Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2010

Cristiano Ronaldo CR9 To Become CR7 For Real Madrid?

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By Ollie Irish

Now that Raul has left Real Madrid, it looks like Cristiano Ronaldo will claim his No.7 jersey as C-Ron has both 'CR7′ and 'CR9′ trademarked, this won't be a problem, except for tight Real fans who already own No.9 Ronaldo replica shirts.

Photos: Celtic Show Off New Signing Beram Kayal

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By Ollie Irish

A few pics of Celtic's new midfielder Beram Kayal, who has arrived in Glasgow just in time for his new club to be knocked out of the Champions League.

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New Celtic signing Beram Kayal shows off during a photocall at the club's training ground in Lennoxtown

Kayal, who is Israeli, says he can be the next Eyal Berkovic.

Top 20 Panini Football Sticker Pictures On The Internet

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By Ollie Irish

Who knew Megson ever had so much hair! A ginger monstrosity. Some splendid taches in there too gold stars for Raymond Domenech and Herbert Heidenreich.

Around The Grounds: Home Park, Plymouth Argyle

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By Ollie Irish

The latest in our series of photo essays on British football grounds is about Plymouth Argyle's Home Park, aka the Theatre of Greens. It's not an especially picturesque ground, but it's Home to the Green Army nonetheless...

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More about Home Park

More grounds:

Prenton Park (Preston)

Victoria Park (Hartlepool)



Top Six Football Surprise Packages, Fat Ronaldinho, Totti’s Speedos, Dream Real Madrid XI

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By Ollie Irish

Recommended football content:

TOP LINK The dark arts of Panini sticker collecting Sports Illustrated

What does a central midfielder do in 2010? Zonal Marking

Top six football surprise packages Guardian

Ronaldinho got fat.

The Football WAG Index No.29: Christine Bleakley

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By Herman Miller

Bleakley looks like her fella (Frank Lampard) in drag, no? The dark hair, the square head she's basically Lampsy in a dress with make-up. Yikes.

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TV presenter Christine Bleakley, WAG of Frank Lampard

I used to like her, back in the days of 'The One Show', but now she's quickly morphing into a typical WAG, with fake tan, designer sunglasses, and shopping bags surgically attached to her hands.

First Pics Of MASSIVE Sol Campbell At Newcastle United

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By Ollie Irish

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Newcastle United's Sol Campbell during a training session at Longbenton Training Ground, Newcastle.

Jesus, Sol got BIG. I mean, even bigger than he already was. He's the size of a small house now. Literally.

Video: South Korean Woman Catches The Ball, Pays Penalty

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By Ollie Irish

Germany v South Korea, in the Women's Under-20 World Cup: Despite the poor video quality, I think it's safe to say this is a blatant handball in the box and therefore a penalty. So, a good decision by the ref in the end. Germany won 5-1, btw.

Photos: Tottenham 1-4 Villarreal – ‘I Didn’t Want This Game’

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By Ollie Irish

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Tottenham Hotspurs' Luka Modric watches from the stands during the Pre Season Friendly at White Hart Lane, London.

Arry Redknapp "didn't want this game", so to say Villarreal wanted it more... well, it didn't take much for the Primera Liga side to overcome a jetlagged Tottenham team in full-on 'stroll' mode.

North Korean World Cup Team ‘Reprimanded’ For Six Hours, Head Coach Made To Work On Building Site

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By Ollie Irish

North Korea's World Cup squad has been severely reprimanded after their display at the 2010 World Cup. As predicted by everyone outside of North Korea, they lost all three group games, to Brazil, Portugal and Ivory Coast.

On 2 July, gaffer Kim Jong-Hun and his team were summoned to the People's Palace of Culture in Pyongyang for a marathon dressing down, according to reports by Radio Free Asia.

Photos: Shamrock Rovers 0-2 Juventus – Amauri Double Sinks Irish

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By Ollie Irish

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Shamrock Rovers fans prior to the UEFA Europa League Qualifing match at Tallaght Stadium, Dublin, Ireland.

No fairy tale in Dublin last night, sadly, as I always like to see Juve lose. Amauri put the Serie A side 1-0 up after just three minutes, which in terms of the shape of the game was perhaps the worst thing that could have happened, as Juve could then play keep-ball.

Classic Banners: Italians Pooping On The Union Jack, Euro 96

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By Ollie Irish

The English is patchy but the message is clear. I'd like to have seen some flies swarming around the poop, but apart from that the artwork is impressive.

As spotted at Anfield during Italy's group match against the Czech Republic at Euro '96.

Monkey Chants Spoil Liverpool’s Win At Rabotnicki

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By Ollie Irish

This racist Rabotnicki fan still lives with his mum. And he won't have the internet yet, so I can defame him all I want. Look at his 'special needs' face!

Two goals by David Ngog earned Liverpool a comfortable 2-0 win in Macedonia last night, in Roy Hodgson's first competitive match in charge of the Reds.

Ashley Young For Bentley, Keane and Jenas – A Fair Swap?

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By Ollie Irish

Rumour of the day: Tottenham want Villa winger Ashley Young good young player, no doubt and will offer David Bentley, Robbie Keane and Jermaine Jenas in return. Classic Redknapp, always looking for a Del Boy deal.

Marlon King Released From Prison, Does He Really Deserve Another Chance?

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By Chris Wright

Former Wigan striker Marlon King has been released from prison today after serving nine months of an eighteen-month sentence for sexually assaulting a 20-year-old woman (whom he left needing hospital treatment for a broken nose and a split lip) in a Soho nightclub in December of 2008.

Eric Cantona Salutes ‘Incredible’ Liverpool Victory

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By Ollie Irish

United legend Cantona praising an 'incroyable' Liverpool win. Who'd have thunk it, eh...

And the finished ad:



Around The Grounds: Victoria Park, Hartlepool United

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By Ollie Irish

A photo essay in celebration of The Vic. A classic British stadium, it opened in 1886 and is still going strong.

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Man Utd Destroy MLS All Stars

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By Ollie Irish

Man Utd's kids plus a couple of old boys, namely Ryan Giggs and Edwin van der Sar thumped the MLS All Stars in Houston yesterday. It was the first time the Yanks' Dream Team had lost to an English club and boy did they lose. So much for Alexi Lalas's pre-match prediction that the Premier League side would struggle.

Sami Khedira Edging Closer To Joining Real Madrid

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By Chris Wright

German holding midfielder Sami Khedira, who was one (of many) of his country's outstanding performers at the World Cup, is edging ever closer to completing his proposed move to Real Madrid after informing his club, Stuttgart, that he wishes to leave.

David James Agrees Sunderland Deal

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By Ollie Irish



Pompey keeper David James has agreed to sign for Sunderland.

After Craig Gordon broke his arm, Steve Bruce began the search for a reliable keeper and he met with Jamo's people last week to discuss terms.

Classic Banners: ‘Welcome To Civilisation’, Leeds United v Galatasaray, 2000

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By Ollie Irish

April 2000: Leeds United fans respond to Galatasaray's infamous 'Welcome To Hell' banner. As seen during the Uefa Cup semi-final second leg at Elland Road.

The semi final was, of course, overshadowed by the death of two Leeds fans, Christopher Loftus and Kevin Speight, who were stabbed to death in Turkey before the first leg.

Exclusive Photos: Juventus Train In Dublin Ahead Of Shamrock Rovers Clash

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By Ollie Irish

Some exclusive pics of Juventus training ahead of their Europa League first-leg tie against Shamrock Rovers:

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Juventus during a Training Session at Tallaght Stadium, Dublin.

Photos: PA

Huge test for Rovers this evening, but now's probably as good time as any to face Juve.

David Beckham To End His Career At West Ham? Liverpool Target £7m Aston Villa Star To Replace Javier Mascherano

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By Chris Wright

Here's the chooglin' round-up...

Rumour No. 1: L.A Galaxy's prize cash cow David Beckham has apparently promised to give West Ham a decision as to whether he plans to end his career at the club 'during the next few months'.

New Norwich City Kit Attracts Millions Of Beetles!

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By Chris Wright


Wes Hoolahan sporting the offending kit

Norwich City supporters have been plagued by swarms of insects since the Canaries unveiled their new home kit, which is apparently 'more yellow than ever'.

Whilst walking home from a recent pre-season friendly, many fans were 'engulfed' by the little black beetles (Meligethes aeneus, if you're interested!

Mark Hughes Set To Be Appointed As Fulham Boss

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By Chris Wright

Former Manchester City manager Mark Hughes is all but set to be appointed as the new manager of Fulham, and could be unveiled at Craven Cottage as early as this afternoon after accepting chairman Mohamed Al Fayed's contract offer.

Newcastle Defender Steven Taylor Out For Three Months With Shoulder Injury

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By Chris Wright

Newcastle have seen their Premier League plans rocked by an injury to centre-back Steven Taylor, that will see him sidelined for at least the first three months of the season.

Taylor dislocated his left shoulder during a pre-season friendly against Carlisle a fortnight ago and, following surgery yesterday, is not expected to return to the first team fold until early November.

The ‘Switch Kick’ Penalty Is Not New – Jorge Reinoso Did It First, In 1991

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By Ollie Irish

Everyone went nuts for Ezequiel Calvente's switch-hit penalty, but of course he wasn't the first to pull it off. Argentine forward Jorge Reinoso did it in 1991, whilst playing for Racing Avellaneda in a playoff against Boca Juniors. And no doubt it's been done off camera on other occasions.

Brazilian Starlet Neymar Has Cocky Penalty Easily Saved (With Video Evidence)

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By Chris Wright

Having already opened the scoring against Vitoria in the first leg of the Brazilian Cup final, Santos striker Neymar (who is a rumoured target of both West Ham and Chelsea) was gifted the chance to double his side's lead when he won himself a 75th minute penalty.

Who Plundered Larissa Riquelme’s Cleavage?

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By Ollie Irish

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For a time, everyone wanted to be Larissa Riquelme's mobile phone, nestling snugly between her two boys. Then we all realised just how much of a desperate fame skank she really is, and so we backed off carefully, fearing all manner of STDs.

Pies Classics: George Best And Rodney Marsh At Fulham

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By Ollie Irish

Of course the best part is when Rodders playfully tries to take the ball of Best, his own team-mate. They don't make 'em like Marsh anymore. Nor Best.



Barcelona Lining Up Marcos Senna As A Replacement For Yaya Toure?

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By Chris Wright

If his agent is to believed, Villarreal veteran Marcos Senna is being lined up by Barcelona as a cut-price replacement for Yaya Toure, who left the club to join Manchester City at the turn of the month.

Senna's representative, Eli Coimbria, told El Mundo Deportivo;

"[A move to Barcelona] would be the crowning moment of [Senna's] sporting career.

Photos: Malmo 0-0 Fulham, Pre-Season Friendly – Danny Murphy Misses Penalty

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By Ollie Irish

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Fulham fans

No goals in the final match of Fulham's pre-season tour of Scandinavia. There should have been, but Fulham captain Danny Murphy missed a penalty early in the first half. Not like him, he's usually deadly from the spot.

Juventus Ultras Promise Mauro Camoranesi ‘A Year Of Hell’ For Wanting To Stay At The Club

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By Chris Wright

According to reports in Football Italia, Juventus 'ultras' (i.e. the hard-line, bordering on hooligan, faction of the club's supporters) have threatened to make the next year of Juve midfielder Mauro Camoranesi's life a living hell if he decides to stay at the club.

Classic Banners: There Is No Man On This Planet Bigger Than Steven Gerrard

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By Ollie Irish

Spotted in Liverpool in May 2005, as the Reds paraded through the city after that famous night in Istanbul.

Speaking of Istanbul, may I also refer you to this Chelsea-baiting banner, spotted at Anfield a few months later, when Mourinho and his mob turned up for one of their incredibly dreary Champions League stalemates:

Istanbulshit.

Skills: A Simple Showboat Fail

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By Ollie Irish

Sublime intentions, ridiculous outcome. Schadenfreude, all day long.



Photos: Liverpool Show Off New Players Joe Cole, Danny Wilson And Milan Jovanovic

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By Ollie Irish

Some new blood for Uncle Woy's Red Revolution:

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Liverpool's new signings Joe Cole (left), manager Roy Hodgson, Milan Jovanovic and Danny Wilson (right) during the unveiling at Anfield, Liverpool.

Photos: PA

Who do you think will be the biggest success on Merseyside?

Top 10 Football Streakers (NSFW)

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By Ollie Irish

To those of you expecting a fleshy carnival of boobs, you may be disappointed by the ratio of willies to tits (more of the former). Although in their own way, all of these streakers are tits. I particularly enjoy the polite chap who wants to shake hands with Andy Townsend.

Jermaine Jenas Shown Up By Freestyle Footballers – In His Own Back Garden (With Video Evidence)

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By Ollie Irish

This went a bit wrong, innit. I do detect a reddish tinge to JJ's face...

"Yeah, you know, if you lot could show me how to be a box-to-box midfielder, er, that would be great."

I'm no fan of JJ but this is too much!

Why Are Arsenal Fans So Excited About Per Mertesacker?

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By Ollie Irish

Germany's Per Mertesacker climbs higher than Tim Cahill at the 2010 World Cup

I wonder why many Gooners seem to be getting wet in the pants area over the rumour that their club will sign German centre-back Per Mertesacker from Werder Bremen.

Paul The Psychic Octopus Is Symbol Of ‘Decadent’ West – Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

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By Ollie Irish

"I see you, octopus, with your decadent tentacles. I see you and I catch you and then I eat you. I eat the West."

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, leader of Iran, says Paul the Pscyhic Octopus is a symbol of all that is wrong with the western world.

Sh*t Lookalikes: Raul Gonzalez & The Karate Kid

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By Ollie Irish

Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything.

Send your Shit Lookalikes to ollie@anorak.co.uk the shitter the better, and the better the shitter.



Arsenal Target £22m Defensive Reinforcements, Liverpool’s Maxi Rodriguez Craves Return To Spain

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By Chris Wright

Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: After losing out to Newcastle United in the race to sign Sol Campbell and watching Johan Djourou celebrate his return from a long-term injury by limping off with an injury during a pre-season game yesterday, Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger is now ready to spend big in a bid to strengthen his waning defensive ranks.

Diego Maradona Steps Down As Argentina Coach

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By Chris Wright


The Argentinian Football Association (AFA) have confirmed that they will not be extending Diego Maradona's contract as coach of the national team, due to a dispute over his back-room team.

Maradona had stated that he was keen to stay on, but refused to agree to the AFA's demands that wholesale changes were to be made to his support staff.

Sam Allardyce Eyes National Team Job ‘Within Two Years’

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By Chris Wright

Blackburn Rovers boss Sam Allardyce has revealed that he hopes to quit his post at Ewood Park and make a move into international football management at some point during the next couple of years.

So said Big Sam himself;

"I would like to coach a national team, if one came up, in another two years.

West Ham Reject Tottenham’s Bid For Scott Parker

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By Chris Wright

West Ham have confirmed that they have indeed rejected a undisclosed bid from Tottenham for Scott Parker, amidst mounting speculation that the influential midfielder may be on the verge of moving to White Hart Lane.

After news of Spurs' failed offer broke, Hammers co-owner David Sullivan was quick to reiterate that Parker is not for sale at any price, telling the club's official website;

"I made a promise that I would not sell Scott and I will not, for any amount of money, break that promise to the West Ham supporters.

Sol Campbell Completes Newcastle United Switch

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By Chris Wright

Veteran defender Sol Campbell has signed a one-year deal with Newcastle United after passing a medical and agreeing terms with the club late last night.

The finishing touches were then applied to the deal this morning and the transfer has now officially gone through.

Celtic Sign Striker Gary Hooper From Scunthorpe

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By Chris Wright

Celtic have been making some pretty shrewd waves (shrewd waves?) in this summer's transfer market with the signings of Joe Ledley, Daryl Murphy and Efrain Juarez (from Cardiff, Sunderland and UNAM Pumas respectively), and they look to have gotten themselves yet another bargain today in the shape of Scunthorpe United goal-machine Gary Hooper.

