Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2011

Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye: Atletico Madrid Fans Unfurl Sergio Aguero ‘Death Wish’ Banner

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By Chris Wright

Spotted in amongst the Atletico Madrid supporters during their 2-1 Europa League victory over Stromsgodset on Thursday evening...

"DIE KUN Traitor", and...

"DE GEA, YOU WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US"

Which is all a little tetchy, no?

Thierry Henry’s 226 Arsenal Goals In The Space Of 14 Minutes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With Thierry Henry all set to return to Arsenal with the NY Red Bulls for the Emirates Cup on Sunday, here's a fantastic compendium of all the slinky Gallic striker's 226 goals in Gooner red...

Beautiful, a very merry Friday evening to one and all!

Jurgen Klinsmann Named New USMNT Coach – Or Should That Be ‘ÜSMNT Coach’?

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By Chris Wright

First of all, apologies to everyone across the whole wide Twittersphere for half-inching that 'ÃœSMNT' joke.

Secondly, after Bob Bradley was jettisoned yesterday the US national side have this very afternoon appointed Jurgen Klinsmann as their new head coach an appointment that seems to have been a long time in the making.

Barcelona Eye-Up Impromptu Training Session On Washington’s National Mall, Shut Down By Police (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Barcelona were eyeing up an impromptu workout on the National Mall earlier today, only to have their little scheme nixed by the U.S Park Police we'll let Xavi pick up the yarn:

"Security said you couldn't have a group of more than 10 or 15 there.

Shit Lookalikes: Five Spooky Footballing Doppelgangers

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By Chris Wright

Proof if proof were needed that the clones are walking among us...

1. Aiden McGeady (Spartak Moscow) and Denise Van Luyn (Uhtrecht Ladies)

It's a shit lookalikes staple and a down-right classic. Never gets old.

Snapshot: Man Utd Visit White House, Sample The Free Cookies

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By Chris Wright

#RioFerdy has been busy tweeting a few photos of the Manchester United squad's visit to the White House yesterday. Firstly an ensemble group shot outside Barack's front door...

...tucking into the free White House cookies doled out by the heavily-armed security staff nothing untoward about that whatsoever.

Snapshot: Scientists Discover The ‘Soccer Ball’ Nebula

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By Chris Wright

Footballs in space? Looks like they've finally located Elano's penalty from the other day.

Anyway, something a little out of the ordinary here on Pies, this 'ere is the 'Soccerball' nebula that was recently discovered by an amateur astronomer by the name Matthias Kronberger with the help of the Gemini Observatory in Hawaii.

The BIG Question: Are Man City Genuine Title Contenders This Time Around?

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By Chris Wright

Sit back and watch the best of the 2011/2012 Premier League season live with Sky Sports HD.

And lo, another £80-odd million from the Sheik's loose change jar has been frittered away into the ether and Sergio Aguero one of the most in-demand forwards in world football, or so we're led to believe is officially on board at £200,000-a-week for the next however long.

Young Boys’ Ben Khalifa Posts Worst Miss Of Europa League So Far (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The 2011/12 Europa League may still be in it's fledgling stages, but we'd wager that Young Boys striker Nassim Ben Khalifa's (there's got to be a pun in there somewhere) atrocious open-goal fluff against Westerlo is still going to be the worst miss of the tournament come the final next May.

Stellar Names Turn Out For Chilean Charity Game, Lionel Messi Bags Brilliant Brace (Video)

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By Chris Wright

"All for charidee mate"

'Friends of Lionel Messi' took on 'Friends of Marcelo Salas' in Santiago, Chile last night in a benefit match that saw the likes of Cafu, Lucio, Edgar Davids, Ariel Ortega, the Milito brothers, Juventus new boy Arturo Vidal, Ezequiel Lavezzi and Radamel Falcao all turn out in order to raise money for the victims of heavy snowstorms in southern Chile.

Top 10 Photos: Stoke 1-0 Hajduk Split – Flares? Neo-Nazism? European Nights Return To Potteries

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By Chris Wright

Flares? Shamless play-acting? Neo-Nazism? It truly was a European night at the Britannia yesterday evening, with Stoke securing themselves a narrow first-leg lead in their Europa League third-round qualifying tie with Hajduk Split courtesy of a Jonathan Walters header.

Top 10 Photos: Stoke 1-0 Hajduk Split – Flares? Neo-Nazism? European Nights Return To Potteries

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By Chris Wright

Flares? Shamless play-acting? Neo-Nazism? It truly was a European night at the Britannia yesterday evening, with Stoke securing themselves a narrow first-leg lead in their Europa League third-round qualifying tie with Hajduk Split courtesy of a Jonathan Walters header.

Iffy Advert: Santos Stars Neymar, Ganso Looking Forward To World Club Cup In Japan

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By Chris Wright

Posted without comment: Santos' billboard, advertising the club's upcoming World Club Cup jaunt a tournament that is due, it should be pointed out, to take place in Japan in mid-December...

We used to get made to stand in the corner for doing things like that at primary school just saying.

Snapshot: India vs UAE – Little On The ‘Damp’ Side…

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By Chris Wright

India's World cup qualifier against UAE in New Dehli got a little damp thanks to the torrential downpour that broke out when the heavens burst 30 minutes before kick-off.

It wasn't long before it was time to bring the 'subs' on, arf arf...

Photo: PA

And The FIFA 12 Cover Stars Are…

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By Chris Wright

...Wayne Rooney (his seventh consecutive year) and l'il Jacky Wilshere which, so far as we know, marks the Arsenal diddyman's cover art debut...

According to the blurb, Rooney and Wilshere will appear on the FIFA 12 cover in the UK, Ireland, Scandinavia and Middle East when the game is released on September 30th.

Six More Exceptional Goals From Around The World (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Another sextuplet of exceptional goals from around the globe for you to wade through (as always, you're going to have to be quick with a few of them the Youtube police are lurking)...

1. Cristiano Ronaldo, REAL MADRID vs Hertha Berlin

The one in every ten that doesn't just crash into the wall or balloon into the upper tier.

Blackburn Ham It Up For Venkys In Crap-Tastic New Chicken Advert (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This Venky's advert starring the Blackburn boys tucking into a platter of delicious chicken is scheduled to be rolled out across India shortly. It is, for want of a better pun, foul...

Video: Rajud

Juan Pablo Sorin’s First-Touch Fails Him, Destroys TV Studio (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Former Villareal wing-back Juan Pablo Sorin's trusty first-touch seems to have departed him since he hung up his boots a couple of years ago...

Bugger, I thought we were on for a 'domino effect' catastrophe for a second there. Shame. Lovely soundtrack mind.

Jermaine Jones Is Quite Possibly The Stupidest Footballer Ever To Have Existed (w/ Video Evidence)

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By Chris Wright

I know that's a huge claim but just watch this, and be prepared to cringe...

Jesus...f**king...Christ.

Video: The Third Kit

Thiago Alcantara Looks A Wee Bit Special

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By Chris Wright

As you may or may not be aware, Barcelona got their pre-season underway with some low-level silverware last night beating hosts Bayern Munich in the final of the Audi Cup after squeezing past Brazilian outfit Internacional on penalties the day before.

Snapshot: Ronaldo On Holiday In Ibiza (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Yes, he may be carrying a bit of extra lumber around with him these days but, as far as we're concerned, Senhor Luis Nazario de Lima has just about earned himself the right to do anything he damn well likes over the years and we're happily including perjury, high-treason and murder in that.

England U20s Arrive In Colombia, Dance Their Way Through Airport Security (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The England U20 side (of which, in all honesty, I recognise not one single player) touched down in Colombia for the U20 World Cup yesterday, and were greeted at Medellin Airport with a 'crazy Colombian welcome', i.e, a troupe of dancing security staff and some poor chap slowly poaching himself to death in a giant parrot suit just what you need after a twelve-hour flight.

Napoli President Throws Tantrum At Fixture Draw, Rides Off Into Sunset On Stranger’s Scooter (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, with only the first few games pulled out of the hat, Napoli owner Aurelio De Laurentiis storms out of the Serie A fixture draw all guns blazing swearing at his fellow club presidents, claiming that the FIGC had fiddled the draw to smother Napoli, vowing to 'return to cinema' (he made his millions in film production) and threatening to tear up his Italian citizenship before commandeering a stranger's Vespa and pootling off into the sunset.

20 Amazing ‘Tilt-Shift’ Football Photos

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By Chris Wright

'Tilt shift' is the photographic process of making everything look like tiny wee models don't go asking us to explain how the damn thing works, just feast your eyes on the amazing results...

1. Arsenal vs Real Madrid pre-season Emirates, 2008.

Santos vs Flamengo Had Everything: Twisty Neymar Golazo, Panenka FAIL, Horror Miss & Ronaldinho Hat-Trick! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Let's start with the Neymar goal.

Love him or loathe him the boy's definitely got skills. The Brazilian wunderkind's latest wonder goal against Flamengo last night was pretty damn swish in fact, the little shimmy on the edge of the Flamengo box has already been christened 'the Neymar slalom'.

Santos vs Flamengo Had Everything: Twisty Neymar Golazo, Panenka FAIL, Horror Miss & Ronaldinho Hat-Trick! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Let's start with the Neymar goal.

Love him or loathe him the boy's definitely got skills. The Brazilian wunderkind's latest wonder goal against Flamengo last night was pretty damn swish in fact, the little shimmy on the edge of the Flamengo box has already been christened 'the Neymar slalom'.

MLS All-Stars 0-4 Man Utd: Chicharito Hospitalised, Linesman Takes Slapstick Tumble (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

With Javier Hernandez left behind at the team hotel after sustaining a nasty concussion in training on Wednesday that put him in hospital overnight (don't worry, he's on the mend now folks), goals from Anderson, Park Ji-Sung, Rooney and Danny Welbeck (via a hefty deflection) saw Manchester United breeze to victory over the best that the MLS had to offer in New Jersey last night.

Shit Lookalikes: Sergio Aguero & Che Guevara (At Least, So Says Kun Himself)

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By Chris Wright

Not our words, but the words of the man himself:

"No one will ever be exactly like Maradona again but...every so often there is a total revolution in football, and someone needs to be the revolutionary who starts things off. That's me.

"If I achieve what I want to, then I'll mark a distinct era in football.

Win The Chance For Your Child To Be A McDonald’s Player Escort At The FA Community Shield

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We've teamed up with McDonald's, the official Community Partner of the FA, to offer two children between the ages of 7 and 11 years old, the chance to become a McDonald's Player Escort and walk out with Manchester's football stars at Wembley Stadium on 7th August at The FA Community Shield, sponsored by McDonald's.

Showers: Great for the Environment

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Sponsored post from Bathrooms.com

Showers are not only in-keeping with our busy and time pressured lifestyles; they also save the environment, too. Check out these great designer shower styles to give your bathroom that fantastic luxury look.

Did you know that showers use a far lower volume of water per use than a bath?

Yossi Benayoun Poleaxes Himself With Botched Overhead Kick (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea wrapped up a comfortable 4-0 friendly win over Hong Kong side Kitchee earlier today, though Yossi Benayoun's frankly awesome TKO overhead kick botch is the only highlight you'll need to see...

Video: 101GG

Win the chance for your child to be a McDonald’s player escort at the FA Community Shield

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We've teamed up with McDonald's, the official Community Partner of the FA, to offer two children between the ages of 7 and 11 years old, the chance to become a McDonald's Player Escort and walk out with Manchester's football stars at Wembley Stadium on 7th August at The FA Community Shield, sponsored by McDonald's.

Look Who Made No.10 On Opta List Of ‘Passes Completed In Top European Leagues Over Past Two Seasons’…

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By Chris Wright

It should come as little surprise that Xavi is the only player to have completed more than 5,000 passes across the top five European leagues (EPL, Bundesliga, Ligue 1, Serie A, La Liga) over the last 2 seasons but who's this sneaking his way into the top ten?

