Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2011

Championship Play-Off Final Photos: Reading 2-4 Swansea – The Welsh Are Coming, The Welsh Are Coming!

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By Chris Wright

A penalty-ridden hat-trick from top-scorer Scott Sinclair (goals no. 25, 26 and 27 of the season) proved the difference as Swansea beat Reading 4-2 in the Championship play-off final at Wembley this afternoon to secure promotion to the top flight of English football for the first time since 1983 becoming the first Welsh side to snare a spot in the Premier League in the process, just eight years after the club narrowly avoided being relegated from the football league altogether.

Barcelona Celebrate Double At Packed Camp Nou, Shake Their Money-Makers At Shakira Concert (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Pies is going to be a bit quiet today as we succumb to the Spring Bank Holiday lull, so we'll leave you with a couple of clips from Barca's post-Wembley celebrations.

Firstly, the Catalans banded together to show off their new trinkets to a packed-out Camp Nou (sincere apologies for the 'comedy' soundtrack).

League One Play-Off Final Photos: Huddersfield 0-3 Peterborough – Posh Seal Championship Return

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By Chris Wright

A flurry of late goals from Tommy Rowe, Grant McCann and the ridiculously prolific Craig Makail-Smith were enough to see Darren Ferguson's Peterborough see off Lee Clarke's Huddersfield (who came into the game on the back of a 27-league game unbeaten streak) to win the League One play-off final at Old Trafford this afternoon after a one-year absence, Posh will be playing Championship football again next season.

Snapshot: Republic Of Ireland Win Inaugural Carling Nations Cup (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

A single Robbie Keane goal was enough to see the Republic of Ireland beat Scotland and get their grubby paws on the inaugural Carling Nations Cup at the Aviva Stadium in Dublin this afternoon.

Photos...

Photos: PA

Mohamed Bin Hammam Pulls Out Of FIFA Presidential Race (Video)

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By Chris Wright

While the rest of the world was watching Champions League final last night, Qatar's Mohamed Bin Hammam took the opportunity to pull out of the two-horse FIFA presidential race...

The cynical among you may already be thinking that Bin Hammam's decision to withdraw may be in some way connected to the fact that he's due to appear in front of the FIFA ethics committee later today on bribery charges.

Arsenal Players Attempt To Speak Chinese, Look A Bit Daft (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Arsenal stars Wojciech Szczesny, Kieran Gibbs, Johan Djourou, Thomas Vermaelen and Arsene Wenger (who, I believe, is fluent in Japanese) attempt to rattle off a bit of Chinese in order to promote the club's upcoming tour of the Far East, and fail dismally.

Barcelona 3-1 Man Utd: Champions League Final – How Was It For You?

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By Chris Wright

Doubtless that the myriad sycophantic Barca-fluffers of this world will be lighting a content cigarette in bed this morning after waking up swaddled head-to-toe in a halo of fuzzy, post-coital afterglow Clive Tydlesley, we're looking at you.

Barcelona 3-1 Man Utd: Barca Are The Chaaaaaaaampions!

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By Chris Wright

I'm loathe to blow too much smoke up Barcelona's arselona (we've got Clive 'Majestic!' Tyldesley to do that for us), but that was a brilliant performance.

United were just about on top for the first and last ten minutes but the 70 in between belonged solely to Barca, who blew their bewildered opponents away with the kind of spanking that you'd have to pay good money for in a Berlin S&M dungeon.

Barcelona vs Man Utd: Champions League Final 2011 – Live Photo Blog

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By Chris Wright

Give it a while for more photos from in and around Wembley to begin rolling in, then hit refresh to see the latest pics at the top of the post...

Photos: PA

Barcelona vs Man Utd: ‘Glory Is Ours’ – Viral Nike Ad (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Yet more snazzy Champions League final-y goodness, this time in the shape of Nike's fresh-out-of-the-box viral advert entitled 'Glory is Ours', in which both Barca and United players don their best 'serious faces' and give the camera all they've got baby.

Snapshot: Man Utd Train At Wembley Ahead Of Champions League Final (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

A few snaps of the Manchester United squad loosening up with a spot of light jogging across the verdant, almost carpet-like turf at Wembley in preperation for tomorrow's Champions League final...