Larissa Riquelme Wins 2010 Supermodel World Cup

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By Herman Miller

And the winner of the 2010 Stupendous Supermodel World Cup is... drum roll... Larissa Riquleme of Paraguay. Who else she was the undisputed No.1 football babe of the summer.

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Still, it's quite remarkable that such a skank should beat several of the world's top supermodels, including Brazil's Adriana Lima and Australia's Miranda Kerr (in the final, by 52% to 48%), to win the title.

Bolton Sign Real Madrid Left-Back, World Spins Off Axis!

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By Chris Wright


No wonder he's looking smug!

Bolton Wanderers have confirmed the capture of Real Madrid's teenage left-back Marcos Alonso, who has finally moved to the Reebok Stadium on a three-year deal.

Classic Banners: Judas Twitchy Scummer

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By Ollie Irish

As spotted at Fratton Park in December 2004, not long after Harry Redknapp the Judas Twitchy Scummer in question had resigned from Portsmouth and joined bitter rivals Southampton. Ooh, you don't do that.



In Pictures: Raul Gonzalez’s Career At Real Madrid – 1994-2010

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By Ollie Irish

Let's hear it for Raul, a legend of the modern era.

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February 1995: At the Bernabeu vs Sevilla

Photos: PA



Photos: Celtic Show Off New Signing Efrain Juarez

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By Ollie Irish

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Celtic new signing Efrain Juarez poses for the media following a press conference at Celtic Park, Glasgow.

Juarez, a midfielder who can also play at full-back (or vice versa Celtic will probably use him foremost at the back), could play a part in Wednesday's Champions League qualifier against Braga in Portugal, having received his work permit a few days ago.

The Impossible Glamour Of The Premier League – Blackpool Skipper Charlie Adam Opens A ‘Cheque Centre’

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By Ollie Irish

Big Scissors. It doesn't get any better than that. It's really all about the Big Scissors that and the sponsored Lexus.

I've always wanted to open something using Big Scissors. But where can you buy them?



Rangers Closing In On South African World Cup Duo

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By Chris Wright

Rangers have confirmed that they are in talks over the signings of South African World Cup stars Bongani Khumalo and Katlego Mphela (pictured), who play their club football for Supersport United and Mamelodi Sundowns respectively.

Paul Scholes Given Two Hours To Make World Cup Choice… And Capello Didn’t Speak To Him

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By Ollie Irish

"What do you think gaffer?"

"England's for soft southern shites. Forget it."

Paul Scholes has revealed he was given only two hours notice to decide whether to play for England in the World Cup this summer.

Sh*t Lookalikes: Guti Hernandez & Tom Petty

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By Chris Wright

You heard!

Send your Shit Lookalikes to ollie@anorak.co.uk



Man City And Inter To Spark Crazy Transfer Merry-Go-Round? Liverpool Chasing Mexican World Cup Star?

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By Chris Wright

Out of the loop. Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: It would seem that things are poised in such a way that Inter Milan striker Mario Balotelli's imminent £30 million move to Manchester City is going to spark a multi-player transfer merry-go-round.

Sol Campbell Undergoing Medical At Newcastle United

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By Chris Wright

Here's a bit of 'breaking' for you. Whispers in the powder room are suggesting that veteran centre-back Sol Campbell is undergoing a medical at Newcastle as we speak...calm yourself.

Campbell (whose short-term deal with Arsenal expired at the start of the month) has already held talks with the Gunners, Celtic and Sunderland this summer, but it would seem that he is now on the verge of joining the Magpies after manager Chris Hughton scheduled a 'shotgun medical' for the 35-year-old defender this morning.

What Do The Bookies Know About Fernando Torres And Chelsea?

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By Ollie Irish

According to the ticking news machine that is Sky Sports News, some bookies have stopped taking bets on Fernando Torres joining Chelsea. Interesting the bookies usually know what's what.

I should add that no other news outlet has reported this, so I wonder if this story comes from a work experience boy at Sky whose mate works for Paddy Power.

Tottenham Defender Jonathan Woodgate’s Career At Risk, Time To Retire?

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By Chris Wright

Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp has admitted that he may have no choice but to omit crocked defender Jonathan Woodgate from the 25-man squad list he is to register with the Premier League in August, and that it doesn't look particularly likely that the centre-back will even be included as one of the three revisions to the list that can be submitted in January.

Video: The Greatest Goal Celebration In The History Of Football – Gone Fishing In Iceland

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By Ollie Irish

Words fail me. 'Genius' will have to do.

The skinny: This happened in Iceland at the weekend, during a match between Stjarnan and Fylkir (the former were responsible for the celebration, after Johann Laxdal scored).



Emotional Raul Leaves Real Madrid, Man Utd & Man City Lose To MLS Sides, Larissa Riquleme Has A Freaky Birthmark

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By Ollie Irish

Today's links are brought to you by Larissa Riquelme's massive birthmark:

Yikes! More off-putting Larissa pics at Busted Coverage

Raul bids emotional farewell to Real Madrid Goal

Speaking of Raul, he might yet come to the Premier League COS

Photos: Man Utd lose to 10-man Kansas City Wizards Goaly Moly

Paul the Psychic Octopus is the subject of new film Guardian

Video: Man City lose to Thierry Henry's Red Bulls 101GreatGoals

Stephen Ireland has bust-up with Roberto Mancini in the States?

Let’s Not Hear It For… Sponsors’ Logos On Football Kits

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By Ben Cornelius

I'm happy to admit, in the close season one of the main things that keeps my football mind busy is anticipation of the new kits. Not just for my team, but for others too. True, football is about the game and not fashion. But for some reason every summer I can't wait to see what monstrous creation Tottenham will be forced to wear come August.

Video: Tearful Raul Says Goodbye To Real Madrid In Empty Bernabeu

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By Ollie Irish

I was expecting to see a full Bernabeu weeping from the rafters for Raul's farewell speech, but no, there's barely anyone in there! Was it by invite only? I hope so, otherwise it's a bloody poor turnout for a bona fide Real legend.



Ian Wright To Host Premier League Show For Absolute Radio – No No No No

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By Ollie Irish

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Ian Wright - a buffoon

No no no no. No.

"Ian Wright will be one of the voices of Absolute Radio's football coverage when it begins broadcasting live Premier League games next month.

"Wright, who fronted the drivetime show on TalkSport, a rival commercial station, will host a 90-minute post-match analysis show on Absolute Radio at 5pm on Saturdays.

Liverpool Sign Real Madrid Reject

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By Ollie Irish

Looks like Royston Drenthe will be a Liverpool player soon, if you believe the lad's Facebook page:

This could be bullcrap, of course, especially as there are several Royston Drenthes on FB.

The Dutch utility player, still only 23, has also been linked with Stuttgart, Juventus and Lazio.

WAG Watch: Gonzalo Higuain Dating Hot Lingerie Model

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By Herman Miller

Higuain's new WAG, Argentine model Soledad Fandino, likes to pose in her pants. There's really not much else to say. Words are no use here.

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Soledad Fandino, new WAG of Real Madrid star Gonzalo Higuain

Mo' WAGs & babes



Joe Cole’s Baby Daughter Ruby Looks Scarily Like Joe Cole

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By Ollie Irish

Who's the daddy? Not much doubt, is there.



Sh*t Lookalikes: Micah Richards & Mario Balotelli

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By Ollie Irish

Please, no accusations that I've gone all John Motson up in here. I do see a likeness between Richards and soon-to-be City team-mate Balotelli. Perhaps it's in the artistic hair.

Send your lookalike, no matter how shit, to ollie@anorak.

Former Millwall & Bradford Striker Gavin Grant Jailed For Murder, Faces 25 Years Inside

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By Ollie Irish

Footballer Gavin Grant was jailed for life today for shooting a former friend. He will serve at least 25 years in prison.

The 26-year-old journeyman striker, who played for Bradford, Wycombe, Gillingham and Millwall, was found guilty of murdering Leon Labastide, 21, in 2004.

Top 20 Football Photos Of The Weekend, 24-25 July 2010

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By Ollie Irish

A selection of the weekend's best football pics, featuring Martin Petrov and Robbie Blake in action for new club Bolton, plus Jermaine Beckford's first goals in an Everton shirt and the incident that forced him off injured. Enjoy...

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Everton's Jermaine Beckford scores his second goal during the Pre-Season Friendly at Deepdale, Preston.

Video: Shemale Pitch Invader Livens Up Brazilian Football

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By Ollie Irish

Shaemfully, I am confused by gender confusion. I guess this is a pre-op male-to-female transsexual, but I could be way off. It could also be a drunken transvestite with some very firm man boobs. Either way, he/she livened up a recent match between Santos and Sao Paulo:

He/she could totally kick your ass.

Mario Balotelli Agrees To Join Manchester City – €30m Fee

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By Ollie Irish

According to La Gazzetta dello Sport, Inter striker Mario Balotelli has agreed to sign for Man City, for around €30m.

Balotelli had leaving party at Milan's Van Gogh café on Via Bertani on Saturday evening.

The teenager's mate's unveiled a piece of canvas with the message: "Even 1000km away, you'll always be in our hearts.

Dunga Has Aged Better Than Maradona (With Video Evidence)

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By Ollie Irish

Dunga:

Maradona:

Dunga's transformation is not particularly scary or surprising. He looked hard then, he looks even harder now like a retired Navy SEAL.

But Maradona, yikes! In terms of physical consistency, El Diego is football's Michael Jackson.

Man City Want To Sign Fernando Torres – But How Much Is He Worth Now?

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By Ollie Irish

Either Fernando Torres stays at Liverpool this season or he goes to Man City. Those are the only two options he has, as far as I can see. He's not fully fit, he was crap at the World Cup, he's notoriously fragile... who else but City have the funds to take a chance on him?

Now That’s What I Call A Penalty – Ezequiel Calvente Invents The ‘Switch Hit’ Penalty, Upsets Italians

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By Ollie Irish

It's football Jim, but not as we know it...

Everyone seems to be going MENTAL for Calvente's CrazySexyCool penalty, as if football will never be the same again. Come on folks, it's very good but not that good.

It's nice to see a young player back his own ability, although his team was 2-0 up at the time, but it's hardly going to change football forever.

Classic Banners: ‘Jimmy Hill Is A Poof’ – Euro 96

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By Ollie Irish

Ah, knockabout homophobia, football's unwanted gift to the world.

That said, it's one of my personal highlights of Euro 96. And can you spot the fat Eddie Edwards?

Photo: Matthew Ashton / EMPICS



Fernando Torres Has ‘Beef’ With Liverpool – Roy Hodgson

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By Ollie Irish

... And not the kind of beef you eat, of course Uncle Woy is down with the Urban Dictionary.

So it seems Fernando Torres is pissed off with Liverpool's suits, specifically because the club has not made more big-name signings such is player power these days.

German Player Pulls The Old ‘Exposed Buttocks’ Team Photo Prank

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By Ollie Irish

Hilarious, ja! Who says ze Germans have no sense of humour?

The scamp who pulled down his shorts during a team photo session is Torsten Mattuschka, a journeyman midfielder for Union Berlin.



Let’s Hear It For… Barry Davies

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By Ollie Irish

The most elegant and cultured midfielder England has ever produced? Glenn Hoddle, of course. It's absurd that Hoddle won 53 caps for his country, especially when considering that a vastly inferior player such as David Beckham has more than twice that amount.

Video: Ajax 3-1 Chelsea, Pre-Season Friendly – Ross Turnbull Faaacks Up

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By Ollie Irish

A boo-boo by Chelsea reserve goalkeeper Ross Turnbull helped Martin Jol's Ajax to a 3-1 win in Amsterdam.

Young defender Jeffrey Bruma attempted to clear a cross but his header only struck Turnbull on the arm and flew into the net.

Daniel Sturridge equalised with an excellent finish, before Turnbull somehow failed to deal with a punt downfield by Maarten Stekelenburg, allowing Siem De Jong to slot home into an empty net.

New Man City Away Kit – Silly Striped Socks

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By Ollie Irish

Man City's away kit, 2009/10:

We all agree it's a lovely kit. It even looks good on Carlos Tevez.

But...

Man City's away kit for 2010-11:

The shirt is fine, if not as nice as last season's. The shorts, ditto.

Video: Olympiakos Fans Mistake Albert Riera For Lionel Messi

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By Ollie Irish

Weird. I'd swear Riera is a foot taller than Messi...

Mental. Absolutely mental. Will you tell them or shall I?



France Football Federation Suspends Entire World Cup Squad – Laurent Blanc Makes His Mark

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By Ollie Irish

The French Football Federation has suspended all 23 players of France's 2010 World Cup squad for their next game (a friendly vs Norway in Oslo next month) at the request of new head coach Laurent Blanc. Way to make your mark, Laurent.

"I followed the events with sadness, I was disappointed with the sporting results and I was shocked by certain behaviours," said Blanc, wagging his finger and shaking his head as he spoke (probably).

Snapshot: Wigan Show Off New Signings Alcaraz And McArthur

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By Ollie Irish

(left to right) Wigan Athletic chief executive Jonathan Jackson, new signing James McArthur (signed from Hamilton Academical), gaffer Roberto Martinez and new signing Antolin Alcaraz (from Club Brugge) pose for photos at the DW Stadium.

A couple of shrewd signings by Martinez?

Video: Deluded Arsenal Fan vs Mistaken Tottenham Fan – A Familiar Dialogue

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By Ollie Irish

And so it goes...

This describes perfectly the relationship between Arsenal and Tottenham fans in the 21st century. I don't pretend to like it, nor will I take sides, because even as a Spurs fan I think both parties are as bad as each other.

More Arjen Robben Meme Goodness

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By Ollie Irish

Another slew of Robben-related fun (Part 1 here)



Graham Taylor Rides Tandem With Miss England

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By Ollie Irish

"Don't look at her arse, don't look at her arse, don't look at her arse, don't look at her arse..."

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Miss England, aka Lance Corporal Katrina Hodge, and former England football manager Graham Taylor launch the annual Royal British Legion Pedal to Paris bike ride, on a tandem bicycle, in London



Tom Cruise Encourages David Beckham To Become An Actor

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By Ollie Irish

After Barney Ronay's thoughtful piece on David Beckham's inability to exit stage left, comes the horrific prospect that Beckham will NEVER go away, EVER.

Hollywood midget Tom Cruise, he of the stacked heels, claims he's urged his good pal Becks to take up acting.

Michael Chopra Threatens To Walk Out Of Cardiff City!

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By Chris Wright

Talk about shots across the bow!

Cardiff City striker Michael Chopra has vowed to walk out of the club if they fail to bring in some new faces over the remainder of the summer break.

Cardiff are mired in financial problems and have only made two fairly low key signings this summer in the shape of young Manchester United pair Tom Heaton and Daniel Drinkwater (with the latter having only joining on loan) and Chopra has now told the South Wales Echo that, unless there are some big-name additions made by the club's board, he will be on his merry way;

"I'm well hacked off, if this club doesn't bring in new players, I'm off.

Photo Essay: The Majesty Of Paul Gascoigne

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By Ollie Irish

A welcome and necessary counterpoint to The Horror of Paul Gascoigne, albeit one that serves to exacerbate the tragedy of his current situation.

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Gascoigne poses in his Newcastle United kit, in 1985. He was 18 years old

Photos: PA



New Nottingham Forest Home Kit Is Extremely Plain

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By Ollie Irish

Two schools of thought:

1. It's gloriously simple and therefore classy a throwback to Forest's halcyon days.

2. It's too simple and looks like a half-arsed template you might see in Sunday league football.

I think I'm in school No.

Photos: Halmstad 2-2 Fulham, Pre-Season Friendly – Zoltan Gera Scores Twice

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By Ollie Irish

A good runout in Sweden for managerless Fulham, with Zoltan Gera scoring twice and Danny Murphy in fine form. Fulham's official website has a detailed match report, if you're interested.

Fulham: Stockdale; Kelly, Baird, Hughes, Konchesky (Smith 62); Duff (Riise 70), Murphy (Dikgacoi 70), Greening, Davies (Elm 78); Gera, Zamora (E.

