Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2011

Top XI: Premier League Team Of The Season So Far

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By Alan Duffy

'Tis been a fine season so far, with a new and rather rich kid on the block in the opulent form of Manchester City shaking things up at the top, a whole host of freakish results (see United's 8-2 win over Arsenal, City's 6-1 win over United etc), a Tottenham finally looking ready to make a serious title challenge and some impressive performances from the promoted sides.

As Clubs Prepare For The January Sales, Chelsea Nab Gary Cahill

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By Alan Duffy


With only days remaining until the January transfer window opens, club owners and managers are readying their chequebook and pens (real ones, mind, not the Blankety Blank variety), as they prepare to make those vital signings to bolster a title tilt or save themselves from a relegation dogfight.

Henry To Arsenal Rumours Gain Momentum, But Would It Be A Step Backwards For Gunners?

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By Alan Duffy


Arsenal's lack of an alternative cutting edge to Robin van Persie was once again evident in their 1-1 draw with Wolves at the Emirates on Tuesday. While the home side peppered the Wolves' goal with shots in that game, they couldn't find a way past Wayne Hennessey.

Manchester City Fan Uses Replica Shirts To Make Wedding Dress, Celebrates Marriage By Watching Stoke

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By Alan Duffy


This story will either have you thinking that some football fans need to "get a life", or that some football fans' passion for the game is admirable. (After the flack I received over the Leon Osman article, I'm saying nowt this time).

English Players Don’t Dive, Leon Osman’s Blatant Cheating Ignored By Media

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By Alan Duffy


On Boxing Day, Martin O'Neill's Sunderland were a goal ahead and looking to pick up all three points against Everton when, early in the second-half, the Toffees' diminutive schemer Leon Osman ran into the Black Cats box with the intention of shooting on goal.

Snapshot: Everybody Loves Gareth Bale, Even The Players Who Are Meant To Be Marking Him

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By Alan Duffy

Fellt-footed wing-wizard Gareth Bale was in devastating form at Carrow Road on Tuesday night, scoring two goals in a world class performance. So good was the Welshman's performance that one couldn't help but fall for the former Southampton star's simian charms.

Norwich City 0-2 Tottenham Hotspur: Unstoppable Bale Shoots Down Canaries At Carrow Road (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 0-2 Tottenham Hotspur Premier League 27th December 2011


It's fair to say that Gareth Bale, for the last couple of seasons, has been the subject of more hype and superlatives than most footballers in the Premier League.

Arsenal 1-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers: Hennessey Immense As Gunners Fail To Fire At Emirates (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 1-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers Premier League 27th December 2011.


Arsenal's old failings came back to haunt them at the Emirates in their rearranged clash with Wolves. Despite having a hugely superior amount of possession and firing in countess efforts on goal, the home side still came unstuck, conceding a sloppy goal and failing to make the most of their dominance.

Liverpool 1-1 Blackburn Rovers: Reds Kop Another Draw As Kean’s Men Battle For Point (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 1-1 Blackburn Rovers Premier League 26th December 2011

You know things are bad when even your local bishop is telling fans to lay off the abuse, but for Blackburn's under-fire boss Steve Kean, Boxing Day brought a bit of Christmas cheer (excuse the cliché) in a hard-fought draw at Anfield.

Manchester United 5-0 Wigan Athletic: Berbatov Batters 10-Man Latics At Old Trafford (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester 5-0 Wigan Athletic Premier League 26th December 2011


Wigan's recent resurgence took quite a mauling at Old Trafford on Boxing Day, with Dimitar Berbatov giving Sir Alex Ferguson a timely reminder of his quality in front of goal with a superb hat-trick.

West Bromwich Albion 0-0 Manchester City: Baggies Battle To Deserved Draw Against Impotent City (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 0-0 Manchester City Premier League 26th December 2011

Good old Roy Hodgson and his merry band of Baggies became the first team in the league this season to stop the Citizens from scoring, after putting on a superb hard-working performance.

Chelsea 1-1 Fulham: Blues’ Title Hopes On The Ropes After Boxing Day Derby Draw (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 1-1 Fulham Premier League 26th December 2011


Chelsea's hopes of launching an assault on the Premier Legaue title in the second half of the season were dealt another blow after the Blues struggled against local rivals Fulham at Stamford Bridge.

Merry Christmas Everybody! Non-Denominational Seasonal Holiday Wishes From Pies!

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By Chris Wright

Just a little heads-up to let you know that I'm not going to be around until the New Year as I'm away recharging my batteries for a few days after Christmas.

Therefore, Pies will be slowing down a little bit until early January. That said, Alan's still going to be around to keep the ship afloat with the odd post hither and thither, so we're we're not going to be totally silent over the post-festive phase.

German Club St. Pauli Murder Santa Claus In Typically Alternative Festive Film (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Like the sulky goth teenager refusing to enter the festive spirit at a family Christmas party, the wonderful St. Pauli will always be on the fringes of football's more conservative mainstream. And once again, in their 2011 Christmas video, the club has done something different, this time by deciding to kill Santa.

Stan Collymore Exposes Twitter Racism, Makes For Truly Depressing Reading

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By Alan Duffy


It may well be the season to be jolly, but after reading a list of Tweets highlighted by TalkSport presenter Stan Collymore, it's hard to keep in a positive frame of mind.

The former Liverpool player has been receiving a large amount of abuse for his views on the Luis Suarez racism affair, which he has been re-Tweeting along with racist abuse by various morons aimed at Patrice Evra.

Copa Del Rey: Barcelona 9-0 Hospitalet – Barca Cover Their Arses, Crush Third-Tier Tiddlers (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

After just pipping the first leg 1-0, Pep Guardiola covered his arse by naming an incredibly strong side in the return leg against Hospitalet at the Camp Nou last night and it payed off, with Barcelona crushing the third-tier outfit thanks to goals from Pedro, Andres Iniesta, Xavi and braces from three players aged just 20: Isaac Cuenca, Thiago Alcantara and substitute Cristian Tello.

‘Mr I. McHunt Is On The Line…’ – BBC Five Live’s Mark Chapman Drops Clanger On Live Radio (Audio)

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By Chris Wright

In which, while presenting a post-match phone-in in front of a live audience on Monday evening, BBC Five Live presenter Mark 'Chappers' Chapman falls for one of the oldest, most stale tricks in the book hook, line and, indeed, sinker...

Video: 101GG

Snapshot: Lionel Messi And His Little Friends Enjoy A Pipe O’ Pringles

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By Chris Wright

Just Lionel Messi, caught up in a feeding frenzy for Pringles with his niece and nephews at an airport in Argentina. All together now: "Awww!"...

With all the 'DATS SO SWEEEEEET!!!LULZ!' fawning out of the way, I now invite you to imagine that the Pringles tube in the first picture doesn't have a bottom.

Football GIF: Chris Brunt’s Absolutely Inch-Perfect Pass For Odemwingie’s Goal vs Newcastle

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By Chris Wright

Chris Brunt is the proud owner of a seriously, nay, criminally underrated left peg Exhibit A...

Today's Brunt factoid: "Chris has nine GCSEs – an A*, an A, six Bs and a C."

Another one of those tomorrow.

GIF: Reddit

Tottenham 1-1 Chelsea: The Drunken Match Report

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By Chris Wright

"Well hello there young lady"

I watched the Tottenham-Chelsea game in the boozer last night so, praise be to Allah, there's another drunken and completely verbatim match report heading your way...

â—ŠÂ John Terry wearing WHITE boots.

Tottenham Hotspur 1-1 Chelsea: Londoners Pull Christmas Cracker At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur Chelsea Premier League 22nd December 2011


A clash between third and fourth in the table, this heavyweight London derby lived up to its billing, with both sides getting something from a superb game of football.

Pepe Bashes Some Poor Little Ginger Guy’s Head In With A Rolling Pin (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Wanna try Pepe's cookies? I bet they taste of animal shit.

Snapshot: Luis Suarez’s Lawyer Provides Indubitable Proof That Client Isn’t Racist

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By Chris Wright

This man is Alejandro Balbi and he is Luis Suarez's legal representative in Uruguay. He is seen here displaying unequivocal evidence that his client is not a racist man by holding aloft a picture of Suarez in close physical proximity to a small black child in front of a room full of South American press bods the 'Blatter Defence' as it's now known in the legal world.

Top 10 Worst Premier League Goals Of All Time

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By Chris Wright

Time to lighten the mood. Given that Marc Albrighton notched the Premier League's 20,000th goal last night, it seemed only right to put together a little video compendium of ten of the best most hideously ugly goals ever to have been scored over the course of these 19-and-a-half glorious seasons.

Alan Hansen Apologises For Referring To Black Players As ‘Coloured’ On MOTD (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Alan Hansen has been forced to apologise after unwittingly referring to the black players affected by the ongoing Suarez and Terry racism cases as 'coloured' not once but twice on Match of the Day last night.

Hansen, who was making a point about the strides made vis-a-vis racial tolerance in the modern game, said:

"I think there's a lot of coloured players in all the major teams and there are lots of coloured players who are probably the best in the Premier League.

Snapshot: Luis Suarez’s Meta-Self Parody Protest T-Shirt

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By Chris Wright

Before last night's goalless draw with Wigan, Liverpool (including their 'negrito' players)Â ran out onto the field wearing t-shirts in support of freshly convicted racist-insult-slinger Luis Suarez including the man himself...

This is a joke right?

‘Keeper Esteban Alvarado Attacks Pitch Invader, Gets Sent Off, AZ Alkmaar Walk Out In Protest (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's a little firecracker to start the morning off. Last night's last-16 tie in the KNVB Cup between Ajax and AZ Alkmaar had to be abandoned after just 38 minutes (with Ajax leading 1-0) after an incident involving a pitch invader caused the away side to leave the field in protest.

Wigan Athletic 0-0 Liverpool: Wigan Hold Liverpool As Heroic Al-Habsi Foils Reds (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wigan Athletic Liverpool  - Premier League 21st December 2011


Ali Al-Habsi put in yet another man-of-the-match performance for Wigan as the Latics built on their draw with Chelsea and win against West Brom by picking up a priceless point against Liverpool at the DW Stadium.

Fulham 0-5 Manchester United: Red Devils Storm The Cottage In Easy Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham Manchester United Premier League 21st December 2011


Manchester United kept up the pressure on their City rivals with an impressive performance at Craven Cottage against an admittedly appalling Fulham side.

