Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2012

Robbie Fowler Returns To England, Trains With Blackpool Ahead Of Short-Term Deal

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By Alan Duffy

Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Fowler?

With that much-vaunted Indian Premier League payday postponed for the moment (it was meant to be starting towards the end of the month), that international man of mystery, Robbie Fowler, is back in Blighty and looks set to join Championship side Blackpool until the end of the season.

Adidas Unveil London 2012 Olympic Match Ball – It’s Called ‘The Albert’ And It’s…An Acquired Taste (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Adidas have just officially launched 'The Albert', i.e, the official matchball to be used at the 2012 London Olympics and it's...erm...different...

Hmmm. It instantly brings to mind the decor in the diner they used to frequent in 'Saved By The Bell'.

WAG Watch: Imogen Thomas Poses Nudey Rudey In Nuts Magazine (Photos)

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By WAG Watcher

Don't look Ethel! Welsh filly Imogen Thomas, the pneumatically-enhanced girl that did that 'thing' with Ryan Giggs that we're still not quite sure if we're supposed to mention, has gone and posed nude on the cover of Nuts magazine telling the boob-centric comic that she 'wants to get her life back on track' after a particularly unpleasant year.

‘England Players Who Didn’t Sing National Anthem Should Be Banned Forever’ – Piers Morgan Bleats On And On And On…

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By Chris Wright

No doubt typed with an ruddy-cheeked, shit-eating WINNING! grin across his hoggish face...

Just go away, you useless gimptard. Better yet, let's have the FA appoint him to lead England into Euro 2012. #piersforEngland.

Of course, we're well aware of the rule re: 'feeding the trolls' but, as the chaps over at The Score have pointed out (go on, click the link it's well worth a read!

Top 10 Footballing Davids

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By Chris Wright

If you weren't aware already, today is St David's Day St David being the patron saint of some magical pixie kingdom called Wales. With that in mind, 'ere's our top ten footballing Davids for you to look at with your faces...

10.

Gambia Keeper Sprinkles Mysterious ‘Magic’ Powder Across Goal Line, Still Drops An Absolute Clanger (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Before his country's Africa Cup of Nations qualifier against Algeria yesterday afternoon, Gambia 'keeper Musa Camara was seen sprinkling mysterious white powder across his goal-line which has since been identified as 'Gri Gri' an African voodoo amulet that is supposed to ward off bad luck and stop stitched leather crossing white paint.

FIFA Open ‘Routine’ Investigation Into Bahrain’s Convenient 10-0 Thrashing Of Indonesia

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By Chris Wright

They even managed to fluff two penalties!

FIFA have confirmed that a 'routine' investigation into Bahrain's convenient tonking over Indonesia side last night, after rumblings of match-fixing and jiggery-pokey began to surface.

Marc Janko Deftly Lobs Keeper With Penis vs Finland (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Austria striker Marc Janko opens the scoring against Finland last night with a deft lob of the 'keeper using nothing other than 'Little Marc' and a whole load of eye-watering ricocheted energy...

"Just put your dick through it lad!

England 2-3 Holland: Robben Dazzles As Dutch Saunter To Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

England welcomed Holland back to Wembley for the first time since Euro '96 last night and were ultimately undone in injury-time by Arjen Robben's deflected winner.

After a fairly flat first half, Robben opened the scoring on the hour flitting through the England midfield before pinging a low shot through Gary Cahill's legs and past Joe Hart from the edge of the area.

XI Conclusions: England 2-3 Holland

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By Chris Wright

1. A well-oiled and largely established Holland side with a smattering of sporadically world class players beat a pedestrian England side with approximately none. Once again, it became very apparent early on last night that England's only means of scoring at Euro 2012 will be set pieces and corners.

Snapshot: Wales Fans Pay Tribute To Gary Speed

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By Alan Duffy

On a very emotional night in Cardiff, in which Gary Speed was remembered by friends, family and fans, Chris Coleman's Welsh side were defeated 1-0 by Costa Rica, the team against whom Speed had made his senior international debut in 1990. However, obviously, the result did not matter as the Cardiff City Stadium crowd paid tribute to Speed, who died so tragically.

Henri Lansbury Scores Wonder Goal For England U21s, But Did He Mean It? (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Young Gunner Henri Lansbury, currently on loan with West Ham United, has a habit of grabbing the headlines. Just recently, the gifted midfielder was deputising (rather well) in goal for the Hammers but against Belgium U21s on Wednesday night, Lansbury scored a rather spectacular goal early on.

Possibly Very, Very Racist TV Advert Starring Pepe Reina Axed By Insurance Company

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By Alan Duffy

What is it with Liverpool and (possible) racism? The club just can't seem to the shake it. Goalkeeper Pepe Reina is the latest Liverpool player to get embroiled in a bit of a racism furore, after a Spanish TV advert he starred in for an insurance company was pulled due to its extremely dodgy concept.

Jose Mourinho Looks At Houses (And Buys Doughnuts) In London – What Can It All Mean?

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By Chris Wright

Apparently this is a thing...

Direct from the Daily Mirror's (among several other newspapers, both here and in Spain) front page today a WORLD EXCLUSIVE no less, despite the previously mentioned coverage a spurious smattering of claptrap pertaining to Jose Mourinho's brazen trip to buy a bag of doughnuts and peruse the real estate of London Town yesterday.

Infographic: Premier League Managerial Turnover Since 2000

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By Chris Wright

An interesting little (quite large) infographic detailing the level of managerial upheavel of the 20 current Premier League clubs since the turn of the Millennium.

Click > click > engage eyes...

Via Oh You Beauty

Jose Mourinho Looks At Houses (And Buys Doughnuts) In London – What Can It All Mean?

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By Chris Wright

Apparently this is a thing...

Direct from the Daily Mirror's (among several other newspapers, both here and in Spain) front page today a WORLD EXCLUSIVE no less a spurious smattering of claptrap pertaining to Jose Mourinho's brazen trip to buy a bag of doughnuts and peruse the real estate of London Town yesterday.

Maccabi Haifa Keeper Scores Amazing Wind-Assisted Super Looper Own Goal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With Ukraine in town to play Israel in a friendly tonight, Dynamo Kiev pitched up at Maccabi Haifa's blustery training complex for a friendly game yesterday a game that was cut-short after an hour due to problems with the wind. One of the goals blew over.

However, within those 60 minutes, Maccabi 'keeper Assaf Mendes managed to score an immense own goal, punting a kick upfield only to see it come hurtling back at him once the wind caught it.

Andres Iniesta Set To Play Albino Pirate In Animated Film About Pirates Called…’Pirates’

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By Chris Wright

"Ahaaarrr mis amigos!"

You may want to find something to bite down on as the past few day's worth of footballing headlines have just been knocked into a cocked hat labelled 'no-one gives a flying fart anymore'.

Andres Iniesta has landed a main role in Pirates!

Crafty Norwegian TV Crew Use Ladders To Get Sneaky Peek At Carlos Tevez Return (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After spending the last four months sulking on Argentinian golf courses, shedding £9 million pounds and gaining several dozen lbs, Carlos Tevez made his return to Manchester City on Monday afternoon, playing in a behind-closed-doors reserve match.

Carrington was transformed into a nigh-on impenetrable fortress for Tevez's return, with the media barred from entering though a crack specialist taskforce consisting of a Norwegian camera crew from 2Sporten and a portly City fan named Gary managed to evade City's formidable green sheets and get a shufty at the game.

Shit Lookalikes: Arjen Robben & Sepp Blatter – Brothers In Herp Derp

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By Chris Wright

Just two guys a-herpin' and a-derpin'...

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to us at waatpies@gmail.com or Tweet it over to us on @waatpies if you're super hip.

Scott Parker Named As England Captain For Holland Friendly

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By Chris Wright

There you go, the wait is over. After teasing us by delaying the announcement until the day of the game, Stuart Pearce has just announced that Scott Parker is to captain England against Holland at Wembley tonight which is, I think I'm right in saying, the first time a Tibetan Fox will have skippered the national side.

Retro Football: England Hammer Holland 4-1 At Euro ’96 (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

1996 was a fine year for humanity. The Cable Guy hit the cinemas and showed us all just what was truly possible, the IRA bombed the Arndale centre, millions of people the world over began finding that Ask Jeeves 'preferred the term jovial' and Mark Morrison warned us all about the imminent Return of the Mac (despite no-one realising he'd been away) before being jailed for hiring a ringer to do a bout of community service.

Ibrahimovic Shunts Svensson Into Majstorovic, Puts Him Out For Season (Video)

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By Chris Wright

During Sweden's training session yesterday, Daniel Majstorovic (who had only just returned to the fold after fracturing a cheekbone) suffered an injury that has prematurely ended his season and sadly also ended his hopes of playing at Euro 2012 this summer in fact, the 34-year old Celtic centre-half has it all on to be fit and ready for the start of next season.

Ibrahimovic Shunts Svensson Into Majstorovic, Puts Him Out For Season (Video)

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By Chris Wright

During Sweden's training session yesterday, Daniel Majstorovic (who had only just returned to the fold after fracturing a cheekbone) suffered an injury that has prematurely ended his season and sadly also ended his hopes of playing at Euro 2012 this summer in fact, the 34-year old Celtic centre-half has it all on to be fit and ready for the start of next season.

Nike Viral Sees Brazil Face Their Greatest Adversaries…Brazil (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Brazil have two new kits out (this way for photos), and therefore Nike needed an ad premise that would suitably showcase them both simultaneously. The result? With cameos from Neymar, Ganso, Pato, Ronaldo and...erm...Javier Mascherano, they had Brazil take on their greatest adversaries: Brazil.

Arsenal Agree Personal Terms With Lukas Podolski, According To Bild

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By Alan Duffy

There's nothing like a bit of transfer gossip to get football fans frothing at the mouth, and currently, Twitter is getting very excited by the news that, according to German newspaper Bild, FC Koln attacker Lukas Podolski is set to join Arsenal in the summer.

Tottenham Release Commemorative DVD Of First 39 Minutes Of Arsenal Game

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By Chris Wright

And what a glorious first 39 minutes they were...

Very amusing, though we must point out that it's been done before.

(Spotted on Balls.ie Twitter feed, via F365)

Does Lionel Messi Ever Dive? Does He ‘Eck As Like! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Half man, half weeble even when he's getting kicked up in the air, Lionel Messi never dives...

Cue a raft of miffed fans supplying video evidence that he is, in fact, a supersonic flop machine.

Oh, and apologies for coming over all 'Fred Dibnah' in the title there.

Snapshot: Where’s John Terry?

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By Chris Wright

So good, we actually thought it was a doctored image at first; here's deposed captain John Terry joining the latest England squad (and X-Factor dreck-mongers JLS) at a charity bash in London last night.

Can you spot him?

Struggling to pinpoint JT?

Mark Hughes Scores Scorching Volley Past Two Keepers During Man City Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Either Mark Hughes is still on the payroll at Man City, or they've delved into their achives for this one Sparky scoring an absolutely cracking volley past not one, but two goalkeepers during a City training session a while or so back...

BOSH!

What’s Left Of England Squad Train At Wembley Ahead Of Holland Friendly (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

With Wayne Rooney, Darren Bent, Tom Cleverley and Kyle Walker all sidelined to varying degrees, here we have a few photos of interim England manager Stuart Pearce taking what's left of his injury-ravaged squad including Scott Parker, who has just been voted '2011 England Player of the Year' Â through their paces ahead of tomorrow evening's friendly against Holland at Wembley (click/open in new tab for full size image).

Caption This: Gerard Pique Gets Nervous As Besotted Female Fan Closes In

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By Chris Wright

Looks like Señor Pique has a stalker lady admirer, and she loves him...

Pies say: "Well hello, Gerard. We must stop meeting like this! I noticed you only spent 2 minutes and 13 seconds on the toilet beginning at 9:22am this morning.

Nocerino Scores Massively Deflected Goal vs Juventus, Milan TV Commentator Has Screaming Apoplexy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which AC Milan midfielder Antonio Nocerino scores a hugely deflected goal against his former club during Saturday's controversial (more on that in a second) 1-1 draw against Juventus a fairly unimpressive goal that still manages to send the partisan Milan TV commentator into some kind of apoplectic rage.

Spain Unveil New Adidas Euro 2012 Away Kit (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We've got more new kits on our hands than the Knight Rider prop department at the moment, with Spain being the latest to unveil their change colours for Euro 2012 with this snazzy little video, which focuses heavily on what La Roja had to go through to beat Holland in the 2010 World Cup final (i.

Sergio Ramos Batters Diego Costa With An Elbow, Costa Gets Yellow Card For Complaining (Video)

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By Chris Wright

During the very same match that saw Cristiano Ronaldo score his 500th goal of the season with an impudent backheel, came an incident right at the other end of the spectrum. Sergio Ramos battered Rayo Vallecano's Diego Costa across the chin with a reverse elbow, which saw the Real Madrid centre-half escape scot free and the Vallecano man booked for having the temerity to complain.

Sergio Ramos Batters Diego Costa With An Elbow, Costa Gets Yellow Card For Complaining (Video)

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By Chris Wright

During the very same match that saw Cristiano Ronaldo score his 500th goal of the season with an impudent backheel, came an incident right at the other end of the spectrum. Sergio Ramos battered Rayo Vallecano's Diego Costa across the chin with a reverse elbow, which saw the Real Madrid centre-half escape scot free and the Vallecano man booked for having the temerity to complain.

Snapshot: Just Sergio Aguero & Diego Maradona Playing Squash At Cheadle Fitness Centre

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By Chris Wright

This? Oh, it's nothing really. Just a photo of Sergio Aguero and his father-in-law Diego Maradona (who, I'm led to believe, was a footballer of some distinction at one point) having just booked in for a game of squash at the David Lloyd Fitness Centre in Cheadle, Greater Manchester.

Nike Launch New Euro 2012 Portugal Away Kit – Sealed With A Cross (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Hot on the heels of England, France and Holland's brand-spanking new work clothes, comes Portugal's new change strip especially for Euro 2012; as modelled here by Messrs Ronaldo and Meireles...

