Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2012

Laurent Blanc Steps Down As France Boss, So Where Next For The World Cup Winner?

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By Alan Duffy

After a rather disappointing campaign in Poland and Ukraine from Les Bleus, peppered with the now standard in-fighting and bad attitudes, manager Laurent Blanc has stepped down.

The 46-year-old decided not to extend his contract after it expired recently, and who could blame him, after the likes of Samir Nasri acted the gobshite at Euro 2012.

‘Fans Could Use Budget Airlines’ – UEFA Chief Michel Platini Explains Plans To Host Euro 2020 All Over Europe

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By Alan Duffy

Forever in touch with the common-or-garden football fan, UEFA bigwig Michel Platini has revealed that he is pondering a radical rethink of the 2020 EUROs, with cities all over Europe hosting games. The star of the 1984 Euro Finals said:

"The Euros in 2020 could be held all over Europe.

Snapshot: Nifty Infographic Shows Position Of All Goals Scored At Euro 2012

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By Chris Wright

This is neat, a little pointless, but neat none-the-less an infographic showing, on a country by country basis, the position from which every single goal has been scored at Euro 2012 so far...

The eagle-eyed among you may have noticed that England have scored from both the furthest out and the closest in.

Snapshot: Nifty Infographic Shows Position Of All Goals Scored At Euro 2012

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By Chris Wright

This is neat, a little pointless, but neat none-the-less an infographic showing, on a country by country basis, the position from which every single goal has been scored at Euro 2012 so far...

The eagle-eyed among you may have noticed that England have scored from both the furthest out and the closest in.

Euro 2012 Shit Lookalikes: Andre Schurrle & Archangel From ‘X-Men’

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By Chris Wright

Schurrle plays for Germany and is not, repeat NOT Marco Reus

Archangel is the half man/half pigeon from the X-Men, as played by Ben Foster (though sadly, not THAT Ben Foster)

Nothing shit about that! Thanks to Pies fan Kenji for the tip-off.

‘We Made Them Black!’ – Tuttosport Sail Close To Wind With Iffy Balotelli Cover

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By Chris Wright

Just days after Gazetta dello Sport were quite rightly chastised for depicting Mario Balotelli as a giant, civilsation-threatening ape, a second Italian newspaper, Tuttosport, has chosen to run with an equally iffy image of the Italian striker accompanying a picture of Balotelli 'hulking up' after his second goal against Germany with the headline 'Li abbiamo fatti neri!

Buffon Storms Off Pitch After Semi-Final Victory, Admits He Feared Germany Would Win 9-2 In Injury Time (Video)

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By Chris Wright

You may have noticed that Italy 'keeper Gigi Buffon stormed down the tunnel in a furious funk after Italy's Euro 2012 semi-final win over Germany last night, shrugging off the congratulatory advances of his deputy, Morgan de Sanctis, and having to seriously restrain himself from belting the Euro 2012 mascot across it's foam-rubbery face on the way.

Euro 2012: The Best Of The Mario Balotelli Memes

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By Chris Wright

The best of the 'Mario Balotelli vs Germany' memes, GIFs and other such detritus that the internet has to offer this morning...

Via Tumblr

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Bild’s Cocky ‘Italy Formation’ Joke Backfires Ever So Slightly

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By Chris Wright

This 'ere is the mocking graphic that German tabloid Bild had drawn up to illustrate the Italian formation for last night's Euro 2012 semi-final, showing the Italy XI taking their seats on the first plane home...

How did that go fellas?

I think we all know how it went.

‘I Wanted To Make Her Happy’ – Mario Balotelli Dedicates Germany Brace To His Mum

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By Chris Wright

The Postman always scores twice! Safe to say Mario Balotelli had an emotional old night on Thursday eve, rolling Bild's pompous plane gag up and sticking up their collective arschs by sending Germany sprawling out of Euro 2012 with a couple of smart goals goals which he later dedicated to his adoptive mother, Silvia, who made the trip to Warsaw to watch her boy play last night.

Euro 2012: Germany 1-2 Italy – Mario Mugs Mannschaft As Azzurri Outplay Germans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

It had all been going rather swimmingly for Jogi Loew's gifted German side, with a much predicted final clash against Spain in the offing. However, a stunning first-half display from Mario Balotelli for Italy tore Germany's hopes of glory apart as Cesare Prandelli's side outplayed a turgid looking German team.

Spanish Pundit Tomas Roncero Bursts Into Tears Attempting To Describe Spain Performance (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Where on English terrestrial television we get ponderous golf club chatter and wibble-wobble Brummie slurring, in Spain it would appear that post-match punditry is an altogether more visceral affair case in point being AS journalist Tomas Roncero's attempts to sum up Spain's performance in Wednesday night's Euro 2012 semi against the Portuguese.

Snapshot: Snubbed Beckham’s Olympic Team GB Shirt Still Available

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By Alan Duffy

Surely destined to become a bit of a quirky classic, this Beckham Team GB Olympic shirt hints at what could have been for the aged global celebrity and part-time footballer.

"Whip the ball in the box in the adidas Team GB Beckham Home Shirt", says the blurb on the Sports Direct website, " complete with David Beckhams name and number printed to the reverse.

David Beckham Misses ‘Team GB’ Cut – Craig Bellamy, Ryan Giggs & Micah Richards Get The Nod

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By Chris Wright

"Whut can I get ya son? How 'bout a rootin' tootin' Sarsaparilla?"

It has been confirmed that part-time footballer/Wild West saloon barkeep David Beckham has missed the cut for the 'Team GB' Olympic football squad despite the fact that Team GB have used his name to sell a shed-load of tickets over the past few months.

Euro 2012: Sergio Ramos’ Perfect ‘Pirlnenka’ Penalty vs Portugal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

For those who haven't seen or don't mind seeing it again, here's Sergio Ramos' dainty 'Pirlnenka' penalty during last night's shootout...

And again, in 'endless loop' format...

'Pirlnenka'. Remember, you heard it here first (unless you've already heard it somewhere else).

Euro 2012: Fabregas Whispers To Ball Before Winning Penalty, Tells It To ‘Make History’ (Video & GIFs)

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By Chris Wright

Kind of like horse whispering, but y'know? with footballs instead of horses...

Cesc told the BBC:

"We had to make history. I had a funny feeling about the penalties and I was thinking about them this afternoon. They told me initially to take the second one but I said 'no, give me the fifth' as I had this premonition.

Football GIF: Dewy-Eyed Ronaldo Cries ‘Injustiça’ Over Euro 2012 Penalty Defeat

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By Chris Wright

After opting to go fifth and the shootout not getting that far thanks largely to Bruno Alves' misfortune and Cesc's little chat, Cristiano Ronaldo was left crying "Injustiça... injustiça" (which roughly translates as "The horror.

Euro 2012: Fabio Coentrao Upsets Pepe Reina With Sneaky ‘Crotch Grab’ Gesture (Video)

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By Chris Wright

There's no way to possibly undersell just how fantastic Fabio Coentrao was for Portugal last night. As was the case with his opposite number, Jordi Alba, over on the other side, Coentrao was in a state of perpetual motion for 120 straight minutes his performance only sullied by a booking picked up shortly before halftime for what appeared to be a bit of a mystery offence.

Euro 2012: Portugal 0-0 Spain (2-4 Pens) – No Final For Ronaldo As La Roja Battle To Spot-Kick Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

As Portugal went out on penalties to Iberian rivals Spain in Donetsk, the question on everyone's lips was why the hell was Cristiano Ronaldo no. 5 on the list of penalty takers for Paulo Bento's losing side? In the end, the superstar didn't even get a chance to take one, as Bruno Alves saw his shot crash off the crossbar before Cesc Fabregas netted the deciding spot-kick (going in off the post).

Getafe Duped Out Of €10m Investment Promised By Brazilian Waiter Dresses As Arab Sheikh

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By Chris Wright

The old 'fake sheikh' bit is tried and true, but that hasn't stopped La Liga side Getafe finding themselves duped out of € 10 million's worth of investment due chiefly to the fact that the man promising them the cash didn't actually exist!

Football Art: Sublime String Animation Captures Six Goals From Euro 2012 (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Quite beautiful this. Created by footballing animator du jour Richard Swarbrick (@rikkileaks), this little peach see six goals from what has been a superb tournament so far animated using little more than string although Andrea Pirlo's uber spot-kick against Joe Hart will probably be just as painful watch to for England fans.

Craig Gardner Withdraws £500 From Cash Machine, Pays For Disabled Child’s Equipment

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By Chris Wright

Proving that not all footballer's are preening, homogenous, self-obsessed man-toddler/magpies, ubiquitously awash with faddy trinkets and vulgar headphones, under-educated and utterly bereft of anything resembling basic cognitive thought, here's a little yarn to warm the cockles.

‘England Were Too Old And Too Defensive’ – 33-Year-Old Defender Rio Ferdinand Blasts England’s Euro Flop

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By Alan Duffy

Veteran defender Rio Ferdinand, a player who made it very clear how unhappy he was at missing out on England's Euro 2012 squad, has criticised manager Roy Hodgson both for not giving the youngsters a chance and for playing too defensively.

The Manchester United defender singles out two young players who he feels should've got more playing time Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Phil Jones, saying:

"If you take the youngsters to a competition like this, you should get them out there and see what they are made of.

Mario Balotelli Victim Of Italian Cluster-Flick Orgy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Serious question: Is ear-flicking the new 'BAAAAAANTAAAHHH!!!'?

Video: Gazzetta

It’s The Way He Tells ‘Em! – Comedy Heavyweight Fabio Capello Roasts Wayne Rooney With Pithy One-Line Zinger

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By Chris Wright

"Hey Wayne. You look like luncheon meat being forced through a sieve, ZING-A-LING!"

Comedy icon Fabio Capello has bought Wayne Rooney's world crashing down around his ears this morning with the kind of one-liner that can reduce a man to his component parts in a heartbeat.

Euro 2012: Gazzetta Dello Sport Depict Mario Balotelli As King Kong, Issue Non-Apologetic Apology

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By Chris Wright

Italian newspaper Gazzetto dello Sport have been backed into issuing a kinda sorta apology after a caricature of Mario Balotelli imagined as King Kong swatting flying footballs away from the top of Big Ben was published in Monday's edition following Italy's win over England the night before.

Lukas Podolski Releases Pop Song ‘Halleluja’, Ode To Germany’s Run At Euro 2012 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

What a wonderful way to start the day, immersed in the ethereally dulcet tones of Lukas Podolski. Along with Europe's answer to Europe, Cologne-based band Brings (who, to be fair, to most of the donkey work), Poldi has released the following song, entitled 'Halleluja', as an ode to Germany's celestial run to the Euro 2012 semi-finals.

Seattle Sounders Star Eddie Johnson Taunts Opposition Bench, Slaps Player (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Fight! Fight! Fight! Well, at least one punch/slap/shove/prod (you decide) was thrown at the end of a US Open Cup game between San Jose Earthquakes and Seattle Sounders in San Francisco. The proud owner of said 'assault' was none other than former Fulham attacker, Eddie Johnson, who, at the final whistle runs over to taunt the losing San Jose bench.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Super Happy Mesut Özil!

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By Chris Wright

Simple, but effective...

Via Reddit

‘It Was Like Living In Iraq Under Saddam’ – Anders Limpar Attacks George Graham’s Arsenal Regime

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By Alan Duffy

The Super Swede in action whilst living under the Ba'ath Party regime at Highbury

Arguably one of the most gifted (if inconsistent) players to play for the Gunners over the last 30 years or so, Super Swede Anders Limpar has launched a rather scathing attack on his former boss at Arsenal, George Graham, comparing the Scottish manager's regime at the club to that of Saddam Hussein.

Marvin Martin Aims Cheeky Pre-Match Pot-Shot At Sara Carbonero (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Pretty much just a flimsy excuse to ogle the lovely Ms. Carbonero for a minute or so. If ogling ain't your thing, skip to the 0:33 mark to see Marvin Martin take a cheeky pot-shot at Iker Casillas' better half as she does her thing on the touchline afore France-Spain the other night.

Top 5 Bizarre Football Contract Clauses

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By Chris Wright

Following on from the reports this morning that Didier Drogba may (or, equally, may not) have had a stipulation inserted into his contract at Shanghai Shenua that would allow him to waltz right on over should Barcelona start fluttering their eyelids at him from across the smoky honky-tonk, here's five more of football's stangest contract clauses.

Snapshot: Portland Timbers Fans Hoist Mahoosive Tifo Banner In Tribute To Club Legend Clive Charles

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By Chris Wright

While paying tribute to former player and all-round Timbers legend Clive Charles before their game against Seattle Sounders on Monday night, the Timbers fans or 'Timbers Army' if you so prefer hoisted an absolute mammoth of a banner that stretched the entire length and breadth of the stand behind the goal (click through for the full-size image).

