Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2011

Premier League TV Preview: Chelsea Looking To Leapfrog Newcastle, Liverpool Chasing Magic Nine At Fulham

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December looks to be an extremely important month in the Premier League, with several massive matches that could shape the outlook of the title race heading into the new year and the second half of the season.

There aren't any of those such matches this weekend, but a few surprises could be in store, with some top sides facing tricky away ties.

No Brucie Bonus For Steve As Sunderland Sack Manager After Dismal Run

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By Alan Duffy


Steve Bruce will have more free time now to feed the pigeons

To be fair to Sunderland, the club had given Steve Bruce a decent amount of money to strengthen his squad over the years. Â But despite that financial backing, the former Manchester United defender's best showing with the Black Cats was a tenth-place finish last season.

Joe Harts Interrupts Man City Training To Sing ‘Wonderwall’ At The Top Of His Voice (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Joe Hart takes a break from training to run through a quick rendition of Mike Flowers Pops' classic jaunty number 'Wonderwall' another snippet to add to his already impressive 'Youtube Greatest Hits' album...

Video: MCFC

Football Ink: Sergio Ramos Now Has World Cup Tattooed On His Leg

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By Chris Wright

Sergio Ramos has just posted a picture of his new ink on Twitter and it's quite...well...let's be kind and say 'distinctive'...

I'm all for being proud of your acheivements, but having your CV needled across your body is a little much. What next?

Cristiano Ronaldo & Atletico Madrid President Enrique Cerezo Make Awkward Dinner Guests (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Say what you like about Cristiano Ronaldo but the guy actually takes the fact that he tends to end every game with bloodied, knackered ankles rather well all things considered.

Saturday's Madrid derby, which Real won 4-1, was one of those occasions as Atletico ended the evening with two red cards and five yellows against their name while Ronaldo and several of his teammates endured what's known in technical terminology as 'a battering'.

Top 10 Footballers On Strike

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By Chris Wright

With the public sector strikes rattling on today across the country, we at Pies thought it would be timely to have a little look at a run-down of some of football's industrial action over the years some worthy, some really not...

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 10

10.

Hamsik Celebrates Penalty With Grand Tour Of Stadium, Ordered To Come Back And Retake It…Misses (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during Napoli's 3-3 draw with Juventus last night, the home side win themselves a penalty which Marek Hamsik duly converts.

The shit-hawked (like a mohawk, but several shades shitter) Slovakian midfielder then celebrated by disappearing down a flight of stairs and into the bowels of the San Paolo for a spur-of-the-moment stadium tour, resurfacing several moments later with his hands cupped behind his ears only to have the smirk wiped off his face by the news that he would have to take the spot-kick again due to encroachment.

Cardiff 2-0 Blackburn: Steve Kean Sets About Winning Carling Cup By ‘Forfeiting’ It (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright


"Yes, definitely [we can win the Carling Cup]. We've said all along that we'd like to go all the way and get to the final and try to win the competition."

Steve Kean, November 29th 2011

"We are in a position where we have forfeited going through and having the chance to reach a cup final.

Sergio Aguero Puts Finishing Touch To Sublime Counter-Attack Goal vs Arsenal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Man City ousted Arsenal from the Carling Cup last night and while the match itself may have been a bit naff, the goal that won it was anything but.

Everything about Sergio Aguero's 83rd-minute decider was exquisitely done; from Edin Dzeko's immaculate through-ball to Adam Johnson's reverse assist to Kun's cool finish.

Maldini’s Losing Streak, Rivelino’s Disturbing Lack Of Faith: Five Brilliant Football Facts

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By Chris Wright

It's been a few days now since Mike Jones screwed up the vast majority of football betting markets up and down the length and breadth of the internet by awarding Newcastle that dodgy penalty at Old Trafford a penalty many saw as overdue punishment for a team that 'never concede penalties'.

Maldini’s Losing Streak, Rivelino’s Disturbing Lack Of Faith: Five Brilliant Football Facts

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By Chris Wright

It's been a few days now since Mike Jones screwed up the vast majority of football betting markets up and down the length and breadth of the internet by awarding Newcastle that dodgy penalty at Old Trafford a penalty many saw as overdue punishment for a team that 'never concede penalties'.

Against The Odds: 5 Crazy Football Facts

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By Greg Evans

It's been a few days now since Mike Jones screwed up the vast majority of football betting markets up and down the length and breadth of the internet by awarding Newcastle that dodgy penalty at Old Trafford a penalty many saw as overdue punishment for a team that 'never concede penalties'.

And Then The Daily Star Gives Us This Classy Front Page…

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By Alan Duffy

Yes, it's another 'Tabloid paper in insensitivity shocker' stories, this time courtesy of the Daily Star. No doubt the story that there may be other footballers suffering from depression is newsworthy, but Jesus do it with a bit of respect and responsibility.

Chelsea 0-2 Liverpool: Liverpool Win Again At Stamford Bridge As Blues Fail To Spark (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy


Kenny Dalglish enjoyed his second win at Stamford Bridge in just 10 days as Liverpool ran out comfortable 2-0 victors in the quarter-finals of the Carling Cup on Tuesday night.

Both Chelsea and Liverpool put out fairly strong sides, with Bertrand, Romeu, McEachran and Lukaku the youngsters given starting berths by Andre Villas-Boas, while Sebastian Coates, Martin Kelly and Jay Spearing got the nod for the Reds.

Arsenal 0-1 Manchester City: Young Guns Impress But Citizens Progess (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy


Arsene Wenger did his usual Carling Cup thing against Manchester City on Wednesday night, resting most of his first teamers and giving some youngsters a bit of action. Roberto Mancini rested Joe Hart, Mario Balotelli and a couple of other City megastars, but with the squad the Italian has assembled, even a (partly) second-string side is full to the brim with expensive internationals.

Anderlecht ‘Keeper Silvio Proto Brings The FAIL Motherload vs Zulte Waregem (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Zulte Waregem striker Teddy Chevalier let's rip with the kind of shot that a newborn foal would be ashamed of, only to see it make it's way across the line thanks to the fact that Anderlecht keeper Silvio Proto's hands are apparently made of plaited fog.

‘Northern Ireland Need New National Anthem’ – Gerry Armstrong Questions Use Of ‘God Save The Queen’

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By Alan Duffy


In recent years, there has been a constant trickle of players from Northern Ireland switching allegiances to the Republic, including Manchester United's Darron Gibson and Stoke City's Marc Wilson. Now, Northern Ireland legend Gerry Armstrong, who is currently the Irish FA's 'elite player mentor', has suggested that ditching 'God Save The Queen' could entice more players from the country's nationalist background to play for the North.

Snapshot: ‘Todo Al Blanco’ – Real Madrid Fans Unfurl Collosal ‘Casino’ Tifo Display vs Atletico Madrid

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid fans unfurled this almighty casino-themed tifo during their side's 4-1 win in the Madrid derby on Saturday which, call me cynical, may just have been laid on by the club's principle sponsors an online betting firm.

Anyway, corporate tie-ins aside, it was a sight to behold.

Jamie Carragher Won’t Let Pepe Reina Fist Him Before Games, Pepe Reina Is A Bit Miffed (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Pepe Reina is a superstitious man. We know this. We're talking about a man here who has two cheese and ham toasties and glass of wine every night before a game without fail to stave off night terrors about giant red beachballs. A man that always buys petrol six hours before kick-off regardless of whether he needs it or not.

Manchester Evening News Nominate Yaya Touré, Patrick Vieira and Dimitar Berbatov For BBC Sports Personality Gong

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By Alan Duffy


2009 winner Ryan Giggs. Talent, looks, money AND personality no wonder he's a hit with the ladies.

The Manchester Evening News demonstrated a rather fine example of parochialism in choosing its shortlist for the 2011 BBC Sports Personality awards.

Retro GIF: The Assault On Lothar Matthaus That Saw Real Madrid’s Juanito Banned For Five Years, 1988

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By Chris Wright

Back in 1988, when football was a man's game, Real Madrid's Juanito was (perhaps unsurprisingly) banned for five whole years for this brazen double-whammy, back-stamping, cheek-mashing assault on Bayern Munich's Lothar Matthaus as the German midfielder lay pole-axed between the legs of the referee.

AC Milan’s Robinho, Pato & Thiago Silva Perform Impromptu Musical Number On Train (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Hey guys, let's do the show right here!

Slightly disappointed there's no Kevin Price-Boateng moonwalk up and down the central aisle, but you can't have it all, can you?

Video: Milan Channel via 101GG

Competition: WIN! Beautiful Savile Rogue Cashmere Football Scarf In Your Club Colours!

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By Chris Wright

Pies has teamed up with the fine gents over at Savile Rogue to give you the chance to win one of the world's finest cashmere football scarves in the club colours of your choice.

Savile Rogue scarves give a nod to football terraces of yesteryear, shunning in-your-face logos and cheap nylon in favour of a traditional bar design and the comfort, quality and warmth of top grade wool.

Chelsea Boss Andre Villas-Boas Denies John Terry Got Booked On Purpose Against Wolves

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By Alan Duffy


John Terry and controversy are old friends at this stage, aren't they? His Chelsea boss Andre Villas-Boas has now denied that his captain  got booked on purpose against Wolves at the weekend.

JT was on four bookings and therefore just one away from suspension, when he was cautioned by referee Lee Mason for taking way too long over a throw late on in the game.

Chelsea Boss Andre Villas-Boas Denies John Terry Got Booked On Purpose Against Wolves

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By Alan Duffy


John Terry and controversy are old friends at this stage, aren't they? His Chelsea boss Andre Villas-Boas has now denied that his captain  got booked on purpose against Wolves at the weekend.

JT was on four bookings and therefore just one away from suspension, when he was cautioned by referee Lee Mason for taking way too long over a throw late on in the game.

Mario Balotelli Lurks Behind Door, Yells ‘Boo!’ In Woman’s Face (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Mario Balotelli lurks behind a door in the Man City reception, before scaring the fnarking bejesus out of some poor woman by yelling in her face probably for the tenth time that day...

Video: Man City

Mario Balotelli Lurks Behind Door, Yells ‘Boo!’ In Woman’s Face (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Mario Balotelli lurks behind a door in the Man City reception, before scaring the fnarking bejesus out of some poor woman by yelling in her face probably for the tenth time that day...

Video: Man City

Snapshot: Brazilian Fans Send Neymar One Kilometre Of Fanmail

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By Chris Wright

Neymar tweeted this picture of a letter sent to him by three of his Brazilian fans yesterday, a letter that once unrolled measures a full kilometre (0.62 miles in old money) in length...

When your fanmail is so long it arrives on a spool, you know you've probably made it.

On Depression In Football And Why Mental Illness Isn’t ‘Occupation Specific’

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By Chris Wright

There was a point in my life, several years ago now thankfully, when I couldn't escape the recurring thought that I just didn't want to exist any more. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep for more than a few hours a week and I was firmly entrenched in the bowels of a nihilistic substance abuse problem, 'trench' being the poignant syllable.

R.I.P Gary Speed – Wales Manager Found Dead At Home

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By Chris Wright

This really is terrible. The Football Association of Wales have confirmed reports that Wales manager Gary Speed has been found dead at his Cheshire home after apparently committing suicide this morning. 'No suspicious circumstances' is the official Police line.

Should Wayne Rooney Escape Unpunished For Kicking Lump Out Of Fabricio Coloccini?

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By Chris Wright

I don't mind admitting it absolutely galled me that the sycophantic tools on the Match of the Day sofa just flat-out refused to acknowledge and/or call-out Wayne Rooney's petulant slash at a prone Fabricio Coloccini last night, despite watching replay after replay of the United meathead poorly masking his errant boot as an attempt to prise the ball out from underneath the Newcastle centre-half.

Bolton Wanderers 0-2 Everton: Ten-Man Trotters No Match For Toffees (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Bolton Wanderers 0-2 Everton Premier League 26th November 2011


Any hopes Owen Coyle's Bolton side had of securing a vital victory against Everton on Saturday were extinguished after just 10 minutes when David Wheater saw red for a dangerous tackle on Diniyar Bilyaletdinov.

Hannover’s Jan Schlaudraff Scores Booming Volley vs Hamburg (Video)

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By Chris Wright

"Shit! Did you see that?...", etc, etc...

(Thanks to Pies fan Gerhard for the nudge!)

Dylan McGeouch Opens Celtic Account With 80-Yard Solo Wonder Goal (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Celtic spanked St Mirren 5-0 at Parkhead in the SPL yesterday, with 18-year old Dylan McGeouch wrapping up proceedings with his first ever goal for the Bhoys (on his second appearance) despite having only been on the pitch for eight minutes - charging 80-yards up-field before sliding a neat shot inside the post from the edge of the box.

Sunderland 1-2 Wigan Athletic: Di Santo Punishes Wasteful Black Cats As Wigan Secure Priceless Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 1-2 Wigan Athletic Premier League 26th November 2011


Argentinian striker Franco Di Santo is enjoying his best spell so far in England, after struggling at Chelsea and Blackburn. The hitman netted his fourth of the current season at the Stadium of Light, double what he had managed in his three previous seasons combined.

Arsenal 1-1 Fulham: Flat Gunners Rally To Protect Unbeaten Run As Cottagers Impress At The Emirates (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 1-1 Fulham Premier League 26th November 2011


Arsenal looked a little stale against fellow Londoners Fulham on Saturday, with the hangover from their midweek Champions League exertions stifling their usual flowing, inventive game.

Chelsea 3-0 Wolverhampton Wanderers: Juan’s A Mata Of Life And Death For AVB (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 3-0 Wolverhampton Wanderers Premier League 26th November 2011


In tricky winger Juan Mata, Andre Villas-Boas has arguably the one truly creative attacking player in the Chelsea squad who can make things happen with just the swivel of his Latin hips.