First Photos: Sergio Aguero Leaves Hospital After Passing Man City Medical

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By Chris Wright

Not the greatest of photos we admit, but here are the first few snaps of Sergio Aguero and his old man Leonel leaving Bridgewater Hospital in Manchester after passing his City medical with flying colours...

Not long now.

The BIG Question: Man Utd Expect ‘One More’ Summer Signing – Who’s It Going To Be?

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By Chris Wright

Less than 24 hours after Sir Alex shut up Manchester United's shop for the summer, chief exec David Gill has gone on record as saying that the club are still in the market for 'one more player' before the window closes in a month or so's time.

Gill told MUTV:

"We are looking at one more player to bring in, nothing is happening and nothing is imminent but we will see what happens when we get home.

Mario Gomez Almost Robbed Of His Shorts/Dignity (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Bayern Munich striker Mario Gomez is almost robbed of both his shorts and his dignity in fell swoop by AC Milan stalwart Alessandro Nesta during last night's Audi Cup semi-final between the two sides.

Thankfully, a ungodly 'full crack and sack' incident was averted by some nifty multi-tasking on the German's part.

Five Brilliant Friendly Goals That Are Certainly Worth Another Look (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

As you may have gathered, there's not really an awful lot going on today save Kun's imminent move to City, so we're hoping that this round-up of decent goals from various friendly games around the world will go someway to filling your daily quota of football goodness.

‘Everything Is Going Well’ – Sergio Aguero Agrees Personal Terms With Man City, £38m Transfer Imminent

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By Chris Wright

"Just arrived in Manchester to finalise details of deal with City. Everything is going well! I'll tell you more in a while."

Sergio Aguero has been in Manchester all morning, quibbling away over just how vast a weekly fortune Man City are going to be shovelling into his bank account, and it appears that the negotiations over the five-year contract are now within spitting distance of being wrapped up and rubber-stamped.

Champions League: Rangers 0-1 Malmo – ‘Larsson No.7′ Returns To Haunt Gers With Nicely Worked Goal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

'Larsson No.7′ returned to haunt Rangers at Ibrox last night, though it wasn't a formerly dreadlocked Celtic striker doing the damage this time around rather Malmo midfielder Daniel, who latched on to Wilton Figueiredo's nifty flick to fire past Allan McGregor from the edge of the area and leave the Gers with a bit of a mission on their hands if they are to press on and qualify for this year's Champions League proper.

Shit Lookalike: Steve Bruce & Ursula The Sea Witch

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By Chris Wright

Not bad, even if I do say so myself!

Got a Lookalike for Pies? Send it to waatpies@gmail.com and slap ‘Lookalikes' in the subject field.

Niko Kranjcar Scores Trademark 25-Yard Belter vs MK Dons (Video)

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By Chris Wright

All decked out in lavender, a Tottenham XI took on MK Dons at Stadium:mk (yep, that's what it's actually called) last night, a lively old ding-dong which Spurs eventually won 5-3, with the sixth goal of the night being a 25-yard, top-corner screamer from the right peg of Niko Kranjcar i.

‘There Is A Saying In Bulgaria That Great Quality Doesn’t Require Much Effort’ – Guess Who?

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By Chris Wright

A shiny sixpence says you'll never be able to guess who has summed up their playing style thusly:

"You are not going to see me puffing around the pitch, there is a saying in Bulgaria that great quality doesn't require much effort."

Hint.

‘There Is A Saying In Bulgaria That Great Quality Doesn’t Require Much Effort’ – Guess Who?

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By Chris Wright

A shiny sixpence says you'll never be able to guess who has summed up their playing style thusly:

"You are not going to see me puffing around the pitch, there is a saying in Bulgaria that great quality doesn't require much effort."

Hint.

Snapshot: Thierry Henry & David Beckham Get ‘Acquainted’ Ahead Of MLS All-Star Game

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By Chris Wright

Move along, nothing to see here nothing except Thierry Henry and David Beckham getting down to some dynamic stretching ahead of the MLS All-Stars game with Manchester United tonight...

Photo: PA

Wayne Rooney’s Manchester Derby Overhead Kick – The Animation (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Stumbled across this little gem while watching the Audi Cup on ITV4 last night: Wayne Rooney's glorious shinner-winner against Man City last season, re-rendered and animated beautifully (as ever) by Richard Swarbrick on behalf of The Currant Bun.

Sport Recife Keeper Viciously Kicks Unsuspecting Opponent In Neck, Promptly Banned For Life (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Sport Recife's youth-string 'keeper Gustavo connects with an appalling, neck-high kick on unsuspecting Vasco de Gama midfielder Elivelton at the end of a Belo Horizonte Youth Cup tie yesterday evening a horrifying dick move that has promptly seen the young stopper forcibly ejected from the club and banned for life.

Football Songs: Royston Drenthe Releases ‘Jemay-Lee’ – Pretty Awful Rap About His Daughter (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting: 'Jemay-Lee' by Royston Drenthe a little ditty about the part-time Dutch full-back's little girl, which comes off sounding somewhere between 'Seven Days' by Craig David and the tinny rap shite you have no choice but to overhear on buses these days.

Snapshot: Turf Goes Down At New National Arena Stadium In Romania

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By Chris Wright

Just happened across this ethereal fish-eye shot of a tractor-wielding bod laying the pitch at the newly built National Arena in Romania and figured it was suitably impressive to share...

The story is that Argentina have just pulled out of a friendly against Romania after 'rescinding the contract' of coach Sergio Batista, a game which was due to be held at (and probably go some way towards paying for) the new stadium in Bucharest.

Algeria’s Military Games Win Over Egypt Descends Into Post-Match Brawl Chaos (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Yep, it's another post-match fisticuffs video in which, after Algeria emerged as 1-0 winners in the Military Games (nope, us neither) final in Brazil at the weekend, irate Egypt forward Ahmed Eid quite literally kick-starts a mass brawl by breaking free of the referee's clutches and planting his studs square into the small of an Algerian player's back with things rapidly escalating from there.

Man Utd Hit The Catwalk In Snazzy Watches For Hublot Fashion Show (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United and their new 'official timekeepers' extremely expensive Swiss watch merchants Hublot Geneve teamed up to put on a bit of a bash in New York, which saw several members of the United squad dress up to the nines and strut down the catwalk with only-slightly-ostentatious Hublot watches strapped around their wrists.

Chelsea Touch Down In Hong Kong, Lampard Eyes Up Kalou’s Birthday Cake (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

After working their way through Malaysia and Thailand, Chelsea touched down in Hong Kong yesterday to visit a soccer clinic, where a slightly perplexed-looking 'David Cameroon' was presented with a traditional birthday bun despite his birthday not being for another two weeks.

Snapshot: Cesc Fabregas Meets The Prime Minister(s)

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By Chris Wright

Here we have Cesc Fabregas, busy dodging all of Arsenal's pre-season shenanigans in order to gadabout, pow-wowing in the gardens at 10 Downing Street with his new high-falutin' friends namely Spanish prime minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero and his British counterpart, old wibble-wobble flubber cheeks himself, David Cameron.

Marcel Heller Sets Himself Up With Cunning One-Two, Proceeds To Fluff Open Goal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Nothing like a little bit of nutritious, delicious FAIL to start the morning, this time coming courtesy of Dynamo Dresden (of the Bundesliga II) midfielder Marcel Heller who, after clipping his first effort against the foot of the Hansa Rostock post bamboozling the Hansa Rostock 'keeper by playing a cunning one-two with the post, somehow conspired to rattle the rebound wide as the goal gaped afore him.

‘Off To Smash Hayley’s Back Doors In’ – Wife Introduces Paul Gallagher To Twitter, Immediately Regrets It

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By Chris Wright

Hayley Gallagher, wife of Leicester City forward Paul, co-erced her husband into joining Twitter last night and was immediately made to regret her decision as her significant other...well...take a look for yourselves...


Paul Gallagher: Father, husband, professional footballer and shameless gobshite!

Leeds United Put Norwegian Tragedy In Perspective

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By Chris Wright

90-odd innocent people dead at the hands of a rampaging religious zealot but, what's that?, Leeds United are in town? Well break out the f**king bunting the show must go on!...

Image: Off The Post

Alex Morgan Pops Up With Cute Equaliser For Western New York Flash vs Boston Breakers (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Very cute, and the finish isn't bad either...

Video: 101GG

Chicago Fire 1-3 Man Utd: Rooney, Rafael & Nani On Target As United Extinguish The Fire (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

After Corey Gibbs headed the MLS side ahead after just 12 minutes, Manchester United duly responded with three goals in the space of 15 second-half minutes from Wayne Rooney, Rafael and Nani to thoroughly quench Chicago's Fire, despite the searing heat at Soldiers Field on Saturday afternoon.

Shit Lookalike: Joe Hart & Ken Masters (Of ‘Streetfighter’ Fame)

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By Chris Wright

Joe Hart scores Man City's winner in their penalty shoot-out with LA Galaxy, presses 'Down, Down-Left, Left, Punch' and...

"HADOUKEN!!!"

Got a Lookalike for Pies? Send it to waatpies@gmail.com and stick ‘Lookalikes' in the subject field.

Wrecking Machine! Mauro Camoranesi Punches Opponent In The Face During ‘Friendly’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Lanus' be-ponytailed veteran Mauro Cameronesi lays a big right on All Boys' Juan Pablo Rodriguez after the latter reacted particularly poorly when the former Juventus midfielder lollipopped the ball over his head and left him looking like a bit of a Charlie.

Snapshot: Lonely Alexis Sanchez Left To Unveil Himself At Barcelona

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By Chris Wright

Just a few snaps of Barca's new £23-million No. 9, Alexis Sanchez, cutting a very lonely figure while apparently having to unveil himself (everyone else is on tour in Croatia) at the Catalan club's HQ yesterday...

Photos: PA

Snapshot: Lonely Alexis Sanchez Left To Unveil Himself At Barcelona

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By Chris Wright

Just a few snaps of Barca's new £23-million No. 9, Alexis Sanchez, cutting a very lonely figure while apparently having to unveil himself (everyone else is on tour in Croatia) at the Catalan club's HQ yesterday...

Photos: PA

Arsenal New Boy Carl Jenkinson Scores Epic Own-Goal To Open His Account – Shades Of Lee Dixon, ’91 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's just become abundantly clear why Arsene Wenger moved quickly to snap up Carl Jenkinson from Charlton this summer he fits the mould down to a 'T': great technique, a cool head, supreme vision and absolutely no idea which way he's supposed to be shooting.

Snapshot: Uruguay Beat Paraguay 3-0 In Copa Final, Crowned Champions Of America (Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

A deflected effort from Luis Suarez and a Diego Forlan brace saw Uruguay beat Paraguay 3-0 in the Copa America final in Buenos Aires last night, meaning that three generations of Forlan have now won the trophy and, crucially, that we won't be seeing Larissa Riquelme's bare arse galloping through the streets of Asuncion any time soon at least, not until some phone company chucks her a few dollars to daub their logo across her bum cheeks and do it anyway.

Mario Balotelli Hauled Off After 30 Minutes Of LA Galaxy Friendly For ‘Failing To Take Game Seriously’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The latest chapter in the continuing story of Bungaling Balo sees our compelling protagonist getting himself hauled off after just half-an-hour of Man City's pre-season friendly against LA Galaxy when he intentionally spurned a chance/screwed up a Virgo trickshot turning his back and backheeling the ball straight out for a goal-kick.

Patrice Evra & Ji-Sung Park Make Sweet, Sweet Pizza Together (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which BFFs forever *pinky swear* Patrice Evra and Ji-Sung Park visit Gino's East in Chicago for a lesson in pizza-ing as part of Manchester United's whistle-stop pre-season charm offensive assault on the hearts and minds (and wallets) of America.