‘Very Proud To Be A Gunner’ – Olivier Giroud Completes £12m Arsenal Move (First Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Oi oi. Arsenal have only gone and signed Olivier Giroud on a 'long-term deal', chucking £12 million in Montpellier's direction for the pleasure a deal which has been teetering over the very precipice of completion for what seems like months and months and months.

Caption This: Papadopoulos Gives Samaras ‘The Eyes’ In Super Slow Motion (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Quite easily one of our top five favourite moments at Euro 2012 so far; Kryriakos Papadopoulos giving Georgios Samaras the kind of withering, maniacal stare befitting a half-witted pony who's just hoofed yet another shot onto the running track captured in glorious super slow motion.

Former Hull City Boss Phil Brown Brands Andrea Pirlo ‘Homophobic’ For Not Playing In England

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By Alan Duffy

Whilst being interviewed on the wireless yesterday, the perma-tanned self-publicising eejit that is Phil 'The Tan' Brown has branded (one hopes mistakenly) Italian playmaking genius Andrea Pirlo "homophobic" for choosing to stay in Serie A rather than playing in the Premier League.

Didier Drogba To Open Talks With Barcelona Days After Signing For Shanghai Shenua?

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By Chris Wright

Oh, what a wierd and wonderful world football is. Days after signing a contract with Chinese Super League side Shanghai Shenua, Didier Drogba is to fly into Barcelona this afternoon ahead of a meeting with the club's directors on Wednesday morning.

Mario Balotelli Struggles With His Generic Isotonic Sports Drink (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Either he inadvertently took a swig out of someone's 'emergency piss bottle' Ã Â la Dumb & Dumber or Mario Balotelli just added 'drinking' to the list of things he can't do very goodly just under 'graceful bib donning' and 'selecting the right hat for the occasion'.

Euro 2012 Shit Lookalikes: Alessandro Diamanti & Crazy Drifter From ‘Waterworld’

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By Chris Wright

Diamanti is the straggly chap who defied a gentleman's penis to put England out of Euro 2012 and proud owner of some of the worst tattoos at the torunament.

Drifter (played by Kim Coates) is a sea-faring, paper-fetishist tramp from Kevin Costner's vaunted aquatic masterpiece Waterworld.

Chinese Man Dies After Pulling 11 Straight All-Nighters To Watch Euro 2012 Games

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By Chris Wright

"Hurry, give me the ball. Don't you know people are dying here?"

We're going back a couple of days here, but a 26-year old man from the Hunan province region of China has died after pulling 11, count 'em, eleven all-nighters on the trot in a bid to watch every single match at Euro 2012.

As Euro 2012 ‘Psychics’ Go, French Porn Star Virginie Caprice Is One Of The Better Looking Ones (NSFW Photos)

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By WAG Watcher

As far as Euro 2012 predictions go, England have a molting llama, Holland have a dung-arsed elephant, Ukraine have a disgusting slavering pig, but France? Well, France have model and porn actress Viriginie Caprice, who paints all her predicted scorelines on her boobs then Tweets them.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: England Fan Flashes Penis At Diamanti During Penalty Shootout

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By Chris Wright

Just as Alessandro Diamanti stepped up to take what construed to be the winning kick, an England fan behind the goal took evasive action baring his winkle to put the Italian off...

This man's penis was a nation's last stand, a final heroic salvo.

Brazilian Man Named ‘Franz Beckenbauer’ Sires Son, Calls Him ‘Zlatan Ibrahimovic’ For No Obvious Reason

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By Chris Wright

Now there's the kind of headline that only comes around once in a blue moon. A Brazilian gentleman going by the name of 'Franz Beckenbauer' has taken the bold step of naming his newborn son 'Zlatan Ibrahimovic'.

Beckenbauer, who was named so by his father in tribute to Der Kaiser, officially called his sprog 'Zlatan Ibrahimovic Lima da Silva' though the administrative personnel at the hospital in Recife had to double check to see if they'd heard him correctly:Â "The woman said she had to send it to the judge for approval.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Fabrice Muamba Preempts England Penalty Heartache… Literally!

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By Chris Wright

As the full-time whistle blew and England-Italy went to penalties, Fabrice Muamba was obviously preempting the same old England lunacy tweeting the following...

What a chieftan!

(Image: @fmuamba)

Euro 2012: England 0-0 Italy (2-4 Pens) – XI Conclusions

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By Chris Wright

1. England provided a world class symposium in luck-riding. World. Class.

2. England were desperate to get to penalties, Italy were desperate to win the game in the end, everyone got what they wanted.

Euro 2012: England 0-0 Italy (2-4 Pens) – End Of The Road For Roy’s Knackered Boys (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

We've got reactions and conclusions coming up shortly so we'll keep this brief; after dry-humping away for 120 minutes while England went 'Helms Deep' once again, Italy waited patiently for a chink in the armour to open as England knackered themselves out treading water and finally saw footballing justice prevail during the penalty shoot-out Alessandro Diamanti (yep, that Alessandro Diamanti; the guy from the Knorr adverts) scoring the decisive kick after Ashley Young and Ashley Cole had both missed for England.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Mario Balotelli Crop Circle Mysteriously Appears In Verona

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By Alan Duffy

Maybe Mad Mario is from another planet after all?

Image via @matthew_barker

Robbie Keane Holds ‘RIP James Nolan’ Shirt Aloft, Tribute To Ireland Fan Found Dead At Euro 2012 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After scoring for the Galaxy against the Vancouver Whitecaps on Saturday night, Republic of Ireland captain Robbie Keane paid tribute to James Nolan, the 21-year old Ireland fan whose body was found at the bottom of a river in Bydgoszcz after accidentally drowning while out in Poland to support his national team.

St Pauli Unveil New Kit With Brilliant Viral, Involves Shed-Load Of Paint! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Wow. The bar for 'kit unveiling' virals has just been raised...

Love it. Chucking in a bit of bonus Black Keys is just gravy.

Euro 2012 Group Stage Blooper Reel (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Just a minute's worth of the best louse-ups, funny bits and terrace-based tomfoolery from the group stages of Euro 2012 for you Sunday morning viewing delectation keep an eye out for Cesc Fabregas' brilliantly misplaced high-five, Jordi Alba certainly did.

Euro 2012: Spain 2-0 France – Two-Goal Xabi A Happy Chappy As Spain Outplay Blanc’s Bland Bleus (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

After showing signs against England that they could be real contenders for Euro 2012, France went out with an almighty whimper against Spain on Saturday night.

Laurent Blanc started with right-back Mathieu Debuchy on the right side of midfield (with Anthony Reveillere talking the gifted full-back's place in defence), a tactical decision that told us all we needed to know about how Les Bleus would approach this fixture.

‘You Write Crap Stories, Go F**k Yourself!’ – Samir Nasri Erupts At French Journalist After Spain Defeat

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By Chris Wright

With France having just wibbled out of Euro 2012 after failing to locate their collective testes amid 90 minutes of tawdry Spanish attrition, Samir Nasri bid bidded bade the tournament farewell by sounding off on a French journalist who had the temerity to ask the midfielder for his opinions on the Gallic merde-fest he had just been part of.

Snapshot: The World Of American Sport According To Martin Keown…

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By Chris Wright

The world of Yank sport (according to Martin Keown)...

If you're sat there wondering what the hell is going on, it's a reference to this little humdinger a pure nugget of gilded Keown co-commentary from the Portugal-Czech Republic game t'other night.

Di Natale And Balotelli Join Forces To Launch Sneak Attack On Cassano (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Antonio Di Natale and Mario Balotelli join forces to pull a cheeky one on Antonio Cassano as the Italy squad leave training. It's perhaps worth bearing in mind that there was a point, a few years ago now, that this pair of pranksters would've probably met their grizzly demise for trying this kind of thing on Fantantonio.

Ricky Gervais Dares Gary Lineker To Spout ‘Game Of Two Halves’ Cliché Live On Air, Donates £1,000 To Charity

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By Chris Wright

#I'LLDOANYTHINGFORACRISP

You may have noticed that, during the BBC's coverage of the Portugal-Czech Republic quarter-final, MotD host Gary Lineker resorted to the calling the Portuguese victory 'a game of two halves' after the final whistle the oldest, lamest cliché in the big book o' old, lame clichés.

Football GIFs: Khedira & Reus Provide Double Scoop Of German Rocket Volleys vs Greece

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By Chris Wright

The Germans scored a bevvy of beauts to trounce the Greeks last night, with a couple of scintillating volleys occurring along the way. First Sami Khedira burst past his man, got his shinpad firmly behind it and wolfed one past Michalis Sifakis...

Then Marco Reus one-upped him by planting a corker in off the bar.

Football GIFs: Khedira & Schurrle Provide Double Scoop Of German Rocket Volleys vs Greece

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By Chris Wright

The Germans scored a bevvy of beauts to trounce the Greeks last night, with a couple of scintillating volleys occurring along the way. First Sami Khedira burst past his man, got his shinpad firmly behind it and wolfed one past Michalis Sifakis...

Then Andre Schurrle one-upped him by planting a corker in off the bar.

Football GIFs: Khedira & Schurrle Provide Double Scoop Of German Rocket Volleys vs Greece

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By Chris Wright

The Germans scored a bevvy of beauts to trounce the Greeks last night, with a couple of scintillating volleys occurring along the way. First Sami Khedira burst past his man, got his shinpad firmly behind it and wolfed one past Michalis Sifakis...

Then Andre Schurrle one-upped him by planting a corker in off the bar.

Euro 2012: Germany 4-2 Greece – Merkels’ Mannschaft Stroll Into Semis (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

German boss Jogi Loew rested three of this star attackers for the quarter-final tie with Greece, replacing Mario Gomez, Thomas Mueller and Lukas Podolski with the equally gifted Miroslav Klose, Marco Reus and Andre Schurrle. However, the change of personnel had little effect on Germany's increasing momentum in Poland and UKraine.

Euro 2012: Lee Dixon Unimpressed When Alan Shearer Butts In On Match Of The Day (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

In the aftermath of England's 1-0 win against Ukraine at Euro 2012, Match of the Day's back-slapping, in-joking gaggle of pundits were analysing the Three Lions' lucky win when all of a sudden, Alan Shearer butts in when Lee Dixon is still speaking. Cue a rather pissed off response from the former Arsenal man (around 35 seconds).

Euro 2012 Photos: Messi Steals Ronaldo’s Thunder From 1,000 Miles Away

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By Chris Wright

"POOOOOOOR QUUUUEEEE?!?"

Football GIF: Cristiano Ronaldo Blows Kiss To His Beloved Parakeet

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By Chris Wright

"Parakeet! *mwah*"

My, how he loves that little bird.

GIF: 101GG

Euro 2012 Shit Lookalikes: Bruno Alves & Ted ‘Golden Voice’ Williams

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By Chris Wright

Alves is a bedraggled Portuguese centre-half with wet roadkill on his head.

Williams is the former homeless hobo who became a minor US celebrity last year by virtue of possessing a voice rich enough to tenderise meat at ten paces.

Leon Knight Is A Commentary God! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here we have former Chelsea, QPR, Huddersfield, Sheff Wed, Brighton, Swansea, MK Dons, Wycombe, Rushden & Diamonds, Thrasivoulos Fylis, Hamilton Academicals, Queen of the South, Coleraine and current Glentoran striker Leon Knight taking us through a highlight reel of his best moments.

Leon Knight Is A Commentary God! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here we have former Chelsea, QPR, Huddersfield, Sheff Wed, Brighton, Swansea, MK Dons, Wycombe, Rushden & Diamonds, Thrasivoulos Fylis, Hamilton Academicals, Queen of the South, Coleraine and current Glentoran striker Leon Knight taking us through a highlight reel of his best moments.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Put It Away Michel! UEFA President Streaks Topless Through Kiev Fanzone

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By Chris Wright

After enjoying one too many glasses of Blue Nun while watching Portugal's win over Czech Republic in the Kiev fanzone, UEFA president Michel Platini obviously got a little carried away celebrating €ri$tiano £onaldo's advancement to the semi-finals...

Sacre bleu, put it away Michel!

Retro Football: ‘Are You From Massachusetts?’ – Roy Hodgson Stars In Rib-Tickling Italian Comedy Sketch (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Back in his Inter Milan days, Roy Hodgson appeared in a hi-i-i-larious comedy sketch on a programme called 'Mai dire Gol' (Never Say Goal) that saw the current England boss interviewed by a peculiar chap named Mr Flanagan whose catchphrase appears to be the timeless 'Are you from Massachusetts?

