Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2012

Aston Villa 1-1 West Brom – Late Bent Strike Bags Point For Villans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 1-1 West Bromwich Albion Premier League 30th September 2012

This west Midlands derby was a decent affair, with Paul Lambert's struggling Villans producing a performance which hints, but only hints, at better days ahead.

Irish striker Shane Long opened the scoring early in the second half, but sub Darren Bent bagged a precious equaliser for the home side with just 10 minutes to go.

Palermo Diddy Man Fabrizio Miccoli Scores Epic 55-Yard Volley vs Chievo (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Standing a lofty 4'6" in his stack heels, here's Palermo halfling Fabrizio Miccoli scoring an absolute belter of a volley to complete his hat-trick in his side's 4-1 thrashing of Chievo earlier today...

BOOM! Coincidentally enough, the wee striker has a pair of jeans in his wardrobe that concisely and eloquently sum up Pies' reaction to his emphatic strike.

Stoke 2-0 Swansea – Crouch Shoots Down Swans As Potters Finally Get A Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 2-0 Swansea City Premier League 29th September 2012

Peter Crouch was the goal-hero for Stoke on Saturday, with the gangly former England man netting a first-half brace to inflict a third straight defeat on Swansea.

Michael Laudrup's side started the season well but seem to have lost their mojo, with their backline looking particularly shaky.

Sunderland 1-0 Wigan – Fletcher Fires Black Cats To First Win Of The Season (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 1-0 Wigan Athletic Premier League 29th September 2012

Once again, it was summer-signing Steven Fletcher who was Sunderland's goal-hero at the Stadium of Light on Saturday. The former Wolves man made it five goals in four Premier League games, scoring just after the break.

Sir Alex Ferguson Impressed By Batman’s Performance For Tottenham (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Lol! Epic Bale Fail...

Everton 3-1 Southampton – Jelavic Fires Toffees Into Second Place In The League (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 3-1 Southampton Premier League 29th September 2012

Everton's great run of form continued at Goodison on Saturday, with a Nikica Jelavic brace helping the home side to a 3-1 win against strugglers Southampton.

The visitors had opened the scoring on six minutes, courtesy of a Gaston Ramirez header.

Irate Fan Hurtles Onto Pitch, Throttles Linesman During Ukrainian Game (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during the Ukrainian top flight game between Chernomorets and FC Metalist, an irate Chernomorets supporter seizes his opportunity and bursts onto the pitch to give one of the assistants a damn-good Homer Simpson-style throttling before eventually being suppressed by five riot police.

Reading 2-2 Newcastle – Ba Brace Denies Royals First Win Of The Season (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Reading 2-2 Newcastle United Premier League 29th September 2012

In-form hitman Demba Ba struck a brace at the Madejski Stadium on Saturday, including a superb volley, to rescue a point for the Magpies and leaves Brian McDermott and co. still searching for their first Premier League win of the campaign.

Norwich 2-5 Liverpool – Hat-Trick Hero Suarez Crushes Canaries At Carrow Road (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 2-5 Liverpool Premier League 29th September 2012

Luis Suarez came back to haunt Norwich on Saturday, netting his second hat-trick in two visits at Carrow Road. Overall, the Reds totally dominated against a feeble home side who look as though they may well struggle this season.

Fulham 1-2 Man City – Late Dzeko Strike Secures Citizens’ Win At The Cottage (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 1-2 Manchester City Premier League 29th September 2012

Mladen Petric opened the scoring for Fulham against the champions on Saturday afternoon, courtesy of a spot-kick (after a very harsh penalty decision). However, the relentless pressure from the Citizens eventually paied off, with Sergio Aguero netting just before half-time.

Man Utd 2-3 Tottenham – Lethal Lilywhites Secure First Old Trafford Win In 23 Years (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 2-3 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 29th September 2012

Manchester United suffered their second defeat of the campaign on Saturday evening, as AVB's Spurs side registered their fist win in eons at Old Trafford.

United were poor in the first-half, with Moussa Dembele bossing the midfield.

Football GIF: Arsene Wenger Spins Right Round (Like A Record, Baby) In Despair At Olivier Giroud’s Miss (GIF)

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By Alan Duffy

Poor old Arsene Wenger. After watching his side make a total balls of both Chelsea's goals, he then witnesses summer signing Olivier Giroud miss yet another chance. In response, Wenger does some kind of impersonation of a helicopter spinning its way to the ground.

Arsenal 1-2 Chelsea – Bad Habits Die Hard For Gunners As Blues Win At The Emirates (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 1-2 Chelsea Premier League 29th September 2012

Steve Bould may now be coaching Arsenal's backline, but judging by the mess they made of both Chelsea's goals at the Emirates, Igor Stepanovs had taken a few sessions with the team.

Retro Football: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly Of Russian Premier League Logos

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By Alan Duffy

We at Pies like to find stuff that you'll struggle to come across elsewhere, and in this case, we have for you a rather niche item each of the Russian Premier League's logos. Some are pretty cool, while some, such as the bizarre 2003 one, are quite hideous.

Personally, I like 1996 with its big green V.

Ki Sung-Yeung Performs Swansea Initiation Song – Opts For Gentle South Korean Ballad Sung Into Spoon (Video)

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By Chris Wright

What better way to start the morning than with a gentle South Korean ballad (no, not 'Gangnam Style') from the homeland, sung straight from the heart and into the makeshift microphone (a spoon) of Swansea's new signing, Ki Sung-Yeung...

Beautiful. Moving, even.

Steve Kean ‘Forced To Resign’ As Blackburn Manager – It’s Over, It’s Finally Over!

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By Chris Wright

Rejoice! Rejoice! Run and tell the townsfolk! It's over! It's finally over! After nigh-on two-year sustained campaign of acrimony from almost all quarters of the Blackburn support, beloved manager Steve 'The Cumbernauld Limpet' Kean has finally vacated his post at the club after his position became 'untenable' though we suspect that most people of an Ewood persuasion would argue that his position became untenable roughly two years ago.

‘Hulk Out!’ – Fake Bomb Found At Zenit Training Complex, Protest Over Hulk’s Astronomical Wages

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By Chris Wright

"Oh. My. God. What have we done?"

A week after two prominent members of the first-team were busted down to train with the reserves for having the temerity to raise questions over the very same issue, afake bomb has reportedly been discovered at Zenit St.

Retro: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly Of Russian Premier League Logos

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By Alan Duffy

We at Pies like to find stuff that you'll struggle to come across elsewhere, and in this case, we have for you a rather niche item each of the Russian Premier League's logos. Some are pretty cool, while some, such as the bizarre 2003 one, are quite hideous.

Personally, I like 1996 with its big green V.

Hannover’s Leon Andreasen Spends 28 Months Out Injured, Tears ACL Five Games Into Return, Out For Yet Another Six Months

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By Chris Wright

"Bugger it"

After previously having been laid up injured with a snapped groin for a whopping 28 months (that's two-and-a-third years in old money) since April of 2010, Hannover midfielder Leon Andreasen briefly of Fulham has enjoyed a flying start to the season, scoring six goals (in all competitions) in the space of five rounds of Bundesliga games thus far.

Chelsea Enjoy Fashion Shoot With Dolce & Gabbana, Leave Space For Absent John Terry To Be Edited In Later (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

As Tweeted by Juan Mata, here's a blurry capture from the Chelsea squad's suited and booted, high-fashion photo shoot with Dolce & Gabbana at Cobham yesterday.

Notice if you will, that there is an empty chair right there, front and centre, alongside coach Roberto Di Matteo.

Sochaux’s Ryad Boudebouz Attempts The Most Gently Struck Panenka Spot-Kick Ever, Still Outfoxes ‘Keeper (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

I don't know about you, but I'm starting to get a bit bored with all these 'Panenka' spot-kicks. Like tattoos and racism, it's a trend football should knock on the head.

Anyway, the latest cheeky chappie to outwit a goalie from the penalty spot is Sochaux's Ryad Boudebouz.

The Friday Flashback: 20 Brilliant Vintage Panini Football Stickers – Volume #4

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By Chris Wright

TheFridayFlashback IV: Journey Through the Mists...

A second appearance of the series for...

The Kurgan from Highlander...

Thanks to the excellent Old School Panini for the majority of these corkers!

Friday Flashback Volume #1
Friday Flashback Volume #2
Friday Flashback Volume #3

Gerardo Bedoya Shown 41st Career Red Card, Studs Opponent’s Face To Celebrate, Given 15-Match Ban (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Veteran Colombian international Gerardo Bedoya has a reputation of being an unhinged one-man mind mental with a rap sheet as long as you like, so it should come as little surprise that the 36-year old Independiente Santa Fe anchorman picked up his 41st (FORTY-FIRST!

