoot Down Seagulls In Classic Cup Tie (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Brighton & Hove Albion 2-3 Arsenal FA Cup 26th January 2013

What a fine cup tie this was at Brighton's superb Amex Stadium, with the home side pushing a second-ish string Arsenal side all the way courtesy of some fine attacking play.

FA Cup: Stoke 0-1 Man City – Citizens Leave It Late At The Britannia Against Misfiring Potters (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 0-1 Manchester City FA Cup 26th January 2013

A late goal from the consistently consistent Pablo Zabaleta secured a hard-fought win for Man City against Stoke in Saturday's early game.

To be fair to City, the win was much deserved as Stoke failed to fire at the Britannia.

AfCoN: Zambia Keeper Kennedy Mweene Scores Perfect Penalty Under Pressure vs Nigeria (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With his side 1-0 down and the final whistle looming, Zambia needed a cool head to capitalise on the incredibly dubious penalty they were gifted against Nigeria in the AfCoN yesterday evening.

Up stepped Chipolopologoalkeeper Kennedy Mweene, who proceeded to stick away just about as perfect a penalty as you're ever likely to see.

74-Year-Old AFC Wimbledon Fan Arrested For Throwing Banana At Referee

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By Chris Wright

Police have arrested a 74-year-old AFC Wimbledon fan after he was caught on camera throwing a banana at refereeGraham Scott during Thursday night's 2-2 draw with Port Vale.

Though Scott was visibly amused after realising he'd been struck by theairborne banana, the pensioner wascorralledbefore leaving the ground, then later interviewed by the police and released on bail.

FA Cup: Feeble Villa Suffer Second Cup Catastrophe In Three Days As Lions Roar At New Den (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Millwall 2-1 Aston Villa FA Cup 25th January 2013

Not content with ballsing-up their chances of securing a Wembley appearance in the Capital One Cup, Paul Lambert's sorry Villans made it two dismal cup exits in three days on Friday night, going down 2-1 to Millwall at the New Den.

Friday Flashback: Special Random 1990s Premier League Football Sticker Quiz Edition!

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By Chris Wright

It's the 20th edition of the Friday Flashback so we thought we'd mark the occasion by putting on a bit of a buffet, opening a 2lr bottle of Tizer and having a bit of a knees-up by which we mean 'a quiz'.

Basically, we're going to throw 20 random/obscure Premier League stickers from the 1990s your way and you sit there, wrack your brains, flick through your 90s sticker albums in your mind and hope that you cansuccessfullydredge up a name.

Wilfried Zaha Turns Up For Man Utd Medical Wearing Imogen Thomas T-Shirt (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Wilfried Zaha's choice of t-shirt for his Manchester United medical at Bridgewater Hospital was inspired what with it having Imogen Thomas' image splashed all over the front.

We're still not entirely sure if we're legally allowed to tell you why this is so amusing (hint hint), but we're sure you can work it out for yourselves with a quick Google search.

As Per Usual, Taiwanese Animated News Provide Definitive Take On The Eden Hazard/Ballboy Fracas (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Thank the little baby Jesus! Taiwanese animated news agency NMA have cut through the fug and finally made sense of the whirling cyclone of tabloidhyperbullshit that was kicked up by Wednesday night's Eden Hazard/Swansea ballboy fracas at the Liberty Stadium.

Shit Lookalikes: Carles Puyol & Mina From ‘Jelly Jamm’

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By Chris Wright

Jelly Jamm is some strange lucid cheese dream/Spanish kids' television programme.

Puyol is Barcelona's tousled, Orangutan-savingmountain man of a centre-back.

Gorra Shit Lookalike for Pies?

Rejoice! Huncoat United U15s Win First Game In Five Years To End 94-Game Winless Streak

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By Chris Wright

Massive congratulations go out to the lads in Huncoat United's U15 string who shattered their 94-game winless streak at the weekend to taste victory for the first time in five FIVE! years

That's right. The team hadn't so much as drawn a single game since they formed five years ago, finishing rock bottom of the table on zilch points every single season and conceding 933 goals in the process their worst defeat being a 25-0 loss.

Man Utd Agree £15m Deal For Wilfried Zaha, Move Delayed Until July

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By Chris Wright

Knowing me, knowing you, ZAHA!

It's been in the offing for weeks now but today Manchester United have confirmed that they have struck a deal with Crystal Palace for much-vaunted winger Wilfried Zaha, with £15 million changing hands when the player arrives at Old Trafford in the summer.

PSV Conspire To Fluff Three Sitters In One Second vs PEC Zwolle (Video)

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By Chris Wright

PSV Eindhoven lost their first game back after the Eredivisie's winter break, going down 3-1 to little ol' PEC Zwolle and it's no surprise looking at the shocking 'finishing' on show.

Already 2-1 behind, PSV conspired to spluff three one-yard sitters in the space of a single second or so, with Tim Matavz, Dries Mortens and Jeremain Lens all somehow managing not to score when it seemed much easier to just hit the back of the Zwolle net and stop faffing about.

Gerard ‘Piquenbauer’ Pique Scores Sweet Goal vs Malaga, Celebrates With Thumb Suck (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, once again, Barca's silky centre-half Gerard Pique does the kind of thing that would give English centre-halves nosebleeds; shimmies to shake his marker, brings the ball down on his chest, slots away a nifty finish then celebrates with a thumb suck as a tribute to his newborn sprog.

Muangthong United Attempt Utterly Useless ‘Fish Flop’ Set-Piece Routine (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Thai side Muangthong United (who briefly employed Robbie Fowler) going through a set-piece routine they'd obviously beenpracticingin training all week the always entirely useless 'Fish Flop' free-kick...

Incredibly, this isn't the first time we've seen the Fish Flop attempted far from it.

Snapshot: AFC Wimbledon Get Ballboys In Early For Extra Training…

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By Chris Wright

Ha! Banteriffic!

Right, that's quite enough about ballboys. We promise we won't mention them again.

(Via @AFCWimbledon)

Top 12 Ballboy Misdemeanors

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By Chris Wright

With all this talk of ballboys getting kicked in the spleen and such, we thought we'd have a little look at some of the best ballboy-related foul-ups to have ever graced the game...

1. Referee awards goal scored by ballboy in Brazilian cup match.

The Most Blatant, Filthy Football Fouls And Horror Tackles Of 2012 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Argentiniansport broadcasters TyC Sports have done the decent thing and cobbled together a six-minute highlight reel of all of their favourite blatantly filthy, flesh-shredding horror fouls from around the world in 2012...

Viewer discretion is advised.

Pundit Pat Nevin Would Like To See Ballboys Gone From Football

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By Chris Wright

After last night's palaver at the Libertyand the accusations of racism leveled at Oldham's Lee Croft not so very long ago, pundit and former Chelsea winger Pat Nevin has told BBC Breakfast this morning that the PFA should now be thinking long and hard about dropping ballboys altogether.

Peru Player Sent Home From U20 Championships Over Allegations He’s Actually A 25-Year-Old Ecuadorian

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By Chris Wright

"Hey Juan! Long time, no see!"

CONMEBOL haveintervenedand sent one of Peru's players from the ongoingSouth American U20 Championships in Argentina over allegations that he may actually be a 25-year-old bloke from Ecuador!

Max Barrios was registered for Peru's tournament squad, but South American football's governing body are currently investigating that the player may actually beJuan Carlos Espinosa, 25, from Ecuador after being tipped off by Ecuadorian officials whohis face during the recent group game between the two countries.

Arsenal 5-1 West Ham – Hammers Nailed At The Emirates As Gunners Find Their Mojo (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 5-1 West Ham United Premier League 23rd January 2013

After losing to both Man City and Chelsea, Arsenal needed to back to winning ways if they were to stay in touch with the likes of Tottenham in their quest for a Champions League spot.

Capital One Cup: Swansea 0-0 Chelsea (2-0 Agg) – Hazard Loses Plot As Swans Win Trip To Wembley (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 0-0 Chelsea (Aggregate 2-0) Premier League 23rd January 2013

The already infamous moment of sheer unadulterated madness from Eden Hazard (see here) where football seemed to finally jump the shark, was a rather apt and rancid cherry atop Chelsea's cake of turgid mediocrity on Wednesday night.

Football GIF: Eden Hazard Sent Off For Kicking Swansea Ballboy

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By Chris Wright

Now that's a first. Eden Hazard has just been sent-off against Swansea for kicking a grounded ballboy...

Terrible really. Hazard comes off as a petulant little buffoon. Imagine the frenzy that would've broken out if Luis Suarez has done this. Let's face it, he'd be extradited within 24 hours.

Eight-Year-Old Anderlecht Player Scores Almost Exact Copy Of Bergkamp’s Famous Goal Against Newcastle (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which an eight-year-old playing for Anderlecht's U10 side against perform an almost exact replica of Dennis Bergkamp's marvellous Dabizas-slaying Magic Roundabout goal against Newcastle a decade or so ago complete with an added roll-over to put down the goalkeeper on the way.

Shakira And Gerard Pique Welcome Baby Boy Into World – Call Him ‘Milan’, Sign Him Up For Barcelona

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By Chris Wright

Shakira and Gerard Pique, as they promised they would, have welcomed a baby into the world, Tweeting yesterday evening that they were:"Pleased to announce the birth of Milan Pique Mebarak, son of Shakira Mebarak and Gerard Pique."

A brief statement on the pair's website confirmed the news, as well as adding a little background on the name:

"Milan means dear, loving and gracious in Slavic; in Ancient Roman, eager and laborious; and in Sanskrit, unification.

Bournemouth’s Eunan O’Kane Suffers Calamitous Penalty Cock-Up – Always Play To The Whistle! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

No doubt a fair few of you will have seen this by now as we're a few days late on the uptake, but this is for the benefit of those who haven't had their lives graced by Eunan O'Kane's catastrophic balls-up at the weekend.

Poor old Bournemouth defender O'Kane gave away the daftest penalty we've seen in a long while by picking up the ball in his own area after mistakenly assuming that his teammate being chopped down on the edge of the box would constitute a free-kick and throwing the time-old footballing adage of "always playing to the whistle" clean out of the window.

Shit Football Kits: Kansas City Wizards’ Radical Rainbow Waves, 1999/00

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By Chris Wright

Conclusive proof that MLS was firmly behind the curve in football terms around the turn of themillennium, as it would appear that the level of their kit designs had just reached 1993 by European standards.

Take a look at the togs the Kansas City Wizards (now known as Sporting Kansas City) turned out in for the 1999/2000 season for example.

Snapshot: Mesut Ozil Measured Up For Madame Tussaud’s Waxwork…

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By Chris Wright

Here's Mesut Ozil having his vital statistics dutifully measured ahead of his waxwork being produced by the Madame Tussaud's in Berlin.