Luis Figo Erupts After Cristiano Ronaldo’s Goal vs Czech Republic, Excitedly Manhandles Eusebio! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Luis Figo blows his beans all over the shop after Ronaldo's goal against the Czech Republic put Portugal in the semis, and almost poleaxes Eusebio into the bargain...

Steady on Luis, the man's a septuagenarian for Christ's sake!

Euro 2012: Czech Republic 0-1 Portugal – Majestic Ronaldo Heading For Greatness (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

There's something quite satisfying about seeing a top class player live up to the hype at a major tournament be it Maradona in '86, Zidane at '98 or (the Brazilian) Ronaldo in '02. And while the world's number one player, Lionel Messi, is yet to explode all over a World Cup or Copa America, his nearest rival, Cristiano Ronaldo, is starting to hit those stratospheric heights at Euro 2012.

Euro 2012 Shit Lookalikes: Swedish Coach Erik Hamren & US Comic Greg Proops

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By Alan Duffy

Proops is the American bloke who used to be on 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' many many eons ago. Now he's in some appalling kids show called True Jackson.

Hamren is the Swedish national boss and, at 54, is two years older than Proops.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Cristiano Ronaldo Goes Through ‘Hair And Makeup’ Before Holland Game

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By Chris Wright

So, this is what it's come to? Here we see some lackey applying the last of the Swarfega to Cristiano Ronaldo's grimy coif before one of Portugal's Euro 2012 game against Holland...

Would you just look at all the cosmetic gubbins on that table?

Portugal Enjoy Jolly Old Sing-Song All The Way Home After Beating Holland (Video)

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By Chris Wright

By both road and air, the Portugal squad didn't stop singing all the way back to Opalenica after beating Holland in Kharkiv t'other night...

Two things, Nani looks like a complete truncheon at 1:48 Â and Bruno Alves is an absolute clapping machine!

Euro 2012: Group Stage Worst XI

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By Chris Wright

Taking into account both pre-tournament expectations and performances therein, here's our XI of the biggest flops, bumberclarts and turgid let-downs from the group stages of Euro 2012...

Shay Given (Rep. of Ireland): Poor Shay.

Didier Drogba Heads East, Signs Two-And-A-Half Year Deal With Shanghai Shenhua

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By Alan Duffy

A youthful Drogba leaves Graeme Le Saux for dead in August 2004

Following in the footsteps of former Chelsea team-mate Nicolas Anelka, Blues' legend Didier Drogba has gone east in search of a new footballing challenge (and a pretty decent payday).

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Mario Balotelli’s Single Entendre Yoga Session

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By Chris Wright

You can't take him anywhere...

"I got some Sun Salutation right here!"

Easily pleased.

Seattle Sounders’ Patrick Ianni Scores Sumptuous Scissor Volley vs Sporting KC (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Seattle Sounders centre-back Patrick Ianni defied his terrible mini-mullet to score a pretty fantastic goal against Sporting Kansas City last night, with shades of 'Ibra vs France' no less...

Oh yes Sir, oh yes. Love the technique, it's almost a 'heel click' in mid air.

Rangers Seek To Buy Way Into English League, Bury Dismiss Bizarre Rumour

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By Chris Wright

"I have a cunning plan"

The directors of League One side Bury have issued a statement scotching the bizarre rumours circulating this morning that Rangers were planning to buy the club and start again in the English league in a bid to resolve their current financial woes.

Rangers Seek To Buy Way Into English League, Bury Dismiss Bizarre Rumour

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By Chris Wright

"I have a cunning plan"

The directors of League One side Bury have issued a statement scotching the bizarre rumours circulating this morning that Rangers were planning to buy the club and start again in the English league in a bid to resolve their current financial woes.

Brazilian Linesman Gets Ideas Above Station, Goes Doolally With Spray Paint (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Why it was ever considered a good idea is beyond us, but down Brazil way the linesmen come equipped with a little can of temporary spray paint to mark the pitch in the event of of a foul. The paint is most commonly used to mark out 'yards' on the turf so players have a clear indication as to where the wall should line up if a free-kick is given, as counting out ten strides is obviously considered a bit 'old hat'.

Brazilian Linesman Gets Ideas Above Station, Goes Doolally With Spray Paint (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Why it was ever considered a good idea is beyond us, but down Brazil way the linesmen come equipped with a little can of temporary spray paint to mark the pitch in the event of of a foul. The paint is most commonly used to mark out 'yards' on the turf so players have a clear indication as to where the wall should line up if a free-kick is given, as counting out ten strides is obviously considered a bit 'old hat'.

Euro 2012: Italy Coach Cesare Prandelli Celebrates Knockout Berth With 21km Monastery Walk At 3am

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By Chris Wright

While the rest of the world was sleeping in the wee small hours of Tuesday morning, Italy coach Cesare Prandelli was already a fair few klicks into a 21km hike to a monastery on the very outskirts of Krakow.

Prandelli previously promised the monks at the Camaldolese Priory, who originate from the Camaldoli mountains in Italy, that he would make the three-and-a-half hour journey should the Azzurri make it through to the quarter-finals unscathed and, true to his word, Prandelli along with his backroom staff and FIGC vice-president Demetrio Albertini left the Italian training base in Wieliczka at 3:00 am (just a few hours after beating Ireland in Poznan) and set out o'er the hills on foot.

Euro 2012 Shit Lookalikes: Slaven Bilic & Head From ‘Art Attack’

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By Chris Wright

The eyes have it...

Oi you! Yeah you! Got a Euro 2012-flavoured Shit Lookalike for Pies? Gi' us an email at waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet us on @waatpies.

Something Strange Is Going On At Spain Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Served with a side portion of WTF and a light drizzling of 'eh?'-infused olive oil, here's footage from Spain's training session this morning...

O...kay.

Via BBC Sport

Top 20 Photos Of Euro 2012, So Far…

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By Chris Wright

With the group stage done and dusted, here's twenty (+VAT) of the best still images from Euro 2012 to date. Just give them all a click to view the full-size images and marvel at their splendour.

Apologies for the lumpy gallery format, but unfortunately we had no choice with this one.

Euro 2012: All 60 Group Stage Goals In Space Of Two Minutes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Does exactly what it says on the tin a lightning quick recap of every single one of the 60 goals scored during the group stages of Euro 2012...

Tough picking a favourite from that flock, with Pirlo, Kuba and Ibra all up there.

However, we're going to be controversial and pick Andy Carroll's titanic header against Sweden.

‘I’ll Buy You A Caramello’ – Wenger Supremely Confident Of Keeping Van Persie, Stakes Entire Chocolate Bar On It

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By Chris Wright

With his current contract drip-dripping away, Arsenal have got it all on to keep Robin van Persie at the Emirates next season. Word is that there's a £130,000-a-week offer on the table, but Van Persie is yet to peruse it, let alone shake on it due to Holland's whirlwind-of-shite cameo at Euro 2012.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Theo Walcott’s Epic Chalkboard Stats vs Ukraine

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By Chris Wright

A huge roar went up in the pub when Theo Walcott came on for the last 20 minutes against Ukraine last night, England's saviour returns to thwart yet another continental foe, 'Theo, Theo, Theo' the chant...

Ha!

Image: Four Four Two (thanks to @A_Hess for the nudge)

Euro 2012: Four Ways To Enjoy Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s Acrobatic Corker Against France

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By Chris Wright

Allow us to ply you with four wonderful ways to enjoy Zlatan's farewell scissorstonker against France last night, starting with 'good old-fashioned photo'...

Glorious real time...

Infinite repeat...

Richard Swarbrick-ised (via @RikkiLeaks).

Euro 2012 Snapshot: They Think It’s Ball Over… It Is Now!

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By Chris Wright

They think it's ball over... it is now!* Did Marco Devic's deflected, looping shot cross the line? Yep. You bet your sweet posterior it did (click for the full-size image)...

Oleg Blokhin bloody well knew it as well, raging at a post-match press conference: "There are five referees on the pitch and the ball is 50cms behind the goal-line.

Euro 2012: Thomas Müller Primed To Start In Goal For Germany In Quarter-Finals? (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With Manuel Neuer playing more and more like renegade sweeper 'keeper Rene Higuita with every passing game at Euro 2012, it looks like Germany are preparing for the worst with Thomas Müller playing in goal at training yesterday, pitting his shot-stopping prowess against some of Die Mannschaft's most fearsome attacking entities Mats Hummels, Sami Khedira and Neuer himself.

Wayne Rooney Explains Cryptic ‘Hairspray’ Goal Celebration, Jamie Carragher Not Impressed

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By Chris Wright

You may have noticed that, after nodding home the only goal against Ukraine last night, Wayne Rooney celebrated with a little 'hairspray' charade pretending to spritz his wispy £30,000 doormat...

And lo, Rooney explained the gesture after the game: "I asked to use a bit of Andy Carroll's hair product before the game.

Football GIF: Scott Parker Attempts Unorthodox ‘Crawling Face Tackle’ vs Ukraine

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By Chris Wright

Unorthodox technique from Mr Parker, proud alumni of the 'face first' school of defending...

GIF: Cadfael

Euro 2012: Sweden 2-0 France – French Flop As Swedes Bow Out With A Zlatan-Inspired Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Zlatan Ibrahimovic gave the watching crowd a parting gift of a stunning volley against a mediocre French side on Tuesday night. The goal, which came on 54 minutes, was fair reward from a decent performance from the already eliminated Swedes who went on to win the game 2-0, courtesy of Seb Larsson's late strike.

Euro 2012: England 1-0 Ukraine – England Edge Hosts To Face Azzurri In Last Eight (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

England produced another workmanlike display against hosts Ukraine on Tuesday night, with recalled hirsute hitman Wayne Rooney getting his big bonce on the end of a Stevie G centre to bag that all-important goal.

Rooney had missed a great chance before he finally found the net just after the break.

Portuguese Beach Footballer Suffers Utterly Sickening Double Knee Rupture (Gruesome Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during a Euro Beach Soccer League game a week or so ago, Portugal's Bruno Torres suffers a sickening double knee rupture after falling awkwardly while attempting to block an acrobatic effort from the Spanish striker.

BE WARNED: TORRES' INJURY IS TRULY HORRIFIC.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Ugly Scenes In Poznan As Ireland Fans Clash With Riot Police

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By Chris Wright

Shamelessly pilfered from @playupfootball (give 'em a follow on Twitter if you're that way inclined, they's funny chaps).

Portuguese Commentator Goes Apoplectic Over Cristiano Ronaldo Goal (Audio Features Lasers!)

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By Chris Wright

Safe to say that Nuno Metas, the commentator for Portuguese radio station Antena 1, really enjoyed Cristiano Ronaldo's second goal against the Dutch the other night so much so, in fact, that at one point the only way he can accurately describe the immense joy coarsing through him is with LASERS!

Euro 2012 Fashion Crimes: Scott Parker Wows Krakow With Audacious ‘Regatta Chic’ Ensemble (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Off for a wander around Krakow with Glen Johnson and the missuses the other day, Scott Parker opted for an outrageous 'yachting enthusiast' look to tour the old town; combining classic gentleman's knitwear (Dulux colour chart: Buttercup Sigh) with maritime chino shorts (Dulux colour chart: Mystic Azure Cavern) and a pair of dainty boating pumps.

The Very Best Of Harry Redknapp Rolling His Car Window Down (Video)

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By Chris Wright

A brilliant little retrospective of 'Arry doing what he did best; rolling his Range Rover window down for a bit of a chinwag with Sky Sports News in the Spurs Lodge car park...

*Sob* They truly were golden years.

Video: @tonydortie

24 Lovely Photos Of The Lovely Ladies Of Euro 2012

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By WAG Watcher

Lots of lovely, politically incorrect photos of Euro 2012′s loveliest lovelies. Lovely (click for larger, even lovelier images)...

The purdy Dutch lady? That's Yolanthe Sneijder-Cabau, Wesley's missus. We feel a tip o' the hat is due.

Football GIF: Balotelli Gagged By Bonucci After Scoring vs Republic Of Ireland

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By Chris Wright

After this...

Came this...

Yep, after Mario Balotelli stuck away Italy's second goal against Ireland with a pretty nifty volley, he got all lathered up and just was about to give us his finest warrior schtick until Leonardo Bonucci high-tailed over and forcibly saved him from himself clasping a hand across Balotelli's mouth and telling him repeatedly to calm down and shut up.

Nike Get Uncomfortably Close To Nude, Brooding Wayne Rooney In ‘My Time Is Now’ Viral (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With Wayne Rooney frenzied and ready to enter the Euro 2012 arena later tonight, Nike have released the following viral; which sees a sullen Rooney apparently sat naked on a stool in a darkened room while the voices in his head tell him to burn things, kick old ladies, etc, etc.