Manchester City 3-0 Stoke City: Citizens Stay Top Of The Tree For Christmas (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City  -  Stoke City Premier League 21st December 2011

Manchester City will be top of the Premier League/First Division at Christmas for the fits time since 1929 after they recorded yet another victory at the Etihad Stadium.

Aston Villa 1-2 Arsenal: Benayoun The Hero For Gunners Against Much Improved Villans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 1-2 Arsenal  - Premier League 21st December 2011


Wiry wingman Marc Albrighton netted the 20,000 goal in Premier League history but it was an under-par visiting Arsenal side that took home all three points in a tough, tense pre-Christmas encounter.

John Terry To Be Prosecuted On Charges Of ‘Racially Aggravated’ Abuse

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By Chris Wright

Word has just filtered through that John Terry is to be brought before the beak of the Crown Prosecution Service, after being charged with a 'racially aggravated public order offence' pertaining to the alleged abuse he alledgedly flung in the direction of Anton Ferdinand at Loftus Road back in October.

Shit Lookalikes: David De Gea & Peter From Jumanji

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By Chris Wright

The bum-fluff chin strap has it...

Spotters Badge goes out to Pies fan Andy Bouwman. Cracking effort son!

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to waatpies@gmail.com and stick ‘Lookalikes' in the subject field or Tweet it over to us as @waatpies if you're that way inclined.

Kenny Dalglish Sings Festive Christmas Carol Down The Phone To Sir Alex (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which we're treated to the latest of King Kenny's verbal assaults on Fergie's landline, and this time there's a lovely festive musical tinge to proceedings...

Video: Terry J Fahy

Suggested further viewing.

Arjen Robben Goes Down Like A Cheating Sack Of Sh*t vs Bochum (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Let me list the reasons I hate Arjen Robben with the burning fire of one thousand imploding suns...

1) He doesn't run, he gingerly minces.
2) He, and you may have noticed this yourselves, feigns career-ending injuries quite regularly only to get up when it suits and keep on gingerly mincing.

Snapshot: Santa Claus Shows Up At Crystal Palace With His Gigantic Golden Eagle

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By Chris Wright

Over-stuffed Crystal Palace shirt? Check. Forearm full of Navy tattoos? Check. Leather gauntlet? Check. Massive North American Golden Eagle? Check. Yep, pretty sure this guy's legit....WAIT A GODDAMN MINUTE, THAT'S A FAKE BEARD!

Ponferradina Player Asks Mourinho For His Vest After Final Whistle, Mourinho Doesn’t Disappoint (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid's reserve string spanked third tier side SD Ponferradina 5-1 in the Copa del Rey last night, with Callejon (2), Sahin, Varane and Joselu sealing a fairly comprehensive 7-1 aggregate win for the La Liga leaders but that didn't dampen the spirits of Ponferradina right-back Dani Carril who, forgoing the tradition of swapping shirts with your opposite number, went straight to the top and asked Jose Mourinho for his gillet after the final whistle.

Liverpool Claim FA Were ‘Determined To Charge Luis Suarez’

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By Chris Wright

Once again, the giant globe-spanning Illuminati conspiracy established to keep Liverpool from 'having their year' has come into effect and has demanded that the FA ban the club's most effective player this season for the next eight games and fined a week's wages just for openly and admittedly calling a black man a 'negro' a few times during a game of football.

Liverpool Claim FA Were ‘Determined To Charge Luis Suarez’

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By Chris Wright

Once again, the giant globe-spanning Illuminati conspiracy established to keep Liverpool from 'having their year' has come into effect and has demanded that the FA ban the club's most effective player this season for the next eight games and fined a week's wages just for openly and admittedly calling a black man a 'negro' a few times during a game of football.

Comedian Stewart Lee’s Brilliant Take On Belligerent Football Racism (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Apropos to nothing, stand-up Stewart Lee's droll take on belligerently racist footballers from 2005. On a slightly different tack, listen out for his description of Gary Lineker it's pretty much spot on...

Comedian Stewart Lee’s Brilliant Take On Belligerent Football Racism (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Apropos to nothing, stand-up Stewart Lee's droll take on belligerently racist footballers from 2005. On a slightly different tack, listen out for his description of Gary Lineker it's pretty much spot on...

Blackburn Rovers 1-2 Bolton Wanderers: Kean Suffers As Coyle Secures Vital Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Blackburn Rovers 1-2 Bolton Wanderers Premier League 19th December 2011


One wonders just how loud the roars of disapproval and nasty abuse will have to get at Ewood Park before the Venky's finally decide to re-think their consistent support of manager Steve Kean.

Liverpool’s Luis Suarez Found Guilty By FA Of Racially Abusing Patrice Evra, Gets Eight-Match Ban

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By Alan Duffy

It's a saga which has stoked the flames of well, hatred, between the red half of Liverpool and the red half of Manchester, but now, finally, The FA has passed judgement on Luis Suarez, with the Uruguayan receiving a very hefty eight-game ban for racially abusing Patrice Evra.

Wolverhampton Wanderers 2-2 Norwich City: Wolves Twice Come From Behind To Snatch Vital Point At Molineux (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wolverhampton Wanderers 2-2 Norwich City Premier League 19th December 2011

A hard-working Wolves came back twice against Norwich City At Molineux to secure a vital point which inches Mick McCarthy's men another few steps away from the drop-zone.

Santos 0-4 Barcelona: Club World Cup Final Given Surreal Anime Treatment (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Godzilla? Purple, flag-waving turds? Popeye in a Godfather t-shirt? I'm sure all this must have made sense to somebody at some point down the line...

Video: The 46 Show (Thanks to Pies fan Carter for the nudge)

Premier League Nears 20,000 Goal Mark – Barclays Release Nifty Goal-By-Goal Infographic

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By Chris Wright

The Premier League is currently edging toward the 20,000 goal mark (the total currently stands 19,982, 18 goals shy)Â since Brian Deane opened the account on August 15th 1992 and, to celebrate, the top flight's principle sponsors Barclay's have put together a nifty infographic to mark the occasion giving us a in-depth breakdown of goals per season, goals per city, goals per stadium, goals per player, etc, etc.

10 Testicle-Rupturing Incidents In Football

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By Chris Wright

Definitely not one for the faint of heart/groin, in honour of Scott Dann suffering possibly the grimmest-sounding injury on record at the weekend a 'ruptured testicle' for those who missed it we've cobbled together ten of the most tear-inducing crotch assaults in recent memory.

Wayne Rooney Plays Charades, Gets ‘Bend It Like Beckham’, Chooses Inappropriate ‘Beckham’ Mime In Front Of Sir Alex (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United staged their 'Big United Quiz' for MUTV t'other day which, at one point in the proceedings, saw Wayne Rooney charged with leading Ryan Giggs and Jonny Evans in an innocent game of charades.

Rooney was tasked with acting out 'Bend It Like Beckham' to his teammates and, considering his audience, our Wayne's choice of mime for the fourth word of that particular film title has to be seen to be believed.

Eintracht Frankfurt Player Hit By Small Roll Of Paper, Takes It Like Sniper Shot Through The Temple

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By Chris Wright

In which Eintracht Frankfurt midfielder Pirmin Schwegler is struck on the cranium by a wayward till roll, catapulted from the stands by the St. Pauli fans in the 2. Bundesliga last night, only to hit the deck like he'd just been picked off by Vassili Zaitsev as he made his way through the rafters at the Millerntor.

Chelsea Train At Stamford Bridge, Poor Fernando Torres May Have Finally Lost It (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea held an open training session in aid of the 'Help A Capital Child' charity at The Bridge yesterday afternoon ahead of their midweek trip to Tottenham  and we've got photographic proof people...

The West Stand at Stamford Bridge in all it's glory

The replacements for David Luiz and Alex are wheeled out

"These gloves smell of.

Almeria’s Henok Goitom Scores Surprisingly Brilliant Overhead-Kick vs Sabadell (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Not a bad way to start the morning: Almeria target man Henok Goitom's insane overhead-kick against Sabadell in the Spanish second tier on Sunday evening, a goal which was outstanding for two reasons.

Firstly for the technique, agility, spacial awareness and immaculate execution on show and secondly (and Spanish football fans will back me up on this one) for the fact that Goitom usually doesn't display any of these traits and is generally completely useless in front of goal.

Blackburn’s Scott Dann Suffers Wince-Inducing Injury, Ruptures His Testicle

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By Alan Duffy


Scott Dann having a ball in the medical centre

With so much talk and reporting of sprained ligaments and torn hamstrings, it's not easy to get football fans wincing at a highly-paid player's injury. However, Blackburn defender Scott Dann's predicament will have men wincing up and down the country.

Shit Lookalikes: Newcastle Wideman Gabriel Obertan and Drum’n'Bass God Turned Media Whore Goldie

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By Alan Duffy

A big French filet o' flop at Old Trafford, Gabriel Obertan has yet to set the world alight in Newcastle either. Still, if he never does kickstart his career, he could (possibly) pursue a career as a Gallic Drum et Bass innovator. Â He definitely has the face for it.

Snapshot: Michael Duberry…Dressed As Princess Leia

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By Chris Wright

Here's something you probably didn't think you were going to see today: Former Chelsea, Leeds, Stoke and Reading centre-half Michael Duberry dressed up as Princess Leia at the Oxford United Christmas Party...

Amazing what you can do with two croissants.

With Alan Shearer Under Their Tree, Blackburn Fans Should Be Careful What They Wish For This Christmas

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By Chris Wright

I know I'm probably in the overwhelming minority but, for what it's worth, I quite like Steve Kean. There, I said it.

It's not that I believe he's a perfectly competent coach being made a scapegoat and it's not that I really have any faith in his managerial fortitude what-so-ever.

Lionel Messi Thoroughly Confused By Japanese Television Crew (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Immediately after winning the Club World Cup, Lionel Messi was spirited over into the pitchside studio where, like many thousands of Westerners before him, he had his mind assaulted and obliterated by Japanese television...

"Not sure if awake.

Darren Bent Apologises For Going Shopping During Villa Match, Villa Relaxed About Whole Thing

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By Chris Wright

Darren Bent has apologised to Villa fans after a photo of him out Christmas shopping in Cambridge was circulated around Twitter while his teammates were busy losing to Liverpool yesterday.

It's worth mentioning that Bent had been ruled out of the match after suffering a thigh injury in the week but, after undergoing two hours of physio on Sunday morning at Villa's Bodymoor Heath training complex, he was under club doctor's instructions to go home and watch the match on television which he did, until he got bored in the second half and popped out for some bits.