The choice of player to be immortalised in wax was put to the public vote and Ozil came out on top, meaning that, when his effigy goes on display in June, he will be the first ever active Germany player to have done so.

AfCoN: Didier Zokora Wears Name ‘Maestro’ On Shirt, Looks Bit Of A Pillock

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By Chris Wright

Yes, you are seeing this correctly. During the Ivory Coast's 2-1 win over Togo at the AfCoN yesterday (which was settled by this delightful Gervinho volley), Didier Zokora took to the field with 'maestro' on the back of his shirt...

We have literally no idea what it's all about (nickname?

Short Changed: Hannover Sign Brazilian Franca, Discover He’s 9cm Shorter Than They Were Told!

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By Chris Wright

Hannover 96 have found themselves quite literally short-changed by new signing Franca after discovering that the Brazilian midfielder is a full 9cm (3.5 inches) shorter than they had been told.

Coach Mirko Slomka noticed the discrepancy when he, standing at 1.

AfCoN: Ivory Coast’s Gervinho Scores Classy ‘Outside Of The Boot’ Volley vs Togo (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Arsenal forward Gervinho scores a bloody lovely 'outside of the boot' volley from a tight angle to nab an 88th-minute winner for Les Elephants...

That Gervinho, eh? Sometimes he does little things that make you briefly forget all the tripe that's gone before.

Capital One Cup: Aston Villa 2-1 Bradford (Agg: 3-4) – Bantams Get To Wembley As Fairytale Continues (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 2-1 (Agg: 3-4) Bradford City Capital One Cup 22nd January 2013

What a story this is amidst all the megabucks and megastars of the modern game, Bradford City, from the league's bottom tier, have found themselves in a major cup final.

Football GIF: Congo ‘Bum Bounce’ Keeper Rendered In Glorious 8-Bit!

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By Chris Wright

There are few finer sights than DR Congo 'keeper Muteba Kidiaba in 8-bit...

The real thing...

Via the absolutely brilliant 8-Bit Football.

Top 10 Football Transfer U-Turns, Close Shaves & Last-Minute Changes Of Heart

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By Chris Wright

With reports today that Montpellier defenderMapou Yanga-Mbiwa may have dodged his medical at Newcastle(UPDATE: due to bad weather it would appear!) and looks like becoming the second potential signing in a week to duck out of joining Toon at the eleventh hour to pootle off elsewhere (the first being Loic Remy), we thought we'd have a little looksie at a few other players who had last-minute changes of heart on their big day.

Snapshot: Just Robin Van Persie & Alex Buttner In Matching Bugs Bunny Pyjamas…

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By Chris Wright

Let it be known that, on their flight out to a training camp in Qatar, several of Manchester United's squad donned matching Bugs Bunny pyjamas including a startled RVP and Alex Buttner, who looked like they'd just woken to find that they'd beenstealthilydressed in them while they slept.

Celtic Manager Neil Lennon Answers Journo’s Phone During Press Conference, Gets Earful From His Wife! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

A little lesson for all the aspiring football hacks out there in the perils of doubling your smart phone up as aDictaphone...

Snapshot: Swan Drops In On West Ham Training Session; Big Sam Impressed By Its Aerial Prowess

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By Alan Duffy

Ah, there's nothing like a good old fashioned feel-good photo to purge the average football fan of his/her rampant cynicism and sarcasm.

Here, a young swan has decided to have a gander (goose/swan.. all the same to me) at a West Ham training session. Although the young bird seems to be looking in the other direction, so maybe it's not a fan of the long-ball game.

AfCoN: Ethiopia Keeper Completely Poleaxes Zambia Striker, Injures Himself, Sent Off While Being Stretchered Off (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Ethiopian 'keeper Jemal Tassew poleaxes himself in the act of 'Harald Schumacher-ing' Zambian strikerChisamba Lungu, only to be red-carded while being stretchered off the pitch for treatment...

Love how the referee holds back the card, re-pocketing it at one point so it could be brandished with maximum dramatic impact.

Lazio Defender Lowered Into Well To Rescue Trapped Granddaughter Of Poland Legend Zbigniew Boniek

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By Chris Wright

Just one of those headlines that's a joy to write! Lazio defenderLuciano Zauri won himself ten hero points on Sunday evening after he was tied up and lowered into a well to rescue a seven-year-old girl who had fallen into it and become trapped.

This wasn't just any old trapped seven-year-old girl either, oh no this was the granddaughter of former Poland and Juventus and Roma legendZbigniew Boniek (who, you may remember, isn't Andy Carroll's biggest fan), who had toppled down the well which was outside arestaurantthat Zauri was eating at in Rome.

Because He’s Worth It: Georgios Samaras Stars In Head & Shoulders Advert (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ever wondered how Georgios Samaras gets that healthy shine and luxurious, dandruff-free volume? Well wonder no more (now for the science bit!)...

Nice that they exercised a bit of poetic license and added a goal in there at the end. Who knew that Samaras was Greece's answer to Joe Hart.

Southampton 0-0 Everton – All Square At St Mary’s As Pochettino Era Gets Off To Promising Start (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 0-0 Everton Premier League 21st January 2013

New Saints boss Mauricio Pochettino will have been pleased by his new team's display on Monday night, as the Saints matched Everton all the way and were unlucky not to finish the game with all three points in the bag.

St Mary’s Crowd Sing “Jason Puncheon, He Went For A S**t” After Southampton Star Has Mid-Match Toilet Break (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

During Southampton's entertaining, if goalless, 0-0 draw with Everton on Monday night, the Saints' in-form attacker Jason Puncheon found himself needing to answer the call of nature. But rather than do a 'Gary Lineker' and slyly 'do toilet' on the pitch itself, the winger ran down the tunnel to relieve himself in private, like a proper gent.

Wesley Sneijder Gets Standard Turkish Welcome From Galatasaray Fans, Makes Mistake Of Popping Head Through Sunroof! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It would appear that Wesley Sneijder has finally left Inter Milan and gone and signed on the dotted line with Galatasaray, with hundreds of fans swarming at the airport to welcome the Dutch midfielder in traditional Turkish fashion (remember the crazy fanfare when Kenny Miller/Darius Vassell rolled into town?

Snapshot: Arsenal’s List Of Fines Includes £500 For Reading Newspapers In Dressing Room

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By Chris Wright

Here is the list of fines, as leaked on Twitter andsiphonedup by the Daily Mirror, that all Arsenal players are liable to be stuck with should they step out of line on club time including a swift (and harsh!) £500 for being caught reading a newspaper in the dressing room.

Top Stories: Top African Premier League Footballers, Five Cool Sledges And Great Winter Pics…

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Top stories from Pies and our pals...

Britain's harshest winter in great photos and an epic video

12 obscure Bowie gems that today's artists would kill for

What they said about Luis Suarez before he admitted to diving

The worst ever corner kicks video

Magnificent assorted vintage football stickers

Wesley Sneijder Gets Standard Turkish Welcome From Galatasaray Fans, Makes Mistake Of Popping Head Through Sunroof!

Tricky Dicky: Dundee United’s Gary Mackay-Steven Sweet First, Second & Third Touch vs Kilmarnock (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Sounding like a character from Porridge and widely regarded as the most exciting player in the SPL, Dundee United's Gary Mackay-Steven showed why with a deft little piece of show-boatery against Killie at the weekend...

Not bad, eh Jose?

You Need This Early 1980s Karl-Heinz Rummenigge Tribute Song In Your Life… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Shame you can't see Rummenigge's "sexy knees" in this photo

As unearthed by those wunderbar chaps over at When Saturday Comes, here's a glorious slice of 1980s football pop in the shape of a tribute song to legendary Bayern Munich forward Karl-Heinz Rummenigge by British husband and wife pop duo Alan & Denise.

Swindon Boss Paolo Di Canio Buys Pizza For Volunteer Fans Who Helped Clear Snow At County Ground

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By Chris Wright

"Which of you pillocks ordered pineapple?"

Swindon Town's match against Shrewsbury was one of only six League One fixtures to go ahead after heavy-ish snow ran roughshod over the fixture list, though that was largely due to a group of Swindon fans who decsended on The County Ground and helped shovel snow off the pitch the evening prior.

Got A Soft Spot For Woefully Terrible Corner Kicks? Step This Way Please… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

"Marquinhos of Brazilian club Duque de Caxias against Botafogo" if you were wondering.We would say 'at least you could see what he was trying to do', but unfortunately we'd be lying through our teeth!

(Video: 101GG)

Other 'Worst Corner Kicks Of All Time" On Pies.

‘Lampard Hit That Penalty Like You Hit Ulrika’ – Chelsea Fan Owns Stan Collymore On Radio Phone-In (Audio)

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By Chris Wright

Skip to the 1:29 mark...

The complete silence after the fan drops the U-Bomb just makes it!

For those unaware, Collymore hit his then-girlfriend Ulrika Jonsson in a Paris bar during the 1998 World Cup, allegedly kicking her in the face when she refused to leave a pub full of Scotland fans having spent the afternoon drinking with Ally McCoist.

Amplified Thunder: Penarol Fans Create Almighty Racket Before Copa Bimbo 2013 Final (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Uruguayan domestic football is currently on a ten-game suspension after the authorities reached the end of their collective tethers when violence marred Penarol's recent fixture against rivals Nacional (the Nacional 'keeper punched a riot cop in the face), though the Copa Bimbo an exhibition tournament between teams from around South America is still being played, with the rescheduled final between Penarol and Atletico Rafaelaproviding one of football's most joyful sights: Penarol fans in full swing.

Jamie Carragher Names Steven Gerrard As Greatest Liverpool Player Of All Time – Care To Disagree?

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By Chris Wright

Speaking about his dearly beloved, one Steeevie Gerraaard, Jamie Carragher today spake these words:"I think we are in the presence of the greatest player ever to play for Liverpool."

Big call. Talking to BBC Sport, Carra went on to show his working:

"People will say I am biased because we are good friends and because of the trophies we have won together, but it is a fair accolade to give him.

Shit Lookalike: Dean Saunders & Bruce Springsteen

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By Chris Wright

Springsteen is 'The Boss'.

Saunders is only really the boss as far as Wolves are concerned.

Thanks to Pies fan Archie for the spot. Top work amigo!

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies that you're sitting on? Share it with us by emailing waatpies@gmail.

Africa Cup Of Nations: Congo Keeper Robert Kidiaba Celebrates Penalty With Bum Bounce Shuffle (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With Congo forward Dieumerci Mbokani having slotted away a penalty against Ghana and celebrating with a little jig of his own, the camera instantly panned downfield to where goalkeeper Robert Kidiaba proud owner of perhaps the best/worst hair at the AfCoN was busy upstaging his teammates with one of his trademark bum shuffles.