Football Tat: St. Pauli Waffle Toaster – Perfect For The Left-Leaning Breakfast Aficionado In Your Life

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By Chris Wright

For those of you who are unaware, St. Pauli are a 2. Bundesliga club based in Hamburg who are gaining a bit of a cultish hipster reputation with the wider world for their cool 'skull and bones' logo, their anti-bigwigs 'punk' ethos, their alternative, left-leaning, anti-hooligan, socialist supporters groups and their red light district stadium, but mostly their cool 'skull and bones' logo which they will happily stick on any old tat.

Lionel Messi Leaves Barcelona Luncheon, Flummoxed By Unlockable Car, Eventually Realises It’s Not His (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Lionel Messi attempts to leave a restaurant with the rest of the Barca chaps, only to flummoxed as his key doesn't appear to be opening his car the reason being that it's not actually his car, it'sThiago Alcantara's! Seems even the flawless have their off days.

Alan Pardew Extends Newcastle Contract Up Until THE DISTANT FUTURE!

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By Chris Wright

Pards clears out his desk at St James' at the end of his deal

There's having confidence in your man, and then there's the kind of faith that Newcastle obviously have in Alan Pardew. After a flying first year at St James', Pards (along with his backroom staff) has today extended his contract with The Toon by eight years up until 2020, or THE DISTANT FUTURE as it's known.

John Terry Found Guilty Of Using ‘Abusive Words In Reference To Colour Or Race’ – Fined £220k, Given Four-Game Ban

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By Alan Duffy

JT on his way in to Wembley this morning.

Ex-England man John Terry may have dodged the bullet in the high court, but today The FA have found the Chelsea man guilty of racially abusing Anton Ferdinand in that infamous game at Loftus Road last season.

Introducing: The Footbonaut – Dortmund Show Off New ‘Crystal Maze’ Style Training Equipment (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Is it just us, or does Borussia Dortmund's new 'Footbonaut' training cube looks like something that game straight from Richard O'Brien's Futuristic Zone? Any road up, they're certainly keen to show it off...

Get a wriggle on! You've got three minutes and it's an automatic lock-in.

Snoop Dogg Is Really Quite Crap At Football, Has Amazing Pre-Penalty Line-Dancing Routine (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here we see Snoop Doggy Lion (he's a rasta now apparently) at the launch of the new FIFA 13 game, dazzling an ESPN reporter with his football chops.

Now, try as he might to ingratiate himself into the footballing world, the fact remains that our Snoop is actually a bit pap when it comes to playing the game though his pre-penalty line-dancing routine is something that may just catch on at the top level one day.

Nike Launch Weatherproof ‘ACC’ Boot Range As Winter Creeps In And Things Get Damp (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Let's face it, winter's been creeping in here since the start of June but, regardless, as of October 15th all of Nike's top line boots: the Mercurial, the CTR360 Maestri, the Total 90 Laser and the Tiempo, will come fully loaded with 'All Conditions Control' a special treatment which will hopefully improve the player's touch and control as and when things start to get a little damp around the edges.

Newcastle United Jets Sell Out Of Heskey No.9 Shirts, Order 5,000 More To Meet Demand!

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By Chris Wright

Despite the fact that he hasn't actually arrived in New South Wales yet (he's due to touch down on Friday), A-League side Newcastle United Jets have already sold out of Emile Heskey replica shirts, with an order already placed for 5,000 more to sastify demand.

Lazio’s Miroslav Klose Scores With Hand vs Napoli, Politely Asks Ref To Disallow It (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We'd say 'class act', but we shouldn't really gloss over the fact that Klose did initially try to pull a fast one and score with his hand before hisconsciencehad a word in his ear!

Video: 101GG

Keeper Pulls Off Truly Unbelievable Toe-Tip Save In Swedish Lower Leagues (Video)

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By Chris Wright

His name is Patric Stenmark, and he keeps goal forGamla Upsala SK in the Swedish fifth division in truly unbelievable style. You've seen fingertip saves, now feast your eyes upon a toetip save...

Astounding.

(Video: @mags_runlo)

Capital One Cup: Man Utd 2-1 Newcastle – Youthful United To Too Strong For The Toon At Old Trafford (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 2-1 Newcastle United Capital One Cup 26th September 2012

Sir Alex Ferguson put out a mix'n'match side at Old Trafford on Wednesday night, but his blend of youth and experience proved good enough to beat Alan Pardew's Newcastle.

Football Art: Statue Of Zidane Headbutting Materazzi Installed Outside Pompidou Centre, Paris (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

The previously unveiledfive-metre-high bronze statue of Zidane sticking one on Master Troll Materazzi during the 2006 World Cup Final by French artist Adel Abdessemed has gone on display outside Paris' world famous Pompidou Centre museum.

Capital One Cup: West Brom 1-2 Liverpool – Super Sahin Sees Reds Through At The Hawthorns (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 1-2 Liverpool Capital One Cup 26th September 2012

A brace from Turkish midfielder Nuri Sahin was enough to send Liverpool through to the last 16 of the Capital One Cup in a hard-fought game at the Hawthorns.

Brendan Rodgers rested a number of his first team regulars for the trip to the Midlands and his inexperienced side were behind after just three minutes, when Gabriel Tamas pounced on a balls-up by 'keeper Brad Jones.

Man Utd Young’n Ryan Tunnicliffe Makes 10-Minute Cameo vs Newcastle, Decade-Old Bet Lands Dad Cool £10,000

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By Chris Wright

In replacing Marnick Vermiji for the last ten minutes of Manchester United B's 2-1 win over Newcastle United Fringe XI in the League Cup tonight, young Ryan Tunnicliffe saw his Dad cash in on a £100 bet he made with a friend almost a decade ago.

Back when Tunnicliffe was just nine-years old, his old man had a ton on his sprog playing for the United first team one day, with his mate giving him odds of 100/1.

Dodgy IV Drips, Mafia Break-Ins & Match-Fixing – Former Argentina International Matias Almeyda Lifts Lid On Italian Football

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By Chris Wright

Former Argentina international Matias Almeyda has written an autobiography which is currently being serialised in Gazzetta dello Sport, in which the midfielder who is currently head coach at River Plate makes some fairly scandalous claims about the state of the inner machinations of Italian football,including intravenous doping, pandemic match-fixing and mafia intimidation.

Capital One Cup: Arsenal 6-1 Coventry – Giroud Off The Mark As Young Gunners Romp To Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 6-1 Coventry City Capital One Cup 26th September 2012

Poor old Olivier Giroud, a handful of games without a goal and already words such as 'drought' were being bandied around. Anyway, against Coventry at the Emirates tonight, the French striker broke his duck for the Gunners, courtesy of a lovely chip, thus scoring in a shorter space of time than it took a certain Thierry Henry.

Snapshot: Ace Blast Of Vandalism On Sign At Liverpool John Lennon Airport

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By Chris Wright

No idea if this is kosher/re-touched, etc, but it's bloody good as vandalism goes whichever way...

Via @MarioBaloltelli

Rennes’ Romain Alessandrini Scores Rather Excellent Backheel Flick Volley vs Nancy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Over in the French League Cup last night, Rennes found themselves a goal down to Nancy after quarter of an hour, though Romain Alessandrini's vaulting backheeled flick volley equaliser two minutes later was worthy of squaring any tie...

Some impressive height on that there leap!

Fitting Tribute To Mark Santos’ 100th Anniversary – Neymar And Co. Dance And Mime Awkwardly To ‘Call Me Maybe’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

To celebrate '100 years of history', here's the lads and lasses of Santos (including Neymar), dancing awkwardly and lip-syncing horribly to that bloody 'Call Me Maybe' thing all in the name of 'fun, fun, fun' what a fitting tribute to mark the centenary year of one of Brazil's most venerable clubs.

Ronaldo Signs Up For Brazilian ‘Celebrity Fit Club’, Weighs In At Hefty 118kg (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In a bid to shift some of the flab and a couple of the chins he's acquired since knocking his playing career on the head once and for all, Ronaldo has signed up to appear on the latest series of the Brazilian equivalent of 'Celebrity Fit Club' weighing in at an impressive 118kg (that's around 261 pounds for our antiquated imperial American readers).

R.I.P John Bond – Former West Ham Right-Back, Norwich & Man City Manager Dies, Aged 79

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By Chris Wright

Sad news filtering through this morning that former West Ham player, as well as Norwich and Man City manager, John Bond father of Harry Redknapp's assistant at Tottenham, Kevin has died at the age of 79...

