Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2012

Wayne Rooney’s Manchester Derby Super Shinner Immortalised By Subbuteo (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting, the latest in the Subbuteo Art series: Wayne Rooney's perfectly executed Super Shinobi in the Manchester Derby from yesteryear...

Image: @SubbuteoArt

More on Subbuteo shenanigans Pies...

Mario Balotelli Hulks Up At Euro 2012
Rene Higuita's Redknapp-Thwarting Scorpion Kick

10-Year Old Singer Completely Butchers US National Anthem Before DC United vs LA Galaxy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

She may only be 11-years old, but that's not going to be enough to stop us flagging up 'aspiring singer/songwriter' Harper Gruzin's eardrum-rupturing rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner before the DC United vs LA Galaxy game the other night.

Be warned, it's definitely one to listen to while syringing molten lava into your auditory canals.

Mertesacker, Podolski & Sagna Do The ‘Malta Guinness Low Sugar Workout’ Dance (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Oh, to be a professional footballer...

Slick, but hardly Per's finest moves...

(Video and GIF via @arseblog)

Exclusive First Photo Of Oscar In Chelsea Kit Emerges…

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By Chris Wright

Feint Zebra, ladies and gentlemen. Feint Zebra.

*Golf clap*

Shit Football Kits: Recreativo De Huelva Fans Protest Over Horrendous New ‘Minnie Mouse’ Away Strip

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By Chris Wright

Since it leaked on Twitter a fortnight or so ago, Recreativo de Huelva fans have been up in arms about the club's new 2012/13 Hummel away kit, and quite rightly so being as it is absolutely bloody awful.

As has been pointed out several times by rival supporters, the kit appears to be made from offcuts of the material Disneyland Paris use to deck out their Minnie Mouse costumes, with the Recreativo supporters' club describing it as 'the ugliest shirt they'd seen in years'.

Olympic Football: Neymar Scores Dazzling Freekick vs Belarus (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Neymar plants an absolute scorcher of a peachy plum (scorched peach plum? Mmmm...) past Belarus in front of the Stretford End at the 'Lympics yesterday...

Huzzah! How about this for a snapshot (taken from the Stretford End and found on Tumblr)?

Olympic Football: Neymar Scores Dazzling Freekick vs Belarus (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Neymar plants an absolute scorcher of a peachy plum (scorched peach plum? Mmmm...) past Belarus in front of the Stretford End at the 'Lympics yesterday...

Huzzah! How about this for a snapshot (taken from the Stretford End and found on Tumblr)?

Horror Hair: The ‘When David Luiz Met Carlos Valderrama’ Crimp Overload (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

No...NO, this was never meant to happen!

They said it couldn't happen. Not in the same place, at the SAME TIME!

Can't...can't breathe.

So...much...crimp...

Tell my wife I love her very much.

She knows.

Horror Hair: The ‘When David Luiz Met Carlos Valderrama’ Crimp Overload (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

No...NO, this was never meant to happen!

They said it couldn't happen. Not in the same place, at the SAME TIME!

Can't...can't breathe.

So...much...crimp...

Tell my wife I love her very much.

She knows.

Snapshot: This Is ‘Leo: Creative Essence’, Messi’s New Wine Range…

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By Chris Wright

Like Wayne Gretzky, Sam Neill and Sir Cliff Richard before him, it was announced a while back that Lionel Messi was to be dabbling in the celebrity wine racket and, after several long months spent stamping grapes on his lonesome at home, Messi's new 'Leo: Creative Essence' range is pressed, suitably fermented, bottled up and ready to go.

Snapshot: This Is ‘Leo: Creative Essence’, Messi’s New Wine Range…

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By Chris Wright

Like Wayne Gretzky, Sam Neill and Sir Cliff Richard before him, it was announced a while back that Lionel Messi was to be dabbling in the celebrity wine racket and, after several long months spent stamping grapes on his lonesome at home, Messi's new 'Leo: Creative Essence' range is pressed, suitably fermented, bottled up and ready to go.

‘He’s A Bit Of A Coward On The Pitch’ – Gareth Bale Knobbled By Charlie Adam (Again) In Pre-Season Friendly

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By Chris Wright

Gareth Bale has branded Charlie Adam a 'coward' after another dismal challenge from the orthodontically-challenged Liverpool midfielder saw his Tottenham counterpart leaving the stadium in Baltimore on crutches.

Of course, this isn't the first time Adam has butchered Bale with a malicious tackle, with a frankly disgusting challenge back in 2011 while Adam was still at Blackpool bringing Bale's season to a premature conclusion and putting him out of action for the best part of three months.

David Platt Rolls Back The Years And Scores Wonder-Goal On Man City’s Asian Tour (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Once a top-class goal-scoring midfielder, Man City coach David 'Platty' Platt gave his players a lesson int he art of the bicycle kick during a training session in Malaysia, cracking home a fine right-footed effort. Memories of Belgium in 1990 and all that malarkay.

Olympics: Great Britain 3-1 United Arab Emirates – GB KO UAE At Wembley (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Two late goals from Scott Sinclair and Daniel Sturridge saw Great Britain finally overcome a hard-working United Arab Emirates side at Wembley.

Veteran wideman  opened the scoring for the hosts after just 16 minutes while fellow Man Utd star Tom Cleverley hit the post in the first-half.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Takes But One Minute To Open PSG Account vs DC United (Video)

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By Chris Wright

One minute and 47 seconds to be precise...

This comes two days after Ibrahimovic's first training session for PSG, in which he set about doing his 'new alpha male' bit by clobbering the living daylights out of several of his new teammates with Blaise Matuidi, Nene and Jeremy Menez all feeling the wrath, ending the session with a knackered shoulder, bruised rib and black eye respectively.

Perma-Crock Owen Hargreaves Gives It One More Go, Trains With QPR

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By Alan Duffy

Once hated by England fans and then loved by them, Owen Hargreaves, of this video genius, Â is now training with Queens Park Rangers in yet another attempt to regain his fitness and to salvage his injury-savaged career.

Despite signing a one-year deal with Man City last summer, the former Bayern Munich midfielder managed only 13 minutes of league action as his body, battered by injuries and bruised by countless operations failed to perform at the requisite level.

Shit Looklalikes: Ashley Cole And Mozambique’s Olympic Flag-Bearer

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By Alan Duffy

Forget Carlos Tevez popping up as a caddy during the Open, Chelsea's Ashley Cole went one better and got himself the flag-bearing role for Mozambique during the rather superb Olympic opening ceremony on Friday night. Not sure if he was armed with the requisite air rifle though.

FA Charge John Terry Over Anton Ferdinand Incident As Race Row Rumbles On

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By Alan Duffy

No doubt in an attempt to bury bad news on the day of the opening ceremony of the Olympics, The FA have decided to charge John Terry over his alleged racist remarks made to Anton Ferdinand last season.

The England centre-half has already come out of one court case unscathed but now he must face the footballing authorities over the incident which occurred last October at Loftus Road.

Arsenal’s Thomas Vermaelen Gets Intimate With Assistant Referee Sian Massey (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Many a woman and, indeed, gay man will have fantasised about having strapping Belgian defender Thomas Vermaelen launching himself at them. However, for assistant ref Sian Massey, the Arsenal man's attentions rather caught her off guard during the Gunners' Beijing friendly with Man City.

China In Their Hands – Man City Beat Arsenal 2-0 In A Rain-Soaked Beijing (Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Two of the Premier League's top three sides travelled all the way to China to meet in a rain-soaked Bird's Nest stadium, with the Citizens running out 2-0 victors.

Star of the show for City was Yaya Touré while a mix and match Gunners side, although decent in attack, showed their trademark defensive vulnerability once again.

‘I’d Have Done Better At Euros Than Roy Hodgson’ – New Russia Boss Fabio Capello Hits Out At FA

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By Alan Duffy

Whilst just settling in to the hot seat with the Russian national team, ex-England manager had claimed that under his guidance, the Three Lions would've done better at this summer's Euro finals, saying to an English journo:

 "If I were with your guys it would've been even better.

Olympics: Great Britain 1-1 Senegal – Bellamy The Best Of British At Old Trafford (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Amidst a rather strange atmosphere at Old Trafford, where chants of "GB" peppered the proceedings, Stuart Pearce's mixed-bag of players, minus Gareth Bale of course, played out a draw against a decent Senegal side.

Craig Bellamy opened the scoring for the hosts in the first half although Senegal almost drew level after 'keeper Jack Butland made a right balls of his distribution, only for Sadio Mane to fire wide.

Beckham And Henry Inspire MLS All-Stars To Victory Over Chelsea (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

A star-studded MLS XI, which featured David Beckham and Thierry Henry, ran out 3-2 winners against Chelsea in Pennsylvania on Wednesday night. John Terry and Frankie Lamps were on the scoresheet for the Blues but goals from Chris Wondolowski, Chris Pontius and former Fulham man Eddie Johnson secured the victory for the All-star side.

Korean Flag Blunder Blights First Day Of Olympic Football

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By Alan Duffy

I'm not a massive fan of the Olympic sitcom 2012, however, it's spoof take on the London games is looking increasingly realistic by the day. The North Korean women's football team were the latest victims of some dreadful incompetence, when the big screens around the ground (for their clash with Colombia at Hampden Park) showed the North Korean players next to a South Korean flag.

Chelsea Continue To Get Creative, Sign Brazilian Starlet Oscar For £25m

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By Alan Duffy

Despite picking up a little trophy which goes by the name of the Champions League, Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich has been a busy man this summer, splashing serious amounts of cash in an attempt to match Premier League champions Manchester City.

Malaysian Wonder-Strike Shocks Arsenal At Start Of Asian Tour

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By Alan Duffy

It may be around a day old now, but this superb strike by one Mohamad Azmi Muslim which shocked Arsenal at the start of their pre-season tour in Kuala Lumpar is well worth a look. Facing a Malaysian XI, a mix and match Gunners side struggled against the minnows and were a goal down on the stroke of half-time,, courtesy of this wonder-strike.

LA Galaxy 1-1 Tottenham: Robbie Keane Gives Jake Livermore Mid-Game Prostate Examination (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which LA Galaxy's Robbie Keane conducts a routine prostate exam on former Tottenham teammate Jake Livermore during a pre-season friendly between the two sides at the Home Depot Centre last night...

Lovely.