Tottenham 1-1 Man Utd – Clint Makes Lilywhites’ Day With Late Late Equaliser At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 1-1 Manchester United Premier League 20th January 2013

A last-gasp strike from Clint Dempsey secured a very handy point for Spurs against Man Utd on Sunday afternoon.

In a game played in snowy north London, it was ex-Gunner Robin Van Persie who (once again) opened the scoring on 22 minutes, with a fine header which beat Hugo Lloris in the Tottenham goal.

Chelsea 2-1 Arsenal – Blues Battle To Beat Gunners At Snowy Stamford Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 2-1 Arsenal Premier League 20th January 2013

In what was a genuine 'game of two halves', Chelsea came out on top against an Arsenal side who roused themselves in the second period after a dreadful first 45 minutes.

It could (possibly) have been very different had Olivier Giroud put away a great chance early on.

West Brom 2-2 Aston Villa – Villans Blow Two-Goal Lead But Still Move Out Of Drop-Zone (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 2-2 Aston Villa Premier League 19th January 2013

West Brom came from two goals down to secure a hard-fought draw in the Midlands' derby with Aston Villa.

The Villans started much the brighter with Christian Benteke scoring courtesy of a superb strike on 12 minutes before Gabriel Agbonlahor doubled the visitors' lead on the half-hour mark.

West Ham 1-1 QPR – Remy Scores On Debut But Joe Cole Rescues Point For Hammers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 1-1 Queens Park Rangers Premier League 19th January

Harry Redknapp's QPR remain unbeaten in 2013 after securing a decent point away at West Ham on Saturday.

Hoops' new-boy Loic Remy marked his debut with a goal on 14 minutes after the French forward was set up by a fine Adel Taarabt pass.

Football GIF: Peter Odemwingie Scores From Own Half, Split-Second After Final Whistle

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By Chris Wright

In which West Brom's Peter Odemwingie tonks one in from his own half against Villa though sadly the Nigerian's impressive 65-yard 'winner' came a split-second after the final whistle had sounded around The Hawthorns...

(GIF: 101GG)

Wigan 2-3 Sunderland – Fletcher On Form As Latics Slip Into Drop-Zone (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wigan Athletic 2-3 Sunderland Premier League 19th January 2013

In a five-goal corker(ish) at the DW Stadium, Sunderland's main man Steven Fletcher bagged a brace which helped his side to a fine 3-2 win away at Wigan.

The Scottish striker netted his goals in the first-half, the first a close-range follow-up and the second a fine strike from 16 yards.

Former Man Utd Starlet Paul Pogba Nets Long-Range Cracker For Juventus Vs Udinese (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

"How Ya Like Me Now, Fergie!!!!?"

There have been plenty of 'new Patrick Vieira's' in the past decade or so, but in the leggy, muscular and mohawked form of Paul Pogba, France may well have found their next world-class midfield dominator.

Against Udinese on Saturday night, the former Man Utd youngster produced a quite stunning long-range effort which topped off a fine display in the centre of the Bianconeri's midfield.

Liverpool 5-0 Norwich – Sturridge And Suarez On Song As Reds Prey On Comatose Canaries (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 5-0 Norwich City Premier League 19th January 2013

Starting together for the first time, Liverpool forwards Luis Suarez and Daniel Sturridge instantly clicked against a poor Norwich side at Anfield.

Both players netted a goal each but it was their blossoming partnership which will have Liverpool fans excited about the future.

Swansea 3-1 Stoke – De Guzman Double Sees Swans Crush Poor Potters (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 3-1 Stoke City Premier League 19th January 2013

Dutch midfielder Jonathan De Guzman bagged a fine brace against Stoke on Saturday to secure a well-deserved victory for the Swans.

De Guzman netted his goals in the second-half, but only after full-back Ben Davies had finally opened the scoring on 49 minutes.

Newcastle 1-2 Reading – Le Fondre Leads Le Comeback As Royals Overcome Magpies (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 1-2 Reading Premier League 19th January 2013

Alan Pardew's nightmare season continued on Saturday at St. James' Park, with the Magpies throwing away a one-goal lead to go down 2-1 to fellow strugglers Reading.

Newcastle were by far the better side in the first period and deservedly went ahead on 35 minutes when the impressive Yohan Cabaye curled home a free-kick.

Man City 2-0 Fulham – Two-Goal Silva Polishes Off Whites At The Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 2-0 Fulham Premier League 19th January 2013

David Silva was the star of the show for Man City on Saturday, with the diminutive Spaniard netting both goals in the Citizens' comfortable victory against a poor Fulham side.

Silva opened the scoring after just two minutes, following up after Mark Schwarzer could only parry an Edin Dzeko effort.

Angel Rangel Spends Night Driving Around Swansea, Hands Out Food To Homeless People

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By Chris Wright

He's right to applaud himself, as aptly-named Swansea City right-back Angel Rangel spent last night driving around Swansea with his wife and helping every homeless person they came across by handing out food that they had "going spare".

After having Tweeted his followers asking in which areas of the city he'd find homeless people, the Rangels set out and spent an hour or so distributing food after ending up at a homeless shelter.

PSV’s Erik Pieters Irate Over Red Card, Punches Window In Tunnel, Rushed Straight To Hospital (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, irate having been harshly sent off for a slightly mistimed slide tackle againstPEC Zwolle last night, PSV defender Erik Pieters (who was playing his first game after nine months out injured) hulks up while storming off the pitch and duly begins to kick the living daylights out of the tunnel a tantrum that culminates in Pieters punching through a plate glass window and slicing his hand apart like rare venison.

Ajax Fined €10,000 After Fans Unfurl ‘Against Modern Football’ Anti-Sheikh Banners

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By Chris Wright

Ajax have been fined€10,000 by UEFA after their fans unfurled a series of 'anti-modern football' banners during their Champions League group tie against Manchester City back in October of last year.

The official UEFA line is that the banners were"provocative and inappropriate," stating that they "created unrest" in the stadium.

Snapshot: Theo Walcott Signs Da Ting, Pens £100,000K Per Week Deal With Arsenal

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By Alan Duffy

It's been the biggest will-he-won't-he saga since er, Robin Van Persie's similar drama back in the summer, but this time, the Gunners have indeed got their man. At least for a few years more.

After months and months of talks and media speculation, Theo Walcott has finally signed a new "long-term" deal with Arsenal, one which is reported to be worth £100,000K a week along with a rather nice £3million signing-on fee.

Snapshot: Dean Windass Angry Over Lack Of Opportunities For English Coaches And Er, Badgers…

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By Alan Duffy

Chunky journeyman striker and current Sky Sports pundit, Dean Windass, is rather peeved at the fact that Nigel Adkin's job a Southampton has been taken by a foreigner, former Espanyol bossMauricio Pochettino.

In light of the appointment of the Argentinian tactician, ex-Bradford City hitman Windass Tweeted:

One of the criticisms aimed at foreign coaches is that their lack of English can be a big impediment to their job.

Retro Snapshot: Eric Cantona Steps Out In Phenomenal Winter Jacket, 1995

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By Chris Wright

Just stumbled across this. Drink it in...

(Photo:PA Archive/Dave Kendall)

Sao Paulo Take Kit Launch Very Seriously, Send New Shirt 30,000m Into Space (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This is so cool, though we can't help but feel that Brazilian club Sao Paulo have taken the term 'kit launch' far too literally by tethering their new shirt to a weather balloon and sending it up 30,000 metres into Baumgartner's back yard...

Brilliant stuff!

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #19

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By Chris Wright

Friday Flashback XIX: Red, White & Blonde...

Robbie? Is that you?

Once again, many thanks to our pals over at Old School Panini (we heartily recommend you follow them on Twitter@OldSchoolPanini) for letting us rummage through their wares of an afternoon.

Nigel Adkins Sacked By Southampton, Mauricio Pochettino Immediately Steps Into Breach

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By Chris Wright

Southampton have sacked manager Nigel Adkins and brought former Espanyol managerMauricio Pochettino in as his immediate replacement.

Adkins, who of course took charge just two-and-a-half years ago with the club in League One, leaves with Southampton in 15th place in the Premier League, three points from the dotted line though only four points from mid-table.

Carlos Costly Stages Elaborate Goal Celebration, Phones Home On His Boot (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We're not sure if this is an in-joke we're not getting or whether Veria striker Carlos Costly's (Birmingham City fans may or may not remember that name) strange and beguiling 'football boot/phone' goal celebration after scoring against Xanthi in the Greek Super League the other day was just a spur of the moment thing either way it was pretty silly.

Ghana And Ivory Coast Squads Tell What It Means To Play In The African Cup Of Nations (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

The bods over at Puma sent us these African Cup of Nations 2013 videos this morn, and we thought we'd share as they're good for whistle wettin' ahead of the tournament starting up in South Africa tomorrow.

It's a mixed bag so feel free to watch as many as you like in whichever order you fancy.

Snapshot: Gerd Muller Receives Lionel Messi’s Signed Shirt…

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By Chris Wright

You remember us showing you the signed shirt Lionel Messi sent to Gerd Muller after tanking his 'goals in a year' record? Well look what came through the letter box at Bayern Munich HQ this morning...

After unwrapping his little prezzie, Muller told the Barcelona website: "I'm very pleased and proud to receive a jersey like this from the bet player in the world.

Friday tactics – Nasri or Milner? Who works best for City?

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It's strange to think that Samir Nasri, artistic playmaker, and James Milner, determined workhorse, cost Manchester City roughly the same amount of money, depending on one's valuation of Stephen Ireland in the Milner swap deal. But although Nasri is the more talented footballer, Milner was excellent against Arsenal last weekend, and deserves to keep his place for the home match against Fulham.

Loic Remy Signed For QPR After Quick Game Of FIFA 12 With Owner Tony Fernandes

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By Chris Wright

"Bagsy York City!"

Noted pundit Alan Shearer may have had his suspicions that Loic Remy chose QPR over Newcastle due to financial motives, but it would appear that being offered double the wages to sign on at Loftus Road had nothing to do with the French striker's sudden change of heart.

Former Aston Villa Manager John Gregory Sings Springsteen In Tribute To Stiliyan Petrov (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which former Villa boss John Gregory sings a bit of The Boss in tribute to Stiliyan Petrov, the Villa captain who is currently fightingleukemia live at a supporters' club meet inSutton Coldfield.

With his acoustic guitar in tow, Gregory sings Springsteen's No Surrender, dedicating it to Villa's No.

Cristiano Ronaldo Stars In Rather Lovely And Very Arty New Advert For Nike Vapor Mercurical Trail Boots (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

The rather beautiful advert is for Nike's new Vapor Mercurial Trail boots and features the great one himself shimmying his way down a very windy football field on his way to scoring yet another goal. Olé!

8-Year-Old Lad Applies For Vacant Doncaster Manager Job, Invited For An Interview

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By Chris Wright

The intrepid little urchin you see before you is eight-year-old Mac Wilson who, if everything goes to plan, may just be the Doncaster Rovers manager the next time you see him.