Detail shots.

Snapshot: Real Betis Handed Unprecedented La Liga 270 Point Increase?

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By Chris Wright

Unprecedented 270 point increase or simple decimal point error from the SSN Graphics department? YOU DECIDE!

Hyuk hyuk.

Via @SkySportsNews

Referee Mike Dean Celebrates Louis Saha Goal At The Emirates (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Football fans like nothing better than to point to conspiracy theories and referee bias in order to blame somebody for their team's failings.

However, in the north London derby on Sunday, man-in-the-middle Mike Dean seems to celebrate a Tottenham goal courtesy of a little skip and a jump of joy when Louis Saha nets the opener.

40 Fantastic Photos From 2012 Carling Cup Final

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By Chris Wright

Does exactly what it says on the tin, 40 lovely photos from yesterday's Carling Cup final at Wembley...

Photos: PA

‘You’re Lucky To Still Be At Sky Aren’t You?’ – Jamie Carragher Owns Andy Burton In Post-Final Interview (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here we see Jamie Carragher facing a bit of nosey, post-Carling Cup final questioning from Sky Sports reporter Andy Burton, and duly taking Burton over his knee and paddling the little twonk's pink buttocks (metaphorically of course) by responding with a killer quip about his past conduct.

Gareth Bale Dives Like A Cheating Swine To Con Penalty vs Arsenal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Gareth Bale does nothing more than dive like a cheating swine in order to successfully coax a penalty out of referee Mike Dean against Arsenal...

Sickening, literally. A bit of watery spew just came up. He could've scored, he could have charged past Brad Friedel and cut one in from the angle.

Football GIF: Charlie Adam’s Skied Penalty Finally Re-Enters Earth’s Atmosphere

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By Chris Wright

It was almost inevitable, but Charlie Adam's wayward (and that's being kind) penalty against Cardiff in the shoot-out has been given the GIF treatment...

Incidentally, this is the very GIF that sparked a 'Twitter war' between ruddy-faced chatwanker Piers Morgan and Adam himself last night but, quite frankly, it was so dull and tawdry that even we're not going to bother with it.

Little Liverpool Fan Celebrates, Pokes Himself In The Eye, Keeps On Celebrating (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The real hero from yesterday's Carling Cup final this l'il Liverpool fan took his self-administered retina assault like a chief...

Little Liverpool Fan Celebrates, Pokes Himself In The Eye, Keeps On Celebrating (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The real hero from yesterday's Carling Cup final this l'il Liverpool fan took his self-administered retina assault like a chief...

XI Conclusions: Carling Cup Final – Liverpool 2-2 Cardiff City (3-2 Pens)

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By Chris Wright

1. First of all, with the North London derby thrown in, what a fantastic day's worth of football Sunday was. Thoroughly enjoyable for the neutrals!

2. Congratulations are due to Liverpool; they enjoyed most of the meaningful possession and were the better footballing side, though not by much.

Stoke 2-0 Swansea – Potters Head Their Way To Victory As Swans Outmuscled At The Britannia (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 2-0 Swansea City Premier League 26th February 2012


Stoke secured their first win in six league games after overpowering a technically superior Swansea side at the Britannia Stadium.

Ronaldo Scores Incredible Backheeled Goal Against Rayo Vallecano (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

If it wasn't for a certain pint-sized Argentinian genius, Cristiano Ronaldo would be head and shoulders above every other footballer on the planet.

At the weekend, the Portuguese superstar was at it again, netting a cheeky backheeled goal to give league leaders Real Madrid a vital 1-0 win in a local derby game.

Norwich 1-2 Man Utd – Fergie’s (Old) Farts Secure Vital Win Against Canaries (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 1-2 Manchester United Premier League 26th February 2012


Making his 900th appearance for the Red Devils, veteran Welsh wing wizard Ryan Giggs celebrated his landmark game with a vital last-gasp winner for United against a Norwich side who deserved at least a point.

Arsenal 5-2 Tottenham: Gunners Get Back Into The Groove As Spurs Collapse (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 5-2 Tottenham Hotspur 26th February 2012


Arsene Wenger's stuttering Gunners went in to Sunday's north London derby as most people's underdogs, however, inspired by a fine performance from Tomas Rosicky in midfield, Arsenal conjured up a magnificent comeback against a Tottenham side brimming with confidence.

Snapshot: Liverpool Are The 2012 Carling Cup Champions!

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By Chris Wright

Back and forth, back and forth, 120 minutes, late 'winners', players out on their feet, last-gasp goal-line clearances, even later equalisers to brink it back from the brink and then penalties after which Liverpool emerge as the 2012 Carling Cup champions!

QPR 0-1 Fulham – Rangers Still Waiting For Mark Hughes Magic As Cottagers Win Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Queens Park Rangers Fulham Premier League 25th February 2012


Current QPR boss Mark Hughes left Fulham after only a year in charge, after suggesting that the Cottagers didn't match his ambitions.

West Brom 4-0 Sunderland – Baggies Batter Black Cats As O’Neill Magic Wears Off (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 4-0 Sunderland Premier League 25th February 2012


West Brom secured their first win at the Hawthorn ssince November in a comprehensive thrashing of in-form Sunderland.

Peter Odemwingie was the star man for the home side, bagging a brace, with one coming after just three minutes and the second coming three minutes into the second-half.

Wigan 0-0 Aston Villa – Latics Fail To Capitalise On Another Dour Villa Performance (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wigan Athletic Aston Villa Premier League 25th February 2012


The hiring of Alex McLeish by Aston Villa was always something of a strange decision. Villa, a club with a history of playing good football, put their faith in a man whose trademark footballing style is the epitomé of dour.

Newcastle 2-2 Wolves – Connor Guides Visitors To Superb Away Point Against Magpies (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United Wolverhampton Wanderers Premier League 25th February 2012


Terry Connor's promotion to Wolves' manager for the rest of the season was met with a less than enthusiastic response from both fans and the media.

Man City 3-0 Blackburn – Citizens Stroll To Vital Three Points Against Struggling Rovers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 3-0 Blackburn Rovers Premier League 25th February 2012


17 years ago it was Blackburn Rovers, funded by Jack Walker's millions, who picked up their first Premier League trophy. However, on Saturday evening, it was the top tier's latest nouveau riche superstars, Man City, who secured another three points on their way to (potentially) winning the league.

Chelsea 3-0 Bolton – Blues Back On Track After Easy Win At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea Bolton Wanderers Premier League 25th February 2012


Wild-haired defender David Luiz has also looked more suited to a midfield role than the centre of a Premier League backline, and the Brazilian highlighted his silky skills to open the scoring and set the Blues on their way to a much-needed victory.

Iceland’s Steinthor Thorsteinsson Pulls Off Five Useless Flip Throw-Ins vs Japan (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Iceland midfielder Steithor Freyr Thorsteinsson pulls of a series of five acrobatically impressive (though otherwise completely useless) flip throw-ins in a friendly against Japan last night each of which resulted in the square root of sweet Fanny Adams.

Andrei Arshavin Heads Back To Zenit On Loan As Arsenal Career Peters Out

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By Alan Duffy


Andrei Arshavin came to Arsenal in 2009 on the back of a superb Euro 2008 for the diminutive Russian. Â The playmaker started well with the Gunners, hitting his peak in April of his first year with the north Londoners, courtesy of that famous four-goal haul at Anfield in the league.

£50million Flop Fernando Torres Left Out Of Spain Squad For Friendly Fixture

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By Alan Duffy


Once the blonde-haired, blue-eyed prince of Spanish football, Fernando Torres has, in the space of a year, turned into a £50million flop.

Since moving to Chelsea from Liverpool, the attacker has seriously lost his mojo and now his impotence in the Premier League has seen him fall out of favour with World Champions Spain.

Carlsberg Buy FC Copenhagen Stand, Celebrate By Shattering Colossal Beer Bottle On It (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Danish lager merchants Carlsberg recently purchased the naming rights to a stand at FC Copenhagen's Parken Stadium a business venture they chose to baptise by smashing a gigantic bottle of beer into their new purchase from a great height like so many Ocean Liners of yore.

‘He’s Not Big Or Butch, But He Can Handle Himself’ – Steve Kean Hires 24/7 Seventh Dan Karate Expert Bodyguard

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By Chris Wright

This may or may not be the guy

After months of vitriol and increasingly pathetic attempts to oust him from his position from the more ridiculous sections of the club's support, Blackburn manager Steve Kean has admitted to having hired a bodyguard to protect him at all times.

50 Very ‘Sensible Soccer’ Goals (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This is bordering on sacrilegious, but let it be known that I loathed Sensible Soccer back in the day chiefly because I was absolutely bloody crap at it. That said, I still love it for purely aesthetic and nostalgic reasons. There was a certain honour in splintering an Amiga joystick over my brother's head after finding myself on the receiving end of yet another 15-0 battering.

Interfering Tree Lead To Ridiculous Penalty Award In Argentinian Amateur Game (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during an Argentinian amateur game between San Lorenzo and Libertad de Charata on a delightfully sparse pitch lovingly referred to as 'The Quarry' by locals, an overhanging tree interferes with play by not letting a ricocheted shot go out of play.

Wolves Appoint Terry Connor As Manager – You Can Almost Smell The Relegation From Here

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By Chris Wright

After all that fannying around with Alan Curbishley, Brian McDermott, Walter Smith, etc, Wolves have formally announced that Terry Connor, Mick McCarty's former assistant, has been appointed as manager for the remaining 13 games of the season which, you can safely assume, wasn't the plan when they sacked Mick a fortnight ago.

Europa League: Man Utd 1-2 Ajax (3-2 Agg) – United Falter But Just About Skirt Through (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Like the scene in The Temple of Doom when Indiana Jones snatches his dusty fedora back from under a closing door in the nick of time, Manchester United made it through to the last 16 of the Europa League by the skins of their collective teeth at Old Trafford losing 2-1 on the night and having to ride out a nervy finale and rely solely on their first-leg victory in Amsterdam to skirt through to next round on aggregate.

New Holland 2012 Away Kit Released – Lethally Black And Oranje (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

"Now my nipple chaffing is a thing of yesterday!"

With Euro 2012 beginning to crown in the near future's rapidly dilating birth canal, the new kits are coming thick and fast. With both England and France already rolling out their respective new togs yesterday, Holland have followed suit and launched a new away strip for the finals.

Nike Launch New France 2012 Away Kit – Très Blanc Et Très Beau! (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Boom!

Mmmmmm'Vila

Seems like it's the day for it, with England rolling out their new home strip for Euro 2012 this morning and Holland set to follow suit later tonight (we'll have photos as and when). Sandwiched in the middle like a slice of jambon comes France's new away kit a classy, all-white affair from top to bottom.

European Championships 2012 – betting preview

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Advertorial

When the cream of international European football hits Poland and Ukraine this Summer, sparks are guaranteed to fly.

The 2012 European Championships are shaping up to be one of the most fascinating major tournaments for decades and from a punting perspective there is plenty to get your teeth into – regardless of whether you are looking to make large wagers or place free bets.

20 Beautiful Vintage Photos Of Goalkeepers In Flight

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By Chris Wright

Brought to you in no particular order, 20(ish) beautiful vintage photos of goalkeepers captured elegantly in mid-flight, plucked straight from Pies' archives...

Pat Jennings and his handsome sideburns in action during a Tottenham training session, 1973

Barnsley goalkeeper Pat Kelly dives to claim the ball as it's played across his penalty area during a Division Two match against West Ham, 1949

Millwall goalkeeper Brian King reaches for a ball thrown by the cameraman's assistant during a pre-season photocall, 1969

Chelsea goalkeeper Peter 'The Cat' Bonetti makes a flying save as teammate Eddie McCreadie watches on during the FA Cup semi-final against Liverpool, 1965

Racing Club goalkeeper Landi almost poleaxes himself while making a save against Arsenal in a pre-season friendly, 1948

Stoke goalkeeper Gordon Banks saves a penalty from West Ham's Geoff Hurst in the last minute of extra time to earn his team a replay in the semi-final of the League Cup, 1971

Legendary Russian goalkeeper Lev 'The Black Spider' Yashin makes an iconic save from Italy's Sandro Mazzola at Sunderland's Roker Park during the 1966 World Cup

Sunderland goalkeeper Willie Fraser springs full-length in vain as Charlton score on a barren pitch at The Valley, 1956

England centre-forward Jimmy Greaves makes a leaping save as he fools around in goal, watched by a small group of fans and goalkeeper Peter Bonetti, 1966

Gordon Banks puffs out his cheeks and leaps to make a save during England's 1-0 win over Hungary at Wembley, 1965

Despite his dapper cap, Peru goalkeeper Juan Valdivieso is beaten by one of Romania's three goals in a World Cup group game in Uruguay, 1930

Spanish goalkeeper Carmelo Cedrun arches his back to save a high shot in the closing minutes of a game against England at Wembley, 1955

The Korean goalkeeper rises to punch clear and thwart a Mexico attack during the 1948 Olympic Games in London

Southampton goalkeeper Eric Martin swings on the crossbar as the ball flies over the bar during a game against Sheffield Wednesday at Hillsbrough, 1969

Manchester United goalkeeper Harry Gregg pushes a shot safely outside the post during an FA Cup semi-final match against Aston Villa, 1958

Luton's Roy Baynham saves a ball during England practice at Stamford Bridge, 1955

Bishop Auckland goalkeeper Harry Sharratt stops Crook Town from scoring during the FA Amateur Cup Final at Newcastle's St James' Park, 1954

Tottenham goalkeeper Ted Ditchburn takes to the air to make a brilliant clearance against Hull City in the fifth round of the FA Cup, 1954

Charlton goalkeeper Willie Duff makes an acrobatic save during a training session at The Valley, 1961

A graceful dive by Watford goalkeeper Dave Underwood fails to stop a penalty taken by Carlisle left half Peter McConnell during a snow-bound Division Three game at Vicarage Road, 1962

Blackpool goalkeeper Gordon West is rendered agog by his own miraculous save during a match against Arsenal at Highbury, 1961.