After joining from non-league Colchester Casuals in 1950, Bond,renownedas a goal-scoring right-back, went on to make 444 appearances for The Hammers during a 16-year stint at Upton Park, lifting the FA Cup in 1964.

Lokomotiv Plovdiv Suffer Shock Defeat To Bottom Side, Owner Forces Players To Take Lie Detector Tests

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By Chris Wright

Plovdiv have ways of making you talk

The entire playing and coaching staff at Bulgarian first division side Lokomotiv Plovdiv have all been ordered by the the club's (slightly paranoid) new owner to undergo lie detector tests after they suffered a shock1-0 defeat by bottom club Botev Vratsa.

Dinamo Zagreb’s Domagoj Vida Fined €100k For Opening Beer On Team Coach En Route To Game

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By Chris Wright

With his side in transit en route to their Croatiancup match against NK Vrsar, it would appear that Dinamo Zagreb defender Domagoj Vida assumed the team coach would be as good a place as any for a refreshing brewski and cracked open a cold one a spectacularly poorly-timed beer that has since proven to be the most expensive suds he'll ever sup.

Capital One Cup: Man City 2-4 Aston Villa – Villans Shock Rich Kids At The Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 2-4 Aston Villa Capital One Cup 25th September 2012

Coming just days after City were pushed all the way by Arsenal at the Etihad, the home side once again struggled against Premier League opposition, this time in the form of Paul Lambert's Aston Villa.

Aidan White Scores Fine Solo Goal As Leeds Dump Everton Out Of Capital One Cup (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Leeds wideman Aidy White scored a superb solo goal at Elland Road on Tuesday night as the home side shocked high-flying Everton with a 2-1 win.

White's jinky run followed by a cool, curling finish opened he scoring after just four minutes with Rudolph Austin doubling the score on 70 minutes.

Capital One Cup: Chelsea 6-0 Wolves – Blues Batter Woeful Wolves At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 6-0 Wolverhampton Wanderers Capital One Cup 25th September 2012

Wolves' boss Stale Solbakken opted to bring a second string Wolves side to Stamford Bridge on Tuesday night and was made to pay for that decision as the Blues romped home to victory.

Shit Lookalikes: Niko Kranjcar & Kili The Dwarf (From ‘The Hobbit’)

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By Chris Wright

Kili the hairy dwarf is one of Bilbo Baggin's crew in the new Hobbit film.

Niko is the alice-banded midfielder who left Spurs for Dynamo Kiev The Shires earlier in the summer.

Wunderbar work from Pies fan Tome Atilla Jozic.

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain Becomes Increasingly Annoyed At Being Unable To Recreate Henry’s Swivel Volley vs Man Utd (Video)

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By Chris Wright

"Sorry about that mon amis. Made you look a bit of un numpty out there"

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain has his own strand over on Arsenal TV, with this week's 'OX TV' seeing the wee urchin tasked with recreating Thierry Henry's gloriously fluid 'swivel volley' which the French fancy scored against Manchester United at Highbury back in 2000 at Arsenal's training ground, armed with only three dummies and a Wojciech Szczesny (four dummies?

Shocking Footage Emerges Of Spanish Police Attacking Man City Fans In Madrid (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

At first glance, the footage of Man City fans clashing with Madrid police may look like a throwback to the bad old days of English football nastiness. However, it does seem as though it's the police who are to blame for the trouble.

The camera phone video, which was shot ahead of City's Champions League clash with Real last week andposted on Youtube by blogger David Dubas-Fisher along with his graphic blog account of the nasty and largely unprovoked (beer was thrown) skirmish entitled 'The Ghost of Franco Returns to Haunt Manchester City'- shows the local riot police wading in to a crowd of City fans, hitting them with batons.

Zenit Players Narked Over Ridiculous Wages Given To Hulk And Witsel, Bumped Down To Reserves For Complaining

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By Chris Wright

All is not plum dandy over at Zenit St. Petersburg at the moment, where two of the club's senior players have been forced to train with the club's second string after having the gumption, the bare-faced cheek to raise concerns over the wage disparity between new signings Hulk and Alex Witsel and EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON AT THE CLUB.

Heroic Brazilian Physio Comes To His Side’s Rescue With Last Minute Goal-Saving Tackle (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during last Sunday's Brazilian lower league game between Ponta Pora and Coxim, the home side's physio who had just left the pitch after tending to one of the Ponta Pora players with his magic sponge with a couple of minutes left on the clock spots danger out of the corner of his eagle eye and, in a bid to preserve his side's fragile 1-0 lead, takes it upon himself to put in a goal-saving challenge as the Coxim midfielder breaks into the box (skip to the 00:18 mark).

Celtic Launch 125th Anniversary Kit – Loving Homage To Strip Worn In First Ever Game In 1888 (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

"Say 'cheese'! Now, don't move a muscle for the next ten minutes..."

On Sunday, November 6th 1887, eight men gathered in the meeting hall of St Mary's Church in the East End of Glasgow and, by hook or by crook, Celtic Football Club was born with the intention of raising money to help alleviate childhood poverty in the local area.

Snapshot: The Heskey Has Landed (At Newcastle United Jets)

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By Chris Wright

Del Piero? Pah...

They'll bequeuingaround the block for those shirts.

Snapshot: The Handshake…

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By Chris Wright

Some things are bigger than the personal grievances of two men...

Liverpool 1-2 Man Utd – Lucky (Red) Devils! Below-Par United Snatch Anfield Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 1-2 Manchester United Premier League 23rd September 2012

The afternoon opened with a moving tribute to the victims of the Hillsborough victims followed by a handshake between Patrice Evra and Luis Suarez. And with Anfield full of good feeling, the home side came out of the traps quickly.

Newcastle 1-0 Norwich – Ba Bags Winner As Magpies Outplay Canaries (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 1-0 Norwich City Premier League 23rd September 2012

Demba Ba struggled last season after the arrival of Papiss Cissé. However, so far this season, Ba has been the man in form, adding to his season haul again against Norwich on Sunday.

Tottenham 2-1 QPR – Lilywhites Come From Behind To Beat Hoops At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 2-1 Queens Park Rangers Premier League 23rd September 2012

Andre Villas-Boas finally registered his first home win of the new campaign with Spurs after the Lilywhites battled back from a goal down on Sunday afternoon.

Former Spurs man Bobby Zamora opened the scoring on the half-hour mark after a corner, somewhat against the run of play, as the home side failed to turn possession into goals.

Man City 1-1 Arsenal – Gunners Pass Citizens Test At The Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 1-1 Arsenal Premier League 23rd September 2012

After an impressive and defensively sound start to the new season, Arsenal faced their biggest test so far at the home of the champions on Sunday afternoon. However, rather than falter against Man City's star-studded side, the north Londoners gave as good as they got and were arguably unlukcy not to come away with all three points.

‘Lauren Would Kick The Sh*t Out Of Them!’ – Freddie Ljungberg Drops ‘S’ Bomb, Swears Live On MotD2

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By Chris Wright

In which MotD2 guest pundit, the beautiful, beautiful Freddie Ljungberg drops a big bad 'S' bomb all over Colin Murray's lap while explaining the complex dynamic between himself and Lauren at Invincible-era Arsenal...

Still amuses me how appalled andrepentantthe BBC have to pretend to be when someone swears, even if it was over three hours past the watershed.

John Terry Retires From International Duty On Eve Of FA Hearing – Does He Retire An England Legend?

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By Chris Wright

"Ta ra yer shitters!"

A bit of hot breaking news from 13 hours ago for you: John Terry has made the call to retire from international duty with England at the age of 31, admitting that the FA's decision to bring about adisciplinaryhearing into his fracas with Anton Ferdinand (which is currently getting underway at Wembley this morning), after having already been found innocent in a court of law, has made his position in the national team fold 'untenable'.

Football GIF: Per Mertesacker Spirals Out Of Control Into 360º Knee Slide

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By Chris Wright

You have to feel for Per Mertesacker. His feet are just so far from his brain, basic co-ordination is a pretty complex operation even when attempting to join your pals in a celebratory knee-slide...

Yep, this amused us far too much when we clocked it on MotD: Per's got that look on his face at the 180° mark- y'know the panicked, confused look dogs get when they slip on icy puddles and can't understand why?

Atletico Madrid Centre-Half Diego Godin Charges Length Of Pitch, Scores Gorgeous Goal vs Valladolid (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Who needs Falcao, eh? Here's Atletico Madrid's gangly Uruguayan centre-half Diego Godin yomping the entire length of the pitch and plinking an absolute spangler of a finish over the Valladolid 'keeper...

