Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2010

‘I’ve Sh*t Myself’ – Gary Lineker Relaxes Himself At Italia 90 (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

You'll never look at Leicester's most successful crisp salesman in the same light again. I know I won't.

Who Killed WBA Mascot Baggie Bird?

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By Ollie Irish

Pies reader and West Brom fan Lisa Marshall writes to tell us how pissed off Baggies fans are that mascot Baggie Bird (pictured above) – undoubtedly one of the finest-figured mascots in English football – and his sidekick, Baggie Bird Junior, have been given a (totally unnecessary) makeover.

Ronaldo’s WAG Irina Shayk Is Lying – She Did Pose Naked, Claims GQ Magazine

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By WAG Watcher

Irina Shayk: Photoshopped or really butt naked?

GQ magazine has hit back after supermodel Irina Shayk – who happens to be the girlfriend of footy superstar Cristiano Ronaldo – claimed that the Spanish edition of the magazine airbrushed out underwear to make it look like she posed naked for their December issue.

‘We Will Not Be On The Market’ – Arsene Wenger To Shun January Deals

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By Chris Wright

You'd be forgiven that the following quotes were actually taken from 2007 (or '08, or '09 etc...), but I can assure you that Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has stayed true to stingy type by promising that the club will not be in hunt for new players come January 2011.

Peerless Barcelona Eviscerate Real Madrid 5-0 In One-Sided Clasico (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Unreal...

So much for my prediction of a 1-0 Madrid win. Barca annihilated and humiliated Real at the Camp Nou, putting on the greatest display of team football I have ever seen. Seriously. At least, I think that's what I think. I had taken a few ales at the time.

Retro Football: Cadiz Fans Follow The Linesman (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Classic terrace humour.

Top 15 Premier League Players Who Are Too Good For Their Clubs

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By Ollie Irish

Following on from the Top 10 Premier League Players Who Aren't Good Enough For Their Clubs, here's a slightly longer list of the Prem stars who could easily play for a bigger club (we had planned to do this anyway, but a spotter's badge goes to Pies reader Qwerty for also suggesting it).

The Football Snapshot: Aaron Ramsey Makes Nottingham Forest Debut

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By Ollie Irish

Arsenal midfielder Aaron Ramsey was praised by Nottingham Forest boss Billy Davies as he made his competitive return from a broken leg, against Leicester City last night. Even though Forest lost 1-0, Ramsey showed glimpses of his ability in a 30-minute cameo.

My Favourite Kit: FC Barcelona 2008-2009

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By Ade C.

Tot el camp
es un clam,
som la gent blau grana...

Blaugrana. Blue-red. The colours of Barça had to be the colours of my favourite kit, without a doubt. But which one of the many blaugrana kits should I choose to write about above all others?

Peter Crouch Calls Himself A ‘C**t’ After Poor First Touch (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Peter Crouch? £10m from Pompey. Calling yourself a c**t? Priceless...

And we thought Crouchy had good feet for a big man.

Spotter's badge: 101GreatGoals

Jamie Carragher Ruled Out For Three Months

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool's stand-in captain Jamie Carragher has been ruled out until late February at the earliest, after scans revealed that the dislocated shoulder he sustained against Tottenham on Sunday will require an operation to pin the joint back in place.

Who’d Be A Referee In Scotland?

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By Tony Cottam

So, you may well have noticed there's a kerfuffle in Scotland right now, regarding referees and a strike. You may not know how it came about, or what happened to make it such a big deal. Granted, you may not care, but tough – I'm going to tell you all about it.

Inter Chief Massimo Moratti Refutes Cesc Fabregas Link

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By Chris Wright

Whilst Barcelona were busy making come-hither eyes at Arsenal captain Cesc Fabregas all summer, there were a few peripheral rumours also doing the rounds that seemed to suggest Inter Milan were quietly sneaking up on the rails rumours that still persist to this very day.

Fulham Close To Deal For Another ‘New Didier Drogba’

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By Chris Wright

Not entirely sure whether to believe this or not but, according to 'British and French sources cited by Tutto Mercato', Fulham are within spitting distance of tying up an €8 million deal for highly-rated CFR Cluj target man Lacina Traore.

Tottenham Open Talks With Hoffenheim Over Bosnian Battering Ram

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By Chris Wright

Tottenham have apparently entered advanced talks with Bundesliga side Hoffenheim over their Bosnian forward Vedad Ibisevic, with reports circulating in Germany today that an €8-10 million deal may already be in place for the January transfer window.

West Ham To Issue FA With £10.5m Compensation Claim

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By Chris Wright

The Sun have set about thawing everybody's snow-bound cockles this chill winter's morn, with a heart-warming tale of career-ending injury and resultant financial vengeance.

According to the red top, West Ham are ready to hand the FA a £10.

Jelle Van Damme Brings Wolves Nightmare To An End

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By Chris Wright

Wolves' Belgian misfit Jelle Van Damme (middle name: 'Maria' true fact!) is on the verge of agreeing a January move back to his homeland with Standard Liege, thus ending his five-month homesick nightmare at Molineux.

Van Damme has agreed a three-and-a-half year deal with Standard, with the final completion of the move resting solely on the results of a routine medical.

Blackpool May Be Forced To Train On The Beach For Man Utd Game

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By Chris Wright

With a visit from Premier League leaders Manchester United looming, Blackpool are facing the unenviable prospect of being left without anywhere to shore up before the game, should the pitches at their Squires Gate training ground freeze up during the week.

Real Madrid Coach Stoned By Barcelona Fans, Hours Before El Clasico

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By Chris Wright

"Man, I could murder a bag of Chili Heatwave Doritos right now."

A member of Real Madrid's security staff was injured last night when the squad's coach was pelted with rocks and bottles parked up outside their Barcelona hotel ahead of tonight's 'El Clasico' derby.

The BIG Football Question – Who Will Win El Clasico?

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By Ollie Irish

Barcelona play Real Madrid tonight, in what some people are calling Definitely The Biggest Football Match Of All Time... Ever... On A Monday. And given the talent on show (including headline acts Cristiano Ronaldo and tiny Lionel Messi, easily the best two players of their generation), you can see what those people are getting at.

Angry David Beckham Gets In Ref’s Face As LA Galaxy Lose Down Under (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Temper temper...

Calm down Becks, it's only an exhibition match albeit one which the Galaxy lost, against the Newcastle Jets. The referee who experienced the hot blast of Beckham's hairdryer is one Matthew Breeze. Breeze, who used to be a police prosecutor, is Australia's top ref.

The Barcelona – Real Madrid ‘El Clasico’ Composite Best XI

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By Ollie Irish

With the most hyped El Clasico of all time only hours away, we thought it would be interesting to put together a composite best XI of football's two supernova clubs. Check out our team, then post up your XIs.

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Iker Casillas (Real Madrid) - Spain's World Cup-winning skipper is one of the world's best keepers and clearly gets the nod, even over the underrated Victor Valdes.

Retro Football: Barcelona Fans Throw Pig’s Head At Traitor Luis Figo, 2002

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By Ollie Irish

Luis Figo's £37m move from Barcelona to arch rivals Real Madrid in the summer of 2000 didn't go down well at the Camp Nou, of course.

So when the Portuguese winger returned there in November 2002, Barca fans were waiting to bombard their former hero with an assortment of interesting missiles.

Novara Striker Gigliotti Scores Wonder Goal At Siena (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Argentine striker Emanuel Gigliotti, who plays for Novara in Italy's Serie B, scored a stunning goal against Siena at the weekend. Although Gigliotti got his name on the scoresheet, most of the credit for the goal must go to his compatriot Pablo Gonzalez, who set up the goal with a brilliant, aerial 1-2.

Top 10 Premier League Photos, 27-28 November – Berbatov Scores 5 (FIVE)

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By Ollie Irish

Five goals by Dimi Berba against Blackburn helped put Man Utd on top of the table, after Chelsea failed to beat Newcastle at St James' Park on Sunday. Nice of Big Sam's teams to roll over and play dead for his old mate Fergie, eh. Nothing like a free six points every season.

Equatorial Guinea Footballers Caught Up In Gender Row

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By Chris Wright

Big, big news people! Equatorial Guinea's female football team have been accused of fielding two human beings with man bits by several of their rivals in the African women's championship.

The two fine, square-jawed fillies in question, captain Genoveva Anonma (back, right) and striker Salimata Simpore (bottom, left), were instrumental in Equatorial Guinea's run to the final of the championship and, although they eventually lost out 4-2 to Nigeria, the side still managed to qualify for the women's World Cup.

The Football Snapshot: David Beckham Visits The London 2012 Olympic Stadium Site

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By Ollie Irish

David Beckham visits the 2012 Olympic Stadium construction site, in Statford, east London. Becks refused to wear a hard hat, because it would "mess up my hair". Probably.

Bolton Wanderers Score Brilliant Team Goal vs Blackpool – It’s Just Like Watching Barcelona (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

The Premier League goal of the weekend:

You have to say that is magnificent (© Barry Davies). You have to. I don't care how many 25-yard screamers you throw at me, 9 times out of 10 I prefer a technical, 'chessboard' goal created by inventive, intricate passing – a la the endlessly referenced tiki-taka of Barcelona and Spain.

(Not) The Football Snapshot: England Batsmen Smash Records In First Ashes Test

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By Ollie Irish

Indulge Pies for one teensy post today, please. We just couldn't let this lie (and, er, we don't have a cricket blog to speak of), not when someone stayed up until 4am last night, sans caffeine.

That is all.

Well, almost all...

You bloody beauty.

John Terry And Frank Lampard Close To Chelsea Returns

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti has said that he hopes to be able to welcome influential pair John Terry and Frank Lampard back to the first-team fold next week, after both suffered recent setbacks in their respective attempts to return to full fitness.

Liverpool Put Aside £5m For Rejuvenated Bolton Hot-Shot

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By Chris Wright

According to this morning's Daily Mirror, Liverpool are 'leading the race' to sign Bolton's rejuvenated front-man Johan Elmander, who recently turned down the chance to sign a one-year extension to his current deal (which expires in the summer) with the club.

‘I’m Tired Of Football And I Don’t Want To Suffer Anymore’ – Carlos Tevez

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By Chris Wright

Manchester City striker Carlos Tevez is cripplingly homesick, cast adrift on an endless sea of apathy and fully intent on letting everybody know all about it.

In an interview with TyC Sports, Tevez once again reiterated his intentions to retire early, as well as voicing his growing contempt for the more 'fiscally driven' of his peers:

"I don't want to play any more.

Chelsea Coach Carlo Ancelotti Shrugs Off Pep Guardiola Rumours

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By Chris Wright

As you may or may not have been aware, there were a particular batch of rumours doing the rounds over the weekend which surmised that, due to the current staff upheaval at Chelsea, owner Roman Abramovich was/is lining up Barcelona coach Pep Guardiola to replace the incumbent Carlo Ancelotti at Stamford Bridge.

Tottenham Suffer Van Der Vaart Injury Blow

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By Chris Wright

Tottenham have confirmed that influential gadabout Rafael van der Vaart will be out of action for at least a month after tearing his hamstring against Liverpool on Sunday afternoon.

Van der Vaart limped off after just 12 minutes of the game after 'feeling it go' whilst attempting a fairly innocuous-looking backheel.

Spot The Baller: Bruce Willis

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By Ollie Irish

Who's the action hero hounding Emmanuel Adebayor?

Previous answer: It was Park Ji-Sung hiding behind Emma Watson:

Did WAG Sara Carbonero Get A Boob Job?

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By WAG Watcher

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The Spanish media has gone into a meltdown speculating over the whether or not TV reporter Sara Carbonero the WAG of Real Madrid keeper Iker Casillas has gone under the knife for a breast enhancement.

Tottenham Crock Ledley King Is Slowly Falling To Bits

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By Chris Wright

Tottenham defender Ledley King is to visit a specialist in Denmark to ascertain whether or not he will need to undergo surgery on the troublesome groin injury that has kept him out for the past six weeks.

Spurs manager Harry Redknapp told the PA:

"Ledley's off to see a specialist in Copenhagen to get a decision on what needs doing next, as to whether he feels he can carry on strengthening and trying to get through without having surgery or whether he needs surgery.

The Black-And-White Years: Ossie Ardiles & Ricky Villa Have An English Lesson, 1978

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By Ollie Irish

August 1978: Tottenham's new signings Osvaldo Ardiles and Ricardo Villa (and Villa's missus, Cristina) take an English language lesson at the East Grinstead firm of Interlingua. High glamour indeed. The tutor teaches the Argentines the phrase "I hope you win tomorrow".

Mouthy Man City Fan Gloats Like A Champion (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

It's all over at the Cottage...

I think it would have been jutifiable had the Fulham fan pulled out a gun and shot the chippy City fan right in the face. Still, I suppose partisan passion is what Sky's Fanzone is all about better that than so-called supporters (the clue is in the name) who leave ten minutes before a game to beat the rush.

Football Snapshot: Newcastle Ninja Andy Carroll Trains In The Snow

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By Ollie Irish

...

More pics of Newcastle training for the visit of Chelsea this weekend:

The 10 Greatest Premier League Goals of the Decade No.2: Paolo Di Canio, West Ham v Wimbledon, 2000

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By Ollie Irish

Still shockingly good...

How many players would watch that cross (sent over by Trevor Sinclair, stat fans) pinging towards them and then attempt a jaunty scissor-volley? From that angle!? Not many – no English player I can think of, anyway, with the exception of Glenn Hoddle maybe.

10 Premier League Footballers Who Aren’t Good Enough For Their Club

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By Ollie Irish

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Vedran Corluka (Tottenham). His real level: West Ham United.

Cornish Non-League Side Loses 55-0

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By Ollie Irish

Check the recent results (click to see larger image):

When Madron, one of the worst teams in Cornwall's Mining League Division 1, played against league leaders Illogan Reserves recently, they had to make do with only seven players, and no recognised keeper, after several of their team dropped out before kick-off.

Blackburn Boss Sam Allardyce Eager To Rescue Roque Santa Cruz

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By Chris Wright

Blackburn manager Sam Allardyce is keen to bring Manchester City wastrel Roque Santa Cruz back to Ewood Park in January, but has admitted that the Paraguayan striker may be a little too pricey for the club's new owners to pursue.

Pies Prediction League: Week 14

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By Ollie Irish

"I'm warning you Miss Blennerhassit..."

The table after 13 weeks:

1. Davey Chicago – 108
2. WHO ATE ALL THE PIES – 102
3. LAWRO – 100
4. Ping Yang – 100
5. Mizman – 89
6. Edhehe – 87
7= Al Neri – 86
7= South City – 86
9.

Vito Mannone ‘Pleasantly Surprised’ That Hull Isn’t A Sh*t-Hole, May Extend Loan

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By Chris Wright

Hull's on-loan 'keeper Vito Mannone has said that he is open to extending his stay on Humberside past January 3rd after being 'pleasantly surprised' by the fact that the city isn't quite the festering hell-hole that he was warned about by his chums at parent club Arsenal.

We’re Not Singing Anymore – Who Silenced English Football Fans?

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By James Appell

You'll have to speak up, my dear I'm a trifle deaf

"You're not singing any more." It's the classic football catcall, the terrace version of cuckolding. The message, effectively, is as follows: We've silenced you, and as a result you are collectively shamed.

Guess The Football WAG’s Arse!