‘For F**k’s Sake, Is This A Boarding School For Girls?’ – Hoeness Riled By Questions After Ribery Ducks Heyncke Handshake

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By Chris Wright

'Twas a pretty pap game all-in-all, but Bayern Munich lost 1-0 to FC Basel in Switzerland last night thanks to a goal from young Valentin Stocker, with the German giants' misery being compounded by the furore surrounding an incident in the 71st minute, when Franck Ribery was hauled off and failed to shake hands or make eye contact with coach Jupp Heynckes on his way to the bench.

Stuart Pearce Selects England Squad For Holland Friendly – Surprise Call-Ups For Micah Richards And Frazier Campbell

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By Chris Wright

"Kids and Psychos love them so..."

Interim England manager Stuart Pearce has just announced his 25-man squad for the Holland friendly at Wembley next Wednesday a squad that sees a couple of surprise call-ups handed out to Micah Richards and Frazier Campbell.

Europa League: Man City 4-0 Porto (6-1 Agg) – City Complete Routine Rout, Fans ‘In Trouble’ Over Hulk Chant (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

After nabbing themselves a late 2-1 victory in the first-leg, Manchester City did the business at the Etihad last night and completed a routine routing of Porto by banging four more unanswered goals past Helton to knock out the Europa League holders and take their place in the draw for the last 16.

Flamengo Striker Deivid Misses An Open-Goal, One-Yard Sitter vs Vasco Da Gama (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The very definition of a 'howler'; Flamengo striker  - and I use the term 'striker' quite wrongly there Deivid (once of Sporting Lisbon is memory serves) filed an absolutely risible horror miss against Vasco da Gama in the semi-finals of the Guanabara Trophy sending a farter of a finish farting against the post with the goal g-g-g-gaping in front of him.

Flamengo Striker Deivid Misses An Open-Goal, One-Yard Sitter vs Vasco Da Gama (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The very definition of a 'howler'; Flamengo striker  - and I use the term 'striker' quite wrongly there Deivid (once of Sporting Lisbon is memory serves) filed an absolutely risible horror miss against Vasco da Gama in the semi-finals of the Guanabara Trophy sending a farter of a finish farting against the post with the goal g-g-g-gaping in front of him.

New Umbro England Home Kits For Euro 2012 Unveiled – Red And White Delight! (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Eight international games after the last one was rolled out, Umbro launched the new England kit for 2012 in London last night and we've got our hands on a few photos of the blighter.

Taking it's lead from the St George's flag, the new strip (including the goalkeeper's) is entirely white and red, featuring a red monochrome England crest for the very first time.

New Umbro England Home Kits For Euro 2012 Unveiled – Red And White Delight! (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Eight international games after the last one was rolled out, Umbro launched the new England kit for 2012 in London last night and we've got our hands on a few photos of the blighter.

Taking it's lead from the St George's flag, the new strip (including the goalkeeper's) is entirely white and red, featuring a red monochrome England crest for the very first time.

Dumbass Reporter Plans To Sue Zlatan Ibrahimovic After Being Clipped By His Car (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Desperate to get away after training to go home, karate kick some beehives for a few hours then feast on raw goat meat, Zlatan Ibrahimovic made a deliberately swift getaway from Milanello yesterday.

However, one incredibly eager/foolish reporter still fancied that she could coax a few words from Zlatan and ventured to stand in the middle of the road, dangling her arm out as the car approached.

Dumbass Reporter Plans To Sue Zlatan Ibrahimovic After Being Clipped By His Car (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Desperate to get away after training to go home, karate kick some beehives for a few hours then feast on raw goat meat, Zlatan Ibrahimovic made a deliberately swift getaway from Milanello yesterday.

However, one incredibly eager/foolish reporter still fancied that she could coax a few words from Zlatan and ventured to stand in the middle of the road, dangling her arm out as the car approached.

‘Players Should Shake Hands After A Match’ – Franz Beckenbauer Calls For Football To Be More Friendly

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By Alan Duffy


Der Kaiser himself, Franz Beckenbauer, wants a return to more good sporting behaviour in the world of football. The German legend was chairing Task Force Football 2014, a group set up to improve sportsmanship and the overall image of the game.

Snapshot: Lukas Podolski Looks A Right Wally At Cologne Carnival

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By Chris Wright

Hands up, I have no idea what's going on here, but it looks like Pods may have misread the memo and turned up at Cologne Carnival as Napoleon's colour-blind brother...

Photo: Kickette

Shrove Tuesday Football Kicks Off In Ashbourne, Quickly Turns Into Complete Pandemonium (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

The annual Shrovetide Tuesday football match kicked off in Ashbourne, Derbyshire yesterday and, as is plainly visible from the photos below, the whole shebang reached levels of complete pandemonium very quickly as per usual. It's all so absurdly 'English' that it positively hums with rural whimsy.

Theo Walcott Linked With Move To Chelsea – Could It Really Happen?

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By Alan Duffy

Â

Charlie Wyett in The Sun today has come up with what would be a gem of a transfer story, if true of course. According to the shaggy-haired journo, the fleet-footed Walcott is a target for none other than Arsenal's metropolitan rivals Chelsea.

Cesc Fabregas Turns Up At 2012 Brit Awards, Bestows Ed Sheeran With ‘Best Breakthrough’ Trinket (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Looking dapper from his napper to his toes, Cesc Fabregas turned up at the 2012 Brit Awards in London last night with Nicole ZingerTowerBurger from the Pussycat Dolls on his arm to dole out the 'Best Breakthrough Act' trinket to Ed Sheeran and his hair of pure fire.

AVB And Chelsea: All Just A Little Bit Of History Repeating

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea lost a game of football last night, and a fairly high-profile one at that against Napoli in the last 16 of the Champions League. Their ropey, porous defence was breached three times by one of the most coveted forward lines in world football.

Champions League Snapshot: Ronaldo Leaves Pitch In Gloveless Huff As CSKA Moscow Peg Real Madrid Back In Stoppage Time (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Here we see whining man-toddler Cristiano Ronaldo leaving the plaggy Luzhniki pitch in a strop after seeing his 35th goal in 36 games cancelled out in the last few seconds of stoppage time by CSKA Moscow debutant Pontus Wernbloom's slashed close-range volley.

Napoli Mascot Kisses Ezequiel Lavezzi And Walter Gargano For Luck (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, before Napoli's win over Chelsea last night, Ezequiel Lavezzi and Walter Gargano are on the receiving end of a big ol' smooch from one of the Napoli mascots good-luck kisses that leave them utterly bemused for a few seconds...

While here in England we are seeing a sharp rise in mascot-on-mascot passive aggression, it appears that over in Italy the little tykes are loved up to the nines.

Champions League: Napoli 3-1 Chelsea – Azzuri Lump Yet More Woe On Blues (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea got spanked in the Stadio San Paolo in their last-16 first-leg tie against Napoli last night, losing 3-1, which is, in all actuality, not quite as bad-a-result as it first seems. It's easier said than done, but a 2-0 win at the Bridge will draw them level which isn't exactly beyond the realms of possibility.

Snapshot: West Ham Play Midfielder Henri Lansbury In Goal For 35 Mins, Still Tonk Blackpool

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By Chris Wright

West Ham hauled themselves back to the top of the Championship last night with a resounding win over Blackpool at Bloomfield Road, despite having to play for more than half-an-hour with midfielder Henri Lansbury betwixt the sticks.

With West Ham already 2-1 up through James Tomkins and Nicky Maynard, Rob Green was dismissed in the 53rd minute for chopping down Roman Bednar outside his area and, with no reserve 'keeper named, Lansbury was left to take up the gloves for the rest of the match.

Snapshot: West Ham Play Midfielder Henri Lansbury In Goal For 35 Mins, Still Tonk Blackpool

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By Chris Wright

West Ham hauled themselves back to the top of the Championship last night with a resounding win over Blackpool at Bloomfield Road, despite having to play for more than half-an-hour with midfielder Henri Lansbury betwixt the sticks.

With West Ham already 2-1 up through James Tomkins and Nicky Maynard, Rob Green was dismissed in the 53rd minute for chopping down Roman Bednar outside his area and, with no reserve 'keeper named, Lansbury was left to take up the gloves for the rest of the match.

Leaked Image Of Napoli’s Defensive Tactics vs Chelsea Emerges

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By Chris Wright

Seems AVB wasn't the only one leaving tactics sheets lying around in Neapolitan hotels yesterday. What we have here is a 'leaked image' of Napoli's defensive system for dealing with Chelsea's potential front line last night...

Harsh, yes but pretty much spot on.

Leaked Image Of Napoli’s Defensive Tactics vs Chelsea Emerges

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By Chris Wright

Seems AVB wasn't the only one leaving tactics sheets lying around in Neapolitan hotels yesterday. What we have here is a 'leaked image' of Napoli's defensive system for dealing with Chelsea's potential front line last night...

Harsh, yes but pretty much spot on.

Tevez A Model Citizen Again – Sulky Striker Apologies For Recent Poor Conduct

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By Alan Duffy

After all the bans, fines, tantrums, sulking and cross words, that loveable rogue Carlos Tevez has finally decided to swallow his pride and apologise to Manchester City for his behaviour over the past six months.

A statement released by the Argentinian hitman said:

"I wish to apologise sincerely and unreservedly to everybody I have let down and to whom my actions have caused offence.

Drogba, Lampard, Messi, Aguero, Wilshere, Torres – Pepsi Max Assemble World’s Worst Boyband For Star-Studded Football/Music Mash-Up

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By Chris Wright

Introducing Pepsi MAX's awful new boyband, from left; The One with Awful Hair, The Chunky One, The Tall One, The Halfling, The One with The Cardigan, The Invalid and Brian McFadden

Looking like the stuff of Simon Fuller's nightmares, Pepsi MAX have thrown Didier Drogba, Frank Lampard, Lionel Messi, Sergio Aguero, Jack Wilshere and Fernando Torres together with pineapple-wielding Scottish DJ Calvin Harris to form what will no doubt go down in history as the world's worst boyband hang on, I forgot about Another Level the world's second worst boyband.

Snapshot: Did Villas-Boas Leave His Napoli Team Sheet In Chelsea Hotel?

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By Chris Wright

This has just hit Twitter, a photo of what is supposed to be Andres Villas-Boas' tactics/teamsheet for Chelsea's Champions League tie against Napoli in six hours time that was apparently found by an Italian journalist having been left in Chelsea's team hotel, The Vesuvio, this afternoon.

Premier League Stars Turn Out For FIFA 12 Interactive World Cup UK Qualifier

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By Chris Wright

Okay, maybe 'Premier League stars' is pushing it slightly, but both Dickson Etuhu and Jay Bothroyd (of Fulham and England fame respectively) turned out for the FIFA '12 Interactive World Cup (FIWC) UK qualifying tournament in London last night and at least one had their derrieres handed to them by a 18-year old urchin from Birmingham.

Key pieces for a stylish sports kit

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Advertorial

Key pieces for a stylish sports kit

After years of meticulous planning, bidding, advertising campaigns, sponsorship deals and celebrity endorsement, the London 2012 Olympics are almost upon us. That's right, in just a few short months Britain will be transformed into a Mecca for sports fanatics, London will become even busier than usual and the world's greatest athletes will compete for coveted gold.

Borussia Monchengladbach Are Playing Some Beautiful Football This Season (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After barely surviving the drop last year and playing like clueless loons for the majority, Borussia Monchengladbach are currently riding high in second spot in the Bundesliga table (three points behind leaders Dortmund), and with good reason. For you see, coach Lucian Favre has got the playing some simply sublime tiki-taka style passing football the kind of football that has seen them christened 'Borussia Barcengladbach' by the entire German sporting press me.

Under-Fire Andre Villas-Boas Tells Silent Chelsea Board To Publicly Back Him

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By Alan Duffy


"Just give me money, that's what I want..."

Ahead of Chelsea's Champions League last 16 clash with Napoli, a tie which may go some way to deciding Andre Villas-Boas' future at the club, the Portuguese coach has appealed to the Blues' board to start being more vocal in their support for his re-building project.

Horror Hair: Young Kid Has Messi’s Face Shaved Into Hair, Looks More Like Tracy Emin

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By Chris Wright

Fair's fair, I don't suppose human hair is the easist medium to work with, but that don't look like no Leo Messi I've ever seen...

In fact, I'm just going to leave this here...

Video:Â Dirty Tackle

Aftermath Footage Emerges Of Ever Banega’s Vehicular Mishap (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here we have a snippet of smartphone footage of Valencia midfielder Ever Banega sat sheepishly on the kerb at a Spanish petrol station, nursing a well and truly busted ankle after he forgot to put the handbrake on in his Audi and the damned thing rolled over his foot and put him out for six months on Sunday afternoon.

Top 20 Dumb/Bizarre Football Injuries

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By Chris Wright

With a gentile doff of the cap to Mr Banega somehow managing to break his own ankle under his own K-reg Vauxhall Tigra on a petrol station forecourt yesterday, we thought we'd have a look at some of the most dumb/bizarre/Darwin Award-worthy injuries sustained by footballers over the years.

Struggling Inter Milan Send Javier Zanetti To Cheer Up Young Fan

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By Alan Duffy


Things are getting so bad for out-of-form Italian giants Internazionale that they have taken to sending their star players on individual PR missions to try to give their disgruntled fans a boost.

The great Javier Zanetti was called into some off-the-field action after nine-year-old fan Filippo (we don't get a second name) was pictured at the San Siro (during Inter's game with Bologna on Friday) holding up a banner which said "Could you win, please?

Philosophical Fergie Admits To Mistake Over Failure To Buy City ‘Keeper Joe Hart For £100,000

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By Alan Duffy

Radio Five's interview with Fergie is full of great nuggets of information, from the contents of his wine collection to his penchant for JLS (that second one is a lie). However, his honest musings on Man City 'keeper Joe Hart are sure to put a smile on the face of the blue half of Manchester.

Forever Alone: Solitary Santa Cruz Fan Watches Heavy Defeat To Gremio (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This is so sad it might make your eyes sweat (real men never cry), but try and stave off the tears as you watch the light die in this solitary Santa Cruz fan's eyes as his side go 4-1 down against Gremio while he sits alone in the achingly barren away section.