Shit Lookalikes: ‘Hammerhead’ (West Ham’s New Mascot) & Kryten From Red Dwarf

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By Chris Wright

So, West Ham unveiled their new mascot 'Hammerhead' before their 1-0 win over Barnsley at Upton Park on Saturday...

Saints be praised, it looks like he's got a back story too:

"Foundered in the Thames Iron Works many decades ago, the workers who crafted a new champion drew on the spirits of heroes old and new to create the ultimate goal machine.

Club World Cup: Barcelona 4-0 Santos – Barca Steamroller Brazil’s Finest In Yokohama (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Key: actual size

You could've been forgiven for thinking that yesterday's Club World Cup final between Barcelona and Santos was some kind of two-man earthworm-charming contest the way 'You Know Who A' and 'You Know Who B' were mercilessly hyped before kick-off, but it proved that young Neymar spent a dismal afternoon in Lionel Messi's shadow as Barca rolled over Brazil's finest in Yokohama.

Festus Baise Scores Headlong Flying Reverse Scorpion Kick Volley Own-Goal vs Citizen AA (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Forgive the hyperbole, but Sun Hei defender Festus Baise scored !!!THE GREATEST FUDGING OWN GOAL OF ALL FUDGING TIME!!! against Citizen AA in the Hong Kong Premier League this weekend.

Don't believe us? Heard it all before? Take a look at this little beauty.

Manchester City 1-0 Arsenal: Citizens Get Back To Winning Ways Against Impressive Gunners (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 1-0 Arsenal Premier League 18th December 2011


Shorn of all four full-backs in their squad, it was always going to be a difficult task facing Arsenal as they headed to the Etihad Stadium.

Tottenham Hotspur 1-0 Sunderland: Roman Pavs The Way For Another Spurs Win (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Tottenham Hotspur 1-0 Sunderland Premier League 18th December 2011


They may have started the game without the crocked pair of Gareth Bale and Jermain Defoe and lost Aaron Lennon after just 27 minutes, but Harry Redknapp's in-form Spurs side still had far too much left in the locker for the visiting Black Cats.

Aston Villa 0-2 Liverpool: Bellamy Fires Reds To Victory Over Lacklustre Villans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 0-2 Liverpool Premier League 18th December 2011


Kenny Dalglish's decision to bring Craig Bellamy back to Anfield is proving to be one of the best transfer deals of the summer, with the fleet-footed Welshman bringing much-needed pace to the Liverpool attack.

Queens Park Rangers 0-2 Manchester United: Red Devils Stroll To Victory At Loftus Road (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Queens Park Rangers 0-2 Manchester United Premier League 18th December 2011


Manchester United returned to the summit of the Premier League (if only temporarily) after a stroll in the park against QPR in London.

Snapshot: Wigan Fan Wears Seasonal Turkey Hat

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By Chris Wright

Spotted in the stands at the DW during Wigan's last gasp 1-1 draw against Chelsea yesterday, a Wigan fan sporting an audacious 'plucked turkey' hat a hat which, if you consider the mechanics of for too long, quickly becomes pretty disgusting...

Via Anorak

Wigan Athletic 1-1 Chelsea: Late Gomez Strike Earns Latics Deserved Point Against Mediocre Blues (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wigan Athletic 1-1 Chelsea Premier League 17th December 2011


After excellent wins against Valencia in the Champions League and Manchester City in the Premier League, Chelsea were brought back down to earth with a bump at the DW Stadium against a Wigan side who fully deserved a share of the points.

Newcastle United 0-0 Swansea City: Wasteful Magpies Fail To Break Down Swans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 0-0 Swansea City Premier League 17th December 2011


Newcastle have now gone five league games without a victory after failing to break down a stubborn Swansea side on Saturday afternoon.

Everton 1-1 Norwich City: Drenthe Sparks Late Toffees Comeback At Carrow Road (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 1-1 Norwich City Premier League 17th December 2011


Dutch wideman Royston Drenthe rescued a point for Everton at Goodison Park after the Toffees had failed to make their dominance against Norwich City count.

Wolverhampton Wanderers 1-2 Stoke City: Potters Climb To Eighth After Second-Half Comeback At Molineux (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wolverhampton Wanderers 1-2 Stoke City Premier League 17th December 2011

You have to hand it to Tony Pulis, you really do. For all the (often justified) criticism of his team's tactics and style of play, Stoke continue to ground out decent results season after season, never looking like getting themselves embroiled in a relegation dogfight.

Fulham 2-0 Bolton Wanderers: Cottagers Bounce Back After Euro Exit As Trotters Lose Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Fulham 2-0 Bolton Wanderers Premier League 17th December 2011

Fulham put the disappointment of that last-gasp exit from the Europa League in midweek to register a deserved win against a directionless Bolton side at Craven Cottage.

Blackburn Rovers 1-2 West Bromwich Albion: Late Odemwingie Winner Piles Pressure On Kean (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Blackburn Rovers 1-2 West Bromwich Albion Premier League 17th December 2011

The Venky's support for Steve Kean has shown little sign of weakening this season, at least from the outside. However, behind the doors of the boardroom at Ewood Park, the Indian chicken overlords must surely be concerned after yet another league defeat for Blackburn.

Bayern Munich’s Daniel Van Buyten Suffers Major Ball Blow-Out vs FC Köln (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Daniel van Buyten's 'Major Ball Blow-Out' wasn't actually quite as painful as it sounds, but the Argentinian centre-half gave the ball such a thunderous leathering from a set piece that he tore the fabric of the universe Adidas Torfabrik and the match ball's insides swiftly became it's 'outsides' during Bayern's 3-0 win over FC Köln last night.

Round Two: Micah Richards & Mario Balotelli Throw Punches In Man City Dressing Room

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By Chris Wright

"Ring the bell Apollo..." "Ding...ding"

One for fans of PR damage control now, with the news that Man City have circulated the photo above of Micah Richards and Mario Balotelli playfully sparring in the City dressing rooms and generally being 'all good' with each other to poke a wee bit of fun at Thursday's little bout of training ground pugilism sparked, if rumours are to be believed, by a misplaced pass.

Franck Ribery Gives Nayef Al-Khater Impromptu Piggyback Ride During Friendly (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during Bayern Munich's mid-season friendly against Al-Wakrah in Qatar last Saturday, Franck Ribery struggles to shrug off a bit of (very) close attention from Nayef al-Khater and ends up giving the defender a piggyback down the touchline much to the delight of Al-Wakrah coach Adnan Dirjal, who gave the pair a standing ovation.

Is Kieron Dyer The Unluckiest Footballer In The World? QPR Midfielder Out For Season After Yet Another Injury

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By Alan Duffy


A gifted and athletic footballer, Kieron Dyer has seen his career harangued and harrassed by a seemingly never-ending procession of injuries, the latest of which has knocked his 2011/12 campaign on the head.

The Queens Park Rangers midfielder had picked up a knock in the opening game of this season, but was in line to make a return to first-team football after Christmas.

Europa League Draw: United, City And Stoke Face Seasoned Campaigners In Last 32

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By Alan Duffy


It may well be the preserve of Thursday nights and Channel Five, but the Europa League, now ready for the knock-out stages is still peppered with some of Europe's big guns. Probably the biggest in the competition, Manchester United, will face another all-time European great, Ajax, in the last 32, a tie which has more than a hint of glamour.

‘Smash It!’ – Andy Gray & Richard Keys Launch Themselves On After-Dinner Circuit With Tasteful Flier

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By Chris Wright

Look what £9,000 will get you these days...

* * * * *

"Prehistoric banter isn't acceptable in the modern world. I accept that. We failed to change when the world has changed. We wholeheartedly apologise for our behaviour. It was wrong.

Sunderland’s Nicklas Bendtner & Lee Cattermole Arrested For Damaging Cars In Newcastle

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By Alan Duffy


For the majority of us mere mortals, it's the season to be jolly and maybe a bit drunk, but for footballers, Christmas is often the season to go off the rails completely.

The Sunderland duo of Nicklas Bendtner and Lee Cattermole are the latest stars to get up to no good in the festive period.

Champions League Last 16 Draw: Arsenal & Chelsea Face Tricky Italian Jobs

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By Alan Duffy


You have to feel somewhat sorry for Arsenal. After doing all the hard work and topping their difficult group with a game to spare, they still manage to draw the Italian champions in the last 16 of the competition. Still, the Gunners have a decent record against Milan, knocking them out of the competition in 2008, courtesy of a 2-0 win at the San Siro.

Prize: Win A Xperiaâ„¢ Arc S

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WHO fancies owning a brand spanking news Xperia™ arc S? Here's your chance to win one for free. All you need do is follow Pies on Facebook! We'll then pick one follower at random and let them know. And that's it.

The blurb:

Get unlimited entertainment wherever you are this festive season.

Sweet Assist: Zlatko Junuzovic Puts Nacer Barazite Through With Audacious Backheel Volley (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during Austria Vienna's 2-0 win over Malmo last night, Zlatko Junuzovic sends Nacer Barazite through on goal with a delightful little volleyed, backheeled through ball leaving the former Arsenal urchin to do the decent thing and pop it between the Malmo keeper's legs.

Sweet Assist: Zlatko Junuzovic Puts Nacer Barazite Through With Audacious Backheel Volley (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during Austria Vienna's 2-0 win over Malmo last night, Zlatko Junuzovic sends Nacer Barazite through on goal with a delightful little volleyed, backheeled through ball leaving the former Arsenal urchin to do the decent thing and pop it between the Malmo keeper's legs.

Spot Steaua Bucharest’s Little Tifo Choreography Error?

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By Chris Wright

So close...

Image: KCKRS

Spot Steaua Bucharest’s Little Tifo Choreography Error?

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By Chris Wright

So close...

Image: KCKRS

Europa League: Shamrock Rovers 0-4 Tottenham – Tallaght Drubbing Still Sees Spurs Spiral Out (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Chasing a huge goal difference swing and needing POAK to beat Rubin Kazan elsewhere, the odds were against Tottenham making it through to the knockout phases last night, but they held up their end of the bargain by racking up an impressive drubbing of Shamrock Rovers at the Tallaght Steven Pienaar, Andros Townsend (a real beauty, well worth watching the highlights for), Jermain Defoe and Harry Kane all bagging a goal apiece.

Nike Unveil Four New Dazzling Winter Colourways For Signature Boot Range (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

With winter coming on strong, Nike have rolled out a clutch of dazzling new colourways for their four signature boot ranges (T90, Mercurial, Tiempo and Maestri) that are set to debut when the relevant players take to the field in them across the world this Saturday and we've only gone and got ourselves some bloody photos of 'em.