The match also saw Gareth 'no way he'll be fit in time for the Olympics' Bale scoring for Spurs in a 1-1 draw, David Lopez equalising for the Galaxy on the half-hour mark.

Harry Redknapp Vows To Help Save Portsmouth By Phoning Nwankwo Kanu – The Ironing Is Delicious

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By Chris Wright

Harry Redknapp has vowed to do his utmost to help save Portsmouth from liquidation after it was announced yesterday that the stricken club have until August 10th to get their finances straightened up or face the very real  possibility of being pulped.

Snapshot: Ronaldo, Xavi & Daniel O’Donnell Relax In Ibiza

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By Chris Wright

Not the foggiest who Daniel O'Donnell is? Believe us, you're one of the lucky ones...

Image: 101GG

10 Brilliant Photos Of Filippo Inzaghi – Arrivederci Super Pippo!

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By Chris Wright

At the grand old age of 38 and after almost 20 years and hundreds upon hundreds of goals, Pippo Inzaghi has officially retired from football this morning in order to become the new youth team Coach at Milan. It was either that or spend a final year at Watford.

John O’Shea Attempts To ‘Grow’ A Football From Pig Bladder Cells

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By Chris Wright

"Hold on lads, I've just had a crack(l)ing idea..."

Deep in his subterranean concrete science bunker, John O'Shea is currently working on project that will see him artificially bio-engineer a 'football' from a pig's bladder.

Liverpool Agree £13.5m Fee For Swansea Pass Merchant Joe Allen

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool have reportedly agreed a whopping £13.5 million fee with Swansea over the transfer of Joe Allen, with former Swans manager Brendan Rodgers keen to cherry pick one of his leading lights from last season by invoking a release clause written into Allen's labyrinthine contract.

Liverpool Agree £13.5m Fee For Swansea Pass Merchant Joe Allen

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool have reportedly agreed a whopping £13.5 million fee with Swansea over the transfer of Joe Allen, with former Swans manager Brendan Rodgers keen to cherry pick one of his leading lights from last season by invoking a release clause written into Allen's labyrinthine contract.

Barcelona Play ‘Keepy Uppy Ring-A-Roses’ At Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Tiki taka has evolved...

We tried this at Sunday League training once. Three people were admitted to A&E.

Video: Dirty Tackle

Tweet-Happy Gunner Frimpong-ed By FA, Charged With Improper Conduct Over ‘Yid’ Comment

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By Alan Duffy

Me and my cousin Lethal Bizzle have a new rap 'My boss is French, he don't think I'm Dench'

Young Arsenal midfielder Emmanuel Frimpong has been charged by the FA over Tweets he recently made referring to the Gunners' north London rivals, Tottenham.

Top 10 Players Very Nearly Signed By Arsene Wenger

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By Chris Wright

With the news today that, despite it looking like a done deal for a good few weeks, Arsene Wenger is reportedly ready to pull the plug on Arsenal's £17 million move for Yann M'Vila in lieu of waiting for Abou Diaby to fulfil his debatable potential, we thought we'd have a little look at some of the other big names that the frugal Frenchman has passed on at the eleventh hour during his tenure in North London it's not a bad little squad as things happen.

David Beckham Leaps Out At Unsuspecting Photobooth Users For ‘Team GB’ Viral, Makes Kid Cry (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Okay, maybe 'leaps out' is a tad over-dramatic. It's just that 'Becks repeatedly sidles sheepishly into a photobooth with a rubber duck in his hand' didn't make for a particularly snazzy headline. Don't hate the player and all that...

Any road up, as part of Adidas' pre-Olympic #takethestage promo, they rigged up a photobooth in a shopping centre next to the Olympic Park in East London for fans to get their photos taken in Team GB clobber and show their support that was until some Hairy Herbert kept wandering out into every shot.

AC Milan Offer Season Ticket Refunds After Flogging Zlatan Ibrahimovic And Thiago Silva

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By Alan Duffy

Italian football may not have the most squeaky-clean image, but Serie A giants Milan have shown a decent amount of generosity by agreeing to refund the season tickets of Rossoneri fans disgruntled by the sale of two the club's biggest star, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Thiago Silva.

Nike Launch New CTR360 Maestri III Boots – Andres Iniesta Is Mellow Yellow (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Nothing more, nothing less: Just a few photos of the new booties Andres Iniesta and his Nike-leaning midfield ilk will be sporting as of the start of new season the CTR360 Maestri III in 'Infected Urinary Tract Yellow' (click through for the biggies).

A-League Side Adelaide United Hoaxed, Take Non-Existent American Wünderkind On Trial

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By Chris Wright

A-League side Adelaide United have been forced into making a particularly embarrassing admission after the prodigious trialist they hyped to high heaven, one 25-year old Dexter Rosales, turned out to be completely fictional.

Having scoured the internet for potential gems the world over, Adelaide announced that two players were to be handed trials at the club former Chelsea reserve striker Fabio Ferreira and Rosales, who was billed as having represented Ajax, Valencia, River Plate and Club Atletico Junior as well as the US national side at U17, U20 and U23 level.

Tim Cahill Calls Time On Eight Spring-Heeled Years At Everton, Agrees £1m New York Red Bulls Deal

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By Chris Wright

'Tis the end of an era people. After eight years of spring-heeled centre-back out-jumping, corner flag boxing, rugged midfield bastardry, emergency auxiliary strikership and all-round good egg-ery, Timmy Cahill is off in search of pastures new.

Snapshot: The Mario Balotelli ‘Power Flex’ Subbuteo Figure

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By Chris Wright

As with Rene Higuita and his famous scorpion kick, Mario Balotelli's hulked-up power flex at Euro 2012 has been immortalised in the medium of Subbuteo...

It's a little niche, but we sincerely hope the next in the series is Nigel Quashie falling flat on his face while attempting a step-over for Portsmouth while trying to show the jeering Forest fans what they were missing in 2001.

Valerenga’s Marcus Pedersen In Trouble Over Dumb ‘Oral Sex’ Goal Celebration (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Valerenga forward Marcus Pedersen can expect an angry letter from the Norwegian FA on his doormat any day now after celebrating a goal away against Stabaek on Sunday afternoon by goading the opposition fans with a dumb 'oral sex' gesture...

Pedersen is also alleged to have shouted 'gays' at the Stabaek fans before mimicking the old 'pink trombone' routine a gesture that is reportedly going to cost the 22-year old striker a fair few Norwegian groats once their FA have finished with him.

Valerenga’s Marcus Pedersen In Trouble Over Dumb ‘Oral Sex’ Goal Celebration (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Valerenga forward Marcus Pedersen can expect an angry letter from the Norwegian FA on his doormat any day now after celebrating a goal away against Stabaek on Sunday afternoon by goading the opposition fans with a dumb 'oral sex' gesture...

Pedersen is also alleged to have shouted 'gays' at the Stabaek fans before mimicking the old 'pink trombone' routine a gesture that is reportedly going to cost the 22-year old striker a fair few Norwegian groats once their FA have finished with him.

Joey Barton Trains With Fleetwood Town As Twelve-Game Exile Looms

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By Chris Wright

Silly old Joey Barton is currently staring down the barrel of a twelve, count 'em, twelve! -game ban for general dickery on the final game of last season and, with QPR's patience reserves dwindling, it looks like English football's preeminent copy-and-paste philosopher is going to be keeping the chub at bay by training with League Two side Fleetwood Town.

Joey Barton Trains With Fleetwood Town As Twelve-Game Exile Looms

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By Chris Wright

Silly old Joey Barton is currently staring down the barrel of a twelve, count 'em, twelve! -game ban for general dickery on the final game of last season and, with QPR's patience reserves dwindling, it looks like English football's preeminent copy-and-paste philosopher is going to be keeping the chub at bay by training with League Two side Fleetwood Town.

Ashley Cole Joins Twitter, Immediately Sets About Trolling Arsenal Fans

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By Chris Wright

Did you hear the bugle sounding yesterday? T'was to herald Ashley Cole joining Twitter, for join Twitter he has. One of football's most booable heels a man recently embroiled in a choc ice scandal, no less has signed up to a public forum where he's open to flogging from all quarters, what could possibly go wrong?

Snapshot: Six-Year Old Boy Writes Letter To David Batty After France ’98 Penalty Miss

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By Chris Wright

Here's the incident in question Carlos Roa denying Battygol in 1998 (skip to 6:40-ish)...

'Do you back him to score Kevin? Quickly, yes or no?'

'Yes...'

All these years later, Batty's dainty little skip after the penalty still rankles with me for some reason.

Carlos Tevez Caddies For Golfer Andres Romero At The Open, Guides His Man To Last Place (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Carlos Tevez: Calippo man

Dressed like one of the feral kids who swarm around park benches to worship at the alter of Smirnoff Ice of a night round our way, Carlos Tevez was on caddying duties for fellow Argentinian Andres Romero during the final round of the The Open golf thing yesterday.

Newcastle’s Davide Santon Flattens Steward With Late Sliding Tackle vs Fenerbahce (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Newcastle full-back Davide Santon flattens an unsuspecting steward with a nasty challenge from behind during the Toon's pre-season friendly against Fenerbahce over the weekend...

Definitely worthy of a yellow.

Video via @Inbedwimaradona

Man City’s Dramatic Title Win Caused Eric Cantona To Kung Fu Kick His Coffee Table Into Smithereens!

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By Chris Wright

We imagine that Sergio Aguero's last-minute title-clinching goal against QPR on the final afternoon of 2012/13 had more than a few Manchester United fans thrashing the ever-loving heck out of their furniture, pets, loved ones, etc, and it would appear that one Eric of Cantona was no different.

Carlos Tevez Caddies For Golfer Andres Romero At The Open, Guides His Man To Last Place (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Carlos Tevez: Calippo man

Dressed like one of the feral kids who swarm around park benches to worship at the alter of Smirnoff Ice of a night round our way, Carlos Tevez was on caddying duties for fellow Argentinian Andres Romero during the final round of the The Open golf thing yesterday.

Carlos Tevez Caddies For Golfer Andres Romero At The Open, Guides His Man To Last Place (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Carlos Tevez: Calippo man

Dressed like one of the feral kids who swarm around park benches to worship at the alter of Smirnoff Ice of a night round our way, Carlos Tevez was on caddying duties for fellow Argentinian Andres Romero during the final round of the The Open golf thing yesterday.