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By WAG Watcher

Sexist new quiz alert!

Which WAG's butt are you staring intently at? No clue this week you're on your own. Answers in the usual place.

Last week's arse:

...

It's Zaira Nara, Argentine model and WAG of Uruguay goal machine/Sally Gunnell lookalike Diego Forlan.

Real Madrid Chief Valdano Blasts UEFA Over ‘Unfair’ Red-Card Fiasco

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid's tightly-coiffed director general Jorge Valdano has hit out at UEFA's handling of the red-card fiasco in which the club is currently mired accusing Platini an co. of 'singling out' the Spanish giants after Sergio Ramos and Xabi Alonso deliberately received second yellow cards for time-wasting t'other night, thus effectively ensuring that they would begin the knockout stages of the Champions League with clean disciplinary records.

Aggressive Turkey Invades Football Pitch (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

A day late for Thanksgiving, but still, well worth 30 seconds of anyone's time...

Wowsa, turkeys are well scary when they're not sliced up on a hot plate. Bite Yer Legs stuff there.

I'd love to see a turkey attack John Terry. Which baller would you like to see harrassed by fowl?

‘I Never Wanted To Join Man City’ – Wayne Rooney Finally Apologises

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By Chris Wright

At long last, Manchester United pariah Wayne Rooney has publicly apologised to the fans for his recent bout of ill-advised insubordination, and admitted that he was never entertaining thoughts of joining Manchester City despite what the tabloid sh*t-flickers would've had you believe.

Liverpool Consider Shock Recall For Alberto Aquilani

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By Chris Wright

I must confess to a bit of a dodgy source on this one, but Liverpool are reportedly on the verge of recalling Alberto Aquilani from his season-long loan at Juventus, in a bid to replenish their depleted midfield options.

After 14 fairly fruitless months on Merseyside, Aquilani joined Juve at the tail end of August with a £13.

Aston Villa Tell Liverpool To Stump Up £80m For Ashley Young

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By Chris Wright

Sensational stuff from the Daily Mail this morning, who are claiming to have the inside track on a juicy little rumour regarding Aston Villa winger Ashley Young and his potential Premier League suitors Liverpool and Manchester United.

Uefa Charge Jose Mourinho And Real Madrid Stars Over Red Card Debacle At Ajax

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By Ollie Irish

And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you pesky kids

To my great surprise (and no little delight), UEFA have charged Real Madrid head coach Jose Mourinho after launching an investigation into whether Sergio Ramos and Xabi Alonso deliberately incurred red cards during Tuesday's Champions League group match at Ajax.

Nottingham Forest Sign Aaron Ramsey On Emergency Loan!

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By Chris Wright

A quick perusal of the official Nottingham Forest website has just confirmed that the repeatedly scotched rumours that have been steadily simmering all day were indeed true after all.

Arsenal starlet Aaron Ramsey has moved to the City Ground on 'emergency loan' terms until January 3rd meaning he will be available for the next eight of Forest's Chamionship games.

Cristiano Ronaldo’s Supermodel WAG Furious Over ‘Naked’ GQ Photos

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By WAG Watcher

Russian supermodel Irina Shayk, the beard girlfriend of Cristiano Ronaldo, is reportedly furious that the Spanish edition of GQ magazine Photoshopped photos of her wearing lingerie to make it appear that she's naked. A hot supermodel, pissed off at nudity?

Cluj Sack Nutjob Coach For Rabid Dug-Out Attack (Video)

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By Chris Wright

CFR Cluj have axed coach Sorin Cartu for his decision to kick seven shades out of the dugout at Basle's St Jakob Park, after watching his side concede the only goal of the Champions League tie betwixt the two sides.

Cluj president Iuliu Muresan explained his decision via the Romanian club's official website:

"Cluj Football Club has decided to fire manager Sorin Cartu, because of his behaviour during the game with FC Basle.

Boris Johnson Approves Tottenham Stadium Plans

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By Chris Wright

The windswept, bumbling fop that is Boris Johnson (who somehow currently presides as the Mayor of London) has seen fit to approve Tottenham's plans to redevelop White Hart Lane into a 56,000 capacity stadium by turning the current North Stand around and building out into the vacant car-park situated directly behind it.

Top 16 Sinister Photos Of Masked Footballers

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By Ollie Irish

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September 2000: The charming Sinisa Mihajlovic of Lazio.

Shit Football Kits: Plymouth Argyle 1995-96

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By Ollie Irish

A classic mid-1990s kit, this – all angular, abstract, overdesigned and, ultimately, shit. Argyle wore it for one season only, and depite its eyesore qualities, it brought them a fair wodge of luck: in the 1995-96 season, under manager Neil Warnock, the Pilgrims gained promotion from Division Three, beating Darlington 1-0 in the playoff final at the old Wembley Stadium.

Arsenal Lose Fabregas For A Fortnight, Eboue For A Month

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By Chris Wright

Get ready for a spot of injury round-uppery with the news this afternoon that Arsenal have confirmed captain Cesc Fabregas is now expected to miss yet another fortnight, after once again twanging his troublesome hamstring against Braga in the Champions League on Tuesday evening.

Chelsea 2-1 Zilina, Champions League – The 2D Version (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Bringing back halcyon memories of the days when football videogames lacked any semblence of realism...

That makes Chelsea's game against Zilina look interesting. It wasn't.

Good work by the Chelsea 2D blog

Dani Pacheco Scores Classy Goal For Liverpool Reserves vs Everton (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Not a wonder goal by any stretch of the imagination, but a classy finish not-the-less (shades of Torres?) from Liverpool reserves hotshot Dani Pacheco who, by all, accounts knocks them in for fun for the Reds' second-string.

Tottenham 3-0 Werder Bremen – The ‘Access All Areas’ Match Report

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By Jack McInroy

The author at White Hart Lane, with Heineken Backstage Pass and contented smile; Gareth Bale pops up on the White Hart Lane scoreboard

I was fortunate enough to attend last night's UEFA Champions League game at White Hart Lane as a guest of Heineken, who hooked me up with an access-all-areas 'Backstage Pass' football is the new rock and roll, clearly.

Gareth Bale Tacked On To Absurd FIFA ‘World XI’ Longlist – Comedy Gold!

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By Ollie Irish

FIFPro (the global footballers' union) and FIFA today announced the 55 players shortlisted for the FIFA-FIPro World XI 2010. Rather than choose the best 55 players, on form this year, it appears they have chosen the most famous players, the ones with the biggest names, the ones with the biggest marketing clout, the ones who play for the biggest clubs.

Bolton Winger Lee Chung-Yong Signs New, Improved Contract

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By Chris Wright

Just a quickie to tell you that, this very morning, Bolton have announced that tricksy winger Lee Chung-Yong has signed improved terms with the club and also extended his contract from 2012 up until the summer of 2013.

Trotters manager Owen Coyle told the Bolton News:

"It is terrific that the club are tying down young players like Chung-Yong and are building for the future, particularly given all the things that have been written about us financially.

Pitch Invader Jimmy Jump Flips Bird At Lionel Messi (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Serial pitch invader Jimmy Jump is a self-promoting Spaniard who almost got his hands on the World Cup trophy this summer when he ran on the pitch before the final, only to be tackled by FIFA heavies. He has also disrupted tennis matches, weather forecasts and even the Eurovision Song Contest.

Lille ‘Nugget’ Eden Hazard Isn’t Going Anywhere In January

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By Chris Wright

Lille have confirmed that there is no way on Earth they will be allowing starlet Eden Hazard to leave the club during January, despite the 19-year-old being heavily linked with Arsenal, Manchester United, Liverpool, Manchester City, Old Uncle Tom Cobleigh and I over the past few months.

Shit Lookalikes: Chelsea’s Alex & Jamie From ‘The Apprentice’

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By Ollie Irish

Alex is a footballer.

Jamie is a bullshitter.

Send yer Shit Lookalikes to ollie@anorak.co.uk, or Tweet me

Blackburn Return For Man City Bench-Warmer?

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By Chris Wright

Blackburn's new owners Venkys are set to hand manager Sam Allardyce an £8 million 'war chest' to fritter away in the January transfer market as he sees fit, with roughly half of the cash already being put aside to fund a move for former Rovers striker Roque Santa Cruz, now of Manchester City.

‘Rafa Benitez Wouldn’t Let Me Train’- Ryan Babel

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool winger Ryan Babel has cited former manager Rafa Benitez's refusal to let him undergo extra training sessions as the reason for him contributing the sum total of diddly-bugger-all to the Anfield cause since joining from Ajax in 2007.

Sir Alex Ferguson Hails Rooney For ‘Courageous’ Penalty

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By Chris Wright

If last night's stale Champions League tie between Rangers and Manchester United is ever going to be remembered, it will be remembered for one of three things.

Firstly, it was the only time in living memory that Paul Scholes has ever gone in for a full-blooded sliding tackle and actually won the ball cleanly without the need for a caution.

Charlie Adam Wins Bonus Battle Without Breaching Blackpool Contract

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By Chris Wright

Blackpool's influential midfielder Charlie Adam (who, I've decided, is roughly two inbred chromosomes away from being Elvis Costello's illegitimate son) has won his legal battle with the club over an unpaid £20,000 'Championship survival' bonus and, crucially, has managed to do so without having the terms of his contract breached.

The Football WAG Index No.36: Lingerie Model Natalie Suliman

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By WAG Watcher

Now that we have identified the mystery WAG as lingerie model Natalie Suliman (the much hotter half of Sunderland winger Kieran Richardson), she gains immediate entry to out WAG Index.

Suliman found fame of sorts by appearing in an M&S lingerie ad, in which she showed off her 32E assets.

Football Snapshot: Man Utd Train For Rangers Clash, Wayne Rooney Takes A Bib To The Face

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By Ollie Irish

Wayne Rooney takes a training bib to the FACE from Rio Ferdinand, as Man Utd train for their Champions League tie vs Rangers. Braaaaaap!

Prediction for tonight's match? I fancy a few quid on a shock Rangers win. You?

Braga 2-0 Arsenal – Wenger Moans About Negative Opponents (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Not a good week for Monsieur Wenger, eh.

Brazilian striker Matheus (wearing No.99 on his back Arsene, do you want a flake in that?) killed off the Gunners with two expertly finished goals on the break, after the visitors had been wrongly denied a penalty for a foul in the box on Carlos Vela.

Cristiano Ronaldo Has A TV Camera In His Arse (Photo)

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By Ollie Irish

Big air from C-Ron before last night's Ajax vs Real Madrid clash. Either that or the cameraman is performing an impromptu colonoscopy.

And those Nike Safaris are still nasty.

Jose Mourinho Gets Defensive As Real Madrid Pair Shown ‘Convenient’ Red Cards

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By Chris Wright

With their passage to the next round of the Champions League already assured, Real Madrid's second(ish) string ran out as 4-0 winners over Ajax last night thanks to goals from Karim Benzema, Alvaro Arbeloa and a second-half double from Cristiano Ronaldo.

Top 3 Alex Free-Kicks – The Hardest Shot In Football? (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Alex's right foot is a weapon.

Can you think of any current players who twat the ball harder than Chelsea's Brazilian defender? Zlatan can give it a proper hoof, as can Didier Drogba, but for my coin, Alex is hard to beat.

Rangers Fans Warned By UEFA Over Sectarian Chants

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By Chris Wright

Glasgow Rangers have issued a warning to their fans that any sectarian chanting during tonight's Champions League tie with Manchester United will subject the club to punishment from UEFA.

The Scottish club have a fairly poor recent record in terms of UEFA disciplinary action (due to crowd trouble during several Champions League games over the past few years), and have been forewarned by Platini and co.

10 Brilliant Photos Of Defensive Walls

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By Ollie Irish

Let's hear it for the defensive wall, without which, er, more goals would be scored.

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Argentina's handbags. An interweb classic.

Luis Suarez Blames ‘Tiredness’ For Biting Opponent, Given Seven-Match Ban

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By Chris Wright

Ajax striker Luis Suarez has been handed a seven-match ban by the Dutch FA (i.e. the KNVB) after leaving an imprint of his dentistry all over PSV defender Otman Bakkal's fleshy parts when the two clubs met in the Eredivisie last Saturday.

Is She A Sunderland Player’s WAG?

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By WAG Watcher

This not-unattractive young lady was spotted, on her own, in the home end at the Stadium of Light on Monday evening, for the Sunderland vs Everton game. God, she looks bored.

Now excuse the generalisation, but she doesn't look like your average Sunderland fan.

Leicester Land Chris Kirkland And Roman Bednar On Loan

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By Chris Wright

Should everything go to plan, it looks like Leicester City are all but set to land Wigan 'keeper Chris Kirkland before the loan window closes tomorrow evening.

Kirkland, the proud owner of the most perfectly oblong torso in English football, has fallen behind on-loan Ali Al Habsi in the pecking order at the DW Stadium, and manager Roberto Martinez is keen for his secondary stopper to continue playing first-team football elsewhere until he gets another chance betwixt the sticks at his parent club:

Speaking to the Evening Post, Martinez confirmed that the move would have gone through earlier were it not for an untimely illness:

"Things have been delayed by Chris' bug, but we will be sitting down to have a chat about the situation.

Everton Eye Up The World’s Most Expensive ‘Onion’

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By Chris Wright

Everton are reportedly ready to buck their current (enforced) trend of overly cautious spending in order to go all out in pursuit of bringing the world's most expensive 'onion' to Goodison Park.

The Toffees have been sending waves of scouts to watch Porto midfielder Cristian Rodriguez in action, who is apparently nicknamed 'La Cebolla' (The Onion), not because of his papery skin or a particularly unfortunate genital defect but because he regularly reduces his opponents to tears with his searing pace and trickery.

Man City Target £20m Hulk To Ease The Burden On Tevez

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By Chris Wright

"The madder Hulk gets, the stronger Hulk gets!"

According to reports in this morning's Daily Mirror, Manchester City are preparing to 'flex their financial muscle' by attempting to lure Porto's headline-friendly striker Hulk to these shores in January with a £20 million offer already thought to be in the pipeline.

Shocker! Arsenal Open Talks With Tiny French Striker

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By Chris Wright

Just when it seems that young couldn't swing a cat during an Arsenal training session without hitting a pygmy French tyro with the physique of an pre-pubescent girl, it looks like manager Arsene Wenger is intent on adding one more to his ranks.

Sacked West Ham Assistant Zeljko Petrovic Calls Premier League ‘Crap’

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By Chris Wright

"'Ere Carlton, you're shit mate!"

Former West Ham assistant Zeljko Petrovic, who was sacked by the club yesterday, has levelled a particularly bitter parting shot at Premier League, calling the world-wide acclaim for England's top flight a 'myth' and branding the football as both 'crap' and 'shocking' in comparison with the Bundesliga where he served as Martin Jol's assistant technical coach at Hamburg back in 2008/09.

Colorado Rapids Win 2010 MLS Cup Final (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

A bit late to this, I know, but hearty congrats to Colorado Rapids, who won the big shiny pot in MLS for the first time in their history, with a 2-1 extra-time win over FC Dallas on Sunday in windswept Toronto. It wasn't a classic, nor were there any wonder goals to shout about, but Rapids fans won't mind a bit.

Thwack! Zlatan Scores Sledgehammer Goal vs Auxerre In Champions League (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Now that's what I call a conclusive finish. Zlatan can really twat it when the mood takes him.