Euro 2012: Italy 2-0 Ireland – Azzurri Through To Last Eight, Irish Go Home After Better Display (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Italy made it through to the quarter-finals of Euro 2012 after a decent, if nervy, display against Group C whipping boys Ireland.

To be fair to the Irish, they put on a much better display in this, their last match in the competition before they tootle off for their summer hols.

Euro 2012: Croatia 0-1 Spain – Jesus Saves Mediocre Spain As Croats Go Out (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

World-beaters Spain and all their silky-skilled superstars needed a very late goal from wingman Jesus Navas to cement their place in the last eight after La Roja failed to spark against a very decent Croatian side.

Luka Modric produced an inspried performance in the middle of the park, matching anything his opposite numbers could produce.

Euro 2012: Nicklas Bendtner Given Ludicrous £80k Fine For ‘Paddy Power’ Pants Plug

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By Chris Wright

Both the cheapest and most effective advert Paddy Power have ever taken out

UEFA have announced this afternoon that Nicklas Bendtner has been fined a ludicrous €100,000 (£80,000) and will also be banned for one match after exposing the waistband on his 'Paddy Power' pants after scoring against Holland.

Euro 2012 Shit Lookalikes: Cesc Fabregas & Arantxa Sanchez Vicario

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By Chris Wright

Anyone for tennis?

Got a Euro 2012-tinged Lookalike for Pies? Email your suggestions to us at waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet us till we barf on @waatpies.

Van Der Vaart Attempts To Keg Sneijder In Super Slow Motion (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The kind of thing that these super slo-mo hi-def hi-res lo-carb replays were made for...

Video: 101GG

Kaka Stars In Bizarre Dream Sequence On Brazilian Soap – Eats Hot Dog, Plays Air Guitar At Bus Stop (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Most professional footballers idle away their off-seasons by putting the finishing touches to their tattoo sleeves and swapping STDs like Panini stickers with models on yachts off the French Riveira, but not Kaka. Oh no.

Brazil's baddest Jesus-lovin' mutha has been busying himself by starring in dream sequences on Brazilian soap operas, where he's been typecast as a leather jacket-wearing hoodlum who sticks it to the man by eating hot dogs and playing air guitar at bus stops (skip to 0:40).

Premier League 2012/13 Fixtures Released – Some Choice Dates For Your Diary

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By Chris Wright

The fixture list for the 2012/13 Premier League season has been announced this morning at 9am on the dot and, as always with these things, we're not actually allowed to post the calendar in full for piffling legal reasons something to do with Communist spies, etc, etc.

Euro 2012: Portugal 2-1 Netherlands: Dutch Dissolve As Rampant Ronaldo Hits Stride (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

"Everybody do the Duck Walk!"

Well, that's Bert van Marwijk out of a job then. Ten early minutes of masterful control culminated in a fantastic Rafael van der Vaart curler from the edge of the area to put Holland within one goal of the winning margin required to stand a chance of making it out of Group B alive, but a Dutch side top-heavy with at least one too many squabbling, diva-ish malcontents soon reverted to type gradually dissolving into a fine mist while allowing Cristiano Ronaldo to step into the breach, get his arse in gear and finally put in a shift befitting his imperious domestic season.

Euro 2012: Denmark 1-2 Germany – Bender Sends Flawless Germans Into Quarters (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

The permutations beneath them were myriad but the mathematics ahead of last night's concluding Group B fixtures were incredibly simple as far as Germany were concerned: a win over Denmark in Lviv would take them through with a flawless 100% record and win they jolly well did Lars Bender sticking away the winner on his full international debut to see off Denmark and set up a quarter-final tie against Greece *something something Eurozone something something Merkel*.

Football GIF: Cristiano Ronaldo Has A Sweet First Touch

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By Chris Wright

Nothing that you probably weren't aware of already, but Cristiano Ronaldo has a pretty sweet first touch as demonstrated here: Ron effortlessly plucks one out of the sky and manages to turn Gregory van der Wiel inside out on the touchline in one fluid motion.

Ukraine Fan Dances Himself Dizzy During Donetsk Downpour (Video)

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By Chris Wright

You've got to dance like there's nobody watching...

Video: 101GG

Euro 2012: Czech Republic 1-0 Poland – Hosts Go Out As Czechs Top Group A (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

The Czech Republic are through to the last eight after a scrappy game in Wroclaw, which saw the hosts go out courtesy of Petr Jiracek's second-half goals.

Poland needed a victory to secure a place in the last eight but failed to produce the requisite performance against a Czech side that were superior for most of the game.

Michal Kadlec Keeps Czech Republic At Euro 2012 With Heroic Goal-Line Clearance (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With co-hosts Poland 1-0 down and pushing for an equalizer to rob the Czech Republic of a place in the quarters in the dying seconds of the game, Kuba Blaszczykowski pinged a shot past Petr Cech that appeared to be heading in at the the far post only for Czech left-back Michal Kadlec to arch his spine and pull off a heroic 'swan dive' goal-line clearance to keep his country at Euro 2012 with pretty much the last touch of the game.

Rejoice! It’s ‘A-League 2011/12 Season Bloopers’ Time! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Glory be! The annual Australian A-League blooper reel has been released. Enjoy!

Ah yes. 2011/12 was a good vintage!

Suggested further viewing...

Every A-League Season Blooper Reel Since 2008/09 (Videos)

Gruesome New Liverpool 2012/13 Third Kit Leaked – Purple Monstrosity Lives! (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

We've got it on fairly good authority that this is the new Liverpool third kit for 2012/13 y'know, the one we warned you about way back when? This is still a digital mock-up, but our 'man in the know' is adamant that the finished article is 99% identical.

Euro 2012: Greece 1-0 Russia – Russians Head Home After Greek Drama In Warsaw (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Greece pulled off a genuine shock in Warsaw on Saturday night, defeating group favourites Russia 1-0, a result which put the unfancied Galanolefki through to the last eight at the expense of both Russia and hosts Poland.

Russia came into the game knowing that a draw would be enough to see them through, but despite the prompting of Andrei Arshavin and Alan Dzagoev, they couldn't get that vital goal.

Football GIF: Danny Welbeck’s Twirly Backheel Goal vs Sweden – Did The Blighter Mean It?

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By Chris Wright

Did he? Didn't he? Cute finish? Botched control? Does it matter? The super slo-mo replays sure don't do him any favours, but we're willing to give young Welbeck the benefit of the doubt on this one cracking finish young man...

What's your verdict Pies fans?

Ukrainian TV Reporter Attempts ‘Bit To Camera’ Amid Procession Of Dutch Fans – What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The very definition of a thankless task...

Tymoshchuk Mocks Ribery’s Tufty Hair, Gives Him International Sign For ‘W*nker’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, in the tunnel before Ukraine and France's sodden game, Anatoliy Tymoshchuk gives Bayern Munich teammate Franck Ribery a bit of a ribbing. Just watch Samir Nasri's face he's trying ever so hard not to break out into a giggling fit bless 'im.

Euro 2012: Who Makes Your ‘Team Of Round Two’?

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By Chris Wright

Once again, they've flown by in the wink of a dead dog's eye, but England's gutsy/flukey win over Sweden last night bought the second phase of Euro 2012 group games to a close.

As we did with the first round, here's our select XI from the second batch of eight games.

Euro 2012: Ukraine 0-2 France – Hosts Endure Stormy Night In Donetsk As Les Bleus Canter To Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Just five minutes into Ukraine's clash with France, a mother of all storms hit Donetsk, forcing referee Bjorn Kuipers to suspend the game for almost an hour. However, once the game was re-started, Les Bleus produced an impressive display which culminated in a 2-0 scoreline.

Euro 2012: Sweden 2-3 England – Wonder Walcott Fires England To Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

England came from behind to defeat a so-so Swedish side in a victory that will both please and concern Roy Hodgson.

Andy Carroll opened the scoring for the Three Lions, silencing his critics (at least for a little bit) courtesy of a headed goal on 23 minutes.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Lightning Strikes Donetsk As Ukraine vs France Suspended Due To Adverse Weather

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By Alan Duffy

With just five minutes of France's clash with hosts Ukraine played at the Donbass Stadium, referee Bjorn Kuipers decided to call a halt to proceedings as a pretty dramatic storm hit the area, leaving the pitch waterlogged and the players in danger of a lightning strike.

Euro 2012: Swedish Tabloid Expressen Project Huge 50ft Zlatan Onto Big Ben

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By Chris Wright

Proof that the Swedish tabloid media = the English tabloid media but 15 years behind : Expressen projected a huge image of Zlatan's conk onto Big Ben last night...

Touché Expressen, touché.

As Adrian Chiles just put it on ITV: "Sweden projecting Zlatan onto Big Ben is like us projecting Roy Hodgson onto the Eiffel Tower" y'know?

England At Euro 2012: Roy Hodgson’s Magic Hair, Gary Neville’s Faulty Breville (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The story of England's Euro 2012 thus far...

Via the ever-brilliant When Saturday Comes and their ace in-house illustrator, Tim Bradford.

Euro 2012: Sweden Fan Forced To Get Beers In After Losing Bet With Ukraine President Mykola Azarov

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By Chris Wright

After waging a round of beer on his country beating Ukraine in their opening Euro 2012 game, Sweden fan Ola Sjostedt (who is head of the Sweden Supporters Club) had to make his way to the government offices in Kiev to settle his boozy debts.

Retro Football: Zinedine Zidane And Three Sons Play Football In Garden, 2007 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

There's a possibility you've seen this before, but we've just stumbled across it for the first time and reckoned it be worth a-sharin' for those who haven't clamped eyes on it yet Zizou and his three young sons, Enzo, Luca and little Theo (who sustains a career-threatening bruised toe following a horror tackle from his older brother), having a bit of a kickabout in the garden back in 2007.

Michael Laudrup Appointed As Swansea Manager – Huw Jenkins Completes Herculean Overhaul

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By Chris Wright

The word on the wire is that, after a few days of rumbling, Swansea have appointed Michael Laudrup as their new manager with the Dane signing a three-year deal at the Liberty.

It all seems to fit rather nicely: Laudrup was as luxuriously silky-a-player as you're ever likely to see (if 'finesseful' were a word, he'd be very finesseful) and pushes his teams to play in a similar vein a style and philosophy that Brendan Rodgers also championed at the Swans, so hopefully we can expect a seamless continuation next season.

Neymar Thwacked On Head By Rogue TV Camera (Video)

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By Chris Wright

One of life's simple joys: Watching Neymar get thwacked across the back of the head by a rogue TV cameraman...

Euro 2012: Daily Mirror & Swedish Paper Aftonbladet Wage War Over Spoof ‘England vs Sweden’ Front Pages (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

To stoke the fire afore England's Euro 2012 game against Sweden tonight, Swedish paper Aftonbladet mocked up their ideal post-match Daily Mirror front page for tomorrow morning leading with a pun-a-rrific 'Broken Hart' headline and detailing how 'shitty' England were subjected to the worst moment of their respective careers by the conquering Swedes.

Euro 2012: Daily Mirror & Swedish Paper Aftonbladet Wage War Over Spoof ‘England vs Sweden’ Front Pages (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

To stoke the fire afore England's Euro 2012 game against Sweden tonight, Swedish paper Aftonbladet mocked up their ideal post-match Daily Mirror front page for tomorrow morning leading with a pun-a-rrific 'Broken Hart' headline and detailing how 'shitty' England were subjected to the worst moment of their respective careers by the conquering Swedes.

‘That’s Sick!’ – Gary Lineker Dabbles In Yoof Culture, Immediately Regrets It (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After coming back to the studio after a gritty, urban-tinged England promo at half-time during the Italy-Croatia match, BBC MotD anchor Gary Lineker attempted a little bit of street parlance calling it 'sick' like the yoofs do these days, only to immediately regret it.

‘That’s Sick!’ – Gary Lineker Dabbles In Yoof Culture, Immediately Regrets It (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After coming back to the studio after a gritty, urban-tinged England promo at half-time during the Italy-Croatia match, BBC MotD anchor Gary Lineker attempted a little bit of street parlance calling it 'sick' like the yoofs do these days, only to immediately regret it.

Euro 2012 Shit Lookalikes: Andy Carroll & The Centaur From ‘Narnia’

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By Chris Wright

Carroll is the half man/half pony that, if rumours are to be believed, will be starting for England against Sweden later today.

Centaur is the half man/half pony that'd probably do a better job.

Got a Euro 2012-flavoured Shit Lookalike for Pies?

Euro 2012 Shit Lookalikes: Andy Carroll & The Centaur From ‘Narnia’

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By Chris Wright

Carroll is the half man/half pony that, if rumours are to be believed, will be starting for England against Sweden later today.

Centaur is the half man/half pony that'd probably do a better job.