Snapshot: The ‘Onyx Meditation Room’ Deep Inside FIFA’s Zurich Bunker

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By Chris Wright

This here is the solid onyx 'meditation' room that FIFA installed in their Zurich catacombs a couple of years ago y'know, for those times when all that glad-handing, flesh-pressing, bung-quibbling, money-counting, heel-dragging and vote-rigging just starts to get on top of you.

Salomon Kalou Is ‘David Cameroon’, Conducts In-Air Interviews On Chelsea Plane (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Salomon Kalou nabs a Chelsea TV camera, re-christens himself 'David Cameroon' (somebody off camera finds that name really funny) and duly sets about annoying just about everybody on Chelsea's private jet...

You just know JT loves watching Lampsy stir softly in his sleep.

Retro Football: Young Luis Suarez Appears On Uruguayan ‘Fun House’ Game Show, 1990s (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which a young Luis Suarez makes his televisual debut, appearing on what appears to be the Uruguayan version of 'Fun House' only without the hot(ish) cheerleader twins and Pat Sharp's ferocious mullet...

He still hasn't grown into those teeth, bless his little cotton socks.

Snapshot: DC United Supporters Stage ‘Mass Plank’ During MLS Game

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By Chris Wright

Spotted during DC United's MLS tie with New England Revolution on Wednesday night, an entire section of DC fans the 'District Ultras' planking their collective asses off in the terraces at the RFK Stadium...

Not that it worked of course, as the Revs (who are pretty dire by all accounts) went on to end their nine-game winless streak with a 1-0 victory.

Football WAG Index: Edurne Garcia Almagro – David De Gea Is A Lucky, Lucky Man

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By WAG Watcher

This 'ere fine arrangement of DNA is Spanish songstress Edurne Garcia Almagro, otherwise known as the current WAG of Man Utd's new boy betwixt the sticks, David De Gea who is, we're sure you'll agree, an extremely lucky git...

Me gusta, me definitely gusta!

Westerlo Winger Lens Annab Faced With Open Goal, Brings The B-B-Belgian FAIL! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We don't know what's worse: the pathetically feeble miss or the dopey grin as he marches away afterwards...

It's the miss, definitely the miss.

Video: 101GG

Introducing: Patty Orue – Paraguay ‘Superfan’ No.2 Gives Larissa Riquelme A Run For Her Money (Photos)

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By WAG Watcher

Introducing: Patty Orue, a.k.a, Paraguay's second most famous football 'superfan' (read: disinterested famewhore on the make) behind you know who and foremost trashy Copa America bandwagon-jumper-on'errer...

Go on then, make the call: Larissa or Patty?

Snapshot: Chicharito Named ‘Ambassador For Tourism’, Breaks Down In Little Pea-Sized Tears

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By Chris Wright

In which Javier 'Chicharito' Hernandez is named the 2011 Tourism Ambassador for the State of Jalisco in Guadalajara, and promptly breaks down thus making him even more infuriatingly loveable than he was before...

"You've come a long way little pea"

Which loosely translates as:

"Thank God I'm a footballer and I don't have to do this kind of thing every day.

The BIG Question: Are Liverpool Serious Title Contenders This Time Around?

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By Chris Wright

Sit back and watch the best of the 2011/2012 Premier League season live with Sky Sports HD.

I awoke from my slumber this morning with an uneasy feeling way down in my gut. At first I thought it may have just been the loaded egg mayo preparing for round two, but no it ran far deeper than that.

Chelsea Beat Malaysia XI 1-0 Without Actually Scoring (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea pipped Malaysia's U21 Olympic side 1-0 in a friendly in Kuala Lumpur last night, a game notable for two reasons: firstly, a delightful little 'RVP vs Inter' style nutmeg from Fernando Torres and secondly, that the Blues were able to win the game without actually forcing the ball over their opponent's goalline.

New York Cosmos Sign Up Sol Campbell, Fabio Cannavaro, Patrick Vieira & Robbie Keane…

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By Chris Wright

...for Paul Scholes' testimonial at Old Trafford on August 5th.

MWUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The Cosmos' Pele-assembled, 17-man squad in full:

Nicky Butt, Sol Campbell, Fabio Cannavaro, Brad Friedel, Robbie Keane, Brian McBride, Gary Neville, Michel Salgado, Patrick Vieira and seven U23 Cosmos players; Chad Calderone, Ibrahim Diaby, Stefan Dimitrov, David Diosa, Marvin Iraheta, Dane Murphy, Yanik Reyering, Moriken Sangary.

Sir Alex Pulls Man Utd Team Coach Over, Invites Lucky Bulgarian Fans Aboard (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As if proof were needed that Manchester United are very much on the charm offensive over in the US at moment, ahead of a training session in Seattle earlier this week, Sir Alex decided to pull the team coach over to let a group of Bulgarian fans (who had apparently been waiting in the rain to wave the coach on for seven-straight days) on board for a few autographs and a handful of United tat.

Ten Premier League Whipper-Snappers Worth Keeping An Eye Out For In 2011/12

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By Chris Wright

In no particular order, Pies brings you a run-down of ten of the brightest young buttons on the Premier League's tweed waistcoat (to coin a phrase) for you to keep your peepers fixated on next season...

1. James McCarthy, 20, Wigan

His classy, mature style has already made him a first-team regular and a crowd favourite at the DW.

The Black-And-White Years: Sir Bobby Robson Pins Another Transfer Target To The Wall, 1969

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By Chris Wright

In which, several years before he became a Knight of the Realm, Ipswich manager Bobby Robson gives us a glorious glimpse into how tracking down, identifiying and running the rule over your transfer targets used to work in ye olden times i.e, with an awful lot of Blu-tack and drawing pins.

The Gary Neville Carrot (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, courtesy of comedian Anthony Richardson (the man behind the classic 'Clive Tyldesley Lives In My Nipple' sketch), an irate German farmer is outraged as his crops are overcome by a very specific strain of blight...

We know the feeling.

Cristiano Ronaldo Downs Chivas’ Patricio Araujo With Judo Suplex (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which 4th dan Judo master Cristiano Ronaldo dispenses with an assailant during Real Madrid's pre-season friendly with Chivas last night...

Video: 101GG

Snapshot: Real Madrid Relax With Spot Of Water Polo At UCLA

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By Chris Wright

Something tells me that Xabi Alonso isn't enjoying this all that much, that 'something' being his face.

Marcelo on the other hand...

...he love it!

Image via @aarbeloa17

‘The Feet Continue To Dance’ – Dance Tribute To Lionel Messi Feat. Ray Hudson’s Awesome Commentary (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting: 'The Feet Continue To Dance' a thumping dance tribute to Lionel Messi by someone or something called The Wizard of Ox, featuring samples of commentary from Joaquim Maria Puyal and the one, the only, the incomparable, Ray Hudson...

Via KCKRS

Man City Home In On Sergio Aguero, Chelsea Lodge £18m Bid For Romelu Lukaku

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By Chris Wright

Their names may well have featured in just about every spurious transfer gossip column that has been farted forth over the past year or so, but two of Europe's most coveted strikers appear to be verging on moves to these fair shores.

Despite Carlos Tevez currently staring down the barrel of a further sulky six months at Eastlands, Man City are pressing ahead with their attempts to snare fellow Argentinian Sergio Aguero from Atletico Madrid with negotiations said to be 'ongoing' between the two parties over triggering Kun's £39 million release clause.

Obligatory Brawl Breaks Out After Paraguay Beat Venezuela On Penalties To Reach Copa America Final (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With Uruguay waiting in the final, Venezuela and Paraguay squared up in the second of the Copa America semi-finals in Mendoza last night a little too literally...

Ah, it just wouldn't be South America without the traditional post-match dust-up, now would it?

Hope Solo & Abby Wambach Play ‘Kick The Ball In The Taxi’ Live On Letterman (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After turning a few heads across the pond with their exploits at the Women's World Cup, certain members of the USWNT have returned to the States as celebrities and David Letterman has been quick to pounce inviting Hope Solo and Abby Wambach round for a chat and a game of 'kick the ball in the moving NY taxi'.

Time-Lapse-A-Riffic: Gdansk Euro 2012 Stadium Completed In 60 Seconds (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Just a nifty little time-lapse clip of the PGE Gdansk Arena (one of the stadiums that has been thrown up in Poland specifically for Euro 2012) emerging from the terra firma in the space of 60 seconds a build which took two years in actuality...

.

Caption This: Jose Mourinho Wanders Through Downtown Los Angeles

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By Chris Wright

Pies says:

"Hello? Fergie? I think I've just found you the new Bebe"

You say?

[Image: Cheeky Chip]

Completely Insane Orlando Pirates Fan Wears Pretty Dress For Post-Tottenham Friendly Interview (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Looking for an average representative of the Orlando Pirates' fanbase, a South African TV pundit chose to pull this unintelligibly-slurring, 'Boney M weave'-wearing fellow dressed up to the nines in his wife's poufy dress and apparently going by the name of 'Goodenough Shithole' to interview after their recent friendly against Spurs.

New Aston Villa 2011/12 Home Kit Launched – Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Yet more photos from Nike's unsettling twilight zone changing room, with the big unveiling of Aston Villa's new checkerboard home strip (complete with the same naff Chinese lettering that marred the away strip) for 2011/12.

Droppin' bombs on ya moms.

Shit Lookalike: Fulham Newboy Marcel Gecov & An Orange Tennis Ball

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By Chris Wright

Gecov is the fuzzy orange 23-year old Czech midfielder that Fulham have just snapped up for around £700k but only after sending a team of 20, yes twenty doctors to Slovan Liberec to give him the once-over!

Email your Shit Lookalike nominees to waatpies@gmail, and stick ‘Lookalikes' in the subject field.

Barcelona Train At Joan Gamper, Pique Sits Down To Discuss The Year Ahead (Photos & Video)

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By Chris Wright

Nothing more, nothing less just a batch of snaps of the Barcelona squad busily squirreling away at being better than everybody else at their Joan Gamper 'Sports City' training camp in Sant Joan Despi...

It's looking a bit black over Bill's mother's.

Nike Launch New Celtic 2011/12 Away Kit – Looks A Little Like The Home Strip (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Celtic 2011/12 home kit: green and white hoops.

Celtic 2011/12 away kit: green and white and beige hoops.

Clever...

Much like Celtic's garish third strip for next season, their new away kit is almost certain to be a bit of a 'marmite' affair and it's fair to say that it's not exactly our cup of warm Irn Bru.

Sepak Takraw: ‘Bastard Child Of Kung Fu, Football & Volleyball’ Makes For Impressive Viewing (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Don't ask me how a Kung Fu/football/volleyball love triangle could possibly result in a child with three seperate parents, just sit back and enjoy this video of me and the boys playing a bit of Sepak Takraw at the Leisure Centre the other night...

Pretty impressive, no?

Snapshot: Man Utd & Seattle Sounders Stage Epic Coin-Toss Atop The Space Needle (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Man Utd are scheduled to play Seattle Sounders tonight as part of their US tour and what better way to decide who's going to be kicking off said pre-season friendly than by having Rio Ferdinand, Nemanja Vidic, Kasey Keller and referee Jeff Hosking converge 600-odd feet above Seattle for the coin toss?

Uruguay Fans Jibe Lionel Messi With Spoof Fridge Commercial

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By Chris Wright

Consumes no energy? Only works with Euros? Freezes really well? Failed in the South African market? We reckon someone is getting in a sly dig at L'il Leo and his performances for Argentina here folks in time-honoured fridge metaphor format...

Does anyone understand the bit about the 'egg holders' in the orange strap, or is our dodgy translation just wide of the mark again?

Quick-Fire Luis Suarez Double Books Uruguay Spot In Copa America Final (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

A Luis Suarez double within the space of five second-half minutes against Peru in La Plata last night was enough to see Uruguay book themselves a spot in the Copa America final against either Paraguay or Venezuela (the other semi is tonight), thus keeping La Celeste's hopes of snagging themselves a record 15th title alive and, indeed, kicking.