The best part of this video is when Ronaldinho claps like a special needs child. If you missed it the first time, go back and watch it again.

Sunday League Footballer Jailed For Driving Car At Referee

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By Ollie Irish

A Sunday league footballer was so angry at the prospect of being sent off, he drove his car onto the pitch and tried to run over the referee, a court heard today. He also threatened to shoot the ref.

Joseph Rimmer (pictured), 28, reacted so badly to the ref's decision to award a free-kick and a yellow card against him that he left the field, got into his Range Rover and then drove onto the pitch, sending officials and players running for safety.

Rafael Van Der Vaart & Gareth Bale Doubtful For Bremen Tie

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By Ollie Irish

Van der Vaart and Bale: Tottenham's triffic twosome

Rafael van der Vaart and Gareth Bale are injury doubts for Tottenham's Champions League clash with Werder Bremen on Wednesday. Bummer.

Van der Vaart didn't train this morning.

Zlatan Calls For Mario Balotelli To Join Him At Milan

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By Chris Wright

To top a couple of weeks of outrageous flirting between the two parties, AC Milan's high-kicking madcap Zlatan Ibrahimovic has openly insisted that Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli simply must come and join him at the San Siro if the twain are to meet as destiny intended.

Glamour Model Amanda Harrington Did NOT Date Joey Barton

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By WAG Watcher

Amanda Harrington: forever marooned on an unconvincing desert island

Brrrr

A brief but necessary announcement: glamour model Amanda Harrington, who is currently dating Everton youngster Jose Baxter, NEVER played hide the chipolata with bad boy Joey Barton (as we and several other websites once claimed or did we?

Top 10 Vainglorious Footballers

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By Ollie Irish

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10. Tim Cahill - Would rather shadow-box the corner flag than celebrate a goal with his team-mates.

Football Snapshot: Arsenal Train For Braga Champions League Clash

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By Ollie Irish

Arsenal players jog during a training session at their Colney complex, ahead of this week's Champions League tie at Braga.

Borussia Dortmund Winger Misses Open Goal – Like, REALLY Misses (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

A fail of epic dimensions...

Take a bow, Jakub 'Kuba' BÅ‚aszczykowski. The king is dead, long live the king; Ronnie Rosenthal's crown belongs in Germany now.

Spotter's badge: Metro Sport

A Rational Blueprint For English Football

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By Alex Netherton

A familiar scene in English football: muddy hoofing is the order of the afternoon

I like watching England fail. It gets me up in the morning. But there's plenty of guff talked about how to improve the national team. Luckily for everyone else, I've cracked it.

Robert Pires Prefers 250-Mile Commute To Living In Birmingham

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By Chris Wright

New Aston Villa signing Robert Pires has revealed that he is being driven the 250 miles to and from training every day, rather than move from his luxury London apartment (which is situated on the old Highbury site).

Pires is quoted in today's Sun as saying:

"There are players who do the journey by helicopter – I'm lucky enough to do it by car with a chauffeur but it doesn't bother anyone here.

Let’s Hear It For… Raul Meireles

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By Ollie Irish

Raul Meireles (left) has settled in at Liverpool in no time

Portuguese international Raul Meireles arrived at Liverpool – a big new club in a foreign country – at a very, VERY bad time. What with the Hicks & Gillett saga poisoning LFC from within, serious doubts over how long new manager Roy Hodgson would last, and a string of poor performances on the pitch.

My Favourite Kit: Leicester City 1983-84

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By Ryan Murrant

The author in his fav kit

It was 1984 and we had gone away for a family weekend down to Cornwall. Another family stopped, looked at what I was wearing and the dad said, "Nice shirt son" – I smiled as wide as the trip from Leicester to Cornwall was long; I felt so proud.

Bastian Schweinsteiger Grabs Thomas Muller By The Dangly Bits (Video)

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By Chris Wright

I submit for your deliberation Exhibit A, in which Bayern Munich's naughty little red-gloved sex pest Bastian Schweinsteiger grabs team-mate Thomas Muller by the swingers amidst the confusion bought on by striker Mario Gomez finally doing one of those goal things that we all thought he'd forgotten about.

Sunderland 2-2 Everton – Two-Goal Welbeck Advances England Claims (Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

Given the dearth of decent English strikers, Fabio Capello could do a lot worse than take a look at Danny Welbeck, who continues to improve at a satisfying rate. Welbeck scored both of Sunderland's goals against Everton last night, sandwiched between goals by Tim Cahill and a late equaliser by Mikel Arteta, in a lively performance that proved his man-of-the-match display at Chelsea was no fluke.

Emmanuel Adebayor On Loan To Juventus In January? Not Unless Krasic Leaves…

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By Ollie Irish

Man City striker Emmanuel Adebayor claims he will move to Juventus on loan in January.

Adebayor told Sport-Foot magazine: "I don't know what I did wrong to Roberto Mancini, but he never makes me play.

"I can tell you that City has already reached an agreement with Juventus for a loan.

Man Utd Could Be Two Strikers Lighter By February

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By Chris Wright

Reports in this morning's tabloids are suggesting that Juventus are busy preparing January offers for not one but two of Manchester United's current stable o' strikers.

First up, the Mirror reckon Juve are putting together a £12 million bid with which they intend to test United's resolve to hang on to Dimitar Berbatov, who seems to have regressed after a surprisingly dynamic start to the season.

‘I Know Nothing About The Chinese League’ – Nicky Butt On Joining South China FC

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By Chris Wright

'Twas announced a couple of days ago that former Manchester United, Newcastle and Birmingham midfielder Nicky Butt is set to temporarily end his seven-month retirement after accepting an preliminary offer to join Hong Kong club South China FC.

Real Madrid To Sign Romelu Lukaku (The New Drogba) In January

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By Ollie Irish

According to the Belgian media, Anderlecht's prodigious striker Romelu Lukaku is bound for Real Madrid next season. The 17-year-old has been compared to Didier Drogba and the comparisons are spot-on: Lukaku is 6ft 3in, built like a linebacker, fast and a brilliant finisher.

Lionel Messi & Cristiano Ronaldo Score Hat-Tricks On Same Weekend

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By Ollie Irish

Messi scored a hat-trick in Barca's 8-0 demolition of sorry Almeria:

Not one to be outdone, Ronaldo banged in three against Athletic Bilbao, as Real romped to a 5-1 win in the Bernabeu:

As brilliant as both Leo and C-Ron undoubtedy are, you have to question the depth of quality in La Liga.

Why Goalkeepers Shouldn’t Do Cruyff Turns (With Video Evidence)

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By Ollie Irish

There's a very good reason why it's called the Cruyff Turn – it's not the Zoff Turn or the Shilton Turn. Here, Viking keeper Arild Østbø finds out why, the hard way. Arild is only 19 though, so blame it on the confidence of youth but you can bet he'll never try it again.

WAG Affair? Gerard Pique And Shakira Spotted Together Again!

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By WAG Watcher

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In August we published the rumour that Barcelona defender Gerard Pique and pop star Shakira had got jiggy during the 2010 World Cup.

It now seems there may be some hard truth at the soft centre of this rumour.

Ex-WAG Belen Rodriguez Goes Topless For Jeans Ad (Video)

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By WAG Watcher

A little something to brighten this grey Monday...

Model Belen Rodriguez used to date Milan striker Marco Borriello. She once gave him an STD. True story.

Football WAG Index No.14: Belen Rodriguez

Fab Coloccini Apologises For ‘Arming’ Johan Elmander In The Face

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By Chris Wright

Newcastle centre-back Fabricio Coloccini has admitted that he fully deserved to be red-carded for smacking Bolton's John Elmander across the chops during his side's 5-1 Barclays Premier League defeat at the Reebok Stadium on Saturday, but the perma-permed defender insists that he did not intentionally try to elbow the Swedish striker.

Football Snapshot: Referee Michael Oliver Fouls Blackburn Defender Gael Givet

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By Ollie Irish

Michael Oliver: don't mess

Referee Michael Oliver, the youngest ever official to take charge of a Premier League game, struck a blow for men in black everywhere when he (accidentally) reduced Blackburn defender Gael Givet to a crumpled heap on Saturday.

Rafa Benitez Has One Game To Save Inter Job

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By Ollie Irish

Your taxi is waiting, Il Gaffer

Before Inter lost to Chievo this weekend, the word on Serie A Street was that Rafa Benitez had two games to save his job. Then Inter went and lost 2-1 to Chievo (a match graced by a Samuel Eto'o headbutt).

Ajax Striker Luis Suarez Bites Opponent’s Shoulder (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Until this week, Luis Suarez was best-known as the dirty Uruguayan bastard (© ITV) who used his hand to cheat plucky Ghana (and, by association, the whole continent of Africa) out of a World Cup semi-final berth. Now he'll also be known as the dirty Uruguayan bastard who chomped the shoulder of PSV's Otman Bakkal.

‘Wigan Know They Are Just A Stepping Stone’ – Charles N’Zogbia

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By Chris Wright

You might want to find something to bite down on because this one is a bit of a shocker.

The most aspirant (to put it politely) footballer of the modern age, Charles N'Zogbia, is angling for a move again after admitting that Wigan are merely a 'stepping stone' in his endless crusade toward glory.

Prince William And Chums Watch Blackpool (Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

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Wills and his chums (and his bodyguards cunningly disguised as chums) enjoyed a jolly good day out at Bloomfield Road on Saturday. There was lashings of ginger ale, meat pies and plucky football.

Harry Redknapp Has His Twitchy Eye On Tottenham ‘Tweaks’

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By Chris Wright

Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp seems to labouring under the belief that, with 'one or two' January additions, his squad could become genuine title contenders over the course of the season.

Their dramatic comeback to see off rivals Arsenal on Saturday afternoon has left Spurs just six points of the Premier League pace, and Redknapp believes his side are within a few stellar signings of closing the gap entirely:

"I am looking to bring people in this January.

Samuel Eto’o Faces Ban For Zidane Headbutt, Chievo vs Inter (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Internazionale striker Samuel Eto'o is likely to face a retrospective ban for headbutting an opponent during Inter's 2-1 defeat to Chievo on Sunday.

Eto'o, unhappy with a tackle by Bostjan Cesar, ran over to Cesar and headbutted him in the chest, in a stylee that recalled Zidane's assault on Marco Materazzi in the 2006 World Cup final.

Top 10 Premier League Photos, 20-21 November – Foster Foils Drogba

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By Ollie Irish

The best pics from another fascinating weekend in the Prem. (If you want to see pics of Tottenham's stunning comeback win at Arsenal, click here).

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Diego Maradona and girlfriend Veronica Ojeda, special guests at Craven Cottage to watch Fulham vs Man City.

Seattle Sounders Star To Train With Everton

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By Chris Wright

Seattle Sounders forward Steve Zakuani (who apparently models his hair on the Hampton Court maze) has revealed via the American side's official website that he has been invited to train with Everton for a few days later this week.

Caption This! Fergie & Zidane Share A Joke (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Fergie and Zidane share a joke during the recent Argentina vs Brazil friendly in Qatar. But what could they be saying? Let's be having you...

PS. Talk about armchair football! Looks like whoever owns the stadium in Doha got a job lot on the cheap from DFS.

Chelsea Quietly Quash Ancelotti Quit Rumours

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By Chris Wright

"Hang on, you're not Ray! Where's Ray?"

Chelsea have moved quickly to quash the growing rumours that a minor dip in form and a critical undermining of his authority have left manager Carlo Ancelotti considering his position at the club.

Glen Johnson Desperate To Join Inter Milan In January

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool right-back Glen Johnson has reportedly 'told his friends' that he wants to leave Anfield as soon as he gets the chance, and that he has his heart set on a January move to Inter Milan.

Those bastions of journalistic integrity over at Goal.

Football GIF: Arsene Wenger Hurls Water Bottle After Spurs Comeback

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By Ollie Irish

Burn this to DVD...

As a Spurs fan, I don't think this will ever get old.

Arsenal 2-3 Tottenham – Spurs Comeback Stuns Gunners, Wenger In Meltdown (Photos)

In Another Life: Arsene Wenger Is The Child Catcher

Zlatan Scores Brilliant Goal, Milan vs Fiorentina (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Zlatan celebrated this splendidly acrobatic goal – the only goal of the game so hard that he looked to have injured his arm, but he did play on in the second half, the big tattooed lummox.

Milan are now four points clear at the top of the Serie A table, although Lazio could reduce the deficit to one point if they beat Parma today.

‘A Real Revolution’ – Eric Cantona Urges Radical Bank Protest (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

There always was a whiff of the revolutionary about King Eric. No ordinary footballer, he; not one to follow the well-travelled path into management or punditry. Instead Cantona gravitated towards the arts, acting in serious movies, which made perfect sense he was the most artistic, the most poetic footballer of his generation, after all.

Arsenal 2-3 Tottenham – Spurs Comeback Stuns Gunners, Wenger In Meltdown (Photos)

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By Ollie Irish


...

Wowsa. What a game of football. Amazing. Regardless of my support of Spurs, it was just a brilliant 95-minute ad for the Premier League. Arsenal pissed all over us in the first half and deserved to be 2-0 up, then for some reason Fabregas, Samir Nasri (who refused to shake William Gallas' hand before kick-off) and co.

Newcastle Fans Attack Darren Bent’s Land Rover

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By Ollie Irish

Someone threw a glass at Sunderland striker Darren Bent's Land Rover while it was parked in Newcastle – and we're not leaving this post until we find out which buftie did it.

Bent tweeted about the incident, which happened on Friday afternoon.

Alex To Start For Chelsea Despite Being ‘Ruled Out For Months’

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By Chris Wright

'Thunderbooted, thunderthighed' (© Ollie Irish) centre-back Alex's knees are either made from that fancy metal that Wolverine's spine is hewn from, or Chelsea are bunch of big, fat lily-livered liars.

Two days ago Chelsea's official site announced that the Brazilian defender was due to face the next eight weeks on the sidelines to undergo long-overdue surgery on a troublesome medial ligament.

The BIG Football Question: Will Arsenal Fans Boo William Gallas?

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By Ollie Irish

Arsenal fans, will you boo this man when Spurs come to your place on Saturday lunchtime? Harry Redknapp says it would be a shame if that happened, and of course I'm inclined to side with Arry.


Arsenal fans, will you boo Gallas?

20 Brilliant Photos Of Arsenal vs Spurs

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By Ollie Irish

Enjoy flicking casually through this triffic gallery of the north London derby, which will be played again this Saturday:

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September 1933: Tottenham's Willie Evans shoots on goal during the north London derby at White Hart Lane.

Guess The Football WAG’s Arse!

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By WAG Watcher

Sexist new quiz alert!

Who lives in a peachy, perfectly formed arse like this? David, it's over to you...

Clue: She's dating a current football star.

Glazers Agree To Sell Man Utd To Printer Company Epson? No, Apparently Not

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By Ollie Irish

... That's the hot rumour on interweb avenue. More when we have it...

(Of course, this is only a rumour at the moment and it may yet turn out to be a mangled story about United picking up a new sponsor in the form of the Japanese company, which of course is famous for making printers.

‘Where’s Xavi?’ – Little Girl Doesn’t Meet Her Football Hero (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Shot at Spain's World Cup victory parade in Madrid:

Xavi, just get off the bus, you selfish c**t.

What can you say to an excited little girl who just wants to meet her football hero? As a parent, you just have to make shit up, I guess.