Harry Redknapp Is English Football’s Wrecking Ball

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By Jacob Steinberg

Harry Redknapp on the West Ham bench with Frank Lampard Snr, in 1996

ENGLAND'S stock might be at an all-time low after their disastrous World Cup, but it is a small mercy that they haven't disgraced themselves quite enough to require the services of Harry Redknapp.

Sheffield Wednesday Hit With HRMC Winding-Up Order

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By Chris Wright

League One side Sheffield Wednesday have been served a winding-up order (who hasn't?) by HM Revenues and Customs over an unpaid tax bill of £550,000 or about half a Titus Bramble, to put it in layman's terms.

Talksport Idiots Not Aware Of Yaya Toure

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By Ollie Irish

Saw this last week but forgot to post it until today. My short-term memory is a shambles... where was I? Oh yes, the fat pricks at Talksport:

Get in there Steve. Excellent work on behalf of fans who do look outside the Premier League.

Perhaps if Mike Parry spent less time eating, he'd have noticed Yaya Toure existed before the 2010 World Cup.

Man City To Make Final £24m Bid For James Milner, Liverpool Want To Take Klaas-Jan Huntelaar On Loan

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By Chris Wright

Day of the triffics. Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: Manchester City are planning to make a take-it-or-leave-it offer of £24 million for Aston Villa midfielder James Milner in a bid to bring an end to one of the most tedious transfer sagas of the summer.

Liverpool Dud Albert Riera Will Join Olympiakos Later Today

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By Chris Wright

Those were the days my friend

Liverpool winger Albert Riera is expected to complete his long-overdue Anfield exit today by joining Greek side Olympiakos in a deal thought to be worth around £4.

Richard Dunne Laughs At France World Cup Failure

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By Ollie Irish

Look at his face. Just look at his face.

Republic of Ireland and Villa defender Richard Dunne has expressed his delight at France's dismal and karmic 2010 World Cup performance.

"I didn't see it but I did laugh," said Dunne, whose side were denied a place at the finals by Thierry Henry's infamous handball in the play-offs last November.

Man Utd Rekindle Their Love Affair With Steven Defour

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson is once again fluttering his eyelashes across the smokey haze of the honky-tonk at Standard Liege midfielder Steven Defour.

Word is that United are plotting a £13 million bid for Defour, but Standard have told them that they must wait until the Belgian international fully recovers from a broken leg before they (or anyone else for that matter) begin to entertain ideas of signing him.

Titus Bramble Joins Sunderland, Wearside Sighs As One

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By Chris Wright

Sunderland have completed the signing of Titus Bramble from Wigan on a three-year deal for an undisclosed fee, thought to be somewhere in the region of £750,000 (rising to £1 million, based on performance-based clauses).

Manager Steve Bruce told the club's official website;

"Titus was absolutely outstanding for me at Wigan.

Video: Thierry Henry Scores On New York Red Bulls Debut, Against Tottenham (But Spurs Win 2-1)

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By Ollie Irish

Verdict: This kid will go far.

In Tottenham's defence:

1) Their makeshift back four was made up of four full-backs. Team details (Via Tottenham's official site):

Cudicini; Hutton, Walker, Corluka (Taarabt, 46), Naughton (Townsend, 46); Kranjcar (Rose, 70), Jenas, Huddlestone, Bale; Modric (Mason, 76); Keane.

Man Utd May Send Striker With ‘Weak Legs’ Out On Loan

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By Ollie Irish

Fergie is thinking about sending young striker Danny Welbeck out on loan again, amid concerns that he needs regular football to help his physical development.

United's boss told reporters in the US: "This is going to be a big season for Danny because for the last three years he has not had a consistent run of games.

Beware The Larissa Riquelme Sex Tape

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By Herman Miller

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There are swirling rumours of a Larissa Riquelme sex tape on the internet, in which the Paraguayan skank makes the two-backed beast it with an unnamed Peruvian player in a hotel room in Miraflores.

Which Premier League Star Is Jason Bent (‘Lee Nelson’s Well Good Show’) Based On?

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By Ollie Irish

Spot on. But who's Bent based on? I'd go for a composite made out of Jamie Carragher, Steven Gerrard, David Beckham and Rio Ferdinand. What a horrible mess that would be.

FACT: Plymouth Argyle once had a player called Jason Bent.



World Cup GIFs: Nigel De Jong Karate Kicks Xabi Alonso – The Street Fighter Reboot

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By Ollie Irish

Hadouken!

More hilarious GIFs



David Trezeguet Will Join Thierry Henry At New York Red Bulls, But Not Until Next Season

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By Chris Wright

Juventus striker David Trezeguet has revealed that he plans to join his former French international teammate Thierry Henry at New York Red Bulls, but he doesn't plan to leave Italy until next season.

The Horror Of Paul Gascoigne

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By Ollie Irish

In the wake of the surreal Raoul Moat saga, Paul Gascoigne aka the most talented but also tragic English footballer of the last 20 years checked into rehab, at an addiction centre in Bournemouth.

Gascoigne has long since drifted into the arena of the unwell.

Raul Has Signed For Schalke 04, Claims German Tabloid

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By Ollie Irish

Old man Raul, a reported transfer target for Tottenham (we're not a retirement home, you know), has already signed for Schalke 04 that's according to German tabloid newspaper Bild.

Bild claims the deal is done, and Raul has signed a two-year contract with the Bundesliga side, worth a sweet €6m per season.

James Milner Wants To Leave Aston Villa, But Man City Must Pay ‘Right Price’ – Martin O’Neill

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By Ollie Irish

It's official, or at least Martin O'Neill has confirmed it: James Milner wants to leave Aston Villa this summer, which means Man City have to come up with a number that MoN and Villa are happy with. It's a big blow for the Midlands club.

Lech Poznan Defender Manuel Arboleda Channels His Inner Cheerleader (With Video Evidence)

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By Chris Wright

Made me laugh.

(via Z Czuba)



WORLD EXCLUSIVE! Man City’s Secret Shopping List

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By Ollie Irish

We have stolen Man City's infamous shopping list the one that blew Noel Gallagher's tiny mind from Roberto Mancini's purse (Italian leather, hand-stitched). It's illegal, but hey. This is what it says:

Landon Donovan Ee will sell many shirts in the US of A, yes.

Dan Gosling Agrees To Join Newcastle United

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By Chris Wright

Newcastle United have signed midfielder Dan Gosling on a four-year deal after the promising 20-year-old was allowed to walk out of Everton following an 'administration error' of pretty epic proportions.

The Toffees failed to submit a written contract to Gosling before the cut off date in May, and as a result the England U21 international was free to leave the club on a free transfer at the beginning of July.

Photo Essay: The Glamour Of Prenton Park

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By Ollie Irish

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A general view of Prenton Park, home of Tranmere Rovers Football Club

Photos: PA



Inter Milan Open Talks With Liverpool Over Javier Mascherano, Man City Interested In Landon Donovan

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By Chris Wright

Stuck on 799. Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: Inter Milan have opened talks with Liverpool over the possible £25 million signing of their holding midfielder Javier Mascherano and, although the talks are yet to move past the initial stages, there are reports that the transfer could be completed as early as next week.

Eduardo Completes His Move From Arsenal To Shakhtar Donetsk – Did We Ever See The Best Of Him?

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By Chris Wright

Eduardo da Silva has officially completed his £6 million move from Arsenal to Shakhtar Donetsk, with the news being confirmed on the both clubs' respective websites.

The 27-year-old Croatian striker has put pen to paper on a four-year deal at the Ukrainian giants, after being told he could leave the Emirates by manager Arsene Wenger last week.

Video: A Really Bad TV Interview With Thierry Henry, By ‘Good Day New York’

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By Ollie Irish

Yeah, soccerball is really big in the States, apparently Hispanics and young girls love it...

You can come out from behind your hands now. So, did you spot the deliberate mistakes? Well done. Christ that was one of the most embarrassing interviews in the history of interviews.

Muslim Clerics Claim Man Utd Shirt ‘Glorifies The Devil’

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By Chris Wright

Conservative clerics in Malaysia have warned that Muslim Manchester United fans must not wear club merchandise as the crest 'glorifies the devil' and 'promotes devil worship'.

Nooh Gadot, an Islamic scholar from Johor state, has condemned supporters who choose to, saying;

"This is very dangerous.

Fulham Target Martin Jol Confirms He Is Staying At Ajax

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By Chris Wright

Ajax coach Martin Jol has ruled out a move to Fulham by revealing on the club's official website that he 'couldn't bring himself to leave'.

Jol had seemingly been on the verge of replacing Roy Hodgson at Craven Cottage but, after a few days of stern negotiations over a compensation package, Ajax again reiterated their intentions of holding on to the 54-year-old and their firm stance seems to have impressed the former Tottenham boss;

"Ajax let me know they didn't want me to go and I don't think I can bring myself to leave Ajax at this time.

Video: Philadelphia Union 0-1 Manchester United – Gabriel Obertan Scores Winner, Still Resembles Parsnip

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By Ollie Irish

The Union put up a good fight in this exhibition match but United had too much class in the end. Parsnip-headed winger Gabriel Obertan scored the only goal in a man-of-the-match display, which had Fergie purring.

United's gaffer said: "Aye, he's not bad for a Frenchy with a f*cking parsnip for a heid.

Top 10 Least Convincing Celebrity Football Fans

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By Ollie Irish

Katy Perry (West Ham) See that scene in Pulp Fiction when Samuel Jackson's character explains why he rarely eats burgers: "... My girlfriend's a vegetarian. Which more or less makes me a vegetarian."Â Perry is a West Ham fan only because soulmate Russell Brand is a West Ham fan (a real one).

Vote: Who Will Win The Race To Sign Mesut Özil?

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By Ollie Irish

Several big clubs want to sign Mesut Özil from Werder Bremen, including if you believe the rumours Man Utd (currently the bookies' favourite), Man City, Chelsea, Arsenal and Real Madrid.

What's your feeling on this?

Chelsea ‘Keeper Petr Cech Tears Calf Muscle, Out For A Month

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By Chris Wright

"DRAGO!!!"

Chelsea are going to have to do with out Petr Cech for up to a month after scans revealed that the 'keeper tore a calf muscle during training yesterday.

Cech will now certainly miss the rest of the club's pre-season preparations and is also a doubt for the Community Shield clash with Manchester United at Wembley on August 8th.

WARNING: Stepovers Can Damage Your Opponent’s Health

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By Ollie Irish

Sweeeet.



Liverpool Fans Trapped In A Grotesque Web Of Self-Delusion

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By Alex Netherton

North Korea. Hundreds of executions a year. China's one true friend. Sitting on The Bomb. No free discourse. Starvation rations. I considered moving there a couple of years ago, because Liverpool almost won the league. To my mind, it was the one place I could bear to live in because it would be the only place I wouldn't hear about the grotesque celebrations if they'd manage to win.

Park Ji-Sung: Nom Nom Nom

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By Ollie Irish

Nom nom nom.

Nom.



WAG Irina Shayk Plans To Marry Cristiano Ronaldo This Year?

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By Herman Miller

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Supermodel Irina Shayk (see gallery above) wants to make an honest man of Cristiano Ronaldo. Which is impossible, of course, but damn she's going to try and if anyone can tame the Portuguese Man 'O' Sex, it's a leggy supermodel who is clearly as vain as he is.

Wigan Defender Titus Bramble Undergoing Sunderland Medical

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By Chris Wright

Wigan's liabilty-on-legs Titus Bramble is undergoing a medical at Sunderland this morning, after the Latic's accepted a £750,000 bid for the 28-year-old centre-back.

Bramble's personal terms are yet to be discussed, but talks are ongoing and, provided he passes his routine medical, the former Newcastle United man could fly out tomorrow to join up with the rest of The Black Cats squad who are currently in Portugal for a pre-season training camp.

Photos: Bury 4-0 Leeds United, Pre-Season Friendly

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By Ollie Irish

Relax, Leeds fans, it's only a friendly and you were missing several first-teamers. Still, not exactly good for morale. Great result for Bury though.

A few pics from Gigg Lane:

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Leeds United's Kasper Schmeichel

The small print, courtesy of Vital Leeds:

Bury: Belford, Picken, Skarz, Futcher, Sweeney, Worrall, Schumacher, Haworth, M.

Barcelona Star Xavi Warns Arsenal They Only Have Cesc Fabregas ‘On Loan’, Man Utd Back In The Race For Mesut Ozil

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By Chris Wright

You can't dob your butcher. Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: Barcelona's midfield maestro Xavi has warned Arsenal that they only have 'Cesc Fabregas 'on loan for another year' and that it is only a matter of time before their captain returns home to the Camp Nou.

Rangers Defender Danny Wilson Agrees To Join Liverpool

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool have agreed a deal 'in principle' to sign Rangers highly-rated young defender Danny Wilson on a three-year contract.

The initial fee is thought to be £2 million, but that could rise to £5 million depending on a series of performance-related clauses and add-ons.

Video: Cesc Fabregas Kisses Male TV Presenter Live On Air!

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By Chris Wright

Don't let it be said that 'Cesc Fabregas isn't a charitable fellow.

When Caiga Quien Caiga presenter Raul Gomez professed that his one wish was to kiss a 'campeones del mundo', the Arsenal skipper didn't even batter (or should that be 'flutter') an eyelid in granting his request live on air!

Arsenal In For Japan World Cup Star Keisuke Honda?

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By Chris Wright

An EXCLUSIVE! report on Sport.co.uk this morning seems to suggest that Arsenal may be mulling over a move for Japan's stand-out World Cup star Keisuke Honda, who currently plays his club football in Russia with CSKA Moscow.

Ryan Babel’s Swimming Shorts Story Is A ‘Must Read’

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By Chris Wright

I really can't write an introduction that could possibly do justice to this vivid and momentous tale, so please just go right ahead and immerse yourself in it.

Remember this is taken from Babel's Twitter account so you have to read it from the bottom to the top.

Barcelona’s Rafael Marquez Close To New York Red Bulls Switch

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By Chris Wright

Barcelona's Mexican utility man Rafael Marquez is close to agreeing a deal that will see him follow Thierry Henry's lead in leaving the Camp Nou for the New York Red Bulls.

Red Bulls sporting director Erik Soler had hinted that the acquisition of Henry wouldn't be the club's only high-profile signing this summer and it seems that Marquez will be the next star to swap La Liga for the MLS, with the man himself confirming his plans to leave the Catalan giants in search of first-team football;

"I want to leave Barcelona in a good way, I hope to get my passage to solve my future soon in the MLS or outside of MLS.

Chang The Elephant Is The Most Awesome Football Mascot In The World

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By Ollie Irish

A mascot named Chang? With a trunk! All day long.

"Re-up!"

"You're my soldier, right? That's right."

"A man got to have a code."



Joachim Low To Stay On As Germany Coach Until Euro 2012

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By Chris Wright

Germany coach Joachim Loew has signed a two-year contract extension with the German Football Federation (DFB), that will see him remain at the helm to oversee Die Mannshaft's Euro 2012 campaign.

Loew's previous deal expired at the final whistle of Germany's World Cup third-place play off against Uruguay but now he (along with assistant coach Hans-Dieter Flick, team manager Oliver Bierhoff and goalkeeping coach Andreas Kopke) has been handed a fresh set of terms in reward for his total rejuvenation of the German style of play.

Wesley Sneijder Marries WAG, Top 10 Summer Transfer Tales, Danielle Lineker On Her New Family, Berbatov Gets Tattoo

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By Ollie Irish

Links!!!

TOP LINK WAG Danielle Lineker (pictured) hopes her teenage stepsons don't think of her as a lingerie model. We have no idea why she might think that BBC

Wesley Sneijder marries model Yolanthe van Thingy Thingy in Tuscany.

Fiorentina Coach Sinisa Mihajlovic Can Still Hit A Mean Freekick (With Video Evidence)

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By Chris Wright

Back in the late 90′s/early 00′s Sinisa Mihajlovic (then of Lazio and Inter Milan) was famous for two things, the first being his often overt racism just ask Patrick Vieira and the second being that he could dispatch a freekick from pretty much any where on the pitch.

Video: Thierry Henry’s First New York Red Bulls Training Session

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By Ollie Irish

It's real, Thierry. You made this happen. How does it feel?