Got a Euro 2012-flavoured Shit Lookalike for Pies?

Football GIF: Referee Launches Sneak Attack, Wipes Out Keith Andrews

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By Chris Wright

Here's the highlight of Spain's tonking of Ireland last night: Portuguese referee Pedro Proenca doing his Iberian brethren a solid by dumping Keith Andrews on the dog shelf with a vicious body check from behind...

Surprised Proenca didn't book the bugger for diving!

Euro 2012: ‘Let’s Not Just Go Along For The Singsong’ – ‘Honest’ Roy Keane Lets Rip After Irish Defeat

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By Alan Duffy

"You can stick this f**king pathetic excuse for a dog up your b****cks"

If you were a strong enough human being to endure the usual trite 'man on the terrace' bile from Adrian Chiles on ITV tonight for the post-Spain v Ireland analysis, you would have witnessed another of Roy Keane's 'telling it like it is' moments.

Euro 2012: Spain 4-0 Ireland – Super Spanish Helped To Victory By Dismal Irish Defending (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

In Gdansk against Spain, Ireland's fans were superb once again, but alas, the 11 men on the pitch failed to perform to the level that had got them to Poland in the first place.

The 4-0 scoreline didn't flatter the Spanish at all, with Fernando Torres opening the scoring after just four minutes, courtesy of some dreadful Irish defending.

Euro 2012: Italy 1-1 Croatia – Super Mandzukic To The Rescue As Croats Draw With Azzurri (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

In-form striker Mario Mandzukic made it three in two games for Euro 2012, when he netted a precious equaliser for Croatia against Italy in Poznan. The result sees Group C still wide open ahead of the final match-day.

Italy started the brighter and Cesare Prandelli's side were ahead before the break, courtesy of a superb Andrea Pirlo free-kick.

Praise Be! England Supporters Band Cleared To Play ‘Great Escape’ Ad Nauseam Against Sweden

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By Chris Wright

After having a bit of a benny about their instruments being confiscated on quality control security grounds at the Donbass Arena ahead of England Euro 2012 opener against France, the England Supporters Band have now received clearance to play in the crowd for England's second group game against Sweden on Friday.

Capital One Cup First-Round Draw: Football League Newbies Fleetwood Town Get Underway At Nott’m Forest

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By Chris Wright

Just a quickie to keep y'all abreast of happenings on the domestic front, in so far as the draw for the first round of the Capital One Cup (or the League Cup as it's also known) has been made this morning.

It looks a little like this.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Polish Riot Police Call In Reinforcements From The Dark Side

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By Chris Wright

Things are getting serious out in Poland...

"Riot shields? Good. You would be unwise to lower your defenses."

Via 101GG

Sweden Squad Use Johan Wiland’s Bare Backside For Target Practice (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, as punishment for finishing rank last in a keepy-uppy challenge, Sweden's reserve 'keeper Johan Wiland is instructed to expose his arse to the elements while assistant coach Marcus Allback and several of his squadmates pelt shots at his crevice.

Euro 2012: Nicklas Bendtner In Trouble With UEFA After Plugging ‘Paddy Power’ With His Underpants

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By Chris Wright

Here's one you may have missed at the time (we certainly did); Not for the first time in his life, Nicklas Bendtner dropped trou last night specifically to celebrate his second goal in Denmark's fantastically entertaining 3-2 defeat to Portugal duly exposing a pair of green pants with a rather noticeable waistband.

Tottenham Set To Announce Harry Redknapp’s Replacement – The ‘ArryTron ‘Two From Eight’ Automaton Unit

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By Chris Wright

While still at prototype stage, we understand that Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy is seriously considering a like-for-like change at White Hart Lane after releasing Harry Redknapp back into the wild while the whole world slept last night installing an 'ArryTron Automaton Unit (catalogue code name: 'Two-From-Eight') as his new manager.

Tottenham Set To Announce Harry Redknapp’s Replacement – The ‘ArryTron ‘Two From Eight’ Automaton Unit

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By Chris Wright

While still at prototype stage, we understand that Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy is seriously considering a like-for-like change at White Hart Lane after releasing Harry Redknapp back into the wild while the whole world slept last night installing an 'ArryTron Automaton Unit (catalogue code name: 'Two-From-Eight') as his new manager.

Germany Coach Joachim Löw Plays Little Prank On Ballboy vs Holland (Video)

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By Chris Wright

While his Germany side were busy running Holland ragged last night, Jogi Loew took a break from mining in his nose quarry to play a little joke on one of the the ballboys sneaking up behind the young'n and cheekily poking his ball from behind.

Hmmm.

Germany Coach Joachim Löw Plays Little Prank On Ballboy vs Holland (Video)

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By Chris Wright

While his Germany side were busy running Holland ragged last night, Jogi Loew took a break from mining in his nose quarry to play a little joke on one of the the ballboys sneaking up behind the young'n and cheekily poking his ball from behind.

Hmmm.

Harry Redknapp Parts Company With Tottenham – Who Will Take His Place?

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By Alan Duffy

Not only did Harry Redknapp miss out on the England job, but now he's without a job full stop. Rumours had been circulating for days and weeks concerning Redknapp's future at White Hart Lane with the relationship between 'Arry and Spurs chief Daniel Levy said to be rather stormy.

Euro 2012: Denmark 2-3 Portugal – Bendtner Bags A Brace But Portugal Still Nick A Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

While one of the greatest players in the world was fluffing chances left right and centre, a player who thinks he 's one of the greatest in the world was doing the business for Denmark.

Nicklas Bendtner showed his good side against Portugal on Wednesday night, netting twice, but still ending up on the losing side as Portugal, despite seeing their captain Cristiano Ronaldo fluff some fine chances, dug deep to secure a last-gasp win to keep Group B wide open ahead of the mast match-day.

Euro 2012: Netherlands 1-2 Germany – Gomez Strikes Again As Mannschaft Shoot Down Disappointing Dutch (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

After losing their opening game against Denmark, the Netherlands needed to get some points on the board, albeit against an in-form German side. However, once again, a failure to put away their chances cost the Dutch dear as Germany registered a deserved victory.

Euro 2012: UEFA Give Russia A Six-Point Suspended Points Deduction Following Fan Trouble

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By Alan Duffy

Following the ridiculous scenes of Rusisan fans attacking stewards before their team's game with the Czech Republic last Friday, UEFA have decided to come down (relatively) hard on the Russians.

As well as attacking the stewards, Russian fans threw fireworks and display dodgy banners during the game, all of which have earned the Footbal Union Of Russia a six-point suspended points deduction which will run for the entirety of the 2016 Euro Finals qualifying stages.

Euro 2012: Football-Mad Two-Year-Old Names The Entire Dutch Squad (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Impressive stuff here from young Noah, who names the entire Netherlands squad (including coaching staff) for (presumably/hopefully) his father. A future football geek in the making.

To be honest, I'm not sure most English adults could pick out Martin Kelly and Jordan Henderson from a team photo.

Horror Hair: Wayne Rooney Unveils Daring New ‘Do At England Training (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Wayne Rooney unveiled his dashing new look at England's training session this afternoon. This is what happens when you take a blurry photo of Rick Astley into the barbers with you it's definitely on the scale between 'David Lynch' and 'Soviet infantryman from WWII'.

Kevin Kilbane Raps Vanilla Ice’s ‘Ice Ice Baby’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Yep. Here's Republic of Ireland legend Kevin Kilbane rapping his way through 'Ice Ice Baby' in a bar in Gdansk check out his hook while his DJ revolves it..

All in all, not nearly as bad as we though it was going to be! Still, we kind of prefer Jim Carrey's version.

Russia Reported To UEFA Over Colossal ‘This Is Russia’ Banner Unfurled Against Poland In Warsaw

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By Chris Wright

Those as ignorant as I may have found themselves rendered aghast by the sheer scale of the massive banner unfurled by the Russian fans during last night's game against Poland in a 'how the hell did they get that through the turnstiles' kind of way.

Maradona’s Al Wasl Politely Request Own Keeper Be Suspended For Entire Season Without Pay After Idiotic Headbutt (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The directors of Diego Maradona's UAE-based side Al Wasl have politely requested that their first-choice 'keeper Majed Nasser be suspended for a year without pay after being sent-off for laying an idiotic Zidane-style headbutt on Esmail Abdullatif just ten minutes into the Gulf Clubs Champions League Final against Al Muharraq.

Maradona’s Al Wasl Politely Request Own Keeper Be Suspended For Entire Season Without Pay After Idiotic Headbutt (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The directors of Diego Maradona's UAE-based side Al Wasl have politely requested that their first-choice 'keeper Majed Nasser be suspended for a year without pay after being sent-off for laying an idiotic Zidane-style headbutt on Esmail Abdullatif just ten minutes into the Gulf Clubs Champions League Final against Al Muharraq.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Disturbing Ukraine Fan Goes ‘Full Gimp’, Will Haunt Your Slumber Forever…

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By Chris Wright

It's okay, we weren't planning on sleeping tonight anyway.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Disturbing Ukraine Fan Goes ‘Full Gimp’, Will Haunt Your Slumber Forever…

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By Chris Wright

It's okay, we weren't planning on sleeping tonight anyway.

Atletico Mineiro Fans Deface ‘Christ The Redeemer’ Statue With Ronaldinho’s Name, Make Unfortunate Spelling Cock-Up

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By Chris Wright

A couple of gutsy, Atletico Mineiro-associated graffiti vandals went to the trouble of first scaling and then re-christening the 'Christ The Redeemer' statue that looks out over the Milionarios region of Belo Horizonte (a smaller-scale copy of Rio de Janeiro's iconic landmark), spraying Ronaldinho's name and number across our Lord and Saviour's back in a homage to his club's new superstar signing there was only one small flaw.

Snapshot: Hundreds Of Sweden Fans Show Mikael Lustig How To Guard His Post Properly

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By Chris Wright

Having watched old-timer Shevchenko sneak in Ukraine's winner at the near post, Sweden fans rallied to show Mikael Lustig just how easy it is to guard a post properly sending the right-back hundreds of photos of themselves doing likewise, along with the slightly bitchy tag line 'you had one job Lustig!

River Plate’s Leo Ponzio Ruptures Haemorrhoids vs Boca Unidos (Gruesome Video)

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By Chris Wright

Up there with Scott Dann rupturing a testicle in the gruesome injury stakes, here's River Plate's Leo Ponzio bursting his bum grapes during a game against Boca Unidos in the Argentinian second tier last night...

(Warning: this, as you may have already guessed, does not make for particularly enjoyable viewing)

Christ almighty.

Euro 2012: Andriy Shevchenko Involved In Minor Car Crash Three Hours After Sweden Heroics

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By Chris Wright

Roughly 10,800 seconds after putting Sweden to the sword with a couple of cracking headers, Andriy Shevchenko was involved in a minor car crash that saw the Ukraine doyen and his pregnant lady wife rear-ended by a Jeep while driving back to the national team's training base.

Euro 2012: Poland 1-1 Russia – Blaszczykowski Belter Keeps Poles In The Hunt For Knockout Stages (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

An absolute belter of a goal from Polish captain Jakob Blaszczykowski secured a vital 1-1 draw for POland against Russia on Monday evening, in a wonderfully entertaining game in Warsaw.

Russia were looking to build on their 4-1 destruction of the Czech Republic but saw Poland make the better start.

Euro 2012: Greece 1-2 Czech Republic – Wolfmen Wingers Secure Vital Win For Czechs (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wolfsburg duo Petr Jiracek and Vaclav Pilar weere the goal heroes for the Czech Republic on Monday afternoon, as Michal Bilek's side bounced back from their 4-1 mauling by Russia to kickstart their quest for the knockout stages.

Jiracek opened the scoring after just three minutes before gifted winger Pilar made it 2-0 with just six minutes gone.

Swansea Unveil New Centenary Home Kit For 2012/13 – Going For Gold (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

To mark their 100 years in the game, Swansea will be channeling Real Madrid (perhaps in an attempt to lure Bernabeu alumni Michael Laudrup Liberty-wards perhap?) and going for gold at home next season and look how bloody happy they are about it!

Also a shade of gold (possibly called 'Antique Lustre Sigh' or 'Bashful Gilt' on the Dulux colour chart) The 'keeper kit is all about Vorm and vunction.

Football GIF: Glen Johnson Forgets Pre-Match Photo, Gallops Off Into The Distance

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By Chris Wright

"Alright guys, LET'S DO THIS!"

"Guys?"

(GIF via @TomacTom)

Euro 2012: Who Makes Your ‘Team Of Round One’?

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By Chris Wright

It's gone by in the wink of an eye, but with Ukraine's win over Sweden last night bought the opening round of group games at Euro 2012 to a close.