Terrifying ‘Zidane’ Float At 128th Nice Carnival Will Haunt Your Slumber For Eternity (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

It was the 128th Nice Carnival this weekend (like you need telling!) and this year's theme was 'King of Sport', which featured as it's centrepiece a vast float which rumbled through the city at night, depicting amongst others; Â Barack Obama, The Pope, the Dalai Lama and, towering over them all, an intensely evil-looking, up-lit effigy of Zinedine Zidane complete with a World Cup in hand and a huge red lump on his forehead, presumably as a result of boshing Marco Materazzi with it.

Marko Marin Knocked Clean Off His Feet By Empty Plastic Cup (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during his side's 3-1 Nordderby win over Hamburg in the Bundesliga, Werder Bremen hardman Marko Marin gets hacked down mercilessly by an empty plastic cup thrown from the crowd...

Of course, objects being thrown from the terraces is deplorable, but the fact that Marin instinctive reaction is hit the turf holding his Achilles as soon as he feels the nudge is, to my eye at least, indicative of the mindset of flimsy footballers these days.

Brighton’s Lewis Dunk Channels Djimi Traore, Scores Spectacularly Nonchalant Keepy-Uppy Own Goal vs Liverpool (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As alluded to already this morning, Liverpool hammered Brighton 6-1 at Anfield in the FA Cup yesterday afternoon without actually scoring half of the goals, with the Seagulls notching three own goals the first time three O.Gs have been scored by the same side in a match since the FA Cup began in 1871.

SPL Table Contains Clairvoyant Hidden Message For Rangers

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By Chris Wright

Either this is a spooky coincidence or there are higher powers at work in the SPL at the moment...

Via @danwalkerbbc

Thierry Henry Plans To Fluff £250k On Ginormous 5,000 Gallon Floor-To-Ceiling Fish Tank

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By Chris Wright

Thierry's place, as is

This is the BIG news this morning people, so hold on to your pancreases. Thierry Henry is building a fish tank. Not just any fish tank mind you, no no. It's a fnarkin' enormous one bigger, in fact, than the Adriatic Sea*.

Celtic Taunt Rangers, Unfurl Huge ‘HMRC’ Banner vs Hibernian

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By Chris Wright

As you'll no doubt be aware, Rangers are currently in administration to the tune of a £50-odd million tax bill and, safe to say, Celtic are bloody loving it hence this impressively large HMRC banner, that was unfurled during the Bhoys' 5-0 spanking of Hibernian at Easter Road on Saturday.

Snapshot: Jonjo Shelvey Comes Over All Emotional As Liverpool Thrash Brighton

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By Chris Wright

Despite not actually scoring 50% of their goals themselves, Liverpool tonked Brighton 6-1 in the FA Cup yesterday afternoon and, bless him, it was all too much for Jonjo Shelvey who had to be removed from the field in a flood of tears having removed all his clothes in a pique of ecstacy at the final whistle.

Snapshot: Jonjo Shelvey Comes Over All Emotional As Liverpool Thrash Brighton

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By Chris Wright

Despite not actually scoring 50% of their goals themselves, Liverpool tonked Brighton 6-1 in the FA Cup yesterday afternoon and, bless him, it was all too much for Jonjo Shelvey who had to be removed from the field in a flood of tears having removed all his clothes in a pique of ecstacy at the final whistle.

Ever Banega Injured For Six Months After Running Himself Over With His Own Car

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By Chris Wright

"Shiiiiit, what the hell is that thing?"

After getting flayed by Barcelona last night (5-1), Valencia have yet more ignominy to deal with this morning by having to announce to the waking world that defensive midfielder Ever Banega is now set to miss the next six months after fracturing his leg/ankle in a bizarre incident at a petrol station.

FA Cup: Norwich 1-2 Leicester – Canaries Outfoxed At Carrow Road (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 1-2 Leicester City FA Cup 18th February 2012


Norwich City have enjoyed a superb return to the Premier League this season, however their hopes of securing a last eight berth in the FA Cup were scuppered by an impressive Leicester side whose attack-minded play put the home side under pressure from the off.

FA Cup: Millwall 0-2 Bolton – Ryo In Carnival Mood As Trotters Tame Lions At The New Den (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Millwall 0-2 Bolton Wanderers FA Cup 18th February 2012


On the same day that his parent club Arsenal fell flat at the Stadium of Light, Â 19-year-old loanee Ryo Miyachi was helping Bolton to an impressive 2-0 victory away at the New Den.

FA Cup: Everton 2-0 Blackpool – Impressive Toffees Squeeze The Life Out Of Tangerines At Goodison (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 2-0 Blackpool FA Cup 18th February 2012


Everton cruised into into the quarter-finals of the FA Cup on Saturday, after a comfortable victory over Championship side Blackpool.

The Toffees got off to the best possible start when Royston Drenthe curled home a fine effort after just 49 seconds of play and only five minutes later the home side were two up, courtesy of Denis Stracqualursi.

FA Cup: Sunderland 2-0 Arsenal – Limp Gunners’ See Trophy Hopes Vanish At Stadium Of Light (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 2-0 Arsenal FA Cup 18th February 2012


After seeing his side all but go out of the Champions League on Wednesday in Milan, Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger witnessed another appalling performance from his beleaguered side at Sunderland on Saturday.

FA Cup: Chelsea 1-1 Birmingham – Clock Ticking For AVB As Blues Stumble At The Bridge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 1-1 Birmingham City FA Cup 18th February 2012

If Andre Villas-Boas was hoping that his stuttering Chelsea side would find a bit of comfort in the FA Cup on Saturday, he was given a rather rude awakening by an impressive, hard-working Birmingham side.

Lookin’ Good Toots: Nicklas Bendtner Opts For ‘Small Hat At Jaunty Angle’ Look vs Arsenal

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By Chris Wright

Here we have Nicklas Bendtner looking like a prize plum during Sunderland's FA Cup over Arsenal earlier today sporting, as he is/was, a slightly-too-small, Bugsy Malone-sized, jaunty-angled mobster hat...

The worst part? I think he's serious.

‘When You Don’t Win Anything For Years, People Understand Why You Leave’ – Zlatan Urges Van Persie To Up-Sticks At Arsenal

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By Chris Wright

Grade A shit-stirring from Zlatan this morning, in which the wandering, trophy-laden Swede urges Robin van Persie to up-sticks at Arsenal and move on in search of the trinkets his talent deserves:

"When you don't win anything for years, people understand why you leave like Cesc Fabregas.

Horror Hair: Amauri’s Swirling ‘Walnut Whip’ Hair Vortex

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By Chris Wright

How is this even possible?

A fully formed Walnut Whip of hair. Impressive.

Burnley’s Ben Mee Blocks Goal-Bound Shot With Heroic Face Shield vs Reading (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during Reading's 1-0 win over Burnley in the Championship last night, Clarets' centre-half Ben Mee puts his devilishly handsome good looks on the line with a heroic, last-ditch face block to deny Noel Hunt at point-plank range...

COMMITMENT!

Leverkusen Pair Squabble Over Messi Shirt, Forced To Donate It To Charity As Punishment

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By Chris Wright

Allow us, if you will, to skip back to Tuesday night when Bayer Leverkusen lost 3-1 to Barcelona on their own patch in the Champions League. At half-time during said match, Leverkusen's Michal Kadlec swapped shirts with Lionel Messi, despite teammate Manuel Friedrich apparently already having agreed to nab the wee man's shirt at some point during the first 45 minutes.

‘Aaron Ramsey Death Curse’ Explained By Everybody’s Favourite Taiwanese Animated News Outlet (Video)

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By Chris Wright

If you're not familiar with the 'Aaron Ramsey Death Curse', it's basically the entirely co-incidental correlation between the Arsenal midfielder's last four goals and the high-profile deaths that have almost immediately followed each of them a tongue-in-cheek conspiracy theory that The Sun strangely saw fit to claim as an EXCLUSIVE!

Three Excellent Europa League Goals That Are Worthy Of A Mention (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Couldn't really find a place for these three beauties from last night's Europa League to-ings and fro-ings seeing as though Mehmet Topal had already claimed goal of the night with his screamer against Stoke, so these little pearls have got themselves their very own post.

Gary Lineker Destroys Piers Morgan On Twitter For The Second Time

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By Chris Wright

For reasons unbeknownst or cared about by anyone other than himself, Piers Morgan has continued in his po-faced attempts to rile Gary Lineker using his entirely flaccid 'thorn in the side of celebrity culture' Twitter mumblings and found himself, once again, subtly yet completely and utterly owned by MoTD's velvety host.

Caption This: Zlatan Ibrahimovic Whispers Sweet Nothings In Thierry Henry’s Ear (GIF)

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By Chris Wright

Pies says: "Hey Bobby! What's French for 'want to cuddle up and watch Miss Congeniality later'?"

Either that or Ibra didn't say a word, he just lightly nibbled Henry's earlobe.

You say?

Michel Platini Hoofs Opponent In Ribs And Delivers KO Right Hook During Friendly Game (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Not that Michel Platini of course, he's far too dignified. Admit it, we totally merked yo' hind quarters. Brrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaap BAAAANTZZZZ!!!LULZ

Instead, we see CSKA Sofia's Brazilian striker Michel Platini on the receiving end of a terrible, vindictive challenge from Dinamo Bucharest defender Laurentiu Rus and taking it rather personally turning around and hoofing Rus in the gut a few times before sparking a bit of a dust-up in which Platini lamps a Bucharest player across the face, knocking him sparko with a sturdy right-hander.

Europa League: Porto 1-2 Man City – Aguero Pinches Vital Victory As City Take The Reigns (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

I'm not particularly glad that Manchester City won this one, but I'm deliriously cock-a-hoop that Porto lost  and for one, sole reason: Hulk. Jesus wept, what an overrated pile of festering guano that man is. Shite touch after shite touch followed by pleading tumble after pleading tumble.

Snapshot: Newcastle Remove ‘St James Park’ Name From Stadium, Geordie Answer To Banksy Replaces It

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By Chris Wright

As part of the Newcastle United owners' long-standing 'Poke The Geordies With A Sharp Stick' campaign, Mike Ashley and co. removed all the St James' Park signs around the ground yesterday, being as though the club now technically play their home games at the illustrious Sports Direct Arena.

Europa League: Ajax 0-2 Man Utd – United Make Winning Start To ‘Thursday Night’ Campaign (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

A couple of goals from Javier Hernandez and Ashley Young were enough to see Manchester United run out 2-0 winners over Ajax in their maiden foray into 'Thursday Night, Channel Five' football (their first outing in UEFA's knock-down tournament since 1995) last night a game that was altogether closer than we had been repeatedly told it was going to be by all and sundry beforehand.

Europa League: Ajax 0-2 Man Utd – United Make Winning Start To ‘Thursday Night’ Campaign (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

A couple of goals from Javier Hernandez and Ashley Young were enough to see Manchester United run out 2-0 winners over Ajax in their maiden foray into 'Thursday Night, Channel Five' football (their first outing in UEFA's knock-down tournament since 1995) last night a game that was altogether closer than we had been repeatedly told it was going to be by all and sundry beforehand.

Europa League: Valencia’s Mehmet Topal Sinks Stoke With 30-Yard Thundercracker! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Stoke lost 1-0 to Valencia in their Europa League last-32 first-leg tie at the Britannia, and this was the booming Mehmet Topal goal that settled it...

WOOF! You don't get much top corner-er than that!

Photos...

Photos: PA

Europa League: Valencia’s Mehmet Topal Sinks Stoke With 30-Yard Thundercracker! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Stoke lost 1-0 to Valencia in their Europa League last-32 first-leg tie at the Britannia, and this was the booming Mehmet Topal goal that settled it...

WOOF! You don't get much top corner-er than that!

Photos...

Photos: PA

Football League Moves Closer To Artificial Pitches, As Clubs Tire Of Winter Weather Postponements

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By Alan Duffy

El Tel tests the new surface at QPR in 1981

Anyone of a certain vintage will remain those infamous astro-turf pitches at Loftus Road and Kenilworth Road in the 1980′s. Back then, the hard, rubbery synthetic surfaces had more in common with concrete than natural grass, with the ball bouncing higher than Per Mertesacker sitting on Peter Crouch's shoulders while he jumps on a trampoline.

Snapshot: AC Milan Fans Say Awfully Rude Things About Berlusconi & The Queen

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By Chris Wright

Like many, Pies were perplexed when this banner featuring Silvio Berlusconi and The Queen cropped up during Milan's mauling of Arsenal at the San Siro last night as our Italian is nowhere near as fluent as our near-flawless Swahili...

Following a bit of painstaking research, we unearthed the shocking truth of the matter.

‘Suarez Showed Balls’ – Uruguay Captain Diego Lugano Backs Team-mate Over Evra Handshake Snub

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By Alan Duffy


Luis Suarez is congratulated by Lugano and co. after refusing to shake Evra's hand

Never one to miss out on a good fight, Uruguay captain Diego Lugano has waded into the Suarez/Evra debacle by publicly backing his fellow countryman.

Kevin-Prince Boateng Scores Blistering Volley, Opens Floodgates vs Arsenal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

I'm experiencing major internet connectivity issues this morning peeps (the fact that it's taken almost two hours to get this far should tell you all you need to know), so Pies is going to be late getting off the ground today.

In the meantime, here's Kevin-Prince Boateng's sensational opening goal for Milan against Arsenal last night an absolute peach of a half-volley that pinged in off the underside of the bar and just about set the tone for whole evening.

‘Europe To Blame For Diving In Premier League’ – Tony Pulis Points The Finger Of British Justice Across The Channel

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By Alan Duffy

Â

Tony Pulis is sick, sick and tired of the 'foreign disease' which is polluting this nation's untainted character. In his press conference ahead of Stoke's Europa League clash with Valencia, the baseball-capped crusader for all that is good and proper, bemoans the growing occurences of cheating in the British game, where men used to be men, not flouncy-haired paella-scoffing cheats.