Photos: PA

Rooney, Nani And Fletch Star In Bizarre Safety Demo For Turkish Airlines (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Manchester United's am-dram/glee club Wayne Rooney, Darren Fletcher, Nani, Chris Smalling and the Da Silvas do a turn for Turkish Airways, starring in a rather bizarre safety demonstration.

I could be wrong here, but I think Gareth Bale also makes a cameo appearance around the 1:50 mark.

Barcelona vs Man Utd: Pre-Match ‘Wembley Big Screen’ Videos

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By Chris Wright

For your perusal, the two videos that will be played on the big screen at Wembley before the Champions League final kicks-off in earnest tomorrow evening...

Barcelona (produced by Barca TV)...

Manchester United (produced by MUTV).

Champions League Final Predictions: Barcelona vs Man Utd

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By Chris Wright

Right then folks, with just 111,911 seconds left until the UEFA Champions League final kicks-off at Wembley tomorrow evening the time has come to nail your colours to the mast.

Whether United play 4-4-2, 4-3-3 with Valencia pushed alongside Rooney and Chicharito or the experimental 1-9-1 formation they've been secretly working on in training all week, you just have to fancy Barca, don't you?

FIFA 12 Will Be More Bone-Crunching-Er Than Ever, EA Sports Release ‘Player Impact’ Teaser (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Those good folk over at EA Sports have just released the briefest of FIFA 12 teasers, with a glimpse into the revamped 'player collision engine' (it uses 'simulation' rather than 'animation' don't you know?) that they hope will render the latest game in the FIFA series look and feel more bone-crunching-er than ever before.

Nike ‘Player Exclusive’ Champions League Final Boots (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Not really sure if this will be of any interest to anyone, but we thought we'd share anyway.

Presenting: the very same Nike boots that Wayne Rooney, Andres Iniesta, Carles Puyol, Pedro and Gerard Pique will all stride out onto the Wembley turf in for the Champions League final tomorrow evening.

EA Sports Release FIFA 12 ‘Player Impact’ Teaser (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Those good folk over at EA Sports have just released the briefest of FIFA 12 teasers, with a glimpse into the revamped 'player collision engine' (it uses 'simulation' rather than 'animation' don't you know?) that they hope will make their latest offering more bone-crunching-er than ever.

The Black-And-White Years: 25 Brilliant Vintage European Cup Final Photos

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By Chris Wright

Because everything looks better in black and white...

A young Martin O'Neil sits at the back of the bus as Nottingham Forest parade the European Cup trophy along the Trent Embankment after beating Malmo in the 1979 final

Peter Shilton, Trevor Francis, Larry Lloyd, Ian Bowyer et al celebrate Nottingham Forest's 1979 European Cup win a feat they also repeated the following year

King Kenny wakes up with the European Cup in his bed after scoring the winning goal against Club Brugge in the previous night's final, 1978

Bayern Munich's Georg Schwarzenbeck tackles St Etienne's Herve Revelli (r) from behind as Munich goalkeeper Sepp Maier looks on, 1976

St Etienne's Gerard Janvion (r) blocks a shot from Bayern Munich's Uli Hoeness, 1976

St Etienne goalkeeper Ivan Curkovic saves at the feet of Bayern Munich's Gerd Muller, 1976

Leeds scrappers Joe Jordan and Billy Bremner pick a fight with Bayern Munich's Gerd Muller, 1975

Gerd Muller celebrates Bayern Munich's 2-0 victory over Leeds United in the 1975 final

After thrashing Atletico Madrid 4-0 in the 1974 final replay, Bayern Munich pair Johnny Hansen and Gerd Muller watch the reaction of the fans as Der Kaiser lifts the trophy

Bayern Munich's Paul Breitner is foiled by Atletico Madrid goalkeeper Reina, 1974

Ajax (Johan Cruyff first row, second from right) line up prior to the 1971 European Cup Final against Panathinaikos at Wembley

Liz Samain, grandmother of Chelsea legend Ron 'Chopper' Harris, stands proudly with the European Cup.