Here's our select XI from the first eight games...

GK Przemyslaw Tyton (Poland): Coming on to replace the red-carded No.

Red Card Count Hits 12 As Brazilian Game Descends Into Brutal Anarchy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ah, the delights of the Brazilian lower leagues! Here we see footage from Votuporanguense's game against Fernandopolis, which erupted into a stupid, high-kicking, slap-swinging melee after the Fernandopolis 'keeper was sent-off for upending his opposing striker.

Red Card Count Hits 12 As Brazilian Game Descends Into Brutal Anarchy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ah, the delights of the Brazilian lower leagues! Here we see footage from Votuporanguense's game against Fernandopolis, which erupted into a stupid, high-kicking, slap-swinging melee after the Fernandopolis 'keeper was sent-off for upending his opposing striker.

Euro 2012: Bumbag Full Of Beer? Double Boob Squeeze? This Croatia Fan Pretty Much Wins! (NSFW-ish Photo)

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By Chris Wright

While one of his fellow number was busy working on his Night Moves with Slaven Bilic, this Croatia fan pretty much won the day while watching his country's first game against Ireland at a fan park scoring big points for his bumbag full of beer and double boob fondle stylings.

Football GIF: Epic Shevchenko Kid Is Epic!

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By Chris Wright

Look at that outrageous wedge-cut! Epic Shevchenko kid is epic!

And in videogram form...

Euro 2012: France 1-1 England – XI Conclusions

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By Chris Wright

First rule of goalkeeping: Shut your eyes and hope for the best!

1. Chelsea, meet England. England, Chelsea. Seems we have a new blueprint for nullifying technically superior sides in this country and boy does it work a treat!

Euro 2012: Ukraine 2-1 Sweden – Super Sheva Puts Sweden To The Sword (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

In the battle of superstar Milan strikers past and present, the old master Andrei Shevchenko defenitely came out on top against his Swedish counterpart, Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Bagging a superb brace in front of the Kiev crowd will surely go down as a career highlight for the veteran Shevchenko who showed that speed of thought can be just as deadly as speed of body.

Euro 2012: France 1-1 England – Three Lions Hold France As Hodgson’s Age Of Austerity Begins (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

No doubt Fabio Capello would have been torn to shreds by the media if he'd presided over such a defensive and mostly dour performance. However, under Roy Hodgson, expectations for the Three Lions have started to mirror reality and so a well-drilled draw against Group D's top side will have pleased most of the nation.

Former Footballer Michael Gray Undergoes UK’s First Ever Live Hair Transplant Surgery

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By Chris Wright

"Something for the weekend Sir?"

Former Sunderland, Blackburn and England left-back Michael Gray is undergoing the UK's first ever hair tranplant surgery to be broadcast live as we speak in fact, if you happen to enjoy scalps being sliced and follicles being fondled, you can head here to watch the procedure being streamed right now (though if you do, there may be some tricky questions you need to ask yourself).

Ireland Fans Drown Out Croatian Counterparts With Rousing Rendition Of ‘Home And Away’ Theme Tune (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In footage captured on the tram on the way to Poznan's Municipal Stadium (or, as Balls.ie have it, back at the point when they were still 'drunk and optimistic'), here we see a rabble of Irish fans attempting and largely succeeding to drown out the chants of their Croatian counterparts with a hearty rendition of a haunting Celtic folk ballad the 'Home and Away' theme tune.

Old Habits Die Hard: Joachim Loew Goes Mining For Nose Gold Again vs Portugal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Jogi Loew has a root around in his nasal lunchbox, searching for his dinner while sat on the bench against Portugal the other night...

It's like 2010 all over again the man has previous...

Pwopa narsty mate. Someone really needs to sit Jogi down and explain to him how live broadcasting works.

Euro 2012 Shit Lookalikes: Joe Hart & James Van Der Beek

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By Chris Wright

Dawson and Joe, both proud purveyor's of massive square heads...

Thanks to @StevenDWCotton for the tip-off. Much obliged Sir.

Got a Euro-flavoured Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it over to us on waatpies@gmail.com or drop us a Tweet on @waatpies.

Mario Mandzukic Knocks Giovanni Trapattoni On His 73-Year Old Derriere (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Mario Mandzukic did the lion's share of reducing the Republic of Ireland to a pile of sticky green goo last night, scoring an outrageous 'down on one knee' header to open the scoring after a couple of minutes before forcing Shay Given into conceding an incredibly cruel own-goal to finish off the scoring in the second half.

Sneaky Holland Fans Sabotage Germany Team Bus With Big ‘Oranje’ Wheel Clamp (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which we see a plucky pair of Dutch fans doing their bit to aid Holland's Euro 2012 bid by sneaking under a fairly hefty looking gate, pulling out a huge orange wheel clamp out and whacking it on the Germany team bus for a bit of lark before being chased off the premises by security.

Euro 2012 Snapshot: Slaven Bilic Gets Big Kiss, Shares Tender Moment With Pitch Invader

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By Chris Wright

While Croatia were busy stuffing Ireland 3-1 last night, a pitch invader encroached unto the Croat bench and laid a big ol' smacker on coach Slaven Bilic...

Oo-er. It looked a tad uncomfortable at the time, awkward even however, the photo used in the local press seems to reveal an altogether different story.

Football GIF: Mario Balotelli Forgets Which Button ‘Shoot’ Is vs Spain

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By Chris Wright

The day Balotelli got his 'shoot' button stuck. Though it's hard to believe, this GIF doesn't really do it justice Mario took what seemed like eons to potter into the Spain area. Planets were born and died in the time it took him to get to the edge of the six-yard box.

Wedding Of Ex-Newcastle Player Danny Guthrie Ends In Ugly Brawl At Stately Home

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By Alan Duffy

Tat's entertainment...

Muck with brass they are, nothing more than muck with brass. Or something. Anyway, tattooed midfielder Danny Guthrie, just released by Newcastle United, saw his dream wedding to  girlfriend Rebecca Middleman turn into a full on brawl, with guests reported to be throwing lobster thermidor at each other in some kind of expensive food-fight.

Euro 2012: Republic of Ireland 1-3 Croatia – Boys In Green Craic Under Pressure From Classy Croats (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Ireland's famous defensive resolve was nowhere to be seen on Sunday evening in Poznan, as the Boys in Green failed to deal with an impressive Croatian attack.

Star of the show, Mario Mandzukic, had already got on the scoresheet after just three minutes, when his header beat a rather flat-footed Shay Given in the Ireland goal.

Euro 2012: Spain 1-1 Italy – Striker-Free Spain Salvage Draw Against Impressive Azzurri (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

In a move that would have rather irked the likes of Fernandos Llorente and Torres, Spain boss Vicente Del Bosque decided to eschew a natural centre-forward in his line-up against Italy, instead opting to allow attacking midfielders Cesc Fabregas and David Silva to float between attack and midfield.

Euro 2012: Germany 1-0 Portugal – Gomez The Goal Hero As Heavyweight Clash Fails To Ignite (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

With international journeyman of mystery, Helder Postiga, still up front for Portugal, it came as no surprise that the Iberians failed to conjour up many chances against Germany, despite having uber-star Cristiano Ronaldo captaining the side. Indeed, for pretty much the whole game, the Portuguese sat back and defended in a game that the Germans totally dominated.

Lionel Messi Completes Hat-Trick Vs Brazil With Stunning Wonder Goal (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

While Cristiano Ronaldo was struggling to find his mojo against Germany in Euro 2012, across the Atlantic, the Real Madrid man's nemesis was doing the business for Argentina against none other than Brazil.

Lionel Messi was the star of the show in the friendly game in New Jersey, netting a superb hat-trick, with the third goal the undoubted icing on the cake.

Euro 2012: Netherlands 0-1 Denmark – Dutch Shock At Krohn-Delhi Counter (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

To paraphrase cutting-edge pop trio Bros, this shock result has put the car among the pigeons. The Netherlands dominated the game in terms of possession and indeed shots on goal, but just couldn't put the ball in the back of the net.

That scenario is  something that Robin Van Persie will be well used to with Arsenal, with the striker failing to make the most of a number of chances.

Snapshot: Euro 2012 – Ireland Fans Give German Chancellor Angela Merkel A Cheeky Message

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By Alan Duffy

Personally I think that the Republic of Ireland should automatially qualify for every major tournament on the strength of their always entertaining fans. Although after saying that Ireland fans will probably now go on a bloody, violent rampage in the streets of Poznan.

Euro 2012: Dutch Playmaker Wesley Sneijder Scores Wonder Goal In Training (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Ahead of the Netherlands' 'Group of Death' clash with Denmark on Saturday afternoon, Inter Milan playmaker Wesley Sneijder produced a little moment of magic during a training session by backheeling in Klaas-Jan Huntelaar's cross.

Reminds me of the goals I used to regularly score in the Dublin & District  Schoolboy's League back in the 1980s.

Euro 2012: Russia 4-1 Czech Republic – Rampant Reds Back In The Euro Zone (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

In a flowing, potent performance remiscent of Euro 2008, Russia outplayed a disappointing Czech Republic side in the second game of Group A.

CSKA Moscow's gifted young playmaker Alan Dzagoev bagged a brace (one in each half) while Roman Shirokov also scored before sub Roman Pavluchenko netted a superb solo goal late on for a rampant Russian side.

Euro 2012: Poland 1-1 Greece – Goals, Red Cards & A Penalty Miss As Euro Opener Explodes Into Life (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

With both sides neither scoring many or conceding a lot in the run up to the tournament, you could have been forgiven for not expecting too much in the way of drama as co-hosts Poland faced Greece in the Euro 2012 (Group A) opener. But how wrong you'd have been you big eejit!

Ex-Liverpool And Chelsea Coach Steve Clarke Named New West Brom Boss

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By Alan Duffy

Holy God, will this managerial merry-go-round ever stop? Hot on the heels of Chris Hughton going to Norwich (to replace Paul Lambert who went to Aston Villa), Scottish coach Steve Clarke has been unveiled as West Brom's new boss, replacing England's main man Roy Hodgson.

Chelsea Fail In Bid To Turn Battersea Power Station Into New Stadium

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By Alan Duffy

It sounded like a rather spiffing idea, to turn the iconic Battersea Power Station into Chelsea's new home. However, the Blues' hopes of moving over the river have been dashed by Malaysian companies  SP Setia and Sime Darby.

The Asian companies' bid was one of 15 made to regenerate the London landmark, and ultimately  it was the winning bid  chosen by joint administrators Ernst & Young.

Euro 2012 Shit Lookalikes: Jakob Poulsen & Crash Bandicoot

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By Chris Wright

Mr Poulsen in one of the many Mr Poulsen's that currently play for Denmark.

Mr Bandicoot is the world's most preeminent pixelated marsupial.

(We'd love to dole out the relevant kudos for this Lookalike, but unfortunately we accidentally deleted the email.

Official Euro 2012 Song: ‘Endless Summer’ By Oceana – The Masterpiece The Continent Is Crying Out For (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We've already seen Poland's OAP-laden official Euro 2012 anthem, but this here's the masterpiece that UEFA have chosen to both soundtrack and encapsulate their footballing showpiece 'Endless Summer' by something or someone called 'Oceana'.

Snapshot: 100ft ‘Roy The Redeemer’ Effigy Erected On White Cliffs Of Dover

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By Chris Wright

Paddy Power have been busying themselves again, this time erecting a 8-ton, 100ft 'Roy the Redeemer' statue on the white cliffs of Dover. Apparently, it took 96 hours to print and is visible from France on a clear day...

*Sigh*

Euro 2012: Monkey Chants Aimed At Holland Squad, Van Bommel Implores UEFA To ‘Open Their Ears’

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By Chris Wright

Holland captain Mark van Bommel has implored UEFA to 'open their ears' after complaining that the Dutch squad were subjected to racist abuse and monkey chanting during an open training session in Krakow, Poland yesterday evening.

Unsurprisingly, UEFA have refused to acknowledge the abuse was of a racist nature instead claiming that the unrest among the 20,000 present at the Stadion Miejski (where Holland were training) was due to a protest being staged at the by local fans who were angered by the fact that Krakow hadn't been given any Euro 2012 games.

Chris Hughton Gets The Norwich City Job As Managerial Merry-Go-Round Keeps On Turning

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By Alan Duffy

Hughton in his pomp versus the Netherlands in a WC Qualifier in 1980

Former Republic of Ireland international full-back Chris Hughton has left Birmingham City for the hot-seat at Carrow Road, where he will replace Villa-bound Paul Lambert.

Robbie Fowler Hooked Up To Lie Detector, Gives Euro 2012 Predictions (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Sort of anyway. It's for a pretty pithy Paddy Power promo...