Are These The New Nike Arsenal, Barcelona And Man Utd Kits? Let’s Hope Not! (Leaked Photo)

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By Chris Wright

The following photo has just landed on Pies' doormat in an unmarked Manila envelope, and professes to be the new Nike home kits for Arsenal (featuring the gruesome black collar and cuffs that Arsenalinsider alluded to a few days back), Barcelona (replete with Corel Draw 3-style colour gradient) and Manchester United (seven shades of ugly Gingham tablecloth).

Huddersfield Town Sack Lee Clark, Leeds Vacancy Surely Beckons?

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By Chris Wright

Huddersfield Town have just announced the sacking of manager Lee Clark and all his coaching staff with the club lying in fourth place in League One; a decision which initially seems shocking considering the relative rude health Clark leaves the club in, but becomes altogether less so once you consider the managerial jobs currently going begging.

Granada’s Julio Cesar Provides Second Hopeless Goalkeeper Gaffe Of The Day (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Coming in swiftly on the heels of Wang comes Granada 'keeper Julio Cesar who, springing like a spawning trout off his line, manages to palm Villarreal's third and final goal of the evening (the final score was 3-1) into his own net like a prize chumpanoid.

West Ham Brat Ravel Morrison Charged By FA Over Homophobic Tweet

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By Alan Duffy

Let go by Manchester United for his questionable attitude, youngster Ravel Morrison has taken little time in showcasing those iffy attitudes at new club West Ham.

The 19-year-old has been charged by the FA over a homophobic Tweet he sent early this month.

‘Cat On The Pitch’ By Vom Vorton – Surprisingly Good Song About Anfield Cat (Video)

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By Chris Wright

I know we said we'd never mention Anfield Cat again, but this is just too good to go unheralded the rhyming of "Brad Friedel" with "good feed'll" is a personal highlight...

By Vom Vorton

Speaking of Anfield Cat, he's been put up for adoption if anybody's interested?

An Iron, Fairy Liquid, Oxo Cubes & Fabric Softener – Carlton Cole Attempts Risky Gag With Valentine’s Gifts

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By Chris Wright

Here's the Valentine's Day 'joke' that Carlton Cole sent to his missus yesterday a tray of special, ever-so-slightly sexist gifts including an iron, fabric softener, polish, a range of cleaning products, Oxo cubes and a bottle of champagne...

Risky.

Adidas Launch New ‘Slime Green’ Predator Boots & Champions League 2012 Finale Ball (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Here we have a few photos of the brand-spanking new Adidas Predator colourway, due to be rolled out on the end of specific player's legs (RVP'll wearing them against Milan) across tonight's Champions League fixtures.

Colourwise, they're bold.

Aston Villa Announce New Signing – Talon-ted Winger By The Name Of ‘Gee’

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By Chris Wright

Gee whiz, this is BIG news!

'Aston Villa sign talon-ted winger to kill off pesky Magpies' might give the impression that Big Eck has gone out, bought Andrei Kanchelskis back from beyond the grave, sharpened his toenails to a point and instructed him to end Newcastle United's Europa push by any means possible but we can assure you here and now; it's not nearly as exciting as that.

Irked Man Utd Fan Sells Land Outside Man City Stadium To Block Etihad Expansion

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By Chris Wright

Some people, eh? Businessman and jilted Manchester United fan Shaun O'Brien is hoping to stymie Manchester City's stadium expansion plans by selling off thousands of parcels of land in the mostly-derelict 80-acre site outside the Etihad that City have earmarked for a swanky new £100 million training complex (you can have a butcher's at the plans here).

Goalkeeper Named ‘Wang’ Makes Horrendous Cock-Up (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, deep into injury time and with the score level at 1-1, Kitchee goalkeeper Wang Zhenpeng makes a horrendous cock-up/drops a bollock, etc, by singularly failing to deal with Pegasus winger Leandro Silva's cross in just about the worst way possible...

Champions League: Bayer Leverkusen 1-3 Barcelona – Sanchez Breaks Duck To Put Barca In Charge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

The Champions League farted back into life last night with two last 16 games taking place, one of which being Barcelona's comfortable win over Bayer Leverkusen at the Bay-Arena.

Alexis Sanchez scored his first ever Champions League goal to put Barca 1-0 up at the interval, the Catalans ending the first half with with 78% of possession, while Leverkusen failed to register any corners, offsides or attempts on goal on target or otherwise.

Champions League: Bayer Leverkusen 1-3 Barcelona – Sanchez Breaks Duck To Put Barca In Charge (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

The Champions League farted back into life last night with two last 16 games taking place, one of which being Barcelona's comfortable win over Bayer Leverkusen at the Bay-Arena.

Alexis Sanchez scored his first ever Champions League goal to put Barca 1-0 up at the interval, the Catalans ending the first half with with 78% of possession, while Leverkusen failed to register any corners, offsides or attempts on goal on target or otherwise.

Tottenham Break £16million Regeneration Promise As New Stadium Move Gathers Pace

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By Alan Duffy


Tottenham's proposed new Northumberland Park stadium sanctuary from the poor

A key pledge in Spurs' original deal with Haringey Council to build a new stadium in Tottenham has been torn up after the both parties agreed to abandon a promise by the club to invest around £16million in the local community, much of which was badly hit by this year's riots.

Football GIF Majesty: The Premier League Supergroup

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By Chris Wright

We can't be sure just yet, but the internet may have just reached it's peak.

It started with Wenger on lead guitar, then came Woy and Wojciech, then came Kenny and Sir Alex on percussion and now what we have people, is a work of majestic GIF artistry The Premier League Supergroup.

Snapshot: Carlos Tevez Sets Foot On Manchester Soil Once Again

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By Chris Wright

Here we see Carlos Tevez, with his bemused and frankly knackered-looking daughters in tow, touching down on Manchester soil once again ahead of him undergoing a raft of fitness tests (he claims he'll be back in two week's time) at City's Carrington training HQ tomorrow.

Champions League: Thierry Henry Trains With Arsenal For Last Time Ahead Of Milan Clash (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Just a few photos of Arsenal going through their paces at London Colney ahead of their Champions League  - Oh sweet, sweet Champions League, how I've missed thee so last 16 tie against AC Milan at the San Siro on Wednesday night.

The training session will likely be Thierry Henry's last with the club (barring a future third stint, of course) before he's due to scuttle back to New York on February 16th after nabbing three goals in something like 96 minutes during his second spell up the Arse though, of course, there's always the prospect of a possible fourth in Milano tomorrow evening.

Rangers Enter Administration, Immediately Docked 10 Points – Celtic Crowned SPL Champions In February

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By Chris Wright

Just a quickie to keep you abreast of the latest wranglings North o' the border, in so far as, thanks to an outstanding tax bill of somewhere around the £49-million mark, Rangers have now officially entered administration as of this afternoon meaning the club will be immediately docked ten league points.

Carlos Tevez Returns To Man City, But Does He Have A Part To Play In The Title Run-In?

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By Alan Duffy

Next to Luis Suarez and his recent actions, fellow South American firebrand Carlos Tevez suddenly looks like a misunderstood little pussy cat (ish). However, having been left out in the cold by Roberto Mancini and after seeing potential moves to Serie A and Ligue 1 fall through, the pitbull striker has now returned to Manchester with his passion for the game apparently restored.

Shit Lookalikes: Martin Skrtel & Flukeman From ‘The X-Files’

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By Chris Wright

So harsh, but this is excellent work from Pies fan Vuk Krajacic...

The Flukeman is/was a genetically mutated, quasi-vertebrate humanoid that found it's way into the New Jersey sewer system and killed several people by biting them and transmitting parasitic larvae into their bodies.

Eden Hazard Hints At Tottenham Move, Arsenal Fans Groan In Frustration

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By Alan Duffy

For a number of seasons now, the fleet-footed Belgian wing-wonder that is Eden Hazard has been linked with a move to Arsenal, enticed by the presence of Arsene Wenger and the Gunners' trademark sexy football.

However, that move, which let's face it, would've probably ended in tears once Barcelona had started playing with his mind, is now looking less and less likely to happen with none other than high-flying Totttenham reported to be in the driving seat for the 21-year-old's signature.

2012 Africa Cup Of Nations: Top 10 Goals (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The 2012 Africa Cup of Nations was a tournament peppered with great goals at almost every stage, so you can be guaran-damn-teed that there's some absolute belters in here...

Pies' personal favourite? We're going to have to agree and go with Yaya's free-kick against Guinea.

Belgian Starlet Eden Hazard Hints At Move To Spurs, Arsenal Fans Groan In Frustration

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By Alan Duffy

For a number of seasons now, the fleet-footed Belgian wing-wonder that is Eden Hazard has been linked with a move to Arsenal, enticed by the presence of Arsene Wenger and the Gunners' trademark sexy football. However, that move, which let's face it, would've probably ended in tears once Barcelona had started playing with his mind, is now looking less and less likely to happen, with none other than high-flying Totttenham reported to be in the driving seat for the 21-year-old's signature.

El Fair Play: Estudiantes U20 Coach Orders Player To Miss Unfairly Won Penalty (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This clip from the Mexican U20 leagues is doing the rounds today and it's fantastic in a kind of faith-affirming kind of way.

What you are about to see is Estudiantes U20s winning themselves a penalty after taking advantage of an uncontested drop-ball that should have by rights been given back to Pachuca.

Valentine’s Day Special: Top 10 Epic Football Bromances

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By Chris Wright

It's Valentine's Day, love is in the air, the goose is getting fat, yadda yadda yadda. We thought we'd have a look at some of the greatest, most enduring romances that football has facilitated over the year because love, in all its forms, is a beautiful thing.

Belgian Linesman Hit By Wet Cardboard, Re-Enacts Spaghetti Western Death Scene (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during Lierse's 2 1 win over Zulte Waregem in the Belgian Jupiler League last Saturday, assistant referee Frederick Geldhof is struck in the back of the head by a rogue missile from the crowd consisting of a single piece of damp cardboard.

Belgian Linesman Hit By Wet Cardboard, Re-Enacts Spaghetti Western Death Scene (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during Lierse's 2 1 win over Zulte Waregem in the Belgian Jupiler League last Saturday, assistant referee Frederick Geldhof is struck in the back of the head by a rogue missile from the crowd consisting of a single piece of damp cardboard.

Snapshot: Alex McLeish’s Dour Aston Villa Tactics Revealed

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By Chris Wright

How drole/depressingly true; Big Eck and his flat back ten...

In fairness to McLeish, you could argue that one of the five deep-lying midfield anchors should be moved slightly over the halfway line and labelled 'Keane', plus another couple when Ireland and N'Zogbia come on for the last five minutes!

David Beckham Scores Outrageous…ly Computer-Assisted Table Football Trickshot (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here we see England's premier undercrackers merchant, David Beckham, pulling off a table football (or 'foosball' if you're that way inclined) trickshot on behalf of Adidas with a whole slab of gooey CGI caked on top for good measure.

Of course, it's not beyond the realms of possibility that Becks could've actually pulled it off inside several hundred takes without outside help of a Spectrum ZX or Amiga 500+ or whatever the kids use to edit their footage these days, but the cynic in me suggests otherwise.

Shit Lookalikes: Zambia Coach Hervé Renard & Final Scene From ‘An Officer And A Gentleman’

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By Chris Wright

"Love lift us up where we belong..."

In case you missed it the first time round, here's ultra-suave Zambia coach Hervé Renard (two parts Fabio to one part Kevin Sorbo) escorting injured centre-half Joseph Musonda down the touchline à  la Richard Gere to celebrate with the rest of his teammates after the ACoN Final.

Snapshot: Garish Neymar ‘Carnival Head’ Is Stuff Of Papier Mache Nightmares

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By Chris Wright

If you thought the tin-foil statue of Neymar erected in Santos' club museum a few weeks back was an iffy likeness, then get your peepers around this a papier-mache caricature (complete with bog-brush mullethawk) for use in an upcoming Brazilian carnival of some description.

Young Aston Villa Mascot Refuses To Shake Hands With Man City Counterpart (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Seems like this problem may run a little deeper than we first thought...

The kid's a disgrace, a DISGRACE I tells ye!

Video: 101GG

Wayne Rooney Laughs On Twitter At Touré Brothers’ ACN Failure, Fails To See The Irony Of It All

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By Alan Duffy


With the Zambian players and coaching staff still celebrating their surprise African Cup of Nations victory in a hugely dramatic penalty shoot-out in Libreville, Wayne Rooney decided to provide us all with a fine example of the unsporting, unpleasant and ungracious.

45 Brilliantly Vibrant Photos From 2012 Africa Cup Of Nations

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By Chris Wright

No talk, just lovely, lovely photos (open images in a new tab to see them in all their full-size majesty) from what proved to be an amazing tournament for all the right reasons...

[Photos: PA]

More 2012 ACoN-related stuff on Pies.

Snapshot: Mertesacker Posts Photo Of Busted Ankle, Looks Like An Aubergine

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By Chris Wright

As you may have seen at the weekend, faced with the prospect of having to chase down Sunderland whippet James McLean, Per Mertesacker's ankle gave up the ghost and tucked itself underneath the rest of the lithe German in a bid to get out of the way as the Irish winger hurtled through to score the opener.

Mick McCarthy: The Greatest Hits

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By Chris Wright

Now available on CD for the first time ever, 'The Keeper's A Tart: The Very Best Of Mick McCarthy' a career-spanning double album (that's a whole six hits spread across two CDs) featuring such drive-time radio classics as 'One In The Hole' and Mick's heart string-twanging rendition of the theme from 'Ghost'.

2012 Africa Cup Of Nations: The Final – Zambia In Rapture After 19 Years Of Heartache

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By Greg Evans

If recent, handshake-centric events in this country had ruined your faith in football, then the exploits of Zambia over the past fortnight-and-a-bit may just restore it for you. Last night, the rank outsiders and the most 'under' of all the underdogs climbed the proverbial mountain and won the 2012 Africa Cup of Nations.