Fergie Not Quite Ready To Throw Bebe Out With The Bath Water After Forgotten Man Nets For Man Utd (Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Portuguese attacker Bebe still has a future at Manchester United, according to Alex Ferguson, after the forgotten man of Old Trafford popped up to secure a draw for United at the death against Ajax Cape Town.

Making his first appearance for the Red Devils in 17 months, the £7.

Friendly: Team GB 0-2 Brazil – Sandro & Neymar On Point As Brazil Blitz Brits (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

As you may be able to tell from the photo above, Sandro got things off and running at the Riverside in the 11th minute as the Brazilian Olympic squad waltzed to a comfortable victory over a very limp-looking Team GB outfit with Neymar clipping home a penalty ten minutes before the break to flesh out the scoreline.

Mark Bright Attempts To Pronounce ‘Copa Libertadores’, Makes Complete Mucking Fess Of It (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The guy's an asthmatic turnip...

Bah. The man actively ruins games with his skittish mumbling and lamentably bad judgement. With Lee Dixon jumping ship for ITV yesterday afternoon, just who exactly do the BBC have left in their punditry stable worth listening to?

Neymar Suffers Ruptured Broken Shattered Severed Neck vs Team GB (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Team GB played Brazil's London 2012 mob in a pre-Olympic jolly at the Riverside last night, winning 2-0 and putting on a dominant display of football though, sadly, the match was overshadowed by a sickening injury to Neymar on the half-hour mark, when a horrific collision with Ryan Betrand resulted in the Brazilian forward sustaining a rupturedbrokenshatteredsevered neck.

Man Utd Reveal 2012/13 Away Kit – Gingham Shorts A-Go-Go! (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

New Manchester United away strip y'all...

Photos...

Pies verdict: Handsome shirt, incredibly naff shorts (they look suspiciously like swimming shorts to our keen satorial eye), though the overall effort is a darn sight more palatable than next year's home strip.

Snapshot: Legendary Anchorman Links Up With Chelsea On US Tour

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By Alan Duffy

Soon to be co-starring in a movie called The Campaign, heavyweight film stars Will Ferrell (of Anchorman fame) and Zach Galifianakis (from The Hangover) hooked up with some of Chelsea's squad in Seattle during the Blues' pre-season tour of the States.

Ross Turnbull, Frankie Lamps, Petr Cech and Paulo Ferreira (all pictured) were among the Blues' players to meet up with the two comedy superstars, giving them Chelsea shirts in exchange for some American football gear.

Development Head Gareth Southgate Quits FA, So Where Next For The Toothy Pundit?

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By Alan Duffy

Famed for missing that crucial spot-kick against Germany back in 1996, Gareth Southgate has quit his post as The FA's Head of Elite Development, thus ruling himself out of the running for the organisation's Technical Director job.

The former Aston Villa defender released a statement on The FA's website which said:

The FA can today confirm that Gareth Southgate will not be continuing in his role as Head of Elite Development and no longer wishes to be considered for the role of FA Technical Director.

Bolton Fan Gets Three Points On His Poetic Licence After Police Investigate Anti-Coyle Rhymes

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By Alan Duffy

Photo: Manchester Evening News

Bolton fan Dennis Swift loves his club but the 56-year-old had become disillusioned by the direction it had taken under manager Owen Coyle. Instead of protesting at the Reebok Stadium, however, the plasterer wrote down all his frustrations in poem form.

Snapshot: Iker Muniain Makes Fatal Error, Falls Asleep Next To David ‘The Dorito Bandit’ De Gea

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By Chris Wright

All the fun of airport departure lounges, summed up in one photograph...

Sleeping beauty.

Image: @D_DeGea (via Dirty Tackle)

Bids Flood In For Robin Van Persie – Man City, Man Utd & Juventus Slap £15m On Table

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By Chris Wright

"How much?"

The BBC Sport website have just confirmed that Arsenal have received three offers this morning for Robin van Persie, with Manchester City, Manchester United and Juventus all tendering bids believed to be in the region of £15 million.

David Villa Is Back In Training, Jose Manuel Pinto Has Bruises To Prove It!

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By Chris Wright

You'd be forgiven for not noticing but both Barcelona and Spain have been without David Villa for the best part of eight months since the forward splintered his shin bone during the Club World Cup semi-final in Yokohama back in December of last year.

‘It Wasn’t Handled In The Right Way’ – Sir Alex Believes Suarez Palaver Cost Kenny Dalglish His Job

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By Chris Wright

"You just wouldn't let it lie would you? You just wouldn't let it lie..."

Yep, this crap again. Why the embers are being raked over again we're not entirely certain but days after Luis Suarez appeared on Uruguayan television to whittle about his eight-game ban and Manchester United's 'political influence' in England and such like, Sir Alex Ferguson has piped up to tell all and sundry that he believes the way Kenny Dalglish handled the whole dismal Suarez-Evra furor ultimately cost him his job at Liverpool.

New Zenit St. Petersburg Home & Away Kits – Do We Detect A Hint Of Russian Constructivism? (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

The new Nike Zenit St. Petersburg home and away strips for 2012/13 are in and they are pretty darn swish...

With the home is Zenit's famous 'laser blue' and the away in white, the new strips are apparently inspired by Saint-Petersburg's historic Vasilevskiy Island district with a nod towards the Russian constructivism style, while the arrow 'points diagonally upwards as a symbol of the team's will to win'.

Snapshot: Rio Ferdinand Joins The Zulu Nation, Claims To Have Killed A Lion And A “Wilder Beast”!

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By Alan Duffy

Quinton Fortune has really let himself go...

Watch out Ashley Cole, Rio is on the hunt and he's all tooled up! Taking a break from Man Utd's pre-season tour of South Africa, Rio Ferdinand hooked up with some of the locals for a spot of hunting, apparently, or so he claimed on Twitter here.

Man Utd Kick Off Pre-Season Tour, Beat South African Side AmaZulu 1-0 (Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

In a game which definitely wasn't too good to be forgotten, Manchester United overcame South African Premier League team AmaZulu by just the odd goal, courtesy of Federico Macheda (yes, he's still with the Red Devils!).

Rio 'Choc Ice' Ferdinand, Paul Scholes, Michael Carrick, Javier Hernandez and Dimitar Berbatov all played while new-boy Shinji Kagawa made his debut for the Red Devils in a game where the visitors were pushed all the way.

Massively Obese Portuguese Comedian Takes To Pitch With Figo, Ronaldo, Davids, Etc For Charity Match (Video)

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By Chris Wright

There was a charity game held over in Portugal last night, which saw a Benfica XI take on a team consisting of Luis Figo and his buddies one of which was a chap by the name of Fernando Mendes, the human meatball currently tasked with presenting the Portuguese version of 'The Price Is Right'.

Thierry Henry Scores Rather Splendid Half Volley vs Chicago Fire (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Thierry Henry racks up his tenth goal of the MLS season in the sweltering confines of the Red Bull Arena, scoring the only goal of the game against Chicago Fire by lashing in a pretty much perfect half-volley from the left channel...

Video: MLS

Benoit Assou-Ekotto Makes Surprise Visit To Pub, Drinks Little Pink Cocktails, Beats All Comers At Table Football

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By Chris Wright

Despite spending the best part of the week holed up in bed with the dreaded lurgy, Benoit Assou-Ekotto dragged himself from his pit on Saturday night, wandered into an East London pub, ordered himself a little pink cocktail and then completely obliterated all comers over on the table football.

Rejoice! Mohamed Bin Hammam Has FIFA Lifetime Ban For Bribery Overturned

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By Chris Wright

Mohamed Bin Hammam, the former FIFA presidential candidate who was exiled by the organisation for bribery, has had his lifetime ban annulled by the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS).

Bin Hammam was banned for attempting to buy votes in his bid to oust Sepp Blatter ahead of FIFA's presidential elections last year, prohibiting him from being involved "in any kind of football-related activity at national and international level for life".

Ajax Fans Pranked As They Try On New Shirt At Club Superstore (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As Ajax fans flocked to the club superstore in Amsterdam to buy the new home shirt, little did they know that those mischievous imps at Adidas had rigged the changing rooms to expose them to a hidden room full of Ajax players the results, as they say, were generally enjoyable (eyes peeled for the guy that just runs into the door like a startled deer at 0:50!

Sir Alex Ferguson ‘Confident’ Man Utd Will Secure Robin Van Persie Scrawl

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By Chris Wright

The Daily Mirror have slapped their danglies on the table this morning and are rumour-rumouring that Sir Alex Ferguson has confided in his 'footballing friends' that he is confident Manchester United will cherry pick Robin van Persie from Arsenal in the coming weeks.

Spanish Pornstar Hopes Naff Music Video Will Get Former Barcelona President Joan Laporta Re-Elected (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Word on the wind is that former Barcelona president Joan Laporta, now a member of the Catalan parliament, is angling for re-election after being succeeded by Sandro Rosell a couple of years ago and one woman is doing her damnedest to make it happen, that woman being Spanish porn star Maria Lapiedra.

Snapshot: Towering Monument To Man’s Architectural Prowess Unveiled In Front Of Eiffel Tower

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By Chris Wright

Zlatan's in Paris...

"It's true I don't know that much about Ligue 1, but Ligue 1 knows who I am."

(Photos: PA)

Subbuteo Create Special Rene Higuita Scorpion-Kicking ‘Keeper

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By Alan Duffy

The headline is pretty self explanatory really. But here it is and what a thing of beauty it is!

It's quite an interesting idea, creating individualised  Subbuteo figures for specific players. Maybe we could have a punching Joey Barton figure, a sexually aroused John Terry, Andy Reid with a pie in his hand, Abou Diaby in a crumpled heap on the floor and Luis Suarez performing a Nazi salute?

Liverpool Owners The Fenway Group Jump Gun Over Clint Demspey Signing

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By Alan Duffy

Maybe not a marquee signing but still a very good and very consistent player, Clint 'Deuce' Dempsey found himself in the middle of a bit of a furore today after the Fenway Sports Group, who own Liverpool, stated on their website that the American attacker had joined Reds (see above).

Thomas Vermaelen Goes All Kung Fu For Arsenal’s Far East Movement (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal's quest for even more popularity in the Far East has seen them put together a video depicting Belgian defender Thomas Vermaelen as a Shaolin Kung Fu warrior.