Man Utd 1-1 Newcastle: United Miffed By Iffy Penalty At Old Trafford (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

With Manchester United one up through Chicharito (or rather Chicharito's stomach/thigh), a pretty naff penalty call from the assistant referee saw Newcastle nick a point at Old Trafford this afternoon.

Referee Mike Jones quite rightly gave a corner when Rio Ferdinand's clean-as-you-like block challenge saw Hatem Ben Arfa's cross squirt out of touch, only for Jones' assistant to overrule the decision because the shimmering fairies dancing around his head told him to.

Lille Agree To Sell Eden Hazard, But Not For Less Than £43Million

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By Alan Duffy

Belgian wing-wizard Eden Hazard has been linked with pretty much every big club in Europe over the last year, and now his club, Lille, have decided that the attacker is up for sale, albeit at a rather high price.

£43million will get you the services of the fleet-footed 20-year-old, a figure which will probably put Arsenal, who have been consistently linked with the player, out of the running.

Man City Captain Vincent Kompany’s Reveals His Key Motivational Tool – Beat Lazy Players With A Stick

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By Alan Duffy

He's not captain of the best team (at the moment!) in the Premier League for nothing. Manchester City's Vincent Kompany, also arguably the best centre-half in the Premier League, has revealed how he once beat a friend with a stick in order to make him run faster.

Red Star Belgrade’s Bruno Mezenga Scores Outrageous Backheel Lollipop Volley vs Smerderevo (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Red Star Belgrade's on-loan striker Bruno Mezenga did this in a Serbian Cup game against Smerderevo the other day...

Sign him up, sign him up, sign him up!

Thanks to Pies fan Milutin for bringing this little peach to our attention.

Lens Defender Gabriel Cichero Given Five-Month Ban For Breaking Bastia Director’s Nose, Jaw And Eye Socket (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The FFF have today announced that Lens' Venezuelan defender Gabriel Cichero will not be allowed to play again until March 15th 2011 after being caught on CCTV assaulting Bastia director Alain Seghi in the tunnel following a match in the French second division on October 15th.

Snapshot: Liga Deportiva Universitaria De Quito Fans Are Health & Safety Nightmare

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By Chris Wright

Looking like a scene from the Temple of Doom, Liga Deportiva Universitaria de Quito fans clamber up the fencing at the Casa Blanca Stadium in Ecuador to cheer on their side during a 2-0 Copa Sudamericana semi-final win over Velez Sarsfield last night presumably infringing several 'Health & Safety' guidelines in the process.

Top 10 Photos Of Phil Jones’ Amazing Game Face

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By Chris Wright

Not that we're trying to take anything away from a player who has put in some really excellent shifts so far this season but we couldn't help but notice that, once in 'Beast Mode', Manchester United's Phil Jones seems to immediately surrender control of his face to the hellish demon that dwells within in and we have proof people.

Dodgy Ronaldinho Video Leaked On Internet, Shows Samba Star Getting To Grips With Himself

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By Alan Duffy


Ronaldinho having some 'me time' whilst training with the Brazilian national team

One of football's more colourful characters, Brazilian legend Ronaldinho, must be feeling rather embarrassed right now, after an x-rated webcam video of the star erm, giving himself a 'helping hand', was leaked on the internet, in true Dirty Den/Leslie Grantham  style.

Goalie Concedes Goal, Takes Out Frustration On Side Netting And Ends Up On His Arse (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

It's healthy to see footballers express their frustration and unhappiness after conceding a goal. It shows that they care. However, sometimes it also shows that they are, well, stupid.

In a US Southern Conferece college soccer game between Elon Universtiy and UNC Greensboro, the latter's goalkeeper, Peyton Ford (a magnificently American name, there) was comfortably rounded by Elon striker Jordan Smith who went on to score with ease.

17-Year-Old Korean Boy Applies For Bath City Manager Job, Sends Club Over 100 Emails

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By Alan Duffy


Won Jae Yang wants to be Bath City manager, and he wants it bad. The 17-year-old Korean student has bombarded the Blue Square Premier League strugglers with in excess of 100 emails highlighting how the club can improve and how he's the man/boy to replace current manager Adie Britton and lead them to glory.

Heineken Star Player Competition: The Results Are In, And The Winner Is…

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By Chris Wright

Full-time in Chelsea's last-minute loss in Leverkusen brought Pies' Heineken Star Player mini league challenge to a close, with one lucky so-and-so (by his own admission!) winning a pair of tickets to Manchester City's must-win final Champions League group game against Bayern Munich at the Etihad on December 7th.

David Beckham Plays ‘Blind Football’ With British Paralympic Team (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which David Beckham kicks off his role as an ambassador for all things British and Olympic-y by joining the British Visually Imparied Football Team for a kick-around in support of Sainsburys 1 Million Kids Challenge...

Video: Sainsburys

Champions League: Bayer Leverkusen 2-1 Chelsea – Manuel Freidrich Tinkles All Over AVB’s Bonfire With Last-Minute Winner (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea will wade into their final group stage game against Valencia in a fortnight's time needing a win or a goalless draw (because the Spaniards thrashed Genk 7-0) at Stamford Bridge to avoid being farted from the Champions League at the first hurdle ('knocked out' in technical terms) after being pipped at the death by Bayer Leverkusen in Germany last night.

The BIG Question: Are ‘Robin Van Arsenal’ A One-Man Team?

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By Chris Wright


Q: Why don't Arsenal score from corners
A: Because Van Persie takes them!

Q: What's the most popular item in the Arsenal club shop?
A: The Van Persie tea tray, because it carries 10 mugs!

‘Goal-line Technology Could Be Used Next Season’ – FA Predict A Brave New Footballing World

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By Alan Duffy


Alex Horne, with a little Madonna-esque microphone

FA big-wig Alex Horne believes that the much-debated goal-line technology could finally be introduced into top level football as early as next season. Horne says that if one of the current systems which are being tested is found to work reliably, then the technology is likely to be introduced.

Paralysed Stroke Victim Gary Parkinson Now Scouts For Middlesbrough Using Nothing But His Eyes

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By Alan Duffy


Gary Parkinson had enjoyed a long football career, making over 450 league appearances with Middlesbrough, Burnley and Preston amongst others. When his playing days ended, the defender moved into coaching and a job at head of youth development at Blackpool.

Kevin-Prince Boateng Turns Abidal Inside-Out, Scores Explosive Goal vs Barcelona (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Don't know if you heard, but Kevin-Prince Boateng scored a bit of a belter at the San Siro last night, exploding past Eric Abidal with a couple of brilliant touches before cracking a shot past Victor Valdes at his near post.

His celebration wasn't particularly shabby either.

Worst Team In World Football Make History Twice In One Game – Seal First Ever Win, Field Transgender Defender

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By Alan Duffy


Ranked joint-bottom of FIFA's world rankings (204th), with a score of zero points to their name, American Samoa went in to a World Cup Qualifying clash against Tonga (ranked 202nd) as underdogs. However, defensive player Johnny 'Jayieh' Saelua, making his debut, would help make history for the most minnowy of all minnows for two reasons.

Worst Team In World Football Make History Twice In One Game – Seal First Ever Win, Field Transgender Defender

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By Alan Duffy


Ranked joint-bottom of FIFA's world rankings (204th), with a score of zero points to their name, American Samoa went in to a World Cup Qualifying clash against Tonga (ranked 202nd) as underdogs. However, defensive player Johnny 'Jayieh' Saelua, making his debut, would help make history for the most minnowy of all minnows for two reasons.

Football GIF: Alex Song’s Brilliant ‘Bob And Weave’ Assist For Robin Van Persie On Infinite Loop

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By Chris Wright

Robin van Persie's first goal against Dortmund last night was a fine finish in it's own right, but it wouldn't have been possible without a little bit of jinky magic on the touchline from one Alex Song a brilliant passage of play which you can now enjoy again and again and again and again until the internet runs out of batteries.

Football GIF: Alex Song’s Brilliant ‘Bob And Weave’ Assist For Robin Van Persie On Infinite Loop

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By Chris Wright

Robin van Persie's first goal against Dortmund last night was a fine finish in it's own right, but it wouldn't have been possible without a little bit of jinky magic on the touchline from one Alex Song a brilliant passage of play which you can now enjoy again and again and again and again until the internet runs out of batteries.

Champions League: Arsenal 2-1 Borussia Dortmund – Robin Van Persie Does A Goal Then Another Goal (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Apparently Robin van Persie suffered a back injury after last night's 2-1 win over Borussia Dortmund at the Emirates. You can fill in the 'carrying the team' punchlines yourselves.

The Dutchman scored both Arsenal's goals (Shinji Kagawa netting Dortmund's consolation), taking his tally for the season to 16 and his tally for the calendar year up to 33 in 30 games.

Champions League: Arsenal 2-1 Borussia Dortmund – Robin Van Persie Does A Goal Then Another Goal (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Apparently Robin van Persie suffered a back injury after last night's 2-1 win over Borussia Dortmund at the Emirates. You can fill in the 'carrying the team' punchlines yourselves.

The Dutchman scored both Arsenal's goals (Shinji Kagawa netting Dortmund's consolation), taking his tally for the season to 16 and his tally for the calendar year up to 33 in 30 games.

Shit Lookalikes: Ronaldo (With His Awful New Moustache) & Frida Kahlo

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By Chris Wright

Ronaldo has just posted this photo of his new facial hair on Twitter and, well...

Sorry Ron, but that's the kind of 'tache that could land a fella on some sort of register.

For the uninitiated, Kahlo is/was a Mexican artiste and feminist icon who also happened to do a rather fine line in monobrows and niche female facial hair.

Football GIF: Bojan Gooses Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s Almighty Scrotum, Zlatan Responds Favourably

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By Chris Wright

A couple of weeks old now, but it's still fun to pinpoint the second where Zlatan would've killed his ninja goolie-fondler had he not turned around and seen Bojan or Gerard's big blues staring back...

GIF: ONTD

Gonzalo Higuain Keeps Cool Head, Scores Impeccable Chip vs Dinamo Zagreb (Video)

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By Chris Wright

A weakened (relatively speaking) Real Madrid side still managed to administer Dinamo Zagreb with a sound 6-2 pasting at the Bernabeu last night, with Karim Benzema opening the scoring after just 98 seconds Madrid's fastest ever Champions League goal.

Non-League Stourbridge Oust Plymouth Argyle In FA Cup Replay, Trample Mascot In Celebration

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By Chris Wright

It would be remiss of us to let the day pass without mentioning that, having never been further than the first round before, Southern League Premier Division side Stourbridge beat League Two stragglers Plymouth Argyle 2-0 on their own patch last night to reach the second round of the FA Cup for the first time in the club's history.

CSKA Moscow’s Vasili Berezutski Scores Own Goal With Beautifully Deft Lob vs Lille (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Lille beat CSKA Moscow 2-0 in the Champions League last night, with Vasili Berezutski getting the ball rolling for the French side when the Russian centre-half hooked a delightful chip over his own 'keeper to give Lille the lead...

The excellence of execution.

Champions League: Man Utd 2-2 Benfica – Sloppy Draw Sees United Chasing Single Point In Switzerland (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United will go into their last group stage match needing to snare at least a point against Basel to make it through to the knockout stages after flapping their way to a draw against Benfica (who qualified themselves as a result) at Old Trafford last night.

Samir Nasri’s Rather Excellent Choice Of Underpants (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Look at those Bobby Dazzlers...

Shame Nasri himself didn't make quite as big an impact as his shreddies last night.

Snapshot: Jermaine Pennant Sneaks Through Town Unnoticed In Subtle Mirrored Aston Martin

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By Chris Wright

Dear sweet Jesusallahbuddha, what a plank...

At least there's no chance of Pennant forgetting where he parked that monstrosity in a hurry unless, of course, he parks up in the middle of a Hall of Mirrors and just loses it completely.

Champions League: Napoli 2-1 Man City – Cavani Brace Leaves City Staring Down Barrel Of Thursday Night Football (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Down the hatch

Two goals from the excellent Edinson Cavani were enough for Napoli to see off Man City in the Stadio San Paolo, thus leaving the Premier League leaders teetering on the brink of first-round elimination.

It now looks for all the world like City will be dropping out and playing Thursday night football in the Europa League as of next year, that is unless they manage a win over Bayern Munich and Villarreal take a point or three off Napoli in the last round of group games.

Caption This: Joleon Lescott & Ezequiel Lavezzi Come Face To Face With Pure, Demented Evil

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By Chris Wright

Pies says: "Adidas immediately began regretting their efforts to incorporate Iain Dowie's face into the design for the new Champions League ball"

You say?

Carlos Tevez Enjoys His Free Time In Argentina, Wins Local Golf Tournament

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By Alan Duffy


The whole Carlos Tevez saga is quickly turning into a farcical situation, with the AWOL player and his club, Manchester City, seemingly growing further and further apart by the day.

However, neither side really seems too bothered by the whole affair.

Snapshot: Giant, Red Indonesian Fan Stages Angry Solo Talcum Powder Protest – Or Something Like That

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By Chris Wright

Soooo...this guy showed up to cheer on Indonesia in their SEA (Southeast Asian)Â Games semi-final against Vietnam in Jakarta a couple of days ago and he bought what appears to be his talcum powder with him though surely chafing isn't going to be a problem when you turn up to a match in nothing but a slathering of red body paint and your pyjama bottoms?

New Nike Kits For 2012 Leaked – Brazil, Holland, USA, France & Portugal (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Several of Nike's international kits for 2012 have apparently been 'leaked' by a company in China, and we've snaffled a few photos for you to give the once-over. See what you reckon (open in a new tab for larger images)...