And messing about on Jimmy Fallon:

Love that first penalty trick he pulls. Not the first time he's done it:



Ribery And Benzema Detained By French Police Over Underage Prostitution Ring

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By Ollie Irish

"You looking at me? You looking at me? Please don't, I'm hideous."

Franck Ribery resembles the Bond villain you just rescued from a burning building, but he's a multi-millionaire footballer so he doesn't have to pay for sex. If you look anything like Ribery and you're not a multi-millionaire footballer, well.

Photos: Bournemouth 1-1 Fulham, Pre-Season Friendly – Bobby Zamora Scores On Comeback

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By Ollie Irish

Anton Robinson opened the scoring for the newly promoted home side, Bobby Zamora equalised with his head. Both goals came in the first half. And Fulham still don't have a gaffer. That's all really.

Pics:

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Fulham's Danny Murphy during pre-match training



Pies Classics: ‘The Big Match’ Opening Credits

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By Ollie Irish

A warming blast from t'past, featuring Brian Clough, Ipswich Town and Ray Wilkins with hair. A million times better than Sky Sports, obviously.



Steven Gerrard Is Staying At Liverpool – That Boy Has No Ambition

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By Ollie Irish

Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard is going nowhere, because he is "very impressed" with new manager Roy Hodgson. Back off, Mourinho.

And by "very impressed", I mean he quite likes the signing of Joe Cole. It doesn't take much to please Stevie G, does it one Chelsea reserv later and suddenly everything is coming up roses.

William Gallas To Be Sued By Tunisian Dentists?

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By Chris Wright

Outbound Arsenal centre-back William Gallas may face legal action from the Union of Tunisian Dentists after inadvertently "damaging the image" of the entire nation's dental workers.

Gallas flew his personal dentist (who hails from Tunisia) out to the World Cup for treatment at a cost of £20,000 and duly proceeded to publicly question the quality of healthcare in the north African country on his website after undergoing a botched procedure.

The Stupendous Supermodel World Cup Final 2010: Australia (Miranda Kerr) v Paraguay (Larissa Riquelme)

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By Herman Miller

We were kind of hoping for an England v Brazil final, but now look what you've done. So the final of the Stupendous Supermodel World Cup 2010 sees Australia's Miranda Kerr (not skanky but rather young-looking) take on the one, the only Larissa Riquelme of Paraguay (the very embodiment of skanky).

Arsenal Ban Vuvuzelas – Silence Is Golden

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By Ollie Irish

This just in from Arsenal:

"Further to their hugely debated involvement at this summer's World Cup Finals in South Africa, Arsenal Football Club has decided to forbid the use of vuvuzelas within Emirates Stadium with immediate effect.

"This decision has been taken to ensure the enjoyment and safety of supporters on Matchdays, which is of paramount importance to the Club.

Arsenal Striker Eduardo On The Verge Of Joining Shakhtar Donetsk

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal striker Eduardo da Silva is within 48 hours of completing a move to Shakhtar Donetsk, after agreeing personal terms with the Ukranian giants yesterday following a week of negotiations.

The Croatian international has already passed a medical at the club under the supervision of Shakhtar chief medical officer Francisco Biosca, and has also sought the advice of his national team manager Slaven Bilic before rubber-stamping the move.

Video: Robinho’s Shocking Miss Against Fluminense

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By Chris Wright

Picture the scene, Santos are a goal down at home to rivals Fluminense and as the game enters it's final stages it's looking increasingly likely that the hosts will end the game with nothing to show for their efforts.

However, Santos have an ace up their sleeve and, with just seven minutes left to play, a soft cross-cum-shot bobbles it's way to the far post where star winger Robinho lies in wait to level the tie.

Photos: Peterborough 2-3 Aston Villa, Pre-Season Friendly

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By Ollie Irish

Five goals at London Road last night, including a gem of an opener by Ashley Young, made this a friendly worth watching.

Posh look in pretty good shape for the new season. Villa should be fine, but it's slightly worrying for Martin O'Neill that James Milner is still in Man City's sights, reportedly, whilst Young has yet to commit to new contract talks.

Didier Drogba In Talks Over £20m Move To Man City, City Up Their Bid For Mario Balotelli

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By Chris Wright

Take a glance at the fancy ants. Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: The agent of Chelsea striker Didier Drogba has revealed that he is in talks with Manchester City over a £20 million move.

Speaking to Radio Monte Carlo, Thierno Seydi said;

"Today he's at Chelsea.

Fulham Target Martin Jol Agrees To Stay At Ajax ‘In Principle’

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By Chris Wright

Ajax Amsterdam manager Martin Jol looks set to snub Fulham after confirming this morning that he has agreed to stay on at the Dutch giants 'in principle', despite holding talks with the Cottagers yesterday.

Jol told Amsterdam-based newspaper De Telegraaf;

"[Fulham] were interested but in principle I will stay at Ajax.

Simply Red Star Joins Liverpool’s Backroom Staff

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By Chris Wright


Sadly it's not that Simply Red star. And not likely to be either Hucknell is a massive Man Utd fan.

Former Simply Red guitarist Sylvan Richardson has joined Liverpool as the club's new masseur, after spending two years kneading the knots from the calves of cyclist Sir Chris Hoy.

Video: Liverpool Boss Roy Hodgson Meets New Signing Joe Cole

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By Chris Wright

Three weeks ago neither of these men had anything to do with Liverpool...now look at 'em!

Just two men, holding hands on a balcony for slightly too long what could be more natural?



Video: What Exactly Does Jermaine Jenas Do?

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By Ollie Irish

A perpetual question that is never answered...

This. All day long.

There is no better critique of JJ. Poor, cuddly, unloved JJ.

Thanks to @JackBarnes for the tip



Tottenham Ban Vuvuzelas From White Hart Lane

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By Ollie Irish

Tottenham Hotspur have announced a ban on vuvuzelas inside White Hart Lane. Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooood. They're the first Premier League club to take a stand on the instrument that I like to call 'Satan's Disharmonious Horn'. More Prem clubs will follow suit this week, I'm sure.

Cristiano Ronaldo: ‘Me, You, F*ck F*ck’

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By Ollie Irish

"Me, you, fuck fuck."

Those four little words were all it took for Cristiano Ronaldo to seduce the mother of his newborn baby son. Why, he's almost as charming as Mel Gibson.

The Mail takes up the story:

"Cristiano Ronaldo became a father as the result of a one-night stand with a penniless American waitress, it was claimed yesterday.

Joey Barton: I’m As Good As Any English Midfielder

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By Ollie Irish

Joey Barton believes he is as good as any midfielder in England. Right. Let's take a moment to let that sink in. And breathe out...

JB, who captained Newcastle United in Saturday's 3-0 friendly win at Carlisle, is a very good player when he wants to be.

Comedy Genius: Will Ferrell As Jeff Vuvuzela, Inventor Of The Vuvuzela (Duh)

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By Ollie Irish

Will Ferrell on awesome form.

BONUS PIC! Will Ferrell in an England shirt. With friends. Lovely friends.

A vuvuzela in action:



Georgie Thompson Squeezes Into Red PVC Catsuit For Sky Sports News HD Ad

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By Ollie Irish

Typically understated work from the Murdoch Reich.

Do I want to see Georgie Thompson in HD? Yes please.

Do I want to see Phil Thompson in HD? Not so much.

Via Goaly Moly



Liverpool Sign Joe Cole On A Four-Year Deal

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool have confirmed, via their official website (which has now crashed), that free-agent Joe Cole has signed for the club on a four-year deal following his release from Chelsea.

The England winger's move to Anfield is now only subject to a routine medical that will be undertaken either later today or first thing tomorrow morning.

Everton Win First Trophy Of New Season! Suck On That, Liverpool

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By Ollie Irish

Everton won the third and final match of its pre-season tour Down Under, 2-1 against A-League's Brisbane Roar. In doing so, they became the first English club to lift a trophy this season. Suck on that, Liverpool!

(Of course there's no need to mention that it's the Mickey Mouse.

Which Part Of ‘Fabregas Is Not For Sale’ Don’t You Understand?

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By Ollie Irish

"Make them stop, dear God."

It's okay to hate Barcelona divine, mystical, untouchable, godlike Barcelona. It's okay now because they're weaselly c**ts who act without class, shame or respect for other clubs.

With regard to the blatant and relentless courting tapping up, in effect of Arsenal captain Cesc Fabregas, I believe Barca have brought the game into disrepute.

Video: Michael Essien Makes Young Boy Cry – There Will Be Blood

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By Ollie Irish

Warming up before the Palace v Chelsea friendly...

I tagged this in the 'Funnies' section. I hope you laughed. Frankly, this kid is a crybaby and should man the f**k up.

Camp Drog says:

"Ooh Michael, you are awful!

Photos: Barnet 0-4 Arsenal – Laurent Koscielny & Marouane Chamakh Make Arsenal Debuts

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By Ollie Irish

A stroll for Arsenal in their traditional pre-season friendly at Underhill. This from Arsenal.com's official match report:

"The tone was set after just 90 seconds when Andrey Arshavin waltzed round home keeper Jake Cole before tapping home. Jay Simpson added two more before the break as the visitors dominated.

The Only Amateur Player At The World Cup Retires From Football

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By Chris Wright

New Zealand defender Andy Barron, who was the only amateur* player at this summer's World Cup, has decided to retire from 'all football' and when he says 'all football', he bloody well means 'all football'!

The 29-year-old midfielder intends to give up playing altogether (semi-pro leagues, 5-a-side, Subbuteo) in order to focus on his banking career.

Sol Campbell Weds WAG Fiona Barratt, Ashley Cole Is Booed

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By Ollie Irish

Sol Campbell and new wife Fiona Barratt (see above) are now hitched. She's an interior designer. I'm saying nothing, except... what the hell is it with Sol and interior designers? Hmmm. No man should be that into interior design.

So the lovely couple got married this weekend in some small Northumberland outpost, and Ashley Cole was among the guests.

Video: Ronaldinho Raps With 50 Cent In Rio, The Crowd Go Mild

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By Chris Wright

'Awkward' just doesn't seem to cover it.



Photos: Crystal Palace 0-1 Chelsea – Michael Essien Scores On Comeback

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By Ollie Irish

When you're playing in a team with a Michael Essien-shaped hole in its heart, I imagine you're always aware of that absence damn, where is Essien when you need someone to do the work of three men?

Who knows how Ghana might have done in South Africa this summer with a fit Essien in their engine room?

Liverpool Want A Decision From Joe Cole After ‘Brief Talks’, Arsenal Planning £18m Bid For Everton’s Phil Jagielka

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By Chris Wright

Devo? Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: Liverpool manager Roy Hodgson is confident he can persuade free-agent Joe Cole to join the club after holding 'brief talks' with the player's representatives over a three-year, £90,000-a-week deal.

Martin Jol Set To Be Named New Fulham Manager

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By Chris Wright

"What?"

Word on the wire is that Fulham will install Martin Jol, who is incidentally one of the most intimidating and one of the most affable men in football, as their new manager within the next few days.

Thierry Henry: ‘I Want To Return To Arsenal As A Waterboy’

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By Chris Wright


New York Red Bulls striker Thierry Henry has revealed (yet again) that he really really really wants to return to Arsenal after his playing career ends, and the former Highbury legend admitted that he would be willing to shovel sh*te (metaphorically) in order to get his foot in the door.

Sh*t Lookalikes: Alexi Lalas & Peter Krause (‘Six Feet Under’ And Other, Less Successful Stuff)

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By Ollie Irish

I see this. I mean, it's shit, but I totally see it.

Nice work, Chris Kent - any relation to Clark (I'm pretty sure you've never heard that before)?

Got a Shit Lookalike for us? Send it to me! ollie@anorak.

Graham Dorrans Signs New Contract With West Brom

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By Chris Wright

West Brom's highly-rated Scottish midfielder Graham Dorrans has ended months of speculation by penning a new four-year deal (with the option of a fifth) at the club.

Dorrans signed a fresh deal at The Hawthorns in January, but he has now seen his fine domestic form last season rewarded with an improved set of terms, in a bid to ward off heavy interest from West Ham.

Tottenham To Sign Veteran Croatia Goalkeeper – And Craig Bellamy?

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By Ollie Irish

"Triffic. Just triffic. Fantastic, my swarthy Croatian boys. Just fantastic."

Tottenham gaffer Harry Redknapp has revealed he's back in the market for Croatian goalkeeper Stipe Pletikosa. He loves Croatians, does Arry.

Pielights: 12-16 July, 2010

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By Ollie Irish

The most popular posts on Pies this week, brought to you by not-very-talented girl group The Saturdays:

"Hi, we're The Saturdays and these are our Pielights. We love you guys buy our new single!"

Mesut Ozil's chewing gum trick

Top 10 villains of the 2010 World Cup

Emotional Iker Casillas Kisses WAG Sara Carbonero After Final Win

Cristiano Ronaldo is much, much better than you

Top 10 stars of the 2010 World Cup

Every goal scored at the 2010 World Cup

Top 100 photos of the 2010 World Cup, Part 1

Thierry Henry signs for NY Red Bulls

2010 World Cup team of the tournament

Gerard Pique spits on Spain official

New Man Utd home kit

Top 100 photos of the 2010 World Cup, part 2

Mike Tyson shows up at Peterborough United

Top 10 flops of the 2010 World Cup

New Tottenham kits, not great



Photos: Kenny Miller Models New Rangers Away Kit – An Atletico Madrid Rip-Off

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By Ollie Irish

So Rangers want to be Atletico Madrid now? That's the message we get from their new away kit, modeled here by striker Kenny Miller.

The Gers did wear an away kit like this once before, in the 2003-04 season. I suppose it's a classic colour scheme, but not for Rangers.

West Ham United Sign Pablo Barrera (With Photo)

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By Ollie Irish

"I have always dreamed of playing alongside the great Englishman Mark Noble."

This just in from West Ham:

"West Ham United are delighted to announce the signing of Mexico FIFA World Cup star Pablo Barrera.

The winger, who turned 23 on 21 June, has moved to the Boleyn Ground from Mexican Premier Division side Club Universidad Nacional (Pumas de la UNAM) on a four-year contract with a one-year option for fee of £4m.

Sunderland Want Man Utd Striker And Man City Defender

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By Ollie Irish

Sunderland assistant manager Eric Black has confirmed his club wants to sign Manchester United striker Danny Welbeck.

Black said: "It's still ongoing. The manager [Steve Bruce] has stated he [Welbeck] is somebody he would certainly like to have in the squad, but Manchester United are in the States at the moment for another couple of weeks, so I don't imagine it will happen in the next week or two.

Football Sob Stories: No One Wants To Sign Mamadou Niang

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By Ollie Irish

Will someone please, please make a bid for Marseille forward Mamadou Niang. Only to shut him up.

Niang is desperate to leave OM for one last payday but there has been no interest so far.

The 30-year-old Senegalese striker told France Football: "At my age it is perhaps the last chance I will get to have a good challenge abroad.

Photos: Motherwell 1-0 Breidablik, Europa League Second Qualifying Round

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By Ollie Irish

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Motherwell Chris Humphrey's and Breidablik Kristinn Jonsson battle for the ball during the Europa League Second Qualifying Round, first leg match at Fir Park, Motherwell.

Breidablik are deep into their domestic season (they're currently leading the league in Iceland), so you might have expected them to be sharper than Motherwell.

Olympique Lyonnais Kit Launch Is A Tad Excessive…

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By Ollie Irish

You might think Adidas and Lyon would want to be hush-hush about its new shirt-crossed-with-curtains monstrosity. Apparently not.



New Tottenham Puma Kits Are Variable In Quality, Spoiled By Horrible Logo

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By Ollie Irish

Without the sponsor's logo, Tottenham's new home kit looked quite nice. With it, well, you can see for yourself...

What was a simple and pleasingly retro shirt has morphed into a cheap piece of poo. That logo is an abortion.


Rate Tottenham's New Home Kitonline survey

And the other kits are not much better.