Aalesund (Accidentally) Confirm Goalkeeper Will Join Man Utd

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United are locked in talks with Norwegian club Aalesund over bringing their goalkeeper Anders Lindegaard to Old Trafford in January.

It was thought that representatives of both clubs met in Manchester and agreed on a fee of £3.

Pies Prediction League: Week 13

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By Ollie Irish

"My warrior woman. My Valkyrie. You'll always be mine, always and never. Never. The Fire, baby. It'll burn us both... I fancy Bolton to win again, by the way."

The mighty big table after 12 weeks:

1. Davey Chicago – 101
2.

Top 10 Football Garys

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By Ollie Irish

Pies salutes the greatest football Garys of all time...

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10. Gary Charles - A first name as a surname!? Madness gone mad. Charles once fucked up Gazza's knee (Gazza's fault, mind), and since he retired he went properly off the rails, with a couple of spells in prison, for drink-driving and cutting off his electronic tag.

Christian Poulsen Sold To Stockport For £6.50 And Packet Of Peanuts

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By Ollie Irish

Click to see bigger version:

As much as this isn't true (check some of the other headlines), I reckon there are Liverpool fans out there who would accept £6.50 for Poulsen, and screw the nuts – unless they're dry roasted, of course.

Man City Ready For Huge £87.5m January Exodus

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By Chris Wright

Money is meaningless in the land of tomorrow

After gathering in Abu Dhabi to discuss their January transfer plans last week, the Manchester City hierarchy have decided that they are willing to take a £50 million hit on five players bought by former manager Mark Hughes, whilst also allowing goalkeeper Shay Given to move on for the £7 million that the club originally paid Newcastle for his services in February of 2009.

Liverpool Demand £500k From FA Over Gerrard Injury

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By Chris Wright

According to this morning's Sun, Liverpool are to ask the FA to compensate Steven Gerrard's £120,000-a-week wages until the midfielder recovers from the torn hamstring he suffered whilst playing for England on Wednesday night.

FA Finally Approve New National Football Centre In Burton

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By Chris Wright

The FA have finally announced that building work on their long-awaited National Football Centre in Burton will begin in January, after the organisation's board unanimously approved the plans (which were originally submitted nearly nine years ago) yesterday evening.

Football Gear: Jack Russell Leather Football

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By Ollie Irish

A lovely pair of balls:

Jack Russell Clothing hark back to the time when men were men, shorts were long, and heading a wet leather football could seriously damage your health. Things of real beauty, these retro footballs.

Available for £30 each from Jack Russell's online shop

Spotter's badge: Culture Shoq

Bebe Scores Two Superb Goals For Man Utd Reserves vs Wigan (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Man Utd striker Bebe continues to show great promise. Tonight he scored a couple of cracking goals in a 3-1 win for United's Reserves against Wigan. Watch the goals below:


The boy's got talent, clearly.

I Told Arsenal To Sign Van Der Vaart But Was Ignored – Robin Van Persie

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By Ollie Irish

Arsenal forward Robin van Persie has revealed that he urged Arsene Wenger to sign Rafael van der Vaart from Real Madrid.

As we all know, Van der Vaart joined Tottenham instead, and he has notched seven goals in 12 games in all competitions for Spurs so far this season.

WAG Watch: Is Coleen Rooney Morphing Into Jessica Biel?

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By WAG Watcher

We papped Coleen at the launch of her Littlewoods.com fashion range at Claridges this week. And she was looking rather fine more attractive than the wafer-thin, pale supermodels she posed with. Now is it us, or is she morphing into a Scouse version of Jessica Biel?

Top 10 Goals Of The Year: Matty Burrows In Running For FIFA Puskas Award – Vote For Your Favourite

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By Ollie Irish

Your ten contenders to win the FIFA Goal of the Year award for 2010 (aka the FIFA Puskas Award). Enjoy 'em all and then vote for your favourite at the end:

In order, you watched wonder goals by Hamit Altintop, Matty Burrows, Linus Hallenius, Lionel Messi, Samir Nasri, Neymar, Arjen Robben, Siphiwe Tshabalala, Gio Van Bronckhorst and last but not least Kumi Yokoyama.

Milan Jovanovic Vows To Snub Serbia Until Liverpool Form Improves

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By Chris Wright

Serbian forward Milan Jovanovic has vowed to go into temporary international retirement until his rather lapse form at Liverpool begins to improve.

With a considerable reputation garnered during his time with Standard Liege and a half-decent World Cup under his belt, many though (me included) that Jovanovic would soon hit his stride at Liverpool given their relative lack of forwardly-mobile , but the stark truth is that the 29-year-old's flaccid displays have seen him slip down pretty sharply in manager Roy Hodgson's estimation during the four months he's been at Anfield.

Retro Football: Neil F**king Warnock (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Charm personified.

WARNOCK FACT NO.1: An anagram of Neil Warnock is Colin Wanker

WARNOCK FACT NO.2: Sean Bean once made Warnock's family cry

Argentina 1-0 Brazil: Lionel Messi Scores Superclasico Wonder Goal (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

In which Little Leo scores a rather splendid winner in the dying minutes of the Superclasico, which was played in Doha as part of Qatar's bid to host the 2022 World Cup...

Not bad, eh.

Top 10 Mouthy Footballers

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By Ollie Irish

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Jamie Carragher - Several Liverpool team-mates have commented on how much of a relentless moaner Carra is.

Chelsea Will Have To Wait To Sign Neven Subotic

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By Chris Wright

The agent of Borrusia Dortmund centre-back Neven Subotic, who is known to be a long-term target of both Chelsea and Arsenal, has rubbished rumours that the Serbian will be moving to the Premier League come the turn of the year.

Sh*t Football Kits: Luton Town Away 1994-95

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By Ollie Irish

Migraine ahoy!

Too many stripes, you think? Jaysus, that is an abomination. Bonus points if you identified John Hartson (top) and Marvin Johnson.

Can any Luton fans tell me about the mysterious 'Hatter' kit manufacturer, who made Luton's kits for this one season?

Innuendo Ahoy! Martin O’Neill Had ‘Size Issues’ With Villa Youngster

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By Chris Wright

In-your-endo!

Aston Villa midfielder Barry Bannan has revealed that former manager Martin O'Neill was convinced that the Scot wouldn't be meaty enough for the cut and thrust of the top flight, due to his prohibitive 'size issues':

"Martin had size issues with me and he kept bringing them up in conversation over the many meetings we had when he was at Villa.

Racist Italy Fans Abuse Mario Balotelli During Italy vs Romania Friendly

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By Ollie Irish

Mario Balotelli was the victim of more racist abuse by Italian 'fans', during Italy's 1-1 draw in a friendly with Romania last night.

The Man City striker was repeatedly booed by a small group of right-wing idiots.

And a banner bearing the message "No to a multi-ethnic national team" was also confiscated at Klagenfurt's HypoArena stadium.

‘I Will Be At Man City Until June’ – Mario Balotelli

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By Chris Wright

By spending every available second of his spare time (of which he has in abundance of late, due to a persistent knee injury) back at home in Milan, Manchester City striker is hardly giving off the signs of a player content with life in England.

England 1-2 France – I Did Not See The Incident (Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

Happy to admit I didn't see England lose to France, as I was in a pub, and not one of those football-friendly pubs with a big screen. I caught some post-match punditry in my living room, which seemed horribly familiar along the lines of "We have to rip it up and start again.

Liverpool Brand Fabio Capello ‘Amateurish’ Over Gerrard Injury

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By Chris Wight

In an attack on the England management following last night's 2-1 friendly defeat by France, Liverpool's head of fitness and conditioning Darren Burgess immediately took to the internet to voice his ire at having to watch Steven Gerrard limp from the pitch in the 84th minute, posting on his Twitter account:

"Unbelievable from all associated with England and English FA with regard to SG's injury.

‘I’m Too Old To Retire Now’ – Sir Alex Ferguson

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has dismissed retirement as a 'young man's game' and vowed to only step down from the post he has held at Old Trafford since 1986 when his family deem it time to take the Luger from the dresser draw and drag ol' Fergie behind the woodshed.

Cristiano Ronaldo Denied Brilliant Goal By Nani’s Stupidity (Video)

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By Chris Wright

After toiling for the first half-an-hour or so of the game, Portugal's prize pony Cristiano Ronaldo was robbed of a brilliant solo opener against Iberian rivals Spain last night, when some thoughtful last-gasp 'defending' from Nani saw the Real Madrid forward's effort rendered null and void.

Ex-Barcelona President Laporta Signs Up Porn Actress To Support Catalan Independence Party

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By WAG Watcher

Tenuous football story alert!

Catalan porn actress Maria Lapiedra

Former Barcelona president Joan Laporta, who left the club in June, has recruited porn actress Maria Lapiedra to support his new Catalan Solidarity for Independence political party.

John Terry Is Hardest Opponent I’ve Played Against – Wayne Rooney (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

"Wayne, complete this sentence: 'I like Nike Pro Combat because...'"

"Er, 'cause Nike still pays me lots of cash even after I shag prossies?"

Not the most enlightening interview with a footballer you've ever seen, but I think it's the first time I've heard Wazza say anything positive about John Terry.

Retro Football: England 3-1 France, 1982 World Cup (Video) – Marvellous Bryan Robson Scores Twice

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By Ollie Irish

England vs France, '82 World Cup: Bryan Robson puts England ahead with a goal after just 27 seconds

From a time when men had mullets and didn't have to roll their socks up/wear shinpads by law (and also before John Motson became 'Motty', that hysterical self-parody).

The 10 Greatest Premier League Goals of the Decade No.3: Thierry Henry, Arsenal v Man Utd, 2000

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By Ollie Irish

I completely forgot that I hadn't finished this Greatest Prem Goals of the Decade series, so thanks to Paddy for reminding me to pick it up. Where was I? Ah yes, a moment of Va Va Holy Shit Did You See That! by Monsieur Henry at Highbury, against arch rivals Man Utd in 2000:

"That's deliberate.

10 Brilliant Photos Of Young Robert Pires

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By Ollie Irish

A photo essay celebrating Bob's early career:

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December 1995: On the run for Metz (his first professional club) at RC Lens. Pires was 22 when this photo was taken.

Alberto Aquilani Shuns Gerrard And Torres, Wants Glen Johnson To Join Juventus

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By Chris Wright

Personally, I've never been much of a fan of Glen Johnson. I just have the creeping suspicion that he has merely 'lucked out' throughout his entire career.

For example, he is currently England's first-choice right back.

10 Great Football Brians / Bryans

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By Ollie Irish

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10. Brian Deane - Big, agricultural, journeyman striker who scored more goals than you might remember (195 in his 20-year playing career). Nice guns.

Football Snapshot: Brighton Win FA Cup Replay At Woking, Set Up Tie vs FC United

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By Ollie Irish

Brighton & Hove Albion players during a stoppage in play in their FA Cup first-round replay at Woking. The match ended 2-2 after extra time, then in-form Brighton dominated the penalty shootout (Woking missed all three of their pens doh).

Gus Poyet's team will play FC United of Manchester in the next round.

Niko Kranjcar Set To Leave Tottenham In January – For Liverpool?

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By Chris Wright

After last week admitting that his peripheral existence at Tottenham this season has left him feeling 'a little empty', it should come as absolutely no surprise that midfielder Niko Kranjcar is now beginning to seriously think about leaving the club.

‘I Have No Bond With Media’ – Sir Alex Ferguson

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By Ollie Irish

In a press conference today in Doha, Old Red Nose issued forth a typically blunt comment about his poor relationship with the media. Fergie accused hacks of lacking not only quality but also "strong values", which I take to mean "principles" or "a basic morality".

Newcastle Ask For Andy Carroll To Be Released From England Squad

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By Chris Wright

Andy Carroll will be greatly mist by Newcastle

Newcastle United have written to the FA to 'express their concern' over Andy Carroll's impending inclusion in the England starting XI against France this evening, despite the striker being known to be struggling with a groin injury sustained at the weekend.

Cristiano Ronaldo Has A New Haircut

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By Ollie Irish

Pies brings you the BIGGEST football stories. And this...

Ronaldo's new 'do:

What style do you think C-Ron asked for in the Madrid salon? My money's on 'Bickle Ladyboy'.

PS. Ronaldo loves going to get his hair cut, as it means he can look at himself in the mirror for one hour without feeling guilty.

Rooney ‘Half A Stone Lighter’ Upon Man Utd Return

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By Chris Wright

After spending the last four weeks recuperating from an ankle injury under the expert supervision of the poolside medical team at Dubai's five-star Burj Al Arab Hotel before moving on to Nike's HQ in Portland, Oregon for a spot of tabloid-dodging/additional conditioning work, it seems that Wayne Rooney has returned to Manchester United in rude health.

Chelsea Desperate For Defenders, Turn To Long-Term Brazilian Target

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By Chris Wright

Upon learning that they will have to do without the considerable services of both John Terry and Alex yesterday, Chelsea have been quick to draw up a list of potential replacements for the injured defensive duo.

Aston Villa Open The Door For Karim Benzema Loan

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid wastrel Karim Benzema could (and that's a rather large 'could') be in line to make a surprise January switch to these shores, with Aston Villa manager Gerard Houllier admitting that he would sign up the French striker in an irregular heartbeat.

‘Bendtner Has Bayern Munich Potential’ – Franz Beckenbauer

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By Chris Wright

After his rash announcement last week that, though still visibly unfit, he should still be commanding a place in the Arsenal starting XI, striker Nicklas Bendtner has found himself linked with many of Europe's elite, with Juventus said to be 'monitoring developments' (reading the papers?

Chelsea Defender Alex Out For Eight Weeks With Knee Injury

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By Ollie Irish

Alex takes off

Thuderbooted, thunderthighed Chelsea centre-back Alex will miss the next six to eight weeks of the season due to an ongoing knee injury, the club have confirmed.

A statement on the Chelsea's official website reads: "Further to the Chelsea medical team's diagnosis, the Brazilian national team doctors agree that further investigation via arthroscopic surgery is required on the player's right knee.

Glazers To Pay Off £220m Of Man Utd PIK Debts

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United's controversial owners, the Glazer family, have confirmed that they are about to pay off £220 million of their payment-in-kind (PIK) debts without using money from the club's coffers.

Co-chairman Joel Glazer has issued a 'voluntary free-payment notice' to the American family's lenders confirming that their PIKs will be settled in full.

The BIG Football Question: How Much Will Tottenham Miss Tom Huddlestone?

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By Ollie Irish

Intense: Tom Huddlestone's game face

Bad news for Spurs Tom Huddlestone is out for three months because of an ankle injury that requires surgery. Sad face.

Huddlestone's great improvement has been apparent for all to see, and he has even worn the captain's armband this season.

Football Snapshot: France Train For International Friendly vs England At Wembley

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By Ollie Irish

France train for Wednesday evening's international friendly against England at Wembley. Football on a sunny winter's day = the best kind of football.

Photo: Mike Egerton

My Favourite Kit: England 1990

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By Chris Thomas

"What is your favourite kit?" is a question that has a surprising amount of facets to it, if you've got too much time on your hands – which, fortunately for you, I have...

You've got the kits that actually look cool (I give you Zaire's 1974 World Cup shirt), or kits that you can't stop wearing (for me, Tottenham's 1990-91 shirt.