Kolo Toure Banned For Six Months Over Drug Test FAIL

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By Chris Wright

Just a quickie to start the day, with the news that Kolo Toure will miss the start of next season after being handed a six-month ban for testing positive during a post-Manchester derby drug's test back in February later admitting that he took his wife's diet pills in order to hit a weight-loss target set by the club.

New Celtic Third Kit Officially Unveiled – Inspired By Marmite (Video & Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Don't tell the Danes, but Celtic's new 'international away kit' is a bit of a Marmite affair...

Scheduled to go on sale on June 16th, it's certainly going to be a room-splitter when it's eventually released into the wild.

Rapid Bucharest Winger Elis Bakaj Forced To Dodge Flying Firework (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Dinamo Bucharest winger Elis Bakaj is forced to dodge a spiralling firework that was thrown onto the pitch from the stands during last night's Romanian Cup final showdown against Steaua...

Despite very nearly being blinded by flying sparks, Bakaj still manages to get the cross in what a pro!

Snapshot: Pique & Puyol Pinch Fabregas From Under Arsenal’s Nose

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By Chris Wright

Having travelled to England for the Champions League final early to avoid 'The Ash Part II', Barcelona's resident slapstick merry-makers-in-chief, Carles Puyol and Gerard Pique, took time out from training at Arsenal's London Colney complex to engage in a spot of visual comedy 'nicking' Cesc Fabregas from under Arsene Wenger's nose.

Instituto Defender Beats Instituto Keeper With Delightfully Delicate Lob (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's a little snippet of action from the Argentinian second division on Tuesday night for y'all to peruse, in which Instituto defender Osvaldo Barsottini loops an impossibly cute lob over his own 'keeper and into the back of the gaping net to hand opponents CAI (who are battling relegation) a much needed point.

‘Next Season? I’ll Be Here’ – Man Utd Jilted As Wesley Sneijder Commits To Inter Milan

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By Chris Wright

On the very day that, according to the Guardian at least, the Manchester United board will take a relaxed attitude to Sir Alex going out and snagging a couple of 'bank-breaking, world-class targets' this summer comes the news that Wesley Sneijder a man who was thought to be at the very top of Fergie's wishlist will sadly not be one of them.

Champions League Final Flashback: Barcelona 2-0 Man Utd, 2009 (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

With two days to go until the biggy, we reckon it's high-time to begin ramping up the Champions League fever so, to that end, here's a whopping batch of brilliant photos from the last time Manchester United met Barcelona in the final the Catalans eventually running out 2-0 winners at the Stadio Olimpico in Rome, May 27th 2009.

Real Madrid Sack Jorge Valdano, Jose Mourinho Has Become More Powerful Than You Could Possibly Imagine

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By Chris Wright

"You can't win, Florentino. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."

Don't rumble with Jose Mourinho, you won't win...ever.

Sadly (or 'thankfully', depending on your particular bias), this is a life lesson that former Real Madrid director Jorge Valdano has had to learn the hard way.

QPR Eye Up Carlo Ancelotti, Neil Warnock Sacked After Promotion?

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By Chris Wright

Days after seeing his two biggest allies (Amit Bhatia and Ishan Saksena) on the club's board resign, the Daily Mirror are reporting that QPR manager Neil Warnock could be shunted from his post in favour of recently-deposed Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti.

Sir Alex To Pick ‘Semi-Final Team’ To Face Barcelona – No Nani, No Berbatov, Lots Of Carrick

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By Chris Wright

The Sun are going big this morning with the EXCLUSIVE news that Sir Alex Ferguson is almost definitely going to keep faith with the XI that beat Schalke 2-0 in the first leg of the Champions League semi-finals and field the exact same side for the final against Barcelona on Saturday evening.

Real Betis vs Tenerife Beautifully Reanimated Using 1,400 Still Photos (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which the Real Betis/Tenerife game from a few weeks ago is re-rendered by way of stitching 1,400 still photographs together in sequence all produced by the skilled hand of Spanish photographer Selu Vega.

Guaranteed this will either be one of the most ethereal football videos you've ever sat through or the quickest you've ever felt an Ice Pick migraine set in.