Eight-year-old Wilson, a mad keen Donny fan, applied for the club's managerial vacancy via email after Dean Saunders left to take the helm at Wolves ten days ago and chairmanJohn Ryan was so impressed with Mac's plan to get the club promoted to the Premier League inside three yearsthat he invited him along for an interview at the Keepmoat.

Snapshot: Lionel Messi Poses With His Ballons Out…

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By Chris Wright

(Photo: Emilio Morenatti/AP/PA)

Football GIF: Arsene Wenger Has Trouble With Zip AGAIN, Ponders £30m Swoop For Swanky Velcro-Based Jacket

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By Alan Duffy

Rumours are circulating throughout the Twittersphere and beyond that Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has made a mega-bid of £30million for Napoli hitman Edinson Cavani. All well and good, but surely the Frenchman would be better off spending that kind of money on a coat with zips that work?

Pablo Zabaleta’s Birthday Cake Was Several Shades Of Epic…

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By Chris Wright

It was Pablo Zabaleta's 28th birthday yesterday (we know, we know...) and to celebrate his missus bought him a cake not just any cake mind you, oh no Mrs Zab went and had her husband rendered in sponge, jam and icing, complete with superman cape, stubble and obligatory head wound bandage.

The Many Extraordinary Faces Of Luis Suarez (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

"Who... left toast crumbs... IN THE BUTTER@£**$@*£$@!??"

(Photos: PA)

Suggested further viewing...

10 Photos Of Phil Jones' Amazing Game Face

Luis Suarez Admits To Diving Against Stoke, Claims Man Utd Control The Media

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool's Luis Suarez has been chatting to Fox Sports Argentina about his persecution complex, his ongoing experiments with gravity and the vast media vendetta against him, in which he, among other things, admitted diving against Stoke in an attempt to con a penalty earlier in the season.

Moronic Liverpool Fan Gets Munich Tattoo On Arse, Brags About It On Twitter (Sadly, There’s A Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Actually, 'moronic' is a dot in the rear-view mirror for this chump...

Brilliant. Hearty congrats go out to Liverpool fan @paul_LFC5 (the account has since been deleted) who now has a permanent reminder of just how big animbecile he truly is tattooed on his backside.

Nike Unleash New Mercurial Vapor IX – Young Nippers Wear ‘Sunset’, Old Timers Wear ‘Fireberry’ (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

What you see before you are the brand spanking new Nike Mercurial Vapor IX boots. Other than being made from cyborg gecko skin and the new Mercurials are interesting for another reason: when it comes to the pros, the 'sunset' colourway will be doled out to the up-and-comers like Neymar, Eden Hazard and Stephan El Shaarawy while the 'fireberry' boots will be sent to 'established' stars like Cristiano Ronaldo and Zlatan.

Snapshot: Topless Gerard Pique & Heavily Pregnant Shakira Pose For ‘Maternity Portraits’

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By Chris Wright

Shakira has posted these tasteful 'maternity portraits' of her and her Piquenbauer on Twitter to "welcome the imminent birth of their first child" with the rest of the world...

Make of that what you will!

(Photos: @shakira)

FA Cup: Arsenal 1-0 Swansea – Jack The Lad Lights Up The Emirates As Gunners Beat Swans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 1-0 Swansea City FA Cup 16th January 2013

While Thomas Vermaelen may wear the captain's armband, surely Jack Wilshere is the real heart and soul of the current Arsenal side? The midfield schemer produced an outstanding display at the Emirates on Wednesday night, as the home side deservedly overcame Swansea 1-0.

Chelsea 2-2 Southampton – Puncheon Above Their Weight, Saints Draw At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 2-2 Southampton Premier League 16th January 2013

Chelsea failed to close the gap on the top two at a chilly Stamford Bridge on Wednesday night, with visitors Southampton securing a surprise 2-2 draw.

The Blues looked in control in the first-half, with Demba Ba already looking settled in his new home, netting the opener on 25 minutes courtesy of a deflected effort.

FA Cup: Man Utd 1-0 West Ham – Rooney Nails The Hammers In Flat Cup Tie At Old Trafford (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 1-0 West Ham United FA Cup 16th January 2013

A first-half Wayne Rooney goal was enough to see the Red Devils progress to the next round of the FA Cup against West Ham.

Rooney's goal came after just nine minutes, when the England man slid home from close-range after good work from both Anderson and Javier Hernandez.

What Pep Did Next: Guardiola Confirmed As New Bayern Munich Coach

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By Chris Wright

"Boom bitches!"

S-W-E-R-V-E.Well, not many (including us) saw that one coming. Bayern Munich have just confirmed that Pep Guardiola will take over from incumbent head coach Jupp Heynckes at the end of the 2012/13, i.e, after Pep finishes his self-imposed year long sabbatical of lie-ins and corporate speaking.

Stories From Our Pals: Great Snow Videos, World Of Warcraft Theme Park Pics, Record Shops Guide And More…

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Top stories from Pies, Anorak and our pals...

Great video of weatherman getting pelted with snowballs

The runaway train that ended up smashing into a block of flats

QPR's big splurge why M'Vila and Remy might not be that good value

Ten footballer who also wrote books and there are a few suprises

15 African players who have set The Premiership alight

Sad about HMV?

Football GIF: Harry Redknapp Has Got LOADSAMONEY!!!

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By Chris Wright

"Oi Remy! M'Vila! CAM ON DAHN TO LOFTUS ROAD, I GOT LOADSAMONEY!!!"

A bit of comedic context for the kids...

Just A Collection Of Owls That Look Like Roy Hodgson (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We're aware that the meme has been in existence for a while now, but our good buds over at Off The Post slapped this video up earlier today and it's slowly taken over our lives since: a brilliant worringly-larger-than-it-should-be collection of owls that bear more than just a passing resemblance to England manager Roy Hodgson all set to Baddiel and Skinner's Three Lions.

QPR Strike While The Iron Is Cold – Why £15m For Loic Remy And Yann M’Vila May Not Be The Bargain It Should Be

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By Chris Wright

"I don't want to spend the owners' money really. I've got to be honest with you. I don't want to see the owners have their pants taken down like they have in the past. A lot of agents have made an awful lot of money out of them.

"I fined (Jose Bosingwa) last week and he was earning more than anybody was on at Tottenham, so that tells you everything.

Inter Milan And Bologna Serve Up Selection Of Cracking Goals In Coppa Italia (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

In what turned out to be a cracking quarter-final at the San Siro, Internazionale and Bologna treated the sparse crowd in the famous ground as well as the viewers on TV to a few rather fine goals.

Inter's Fredy Guarin and Rodrigo Palacio fired home a couple of crackers before former West Ham attacker Alessandro Diamanti netted an exquisite free-kick for the visitors.

Italian Club Fined €10,000 After Club President Hurls Insults At Referee Over PA System

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By Chris Wright

Italian fourth division side Nuovo Campobasso have been fined€10,000 by the Italian Court of League Professionals after their club president, oneFerruccio Capone, used the stadium PA system to barrack a referee during a recent game.

Having seen one of his players handed a second yellow card during the latter stages of Campobasso's 2-2 draw with Arzanese, an irate Capone stormed from his executive seats and into the announcer's kiosk at their stadium and proceeded to broadcast his ire over the loudspeaker audible at the 3:10 mark on the video above hurling abuse and insults at referee Gioviani di Grosseto.

Snapshot: John Terry Keeps Every Single Captain’s Armband He Wears…

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By Chris Wright

John Terry has used his Instagram account to fess up to his rampant captain's armband fetish, saying: "I save all my Captains armbands from every game I play in. This is a small collection."

Admitting you have a problem is the first step John. Baby steps buddy, baby steps.

Top 10 Footballing Authors

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By Chris Wright

With the news that Samuel Eto'o is currently in the process of launching a comic book about his humble beginnings on the streets of Douala and his meteoric rise right through to his current status of 'vastly wealthy malingerer', we thought we'd have a little look at football's other gifted-ish scribes (and we're not talking crappy ghost-written autobiographies here).

Dutch Disaster: Ajax Captain Siem De Jong Farts Open-Goal Sitter Over Crossbar From One Yard vs Vasco (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Ajax midfielder and captain Siem de Jong spluffs a stinker over the bar with the goal a-gaping from around about the one-yard mark during the Dutch side's mid-season friendly against Vasco da Gama at the weekend...

As Pies fan Jacob (who sent us the video many thanks compadre!

Man City Finally Release Michael Johnson – Behold His Horrible Fat Disgusting Bloated Lardo Monster Face!

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By Chris Wright

Michael Johnson circa 2008

Having made his last appearance for the club as a substitute against Scunthorpe in October 2009, Manchester City have today finally released long-dormant midfielder Michael Johnson. 'Tis a sad, sad day for football.

Bless His Little Cotton Socks: Sepp Blatter Thinks People Boo Him Because ‘He’s A Star’

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By Chris Wright

Bless his deluded little cotton socks, Sepp Blatter thinks he gets booed everywhere he goes because he's and we quote "a star".

Just let that sink in for a moment, then read these quotes from Sepp after being asked by the Guardian why he thought the 80,000-capacity Wembley crowd almost universally booed him during the womens' football medal ceremony at the London Olympics last summer:

"This was just a very, I would say, a small boos.

‘I Wouldn’t Let You Manage A Pet Shop’ – Joey Barton Engages In Gentlemanly Twitter Combat With Didi Hamann

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By Chris Wright

Football's answer to Socrates (if you don't count Socrates)put on his finest rhinestone duelling chaps, put up his dukes andtook on Didi Hamann in a gentlemanly bout of bareknuckle Twitter-to-Twitter combat last night. It was all rather entertaining, with Didi's knockout blow worth the admission fee alone.

Former Bulgaria International Yordan Letchkov Sentenced To Prison For Tax Diddling While Serving As Mayor Of His Hometown

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By Chris Wright

"Two years? Not bad"

Yordan Letchkov, former Bulgaria international-turned-politician (and proud owner of one of the best sets of eyebrows in the business) has been sentenced to two years in prison after being found guilty of diddling his taxes while acting as mayor of his hometown ofSliven.

Saints Be Praised, Samuel Eto’o Has Written A Comic Book! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

You know that Samuel Eto'o comic book you were waiting for? Well, wait no longer for it is upon us!

Written in French but with a strange half Spanish title:"Eto'o Fils: Nacimiento De Un Campeon" (Eto'o's son: Birth of a champion), the comic charts the hard yards that the Cameroonian superstar has had to put in over the years to get to where he is now: earning£36-a-minutefor half-arsing it out in Dagestan.