Wolves Sack Mick McCarthy After West Brom Capitulation

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By Chris Wright

After they were well and truly trounced 5-1 at home by West Brom yesterday, a result that put them back in the bottom three, Wolves have sacked Mick McCarthy an announcement that I actually expected to come before close of play yesterday truth be told.

Cristiano Ronaldo Scores Real Madrid’s 4,000th La Liga Bernabeu Goal With Dipping Howitzer vs Levante (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid beat Levante 4-2 last night to extend their lead at the top of La Liga to a full ten points following Barcelona's 3-2 defeat to Osasuna the day before.

Cristiano Ronaldo grabbed yet another hat-trick his 13th since joining Los Blancos and his sixth this season in the space of 12 minutes, the third of which was notable for two reasons; a) it was an effortlessly peachy screamer, dipping over the Levante keeper from 25 yards, and b) it was the 4,000th league goal scored by Real at the Santiago Bernabeu stadium since it opened in December, 1947.

Fulham 2-1 Stoke: Pogrebnyak Off The Mark As Potters Lose Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 2-1 Stoke City Premier League 11th February 2012


New-boy Pavel Pogrebnyak opened his account for the Cottagers on Saturday against a Stoke City side who are now  desperately in need of a win.

Swansea 2-3 Norwich: Holt Makes Canaries Sing As Swans Suffer Rare Home Defeat (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 2-3 Norwich City Premier League 11th February 2012


An 18-minute second-half goal-spree secured all three points for the Canaries at the Liberty Stadium on Saturday in a superbly entertaining battle of the Premier League new-boys.

Bolton 1-2 Wigan: Latics Secure Vital Win In Basement Battle With Bolton (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Bolton Wanderers 1-2 Wigan Athletic Premier League 11th February 2012


Roberto Martinez' Wigan side moved to within one point of rivals Bolton on Saturday, after the Latics secured what could be a pivotal victory at the Reebok.

Blackburn 3-2 QPR: The Yak Strikes Back As Rovers Edge Towards Safety (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Blackburn Rovers 3-2 Queens Park Rangers Premier League 11th February 2012


Despite the recent introduction of new boss Mark Hughes, along with the likes of Bobby Zamora, QPR look set for a long relegation dogfight this season after going down 3-2 to one of their rivals, Blakcburn Rovers, at Ewood Park.

Tottenham 5-0 Newcastle: Harry’s Boys Shoot Down Magpies In Five-Goal Mauling (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 5-0 Newcastle United Premier League 11th February 2012


Harry Redknapp's charges gave their boss the perfect homecoming present, as they presented their exhonerated manager with a superb 5-0 win against Newcastle.

Sunderland 1-2 Arsenal: Henry Grabs Winner As Gunners Battle To Vital Win Against Black Cats (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 1-2 Arsenal Premier League 11th February 2012


Some wondered if Thierry Henry's brief return to Arsenal would damage his iconic status with the north Londoners, however, in netting his second winner (and third goal) of his loan spell against an impressive Sunderland side, the Frenchman has entered the realm of the God-like for Gooners all over the world.

Man Utd 2-1 Liverpool: Two-Goal Rooney Lets His Football Do The Talking As United Go Top (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 2-1 Liverpool Premier League 11th February 2012


The Evra/Suarez circus which preceeded the game before, once again, polluting the proceedings throughout the 90 minutes and beyond, has already been well covered by Pies, so I'll focus on the football.

Everton 2-0 Chelsea: Pressure Mounts On AVB As Blues Flop At Goodison (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 2-0 Chelsea Premier League 11th February 2012


That much-publicised  midweek training ground visit from Roman Abramovich would have done little for Andre Villas-Boas' confidence ahead of Saturday's game against Everton.

Snapshot: Police Seize ‘Offensive’ Man Utd Fanzine With Liverpool-Baiting KKK Masks

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By Chris Wright

Police have confirmed that the confiscated all of the copies of the United fanzine, Red Issue, that were floating around outside Old Trafford today which featured cut-out 'Suarez Is Innocent' Ku Klux Klan masks for United fans to hold in front of their faces to bait Liverpool as the teams emerged from the tunnel.

‘He’s A Disgrace, He Shouldn’t Play For Liverpool Again’ – Sir Alex Gives Suarez Both Barrels (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Sir Alex Ferguson didn't hold back in his assessment of Luis Suarez in his post-match interview with the BBC:

"Suarez is a disgrace to Liverpool Football Club. He should not be allowed to play for Liverpool again. He could have caused a riot.

Patrice Evra Celebrates In Front Of Luis Suarez At Full-Time (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Merely 'celebrating with his own fans' or goading Liverpool and Suarez as they/he made his way down the tunnel? Make your own minds up what Paddy was playing at come the final whistle.

I'm pretty sure I know what he had in mind.

Football GIF: Luis Suarez Ducks Patrice Evra Handshake On Endless Repeat

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By Chris Wright

The Evra/Suarez handshake kerfuffle in GIF form, on endless repeat for the rest of time...

*Squidge squidge squidge*

Can you hear that? That's the sound of Pies milking this thing dry.

GIF via @patricksp71

Snapshot: Luis Suarez Refuses Patrice Evra Handshake Before Kick-Off

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By Chris Wright

So, it was Luis Suarez who refused Patrice Evra's offer of a handshake at Old Trafford earlier this afternoon...

The mascot is seen here at the exact moment he realises he's not the most immature man on the pitch

Evra grabbed Suarez, then Rio Ferdinand also refused to shake his hand.

Micah Richards Ditches Twitter Account Due To ‘Depressing’ Racist Abuse

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By Chris Wright

According to the Daily Mirror and Mail among others, Manchester City's Micah Richards has been moved to delete his @officialMR2Â Twitter account and asked police to investigate after receiving torrents of racist abuse from a 'small but depressing minority of people' over the past few months.

WAG Watch: Alex Morgan Poses In Nowt But Bodypaint For Sports Illustrated (Photo)

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By WAG Watcher

Remember the delectable Miss Morgan? The cute-as-banana-pie USWNT player that sent hearts a-flutter during the Lady World Cup last summer?

Well, after a few fallow months, she's just exploded back onto the WAG Watch radar, being as though she's set to appear in Sports Illustrated's fabled 'swimsuit edition' in nowt but bodypaint and SI have done the decent thing by leaking a teaser.

Diving Sod De Camargo Poleaxed By Sheer Force Of Hubnik’s Anger (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during Borussia Monchengladbach's DFB Pokal quarter-final tie with Hertha Berlin on Wednesday night, Monchengladbach striker Igor De Camargo goes down like a big cheating sack of spuds to get Hertha centre-half Roman Hubnik sent off...

Is he alright?

Alessandro Del Piero’s Silken Voice Wakes 12-Year Old Girl From Coma

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By Chris Wright

"WAKE UP!!!"

A 12-year old girl from Crotone in Italy has been woken from a 15-day coma by the soothing voice of her idol, one Alessandro Del Piero. That's a sentence that doesn't tend to get used very often.

Jade fell ill and reportedly slipped into a coma while watching the goals from Juventus' 2-0 win over Atalanta on January 22nd.

Germany Unveil Euro 2012 Away Strip – Adidas Bring Back Green Of 1972 (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Germany have finally gotten around to launching their new change strip for Euro 2012 and, as we stated when it was originally leaked ages and ages ago, it's a work of true retro kunst harking back to their beautiful green strip from 1972 and marking the 40th anniversary of their first European Championship win.

‘My Thoughts Are Not On England’ – Big Sam’s Thoughts Are Definitely On The England Job

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By Alan Duffy


"Oi Xavi, stop poncing about, go long... hit the channels, you f*****g girl's blouse"

Never one to hide his light under a bushel, West Ham boss Sam Allardyce has eased Hammers fans fears by reiterating that, despite being linked to the England job (a tiny bit), he is still fully focused on his job at Upton Park.

Captured On CCTV: Turkish Side Samsunspor’s Team Bus Hit By Train (Video)

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By Chris Wright

While making their way home from an away match against Kardemir Karabükspor a couple of nights ago, Turkish top flight side Samsunspor flirted with disaster when their team coach was side-swiped by a train on a level crossing.

The incident was captured on CCTV.

Arsenal 2012/13 Home Shirt Leaked? Has Gruesome Navy Collar & Cuffs (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Right. Straight off the bat, Pies would like to clarify that we're not saying this is 100%Â definitely the design for Arsenal's new home kit for 2012/13.

What we are saying is that this mock-up has been drafted by Arsenalinsider, who have a decent hit-rate on these sorts of things and who are also claiming to have been privy to a photo of the actual design courtesy of a deepthroat informant in the Nike camp and that they are willing to stand by their reproduction 'such is the strength of belief in their source'.

Joe Hart Farts In A Car, Micah Richards Ruptures Kidney Laughing (Video)

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By Chris Wright

'The Hart Fart' appears to be a phenomenon that most Man City fans are aware of already, being as though their official in-house television channel has already produced an in-depth analysis package to accompany the video.

For the unenlightened, the clip is taken from City's 2011 blooper reel and sees Joe Hart letting go of a little bum toot in the back of a taxi, with captain Vincent Kompany trying desperately to keep a straight face in order to admonish young Joseph and his rogue sphincter, while Micah Richards just explodes in fits of howling laughter.

Fabio Capello Resignation Gets Obligatory Taiwanese Animation Treatment (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Whenever the world gets higgledy-piggledy, thank the lawd that we'll always have NMA TV to make sense of it on our behalf.

Here we have the Taiwanese news agency's animated take on Fabio Capello's resignation and the furore that exacerbated it, which contains some very dubious imagery indeed, the first ten seconds is among the most libellous material I've ever witnessed, and the 'sinking ship' quip?

Fabio Capello Resignation Gets Obligatory Taiwanese Animation Treatment (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Whenever the world gets higgledy-piggledy, thank the lawd that we'll always have NMA TV to make sense of it on our behalf.

Here we have the Taiwanese news agency's animated take on Fabio Capello's resignation and the furore that exacerbated it, which contains some very dubious imagery indeed, the first ten seconds is among the most libellous material I've ever witnessed, and the 'sinking ship' quip?

‘Stuart Pearce’s BNP Brother Is Not An Issue’ – FA Dismiss Interim England Manager’s Dodgy Family Connections

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By Alan Duffy


Who would want to be the England manager? It seems far more trouble than it's worth. The Three Lions' new caretaker boss, Stuart Pearce, is now feeling the heat from the nation's press, after his brother's far-right views were once again highlighted by the newspapers.

‘Stuart Pearce’s BNP Brother Is Not An Issue’ – FA Dismiss Interim England Manager’s Dodgy Family Connections

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By Alan Duffy


Who would want to be the England manager? It seems far more trouble than it's worth. The Three Lions' new caretaker boss, Stuart Pearce, is now feeling the heat from the nation's press, after his brother's far-right views were once again highlighted by the newspapers.

Snapshot: Chucky Just Wants To Play…In The Copa Libertadores

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By Chris Wright

Seen here is an Emelec (of Ecuador) fan wearing a huge and really rather unsettling 'Chucky' head assuming it's not some terrible affliction in the crowd as his side takes on Paraguay's Olimpia in Guayaquil in the Copa Libertadores, putting the guy in front's feeble Janet Street-Porter mask, quite literally, in the shade.

Snapshot: Chucky Just Wants To Play…In The Copa Libertadores

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By Chris Wright

Seen here is an Emelec (of Ecuador) fan wearing a huge and really rather unsettling 'Chucky' head assuming it's not some terrible affliction in the crowd as his side takes on Paraguay's Olimpia in Guayaquil in the Copa Libertadores, putting the guy in front's feeble Janet Street-Porter mask, quite literally, in the shade.

Africa Cup Of Nations Snapshot: Zambia Pay Their Respects

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By Chris Wright

In 1993, April 27th to be precise, the Zambian national team suffered a terrible tragedy (the country's worst sporting disaster) when a flight taking the entire Zambian squad and their management to a World Cup qualifying match in Senegal crashed into the Atlantic Ocean 500 metres off the coast of Libreville, Gabon.

Big-Boned Brazilian Adriano Put Under ‘House Arrest’, Forced To Go On Diet By Corinthians

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By Alan Duffy

Who Ate All The Pies indeed...

A fine striker in his time, and a winner of four Scudettos with Internazionale, Adriano Leite Ribeiro was always dazzled by the bright lights of the big city. Indeed, if it wasn't for his penchant for partying, he could have gone on to become one of his country finest exports of recent times.

Win chance to be an England mascot when team play Holland at Wembley

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WIN THE CHANCE FOR YOUR CHILD TO BE A McDONALD'S PLAYER ESCORT AT THE ENGLAND V HOLLAND MATCH

We've teamed up with McDonald's, the official Community Partner of The FA, to offer three lucky youngsters between the ages of 7 and 11 years old the chance to become McDonald's Player Escorts as England take on Holland in an international friendly on 29th February.

WAG Watch: Sami Khedira Provides Suave ‘Hand Bra’ For Topless WAG Lena Gercke (NSFW-ish Photo)

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By WAG Watcher

Just stumbled across this WAG gold and it would be remiss of me not to share.

Here's a suited-and-booted Sami Khedira looking very dapper in a DJ and posing alongside his incredibly beautiful German model girlfriend, Lena Gercke the salient point being that the lovely Ms.

2012 Africa Cup Of Nations: Semi-Finals Review – Wham, Bam, Thank You Zam…bia!

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By Greg Evans

So, here we stand. Just one game away from finding out who will win the 2012 Africa Cup of Nations a tournament which stampeded out of the blocks with a thrilling start, but has since turned into something of a pale imitation of itself with a few drab games starting to crop up as the stakes get higher.

All Kinds Of Pathetic: Ashraf Soliman Scores Truly Dire Last-Minute Own-Goal Equaliser (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's been a heavy old day so far, what with the situation at the top of the England tree and everything, so here's the perfect antidote a truly pathetic own-goal to watch, savour and enjoy.

The guilty party is one Ashraf Soliman of Israeli club Maccabi Umm al-Fahm who, with his side 2-1 up in the 89th minute of an domestic cup tie against Hapoel Afula, panicked under pressure and duly farted a dreadful poke past his own keeper to level the score at two apiece.