Any favourites Pies fans?

Champions League Training Photos: Robben Has ‘Balotelli’ Moment, Frei Has Magic Gloves, Chicharito High On Life!

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By Chris Wright

Nothing more, nothing less just Pies' pick of the 12 finest stills from the various pre-Champions League training sessions taking place across the continent over the past few hours...

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 12

Javier Hernandez clearly enjoyed Manchester United's training session at Carrington.

Arsenal’s Jack Wilshere Makes £3,000 Bet With Spurs Fans, Will Cough Up If Arsenal Finish Below Their Rivals

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By Alan Duffy


Not expected to be back in action until the new year, Arsenal's crocked young schemer Jack Wilshere has been filling his extended spare time by messing around Twitter. After Tottenham's 2-0 win over Aston Villa on Monday night, the young England man indulged in a bit of good-natured repartee (I refuse to use the word 'banter') on Twitter with Spurs fans which lead to Wilshere promising to donate £3,000 to charity if the Lilywhites finish above the Gunners in the table at the end of the season.

Everton Urchin George Green Scores Nonchalant-As-You-Like Backheel Volley vs Bradford U18s (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Everton whippersnapper George Green a 15-year old midfielder that the Toffees shelled out just shy of £2 million for in the summer scores a backheel volley against his previous club Bradford, or rather their U18 side, in the most nonchalant fashion.

Snapshot: Young Robin Van Persie Poses In His Arsenal Shirt, Circa 1996

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By Chris Wright

Jack Wilshere has been bandying this snap of Robin van Persie (aged 13/14?) in his bedroom with his prized Arsenal shirt, classic Kappa shorts, Feyenoord bedspread and what appears to be an Ostrich egg painted like a football between his feet around on Twitter all morning (as well as trying to ascertain which of the two is the better looking for some reason).

Huddersfield Town’s Rolling Revue: 43 Games Unbeaten And Counting

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By Greg Evans

You could've had staked your life savings on Brian Clough being absolutely fuming with the Notts County defence come 5 o'clock last Saturday evening, were Old Big 'Ead still with us of course.

The Magpies travelled up to Yorkshire that morning knowing they had the opportunity to well and truly piss on Huddersfield's bonfire a club on the brink of breaking a very prestigious English Football League record.

Snapshot: Garry Flitcroft Trends On Twitter, Gives Evidence To Leveson Inquiry

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By Alan Duffy


Not a sight you thought you'd ever see, eh? Indeed, Garry Flitcroft's professional career ended in March 2006, four months before Twitter was publicly released.

The reason for the blonde-haired midfielder's return to the limelight is the Leveson media ethic Inquiry, with Flitcroft giving evidence.

Sebastien Bassong Greets Armed Forces With Awkward March And Salute (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, before Tottenham's 2-0 win over Villa last night, Sebastien Bassong makes his way out onto the pitch, catches sight of the Armed Forces lined up in the tunnel and seizes his opportunity to greet them with a really awkward little march duly followed up with a really weedy salute.

Cracks Have Begun To Form In Real Madrid’s Official Website

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By Chris Wright

Of all the photos they could've chosen, Real Madrid decided to run with this one to accompany the match report of their 3-2 win over Valencia at the weekend on the club's official website...

Spotted it yet? I'll give you a clue: Pepe isn't the only grotesque arsehole on show.

Let’s Hear It For Tim Gudgin – Legendary Voice Of BBC’s Results Round-Up Retires

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By Alan Duffy


For many of you young whippersnappers reading this on your swanky tablets and uber-powerful laptops, whilst no doubt drinking trendy takeaway lattés and listening to underground grime on your iPhone 4s (god, I hate you smug b******s, with your lives still ahead of you), the name Tim Gudgin will mean little to you, as will his massive importance in the world of football broadcasting.

Let’s Hear It For Tim Gudgin – Legendary Voice Of BBC’s Results Round-Up Retires

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By Alan Duffy


For many of you young whippersnappers reading this on your swanky tablets and uber-powerful laptops, whilst no doubt drinking trendy takeaway lattés and listening to underground grime on your iPhone 4s (god, I hate you smug b******s, with your lives still ahead of you), the name Tim Gudgin will mean little to you, as will his massive importance in the world of football broadcasting.

Tottenham 2-0 Aston Villa – Adebayor At The Double For Spurs (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

With 'Arry back on the bench after his taxing surgery lay-off, Emmanuel Adebayor struck twice from close-range in the first-half to give Tottenham a comfortable win over Aston Villa at the Lane last night and spirit them up to third in the Premier League pile leading Redknapp to announce his designs on winning the title this year after the game, 'a real possibility' to use his exact words.

Tottenham 2-0 Aston Villa – Adebayor At The Double For Spurs (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

With 'Arry back on the bench after his taxing surgery lay-off, Emmanuel Adebayor struck twice from close-range in the first-half to give Tottenham a comfortable win over Aston Villa at the Lane last night and spirit them up to third in the Premier League pile leading Redknapp to announce his designs on winning the title this year after the game, 'a real possibility' to use his exact words.

Tim Gudgin, Legendary Voice Of The BBC’s Results Round-Up Retires (Video)

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By Alan Duffy


For many of you young whippersnappers reading this on your swanky tablets and uber-powerful laptops, whilst no doubt drinking trendy takeaway lattés and listening to underground grime on your iPhone 4s (god, I hate you smug b******s, with your lives still ahead of you), the name Tim Gudgin will mean little to you, as will his massive importance in the world of football broadcasting.

Iker Casillas Shows Off His Magic Chops With Nifty Card Trick (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Remember Dynamo? The magician that reduced Nemanja Vidic to a puddle of bubbling silicon and nano-circuitry, blew Bobby Zamora's brain and then made Gary Neville swear like a navvy with his sleight-of-hand shenanigans? Remembered him? Yes? Well now forget him, because football's got a new magic man and his name is Iker the Incredible.

Roma’s Pablo Osvaldo Scores Incredible Overhead Kick vs Lecce…Only To Have It Wrongly Disallowed (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Roma striker Pablo Osvaldo smashes a frankly rather awesome back-stick overhead kick past a rooted Julio Sergio in the Lecce goal, only to see it incorrectly ruled out for offside...

Galling.

We imagine Mr Osvaldo may have been slightly narked by that one.

Football Match In Hell/Worst Guide To Learning English Imaginable (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This is supposed to be a guide to help Johnny Foreigner learn the English language as well as pick up on our national mannerisms, regional accents and specific dialogues within the context of a post-match press conference...

Where to start?

Granada vs Mallorca Abandoned After Linesman Hit By Umbrella (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Last night's La Liga tie between Granada and Mallorca was called off after an hour or so after one of the linesman, Aguilar Rodriguez, had his face busted open (he suffered a suspected fractured cheek bone) by an umbrella thrown from the stands...

With Granada 2-1 up at the time after coming from behind and looking on course for a much-needed win considering how pap they've been this season, referee Clos Gomez stopped play after seeing his colleague getting brollied over in the corner of the ground, immediately marching from the field taking his assistants and Granada's three points with him.

MLS Cup Final: LA Galaxy 1-0 Houston Dynamo – Beckham Lifts First Trophy In Last Game For Galaxy (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

David Beckham, to Robbie Keane, to Landon Donovan. Goal. Trophy. It sounds like something from a ridiculously tawdry soccer movie, but Donovan's goal was enough to snare the MLS Cup in front of a record crowd at the Home Depot Centre in Los Angeles landing Becks, who had to overcome injury and illness to play, with his first Stateside silverware in what is looking increasingly likely to be his last competitive match for the Galaxy (his contract expires next month, after a tour of Indonesia and the Philippines).

Emmanuel Eboue Mercilessly Pelted By Besiktas Fans, Takes It With Great Dignity (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during Galatasaray's goalless draw with rivals Besiktas yesterday, Emmanuel Eboue is pelted with lighters and empty bottles every time he ventures toward the touchline and reacts to the barrage in the manner you'd probably expect him to, like a complete wuss hitting the deck, feigning lower back injury, swatting away invisible projectiles and then cowering behind two Gala physios as the missiles continue to rain.

Chelsea 1-2 Liverpool: Blues Slip Again At The Bridge As Reds Pick Up Another Away Win (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Chelsea 1-2 Liverpool Premier League 20th November 2011


Andre Villas-Boas' Chelsea side suffered their third defeat in four league games on Sunday afternoon, this time courtesy of a 2-1 loss to Liverpool.

West Bromwich Albion 2-1 Bolton Wanderers: The Long Game Fires Baggies Into The Top 10 (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

West Bromwich Albion 2-1 Bolton Wanderers Premier League 19th November 2011


Ireland striker Shane Long made a surprise comeback from injury to net the winning goal in an entertaining game at The Hawthorns.

Football GIF: Jose Mourinho’s Yoda Piggyback vs Valencia

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid opened up a three-point gap at the top of La Liga with a 2-3 away victory over Valencia last night and, after Cristiano Ronaldo bagged Real's third, Jose Mourinho celebrated by saddling up Jose Callejon and taking him for a poker-faced piggyback down the touchline.

Sunderland 0-0 Fulham: Premier League Strugglers Fail To Shine At The Stadium Of Light (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Sunderland 0-0 Fulham Premier League 19th November 2011

Prior to this game, both sides had accrued only 10 points each from their opening 11 Premier League games this season, and therefore it was little surprise that the two strugglers cancelled each other out in a rather dour, dull encounter which did anything but illuminate the Stadium of Light.

Stoke City 2-3 Queens Park Rangers: Helguson Brace Fires Rangers To Victory In Britannia Battle (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Stoke City 2-3 Queens Park Rangers Premier League 19th November 2011


Icelandic journeyman Heidar Helguson is enjoying something of an Indian summer with QPR this season. The 34-year-old added another two goals to his season tally in a hard-fought win against Stoke on Saturday.

Swansea City 0-1 Manchester United: Mexcellant Hernandez Is United Hero As Swans Push The Red Devils All The Way (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Swansea City 0-1 Manchester United Premier League 19th November 2011


Manchester United secured their third 1-0 win in a row in the league on Saturday, overcoming an impressive Swansea Side at the Liberty Stadium.

Everton 2-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers: Late Baines’ Penalty The Difference At Goodison (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Everton 2-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers Premier League 19th November 2011


Both sides benefited from penalty kicks in this rather dour encounter at Goodison Park.

Wolves' Stephen Hunt opened the scoring from the penalty spot on 37 minutes after Marouane Fellaini fouled David Edwards in the Toffees' box.

Wigan Athletic 3-3 Blackburn Rovers: Latics Remain Bottom After Last-Gasp Penalty Misery (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Premier League Wigan Athletic 3-3 Blackburn Rovers 19th November 2011

Blackburn boss Steve Kean confronts the 'Kean Out' Rovers' fans

The DW Stadium hosted a quite fantastic 'relegation dogfight' which produced a total of six goals in a game which ultimately saw Wigan and Blackburn have to make do with a share of the points.

Manchester City 3-1 Newcastle United: City Rich Kids Stroll Against Magpies (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester City 3-1 Newcastle United Premier League 19th November 2011


Two of their goals may well have come from the penalty spot, but nouveau riche Manchester City were always in control of this top four clash against the surprise package of the 2011/12 season so far, Newcastle United.

Norwich City 1-2 Arsenal: Resurgent Gunners Dominate At Carrow Road (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Norwich City 1-2 Arsenal Premier League 19th November 2011

Another two goals from the unstoppable Robin van Persie (he now has 31 in the league in 2011) were enough to seal yet another victory for a reviatlised Arsenal side at Carrow Road.

The Puskas Award (Goal Of The Year) 2011 Nominees Are As Follows…

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By Chris Wright

The ten FIFA nominees for the Puskas Award 2011 ("Goal of the Year' in Layman's terms) have been announced, and the shortlist looks something* like this...

(*It looks exactly like this)

1. Benjamin de Ceulaer, LOKEREN vs Club Brugge

2.

Wojciech Szczesny Tries To Pick Up Glamour Model On Twitter, Fails Spectacularly

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal 'keeper Wojciech Szczesny tried to pick up a girl on Twitter recently a girl by the name of Letesha Collins, an 'aspiring glamour model' who currently makes her living as a presenter for adult nudey rudey channel Elite TV and whose work clothes consist of little more than a smile on occasion.

Bristol Rovers Player Caught Short, Literally Takes The P*** In Front Of Corby Town Fans

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By Alan Duffy


Bristol Rovers' Memorial Stadium, scene of the crime

Reports that Bristol Rovers midfielder Jordan Goddard relieved himself in front of visiting Corby Town fans during their recent FA Cup game are now being investigated by the Pirates.

Snapshot: Spanish Taxi Driver Gets Photo Priorities All Wrong

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By Chris Wright

Excuse me mate, mind taking a picture of me and Javier Mascherano?

Via Reddit (One thousand apologies for nicking the joke!)

If You Could Attend Any Football Match In History, Which Would It Be?

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By Chris Wright

What's that I smell? Is it cabbage? It smells a bit like cabbage...*sniff*...mixed with...creosote? It's...it's...PROPER FOOTBALL! Proper football is back! Enough of your rubbish inter-lull nonsense, the time has come to hunker down in your armchair, set your phaser to 'slob', grab a room-temperature Tizer and spend the entire weekend driving a wedge between yourself and your loved ones studiously watching triffic match after top top match, highlight after highlight, cringing as the results pour in and Garth Crooks continues to splutter and froth over something so insignificant it'd make your mind pop if you even began to know what he was up-in-arms about.