Europa League: Besiktas 3-1 Stoke – Potters Pelted, Keep Calm And Carry On Regardless (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Unbeaten going into the game, ten-man Stoke stumbled to defeat in Turkey in their final Group E game, though it mattered little with them having already booked their place in the knockout phase courtesy of a draw against Dinamo Kiev last time out.

Not For The Squeamish: David Villa Suffers Broken Shinbone vs Al Sadd (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Barcelona have just whupped Al Sadd 4-0 in the second Club World Cup semi-final in Yokohama (Adriano, Adriano, Keita and Maxwell if you're interested we'll try and track down some highlights later), but the Japanese jolly has been soured somewhat by a nasty injury to David Villa, who split his tibia in twain five minutes before half-time.

Snapshot: Djibril Cisse Not Quite At 100% Tattoo Capacity Yet

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By Chris Wright

He's getting pretty damn close though! In fact, he's starting to look a bit like the carpet at my Nan's house...

That, dear friends, is dedication to the cause!

Overhead Kick Interlude: Luuk De Jong vs Wisla Krakow (Video)

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By Chris Wright

FC Twente may well have lost 2-1 in Krakow last night (to send Fulham packing), surrendering their unbeaten group stage run in the process, but they definitely scored the goal of the night through Luuk de Jong's impeccable 39th minute bicycle kick...

Pretty.

Pies’ Christmas Gift Ideas – No. 4: Aston Villa Toilet Paper

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By Chris Wright

Presenting: The 'perfect fun gift for a Birmingham City supporting family member or friend who enjoys football banter with a Aston Villa fan'.

Now correct us if we're wrong here, but isn't 'banter' supposed to be, by it's very definition, a two-way thing?

Jim Rosenthal & Stan Collymore Caught Singing ‘Thursday Nights, Channel Five!’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, coming back from an advert break at half-time during Fulham's game against Odense, Jim and Stan get 'caught' signing a rousing, tongue-in-cheek rendition of 'Thursday Nights, Channel Five!' the new wave football chant used to mock big clubs that suffer untimely Champions League exits and which, depending on who you choose to believe, may be the song that got Ashley Cole a slapping after he sung it in the tunnel when Chelsea beat Man City on Monday.

Europa League: Fulham 2-2 Odense BK – Very Last Touch Sends Cottagers Sprawling Out (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Fulham were dumped out of the Europa League with the very last touch of the game when Odense slung in a deep cross and substitute Baye Djiby Fall nodded in an equaliser at the far post with roughly four seconds left to play (the referee blew for full-time during the goal celebration), thus robbing the Cottagers of the points they needed to edge out Wisla Krakow, who beat table-toppers FC Twente on the night to finish second in Group K -just one point ahead of Martin Jol's side.

Luis Suarez Will Admit Calling Evra ‘Negro’ Once, No More Offensive Than Calling Kuyt ‘Blondie’

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By Chris Wright

The FA have opened a two-day disciplinary hearing into the accusations, counter-accusations and subsequent charges of alleged racist abuse that were levelled at Luis Suarez by Patrice Evra following Manchester United's trip to Anfield back in October.

Luis Suarez Will Admit Calling Evra ‘Negro’ Once, No More Offensive Than Calling Kuyt ‘Blondie’

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By Chris Wright

The FA have opened a two-day disciplinary hearing into the accusations, counter-accusations and subsequent charges of alleged racist abuse that were levelled at Luis Suarez by Patrice Evra following Manchester United's trip to Anfield back in October.

Aberdeen’s Ryan Jack Scores Slightly Underwhelming Goal From Half-Way Line (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Yes it's a goal from practically the half-way line and yes it demonstrates impressive vision and technique from the goal-scorer. However, in this case, Ryan Jack's long-range goal for Abderdeen in their 2-1 win against St Johnstone is a rather tame affair, all things considered.

El Clasico Captured In Super Slow Motion (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Here's a few scenes from the most recent El Clasico retold in super duper sloooow motion. Why? Just because, that's why...

Coooooooooooooooooool. Cesc's goal looks so much more awesome when dialed down to 'glacier'.

Via Shin Guardian

Gheorghe Hagi Dusts Off The Old Tricks During UN Charity Match vs Hamburg (Video)

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By Chris Wright

A gaggle of footballing legends turned out for the UN's ninth annual 'Match against Poverty' last night, which saw a squad of 30-odd luminaries such as Zinedine Zidane, Ronaldo (who are both UN Goodwill Ambassadors), Didier Drogba, Fernando Couto, Luis Figo, Edgar Davids, Pavel Nedved and Fabio Cannavaro take on a Hamburg SV All-Stars side in front of a 24,000-strong crowd in Germany.

Snapshot: Poland’s Achingly Beautiful New National Stadium

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By Chris Wright

This is the new 58,145-capacity National Stadium on the banks of the Vistula that meanders through Warsaw, and it's where the opening game of Euro 2012 between Poland and Greece will be played. It's also incredibly beautiful by night, as seen here...

Such a handsome brute.

Pies’ Christmas Gift Ideas – No. 3: Swanky Signed Football Memorabilia From ICONS

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By Chris Wright

The first two of our Christmas gift ideas were, admittedly, a little bit on the shonky side. Who in their right mind would want a Hannover 96 toaster for Christ's sake? Okay, I would but that's by the by.

This Yuletide pointer carries with it a smidge more prestige than our previous efforts, in so far as they're actually presents that the football fan in your life would most likely be cock-a-hoop at receiving on Jesus' big day.

Horror Hair: Guti’s New Facial Hair Extravaganza

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By Chris Wright

So, Guti (along with his lovely lady WAG Romina Belluschio) attended the premiere of the latest Mission Impossible film in Madrid last night with an alarming smattering of facial growth affixed to his chinny chin chin...

Ahem. I'll just leave this here.

FIFA Club World Cup: Neymar Cuts Inside, Curls In An Absolute Beauty vs Kashiwa Reysol (Video)

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By Chris Wright

As we speak, Santos are over in Japan playing Kashiwa Reysol in the semi-finals of the FIFA Club World Cup and Neymar has just done this...

I think I'm right in saying that Santos are 2-0 up at half-time as things currently stand, with Borges getting the other for the Brazilians.

The Andre Villas-Boas Guide To Dancing (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Finally, someone has found a use for the several hundreds of photos of AVB squatting and pouting away on the touchline like an asthmatic Labrador parking it's breakfast...

Video: TalkSPORT

Chelsea Prepared To Offload Fernando Torres, But Is He Still Worth £20m?

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By Chris Wright

Not that we're giving it much credence, but word in the Daily Mail this morning is that Chelsea are prepared to listen to offers for Fernando Torres come January in a bid to cut their losses as £50 million's worth of doleful Spaniard slips ever-further down the pecking order at Stamford Bridge.

Goalkeeper Bites The Face Of Opponent In Argentinian Cup Game (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

In a bizarre act of utter madness that even Chris Foy (or is it Hoy?) and his team of assistants couldn't miss,  one Gabriel Orozco, goalkeeper for Argentinian side Recreativo Estrellas, decided to bite the face of an opponent after a minor coming together in the box during a local cup game in Cordoba.

Man City Celebrate Chelsea Defeat With Fancy Dress Christmas Party (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Just a few hours after getting done over by Chelsea at the Bridge, Man City celebrated their Christmas party just down the road at the Anaya nightclub in Mayfair.

Sadly, there were no Azerbaijani cults, Bengal tigers or Dwarf darts on the night just a good ol' fashioned fancy dress theme and, as with most fancy dress parties, some of the guests went all out (Joe Hart, Owen Hargreaves, etc) and some skirted by on bits and bobs nabbed from their kids' bedrooms at the last minute (Edin Dzeko).

Darren Fletcher Announces ‘Extended Break’ From Football Due To Chronic Illness

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United have just announced that Darren Fletcher will be taking an 'extended break' from football on health grounds connected to the stomach illness that he has been suffering with for months on end and which has seen him limited to making just 11 first-team starts since March this year.

Dumb Tottenham Fans Abuse Wrong Man As Olympic Cyclist Chris Hoy Receives Twitter Barracking

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By Alan Duffy


One of these men is a Premier League referee, the other a gold medal-winning Olympic cyclist can you spot which is which? Let the Lycra be your guide...

In a story rather reminiscent (in a cyber kind of way) of that infamous paediatrician/paedophile mix-up some years back, irate Tottenham fans, angered at the referee's performance in their 2-1 defeat against Stoke on Sunday have been taking to Twitter in their droves, but directing their (rather justified) ire at cycling legend Sir Chris Hoy rather than the guilty official, one Chris Foy.

Caption This: Sergio Busquets Hits The Deck

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By Chris Wright

Pies says: "Dude, if I was Juan Mata, I'd have been all like...woo woo woo!"

You say?

(Image: ONTD)

Dumb Tottenham Fans Abuse Wrong Man As Olympic Cyclist Chris Hoy Receives Twitter Barracking

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By Alan Duffy


One of these men is a Premier League referee, the other a gold medal-winning Olympic cyclist can you spot which is which?

In a story rather reminiscent (in a cyber kind of way) of that infamous paediatrician/paedophile mix-up some years back, irate Tottenham fans, angered at the officials' performance in their 2-1 defeat against Stoke on Sunday, have been taking to Twitter in their droves, but directing their (rather justified) ire at cycling legend Sir Chris Hoy, rather than the guilty official, Chris Foy.

Stoke Refuse To Throw In The Towel, Use Sneaky Tactics To Dry The Ball At The Britannia

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By Alan Duffy


The Daily Mail's photos of Ryan Shotton and his amazing hidden unicolor ball-dryer

According to the Daily Mail, the powers that be are investigating Stoke City after their rather clever/sneaky use of towelling vests worn by their players in the game against Tottenham.

Man Utd Stars Turn Out For Glitzy ‘United For Unicef’ Gala, Sir Alex Brings Albert The Kitman As His Date (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Several of Manchester United's number braved the cold to turn out for the club's 'United For Unicef' gala bash at Old Trafford, and we gots us a few pictures if you're interested...

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 6

Michael Carrick, looking thoroughly confused by the whole shebang, and his wife Lisa arrive at the Manchester United 'United for Unicef' gala dinner at Old Trafford.

Edgar Prib Fails And Fails Hard vs Eintracht Frankfurt (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Introducing Edgar Prib, a man who it says here plays professional football for Greuther Furth in the second tier of German football, though on this evidence we think he may be a competition winner from the local blind school...