World Cup Video: Cocky German Fans’ Auto Mishap Is Pure Schadenfreude

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By Ollie Irish

Instant karma. Love it. Or, football juuuuuustice:



Celtic Draw Braga In Champions League Qualifying Round, Liverpool To Face Rabotnicki Or Mika In Europa League

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By Ollie Irish

The headlines from today's Champions League & Europa League draws:

Champions League:

Celtic play Braga of Portugal in the Champions League third qualifying round (away leg first for the Bhoys). Braga have never played in the CL before, but I'd say Portugal's league is stronger than Scotland's, so it won't be easy.

Chelsea Open The Bidding For Fernando Torres

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By Chris Wright

It's going to take a damn sight more than that chaps!

(via Goal.com)



Liverpool And Tottenham Join The Race For West Ham Target Loic Remy

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By Chris Wright

After being spurred into action by West Ham's advances, both Liverpool and Tottenham have moved quickly to enter the race to sign highly-rated Nice striker Loic Remy.

Nice's chief executive Patrick Governatori has claimed that both clubs have made bids of between €14.

Top 10 Flops Of The 2010 World Cup

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By Ollie Irish

The World-Class stars who went missing in South Africa:

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Frank Lampard, England - World-class for Chelsea, second-class for England again.

Photos: PA



Photos: Everton Train In Australia Ahead Of Brisbane Roar Friendly

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By Ollie Irish

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Everton's Phil Jagielka rues a missed chance in training

Photos: Joe Giddens / EMPICS



West Ham Promise ‘Exciting New Signing’ Today (‘Exciting’ Means ‘Not Exciting’)

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By Ollie Irish

Pablo Barrera, on the run for Mexico in the World Cup, against Uruguay

West Ham United plan to announce "at least one exciting new signing" today. This sounds exciting until you realise that the signings in question are the very opposite of exciting: Mexico winger Pablo Barrera and former Portsmouth striker Frederic Piquionne.

New Chelsea Away Kit Is Effing Horrible

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By Ollie Irish

Like Darth Vader's thermal underwear. Nasty. And look at how much of a c**tface John Terry is making. There's nothing good about this.

Still, that's just my opinion. You like?


Rate The New Chelsea Away Kitonline survey



World Cup Video: What Rob Green Was Thinking

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By Ollie Irish

Good work, though I'd be amazed if it was much more than the sound of a tumbleweed.



Lazio Accept Man City’s £17m Offer For Aleksandar Kolarov, Shakhtar Donetsk Mulling £20m Robinho Move

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By Chris Wright

Striker. Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: Manchester City have seen their £17 million bid for Lazio left-back Aleksandar Kolarov accepted, and will now begin to discuss personal terms with the 24-year-old Serbian international.

Wayne Rooney Set For HUGE New Contract At Man Utd

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United are poised to open talks with Wayne Rooney over a bumper new contract that is reported to be worth anywhere between £35 £36.4 million, depending on which newspaper you choose to peruse.

Rooney (who's current £90,000-a-week deal expires in July of 2012) is currently on holiday (in Miami, at a guess), but will meet United's chief exec David Gill upon his return to thrash out a new 'mega' contract that will see him become the highest-paid player in the club's history.

Bidding War Erupts Over Paul The Psychic Octopus!

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By Chris Wright

After a series of peerless performances at this summer's World Cup, it should come as no surprise that Paul The Psychic Octopus is attracting interest from right across Europe.

Zoo Aquarium in Madrid have submitted a transfer bid to the Sea Life centre in Oberhausen, Germany where the newly-retired Paul currently resides, but it is rumoured that the clairvoyant cephalopod's huge wage demands may scupper any potential move.

Sunderland ‘Keeper Craig Gordon Suffers Broken Arm, Will Miss Start Of Season

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By Chris Wright

Just a quickie to regale the news that Sunderland 'keeper Craig Gordon suffered a broken arm in training yesterday (his second fracture in nine months) and is expected to miss the start of the upcoming Premier League season as a result.

Thierry Henry Retires From International Football

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By Chris Wright

Shameless!

It never rains but it pours. New York Red Bulls striker Thierry Henry has followed Emile Heskey's lead and retired from international football this afternoon.

Henry, who is France's record goal-scorer with 51 goals in 123 appearances, apparently announced his decision during an interview this afternoon at the offices of The Associated Press in New York.

Video: Giggs, Obertan & Berbatov Model New Manchester United Kit

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By Ollie Irish

Like 'The Full Monty' only without the nudity. I would have like to see Dimi Berbatov coolly smoking a cigarette as the curtain went up.

And some Wes Brown-related banter from class clown John O'Shea:

New Manchester United Home Kit For 2010-11 – Much Better



Wayne Rooney Wins £4.3m Lawsuit Against Former Agents

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By Ollie Irish

Sports management firm Proactive has lost its £4.3 million lawsuit against Wayne Rooney - it's Wazza's first big win in a while (boom tish).

Rooney stood accused of withholding commission on multi-million pound deals brokered by Proactive, who used to represent him.

Real Madrid To Sign Sami Khedira, Not Steven Gerrard

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By Ollie Irish

The reason Germany didn't miss injured Michael Ballack in the World Cup can be summed up in two words: Sami Khedira. The young Stuttgart midfielder had an excellent tournament, and made many people's Best XIs.

He won't be at Stuttgart much longer, however.

Everton Reject Anton Peterlin To Sign For Plymouth Argyle?

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By Ollie Irish

About a year ago, we told you the amazing story of Anton Peterlin, a young midfielder from the States who was signed by Everton after impressing on trial. Well, Peterlin's Everton dream didn't work out and he was released by the club in June 2010, without ever making a first-team appearance.

A Nation Mourns As Emile Heskey Retires From International Football

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By Chris Wright

Aston Villa 'striker' Emile Heskey has announced his retirement from international football this afternoon after somehow amassing 62 caps during since making his debut in 1999, notching a hearty seven goals along the way.

Top 100 Photos Of The 2010 World Cup, Part 2

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By Ollie Irish

Here's the second and final part of our Top 100 photos of the 2010 World Cup (Part 1 here). Enjoy, and as I've said before, if you can't be arsed to click through the gallery, then don't! (I'm looking into a more user friendly photo layout and I'm well aware it can be a bit fiddly and time-consuming.

Polish ‘Keeper Artur Boruc Leaves Celtic For Fiorentina

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By Chris Wright

Fiorentina have completed the signing of 'keeper Artur Boruc from Celtic on a two-year deal, after the 30-year-old passed his medical at the Italian club earlier this morning.

The Polish international had been first-choice at Parkhead since joining from Legia Warsaw in 2005, but a dip in form under previous manager Tony Mowbray meant that his position in the starting XI had come increasingly under-threat from fellow Pole Lukasz Zaluska who joined from Dundee last summer.

New Manchester United Home Kit For 2010-11 – Much Better

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By Ollie Irish

You're looking at Manchester United's new home shirt, complete with new sponsor's logo.

First thoughts? It reminds me a lot of the kits worn by United in the late 1970s/early 80s, which is exactly what the designers intended.

A Nation Mourns As Emile Heskey Retires From International Football

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By Chris Wright

Aston Villa 'striker' Emile Heskey has announced his retirement from international football this afternoon after somehow amassing 62 caps during since making his debut in 1999, notching a hearty seven goals along the way.

Boxing Legend Mike Tyson Shows Up At Peterborough v West Ham Friendly

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By Ollie Irish

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Former World Heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson is paraded on the pitch at half time during the pre-season friendly match at London Road, Peterborough.

Who should stroll out at half-time during Peterborough's pre-season friendly against West Ham at London Road?

The Stupendous Supermodel World Cup 2010: Brazil (Adriana Lima) v Paraguay (Larissa Riquelme)

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By Herman Miller

The second semi final (you can still vote on the first: England v Australia) is an all-South American affair, between the classy Adriana Lima of Brazil and the not-so-classy Larissa Riquelme of Paraguay.

Look at the pics, decide, look again maybe, vote.

Photos: Linfield 0-0 Rosenborg, Champions League Second Qualifying Round

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By Ollie Irish

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Rosenborg team group photo prior to kick off in the UEFA Champions League Second Qualifying Round First Leg match at Windsor Park, Belfast, Northern Ireland.

Rosenborg of Norway, who can boast the likes of World Cup star Anthony Annan (the young Ghana midfielder, who was very impressive in South Africa) in their team, were clear favourites to win this tie, but not now.

Man City Turn To Mikel Arteta After James Milner Move Hits Stalemate, Chelsea Undetered By Fernando Torres’ Injury

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By Chris Wright

You ain't my muvvah! Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: Manchester City are determined not to meet the £30 million asking price that Aston Villa have placed on the head of their highly-prized midfielder James Milner, and as such talks between the two clubs have reached a stalemate with City reluctant to budge after seeing a £24 million bid rejected.

Video: Thierry Henry’s First Interview For New York Red Bulls

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By Chris Wright

Je m'appelle Thierry, pour ma vacances je vais en Amerique.



West Ham Closing In On Loic Remy And Pablo Barrera

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By Chris Wright

West Ham are close to tying up the signings of Nice striker Loic Remy and UNAM Pumas winger Pablo Barrera, with both players expected to join the club in the next few days.

Hammers co-owners David Gold and David Sullivan have flown out to the south of France this morning in an attempt to rush through a £12 million deal for Remy, after seeing their initial £10.

FA Cup Replays To Be Scrapped In Favour Of A Winter Break?

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By Chris Wright

According to a report in this morning's Guardian, the Football Association (FA) are considering scrapping FA Cup replays in a bid to free up room in the crowded domestic fixture list for a two-week winter break.

The proposal is just one of the options the FA are looking into, in a bid to revitalise the 139-year-old competition which is struggling with dwindling attendance figures as club's priorities shift elsewhere.

Man City Take The Son Of The A-Team’s ‘Faceman’ On Trial

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By Chris Wright

Manchester City have agreed to take 20-year-old American striker Roland Benedict on trial, and it just so happens that young Roland is the son of former A-Team star Dirk Benedict who played Templeton 'Faceman' Peck in the hit 80′s show.

Photos: Melbourne Heart 0-2 Everton – Jermaine Beckford & Joao Silva Make Everton Debuts

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By Ollie Irish

Everton beat A League new boys Melbourne Heart 2-0 in the second match of their pre-season tour of Australia. Strikers Jermaine Beckford and Joao Silva made their Everton debuts, but the goals came from the boots of Jack Rodwell and Louis Saha (who also missed a penalty).

Michael Ballack’s Agent Calls Germany’s World Cup Squad ‘A Bunch Of Gays’

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By Chris Wright

The agent of midfielder Michael Ballack has planted his fuß firmly in his mund by branding the current Germany squad 'a bunch of gays'.

Michael Becker, who has represented Ballack since 1999, allegedly made the remarks in an interview with Der Speigel magazine two months prior to the World Cup.

Barcelona Take Out €150m Loan

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By Ollie Irish

"It's okay Zlatan, they won't sell you to Man City now."

"Thank Christ... now kiss me, you fool."

FC Barcelona have taken out a €150million loan to ease their financial troubles.

The loan, signed and sealed today, will be lent jointly by several Spanish banks, including La Caixa and Banco Santander.

World Cup Video: Wasted Gerard Pique Spits On Spanish Official Pedro Cortes

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By Ollie Irish

Is this is what footballers do when they're trousered? Yuck.

Pique's victim is Pedro Cortes, director of the Spanish Football Federation.



2010 World Cup: The Team Of The Tournament

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By Ollie Irish

Not an Englishman in sight...

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Manuel Neuer, Germany - Immensely impressive for such a young keeper. Can be Germany's No.1 for the next decade.

That lot would have to be managed by Spain gaffer Vicente Del Bosque, who did a superb job in getting a bunch of world-class players to play like world-class players.

Thierry Henry Signs For New York Red Bulls, Will Make Debut v Spurs

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By Ollie Irish

Word on the internet (Via @arseblog and others) is that Thierry Henry has finally completed his move to the New York Red Bulls well, it's been on the cards for a while, with only the small matter of the World Cup preventing the move from taking place earlier in the summer.

England Climb One Place In FIFA Rankings! Could It Be Magic?

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By Ollie Irish

Somehow, dismal England have risen a place in the FIFA world rankings up to seventh despite their abject performance in South Africa last month, which resulted in Capello's lads being ranked 13th of the 32 teams at the World Cup England's worst ever WC campaign.

Fernando Torres Ruptured Thigh Muscle In World Cup Final, May Miss Start Of Premier League Season

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By Ollie Irish

Crap news for new Liverpool manager Roy Hodgson: Spain's Football Federation has revealed Fernando Torres has ruptured a muscle in his left thigh, during Sunday's World Cup final.

Thinking more about it, the injury means Torres will almost certainly stay at Liverpool for one more year at least.

World Cup Video: Netherlands Celebrate Successful Tournament With Open-Top Canal Parade

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By Ollie Irish

Those crazy Dutch bastards with their crazy Dutch canals, crazy Dutch sex industry and crazy Dutch cafés.



Iker Casillas ‘Confident Ashley Cole Will Join Real Madrid’

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea left-back Ashley Cole is poised to 'end his personal hell' in England (which is mostly of his own making) with a £30 million move to Real Madrid, according to the Spanish giant's iconic 'keeper Iker Casillas.

Chelsea Drop Out Of The Race For Mesut Ozil, Craig Bellamy And Robinho To Lead Man City Exodus

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By Chris Wright

Could it be? Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: Chelsea are ready to drop their interest in Werder Bremen's rising star Mesut Ozil as the Premier League champions are convinced that the 21-year-old German starlet is bound for Bayern Munich.

Tottenham Boss Harry Redknapp Urges Joe Cole To Put Football First (And Join Spurs)

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By Chris Wright

Joe's forever blowing bubbles

Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp has urged free-agent Joe Cole to prioritise his footballing ambitions and put his financial demands on the back-burner for the time being.

Spot The Baller: 14 July, 2010

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By Ollie Irish

It's been a while, eh. But StB is back and here to stay.

Who in the world is this? Let's have it...

Previous answer:

Rio Ferdinand!

Well done to Richard, the only person to get it right.

Switzerland Coach Ottmar Hitzfeld In Talks Over Fulham Job

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By Chris Wright

Switzerland coach Ottmar Hitzfeld is understood to have held informal talks with Fulham over succeeding Roy Hodgson in the Craven Cottage hotseat.

Hitzfeld has two years left to run on his contract with the Swiss national team, but it is thought that the lure of managing in the Premier League may be enough to tempt the veteran German manager into prematurely severing his ties with the Swiss Football Association (SFV-ASF).

Ukraine Cartoon Predicted Holland v Spain World Cup Final

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By Ollie Irish

According to this news report, Ukrainian animators outdid Paul the Octopus by predicting almost a year ago not only which teams would contest the World Cup final Holland and Spain but also the correct scoreline: 1-0 to Spain.

Via RT.

Snapshot: Bohemians 1-0 The New Saints, Champions League Second Qualifying Round

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By Ollie Irish

Bohemians' Paddy Madden has his eye on the ball during his side's Champions League second qualifying round, first-leg match against Welsh Premier League outfit The New Saints at Dalymount Park, Dublin. Killian Brennan scored the only goal of the game, with a header in the 66th minute.

Marseille Star Wants To Play For ‘Fantastic’ Tottenham Or ‘Very Good’ Atletico Madrid

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By Ollie Irish

Marseille defender Taye Taiwo appears to be sweet on a move away, either to "fantastic" Tottenham or "very good" Atletico Madrid.

The 25-year-old Nigerian, who played for his country in the 2010 World Cup, is contracted to OM until 2012 but wants out.

Video: Epic Goalkeeper Fail In Iceland

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By Ollie Irish

Fast forward to 1min 20sec to enjoy a splendid cock-up during a match in Iceland. Rob Green, this will make you feel a lot better about your World Cup howler.

Oops. Butter fingers. The keeper is Ogmundur Olafsson of HK.



Noel Gallagher: ‘Man City’s Transfer Plans Have Blown My Mind’

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By Chris Wright

Former Oasis star and greying haystack Noel Gallagher has revealed that he has seen Manchester City's summer transfer plans, and that the targets outlined therein 'blew his mind'.