WIN! Chance To Be England Mascot When Team Plays Holland At Wembley

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It's competition time again folks...

WIN THE CHANCE FOR YOUR CHILD TO BE A McDONALD'S PLAYER ESCORT AT THE ENGLAND V HOLLAND MATCH

We've teamed up with McDonald's, the official Community Partner of The FA, to offer three lucky youngsters between the ages of 7 and 11 years old the chance to become McDonald's Player Escorts as England take on Holland in an international friendly on 29th February.

Former Chelsea Youth Player’s Candid Account Reveals Another, Less Gimpish Side To John Terry

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By Chris Wright

The following is copy-and-pasted verbatim from a Chelsea forum, in which former former youth Chelsea player Sam Tillen who now plays his football in Iceland writes candidly about his experiences as having John Terry as his club captain during his formative years.

Fernando Torres Wrestles John Terry, Floors Him With Gutwrench Takedown (Video)

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By Chris Wright

I think I may have an idea why Chelsea are stuttering a bit this season; if this video is anything to go by, their training sessions are utter chaos!

Firstly we see some assorted slapping from everyone present, then Fernando Torres exacts revenge on John Terry for an earlier buffeting by wrestling him to the ground.

20 Fabulous Photos Of Fabio Capello’s England Tenure

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By Chris Wright

Fabio Capello's four-year England tenure over the course of 20 (you must promise here and now not to count them!) fabulous photos...

So long Fabio, and thanks for all the fish.

Sheff Wed Mascots Barney & Ozzie Owl Launch Vicious Attack On FA Cup Mascot Buddy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Sickening stuff from afore Blackpool's 3-0 win over Sheffield Wednesday at Hillsborough on Tuesday evening, wherein Wednesday mascots Barney and Ozzie Owl launch a vicious and unprovoked attack on ESPN's FA Cup mascot Buddy using the old 'kneel behind and push' takedown technique beloved by schoolboys everywhere.

Rene Higuita Re-Enacts ‘Scorpion Kick’ On Arabic TV (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Hirsute Colombian jester Rene Higuita has been up to his old trick again, re-enacting his infamous 'scorpion kick' save against England all those years ago for an Arabic television channel...

We'll forgive him as he's 45-years old these days, but that wasn't a patch on the original busted out to foil Jamie Redknapp on his top, top triffic international debut back in 1995.

Fabio Capello Resigns: The End Of A Loveless Marriage

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By Chris Wright

You turn you're back for one second and what happens? Just three months and three friendly games before Euro 2012 gets under way in June, Fabio Capello resigned as England manager last night after spending the afternoon bickering with FA chairman David Bernstein and general secretary Alex Horne at Wembley over his comments made to the Italian media vis-a-vis the FA's premature decision to strip John Terry of the national captaincy.

Top 5 Harry Redknapp/Fabio Capello ‘England Job’ Memes

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By Chris Wright

Presenting: The best of the morning's memes. Ah, the internet.

1. Arry's job application...

2. Arry's job application (first draft)...

3. The real reason for Capello's resignation.

Rodrigo Palacio Scores Deft ‘Overhead Flick’ Volley vs Lazio, But Did He Mean It? (Video)

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By Chris Wright

On the day of his 30th birthday, Genoa's Rodrigo Palacio (he of 'abysmal rat-tail/Jedi bog chain' horror hair fame) scored against Lazio on Sunday with an absurdly deft, over-the-shoulder flick at the near post that lobbed over the flapping Federico Marchetti and in at the far post.

‘I Was Left To Rot By Villas-Boas’ – Nicolas Anelka Describes His Painful Final Days At Chelsea

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By Alan Duffy

"You see this smile on my face? It's only for the cameras, ok? I genuinely despise you"

Currently doing a spot of pre-season training in Spain with new club Shanghai Shenhua, Le Sulk, Nicolas Anelka, has described the hell he had to endure during his final days at Chelsea.

Snapshot: An Exonerated Harry Redknapp Meets The Press

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By Alan Duffy

It took a cool £8million to get the case to this stage, where a joyful Harry Redknapp walks free from Southwark Crown Court and back to Tottenham and their title charge. Hardly a sensible use of money?

While Arsenal fans will no doubt be crying into their free-trade cappuccinos, Sky Sports News will no doubt be breathing a sigh of relief.

Good Ol’ Fashioned Rant: On Diving And Why ‘Contact’ Is A Word I’ve Come To Despise

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By Chris Wright

"There's contact...juuuuust...hold on...wait a second...there."

Ne'er does a week go by without some dime-a-dozen pundit rolling it out. That sodding word. 'Contact'. A word which is quickly becoming the bane of my very existence.

Harry Redknapp Found Not Guilt In Tax Evasion Trial, Readies Himself For England Call

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By Alan Duffy


At 11.30 am today, Twitter almost burst at the seams with journos declaring that Spurs boss Harry Redknapp, along with his former Pompey boss Milan Mandaric, had been found not guilty on two charges of tax evasion.

Interestingly, at the same time, England boss Fabio Capello was heading to The FA for a showdown meeting following his remarks to the Italian media that, in the eyes of the Italian, John Terry was still his captain.

Caption This: Sir Alex Throws Up The Gangsta Deuces

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By Chris Wright

Just Sir Alex Ferguson and Falkirk striker Farid El Alagui sharing a moment outside what appears to be an air-raid shelter...

Pies says: "Sir Alex's smile begins to fade as a fifteenth consecutive game of 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' ends in a draw"

You say?

FA Cup Replay: Sheff Wed 0-3 Blackpool – LuaLua Scores Beaut As Seasiders Sail Through (Photos & Video)

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By Chris Wright

Blackpool beat Sheffield Wednesday 3-0 at Hillsborough in their FA Cup fourth replay round last night, with Lomano Tresor LuaLua (yes, that Lomano Tresor LuaLua!) grabbing the goal of the night the Seasiders' second with a superb curling effort from the apex of the area.

Christian Vieri Definitely Needs To Work On His Capoeira (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As you no doubt remember, former Italy battering ram Christian Vieri is appearing on the Italian version of 'Strictly Come Dancing With The Stars On Ice-Factor' at the moment with his latest routine, a Brazilian Capoeira (a dance based on a strain of martial arts, made famous by Tekken's Eddie Gordo), showcasing all the grace and mobility he displayed on the football pitch during his last few years as a pro, i.

Football GIF: Gareth Bale Hits Abnormally Strong Gravity Hotspot vs Liverpool

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By Chris Wright

In which the majestic, graceful, honest and British Gareth Bale is unfortunate enough to run headlong through a hotspot of intensely strong gravity caused by solar flares reflecting off the twin moons of Tatooine at Anfield on Monday night.

Poor Gareth.

Football Venn Diagrams: The Anfield Cat

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By Chris Wright

Promise this is the last time we'll mention 'you know who'...

Via the brilliant False 9.

The Wind 1-0 Universidad Catolica: Michael Rios Harnesses The Elements, Scores Directly From Corner (Video)

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By Chris Wright

WIND BANANA!*

(*I have absolutely no idea what a 'wind banana' is)

Video: 101GG

Snapshot: Smug Git Piers Morgan Owned By Gary Lineker On Twitter

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By Alan Duffy

Gary Lineker may himself exude a certain charm-free smugness but next to the high king of smug gobshitery that is Piers Morgan, the Match Of The Day host is a crisp-promoting little sweetie bum.

Morgan took on Lineker on Twitter today, as he continues to cultivate his contrived "Mr Nasty" image.

Anfield Cat Makes Leap Into Memehood – Passes 24,000 Follower Mark On Twitter

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By Chris Wright

Strange, I know, that something as anodyne as a cat should become an instant internet meme (meow-eme?), but this isn't just any old flea-bitten feline; this is The Anfield Cat the cat that put the 'feline' into 'I'm feline very ashamed of the entire world right now'.

Matthew Upson Set To Leave Stoke And Follow Nicolas Anelka To Chinese Super League

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By Alan Duffy


In the past 12 months or so, the global nature of football has become all the more apparent, as the UAE, India and China have suddenly become legitimate destinations for some of the game's bigger (and mostly older) stars.

2012 Africa Cup Of Nations: Quarter-Finals Review – Boom And Bust As Co-Hosts Bow Out

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By Greg Evans

Ayew do you do guvnor?

After the entertaining, exciting, exuberant and down-right enthralling set of matches that the 2012 Africa Cup of Nations laid on for us in the group stages, surely it could only get better for the last 8?

Shit Lookalikes: Neil Warnock & The Troll From Stephen King’s ‘Cat’s Eye’

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By Chris Wright

Apparently 'Cat's Eye' is a film adapted from one of Stephen King's lesser works about a Warnock-faced troll that kills parrots and steals children's breath. It had Drew Barrymore and James Woods in it. I'm sure they can't remember it in the slightest.

Liverpool 0-0 Tottenham: Suarez Returns But Reds Fail To Spark At Anfield (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 0-0 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 6th February 2012


The Premier League's enfant terrible, Luis Suarez, made a return to action last night after serving his eight-game ban, but even the gifted Uruguayan couldn't kickstart what was a rather flat performance from Liverpool at Anfield.

Snapshot: There’s A Cat On The Pitch, They Think It’s All Over…

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By Chris Wright

...it is Meow!

Yep. That soddin' cat was the one, sole highlight of the drudgerous (possibly not a real word) stalemate at Anfield last night.

Conniving Little Scheister Luis Suarez Kicks Scott Parker In The Ribs (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After serving his eight-game ban for being a devious little shit to the Nth degree, Luis Suarez returned for Liverpool last night and duly picked up where he left off giving Scott Parker a sly kick in the ribs.

He's obviously spent the eight games dutifully reassessing his conduct, mulling over lessons learnt and bettering himself as a person.

Conniving Little Scheister Luis Suarez Kicks Scott Parker In The Ribs (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After serving his eight-game ban for being a devious little shit to the Nth degree, Luis Suarez returned for Liverpool last night and duly picked up where he left off giving Scott Parker a sly kick in the ribs.

He's obviously spent the eight games dutifully reassessing his conduct, mulling over lessons learnt and bettering himself as a person.

Snapshot: Neymar Reaches 100 Career Goals, Gets Defiled By Santos Teammates

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By Chris Wright

Here's a depressing fact for you: Neymar, who turned 20 yesterday, scored his 100th career goal in Sao Paulo's 2-1 defeat to Palmeiras over the weekend. That's 100 goals (82 for Santos, eight for Brazil, nine for the Brazil U20s and one for the U17s) in 186 appearances for the wee Cockatoo.

Yaya Toure Scores Fearsome 30-Yard Freekick vs Equatorial Guinea (Video)

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By Chris Wright

'Twas the Africa Cup of Nations quarter-finals over the weekend, with Ivory Coast whupping co-hosts Equatorial Guinea 3-0 on Saturday courtesy of a brace from young Didier of Drogbashire and a colossal 32.808399-yard free-kick from Yaya Toure...

Would you just look at the swing on that?

This Is What Chris Kamara Spent His Saturday Afternoon Doing…

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By Chris Wright

Finishing up in little more than an unbuttoned shirt and a cheeky smile at a sub-freezing Loftus Road, the bloody scamps over at Sky Sports News had Chris Kamara switch around an item of clothing every time they cut from the Soccer Saturday studio to the QPR-Wolves game.

Nigel Doughty R.I.P – A Sincere ‘Thank You’

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By Chris Wright

Early on Saturday morning Nottingham Forest owner and former chairman Nigel Doughty was found dead, aged 54, in the gym at his home in Lincolnshire.

A Forest fan from birth, Doughty saved the club and I don't use that term flippantly from being reduced to it's component parts and being flogged off to the highest bidders when he bought his football team using nigh-on £11 million of his own personal wealth back in 1999.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Sent Off For Elaborate Face Slap Routine vs Napoli (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, an hour or so into Milan's slumber-inducing goalless draw with Napoli yesterday, Almighty Zlatan provides the game's sole 'highlight' by unfurling an arm around Antonio Nocerino's shoulder in order to expertly disguise an elaborate 'round the houses' slap to Salvatore Aronica's face.

Snapshot: Chelsea Bugger Up Own Website Address, Marketing Department Drop ‘A’ Clanger

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By Chris Wright

Much like the first-string's executive decision to stop playing after 45 minutes, it seems like the Chelsea media bods also forgot to bring their 'A' game at the Bridge yesterday...

I distinctly hope that someone in the club's marketing department was flogged with barbed wire until the first light of dawn for this grave dereliction of duty.

Wigan 1-1 Everton: Anichebe Strikes Late As Latics Fail To Win Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wigan Athletic 1-1 Everton Premier League 4th February 2012

A late Victor Anichebe goal was enough to rob perpetual strugglers Wigan of a vital and rare victory. The defeat leaves the Latics bottom of the table and looking like dead certs for the drop.

Stoke 0-1 Sunderland: McLean Fires Black Cats To Victory Against 10-Man Potters (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 0-1 Sunderland Premier League 4th February 2012


Martin O'Neill's Black Cats continued their ascent of the table on Saturday against Stoke, although the very harsh sending-off of Robert Huth on half-time was undeniably a game-changing moment.

Sergio Busquets Suffers Grotesque Knee Injury vs Real Sociedad (Video)

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By Chris Wright

I'm willing to bet your gut reaction to the news that Sergio Busquets got well and truly knobbled in a challenge with Real Sociedad's Carlos Martinez during the home side's 2-1 win at the Nou Camp last night was somewhere along the lines of 'what goes around, comes around' but that doesn't make the deep laceration that the Barca midfielder suffered any less grotesque.

Norwich 2-0 Bolton: Canaries Dump Trotters Back In The Drop Zone (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 2-0 Bolton Wanderers Premier League 4th February 2012


An injury-ravaged Norwich fought their away to their fifth home league win of the season on Saturday, a victory which condemned the visiting Trotters to another spell in the relegation zone.