Fans Forgo Supermodel Sex For Champions League Glory – Survey Says

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DID you know that 52% of men would give up a "date" with a supermodel to see their side win the Champions League Final? Heineken has done the research. Of course, the question should not be 'would you give up a date with a top model to see your team win the Cup', but:

"If you decline Adriana Lima's offer to date (shag) her, your team will win the Champions' League once in the next three seasons.

Cristiano Ronaldo Stars In New ‘Anti-Egomania’ Commercial (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which preening narcissus Cristiano Ronaldo inadvertently becomes the new face of a (spoof) anti-egomania advert campaign...

Tres drole though it's actually fairly worrying that the strange sequence of ads that have been spliced together to make up this sketch ('fellatio' scene included!

Patrice Evra Urges ‘Petit Prince’ Samir Nasri To Become King At Man Utd

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By Chris Wright

Wily/nefarious kingmaker Patrice Evra has told fellow countryman, Samir 'the Petit Prince' Nasri, that he should seriously consider joining Manchester United this summer if the young midfielder wants to get his hands on a few trophies before the next ice age engulfs the Earth.

Premier League Managers Pick ‘Team Of The Decade’ – Man Utd Absolutely Dominate, No Lampard/Henry

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By Chris Wright

Premier League sponsors Barclays and the League Managers' Association banded together to set the twenty 2010/11 top flight managers some homework a couple of weeks ago to pick their 'team of the last decade', though it seems that all twenty misread the instructions and just picked their favourite Manchester United and Chelsea players from the past ten years instead.

Shit Lookalikes: Harry Redknapp & Oscar (First Man To Have Full Face Transplant)

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By Chris Wright

To be fair, there is absolutely nothing shit about this.

So harsh, yet so funny I'm not ashamed to admit that Pies fan Mark Redfearn's truly amazing spot actually made me do a real, honest-to-goodness LOL.

Email your Shit Lookalike nominees to waatpies@gmail, and stick 'Lookalikes' in the subject field.

Lionel Messi Skins Carles Puyol In Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

It's easy to imagine that Barca defenders must loathe having to turn up to training of a morning, and here's why...

Video: 101GG.

Retro Snapshot: Man Utd’s ‘Class Of ’92′ – Then And Now

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By Chris Wright

Compare and contrast...

Save Beck's ink sleeves, Nicky Butt's cue-ball, the Fergie/Ed Harrison switch and the total omission of little Terry Cooke on the end, it's surprising how little has actually changed over the years.

Retro Snapshot: Man Utd’s ‘Class Of ’92′ – Then And Now

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By Chris Wright

Compare and contrast...

Save Beck's ink sleeves, Nicky Butt's cue-ball, the Fergie/Ed Harrison switch and the total omission of little Terry Cooke on the end, it's surprising how little has actually changed over the years.

‘It’s Not Impossible’ – Karim Benzema On The Way To Arsenal?

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By Chris Wright

Arsene Wenger has confirmed his interest in signing peripheral Real Madrid striker Karim Benzema, claiming that a move for the French international would not be an 'impossibility' this summer.

Speaking to The Sun, Wenger said:

"Signing [Benzema] does not seem impossible.

‘It’s Not Impossible’ – Karim Benzema On The Way To Arsenal?

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By Chris Wright

Arsene Wenger has confirmed his interest in signing peripheral Real Madrid striker Karim Benzema, claiming that a move for the French international would not be an 'impossibility' this summer.

Speaking to The Sun, Wenger said:

"Signing [Benzema] does not seem impossible.

Man Utd 1-2 Juventus: Gary Neville’s Testimonial – Phil Calls Gary A ‘Knob’, David Beckham Tackles Pitch Invader (Video & Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Seems like Red Nev's testimonial at Old Trafford last night was chock-full of fun and frolics...

Highlights (you need to see Juventus' second goal a blinding freekick from Manuel Giandonato)...

Photos...

Farewell comrade, do svidaniya.

Snapshot: David Beckham Back In United Red For Gary Neville’s Testimonial

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By Chris Wright

We'll sling some more photos of Comrade Nev's testimonial game against Juventus (for the record, the Italians won 2-1) up tomorrow morning, but you'll have to make do with a couple of snaps of Becks back in United red...

We know it's all been a bit 'United heavy' today but, alas, you can only play the cards you're dealt.