Come in No.

20 Incandescent Photos Of Flares At Football Matches

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By Chris Wright

I am the God of Hellfire, and I bring you...FLARES! So dramatic, so incendiary, so dangerous, so Satanic, so Temple Of Doom-y and so utterly beautiful when captured on camera...

Photos: PA

Football GIF: Yaya Toure ‘Kicks’ Juan Mata, Slaps Him Round The Head, Gets Away Scott Free

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By Chris Wright

There was an incident that was missed by referee Mark Clattenburg during the first half of Chelsea's 2-1 win over Man City at the Bridge last night that has sparked a fair bit of debate in internet circles this morning, despite not really being mentioned in the national press, in which Yaya Toure both 'kicked' ('nudged' being a fairer assessment) Juan Mata as he sat on the turf then slapped the Spaniard around the head for good measure a few minutes later.

Trickshot ‘Keeper Lassi Hurskainen Returns, This Time He’s Saving Christmas

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By Chris Wright

Lassi's back, and this time the production values are higher than ever as he and his UNC Asheville teammate Dan Jackson set about saving Christmas from the evil clutches of David de Grinch...

More of Lassi's freestyle frippery on Pies.

Nicklas Bendtner Tries And Fails To Blag Free Pizza, Plays The ‘Do You Not Know Who I Am?’ Card

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By Chris Wright

Nicklas Bendtner has been caught on camera in his native Denmark, (reportedly) drunkenly stumbling into a takeaway after a night out in Copenhagen in search of pizza, only to find himself sans cash.

So far you can empathise with young Nicky, right?

Chelsea 2-1 Manchester City: Game On In The Title Race As Citizens Lose Unbeaten Record (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea Manchester City Premier League 12th December 2011


Billed by a number of footballing 'wits' as El Cashico and the Oil Firm Derby, this clash of the billionaires' playthings was always going to be a dramatic affair.

Gerardo Masini Scores Epic Over-Head Kick From Acute Angle In Serie D (Video)

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By Chris Wright

I'm willing to venture, with reasonable confidence, that this  - Gerardo Masini's angled scissor kick against Atessa Val di Sangro in Italy's Serie D is the best goal you're going to see today...

Not bad, not bad at all. In fact, I'd be willing to go to 'impressive'.

Football GIF: Bad Boy Kaka Starts Sh*t, Drops Ball On Xavi’s Head

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By Chris Wright

That Kaka is one bad, Jesus-humpin' mother lover...

"MWUHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!" *runs away*

Via Reddit

Real Madrid 1-3 Barcelona: Barca End Madrid’s Streak To Go Top Of La Liga (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

The 'Anti-Gouge Mourinho 3000′ blew a fuse part-way through the second half

Barcelona made an inauspicious start to the first league 'El Clasico' match of the season, conceding the fastest goal in the history of the fixture when Karim Benzema capitalised on Victor Valdes' immense cock-up after just 23 seconds, but fought back to take the honours at the Bernabeu, end Real Madrid's 15-match unbeaten streak and replace Los Blancos at the summit of La Liga courtesy of goals from Alexis Sanchez, Xavi and Cesc Fabregas his tenth goal in 11 starts for Barca.

Klaas-Jan Huntelaar Owns Ricky Van Wolfswinkel With ‘Round The World’ Trickshot (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Nike have rolled out the latest in their 'Huntelaar vs Van Wolfswinkel' virals that see the pair pranking each other back and forth in the quest to ruin one another's dinners for the rest of time...

Here's the original video, which contains yet more canteen food decimation.

‘He Enjoyed Giving Us Nothing’ – Harry Redknapp Breaks ’30-Year Silence’ To Berate Referee Chris Foy

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By Chris Wright

You may be aware that, in glorious 20-20 retrospect, Tottenham were fairly hard done to against Stoke yesterday. The Potters ran out as 2-1 winners, but it turns out that Spurs were denied by a couple of goal-line handballs, had a man sent off rather softly and saw an Emmanuel Adebayor goal disallowed for offside despite Marc Wilson playing him on by a couple of feet.

Benfica’s Oscar Cardozo Shanks Open-Goal Sitter vs Maritimo, Sandi Toksvig Not Happy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Oscar Cardozo scored an 85th-minute winner to give Benfica a narrow 1-0 win over Maritimo yesterday, a victory that took his side back level on points with Porto at the summit of the Portuguese top flight he also pulled this out of the bag...

Oh dear.

Benfica’s Oscar Cardozo Shanks Open-Goal Sitter vs Maritimo, Sandi Toksvig Not Happy (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Oscar Cardozo scored an 85th-minute winner to give Benfica a narrow 1-0 win over Maritimo yesterday, a victory that took his side back level on points with Porto at the summit of the Portuguese top flight he also pulled this out of the bag...

Oh dear.

‘Sight For Sore Eyes’ Snapshot: Martin O’Neill’s Tremendous Standing Leap

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By Chris Wright

There are few more heart-warming sights in English football...

Welcome back Martin, you have been missed.

Bolton Wanderers 1-2 Aston Villa: Villans Kickstart Campaign Against Sorry Trotters (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 1-2 Bolton Wanderers Premier League 10th December 2011

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It's been a difficult season to date for both Owen Coyle and Alex McLeish, with both Bolton and Villa struggling to find their best form.

West Bromwich Albion 1-2 Wigan Athletic: Latics Escape Drop Zone After Comeback At The Hawthorns (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 1-2 Wigan Athletic Premier League 10th December 2011


Roberto Martinez and his Wigan side made it seven points from their last four Premier League games after coming from behind to win at the Hawthorns on Saturday.

Swansea City 2-0 Fulham: In-Vorm ‘Keeper Star Of The Show For Swans (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 2-0 Fulham Premier League 10th December 2011


Fulham 'keeper Mark Schwarzer buries his head in the sand

Unquestionably one of the surprise stars of the season so far, Swansea goalkeeper Michel Vorm was once again in superb form on Saturday against a talented Fulham side.

Norwich City 4-2 Newcastle United: Holt Bags Brace As Magpies Lose Again (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 4-2 Newcastle United Premier League 10th December 2011


Alan Pardew's Newcastle side are now without a win in four Premier League games after they came unstuck at Carrow Road on Saturday.

Liverpool 1-0 Queens Park Rangers: Suarez Gets Back To Business As Reds End Anfield Slump (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Liverpool 1-0 Queens Park Rangers Premier League - 10th December 2011

From alleged racist remarks to theatrical falls to one digit hand signals, Luis Suarez has rapidly turned into Public Enemy No. 1 (outside the red half of Liverpool, obviously).

Manchester United 4-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers: Red Devils Take Out Basel Frustration On Weak Wolves (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 4-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers Premier League 10th December 2011


It may not make up for their Champions League horror-show in midweek, but by comfortably beating Wolves at Old Trafford, Manchester United at least rediscovered some of their attacking verve.

Arsenal 1-0 Everton: A Fitting Scoreline For The Gunners On Historic Day At The Emirates (Photos & Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 1-0 Everton Premier League 10th December 2011


"One-nil to the Arsenal" While that score is more reminiscent of the George Graham era in north London than the current Arsene Wenger regime, it did somehow seem rather apt on a day that the Gunners celebrated 125 years of existence.

Tigres’ Manuel Viniegra Studded In His Danglers, With Lots Of Glorious HD Super Slo-Mo Replays (Video)

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By Chris Wright

One for all you genital-centric schadenfreude fans now in which, during the Mexican Primera tie between Santos and Tigres on Thursday evening, Juan Rodriguez puts his foot through the ball only to see it nestle flush in Manuel Viniegra's plum garden an incident that the sadistic television director saw fit to replay several times in glorious HD super slo-mo.

Thierry Henry Breaks Down In Tears As Arsenal Statue Unveiled (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal unveiled three statues outside the Emirates yesterday to mark the club's 125th anniversary, with Tony Adams and Herbert Chapman (it wasn't Pascal Cygan after all!) being recognised for the services to the Gunners over the years along with record-scorer Thierry Henry, who tried and failed to fight back the waterworks during his acceptance speech.

Premier League Prepares For Double Trouble As Enoch Balotelli Has Trial With Stoke

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By Alan Duffy


Enoch Balotelli remember the name, Â Actually, to be honest, it's not an easily forgettable one, is it? Well, the 19-year-old Italian has followed his more famous brother over to England in an attempt to get himself a contract with Stoke City.

Things Get Even Worse For Man Utd, Nemanja Vidic Ruled Out For Season

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By Alan Duffy

Demoralised Manchester United fans had feared the worst after their captain, Nemanja Vidic, was stretchered off during that disastrous Champions League exit in Basel during the week. And now, those fears have been realised, with Sir Alex Ferguson revealing that the Serbian centre-half would miss the rest of the season with knee ligament damage.

Ivan Klasnic Facing Divorce After Wife Discovers Flat Full Of Other Women’s Clothes

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By Chris Wright

"Get in there my son, what a fackin' laaaaaad!"

He may we be having a fairly decent (though largely unheralded) season, but Bolton striker Ivan Klasnic is staring down the barrel of a D.I.V.O.R.C.E after his wife flew in from Germany and made a surprise to his flat in Manchester only to discover a wardrobe full of other women's clothes and make-up, along with several 'compromising' photographs.

Sir Alex Checks His Voicemail After Champions League Exit (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Straight off the bat, this is from the same people that brought you the 'King Kenny's Christmas Wishes' video at the tail-end of last week, so if you happen to be one of those Manchester United fans that spirals into an instant, all-consuming, catatonic rage at the merest hint of gentle ribbing then steer well clear.

Fulham’s New Riverside Stand Expansion Will Theoretically Look Like This… (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Fulham's Riverside Stand as it...well, stands

The designs for Fulham's prospective Riverside Stand expansion have been circulated ahead of the club's application for planning permission being submitted.

Fulham are planning to build over the existing stand, removing pillars to improve the views from the lower tier, improve Craven Cottage's facilities with a swanky new concourse area and, perhaps most importantly, increase the ground's capacity by just over 4,000 up to that magic 30,000 mark.

El Clasico Special: 18 Brilliant Archive Photos From Real Madrid vs Barcelona And Vice-Versa

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By Chris Wright

Saturday evening sees Real Madrid welcoming Barcelona to the Santiago Bernabeu for the first league El Clasico derby of the season, and to whet your appetite we've put together a bumper gallery of some of the finest still images the game has produced down through the years.