West Brom 1-2 Swansea: Swans Battle Baggies To Claim Second Away Win Of The Season (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 1-2 Swansea City Premier League 4th February 2012


Swansea registered only their second away league win of the season at the Hawthorns on Saturday, after a hard fought victory against West Brom.

QPR 1-2 Wolves: Silly Cisse Sees Red As Wolves Move Clear Of Drop-Zone (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Queens Park Rangers 1-2 Wolverhampton Wanderers Premier League 4th February 2012


Djibril Cisse could never be described as a shrinking violet, so it will come as little surprise that the former Liverpool man was once again the centre of attention at Loftus Road, albeit for all the wrong reasons.

Man City 3-0 Fulham: Snow Problem For Citizens As Fulham Freeze At The Etihad (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 3-0 Fulham Premier League 4th February 2012


Manchester City put the disappointment of that midweek defeat against Everton behind them at a snowy Etiahd Stadium on Saturday, coasting to victory against a Fulham side who rarely threatened Jose Hart's goal.

Arsenal 7-1 Blackburn: Van Persie Leads Gunners Rampage At The Emirates (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 7 (Seven)-1 Blackburn Rovers Premier League 4th February 2012


After a sustained period of dismal performances and almost no points, Arsenal needed to rediscover their mojo on Saturday if they were to stay in the hunt for a top-four finish.

Neymar, Ganso & Pato Launch New Nike Brazil 2012/13 Kits – May Or May Not Be Yellow (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Nike have just launched the new home and away Brazil kits for 2012/13 and roped in a few of their young flock Neymar, Ganso and Pato (in photo form) to perform the ribbon-cutting duties...

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 6

A few details worth noting: Each shirt is made from 13 recycled plastic bottles and contains a raft of 'hidden accents', including an 'inspirational statement' (lord, how I love marketing speak) for the players stitched inside the green cuffs reading 'Nascido Para Jogar Futebol' (Born To Play Football) in 'Pichacao' a type of scribbly Brazilian graffiti.

Franco Di Santo Posts Grizzly Photo Of Mangled Leg After ‘That’ Assou-Ekotto Horror Tackle

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By Chris Wright

Remember on Tuesday evening? When Benoit Assou-Ekotto very nearly carved Franco Di Santo's leg in twain with a disgusting, over-the-ball leg-breaker of a horror tackle?

A tackle, it's perhaps worth noting, that apparently didn't merit any form of punishment for BAE from either the referee at the time (as the blood sopped through the Argentine's sock) or the FA's disciplinary committee?

Horror Hair: Pierre Aubameyang’s Asymmetrical Ginger Fronds

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By Chris Wright

Gabon striker Pierre Eymerick Aubameyang has been catching the eye at the Africa Cup of Nations, not only for his stellar performances but also for his incredibly uninhibited choice in follicular arrangement, opting for a ginger Mohawk formation that is pitched firmly halfway between looking 'out-bloody-rageous' and 'like the matted hair that tends to accumulate in and around the wrong end of a dog'.

‘I Just Pee In My Wetsuit!’ – St. Etienne Keeper Beats Cold Snap With Pitchside Piss-Up

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By Chris Wright

Je suis bostin' for a slash

It's pretty damn parky over in France at the moment, with freezing temperatures (we're talking -13ºC in places) threatening to disrupt the weekend's football fixtures not that Saint-Etienne 'keeper Jeremie Janot is remotely fussed, for Monsieur Janot has devised a fool-proof method to beat the cold snap as a game ticks over into it's latter stages.

Burnley’s Jay Rodriguez Fluffs Penalty In Spectacular Fashion vs Nott’m Forest (Video)

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By Chris Wright

I've been waiting for a video of this to surface since Tuesday night, in so far as it was the only slight sliver of a shred of commiseration we Forest fans were able to take from the night. Burnley won 2-0. Rodriguez scored them both.

Anyway, with the score at 1-0, the man they call 'Jay Rod' up around Turf Moor way stepped up and performed a timely homage to John Terry's infamously spunked Moscow spot-kick which proved to be the only highlight of the game from a Forest perspective.

If John Terry Isn’t To Lead England At Euro 2012, Then Who Should?

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By Alan Duffy


The FA have finally decided that, until the John Terry case is resolved, the England man should be stripped of the captaincy. The FA expect the trial to be over and done with prior to the Euro Finals, but one wonders if JT will ever have the pleasure of sporting the captain's armband for his country again.

FA Strip John Terry Of Captaincy – England’s JT Is England’s JT No More

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By Chris Wright

"Say what now?"

The FA have just released the following statement:

"Following the decision to adjourn the court case against John Terry to July, the Football Association confirm he will not captain the England team until the allegations against him are resolved.

Emmanuel Frimpongs The FA, Hits Out At Authorities Over Terry Case

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By Alan Duffy


Young midfielder Emmanuel Frimpong is one of the Premier League's more charismatic chaps, with his all-action and passionate performances on the pitch endearing him to Wolves' fans ever since he made his loan move from Arsenal.

2012 Africa Cup Of Nations: The Intoxicatingly Ebullient Story So Far…

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By Greg Evans

Earlier in the week the group stages of this year's Africa Cup of Nations concluded and, before we go any further and the sadly unavoidable 'why cover this pointless tournament?/the quality's terrible' mentality begins to set in, let me just go on record as saying that some of the performances and matches I have seen in the past two weeks have eclipsed anything I have seen in our beloved Premier League for a very long time.

Dennis Bergkamp Scores Silky Volley In Ajax Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which former Arsenal saint Dennis Bergkamp rattles off a beautiful first-timer, latching onto Frank De Boer's (not a bad coaching set-up they've got there!) enticing cross-field arc during an Ajax training session yesterday afternoon.

Granted, it's not the finest goal he's ever scored and it's not really the finest camera angle of 'not the finest goal he's ever scored' but it's Bergkamp, and I'm all over anything that graceful Dutch silkworm does like a sticky paste.

Dennis Bergkamp Scores Silky Volley In Ajax Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which former Arsenal saint Dennis Bergkamp rattles off a beautiful first-timer, latching onto Frank De Boer's (not a bad coaching set-up they've got there!) enticing cross-field arc during an Ajax training session yesterday afternoon.

Granted, it's not the finest goal he's ever scored and it's not really the finest camera angle of 'not the finest goal he's ever scored' but it's Bergkamp, and I'm all over anything that graceful Dutch silkworm does like a sticky paste.

Sandro Demonstrates Martial Arts Repertoire In Tottenham Dressing Room (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Just Tottenham midfielder Sandro, half-naked, going through a few of his Zumba moves in the Spurs dressing room while shouting 'PAY!' and 'FISH!' every couple of seconds to enhance the effect...

Note to self: Don't piss off Sandro any time soon.

Sandro Demonstrates Martial Arts Repertoire In Tottenham Dressing Room (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Just Tottenham midfielder Sandro, half-naked, going through a few of his Zumba moves in the Spurs dressing room while shouting 'PAY!' and 'FISH!' every couple of seconds to enhance the effect...

Note to self: Don't piss off Sandro any time soon.

Why ‘Toxic’ John Terry Shouldn’t Be Made To Hand In His England Armband

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By Chris Wright

"ANTON!!! I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL NECK!!!"

It can't have escaped your attention that John Terry is due to stand trial on charges of racial abuse for shouting 'you know what' at 'you know who' on July 9th, i.

Shit Lookalikes: Laurent Koscielny & Prosthetic Beavis (Of ‘And Butthead’ Fame)

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By Chris Wright

The stuff of nightmares...

Quite why anyone should want to make a latex prosthetic version of both Beavis and his associate, Mr Butthead, is beyond us but it's happened and it's something we, as a human race, have to deal with.

Rio Ferdinand Outed As Harry Redknapp’s Chief Scout At Tottenham

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By Chris Wright

HR 4 RF IDST

As we've gradually found out over the past week-and-a-half, Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp takes his tax advice from a magical hobgoblin that lives in his biscuit tin. What we also now know is that, instead of his labrynthine scouting network at Spurs, he seems to rely on Manchester United's Rio Ferdinand when it comes to the final word on his signings.

Football GIF: Junior Hoilett’s Shameful Swan Dive vs Newcastle

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By Chris Wright

This one's for JS; a GIF or two of Blackburn winger Junior Hoilett's awful, downright shameful attempted penalty con against Newcastle last night that eventually led to Ryan Taylor getting booked for having the gumption to be majorly pissed off by the Canadian's little flop.

10 Football Managers It’s Impossible To Love

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By Chris Wright

Given the furore at Leeds yesterday, we thought it would be fairly timely to put together Pies' pick of the ten English-based football managers that, for one reason or another, are almost impossible to foster a begrudging respect for let alone take to your heart.

Snapshot: Premier League Table Since Martin O’Neill Took Over As Sunderland Manager

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By Chris Wright

How about that? The very same batch of players who managed to earn Steve Bruce a paltry 11 points from 13 games have since raked in 19 points from nine games under Martin O'Neill (including last night's 3-0 victory over Norwich), a run that would see them topping the Premier League had they begun counting after O'Neill's first game in charge of the Black Cats; a 2-1 win over Blackburn on December 11th.

Barcelona Beast Carles Puyol Pulls Off Double Roulette Trick vs Valencia (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Watch, mere mortals, and weep as the slightly more 'agricultural' 50% of Barcelona's central defence pulls off not one, but two 360° roulette tricks in a row as he maraudes his way through Valencia's midfield during last night's Copa del Rey semi-final first leg.

74 People Dead And Many, Many More Injured After Egyptian ‘Ultras’ Invade Pitch In Port Said

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By Chris Wright

This is a real stinker to start the morning but, as was reported at half-time during last night's Final Score, 74 people are known to have died and at least 1,000 have been injured in a mass pitch invasion during the Egyptian league game between rival sides Al-Masry and Al Ahli in the city of Port Said.

Blackburn 0-2 Newcastle: Magpies Back On Track As Rovers Miss Samba (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Blackburn Rovers 0-2 Newcastle United Premier League 1st February 2012


Despite still being shorn of the services of their two Demba-tastic strikers, Alan Pardew's Newcastle halted their recent decline with a very valuable away victory at Ewood Park.

Bolton 0-0 Arsenal: Gunners Drop To Seventh After Trademark Wasteful Performance (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Bolton Wanderers 0-0 Arsenal Premier League 1st February 2012


Arsenal match reports are starting to write themselves loads of possession, nice passing, loads of chances, no goals. More often than not you can even tag "concede late goal from set-piece" onto the end of that, although on this occasion, the Gunners did manage to go off-script and keep their sheet clean for the night.

Leeds Sack Manager Simon Grayson – A Victim Of His Own Success

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By Chris Wright

After three years in charge, a promotion from League One and decent finish in the Championship last year, Leeds United have seen fit in their infinite wisdom to sack manager Simon Grayson with the club 'languishing' in tenth position after losing 4-1 at home to Birmingham last night.

Varese’s Goal Against Livorno Goes Missing In White-Out Blizzard (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It snowed a fair old bit in and around Northwest Italy last night, so much so in fact that the Serie A tie between Parma and Juventus bit the big white bullet and was duly called off. However, the same cannot be said for Livorno's Serie B game against Varese, which went ahead despite the stadium being engulfed in a blizzard for the majority of the evening.

Horror Hair: Benoit Assou-Ekotto’s Vast Windswept Afro Shrub

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By Chris Wright

Two parts 'Horror Hair' to one part 'actually pretty impressive'; it's BAE's latest crop of 'between styles' free range Afro fuzz, which is the size of a Capybara and looks like a distinct fire hazard...

No naked flames within a three-metre radius please people.

Snapshot: The World’s Smallest Football League Table

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By Chris Wright

What you're looking at here is the league table for the Isles of Scilly League the smallest registered football league (it's affiliated with the FA) on the entire planet...

No draws! We hope, for the Woolpack Wanderers' sake, that relegation isn't going to be an issue come the end of the season.

‘Zamora Joins Coons Park Rangers’ – Deadline Day Sends Sky Sports Gobshite Jim White All Racist (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Anyone who has ever watched Sky Sports News on either August 31st or January 30th will already be well acquainted with Jim White; the insufferable, eardrum-rupturing Scotch twat that covers the deadline day vinegar strokes, booming away like a foghorn as, say, Bradley Orr arrives at Blackburn for a routine medical, etc, etc.

Football GIF: Darron Gibson Does His Old Side A Massively-Deflected Favour vs Man City

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By Chris Wright

Whereas I'm pretty sure it would have still gone in on the other side of Joe Hart's goal, Darron Gibson's heavily deflected winner against Man City last night saw his old club Manchester United go level on points with their rivals at the summit of the Premier League pretty much making his goal last night the best thing he ever did for United, indeed they were chanting his name 30 miles away at Old Trafford when the news broke.

Snapshot: Everton Fan Handcuffs Himself To Man City Goal In ‘Ryanair’ Protest (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

You may have noticed that Everton's win over Man City at Goodison had to be halted last night for five or so minutes when a fan made his way onto the pitch and handcuffed himself to the frame of Joe Hart's goal, before having the cuffs taken off with boltcutters, being forcibly removed by the police and ejected from the ground entirely.

Swansea 1-1 Chelsea: Sinclair Stars Against Former Side As Blues Stumble Yet Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 1-1 Chelsea Premier League 31th January 2012


A last-gasp Neil Taylor own-goal saved Chelsea from another disappointing defeat on Tuesday night, after Swansea gave the home fans another superb display of pacy attacking football.

Wolves 0-3 Liverpool: Carroll On Target As Tame Wolves Lose Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wolverhampton Wanderers 0-3 Liverpool Premier League 31st January 2012


Liverpool boosted their top four chances with an impressive victory over Wolves at Molineux on Tuesday night, while Andy Carroll celebrated the first anniversary of his move to Merseyside with a much-needed goal.

Five Best/Worst Transfer Deadline Day Signings – January 2012

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By Chris Wright

'Twas a bit of a slow one yesterday as anyone who spent 11-and-a-bit hours 'glued' to the live feed will tell you, with the total spending across the English leagues failing to surpass the £50 million that Chelsea spaffed on Fernando Torres this time last year let alone the ludicrous £225 million that was spent in total in January of 2011.