Sir Alex Banishes Journalist For Asking Harmless Question About Ryan Giggs (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Sir Alex attempts to banish Associated Press journalist Rob Harris from an upcoming pre-Champions League final presser for having the sheer front to ask about Ryan Giggs' importance to the side...

It's not immediately apparent in the club, but after answering Harris' perfectly viable question with an abrupt "All of the players are important.

Nike Launch New Man Utd 2011/12 Home Kit (Photos & Video)

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By Chris Wright

Good news folks. An unmarked brown envelope chock full of photos from the new Manchester United home kit launch has just fallen into Pies' lap, and we felt it was only right to share them with you...

We also have a few detail shots for your perusal.

Top XI: Premier League Goals Of The Season (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Straight in at number eleven...

11. Alex, CHELSEA vs Arsenal

Alex hit that sucker so goddamn hard that he ruptured his quad muscles...

10. Rafael van der Vaart, TOTTENHAM vs Aston Villa

Counter-attacking with finesse.

Ryan Giggs Saga Receives Obligatory Taiwanese Animation Treatment (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Fantastic imagery...

More topical Taiwanese CGI madness from Next Media Animation on Pies...

Hicks and Gillett's reign at Liverpool comes to an end

Wayne Rooney's hooker scandal

Ashley Cole guns down the work-experience boy

Man Utd To Sign €21m David De Gea Just Two Days After Champions League Final?

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By Chris Wright

According to several sources in Spain, notably AS, it looks like Manchester United are within days of wrapping up a deal for 20-year-old Atletico Madrid 'keeper (and part-time Norwegian rapper) David De Gea as a replacement for their outbound No.

Man City Unveil Stripey New Away Shirt During FA Cup Parade (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Some clever bods in the Man City marketing department chose the club's FA Cup parade through the streets of Manchester yesterday as the perfect platform to unveil their new Umbro away kit for next season and a right bobby-dazzler it is too.

But don't just take Pies' word for it, have a butcher's.

30,000 Genoa Fans Hold Mass ‘Funeral’ For Relegated Sampdoria

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By Chris Wright

In which 30,000 Genoa supporters take to the streets in order to hold a huge mock funeral for despised local rivals Sampdoria, parading a coffin draped in blue through the city to celebrate Samp's recent 'passing' into Serie B...

Word is that several thousand Wolves, West Brom and Villa fans are now busy trying to source themselves a coffin.

Snapshot: Ryan Giggs And The Unfortunate Advertisement

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By Chris Wright

We're still not quite sure if we're allowed to tell you why this is funny (and, frankly, it's not really worth our while trying to explain), but we think you can probably fathom what we're getting at here...

Photo via the ever-wonderful Kickette.

‘The Time Has Come’ – Sergio Aguero Seeks Atletico Madrid Exit

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By Chris Wright

Looks like you can expect an avalanche of speculative bull-honky for the next few weeks at the very least Sergio Aguero, a player that was been linked with nearly all of Europe's elite (and Tottenham) over the past five or six transfer windows has formally asked to be released from his contract at Atletico Madrid.

‘The Time Has Come’ – Sergio Aguero Seeks Atletico Madrid Exit

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By Chris Wright

Looks like you can expect an avalanche of speculative bull-honky for the next few weeks at the very least Sergio Aguero, a player that was been linked with nearly all of Europe's elite (and Tottenham) over the past five or six transfer windows has formally asked to be released from his contract at Atletico Madrid.

‘I’ve Never Heard Nothing At All’ – Harry Redknapp Mauls English Language, Rejects Chelsea Link

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By Chris Wright

When asked by Sky Sports News about the whispy rumours (and they are just rumours at this point) that he may be approached to take over from the recently-deposed Carlo Ancelotti at Stamford Bridge yesterday, Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp sort-of-not-quite distanced himself from the speculation, leaving the door notably ajar.

Top XI: Pies’ Premier League Team Of The Season

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By Chris Wright

No unnecessary spiel, no waffle, let's just get straight down to brass tacks. Presenting, Pies' Premier League Team of the Season...

GK Edwin van der Sar, Man Utd

Recently became the oldest man to win the Premier League at 40 years and 206 days and boy did he deserve it.