Top 10 ‘El Clasico’ Goals Of All Time

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By Chris Wright

Presenting, the ten best goals (that I could find corresponding videos for) scored during the El Clasico fixture since the dawn of time. To be perfectly honest, they're just ten fine goals the order is more or less superfluous.

10. Zinedine Zidane, Real Madrid, 2001/2.

The 7 Worst Football Statues You’ll (Hopefully) See Today

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By Chris Wright

With a nod to the fact that Arsenal are set to celebrate their 125th birthday later this afternoon by unveiling three new statues (Tony Adams, Thierry Henry and Pascal Cygan I believe) outside the Emirates, we thought we'd have a look at the seven most ridiculous, ill-conceived and borderline offensive effigies that have either graced or continue to grace stadiums and the like around the world.

Dalglish Unimpressed By Rooney Appeal, Brands FA Dithering Over Suarez ‘A Joke’

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By Alan Duffy


While UEFA's decision to reduce Wayne Rooney's ban to two matches for next summer's EURO 2012 finals has been generally welcomed by England fans, Liverpool's Scottish boss Kenny Dalglish has a slightly different take on the story.

Shit Lookalikes: Carles Puyol & ‘Golem’ From The Simpsons

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By Chris Wright

Heart of oak, hair of clay...

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to waatpies@gmail.com and stick ‘Lookalikes' in the subject field or Tweet it over to us as @waatpies if you're that way inclined.

Top XI Champions League Photos: Kidnaps, Piggybacks And Zombie Attacks

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By Chris Wright

Pies pick of the eleven (yep, I can't count) best photos from the past two night's worth of Champions League to-ing and fro-ing. Forgive us for tooting our own horn, but there's some absolutely timeless images in there...

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 11

'Yippee!

Overhead Kick Interlude: Gualberto Mojica Seals Hat-Trick With Pearler In Bolivian Apertura (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Gualberto Mojica plays a nifty one-two with Oriente Petrolero teammate Roberto Galindo before teeing himself up and sending a fine overhead kick into the far corner to round off his hat-trick during his side's 4-1 thrashing of Guabira in the Bolivian Apertura last night (skip to the 54 second mark).

Champions League: Man City 2-0 Bayern Munich – Two Beautiful Goals But City Go Boom And Bust (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

As you're well aware by now, Man City played some lovely football, scored a couple of beautul goals and filed a decent victory over an already-through-and-therefore-decidedly-under-strength Bayern Munich side in their final Champions League group game to take their final points tally to 10, which would've been enough to squeak through were it not for Napoli's 2-0 win over Villarreal in Spain with the upshot of it all being that the Italian's went through with Bayern and City will be playing Europa League football next year.

French Gambling Authority To Probe Lyon’s 7-1 Champions League Win Against Dinamo Zagreb

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By Alan Duffy


Lyon players celebrate qualification for the last 16

It looked like game over for Lyon in this year's Champions League, after the French giants left themselves with an enormous task ahead of the final Group D matchday.

Come In Manchester, This Is The Europa League Calling

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By Chris Wright

Oh dear, oh dear. That really didn't go to plan did it? 'Twas a quiet evening in Manchester last night as it conspired that both of the city's sides will be playing knock-down, B-stock, factory damaged Europa League football in the new year after being sent sprawling from the Champions League in acrimonious fashion United especially, at the very least City actually won on the night.

The Rebirth Of Eboue – Mad Manu Scores Another Cracker For Gala (Video)

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By Alan Duffy


It is only a matter of weeks since former Arsenal man Emmanuel Eboue was the subject of a rather heated debate on Pies over his reaction to being pelted with bottles during a Galatasaray game against Besiktas.

However, the rather unpredictable wing-back seems to have found his feet in the Turkish league, netting his second superb goal in two games for Gala.

Wayne Rooney Attends UEFA Hearing, Has Euro Ban Reduced To Two Matches

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By Alan Duffy


While he will no doubt now be steeling himself for the indignity of Thursday night European football, Wayne Rooney at least received some good news on the morning after United's shock exit from the Champions League.

The re-haired striker rocked up to UEFA HQ this morning, along with Fabio Capello and host of FA bigwigs, in attempt to get his three-game EURO 2012 ban (for kicking out at Montenegro's Miodrag Dzudovic)Â decreased.

Wayne Rooney Attends UEFA Hearing, Has Euro Ban Reduced To Two Matches

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By Alan Duffy


While he will no doubt now be steeling himself for the indignity of Thursday night European football, Wayne Rooney at least received some good news on the morning after United's shock exit from the Champions League.

The re-haired striker rocked up to UEFA HQ this morning, along with Fabio Capello and host of FA bigwigs, in attempt to get his three-game EURO 2012 ban (for kicking out at Montenegro's Miodrag Dzudovic)Â decreased.

Snoods Ahoy! Man City Train Pre-Bayern Munich, Slightly Overdress For The Occasion (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

It may be cold, but it sure as Jumping Jehovah isn't that cold! I mean, would you just look at all that snood action?

And the piece de resistance, from the manager himself no less?

Two hats.

Audi Roll Out Flashy ‘El Clasico’ Advert, Has Really Nice Pay-Off (Video)

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By Chris Wright

If, like me, you consider car (and perfume) adverts to be little more than pretentious audio/visual litter then this may not be your cup of tea.

That said, Audi's pre-El Clasico (I think I'm right in saying they sponsor both Barcelona and Real Madrid in some capacity) viral has a really nice pay-off after a few minutes of obligatory slow motion a huge piece of football artwork that you'd think they'd have made a bit more of, rather than just flashing it up on the screen for a split-second at the end.

Proof Luis Suarez Is Innocent Over ‘Offensive’ Gesture, He Just Needed The Toilet…

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By Chris Wright

Call off the witch hunt and alert the FA, we've come into possession of definitive proof that Luis Suarez is innocent vis-a-vis his charge over making an 'inappropriate gesture' toward the Fulham fans at Craven Cottage last night.

As you can plainly see from this book used to teach kids Makaton (a kind of sign language), Suarez was merely indicating to the Fulham bench that he wouldn't be stopping to shake hands after the game as he was desperate for the potty.

Top 10 Players In Need Of A January Loan Move

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By Chris Wright

Here we go folks. Pies' pick of the top ten Premier League players who are in desperate need of, or who could simply benefit tremendously from, a loan move come January time...

10. Carlos Tevez, Man City

Let's get the obvious one out of the way up top.

Festive Interlude – Cooking A Traditional Christmas Meal

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Sponsored post from Schwartz

Christmas is a family party that usually includes the traditional Christmas meal. It is the time of year when people around the world meet and keep long-standing traditions alive. These traditions will vary between areas but one universal tradition is that of food.

Champions League: Olympiakos 3-1 Arsenal – Mannone Drops Clanger As Gunners End With Whimper (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal (or 'Arsenal B' to completely truthful) ended their Champions League group stage campaign with a bit of a whimper, going down 3-1 to Olympiakos in Greece. Rafik Djebbour, David Fuster and Francois Modesto all did the business for Olympiakos while Yossi Benayoun scored Arsenal's consolation on a night which was perfectly encapsulated by Vito Mannone's bollock-drop par excellence.

FIFA 12 Glitch Sees Andy Carroll & Lukasz Fabianski Get Incredibly Intimate (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Andy Carroll scoring twice in one game? Please!

Via @James_Dart

Snapshot: ‘INCOMING!’

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By Chris Wright

Looks like Borussia Dortmund went a little 'heavy artillery' against Marseille as the night wore on...

'INCOMING!'

'Dortmund One, be advised. We gotta direct hit!'

For the record, it didn't work. After finding themselves 2-0 down after half-an-hour, Marseille eventually came from behind to win 2-3 thanks to a supoib 87th-minute Mathieu Valbuena goal, thus booking the French side a spot in the last 16.

Champions League: Chelsea 3-0 Valencia – Didier Drogba Hauls Blues Through (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Just when Chelsea needed it most, Didier Drogba turned up and put in one of his best performances in a good couple of years to inspire his side to a 3-0 victory over Valencia at the Bridge last night, scoring two goals and filing an assist (for Ramires) to see the Blues comfortably and safely into the knockout phases of the Champions League in the process.

Champions League: Chelsea 3-0 Valencia – Didier Drogba Hauls Blues Through (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Just when Chelsea needed it most, Didier Drogba turned up and put in one of his best performances in a good couple of years to inspire his side to a 3-0 victory over Valencia at the Bridge last night, scoring two goals and filing an assist (for Ramires) to see the Blues comfortably and safely into the knockout phases of the Champions League in the process.

Roman Riquelme Suffers Diddy Little FAIL In Training, Puts Brave Face On It (Video)

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By Chris Wright

My empathy runneth over. We've all been there, taking your eye off the ball for a split second only for the little leathery bastard to send you arse-over-tit while you're not looking...

Pwarp pwarp pwaaaaaarp. What happened next?

Norwegian Veterans Bohinen, Fjortoft, Lundekvam And Myhre Get Electric Shocks On National TV (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

The whole set up of the situation is ably explained by the two hosts on this Norwegian TV show (click on the 'cc' button for subtitles), but basically a whole load of former Norwegian internationals are humiliated on national TV for the pleasure of the viewing public.

Man City Decorate Christmas Cakes – Mario Balotelli Loses Fight With Marzipan Icing (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which several of the Manchester City squad gear up for training with a hearty spot of Christmas cake decorating. Nigel de Jong and Owen Hargreaves in particular excel and Mario Balotelli is easily defeated by a slab of marzipan icing and a little plastic Santa, all while a black-eyed Sergio Aguero dicks about in a silly hat (skip to 2:20 mark).

How Carlos Tevez Saved Christmas (Video)

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By Chris Wright

What ho? It's a Yuletide Special from those pithy chaps over at Fitba Thatba 'How Carlos Tevez Saved Christmas'...

The Harshest Club Fines Ever, £1 For Having A Beard?

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By Alan Duffy

Forget getting fined £400,000 for refusing to come on as a sub á la Carlos Tevez, players in the Bitton AFC reserves, a side who play in the Bristol Premier Combination League, have to endure a fascistic rule of law...

courtesy of Billy Dane

The BIG Question: Which Premier League Sides Will Make It Through To The Champions League Knockout Stage?

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By Chris Wright

With precious little margin for error, Manchester United, Manchester City and Chelsea are all left needing specific results to fall into their lap to progress, with many online gambling companies offering fairly tempting odds on a complete, three-way Anglo-centric balls-up.

