Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2010

The Football Hard Men Index No.4: Dave Mackay

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By Ollie Irish

Name: Dave Mackay

Nationality: Scottish

Position: Left-half/Sweeper

Why so hard? When old men in the corners of old-men pubs say, "They don't make 'em like that anymore", take it as read that they are referring to Dave Mackay, a real man who never wore gloves, never waved an imaginary card at the ref, never tried to break an opponent's leg, never appeared to feel pain.

Premier League Photos: Fulham 1-0 Portsmouth – Fulham ‘Didn’t Even Deserve A Draw’

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By Ollie Irish

According to Avram Grant, Fulham didn't even deserve a draw, let alone all three points. He has a point (unlike his team) Pompey played bold football, especially in the first half, and made the best chances but failed to beat Mark Schwarzer.

Fulham's sucker punch came via a Jonathan Greening goal in the 74th minute, after new recruit Stefano Okaka had somehow missed with a header from two feet out.

Snapshot: Man City Striker Jo Hits The Deck For Galatasaray

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By Ollie Irish

Jo assumes his default position for new club Galatasaray, during a Turkish Cup match at Antalyaspor. What a waste of skin the Brazilian is, as both Mark Hughes and David Moyes discovered to their cost.

Photo: Turkpix/Empics Entertainment

Galatasaray is becoming the fashionable home for Premier League rejects:

Bet you wish you'd shown a bit more backbone in England, eh boys.

Photos: Rangers 2-0 St Johnstone – Gers Keep The Treble Alive

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By Ollie Irish

A domestic treble is still on the cards after Rangers put away a plucky St Johnstone side in the snow at Hampden.

Steven Davis put the Gers in front after following up his own blocked shot, before Lee McCulloch doubled Rangers' lead with a smart strike from the edge of the box.

Brace Yourselves For The Next Round Of ‘Cesc Fabregas To Spain’ Rumours, Prem Big Boys Chase Zidan

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By Chris Wright

And still they come. Here's the round up...

Looks like 'Cesc is as sick of the Barcelona rumours as the rest of us

Rumour No. 1: Arsenal are already battening down the hatches as Barcelona plan to test their resolve with a £40 million summer bid for 'Cesc Fabregas.

Bundesliga Come Down Hard On Arjen Robben’s Lucky Grey Long Johns

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By Ollie Irish

Arjen Robben has been in fine form for Bayern of late, scoring two goals in three games as the Bundesliga re-started after its traditional winter break. The Dutchman has attributed this form to his lucky grey long johns, which help protect his fragile, deerlike legs from the nasty cold weather.

Is It Time For Owen Hargreaves To Accept His Career Is Over?

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By Chris Wright

Slow goin' for Owen

Manchester United have today announced the sad news that Owen Hargreaves has been cut from their registered Champions League squad in favour of left back Ritchie De Laet due to the 29 year old midfielder suffering yet another set back in his rehabilitation.

The Black-And-White-Years: Peter Bonetti Saves The Day, FA Cup Semi Final, 1965

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By Ollie Irish

Chelsea keeper Peter 'The Cat' Bonetti makes a flying save during the 1965 FA Cup semi final against Liverpool at Villa Park. Bonetti's acrobatics were in a lost cause, as the Reds won 2-0 and went on to win the Cup, beating Leeds 2-1 in the final at Wembley.

Skank Alert: Woman Flashes Breasts Repeatedly During Football Game In Mexico (With Video)

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By Ollie Irish Do smiley faces really make a Safe For Work alternative to female nipples? Looks that way... The boobs belong to attention-seeking skank Catherine Leah Spencer, an American chicita who decided to flash her wares too much tequila, Catherine?

FA Cup Photos: Leeds 1-3 Tottenham – David Bentley Shines

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By Ollie Irish

I don't know if it's because Leeds United are redolent of a bygone era in English football, but there was a glorious throwback feel to this Cup tie it was the sort of game that reminds you why you football is, without a scintilla of doubt, THE BEST SPORT ON THE MOTHERF**KING PLANET.