Jilted Newcastle Fan Pulls Up Father’s Commemorative Brick Outside ‘Sports Direct Arena’

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By Chris Wright

According to the Beeb, this 'ere jilted Newcastle fan has dug up and removed a commemorative brick from outside what used to be St James' Park in protest over Mike Ashley's decision to award the stadium's naming rights to himself last week and rebrand the ground as the 'Sports Direct Arena'.

Retro Snapshot: Albert Ferrer & Andriy Shevchenko Enveloped In San Siro Fog, 1999

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By Chris Wright

Just stumbled across this ethereal snapshot this very morn and felt it was worth passing on, in which we see Chelsea full-back Albert Ferrer meeting Milan's Andriy Shevchenko in a clearing as the San Siro is slowly engulfed by ghostly fog and flare smoke during a Champions League group tie in 1999.

Fabio Capello’s Little Keepy-Uppy FAIL (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during England training earlier in the week, Fabio Capello shows off his touch unfortunately it's somewhere akin to the touch of a drunken Russian circus bear...

Capello? More like...pffchpff...CRAPello! Ha ha ha ha ha *vomit*

Video: 101GG

‘Evra Cried Like A Baby’ – Brighton Boss Gustavo Poyet Enters The Racism Debate

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By Alan Duffy


Brighton & Hove Albion manager Gus Poyet has come out in support of his fellow countryman Luis Suarez over the FA's deision to charge the Liverpool player for alleged remarks made to Patrice Evra.

Not only has Poyet said he believes Suarez (who has reiterated his innocence), but he has gone so far as labelling Evra a 'cry baby' over the incident which occurd at Anfield last month.

Retro Football: “If My Granny Had Balls She’d Be My Grandad” – Liam Brady Sums Up Brighton’s Dismal Performance vs Canvey Island, 1995 (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Back in November of 1995, with 3,500 fans crammed into a tiny ground two metres below sea-level in the Thames estuary, non-league Canvey Island (a team of 'postmen, brickies and bouncers' playing in the first round of the FA Cup for the first time in their history) held Division Three side Brighton & Hove Albion at Park Lane thanks to an 84th-minute equaliser from Alan Brett with Brighton 'keeper Nicky Rust pulling of a desperate, clawing save in the dying moments to keep the Essex part-timers from nicking a dramatic victory.

Arsene Wenger Rules Out Arsenal Return For Thierry Henry

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By Alan Duffy


If there's one player out there who has Arsenal DNA, then it's former Highbury idol Thierry Henry. The French superstar has remained a massive fan of the Gunners since leaving north London for Barcelona in 2007.

Currently with the New York Red Bulls, the record-breaking former Gunner is now training with Arsenal in the MLS off-season.

Ticketless Irish Fan Dons Estonia Tracksuit, Sneaks Onto Bench To Watch Euro 2012 Play-Off (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Like that scene from every cartoon you've ever watched when someone bashes a janitor over the head, steals his clothes and uses them to sneak into an abandoned funfair, ticketless Republic of Ireland fan Conor Cunningham somehow managed to make his way onto the Estonia subs bench to watch the Euro 2012 play-off first-leg using nothing more than a tracksuit, a half-inched sack of footballs and fair old pair of cajones.

Czech Porn Star Klarisa Leone Is Starting Her Own Football Club – Any Volunteers?

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By Chris Wright

Czech porn star Klarisa Leone (star of 'Don't Tell My Wife I'm Banging My Secretary', 'MILF Masturbation Nation 11′ and 'Joachim's Czech F**k Fest', along with several other titles not suitable for mention pre-watershed) has announced that she is to set up and run her own football club after falling in love with Inter Milan as the photos above duly attest to.

Tokyo Sexwale: The Musical Tribute (Video)

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By Chris Wright

A musical tribute to Sepp Blatter's newest, most-conveniently black bestest buddy in the whole wide world the outrageously named Mr Tokyo. Sex. Whale...

Amazing.

Video: Pulsar (Thanks to Pies fan @dolly_burton for the spot!

Colombian Defence ‘Deal’ With Lionel Messi By Welting Ball Into His Face From Point-Blank Range (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, shortly after watching him score Argentina's equaliser in their 2-1, come-from-behind World Cup qualifying victory on Tuesday evening, Colombian defensive pair Gustavo Bolivar and Abel Aguilar combine to provide Lionel Messi with a bit of freelance tooth-removal.

CR Mercurial Vapor Superfly III: Nike Launch Cristiano Ronaldo’s New Boots, They’re…Stripy (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting: the new Nike CR Mercurial Vapor Superfly III, i.e, the fandangling new boots that Cristiano Ronaldo will be sporting as of Real Madrid's game against Valencia this weekend.

Photos...

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 6

What do you make of those Bobby Dazzlers then?

Snapshot: Quite Possibly The Most Unsettling Hat Ever Worn To A Football Match

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By Chris Wright

Spotted during Thailand's  Southeast Asian Games group tie against Singapore earlier today, a Thai chap in quite possibly the most terrifying headwear ever placed upon a cranium at a football match...

Before you ask, I have no idea.

Before We Impeach The FIFA President, A (Partial) Defense…

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By Chris Wright

Patrice Evra. Anton Ferdinand, Sammy Ameobi, Daniel Sturridge, Frazier Campbell, Alan of Braga. It seems that every few days over the past few weeks another fresh report of *alleged* racism has surfaced whether on the pitch, in the stands or on the often stupefying petri-dish of open twattery that is Twitter.

Football GIF: Neymar Sends Defender Cross-Eyed With Ãœber Stepover

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By Chris Wright

Remove the football and you'd be forgiven for thinking you were watching some kind of ancient Mayan fertility dance...

GIF via Balls

Snapshot: Jermain Defoe Meets Rihanna, She Mistakes Him For An Arsenal Player

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By Chris Wright

Jermaine Defoe scuttled backstage at the London O2 to meet Rihanna after her gig last night, only there was one small problem and I don't mean that he was so nervous that a small bit of wee came out...

Nope. Indeed the ricket was actually dropped by the semi-sexy nasal Bajan whingebag, who greeted our Jermain thusly:

"Oh, Jermain, you play for Arsenal, yeah?

Snapshot: Jermain Defoe Meets Rihanna, She Mistakes Him For An Arsenal Player

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By Chris Wright

Jermaine Defoe scuttled backstage at the London O2 to meet Rihanna after her gig last night, only there was one small problem and I don't mean that he was so nervous that a small bit of wee came out...

Nope. Indeed the ricket was actually dropped by the semi-sexy nasal Bajan whingebag, who greeted our Jermain thusly:

"Oh, Jermain, you play for Arsenal, yeah?

Competition: Heineken Star Player – Watch Live Football, Make Predictions, WIN! Champions League Tickets!

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By Chris Wright

Heineken Star Player is a real-time game that allows players to predict the outcome of various incidents during live Champions League games and by playing along with Pies next week, you could stand to win a really rather fantabulous prize.

The FA Charge Liverpool’s Luis Suarez Over Alleged Evra Abuse At Anfield

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By Alan Duffy


Coming just after Sepp Blatter's ridiculous remarks concerning racism in football, the FA have finally decided to act on Luis Suarez' alleged verbal abuse of Patrice Evra during the Liverpool v Manchester United at Anfield on October 15th.

Snapshot: Irish Times Gets Ahead Of Itself And Predicts 2102 Euro Qualification For Boys In Green

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By Alan Duffy

The subs at the Irish Times lost the run of themselves a bit in the wake of the Republic's qualification for the Euro 2012 finals. No doubt a lot of them had 'sore heads' after drinking copious amounts of Guinness while 'dancing on the streets of Dublin' etc..

FIFA Boss Sepp Blatter Has The Cure For Racism In Football – Shake Hands And Forget All About It

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By Alan Duffy

"La la la la la la la la..... I can't hear you... La la la la la la la .... Everything is fine..... La la la la la la"

Why hasn't Sepp Blatter been awarded a Nobel Peace Prize yet? He surely is the new Gandhi?

Following on from his suggestion that female footballers should wear skimpy outfits to make the game more popular, and that gay people visiting the World Cup finals in Qatar should simply refrain from sexual activity while in the country, the champion of civil rights has now devised an answer to the problem of racism in football, something that is once again in the spotlight.

Football Sprogs: Robinho Junior Shows Up His Old Man With Some Dazzling Skills At Milan Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

One to melt even the frostiest of cockles now, with a little clip of Robson Junior (it's hard to tell height-wise, but he's the diddy fella on the right the one with the Fellaini 'fro) showing up Dad at Milan training with a couple of nimble step-overs before laying a smacker on his old man.

Top 20 Photos From The International Break

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By Chris Wright

Barring Ethiopa's World Cup qualifier against Somalia later today, the International Break™ is just about done and dusted so we've rounded up our pick of the 20 best stills from the past fortnight of various footballing action for you to feast your peepers on (open them in a new tab for larger images).

Mesut Ozil Walks It In As Germany Score Superb ‘Team Goal’ vs Holland (Video)

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By Chris Wright

I'm not ashamed to tell you that this flighty current German side make me go weak at the knees on the odd occasion, case in point being Mesut Ozil's lovely team goal to round-off Die Mannschaft's almost entirely dominant 3-0 win over Holland in Hamburg last night.

Football Venn: Welcome To…The Balotelli Zone

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By Chris Wright

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge.

England 1-0 Sweden: How Was It For You?

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By Chris Wright


Not that it really mattered, but England broke a 43-year hoodoo by beating Sweden for the first time in 13 games at a sparsely-populated Wembley last night, with the narrow victory also affording them their first defeat-less calendar year since 1994.

Spain Can Only Draw With Costa Rica, Surely Time For La Roja To Rebuild? (Video)

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By Alan Duffy


Spain are in meltdown! Del Bosque out! Well, not really. Although you wouldn't put that kind of reaction past the UK tabloids if it were England.

The world champions found themselves two goals down in their friendly in Costa Rica, with Arsenal striker Joel Campbell, currently on loan in France, netting a superb second.

Seeds Confirmed For Euro 2012 Draw: England Could Be Saddled With ‘Group Of Death’ – Spain, Portugal & France

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By Chris Wright

UEFA have just announced the seeding of the 16 teams that will be plucked from the perspex goldfish bowls of doom in Kiev on December 2nd, and they look a little bit like this...

Top seeds: Spain, Holland, Poland, Ukraine

Second seeds: Germany, England, Russia, Italy

Third seeds: Croatia, Greece, Portugal, Sweden

Fourth seeds: Denmark, France, Czech Republic, Republic of Ireland

Lawdamussy.

Mario Balotelli Subbed On Wearing Old Italy Shirt Against Uruguay, Is Quickly Forced To Change It (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Old shirt? New shirt? What's the difference?

"Why always me?" well, Mario, maybe it's because you're a bit of an eejit!

In Italy's 1-0 defeat at the hands of Uruguay, the City star came on as a second-half substitute wearing the Azzurri's old shirt, rather than the swanky brand new one which had been unveiled in the run-up to this game.

Republic Of Ireland 1-1 Estonia: Talinn Rout More Than Enough To See Ireland Reach Polkraine 2012 (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Even Damien Duff can't believe what he saw. No sneaky handballs. No dodgy refereeing decisions. Just delicious, organic, line-caught wild Alaskan qualification.

Thanks to their stonking 4-0 first-leg victory in Talinn, the Republic of Ireland breezed their way unencumbered past Estonia with a 1-1 draw in the return-leg in Dublin last night enough to see Ireland emerge from the play-offs with a 5-1 aggregate winning margin and a spot in the pots for Euro 2012 safely tucked under their belts.

Ronaldo And Nani Score Long-Range Crackers In Play-Off Mauling Of Bosnia-Herzegovina (Video)

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By Alan Duffy


A couple of superb first-half strikes from one ex-United player and one current United player calmed the Portuguese nerves in the (real) Stadium Of Light last night.

With the scores at 0-0 from the first-leg between Portugal and Bosnia-Herzegovina, a place in the Euro 2012 finals was up for grabs, but a fantastic Ronaldo special from a free-kick followed by a magnificent Nani effort laid the foundations for a comfortable 6-2 thrashing of the visitors.

Ronaldo And Nani Score Long-Range Crackers In Play-Off Mauling Of Bosnia-Herzegovina (Video)

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By Alan Duffy


A couple of superb first-half strikes from one ex-United player and one current United player calmed the Portuguese nerves in the (real) Stadium Of Light last night.

With the scores at 0-0 from the first-leg between Portugal and Bosnia-Herzegovina, a place in the Euro 2012 finals was up for grabs, but a fantastic Ronaldo special from a free-kick followed by a magnificent Nani effort laid the foundations for a comfortable 6-2 thrashing of the visitors.

England 1-0 Sweden: England Banish Bogeymen With A Little ‘Outside Assistance’ (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

We'll have some proper reaction up once we've cobbled it together later this morning but, rather than the obligatory draw, a largely second-string England actually beat Sweden for the first time since the year of our Lord 1968 (13 games if you're counting) at Wembley last night a 22nd-minute own-goal from centre-half Daniel Majstorovic (with a cunning assist from Gareth Barry) eventually proving to be the difference between the two sides.

England 1-0 Sweden: England Banish Bogeymen With A Little ‘Outside Assistance’ (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

We'll have some proper reaction up once we've cobbled it together later this morning but, rather than the obligatory draw, a largely second-string England actually beat Sweden for the first time since the year of our Lord 1968 (13 games if you're counting) at Wembley last night a 22nd-minute own-goal from centre-half Daniel Majstorovic (with a cunning assist from Gareth Barry) eventually proving to be the difference between the two sides.