‘Carroll, Henderson And Gibbs Will All Start’ – Fabio Capello

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By Chris Wright

England manager Fabio Capello has confirmed that Andy Carroll, Jordan Henderson and Kieran Gibbswill all start for the Three Lions when they take on France at Wembley tomorrow night.

Carlos Tevez Fists Rio Ferdinand In Glorious HD (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

What HD was made for...

Glorious.

Spotter's badge: Paul Wright

England New Boys Train In The Fog For France Friendly (Photos) – Joe Hart Injures Back, Doubtful For Wembley

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By Ollie Irish

Some piping-hot pics of England's squad training in the fog for their friendly against France. As you can see (just about), new boys Jay Bothroyd, Andy Carroll, Jordan Henderson and Chris Smalling did take part in the session. Carroll came through the session unscathed, despite worries about a groin tweak, but first-choice keeper Joe Hart pulled out midway through with an injured back and he's a doubt for tomorrow's game at Wembley.

The Worst Miss In Football History? Qatar Striker Misses Open Goal From Three Yards Out (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Holy crap. This miss, by teenage Qatar forward Fahad Khalfan during his side's Asian Games quarter-final against Uzbekistan, has to be a strong contender for the worst miss by a professional footballer I've ever seen. Even worse, the score was 0-0 at the time, and Uzbekistan went on to win 1-0.

Retro Football: Liverpool Stars Dress Up As The Beatles To Launch New Away Kit, 1996

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By Ollie Irish


August 1996: The Fab Four show off the new Liverpool away kit (this one) at LFC's Melwood Training Ground. From left to right: Steve McManaman, Rob Jones, Stan Collymore and Jason McAteer. Stevie Mac and Stan the Man are into it; Jones and McAteer not so much.

Arsenal Legend Robert Pires To Sign For Aston Villa

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By Ollie Irish

Aston Villa have confirmed that former Arsenal midfielder Robert Pires will join the club this week.

French Bob, currently a free agent following his release by Villarreal in the summer, has been in talks with Villa. He has also been training with the Gunners to help maintain his fitness (see photo above).

LA Galaxy 0-3 FC Dallas – David Beckham Injured, MLS Cup Dream Shattered (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Dallas goalkeeper Kevin Hartman was the hero at the Home Depot Center on Sunday, making a string of crucial saves as David Beckham's MLS Cup dream was ended for another season – and again with the Cup close enough for Becks to touch. See, when it mattered, LA failed to play as a team.

Adidas Reveal New Spain Home Kit (With Gross Video)

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By Ollie Irish

David Villa in agony, tearing at his own flesh to uncover the new Spain home kit. Mmm, sell it to me, Mr Adidas.

So, the new kit... it looks like a classic Spain kit, which is good. Apart from that, there's not a lot to say about it. The current Spain team could wear used binbags and still play beautiful football.

Cardiff Striker Michael Chopra In Talks To Represent India

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By Chris Wright

Cardiff striker Rocky Michael Chopra has flown out to Dubai today to discuss the possibility of representing India at international level with manager Bobby Houghton.

The Indian squad are currently preparing for a midweek match against Kuwait and it is thought that Chopra will stay to watch the game before returning home for Cardiff's Championship match against his former club (very briefly) Nottingham Forest on Saturday.

Skills: Iker Casillas Saves Newspaper Missile (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

During Real's match at Sporting Gijon, a missile made out of newspaper (yeah, that's gonna hurt) was thrown at Iker Casillas. Not a problem for one of the best keepers on the planet...

Sharp reflexes, Iker. David James would likely have spilled that.

Spot The Baller: Emma Watson

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By Ollie Irish

Which Man Utd star is concealed by Harry Potter star Emma Watson?

Previous answer: Anne Hathaway was hiding Blackburn winger Morten Gamst Pedersen. Well in Madjair, who was the first reader to answer correctly.

AC Milan May ‘Have A Deal In Place’ For Mario Balotelli

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By Chris Wright

AC Milan are reportedly poised, prone and ready to try and spirit Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli back to Serie A, after a fairly underwhelming start to his career at Eastlands.

City paid Inter Milan £24-odd million for Balotelli back in August, but a knee ligament injury has limited his impact at Eastlands, despite managing to score three goals in his first four appearances for the club.

Goal Of The Weekend: Nedum Onuoha Goes Solo, Chelsea 0-3 Sunderland (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

In aesthetic terms only, I prefer Johan Elmander's beautiful solo goal for Bolton at Wolves. But taking into consideration the quality of the opposition, you can't really overlook Nedum Onuoha's brilliant run and finish at Stamford Bridge. And he's a defender!

Top 15 Premier League Photos, 13-14 November – Sunderland’s Shock 250-1 Win At Chelsea

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By Ollie Irish

The best pics from a weekend that would have been eminently forgettable but for Sunderland's stunning 3-0 win at Stamford Bridge. A fiver on that result before kick-off would have won you more than a grand. Damn you, hindsight.

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Ashley Cole hides his face after a poor backpass allowed Sunderland to score a third goal at Stamford Bridge

Bolo Zenden Tries To Copy Asamoah Gyan’s Dance Moves, Fails Miserably (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

White men can't dance...

Nice moves, dad. But how I wish this had been Gary Neville, not Bolo Zenden (who is actually rather cool and knows martial arts and shit).

And it can't help but remind us of another brilliant Zenden celebration fail:

Unlike Bolo's dancing, this never gets old.

Top 10 Premier League Photos, 13-14 November – Sunderland’s Shock 250-1 Win At Chelsea

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By Ollie Irish

The best pics from a weekend that would have been eminently forgettable but for Sunderland's stunning 3-0 win at Stamford Bridge. A fiver on that result before kick-off would have won you more than a grand. Damn you, hindsight.

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Ashley Cole hides his face after a poor backpass allowed Sunderland to score a third goal at Stamford Bridge

Movember Special: Top 10 Moustaches In Football

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By Ollie Irish

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Bob Holmes - Preston North End and England stalwart, and owner of a tache so impressive it needed its own passport

More

Top 40 magnificent moustaches in football

Top 20 World Cup moustaches

‘I Miss The Premier League A Lot’ – Cristiano Ronaldo Pines For Manchester

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By Chris Wright

Remember that permanently oily-looking guy that used to do really good kicks and goals for Manchester United a couple of years ago, before sodding off to Real Madrid for a bajillion Euros?

If so, it should come as no surprise that, after winning three Premier League titles, a Champions League and being named as FIFA and PFA Player of the year during his six-year stint in England, Cristiano Ronaldo remembers those heady old days rather fondly:

"To be honest I miss the Premier League a lot.

Game Review: FIFA 11 – ‘It Feels Like Proper Football’

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By Charlie Parrish

Trumping FIFA 10 is a task similar in magnitude to Rafa Benitez matching Jose Mourinho's unconquerable Inter legacy. Because EA Sports finally nailed the definitive football title last year. FIFA 10 married their showy official licenses to intuitive, almost impeccable gameplay and in the process, ended the eternal "Pro Evo or FIFA?

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Channels Chuck Norris, Puts Marco Materazzi In Hospital (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Ten-man AC narrowly clinched Sunday's Milan derby courtesy of a Zlatan Ibrahimovic penalty, with the Swede both winning and dispatching the first-half spotkick after being brought down in the area by the trailing leg of Inter's resident nutcase Marco Materazzi.

Injury May Rob ‘Devastated’ Andy Carroll Of His First England Cap

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By Chris Wright

Newcastle United striker Andy Carroll has admitted that he would be 'devastated' if the groin twang he sustained during Saturday's 0-0 draw with Fulham rules him out of England's friendly with France on Wednesday evening thus robbing him of his first senior cap.

Arsene Wenger Regrets Letting Jay Bothroyd Slip Through The Arsenal Net

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By Chris Wright

Ten years ago, Cardiff (and England) striker Jay Bothroyd was told by Arsenal's head of youth development Liam Brady that he would never play for the club again after the tempestuous teenager threw his shirt at coach Don Howe after being substituted during an Under-19 match.

Liverpool Target £15m ‘Comolli-Approved’ French Starlet

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By Chris Wright

Gossip is a little thin on the ground this morning, and the transfer tittle-tattle that is knocking around can probably be described as 'watery' at the very best.

That said, the Daily Mail are suggesting that Liverpool are watching Rennes' £15 million-rated midfielder Yann M'Vila very intently, and that manager Roy Hodgson even travelled to watch the 20-year-old in action against Auxerre on Sunday at the behest of the club's new transfer guru Damien Comolli.

Arsenal Stars Play FIFA 11: Cesc Fabregas & Gael Clichy Are The ‘Unstoppable Couple’

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By Ollie Irish

Arsenal players relax on Saturday evening before their game at Everton by playing FIFA 11 in Cesc's hotel room. From left to right: Gael Clichy, Cesc Fabregas, Jack Wilshere and Theo Walcott

According to Fabregas, he and Gael Clichy can't be beat at FIFA 11.

‘What The F**k Is Going On?’ – Man City Fans Turn On Mancini After Another 0-0 Draw

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By Ollie Irish

Action: Drawing 0-0 at home against struggling Birmingham City (hardly the most positive team in the Premier League), Man City boss Roberto Mancini decides to take off Carlos Tevez and replace him with... Gareth Barry.

Reaction: City fans break into a chant of "What the fuck is going on?

England Squad Announced: Andy Carroll, Jay Bothroyd, Chris Smalling & Jordan Henderson In

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By Ollie Irish

Jay Bothroyd has caught Capello's eye this season

Cautious Fabio Capello has rung the changes at last: Newcastle striker Andy Carroll, Cardiff striker Jay Bothroyd (who has scored in his last seven games and was hotly tipped for a shock call-up), Man Utd defender Chris Smalling and Sunderland midfielder Jordan Henderson have all been named in England's new-look squad for Wednesday's friendly with France at Wembley Stadium.

X Factor Finalist Matt Cardle Trains With Tottenham Hotspur, Keeps Hat On (Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

At least take yer hat off, fella...

Dortmund Coach Jurgen Klopp Goes Loco In Fourth Official’s Face (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

The scene: Hamburg vs Dortmund in the Bundesliga on Friday evening. The ref fails to call a foul by Hamburg's Ze Roberto, and Dortmund head coach Juren Klopp goes NUTS – even more NUTS than Jack 'You Can't Handle The Truth' Nicholson in 'A Few Good Men'.

Preston North End 0-2 Hull City – Darren Ferguson Under Pressure (Photos & Video)

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By Ollie Irish

A valuable win for Hull (their first since September) lifts them out of the relegation zone, and leaves Preston mired in 23rd. Those North End fans who did turn up to support their team – the attendance was a meagre 9,088 – saw their side lose at home for the second match running, and it's no surprise that many of them appear to have lost faith in manager Darren Ferguson.

‘I Will Leave Arsenal Unless I Start More Often’ – Nicklas Bendtner Moans Again

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By Ollie Irish

In an interview with Danish newspaper BT, Arsenal striker Nicklas Bendtner threatened to put in a transfer request if he continues to warm the bench:

"I'm extremely disappointed with the lack of minutes on the field. I feel I've done everything right in getting back to fitness and I'm in the best shape of my life.

Glen Johnson Needs To Up His Game – Roy Hodgson

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By Ollie Irish

Liverpool gaffer Roy Hodgson has spoken out at his disappointment with Glen Johnson's below-par displays for LFC this season. Tough love from Uncle Woy, or a cunning plan to ensure Johnson's departure?

The England right-back has played just one of the Liverpool's last seven matches due to injury, and he has failed to impress his club manager when he has been on the pitch.

Pies Classics: Garth Crooks Talks About US Gangs, Drops ‘N’ Word On Breakfast TV (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Look the part, be the part motherf**ker...

Crooks tells it like it is. Crooks knows. And enjoy the fear in Littlejohn's beady, bigoted eyes.

Zinedine Zidane Appointed Presidential Advisor At Real Madrid

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By Ollie Irish

Real Madrid have appointed former player Zinedine Zidane as a presidential adviser to the first team. Oooh, advisor to the prez... get him!

The idea is for Zizou to assist and advise both president Florentino Perez and head coach Jose Mourinho.

Wayne Rooney Picks Just One Man Utd Team-Mate In Fantasy XI

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By Ollie Irish

Wazza picked his 'Ultimate Team' for EA Sports, and could only find room for one of his Man Utd team-mates. Who do you think he went for? Find out below, in a gallery that reveals Rooney's fantasy XI (he also picked himself, which is more than Fergie has done of late).

Rafael Goes Loco On Carlos Tevez In Manchester Derby (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

"Who ya tryin' to mess with – don't you know I'm loco?"

Rafael may be small and cherubic but he's got balls the size of his own head. Approximately. And after the Brazilian young'un eyeballed Tevez in the Manc derby, United fans love him even more.

Cesc Fabregas, Theo Walcott, Didier Drogba & Ashley Cole At Relaunch Of NikeTown In London

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By Ollie Irish

Cesc, Theo, the Drog and Cashley turned up for the grand re-opening of NikeTown at Oxford Circus earlier this week. Because that's what they're paid to do. A host of top athletes were also there, including poo pants Paula Radcliffe...


"We're ALL selling out!

Dundee FC Launch Sexy WAG Calendar To Help Save Ailing Club

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By WAG Watcher

After being rocked by a 25-point deduction for going into administration, Dundee FC have decided to use WAG Power in a bid to raise much-needed funds. The Scottish Sun takes up the story:

"WAGs from crisis-hit Dundee have posed in sexy underwear to raise cash for the ailing club.

Pies Prediction League: Week 12

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By Ollie Irish

The table after 11-and-a-half weeks:

1. Davey Chicago – 98
2= Ping Yang – 92
2= WHO ATE ALL THE PIES – 92
4. LAWRO – 90
5. South City – 79
6=Fellaini's Fro – 78
6=Mark Holleran – 78
8.

Game Review: Football Manager 2011

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By Nathan Hildred

Imitation. Is it the sincerest form of flattery?

If your idea of imitation is selling your star right winger to free up some wages to bring in a washed up World Cup winner with a history of knee injuries, whilst simultaneously telling the media you don't fear for your job, Football Manager 2011 is probably for you.

Leicester Chairman Milan Mandaric To Rescue Sheffield Wednesday?

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By Chris Wright

Word is that Leicester City chairman (and star of seminal 80′s cinematic fanstasy yarn The NeverEnding Story) Milan Mandaric is planning a takeover of debt-mired League One side Sheffield Wednesday.

Wednesday are facing a wind-up order in the next five days over an unpaid tax debt of £600,000 and a VAT bill of over £300,000, and the club are currently in desperate need of a buyer to avoid going into administration.

Shit Football Kits: Arsenal Away 1995-96 (Blue Lightning)

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By Ollie Irish

February 1996: Dennis Bergkamp playing in Arsenal's away kit

Now, I know this pick will be controversial and Marmitey, as some Gooners have a soft spot for their 'blue lightning' away kit of 1995-96. (And let's be honest, it is nice to see the classic old Arsenal club crest, which remains a million times better than the current crest, which looks as if it was designed by a New Labour focus-group.

Have Your Matchday Photos Published In First Issue Of Our New iPad Magazine!

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By Ollie Irish

What's the collective noun for photographers? A flash? An intrusion?

Earlier this week we told you about our exciting new iPad magazine, which will also be produced as a print magazine for anyone who wants a collector's item.

We want your best matchday pics, to feature in a photo essay in the first issue.