Gallagher claimed to have caught a glimpse his beloved club's list of targets during a lunch with City chief exec Gary Cook;

"I just had a big, long lunch with Garry [Cook] and the revelations you lot are going to hear in the next month are going to blow your mind – but I can't say anything.

Man City’s Kelvin Etuhu Charged With Assault

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By Chris Wright

Manchester City's Kelvin Etuhu has been charged with 'wounding with intent' and 'assault occasioning actual bodily harm' for his role in a fight that took place inside a Manchester casino four months ago.

The 22-year-old, Nigerian-born midfielder was arrested by police after three people (two men and a woman) were injured during the disturbance at the Manchester 235 Casino on February 27th of this year.

Top 100 Photos Of The 2010 World Cup, Part 1

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By Ollie Irish

The first part of our pictorial celebration of the 2010 World Cup (Photos: PA):

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Stunt aircraft fly over the Soccer City stadium, Johannesburg, before the World Cup opening ceremony

Quite a lot to flick through but I think it's worth it some cracking pics in there.

Arsenal’s Opening Bid For Mark Schwarzer Rejected By Fulham

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By Chris Wright

Fulham have rejected Arsenal's first formal bid (which is believed to be in the region of £3 million) for their veteran 'keeper Mark Schwarzer, according to Sky Sports News.

Whispers were circulating this morning that Schwarzer had already completed a medical at the Emirates, but these claims have now been rubbished although the 37-year-old Aussie stopper is said to be 'jumping at the chance' to join the Gunners.

World Cup Video: Spain Star Xavi Tests The ‘Redeveloped’ Jabulani Ball

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By Chris Wright

It's like watching a knock-kneed toddler struggle with a size 5, although the fact that the 'Jabulani gigante' still looks huge once compared to the giant figure of Javi Martinez gives you some indication of it's actual size!

One question prevails why?

World Cup Video: Every Goal Scored At The 2010 World Cup

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By Ollie Irish

Something for your lunchbreak: every goal scored at the 2010 World Cup.

What struck me is the amount of er, how to say this SHIT goals. Like, a lot of close-range rubbish, especially tap-ins after goalkeeping errors. Nice one, Jabulani.

Top 10 Stars Of The 2010 World Cup

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By Ollie Irish

Who enjoyed the most win in South Africa? Here's who:

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Larissa Riquelme - Paraguay's hottest fan became a global star during the tournament, all thanks to a fondness for low-cut tops. And who are we to argue?

Tottenham Confirm Interest In Brazil World Cup Star

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By Ollie Irish

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Tottenham gaffer Harry Redknapp has admitted his interest in triffic striker Luis Fabiano but admits that he may lose out because of the Brazilian striker's "mega money" demands.

Tottenham have not contacted Sevilla, the player's current club, but Redknapp confirmed he would be interested in the forward.

Cesc Fabregas: I Am Really Proud To Be An Arsenal Player

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By Ollie Irish

After Spain's 1-0 win over the Dirty Dutch in Sunday's World Cup final, Cesc Fabregas dedicated the win to current club Arsenal. But he sounded like a man who will be joining compatriots Xavi and Andres Iniesta in Barcelona. Anyway, see what you think of his quote:

"This [World Cup win] is for the Arsenal players, the Arsenal fans, for the manager and all his staff.

Fernando Torres’ World Cup Injury Will Keep Him At Liverpool, West Ham Poised To Sign Mexican Star

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By Chris Wright

On a morning from a Bogart movie. Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: The groin strain that Fernando Torres suffered in the World Cup final may keep him sidelined for up to two months, and will therefore jeopardise any potential plans the Spanish striker had to leave Liverpool this summer.

Djibril Cisse Eyes Liverpool Return

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By Chris Wright

Lord of the Manor of Frodsham (seriously) Djibril Cisse has spoken of his desire to rejoin former club Liverpool this summer, after seeing an opportunity open up for him to finally make his mark at Anfield.

The 28-year-old French international, who spent two seasons with the Reds before joining Olympique de Marseille in 2006, has rediscovered his goalscoring form during his time with Greek giants Panathinaikos and believes that he could be the man to bolster Liverpool's paper-thin forward line.

World Cup Video: Cesc Fabregas Made To Wear Barcelona Shirt By Spain Team-Mates

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By Chris Wright

In light of yesterday's uber-sensitive hoo-ha, I'm going to 'plead the fifth' on this one.

Isn't Sergio Ramos wearing a lovely hat?



Johan Cruyff Slams Holland’s ‘Anti-Football’

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By Chris Wright

Dutch footballing icon Johan Cruyff has lambasted the current Holland side's regression to 'anti-football' tactics during their World Cup final defeat to Spain.

Cruyff, who was a central figure in Holland's pioneering totaal voetbal ethos during the 1970′s, has admitted that he was saddened to see the thuggish methods employed by Bert Van Marwijk's side on Sunday night.

World Cup Video: Andres Iniesta’s Legs Are A Mess After Brutal World Cup Final

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By Ollie Irish

To those fans who branded Iniesta a diving cheat, check out the state of his legs after the World Cup final:

The Dirty Dutch left their marks, eh.



Cesc Fabregas: I Am Really Proud To Have Been An Arsenal Player

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By Ollie Irish

After Spain's 1-0 win over the Dirty Dutch in Sunday's World Cup final, Cesc Fabregas dedicated the win to current club Arsenal. But he sounded like a man who will be joining compatriots Xavi and Andres Iniesta in Barcelona. Anyway, see what you think of his quote:

"This [World Cup win] is for the Arsenal players, the Arsenal fans, for the manager and all his staff.

Cristiano Ronaldo Is Much, Much Better Than You

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By Alex Netherton

Do I have to do everything around here?

Ronaldo had a crap World Cup. Ronaldo's a smug bastard. Ronaldo did a wink once and it was bad.

Yes, all true. But Cristiano Ronaldo is also an example to us all, showing us what we'll never be: he's comfortable in his own skin to the point that he no longer needs much human interaction.

Paul The Psychic Octopus To Retire

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By Chris Wright

It's a sad, sad day in the footballing world today, as the news is slowly filtering through that Paul The Psychic Octupus is to hand up his tentacles and retire from the world of professional 'tipster'ing.

The mystic mollusk has successfully predicted the outcome of the eight World Cup games he has been consulted on (all seven of Germany's ties, plus last night's final) and is calling it a day with his 100% record intact.

World Cup Video: Cesc Fabregas And Carles Puyol On The Beers After Final Win

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By Ollie Irish

Awesome. How good did that beer taste? Much better than Budweiser normally tastes, I imagine.



World Cup Final Viewing Figures – BBC Destroys ITV

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By Ollie Irish

Spain play with their shiny new toy

In terms of viewing figures for Sunday's World Cup final, the BBC handed ITV its arse, with almost five times as many people choosing Gary Lineker over Adrian Chiles.

The BBC claimed its match audience average was 4.

World Cup Sh*t Lookalikes: Steve Cherundolo & Zach Gilford

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By Ollie Irish

Actor Zach Gilford plays Matt Saracen in NBC series 'Friday Night Lights' (yes, it's based on the very good book). Steve Cherundolo is a journeyman US soccerball player (right-back is his default position) with more than 60 international caps.

World Cup Video: Pitch Invader Jimmy Jump Attempts To Pinch World Cup Trophy, Punched By Security Man

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By Ollie Irish

Serial pitch invader Jimmy Jump got very, very close to the World Cup trophy, before an alert security bloke intervened with a swift takedown.

Jump, a self-promoting, bandwagon-jumping Spaniard, got a lot closer to the trophy than any England player.

Photos: Sydney FC 0-1 Everton, Pre-Season Friendly – Victor Anichebe For The Win

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By Ollie Irish

World Cup, what World Cup? Pah, now it's back to serious business...

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Everton team group

Everton won the first of their three matches Down Under, thanks to a goal just after half-time by Victor Anichebe.

World Cup Video: Emotional Iker Casillas Kisses WAG Sara Carbonero After Final Win

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By Ollie Irish

Aww, a scene to melt even Dutch hearts. But that Carbonero, what a pro to the last!

I also loved how Casillas started crying even before the final whistle. He couldn't keep his emotions down, much like I'm struggling to keep my breakfast down after a night of booze and World Cup finalry.

Top 10 Villains Of The 2010 World Cup

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By Ollie Irish

There were probably more villains than heroes at the 2010 World Cup. That's not such a bad thing, as we all love a good villain. Here's our top 10:

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Mark Van Bommel - The man they couldn't book. In the final he became the man they couldn't send off.

World Cup 2010 Final Photos: Netherlands 0-1 Spain – Iniesta Wins It In Extra Time

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By Ollie Irish

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Yolanthe Cabau van Casbergen (girlfriend of Wesley Sneijder) in the stands before game between Netherlands v Spain

That was rubbish. Especially from the dirty Netherlands, who can have no complaints about referee Howard Webb favouring Spain, when he generously chose to keep both Karate Kid Nigel de Jong and that c**t Mark van Bommel on the pitch.

The Stupendous Supermodel World Cup 2010: England (Kelly Brook) v Australia (Miranda Kerr), Semi Final

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By Herman Miller

You have voted, we have counted the votes. The four ladeeez into the semi finals of the Stupendous Supermodel World Cup are: England's Kelly Brook, Australia's Miranda Kerr, Brazil's Adriana Lima and Paraguay's Larissa Riquelme.

World Cup Video: Mesut Ozil’s Chewing Gum Trickery

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By Chris Wright

Germany star Mesut Ozil has ze skills to pay ze bills, but my lord are those eyes creepy!



Celtic Confirm The Signing Of Joe Ledley

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By Chris Wright


Celtic have confirmed, via their official website, that they have signed highly-rated Welsh midfielder Joe Ledley on a four-yeal deal.

Ledley, who was a free-agent after his deal with Cardiff City expired at the beginning of the month, was also in talks with Stoke City but eventually decided on a move north of the border after being impressed by a recent visit to Parkhead.

World Cup Video: Uruguay 2-3 Germany – Germans Bronzed

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By Ollie Irish

On this evidence, there's a lot to be said for the maligned third-place playoff. Both Uruguay and Germany wanted to win, showed no inhibition, and so played arguably the most entertaining and open match of the tournament. All of which was in stark contrast to Sunday's cynical final.

Chelsea Chasing Benfica Left-Back Fabio Coentrao, Man City Eye Up Swap Deal For Edin Dzeko

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By Chris Wright

Out on the winding, windy moors we'd roll and fall in green. Here's the round up...

Rumour No. 1: Chelsea have lined up Benfica's Portuguese international left-back Fabio Coentrao as the man they will turn to, should Ashley Cole decide to flea the instrusive English media this summer and join Jose Mourinho's revolution at Real Madrid.

Paul Scharner Set For Liverpool Talks

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By Chris Wright

Former Wigan utility man Paul Scharner is set to hold talks over a possible free-transfer move to Liverpool during the next few days, after his contract with the Latics expired at the beginning of the month.

Newly- appointed Reds boss Roy Hodgson is a known admirer of Scharner, and tried to sign the versatile 30-year-old midfielder on at least three separate occasions whilst still in charge at Fulham a fact that isn't lost on his agent Valentin Hobel;

"Roy Hodgson and Paul Scharner this is a special relationship, Hodgson thinks that Paul's strengths in midfield are better than his attributes in central defence.

Jimmy Bullard’s Celtic Move Collapses

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By Chris Wright

Hull City midfielder Jimmy Bullard's proposed move to Celtic looks to have fallen through, according to the club's chairman (or 'head of football operations' to give him his official title) Adam Pearson.

Snapshot: Shakira And Mascot Zakumi At Soccer City For World Cup Final

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By Ollie Irish

Pop star Shakira (she's the one on the right), who will perform at the World Cup closing ceremony, holds the Adidas Jabulani match ball as she poses for photos at the Soccer City Stadium, Johannesburg. Next to her is tournament mascot Zakumi.

Netherlands v Spain, 2010 World Cup Final: Who You Got?

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By Ollie Irish

The Dutch squad train at the Soccer City Stadium ahead of Sunday's World Cup final. Photo: PA

After 63 matches and God knows how many blown vuvuzelas and ballooned set pieces, the 2010 World Cup is down to its end game: the Netherlands v Spain, an all-European final in Africa.

Will Mario Balotelli Choose Manchester City Or Manchester United?

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By Ollie Irish

Inter striker Mario Balotelli is at the centre of a potential transfer war between Man City and Man Utd both clubs have been linked with the young Italian. In an interview with an Italian newspaper, Balotelli hinted that he would consider a move to England.

Photos: Larissa Riquelme Poses 100% Naked For Paraguay Magazine (NSFW)

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By Herman Miller

As she promised, and despite Paraguay's failure to win the World Cup not really a failure as the South Americans had a very good World Cup superfan/glamour model Larissa Riquelme has posed 100% naked, for Paraguayan publication Diarios Popular.

Paul Gascoigne – The Raoul Moat Radio Interview, A Surreal Extract

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By Ollie Irish

What doesn't kill you makes you stranger so said Heath Ledger's Joker. And there's nowt stranger than Paul Gascoigne, who seems to unravel a little more each time he hits the headlines. How long before he's down to his very last marble?

Here's an extract of Gazza's surreal interview on Real Radio, in which he attempts to play the negotiator, but with terrible, embarrassing results (Transcript via the excellent Sabotage Times).

Real Madrid Fan Rafael Nadal Buys Shares In Troubled Real Mallorca

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By Ollie Irish

Wimbledon champion Rafael Nadal has become a shareholder in Real Mallorca in an attempt to assist the cash-strapped club they are struggling with debts reported to be around €85million.

Nadal is a massive Real Madrid fan but as he was born on the island of Majorca, Real Mallorca is his local club by birth.

WAG Claudine Keane: French World Cup Failure Was ‘Bad Karma’

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By Ollie Irish

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Robbie Keane's wife Claudine on France's highly amusing exit from the World Cup: "Maybe it was just bad karma and maybe it was [Thierry] Henry's handball that came back around and bit them on the bum.

Paul Gascoigne Shows Up At Raoul Moat Stand-Off, Describes Wanted Gunman As ‘Good Friend’

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By Ollie Irish

Paul Gascoigne, of all people, showed up at the Raoul Moat police cordon earlier this evening and asked to talk to his friend 'Moatie'. Gazza had brought the suspected killer some food, alcohol and warm clothing. We're not making this up.

The 1990 World Cup hero described Moat as "a good lad" and claimed there was no chance of the man wanted in connection with three shootings trying to harm him, as they are mates.

Michel Platini Faints In Restaurant, Taken To Hospital – Heart Attack Ruled Out

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By Ollie Irish

UEFA president Michel Platini was taken to hospital tonight after fainting in a Johannesburg restaurant.

Platini, 55, was taken to hospital for tests as a precaution but his adviser William Gaillard said he had been told "not to worry".

West Bromwich Albion Reveal New Umbro Kits – Shame About The Logo

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By Ollie Irish

Home:

Away:

As with most new Umbro kits, the emphasis is on simplicity. That's a good thing. But... you're thinking what I'm thinking, right? The HomeServe sponsor's logo ruins both kits. Were I Alan Pardew, I might say the logo totally rapes the shirts.

Injured Gary Neville To Miss Man Utd’s Pre-Season Tour Of USA, Canada & Mexico

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By Ollie Irish

"I'm too old for this shit."

Manchester United club captain Gary Neville has been ruled out of the club's pre-season tour of North America and Mexico because of a new injury.

The 35-year-old right-back will remain at the Carrington for treatment on a calf problem, as his United team-mates leave on Monday for Chicago.

Free Agent Joe Ledley ‘Impressed’ By Celtic – Stoke & Birmingham To Miss Out On Young Winger

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By Ollie Irish

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Joe Ledley, Cardiff City

Joe Ledley, the young Welsh winger who really caught the eye in his time at Cardiff City, is currently a free agent thanks, Blackpool and in search of a new club.

Paul The Psychic Octopus Tips Spain, David Beckham Selects World Cup XI, Celtic Go Green With Nike Kit Deal

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By Ollie Irish

Links!!!