Quick-Fire Luis Suarez Double Books Uruguay Spot In Copa America Final (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

A Luis Suarez double within the space of five second-half minutes against Peru in La Plata last night was enough to see Uruguay book themselves a spot in the Copa America final against either Paraguay or Venezuela (the other semi is tonight), thus keeping La Celeste's hopes of snagging themselves a record 15th title alive and, indeed, kicking.

Carlos Tevez Jilted As Corinthians Withdraw Offer, Stranded At Man City Until January?

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By Chris Wright

Granted, I can think of worse places to be stranded but it looks like Carlos Tevez may have to wait until January to finally jump ship at Eastlands, with the news today that Corinthians have withdrawn their £40-ish million offer for the striker with the Brazilian transfer deadline set to pass during the wee small hours of Thursday morning (04:00 BST).

Shaun Wright-Phillips Scores Thundercracker Against Vancouver Whitecaps (Video)

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By Chris Wright

So that's SWP done for the season then.

Steven Pienaar Nutmegs Younes Kaboul In Tottenham Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Whereas the nutmeg in itself isn't particularly special, you gotta love the little heel-clicks that break out en masse after Steven Piennar posts a sneaky one through Younes Kaboul's legs...

Video: 101GG

Chubby Kid Celebrates USWNT Goal With ‘Truffle Shuffle’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which a 'husky' young Yanklet in the stands celebrates Alex Morgan's opening goal in the Women's World Cup final on Sunday evening by bringing the 'Truffle Shuffle' all the way back from the 80′s...

If you're not familiar with the Truffle Shuffle, then we suggest you educate yourself smartish!

Roberto Carlos Dons Valderrama Wig, Dances The ‘Lezginka’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, while looking like an unholy mix of Carlos Valderamma first thing in the morning and Beaches-era Bette Midler, Roberto Carlos learns to dance the 'Lezginka' with his new Dagestan dancer friends in a hotel room in Austria...

Seems like that darned wig is following Robby round these days.

Roberto Carlos Dons Valderrama Wig, Dances The ‘Lezginka’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, while looking like an unholy mix of Carlos Valderamma first thing in the morning and Beaches-era Bette Midler, Roberto Carlos learns to dance the 'Lezginka' with his new Dagestan dancer friends in a hotel room in Austria...

Seems like that darned wig is following Robby round these days.

First Photo: Harper Seven Beckham, Cute As A Button

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By Chris Wright

One week old and already taller than SWP, here's the first photo of Becks' latest sprog, wee Harper Seven...

Altogether, awwww!!

Image via Kickette

Snapshot: Chinese Arsenal Fans Unfurl Fantastic Anti-Barcelona Banner

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By Chris Wright

Spotted during Arsenal's pre-season friendly with Greentown...

"Barca pay 40million take Cesc away or go home to wank!!!"

Couldn't have said it better myself!

Football Porn: Selection Of Sweetest ‘Team Goals’ Ever Scored (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Just stumbled across this during a midday yomp through the Youtube archives and felt it was worth sharing a fine, though by no means 'definitive', selection box of some of the slickest 'team goals' of all time...

Four blissful minutes of pure, footballing pornography perfect Monday afternoon viewing if you ask me.

Snapshot: Barack Obama & Family Gather To Watch Women’s World Cup Final

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By Chris Wright

Of course, we haven't actually got any proof that the Obamas are actually gathered around their crazy cushion-table in the White House Treaty Room to watch the Women's World Cup final in this snap at all in fact, we may as well have told you that they are watching repeats of Home Improvement.

Ten Fearless Predictions For The 2011/12 Premier League Season

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By Chris Wright

Sit back and watch the best of the 2011/2012 Premier League season live with Sky Sports HD.

Not that we're sitting in our undercrackers, idly watching the clock or anything, but there is now only 26 days, 3 hours, 29 minutes and 29 seconds until the Premier League farts back into life and hits our screens again over the weekend of August 13th so we reckon it's high time to take a deep swill of chutzpah juice and make our famous(ly rubbish) and fearless predictions for 2011/12.

Ben Haim Notches Superb Own-Goal Against Chelsea, John Terry Almost Decapitates Luke Varney (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea's pre-season friendly against Pompey yesterday threw up a few points of interest, the first being that both sides played in the same strip for some reason, the second being John Terry's concerted effort to seperate Luke Varney's head from his shoulders during a goal-line scramble.

Brazil Crash Out Of Copa America After Missing Four Penalties – Still Not The Biggest Boobs On Show (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With Argentina already homeward-bound, Brazil also flubbed out of the Copa America last night losing 2-0, two-nil, on penalties to Paraguay in the quarter-finals and duly becoming the first ever side in the history of the tournament to miss all of their spot-kicks in a shoot-out.

UAE’s Awana Diab Scores Audacious Backheel Penalty vs Lebanon (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Not the first back-heeled penalty we've ever seen (that honour goes to Francesco Totti off the top of our heads), though it definitely took a sizeable set of swingers for the UAE's Awana Diab to step up and pull this off against Lebanon yesterday...

Women’s World Cup Final: Japan Beat US Women On Penalties (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Japan 'keeper Ayumi Kaihori watches on helplessly as Abby Wambach's thumping drive comes back off the crossbar

Alex Morgan chases down Megan Rapinoe's lofted throughball and cracks a fine finish back across the goal to open the scoring

Aya Miyama capitalises on a defensive ricket to poke home Japan's equaliser

Abby Wambach scores her fourth header in as many games to put the US back in front during extra-time

Homare Sawa flicks home Japan's second equaliser of the night at the near post

Referee Bibiana Steinhaus shows Azuza Iwashimizu the red card after chopping down the goal-bound Alex Morgan on the edge of the area

Hope Solo dives in vain as Saki Kumagai's winning penalty sails into the roof of the net

Sawa, Wambach and Solo poses with their gold, silver and bronze 'Player of the Tournament' awards

Highlights.

Man City Agree To Flog Carlos Tevez To Corinthians, Shake On £45m Package – ‘Adios’ Or Good Riddance?

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By Chris Wright

Bob Mancini has let slip that Manchester City have shaken hands with Corinthians over a fee for Carlos Tevez (reportedly £40 million plus £5 million in add-ons) with the homesick Argentinian now set to begin discussing personal terms with his former club.

‘Shameful’ Newcastle Fans Fight On Pitch During Darlington Friendly (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Newcastle have been quick to condemn the 'shameful' behaviour of the Toon supporters who invaded the pitch and proceeded to kick several shades out of each other during last night's pre-season 'friendly' at Darlington.

You heard right. A fight broke out at a Newcastle game and Joey Barton wasn't involved.

USWNT Coach Pia Sundhage Sings Simon & Garfunkel During Press Conference (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which US Women coach Pia Sundhage busts out a bit of Simon and Garfunkel during her pre-final press conference just because she bloody well can...

http://youtu.be/TB10rJJX3dM

Not that our Pia is a stranger to the world of live music, hell no.

US Women & Japan Train Ahead Of World Cup Final (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Yep, another batch of photos of the USWNT training ahead of the Women's World Cup Final in Frankfurt tomorrow which ain't no bad thing as far as we're concerned...

In the interests of fairness, we've also got a couple of shots of the Japanese team posing for photos after their pre-final session.

Liverpool Wrap Up £20m Stewart Downing Deal

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By Chris Wright

After a couple of weeks of dilly-dallying, Liverpool agreed a fee and completed the signing of Stewart Downing from Aston Villa all in the space of 24 hours yesterday with the winger passing a medical and agreeing a 'long term' contract at Melwood, before officially sealing a deal believed to be worth somewhere just shy of the £20-million mark.

Liverpool Wrap Up £20m Stewart Downing Deal

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By Chris Wright

After a couple of weeks of dilly-dallying, Liverpool agreed a fee and completed the signing of Stewart Downing from Aston Villa all in the space of 24 hours yesterday with the winger passing a medical and agreeing a 'long term' contract at Melwood, before officially sealing a deal believed to be worth somewhere just shy of the £20-million mark.

Premier League Abolish ‘Weakened Team’ Rule – Blackpool Surely Due £25,000 Refund?

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By Chris Wright

Apologies for being slightly late to get round to this today, but the Premier League announced this morning that they have finally decided to abolish their nonsensical 'weakened team' rule i.e, the rule that essentially stipulated that clubs could be fined and sanctioned for choosing to field members of their registered senior squad after all 20 top flight sides voted for it to be scrapped at their AGM in June.

Finally! Ian Wright Lands Cameo In ‘Digital Music Terrorism/Neo-Nazism’ Indie Movie (Trailer)

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By Chris Wright

How long has the world been waiting for this? Former Arsenal goal-getter man and current professional gobshite Ian Wright has landed a cameo role alongside jazz munchkin Jamie Cullum (yep) in upcoming indie flick 'Gun of the Black Sun'.

The film is described as a 'fun fantasy adventure that centres on a ruthless megalomaniac's ambition to use crime, violence, a Third Reich luger, neo-Nazism plus the abuse of music and digital technology to resurrect and rule an Aryan race'.

Liam Gallagher & Beady Eye Launch New Man City 2012/12 Home Kit (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Umbro have roped in Liam Gallagher and the rest of the Beady Eye chaps to help launch the new Man City home kit, which they did with lilting rendition of the City's appropriated anthem, Blue Moon...

The bods over at Umbro have also released a video that documents the story of the 'Blue Moon soundwave' design that they have studiously incorporated into the new shirt.

Malaysian Fan Commits Slight Fashion Faux-Pas At Liverpool Pre-Season Game (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which a young Malaysian pays good money to watch one of LIVERPOOL's pre-season games, then proceeds to turn up to the stadium wearing the most inappropriate shirt he could have possibly pulled over his head that morning incurring the jeers of a terrace-full of people.

Europa League: Crusaders 1-3 Fulham – Matthew Briggs & Timmy Adamson Score Absolute Crackers (Photos & Video)

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By Chris Wright

Not that it was a particularly easy ride, but Fulham put themselves in a strong position to finish off their second Europa League qualifier tie against Crusaders at the Cottage by way of a 3-1 win in Belfast last night.

Matthew Briggs tonked in the opener for Fulham from range, though Timmy Adamson drew the Northern Irish semi-pros level after pulling the ball down from the ether, juggling it over his marker and then applying a smart, volleyed finish ten minutes after the interval.

Crap Captions: ‘Dimi Berbaton’ Is 195lbs, Has Brown Hair And A Swastika?

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By Chris Wright

Massachusetts Channel 5 News very nearly got their caption right (a damn sight closer than ESPN managed the other day) for Berba's post-game interview, bless their little hearts for trying...

We can't help but notice that they've also spelt 'swastika' wrong.

Dario Conca, Third Highest Paid Player In The World, Scores Pretty Naff Goal On Guangzhou Debut (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Dario Conca, Dario...Conca, struggling to place the name? Allow us to refresh your memory.

Despite no-one really knowing who the bloody bejesus he is, Conca is now the third highest-paid player in world football (behind the 'big two', Messi and Ron) courtesy of Chinese Super League side Guangzhou Evergrande, who snapped him up on a mammoth contract from Fluminese a week or so ago.

Luka Modric’s Official Written Transfer Request Leaked!

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By Chris Wright

Via @IAMCOLe

Young Girl Throws Herself In Front Of Real Madrid Players’ Golf Buggy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which a young girl inexplicably charges headlong into one of Real Madrid's golf buggies that were being used to ferry the players around the UCLA Campus in Los Angeles the other day...

We can't make our minds up as to whether this is some kind of Jackass-style stunt or whether we're just dealing with a very, very stupid chick here.

Snapshot: Sevilla ♥ Cucumbers

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By Chris Wright

Spanish side Sevilla are lending their support to the Spanish cucumber farmers, who have been blamed for a deadly outbreak of E. coli in Germany by sewing patches onto the sleeves of the pre-season strips that read 'I ♥ Cucumbers'.