‘Pepe Reina Rumours Are Very Strong At Old Trafford’ – Peter Schmeichel

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By Chris Wright

Ex-Manchester United 'keeper Peter Schmeichel has admitted that he'd love to see his former employers sign Pepe Reina from Liverpool as he believes that United need a ready-made No.1 to take over from current custodian Edwin van der Sar rather than a young pretender.

The Fateful Life Of Jose Antonio Reyes

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By Jacob Steinberg

On one flank at the Bernabeu stood Cristiano Ronaldo. Opposite him stood Jose Antonio Reyes. Ronaldo was wearing the white of Real Madrid. Reyes donned the red and white stripes of Atletico, but as the Madrid derby progressed on Sunday night, it became increasingly difficult to shake off the feeling that he also should have been decked out in Real's colours.

Gianfranco Zola Touted For Chelsea Return

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea have this morning begun their search for a new assistant manager after abruptly dismissing Ray Wilkins from his post during half-time of a reserve team game yesterday.

A few candidates are being suggested by various sources but one name that keeps cropping up again and again is that of Blues legend Gianfranco Zola, who has been out of work since having his contract terminated by West Ham back in May although whether he'd be willing to make the 'step down' to assistant may be a sticking point.

Chelsea And Liverpool Chase £12m Palermo Newboy

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By Chris Wright

Reports emanating from Italy this morning (via talkSPORT) are suggesting that both Liverpool and Chelsea are 'locked in a battle' to sign Palermo midfielder Armin Bacinovic in January, despite the Slovenian only moving to the Rosanero from NK Maribor at the tail-end of August.

Robinho Feels The Full Force Of A Zlatan Ibrahimovic Flying Kick (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In recent weeks AC Milan's black-belted striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic has punted teammate Rodney Strasser square in the ribs during training and instigated a neck-grabbing training-ground dust up with teammate Oguchi Onyewu after going in needlessly hard on the hefty American defender on his return from injury.

Obnoxious Thug Joey Barton Receives ‘Violent Conduct’ Charge

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By Chris Wright

"We're gonna start by working your ribs"

The least surprising news of the day has broken a few minutes ago with the FA announcing that they have bought charges of violent conduct against Newcastle midfielder Joey Barton for the malicious little jab he delivered to the gut of Blackburn's Morten Gamst Pedersen when the two sides met last night.

Ray Wilkins Leaves Chelsea ‘With Immediate Effect’

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By Chris Wright

Reports are emanating from Chelsea this afternoon that assistant manager Ray Wilkins will not be offered a new contract and has been told to leave the club 'with immediate effect'.

This from the Chelsea website:

"Chelsea Football Club chief executive Ron Gourlay has announced today that the board has decided not to renew Ray Wilkins' contract.

Russian Striker Leaves It Too Late To Claim Liverpool Interest

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By Chris Wright

Zenit St Petersburg striker Aleksandr Kerzhakov has revealed that Liverpool did indeed make contact with his agent when the Russian was strongly rumoured to be one of the club's principle January targets mid-way through last month.

Gerard Pique Gets Bored, Throws Peanuts At Bald Man (Video)

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By Chris Wright

When he isn't bleeding profusely for either Barcelona or Spain, defender Gerard Pique likes to unwind with a spot of 'throwing things at the unaware'.

We've seen it before with his aerial bombardment of Cesc Fabregas as the two sat watching Barca's Champions League victory over Arsenal last season and his penchant for the peanut projectile surfaced again whilst he sat in the stands watching the Catalan's 5-1 Copa del Rey win over Ceuta last night.

‘I Can’t Work For This Madness’ – Ian Holloway Issues FA With Quit Threat

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By Chris Wright

Blackpool manager Ian Holloway has threatened to resign if the Premier League go ahead and punish the club for fielding a weakened team in their 3-2 defeat against Aston Villa last night.

Holloway made ten changes to the side that drew 2-2 with Everton at the weekend for the clash at Villa Park, with midfielder Keith Southern the only player to retain his place.

Man City 0-0 Man Utd – The Worst Manchester Derby In Living Memory? (Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

In answer to the question in the headline, yes, this was the worst Manchester derby I've seen. I mean, it was absorbing but so cautious and even before half-time you would have bet on it finishing 0-0. Neither team could face even the thought of losing this contest at this particular time, and boy did it show.

Shit Lookalikes: Adam Johnson & Ian Curtis

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By Ollie Irish

Johnson is a winger.

Curtis was a singer.

Send yer Shit Lookalikes to ollie@anorak.co.uk

Joey Barton Punches Morten Gamst Pedersen In The Gut (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Newcastle midfielder Joey Barton is likely to face FA charges after punching Morten Gamst Pedersen in the gut during his side's 2-1 defeat against Blackburn last night.

Referee Michael Jones did not punish Barton for the incident, which could leave the player open to retrospective action from the FA.

Blackburn To Czech Out AC Milan Reject?

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By Chris Wright

Hot diggity! Blackburn are apparently considering making a move for AC Milan left-back/winger Marek Jankulovski when his contract with the Rossoneri expires next July.

Reports in the Italian press are suggesting that Rovers have already been in touch with Jankulovski's agent (Bundesliga club Werder Bremen also linked with the 33-year-old Czech international), although the man himself is still unsure of his next move having previously claimed that he intended to 'return to his homeland' after leaving Italy:

"It is true that there will be no new contract.

Wesley Sneijder Diagnosed With Anaemia After Half-Time Blackout

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By Chris Wright

Inter Milan midfielder Wesley Sneijder has been diagnosed with anaemia (a deficiency of iron in the blood) after briefly passing out at half-time during Saturday's Serie A tie with Brescia.

Speaking to Dutch newspaper De Telegraaf, Sneijder said:

"I started to shake and felt pain in my entire body.

Sampdoria Aim To Get Rid Of Troublemaker Antonio Cassano

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By Ollie Irish

Sampdoria want to give Antonio Cassano the boot after he reportedly insulted their president.

According to Italy's news agency Ansa, Samp have filed a request to the Lega Calcio to rescind the striker's contract which runs until June 2013 on the grounds of insubordination.

Sampdoria Aim To Get Rid Of Troublemaker Vincent Cassano

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By Ollie Irish

Sampdoria want to give Antonio Cassano the boot after he reportedly insulted their president.

According to Italy's news agency Ansa, Samp have filed a request to the Lega Calcio to rescind the striker's contract which runs until June 2013 on the grounds of insubordination.

Top 5 Footballers Who Played For Manchester United & Manchester City

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By Ollie Irish

It's fair to say that overall it was Man Utd who got the most out of these players...

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Playing for City in 1974, Denis Law famously backheeled his former club Man Utd into the old Second Division - he didn't celebrate the goal.

AC Milan’s Brazilian Stars Get Tricky In Training (Video)

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By Chris Wright

This leisurely demonstration of effortless Brazilian ball control at AC Milan's Milanello training complex was going so well, up until the point that midfield clogger Mathieu Flamini turns up half-way through to single-handedly bugger everything up for everybody!

Retro Football: Roy Keane Takes Revenge On Alf-Inge Haaland With Horror Tackle In Manchester Derby (Video Nasty)

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By Ollie Irish

Roy Keane at his brutal worst, exacting revenge on Alf-Inge Haaland at Old Trafford in April 2001:

"I (didn't) wait for Mr. Ellery to show the red card. I turned and walked to the dressing room.

"Even in the dressing room afterwards, I had no remorse.

Manchester United Fans Vandalise Eastlands Pub With ‘Marc-Vivien Foe’ Graffiti

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By Chris Wright

Ahead of this evening's Manchester derby, a group of moronic United supporters took to the streets last night to vandalise an Eastlands pub with graffiti referring to late City player Marc-Vivien Foe.

Foe played in both games between the two clubs during the 2002/03 season before collapsing during Cameroon's Confederations Cup semi-final in June of 2003 due to hereditary heart condition eventually passing away 45 minutes later.

Tottenham 1-1 Sunderland, Premier League – Wasteful Spurs Blow Two Points (Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

Even Steve Bruce admitted his team was lucky to get away with a draw after a game that Tottenham should have put to bed by half-time. But Spurs couldn't take their chances, and some comedy defending by Younes Kaboul and William Gallas gifted the Mackems an equaliser they barely deserved.

Football Fail: Goalkeeper Knocks Out Team-Mate, Scores Bizarre Own Goal (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

1. Kick ball in back of team-mate's head.

2. Ball knocks team-mate out cold.

3. Ball ricochets back into net for own goal.

A move straight from the training ground, clearly.

Ibrahim Afellay Coy On Barcelona Link

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By Chris Wright

PSV midfielder Ibrahim Afellay has admitted that he is still unsure as to where his immediate future lies, despite being heavily linked with a move to Barcelona this week.

However, one certainty is that Afellay will defintely be leaving Eindhoven this summer, after announcing that he will not be signing a new deal when his current contract with the Dutch club expires next July.

Man Utd Poised To Sign £7m German U21 Prospect

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By Chris Wright

FC Nurnberg have revealed that they are resigned to losing £7 million-rated midfielder Ilkay Gundogan in the summer, with Manchester United set to take advantage of the Bundesliga side's 'economic considerations' after sending several scouts to watch the 20-year-old in action.

Sir Alex Ferguson Still Vexed By ‘Stupid’ Tevez Poster

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By Chris Wright

As you may be aware, it's the Manchester derby tonight a fixture which never usually manages to pass without incident, given that the two factions involved utterly loath one another.

After Manchester United left-back Patrice Evra started the ball of contempt rolling earlier this week by claiming that a win over City would be 'nothing special', his manager Sir Alex Ferguson has continued the goading by branding City's 'Welcome to Manchester' billboard as 'stupid'.

Arsenal Clueless As Thomas Vermaelen Suffers Mystery Setback

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal have been dealt a considerable blow with the news that centre-back Thomas Vermaelen has suffered a mystery setback in his recovery from an Achilles tendon injury

The Belgian defender has been sidelined since picking up the problem whilst playing for his country on September 7th, and will now return to see a specialist after pulling up in training earlier in the week.

Chelsea Play It Cool Over Earls Court 60,000-Seater Stadium Move

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By Ollie Irish

Exhibition football (ho ho)

Chelsea chairman Bruce Buck has refused to confirm whether the Blues are in talks about moving to a new 60,000-seater stadium in Earls Court, as was reported this morning.

Reports claim Chelsea are in talks about moving to the site of the current Earls Court exhibition centre (located less than a mile from Stamford Bridge), which is due to be demolished after it hosts the Olympic volleyball tournament in 2012.

My Favourite Kit: Liverpool 1996-97 (Away)

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By Michael Wade

When choosing a favourite football kit there are some tough decisions to be made. Do you stay true to the shirts of your own football team, the ones with so many personal, emotional and fond memories attached? Do you go for the ones which are aesthetically pleasing or symbolic, or do you opt for something which reminds you of a particular time in your own life?

Botched Comeback Rules Owen Hargreaves Out For Another Five Weeks

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By Chris Wright

The sky is still blue, the earth is still round, water is still wet and Manchester United have confirmed that Owen Hargreaves will face another five weeks on the sidelines after pulling up with a hamstring injury just six minutes into their game with Wolves on Saturday his first appearance for the club in two years.

Molde To Unveil Ole Gunnar Solskjaer As New Manager

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By Chris Wright

Norwegian outfit Molde have called a press conference this afternoon and it is widely believed that they will use it to unveil Ole Gunnar Solskjaer as their new manager thus ending his 14-year association with Manchester United.

10 Brilliant Photos Of Gheorghe Hagi

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By Ollie Irish

Oh how I loved Hagi. He was football's own Keith Richards, a spiky maestro with a killer scowl.

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June 1990: Hagi goes past Ireland defender Chris Morris with ease at Italia 90

Angry FC Basel Fans Throw Tennis Balls Onto Pitch – Blame It On Roger Federer (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

New balls please...

When Basel's table-topping clash at Luzern was rescheduled to accomodate TV coverage of a Roger Federer tennis final (in Basel, to be fair), Basel fans protested by throwing hundreds of tennis balls onto the pitch not once, but twice.

‘He’s A Bit Messi, A Bit Xavi’ – Manchester United Sign 15-Year-Old Norwegian Mats Moller Daehli

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By Ollie Irish

Manchester United have just wrapped up a deal for Stabaek midfielder Mats Moller Daehli.

The 15-year-old Norwegian recently starred in an international tournament against the heavyweights of France, Spain and Holland, after which a number of clubs started to take an interest in him.

Didier Drogba Has Malaria – Carlo Ancelotti

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By Ollie Irish

Ooh, tropical diseases are a f**king disgrace

Carlo Ancelotti has just revealed in a press conference that Didier Drogba has been treated for malaria which explains why the Drog didn't start against Liverpool on Sunday.

Wayne Bridge Plays Call Of Duty: Black Ops At Launch Event (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Contrary to some reports, Wayne Bridge did not 'spank everyone' at the CoD: Black Ops launch. No, he ran around like a headless chicken, and was made to look good playing against celebs who have never played the game before.

Video via C&VG

Mario Balotelli Forced Out Of Manchester Derby

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By Chris Wright

Manchester City's gloriously mental barm-ball Mario Balotelli has lost his appeal the against the dismissal he received during his side's 2-0 win over West Brom at the Hawthorns on Sunday.

After scoring both of City's goals, Balotelli tangled with, then appeared to stamp on, Youssuf Mulumbu and was shown a straight red card for his efforts.

Goal Of The Weekend: Fernando Torres’ Second Goal vs Chelsea

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By Ollie Irish

Sublime finish by Nando to kill the game. In terms of the context and size of the game (the size can be measured in direct correlation to the volume of Andy Gray's 'Super Sunday' voice), this has the edge on Roman Pavlyuchenko's insanely good volley at Bolton (the impressiveness of the volley correlates inversely to Pav's hilariously terrible performance at the Reebok), which you watch below (until the interwebs police catch up with it).

‘Schweinsteiger Would Be Perfect For Real Madrid Or Man Utd’ – Michael Ballack

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By Chris Wright

Germany captain Michael Ballack has tipped his fellow midfield cohort Bastian Schweinsteiger to follow Mesut Ozil and Sami Khedira's lead and try his hand abroad this summer adding that the Bayern Munich hub would fit in well at both Real Madrid or Manchester United.

Bosnian Croat Fans Unfurl Nazi Swastika Flag During Match – Local Police Do Nothing

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By Ollie Irish

Subtle, huh and according to reports, local police did nothing to prevent the Nazi flag being raised, nor to prevent chants of "Sieg Heil!"

The flag was held up by NK Siroki Brijeg fans during their recent home match against bitter rivals Sarajevo FC at Stadion Pecara.

Caption This: What Is John W Henry Saying To WAG Linda Pizzutti?

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By WAG Watcher

What is rich old lesbian Margaret W Henry (nice ring, Margaret) saying to glovely partner Linda? In the words of the great Delia Smith, let us be having you...

Me, I imagine he is pointing out that Carlo Ancelotti's left eyebrow is self-aware.

Edgar Davids ‘Ends His Journey’ With Crystal Palace

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By Chris Wright

Crystal Palace have confirmed that Edgar Davids has left the club, after coming out of a two-year semi-retirement to join the Eagles on a pay-as-you-play deal back in August.

A brief statement posted on the club's official site reads:

"The club would like to thank Edgar for his time here and wish him all the best of luck for the future.