Linesman Who Told Joleon Lescott To Applaud Man City Fans For Paying £62 Withdrawn From Next Game

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By Chris Wright

John Brooks, the linesman who told Joleon Lescott to go over and show a bit of gratitude to the fans who'd paid £62 to get in to City's game against Arsenal on Sunday after the final whistle, has been mysteriously bumped from his next scheduled game, nor will he be involved with any Premier League fixtures this coming weekend.

‘S**t Happens…’ – A Philosophical Lukas Podolski Posts Twitter And Facebook Updates After Arsenal’s Defeat To Man City

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By Alan Duffy

Poor old Lukas Podolski didn't have the best of games in the Gunners' 2-0 defeat at the hands of Man City on Sunday, but the loss doesn't seem to have affected the German international too much.

On Monday evening, the day after the defeat, the attacker both updated his Facebook page and Tweeted to his followers that, hey "Shit Happens".

Two Labrador Dogs Invade Pitch, Cause Super Cute Delay During Galatasaray Friendly (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Awww! Presenting the cutest pitch invaders since that topless bird accosted Gazza, here's the Andrex puppy and his pal causing a minor delay during Galatasaray's friendly against Aalen earlier today...

Cue the dog/football puns: take the lead/nose for goal/paw performance, etc, etc.

‘Teenage Zlatan Ibrahimovic’ Documentary – What Better Way To Spend 48 Minutes On Monday Afternoon? (Video)

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By Chris Wright

A pal of Pies' sent this over earlier this afternoon: a documentary charting the teenage Zlatan Ibrahimovic's breakthrough season in the Swedish second tier with Malmo in the aftermath of their heartbreaking relegation from the Allsvenskan at the end of the 1998/9 season.

Top Stories: Most Controversial TV Shows Ever Made, 12 Gadgets That Will Shape 2013 And More…

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The latest top stories from Pies, Anorak and our pals...

The most controversial TV shows ever made with videos

150 years of The Tube some amazing pics

David Bowie the Cocaine years

20 stunning aerial photos of football grounds check out the Maracana in Rio

Hamburg's Son Heung-Min Gallops 60m Before Cracking In From Edge Of The Area

The 12 gadgets that will shape 2013 smart watches, clever TVs and more from CES 2013

It is snowing here are five great sledges, including one from Porsche

Elastica, The Strokes, Stones Roses and the 12 most disastrous second albums ever

Stupid tech the fork that vibrates when you eat too much

Top 10 iPhone accessories and cases from CES 2013

The iPhone 5 not selling as well as Apple hoped is their trouble ahead?

Kaboom! Benfica’s Nemanja Matic Scores Monstrous Volley vs Porto In Portuguese Classico (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Sunday's Portuguese clasico between Benfica and Porto ended in a 2-2 draw, though it was Benfica's first equaliser of the evening which was the more memorable of the two, with former Chelsea young'n Nemanja Matic powering home an unstoppable volley from the edge of the area to peg Porto back having opened the scoring after eight minutes.

20 Stunning Aerial Photos Of Football Stadiums

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By Chris Wright

It's a bit of a slow day so we've prepared a bit of a treat to warm your cockles on this chilly Monday morn, with these 20 stunning birdseye/aerial stadium views for you to peruse at your leisure.

The gallery format may be a bit cumbersome for some tastes, but it's best you take your time to flick through, there really are some stunning photos of a mixed bag of various football grounds and their immediate environs (as always, click for the full-size images).

Football GIF: Zlatan Ibrahimovic Mocks Referee With Cracking Gallic Shrug

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By Chris Wright

He's only been in France for five minutes but it looks like Ibra's already perfected that Gallic shrug...

Almost.

Samir Nasri Relentlessly Abused Outside Emirates While Walking To Game, Marouane Chamakh Acts As Personal Bodyguard (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's safe to say that Samir Nasri doesn't rate particularly high in the popularity stakes at The Emirates these days after he followed the coin to Man City a couple of windows ago, so you'd have to question his judgement in deciding to walk to yesterday's game at the Emirates surrounded a horde of sweary Arsenal fans.

Arsenal 0-2 Man City – Citizens Win At The Emirates To Keep Pressure On United (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 0-2 Manchester City Premier League 13th January 2013

Arsenal's lack of defensive discipline once again cost the Gunners any chance of winning on Sunday, with Man City ultimately running out 2-0 winners at the Emirates.

Laurent Koscielny saw red after just 9 minutes, after the gaff-prone French international was sent off by Mike Dean for denying Edin Dzeko a goal-scoring chance.

Man Utd 2-1 Liverpool – Van Persie Unstoppable As United Outplay Reds At Old Trafford (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 2-1 Liverpool Premier League 13th January 2013

Robin Van Persie was once again the key to Man Utd registering yet another deserved victory, this time against the old enemy Liverpool.

The Dutchman netted a classy first goal on 19 minutes, firing home from a Patrice Evra cross before whipping in the free-kick which resulted in Nemanja Vidic nodding home after the break.

Vincent Kompany Sent Off For Pretty Much Perfect Tackle On Jack Wilshere (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We're not ones to admonish Premier League referees here on Pies as we are generally appreciative of the largely flawless job they do, but Vince Kompany's red card against Arsenal this evening was several different kinds of wrong...

It's not that we can't see why Mike Dean may have thought otherwise, but that is a textbook 'head on' sliding challenge.

‘They’ve Paid £62 Over There!’ – Linesman Tells Joleon Lescott To Show Man City Fans Some Appreciation (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Hamburg’s Son Heung-Min Gallops 60m Before Cracking In From Edge Of The Area vs Austria Vienna (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With the Bundesliga still on winter break until next weekend, most German sides are off playing friendlies to keep themselves limber, with Hamburger SV taking on Austria Vienna yesterday a game lit up by in-demand 20-year-old South Korean international Son Heung-Min's (Tottenham are said to be circling) galloping solo effort.

FAIL Almanac Of Jonathan Walters’ Absolute Stinker Against Chelsea (GIFs & Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Pies presents a handy cut-out-and-keep alamanac of all of Jonathan LOLters' varying degrees of FAIL during his mare against Chelsea yesterday starting with the moment he sparked his miserable afternoon by hoofing a volleyed overhead cross directly into his own face.

Sunderland 3-0 West Ham – Larsson Cracker Fires Black Cats On Road To Easy Win Against Hammers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 3-0 West Ham United Premier League 12th January 2013

Former Arsenal midfielder Seb Larsson scored a beaut of a goal against West Ham on Saturday, a superb long-range effort which set the tone for a well-deserved Sunderland win.

Aston Villa 0-1 Southampton – Villans Slide Into Danger Zone After Rodriquez ‘Dive’ Earns Saints Spot-Kick (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 0-1 Southampton Premier League 12th January 2013

Aston Villa slipped into the drop-zone after they were defeated by Southampton, courtesy of a very controversial penalty towards the end of the first-half. Striker Jay Rodriguez went down in the box after contact from er, nobody at all, but referee Mark Halsey fell for the act and pointed to the spot.

Reading 3-2 West Brom – A Right Royals’ Comeback Shoots Down Baggies At The Madejski (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Reading 3-2 West Bromwich Albion Premier League 12th January 2013

Looking dead and buried (yet again) with just 10 minutes left on the clock, Premier League strugglers Reading produced an incredible late, late comeback to secure a vital three points against West Brom.

Stoke 0-4 Chelsea – Walters Has A ‘Mare In Blues’ Cruise At The Britannia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 0-4 Chelsea Premier League 12th January 2013

Irish striker Jonathan Walters had the mother of all nightmare games on Saturday, with the Stoke striker managing to bag a brace of own-goals as well as missing a late penalty kick.

QPR 0-0 Tottenham – Lilywhites Misfire As Harry’s Hoops Gain Vital Point (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Queens Park Rangers 0-0 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 12th January 2013

Against his former club, Harry Redknapp oversaw a fine draw at Loftus Road, after his side battled hard to keep AVB's Tottenham at bay.

Veteran glovesman Julio Cesar was in fine form against the Lilywhites, making a number of superb saves to thwart attempts from Jermain Defoe (on more than one occasion) and Emmanuel Adebayor amongst others.

PSV Visit Thailand’s Klong Prem Prison, Play Friendly Against Inmates (Video & Photos)

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By Chris Wright

PSV Eindhoven spent their Friday visiting Bangkok's infamous Klong Prem Central Prison, Thailand's largest correctional facility ('home' to 20,000 inmates most of whom are serving life sentences), for a tour of the premises after being invited over for tea by the Thai authorities.

Now You See Ajax Youngster Ricardo Van Rhijns, Now You Don’t… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As uploaded to Ajax's official Youtube channel, here's footage of U21 young'n Ricardo van Rhijns pulling a mysterious disappearing act during a training session...

(Video: Ajax/Via 101GG)

Rio Ferdinand Surprises Charity With Random Act Of Kindness Aboard Train

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By Chris Wright

When it comes to footballers on Twitter, there's usually not an awful lot to see; the odd resolutely neutral post-match comment, a stray lament about how foggy it is at training, selected bant though, in a break from the norm, Rio Ferdinand used his Twitter account to do a small UK charity the power of good while on a train from Manchester to London on Wednesday.

Fabricio Coloccini Asks To Leave Newcastle In January, Return To Argentina For ‘Personal Reasons’

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By Chris Wright

"I'm getting too old for this shit"

Things just went from 'a bit dicey' to worse at Newcastle this afternoon with the news that Fabricio Coloccini has asked the club to null his contract in January so he can return home to Argentina 'for personal reasons' though we're yet to see any direct quotes as of yet.

Snapshot: Ryan Giggs Charted In 20 Years Of Merlin Football Stickers

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By Chris Wright

This is doing the rounds today and who are we to turn our nose up a viral, especially when it's this good. Here's Ryan 'Dorian Gray' Giggs as seen through 20 consecutive years of Merlin Premier League stickers...

At 39, Giggsy's not getting younger though it would appear that he's not actually getting any older either!

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #18

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By Chris Wright

Friday Flashback XVIII: Armed & Fabulous...

Once again, beacoup thanks to our pals over at Old School Panini (we heartily recommend you follow them on Twitter@OldSchoolPanini) for letting us rummage through their wares of an afternoon.

Try To Keep Calm, But David Luiz MAY HAVE CUT OFF HIS BEAUTIFUL HAIR! (With Possible Photographic Evidence)

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By Chris Wright

You may want to find a doorway to brace yourself in, a fence post to tether yourself to or, at the very least, something to bite down on as it seems the day we thought would never come may at last be upon us: DAVID LUIZ MAY HAVE CUT HIS HAIR!

We know, we know.

Lionel Messi To Wear Special Ballon d’Or F50 Boots Against Malaga This Weekend (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

With Nike pipping them to the post and doing their bit to mark Cristiano Ronaldo's remarkable 2011/12 stats in boot form, Adidas have produced a special pair of F50 boots for Lionel Messiin order to commemorate their man's ridiculous four-for-four Ballon d'Or streak.