Bulgarian Prime Minister Wins Player Of The Year Award, Easily Outpolling Dimitar Berbatov

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By Alan Duffy

"It was a game of two halves, but the boys done good"

Bulgarian Prime Minister Boyko Borisov has won the Bulgarian Player of the Year award after polling 44% of the votes in the fans' poll. The 52-year-old, who occasionally plays for third tier team Vitosha Bistritsa, comfortably beat Dimitar Berbatov into second place, with the Man Utd striker polling 24% of the votes.

Notts County Striker Lee Hughes In Trouble Again, Arrested On Suspicion Of Sexual Assault

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By Alan Duffy


Lee Hughes has already seen his career severely damaged by a previous prison sentence, and now, the 35-year-old striker is facing the possiblity of even more prison time. This comes in the same week that ex-Manchester United starlet Ronnie Wallwork (another ex-West Brom player) was sent down for dealing in stolen cars and also after the son of Trevor Francis was arrested on charges of burglary.

Snapshot: Luis Suarez In Deep After Being Caught Slipping His Middle Finger At The Cottage

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By Chris Wright

In this morning's 'storm in a teacup' news, Luis Suarez is supposedly in trouble with the FA after it was flagged up that the Uruguayan made an 'inappropriate gesture' towards the Fulham fans after Liverpool's defeat at the Cottage last night...

Suarez took a merciless hounding from the home fans ('cheat, cheat, cheat', etc) after trying and failing to wean a penalty out of referee Kevin Friend in the second half and was more than happy to offer the Fulham fans his feedback on their constructive criticism as he left the pitch at the final whistle.

Snapshot: Luis Suarez In Deep After Being Caught Slipping His Middle Finger At The Cottage

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By Chris Wright

In this morning's 'storm in a teacup' news, Luis Suarez is supposedly in trouble with the FA after it was flagged up that the Uruguayan made an 'inappropriate gesture' towards the Fulham fans after Liverpool's defeat at the Cottage last night...

Suarez took a merciless hounding from the home fans ('cheat, cheat, cheat', etc) after trying and failing to wean a penalty out of referee Kevin Friend in the second half and was more than happy to offer the Fulham fans his feedback on their constructive criticism as he left the pitch at the final whistle.

Fulham 1-0 Liverpool: Spearing Sent Off As Liverpool Labour To Late Defeat (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

After entering the game tied with Brian McBride on 36 goals, Clint Dempsey became the highest-scoring American player in Premier League history when, in the 85th-minute, he pounced on Pepe Reina's fumble to tap home the winner for Fulham at Craven Cottage.

Fulham 1-0 Liverpool: Spearing Sent Off As Liverpool Labour To Late Defeat (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

After entering the game tied with Brian McBride on 36 goals, Clint Dempsey became the highest-scoring American player in Premier League history when, in the 85th-minute, he pounced on Pepe Reina's fumble to tap home the winner for Fulham at Craven Cottage.

Trevor Francis’ Son Arrested for Burglary At Former Villa Star Lee Hendrie’s House (Yes, Really)

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By Alan Duffy

Trev, James and Lee: A story of fatherly love, riches and intrigue. And burglary.

That's a headline you thought you'd never see, eh! Well, according to a number of newspapers, the 24-year-old James Francis is indeed in big trouble after allegedly breaking in to former Aston Villa schemer Lee Hendrie's £1.

Former Man Utd Starlet Ronnie Wallwork Caught Handling Stolen Cars, Sent To Prison For 15 Months

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By Alan Duffy

He was once a highly-rated young midfielder enjoying the privileges bestowed on a Manchester United player, but for Ronnie Wallwork, the dream has, over the years, turned sour.

The 35-year-old has been sentenced to 15 monhts in jail for selling on parts of high-perofrmance  cars.

Football GIF: Seb Larsson/Cheaty McCheaterson’s Ridiculous Penalty-Conning Swan Dive vs Wolves

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By Chris Wright

You'll be glad to know that moments after this grotesque belly-flop, Seb Larsson conspired to miss the penalty he successfully conned out of referee Phil Dowd in woeful fashion, after which Wolves toddled up the other end and equalised within 25 seconds (skip to the 7:00 mark).

Did You See Parma vs Palermo? Don’t Worry, Neither Did Anybody Else! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The game went ahead...

...it finished 0-0.

Shit Lookalikes: Kieran Richardson & Kaka, Together In The Bosom Of The Lord

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By Chris Wright

Would you just look at the ecstasy on their little faces! The Lord hath truly touched them, though where the Lord hath truly touched them we couldn't possibly speculate...

FIFA Ballon d’Or Shortlist Announced: Utterly Predictable, Probably Right

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By Chris Wright

FIFA have announced their three-man Ballon d'Or shortlist this morning, and it's crushingly predictable fare: Lionel Messi (the 5th time he's made the 'final three' in five years), Xavi (3rd time in 3 years) and Cristiano Ronaldo (4th time in five years).

Nepal Beat Bangladesh With Herculean Last-Minute Free-Kick From Sagar Thapa, But Did He Mean It? (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Nepal saw off Bangladesh (the highest-ranked team in the tournament) 1-0 in the South Asian Football Federation Cup in the final minute of injury time tagged onto the end of their Group B game, with a 45-ish-yard free-kick from captain Sagar Thapa doing the business as the last grains of sand ran through the egg-timer of destiny.

Boca Juniors Win First Argentinian Title For Three Years, Celebrate Accordingly (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

A 3-0 win over Banfield at La Bombanera yesterday saw Boca Juniors secure their 24th Argentinian League title and their first for three years, with the three points giving them an unassailable eleven-point lead at the top of the Apertura championship with only two games left to play cue the madness.

FA Cup Third Round Draw: Manchester Rivals To Go Head To Head At The Etihad

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By Alan Duffy


Thedraw for the third round of the FA Cup was made on Sunday afternoon, with the occasion throwing out a few tasty looking ties, none more so than the meeting of City and United.

Sir Alex Ferguson will no doubt have wanted a rather easier draw, although the chance to get some revenge for the 6-1 mauling at Old Trafford might well give United an extra incentive in this game.

Queens Park Rangers 1-1 West Bromwich Albion: Long Rescues Point For Baggies As Rangers Rue Disallowed Goal (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Queens Park Rangers 1-1 West Bromwich Albion Premier League 3rd December 2011


In-form Irish striker Shane Long netted a late equaliser against QPR to give the visiting Baggies a hard-fought share of the points at Loftus Road.

Blackburn Rovers 4-2 Swansea City: Four-Goal Yak Eases Pressure On Kean (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Blackburn Rovers 4-2 Swansea City Premier League 3rd December 2011


At Ewood Park on Saturday, Blackburn fed the Yak 'til he almost burst, but he indeed score a goal, four to be exact. The 29-year-old (that's what he claims anyway, but I've a sneaking suspicion that 'Nigerian years' are closer to 'dog years' than anything else) has rediscovered his best goal-poaching form again, leading Rovers to a much needed three points against Swansea.

Tottenham 3-0 Bolton Wanderers: Spurs Make It Six League Wins In A Row After Referee Has Shocker At The Lane (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy


Tottenham Hotspur 3-0 Bolton Wanderers Premier League 3rd December 2011

Harry Redknapp's Lilywhites strolled home to yet another league victory as they consolidated their place in the top three in the league.

Manchester City 5-1 Norwich City: City Slickers Far Too Strong For Lightweight Canaries (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 5-1 Norwich City Premier League 3rd December 2011


The league-leaders kept their 100% home record this season with a goalfest at the Etihad Stadium against Norwich. However, it took City over half-an-hour to break the deadlock, courtesy of a superb piece of skill by Sergio Aguero.

R.I.P Socrates – Iconic Brazilian Playmaker Dies Aged 57

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By Chris Wright

Another Sunday, another piece of shitty news. Socrates, the bearded, chain-smoking footballing doctor and heart and soul of Brazil's 1982 World Cup side has died today after suffering a septic shock in hospital in Sao Paolo.

He had been in a critical condition with an intestinal infection since being admitted to intensive care on Friday (I've read reports suggesting it was after eating a bad stroganoff), but he had also been suffering with illness for a while before that.

Emile Heskey, Still Heskey, HESKEY!!! Throw-In… (Video)

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By Chris Wright

One to warm the cockles on this chill winter's morn, Emile Heskey going for a glorious equaliser against Manchester United yesterday, getting it wrong by about 90º and finding touch in the corner...

Suggested further viewing.

Wigan Athletic 0-4 Arsenal: Sloppy Latics No Match For Rampant Gunners (Photos & Highights)

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By Alan Duffy

Wigan Athletic 0-4 Arsenal Premier League 3rd December 2011


Arsenal moved to within two points of a Champions League place after destroying Roberto Martinez' struggling Latics at the DW Stadium.

Aston Villa 0-1 Manchester United: A Walk In The (Villa) Park For Effective Red Devils (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 0-1 Manchester United Premier League 3rd December 2011


This game was so interminably dull that ESPN commentator Jon Champion had to resort to telling the viewers about which United players were buying which dogs, as sidekick Chris Waddle, a man who sucks any last particle of excitement out of the most exciting occasion, sent us to sleep.

Newcastle United 0-3 Chelsea: Blues Leapfrog Magpies Into Top Four After Battling Performance At St James’ Park (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle 0-3 Chelsea Premier League December 3rd 2011


Chelsea eased a little bit more of the pressure on their wiry manager Andre Villas-Boas after putting three past the Magpies at St James' Park. A revitalised Didier Drogba but the visitors ahead on 38 minutes, heading home from a Juan Mata cross.

Snapshot: Robinho’s Fluffed One-Yard Sitter vs Genoa Summed Up In One Photo (With Video)

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By Chris Wright

AC Milan moved top of Serie A by beating Genoa 2-0 last night thanks to goals from Zlatan and Nocerino, but that's by the by really what we're really interested in here is Robinho's little one-yard whoopsie early in the second half.

Something tells me Aquilani wasn't best pleased to see his efforts spunked over the bar from about 5cm out by a Brazilian berk with Toblerone-shaped feet.

Euro 2012: England’s Group D Draw Brings Back (Bad) Memories Of A Dismal Euro 1992 (Video)

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By Alan Duffy


Next summer, Fabio Capello's England will be facing both France and Sweden in the European Championship group stages, just as they had done 20 years previous.

In the 1992 finals in Sweden, a Graham Taylor-led England side endured a dismal tournament, losing to the hosts (courtesy of Thomas Brolin's famous goal) after playing out goalless draws with both Denmark (the eventual winners) and a France side which included Eric Cantona and Jean-Pierre Papin.