Harry Redknapp Would Manage Great Britain 2012 Olympic Football Team

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By Ollie Irish

Tottenham gaffer Harry Redknapp has admitted he would be interested in taking charge of the Great Britain football team at the 2012 Olympics in London.

Reports suggest Arry is the favourite to manage what would be an English-only side (no Gareth Bale or Aaron Ramsey, alas).

‘Fresh Juicy Mangoes £5 Each!’ Sign Spotted At Liverpool v Chelsea

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By Ollie Irish

Ours not to reason why. A fiver seems a bit steep though, no matter how juicy they are.

Pies Prediction League: Week 11 Midweek

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By Ollie Irish

Some bonus points up for grabs with a full set of midweek fixtures to call, including the Manchester derby at Eastlands. Lawro hasn't made any predictions for these, sadly, but that's his loss. Away you go...

Pies says:

Stoke 1-0 Birmingham
Tottenham 1-0 Sunderland
Aston Villa 2-0 Blackpool
Chelsea 3-1 Fulham
Newcastle 0-0 Blackburn
West Ham 2-2 West Brom
Wigan 1-1 Liverpool
Everton 2-1 Bolton
Man City 1-1 Man Utd
Wolves 0-2 Arsenal

You say?

Top 10 Premier League Photos, 6-7 November – Andy Carroll 1-0 Flappyhandski

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By Ollie Irish

Does exactly what it says on the tin. If there was a tin. Imagine there's a tin...

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Tottenham Hotspur's Gareth Bale skips over a challenge from Bolton Wanderers' Fabrice Muamba.

Saint-Etienne Deny Starlet Is Set To Join Liverpool

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By Chris Wright

French side Saint-Etienne have rubbished rumours that their burgeoning starlet Dimitri Payet, a shed-threading wunderkind, is about to up sticks and join Liverpool in January.

Former Etienne technical director Damien Comolli left Les Verts to join Liverpool in a player recruitment capacity last week, and rumours have been doing the rounds ever since that he may attempt to lure Payet into joining him at Anfield.

‘I Feel A Little Empty At Tottenham’ – Niko Kranjcar

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By Chris Wright

After finding himself reduced to a bit-part player at Tottenham this campaign, midfielder Niko Kranjcar has admitted that he is now considering moving on in search of first-team football although he remains adamant that his priority is to stay at White Hart Lane.

Top 10 Photos: Liverpool 2-0 Chelsea – Fernando Torres Is Back!

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By Ollie Irish

Still want to ditch Roy Hodgson, Kopites?

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Chelsea's Ashley Cole (left) and Liverpool's Dirk Kuyt battle for the ball


Skills: Cristiano Ronaldo Makes A Brilliant Back Pass, Literally (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

A cocky and unnecessary move by C-Ron, yes, but it's for inventiveness like this that we watch footy in the first place. Of course, pedants will point out that the literal back pass is hardly new. Ronaldinho, for one, has already done it:

Robert Pires Offered Player-Coach Role At Aston Villa

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By Chris Wright

Weeks after turning down a dubious opportunity to end his career with Blue Square Premier side Crawley Town, it seems that Robert Pires is now set for a return to the Premier League just as his former boss Arsene Wenger prophesised.

Blackpool Boss Ian Holloway Resigned To Losing His Entire Squad!

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By Chris Wright

"Quick, grab him!"

Blackpool manager Ian Holloway has conceded that he has almost no hope of holding on to influential midfielder Charlie Adam come January, with an ongoing legal dispute meaning that the Seasiders' captain may be able to walk out of the club on a free transfer at the turn of the year.

Eduardo Scores Wonder Volley For Shakhtar Donetsk (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Boooooooooooof! Now THAT'S a volley. Arsenal fans may wonder why Eduardo never hit one like that for their team. The closest he came was this inventive volley against Burnley:

Chelsea Will Act Fast To Sign ‘New John Terry’

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By Chris Wright

What better way to start the week than with a little bit of transfer tittle-tattle?

According to this morning's Daily Mirror, Chelsea are lining up a January move for Blackburn's highly-prized young defender-cum-midfielder Phil Jones, who the paper deem to be 'the most wanted English youngster in football' although fans of a certain Jack Wilshere may quibble with that particular claim.

Aaron Ramsey To Make Arsenal Comeback Tonight

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal have confirmed that midfielder Aaron Ramsey has been pencilled in to make his first 'competitive' appearance for the club in nine months after being included in the reserve squad that will take on Everton's second string at London Colney tonight.

Marc Albrighton Signs New, Improved Contract With Aston Villa Until 2014

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By Ollie Irish

Good news for Aston Villa fans: Marc Albrighton has signed a new three-and-a-half year contract, which will keep him at the club until the summer of 2014.

Villa boss Gerard Houllier said: "The contract with Marc is until 2014.

‘Unhappy Liverpool Players Can Leave’ – John W Henry

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By Ollie Irish

Margaret W Henry and her partner Linda

Liverpool owner John W Henry admits he has been taken aback at just how much power professional footballers have in Europe, compared with in the USA.

Henry said: "It is a completely different system here to what we are used to.

FIFA 11 WTF! Maicon Faster Than Gareth Bale?!

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By Ollie Irish

Hmmm (strokes Hindsight Beard sagely). Might be time to update this stat, Mr Fifa. And the stamina one too, for that matter Bale's stamina has to be in the high 90s.

Taxi for Maicon

Spot The Baller: Anne Hathaway

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By Ollie Irish

Who is trying to get into Liam Lawrence's pants?

Previous answer: Yes, twas Leon Osman

Dirk Kuyt Has Car Damaged By Police Horse’s Backside

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By Chris Wright

You know it's just not going to be your night when, after being made to sit through the truly woeful first half of Liverpool's 3-1 Europa League victory over Napoli, you suddenly get word from 'downstairs' that your £65,000 saloon has been besmirched by a horse's arse.

Skills: Xavi Plays Godlike Backheel Pass, Barcelona vs Sevilla (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

If that man doesn't win the 2010 Ballon d'Or, I will eat some hats.

Ryan Babel Is A Speccy Geek

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By Ollie Irish

Spotted at Anfield last night:

Master Babel aiming for the 'Dalston tosser' look, but sadly he misses his mark and comes across instead as 'Slightly special'.

Larissa Riquelme’s Idiot Brother Arrested For Bank Robbery

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By WAG Watcher

Moley moley moley

The dim-witted brother of our favourite football-loving skank, aka Larissa Riquelme, has been arrested on suspicion of taking part in a bank robbery in Paraguay. This from our pals at The Spoiler:

"Freddy Riquelme was taken in by police after trying to make a 'significant deposit' in another bank days later.

The BIG Football Question: Is Christian Poulsen Good Enough For Liverpool?

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By Ollie Irish

Christian Poulsen departed the Anfield pitch last night to the sound of ironic cheers from the home fans. The Danish midfielder, signed by Roy Hodgson in August and subbed against Napoli yesterday, has yet to show his best form in a Liverpool shirt (or indeed any form to write home about), which has hardly endeared him to Kopites.

David Tennant To Star In Munich Air Disaster Film ‘United’?

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By Ollie Irish

The word on Rumour Street is that former Doctor Who David Tennant has signed on to star in 'United', a film about the Munich Air Disaster of 1958. No idea who he might play though.

The movie is set to be directed by James Strong (who has directed episodes of 'Doctor Who'), and co-produced by BBC Films.

Pies Prem Prediction League: Week 11

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By Ollie Irish

Add in two weeks' worth of points, plus a much-needed cull at the bottom end of the table, and this is what you're left with:

1. Davey Chicago – 84
2= LAWRO – 80
2= Ping Yang – 80
4. WHO ATE ALL THE PIES – 73
5.

Cardiff Striker Jay Bothroyd On Verge Of England Call-Up

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By Chris Wright


After a goal-strewn (12 to be precise) start to the season, it would appear that Cardiff target man Jay Bothroyd is now in England manager Fabio Capello's thoughts as the Italian veteran begins to mull over his options for the upcoming friendly with France on November 17th.

Steve Bruce Really, Really Hates ‘Daydream Believer’

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By Chris Wright

(Warning: video contains a smidge of NSFW language)

Whereas you couldn't argue with Newcastle's form during their 5-1 drubbing of local rivals Sunderland last weekend, Black Cats manager Steve Bruce has a quibble with the form they showed after the final whistle had sounded.

Liverpool 3-1 Napoli – Steven Gerrard Hat-Trick Saves The Day, Aronica Gets Away With Horror Tackle On Ngog

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By Ollie Irish

This was a game of two defined halves: the half without Stevie G (meh) and the half with it (wahay!). Talk about polishing a turd Gerrard's second-half hat-trick really put the gloss on Liverpool's performance.

If we had Liverpool pegged as a two-man team, looks like we were wrong; these days they're a one-man team (with apologies to Pepe Reina, whose excellence is taken for granted).

Man Utd Send Wayne Rooney To Nike Town In Oregon

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By Ollie Irish

Wayne Rooney won't even be in the stands to watch his Man Utd team-mates play in the Manchester derby next Wednesday. Wazza has been ordered to travel to America for rehabilitation and conditioning work (and also because it should keep him out of the tabloids until he's fit again).

Shit Lookalikes: Linda Pizzuti (John W Henry’s WAG) & Desperate Housewives

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By Ollie Irish

John W Henry's much younger missus, Linda Pizzuti (do I hear the sound of tabloid knives being sharpened?), doesn't look like any one of the Desperate Housewives (a cross between Teri Hatcher and Eva Longoria perhaps), but she does still reek of the TV show.

PES Video: Play Football The Stoke City Way (Long Throws & Red Cards)

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By Ollie Irish

A 2-for-1 funny/true zinger!

Using that pompous Sky Sports music only adds the sense of authenticity. Well played, internet.

‘I Will Stay At Man City Until They Fire Me’ – Roberto Mancini

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By Chris Wright

Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini has been on the defensive all week, quashing rumours of unrest within his squad hither and dismissing tales of his imminent resignation thither even blaming the 'nationalist English press' for the current swarm of bad press that in enveloping Eastlands at the moment.

Bristol City Suffer Record Losses, David James To Head Exodus

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By Chris Wright

Bristol City may be forced into to offloading their highest earners in January after posting record losses of £11.8 million for last year, almost double the then-record shortfall of £6.5 million announced 12 months earlier.

Manager Keith Millen has been told that he will need to reduce the club's spiralling wage bill with former England goalkeeper David James reportedly being amongst the first to be sold on once the market opens up again come the turn of the year.

Man Utd Ready To Make Their Move For Alexis Sanchez

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United are seemingly closer than ever to wrapping up a deal for Udinese winger Alexis Sanchez after both the player and his agent, Fernando Felicevich, admitted that they are aware of United's interest and that, at some point in the near future, a move to the Premier League could be a distinct possibility.

Contribute To The Who Ate All The Pies iPad Magazine!

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By Ollie Irish

As much as we love the interwebs, we have often wondered what it would be like to do a real magazine made of paper. Well, we have decided to stop wondering and, to quote a large sportswear manufacturer, Just Do It.

We are currently working away on the first magazine issue of Who Ate All The Pies, which will be available both as a printed mag and an iPad magazine (a FREE iPad mag) in early December.

10 Brilliant Photos Of Young Alan Shearer

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By Ollie Irish

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April 1988: One of the earliest shots of Shearer playing for Southampton, against Derby County.

Heart Defect Forces Real Madrid Midfielder Into Retirement Aged 25

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By Chris Wright

Real Madrid have announced the sad news that midfielder Ruben De La Red has been forced to retire from football aged just 25 due to the heart problem that has prevented him from playing for the last two years.

Shit Football Kits: The Hull City Tiger Stripes Disaster, 1992-93

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By Ollie Irish

One of the few kits where you actually want a bigger sponsor's logo...

Well, we had to get around to this infamously shit kit sooner or later. Just because a club's nickname is The Tigers, doesn't mean you have to design quite such a literal-minded kit.

Robbie Savage Sings ‘Rise’ In His Car, Is Football’s Alan Partridge (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

WARNING: The following video may harm your ears.

Savage: lovable twat or just a plain old twat?


Robbie Savage: Lovable Twat Or Twat?online survey

10 Great Football Insults

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By Ollie Irish

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Former Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd, not one for keeping his big mouth shut, dared insult a Toon legend, in the form of Alan Shearer. Shepherd branded Shearer "boring", adding "We call him Mary Poppins.

Chelsea 4-1 Spartak Moscow – Ivanovic The Unlikely Predator (Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

Chelsea sauntered into the next stage of the Champions League with a predictably professional hit on Spartak. If Didier Drogba and Nicolas Anelka stay fit, they will take some stopping in the one competition that Roman Abramovich is desperate to win.

Same Old Cristiano Ronaldo, Always Cheating (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

You see, it's exactly this sort of cheating that should be punished after the event. Check the video evidence, which is damming, then hit Ronaldo with a three-match ban in Europe (or a three-week ban on waxing and moisturising) and you can bet the next time he has an opportunity to playact the twat, he'll think twice about going to ground screaming "Not the face!

John Arne Riise And Morten Gamst Pedersen Sing A Heroic Song About Bananas (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Pies presents for your viewing pleasure Norwegian stars John Arne Riise and Morten Gamst Pedersen (who used to front a boyband called The Players) teaching their national teammate Erik Huseklepp about the dangers of eating pick 'n' mix via the glorious medium of song.

Injured Robin Van Persie Called Up By Holland

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has, in so many words, admitted that he has been left in a bewildered state of baffling perplexity by Holland coach Bert van Marwijk's decision to call up Robin Van Persie for their friendly with Turkey on November 17th, despite the striker having not yet returned to full training after injuring his ankle back in September.

Retro Football: Roy Keane Dressed As Robin Hood, 1991

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By Ollie Irish

Suddenly Keano doesn't seem quite so intimidating...

"Ooh, shut up about my big weapon! Little John, you are awful!"

May 1991: Nottingham Forest star Roy Keane helps to promote that year's FA Cup final (the one when Gazza went mental on Gary Charles) by donning a half-arsed Robin Hood costume.

In Another Life: John W Henry Is A Retired Women’s Tennis Professional

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By Ollie Irish

In another life, John W Henry was a mid-ranking women's tennis professional called Margaret. Margaret retired to California, where she now plays a lot of golf and walks her two labradors (Martina and Billie?) daily. Margaret eats no meat.

With a generous hat tip to the pioneering blog Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians

More in this puerile series

Dimitar Berbatov, Video Rental Store Manager

Phil Brown, Bodybuilder

John Terry and Bobby Zamora, Big-Game Anglers

Rafa Benitez, Wine Waiter

Joe Hart, Women's Rugby Forward

Joachim Low, Catalogue Model

Alan Wiley, Aerobics Guru

Nigel de Jong, boxer

Arsene Wenger, child catcher

Steven Gerrard, Boro fan and secret time traveler

Liverpool Train For Visit Of Napoli, Team Spirit Looks Better (Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

We present some pics from Liverpool's Melwood training ground of Woy's boys training for their Europa League clash against Napoli this evening. The mirror fixture in Italy a few weeks ago was a no-goal snoozefest, but I expect a better game at Anfield.

Manchester City Haven’t Given Up On Signing Wayne Rooney

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By Chris Wright

There are whispers today that Manchester City aren't prepared to let a piffling £250,000-a-week, five-year contract stand in the way of signing Wayne Rooney and are currently putting together a mammoth £60 million bid for the Manchester United striker.