TOP LINK Paul the psychic octopus tips Spain to beat Holland in World Cup final Goaly Moly

Top World Cup players on Facebook NY Times

Top 10 players who made their name at the 2010 World Cup ITV

Photos of miserable German football fans after defeat by Spain Anorak

David Beckham picks his World Cup star XI Mirror

Celtic sign eco-friendly kit deal with Nike FourFourTwo

FIFA to reconsider goal-line technology?

The Stupendous Supermodel World Cup 2010: Holland (Doutzen Kroes) v Australia (Miranda Kerr)

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By Herman Miller

The last of the QFs sees World Cup finalists Holland take on Australia.

Look, decide, look again maybe, vote...

Holland:

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Australia:

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Vote!

Queen Sofia Of Spain Meets Victorious Spanish Team After World Cup Semi, Carles Puyol Dressed Only In Towel

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By Ollie Irish

At least Puyol wasn't fully naked, but you can tell he was embarrassed by the way he scuttled off to a corner of the dressing room. Normally he takes off the towel and whips his team-mates with his knob.



Dutch Porn Star Offers Oral Sex To All Her Twitter Followers… If Holland Win World Cup

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By Ollie Irish

Dutch porn star Bobbi Eden has promised ALL of her Twitter followers a blow job each if the Netherlands win the World Cup on Sunday. Well, that's one way to guarantee more followers. At time of writing, BobbiEden has 87,576 followers but she could top 100,000 by Sunday.

Cristiano Ronaldo Tackles Annoying ‘Journalist’ – ‘Someone Might Kill You’

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By Ollie Irish

This is perhaps the first time I've ever had any sympathy with C-Ron. The 'journalist' (opportunist) who is hassling him sounds like a prick of monumental proportions. All in all, it's just a horrible encounter, a perfect exhibit to illustrate the double-edged sword of celebrity.

Photos: Avram Grant Unveiled As New West Ham Manager

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By Ollie Irish

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New West Ham manager Avram Grant poses for the media during a photo call at Upton Park, London.

What do we reckon a good appointment? Safe, is the word I'd use Uncle Avram won't let the Irons down.

Milan Jovanovic Finally Seals Liverpool Move

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By Chris Wright

Better late than never.

Serbian forward Milan Jovanovic has finally completed his protracted move to Liverpool after signing a three-year contract with the club.

The 29-year-old agreed a deal to move to Anfield whilst the now-departed (you know what I mean) Rafa Benitez was still at the helm, and there were suggestions that the Spaniard who was sworn in as the new Inter Milan coach in June may attempt to high-jack the agreement.

Man City Boss Roberto Mancini: ‘If Inter Sell Mario Balotelli, We Will Be There’

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By Chris Wright

Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini has issued a statement of intent by going public with his plans to sign Inter Milan forward Mario Balotelli should the Italian treble-winners decide to sell the volatile youngster.

Howard Webb Selected To Referee 2010 World Cup Final

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By Ollie Irish

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England's Howard Webb will referee the 2010 World Cup final between Spain and Holland.

The 38-year-old from Rotherham was selected by FIFA's referees committee and will become the first Englishman to referee the World Cup final since Jack Taylor did West Germany v Holland in 1974, and the youngest in 72 years.

FIFA Announces 10-Man Golden Ball Shortlist – Wayne Rooney Doesn’t Make It

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By Ollie Irish

The ten-man shortlist for the Golden Boot looks like this (in alphabetical order):

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Diego Forlan, Uruguay

Nope, no Rooney in there. No sign of any of England's Golden Generation, in fact.

Inter Milan Star Wesley Sneijder Snubs Man Utd Move, Man City Lining Up Offer For Didier Drogba

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By Chris Wright

It's a nice day to start again. Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: Days after Inter Milan president Massimo Moratti revealed that Manchester United have lodged an interest in him, Dutch midfielder Wesley Sneijder has moved quickly to pledge his future to the Nerazzurri;

"I have a very good feeling at Inter and I don't want to let them down after winning everything and losing Jose Mourinho.

Former Arsenal Defender Sol Campbell In Talks With Sunderland

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By Chris Wright

Veteran centre-back Sol Campbell is in talks with Sunderland after failing to agree an extension to his short-term contract at Arsenal, whom he joined during the second-half of last season.

The 35-year-old defender is currently a free-agent and has already held talks with Celtic over a possible move north of the border, but it would appear that Black Cats manager Steve Bruce is prepared to gamble on giving the former England international one last Premier League swansong.

Owen Hargreaves Suffers Yet Another Injury Setback

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United midfielder Owen Hargreaves has suffered yet another setback in his continual fight against the inevitable, after once again breaking down in training.

Hargreaves was scheduled to fly out to America (for a pre-season tour) with the rest of the United squad next week, but the former England international will now be visiting the States under entirely different circumstances to receive further specialist treatment on his relentless knee problem.

Video: Odd Grenland Players Celebrate Goal With Acrobatic Rolls

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By Ollie Irish

The circus celebration is around one minute into the video:

Probably the gayest thing I've ever seen on a football pitch.

PS. Odd Grenland is a team from Norway.



In Another Life: Joachim Löw, Catalogue Model

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By Ollie Irish



Snapshot: Partick Thistle Launch New African-Style Home Kit

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By Ollie Irish

Simon Donnelly (left) and Jackie McNamara launch the new Africa-inspired Partick Thistle Puma home kit at Greaves Sports in Glasgow.

Sandy Greaves of Greaves Sports (a family business by any chance?) said: "We wanted to stick with the traditional red and yellow hoops that Thistle are famous for, but introduce the brush stroke design which Puma has so successfully used for their African teams in the World Cup.

Simon Kjaer Signs For Wolfsburg – A Transfer Coup For Steve McClaren

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By Ollie Irish

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Wolfsburg today completed the signing of highly rated Denmark defender Simon Kjaer. He arrives from Palermo on a four-year contract, for an undisclosed fee. What an excellent signing for the Wolves.

Guess What Egotist Cristiano Ronaldo Named His Son?

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By Ollie Irish

C-Ron's sister, Katia, has revealed the name of her bro's new baby, and you almost certainly guessed it from the headline:Â "The baby is doing very well, Katia said. "We are looking after him while Cristiano is away.

"He's called Cristiano, just like his dad.

The Bumper 2010 World Cup Female Fan Gallery

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By Ollie Irish

I wouldn't say it's been a vintage World Cup for spotting hawt female fans in the stands during lulls in matches, but perhaps that's what happens when you hold the tournament in the winter, albeit a fairly mild winter. Anyhoo, judge for yourself with our bumper World Cup 2010 female fan gallery:

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Photos: PA



World Cup Winners: Sara Carbonero, WAG Of Iker Casillas

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By Ollie Irish

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Off the pitch, one of the biggest winners in this World Cup has been Sara Carbonero, the TV reporter girlfriend of Spain goalkeeper Iker Casillas. Some sections of the media seem to find it weird that she has to interview her boyfriend, for example after Spain lost to Switzerland in their opening match, but she's been nothing but professional and has done her career the world of good in South Africa.

Arsene Wenger Concerned By ‘Nervous’ Arsenal Star

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By Ollie Irish

Who could the nervous player be? Why it's jitterbug Manuel Almunia, of course. Who else!?

Speaking to Kenya newspaper The Standard, Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger said: "Manuel Almunia is a talented goalkeeper. In training, he is superb, the only problem is that he gets nervous on big matches, thereby making silly mistakes.

World Cup Photos: Germany 0-1 Spain – The Psychic Octopus Was Right

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By Ollie Irish

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Spanish television presenter Sara Carbonero, girlfriend of Spain goalkeeper Iker Casillas prior to kick off

Paul the psychic octopus was spot on. I was right too, in as much as I predicted a Spain victory (2-1, not 1-0 though).

World Cup Memes: Arjen Robben Curled Into A Ball

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By Ollie Irish

Dutch winger Arjen Robben is an overnight internet sensation, and here's why:

Take one of these (a classic Robben position after a Michel Bastos tackle during the Brazil quarter-final):

And simply add Photoshop...

A big hat tip to our pals at The Spoiler for being one of the first sites to jump all over this.

Luis Fabiano’s Agent Plays Down Man Utd Link, West Ham Miss Out On Miroslav Klose

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By Chris Wright

Here's you fudgin' round-up...

Rumour No. 1: The agent of Brazilian striker Luis Fabiano has played down the speculation linking his client with a summer move to Manchester United or AC Milan.

Fabiano has a year left on his contract with Sevilla, although there is a buy-out clause in his deal that means the 29-year-old would be able to leave the Rojiblancos for around £25 million.

World Cup Video: Even NASA Hate The Jabulani Ball

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By Chris Wright

"The worst soccer ball in history" not my words, the words of NASA no less!

This video features some fascinating tracking shots of the Jabulani World Cup ball 'knuckling' (something to do with volatile, asymmetric air flow) mid-flight.

Inter Chief Massimo Moratti: ‘Man Utd’s Interest In Wesley Sneijder Is Real’

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By Chris Wright

Inter Milan president Massimo Moratti has confirmed that Manchester United have made an initial approach for Wesley Sneijder.

Sneijder has enjoyed an impressive World Cup with the Netherlands so far and is chasing an unprecedented personal quadruple this season as a result, after winning both the Italian league, cup and the Champions League as part of Jose Mourinho's invincible Nerazzurri squad.

World Cup Photos: Uruguay 2-3 Holland – Dutch Reach First Final Since 1978

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By Ollie Irish

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A Netherlands fan celebrates after the final whistle

The 3-2 scoreline makes this sound like quite a thrilling match, but strangely it wasn't that satisfying to watch, despite Gio Van Bonckhorst's goal of the tournament, from 41 yards out.

The Greatest Comedy Own Goal Ever Scored? (With Video Evidence)

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By Ollie Irish

Only in Ireland...

That is brilliant even more spectacular than the infamous Chris Brass Face Fail.

The full story, via Yahoo:

"Mervue United's Kenny Farrell was attempting to clear the ball out of defence in a tense match against Waterford, but his punt up field instead caught team-mate Mike Elwood smack in the face.

Laurent Koscielny On The Verge Of Completing Arsenal Switch

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By Chris Wright

A little bird has whispered in Pies' ears that Arsenal are on the cusp of securing the £10 million signing of Lorient defender Laurent Koscielny, and it is thought that the 24-year-old's move to the Emirates will be officially rubber-stamped later this afternoon.

Top 20 Players Whose Value Has Soared During The 2010 World Cup

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By Ollie Irish

The agents of all these players should be very happy with the way the 2010 World Cup has gone for their clients.

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Nelson Valdez, Paraguay - Still only 26, this dynamic forward has a work-rate and physicality that would go down well in England

Anyone we missed?

The Stupendous Supermodel World Cup 2010: Argentina (Yesica Toscanini) v Paraguay (Larissa Riquelme), Quarter-Final

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By Herman Miller

The third quarter-final in the Stupendous Supermodel World Cup (after South Africa v England and Italy v Brazil) is an all-South American affair, between the classy Yesica Toscanini and the not-so-classy (skanky, you might even say) Larissa Riquelme.

World Cup Video: Xavi Vuvuzela Fail

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By Ollie Irish

Stick to the football, wee man...

To be fair to little Xavi, that vuvuzela is almost as tall as him.



Arsenal Set To Finally Make Their Move For Mesut Ozil, Liverpool Line Up Twente Winger Bryan Ruiz

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By Chris Wright

Here's the wumour wound-up...

Rumour No. 1: After several years of scouting, Arsenal are finally ready to make their move for Werder Bremen starlet Mesut Özil who has shone for Germany at the World Cup.

Everton Lose Dan Gosling For Nothing After Admin Error

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By Chris Wright


Everton had to stand by and watch as highly-rated youngster Dan Gosling walked out of the club last night, after the Premier League ruled that he was free to leave following an administrative error on the club's part which left him contract-less.

Paulo Sousa Named As New Leicester City Manager

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By Chris Wright

The Suavest Man in Footballâ„¢ Paulo Sousa has been officially confirmed as the new manager of Leicester City after vacating his post at Swansea City on Monday.

Speaking to the club's official website, Sousa said;

"I am delighted to be here, it is a great club with great supporters and a rich history and I am very excited by the challenge.

Algeria The Ugliest Team At The World Cup, Claims Dating Website

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By Ollie Irish

According to the face facists at dating website Beautiful People, Algeria are the ugliest team at the 2010 World Cup. Or were, to be more accurate, as they didn't make it out of their group.

"Collectively, the worst looking team is Algeria," says Greg Hodge, managing director of Beautiful People.

World Cup Video: Mesut Ozil Dresses Up As An Old Man For Nike Ad

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By Chris Wright

My rudimentary (i.e. non-existent) grasp of German has once again proved to be my downfall, as I'm afraid I cannot make head-nor-tail of this video.

I think 'fußball' loosely translates as 'football', but after that I'm stuck.

If any, more scholarly (or indeed German) readers out there have got a clue what's happening here, I'd love to know!

Fernando Torres Seeks Liverpool Talks

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool striker Fernando Torres has requested talks with the club's board to clear up the growing uncertainty surrounding his Anfield future.

Torres' has found himself linked with big-money moves to most of Liverpool's Premier League rivals over the past few weeks, but has refused to comment on whether the speculation until after his involvement in the World Cup comes to an end.

Top 10 World Cup Flops, Larissa Riquelme Will Strip Naked, John Terry The Pirate, England Wrong To Axe Walcott Says Messi

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By Ollie Irish

TOP LINK Top 10 World Cup flops, starring Cristiano Ronaldo Goaly Moly

Larissa Riquelme WILL take her clothes off after all. Wouhou! Metro

John Terry plays like a clown, dresses as a pirate Mail

Lionel Messi bemused by Theo Walcott axe Bleacher Report

Ronaldinho ate all the pies The Spoiler

Dutch didn't think they'd get this far in the World Cup Unprofessional Foul

Roberto Mancini loses his locks Off the Post

Howard Webb could still ref World Cup final Guardian

Jogi Low won't take off his lucky v-neck The Sun

Paul the psychic octopus says Spain will beat Germany Goaly Moly

C-Ron and his model girlfriend Kickette

Nicklas Bendtner set to miss start of league season with groin injury BBC

West Ham keen on Ghana striker Asamoah Gyan?

Diego Forlan Could Have Been A Man Utd ‘Hero’, Also Very Good At Tennis – Alex Ferguson

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By Ollie Irish

Manchester United gaffer Sir Alex Ferguson has admitted Uruguay star Diego Forlan could have been a United hero. Except, er, Fergie sold him.

Ferguson said of Forlan: "I sent him a text the other day. He's been fantastic and we're all proud of him.

World Cup Sh*t Lookalikes: Diego Forlan & Sally Gunnell

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By Ollie Irish

Ah, remember Sally Gunnell? A real woman's man.

Send your Shit Lookalikes to ollie@anorak.co.uk



The Stupendous Supermodel World Cup 2010: Italy (Elisabetta Canalis) v Brazil (Adriana Lima), Quarter-Final

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By Herman Miller

The second quarter-final (South Africa v England went up yesterday) in our Supermodel World Cup is a heavyweight clash between Italy (Elisabetta Canalis) and Brazil (Adriana Lima).

Look, look again, vote for your favourite.

Italy:

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Brazil:

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Vote!

Liverpool Boss Roy Hodgson Wants To Sign England World Cup Flop

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By Ollie Irish

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New Liverpool manager Roy Hodgson is interested in signing Joe Cole to replace Yossi Benayoun. With Benayoun now a Chelsea player, Liverpool look very bare in the playmaker department, and Cole would be a sensible, if fairly expensive signing.

Real Madrid Striker Raul Set For Schalke Switch

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid veteran Raul Gonzalez is on the verge of completing a move to the Bundesliga with Schalke 04, according to none other than the striker's former teammate Christoph Metzelder.

Metzelder himself made the very same switch earlier in the summer, and firmly believes that the Spanish legend is due to follow suit.

Chelsea Open The Bidding For Fernando Torres, Man Utd Chasing Dutch Hero Wesley Sneijder

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By Chris Wright

Hungover, apologies if none of this sakes mense. Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich has flown out to South Africa in an attempt to secure the £50 million signing of Fernando Torres.