Twin Sons Of Portuguese Midfielder Danny Show Some Skills For Zenit’s Boys Team (Video)

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By Alan Duffy


Ronald and Frank De Boer, Kolo and Yaya Touré, Gary and Phil Neville and erm, John and Paul Terry all brothers who made it to the very highest level of football.

Well over in St Petersburg, the seven-year-old twin sons of Zenit and Portugal midfielder Danny are already impressing on the pitch for the Zenit boys team.

(oediV) ytuaeB tnorF-oT-kcaB fO kroW A sI ediS lanoitaN namreG ehT roF trevdA sadidA weN

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By Chris Wright

Classy, back-to-fronty stuff from Adidas...

Via @jamesappell

Nike T90 Viral: Klaas-Jan Huntelaar Returns To Boyhood Club, Demonstrates His ‘Perfect Strike’ (Video & Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Here we see Klaas-Jan Huntelaar returning to Hessencombinatie '03 - the first club he ever joined, at the age of five - to film a little video of a striker in ruthless form (21 goals in his last 19 games for Schalke) demonstrating his finishing chops for Nike's new T90 'Perfect Strike' series.

Korona Kielce Pair Attempt ‘Henry/Pires Penalty’ And…Well, You Can Probably Guess What Happened (Video)

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By Chris Wright

First of all, ask yourself: Would we be featuring it on Pies if all had gone to plan? Probably not.

'Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it' or so the old maxim goes. Not that it really applies to Piotr Gawecki and Andrezej Paprocki of Polish youth side Korona Kielce who, rather than heed the important lesson that Monsieurs Henry and Pires learned the hard way while trying and failing miserably trying to execute a 'Johan Cruyff/Jesper Olsen' spot-kick against Man City in 2005 the lesson being that 'there is no way you will not look like utter cocks if you bugger it up'.

Singing Zlatan Ibrahimovic Interrupts Interview With Sweden Coach Erik Hamren (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during an interview ahead of Sweden's run-out against England at Wembley tonight, Sweden coach Erik Hamren is interrupted by a distant siren song...

That Zlatan, eh? What a scamp!

Video: 101GG

Robbie Keane Ignores LA Galaxy Request To Skip Estonia Match, Stays To Savour The Atmosphere

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By Alan Duffy

With an MLS cup final on Sunday, and a Euro 2012 play-off second leg on Tuesday, veteran striker Robbie Keane is enjoying a rather successful time at the moment for both club and country.

With the Republic all but qualified for Poland and Ukraine courtesy of their 4-0 first leg mauling of Estonia, Keane's club wanted their star striker to miss the second leg and return home to LA to prepare for the MLS cup final.

Bradford City Pull Calender After Putting Hull City Player On Cover By Mistake

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By Chris Wright

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. Bradford City have requested that their 2012 calendar be removed from stockists after being alerted to the fact that it featured Dele Adebola on the cover Adebola being a Hull City player.

David Ginola Sues Former France & Liverpool Boss Gerard Houllier, Because He’s Worth It

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By Alan Duffy


Luscious-locked footballing woman's crumpet, David "Because I'm worth it" Ginola is to sue his former France boss Gerard Houllier over offensive comments allegedly made by the former Liverpool manager in a new book, Coaches' Secrets.

Fabio Santos Stacks His Goal Celebration, Ends Up In Hedge (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Vitoria striker Fabio Santos scores against Criciuma in the Brazilian second tier, successfully executes Phase 1 of his celebration (leaping over the hoardings) before falling down quite literally at Phase 2...

Damn that pitch-side shrubbery!

Snapshot: Roberto Mancini Eyes Up His Latest Overpriced, Under-Performing Italian Import

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By Chris Wright

It may have pace in abundance, but does Bob Mancini's latest big money target have the necessary 'footballing brain' to push on? Never stopped Shaun Wright-Phillips I suppose...

"£15 million you say? I'll take ten...and still pick Gareth Barry over all of them.

Pies’ Christmas Gift Ideas – No.1: Small Figurine Of Sergio Ramos Taking A Dump

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By Chris Wright

This may be about to become the shortest-lived feature in Pies history, but Christmas is crowning over the horizion (six weeks folks) and naturally our thoughts have started turning toward our nearest and dearest.

Indeed, what better way to show Granny Ethel that you love her than by watching her eyes light up on Christmas morning as she unwraps a bespoke gift sent with love from you to her maybe a small ceramic figurine of Sergio Ramos curling one off with his shorts around his ankles perhaps?

Football GIF: Deportivo La Coruna’s Diego Colotto ‘Man Marks’ His Opponent Slightly Too Closely

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By Chris Wright

That awkward moment when you innocently bend over to tie your bootlaces and a burly centre-half seizes the opportunity to mate with you...

GIF: 101GG

Football GIF: Deportivo La Coruna’s Diego Colotto ‘Man Marks’ His Opponent Slightly Too Closely

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By Chris Wright

That awkward moment when you innocently bend over to tie your bootlaces and a burly centre-half seizes the opportunity to mate with you...

GIF: 101GG

Snapshot: Jack Rodwell Lunges For England

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By Chris Wright

"Oooh....yeeeeaah. Feel it, FEEL IT!"

Little Costa Rican Boy ‘Welcomes’ Spain Squad, Almost Perforates Carles Puyol’s Eardrums (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, while turning out to welcome the Spanish national side to his country, a small Costa Rican nipper gets steadily more and more excited as his favourite players roll off the team coach up until the point that he almost blows-out Carles Puyol's eardrums with a mighty, high-pitched squeal.

Scott Parker Blocks David Villa’s Freekick With His Face (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Pow! Right in the kisser...

Video: FATV

Sun Hack Gets ‘RAPE’ Password At England Team Hotel

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By Alan Duffy

As this 'non-story' concerns itself with a Sun journo, I thought it wholly appropriate to give it a Sun-style headline.

Anyway, settled in to the luxury Grove hotel in Hertfordshire, where the England team are based during the current international break, Sun journo Charlie Wyett logged on to the hotel's wireless network, only to be give a personal password 'RAPE'.

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain Shows Off His Shooting Skills In Training (Video)

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By Alan Duffy


Arsenal teen-sensation Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain looks to have 'some shot on him', as a pundit might say, judging from this video on FATV.

The attacker was filmed whilst training with the England U21 side, and rifled the ball into the back of the net from distance with both feet (obviously not at the same time).

Paul Scholes Ready For United Coaching Promotion, Set To Replace Reserve Team Boss

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By Alan Duffy


Following in the footsteps of Molde's title-winning boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Paul Scholes looks set to take over the Manchester United reserve team outright as current boss, Warren Joyce, moves back to his former club Hull City.

Retro Football: Elvis Costello Joins James Richardson On Football Italia, 1995

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By Chris Wright

GOOOOOLACCIO!!!

April 30th 1995: The day that Elvis Costello joined James Richardson to watch Fiorentina vs Juventus on Football Italia and go over the weekend's results while AC Jimbo, gawd bless 'im, systematically fails to stave off the giggles as he runs through a series of the worst Costello-related puns ever committed to broadcast.

Shit Lookalikes: Andrey Arshavin & A Three-Toed Sloth

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By Chris Wright

'Sloth' eh? How apt...

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email it to waatpies@gmail.com and stick ‘Lookalikes' in the subject field or Tweet it over to us as @waatpies if you're that way inclined.

Suggested further viewing.

Bradford’s Nahki Wells Seeks And Destroys The Top Corner With 30-Yard Exocet vs Rochdale (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Nahki Wells, fresh off the bench, scores the only goal of the game to send League Two Bradford into the second round of the FA Cup at the expense of League One Rochdale with an 84th-minute screamer...

You can watch Wells' thunderous strike in the higher resolution it deserves here.

Bradford’s Nahki Wells Seeks And Destroys The Top Corner With 30-Yard Exocet vs Rochdale (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Nahki Wells, fresh off the bench, scores the only goal of the game to send League Two Bradford into the second round of the FA Cup at the expense of League One Rochdale with an 84th-minute screamer...

You can watch Wells' thunderous strike in the higher resolution it deserves here.

MLS Success Now Makes Soccerball The Third Best Attended Sport In The USA

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By Alan Duffy


In a heartening new development from across the pond, it has emerged that the fast-growing MLS has now taken the game to new heights in the US. New reports now put soccer as the third-best attended sport in America, ahead of stalwarts such as the NBA and NHL.

Luis Suarez Scores All Four Goooooooooooooooooooals As Uruguay Trounce Chile (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Luis Suarez scored all for goals in Uruguay's 4-0 friendly trouncing of Chile in Montevideo on Friday evening, with every strike greeted in customary fashion by the Fox South American commentary team including a lovely little 'Hey Jude' variation after the third.

The Sun Squeeze Another Few Paragraphs Out Of Poppygate, Finger Those Who Lost Their Poppies At Wembley

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By Alan Duffy

Fabio Capello, with poppies at his feet, is disgusted by James Milner's poppy-less arms.

Just when we thought we'd heard the last of the bizarre poppy furore (at least until next year), The Sun are kind enough to give us one more poppy-based new story.

England 1-0 Spain: Poppy Power Inspires England To Glorious Victory (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy


That headline is meant to be ironic, by the way. Anyway, while the run-up to his prestigious friendly against world-beaters Spain was polluted by the ridiculous uproar over Poppygate, the game itself was a comapratively dull affair.

15 Fantastic Photos From The FA Cup First Round

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By Chris Wright

Pies pick of the stills from yesterday's FA Cup first-round action...

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 16

Maidenhead United versus Aldershot Town under flood lights at York Road.

15/16? Who's counting?

Wales ‘Keeper Wayne Hennessey Drops Absolute Clanger vs Norway (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Wales whooped Norway 4-1 at the Cardiff City Stadium to make it three wins in a row, but the undoubted highlight of the match has to be Wayne Hennessey's assist for Erik Huseklepp's consolation goal...

Hennessey's little brain fart aside, Wales scored a couple of stunning goals with Gareth Bale's angled opener and Craig Bellamy's top-corner curler definitely worth a watch.

Wales ‘Keeper Wayne Hennessey Drops Absolute Clanger vs Norway (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Wales whooped Norway 4-1 at the Cardiff City Stadium to make it three wins in a row, but the undoubted highlight of the match has to be Wayne Hennessey's assist for Erik Huseklepp's consolation goal...

Hennessey's little brain fart aside, Wales scored a couple of stunning goals with Gareth Bale's angled opener and Craig Bellamy's top-corner curler definitely worth a watch.

Top 10 Euro Play-Off Photographs (From The Other Three Games)

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By Alan Duffy

While Ireland were thrashing Estonia in Talinn on Friday night, six other teams were battling it out for a place in Poland Ukraine next summer.

Slaven Bilic's Croatian side are the closest to booking their place in the finals, after securing an impressive 3-0 win away in Turkey, courtesy of goals from  Ivica Olic, Mario Mandzukic and Tottenham's Vedran Corluka.

Dirty Harry: Redknapp In The Dock To Face Tax Evasion Charges

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By Alan Duffy


There has always been an alleged whiff of alleged dodginess allegedly surrounding the alleged football manager Harry Redknapp. Well now the man touted as the next England boss will be facing actual charges in an actual courtroom rather than flimsy rumour and speculation.

Estonia 0-4 Republic Of Ireland: Ireland’s Got Talinn (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

Everything that could have gone right for the Boys In Green on Friday night did. Four away goals, two (opposition) sendings-off and a clean sheet to take back to the Aviva Stadium made Ireland's play-off victory over Estonia in Talinn the perfect night for the Republic.

Mario Balotelli Notches First Italy Goal With 30-Yard Stunner vs Poland (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Not a bad way to open your international goalscoring account...

Let the record state that Italy eventually won 2-0. Giampaolo Pazzini adding the second.

Kenny Miller’s Opening Goal vs Cyprus: Sweet First Touch, Deadly Second (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Scotland laboured to a 2-1 win over Cyprus in Larnaca, but the goals oh, the goals. Kenny Miller got the ball rolling with a wonderful opener, plucking Christophe Berra's arching ball from the ether and letting rip with a looping 20-yard shot into the far corner in the same fell swoop.

Kenny Miller’s Opening Goal vs Cyprus: Sweet First Touch, Deadly Second (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Scotland laboured to a 2-1 win over Cyprus in Larnaca, but the goals oh, the goals. Kenny Miller got the ball rolling with a wonderful opener, plucking Christophe Berra's arching ball from the ether and letting rip with a looping 20-yard shot into the far corner in the same fell swoop.

A League Of Their Own Outs Uber-Manc Gary Neville As A Scouser (Video)

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By Alan Duffy


Blood brothers Carra and G-Nev

Famous Scouse-hater and Mancunian legend Gary Neville once said "I can't stand Liverpool, I can't stand the people, I can't stand anything to do with them," the kind of unbridled malevolence which has made the former United and England star something of a hate figure on Merseyside (not surprisingly).

Ex-Celtic star Jackie McNamara Shows Us The Funny And Writes A Sitcom

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By Alan Duffy

Current Partick Thistle manager and former Celtic star Jackie McNamara has used his experiemce in this apparently 'funny old game' to pen a pilot for a new sitcom.

'The Therapy Room' concerns itself with the players at a Premier League side who use a video booth at the club to get things off their chests.

Euro 2012 Play-Off Snapshot: Robbie Keane Celebrates With Super Pizazzy Super Fabulous Jazz Hands!

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By Chris Wright

We'll have more photos and highlights tomorrow, but Ireland have stuck four unanswered goals past nine-man Estonia in Talinn thus, barring complete catastrophe (let's not rule it out just yet!), you'd think will be enough to ferry them through to Polkraine in the return leg next Tuesday.