Vienna Derby Descends Into Anarchy, Game Abandoned After 26 Minutes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Sunday's 297th derby clash between Rapid Vienna and Austria Vienna was bought to a premature end after just 26 minutes when Rapid thugs invaded the pitch after seeing their side fall 2-0 behind...

Unsurprisingly, the match was abandoned after the moronic scenes continued inside the Hanappi Stadium for over half-an-hour.

Did Chelsea Follow West Ham’s Classy Lead And Sack Carlo Ancelotti In The Tunnel?

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By Chris Wright

You may be aware by now that Chelsea have parted ways with Carlo Ancelotti for having the down-right temerity to wash up in second after securing the club it's first ever domestic double twelve months ago, but reports are circulating this morning that the Blues hierarchy followed the West Ham board's classy lead and decided to sack Ancelotti in the tunnel at Goodison Park.

Manuel Neuer Slapped In Face By Schalke Fan After DFB Pokal Win (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Schalke 'keeper Manuel Neuer leans in for the kiss only to get slapped across the mush by a supporter presumably as a result of Neuer's reluctance to sign a new deal at the club as the squad make their way through Gelsenkirchen to show off the DFB Pokal trophy that they won on Saturday courtesy of the 5-0 whupping they doled out to second division Duisburg.

Shit Lookalikes: Marlon Harewood & A Mini Boglin

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By Chris Wright

It's been noted several times in the past that Shit Lookalike stalwart Marlon Harewood closely resembles Goomba from Super Mario Brothers, Admiral Akbar, the Pepperami mascot, a Brontosaurus, etc, etc, and it now seems that you can add 'a mini Boglin' (remember them?

Nicklas Bendtner Is ’100% Open To A Change Of Clubs’ – Barcelona On Standby?

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By Chris Wright

First Denilson, now Nicky Bendts. Looks like Arsenal will be hemorrhaging some real 'Grade A' talent over the next few weeks.

According to Bendtner's father/agent Thomas, his son/client is almost certain to leave the Emirates this summer in search of his footballing destiny:

"Nicklas is 100% open now to a change of clubs.

The Runner-Up Is The First Loser – Carlo Ancelotti Sacked By Chelsea

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By Chris Wright

Just one year after securing a club-first league and cup double, Carlo Ancelotti and his glorious eyebrow of redemption have been sacked by Chelsea after washing up in shameful, shameful second place this year though, snarky sarcasm aside, 2010/11 has technically been the club's 'worst' campaign since Roman Abramovich rode into town back in 2003.

Kai Rooney Misses Sitter During Man Utd Title Celebrations (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The latest in Pies' 'football sprogs do the darndest things' series sees wee Kai Rooney (who looks the spit of his dad, only 10,000% cuter) flunks an absolute gift of a chance in front of the Stretford End robbing the throng of photographers gathered behind the goal of their shot in the process.

Football GIF: Mick McCarthy Checks Out George Elokobi’s Sick Abs

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By Chris Wright

"Look at that! You could bounce a shiny sixpence of those abs. The lad's me body double..."

God bless Mick McCarthy. We love him to bits and while we're here, we may as well revisit a classic. Y'know, for old time's sake?

Mick McCarthy Likes One In The Hole.

Wigan & Wolves Pull Final Day ‘Houdini’ Acts, Birmingham & Blackpool Relegated From Premier League (With Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Permutations, permutations, permutations. That was all a little bit manic, wasn't it?

Despite being firmly rooted in the bottom three for the majority of the season, both Wigan and Wolves hauled themselves out of the relegation zone right at the death to ensure that Birmingham and Blackpool (along with already-relegated West Ham) will be plying their respective trades in the Championship as of next season.

Snapshot: Man Utd Officially Presented With Premier League Trophy At Old Trafford

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By Chris Wright

A few snaps of Manchester United being officially presented with 'No.19′ after their 4-2 victory of Blackpool at Old Trafford this evening...

Photos: PA.

Blue Square Play-Off Final Photos: Just Nine Years After Forming, AFC Wimbledon Reach The Football League!