Let the record show that Altetico went on to win the game 2-1, their fifth straight victory with Valladolid's goal coming courtesy of a Thibaut Courtois howler.

‘Vandals Slashed The Wires’ – Real Madrid’s Game Against Rayo Vallecano Postponed Due To Floodlight Sabotage

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid's game away against cross-city rivals Rayo Vallecano has been forcibly postponed until Monday night after vandals sabotaged the power supply to the floodlights at the Estadio de Vallecas on Sunday evening.

The players were left skulking around on the half-illuminated pitch while technicians attempted to first suss out the cause of the floodlight failure and then try to reconnect the lighting, though the decision to reschedule the match was made around about the 10:00pm mark after it became clear that the damage could not be repaired on the night.

The ‘Judge’ Joe Hart/Roberto Mancini Post-Match Slapdown – Much Ado About Nothing?

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By Chris Wright

Manchester City were beaten by Real Madrid last night in deflating circumstances, having led twice unlikely as it would seem given their largely erratic performance in the cavernous confines of the Bernabeu, only to see two late goals give Real a frantic last-gasp victory.

Little Toerag Nips Onto Pitch, Steals Kasimpasa Goal-Scorer Pablo Cabral’s Shirt (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, after already coming dangerously close to losing his shirt while celebrating after scoring againstGaziantepspor in the Turkish top flight at the weekend, Kasimpasa midfielderPablo Cesar Cabral finally does have his togs nabbed by a little urchin who sneaks onto the pitch and yoinks it from his grasp and legs it, before lobbing it to an accomplice in the stands to avoid capture.

‘Little Zlatan’ Pops Up, Makes An Appearance vs Dynamo Kiev (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Zlatan was being extra cocky against Dynamo Kiev last night (hint: it's circled just in case)...

Is that a Kinder Egg in your shorts or are you just pleased to see me?

Shit Lookalikes: Cristiano Ronaldo & Jeremy Kyle’s Lesbian Guest

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By Chris Wright

How about that? We're now 'two for two' in the Jeremy Kyle-centric Shit Lookalikes stakes...

Uncanny, though there's definitely a hint of the 'Afellays' in there too.

Excellent spot from Pies fan Karl Morove.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies?

Football Tat: Newcastle United All-In-One Adult Romper Suit – Perfect For Those Cold Nights On The Gallowgate

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By Chris Wright

New on sale in the Newcastle United club shop for the modest price of £24.99 (plus p&p): the official club all-in-one adult-sized baby-gro/romper suit perfect for those blisteringly cold North East nights on the gallowgate...

...which the club are presumablydesperatelymarketing in a bid to make harrowing scenes like this a thing of the past.

Jose Mourinho Celebrates Cristano Ronaldo’s Winner vs Man City With Textbook Knee Slide (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Jose Mourinho celebrating Ronaldo's spawny last-minute winner against Man City at the Bernabeu last night like a kid, all hopped up on blue smarties, timing his charge into the school disco, syncing it up perfectly with the opening drum break of Rey Parker Jnr's Ghostbusters theme and then completely ruining his trousers and skin with a knee slide of epic proportions*.

Liam Gallagher Celebrates Man City’s First Goal By Kissing Steward, Eventually Kicked Out Of Bernabeu

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By Chris Wright

Listen up. It's being reported in the Spanish press this morning that former Oasis frontman and current Oasis tribute band frontman Liam Gallagher was kicked out of the Bernabeu last night part-way through Manchester City's 3-2 defeat though not for any reasons you may be expecting.

Real Madrid 3-2 Man City – Ronaldo The Hart-Breaker, As City Push Spanish Giants All The Way (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Real Madrid 3-2 Manchester City Champions League 18th September 2012

In this clash of two sides dripping in cash, it was Real Madrid who dominated for the majority of the contest. However, despite being second best for most of the game, it was City who took the lead, when sub Edin Dzeko finished off a break from the always magnificent Yaya Touré.

Montpellier 1-2 Arsenal – Gunners Hold Out For Hard-Fought Win In France (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Montpellier 1-2 Arsenal Champions League 18th September 2012

Arsene Wenger's in-form Gunners were pushed all the way by French champions Montpellier in the south of France on Tuesday night, with the north Londoners virtually under siege for large parts of the second half.

Top 10 Premier League Players We’ve Been Impressed By Early Doors

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By Chris Wright

Who's caught Pies' discerning eye in the early rounds? Read on (in no particular order)...

1. Santi Cazorla, Arsenal We (like most others) knew the little bugger was going to be great anyway, mainly as he's a cracking little player, but Cazorla has settled straight in at the Emirates going about his business, making things happen from his role as the hub and crux of Arsenal's attacking intentions.

Alessandro Del Piero Trains With Sydney FC For The First Time (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Everyone has their own method of getting used to life 'down under'

Here's Alessandro Del Piero, bless his little cotton socks, going through his paces (yes, both 'slow' and 'meandering') at his first training session for Sydney FC...

Photos: PA

Panionios Beat OFI Kreta 2-1 In Greek League, All Three Goals Were Own-Goals – First Has To Be Seen To Be Believed… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The Greek league game between Panionios and OFI Kreta was remarkable for a couple of reasons. firstly, all three of the goals scored were officially listed as own-goals and, secondly, the first own-goal of the night (scored by OFI defender Mirnes Sisic) was a truly extraordinary example of the art with the Slovenian winger sending a defensive clearance into the night sky almost directly vertically, only for 'keeper Stefanos Gounaridis to fumble it into his net upon re-entry.

Good Guy Adebayor Offers Refund To Tottenham Fans Who Bought His Shirt Before Squad Number Switcheroo

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By Chris Wright

"Today I are mostly wearing live coral reef on my head"

Emmanuel Adebayor has done the decent thing and offered to personally refund any Tottenham fans who bought his replica shirt with the number '25′ on the back this summer (as announced in the Spurs' official squad numbers for 2012/13)before the gangly striker made a late switch back to the vacant number '10′ shirt at the eleventh hour the number he wore while on loan at the Lane last season.

Englishman Abroad: Prince William Loses Solomon Islands Penalty Shoot-Out To 13 Year-Old Boy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As is his birthright, when faced with a penalty shoot-out on his tour of Solomon Islands with his lady wife, Prince William did the quintessentially English thing; sticking away the first spot kick to raise the tension, before crashing out early to his 13-year old opponent, Philemon Fatai, by spurning the next two.

‘Steve Kean Out’ Protest Sign Spotted 3,000 Miles From Blackburn At WWE Arena Show In Boston

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By Chris Wright

Despite being 3,150 miles away from Blackburn at a WWE arena show in Boston,Massachusetts, there was one irate Rovers fan who still wanted to get hisdisdainfor manager Steve Kean across to all and sundry revealing a 'KEAN OUT' sign at the 'Night of Champions' PPV that would've meant absolutely nada to the thousands of people inside the TD Garden Arena and to the vast majority of people watching at home.

Everton 2-2 Newcastle – Ba Bags Brace As Ref Robs Toffees (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 2-2 Newcastle United Premier League 17th September 2012

Newcastle came from behind twice against Everton at Goodison, to claim a share of the points. Demba Ba was the star man for the Magpies, netting a second-half brace after coming on as a sub.

Snapshot: Goodison Park Remembers The 96 Victims Of The Hillsborough Tragedy

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By Alan Duffy

Putting aside local rivalries, Everton paid tribute to the 96 victims of the Hillsborough tragedy before their game last night with Newcastle United.

As well as listing the names of each of the victims of that terrible day, a young boy and girl, dressed in Everton and Liverpool kits and with a nine and six on their backs, held hands in the middle of the pitch.

Snapshot: Genoa Directors Find Novel Way To Make Banned President Enrico Preziosi’s Presence Felt vs Juventus…

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By Chris Wright

With Genoa presidentEnrico Preziosi serving a six-month ban for 'hooliganism' and therefore unable to make the Grifone's Serie A game against table-toppers Juventus, the rest of the club's top brass found a novel way to make sure the big guy's presence was felt by bringing along a life-size cardboard cut-out.

Manuel Neuer Trolls Toni Kroos With Superbly Nonchalant Trick-Shot (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Look upon this children, and weep...

FC Lorient’s Alain Traore Scores Exceptional Picture Perfect 30-Yard Freekick vs Stade Rennes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Despite being reduced to nine men by the end of the afternoon, FC Lorient managed to beat near-neighbours Rennes 2-1 in Ligue 1 at the weekend, thanks largely to a couple of absolute blooters from Alain Traore, with the Burkinabé striker scoring a belting brace from a cumulative distance of about 60 yards the second being this picture perfect freekick.