The idea came after a visit to China last year. So there. Still think giving poor old Park Chu-Young a few games might have had an even bigger effect on the Gunners' popularity in the East.

Thomas Vermaelen Goes All Kung Fu For Arsenal’s Far East Movement (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal's quest for even more popularity in the Far East has seen them put together a video depicting Belgian defender Thomas Vermaelen as a Shaolin Kung Fu warrior.

The idea came after a visit to China last year. So there. Still think giving poor old Park Chu-Young a few games might have had an even bigger effect on the Gunners' popularity in the East.

‘Man Utd To Blame For My 8-Game Ban’ – Liverpool’s Luis Suarez Reignites Evra Race Row

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By Alan Duffy

Oh dear, here we go again! Despite being told to keep schtum on the issue by his Liverpool bosses, striker Luis Suarez has had a right pop at Man Utd on Uruguayan TV, blaming the Red Devils' 'political power' for influencing the FA's decision to ban him over the infamous Patrice Evra race row.

Robin Van Persie’s Nifty Shade Of Grey: Transfer Saga Ages Wantaway Arsenal Striker

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By Alan Duffy

RVP on Tuesday (left) and at the PFA awards last April (right)

On Tuesday, wantaway Gunner Robin Van Persie returned to Arsenal for pre-season training with the Dutchman's future still up in the air. After publicly questioning the club's ambition and stating that he wouldn't sign a new contract, Van Persie all but burnt his bridges with the north Londoners.

Drunk Germany Fans Celebrate As Poor Woman Tries To Park Her Car (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Does exactly what it says on the tin...

Made us laugh anyway.

Video: Off The Post

Police Launch Investigation Into Ashley Cole/Rio Ferdinand ‘Choc Ice’ Tweet

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By Chris Wright

Alas, 'twas a simpler time

Here we go again. Derbyshire Police have confirmed that they will be launching an investigation into the Tweet sent to Rio Ferdinand in which Ashley Cole was referred to as a 'choc ice' , i.e, black on the outside, white in the middle a Tweet which Ferdinand referred to as 'classic' at the time.

Thierry Henry Gets All Arty For The New York Red Bulls (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Former Arsenal legend Thierry Henry is enjoying life in the Big Apple, and not just on the field of play with the Red Bulls. A bit of a culture vulture, the fleet-footed Frenchman has also been keen to dip his highly-insured toe into the creative scene in Manhattan.

Chelsea On Brink Of Signing Thorgan Hazard, Eden’s Rather Excellently Named Little Brother

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By Chris Wright

L'Equipe are reporting this morning that Chelsea are on the cusp of signing their second Hazard of the summer, with Eden's 19-year old little brother Thorgan close to agreeing a deal to move to Stamford Bridge.

Thorgan Hazard? What. A. Name.

"THORGAN'S ALIVE?

Team GB Play First Game Against Mexico Behind Closed Doors, It Doesn’t Go Well (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Not that you were supposed to know, but Team GB played their first game together on Sunday afternoon in a sneaky, behind-closed-doors friendly against Mexico's U23 squad at the new bells and whistles national team base in Burton, St. George's Park with all three of Stuart Pearce's over-age players (Giggs, Bellamy and Richards) getting a run out.

Brazilian Goalkeeper Almost Decapitates Striker With Leaping Karate Kick (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, over in the Brazilian second tier on Sunday afternoon, America-RN 'keeper Dida Valdemar  - a graduate of the Harald Schumacher School of Mortal Kombat Goalkeeping almost decapitates Ceara striker Romario with a karate kick to the neck, an offence deemed only worthy of a yellow card and stern stare from the referee.

Bangor City’s Leslie Davies Rubs Shoulders With Messi And Ronaldo On Shortlist For UEFA Gong

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 By Alan Duffy

Photo courtesy of Copamedia

Slap bang in the middle of UEFA's 32-man shortlist for the Best Player in Europe award, amidst a sea of iconic superstars such as Lionel Messi, Xavi and Cristiano Ronaldo, lies the rather less well-known Leslie Davies.

“I Want Us To Win Every Game Until The End Of Time” – Eddie Izzard Signs For Crystal Palace

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By Alan Duffy

Cross-dressing, multi-lingual marathon man Eddie Izzard has joined the ranks of the celebrity football directors by joining Crystal Palace as an Associate Director. The 50-year-old surrealist has been a fan of the Eagles all his life and is eager to see his beloved side get back into the Premier League.

Barcelona Sign Nine Year-Old Dublin Wonderkid, Have The Catalan Giants Nabbed The New Glenn Whelan?

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By Alan Duffy

Photo courtesy of The Sun

Nine-year-old Zak Gilsenan from Castleknock in Dublin could, one day, follow in the footsteps of Dublin-born footballing greats such as Liam Brady, Johnny Giles and er, Glenn Whelan, after signing on the dotted line for La Liga giants Barcelona.

Didier Drogba Trains With Shanghai Shenua, ‘Peaches’ Reunited With His ‘Herb’ (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

The Drog, the Drog, the Drog is in China!

"Hello everyone, my name is Didier"

"Hmm, two-tone grass? Something ain't quite Chippawa here..."

"It's not often you find yourself pining for Paulo Ferreira"

"Time to show these suckers a few things I learned on the mean streets of Knightsbridge, WHAPOW!

The Black-And-White Years: 15 Fantastic Vintage Olympic Football Photos

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By Chris Wright

With the London Olympics beginning to crown over the horizon, we thought we'd plunder the archives for some brilliant vintage photos of Olympic football tournaments past (in no particular order, click through for full-size images)...

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The 1908 Great Britain team that won gold by beating Denmark 2-0 in the final

Photos: PA

50-Year Old Enzo Francescoli Scores Four In Ariel Ortega Testimonial, Pulls Off Audacious Bicycle Kick (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The man idolised and aped by Zinedine Zidane, Uruguayan legend Enzo Francescoli (Zizou even named his first-born son after him!), took to the field for Ariel Ortega's testimonial at River Plate over the weekend coming away with a four-goal haul, including an audacious overhead kick which, at the age of 50, is risky whichever way you look at it.

David Beckham Scores Couple Of Absolute Beauts vs Portland Timbers (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which rootin' tootin' Sarsaparilla-swiggin' Wild West barkeep David Beckham sticks a couple of gen-yoo-wine beauties into the score bag for the Galaxy against the Portland Timbers last night. First up, Beckaroo tonks one into the top corner from 25-odd yards.

Laser eye surgery: a welcome alternative

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SPONSORED POST: Laser eye surgery: a welcome alternative

If you have ever wondered whether there is an alternative to wearing glasses or contact lenses, laser eye treatment may be just right for you. Â Laser eye treatment uses cutting edge technology to enhance your natural vision leaving you free to enjoy life without the hassle of remembering to carry contact lens solution or worrying about breaking your glasses.

‘Fabio Capello Is New Russian Boss’ – Andrei Arshavin Jumps The Gun Over National Team Appointment

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By Alan Duffy

Cheeky imp Andrei Arshavin has always 'ploughed his own furrow' as it were, with his unpredictability both entertaining and annoying in equal measures. Now, the Arsenal playmaker will no doubt have irked the Russian Football Union after revealing on his website, before any official announcement had been made, that former England supremo Fabio Capello has been appointed as the new national team boss.

Rangers Voted Into 2012/13 Scottish Division Three, Boast 46,000 Higher Average Attendance Than New Opponents

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By Chris Wright

At Hampden Park yesterday afternoon, 25 of the 30 Scottish Football League clubs voted that Rangers Newco (the new club stitched together like the Six Million Dollar Man from the few remaining assets of the old, now liquidated club) would be allowed to compete in Division Three in 2012/13.

Rangers Voted Into 2012/13 Scottish Division Three, Boast 46,000 Higher Average Attendance Than New Opponents

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By Chris Wright

At Hampden Park yesterday afternoon, 25 of the 30 Scottish Football League clubs voted that Rangers Newco (the new club stitched together like the Six Million Dollar Man from the few remaining assets of the old, now liquidated club) would be allowed to compete in Division Three in 2012/13.

The ‘Released By AC Milan This Summer’ XI Ain’t Too Shabby…

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By Chris Wright

What with being brassic and all, AC Milan have let an awful lot of talent wander off into the sunset this summer, so much so, in fact, that you can assemble a fairly intimidating first XI from the players the Rossoneri have released into the wild but don't just take our word for it, ay' a look at this.

Forget Racism, Sexism And Homophobia, Football Has A New Cancer…

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By Alan Duffy

Expect a whole slew of post-Terry trial 'banter'. First out of the traps is this superb effort from the mighty Arseblog.

Image courtesy of Arseblog.

Alberto Aquilani Set To Stay At Liverpool, But Can He Flourish Under Brendan Rodgers?

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By Alan Duffy

After spending last season farmed out to Milan in Serie A, Italian midfielder Alberto Aquilani looks set to return to Anfield and stay there for the 2012/13 season. The Rossoneri turned down the chance to sign the schemer on a permanent deal and the player's agent, Franco Zavaglia, now expects his client to stay on Merseyside.

The Verdict Is In: John Terry Found Not Guilty Of Racist Abuse

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By Chris Wright

And lo, after months on end of wrangling and days and days of grown men asking other grown men to repeat the word 'c*nt' over and over again in court, the verdict is in...

"John Terry has been found not guilty on charges of racially abusing Anton Ferdinand.

Top 10 Unfairly Sacked Managers

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Guest Post by Tom Mordey

As Nottingham Forest enter a brave new era under the ownership of the Al-Hasawi family, they enter it without manager Steve Cotterill.

Despite only taking over in October after the sacking of Steve McLaren, the former Notts County man has been removed from his position with immediate effect.

Crossbar Challenge: Golfer Rory McIlroy Hits Woodwork From 150 Yards Away! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Northern Irish golf sprog Rory McIlroy spanks the woodwork with a tee-shot from the 150-yard mark at a promo event for the new PGA Tour '13 game...

The good people over at EA Sports assure us that this is completely kosher and why would they lie to us?

50 Shades Of Andy Gray (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Video:Â Mirror Football

Everton Nike 2012/13 Home Kit Unveiled – V-Necks & Cuffs Aplenty! (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

As modeled by Chopper, Gibsy, Tim-Tim and Heitingles, Â here's the brand new Nike kits that Everton will be playing in at Goodison next season, the outfield number being a lovely blue effort with enough cuff to feed a small army (click for full-sized images).