Sevilla president Jose Maria Del Nido said the message was 'in defense of the cucumber of Murcia, after the war it had with Germany over the cucumber'.

Snapshot: David Moyes Receives Honorary Degree, Pulls One Back For Everton

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By Chris Wright

With Sir Dr Alex Ferguson and Dr King Kenneth Dalglish already roaring ahead in the honorary degree stakes this summer, you'll be glad to know that David Moyes has pulled one back for Everton receiving a fellowship in 'Outstanding Contributions to Football and Sportsmanship' from Liverpool John Moores University and looking bloomin' dapper while doing so.

Werder Bremen Spend The Day Racing Small Ponies (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After being banned from getting tattoos for fear of infection earlier in the week, it looks like Werder Bremen's players have had to find another way to pass the time until the Bundesliga kicks back into life next month...

Suppose it keeps them out of trouble.

Josip Ilicic Attempts Flashy Backheel, Falls Flat On His Face (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Call me old fashioned, but it's always nice to see a Flash Harry take a slap...

Video: 101GG

Snapshot: Zlatan Ibrahimovic And His Epic Rollercoaster Face!

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By Chris Wright

He may well be a black-belt, but put the Mighty Zlatan on a rollercoaster and he's mush...

Via Caught Offside

Patrick Vieira Confirms Retirement, Moves ‘Upstairs’ At Man City – Farewell To Bona Fide Premier League Legend

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By Chris Wright

Patrick Vieira has confirmed that, at the grand old age of 35, he has decided to call time on his playing days in order to take up a specially created position 'upstairs' at Manchester City.

City have announced that as of 2011/12, Vieira will be employed as their 'Football Development Executive', meaning that he'll be charged with mentoring the club's youngsters and dispensing 'well-rounded lifestyle education' only stub cigars out in the ashtrays provided, that kind of thing.

New England Revolution 1-4 Man Utd: Tubby Mascot Steals The Show, ESPN Mistake Ashley Young For Paul Scholes (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United soundly thrashed New England Revolution 4-1 in a friendly last night, with Ash Young making his debut, Michael Owen scoring for the first time since god knows when, Kiko Macheda notching two in the space of six second-half minutes and Park Ji-Sung chipping home to cap a delightful passing move though the star of the show was definitely this tubby little chap.

Brighton’s New Stadium Falls Foul Of Builders’ Cheeky Bird-Poo Seating Prank

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By Chris Wright

The cheeky rascal builders working on Brighton and Hove Albion's new, 22,300-seater Falmer Stadium pulled a fast one when installing the seating, modifying the club's seagull logo with a few carefully placed white seats...

Sadly, the guano-based prank didn't last long, with a Brighton spokesman confirming that ‘a clean-up operation has taken place and the seats have been re-arranged to show the seagull in flight'.

Xavi Pisses Arsenal Off Again, Pleads For An End To Cesc Fabregas ‘Suffering’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

He wouldn't let it lie, would he? He wouldn't let it lie.

After spending last summer bleating on and on about it and just days after riling Arsene Wenger once again by stating on the Barcelona website that Cesc Fabregas had confided in him that he was 'suffering' at Arsenal, Xavi has continued to work away at his inversely proportionate 'top notch string-puller on the field: first-class tosspot of it' ratio by telling reporters that all he wants now is a 'solution' that will finally end all this terrible hurt and see Cesc sign for Barca this summer.

Snapshot: Man City ‘Plank-Off’ Sees Micah Richards Put His Head In The Oven

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By Chris Wright

As we saw yesterday, SWP threw down the gauntlet and instigated a Manchester City-wide planking epidemic with the vertical door-based plank he posted on Twitter a while back...

Micah Richards seized said gauntlet, then clambered atop a tactics board for this audacious but sloppily-executed attempt.

US Women Spank France 3-1, March Into Their Third World Cup Final (Photos & Video)

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By Chris Wright

The US Women spanked France with two late goals to secure themselves a spot in the World Cup against Japan (who beat Sweden 3-1 in the other semi-final) in Frankfurt on Sunday.

Laura Cheney swept home to put the States a goal up inside nine minutes, only for France to equalise ten minutes after the break when Sonia Bompastor's flat cross bounced across the six-yard box and nestled inside the far post.

Luka Modric Hands In Transfer Request, Chelsea Wait In The Wings

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By Chris Wright

"I won't ask for a transfer, no. That would be disrespectful" Luka Modric, June 18th 2011.

"I don't think he'll hand in a transfer request. He will honour his contract" Luka Modric's agent, July 7th 2011.

Skip forward to today, July 14th 2011, and the Guardian (among several others) are reporting that Luka Modric has indeed handed in a formal transfer request at Tottenham in a bid to begin forcing through a move to Chelsea.

Liverpool Agree £20m Fee For Stewart Downing, Villa Raided Again

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool have agreed a £20 million fee with Aston Villa for Stewart Downing, after seeing their opening bids of £12.5 million and £15 million knocked back last week.

A brief statement on the Liverpool site reads:

"Liverpool FC tonight announced they had agreed a fee with Aston Villa for the transfer of Stewart Downing.

Football GIFs: Porto Players Unveil New Kits From Beneath ‘Emperor Palpatine’ Costumes

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By Chris Wright

You can almost feeeel the hate flowing through Porto's new kits for 2011/12, as modelled by Emperor Hulk and his cronies.

Some feeble-minded gooch has disabled embedding on the video, so we're afraid you'll have to wander outside Pies' safe confines to check it out.

Shit Lookalikes: Arsene Wenger & His Small, Malaysian Twin

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By Chris Wright

There's a line of thought that suggests everybody has a doppelganger roaming the Earth somewhere and, as it turns out, Arsene Wenger's genetic twin just so happens to be the manager of the Malaysian national side!

Uncanny, no?

We can't take any credit for this spot mind that lofty accolade goes to the guys over at KCKRS.

Umbro’s New York Cosmos ‘Blackout’ Collection Is Very Black And Very Swanky (Photos & Video)

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By Chris Wright

As we've seen before here on Pies, Umbro's hook-up with the soon-to-be-revived New York Cosmos has produced some pretty natty garb to date, so you'll be glad to know that their new 'Blackout' collection is ploughing a similar furrow.

The limited edition Blackout line has been designed to commemorate the day that Brazilian legend Carlos Alberto signed with the Cosmos back on July 13th, 1977, which also happened to be the day of the infamous New York City blackout.

San Jose Earthquakes’ Keeper David Bingham Scores From Range Against West Brom (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Looks like the low sun is in Baggies keeper Boaz Myhill's eyes, but that's still no excuse for letting your opposite number stick one past you from the other end of the pitch especially after only three minutes...

Not a bad Quakes debut for young David Bingham, who now has a 1:1 goal-to-game ratio despite only playing for the first 45 minutes.

Uruguay 1-0 Mexico: La Celeste Through To Last Eight, Diego Forlan Has Bloody Nightmare (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Uruguay beat Mexico 1-0 in Group C of the Copa America last night, condemning El Tri to their first ever group-stage exit and setting themselves up with a plum quarter-final tie against hosts Argentina all despite Diego Forlan's best efforts to bugger everything up in front of goal.

‘Total Hypocrisy’ – Joey Barton Denied VISA For Pre-Season Tour, Takes Pop At United States

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By Chris Wright


As we've already seen this morning, Newcastle United are about to embark upon a 10,419-mile round-trip tour of the States in the next few days, though one man who will not be feeling the benefit of all those lovely air miles will be poor old Joey Barton who has been refused a VISA for, essentially, kicking seven shades out of a guy in front of a McDonald's a couple of years ago.

‘Total Hypocrisy’ – Joey Barton Denied VISA For Pre-Season Tour, Takes Pop At United States

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By Chris Wright


As we've already seen this morning, Newcastle United are about to embark upon a 10,419-mile round-trip tour of the States in the next few days, though one man who will not be feeling the benefit of all those lovely air miles will be poor old Joey Barton who has been refused a VISA for, essentially, kicking seven shades out of a guy in front of a McDonald's a couple of years ago.

AC Milan Show Off The New Guys, Train At Milanello (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

AC Milan officially unveil their summer signings (left to right), Alberto Paloschi, Stephan El Shaarawy, Philipe Mexes and Taye Taiwo at their Milanello training complex

Milan coach Massimiliano Allegri, vice president Adriano Galliani and Massimo Ambrosini join the festivities

"I've still got the skin I tore of Iniesta's shin on my mantlepiece at home, it looks like a slice of luncheon meat!

Andre Villas-Boas Takes Charge Of First Chelsea Game, Yossi Benayoun Scores Absolutely Outrageous Goal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Andre Villas-Boas oversaw his first game in charge of Chelsea yesterday, with the Blues running out 3-0 winners in a friendly against Wycombe a game that was remarkable for two reasons.

Firstly, Fernando Torres actually got his name on the scoresheet and secondly, Yossi Benayoun scored an absolutely outrageous goal to get Chelsea off the mark juggling the ball behind his back a couple of times before hooking the ball over the stranded 'keeper with his heel.

The Premier League Pre-Season Tour ‘Distance Calculator’ Infographic

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea's pre-season shill tour of Malaysia, Thailand and Hong Kong will see them clocking up a grand total of 19,091 miles before the 2011/12 Premier League season kicks off in August- the most distance covered by any of the top flight clubs.

By way of contrast, new boyos Swansea will rack up just 19 miles in that same time, playing away friendlies against fellow Welshies Port Talbot and Neath.

Andriy Shevchenko Saves Pitch-Invader From Police (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, after scoring in Dynamo Kiev's 1-1 draw with Metalist last night, Andriy Shevchenko did his bit as a bona fide club legend by saving a pitch-invading Dynamo fan from being carted off by the stadium officials, giving the lad his sweaty shirt in the process.

US Women Train In Mönchengladbach Ahead Of France Semi-Final (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

A few snaps from the USWNT's open training session at Borussia Mönchengladbach's eponymous stadium this afternoon, ahead of their World Cup semi-final clash with France tomorrow evening...

Photos: PA

Lionel Messi Finally Gets Act Together At Copa America, Argentina Whomp Costa Rica 3-0 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Largely due to the fact that he's probably tatered, Lionel Messi's performances at the Copa America have been a little off-colour so far, with pint-sized mopey tantrums here and free-kicks hoofed into the ionosphere there.

However, Messi finally pulled his finger out and got his act together in time for Argentina's comfortable 3-0 win over Costa Rica (who, in fairness, fielded a 'developmental' U23 side) last night playing a part in almost every wave of attack and providing two assists as Sergio Aguero (2) and Angel Di Maria netted for the Albiceleste.

Shaun Wright-Phillips Joins Twitter, Demonstrates Art Of ‘Planking’

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By Chris Wright

Huzzah! SWP has recently joined the Twittersphere and the little Ewok-sized chap has set about using his account for the greater good by promoting and pioneering the newest fad that's apparently sweeping the world.

That fad, my friends, is 'planking'.

Football GIF: Hope Solo Blows A Kiss Mid-Game, Cuteness Levels Are Off The Scale

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By Chris Wright

Spotted during the USWNT's victory of Brazil the other day, 'keeper Hope Solo blows some lucky so-and-so in the stands a kiss then fires up a smile that is so goddamn cute it could crack a kitten in half...

GIF via SB Nation

Corinthians Lodge £35m Bid For Carlos Tevez, Man City Must Consider Their Options Here

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By Chris Wright

Corinthians have tabled a £35.3 million (€40 million in new money) bid for Carlos Tevez, with the man himself insisting he'd have 'no problem' returning to the Brazilian side though it is also understood that Man City are about to announce that the offer will be rejected.