Cagliari Keeper Michael Agazzi Makes Unorthodox ‘Mini Scorpion Kick’ Save vs Palermo (Video)

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By Chris Wright

While it's not quite on the same level as Señor Higuita's magnum opus, here's Cagliari 'keeper Michael Agazzi flicking an unorthodox heel to keep Palermo striker Fabrizio Miccoli's driven freekick out at the weekend...

There's something they don't teach you at goalkeeping school.

Michael Owen Provides Live Twitter Commentary Of Botched Burglary At His Home

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By Chris Wright

A bungling would-be burglar provided the Friday night entertainment for Michael Owen and his family the day before his Stoke City debut, after the wee chap spotted a suspicious figure loitering outside his North Wales home on his personal security system and decided to relay details of the rubbish robbery via Twitter while waiting for the police to turn up.

Match Of The Day 2′s Solemn 96-Second Tribute To Hillsborough Disaster Victims (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In lieu of rolling their usual credit sequence, MotD2 used the last 96 seconds of their broadcast yesterday evening to air a solemn tribute to the 96 people killed as a result of the Hillsborough stadium disaster...

As I thought to myself last night, it really was a lovely touch.

Shit Lookalikes: The FA’s New ‘Elite Development’ Director Dan Ashworth & Jeremy Kyle

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By Chris Wright

Ashworth is the FA's new Elite Development fellow (which was Gareth Southgate's old job, if we remember rightly), cherry-picked from West Brom.

Kyle is a man who seems to have dedicated his entire life to rounding up the UK's inbred population with the sole purpose of baiting them from behind a protective envelope on daytime television.

Brace Yourselves: The Brazil 2014 World Cup Mascot Is… An Endangered Three-Banded Armadillo With No Name!

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By Chris Wright

The official mascot for the 2014 World Cup has been unveiled on a Brazilian television show by none other than Ronaldo himself, with the fuzzy wotsit given theunenviabletask of stepping into South Africa 2010 mascot Zakumi's shoes (what do you mean you don't remember Zakumi?

Alessandro Del Piero Arrives At Sydney Airport, Fans Wait Six Hours To Cheer His Luggage (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Yes, Pies would probably faint then melt down into a bubbly puddle of warm fleshy putty if Alessandro Del Piero so much as came within 500 metres of us damn that restraining order but when 'hero worship' turns to 'hero's luggage worship' (at the 1:05 mark) there's a chance that things may have gone a little too far.

Finnish Striker Pekka Sihvola Scores Best ‘Blindfold Rabona Penalty’ You’re Likely To See Today (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Finnish striker Pekka Sihvola of MYPA (or ratherMyllykosken Pallo, of the Finnish Premier Division) larks about in training and just so happens to pull out the finest blindfolded rabona penalty you're likely to see for quite a while much to his own amazement.

Non-League Bashley Demand FA Cup Replay After Ref Misses Goal

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Retro Football: Young Jan Vertonghen Attempts Fair Play, Scores Accidental 60-Yard Wonder Goal, 2006 (Video)

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British Freestyle Footballer Sets World Record For Longest Kick-Ups Distance – Juggles Ball For 20 Kilometres! (Video)

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Brazilian Uber-Imp Neymar Scores A Deft Dribbly Dinky Wonder Goal Against Flamengo (Video)

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Shit Football Kits: Wiener Sport-Club’s ‘BBC Test Card’ Kit, 1991/92

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Snapshot: The Front Page Of Today’s Sun – ‘We Are Profoundly Sorry’

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Your Regular Dose Of ESPN Caption Fail: Spain Manage To Beat US State Of Georgia 1-0 In Tblisi

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Edin Dzeko Sits Two Latvia Defenders On Their Arses, Scores Rinky Dinky Goal – Bosnia’s 12th In Two Games (Video)

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Jens Lehmann Flirts With Idea Of Playing For Germany’s 2016 Paralympic Blind Football Team

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Football GIF: Yevgen Konoplianka’s Top Corner-Seeking Missile vs England On Infinite Loop

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Javi Martinez Attempts To Retrieve Personal Gubbins From Athletic Bilbao With Stealthy 2am Raid

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Football GIF: Clint Dempsey Goes Big In The ‘Troll Face’ Stakes

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‘I Feel Completely Albanian’ – Switzerland’s Granit Xhaka Admits To Intentionally Botching Goal-Scoring Chance Against Albania

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‘On Behalf Of The Government, I Am Profoundly Sorry’ – David Cameron Concludes Liverpool Fans Were Not To Blame For Hillsborough Disaster

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23 years on down the line, 'The 96' finally get the truth...

Former Ghana ‘Keeper Richard Kingson Offered $300k To Throw 2006 World Cup Game, Saved From Temptation By Witch

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Kevin Doyle Reveals Ireland Players Are All ‘Taking The Piss’ Out Of James McClean Over Twitter Diva Tantrum

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Shit Lookalikes: Arsene Wenger & Very Old Fish From ‘Wizadora’

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Spot The Baller: David Seaman, Lee Dixon, Alan Smith & Billy Joel Wear ‘Hotel Casual Chic’

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Happy 67th Geburtstag Franz Beckenbauer – 10 Fantastic Photos Of ‘Der Kaiser’ In His Pomp

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What’s The Weirdest Thing You’ve Ever Worn To A Football Match?

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First Photo: Greek Legend Giorgos Karagounis Joins Fulham On Season-Long Deal

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England 1-1 Ukraine – Late Lampard Penalty Saves Toothless Three Lions At Wembley (Photos & Highlights)

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Ireland U21s Have Two Players Sent Off But Still Beat Italy 4-2 Courtesy Of A Couple Of Wonder-Goals (Highlights)

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 By Alan Duffy

What a bizarre game! We usually don't cover U21 matches but this one, a European Championship qualifier in Casarano, literally had it all Sendings off? Two Derrick Williams (Aston Villa) on 36 minutes and Anthony Forde (Wolves) on 84. Penalties? One missed by Ciro Immobile (Genoa) on 37 minutes.

Adam Lallana & Raheem Sterling Tacked Onto England Squad For Ukraine Friendly

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By Chris Wright

With Theo Walcott, John Terry, Ashley Cole and Daniel Sturridge all dropping out or struggling with various knacks and illnesses, Roy Hodgson has called the uncapped triplet of Adam Lallana, Raheem Sterling and Jake Livermore up into the England squad for Tuesday night's World Cup 2014 qualifier against Ukraine at Wembley.

USMNT Hire Motivational Nutjob To Inspire Victory Over Jamaica By ‘Rolling Up Frying Pans Like Burritos’, Swiftly Lose To Jamaica

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By Chris Wright

This man here is Donnie Moore. He is the official Christian chaplain for the Oakland A's baseball side and the be-tracksuited, bat-shit loopy fruitcake motivational speaker bought on board by the US mens national team to preach 'radical reality' and help pump them up and ACHIEVEÂ THEIR GOALS AND DREAMS!

Dodgy CD Player Sees Both National Anthems Botched Before Hungary vs Andorra (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Rousing stuff as both anthems were botched during the build up to Hungary's 5-0 World Cup 2014 qualifying annihilation of Andorra the other night thanks to an iffy CD player and a wobbly public address system...

Tip o' the cap to Pies fan @clonmacart for the spot.

England Strike Some Fierce Poses, Train At London Colney Ahead Of Ukraine Qualifier (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Strike a pose. Vogue, vogue, vogue.

Submitted for your perusal, here's a clutch of England dicking around in training ahead of their second World Cup 2014 qualifying game in the space of five days against Ukraine at Wembley on Tuesday night.

Robo Neck Muscles +1: Papiss Cisse Scores Epic Long-Range Header vs Ivory Coast (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Everybody loves a good long-range header, and Papiss Cisse's cracker for Senegal against the Ivory Coast on Saturday evening is definitely worthy of a shufty.

With a ball slung long upfield and dropping over Cisse's shoulder, the Newcastle striker perfectly timed his leap, powered up his roboneck and sent a beaut of a header over the 'keeper from outside the area.

Maverick Danish ‘Keeper Charges Up For Corner, Scores Last-Minute Overhead Kick Equaliser (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, with his side 0-1 down, Frem (of the Danish second division East) goalkeeper Jakob Kohler provides a last-minute cavalry charge, coming up for a corner and sticking away an overhead kick to square things up at the gong...

Video: 101GG

‘I Am A Living Legend’ – Typically Humble Zlatan Ibrahimovic Accepts Place On Malmo’s ‘Walk Of Fame’

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By Chris Wright

Back in town on international duty over the weekend, Zlatan Ibrahimovic was honoured by his first professional club with a slab on Malmo's 'Walk of Fame' outside the Swedish side's Swedbank Stadion and accepted the nod with typical humility:

"It is a great honor, it means that I have done something during my career.