‘Please, Please, Please, Please Don’t Call Me A Racist’ – John Terry Court Case: The Musical (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Beating Andrew 'The Toad Lord' Lloyd-Webber squarely to the punch, here's Fitba Thatba's latest West End production John Terry Court Case: The Musical, a work of pure melodramatic genius...

If you're wondering what the 'please, please, please, please' reference is all about, then take a gander at this little beauty.

Milan Agree To Flog Zlatan Ibrahimovic & Thiago Silva To PSG – Ibra Set To Break €200m Transfer Barrier?

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By Chris Wright

"We're going to be even richer! Even beyonder our wildest dreams!"

AC Milan owner Silvio Berlusconi has confirmed that the club have agreed to sell Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Thiago Silva in a job-lot to Paris Saint-Germain for a combined €65 million (£51.

Milan Agree To Flog Zlatan Ibrahimovic & Thiago Silva To PSG – Ibra Set To Break €200m Transfer Barrier?

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By Chris Wright

"We're going to be even richer! Even beyonder our wildest dreams!"

AC Milan owner Silvio Berlusconi has confirmed that the club have agreed to sell Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Thiago Silva in a job-lot to Paris Saint-Germain for a combined €65 million (£51.

New Umbro LOSC Lille 2012/13 Home & Away Shirts Are Things Of Pure Beauty! (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

We love what Umbro are doing at the moment, and their new designs for Lille's strip for next season are a good indication as to why. Jumping Jehovah, these things are wonderful.

Home...

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Lille Umbro 2012/13 Home Shirt

Away.

Snapshot: Sir Alex Ferguson Gets Around To Unveiling Shinji Kagawa & Nick Powell

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By Chris Wright

Here's Sir Alex Ferguson welcoming his latest acquisitions to the flock earlier this afternoon; Shinji Kagawa and Nick Powell, bought in from Borussia Dortmund and Crewe Alexandra respectively, and welcomed to Old Trafford with a personalised tablecloth each.

Top 10 Footballing Chinless Wonders

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By Chris Wright

We've already had a butcher's at some of football's most majestic mandible mountains this week, so it's only fair to venture, post haste, to the other end of the scale and examine some of the game's most minuscule facial extremities.

Man Utd Boss Sir Alex Ferguson Hints At End Of Darren Fletcher’s Playing Career

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By Alan Duffy

Not the most talented of players to play under Fergie, Scottish midfielder Darren Fletcher still managed to carve out a key role in some of the Red Devils' recent successes. However, last December, Â the tough-tackling star saw his career put on hold courtesy of a case of ulcerative colitis which, according to his manager, may now spell the end of his playing career.

Shit Lookalike: Steve Kean & Pedro The Squashed Lemon

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By Chris Wright

Kean is Blackburn's beloved manager.

Pedro is a friend of former World Cup mascot 'Naranjito', and once helped his pal save the 1982 World Cup final from being blown to smithereens by the evil Dr Mantis though not before getting his head stuck in an automatic lift door.

To Celebrate Antonio Cassano’s 30th Birthday, Here’s The Greatest Photo Of Him You’re Ever Likely To See…

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By Chris Wright

Young Antonio here is wearing Quayside casual...

Via @JamesHorncastle

Nott’m Forest Sack Steve Cotterill, Alex McLeish Lies In Wait – Why Must Fate Mock Us At Every Turn?

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By Chris Wright

It was always likely to happen, but Nottingham Forest's shiny new Kuwaiti owners have made their first executive move sacking manager Steve Cotterill to make way for a man of their choosing.

The following statement appeared on the official Forest site a short time ago:

"Forest can confirm that manager Steve Cotterill has departed the club with immediate effect.

Arsenal Unleash 2012/13 Away Kit – Start Wearing Purple, Wearing Purple! (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Yes, we've already seen it leaked - but here's a whole load of proper, glossy photos of Arsenal's gaudy new purple away strip for next season...

Detail shots...

[[Show as slideshow]]

We've got to admit that the damn thing's grown on us just a smidge since the initial retina-pummeling it dished out yesterday.

Snapshot: Mario Balotelli Wusses Out On The Big Bad Log Flume!

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By Chris Wright

Here's yet another holiday snapola from our Mario, in which we see him totally wussing out on the log flume at Gardaland theme park in Verona notice, if you will, the sweet man-cleavage going on in the top left corner...

What a pansy! Where's this guy gone?

Snapshot: Mario Balotelli Wusses Out On The Big Bad Log Flume!

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By Chris Wright

Here's yet another holiday snapola from our Mario, in which we see him totally wussing out on the log flume at Gardaland theme park in Verona notice, if you will, the sweet man-cleavage going on in the top left corner...

What a pansy! Where's this guy gone?

Crystal Palace Plug Season Tickets With Cheerleaders Dancing To ‘Call Me Maybe’ In Bikinis (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Over the years, football clubs have attempted a number of ways to help shift season tickets. We've seen suicidal koala bears, sperm banks infested by zombie lesbians from the future, fans laying huge eggs actually, they were all Getafe but Crystal Palace have furrowed an altogether more traditional path this season by getting their in-house cheerleading troupe (The Crystals) to strip down to their bikinis and mime along to that infernal 'Call Me Maybe' song that's been playing on repeat in everyone's inner ears since March.

Crystal Palace Plug Season Tickets With Cheerleaders Dancing To ‘Call Me Maybe’ In Bikinis (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Over the years, football clubs have attempted a number of ways to help shift season tickets. We've seen suicidal koala bears, sperm banks infested by zombie lesbians from the future, fans laying huge eggs actually, they were all Getafe but Crystal Palace have furrowed an altogether more traditional path this season by getting their in-house cheerleading troupe (The Crystals) to strip down to their bikinis and mime along to that infernal 'Call Me Maybe' song that's been playing on repeat in everyone's inner ears since March.

Arsenal 2012/13 Stripy Away Kit Leaked – Gunners Plan For Purple Patch On The Road (Photo)

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By Alan Duffy

For many Gooners it's simple really home kits should be read and while, away ones yellow and blue. But not for the Arsenal marketing bods, who aren't shackled by tradition or, arguably, taste.

The new away strip has, like so many other club kits, been leaked over the old internet thingy.

‘Prem Captains Colluded In Pre-Match Bets’ – Ex-Southampton Captain Claus Lundekvam Lifts Lid On PL Betting Culture

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By Alan Duffy

While the JT case and its never-ending cavalcade of swearing pretty much dominating the sporting news at the moment, the allegations concerning betting by PL players made by Claus Lundekvam have, so far, not recevied the attention they deserve.

Premier League Website Chose Worst Imaginable Photo To Accompany Vinny Samways’ Player Profile

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By Chris Wright

To be fair, there aren't really any good photos of Vinny Samways, but the one the Premier League have chosen to accompany the former Tottenham, Everton and Charlton man's player profile on their official website is especially abhorrent.

I mean, would you just look at that.

Tomas Rosicky Plays Guitar On Stage With Czech Band ‘Tři Sestry’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which budding rock star Tomas Rosicky takes to the stage with his SG to rattle through a number with a band called Tři Sestry (Three Sisters) who, judging by the outfits, appear to be the Czech Republic's belated answer to the Village People had they been fronted by Captain Sensible.

‘Your Mum’s A Slag’ – Is The ‘John Terry Race Trial’ Being Scripted By Armando Iannucci?

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By Chris Wright

"THIS IS THE NEWS!"

As anyone who has been following the various nattering going on over in Westminster Magistrates' Court since yesterday morning (it's basically just a non-stop cavalcade of asterisks) will already be well aware, the John Terry-Anton Ferdinand race trial is pretty much playing out like a headmaster trying to eek the truth out of two bickering 14-year old lads who were caught fighting in the playground at lunch time: 'He started it', 'yeah, but he called me a knob', etc ,etc.

Football GIF: Gerard Pique & Elmo Enjoy An Orange Juice In The Park

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By Chris Wright

Just Gerard Pique and his furry little friend enjoying a sandwich, a refreshing glass of naranja and a chat in Barcelona's Parc Güell...

Look at Gerard's little face! It must be nice to be lining up alongside someone a bit taller than Javier Mascherano for once.

Ronaldinho Loses $750k Coca-Cola Sponsorship For Being In Same Room As Pepsi Can

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By Chris Wright

Pepsi and Coca-Cola are still at each other's throats after all these years. Who knew? Word is coming in from Brazil this morning that Coke have pulled the plug on Ronaldinho's $750,000-a-year sponsorship deal after he gave a press conference for his latest club, Atletico Mineiro, from behind a couple of cans of Pepsi - Pepsi being an official sponsor of Mineiro and all.

Good Things Come To Those Kuwait: Fawaz Al-Hasawi Completes Nott’m Forest Takeover

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By Chris Wright

On Tuesday evening, after a good few months of tortuous legal faffing, Kuwaiti businessblokes Fawaz, Abdulaziz and Omar Al-Hasawi finalised their takeover of Nottingham Forest after agreeing terms to buy late chairman Nigel Doughty's controlling stake in the club.

Police Called In After Warden Catches Port Vale Players On The Piss In Local Park

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By Chris Wright

Staffordshire police have launched an investigation into an incident last Wednesday that saw several Port Vale players besmirch and defile the flora at Hanley Central Forest Park while out on a pre-season yomp.

A park warden happened upon a group of the players urinating in the bushes and contacted his superiors at the local council, who in turn contacted the police, who in turn contacted Port Vale to inform them that they intended to look into the incredibly grievous matter.

Pele Turns Pizza Delivery Boy For Santos Marketing Stunt (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here we see certainly one of, if not the greatest player to have ever graced the game decking himself out like one of Domino's finest, preparing and delivering pizza as part of a marketing stunt devised by his club Santos though to what end we're not entirely sure.

Pele Turns Pizza Delivery Boy For Santos Marketing Stunt (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here we see certainly one of, if not the greatest player to have ever graced the game decking himself out like one of Domino's finest, preparing and delivering pizza as part of a marketing stunt devised by his club Santos though to what end we're not entirely sure.

Van Persie Rumours Point To Rooney-esque U-Turn, But Would Arsenal Fans Be Happy?

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By Alan Duffy

After seemingly burning his bridges with Arsenal courtesy of a rather blunt statement, Dutch striker Robin Van Persie is now rumoured to be pondering penning a new deal with the Gunners.