‘Nasri Has Agreed To Go Somewhere Else’ – Sir Alex Scotches Rumours, Muddies Waters (Video)

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By Chris Wright

When asked about his reported intrest in nabbing Samir Nasri from Arsenal this summer at a presser ahead of Manchester United's pre-season tour of Yankland, Sir Alex Ferguson put the kibosh on the tittle-tattle, claiming that Nasri has another suitor lined up:

"I don't think he is coming to United.

Snapshot: Napoli Present New Signing Gokhan Inler In Rubber Lion Mask!

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By Chris Wright

We wonder who's idea this was? Was it the fairly mild-mannered and unassuming Swiss midfielder? Or was it perhaps the brainchild of the gaudy, eccentric, film producer/club president?

Photos: PA

Wesley Sneijder Will Sign For Man Utd Before The Weekend, Swear On My Nan’s Life

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By Chris Wright

Bang! There, we said it. Sorry Nan.

The Sun are going big this morning with the proclamation that Wesley Sneijder's £35 million move from Inter Milan to Manchester United will ('will', not 'could') be completed by the end of the week maybe even as early as by end of play on Wednesday.

Shit Lookalikes: Roger Johnson & An American Werewolf In Paris

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By Chris Wright

"OOOOOoooooOOOOOOoooooowwwwwooooOOOOOOooooo!!!"

Very topical, as Big Rog has signed for...who else?...Wolves for 7 million of your English pounds today.

Got a Lookalike for Pies? Send it to waatpies@gmail.com and stick ‘Lookalikes' in the subject field.

Snapshot: Liverpool Legend Robbie ‘God’ Fowler Joins United

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By Chris Wright

After ditching Aussie's Perth Glory for pastures new last month, the man they call 'God' has taken his divine presence to Thailand signing a contract with TPL champions Muang Thong United.

Apparently, Robbie left Perth as he didn't want to uproot his young family anymore, a return to his native Thailand being the only sensible option.

Final Moments Of The ‘News Of The World’ Sportsdesk (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As you are probably aware by now, after 168 years of operation, the News of the World choked on it's own vomit and went belly-up on Sunday taking with it a sportsdesk that was in equal parts responsible for breaking some of the biggest footballing stories of recent times (Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid, etc) as it was for running with some of the trashiest, lowest-common-denominator gutter toss ever committed to print.

Lucozade’s Amateur Invasion: Win Professional Training Session With Arsenal Or Chelsea For You & Your Mates (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The amateurs are coming, THE AMATEURS ARE COMING...

It's competition time!

With the first-teams off touring the Far East at the moment, Lucozade are offering you a card-carrying member of the great unwashed the chance to win a professional training session with Arsenal or Chelsea as part of their 'Amateur Invasion' promotion.

Crikey! Arsenal Have Actually Signed Someone – Wenger Confirms That Gervinho Has Landed

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By Chris Wright

Fair to say it's been on the cards for a good while now, but it still sounds a little strange to say out loud Arsenal have actually signed a real, walking-talking, senior professional footballer!

According to Arsene Wenger, Gervinho actually landed last Thursday after completing a medical but was then sent home again to spend a few days with his wife and young children before returning to England to train with those remaining members of the Gunners' squad that haven't flown out on for a pre-season tour of Malaysia.

Football’s Most Dangerous Away Days

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By Gareth McKnight

For real football fans the game they love is life or death. We all want to follow our team to hell and back, but some places where the game is played literally could result in a life or death situation. With football hooliganism, terrorism and bitter hatred in mind, the following teams and games are to be avoided without travel cover and in the interest of your health.

Banned Substances And The Tightrope The Modern Footballer Must Walk

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By Gareth McKnight

The phrase 'my body is a temple' is fitting for the professional footballer who, through strict diets, lung-busting fitness drills and daily conditioning training, eventually become the all-round athletes we watch on a weekly basis.

Despite club doctors and dieticians monitoring and controlling what multivitamins, food and supplements the average Premier League player puts in his body, some have overstepped the mark, accidentally, in rebellion or through ignorance.

Snapshot: Mexico Win U17s World Cup, Beat Uruguay 2-0 In Final (With Video)

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By Chris Wright

Roared on by an astonishingly large partisan crowd (nearly 100,000 people were packed into the Estadio Azteca), goals from captain Antonio Briseno and Giovani Casillas saw Mexico U17s beat Uruguay 2-0 in Mexico City last night to snag themselves the World Cup.

Coritiba’s Maranhao Attempts ‘Feint’ Trick, Goes Down In Blaze Of FAIL (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Coritiba's Maranhao attempts a dazzling piece of trickery in the corner against Figueirense and, well, fails dismally...

In case you wondering, yes, he did break his arm.

Nice one chief.

[Video: 101GG]

Gerard Pique Blames Shakira For White-Water Rafting FAIL (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After spending the first day of his weekend holding semi-automatic weaponry incorrectly, Gerard Pique and Shakira spent their Sunday white-water rafting but the outing came to a particularly damp conclusion when the dinghy thingy capsized mid-stream a mishap that Pique blamed entirely on the missus.

Gerard Pique Blames Shakira For White-Water Rafting FAIL (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After spending the first day of his weekend holding semi-automatic weaponry incorrectly, Gerard Pique and Shakira spent their Sunday white-water rafting but the outing came to a particularly damp conclusion when the dinghy thingy capsized mid-stream a mishap that Pique blamed entirely on the missus.

USWNT Overcome Dodgy Officials To Edge Out Brazil On Penalties (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Having gone 2-1 down to a second, offside Marta goal (the first was an incredibly dodgy re-taken penalty) at the start of extra-time, USWNT veteran Abby Wambach finally pulled her side back from the brink in dramatic fashion rising at the back stick to nod home Megan Rapinoe's arcing cross in the 122nd minute of extra-time to take the tie to penalties.

David & Victoria Beckham Welcome Baby Daughter, Give Her Slightly Ridiculous Name

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By Chris Wright

Mucho congratulations to David and Victoria Beckham who, after already spawning three sons from their fertile loins, welcomed an 'ickle baby daughter into the world at the Cedars Sinai hospital in Los Angeles last night a baby daughter they have decided to call Harper.

Snapshot: ‘Au Revoir Angleterre!’ – England Women Out Of World Cup On Penalties (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

After leading since the hour mark courtesy of Jill Scott's looping 20-yard drive, England women were within spitting-distance of making it through to the last four of the World Cup in Leverkusen last night when they were pegged back by France with three minutes of normal time left to play when Elise Bussaglia sent a superb curling effort clipping in off the upright in what seemed to be sloooooow-motion.

Just When You Thought You’d Seen Your Last Dennis Bergkamp Wonder Goal…

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By Chris Wright

Just when you thought you'd finally come to terms with Dennis Bergkamp's retirement and had begun to move on, rebuilding your life from scratch the effortlessly classy Dutchster pops up and does this during an Ajax training session...

I would gladly go gay, just saying.

Ukranian Premier League Offers Forth Woeful ‘Keeper FAIL (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Volyn Lutsk defender Oleh Herasymyuk scores the winner for Kryvbas Krivyi Rig in their 1-0 win over Volyn Lutsk in the Ukranian Premier League yesterday, no thanks whatsoever to Volyn Lutsk 'keeper Vitaliy Nedilko and his legs that are actually about five inches shorter than he thinks they are.

Irate River Plate Fan Goes Ape-Sh*t As His Team Fall Apart Before His Eyes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Admittedly, you really have to have a decent grasp of foul-mouthed Spanish expletives to fully take in the hilarity of this chap's verbal tirade, but it's fairly safe to say that this elderly River Plate fan didn't take his side's recent relegation to the second tier of Argentinian football particularly well.

Snapshot: ‘Working On My Aim!’ – Gerard Pique Relaxes With An AK-47

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By Chris Wright

As far as unwinding during the off-season is concerned, Arsene Wenger has his water-slides and Gerard Pique has his semi-automatic weaponry...

"Afinando la puntería con un AK-47!! Working on my aim!!"

Note to self: never get on the wrong side of Pique.

Snapshot: ‘Working On My Aim!’ – Gerard Pique Relaxes With An AK-47

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By Chris Wright

As far as unwinding during the off-season is concerned, Arsene Wenger has his water-slides and Gerard Pique has his semi-automatic weaponry...

"Afinando la puntería con un AK-47!! Working on my aim!!"

Note to self: never get on the wrong side of Pique.

Uruguay’s Alvaro Gonzalez Takes Eye-Watering Shot To The Crotch (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Chile midfielder Jorge Valdivia takes out Uruguay's Alvaro Gonzalez's quickly and efficiently by punting a free-kick directly into his dangly bits with dead-eye accuracy...

The kind of sickening, dull thud that only chaps can truly understand the eye-watering gravity of.

Uruguay’s Alvaro Gonzalez Takes Eye-Watering Shot To The Crotch (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Chile midfielder Jorge Valdivia takes out Uruguay's Alvaro Gonzalez's quickly and efficiently by punting a free-kick directly into his dangly bits with dead-eye accuracy...

The kind of sickening, dull thud that only chaps can truly understand the eye-watering gravity of.

Two More Cracking Goals From The MLS: Luke Rodgers vs Toronto, Brek Shea vs Sporting KC (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

The MLS is kicking out more than it's fair share of impressive goals at the moment and, while neither of the following pair can legitimately bandied about as being 'world-class stonkers', both are definitely worth a second look.

First up we have New York Red Bulls (formerly of Notts County) striker Luke Rodgers' fleet-footed zinger of a volley against Toronto FC from the other night.

Fulham Sign John Arne Riise/RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!!

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By Chris Wright

Fulham are on the very cusp of reuniting the RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! brothers in West London by signing John Arne and his ginger warhammer of a left-foot from Roma on a three-year deal, which is good news for everyone because he is, of course, absolutely fudgin' brilliant.

Quiet footballing weekend – so can a Brit win at Silverstone?

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Sponsored post from The VIP Gambler


Well it has been a fascinating F1 season so far with Team Red Bull leaving everyone else in their slip stream. Maybe though this weekend's British Grand Prix at Silverstone will be the start of the fight back by McLaren , Ferrari and the others.

Snapshot: Bayern Munich Fans Unfurl Huge ‘Anti-Manuel Neuer’ Protest Banner At Pre-Season Friendly (With Video)

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By Chris Wright

Not that it's anything new, but a small group of Bayern Munich ultras unfurled a huge banner protesting the club's recent signing of Manuel Neuer from despised rivals Schalke as the young 'keeper lined up in Die Roten colours for the first time before a pre-season friendly game in Northern Italy.

Leicester Boss Sven-Goran Eriksson Ready To Gamble On Youtube’s Owen Hargreaves – What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

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By Chris Wright

We'll admit it, we laughed at the thought of Johnny McNo-Knees, Owen Hargreaves, attempting to flog himself on Youtube in the same way that we laughed at Michael Owen's 'Take A Chance On Me' brochure from a couple of years ago or Arsenal fans attempting to sell Emmaunel Adebayor to Man City by insisting that he was 'Wi-fi enabled' before that but it seems Hargo's little soiree into online advertising has paid off.

Mexico U17s’ Julio Gomez Scores 90th-Minute Winner Against Germany With Bicycle Kick And Gaping Head Wound (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The second semi-final of the U17s World Cup between Germany and Mexico produced one of the games of the tournament, with the South American's pinching a 3-2 victory at the death courtesy of the bruised and bloodied Julio Gomez (he was stretchered off the pitch earlier in the game with claret pouring from a cut on his noggin) and his acrobatic winner.

‘No-One Is Man Enough To Speak To Me’ – Emmanuel Adebayor Fumes After Being Blacklisted By Man City

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By Chris Wright

"WHO WILL FACE ME?!?"

Perma-malcontent Emmanuel Adebayor has not responded well to Manchester City's exquisitely subtle 'GTFO' hint, after realising that, by being omitted from a pre-season tour of the States, he had actually been struck from the club's first-team roster.