Dynamo Moscow To Up Their Offer For Yossi Benayoun

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By Chris Wright

Hello handsome!

After seeing a £7 million bid for Yossi Benayoun snubbed during January, Dynamo Moscow are now apparently preparing a summer offer of £8 million for the Liverpool midfielder.

To my ears, £8 million sounds like good money for a decent (but not great) 29 year old and ordinarily I would be barking at Rafa Benitez to bite the Russian club's hand off, as I can't see Liverpool ever being offered that kind of money for Benayoun again.

Video: Brazilian Pundit Batista Faints On Live TV

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By Ollie Irish

Going, going, gone.

Spotter's badge: 101GreatGoals

Drunk Irishman Urinated On French Bread In Protest At Henry Handball

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By Ollie Irish

Simply awesome:

"A drunken unemployed plasterer who was found urinating on the French loaves section of a large supermarket in protest at the infamous handball incident in the France vs Ireland World Cup qualifier, was this week given a suspended sentence, fined and bound over to keep the peace.

SPL Photos: Kilmarnock 1-0 Celtic – Robbie Keane Foiled On Debut

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By Ollie Irish

As so often in football, the opposition failed to read the script. On this occasion, the script ended with Robbie Keane leading his new club to a stirring win. In reality, Celtic failed to match Chris Maguire's 53rd-minute strike and so Keane suffered a defeat on debut.

Shit Lookalikes: Aaron McLean & Xzibit

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By Ollie Irish

Striker McLean bangs in the goals for Peterborough; Xzibit is a crap rapper  and host of MTV's execrable Pimp My Ride.

Cheers to Paul Eddy for this excellent spot.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email ollie@anorak.

The Football WAG Index No.24: Claudine Keane

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By Ollie Irish

Robbie Keane's missus is not like most other WAGs the ex-Miss Ireland has the requisite looks but she also has a double first-class degree in economics and finance, making her one of the smartest footballers' wives around.

Photo gallery below:

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Premier League Photos: Hull 1-1 Chelsea – Tigers Tame Leaders

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By Ollie Irish

It's a shame that the sordid John Terry affair has detracted somewhat from Hull's terrific performance Phil Brown's side were great, especially pocket gypsy Stephen Hunt. Overall it's a great result for the title race, and especially for Arsenal and Man Utd fans.

Who Is The Hardest-Working Player In The Premier League?

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By Ollie Irish

A simple question to mull over on this grey Wednesday lunchtime: who is the hardest-working player in the Prem? I don't mean in training or when it comes to chatting up prospective WAGs, but purely in competitive matches.

So who gets your vote for sheer, lung-busting graft?

Liverpool Sign Prolific Striker On Free Transfer

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By Ollie Irish

Liverpool have agreed to sign Serbian striker Milan Jovanovic from Standard Liege. The Belgian club's star forward, 28, is out of contract at the end of the season and is reported to have agreed a three-year contract with Liverpool, having already turned down Everton and then revealed reservations that he wouldn't figure in Rafa Benitez's first team.

Snapshot: Walsall 1-1 Charlton Athletic, League One

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By Ollie Irish

Walsall's Clayton McDonald climbs over Charlton Athletic's Deon Burton. Looks like a foul to me.

Third-placed Athletic failed to beat ten-man Walsall, which gives Norwich and Leeds United some breathing space at the top of the League One table.

WAG Watch: Did Vanessa Perroncel Sleep With Five Chelsea Players?

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By Ollie Irish

The filthy bike woman at the heart of the John Terry/Wayne Bridge affair today refuted allegations of flings with three more Chelsea stars. Yikes!

French model Vanessa Perroncel denied "nonsense" claims she had also enjoyed the company of Adrian Mutu, Eidur Gudjohnsen and another mystery Chelsea player.

FA Cup Photos: Crystal Palace 3-1 Wolves – Danny Butterfield Scores Hat-Trick

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By Ollie Irish

A very unlikely hat-trick by 'Butters' (aka Danny Butterfield I'd like to think his team-mates call him 'Butters') helped Palace knock Wolves out of the FA Cup. It's a morale-boosting win for the beleaguered Eagles of Croydon, who recently went into administration; for Wolves it's now a case of concentrating solely on survival in the Prem.