Look at Robbie go with the acting chops! Not bad. Reminiscent of a young Tim Curry even, and we don't say those kinds of things lightly.

Video: Paddy Power

Euro 2012: The Psychic Animals – Your Handy ‘Cut Out And Keep’ Guide

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By Chris Wright

Proving that the only thing better than a cash cow is a psychic cash cow; here's your handy 'cut out and keep' guide to Euro 2012′s ever-lengthening list of what we will reluctantly refer to as 'animal psychics'...

1. Funtik the Soothsayer Hog (Kiev Fan Zone, Ukraine)

Divination method: Clairvoyant snout bucket rummage

2.

PES 2013 Gameplay Trailer Released – Features ‘Headlong John Terry Fish Dive’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

PES 2013 is on the way, and it looks like Brave John Terry's meme-friendly 'Thou Shall Not Pass' headlong fish dive from the 2010 World Cup will be a feature (skip to 3:53)...

Which is all well and good, but can it tell when you're telling it to 'F**K OFF!

7 ‘Sort Of Controversial’ Home Kit Colour Changes

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By Chris Wright

After 103 years in blue, Cardiff City via some 'significant branding' on their Malaysian board's part bumped their bluebird and went red in exchange for £100 million's worth of the club's soul. Not that it's really the end of the world or anywhere even close; it's happened before and, as the money continues to rarefy, it'll doubtless happen again.

20 Lovely Photos From All The Various Pre-Euro 2012 Training Sessions

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By Chris Wright

Sterling work from the Danish camera crew

With all the respective squads now assembled in Poland and Ukraine and beginning to make their final preparations for Euro 2012, here's a few say 20 of the best photos from across this week's various pre-tournament training sessions (open in a new tab for full-size images).

Chelsea Reveal New 2012/13 Away Kit – Subtle Hints Of Marseille (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

So, here's Chelsea's new away strip for 2012/13 which, you may well notice, has the subtlest hint of 'Marseille' about it...

We say 'subtle hints', we of course mean 'whopping great pongy snooters'. Here's a gaggle of the Chelsea chaps giving their new change strip an airing.

Germany, Holland, Italy, France And Spain (Among Others) Euro 2012 Kits Will Poison Your Children

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By Chris Wright

Apologies for the ever-so-slightly over-egged headline, but this is some serious ju-ju. The Telegraph are reporting that SCIENTIFIC STUDIES carried out by the BEUC (Europe's consumer watchdog) have shown that the Spain, Germany, Ukraine, Russia, France, Italy, Portugal and Holland Euro 2012 kits contain 'worrying' levels of potentially poisonous metals, compounds and 'chemical cocktails'.

Euro 2012: Michel Platini Warns Any Player That Walks Off Pitch Over Racist Abuse Will Be Booked

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By Chris Wright

Platini: Seen here with 'friend'

UEFA President Michel Platini was warned that any player who chooses to walk off the pitch in protest over racist abuse at Euro 2012 will be booked for their insolence specifically singling out Mario Balotelli, who has vowed to walk and/or kill any troglodyte fans that see fit to fling their filth at him during the tournament.

Football GIF: Nigel De Jong Outpaced By Polish Child, Quickly Takes Him Out

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By Chris Wright

Nigel de Jong, seen here policing the midfield in familiar style during a charity match against some Polish schoolchildren one of whom got a little too 'pacy' for Nigel's liking...

Any mention of fully-grown footballers mercilessly hacking down innocent kiddiwinks wouldn't be complete without revisiting this timeless image of Vinnie Jones in his prime.

RIP Manuel Preciado – Villarreal’s New Coach Suffers Fatal Heart Attack On Day Of Unveiling

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By Chris Wright

Less than 24 hours after signing on at Villarreal as their new coach, former Sporting Gijon manager Manuel Preciado suffered a fatal heart attack and died last night at the age of 54. He was due to be officially unveiled at El Madrigal later this very morning.

‘Dire And Plastic’ – Irked Cardiff City Fans Draw Up ‘Rebrand’ Protest Crest

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By Chris Wright

As you probably remember, Cardiff City had this thrust upon them yesterday...

...and, quite rightly, the supporters weren't and aren't best pleased which is why they've already set about mocking up a protest crest...

.

England Go To Luton, Get On A Plane And Fly To Euros! (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Michael Carrick, Micah Richards, Rio Ferdinand and Aaron Lennon (the little one) watch England depart.

What excitement today at Luton Airport as the England squad departed for yet another major tournament failure. However, before they boarded the plane, the players did a PR thingy with Vauxhall.

Snapshot: Paul Lambert Officially Unveiled By Aston Villa

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By Chris Wright

It's official: Paul Lambert, Aston Villa, pig in muck, etc, etc...

"Did you hear the one about the blind Rabbi and the chainsaw?"

Photos:Â Rui Vieira/PA Wire/Press Association Images

Horror Hair: Djibril Cisse Opts For Daring ‘Blue Mohawk, NHS Specs And Blonde Half Beard’ Look

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By Chris Wright

He looks nuts on a good day, but Djib's new look is something else entirely...

Photo via @djibrilcisse1

Adidas Viral Sees Van Persie, Xavi, Casillas, Di Maria, Etc Attempt ‘Deadly Challenges’ In Predator Lethal Zones (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Adidas are launching their new Adidas Predator Lethal Zone boot line with a series of virals that will see RVP, Xavi, Iker casillas, Dani Alves, Sandro, Angel Di Maria and several others go up against water cannons, huge wind machines, fluorescent tubes and triple-threat goalies in a series of crazy challenges (having to score three goals with one shot is a particular favourite) to test the limits of their abilities here's a teaser.

Italy And Holland Euro 2012 Squads Visit Auschwitz-Birkenau (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Having arrived in Poland ahead of their respective Euro 2012 campaigns, both the Italy and Holland squads paid a sombre visit to one of the most affecting, harrowing 'museums' on the face of the Earth the preserved remains of the Nazi concentration camps at Auschwitz-Birkenau.

Gazza’s Brilliant Scotland-Vanquishing Euro ’96 Goal Given Stop-Motion Animation Treatment (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Remember when even the granite jaw and fearsome blonde feather cut of Scotland destroyer Colin Hendry wasn't enough to foil Gazza and his dentist's chair? Wembley, 15th June, 1996..

Great stuff, though it's not quite as we remember it being.

Euro 2012: Pick Your Perfect Fantasy Football Team

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By Chris Wright

If you, like us, are planning to have a stab at a Fantasy Football game o'er the course of Euro 2012, feel free to have a butcher's at our tips for a winning XI (price permitting of course!)...

Goalkeeper

Manuel Neuer (Germany):Â Likely to be slightly cheaper than Casillas, Buffon et al despite being just as reliable.

Football Heads East – Spanish Super Cup To Be Played In Beijing From 2013

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By Alan Duffy

Spain's two-legged curtain-raiser to the new season, the Super Cup, is to be played in Beijing from 2013 onwards. Chinese promoters Vansen International Sport have agreed the deal with the Spanish Football Federation which will see the La Liga champs go head to head with the Copa Del Rey winners in the Bird's Nest Stadium in the Chinese capital.

Cardiff City Press On With ‘Dragon’ Rebrand – 2012/13 Home Kit Will Be Red After All (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

They said it may happen, then they said it probably wouldn't happen, and now it's bloody well happening as of next season, Cardiff City (The Bluebirds) will be playing in a more dragon-y shade of red on the whim of their Malaysian owners, with their away strip reverting to blue and yellow.

Euro 2012: Alan Hansen Tips Germany, Holland & Portugal For Semi-Finals – There’s Just One Small Problem…

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By Chris Wright

Maverick predictions from the boy Hansen there. Who says the Beeb's pundits are just phoning it in these days?

Can you spot the small, almost insignificant ricket in Hansen's tips? That's right; Germany, Spain and Portugal are all in Group B together and therefore cannot all reach the semis by process of elimination.

Euro 2012: Alan Hansen Tips Germany, Holland & Portugal For Semi-Finals – There’s Just One Small Problem…

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By Chris Wright

Maverick predictions from the boy Hansen there. Who says the Beeb's pundits are just phoning it in these days?

Can you spot the small, almost insignificant ricket in Hansen's tips? That's right; Germany, Spain and Portugal are all in Group B together and therefore cannot all reach the semis by process of elimination.

Ribery, Nasri & Benzema Prime Suspects As Evil Fart Envelopes France Bench vs Estonia (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Either Benzema has hold of Patrice Evra's shirt from the other night, or one of these three giggling lolly-gaggers released a very potent gust in a tax inspector's face that drifted downwind on the France bench during their 4-0 friendly win over Estonia last night.

Ribery, Nasri & Benzema Prime Suspects As Evil Fart Envelopes France Bench vs Estonia (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Either Benzema has hold of Patrice Evra's shirt from the other night, or one of these three giggling lolly-gaggers released a very potent gust in a tax inspector's face that drifted downwind on the France bench during their 4-0 friendly win over Estonia last night.

ESPN Quiz Soccer Expert Alexi Lalas, Ask How Lionel Messi Will Fare At Euro 2012 (Audio)

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By Chris Wright

Messi: Definitely not going to the Euros this time round

Oh silly ESPN, you never fail to astound. Over on their flagship 'Mike & Mike' show a few days ago, ESPN's in-house soccer analyst Alexi Lalas was invited on to run the rule over Euro 2012 only to be asked just how he thought Lionel Messi was set to fair at the European Championships this summer.

ESPN Quiz Soccer Expert Alexi Lalas, Ask How Lionel Messi Will Fare At Euro 2012 (Audio)

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By Chris Wright

Messi: Definitely not going to the Euros this time round

Oh silly ESPN, you never fail to astound. Over on their flagship 'Mike & Mike' show a few days ago, ESPN's in-house soccer analyst Alexi Lalas was invited on to run the rule over Euro 2012 only to be asked just how he thought Lionel Messi was set to fair at the European Championships this summer.

‘Champions League Is Overrated’ – Tottenham Boss Redknapp Not Bothered By Missing Out On Euro Cup

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By Alan Duffy

Spurs boss Harry Redknapp has (metaphorically) rolled down his car window once again to chat to reporters, this time telling them that missing out on the Champions League, courtesy of Chelsea's success, is no big deal. He said:

"I think it's overrated what people say about Champions League football and whatever.

‘He’s A Comedian’ – Liverpool MD Dismisses Wigan Owner Dave Whelan Over Martinez Comments

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By Alan Duffy

"My mother-in-law is so fat....."

Liverpool's Managing Director Ian Ayre has had a pop at Dave Whelan, after the Wigan Athletic owner claimed that the Reds had offered Latics manager Roberto Martinez the top job at Anfield. In response to those comments, Ayre said:

"I always thought John Bishop was the biggest comedian in the north west, but Dave Whelan seems to have taken that mantle over in the last couple of weeks.

Snapshot: Donald Duck Battles In The Air With Duck-Billed Zlatan Ibrahimovic

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By Chris Wright

The cover of the latest Euro 2012-centric issue of Swedish comic book Kalle Anka Donald Duck to you or I is a bit of a...wait for it...quacker!

You know, in quiet moments of reflection, you sometimes get to wondering what Zlatan Ibrahimovic would look like with a duck's beak?

Denmark Given Surprise Euro 2012 Send-Off, Operatic Flash Mob Perform National Anthem Serenade (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As organised by a Danish bank, a 'flash mob' and I squirm as I type those grizzly words was assembled at Copenhagen Airport to serenade the Danish national squad with a surprise operatic rendition of their national anthem before boarding the plane to Euro 2012.

FIFA 13 Will Actually Be Able To Tell When You Swear At Referees (Video)

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By Chris Wright

'Twas the E3 conference last night, which is a fairly big deal in gaming circles being as it's used as a platform for companies to tease, trail and premiere their upcoming wares with EA Sports leaking a few bits and bobs about FIFA 13, the most interesting being a feature that will see you punished for yelling obscenities at the screen.

Man Utd Confirm £12m Shinji Kagawa Deal, Give Him Weighty No. 7 Shirt

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By Chris Wright

The deal is done. The day after Chelsea made their first high-profile move of the summer is hoovering up Eden Hazard for £32 million, Manchester United have responded by tying up the £12 million (rising to £17 million) signing of Shinji Kagawa from Borussia Dortmund making the 23-year old midfield string-puller their first ever Japanese player.

Man Utd Confirm £12m Shinji Kagawa Deal, Give Him Weighty No. 7 Shirt

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By Chris Wright

The deal is done. The day after Chelsea made their first high-profile move of the summer is hoovering up Eden Hazard for £32 million, Manchester United have responded by tying up the £12 million (rising to £17 million) signing of Shinji Kagawa from Borussia Dortmund making the 23-year old midfield string-puller their first ever Japanese player.