Not Bad For A Day’s Work – Sunderland Sign Wes Brown, John O’Shea & David Vaughan (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Not bad for a day's work Sunderland have, as of a few hours ago, officially wrapped up three pretty decent signings, with Wes Brown and John O'Shea putting pen to paper after serving for a combined total of 28 years with Manchester United, and ex-Blackpool terrier David Vaughan arriving on a freebie with four-year, four-year and three-year deals agreed respectively.

Snapshot: Man City Fans Spend £50k Pimping ‘Ultimate Blues-Mobile’ – Complete With Tasteful Sheik Mansour Artwork

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By Chris Wright

This here tastefully 'pimped' automobile belongs to a pair of City fans by the names of Shaun and Mike, who have spunked £50,000 on turning their imported '75 Chevrolet convertible into the 'ultimate Blues-mobile'.

The pair bought the car in North Carolina for £15,000 then spent a further £5,000 shipping it back to England, before fluffing a further £30,000 having Franny Lee, Mick Summerbee and Colin Bell's legendary mugs airbrushed down one side, Carlos Tevez (uh-oh), David Silva and Nigel De Jong down the other, sky blue upholstery stitched in throughout, Eastlands daubed on the boot lid, a whopping great City crest on the bonnet and a fantastically gaudy Sheik Mansour decal slapped on the spare wheel cover.

Bolivia’s Ronald Garcia Unleashes Worst Shot Of The Copa America, Possibly Worst Shot Of All Time? (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Hot on the heels of Lionel Messi's soul-sappingly woeful freekick against Colombia on Wednesday comes Bolivian midfielder Ronald Garcia's dismal, down-right depressingly inept effort against Costa Rica last night.

I'm pretty sure referring to this a 'shot' would be a violation of the Trade Descriptions Act.

Zinedine Zidane Has Still ‘Still Got It’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Zizou knocks four past a hapless goalkeeper on Spanish footballing reality show 'Football Cracks', then grinds course sea salt into the wounds with a featherlight fifth to cap off a pretty wretched 22 seconds for the young chap between the sticks.

Horror Hair? Joey Barton’s Fresh Hipster Quiff Trains With Newcastle (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

In Joey's mind he's got himself a delightfully hip 'Morrissey' quiff with his latest coif, though to our eye he's actually come out looking more like a cross between a nervy, under-nourished WWI private, K.D Lang and the long-lost third Jedward triplet.

Snapshot: FC Twente Stadium Roof Collapses – One Death And ‘Dozen More’ Casualties

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By Chris Wright

Some awfully sad news this afternoon folks.

According to the BBC, two girders buckled and part of a stand at FC Twente's Grolsch Veste stadium collapsed during redevelopment work this afternoon, killing one person instantly and injuring 'over a dozen' more with three treated at the scene and 10 more rushed to Enschede hospital.

Adidas 2011/12 Champions League Match Ball – Tribute To ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage? (Photo)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting the colourful new Adidas ball that everyone will be knocking about once the 20th Champions League campaign (since the European Cup was rebadged) properly farts into life come early September everyone that is, except for Barcelona, who will get to use a special 'reigning champs' version just to hammer home how much better than everyone else they truly are.

Nike Present Ronaldo With Pair Of Solid Gold ‘R9 Mercurial’ Boots (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

For his outstanding services to the 'melting defenders into pools of goo' and 'making goalkeepers question their choice of profession' industries, Nike invited Ronaldo along to their HQ in Oregon to formally present him with a solid gold pair of the signature 'R9′ Mercurial boots that he sported throughout his heyday (from 1998 onwards).

King Kenny Delivers Charlie Adam To Liverpool Himself, Transfer Is Imminent (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Kenny's keen...

Small update so far as Charlie Adam's impending £8.5 million move (£7 million up front, with a further £1.5 million payable to Blackpool in various performance-based clauses) to Liverpool is concerned: the Scot passed a medical at Melwood last night, is in the process of rubber-stamping his personal terms and will be officially signed up in good time to leave for China and Malaysia with his new teammates on Sunday morning.

John O’Shea Is A True God Among Men…

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By Chris Wright

With John O'Shea on the verge of sealing a move to Sunderland, we thought it high-time to revisit his career highlights at Manchester United to date...

That is all.

Snapshot: Arsene Wenger + Nad-Hugging Trunks + Inflatable Water Slide

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By Chris Wright

File this under 'things I was not expecting to see today'...


"OOOOUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!"

Anyone care to make an obligatory 'slide into obscurity/down the league table' crack?

Lionel Messi Launches Absolutely Woeful Free-Kick Into Orbit vs Colombia (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Things aren't looking particularly promising for Argentina at the Copa America after registering their second-straight underwhelming draw against Colombia last night, with Lionel Messi's dire free-kick just about summing up the Albiceleste's tournament so far.

Equatorial Guinea’s Inept ‘Handball’ Defender Bruna Takes ‘Man Marking’ Far Too Literally (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Remember Bruna? The Equitorial Guinea Women defender who got away scot-free despite having caught the ball in the middle of a crowded penalty area against Australia a couple of days ago?

Let's face it, who could forget? Anyway, during Guinea's game against Brazil yesterday, Bruna once again lent further credence to the theory that she has absolutely no clue what she's doing taking her instructions to (wo)man-mark Marta a little too literally.

Snapshot: Snoop Dogg Meets Australian Women’s Team, Looks Entirely ‘Nonplussed’

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By Chris Wright

Here's a photo of Snoop Doggy Doo Dah in his stylish Diedre Rachid glasses, posing with the 'Matildas' (i.e, the Australian Women's World Cup team) at their hotel in Germany t'other day.

For 'nonplussed', read 'baked out of his tree'....

"Man, I am waaaay too faded for this shizzle.

Gary Medel Takes Giovani Dos Santos Down With Ninja Penis Pinch (Video)

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By Chris Wright

A little bit of 'below the belt' action from the Copa America, in which Chile midfielder Gary Medel simply attempts to dispossess Mexico's Giovani Dos Santos by grabbing a handful of his gentleman's vegetables...

Video: 101GG

50 Truly Brilliant Photos From The Copa America…

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By Chris Wright

We know we're only six games in, but we've already been able to put together a whopping half-century of brilliant, artsy-fartsy snaps from the Copa America but don't just take our word for it, dive in and strum yourself to eyegasm...

Photos: PA

BREAKING: Liverpool ‘Agree Deal’ To Sign Charlie Adam

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By Chris Wright

Word is leaking through that Liverpool have 'agreed a deal' to sign Charlie Adam from Blackpool though a fee has not yet been disclosed.

According to the PA, Adam is now en route to Merseyside in an experimental car fueled by kitten's tears to discuss personal terms, and will also undergo a medical at Melwood before close of play tonight.

Seven-Year Old English Urchin Kai Fifield Earns Trial With Barcelona After Holiday Kickabout (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Apologies for the awful sound quality...

Here's a story to warm your shrivelled, cynical cockles. Seven-year old sprog Kai Fifield landed himself a trial with Barcelona after scouts from the Spanish giants happened to spot the urchin from Northampton having a kickabout with a group of older boys whilst on holiday with his old man in the Catalan city.

Sponsored post – Run your own crime syndicate with The Mafia Boss

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Sponsored post from The Mafia Boss

Fancy yourself as boss of a crime syndicate but a little concerned about prison sentences, getting kneecapped and horses heads? well fret no more. There's an ace new free Web-based Massive Multiplayer Online Game, based on the real Mafia life called The Mafia Boss, which let's you indulge your mafia fantasies without having to worry about receiving unexpected visitors in the night.

New Everton 2011/12 Goalkeeper Kit Is ‘Paintballing Chic’ Camouflage (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting: the new Everton home goalkeeper shirt for 2011/12 which has obviously been drawn up by the crack design team of Andy McNabb, Mike from Spaced, GI Joe and Ray Mears...

I'd quip that there's a possibility of losing Tim Howard in the background next term but the fact that he tends to spend the entire 90 minutes screaming obscenities till he's blue in the face will probably put paid to that.

UK Online Casino and Sports Betting Tips Website Launches – The VIP Gambler

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Sponsored post from our partners The VIP Gambler

Fancy a flutter? Think you know your sports? Well there's an ace new service that Anorak is proud to be partnering with. The VIP Gambler is for those who want to bet on sports, have fun at casino and even play a few hands of poker.

As you'd expect, they have all the major sporting events covered and provide their users with free VIP betting tips, latest odds, information and coverage.

Football GIF: Daniel Sturridge And His ‘Wacky Dip’ On Infinite Loop

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By Chris Wright

Now available on infinite loop for you to giggle at for the rest of eternity, Daniel Sturridge's epic rendition of the 'Wacky Dip'...

This way for the original videos.

Owen Hargreaves Fitness Tapes Get ‘Rocky IV Montage-Style’ Spoof Treatment (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Less than 24 hours after Owen Hargreaves' 'I can still play football dead good, honest!' fitness tapes started doing the rounds, the spoofing has begun...

Definitely missing a mountain-top 'DRAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!' to top it all off, but we'll let it slide.

Owen Hargreaves Fitness Tapes Get ‘Rocky IV Montage-Style’ Spoof Treatment (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Less than 24 hours after Owen Hargreaves' 'I can still play football dead good, honest!' fitness tapes started doing the rounds, the spoofing has begun...

Definitely missing a mountain-top 'DRAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!' to top it all off, but we'll let it slide.

Top 10 Photos: England Women 2-0 Japan Women – Two Smart Lobs Send England Into Last Eight

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By Chris Wright

Though the game itself was admittedly a little on the dull side, a brace of smartly-taken lobs from Ellen White and substitute Rachel Yankey were enough to see England Women see off Japan in Augsburg yesterday evening, with the victory securing top-spot in Group B for Hope Powell's side and thus landing them a quarter-final tie against France in Leverkusen on Saturday.

Top 10 Photos: England Women 2-0 Japan Women – Two Smart Lobs Send England Into Last Eight

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By Chris Wright

Though the game itself was admittedly a little on the dull side, a brace of smartly-taken lobs from Ellen White and substitute Rachel Yankey were enough to see England Women see off Japan in Augsburg yesterday evening, with the victory securing top-spot in Group B for Hope Powell's side and thus landing them a quarter-final tie against France in Leverkusen on Saturday.

Emmanuel Adebayor Showers Money On A Dancer (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which the ever-delightful Emmanuel Adebayor showers a dancer with severals wodges of his Man City pocket money at the 'Ghana meets Naija' concert in Accra on Saturday night...

How crudely ostentatious. Could he not have simply taken the woman's name and address and then posted her a banker's draft or postal order at the appropriate juncture?

Emmanuel Adebayor Showers Money On A Dancer (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which the ever-delightful Emmanuel Adebayor showers a dancer with severals wodges of his Man City pocket money at the 'Ghana meets Naija' concert in Accra on Saturday night...

How crudely ostentatious. Could he not have simply taken the woman's name and address and then posted her a banker's draft or postal order at the appropriate juncture?

Aston Villa Knock Back Liverpool’s £15m Stewart Downing Bid, Villa Holding Out For £20m?

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool have had an opening bid of £15 million for Stewart Downing's services rejected outright by Aston Villa and that, according to a source over at BBC Sport, Villa will not sell up for a penny less than £20 million i.e, 'Juan Mata' money though it's not clear yet whether the Reds are prepared to return with an improved offer or not.

Daniel Sturridge Busts Out ‘Wacky Dip’ Dance On Jamaican TV (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, for reasons unbeknownst to us, Chelsea striker Daniel Sturridge busts out the 'Wacky Dip' on Jamaican television show Smile TV with Simon and Neville Jah's own Phil and Fern (skip to the 6:00 mark)...

Interview and second dance session.