Football GIF: Peru U20 Keeper Pulls Off Herculean Double Save vs Uruguay U20

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By Chris Wright

Having been caught in no-man's land high up the fieldafter failing to deal with a long clearance, Peru U20 'keeperAngelo Campos somehow recovered to make one of the most lung-busting double saves we ever recall seeing against Uruguay's U20 side in the South America U20 Championship.

Football Betting: Who Will Win The Premier League This Season?

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It is no wonder that so many sports fans love betting on the Premier League now, as the division which many derided as being boring and uncompetitive for many years, is now among the most exciting leagues you will find anywhere in the world. While it is true that there are still only around four clubs that can realistically win the division, the fact is that these days, any club can pretty much beat any other one in the Premiership.

What Is The Current State Of The Spanish Football League?

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"La Liga? Meh, it's alright I suppose"

Spain is passionate about its football and with good reason, as the country currently has both the European Cup and the World Cup sitting in its display cabinets. These are two of hardest competitions to win in football and it just goes to show the true quality of players that have come from Spain in recent years.

What Is The Current State Of The Spanish Football League?

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"La Liga? Meh, it's alright I suppose"

Spain is passionate about its football and with good reason, as the country currently has both the European Cup and the World Cup sitting in its display cabinets. These are two of hardest competitions to win in football and it just goes to show the true quality of players that have come from Spain in recent years.

Snapshot: Lionel Messi Sends Signed Shirt To Gerd Muller After Busting His Goal Record

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By Chris Wright

We're a day or so slow on the uptake here, but here's an image of the specially-signed shirt that Lionel Messi sent to Gerd Muller earlier in the week to say sorry for besting his 'goals in a calendar year' last ano...

Translation: "Dear Gerd, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!

L’Eau De Crap: Djibril Cisse Launches New Fragrance – Smells Of ‘Black Pepper And Cardamom’

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By Chris Wright

First of all, a big thank-you goes to my father and the rest of the 1970s for that "L'eau de crap"joke. Secondly, this has happened...

Dapper.

That's right, QPR 'striker' Djibril Cisse has released his very own perfume, called 'Mr Lenior Djibril Cisse', and smells of - and we quote "woody, spicy and amber, from a blend of notes of bergamot, lavender, black pepper, cashmere wood, cardamom, labdanum, patchoili, vanilla and musk" and will cost you the princely sum of £58 from whichever shops make theregrettabledecision to stock it.

Man City Sign TV Chef Jamie Oliver On Five-Year Deal

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By Chris Wright

Jamie bumps into Joe Hart on his first visit to Carrington

Manchester City have gotten round to making their first big-name signing of the January transfer window by bringing in a skilled technician who can slice a hot knife through ethically sourced butter like it was Aston Villa's back four.

Horror Hair: Mario Balotelli Goes Blonde – Don’t Give Up The Dye-Job!

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By Chris Wright

The name's Blonde, James Blonde...

To be more specific, we'd say that's the colour of crushed-up Crunchie bars.To be fair, it's certainly close but it's not quite the worst blonde mohawk he's ever had...

(Image: MCFC)

Football Betting: Who Will Win The Premier League This Season?

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It is no wonder that so many sports fans love betting on the Premier League now, as the division which many derided as being boring and uncompetitive for many years, is now among the most exciting leagues you will find anywhere in the world. While it is true that there are still only around four clubs that can realistically win the division, the fact is that these days, any club can pretty much beat any other one in the Premiership.

Udinese’s Danilo Sentenced To Year In Prison For Racially Abusing And Spitting On Opponent

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By Chris Wright

Udinese's Brazilian defender Danilo has been sentenced to a year in prison in his homeland after being caught by television cameras callingAtletico Paranense opponent Manoel"macaco" a monkey and spitting at the player while playing forPalmeiras in 2010.

Copa Del Rey: Real Madrid 4-0 Celta Vigo (5-2 Agg.) – Ronaldo Racks Up Yet Another Hat-Trick, Ramos Sees Yet Another Red (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Cristiano Ronaldo scored a couple of crackers on his way to yet another hat-trick as Real Madrid reversed their Copa Del Rey last-16 first leg defeat against Celta Vigo by coasting to a 4-0 yomp in the Bernabeu on Wednesday night Sami Khedira steering the fourth home with a couple of minutes left to play.

Portsmouth’s Official 2013 Calendar Already 75% Out Of Date Ten Days Into New Year – Three Players Remain On Club’s Books

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By Chris Wright

The year of our Lord 2013 may be but ten days old but still Portsmouth's official 2013 calendar is now 75% out of date, with nine of the 12 players featured no longer playing for the penniless League One club...

Since being relegated from the Championship last season, Pompey's threadbare squad has been pebble-dashed with loans, short-termers, trialists and youth players;33 new faces arriving and 32 players leaving or reaching the end of their deals in the space of six months.

Jose Mourinho Has Mini Meltdown vs Celta Vigo, Nearly Maims His Own Staff! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid succinctly overturned a 1-2 first-legdeficitto beat Celta Vigo 4-0 in the second leg of their Copa Del Rey last-16 fixture at the Bernabeu last night, with Cristiano Ronaldo sticking away a routine hat-trick just for the sheer hell of it.

As well as keeping his imperious goals-to-game ratio intact, Ronaldo was also the source of a spectacular mini tantrum for Jose Mourinho, who suffered a small reactor core meltdown when Ronaldo was 'tripped' on the edge of the area only for the free-kick calls to be quashed by the officials.

Capital One Cup: Chelsea 0-2 Swansea – Swans Close In On Wembley As Blues Flop At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 0-2 Swansea City Capital One Cup 9th January 2013

Two errors from the usually dependable Branislav Ivanovic helped Swansea to a shock 2-0 win at Stamford Bridge on Wednesday night, a win that moves Brian Laudrup's side closer to a cup final appearance.

Hot stories – loads of new gadgets, smart watches, the most disastrous second albums and more

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Top stories from Anorak, Pies and our pals

Great photos of the London Underground as it celebrates its 150th birthday

Bizarre women in manure calendar

The most irritating words on the planet Whatever...

The 10 most impressive Premiership players of the season so far

Brilliant Lionel Messi player of the year tribute video

12 of the most disastrous second albums of all time from The Stone Roses to Duffy

CES2013 gadget overload the best stuff from day two including Samsung's re-invention of the TV

David Bowie our tribute to the birthday boy

All the CES gadget news

The hottest gadgets of 2013 it is your wrist watch

Referee And Linesman Beaten Senseless, Have Teeth Knocked Out For Daring To Stop Violent Chilean Match (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ill discipline and wild violence in a South American football match? Surely not!

As unlikely as it may seem, there were some truly terrible scenes during the regional Chilean amateur game betweenBaquedano and Pablo Lizama, with the game being stopped by the referee after issuing several warnings over a series of pitch-invasions and brutal fouling from both sides.

Man City Return 900 Unsold Tickets To Arsenal As Fans Quite Rightly Balk At Ridiculous £62 Price

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By Chris Wright

"£62? You must think we're bananas or something!"

As you may be aware by now, Man City have today returned almost a third of their allocated tickets for Sunday's game against Arsenal at the Emirates after fans balked and then boycotted over paying the frankly ridiculous £62 ticket price and that's even before you start factoring in additional expenditure like travel, food and watered-down, room temperature lager.

Spot The Baller: 9 Jan, 2012 – Kevin Mother Humpin’ Costner

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By Chris Wright

Time for a wee midweek game.For nowt but shits and giggles, can you identify the (1996-era) England man taking in the Great Wall of China while secluded by the great Sunkmanitu Tanka Ob Waci himself?

Previous answer:It was Alan Shearer dicking around in the snow with Nicholas Butt.

Cheeky Bugger: Iker Casillas Gives Cristiano Ronaldo’s Bum A Squeeze On Ballon d’Or Red Carpet (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Complete with comedy 'honk' sound effects, here's Iker Casillas giving Cristiano Ronaldo a good ol' fashioned cheeky goosing on the way into the Ballon d'Or gala on Monday afternoon...

Safe hands.

Richard Swarbrick’s Gorgeous Lionel Messi ‘Player Of The Year’ Tribute In Conjunction With Adidas (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After his lucious re-imagining of Gareth Bale's single-handed deconstruction of Inter started gaining him a bit of traction it seems that everyone wants a piece of football artist Richard Swarbrick these days, and Adidas are the latest to snafu his talents commissioning a 'Player of the Year' tribute video for Lionel Messi, which Swarbs (as we're sure no-one calls him) as produced in his usual gorgeous style.

Brazilian Prostitutes To Have Free English Lessons Ahead Of 2014 World Cup

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By Chris Wright

What with it being a legal profession and all, the prostitute populace of Belo Horizonte, one of the host cities for the 2014 World Cup, are being urged to sign up for free English classes to improve their level of service ahead of the tournament.

Cida Vieira, president of the Association of Prostitutes of Belo Horizonte (now there's a job title) has told the press that 20 of her girls have already volunteered for the eight-month course which begins in March and that she is expecting "at least 300″ of her 4,000 registered members to have signed up by the time the FIFA bandwagon rolls in to town.

Snapshot: Just Ruud Van Nistelrooy Blacked-Up, Dressed As Belshazzar, King of Babylon

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By Chris Wright

Soooo, Ruud van Nistelrooy turned up to the annual 'Parade of the Three Kings' in Marbella, Spain dressed like this...

'Belshazzar, King of Babylon' if you were wondering. Apparently Ruud, along with the other two kings, rode through the streets of Marbella in an open-top car before visiting a local hospital and handing out gifts to the staff and sweets to the children.

Capital One Cup: Bradford 3-1 Aston Villa – Bantams Do It Again As Villans Flop At Valley Parade (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Bradford City 3-1 Aston Villa Capital One Cup Januray 8th 2013

After dumping the mighty Arsenal out of the Capital One Cup in the last round, League Two Bradford are on their way to doing the same to the (bit less) mighty Aston Villa after winning 3-1 at home in the semi-final first leg.

Ryan Nelsen Quits QPR Quagmire To Become Toronto FC Manager

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By Chris Wright

Ryan Nelsen is obviously willing to take extreme measures to get shot of the QPR quagmire, with reports doing the rounds that he is set to announce his retirement at a press conference today in order to take over as head coach at MLS side Toronto FC.

That's one way to do it.

Pia Sundhage Peps Up ‘Coach Of The Year’ Acceptance Speech With Blast Of Bob Dylan (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Former US Women's coach Pia Sundhage is partial to the odd serenade, and so it was that the Swedish songbird pepped up her 'FIFA Womens' Coach of the Year Award' acceptance speech at the Ballon d'Or gala with a burst of Bob Dylan's 'If Not For You' which seemed to go down well with Sergio Ramos.