‘I Am A Living Legend’ – Typically Humble Zlatan Ibrahimovic Accepts Place On Malmo’s ‘Walk Of Fame’

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By Chris Wright

Back in town on international duty over the weekend, Zlatan Ibrahimovic was honoured by his first professional club with a slab on Malmo's 'Walk of Fame' outside the Swedish side's Swedbank Stadion and accepted the nod with typical humility:

"It is a great honor, it means that I have done something during my career.

Libya Players Miffed After Losing To Late Goal, Attack Algeria Players For Daring To Celebrate (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Algeria snaffled a late 1-0 away win against neighbouring Libya on Sunday evening in their African Cup of Nations qualifier played on neutral soil in Casablanca, with substitute El Arbi Hillel Soudani scoring a minute from time to give the Algerian's the advantage going in to the second leg in October which didn't go down particularly well with the Libyans, as it happens.

Libya Players Miffed After Losing To Late Goal, Attack Algeria Players For Daring To Celebrate (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Algeria snaffled a late 1-0 away win against neighbouring Libya on Sunday evening in their African Cup of Nations qualifier played on neutral soil in Casablanca, with substitute El Arbi Hillel Soudani scoring a minute from time to give the Algerian's the advantage going in to the second leg in October which didn't go down particularly well with the Libyans, as it happens.

Scotland 0-0 Serbia – Hampden Playes Host To Disappointing Draw (photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Craig Levein and his Scottish charges failed to secure a vital home win against Serbia on Saturday.

Both sides huffed and puffed, but in truth they game lacked a real spark. Man City defender Aleksandar Kolarov was key to the majority of the Serbs' good play while new Stoke man, Charlie Adam, did his best to make things happen for the Scots.

Football GIF: Brendan Rodgers Catches Horrific Glimpse Of Jamie Carragher In The Buff

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By Chris Wright

Here we see Brendan Rodgers innocently demonstrating his man-marking tactics at a press conference when suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, the poor sod catches a glimpse of Jamie Carragher's furry Scouse conkers through an open changing room door.

Football Art: Artist James Hible’s Awesome Posters Feature Everything He Hates About The ‘Beautiful Game’

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By Chris Wright

This 'ere is the work of artist James Hible, a couple of A1 posters entitled 'Football Anecdotes: The Beautiful Game?' which documents everything about the modern game that fills our James with venomous rage. As the man himself explains:

"Football is a big passion of mine and what these posters highlight is the problems affecting the beautiful game.

Xavi Picks Out ‘Postage Stamp’ With Gorgeous Freekick As Spain Stick Five Past Saudi Arabia (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Spain stuck five unanswered goals past Saudi Arabia, with Santi Cazorla prodding home a rebound to open proceedings, Pedro dinking a brace over the 'keeper and substitute David Villa scoring a penalty on his international comeback following his nasty shin knack though goal of the night belonged to Xavi (just about, Pedro's first was also a bit special), with the Barcelona midfielder curling in an exquisite free-kick for Spain's third.

Moldova 0-5 England – Lampard On The Double As Three Lions Maul Minnows (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fat Frank Lampard once again provided his trademark goalscoring magic from midfield for England on a night that they totally dominated a dismal Moldovan side.

The Chelsea man netted a first-brace, courtesy of a penalty and then a header, after a fine floated cross from Glen Johnson.

North And South: Irish Sides Struggle In The East As World Cup 2014 Gets Underway (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

That's some divot

Both Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland produced poor performances on Friday night in their opening World Cup qualifiers of the new campaign.

The North travelled to Moscow to face Fabio Capello's Russia.

Harry’s Back In The Game – Redknapp Takes Advisory Role At Bournemouth

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By Alan Duffy

A be-mulleted Redknapp at Bournemouth in the 1992

Only a few weeks into his new Match of the Day pundotry gig, and good ol' Henry James Redknapp has been lured back into the crazy world of football proper, courtesy of an 'advisory role' with AFC Bournemouth.

Andre Villas-Boas Almost Got The Burnley Job in 2010, Jargon-Filled CV Blew His Chances

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By Alan Duffy

It all could have been so different for Andre Villas-Boas. Instead of walking a path which took in Euro-success with Porto, lack-of-success with Chelsea and not-sure-yet-if-he'll-have-any-success with Tottenham, the Portuguese tactician could have been the main man at none other than Burnley FC.

The Friday Flashback: 20 Brilliant Vintage Panini Football Stickers – Volume #1

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By Chris Wright

Harking back to a previous dabble into the annals of football stickerdom in the Pies archives, here's a little something we're thinking about running every Friday a batch of 20 of Panini's finest selected at random and bought to you apropos of nothing in particular.

Snapshot: Roy Hodgson Drinks In The Scenic Splendour Of Moldova…

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By Chris Wright

The Zimbru Stadium in Chişinău - home of FC Zimbru Chişinău and the setting for England's opening World Cup qualifier against Moldova tonight in all it's desolate, concrete glory...

Photos (click through for full-size images)...

Photos: PA

QPR Midfielder Samba Diakite Suffering From Depression, Returns Home To France

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By Alan Duffy

QPR's tough-tackling Malian international, Samba Diakite, has returned home to France on a leave of absence (thought to be 10 days) after suffering from depression.

Although he started the Hoops' first two league games of the new season, Diakite missed the game against Man City due to his illness.

Why Wright Is Not Necessarily Wrong For Man City

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By Daniel Storey

Feels so Wright, it can't be wrong

During each and every window there is at least one signing that raises an eyebrow, a deal that takes us outside our footballing comfort zone. Be it Michael Owen's move to Manchester United or Bayern Munich deciding to recruit Dale Jennings from Tranmere, clubs will continue to upset our notion of the footballing norm.

‘Wow!’ – Comedian Alan Davies Does His Finest Olivier Giroud Impression (Audio)

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By Chris Wright

It may not be 100% accurate, but Alan Davies' impression of Olivier Giroud on his 'Tuesday Club' Arsenal podcast still managed to coax a chuckle out of us...

Thanks Al, now we won't be able to watch Giroud play without imagining him uttering a huge Gallic self-satisfied 'Wow!

Swiss ‘Keeper Absolutely Larrups One In From 80-Odd Yards Without Bouncing (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This dates from last Sunday so it's getting on a bit in internet years and there's a good chance you may have already seen it, but here's Dardania Lausanne 'keeper Dominique Niederhauser absolutely larruping one in from well over 70 (pushing 80) yards in their 1-6 away tonking of Genolier-Begnins in the Swiss sixth tier.

Driving School Feature Man City Kid On Website, Forget He’s Accused Of Death By Dangerous Driving

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By Alan Duffy

In what is a rather unfortunate oversight by 'Rochdale Driving School', Manchester City starlet Courtney Meppen-Walter is featured on the front page of their website (see below), as one of their happy customers who had passed first time.

However, this weekend the 18-year-old was arrested, along with another man, on suspicion of causing the death of another person due to dangerous driving.

Shit Football Kits: Fiorentina’s ‘Swastika’ Away Shirt, 1992/93

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By Chris Wright

Though the season itself was far from Fiorentina's finest moment (they were relegated from Serie A for the first time in 55 years after dive-bombing down the table from sitting second behind Milan in December), their 1992/93 away strip was very nearly a wonderful piece of work.

Michael Owen Left To Unveil Himself At Stoke (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Having been tacked into Stoke's 25-man Premier League squad after getting the top brass' permission yesterday, here's little Mickey Owen doing the honours and unveiling himself at the club's Clayton Woods complex before his first training session for the Potters.

Swedish Minnows Langholmen 9-0 Down Against IFK In Cup, Supporters Find Another Way To Amuse Themselves (Video)

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By Chris Wright

9-0 down in the Swedish cup against top flight IFK and bored senseless, a group of fans of sixth-tier side Langholmen decide to amuse themselves with a spot of classic linesman mimicry...

"Shhhh! Don't tell! Don't tell!"

Via 101GG.

Bacary Sagna Questions Arsenal Transfer Policy – Is He Next Out The Door At The Emirates?

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal fans, here we go again! Currently sidelined by injury, Arsenal defender Bacary Sagna has been speaking to French newspaper L'Equipe. And his somewhat out-of-character comments won't have done anything to calm concerns over the Gunners' transfer policy.

‘I’d Do Anything For Stan’ – Neil Lennon Promises To Donate Bone Marrow To Stiliyan Petrov If Possible

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By Chris Wright

Neil and Stan, back in happier(?) times...