Young Impressionist Returns – Nails Mourinho, Villas-Boas, Wenger, Hansen & Adebayor (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Two years ago, this young urchin by the name of Daniel Levine briefly delighted us with his impressions of Wenger, Mourinho, Henry and by saying 'kwality' eerily like Rafa Benitez.

It's taken a while, but he's back with a new-and-improved canon, which takes in a few fresh voices alongside his old standards including the scatter-gun vocal styling of Emmanuel Adebayor.

Ex-Montreal Impact Midfielder David Testo Comes Out As Gay

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By Chris Wright

Pies would hereby like to extend our sincerest congratulations if that's not too patronising to former Montreal Impact midfielder David Testo (we say 'former' because Testo is currently without a club after being released by the Canadian club last month), who made the decision to officially come out as gay in an interview with CBC Radio Canada yesterday.

Man City Chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak Scores Hat-Trick In Formula One Charity Match (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The 'UAE Stars' took on a side of Formula One drivers (Felipe Massa, Fernando Alonso, Walter Zenga, etc) in an annual charity fixture in Abu Dhabi last night, with the Arab legends running out 5-4 winners thanks chiefly to a hat-trick from their big man up top Man City chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak.

Snapshot: Borussia Dortmund Fans Perform Impressive ‘Skull’ Tifo Before Pulverising Wolfsburg (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Spotted (you'd be hard-pressed to miss it) in the Sudtribune Stand at the Westfalenstadion last weekend, Borussia Dortmund fans put on quite a show with a colossal 'skull' tifo display ahead of their game against Wolfsburg here's the video, along with a brief 'Making Of' segment.

Is There Anyone Who Deserves To Start For England Against Spain More Than Gabby Agbonlahor?

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By Chris Wright

From a home perspective, the good news seems to be that Vicente Del Bosque is going to give some of his 'second string' a run out against England at Wembley on Saturday afternoon. The depressingly bad news being that most of said second string would probably, nay definitely, meander straight into Fabio Capello's first XI.

England U21 5-0 Iceland U21: Couple Of Injury-Time Gary Gardner Beauties Seal Emphatic Rout (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

The England U21s made it four wins from their first four Euro 2013 qualifying games by decimating Iceland at Colchester's Western Homes Community Stadium last night.

Watford's Marvin Sordell opened the scoring with a peachy finish five minutes before the interval, with Liverpool full-back Martin Kelly barnstorming past two Icelandic defenders to larrup home a second on the hour mark.

After Agreeing Loan Move To Bristol Rovers, Andy Dorman Learns What Division They Are In

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By Alan Duffy

In a prime example of the worth of the old "do your research" adage, Crystal Palace midfielder Andy Dorman got a rather nasty surprise after agreeing a loan move to League Two side Bristol Rovers.

On learning of a potential move to the Pirates, the Welsh international jumped at the chance, but in his eagerness to secure some regular playing time, he forget to do his research and expected to be moving down just the one division.

‘Jag Är Zlatan’ – Top 15 Quotes From Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s Almighty New Book

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By Chris Wright

Zlatan Ibrahimovic has written a book and, from the sound of the quotes that have been drip-dripping for the past few days, it's exactly the kind of book that you'd expect namely, 300 pages documenting his innate greatness and comprehensively listing all the people he wants to kick into the middle of next week.

L’Hospitalet 0-1 Barcelona: Iniesta Scores Corking Winner, Fabregas Fluffs Open-Goal Sitter (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Barcelona narrowly beat third-tier minnows L'Hospitalet 1-0 in the first-leg of their Copa del Rey (the second-leg isn't until December 21st!) thanks to a rather splendid 25ish-yard plum from Andres Iniesta...

However, in a bit of a mirror for Barca's performance, Cesc Fabregas had what's known in the business as an 'off night' starting with a couple of botched first-touches before culminating in the complete shanking of an open-goal during the second-half.

England Train For Spain Friendly – Walcott Has Poppy On Boots, Everybody Else May As Well Be Laughing In Dead Soldier’s Faces (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

A few snaps of the England players going through their paces ahead of their friendly against Spain at Wembley on Saturday. The more observant among you may notice that young Theo Walcott has chosen to sport a poppy on his boots, while the rest of the squad have not so we know what that makes them, don't we?

Snapshot: Denmark Training Looks Like Fun

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By Chris Wright

Thanks to Pies fan Vick for the nudge.

Horror Hair: Bromley FC’s Danny Waldren Gets QR Code Shaved Onto His Head (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ahead of their FA Cup first-round tie against Leyton Orient on Saturday, Bromley FC's Danny Waldren has had a QR code (one of those barcode-y smartphone-y whatyamacallits that I don't really understand) shaved into the back of his head for the occasion.

Kieron Richardson’s Dad Loses It At Kids’ Match, Attacks Referee

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By Alan Duffy

Not only do Premier League footballers have to watch their own behaviour, but they also have to hope that their family members behave themselves too. Just ask Wayne Rooney.

Well Rooney's ex-United team-mate, Kieron Richardson, is the latest footballer to see his family in the 'papers for the wrong reasons.

Milan Jovanovic Shown Straight Red Card For Gently Patting Arnar Vidarsson’s Buttocks (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Think that disciplinary action for fondling player's rumps is the sole preserve of the Iranian league? Think again muchacho!

During Cercle Brugge's 1-0 win over Anderlecht on Sunday, Milan Jovanovic (you must know him? He's one of the best players in the world!

Bosnian Fans Chant Lionel Messi’s Name As Cristiano Ronaldo Walks Through Airport (Video)

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By Chris Wright

The Portugal national side touched down at Sarajevo International Airport yesterday for their Euro 2012 play-off against Bosnia-Herzegovina tonight and the locals rolled out a little welcoming committee for a certain member of the squad booing and chanting Lionel Messi's name as Cristiano Ronaldo made his way through arrivals.

Venky’s Play Chicken With Relegation, Give Steve Kean New Deal

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By Alan Duffy


Protests, posters  and even banners in the air seem to have done little to undermine the Venky's unwavering support for Blackburn's beleaguered boss Steve Kean. Indeed, according to reports today, the Scot has signed a new and improved contract with the club, in a development which won't have gone down too well amongst the majority of Rovers fans.

Nilton Delivers Flying Karate Kick To Opponent’s Mouth, Only Gets Booked (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Vasco da Gama midfielder Nilton picks up an early booking for the apparently minor offence of planting a flying Yakuza-style kick square in the face of Universitario's Rainer Torres...

Why is it Sheamus and Gary Neville suddenly spring to mind?

Newcastle Rename St James’ Park With Immediate Effect – Now Play At ‘Sports Direct Arena’

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By Chris Wright

With Newcastle riding high in the Premier League, the cynic in me suggests that Mike Ashley may have bided his time to announce that St James' Park is to be renamed with 'immediate effect' as an exercise in PR damage limitation but there we go from henceforth, the Toon's ground will be officially listed as the 'Sports Direct Arena'.

Sidelined At Man Utd, Rio Ferdinand Tries Out Modelling

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By Alan Duffy


It's not quite modelling, but beleaguered centre-half Rio Ferdinand recently Tweeted a photo of himself in a fashionable yet hideous onesie. The item was given to the United star by his kids for his 45th birthday, so good on the player for showing it to the public, although the black slip-ons rather ruin the look  (and is that Scalextric in the photo his or his kids?

African Player Of The Year Shortlist Announced, Yaya Touré, Gervinho, Drogba And Taarabt All In The Running

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By Alan Duffy


Gervinho and Yaya Touré celebrate

Four  Premier League stars have made the shortlist for the 2011 CAF African Player Of The Year awards, with the Ivorian trio of powerhouse Yaya Touré, fleet-footed wideman Gervinho and veteran hitman Didier Drogba all getting the nod along with QPR's Moroccan schemer Adel Taarabt

However, they'll be up against four-time winner Samuel Eto'o (FC New Russian Money & Cameroon), Kevin-Prince Boateng (Milan & Ghana), Seydou Keita (Barcelona & Mali), Asamoah Gyan (FC New Dubai Money & Ghana), Andre Ayew (Marseille & Ghana) and Moussa Sow (Lille & Senegal).

On This Day In 1974, Alessandro Del Piero Was Born (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Having been raised on Football Italia, I couldn't let today pass without a doff of the cap to one of my all time favourites, Alessandro Del Piero, who turned 37 today.

Happy Birthday Pinturicchio, you old dog...

Football as art.

It’s What The War Dead Would’ve Wanted: EDL Protest Poppy Ruling On Roof Of FIFA Building

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By Chris Wright

This time two years ago England played a friendly against Brazil without a poppy sewn on their shirts, with ne'er a word uttered by a single soul. The same can be said for a November friendly against France the following year.

This year, thanks to a bout of nonsensical provocation, we have these c**ts spreading their muck.

Slavia Prague vs Viktoria Plzen Interrupted By Most Elaborate Pitch Invasion On Record (Video)

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By Chris Wright

With football team's now staging naked ballets in training and employing unicorns to canter down rainbows and deliver the matchball before kick-off, it's perhaps understandable that fans at Slavia Prague's match against Viktoria Plzen over the weekend thought they were being treated to a bit of half-time entertainment when a rogue parachutist plummeted from nowhere and landed on the pitch during the interval.

WWE Star Sheamus Visits Anfield – Wants To Kick Gary Neville In The Face (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

If you're a fan of men in tights sitting on each other's faces, then you may be familiar with this pale-looking chap, if not then let us introduce him. His name is Sheamus, he's a WWE wrestler and, unlike certain superstar basketball sell-outs we could mention, he's a genuine Liverpool fan.

Fabio Capello To Miss Own Son’s Wedding For England’s Friendly vs Spain

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By Chris Wright

"You come to me, my youngest son, and ask me to attend the wedding of my youngest son? Get....OUT!!!"

Word has it, or rather, the Independent has it that Fabio Capello is ducking out of his youngest son's wedding to watch England get mauled to bits by Spain at Wembley on Saturday a game, it's perhaps worth pointing out, that is nowt more than a friendly.

Snapshot: Mario Balotelli Gets His Plums Picked Courtesy Of Thiago Motta

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By Chris Wright

Oi oi, what's going on here then? We're not quite sure if this is 'not what it looks like' or 'exactly what it looks like' but it appears that Thiago Motta may have picked Mario Balotelli's sun-ripened plums and taken them to the Farmer's Market during Italy training yesterday.

Carlos Tevez In Trouble Once Again Over Impromptu City Break In Bueno Aires

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By Chris Wright

There's only one thing that Carlos Tevez loves more than a spur-of-the-moment South American city break with the kids and that's breaching his Man City contract, so you can imagine just how giddy he was after succesfully managing to combined this two twin passions yesterday.

Heinous Error Spotted In Sir Alex Ferguson’s Stand Tribute

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By Chris Wright

Can you spot the heinous bollock that Manchester United have dropped in their so-called 'tribute' to Sir Alex Ferguson and his quarter-century of faithful service? To be fair, you'll need the vision of a peregrine falcon...

Some diligent fellow, a professional sign-writer by the name Stewart Neill, has apparently got in contact with the club to point out that the 'S' in 'Ferguson' has been installed upside-down.

Heinous Error Spotted In Sir Alex Ferguson’s Stand Tribute

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By Chris Wright

Can you spot the heinous bollock that Manchester United have dropped in their so-called 'tribute' to Sir Alex Ferguson and his quarter-century of faithful service? To be fair, you'll need the vision of a peregrine falcon...

Some diligent fellow, a professional sign-writer by the name Stewart Neill, has apparently got in contact with the club to point out that the 'S' in 'Ferguson' has been installed upside-down.

Snapshot: Petr Cech’s Helmet Has Evolved, Now One Step Away From Building A Death Star

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By Chris Wright

After busting his nose against Blackburn at the weekend, Petr Cech has been ferried over to Milan to have a personalised carbon fibre facemask added to his padded helmet in order for him to play for the Czech Republic against Montenegro on Friday...

All well and good, except the good folks over on the Chelsea Facebook page have noticed a worrying pattern in the evolution of Cech's headgear over the last few years.

Bundesliga Streaker Performs ‘Wang Dance’ On The Pitch…It’s Exactly What It Sounds Like (NSFW-ish Video)

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By Chris Wright

A nude (save the dignity-preserving baseball cap) bloke took to the pitch during Bayern Munich's 2-1 away victory over Augsburg at the weekend and proceeded to perform what has since been branded the 'Wang Dance' in German football forums a brief, intricate piece of choreography that included a couple of backwards somersaults and plenty of genital waggling.

‘Why Compromise?’ – ESPN’s Advertising Juxtaposition Is Subtle But Cutting

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By Chris Wright

It's subtle, but it still cuts to the bone...

Via Reddit

Snapshot: Luis Suarez Salivates As He Stalks Herd Of Grazing Uruguayans

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By Chris Wright

"Uruguayans? Yeah, they taste a little bit like Otman Bakkals."

Union’s Marcelo Sarmiento Suffers Gruesome Broken Leg vs Newell’s Old Boys (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Marcelo Sarmiento of Union de Santa Fe (Southampton fans may recognise the name, Sarmiento briefly didn't play for Saints back in 2006) goes in for a challenge with Newells Old Boy's Fabian Munoz, only to look down and find his foot pointing in what can only be described as 'the wrong direction' if you'll excuse the medical jargon.

The BIG Question: Should England Be Allowed To Wear Poppies At Wembley?

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By Chris Wright

It's a quandary that has been playing on the minds of many-an English football for the last few days: Why won't big bad, Nazi-sympathising, Holocaust-denying FIFA allow brave England to play with Poppies embroidered on their shirts against Spain at Wembley on Saturday?