Portugal Fans Recreate National Flag Using Tablet Computers vs Turkey (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting: The second age of the tifo...

Video: 101GG

Portugal Fans Recreate National Flag Using Tablet Computers vs Turkey (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting: The second age of the tifo...

Video: 101GG

Dirk Kuyt Leaves Liverpool As The Brendan Rodgers Era Begins

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By Alan Duffy

While a number of Liverpool's younger stars have been called up for Roy Hodgson's Euro 2012 squad, one older head at Anfield has packed his bags for good. Dutch attacker Dirk Kuyt is the biggest Liverpool name to leave the club under Brendan Rodgers' new regime, with the hard-working wideman moving to Fenerbahce in a three-year deal.

Football Art: Portrait Of Cristiano Ronaldo Created From Football Stadiums As Seen On Google Earth

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By Chris Wright

We can dig this, 'this' being the work of artiste Elena Gonzalez a portrait of Cristiano Ronaldo created using images of football stadiums from around the world as seen on Google Earth...

Nice, but not a patch on our favourite Ronaldo-inspired piece.

Shit Lookalikes: Vintage Joachim Löw & Randy Marsh

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By Chris Wright

Cracking...

A gigazillion points go to Pies fan Eddie Stack for the spot!

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it over at waatpies@gmail.com or drop us a Tweet on @waatpies.

Giovani Dos Santos Scores Impudent Lob vs Brazil – Did The Flukey Bugger Mean It? (Video)

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By Chris Wright

He plays roughly four games for Tottenham in four years and then Giovani Dos Santos goes and does this for his country looping in an impudent lob from the acutest of angles during Mexico's friendly against Brazil t'other eve...

Did he mean it?

Greatest European Championship Moments, As Rendered In Lego (Video)

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By Chris Wright

All of the European Championship's greatest moments, re-rendered in Lego what's not to like?

By Graeme Love

More of Graeme's handiwork on Pies...

Man Utd vs Bayern Munich: Robben's Brace Remade In Lego

Greatest European Championship Moments, As Rendered In Lego (Video)

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By Chris Wright

All of the European Championship's greatest moments, re-rendered in Lego what's not to like?

By Graeme Love

More of Graeme's handiwork on Pies...

Man Utd vs Bayern Munich: Robben's Brace Remade In Lego

Joey Barton Attacked In Street, Punched In Face Outside Liverpool Nightclub

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By Chris Wright

Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before. Joey Barton was attacked in the street last night, after being punched in the face outside a nightclub in Liverpool at about 5:30 in the morning.

With his missus in tow, the Premier League's in-house pop philosopher was apparently involved in a brawl outside Garlands in the wee small hours with police arriving and arresting two 21-year old herberts on suspicion of public order offences.

Joey Barton Attacked In Street, Punched In Face Outside Liverpool Nightclub

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By Chris Wright

Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before. Joey Barton was attacked in the street last night, after being punched in the face outside a nightclub in Liverpool at about 5:30 in the morning.

With his missus in tow, the Premier League's in-house pop philosopher was apparently involved in a brawl outside Garlands in the wee small hours with police arriving and arresting two 21-year old herberts on suspicion of public order offences.

Liverpool Unveil New Warrior 2012/13 Away Kit – Looks Like A Wetsuit (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool's new away kit looks like a wetsuit...

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 4

Warrior Liverpool 2012/13 Away Kit

‘Nothing Short Of Disgraceful’ – Agent Blasts Hodgson And FA Over Rio Ferdinand Snub

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By Alan Duffy

On the day that Gary Cahill had to withdraw from England's Euro 2012 squad with the inexperienced Liverpool defender, Martin Kelly, taking his place, the 'representative' of Rio Ferdinand has blasted both the FA and manager Roy Hodgson for failing to pick his client.

Gary Cahill Out Of Euro 2012 With Fractured Jaw, Replaced By Liverpool’s Martin Kelly

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By Alan Duffy

 Another one bites the dust...

At this rate, the England side lining up against France on June 11th will be made up entirely of average Liverpool players. Coming in the wake of Jordan Henderson's promotion to the senior squad courtesy of Frank Lampard's injury, Henderson's Liverpool team-mate Martin Kelly has now been called up to the 23 in place of Gary Cahill.

Argentina 4-0 Ecuador: Aguero And Messi On Form For La Albiceleste (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

While Europe prepares for Euro 2012, across the Atlantic in South America, they are already battling it out for a place in the 2014 World Cup in Brazil.

While Uruguay could only draw 1-1 at home to Venezuela on Saturday, Chile won 2-0 away at Bolivia.

Friendly: Netherlands 6-0 Northern Ireland – RVP Leads Rout As Dutch Look Ready For Euros (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

While Spain and Germany might be the two most fancied sides ahead of Euro 2012, the Netherlands must be in with a shout of glory this summer. With too many semi-final and final defeats in major tournaments, the Dutch deserve a bit of luck in Poland and Ukraine.

Snapshot: Clint Dempsey’s High School Year Book Career Goal

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By Chris Wright

You're looking at Clint Dempsey's year book from Nacogdoches High School, in which he makes a bold prediction as to his future in the game. What followed was three years at university then another three playing for New England Revolution before Fulham came a-callin' in 2007.

Friendly: England 1-0 Belgium: Cute Welbeck Beaut Punctuates Wembley Dirge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Largely delirium-inducingly boring, lovely goal from Welbeck to settle it, Lescott bled like Billy-o. That's about all you need to know.

Photos...

Highlights...

Photos: PA

Paul Lambert Appointed Aston Villa Manager, Norwich Agree £1m Compensation

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By Chris Wright

Just a quickie to let y'all know that Aston Villa have just announced that Paul Lambert has officially agreed a deal to become their new manager leaving Norwich with a handful of memories and £1 million in their back pockets after two promotion in three seasons at Carrow Road.

Liverpool Unveil New Warrior 2012/13 Home Kit – It’s Kinda Sorta Made Of Coffee! (Video & Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Here it is folks, Liverpool's new home strip as modelled by Warrior's first 'football brand ambassador', Craig Bellamy...

A little word on that Bellamy dealio; As mentioned previously, the Welshman has signed on to become Warrior's first football 'brand ambassador', though the contract will see all of his sponsorship fee going directly to the Craig Bellamy Foundation in Sierra Leone.

The £27,000 Bus Ride, The Pneumatic Drill, The £120 Mars Bar, Etc, Etc – Gazza Discusses His Myths (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's more from Umbro's great 'Faces of England' spotlight on Paul Gascoigne, in which they sit the man down and ask him directly to either confirm or debunk several of the myths he managed to accrue over the course of his all-too-brief international career including the time he dared a certain five-bellied chap to set his nose on fire for £1,000 and the time.

Ledley King: What Is And What Shall Never Be (And The Curse Of Cinder Toffee Knees)

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By Chris Wright

And with that, he was gone. At the age of just 31, Ledley King has finally been forced to kowtow to the inevitable: He just wasn't built to last. He's to undergo the surgery he's been putting off since January within the next few days, rehabilitate himself over the pre-season and, with retirement hanging over his head like the pen knife of Damocles, 'see how he feels' come August.

Tottenham Release Lilywhites Legend Ledley King Along With Seven Others

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By Alan Duffy

Ledley King Is Dead (well, released), Long Live The King!

After missing out on a Champions League spot thanks to their pesky fellow Londoners Chelsea, Tottenham have decided to have a bit of a clear-out in preparation for next season's title assault/battle for fourth place (the choice is yours).

England Train Ahead Of Belgium Friendly – Ashley Cole Is A Giddy Goose! (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Like it says on the tin: Here's a slab of photos of Roy and the boys training at Wembley ahead of their friendly against Belgique on Saturday evening...

Photos: PA

Football GIF: Patrice Evra Wipes Arse With France Shirt, Gives It Cheeky Sniff!

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By Chris Wright

Someone obviously hasn't let South Africa go yet...

Oh Patrice, c'est dégoûtant!

Via our very favourite French footy blog, the ruddy brilliant Cahiers du Football

Yann M’Vila Injured During France Friendly, Leaves Pitch In Floods Of Tears (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This is horrible to watch (almost as horrible as Grant Holt's grammar). France midfielder Yann M'Vila pulled up injured after spraining his ankle just four minutes into a friendly against Serbia  - the game that played host to this 98kph Florent Malouda screamer last night and hobbled off in floods of tears and sat weeping on the bench knowing that his Euro 2012 may have just gone down the toilet.

Beautiful Time-Lapse Film Of Republic Of Ireland vs Bosnia-Herzegovina (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We're suckers for things like this; a beautiful, slickly shot time-lapse film taken over the course of the entire day from sunrise to sunset on which Republic of Ireland played and won their recent friendly against Bosnia-Herzegovina at the Aviva in Dublin last weekend.

Snapshot: Grant Holt ‘Farewell’ Tweet Makes For Difficult Reading…Quite Literally

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By Chris Wright

Crikey O'Reilly, would you just look at this mess?

Here's the English translation as best we can fathom:

"I have loved my three years at the club and it SADDENS me to WRITE this but want YOUS to HEAR it from me first #lovedmytime"

Now, we don't wish to mock the illiterate but.

Brendan Rodgers Officially Sworn In As New Liverpool Manager (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

We've already seen the grainy shots leaked from Anfield earlier but Brendan Rodgers' appointment at Liverpool has been made official now and we've got the goddamn photos to prove it...

Photos: PA

Montenegrin Hoodlum Hurdles Onto Pitch, Scores Deft 20-Yard Freekick, Celebrates Accordingly (Video)

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By Chris Wright

FK Buducnost were crowned champions of the Montenegrin First League on Wednesday night despite losing 1-0 at home to Lovcen in their final game.

The match was a bit of a damb squib by all accounts, though a bit of excitement did break out in the 102nd minute (yep, 12 minutes of stoppage time) when an over-eager read: clearly pissed Buducnost fan (who call themselves the Varvaris, i.

Shit Lookalikes: Sergio Ramos & Eden Sher (Teenage Daughter From ‘The Middle’)

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By Chris Wright

Ramos hogs all the conditioner in the Real Madrid showers

Sher plays the teenage daughter in standard US sitcom schlock 'The Middle'

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to us at waatpies@gmail.

Shit Lookalikes: Sergio Ramos & Eden Sher (Teenage Daughter From ‘The Middle’)

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By Chris Wright

Ramos hogs all the conditioner in the Real Madrid showers

Sher plays the teenage daughter in standard US sitcom schlock 'The Middle'

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to us at waatpies@gmail.

Slap And Tickle: Mario Balotelli & Thiago Motta Flirt Outrageously During Italy Squad Photoshoot (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Aww. The things we do for love...

Video: 101GG

Slap And Tickle: Mario Balotelli & Thiago Motta Flirt Outrageously During Italy Squad Photoshoot (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Aww. The things we do for love...

Video: 101GG

Brendan Rodgers Unveiled As Liverpool Manager – First (Grainy) Photo

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By Chris Wright

It would look like the deed is done. Here's Liverpool's brand-spanking new manager holding the requisite shirt and scarf aloft at Anfield this very morn...

Via Liverpool Echo

Brendan Rodgers Unveiled As Liverpool Manager – First (Grainy) Photo

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By Chris Wright

It would look like the deed is done. Here's Liverpool's brand-spanking new manager holding the requisite shirt and scarf aloft at Anfield this very morn...

Via Liverpool Echo

New Barcelona Kits On Show At Special Futsal Tournament – Victor Valdes Plays Up Front In D.I.Y ‘Messi’ Shirt (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's a bit of footage from Barcelona's 'Team Pep vs Team Tito' indoor tournament last night, in which Barca's new togs got a run-out in an 8-8 thriller which Pep's minions duly won on penalties. It was all for charidee, with all proceeds going help fight poverty.

New Barcelona Kits On Show At Special Futsal Tournament – Victor Valdes Plays Up Front In D.I.Y ‘Messi’ Shirt (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's a bit of footage from Barcelona's 'Team Pep vs Team Tito' indoor tournament last night, in which Barca's new togs got a run-out in an 8-8 thriller which Pep's minions duly won on penalties. It was all for charidee, with all proceeds going help fight poverty.

Football GIF: Bosnia Defender Botches Overhead Kick, Provides Spectacular Assist For Late Chicharito Winner

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By Chris Wright

Mexico beat Bosnia in a friendly last night, with Javier Hernandez scoring in the 92nd minute to claim a dramatic 2-1 win though props ought to go to Bosnian defender Stojan Vranjes for putting in all the donkey work.

After failing to clear at the first attempt, Vranjes rectified the situation by attempting an overhead kick to hoof the ball upfield only to shank it directly across his own six-yard box where Hernandez was waiting to poke the ball home.