Snapshot: Bury 1-0 Rochdale, Gigg Lane – The Shakers Upset League Two Leaders

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By Ollie Irish

Bury's Efe Sodje heads clear from Rochdale's Chris O'Grady during the League Two encounter at Gigg Lane on Monday evening. Bury won 1-0 against the league leaders, with the winner scored by Ryan Lowe in the 78th minute.

The Shakers now lie third in the table, though both Rotherham and Notts County (fourth and fitth respectively) have three games in hand on them.

Football Video: Robinho Raps At Santos Welcome Party – Think He Misses Man City?

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By Ollie Irish

Look how damn happy Robinho is to be back in sunny Brazil, the home of thongs, caipirinhas and almost constant sunshine. Think he misses Manchester much?

His rapping skills are not bad, if nowhere near as good as my favourite rap of all time:

OK, it's more of a dancehall toast, but let's not be too pedantic.

The 10 Greatest Premier League Goals of the Decade No.5: Robin Van Persie, Arsenal v Charlton, 2006

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By Ollie Irish

I don't care which part of his leg it came off (lower shin? it doesn't matter), this unique goal simply had to be on this list. So many so-called wonder goals are no more than well-struck thumps from 25-30 yards out, but this was something I'd never seen before (though there are similarities to Gus Poyet's joyous, flying scissor-kick for Chelsea against Sunderland), something utterly creative and almost impossible to replicate.

Premier League Photos: Sunderland 0-0 Stoke – Zzzzzzz

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By Ollie Irish

I didn't see this game, but by all accounts it was one of the most boring matches of the season, with very little goalmouth action and a decidedly flat atmosphere at the Stadium of Light. But with Sunderland's confidence shot to pieces after making such a strong start to the campaign then losing their mojo, I suppose the stalemate result was no surprise.

World Cup Flashback: Brazil’s Ze Roberto Celebrates Goal Against Ghana, 2006 World Cup

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By Ollie Irish

Ze Roberto is mobbed by team-mates after scoring Brazil's third and final goal against Ghana at the 2006 World Cup. Brazil won that Round of 16 match 3-0, but then lost to France in the quarter finals.

Photo: Mike Egerton/EMPICS Sport

Video: Guti Wows Spain With Brilliant Backheel Assist Against Deportivo

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By Ollie Irish

Interested to hear Sid Lowe on the Guardian's latest Football Weekly podcast. He talked about how the Spanish media went nuts for Guti's assist in Real Madrid's win at Deportivo La Coruna (Real's first victory there since 1991). Of course, I immediately checked out said assist on the YouTubes.

Snapshot: Adam Johnson Poses With Man City Shirt

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By Ollie Irish

New Man City signing Adam Johnson poses at Eastlands after sealing an £8m move from Middlesbrough. I feel sorry for Boro fans that they have lost their brightest young star, but a Prem club was always likely to call for Johnson, a tricky, two-footed winger in the mould of predecessor Stewart Downing.

Robbie Keane Arrives At Celtic (With Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

At last the January transfer window gave us a decent-sized story, in the form of Robbie Keane's loan move to Celtic from Spurs, until the end of the season. It's a great move for all parties, I feel don't forget that Keane, although it seems he's been around for years, is not yet 30.

Robbie Keane Joins Celtic, Benjani’s Sunderland Move In Doubt

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By Chris Wright.

And lo, there was silence in the valley. Here's the apres-deadline round up...

Easily the highest profile transfer of the day (Sky Sports News nigh-on creamed themselves) saw Tottenham's Robbie Keane join Celtic on a six month loan deal.

Championship Photos: Derby County 1-0 Nottingham Forest – Did Nigel Clough ‘Knee’ Billy Davies?

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By Ollie Irish

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A view of Pride Park Stadium

Derby and Forest really, really don't like each other, do they.

Four Reasons Why John Terry Must Keep The England Captain’s Armband

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By Ollie Irish

Believe me when I say that the headline opinion is genuine and not motivated by a desire to take the road less travelled of the contrarian. Well, not much.