Puma Unveil Nine New African Nations 2012 Kits – Namibia’s Is Particularly Snazzy (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

Puma held a bit of a bash at the Design Museum in London last night to formally unveil their latest nine creations for next January's African Cup of Nations there were originally supposed to be ten on display, though Algeria's kit was omitted after they failed to qualify for the competition.

‘I’m A Slave’ – £30,000-A-Week Tomasz Kuszczak Wants Out Of Manchester United

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By Alan Duffy

Kuszczak begs for his freedom

Poor old Tommy Kuszczak  the Polish goalkeeper has slipped down the pecking order at Manchester United, and now finds himself behind David De Gea, Anders Lindegaard and even Ben Amos.

Eager to stake a claim for a place in the Polish squad for the Euro 2012 finals, Kuszczak was hoping to move to Leeds United on loan until the end of year, but according to the 29-year-old, Sir Alex Ferguson blocked the move.

Riccardo Montolivo Apologises For Laughing At Teammate’s Fart During Minute’s Silence (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Unsurprisingly, Fiorentina midfielder Riccardo Montolivo has been forced to issue a grovelling apology for letting a little chuckle slip out during a pre-game minute's silence for the victims of the recent flash-flooding in and around Genoa...

After the game against Chievo on Sunday afternoon, Montolivo apologised profusely for his lack of tact, saying:

"I am ashamed of my smile during the minute's silence.

Gerardo Masini Notches Impressive/Cocky Rabona Goal In Italy’s Serie D (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Bit of action from Italy's Serie D, Group F for you now, in which Gerardo Masini of Teramo winds his way through the San Nicolo back line before dinking the ball over the on-rushing 'keeper with a flashy/slightly gratuitous rabona lob...

Nicely done, if a little 'cocky' for my taste.

Football Spoof: ‘Frost/Dixon’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

"I let them down. I let down my friends, I let down my goalkeeper. Yeah... I let David Seaman down and I'm gonna have to carry that own-goal with me for the rest of my life. My football career is over..."

Video: 101GG

Snapshot: This Amateur Side Have A Proper Tunnel To Run Out Of

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By Chris Wright

I have absolutely no idea who these teams are or indeed where they hail from, but I just love this photo of amateur football at it's most endearing and figured that you may get a simple kick out of it too...

That's one f**king awesome tunnel!

Chelsea To Flog Stadium Naming Rights: Pick A Suitably Humorous New Name For Stamford Bridge

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By Chris Wright

Halloo hallay! After their nasty fans refused to sell them back their own stadium, Chelsea have announced that they are planning to flog a naming rights deal for Stamford Bridge at some point next year in a bid to drive up the revenues which, as per, gives us oiks the perfect excuse to play silly buggers.

Wigan’s Antolin Alcarez Caught Spitting On Video, Charged By FA

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By Alan Duffy

Caught in the act: the offending spit in action

Poor old Roberto Martinez is having a hard old time of it. Not only does the doe-eyed Spaniard have to find a way to wake his underperfoming Wigan side from its early season coma, but he now has to deal with the likely suspension of his Paraguayan defender Antolín Alcaraz.

Portsmouth Fan Adds Even More Drama To Soccer Saturday, Acts Up Behind Paul Walsh (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

Soccer Saturday is already crammed  full of over-acting buffoons (see "Merse" and his screeches when the ball goes anywhere near the goal in his particular game). However, while Paul Walsh was reporting on Pompey's game with Nottingham Forest at the weekend, a fan made the most of his moment in the limelight.

Micah Richards Disappointed At Three Lions Snub, Tweets His Feelings

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By Alan Duffy


Surely Manchester City's Micah Richards deserved his place in the latest England squad? The defender has been in superb form for the Citizens, already chalking up five assists in City's almost flawless league campaign so far.

Iranian Referee Produces Yellow Card, Gets Savagely Beaten And Hounded From Stadium By Players, Coaches & Fans (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during an Iranian lower league tie between Chooka Talesh and Shahrdari Dezfool, the referee in charge administers a second yellow card to Chooka's striker for dissent (we think) only to have the card torn from his hand, thrown back in his face and have all holy hell let loose.

Shit Lookalikes: Mesut Ozil & The ‘Face’ Found In Testicle Tumour

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By Chris Wright

Doctors in Ontario, Canada recently found a 'face' in the ultrasound scan results on some chap's testicular tumour and, well...

...we've got ourselves yet another Mesut Ozil lookalike thanks to an epic spot from Pies fan Brendan O'Connor!

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies?

Trademark David Beckham Cross Assists LA Galaxy Into MLS Cup Final (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Dangerous crossing is such an underrated skill and nobody, repeat nobody has ever been able to swing a salvo into the penalty area quite like David Beckham as his assist for Mick Magee to make it 2-1 during Galaxy's Western Conference play-off victory over Real Salt Lake will duly attest to.

Monaco’s Marama Vahirua Juggles Twice, Unleashes Sumptuous Volley Into Top Corner vs Le Mans (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Monaco aren't exactly basking in rude health at the moment, languishing down at the arse-end of the French second tier following their relegation from Ligue 1 last season though Marama Vahirua's sublime volleyed goal against Le Mans (to equalise with just five minutes left to play) on Saturday certainly provided a brief distraction from the club's ongoing woes.

Anton Ferdinand Receives Brainless Death Threat, Police Advise Him To Install Panic Alarm

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By Chris Wright

Scotland Yard have confirmed that QPR received 'malicious communication' addressed to Anton Ferdinand which was, according to several of the morning papers, delivered by hand to Loftus Road on Friday afternoon.

The death threat reportedly contained such graphic detail that the club weren't even prepared to show it to Ferdinand for fear of further upsetting the centre-back who is, I'm sure you're aware, currently embroiled in a Met investigation over allegations that he was racially abused by Chelsea's John Terry.

Classy Snapshot: Real Madrid Line Up In ‘Forza Cassano’ Shirts Before Battering Osasuna

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid sent a message of support to a former member of their number before their game against Osasuna this weekend, turning out in 'Forza Cassano' shirts hours after the Milan forward left hospital to begin his rehab from heart surgery...

A little bit 'touchy-feely' in execution, but the sentiment's coming from the right place.

Football GIF: Marco Cassetti’s Amazingly Unorthodox ‘Back Crawl’ Defending vs Novara

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By Chris Wright

Spotted during Roma's 2-0 win over Novara on Saturday, Giallorossi defender Marco Cassetti employs a bit of unorthodox 'back crawl' defending to shepherd the ball out for a throw-in...

That, kids, is dedication to the cause.

GIF: Imgur

Newcastle United 2-1 Everton: Toffes Fail To Stop High-Flying Magpies (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Newcastle United 2-1 Everton Premier League  - 5th November 2011


Alan De Pardew's French renaissance keeps on going, with the Magpies overcoming Everton at St James' Park to remain unbeaten and in third spot in the table.

Blackburn Rovers 0-1 Chelsea: Blues Struggle To Win At Ewood Park (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Blackburn Rovers 0-1 Chelsea Premier League 5th November 2011


With his sixth goal of the season, surely Frank Lampard has finally silenced all those critics who were claiming the England man was a spent force this season.

Aston Villa 3-2 Norwich City: Canaries Bent Out Of Shape At Villa Park (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Aston Villa 3-2 Norwich City Premier League 5th November 2011


A good old-fashioned five-goal thriller unfolded at Villa Park on Saturday, with the home side coming out on top courtesy of their in-form forward line.

Queens Park Rangers 2-3 Manchester City: Rangers Give Citizens A Scare At Loftus Road (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Queens Park Rangers 2-3 Manchester City Premier League 5th November 2011


It was a clash of the haves and the have-nots at QPR in a way, with the tiny Loftus Road ground playing host to mega-bucks Manchester City.

Snapshot: Man Utd Rename Old Trafford’s North Stand As ‘Sir Alex Ferguson Stand’, Don’t Tell Sir Alex

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By Chris Wright

As a mark of their gratitude, yesterday saw a truly exemplary gesture on Manchester United's part with the club marking Sir Alex Ferguson's 25th anniversary by renaming the North stand at Old Trafford the 'Sir Alex Ferguson Stand' which is quite possibly the highest and most notable accolade a club can give to one of it's legends, and was made all the more poignant by the fact that United kept it schtum until the man himself took to the pitch before yesterday's game against Sunderland.

Andre Santos Makes Small Yet Crucial Spelling Mistake In Post-Match Tweet

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By Chris Wright

'Very' hasn't got two 'R's...

Via 101GG

Golden Arrows ‘Keeper Virgil Vries FAILS And FAILS Hard (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Golden Arrows 'keeper Virgil Vries brings the FAIL and brings it hard against AmaZulu in the South African top tier on Thursday night...

Golden Arrows coach Muhsin Ertugral called Vries' little brain fart 'the most disastrous goal of all time' after the game and it's not particularly tough to see why.

Liverpool 0-0 Swansea City: Another Kop Flop For King Kenny’s Reds (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy


Liverpool failed to win at Anfield for the third game in a row after a frustrating afternoon against a hard-working Swansea side.

Star of the show was undoubtedly Swan's goalkeeper Michel Vorm who made a number of super saves, including a magnificent stop from Glen Johnson late on.

Manchester United 1-0 Sunderland: Red Devils Struggle To Beat Black Cats On Fergie’s Big Day (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Manchester United 1-0 Sunderland Premier League 5th November 2011


United's 1-0 victory against Sunderland won't go down as one of their better performances during Fergie's 25-year reign, as the home side failed to match the occasion with a big performance.

Arsenal 3-0 West Bromwich Albion: Resurgent Gunners Too Strong For Baggies (Photos)

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By Alan Duffy

Arsenal 3-0 West Bromwich Albion Premier League November 5th 2011


After an appalling start to the new campaign, the Gunners now find themselves just four points off fourth place, as the new signings bed in and the likes of Laurent Koscielny and Aaron Ramsey start to look like the real deal.

60 Glorious Photos Of Sir Alex Ferguson’s Imperious 25 Years At Manchester United

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By Chris Wright

Sir Alex Ferguson, a man who turns 70 on New Year's Eve, celebrates 25 years as manager of Manchester United on 6th November (tomorrow), so we thought we'd mark this truly astounding milestone and all the incredible accomplishments therein with a suitably colossal retrospective photo essay of the Scot's time at Old Trafford.

Arsenal Stars Test Out Christmas Gifts In New Video, Charlie George Nicks ‘Em All

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By Alan Duffy


'Tis only just gone Halloween and already the corporate marketing types at Arsenal are already getting all hot under the collar over Christmas.

Here, Andrei Arshavin, Tomas Rosicky et al appear in an "hilarious" video, the undoubted highlight of which is the appearance of Gunners legend Charlie George, who proceeds to steal a few goodies for himself.

Aberdeen’s Darren Mackie Is Meldrum Primary School’s Reading Champion, Except He Doesn’t Read Books

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By Alan Duffy

It is all too easy to get snobby and sneer at footballers about their (usual) lack of a high-level education. And too often that sneeriness is borne out of nothing but jealousy at the fact they get paid shed-loads of money for simply playing football. Still, in the case of poor old Darren Mackie of Aberdeen, it's hard not to giggle.

New York Red Bulls’ Luke Rodgers Almost Decapitates Female Fan From Point-Blank Range (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which, during their 2-1 defeat at LA Galaxy last night, New York Red Bulls striker Luke Rodgers (once of Notts County if memory serves) almost decapitates a woman sat behind the advertising boards by petulantly blasting a ball into the crowd as it rolled over the touchline and missing the lucky dame's head by inches.

‘Have A Balorrific Bonfire Night!’: Mario Balotelli’s Firework Pamphlet Is A Work Of Safety Conscious Art

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By Chris Wright

Presenting, Mario 'I'm happy when I'm sensible' Balotelli's first act as head of Firework Safety an informative pamphlet on Bonfire Night dos and don't that he definitely penned himself most likely had absolutely nothing to do with.

Still, it's all for a good cause no-one likes their night being interrupted by a trip to A&E to graft little Johnny's eyelids back on.

Snapshot: Bayern Munich & Napoli Fans Duped By ‘Fake’ Maradona

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By Chris Wright

What with him still carrying a fair bit of sway down Naples way, it wasn't particularly far-fetched that Diego Maradona should turn out for Napoli's Champions League tie with Bayern Munich in Bavaria t'other night.

So, when a gaggle of fans spotted Maradona milling around the beer halls of Munich before the game they understandably got a little excited and started  swarming around him, hoping to get a photo of the diminutive Argentinian legend.

Top 5 Europa League Goals: Featuring Andy Johnson’s Perfect Volley vs Wisla Krakow (Videos)

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By Chris Wright

Presenting our pick of last night's Europa League g-g-g-g-g-goooooalllllss!!!

5. Luis Seijas, Vorskla vs STANDARD LIEGE

Ping!

4. Bibras Natcho, RUBIN KAZAN vs Tottenham

An expertly clipped free-kick to give the Russians the win.

Thou Shall Not Pass: Besiktas’ Epic Last-Ditch Defending vs Dynamo Kiev (Video)

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By Chris Wright

One-nil up with their opponent's pressing hard for an equaliser with the clock dwindling down, Besiktas staged a heroic, Alamo-style shut-out to prevent Dynamo Kiev from nicking one back at the death...

Video: 101GG

Top 10 Europa League Photos: Smoke Bombs, Elastic Hamstrings And Stringy Saliva

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By Chris Wright

Pies' pick of the stills from last night's Europa League action...

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 10

Fulham 4-1 Wisla Krakow: Andy Johnson nips in to score the Cottager's third goal

Last night's Europa League results in full.