World Cup Video: Paraguay Model Larissa Riquelme Skydives, Pole Dances, Models

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By Herman Miller

Paraguay glamour model Larissa Riquelme has been one of the stars of the World Cup, cheering on her team with alacrity. She won't now be streaking naked (UPDATE: She will!), as Paraguay are out of the tournament, but console yourself with these videos, rounded up off the YouTubes:

Larissa jumps out of a plane:

Larissa goes to the pole:

On the catwalk:

Great to know Guru Josh is still big in Paraguay, eh.

Tottenham Considering Ground-Breaking Shirt Sponsorship Deal

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By Chris Wright

Tottenham Hotspur are reportedly exploring the prospect of introducing a landmark shirt sponsorship deal that would see four different companies sign up to have their logos emblazoned across their shirts one in the Premier League, one in the Champions League, and the other two being used in both of the domestic cup campaigns.

World Cup Photos: Paraguay 0-1 Spain – David Villa Is The Difference

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By Ollie Irish

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Spanish television presenter Sara Carbonero (left) reports from the side of the pitch whilst her boyfriend, Spain's goalkeeper Iker Casillas (right), warms up prior to kick off.

Without the electric David Villa, Spain would almost certainly not have reached the last four.

My Pies: Customise Your Own Football Page

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By Ollie Irish

To give you more control over the football content you want, Who Ate All The Pies has come up with My Pies, a standalone football page which you can customise to your heart's content. With all the latest football news, images, videos and WAGs, it's well worth checking out.

Photos: David Beckham Jinxes Andy Murray At Wimbledon, Now The Aussies Invite Him To Watch The Ashes

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By Ollie Irish

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David Beckham and Orlando Bloom (right) during Day Eleven of the 2010 Wimbledon Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis Club, Wimbledon.

Bit late on this, but here's a wee gallery of David Beckham and son Brooklyn putting the Becks jinx on Andy Murray.

World Cup Photos: Argentina 0-4 Germany – Awesome Germans Destroy Maradona’s Dream

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By Ollie Irish

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An Argentina fan in the stands

Wow x4. These Germans are amazing and, for once, lovable. Perhaps it's because they play revelation alert! as a team? All the star vehicles Ronaldo, Messi, Rooney have broken down by the side of the road in South Africa, but Germany's incredible teamgeist only seems to be making them stronger as the tournament progresses.

FIFA To Merge Their Two Most Prestigious Awards

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By Chris Wright

Just a quickie to keep y'all abreast of the latest goings-on in football land.

FIFA have announced this morning that, as of next year, they will be merging their Ballon d'Or award (i.e. the European Footballer of the Year award) with their World Player of the Year award to form a new, combined mega-award named.

World Cup Photos: Netherlands 2-1 Brazil – Dutch Comeback Stuns Selecao

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By Ollie Irish

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A Brazil fan in the stands impersonates former player Ronaldo

Photos: PA

Well, I predicted Brazil would win the World Cup, so of course they haven't won the World Cup I'm more cursed than Nike, or that's how it feels sometimes when it comes to predicting football matters.

World Cup Photos: Uruguay 1-1 Ghana (Uruguay Win 4-2 On Penalties) – Panto Villain Luis Suarez Claims New ‘Hand Of God’

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By Ollie Irish

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Ghana fans in the stands

Photos: PA

Ghana out and a whole continent in tears. Oh do shut up since when did we assume all of Africa was backing Ghana? How patronising. Having been told by ITV's World Cup team that I must support Ghana against Uruguay, naturally I chose to support Uruguay (a classical, romantic World Cup team).

The Stupendous Supermodel World Cup: South Africa (Candice Swanepoel) v England (Kelly Brook), Quarter-Final

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By Herman Miller

You have looked, you have clicked. The eight babes who made it to the quarter-finals come from South Africa (Candice Swanepoel), Italy (Elisabetta Canalis), Brazil (Adriana Lima), Argentina (Yesica Toscanini), Paraguay (the ubiquitous Larissa Riquelme), England (Kelly Brook), Holland (Doutzen Kroes) and Australia (Miranda Kerr).

Fernando Torres’s Agent Refuses To Rule Out Liverpool Exit, Chelsea Chasing Germany Star Thomas Muller

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By Chris Wright

Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: The agent of Fernando Torres has refused to confirm that his client will be staying at Liverpool, sparking claims that the Spanish striker could be poised to move to a rival Premier League club this summer.

Cristiano Ronaldo Announces The Birth Of A Son

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By Chris Wright


Just look at those fertile loins

Preening, grease-swathed man-toddler Cristiano Ronaldo has announced, via his Facebook page, that he has sired a son and heir.

The Portuguese forward's statement reads;

"It is with great joy and emotion that I inform I have recently become father to a baby boy.

Fulham Lining Up Lee Clark To Succeed Roy Hodgson?

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By Chris Wright

According to a report in today's Daily Mirror, Fulham are poised to open talks with former fan's favourite Lee Clark over succeeding Roy Hodgson at the Craven Cottage helm.

Clark is currently in charge at League One side Huddersfield and, pending permission from Terriers chairman Dean Hoyle, could be interviewd for the vacant post at some point in the next 48 hours.

World Cup Video: Brazil Goalkeeper Julio Cesar Emotional After Dutch Defeat

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By Ollie Irish

Good on JC for holding it together. At one stage it looked like he was about to have a breakdown live on TV, but after a few deep breaths he regained his composure. Tough loss for Brazil, and especially for Cesar, who should have done better for Holland's first goal.

World Cup GIFs: John Terry’s Desperate Dive v Slovenia

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By Ollie Irish

You're gonna need a bigger boat...

Slightly disturbing.

The source material:

Heart of a lion, that man. Brain of a lion too, mind.



Barcelona Strip Johan Cruyff Of ‘Honorary President’ Title

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By Chris Wright

Dutch legend Johan Cruyff has seen his title of 'honorary president' of Barcelona rescinded by Sandro Rosell, who took over the role of 'actual president' yesterday.

Cruyff was handed the title last year by former chief Joan Laporta, but Rosell has moved quickly to strip the 63-year-old of the honour claiming the appointment to be 'undemocratic'.

New Manchester City Home Shirt For 2010-11 Is Simple, Classy (With Leaked Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

Of course there was absolutely zero need to bring out another new Man City home shirt, as the current one is rather lovely, but I do think this new one is slightly lovelier. It reeks of class and even looks comfortable, as so many of the new Umbro kits do.

World Cup Sh*t Lookalikes: Young Mesut Özil & Mr G From ‘Summer Heights High’

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By Ollie Irish

Now Özil looks like a young Peter Lorre. A few years ago, he was channeling Mr G from brilliant Australian sitcom 'Summer Heights High'.

Another win for Nick Chadwick

Send your Shit Lookalikes to ollie@anorak.

World Cup Video: District 9 Parody – ‘District 11 – World Cup Aftermath’

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By Ollie Irish

I haven't yet seen District 9 I know, I know so I have little idea if this is spot-on or wide of the target. Perhaps those of you who have seen the original can tell me...

Thanks to Nay for the tip.



World Cup Video: Diego Maradona Smokes Cuban Cigar In Training With Argentina

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By Ollie Irish

Just when you thought El Diego couldn't get any more awesome... he get's more awesome:

What a guy.



Real Madrid To Make Shock Move For Robin Van Persie, West Ham Chasing Brazilian Starlet Neymar

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By Chris Wright

Our father who art in heaven, hallowed by thy round-up...

Rumour No. 1: Newly-appointed Real Madrid coach Jose Mourinho is poised to test his Arsenal counterpart Arsene Wenger's resolve by tabling a £35 million offer for striker Robin Van Persie.

New Newcastle United 2010-11 Home Kit Is Horrible (With Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

First the banana costume, now this disaster...

Bleeurgh. This is really bad, the keeper's kit too. The style of shorts, as worn by Italy to no great effect in South Africa, is particularly bad. Puma did a much better job with the new Tottenham home shirt.

Liverpool’s Yossi Benayoun Will Join Chelsea Today

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By Chris Wright

The word on Pies Street is that Yossi Benayoun will officially complete his £5.5 million move to Chelsea this very afternoon, after new Liverpool boss Roy Hodgson green-lighted the Israeli's exit last night.

The Football WAG Index No.28: Betty Kourakou (Mario Balotelli’s Girlfriend)

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By Ollie Irish

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This is Greek model Betty Kourakou. She's the girlfriend of Inter striker Mario Balotelli. Or was. It's hard to keep up with Super Mario.

More WAGs



Clint Dempsey On His Way Out Of Fulham?

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By Chris Wright

The agent of Fulham forward Clint Dempsey has revealed that his client is currently mulling over several offers from clubs right across Europe and also hinted that the US international may even decide to follow his former manager Roy Hodgson to Liverpool.

Which Fulham Player(s) Will Roy Hodgson Sign For Liverpool?

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By Ollie Irish

New Liverpool boss Roy Hodgson is a good bloke, clearly, but that doesn't mean Uncle Woy wouldn't dare poach a player or two from his former club, Fulham. That's just the way it works managers want to work with players they rate and like.

I don't think Hodgson will pillage the Cottage, but I predict he will sign at least one Fulham star before the beginning of the new Premier League season.

Man City Sign Yaya Toure From Barcelona

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By Chris Wright

I love the...?

Manchester City have secured their third major signing of the summer after confirming that Yaya Toure has finally completed his heavily protracted move from Barcelona (thus putting to an end to some of the most tedious 'will he/won't he' transfer gossip I have ever had to deal with!

The Many Faces Of Diego Maradona

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By Ollie Irish

A simple photo essay proves that Diego Maradona is the real star of this World Cup so far:

He couldn't be less than 110% charismatic if he tried.

Photos: PA



World Cup Video: Nike’s ‘Write The Future’ Advert, The ‘Curse’ Re-Edit

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By Chris Wright

Some clever dick had re-edited Nike's million-dollar, star-studded 'Write The Future' advert so as to negate all those nasty 'curse' conspiracy theories.

It's a little crude, but you get the picture!



First Photos! Roy Hodgson Unveiled As Liverpool Manager

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By Ollie Irish

Uncle Woy rocks up at Anfield:

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New Liverpool manager Roy Hodgson poses for photographs on the Anfield pitch during a press conference at Anfield Stadium, Liverpool.



Landon Donovan’s Love Child, Arsenal Target Benfica Defender, Aguirre Quits Mexico, Top 5 World Cup Defensive Lessons, Lahm Slams Argentina

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By Ollie Irish

TOP LINK Landon Donovan made a love child? Goaly Moly

... But David Letterman didn't even ask Landon about it With Leather

Christine Bleakley on hols with Frank Lampard in Italy Anorak

Arsenal target Benfica defender Mirror

Diego Maradona mistakes German forward Thomas Müller for a ballboy Dirty Tackle

Eric Cantona set for cameo role in Doctor Who, if Matt Smith gets his way The Spoiler

Top 5 defensive lessons learned from the 2010 World Cup group stage FourFourTwo

Mexico head coach Javier Aguirre steps down Kwaitoball

The Daily Show's Jon Stewart chips in on the World Cup Deadspin

Top 10 World Cup flops Telegraph

Germany skipper Philipp Lahm turns up the heat on Argentina Guardian



Former West Ham Defender Calum Davenport Cleared Of Assault

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By Chris Wright


Former West Ham defender Calum Davenport has been cleared of actual bodily harm amidst claims that he attempted to both head-butt, bite and throttle his sister during a drunken row in which he also allegedly called her a 'form of cancer' and a 'whore' after finding that she was pregnant again.

England’s World Cup Referee Howard Webb Overlooked For Quarter-Finals

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By Chris Wright

England's sole remaining great-big-white-bald-World-Cup-hope, referee Howard Webb, has seen his dreams of officiating the final dashed after being overlooked to oversee any of the four quarter-final ties.

(A pretty sh*te decision on FIFA's part considering that 'our Howard' who, incidentally, was one of the least popular figures in English football about two months back has probably been the most consistent ref at this summer's tournament.

World Cup Video: US Chat Show Host Jimmy Kimmel Mocks Japan v Paraguay

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By Ollie Irish

Okay, Kimmel has a point. I made the mistake of watching ALL of Japan v Paraguay and it was even less exciting than the weekly features meeting at a golf magazine.



Whistle Blower: Which Premier League Player Got His Wife’s Sister Pregnant?

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By Ollie Irish

Pies understands that for one Premier League player, a very big stream of shit is about to hit a very big fan. It will get messy. Very messy. More messy than Lionel Messi's teenage bedroom.

The dirt: Said player got his wife's sister pregnant (yikes!

The Stupendous Supermodel World Cup 2010: Paraguay (Larissa Riquelme) v New Zealand (Rachel Hunter)

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By Herman Miller

Replacing football teams with ridonkulously hot women is one way of making the 2010 World Cup more fun. So in addition to our coverage of what happens on the pitch in South Africa, that's exactly what Pies is doing... You're welcome.

Today's match, the final first-round tie, is a titanic clash between Paraguay say hello to the infamous Larissa Riquelme and the underdog Kiwis, represented by leggy blonde Rachel Hunter.

Brazil Striker Luis Fabiano Wants AC Milan Move – Agent

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By Ollie Irish

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Luis Fabiano's agent claims that the Brazilian striker is only prepared to leave current club Sevilla for AC Milan in Serie A.

The Rossoneri reportedly made an offer for Fabiano last July with the forward apparently very keen to move from Spain to Italy.

Canada Day Soccerball Special: Canada’s 1986 World Cup Adventure – No Goals, Some Glory

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By Ollie Irish

Canada qualified for the World Cup finals once, in 1986. Never before, not since. To get there, the Canucks beat Honduras a momentous day in Canadian soccer history but then lost all three of their group games in Mexico that year. They didn't disgrace themselves, however, losing only 1-0 to then-European Champions France (to a late Jean-Pierre Papin goal), 2-0 to Hungary and then 2-0 to the Soviet Union.

World Cup Sh*t Lookalikes: Maicon & Mola Ram (Heart-Stopping Indiana Jones Villain)

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By Ollie Irish

They could be twins, no? Uncanny. The very opposite of canny.

Nay (Happy Canada Day!)

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Send it to ollie@anorak.co.uk and watch as it mysteriously appears on these very pages.

BREAKING NEWS: Roy Hodgson Confirmed As New Liverpool Manager, Signs Three-Year Deal

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By Ollie Irish

Roy Hodgson has been appointed the new manager of Liverpool after the club agreed compensation with Premier League rivals Fulham.

The 62-year-old takes over at Anfield on a three-year contract, 28 days after the departure of Rafael Benitez, who parted company with the Reds after a disappointing season saw them finish seventh in the table.

Jack Rodwell – An England Player Worth Believing In

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By Ollie Irish

Jack Rodwell smiles at the launch of Everton's new home kit.

Rodwell: now there is a bright young English footballer worth believing in. From now on, England needs much more of him and players like Adam Johnson, and much, much less Lampard & Gerrard.

New Arsenal Home Kit Is Gorgeous (With Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

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Mmm, that is about as good as a modern kit with a sponsor's logo gets. It almost makes me jealous of Arsenal fans who get to wear it. Almost.

The PR eco waffle: "Every shirt is made entirely from recycled polyester, crafted from up to eight plastic water bottles as part of Nike's ‘Considered Design' programme, which sees discarded plastic bottles diverted from landfills to be used in the manufacturing process.

New Liverpool Boss Roy Hodgson Already Planning Signings, Man City Will Wait To Tie Up James Milner Deal

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By Chris Wright

Here's the round-up...

Rumour No. 1: Despite only being in the job for less than a morning, newly-appointed Liverpool manager Roy Hodgson is already drawing up plans to spend the £15 million transfer budget he has been handed.

Leighton Baines Signs New Long-Term Everton Contract

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By Chris Wright

Everton defender Leighton Baines has joined Tim Cahill, Jack Rodwell and Seamus Coleman in signing a new long-term contract with the club this summer.

Baines, who has put pen to paper on a five-year deal that will see him tied to the club until 2015, told the club's official website;

"It was simple, it would've been done sooner if I hadn't been on holiday.

Top 20 Crazy World Cup Hats

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By Ollie Irish

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Marvellously mental.