So why do I reject the predictable 'Sack Terry!' calls of the witch-hunting media (led by the self-righteous likes of The Telegraph's Henry Winter)?

Arsenal To Make Late Move For £9.5m Teenage Sensation?

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By Chris Wright.

Despite Arsene Wenger's protestations to the contrary, rumours are circling that Arsenal may make a late dip into the transfer market during January. Reports from Belgium are suggesting that RSC Anderlecht's teenage star Romelu Lukaku may be the subject of a last gasp £9.

Premier League Photos: Arsenal 1-3 Man Utd – Hard Work Is The Key

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By Ollie Irish

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Arsenal 1-3 Man Utd. Or, Fergie 1-0 Wenger. United got their tactics spot-on, Arsenal didn't.

This must have made very depressing viewing for all Gunners, especially as it was spookily similar to last year's Champions League semi final at the Emirates, when United crushed their hosts on the counter-attack.

Snapshot: Fans Watch Arsenal v Man Utd In 3D

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By Ollie Irish

Unrealistic football fans are they actors? watch the world's first live 3D TV sports broadcast football match, between Arsenal and Manchester Utd in the Railway Tavern in central London.

Photo: Fiona Hanson/PA

Did any of you see the game in 3D?

African Cup Of Nations Final Photos: Ghana 0-1 Egypt – Gedo Fires Egypt To Hat-Trick Of Wins

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By Ollie Irish

Not a classic game by any means, but it was very, VERY tight and so I couldn't take my eyes off it. Either side could have won, but in the end Mohamed Gedo's excellent curling shot, scored in the 85th minute, earned Egypt their third ACN title in a row, and a record seventh overall.

The Most Disgusting Decision In Football History?

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By Ollie Irish

The Confederation of African Football (CAF), in its infinite wisdom, has decided to ban Togo from participating in the next two African Cup of Nations.

Yes, you read that correctly. Read it again though, just to be sure.

CAF also fined Togo $50,000 for quitting the competition prematurely.

Top 10 Premier League Photos: 30-31 January

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By Ollie Irish

The top ten pics from another rollercoaster weekend in the Prem:

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Hull City's Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink (front) celebrates with team mate Jozy Altidore after scoring his side's first goal of the game

Snapshot: Jermaine Beckford Breakdances For Leeds United

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By Ollie Irish

Leeds United striker Jermaine Beckford strikes a classic breakdance pose during his side's League One clash with Colchester United at Elland Road. Leeds won 2-0 Beckford scored both goals to end a run of three games without a victory and rejuvenate their push for automatic promotion.

Tottenham Step Up Keeper Search

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By Chris Wright.

You may have noticed that Tottenham Hotspur are becoming a tad desperate to recruit cover for Heurelho Gomes of late. Many names have been touted throughout January but it seems that Spurs are finally going to make their move today.

In time honoured 'Arry Redknapp tradition, Spurs have made a last ditch £2 million offer for Watford's young stopper Scott Loach, hours before the transfer window slams shut this evening.

West Ham Want One Of Four Strikers, Stefano Okaka Joins Fulham

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By Chris Wright

Busy, busy, busy. Here's the round up...

Decisions decisions

Rumour No. 1: Gianfranco Zola has confirmed that Benni McCarthy will be a West Ham player by the end of the transfer window and that he is also keen to add one more name to his roster of forward options.

Wigan Athletic Seal Victor Moses Deal

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By Chris Wright

Concentrate Victor! CONCENTRATE!

Wigan Athletic have beaten a host of teams to the signing of Crystal Palace starlet Victor Moses. The 19 year old forward has joined The Latics on a three-and-a-half-year deal for a fee of £2.

Man City To Make £33m Deadline Day Splurge?

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By Chris Wright

Manchester City look set to make three take-it-or-leave-it deadline day bids for a hat-trick of midfield talent.

First off the bat is a £20 million offer for Real Madrid's Fernando Gago. City manager Roberto Mancini has already seen two bids rejected for the Argentina international and is ready to make one last blockbuster offer to get his man.