Most of these rumours are coming courtesy of Sky Sports News, and and may be a load of old tosh.

Snapshot: Carlos Valderrama Carries Olympic Torch Through Windsor

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By Chris Wright

Carlos Valderrama, Carlos Valderrama's crimped mane, a lady desperately trying to mimic Carlos Valderrama's crimped mane, the streets of Windsor, a naked flame of man's red fire. You don't need me to tell you just how friggin' awesome this is...

Sketchy action shot.

Top 10 Formidable Football Chins

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By Chris Wright

A salute to the finest footballing jawlines ever to walk the earth. Let's not fool ourselves that they're in any particular order, what we have here is just ten blokes with mahoosive mandibles for you to peruse at your leisure like the genetic marvels they are.

Russian FA Publish List Of Managerial Targets, Harry Redknapp And Rafa Benitez In The Frame

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By Alan Duffy

Russian readers, Harry Redknapp could be coming to a TV near you, rolling down the window of his car in a Moscow street for a cheeky interview.

The Russian Football Federation are searching for a new national team boss to replace the departed Dick Advocaat, and have even published a list of candidates on their website, with former Spurs boss Redknapp one of the targets.

Tottenham 2012/13 Home & Away Kits Leaked – Tidy Effort From Under Armour (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Rejoice! Tottenham's new kits for 2012/13 have been leaked (from a promo event earlier today), and it looks like new strip manufacturers Under Armour have got it just about spot on with their first crack at a Spurs strip...

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Tottenham 2012/13 Home Kit - Under Armour

Personally, and this is just nit-picking, we prefer to see Tottenham in the old 'white shirts/blue shorts/white socks' configuration, but we ain't complaining really.

Mirth Merchants Alan Shearer, Iain Dowie & Graham Fenton Spoof ‘Fenton!!!’ Viral (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Back in 2011, for reasons largely unclear, millions of people were enticed by a video posted on Youtube of a chap chasing an errant Labrador named 'Fenton' through Richmond Park.

Sadly, we have to admit that this 'viral' phenomenon passed us by entirely at the time, but we need wallow in pathetic ignorance no more, for the combined wits of Alan Shearer, Iain Dowie and Graham Fenton (who, if you remember, shares his name with a certain hound) have shown us the way recreating the 'Fenton' video with a delightful little sketch before their PFA Legends tournament in Barbados.

WAG Watch: Mario Götze Frolics On Yacht With Lady Friend, Involuntarily Raises The Mast (NSFW Photo)

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By WAG Watcher

Mr Götze, you have a massive erection...

"Oh, it's just the pleats in the Speedos"

Cue the nautical puns: raise the mast, bald-headed schooner, sea cock, able-bodied seamen, hard over, baggy wrinkle, pitchpoling, cock pit, proud goosehead, anchor balls, etc, etc.

Cameraman Goes Arse-Over-Tit At Russian Match, Players Burst Into Laughter! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, as spellcheck-decimating Russian second division sides Yenisey Krasnoyarsk and Shinnik Yaroslavl line up to observe the national anthem before their game, an over eager cameraman hurtles onto the pitch to capture the line-up, trips on the edge of the turf and promptly goes arse over tit much to the amusement of several of the players.

Nike Unveil New GS Boots – Light, Fast And Mostly Made Of Beans (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Here we have a few photos of the new Nike boots that will be worn by all the very flashest of Harrys the world over come the start of the season the 'GS' (or 'Greenspeed' if you prefer), which are the lightest boot Nike have ever made, weighing in at just 160 grams.

Men And Women Of ‘Team GB’ Olympic Squad Train For First Time (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

After getting themselves kitted out in their new clobber at Loughborough University, the men and ladyfolk of Team GB alighted to the grounds of a nearby luxury hotel for a photo session, before the male squad including Messrs Bellamy and Giggs splintered off for their first training session together under coach Stuart Pearce.

Mighty Red Amazes Liverpool Fans Awaiting A ‘Special Guest’

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LIVERPOOL have a new team mascot. He's Mighty Red. Legend has it that Mighty Red is a massive sunburnt Liver bird. Others say he's a demented puffin who nods to Liverpool great Phil Thompson and smiles at Emelyn Hughes.

The velour-coated bird is sure to be a hit at Anfield.

Brazilian Superstar Neymar Produces World Class Dive And Even Better Injury-Feign (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Forget his fleet-footed dribbling and dazzling ball skills, Neymar showed just what a magnificent cheating diver he is against Gremio recently, flying in the air and then feigning serious injury after he was touched by nothing but fresh Brazilian air (Santos won the game 4-2, by the way).

Snapshot: Cristian Zaccardo Pumps Some Serious Iron…

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By Chris Wright

Two free tickets to the gun show...

Image via @BrooksDT

‘Film Of The Day: Liar Liar’ – Rio Ferdinand Has A Not-So-Subtle Pop At John Terry On Twitter

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By Alan Duffy

Not really much to add really. It kind of sums up how the Ferdinand clan are feeling today I imagine, as JT gives evidence...

‘He Was Being Sarcastic’ – Lawyers Defend John Terry As Anton Ferdinand Racism Trial Begins

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By Alan Duffy

Resplendent in a pink tie and grey suit, John Terry arrived at Westminster Magistrates' Court this morning to (finally) stand trial over alleged racist remarks made to Anton Ferdinand last October.

Anyway, so far this morning, the court has heard that JT doesn't deny calling Ferdinand a "black c***", but that, according to the Chelsea man's defence team, it was said "sarcastically".

‘Glass Dick’ – Sky Reporter Martin Brunt Shafted By Autocorrect While Live-Tweeting John Terry Race Trial

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By Chris Wright

In all honesty, we could care less about the squabbling at the Magistrates' Court this morning, being as though the upshot of it all is that if John Terry is found guilty he'll be left facing little more than a £2,500 fine (which he'll be able to work off in two hours and 38 minutes) and his reputation further besmirched the legal equivalent of a 'miss' in Battleships.

Andres Iniesta Marries Anna Ortiz, Wedding Boasts Incredibly Strong Squad (Photos & Video)

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By Chris Wright

Andres Iniesta got married to his long-term partner Xavi Anna Ortiz in a big ol' castle over the weekend and an endless slew of footballing talent turned out for the occasion; with European and World champions, Barca teammates past and present and even club president Sandro Rosell congregating in Tarragona for the wee fella's big day.

Liverpool Introduce New Mascot ‘Mighty Red’ – The Big Gormless Lobster? (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Liverpool's new mascot people, a thing they're calling 'Mighty Red'...

"Hi guysth!"

"Sthuper awesthome!"

As with most mascots, it's completely bloody terrifying!

It's supposed to be a Liver Bird (note the sprig of broom in the corner of the beak), but what we're seeing is a kind of cross between a pterodactyl and a gormless lobster but with a contemporary nod to Luis Suarez's orthodontic situation.

Snapshot: Mario Balotelli Winds Down In St. Tropez After Grueling Season

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By Chris Wright

After a long, grueling season spent largely serving suspensions and a hectic summer largely spent chasing Spanish shadows at the Euros, here we see Mario Balotelli enjoying his well-earned day of leisure, winding down in St. Tropez just him, a blonde masseuse, a family-sized bottle of Appletiser (the bubbles tickle his nose!

Andy Gray Attacks Tottenham’s Tom Huddlestone On Twitter Over Wimbledon Remarks

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By Alan Duffy

Poor old Andy Murray, his tears at the end of his defeat to Swiss tennis-droid Roger Federer will have endeared him to the nation. He is the new Diana, or Gazza, or someone. At least with Wimbledon now over we won't have to put with too more appalling jokes relating to "Murray will go back to being Scottish now he's lost" etc.

Homesick Richard Wright Leaves Preston After One Whole Week At Deepdale

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By Chris Wright

"I'm a-comin' home ma!"

Former Arsenal and England 'keeper Richard Wright has left new club Preston North End despite only officially signing on last Saturday (on his release from Ipswich), with the 34-year old citing homesickness after requesting to have his one-year contract terminated with immediate effect.

WAG Watch: Santiago Canizares Posts Naked Picture Of Wife On Twitter (NSFW Photo)

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By WAG Watcher

Peroxide-favouring former Spain and Valencia 'keeper Santiago Canizares found himself trending worldwide on Twitter yesterday after sharing a naked photo of his wife, Mayte Garcia, clambering into the shower with 17,000 of his closest friends...

Santi's loving portrait was only up for ten minutes, though that was more than enough time for 'Canizares' to become a trending topic and the photo to be 'right click > saved as-ed' onto thousands of desktops around the world.

Two Insanely Sweet Beach Football Bicycle Kicks For Your Delectation (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With the regular grass-based football world powering down for a few months, we've had to go a-searchin' a bit further afield for our fix a search which has seen us stumble upon beach football.

As you may or may not be aware, the European qualifiers for the 2013 FIFA Beach Soccer World Cup are rumbling on at the moment, and the lastest batch of games have produced a flurry of fantastic overhead kicks, beginning with Amarel's (Spain) acrobatic effort against Ukraine.

Leeds United’s New Macron Away 2012/13 Shorts Are… Quite Something (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Complete the sentence: Leeds United's new shorts are ___________...

Are we seeing the birth of 'Mullet shorts' here?

The more you look at them, the more fantastically ridiculous they become! Like mudflaps for the knees!

Calling All Interested Buyers – Get Down To Arsenal.Com Quick Smart If You Want RVP Or Walcott

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By Alan Duffy

Rumours abound that Theo Walcott may be the next Arsenal star to refuse a new contract after Robin Van Persie. If this is true, there's a fair chance that Gooners won't be that unhappy. Â However, it seems that Arsenal.com are well prepared for a sell-off.

Forgotten Man Wayne Bridge Heads To Brighton To Kick-Start Career

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By Alan Duffy

Bridge practising his 'sitting on the bench' technique

More famous in recent seasons for the whole sorry John Terry shagging-his-ex palavar than his performances on the pitch, ex-England full-back Wayne Bridge has left Manchester City in a loan deal with bright young things of the Championship, Brighton & Hove Albion.

Magician Dynamo Correctly Predicts Spain’s Euro 2012 Route, Wins £10,000 Bet, Donates It All To Charity

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By Chris Wright

Dynamo, the magician that we've seen successfully reduce Nemanja Vidic (among several other footballers) to a bubbling puddle of bamboozle juice, has won a 10,000/1 bet by correctly predicting Spain's run from the Euro 2012 quarter-finals through to the winners' podium.