Retro Snapshot: Man City Politely Thank Umbro For FA Cup Final Knickers, 1934

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By Chris Wright

How awesome is that?

Via Right Winger.

All Lionel Messi’s 202 Barcelona Goals In The Space Of 12 Minutes (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Exactly what it says on the tin, though get your fix while it lasts because it probably be at least a couple of goals out of date by the next time Barca play...

Video: 101GG

‘I’ve Been Average For Arsenal” – Andrei Arshavin Admits To Poor Form For The Gunners (Again)

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By Alan Duffy

He came to north London on the back of a magnificent starring role at the 2008 European Championships, yet Arsenal fans have only intermittently seen the best of Andrei Arshavin.

The Russian captain has enjoyed some fabulous performances for the Gunners, including that four-goal solo show at Anfield a few years back.

Kent Bonfire Society Plan To Burn 30ft Mario Balotelli Effigy (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 4

Last year it was a Shrek-eared Wayne Rooney, but this time round the Kent-based Edenbridge Bonfire Society, a bonfire society with their fingers on the pulse, have chosen to burn a 30-foot tall effigy of man-of-the-moment Mario Balotelli as their annual celebrity Guy.

Shit Lookalikes: David De Gea & The Grinch

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By Chris Wright

Coming soon to a cinema/Tesco near you, David De Gea in  'How the Grinch Stole Donuts'...

Much as I'd love to take all the credit, the Spotter's Badge for this beauty actually goes to my dear Hermaphrodite brother, who noticed that De Gea's rubbish fluffy chin strap gives him a subtle air of 'Grinchiness' while watching United last night.

Johan Cruyff’s Grandson Jessua Angoy Scores Tomahawk Screamer For Wigan Reserves (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Jessua Angoy, who just so happens to be the 18-year old grandson of Johan Cruyff that was cut adrift from the Barcelona youth ranks last summer, scores an absolute peach (and the only goal of the game) for Wigan reserves against Preston in the Lancashire FA Cup on what appears to be the park outside my house.

Champions League: Villarreal 0-3 Man City – All Hail The Yaya Monster! (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

A pair of beautifully-taken goals from the Yaya Monster (the footwork before the second of the two is definitely worth another look) and a penalty both won and dispatched by Mario Balotelli saw Man City cruise to victory over a bare-bones Villarreal side that put in the worst performance by a Spanish club in Champions League history (© Martin O'Neill).

Champions League: Man Utd 2-0 Otelul Galati – Deflected Rooney Strike Seals Routine Victory For United (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

What's eating Gilbert Jones?

After Antonio Valencia opened the scoring after eight minutes, a second heavily-deflected goal from Wayne Rooney (who started in central midfield) three minutes from time saw Manchester United beat Otelul Galati with a straightforward, if a little laboured victory at Old Trafford last night thus hauling themselves to the top of the Group C pile ahead of Benfica on goal difference.

Snapshot: Blackpool’s Jonjo Shelvey In New Nazi Salute Outrage

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By Alan Duffy


Well, one imagines it wasn't a Nazi salute. In the same way that Robin van Persie's wasn't.

Still, Shelvey, on loan from Liverpool, surely deserves the same kind of silly criticism that the Arsenal man received following his goal celebration at Stamford Bridge?

Snapshot: Gremio Fans ‘Welcome’ Home Former Idol Ronaldinho

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By Alan Duffy


After choosing to follow the big bucks and move to Flamengo rather than his boyhood club of Gremio, Brazilian superstar Ronaldinho was always going to get a rather interesting reception from the Gremio fans when the two clubs finally met.

Snapshot: Roberto Mancini Opens Old Wounds, Applies Ice For About An Hour

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By Chris Wright

Five years after splitting his head open on the low, pointy dugouts at El Madrigal, Roberto Mancini did it again during the first-half of Man City's 3-0 win over Villarreal last night (more on that later) and was immediately issued with a makeshift icepack ice from the refreshments bar wrapped up in the plaggy bag David Platt bought his Egg and Mayo sandwiches to work in and proceeded to clutch it to his injured cranium for the rest of the evening, far past the point where he must have been doing little more than balancing a sack of lukewarm water on his head.

Christian Eriksen’s Super Sweet Backheel Assist vs Dinamo Zagreb (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ajax whooped Group D stragglers Dinamo Zagreb 4-0 in Amsterdam last night, with Danish tyro Christian Eriksen providing the lion's share of the craft and invention including this borderline pornographic backheel assist for Gregory van der Wiel's opener.

Blackburn Rovers Ban Banners Ahead Of Yet Another Ewood Park Protest

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By Alan Duffy


Anti-Steve Kean protests have almost become part of the Premier League experience at Ewood Park this season. With the club currently struggling in 18th place in the table, and having won just six league games out of 31 under Kean's stewardship, Rovers' fans are desperate for a change.

Loan Shark Threatens Gambling Addict Michael Chopra At Training (According To The Sun, That Is)

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By Alan Duffy


Over the last few days, the papers have been full of Michael Chopra and his revelations of playing through injury in order to earn appearance money (to pay off gambling debts) and spending £20,000 a day on the gee-gees.

Dnipro’s Samuel Inkoom Shown Red Card For Taking His Shirt Off…While Being Substituted (Video)

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By Chris Wright

We started the day with a referee showing amicable discretion in not applying the letter of the law and booking Billy Sharp for revealing a t-shirt in exceptional, emotionally-charged circumstances and while I'm a little uneasy about drawing parallels with a man losing his newborn child, this truly is the other end of the scale.

Snapshot: Lionel Messi Is Observed From On High, Passes The 200-Goal Mark For Barcelona

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By Chris Wright

Lionel Messi broke the 200-goal barrier for Barcelona with a hat-trick against Viktoria Plzen (he's actually up to 202), so it was only fitting that the Gods should have a peek through the clouds just to see what all the hubbub was about...

The PA get a big +1 for their creative use of the crop tool.

The Epic Quest To Destroy Kun Aguero’s Hat In The Fires Of Mount Mestalla (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

You may have missed it, but earlier today what seemed like a normal Man City training session soon spiralled into an epic battle for the future of all human kind...

"Sweet Jesus Christi I'm a bit cold around the ear regions...hang on.

Kris Commons Pranks Reporters At Celtic Training, Arrives In Bandages And Neck Brace After ‘Furious Bust-Up’

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By Chris Wright

Kris Commons pulled a fast one on the photographers gathered outside the club's training ground, turning up in a neck brace and bandages after rumours spread on Twitter recently of a nasty, but sadly non-existent, bust-up in the Celtic ranks.

Ramires & David Luiz Celebrate Goal With Kooky Dance To Win Inflatable Green Doll Called ‘Johnny Big Smiles’ (Video)

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By Chris Wright

That may just be the greatest headline I've ever written.

Anyway, you may well have noticed that both Ramires and David Luiz performed a rather strange little syncronised dance after the former scored for Chelsea against Genk last night, though you may not be fully aware why.

Snapshot: Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane? No, It’s Ballackman!

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By Chris Wright

Just who was that masked man?

Why it's Michael Ballack of course, who took to the field for Bayer Leverkusen against Valencia looking like some kind of latter-day superhero (the stars on the shoulders are a nice touch) and even got into the spirit by doling out a bit of vigilante kung-fu justice.

Champions League: Arsenal 0-0 Marseille – Stalemate Leaves Gunners Waiting On Knockout Berth (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal could have secured themselves a spot in the knockout phase of the Champions League with a win last night, but a goalless stalemate ('stale' being the operative syllable) against Marseille at the Emirates will mean they carry a one-point lead over the French side at the summit of Group F going into their last two games.

Champions League: KRC Genk 1-1 Chelsea – Defensive Frailty Sees Blues Pegged Back In Belgium (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Coming in on the back of a few naff domestic results, Chelsea struggled to 'engage' in Belgium last night and, after going one-up through Ramires' angled drive (following a cheeky little over-the-top-one-two with Fernando Torres) and David Luiz saw his tame penalty saved, they found themselves leaving Genk with a point courtesy of Jelle Vossen, who swept home a slightly miss-hit and slightly deflected equaliser from Fabien Camus' incisive cut-back.

Chelsea Condemn Travelling Fans For ‘Anton Ferdinand, You Know What You Are!’ Chants

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By Chris Wright

Nicolas Anelka finally cottons on

Chelsea have been quick to officially condemn chants about Anton Ferdinand that were sung persistently by their fans during last night's Champions League tie with Genk in Belgium.

Fans sung 'Anton Ferdinand, you know what you are' repeatedly and with gusto throughout the night in, let's call it.

Billy Sharp Scores ‘Goal From Heaven’ Three Days After Tragic Death Of His Newborn Son

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By Chris Wright

While the big boys were off galavanting around Europe, there were heart-breaking scenes at the Keepmoat Stadium last night where Doncaster striker Billy Sharp, who tragically lost his two-day old son Luey on Friday, opted to play through the pain against Middlesbrough, led a minute's applause before kick-off and then scored a stunning volley in the 14th-minute before revealing a t-shirt that read 'that's for you son'.

Wayne Rooney Acts The Eejit In Manchester United Wine Ad (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

First things first, in this rather naff ad for Casillero del Diablo wine, Ryan Giggs acts rather well (comparatively speaking). However, the performance of Wayne Rooney is straight out of Eldorado. Patrice Evra's not much better either.

Casillero del Diablo is United's "wine partner", by the way.

Terek Grozny Medical Staff Audition For Russian Version Of Laurel & Hardy (Video)

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By Alan Duffy

There's nothing like a bit of good old-fashioned visual comedy to brighten up these dark Autumn evenings and Terek Grozny's medical staff are more than happy to oblige.

With goalkeeper Sosan Dzhanaev on the ground injured, the medical comedy duo began their act.

Wayne Rooney Acts The Eejit In Manchester United Wine Ad

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By Alan Duffy

First things first, in this rather naff ad for Casillero del Diablo wine, Ryan Giggs acts rather well (comparatively speaking). However, the performance of Wayne Rooney is is straight out of Eldorado. Patrice Evra's not much better either.

Casillero del Diablo is United's "wine partner", by the way.

Joe Hart Discusses His Greatest Youtube Hits…And Misses (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which Joe Hart sits down with the one laptop that Man City have to their name and discusses his somewhat chequered Youtube curriculum vitae mulling over glorious overhead kicks, the fact that he possesses the acceleration of a scalded gazelle and the sugary stimulant that caused him to dance around a Dutch hotel room in nothing but a pair of nad-crushing boxer shorts.

German Player Forced To Flee Town After Masked Men Threaten Him For Being Rubbish

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By Chris Wright

Daniel Bauer, a midfielder who plays for Magdeburg in Germany's Northern regional league, has been forced to flee from his hometown after five masked men broke into his house and threatened him and his girlfriend on Friday night.

So, was Bauer the victim of an opportunist burglary?

Nike Roll Out New Seitiro Hi-Vis Premier League Ball For The Gloomy Winter Months (Photos)

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By Chris Wright

It's that time of year in Britain again when, after enjoying both weeks of summer, autumn is skipped over completely, winter sets in for the next eight months and Nike roll out their Hi-Vis matchballs for use across Europe's top leagues this year it's the rather swish Seitiro, which will make it's Premier League debut this weekend.

Two Persepolis Players Banned From All Iranian Stadiums For ‘Immoral’ Bum Grope Celebration (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Two Persepolis players, Mohammed Nosrati and Sheis Rezaei, have been banned from entering any and all Iranian stadiums after partaking in a post-goal 'bum grope' celebration during the Persian Gulf Cup match with Damash Gilan - a match that was broadcast live to a vast audience in the staunchly conservative Islamic county.

Snapshot: Evacuate Cheshire, Mario Balotelli Has Bought A Quad Bike!

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By Chris Wright

This is a public service announcement for the good people of Cheshire: Get the f**k out of there if you know what's good for you! Just look what was sitting on the drive of Mario Balotelli's new place in Alderley Edge this morning...

Via The Sun.

Ezequiel Lavezzi Plays Delightful Pass To Substitute Warming Up On Sidelines (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Short and sweet. During their 2-1 win over Catania, Napoli striker Ezequiel Lavezzi pops off a little pass to a man who isn't technically there being as though he's just a substitute warming up on the touchline...

That'll be a throw-in to Catania then.

Antonio Cassano May Or May Not Have Suffered Stroke, Is Now On The Mend

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By Chris Wright

I must admit that it was news to me, but apparently Antonio Cassano has been in hospital after suffering a stroke ( according to initial reports) after Milan's 3-2 victory over Roma on Saturday.

Cassano developed problems with his vision, speech and co-ordination after the match which was reported by the Italian news agency Ansa as a stroke, with doctors at the Milan Polyclinic reported to have diagnosed it as a mild Transient Ischemic Attack or a 'mini-stroke'.

Mexican Club Jaguares Replace Shirt Names With Player’s Twitter Addresses

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By Chris Wright


Oh, these heady times in which we live.

A couple of weeks after Valencia swapped their shirt sponsor for the club's Twitter address, Mexican Premeira Division outfit Jaguares have leapt aboard the high-speed train to Futuresville by replacing the names on their player's shirts with their respective Twitter handles along with the account of the club's main sponsor, Cerveza Sol beer.

Stoke 1-3 Newcastle: Demba Ba Hat-Trick Sees Toon Up To Third, With One Eye On Second! (Photos & Highlights)

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By Chris Wright

Courtesy of a hat-trick from Demba Ba against the club he came within a dodgy knee scan of joining last January, Newcastle beat Stoke 3-1 on their own patch last night to climb up to the nosebleeds of the Premier League table ending the evening in third place, a single point behind Manchester United in second, meaning that Toon could climb to second should things go their way on Saturday!