Snapshot: New Adidas ‘Tango 12′ Matchball For Euro 2012

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By Chris Wright

Presenting the new Adidas 'Tango 12′ matchball as unveiled at the Euro 2012 draw in Kiev but half-an-hour ago, a.k.a, the very ball that they'll be hoofing around in Polkraine as of next summer...

Quick sweepstake: How long will it be until the first 'these new balls move around to much.

Euro 2012 Draw: England Get Hosts & France, Republic Of Ireland Get Spain & Italy (Plus Competition To Win UEFA’s Balls)

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By Chris Wright

The interminable dancing and utterly pointless cavalcade of 'together as one' yadda yadda yadda-ing is finally over, the new Adidas Tango matchball has been rolled out and looks glorious (more on that later) and, as an aside to the entire carnival of shite, UEFA's all-important balls of destiny have been drawn from the hat of fate in Kiev.

Pies’ Christmas Gift Ideas – No. 2: The Hannover 96 Toaster

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By Chris Wright

Love it, love it, love it. Want it, want it, want it...

Not a Hannover fan? Never fear, they're also available Dortmund, Hertha Berlin and St Pauli flavour...

Spotted over on the truly brilliant 500 Reasons To Love Football.

Shit Lookalikes: Bobby Zamora & The Scream

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By Chris Wright

Ooh, hark at us getting all high-brow! This is our second art-related Lookalike in a row, following Ronaldo's ill-advised homage to Frida Kahlo. It's like the bloody South Bank Show round here at the minute.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies?

Retro Football: Gillingham’s Amazingly Insane Backpass vs Northampton, 1993 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Saturday 6th February 1993 was a fateful day, for it was the day that Gillingham pulled of what is arguably football's finest ever backpass (and I use the word 'finest' quite wrongly) during a 2-2 draw against Northampton in the old Third Division at the County Ground.

Guiseley’s Danny Forrest Scores 92nd-Minute Winner From Halfway Line (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With Railway Harrogate having just scored a dramatic late equaliser on the 90-minute mark to level the score at three apiece in their West Riding County Cup tie against Guiseley last night, it looked for all the world like the game was heading to extra time.

Top 10 Europa League Photos: Satirical Tenners, Low Gravity, Eye-Level Buttocks, Rod Stewart & The Big Yin

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By Chris Wright

Here you go, Pies' pick of the ten best still exposures from the past two day's worth of Europa League action...

FC Vaslui supporters are silhouetted by burning flares during their game against Lazio in Piatra Neamt, Romania

FC Vaslui's Mike Temwanjera and Lazio's Modibo Diakite hit an isolated hotspot of weak gravity

Fulham's Bryan Ruiz waves to the Twente fans after receiving a hero's welcome on his return to the Dutch club

AEK Athens vs Anderlecht quickly descends into an all-out gurn-fest as a corner is swung into the Greek side's penalty area

Schalke 04′s Kyriakos Papadopoulos throws up the big twos after scoring against Steaua Bucharest in Gelsenkirchen

Ibrahim Toroman is not exactly enamoured with the view as Besiktas celebrate scoring against Maccabi Tel Aviv

Billy Conolly and Rod Stewart turn up at Parkhead to watch Celtic take on Atletico Madrid, and are seen here presumably discussing exactly why Beram Kayal felt to need to duck and let Arda Turan's shot fly in over his head

Hapoel Tel-Aviv's Abbas Mahmmoud watches on while Rapid Bucharest's Iulian Apostol endulges in a spot of light turf rotivation

Hannover 96 fans do their thing ahead of the German side's game against Standard Liege in Belgium

A lone Tottenham fan taunts the travelling PAOK Salonika supporters by holding a tenner aloft to mock Greece's debt crisis.

FIFA 12 Christmas Viral: Gerard Pique Doesn’t…Want…Socks! (Video)

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By Chris Wright

'Tis the season to flog computer games mercilessly, and EA have already dipped their bread releasing a FIFA 12 Christmas viral that sees Gerard Pique, a pre-transplant Wayne Rooney, bonsai fanatic Tim Cahill, a banjo-wielding Kaka and wee Jack Wilshere all acting their respective asses off in the name of the shill.

Europa League: FC Twente 1-0 Fulham – Late Dutch Goal Leaves Cottagers’ Euro Hopes Up In The Air (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy


A late goal from FC Twente sub Marc Janko secured a 1-0 away win for the Dutch side against FUlham last night, a result that leaves the Londoners needing a victory from their final group game if they are to make it to the last 32.

Ryan Babel In Furious Bust-Up With Chain-Smoking, Ex-Convict Spongebob Squarepants At Children’s Party

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By Chris Wright

"Oi! Squarepants! Noooo!!!"

I'm pretty sure that's the first and last time I'm ever going to write those words in that order, but rest assured you read them correctly: ex-Liverpool winger Ryan Babel had a bit of a benny with an ex-convict Spongebob Squarepants at a children's party after Spongebob 'took his head off' and started blowing cigarette smoke in the kid's faces.

Quaresma Clatters Ballboy, Scores Two Exquisite Goals vs Maccabi Tel Aviv (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ricardo Quaresma. He's just one of those players isn't he? A never-quite-living-up-to-the-hype/ego, cripplingly inconsistent walking, talking Youtube highlights reel of a footballer whose stats will always be slightly too good on FIFA/Pro Evo/Football Manager, etc for some reason.

Quaresma Clatters Ballboy, Scores Two Exquisite Goals vs Maccabi Tel Aviv (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ricardo Quaresma. He's just one of those players isn't he? A never-quite-living-up-to-the-hype/ego, cripplingly inconsistent walking, talking Youtube highlights reel of a footballer whose stats will always be slightly too good on FIFA/Pro Evo/Football Manager, etc for some reason.

Europa League: Stoke 1-1 Dynamo Kiev – Dramatic Draw Sees Potters Qualify For Last 32 (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Stoke will now venture further than they've ever managed in Europe thanks to an 81st-minute Kenwyne Jones goal (and a superb last-minute save from Asmir Begovic for that matter) which saw them equalise against Dynamo Kiev on the night and thus ensure the Potter's qualification for the knock-out phases of this year's Europa League.

Europa League: Stoke 1-1 Dynamo Kiev – Dramatic Draw Sees Potters Qualify For Last 32 (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Stoke will now venture further than they've ever managed in Europe thanks to an 81st-minute Kenwyne Jones goal (and a superb last-minute save from Asmir Begovic for that matter) which saw them equalise against Dynamo Kiev on the night and thus ensure the Potter's qualification for the knock-out phases of this year's Europa League.

Defender Sam Hutchinson, Aged 22, Comes Out Of Retirement And Re-Signs For Chelsea

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By Alan Duffy

After just four first team appearances for Chelsea, with three of those coming from the bench, Sam Hutchinson decided to retire from football in 2010 after suffering a serious knee injury. This was a tragic tale of a youngster, highy-rated by his former manager Jose Mourinho, who had to give up his dream.

Once Vilified But Then Worshipped, Liverpool’s Lucas Is Out For Season

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By Alan Duffy

Brazilian midfielder Lucas Leiva is yet another example of a talented player who was unfairly criticised by the kind of dim football fan who has no mind of his or her own. England fans' treatment of Owen Hargreaves followed a similar path to that of Lucas, but sadly it now seems that the Brazilian has something else in common with the injury-plagued Manchester City man.

FIFA Publish Their World 11 Shortlist With Six Brits Named, But Who Have They Missed?

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By Alan Duffy


Turning their attention away from silly little issues like racism, the international footballing authorities have announced their 55-man shortlist for the FIFPRO World XI 2011. (FIFPRO is the Federation Internationale des Associations de Footballers Professionnels, by the way)

Six players from good old Blighty have made the list, with Wayne Rooney and Gareth Bale worthy of their places in the elite list.

Indonesian Fan Turns Out For LA Galaxy Friendly In Extremely Snazzy ‘Football Wizard Robe’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Becks and his Los Angeles-based galaxy of lesser stars are in Indonesia at the moment on an off-season trolley dash around the Pacific Rim, though the whole damn lot of 'em were shown up on arrival by this Indonesian fan who donned his hand-made and ridiculously dapper 'football wizard robe' (complete with 'football wizard staff') specially for the occasion.

Snapshot: Edinson Cavani’s Goal Against Man City Caused Seismic Activity In Naples!

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By Chris Wright

This has apparently been doing the rounds for a few days now so is therefore ancient in internet years, but better late than never, eh?

What you're looking at is a seismic read-out of the area around the San Paolo Stadium in Naples for the duration of the Napoli's 2-1 victory over Man City in the Champions League last week.

Top 5 Best Movember Moustaches

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By Chris Wright

That's your lot cocker. As I understand it, Movember is now officially finito which means it's high time to round up the footballing contingent's hirsute runners and riders. We'll start with five players who managed to sprout charity facial fuzz that was actually bordering on 'acceptable' over the course of the month.

Europa League Snapshot: The Brum & Braga Zinger Tower Burger

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By Chris Wright

Photo: PA

Kenny Dalglish Phones Sir Alex To Wish Him Happy Christmas After Crystal Palace Defeat (Video)

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By Chris Wright

One to be taken with a pinch Biffa bin of salt, 'Kenny Dalglish' phones up 'Sir Alex Ferguson' to offer his Yuletide greetings following Manchester United's ousting from the Carling Cup at the hands of Crystal Palace last night...

Thanks to Pies fan PW for the nudge.

Top 5 Worst Movember Moustaches

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By Chris Wright

That's your lot cockers. As I understand it, Movember is now officially finito which means it's high time to round up the footballing contingent's hirsute runners and riders. Here we have the five players whose hearts were definitely in the right place, but whose top lips didn't really get the memo.

Last Night I Fell In Love With PAOK Salonika

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By Chris Wright

PAOK? Powak? Pork? Pay-ock? I don't care how you pronounce it, I bloody love the little buggers. Last night, like Shirley Valentine before me, eleven men from Salonika stole my heart. They've even replaced AEK Argos as my favourite Greek club and let me tell you, that takes some doing.

Carling Cup: Man Utd 1-2 Crystal Palace – Sir Alex Apologises After The Eagles Dump United Out At Old Trafford (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Crystal Palace made it into the semi-finals of the Carling Cup for the first time in a decade after beating Manchester United 2-1 in extra-time at Old Trafford last night.

After a dull first-half, Darren Ambrose put Palace one up in the 65th minute with a 30-yard 'Darren Ambrose Goalâ„¢' shortly before Kiko Macheda hauled United back level a few minutes later by both winning and sticking away a penalty.