Snapshot: US Website In Rather Unfortunate Use Of Words To Describe Tottenham’s Gareth Bale

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By Alan Duffy

Yes, it is often too easy to mock our friends across their Atlantic for their sometimes 'different' usage of the Queen's English, however in this case, the description of Spurs superstar Gareth Bale as a 'winger-cum-hole' player was too good and too childish an opportunity to ignore.

10 Most Impressive Premier League Players Of 2012/13 So Far…

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By Chris Wright

Since we've already run the rule over the ten players who have done nothing but brought shame upon their familiesso far this term, it's only right that we add a little yin to the yang and complete the circle with the ten who we reckon have been on top of their game and impressively so.

Shit Suit-A-Likes: Messi’s Ballon d’Or Polka Tux An Homage To Maradona’s Sartorial Crimes Of The Past?

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By Chris Wright

A subtle homage to a boyhood hero or simply a classic case of "great minds/feet dress equally as terribly as one another"?

(Maradona image via MARCA/thanks to Pies fan 'Anonymous' for the nudge!)

Miroslav Stoch’s Superb Stylish Volley Wins 2012 Puskas Award For ‘Goal Of The Year’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Former Chelsea and current Fenerbahce winger Miroslav Stoch has been bestowed with the 2012 Puskas Award after his superbly effortless volley againstGenclerbirligi was selected by visitors toFIFA.com, FIFA's Youtube page and francefootball.fr as their goal of the year from the 10-goal shortlist.

Blackburn Formally Apologise To Sam Allardyce For Steve Kean’s Loose Lips

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By Chris Wright

(WARNING: Video contains some choice language)

It's taken the best part of two years, but Blackburn have finally gotten round to formally apologising to former Rovers boss Sam Allardyce on behalf of fellow former manager Steve Kean, who was caught on tape in a Hong Kong bar a year ago, lightly boozed and gabbing with a group of fans telling them that the club had sacked Allardyce for being 'a crook'.

Snapshot: Lionel Messi Wins Fourth Ballon d’Or In Fabulous Polka Dot Suit…

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By Chris Wright

Lionel Messi won his (unparalleled) fourth consecutive Ballon d'Or last night and he chose this rather spiffing tuxedo for the occasion...

He wears what he wants, he wears what he wants, etc, etc.Who knows, maybe that's what a 'fourth Ballon d'Or suit' is supposed to look like?

Is Luis Suarez a cheat? Polar Bear tries to mate with BBC presenter. CES 2013 – all the hottest new gadgets

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The latest stories from Pies, Anorak and our pals

Is Luis Suarez a cheat? You decide

Polar Bear tries to mate with BBC presenter video here

A teenager recalls the moon landing genius diary post

Andre Iniesta and his rather surprising ambition to play for Real Madrid

The best pics from the FA Cup Third Round

CES 2013 day one's hottest new gadgets the coffee table sized tablet, huge phones and more

15 of the most under rated British bands of the 80s

Ugo Ehiogu, his record label, The Fossil Collective and an ace tale about Ian Wright

CES 2013 Loads and loads of new tech goodies and gadgets

15 apps to help you keep your new year's resolutions

Should ESPN Commentator Jon Champion Be Censured For Calling Luis Suarez ‘Cheat’ On Air?

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By Chris Wright

ESPN have moved to issue an official apology (as posted directly in the comments of this Pies' article) after commentator Jon Champion referred to Luis Suarez's hand-assisted winning goal against Mansfield in the FA Cup this weekend as being "the work of a cheat.

Horror Tackle: Advertising Hoarding Poleaxes French Steward With High Lunge (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during Lorient's 5-1 pasting of Chauray in the Coupe de France, one of the advertising hoardings escapes without so much as a booking for this high horror lunge on a steward attempting to chase down a pitch invader...

Grim.

...and hilarious.

Retro Football: 12-Year-Old La Masia Recruit Andres Iniesta Tells TV News He Dreams Of Playing For Real Madrid (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which a diddy, 12-year-old (we think) Andres Iniesta a new recruit at Barcelona's La Masia youth school innocently tells a Spanish news crew that his dream is to someday play for Real Madrid.

Out of the mouths of babes and all that...

Yep. We thought that was Cesc for a moment too.

Football Boots We Have Loved: Nike Mercurial R9

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By Chris Wright

This ‘ere be 'Football Boots We Have Loved', in which we have a look back at some of the football boots which have tugged on our heartstrings down through the years.

In a sport which only really requires you to supply a minimal amount of gear, your boots take on an added sentimental significance.

Top 10 Photos: FA Cup Third Round Weekend, 5/6 Jan 2013

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By Chris Wright

Pies' pick of the stills from this weekend's FA Cup action (click for full-size images)...

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 10

Darren Bent takes the missus for a stroll around Villa Park.

(Photos: PA)

Cristiano Ronaldo Offers Captain’s Armband To Iker Casillas vs Real Sociedad, Casillas Refuses (Video)

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By Chris Wright

'Saint' Iker Casillas was once again benched for Real Madrid's first La Liga game of 2013 having also been left out of their last fixture of 2012, however his replacement betwixt the sticks, Adan, was sent-off rather harshly after just six short minutes of their game against Real Sociedad, with Casillas stepping into the breach.

FA Cup: Mansfield 1-2 Liverpool – Suarez Shoots Reds To Victory With A Little Help From His Hand (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Mansfield Town 1-2 Liverpool FA Cup 6th January 2013

The moment FA Cup mascot buddy attempted to shoot Mansfield boss Paul Cox. (Bet it was Suarez in the costume).

The pompous and the self-inflated of the footballing media world will be sharpening their (metaphorical) pencils today after their favourite baddie, Luis Suarez, blatantly handled the ball on the way to Scoring Liverpool's winner against non-league Mansfield Town.

Football GIF: Luis Suarez Handles The Ball Before Scoring Against Mansfield, Cue Another Silly Media Storm

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By Alan Duffy

In an act which will, in its own little way, bring close together the peoples of Mansfield and Ghana, everybody's favourite Premier League pantomime villain Luis Suarez blatantly handled the ball on the way to scoring Liverpool's second against Mansfield.

To be fair to the striker, as he fired the ball into the empty net, it looked as though even he thought the referee would blow for a foul.

FA Cup: Swansea 2-2 Arsenal – Michu Scores Again In Four-Goal Thriller At The Liberty (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 2-2 Arsenal FA Cup 6th January 2013

After a rather drab first-half, the second period of this FA Cup tie at the Liberty Stadium certainly came to life, with four goals and a fair amount of drama.

With Michu on the bench, Swansea were still the better side in the first period, with the Gunners struggling to create too much up front.

14-Year Old Clarence Seedorf Appears On Dutch TV Quiz Show, Wins Colour Telly! (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

A man of many talents as we have recently seen here, the great Clarence Seedorf, one of the finest players of his generation, was already getting himself on the telly as a young teen.

Back in 1990, the Seedorf appeared on Dutch TV quiz show 'Ted's Familiespelshow', ultimately winning a colour TV with remote control.

FA Cup: Man City 3-0 Watford – No Sting In The Tail As Citizens Stroll Past Hornets (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 3-0 Watford FA Cup 5th January 2013

Manchester City eased their way past Gianfranco Zola's Watford on Saturday courtesy of a comfortable 3-0 win.

Keen to put all that midweek training ground palavar behind him, Roberto Mancini picked a strong side to face the Hornets, who themselves were shorn of a number of key players.

Mansfield Put Names Of Hillsborough Victims On 96 Unused Seats For Liverpool FA Cup Visit

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By Chris Wright

With Liverpool in town on Sunday for the FA Cup third round, Mansfield have paid a small tribute to the victims of the Hillsborough disaster by putting the names of the 96 people who died on that tragic day on 96 seats between the home and away fans that will be purposefully left unused during today's game at Field Mill.

Football GIF: Robin Van Persie’s Sublime Equaliser For Man Utd Against West Ham

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By Alan Duffy

What a buy Robin Van Persie has been for Manchester United. Seemingly well over the injury problems which peppered his Arsenal career, the Dutchman is having a huge effect on the Red Devils' title tilt with both his goals and assists.

In Saturday's late game in the FA Cup, the Dutchman, in cameo role at the Boleyn Ground, produced a last-gasp equaliser which saw him control Ryan Giggs' long-pass with the most beautiful of touches before firing home with his right peg.

FA Cup: West Ham 2-2 Man Utd – RVP To The Rescue As Hammers Push Red Devils All The Way (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 2-2 Manchester United FA Cup 5th January 2013

An outstanding goal from Robin Van Persie, which came after an outstanding pass from Ryan Giggs, rescued Manchester United's FA Cup campaign at Upton Park on Saturday as the Red Devils were pushed all the way by West Ham.

FA Cup: Southampton 1-5 Chelsea – Demba Goes Ba-llistic As Blues Romp Home At St. Mary’s (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 1-5 Chelsea FA Cup 5th January 2012

After holding Arsenal to a well-deserved 1-1 draw last time out, Southampton were no doubt confident of at least pushing Chelsea all the way on Saturday. However, ultimately the Blues' class shone through, with Blues' new-boy Demba Ba bagging a brace.

FA Cup: Brighton 2-0 Newcastle – Seagulls Spoil Magpies’ Trip To The Seaside (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Brighton & Hove Albion 2-0 Newcastle United FA Cup 5th January 2012

Shorn of pretty much all of his first team, Alan Pardew saw his patched-up Newcastle side lose courtesy of a superb and assured performance from Gus Poyet's Brighton.

Dinamo Zagreb Player Transfer Listed For Having Sex On Stadium’s Centre Spot

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By Chris Wright

Dirty, dirty beggars

Thanks to revelations in his wife's autobiography, Croatian footballerDino Drpic has found himself transfer listed by his club for the heinous crime of making sweet, sweet, public whoopie to his woman on the centre spot of his team's Maksimir Stadium.

Friday Round Up: Best Ever Fitness Videos, 10 Biggest Premier League Disappointments And Seriously Big Phones…

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The greatest ever fitness and keep fit videos

Amazing photos of Allied prisoners of war

Great story of how a woman spent New year's Eve imprisoned in a shop

10 biggest disappointments of the Premiership this season

Video of the AC Milan players leaving the pitch due to racist chants

The ten Premiership players you'd most like to share a beer or two with

Get ready, 2013 is the year your phone screen will get seriously large

Bizarre shots of Goths looking awkward in every day situations

Samsung Galaxy 4 rumour round up

Latest news about Microsoft's next generation console the Xbox 720

15 apps to help you keep those new year's resolutions

Mansfield Boss To Win Honeymoon If Stags Pull Off FA Cup Giant-Killing Act Against Liverpool

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By Chris Wright

With a place in the FA Cup fourth round on the line the stakes are already high for Mansfield manager Paul Cox this weekend, with the Conference side taking on Liverpool at the One Call Stadium though if The Stags somehow manage to pull off an upset, Cox will be on the receiving end of one hell of a win bonus.