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By Chris Wright

After 120 minutes of goalless toil, AFC Wimbledon beat Luton Town on penalties in the Blue Square Premier League play-off final at Eastlands to secure themselves Football League status for next season an astounding feat once you factor in that the club were only formed as a non-league outfit nine short years ago in protest over the FA's decision to dissolve the original Wimbledon and replace them with 'Franchise FC' 80 miles up the M1 in Milton Keynes.

Cristiano Ronaldo Nets 39th & 40th Goal Of The Season, Shatters La Liga Scoring Record (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In bagging his 39th and 40th league goals of the season in Real Madrid's 8-1 evisceration of already-relegated Almeria yesterday evening, Cristiano Ronaldo moved two clear of La Liga's previous single-season scoring record (38 goals) which he jointly held with Real's Hugo Sanchez (1989/'90) and Athletic Bilbao striker Telmo Zarra (1959/'60).

Chelsea Stars Compete In Giant Game Of Space Invaders (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Chelsea mob Nicolas Anelka, Branislav Ivanovic, Paulo Ferreira and David Luiz partake in a huge game of footballing Space Invaders during the middle of the night in an abandoned warehouse somewhere in Battersea.

Why? Lord alone knows, though sponsors 188BET did vow to donate the £1,500 prize money to the eventual winner's charity of choice.

Champions League Final 2011 Live Blog: Barcelona vs Man Utd

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By Chris Wright

For those of you that haven't managed to snare yourselves Champions League Final 2011 tickets, fear not for Pies are proud to announce that we will be live-blogging the whole soddin' shebang on Saturday 28th May right until the wee-small hours of Sunday morning.

Would You Buy Champions League Final Tickets For €10? (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Interesting viral shenanigans from brum-brum makers Opel ('Vauxhall' in old money), in which an iffy-looking 'scalper' attempts to sell a pair of perfectly legit Champions League tickets for just €10 a pop on the streets of Barcelona...

Me?

David Beckham R.S.V.Ps, ‘Class of ’92′ Reunite For Gary Neville’s Testimonial – Sir Alex Beams

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By Chris Wright

After a few days of umming and ahhing, LA Galaxy have confirmed that David Beckham will be allowed to play in former Manchester United cohort Gary Neville's upcoming testimonial next week thus completing the 'Class of '92′ set.

As of this afternoon, Beckham, the Neville brothers, Nicky Butt, Paul Scholes and Ryan Giggs have all been pencilled in (no Robbie Savage?

Child Plays Football For First Time, Dives Like Sergio Busquets (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which a small laddy (known only as Matthew) takes to the pitch for the first time ever and yet still manages to pick up the basics of the modern game impressively quickly...

Senor Biscuits would be proud.

Spotted on Dirty Tackle.

Arkansas College Side Unveil ‘Comedy Collision’ Set Piece (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Bryant High School (college/high school, what's the difference? I was drunk through both) of Arkansas finally get to unveil the cunning new set piece that they have been slaving over in training for the past week in a match against fellow Arkansans, Conway High a free-kick which ends up looking like something out of Wile E.

‘I’ve Been Here Five Years And Won Nothing’ – Denilson Pushes For Arsenal Exit, No-One Stops Him

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By Chris Wright

You might want to find something to bite down on and a plug for your about-to-be-evacuated bowels because the people's hero, Denilson, will be leaving Arsenal at the end of the season.

The Brazilian midfielder told The Sun:

"I've simply been to see Arsene Wenger and told him how I felt and he has agreed to let me go.

Paolo Di Canio Set To Take Over At Swindon Town

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By Chris Wright

Swindon Town have confirmed that everybody's favourite footballing fascist, Paolo Di Canio, is all but set to take over as the club's new manager with an official announcement scheduled for later today after the club get round to dotting the T's and crossing the I's on the Italian's contract.

‘This Is An Idea Circulating Already’ – Sepp Blatter Hints At World Cup 2022 Re-Vote

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By Chris Wright

FIFA's decision to award the 2022 World Cup hosting rights to a tiny, Sheffield-sized, almost completely disinterested, sun-scorched, oil-rich desert atoll in the middle of the Persian Gulf was a sham you know it, I know it, Sepp Blatter knows it.