Snapshot: Mayor Of Poznan Thanks Ireland Fans For The Memories

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By Alan Duffy

Forget what comedy grump Roy 'stick it up yer bollox' Keane said, the Irish fans' performance at EURO 2012 was worth celebrating, even when their team failed miserably on the pitch. And in gratitude to the Irish fans' positive attitude and general friendliness, the Mayor of Poznan, Ryszard Grobelny, organised a little gesture of his town's appreciation with this rather nice billboard.

Miffed At Losing Copa Libertadores Final, Boca Juniors’ Santiago Silva Steals Photographers’ Camera (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Nonchalant as you like, here's Boca Juniors mard-arse Santiago Silva (nicknamed 'The Tank', though 'The Tea Leaf' would definitely be more appropriate!) plucking a camera from a photographer's hand and doing one...

YOINK. Did the poor chap get his camera back?

Barcelona’s Under 11s Are Already Better Than You (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here we see Barcelona's U11 side taking on Arsenal a month or two ago, playing them off the park with some lovely possession football and pretty much kicking your dreams of still being scouted by a professional club squarely in the crotch as you approach your late, late twenties.

Marco Bielsa Comes To Blows With Builder Over Shoddy Work At Athletic Bilbao’s Training Complex

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By Chris Wright

Bielsa: Prone and ready to destroy your world

Athletic Bilbao coach Marco Bielsa became embroiled in a 'physical altercation' with the site manager of a building company after his players were forced to train on a half-finished construction site on their first day of pre-season.

Man City 2012/13 Home And Away Kits – Lovely, Lovely Retro Loveliness (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

We first saw Noel Gallagher and Vincent Kompany togged up in it yesterday, but here's a cavalcade of photos of the new Man City kits for 2012/13 both home and away for you to peruse at your leisure courtesy of our pals over at Umbro.

Goal-Line Technology Given Green Light, Could Be Used During 2012/13 Premier League Season

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By Alan Duffy

Welcome to the future! The International Football Association Board have approved the introduction of goal-line technology after a vote at FIFA's headquarters in Zurich.

Two systems, 'Hawk-Eye' and the dismally-named 'GoalRef' will be introduced for the Club World Cup in December (involving Chelsea), although the Premier League may move even quicker and get it installed at some point during the forthcoming league season.

Snapshot: Vincent Kompany & Noel Gallagher ‘Launch’ New Man City Kit At Belgian Rock Festival

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By Chris Wright

They've had a few accidental leaks over the past few weeks (including one by the 'Build A Bear' toy shop, who put miniature versions of the strip on sale a week early!), but Man City have finally gotten round to showing off their new home kit for 2012/13 properly with Captain Kompany and Noel Gallagher posing side-stage in the new duds at a rock festival in Belgium.

Alisher Usmanov Issues Scathing Open Letter, Craps All Over Stan Kroenke’s Ownership

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By Chris Wright

"What's got two thumbs, three chins and don't give a crap?"

Arsenal's second biggest shareholders (the jokes write themselves), Russian billionaire Alisher Usmanov and Farhad Moshiri, have written an open letter  - obtained by the AP to openly criticise owner Stan Kroenke's running of the club after it was made public yesterday that Robin van Persie is to effectively be released back into the wild this summer.

A Simple, Humble Musing Uponst Robin Van Persie And The Like…

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By Chris Wright

You'd have thought by now we'd be used to it. It happens all the time. Welcome to the machine.

In a world forever set in flux, players will come and players will go. You may well have grown fond of them during their time, they may well have reciprocated the sentiment but to expect anything other than a finite relationship is either futile and/or bewilderingly naive.

Arsenal Fan Launches Into Frenzied Van Persie Rant Before Doing Him The Ultimate Discourtesy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

What a treat! Six minutes of ranting over Van Persie from a guy who's not quite as angry over the whole ordeal as he'd probably like to have you believe, before he sets about delivering the ultimate hammer blow selling him on FIFA 12 not once, not twice, but THREE times.

Football Journalists Completely Empty ‘Free Beer’ Fridge At Euro 2012 Media Centre In Space Of 3 Minutes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, like a plague of parched locusts, the journalists at a Euro 2012 media centre in Poland completely strip a fridge full of free beer in the space of three minutes...

It'd probably be impressive if it didn't make me weep for humanity.

Piers Morgan Goes Into Sweaty Twitter Meltdown Over Robin Van Persie

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By Chris Wright

Upon hearing the news that Robin van Persie, just like Cesc Fabregas before him, has tired of the 'Arsenal burden' and would like to toddle off somewhere where less is expected of him and far more money is shoveled into his bank account every week Arsenal's shame, Piers Morgan, flew into a heaving, sweaty, ruddy-faced rage, wiped the gelatin off his trotters and got to work voicing his dumb ire at RVP, Arsenal and their 'second rate, unambitious' board on Twitter last night.

Brazilian Side Vitoria Promote Blood Donation With Ingenious Kit Campaign (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Rather than the standard pitchside advertising hoarding or square-inch advert in the match programme, Brazilian Serie B side Vitoria have conjured up an ingenious way of promoting the club's blood donation campaign.

Nicknamed the 'Red and Blacks', there's no prizes for guessing what colours Vitoria usually play in.

Liverpool Unveil New Purple Third Kit – Bad, But Not Nearly As Bad As We Hoped It’d Be! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool have finally gotten round to unveiling their new Warrior third kit for 2012/13 and, while it's really quite bad, it's not nearly as horrendous as we all collectively hoped it was going to be.

Shame...

Photos...

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Steven Gerrard - Liverpool Third Kit 2012/13

It's more 'unusual' than it is 'absolute pigging eyesore', which is a bit of a let down once you consider who fantastically shite the various waves of mock-ups we've been treated to over the last few months.

Robin Van Persie Decides Not To Extend Arsenal Contract, So What Now For The Gunners?

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By Alan Duffy

In news that most Gooners were dreading, their beloved captain RVP decided not to renew his contract with the north Londoners. The Dutch striker released the following statement on his own website:

"This is an update for the fans about my current situation.

Snapshot: Big Thumbs Up As Jordi Alba Unveils Himself At Barcelona

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By Chris Wright

Big thumbs up from Barca's new €14-million man!

More photos of Jordi Alba being left to unveil himself at Barcelona (much as Alexis Sanchez did the whole thing on his tod last summer)...

Photos: PA

‘Crouch On The Couch’ – Peter Crouch TV Chat Show In The Pipeline?

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By Chris Wright

It's got the distinct whiff of 'spurious bullhonky' about it, but The Sun (among others) are claiming today that Peter Crouch is to be handed his very own TV chat show, tentative title: 'Crouch on the Couch', with Sky planning to produce a pilot episode later in the year with growling six-toed troglodyte Liam Gallagher the preferred inaugural guest.

Tottenham Sign Sigurdsson For €10million As AVB Gets To Work

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By Alan Duffy

Gylfi grapples with new team-mate Scott 'Scotty' Parker

Only a day after Andre Villas-Boas was officially named as the new Tottenham boss, the club have splashed £10million on former Swansea schemer Gylfi Sigursson.

The Hoffenheim player spent the second half of the 2011/12 campaign in a very successful loan spell with Swansea City, which saw the Icelandic midfielder net seven goals in 19 games for the Welsh side.

FIFA Publish Latest World Rankings, England Now The Fourth-Best Team In The World

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By Alan Duffy

World beaters... apparently.

As the dust settles on what was a rather fine EURO 2012, FIFA have released their latest world rankings, rankings which see the all-conquering Spain stay top, followed by Germany (up one spot), Uruguay (down one spot) and er, England, who jump up two places.

Top 20 Bloody Interesting Stats From Euro 2012

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By Chris Wright

Stats, stats, everywhere a stat. Blocking out the scenery and breakin' my mind. Do this, don't do that, can't you read the stats? Here's the most interesting of the diligently crunched numbers from Euro 2012 (Spain feature quite highly)...

1.

Chelsea And ‘Team GB’ Striker Daniel Sturridge Diagnosed With Viral Meningitis

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By Chris Wright

After whispers began circulating yesterday, Chelsea manager Roberto Di Matteo has confirmed that Daniel Sturridge is suffering with viral meningitis but is on the road to recovery.

It is being reported that Sturridge began to show symptoms last week, and was immediately assessed by both Chelsea and the FA's medical teams before the illness was fully diagnosed.

Shit Lookalikes: Mario Balotelli & Sleestak (From ‘Land Of The Lost’)

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By Chris Wright

Truly world class spot from Pies fan Jack Irvin! Help yourself to a Babycham from the cooler.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Either email it to us on waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet us till we're cross-eyed and dazed on @waatpies.

UEFA Accused Of ‘Manipulating’ Euro 2012 Live Footage, Balotelli Didn’t Really Make A German Lady Cry

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By Chris Wright

UEFA are to be flayed at the first light of dawn after being caught out splicing pre-recorded footage of a German fan crying into their live broadcast directly after Mario Balotelli had scored his second goal against Germany in the Euro 2012 semi-finals.

‘He Wants To Give You A Football Boner’ – The Andres Villas-Boas Rap: Part II (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's Fitba Thatba's rejigged (i.e, completely different) AVB rap to mark his appointment as Tottenham boss. A word of caution: Greeting the postman at the door while humming 'I want to give you a football boner' is not advisable...

Proof positive, once again, that no-one flows in a gentle Scottish burr like Fitba, no-one.

‘I’m Happy He’s Gone’ – Sir Alex Has No Regrets As Man Utd Wonderkid Paul Pogba Signs For Juventus

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By Alan Duffy

Touted a future superstar after joining Manchester United from Le Havre in 2009, 19-year-old midfielder Paul Pogba has officially left the Premier League club after struggling to make his mark at Old Trafford, with question marks raised over is temperament.

Alvaro Arbeloa And His Magic Cape Leap From Spain Euro 2012 Parade Bus (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Alvaro Arbeloa puts all his faith in his magical cape, defies death and leaps (well, more like 'clambers') from the back of Spain's open-top Euro 2012 parade bus as it moves through Madrid...

Like a spider.