See? He's not all bad. Without hesitation, Celtic manager Neil Lennon has promised to donate bone marrow to cancer-stricken former teammate Stiliyan Petrov if tests show that he's a suitable donor after doctor's failed to find a 'match' from within Petrov's immediate family.

Shit Lookalikes: Jonjo Shelvey & Queen’s ‘News Of The World’ Album

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By Chris Wright

Cracking spot from Pies fan Neil Puckrick. Kudos to you Sir!

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email us on waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet the bugger over to us on @waatpies.

Shit Lookalikes: Jonjo Shelvey & Queen’s ‘News Of The World’ Album

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By Chris Wright

Cracking spot from Pies fan Neil Puckrick. Kudos to you Sir!

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email us on waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet the bugger over to us on @waatpies.

Fiorentina Vow To Chase Up Dimitar Berbatov For Plane Ticket Compensation

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By Chris Wright

You may remember a week or so back when a certain lithe striker pulled his 'Where on Earth is Dimitar Berbatov?' act, u-turning on a move to Fiorentina somewhere over the Adriatic sea in lieu of joining Fulham on transfer deadline day.

You may also remember that Fiorentina weren't best pleased, using a club statement to deem Berba underserving of 'their city and their shirt' after paying through the nose for him and his agent, Emil Danchev, to fly business class from Manchester to Florence in order to bash out a contract.

Florent Malouda Left Out Of Chelsea’s Champions League Squad, Forced To Train With The Kids

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By Alan Duffy

A fine player on his day, Chelsea wingman Florent Malouda has seen his stock drop like a stone at Stamford Bridge over the last year. Once a key figure in the Blues' side, he is now a forgotten man at the club, having failed to secure a move away in the transfer window.

Alessandro Del Piero Signs Two-Year Deal With A-League Club Sydney FC (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Alessandro Del Piero has signed a two-year, €2 million-a-year contract with Sydney FC, thus making the Australian A-League team only the third club side that the Italian footballing demi-god will have represented throughout his 22-year professional career.

Retro Snapshot: 18-Year Old Ray Wilkins Rides His Raleigh Chopper Around Chelsea’s Training Pitch, 1975

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By Chris Wright

It's been a slow day in the footballsphere, so it's only natural that we provide you with a photo of an 18-year old Ray Wilkins ragging his new Raleigh Chopper around Chelsea's Morden training ground back in 1975...

Photo:Â PA

Pair Of Bobby Dazzlers – These Are Perth Glory Winger Travis Dodd’s Aboriginal Design Nike Boots

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By Chris Wright

These are Perth Glory winger Travis Dodd's new custom-designed Nike Mercurials, which he apparently plans to wear in upcoming away fixtures and which also happen to simultaneously be both the best and the worst football boots we've ever seen...

Reminds me of the day Pies mixed vodka with Benylin and woke up face-down in an empty skip round the back of WH Smiths at 6:00am with no recollection of the previous 24 hours.

‘It Could Be Brilliant’ – Sir Alex Hints Usain Bolt Could Make Man Utd Debut Against Real Madrid

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By Chris Wright

It would seem that, if you have designs on turning out for Manchester United, then persistence is key.

After spending the last few years relentlessly pestering Sir Alex Ferguson, badgering him for a kick-about, it now appears that the United overlord has buckled and is seriously considering allowing Usain Bolt to represent the club in a friendly against the Real Madrid Legends pencilled in for next summer.

Official 2014 World Cup Match Ball To Be Called The Adidas Brazuca

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By Chris Wright

FIFA have announced that the name of the official 2014 World Cup matchball will be the 'Adidas Brazuca' after over a million Brazilians voted in a poll run on the FIFA website.

'Brazuca' (which is apparently a Brazilian term which refers to the 'national pride in the Brazilian way of life') received 70 per cent of the vote, beating 'Bossa Nova' and 'Carnavalesca' into second and third place respectively.

Official 2014 World Cup Match Ball To Be Called The Adidas Brazuca

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By Chris Wright

FIFA have announced that the name of the official 2014 World Cup matchball will be the 'Adidas Brazuca' after over a million Brazilians voted in a poll run on the FIFA website.

'Brazuca' (which is apparently a Brazilian term which refers to the 'national pride in the Brazilian way of life') received 70 per cent of the vote, beating 'Bossa Nova' and 'Carnavalesca' into second and third place respectively.

‘I Could Be Dead’ – Scunthorpe Manager Alan Knill Almost Killed By Squirrel

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By Chris Wright

With Scunthorpe anchored to the bottom of League One and on a six-game losing streak, you'd have grounds to assume that manager Alan Knill had no reason to consider himself a lucky man not so, as we're talking about a man who survived a vicious SQUIRREL ATTACK here.

‘I Could Be Dead’ – Scunthorpe Manager Alan Knill Almost Killed By Squirrel

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By Chris Wright

With Scunthorpe anchored to the bottom of League One and on a six-game losing streak, you'd have grounds to assume that manager Alan Knill had no reason to consider himself a lucky man not so, as we're talking about a man who survived a vicious SQUIRREL ATTACK here.

Stoked! Michael Owen Finally Gets A New Gig, Joins The Potters In 12-Month Deal

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By Alan Duffy

Pint-sized horse-lover Michael Owen has finally found himself a new team after spending the summer on the mooch for some football.

Since leaving Man Utd, the 32-year-old striker had even been linked with a move back to Anfield. However, rather than get a chance to join Brendan Rodgers' tiki-taka revolution on Merseyside, Owen has signed up for the far more prosaic tactics of Tony Pulis and co.

Arsenal Champions League Highlights

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The 16th of September, 1999 marked a landmark occasion for Arsenal FC as they kicked their first ball in Europe's elite club competition, drawing 1-1 against French club RC Lens, with Marc Overmars writing himself into the history books, scoring the Gunners first ever goal.

For 15 of the next 16 seasons the north London club would grace the Champions League and are now preparing for their 14th consecutive continental campaign.

‘I’d Like To Help Out For Sure’ – Mo Farah Politely Asks To Be Arsenal’s Fitness Coach

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By Chris Wright

"If you listen closely, you can hear perpetual disappointment"

Fresh from doing the rounds, performing the 'Mobot' salute on every single TV show in Christendom, double gold-medalist Mo Farah is facing the grim reality of reentering the mundane post-Olympic drudge of club athletics so it's only natural that he should try to use his new-found standing as whatever the male equivalent of a 'national sweetheart' is to good effect.

MARCA Compile List Of Top 10 Highest Paid Players In The World

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By Chris Wright

Just to compound Cristiano Ronaldo's narcissistic woes, here's MARCA's little infographic of the highest paid players (salary-wise) in world football as is...

You've got to sympathise with Ron. How's a chap supposed to survive on a measly €10 million a year?

Arsenal Champions League Highlights

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The 16th of September, 1999 marked a landmark occasion for Arsenal FC as they kicked their first ball in Europe's elite club competition, drawing 1-1 against French club RC Lens, with Marc Overmars writing himself into the history books, scoring the Gunners first ever goal.

For 15 of the next 16 seasons the north London club would grace the Champions League and are now preparing for their 14th consecutive continental campaign.

Adriano Ditches Flamengo Training, Found Drinking In Dangerous Rio De Janeiro Favela (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

What if we told you one of these men is a professional footballer?

There's a strangely inevitable air to this, but the big news of the day down Brazil-way is that, having not turned up at a Flamengo training session just 13 days into his latest stint at his boyhood club, new signing Adriano (remember him?

Pretty Much The Worst Olivier Giroud Chant You’re Ever Going To Hear… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

All new signings need a chant; this one, we're guessing, probably isn't going to be Olivier Giroud's calling card at the Emirates...

Two things: Firstly, we're pretty sure it's pronounced 'Jeer-oo' (which is by-the-by we suppose ) and secondly, the man is 6'4", which blows the entire chant apart completely.

Cologne Agree To Release Kevin Pezzoni After Thugs Turn Up On His Doorstep Threatening To ‘Beat Him Dead’

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By Chris Wright

Newly-relegated 2. Bundesliga side Cologne (or 'FC Köln' if you'd prefer) have been forced into cancelling the contract of Kevin Pezzoni after a prolonged campaign of hate against the 23-year old defender culminated in a gang of five thugs waited outside his flat, threatening to "beat him dead" this coming seven months after Pezzoni had his nose broken in a nightclub by a man believed to be a Cologne fan.

Christian Vieri Awarded €1m Damages After Having Phone Tapped By Inter Milan

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By Chris Wright

Italy's former battering ram of a striker, Christian Vieri has been awarded €1 million (£800,000) in damages after it was found that former employers Inter Milan and Italian communications company Telecom Italia conspired to tap the player's phone during his six years at the club.