Snapshot: Wheezing, Self-Serving, Despotic Old Crook Meets…Robert Mugabe

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By Chris Wright

It's perhaps overly harsh to label FIFA gladhander Sepp Blatter and genocidal Zimbabwean nutcase Robert Mugabe as being 'two peas in a pod', though 'two peas from adjoining fields' should suffice...

Add these snaps to the 'Sepp Blatter looking like a dick' file.

What Owen Hargreaves Did Next… (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Submitted for your perusal, three of the many strange training videos that Crock O' McCrockington himself, Owen Hargreaves, has just released via his new Youtube channel in a bid to prove to any prospective new employers out there that he's still up to the job.

Six Brilliant Goals You May Have Missed, Including Aidil Zafuan’s Thunderbolt vs Chinese Taipei (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

We've currently got a considerable backlog at Pies (stop sniggering!) of clips of recent super-strikes from around the globe to bring you so consider this a handy, cut-out-and-keep round-up of them all...

1. Samuel Armenteros, HERACLES vs FC Den Ham

Lovely first and second touches, the third?

Clever Dick Male Fan Swaps Shirts With Swedish Beauty Josefine Oqvist (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Give this guy a peanut, for he has succesfully come up with a way to make women take their clothes off in public without any of the tedious legal wrangling that tends to flare up...

The name 'Oqvist' ringing any bells? The Swedish hottie came in at number three in our unashamedly sexist rundown of the ten hottest fillies at the Women's World Cup.

‘On This Day In…’: Paolo Rossi Banishes His Demons With World Cup Hat-Trick Against Brazil – July 5th, 1982

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By Chris Wright

Presenting the first installment of a new, off-season series we'll be featuring semi-regularly on Pies over the summer 'On This Day In...'

Having somehow wriggled his way into Enzo Bearzot's 'final 22′ despite not having played a competitive game for nigh-on two years after getting himself caught up in the 'Totonero' match-fixing scandal in 1980, a palpable wave of derision accompanied Juventus striker Paolo Rossi's inclusion in Italy's 1982 World Cup squad with both the fans and the nation's media pouring scorn on Bearzot for frittering away a place in the squad on a man who was clearly not match-fit.

‘F**k You Homo, Homo, Homo!’ – HJK’s Rafinha Keeps It Classy During Row With Pexi Oravainen (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Charming stuff from HJK's resident gobshite-in-chief Rafinha, who has caused somewhat of an stir in Finnish footballing circles after he brazenly, agressively and repeatedly yelled 'homo' in KuPS midfielder Pexi Oravainen's mush when the two sides met in Helsinki last night.

‘F**k You Homo, Homo, Homo!’ – HJK’s Rafinha Keeps It Classy During Row With Pexi Oravainen (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Charming stuff from HJK's resident gobshite-in-chief Rafinha, who has caused somewhat of an stir in Finnish footballing circles after he brazenly, agressively and repeatedly yelled 'homo' in KuPS midfielder Pexi Oravainen's mush when the two sides met in Helsinki last night.

‘I Really Believe That If You Only Think About Money, You Will End Up At Man City’ – Guess Who?

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By Chris Wright

Time for a little game folks. See if you can guess which Premier League footballer is responsible for the following batch of City-bashing quotes from 18 months ago (please show your working)...

"I really believe that if you are a player who thinks only about money, then you will end up at Manchester City.

‘I Really Believe That If You Only Think About Money, You Will End Up At Man City’ – Guess Who?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views

By Chris Wright

Time for a little game folks. See if you can guess which Premier League footballer is responsible for the following batch of City-bashing quotes from 18 months ago (please show your working)...

"I really believe that if you are a player who thinks only about money, then you will end up at Manchester City.

Carlos Tevez ‘Wants To Leave Man City’ (Again), Gael Clichy Completes £7m Switch

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By Chris Wright

We assume the two things aren't connected but, hours after Gael Clichy completed his £7 million move to Manchester City from Arsenal, Carlos Tevez has again gone public with his desire to leave the club this summer, citing 'family reasons'.

Shit Lookalikes: ‘Carlos And Roberto’ & ‘Fredo And Michael Corleone’

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By Chris Wright

A little bit of context needed for this one...

"I knew it was you Carlos, you broke my heart, YOU BROKE MY HEART!"

Brilliant spot from Pies fan Richard Morgan.

Got a Lookalike for Pies? Send it to waatpies@gmail.

Cristiano Ronaldo Bitch-Slaps The Sunday Mirror Right In Their Lying Little Faces

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By Chris Wright

You may well have been sucked in by the Sunday Mirror's big back-page EXCLUSIVE yesterday, with the paper running with an exclusive report into Cristiano Ronaldo's dalliances with Manchester City, in which the man himself candidly admitted that he would have jumped ship to Eastlands this summer had Jose Mourinho left the Bernabeu and returned to Chelsea.

MLS Weekend Produces ‘Juggling Wonder Volley’ And Atrociously Crap Own-Goal (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

There have been some absolute pearlers scored in the MLS so far this season, with Portland Timbers midfielder Darlington Nagbe adding his name to the list alongside Eric Hassli and Graham Zusi with a plum volley against Sporting KC on Saturday night.

Larissa Riquelme Resurfaces, Promises To Strip Naked If Paraguay Win Copa America

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By WAG Watcher

Hey, remember Larissa Riquelme? Y'know, the Paraguayan 'World Cup super fan' that just about everyone wanted to gashmoygady last summer right up until they realised just what a desperate, fame-craving harlot she was?

No? Allow us to refresh your memories.

Shit Lookalike: Mesut Özil & Tangolero (Copa America Mascot)

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By Chris Wright

As with every Özil-a-like, the wild, bulbous eyes have it...

In fact, whoever designed Tangolero seems to have just plonked a sketch of Özil's head atop the gargantuan neck of Stefan Maierhofer...

Got a Lookalike for Pies? Send it to waatpies@gmail.

Equatorial Guinea Defender Shows Blatant Disregard For ‘Handball Rule’, Goes Completely Unpunished (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Surely even those with the most liberal interpretation of the 'ball to hand' rule must admit that Equatorial Guinea Women defender Bruna probably should have conceded a penalty for her little brain-wobble against Austrailia?

Fortunately, especially for the referee's sake, the Aussies eventually went on to win 3-2.

Dario Conca Joins Chinese Side Guangzhou Evergrande, Becomes Third Highest-Paid Player In World Football

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By Chris Wright

Chinese Super League side Guangzhou Evergrande have announced that they have completed a €10 million transfer for Dario Conca, an attacking midfielder from Brazilian side Fluminense (and 2010 Brazilian Player of the Year) which, you are probably thinking, isn't altogether that startling in itself.

Retro Snapshot: Andres Iniesta, Pepe Reina & Sir Bobby Robson Recite Hymns At ‘La Masia’, 1996

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By Chris Wright

Just a fantastic snap of wee Andres Iniesta, a 'slightly less-wee' Pepe Reina and Sir Bobby Robson running through an acoustic version of 'Freebird' at Barca's La Masia youth academy during the mid-90s nothing more, nothing less...

Amazing to think that there's only a year between Iniesta and Reina in this photo Pep looks like he's only a few years off Bobby!

Megan Rapinoe Scores For USWNT, Celebrates With Bit Of Springsteen (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Megan Rapinoe scores a nifty little goal during the US Women's 3-0 victory over their Colombian counterparts yesterday and celebrates with a brief rendition of a Springsteen classic...

Shame the game wasn't today really Rapinoe could have let loose with a lung-busting version of '4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy)' which, if your not familiar with already, I heartily suggest you sit through a couple of times.

Peter Crouch Marries WAG Abbey Clancy, Slight Wedding Dress Malfunction Ahoy! (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Barely interesting Crouch/Clancy wedding fact: the ceremony took place at Stapleford Park in Leicestershire, an establishment that I actually had the good fortune to visit last year to play a gig for a mate's sister's wedding do, and let me tell you on good authority, shit ain't cheap.

Snapshot: ‘Dr King Kenny Dalglish’ Receives Honorary Degree, Equalises For Liverpool

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By Chris Wright

Days after his arch-enemy, Manchester United grande fromage 'Sir Dr Alex Ferguson', received his honorary doctorate from Stirling University, Kenny Dalglish has equalised for Liverpool. The tit-for-tat continues.

Yesterday, Dalglish was bestowed with a degree of his very own from the University of Ulster in Belfast officially making him a 'Doctor of Science', not bad for a chap that left school at 15.

Sergio Aguero Spares Argentina’s Blushes With Scorching Volley vs Bolivia (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Despite being thumped 6-1 last time they played Bolivia in 2009 (chiefly due to the fact there is next-to-no oxygen in sky-high La Paz), Argentina were overwhelming favourites to sweep La Verde aside in their Copa America opener last night though it didn't go exactly to plan on home soil.

New Navy England Away Kit Unveiled, Has ‘Stonewash Denim-Effect’ Collar? (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Boxerman David Haye has been roped in to launch the new England away kit by sporting it while he makes his way to the ring before his heavyweight unification bout with Wladimir Klitschko tomorrow evening, but a few photos of the shirt have been released today and it's, well, a bit underwhelming really.

Raheem Sterling Scores Daisy-Cutter Against Argentina As England U17s Reach World Cup Quarter-Finals (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It looked for all the world that things were to go by the age-old script when Argentina went ahead against England in the second-round of the U17s World Cup via a calamitous goalkeeping error, but a daisy-cutter from Liverpool bairn Raheem Sterling and then a 4-2 penalty-shoot-out victory.

Nike Expose New Premier League, La Liga & Serie A Balls, ‘Seitiro T90’ Is Round With 360° Sweet Spot (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Nike have just rolled out the new official balls that will be used in the Premier League, La Liga and Serie A as of next season the Nike Seitiro T90 and we've got the photos to prove it...

Nike Seitiro T90 'Premier League'...

Nike Seitiro T90 'La Liga'.

Europa League: Fulham 3-0 NSI Runavik – Cottagers Begin With A Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Decked out in their new, all-white home strip, a near full-strength Fulham team successfully got both their Europa League campaign and their 2011/12 season off to a winning start with a comfortable victory over Nes Soknar Itrottarfelag Runavik at the Cottage last night with goals from Damien Duff, Danny Murphy and Andy Johnson giving Martin Jol's side a 3-0 advantage going into the away leg against the Faroese part-timers.

Roberto Abbondanzieri Mercilessly Hacks Down Own Son During Charity Match (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which former Boca Juniors and Argentina 'keeper Roberto Abbondanzieri sees his youngest son Felipe nab the ball off his toe during a charity match in his homeland, and responds by doling out a merciless, shin-cracking hack to the cheeky little urchin for having the temerity to show his old man up.

The Adorable Story Of Margatania FC – The ‘Little Team’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

If the story of Spanish nippers Margatania FC (aka L'Equip Petit/the Little Team) doesn't melt your cold, cynical heart into a pool of warm syrup then we suggest you get that donor card filled out and book yourself an appointment at the morgue post-haste because you, my friend, are dead inside.

Man City Agree £7m Fee For Gael Clichy, Wenger Denies Arsenal Unravelling

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By Chris Wright


"I see no City!"

His pet-project is looking ever-more Barca bound, a £7 million fee has been agreed with Manchester City for left-back Gael Clichy and there are several swirling reports that Samir Nasri may be about to follow his compatriot to Eastlands for £20-odd million, but Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has refused to discuss the fact that he may be about to lose a triplet of first-team players.

Andy Gray Loses FIFA 12 Co-Commentary Job, Replaced By Alan Smith

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By Chris Wright

Good news folks, EA Sports have confirmed that Andy 'tuck this in for me' Gray has been shunted from the FIFA 12 commentary team to make room next to Martin Tyler for the altogether less odiously repulsive Alan Smith.

At this point we could bring you the official blurb, quotes, reaction, etc, etc but instead we've simply summed up the rest of the article in image form.

Hilarious Copa America Advert Sees Ecuador Fan Risk His Life For Coca-Cola (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Brilliant...

Video: 101GG