Video: 101GG

Grant Holt Produces Deftest 360 Turn Of His Career, Signs New Deal With Norwich

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By Alan Duffy

That lower-league journeyman turned Premier League goal-getter, Grant Holt, has signed a new three-year deal with Norwich City, only a month or two after handing in a transfer notice on the back of his admittedly impressive 15-goal debut season in the top tier.

Spain And Thousands Of Their Closest Friends Celebrate Euro 2012 Triumph In Cibeles Square (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Here you go. A raft of photos from Spain's Euro 2012 victory parade through the Plaza de Cibeles in Madrid, where they were greated by an ocean of Roja as fans (call it conservative, but we'd estimate over a million billion people turned up) swarmed into the square to cheer their boys.

The Second Coming Of AVB: Villas-Boas Named As New Tottenham Boss

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By Alan Duffy

After an ill-fated few months in charge at Stamford Bridge, the Mr Bean of the Premier League, Andre Villas Boas, has made the journey across the capital to sign on the dotted line for Spurs.

The ginger tactician's seventh month flop with Chelsea was made to look even worse by the Roberto Di Matteo-led Champions League triumph by the Blues.

Snapshot: NFL Star Reggie Bush Meets Couple Of Top Soccer Players… And SWP

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By Chris Wright

Here's Miami Dolphins running back Reggie Bush tweeting about his recent meeting with precisely two of soccer's top stars.

Oh Reggie, that's cutting man, real cutting. Poor Shaun, look at his little face even he knows Reggies' right.

(Via @reggie_bush, thanks to Pies fan @mealclarke for the tip-off)

Jan Vertonghen Gets All Tricksy In Ajax Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

He's been on the cusp of joining Tottenham for what seems like eons now, but here's Belgian centre-half Jan Vertonghen  - still of Ajax busting out a lovely bit of trickery during a training session the other day. Just watch his face light up when he realises it's been caught on camera.

10 Things We Found Terribly Irritating About Euro 2012

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By Chris Wright

1. 'Fake' whistles in the crowd: Oh, just f**k off.

2. Seven Nation Army: 'Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr. Derrrr, der, der, der, der, derrrr, derr.

Boca Juniors Entrance To The Copa Libertadores Final Was A Little Overextravagant! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Boca Juniors find a quick and easy way to rack up a £50,000 fireworks bill before so much as kicking a ball at La Bombanera  - emerging (with their kids in tow) onto the pitch ahead of the first leg of the Copa Libertadores Final against Corinthians last week to an ever-so-slightly OTT display as if they'd already won the bloody thing.

Football GIFs: Xabi Alonso Pushes Javi Martinez Out Of Euro 2012 Winners’ Photo, Gets Squiffy, Falls Over

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By Chris Wright

"Campeones, campeones, olé olé o-NOT YOU!"...

Shortly after pissing on Javi Martinez's parade, Señor Alonso got a wee bit drunky-drunky-poos on the old Spanish wappy juice as gravity played a nasty trick on him putting him on his arse while dumping said Wappy Juice all over poor Jesus' head.

Football GIFs: Xabi Alonso Pushes Javi Martinez Out Of Euro 2012 Winners’ Photo, Gets Squiffy, Falls Over

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By Chris Wright

"Campeones, campeones, olé olé o-NOT YOU!"...

Shortly after pissing on Javi Martinez's parade, Señor Alonso got a wee bit drunky-drunky-poos on the old Spanish wappy juice as gravity played a nasty trick on him putting him on his arse while dumping said Wappy Juice all over poor Jesus' head.

Iker Casillas Asks Referee To End Euro 2012 Final Early Out Of Respect For Italy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With Italy having just gone 4-0 down and running on fumes, Spain captain Iker Casillas took it upon himself to plead with the officials to put them out of their misery (in much the same way you'd feel morally obliged to go back and finish off a deer you'd hit on the road with your car jack), yelling at the assistant:Â "Respect for the rival.

Iker Casillas Asks Referee To End Euro 2012 Final Early Out Of Respect For Italy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With Italy having just gone 4-0 down and running on fumes, Spain captain Iker Casillas took it upon himself to plead with the officials to put them out of their misery (in much the same way you'd feel morally obliged to go back and finish off a deer you'd hit on the road with your car jack), yelling at the assistant:Â "Respect for the rival.

Pepe Reina Plays Air Stewardess On Spain’s Plane Journey Home (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Originally posted on Gerard Pique's Facebook page, here's Spain's in-house master of ceremonies, Pepe Reina, taking over air stewardess duties on La Roja's flight home from Euro 2012...

"Ladies and Gentlemen. Please be aware that there are several reigning World and European champions situated around the cabin.

Take That Pearcie! Snubbed By Team GB, David Beckham Answers Critics With Trademark Free-Kick (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Are you watching Stuart Pearce! (or something). Summoning all his frustration and injustice at missing out on Team GB in one direct free-kick, old Golden Balls pulled out one of his trademark bendy efforts for LA Galaxy recently against San Jose Earthquakes.

The tattooed megastar has now bagged three goals and five assists this season, which isn't to shabby.

Spain Schemer Andres Iniesta Named Player Of Euro 2012, Steven Gerrard In Team Of The Tournament

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By Alan Duffy

He of ghostly palour and lightning-quick feet, Andres Iniesta, has been named by the player of Euro 2012 by the UEFA bigwigs after a starring role in La Roja's third major tournament triumph on the bounce. Â I don't think there'll be too many dissenting voices on this one, with arguably only Azzurri star Andrea Pirlo, Portugal numero uno Cristiano Ronaldo or Spanish defenders Jordi Alba and Sergio Ramos deserving of the award.

Nike Roll Out New ‘Maxim’ 2012/13 Premier League Match Ball (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

This is it. This is the pigskin that they'll be hoofing around in the Premier League as of next season the new Nike 'Maxim' ball, lookin' all 3D n' junk...

It's got a 360° sweet spot, stabilising micro grooves, nitrogen-expanded foam covering, responsive rubber stores, five-layer bladder, six-wing carbon latex air chamber, 5.

Full ‘Team GB’ Olympic Football Squad Announced – No Scottish Or Northern Irish Players Included

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By Chris Wright

Stuart Pearce has just announced his Beckham-less Team GB Olympic football squad, and it looks a little something like this (in alphabetical order):

Joe Allen (Swansea)
Craig Bellamy (Liverpool)
Ryan Bertrand (Chelsea)
Jack Butland (Birmingham)
Steven Caulker (Tottenham)
Tom Cleverley (Manchester United)
Jack Cork (Southampton)
Craig Dawson (West Bromwich)
Ryan Giggs (Manchester United)
Aaron Ramsay (Arsenal)
Micah Richards (Manchester City)
Danny Rose (Tottenham)
Scott Sinclair (Swansea)
Marvin Sordell (Bolton)
Jason Steele (Middlesbrough)
Daniel Sturridge (Chelsea)
Neil Taylor (Swansea)
James Tomkins (West Ham)

That's your lot cocker.

Euro 2012 Shit Lookalikes: Sergio Ramos & ALF

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By Chris Wright

Absolutely top notch spot from Pies fan Pia. Help yourself to ten points and a biscuit from the barrel!

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it over to us at waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet the bugger over on @waatpies.

BBC Sport’s Rather Excellent ‘Thriller’ Inspired Euro 2012 Closing Credits (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ever so slightly bizarre as they were hands up, Auntie Beeb's Euro 2012 tournament-ending credits tingled our spines...

'Imogen Heap' in case you were wondering.

(Video: BBC Sport)

10 Things We’ve Sincerely Enjoyed About Euro 2012

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 By Chris Wright

And with the expulsion of several hundred kilos of confetti (UEFA bought a job-lot of silver tokens off Richard O'Brien when the Crystal Maze folded) into the night sky in Kiev after 25 days, 31 games and 76 goals, the carnival is over.

Beefcake George Elokobi Posts Owen Hargreaves-Style Fitness Video On Youtube

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By Chris Wright

Much like the 'I can still run dead good' videos (but with much higher production values)Â that landed Owen Hargreaves a gig at Man City last summer thanks to some Grade A jogging on the spot and World Class rubber band stretching, mountainous Wolves' left-back George Elokobi has released a 'fitness' video entitled 'BEAST WORKOUT' to show prospective employers that he's back fit again following a nasty hamstring tear at the end of the season.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Spain’s Entire Victorious Squad When They Were Niños

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By Chris Wright

To celebrate Spain's Euro 2012 triumph, MARCA have concocted this little beauty see if you can spot them all (answers below)...

Somehow, Pedro was older then than he is now.

Via MARCA

(Casillas, Ramos, Alba, Fabregas, Torres, Juanfran, Cazorla; Xavi, Iniesta, Arbeloa, Piqué, Mata, Silva, Albiol, Reina; Llorente, Javi Martínez, Busquets, Pedro, Valdés, Negredo, Xabi Alonso, Jesus Navas)

Football GIFs: Tiny Spanish Sprogs Invade Pitch After Euro 2012 Final

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By Chris Wright

In which Fernando Torres struggles to keep pace with his wee sprog, Nora, as the goalmouth is suddenly invaded by hordes of tiny frenetic little Spanish people who were up way past their bedtimes following the Euro 2012 final...

More of the über cute Spanish nippers.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Fernando Torres’ Terrible Season In Photos!

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By Chris Wright

An FA Cup, a Champions League, European Championship (+ bonus Golden Boot, beating Mario Gomez by virtue of having played less minutes at the tournament 189 to Gomez's 282)?

Not bad for as we're repeatedly reminded a bumbling, goal-shy lummox...

Euro 2012: Alan Shearer Has Sex On The Brain, Gets Turned On By Spanish Display (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Sexy football it was indeed. But for Alan 'Balotelli has acheived nothing in his career' Shearer, the performance from the re-crowned Euro-champs was nothing short of sexual.

As we watched pictures of Gerard Pique holding the Euro trophy, Shearer said: "These guys have had an unbelievable amount of sex", which is probably true.

John Terry wins Euro 2012 – photos!

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WELL done, John Terry. Now take your Cup, captain fantastic:

Spotter: @HRH, via Anorak

Euro 2012: Spain 4-0 Italy – Rampant La Roja Make History In Kiev (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Questioned and criticised for a perceived over-passing of the ball without an end product throughout Euro 2012, Spain produced an outstanding, vital performance in the final against Italy which more than silenced their growing army of critics.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Spain Are Los Triple Campeones, Olé Olé Olé!

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By Chris Wright

Boring boring Spain have done it again!

Photo: PA