Horror Hair: Steffen Freund’s Monstrous Two-Tone Plait Ponytail, 1996

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By Chris Wright

1996 was not a good year for Steffen Freund...

There are no words.

Actually, we can think of one or two.

(Amazingly horrendous spot by the horrendously amazing@JamesMawFFT)

Friday tactics – how will Roberto Mancini re-shape City without Balotelli

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Mario Balotelli has a habit of doing the most absurd things at precisely the most brilliant time. If he'd planned to get into a training ground scrap with his own manager, picking this week was a wonderful way to provide Roberto Mancini with the possibility to react instantly, with the transfer window offering the possibility for a quick-fire sale.

Snapshot: John Terry’s Instagram Sorta Kinda Confirms Chelsea Plan To Release Frank Lampard Back Into The Wild…

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By Chris Wright

This appeared on John Terry's official Instagram account earlier this fine morn...

Seems that Chelsea are going to be cutting Lamps loose after all. JT will be heartbroken. Heart. Broken.

We'd be interested to know if there's anyone out there who thinks releasing Frank back into the wild is a good idea?

First Photo: Chelsea Complete £7m Demba Ba Deal, Poses With New Work Uniform

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By Chris Wright

It's official, Chelsea have signed their first ever Senegalese player...

According to the statement on the Chelsea site, Ba has signed a three-and-a-half-year contract for an undisclosed fee (widely reported to be approx. £7 million) and will wear the No.

Friday Flashback: 20 Magnificent Assorted Vintage Football Stickers – Vol #17

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By Chris Wright

Friday Flashback XVII: The Quickening...

You've not seen nothing like the Mighty Quinn...

We strongly urge you to follow@OldSchoolPaninion the Twitter if laughingheartilyat terrible hair on a daily basis appeals to you.

West Ham’s Matt Jarvis Appears On Cover Of Attitude Magazine

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By Chris Wright

Following in the chiseled, greased-up footsteps of David Beckham and Freddie Ljungberg, West Ham winger Matt Jarvis has become the third footballer to pose for the cover of Attitude the UK's most prominent gay magazine doing his bit to help challenge football's silliest 'taboo'.

Nike Mark Cristiano Ronaldo’s Amazing 2012 With ‘Milestone’ CR Mercurial IX Boots (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

It wasn't long ago that Cristiano Ronaldo released his own Nike boot range (complete with stomach-churning loveheart logo), but yet another signature boot is due to be foisted upon CR7 in the near future.

The boots themselves are still embargoed hence the shadowy pictures but we can tell you that they're mercurials, CR Mercurial IXs to be exact, in white and pink and will carry a special graphic to mark Ronaldo's almost peerless 2011/12 season and the stats he amassed therein.

AC Milan Players Walk Off Pitch After Kevin-Prince Boateng Racially Abused During Pro Patria Friendly (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's footage of the AC Milan players presenting a united front and walking off the pitch together after Kevin-Prince Boateng was racially abused by fans during the Rossoneri's friendly against fourth tier side Aurora Pro Patria (whose players had already twice tried to stop their supporters' racist chanting) earlier this afternoon.

10 Biggest Premier League Disappointments Of 2012/13 So Far…

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By Chris Wright

What with us straddling the half-way stage of the 2012/13 Premier League to-doings as we are, we at Pies thought it high time to have a gander at ten of the biggest disappointments that have sullied our delicate dispositions so far this season.

In no particular order.

Cyber Squatter Promises To Give Up ‘Zlatan.fr’ Domain If Zlatan Himself Completes One Of Twelve Challenges

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By Chris Wright

For the uninitiated, cybersquatting is the practice of registering a domain name that a company or individual is likely to want to obtain at some point in the future with the sole intention of selling it to said company for example, snaffling up www.jedsbogbrushes.

Football Songs: Clarence Seedorf Sings ‘Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay’ By Otis Redding

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By Chris Wright

One more reason why Clarence Seedorf is the biggest dude in the footballing sphere...

Not bad. Not bad at all.

‘I Was About To Scream ‘Raaaah’ When I See There’s Loads Of Them’ – Rio Ferdinand Recalls Time Eight Hooded Men Turned Up At His House

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By Chris Wright

"Raaaah!"

As with most old duffers, Rio Ferdinand now spends most of his days in a cardigan, gathering the kids around the fireplace, doling out the Werthers Originals and telling tall tales of his salad days: about the time he accidentally invented Pritt-Stick while interned in a Japanese POW camp, about the time he beat Hitler in a bare-knuckle boxing match on a visit to Peckham, about the first time he saw a pineapple in England and about the time a gang of eight hooded men turned up outside his house in the dead of night demanding that he sign a new Manchester United contract.

Football GIF: Leighton Baines’ Ripsnorting Freekick vs Newcastle On Infinite Loop

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By Chris Wright

Christ on a crackerbread! He may look like a panicky, wispy-sideburned Victorian farmhand but Jesusallahbuddha can Leighton Baines hit a football with gumption...

(GIF: 101GG)

Newcastle 1-2 Everton – Faltering Magpies Hover Above Drop-Zone As Toffees Battle To Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 1-2 Everton Premier League 2nd January 2013

With star striker Demba Ba looking set for a move to Chelsea and his side now just two points clear of the drop-zone, Newcastle boss Alan Pardew is having anything but a happy new year.

Chelsea’s Marko Marin Aims A Potential Leg-Breaker At Stephan M’Bia, Only Gets A Yellow (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

It seems that referee Lee Mason decided that Marko Marin's appalling lunge on Stephan M'Bia happened too earlt in the game (four minutes) to warrant a red card. As that probably would have 'spoiled the game'.

Indeed, that argument that referees should be more lenient early doors in a game, as otherwise he'll 'have to send everyone off' is utter rubbish.

Chelsea 0-1 QPR – Hoops Secure Shock Win At The Bridge As Benitez Tinkering Backfires (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 0-1 Queens Park Rangers Premier League 2nd January 2013

Starting with star attackers Juan Mata and Eden Hazard on the bench, Rafa Benitez hoped for an easy evening against Premier League strugglers QPR. However, instead, the Blues couldn't find a way past a determined Rangers' backline, with former Chelsea winger providing a painful sting in the tail for the home side.

Liverpool 3-0 Sunderland – New-Boy Sturridge Looks On As Suarez Shines Against Black Cats (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 3-0 Sunderland Premier League 2nd January 2013

With new-signing Daniel Sturridge watching from the stands, Liverpool hitman Luis Suarez produced yet another superb display as the Reds comfortable dispatched Sunderland.

The Uruguayan netted a brace, on 26 and 52 minutes, but only after youngster Raheem Sterling produced a lovely lob to open the scoring in he 19th minutes.

Top stories – the best NYE pics, terrible toys, the top 30 iPad apps and more

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Great stories from Pies, Anorak and our pals

The top 10 newspaper apologies of 2012

Loads of feelgood New Year's Eve pics

14 terrible toys some very cool videos

The 100 best goals of 2012

Classic GIF: Emmanuel Adebayor Hits Crossbar From Just Two Yards Out

Got a new iPad/Nexus 7/Kindle Fire HD?

David Hasselhoff Graces The Etihad With His Presence, Nabs Yaya Touré Shirt (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Following in the tiny superstar footsteps of Tom Cruise, David Hasselhoff visited the home of Manchester City on Tuesday to watch the Citizens take on Stoke.

Star of Baywatch and uniter of East and West Germany, the Hoff even managed to get his hands on Yaya Tourés shirt after the game.

West Ham 2-1 Norwich – Spot-Kick Controvery Sends Hammers On Way To First Win In Five (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 2-1 Norwich City Premier League 1st January 2012

You see it every game, a big defender grabbing hold of an opponent's shirt in the box at a set-piece, yet rarely it is penalised. Although in my view it always should be. Anyway, at Upton Park on Saturday, Mark Clattenburg decided to penalise such a foul, awarding the Hammers a spot-kick after just three minutes when Ryan Bennett grappled with Winston Reid.

Retro Football: Harry Redknapp Defends 17-Year-Old Frank Lampard From Uppity West Ham Fan (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This video is doing the Twitter rounds today and it's definitely worth a squirt: Here's then-West Ham manager Harry Redknapp schmoozing with fans at a conference, suddenly finding himself forced into defending a ruddy-cheeked 17-year-old Frank Lampard when a Hammers fan who was presumably paid off by Scott Canham gets uppity and questions just why 'Arry let youth prospects Scott Canham and Matty Holland go in lieu of sticking with 'crap' Lamps because of his family ties.

Young Leeds Fan Meets Hero El Hadji Diouf In Full ‘Black Face’ (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Just a quickie to let y'all know that I'm going to be back on Pies duty properly tomorrow as I'm currently in no fit state, (thanks largely to the sheer distance between deepest, darkest Scotland and The Midlands) but I'm teasing my full return with this wonderful photo of a young Leeds fans who both dressed and blacked-up specially to meet his hero El Hadji Diouf outside Elland Road after Leeds' New Year's Day game against Bolton.

Tottenham 3-1 Reading – Lilywhites Go Third After Dominant Display At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 3-1 Reading Premier League 1st January 2012

Despite conceding the first goal of the game, courtesy of a close-range Pavel Pogrebnyak header, Tottenham dominated the vast majority of their home clash with Reading and ultimately secured a vital three points in the race for Europe.

Southampton 1-1 Arsenal – Saints Make Their Point As Gunners Misfire At St. Mary’s (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 1-1 Arsenal Premier League 1st January 2012

The Gunners produced a dismal display at St Mary's in the late game on Saturday, apparently having wasted all their good attacking play in their 7-3 win against Newcastle. Instead it was the home side who came closest to securing what would have been (arguably) a deserved win.

Man City 3-0 Stoke – Citizens Ease Past Solid Stoke At The Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 3-0 Stoke City Premier League 1st January 2012

Stoke, arguably one of the most under-rated teams in the Premier League, came to the Etihad hoping to frustrate the champions and for almost all of the first half, that's exactly what they did.

Wigan 0-4 Man Utd – Van Persie And Hernandez Carve Up Latics In Easy Win At The DW (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wigan Athletic 0-4 Manchester United Premier League 1st January 2012

Sir Alex Ferguson's decision to start with both Robin Van Persie and Javier Hernandez in a more tradition 4-4-2 formation was rewarded by a brace each from the two centre-forwards as the Red Devils steamrolled Wigan at the DW Stadium.

West Brom 1-2 Fulham – Berbatov On Target As Whites Secure Vital Away Win At The Hawthorns (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 1-2 Fulham Premier League 1st January 2012

Martin Jol's Fulham secured a precious victory away at the Hawthorns in the first game of the new year, a result which gives the Whites only their second win on the road this season.