Ronaldinho Appears On Argentinian TV, Nutmegs Host, Host Falls Over (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Ronaldinho drops in on Argentinian game show 'Bailando Por Un Sueno' (Dancing For A Dream), does a few kick-ups, nutmegs the host Marcelo Tinelli, watches Tinelli fall flat on his mush/elbow then skedaddles...

Just a thought.

Liverpool Youngster Chris Mavinga Knocks Opponent Out Cold With Brutal Head Shot (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Genk defender Chris Mavinga (who is on loan at the Belgian club from Liverpool) takes out Standard Liege winger Mehdi Carcela with a brutal head shot of a tackle...

Thankfully, justice was done in the end. While Carcela was carted off to A&E after 'escaping' with a broken jaw and nose, Mavinga was booked.

Snoop Dogg Shizzles Up On Stage In North London Wearing QPR Shirt (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Snoop Dogg shows up on stage in North London wearing a QPR shirt a team which very much hail from the western reaches of the nation's capital to perform 'Wet', a melodious little ditty about humping your shorty's brains out...

I'm sure there's a crap 'Cristal Palace' pun in there somewhere.

Porto 1-0 Braga: Falcao Settles Europa League Final With Goal No.17/18 (With Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Radamel Falcao's 17th (18th if you, unlike UEFA, count the qualifying rounds) goal of the Europa League campaign was enough to see Porto crowned champions against domestic stablemates Braga at the Aviva Stadium in Dublin last night a victory that, in turn, will almost certainly see those comparisons between Andre Villas Boas (who is now the youngest man ever to win the competition, aged just 33) and a certain predecessor of his reach nigh-on insufferable levels from here on out.

Kaka Shills For Adidas, Scotches Chelsea Rumours, Hoofs Paint-Covered Footballs At Children (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during a brief stop-over in London to help flog Adidas's new line of merch like the good Lord told him to, Kaka takes the opportunity to scotch all those nasty rumours about him joining Chelsea this summer rumours, indeed, started by his own mother by telling the press that he is 'going nowhere' this summer.

‘I Wish I’d Taken The Banner To Liverpool’ – Sir Alex Regrets Not Sneaking ‘MUFC 19 Times’ Flag Into Anfield Himself

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By Chris Wright

In so many words, last night Manchester United overlord Sir Alex Ferguson told MUTV that he wishes that he was the one responsible for draping the 'MUFC 19 Times' banner over the upper tier of the Anfield Road End on Sunday and, that if he'd have done it, he would of been all like.

‘We Gave Him An Office And A Driver, He Didn’t Deliver’ – Karren Brady ‘Justifies’ Avram Grant Sacking

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By Chris Wright

In an attempt to justify the fact that the West Ham top brass decided, with one game left to play, that sacking Avram Grant in the tunnel at the DW Stadium was the classiest course of action to take, vice-chairwoman Karren Brady has spoken out in defense of her reprehensible cohorts claiming that the board did everything in their power to support Grant this season.

Miroslav Klose Files Two Horror Misses In A Week (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

In which Bayern Munich striker Miroslav Klose lends more credence to the theory that he just cannot and will not score if he isn't playing in a World Cup, by gloriously squandering a pair of gilt-edged sitters within the space of five days.

Top 10 Possible Player Endorsements

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By Hari Bajwa (twitter.com/no_hooligans)

If you're one of the few rising stars that's fortunate enough to be offered a professional contract, upon signing, it'll no doubt be drummed into you that a career in football is a very short one. One minute you're posing for uncomfortable shots with the gaffer as you sign as a 17 year old, the next, you're in your mid 30s and being subbed off with 5 minutes to go in your farewell appearance.

Real Madrid Sign Hamit Altintop, Great Excuse To Revisit THAT Volley vs Kazakhstan (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This very eve Real Madrid have announced the signing of Hamit Altintop who, you may well remember, scored one of the sweetest volleys on record for Turkey against Kazakhstan in September of last year...

BOOF! As if we needed any half-baked excuse to re-post that little doozy.

‘I Want To Leave Man City’ – Carlos Tevez Doesn’t Mince His Words

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By Chris Wright

In no uncertain terms, Carlos Tevez has gone public with his desire to leave Manchester City this summer just days after Roberto Mancini told the waking world that the little hobgoblin had verbally agreed to stay on at the club for at least another season.