Scottish Sun Pull Book Serialisation After Rangers’ Fans Kick Up A Stink

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By Alan Duffy

After publicising the serialisation of a book telling the inside story of the collapse of Rangers FC, the Scottish Sun has now done a major about-turn and decided to drop the feature after their switchboard was inundated with complaints from angry Rangers fans.

Snapshot: Joey Barton Unveiled At Marseille, Still Doesn’t Have Shirt Number!

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By Chris Wright

Joey/Joe/Le Joe/Roderick J. Barton then signed off with the following Tweet: "Bonne nuit les gens de Marseille à partir de votre douce et tendre voyou" "Good night people of Marseille from your sweet and tender hooligan"

Ooh la la.

Nike Replace Umbro As England Kit Providers, Announce Five-Year Deal

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By Chris Wright

We can but dream...

Nike have announced that they will be replacing Umbro as England kit providers after signing a five-year deal with the FA to do so. As such, the first Nike-designed England shirt will be launched in the spring of 2013, with the partnership running until the summer of 2018.

Burnley Rename Stand After Flogging Sponsorship Rights – Fancy A Seat In ‘The Totally Wicked Bob Lord Stand’ At Turf Moor?

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By Chris Wright

A couple of days after Sheffield United announced that soon their fans would be able to take a seat in Jessica Ennis' lower tier comes the news that Burnley are to rename one of the stands at Turf Moor after signing a sponsorship deal with a Lancashire company that specialises in electronic cigarettes and the like.

John Motson’s Frantic High-Pitch Squeaky Voice Strikes Again, Reminds Us Of Past Glories (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Saints be praised, for this weekend's MotD saw the long-overdue comeback of John Motson's famous 'high-pitched-when-excited' voice bought on by one Robert Snodgrass and his determined RUN THROUGH THE MIDDLE...

It's good, but we prefer the vintage.

Cristiano Ronaldo Refuses To Celebrate Goals Against Granada, Cites ‘Professional Problems’ At Real Madrid, Sparks Inevitable Exit Rumours

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By Chris Wright

Cristiano Ronaldo took his goal tally for Real Madrid to a peerless 150 in 149 games with a couple of goals against Granada on Sunday evening, though his reaction (or lack thereof) has caused seismic waves in rumour-mill circles with a glum Ronaldo flat-out refusing to celebrate.

German Girl With Crush On Alan Pardew Makes Crazy Stalker Tape About Her ‘Silver Fox’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Someone out there really, really loves Alan Pardew...

Okay, so it's probably actually been made by some swarthy teenage boy in his bedroom somewhere in the North East, but it's really quite amusing if you suspend your disbelief for a couple of minutes.

FC Thun’s Marco Schneuwly Scores Incredible One-Of-A-Kind Volley vs Servette (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Submitted for your delectation; here's Marco Schneuwly of FC Thun scoring a marvelous, unique volley against Servette in the Swiss Super League. We can honestly say that, to the best of our knowledge, we've never seen this done before...

It's perhaps not overly impressive on first viewing, but keep watching the replays and suddenly the fluidity of the technique and the audacity required to even try it start sinking in.

‘He’s The Worst, Arrogant, Ignorant Athlete I’ve Ever Seen’ – Paolo Di Canio Hauls Swindon Keeper Wes Foderingham Off After 21 Naff Mins vs Preston (V

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By Chris Wright

After conceding two goals in quick succession during the opening exchanges of their League One game against Preston (the first stemming from a botched clearance), an irate Paolo Di Canio took the express decision to substitute Swindon 'keeper Wes Foderingham off after just 20 short minutes.

Newcastle 1-1 Aston Villa – Ben Arfa Bullet Rescues Point For The Magpies (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 1-1 Aston Villa Premier League 2nd September 2012

A superb Hatem Ben Arfa thunderbolt gave Newcastle a share of the points on Sunday against an improved Aston Villa side.

Coming into the game at St.

Snapshot: Arsene Wenger Airs Un Wanger?

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By Chris Wright

Merci beaucoup to @AlexAnnaix for the tip-off (pun very much intended)!

Marseille Fans Welcome Joey Barton With Huge ‘Sweet And Tender Hooligan’ Banner (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Joey's en France...

Context...

Southampton 2-3 Man Utd – Hat-Trick Hero Van Persie Saves Red Devils In Fergie Time (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Southampton 2-3 Manchester United Premier League 2nd September 2012

On Sir Alex Ferguson's 1,000th league game in charge of Manchester United, summer-signing Robin Van Persie conjured up a fine gift for his boss in the shape of a crucial hat-trick.

Liverpool 0-2 Arsenal – Feeble Reds Out-Gunned At Anfield (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 0-2 Arsenal Premier League 2nd September 2012

Three games played and three clean sheets will no doubt please Arsenal coach Steve Bould, as the Gunners once again produced a disciplined and defensively solid performance against Liverpool, this time with added goals too.

Porto’s Hulk Embodies The Spirit Of Fair Play vs SC Olhanense (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Charming stuff from Hulk, who decided to run wild over Olhanense rather than hand over possession following a drop-ball in the corner...

"LOLOLOLOLOLOL U MAD BRO?"

Man City 3-1 QPR – Tevez To The Rescue As Sloppy Citizens Struggle At The Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 3-1 Queens Park Rangers Premier League 1st September 2012

Despite dominating this clash with fellow nouveau riche side QPR, Man City struggled to turn possession into goals as the visitors battled back to push the champions all the way.

Man City 3-1 QPR – Tevez To The Rescue As Sloppy Citizens Struggle At The Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 3-1 Queens Park Rangers Premier League 1st September 2012

Despite dominating this clash with fellow nouveau riche side QPR, Man City struggled to turn possession into goals as the visitors battled back to push the champions all the way.

Wigan 2-2 Stoke – Crouch Rescues Point For Potters At The DW (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wigan Athletic 2-2 Stoke City Premier League 1st September 2012

The DW Stadium played host to an entertaining 2-2 draw on Saturday, with the home side going ahead twice only to be pegged back on both oaccasions.

Scottish attacker Shaun Maloney opened ths coring from the penalty spot after just five minutes, when Robert Huth handled the ball.

Swansea 2-2 Sunderland – Fletcher On The Double As Black Cats Hold Swans At The Liberty (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 2-2 Sunderland Premier League 1st September 2012

Steven Fletcher celebrated his debut for Sunderland with a fine brace which would ultimately earn the Black Cats a creditable share of the points at the Liberty Stadium.

Tottenham 1-1 Norwich – Still No Win For AVB As Canaries Snatch Late Draw (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 1-1 Norwich City Premier League 1st September 2012

It looked like being the dream start of new Spurs man Moussa Dembélé, after the Belgian opened the scoring on his debut for the Lilywhites. However, visitors Norwich had worked hard all afternoon and were rewarded for their graft with a late equaliser, courtesy of former Leeds man, Robert Snodgrass.

West Brom 2-0 Everton – Baggies Stay Unbeaten After Shooting Down Toffees (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 2-0 Everton Premier League 1st September 2012

Everton's superb start to the season came crashing to a halt at the Hawthorns on Saturday, courtesy of another impressive display by Steve Clarke's charges.

West Ham 3-0 Fulham – Hammers Nail Whites As Carroll Thrives On Debut (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Ham United 3-0 Fulham Premier League 1st September 2012

Geordie boys Andy Carroll and Kevin Nolan were reunited against Fulham on Saturday, with the Hammers' new signing Carroll providing Sam Allardyce's hooftastic side with a big old-fashioned battering ram up front.

‘Edi’s Going To Manchester’ – Napoli Owner Aurelio De Laurentiis Fools Press Conference With Fake Cavani Announcement (Video)

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By Chris Wright

"GOTCHA!"

The eccentricity of Napoli's film producer owner Aurelio De Laurentiis is well-documented; whether it be unveiling new players via the medium of rubber lion masks or storming out of 'rigged' Serie A fixture draws and pootling off into the sunset on the back of some random stranger's Vespa, the man has got a fair bit of previous in the 'well and truly barmy' stakes.

‘Edi’s Going To Manchester’ – Napoli Owner Aurelio De Laurentiis Fools Press Conference With Fake Cavani Announcement (Video)

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By Chris Wright

"GOTCHA!"

The eccentricity of Napoli's film producer owner Aurelio De Laurentiis is well-documented; whether it be unveiling new players via the medium of rubber lion masks or storming out of 'rigged' Serie A fixture draws and pootling off into the sunset on the back of some random stranger's Vespa, the man has got a fair bit of previous in the 'well and truly barmy' stakes.