Viral Football: Taxi For Maicon

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By Ollie Irish

Worthy of a place not only here on Pies but also in Tony Hart's Gallery.

Any other business: Tony Hart. Legend.

Viral Football: Phil Neville Is Bigger Than Barack Obama

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By Chris Wright

In a bid to rob Gareth Bale of his post-Inter Milan limelight, last night Everton fans bombarded Twitter with thousands of messages of worship for their captain Phil Neville eventually making him the third most tweeted-about person in the entire world, even beating US president Barack Obama and his mid-term elections in the 'trendings' list.

Paul Gascoigne Represents Himself As Lawyer Walks Out During Trial

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By Chris Wright

Paul Gascoigne's drink-driving trial was adjourned yesterday after hours of legal wrangling which, at point, saw the former Tottenham midfielder left to legally represent himself when his lawyer withdrew from the case at Northallerton Magistrates Court.

Classic Football GIFs: Diving Cristiano Ronaldo

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By Ollie Irish

Still ace. And now the kit is right too. Although in Ron's defence, he's not so much of a shameless diver these days.

West Brom Win Appeal Over Pablo Ibanez Red Card

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By Chris Wright

The Football Association have rescinded the red card that was shown to West Brom defender Pablo Ibanez after only 11 minutes of their Monday night Premier League fixture with Blackpool.

Referee Michael Oliver deemed that Ibanez had denied DJ Campbell a clear goal-scoring opportunity, but West Brom appealed the verdict on the grounds that there were covering defenders in the vicinity when the Blackpool striker went down in the area.

Horror Tackles: Victor Valdes Does A Harald Schumacher On Copenhagen Forward (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Deserving of a straight red card, clearly, but Valdes somehow got away with a mere yellow card. That's Barcelona for ya. Football royalty getting preferential treatment from officials? Check.

Raymond Domenech Wants £2.5m For Shafting French Football

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By Chris Wright

Despite turning the French national team into a quivering globule of merde during his six years in charge, Raymond Domenech is seeking £2.5 million in compensation from the French Football Federation (FFF) after he was sacked following Les Bleus disastrous showing at the 2010 World Cup.

Damien Comolli Joins Liverpool As Director Of Football Strategy

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By Ollie Irish

"I ask for a quality striker, he brings me fucking Mido. What can I do?"

Liverpool have appointed Damien Comolli as their Director of Football Strategy. I thought Roy Hodgson was the man tasked with LFC's football strategy, but there you go.

‘I’ve Seen The New Paolo Maldini’ – Damien Comolli On Gareth Bale

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By Ollie Irish

Damien Comolli expects you to die, Mr Bond

Today is a good time to revisit Damien Comolli's first impressions of Gareth Bale. Tottenham's former Director of Football, who is joining Liverpool, recommended Tottenham sign Bale back in 2007, and this is what he had to say about football's hottest prospect in a recent interview with the BBC:

"What we saw against Inter was very similar to what I saw when Gareth was playing for Southampton as a 17-year-old.

Fight! Furious Copenhagen Coach Confronts Pep Guardiola (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

After Copenhagen's creditable 1-1 draw against Barcelona last night, the two coaches went toe to toe. The root of the dispute between Guardiola and Stale Solbakken would seem to be Jose Pinto's very sly whistle when Barcelona played Copenhagen in the Camp Nou.

Kent Bonfire Society To Burn 50ft Wayne Rooney Effigy (Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

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Artist Frank Shepherd puts the final touches to the Edenbridge Celebrity Guy in Edenbridge, Kent, which this year is Wayne Rooney, ahead of the town's bonfire night display on Saturday.

Retro Football: Graham Taylor Not Impressed With ‘Platttty!!’ (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

"Platttty!" Oh dear, Graham does not like that...

And another classic Taylor touchline rant, this time aimed at Les Ferdinand:

"Les! Demand it!!"

Now that's classic man-management. Mourinho, pay attention.

Watching these clips now, Taylor comes across more like a fictional manager in a lighthearted football comedy a real-life Mike Bassett, complete with comedy spectacles than a real gaffer.

Viral Football: How Playing FIFA Online Works

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By Ollie Irish

Anyone who has ever played FIFA online knows the frustration of 1) Lag, and 2) Playing against kids who always, always pick the same big team it used to be Inter, Barcelona or Chelsea but now you can add Ronaldo's Real Madrid to the mix and always, always use the star players to run rings around you.

The Wayne Rooneys Of This World (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

As a paid-up member of the Pedants Society, I 'like' this.

Arsenal Train For Champions League Visit To Shakhtar Donetsk (Photos) – Vela Piggybacks On Rosicky

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By Ollie Irish

Some pics of Arsenal training at Colney yesterday, for their Champions League group game at Shakhtar Dontesk look out for Carlos Vela riding Tomas Rosicky like a mule.

Click the thumbs to enlarge:

Photos: PA

Harry Redknapp Dodges FA Charge After Referee Outburst

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By Chris Wright

The FA have decided not to charge Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp for his open criticism of referee Mark Clattenburg's decision to allow Manchester United's controversial second goal to stand on Saturday evening despite accusing the official of being both 'scandalous' and 'farcical' in equal measure, as well as hinting that both Clattenburg and his assistants would merely fabricate an explanation if asked for one.

10 Brilliant Pictures Of Young Gareth Bale

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By Ollie Irish

Bored of Bale yet? I hope not.

I couldn't help but smile at the pic of Bale and Maicon meeting for the first time, in an international friendly between Wales and Brazil in 2006. And where was the game played? White Hart Lane.

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September 2006: Chasing down Brazil full-back Maicon, for Wales.

Tottenham 3-1 Inter – ‘Amazing’ Gareth Bale Destroys European Champions (Photos & Video)

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By Ollie Irish

How do you solve a problem like Gareth Bale?

So did you enjoy the Gareth Bale Show Part II? I loved it.

Another barnstorming, lung-busting, holy-shit-how-is-he-still-sprinting-at-full-speed-after-85-minutes?! performance by Bale was the key to Tottenham's fully deserved win against the reigning European champions last night.

‘Tottenham Have No Need To Sell Gareth Bale’ – Harry Redknapp

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By Chris Wright

It may have escaped your notice as it seems to have slipped under the radar, but Tottenham winger Gareth Bale has stumbled upon a decent patch of form of late having almost single-handedly destroyed Champions League holders Inter Milan over two 'legs' during the past fortnight or so, as well as putting in some considerable domestic performances to boot.

Competition: Win Tickets To Fulham vs Aston Villa

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By Ollie Irish

We have teamed up with FxPro to offer two lucky Pies readers the chance to win tickets to watch an all-FxPro Premier League clash this weekend: Fulham vs Aston Villa at Craven Cottage on Saturday (kick-off at 3pm).

Stoke City Still Keen On Liverpool’s Lucas Leiva

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By Chris Wright

According to this morning's Daily Mirror, Stoke City are ready to revive their efforts to sign Liverpool midfielder Lucas Leiva in January, after missing out on the Brazilian over the summer.

Lucas was apparently all set to move to the Britannia on transfer deadline day before the deal was scrapped at the 11th hour, but Potters boss Tony Pulis has cobbled together £4 million and is ready to enter the bidding once again presumably on the basis that anything's better than man-gibbon Rory Delap.

Carlos Tevez Confident Of Making The Manchester Derby

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By Chris Wright

Manchester City captain Carlos Tevez is confident that he will be fit enough to fly back from Argentina in time for the Manchester derby next Wednesday, after missing a flight on Monday (at the behest of the Argentinian national team's medical staff) due to health concerns.

Arsenal Lead The Chase For One Of The Bundesliga’s Brightest Talents

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By Chris Wright

Reports emanating from Germany this morning are suggesting that Arsenal have moved into 'pole position' in the race to sign Werder Bremen's semi-dwarven winger Marko Marin although I'm not altogether sure what 'moving into pole position' actually constitutes.

‘Don’t Worry, Arguments Are A Good Sign’ – Gareth Barry

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By Chris Wright

Various rumours of mounting unrest at Manchester City have begun to circulate over the past few weeks, with public spats between Yaya Toure and James Milner (vs. Arsenal) as well as Emmanuel Adebayor and Vincent Kompany (vs.

10 Great English Footballers Who Wasted Their Talent

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By Ollie Irish

In the last 20 years, some supremely talented English players have failed to make the most of their ability. For the purposes of this list, we've discounted players who failed to fulfil their potential only because of injury (such as Michael Bridges, Jonathan Woodgate, Jamie Redknapp and Darren Anderton).

Horror Hair: Park Ji Sung’s Red Highlights

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By Ollie Irish


Well at least the hair matches the home shirt. Sort of.

And can anyone tell me why so many Oriental footballers tint their hair? Do they have shares in L'Oreal, or what?

Tottenham And Inter Train For Champions League Tie (Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

More pics of Spurs training at Chigwell Park yesterday, and also some of opponents Inter training at White Hart Lane:

Photos: PA

Getting very excited now. But as a Spurs fan, I'm also concerned about the fitness (or lack of it) of Rafael van der Vaart, plus the track record of Rafa Benitez in Europe, especially in getting results away from home.

My Favourite Kit: Manchester City 1998-99 (Third Kit)

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By Rob Clyne

Oh Brother: Manchester City's Kevin Horlock celebrates with a fist pump after converting his penalty during the shootout in the 1998-99 playoff final versus Gillingham at Wembley. City won the shootout and promotion

My beloved Manchester City may finally be turning into a force.

Blackpool 2-1 West Brom, Premier League – Ian Holloway Tells Critics To ‘Shut Up’ (Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

Blackpool manager Ian Holloway bristled in his post-match interview, after guiding Blackpool to ninth in the table with a squeaky-bum-time win against nine-man West Brom:

"The lowest points ever [according to many pre-season predictions]? We aren't going to be that team, so shut up the lot of you, whoever wrote it.

Morten Gamst Pedersen Unleashes Amazing Fart Story

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By Chris Wright

"Jesus Christ! I can taste that one!"

Whereas Blackburn midfielder Morten Gamst Pedersen's official blog can't quite rival Andrey Arshavin's Q&A section for sheer deadpan brilliance, it does contain the odd gem, case in point being this magnificent anecdote simply entitled FART:

"Me and Stig have just been eating, we have had a really fun day and it peaked on the way home.

Retro Football: The Mark Hughes Waxwork Is Amazing

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By Ollie Irish

Whilst trawling through PA's football archive, I stumbled upon this photo and had to share it...

This AMAZING lifesize waxwork of Marc Bolan Mark Hughes was unveiled at the FA Premier League Hall of Fame in August 1999.

And the real thing in 1999:

Uncanny.

Mark Noble Out For A Month After Having Appendix Removed

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By Chris Wright

West Ham midfielder Mark Noble has been ruled out for the next month after having surgery to have his appendix removed last night.

Noble was taken to hospital on Monday evening after doubling over at West Ham's Chadwell Heath training complex complaining of stomach pains during a session in the gym earlier in the day.

Chelsea Stalwart Frank Lampard Pencilled In For Liverpool Return

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti has revealed that he expects Frank Lampard to make his long-overdue return to the first-team against Liverpool this weekend.

Lampard has missed Chelsea's last 11 games after undergoing groin surgery following a hernia problem at the tail end of August and, although Ancelotti has ruled the midfielder out of Wednesday's Champions League tie with Spartak Moscow, a return against Liverpool the following Sunday has been tentatively pencilled in:

"Lampard started training with the team last week.

Barcelona Admit They Find Gareth Bale ‘Interesting’

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By Chris Wright

After witnessing his stirring hat-trick against Inter Milan in the Champions League a fortnight ago, Barcelona have seemingly registered their interest in Tottenham's emergent star Gareth Bale, although the Catalans have stopped short of saying anything particularly commital such is their style.

Liverpool Will Pay No More Than £5m For Shaun Wright-Phillips

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By Chris Wright

There are rumours abound this morning that Liverpool manager Roy Hodgson is planning to fluff a considerable percentage of NESV's reported £25 million transfer budget on Manchester City winger Shaun Wright-Phillips come January, with both The Sun and The Mirror suggesting that a fee of 'no more than £5 million' will change hands.

‘Roy Hodgson Is A Priest On A Sugar Mountain’ – Rafa Benitez

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By Chris Wright

Just weeks after his unfathomable milk-based critique of Liverpool's former owners, Inter Milan coach Rafa Benitez has delivered yet another cryptic attack on the club, this time focusing on current manager Roy Hodgson whom he has likened to a 'priest on a mountain of sugar'.

Sulky Harry Redknapp Threatens TV Blackout If FA Charge Him Over Clattenburg Criticism

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By Ollie Irish

Trifficly, Tottenham gaffer Harry Redknapp has threatened the FA with a post-match media blackout if they charge him for his criticism of referee Mark Clattenburg, re: Nani's freak goal at Old Trafford on Saturday.

According to PA, the FA is set to make a decision on Tuesday whether to analyse Redknapp's criticism of "scandalous" Clattenburg, which included the dubious insinuation that the under-fire ref might "come up with a story that will make it all look right".

Edson Buddle Scores MLS Wonder Goal For LA Galaxy vs Seattle Sounders – Or Did He? (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Buddle speculates:

Okay, I didn't expect Buddle to go and do that. And neither did Seattle's keeper, clearly.

Seattle Sounders manager Sigi Schmid, frustrated by the Galaxy's cautious, disruptive approach to the first leg of their MLS Cup playoff, called the winning goal "fortunate", but of course Buddle disputed that: "When I shoot, it's a score," he joked.

Ronaldo’s New Nike Mercurial Superfly II Safari Football Boots Are Awesome / Disgusting? (Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

Lots of buzz on the interwebs about these new Nike Mercurial Superfly II Safari boots, which are endorsed by Cristiano Ronaldo.

I think they are more vulgar than Paris Hilton's vagina, but I also concede that if you wanted to design the most fitting pair of boots for this hunk of sub-Guido man.

‘This Is The Perfect Club’ – Jack Wilshere Signs New Long-Term Arsenal Contract

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By Ollie Irish

Jack Wilshere has signed a new "long-term" contract with Arsenal.

The 18-year-old midfielder, who has been with the Gunners since the age of nine, is delighted to have committed to the club.

"Arsenal Football Club has been like a second home for me and my family since I was nine years old," Wilshere said.

Tottenham Train For Inter Champions League Clash – Van Der Vaart Fit (Photos)

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By Ollie Irish

Our man with the long lens has just uploaded these pics from Tottenham's training ground. And it's pretty good news for Spurs fans as you can see in the gallery below, key man Rafael van der Vaart did train, despite tweaking a hamstring at Old Trafford on Saturday.

Shit Lookalikes: Nikola Zigic & Tommy Lee Jones

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By Chris Wright

Zigic is the half man/half pylon that Birmingham City bought in over the summer.

Jones is arguably the greatest screen actor of his generation, or anybody else's for that matter with the possible exception of Jeff Goldblum.

Retro Football: Millwall Fan Danny Baker On The 6 O’Clock Show (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

A triffic little report on Millwall's relegation scrap in the George Graham era (early 1980s). The incomparable Danny Baker is your guide:

We learned today that Danny, the piratical genius of the airwaves, is battling cancer. This sucks, as he is one of the few broadcasters who know anything about football and why it really matters.

Footballer Habib Habibou Ejects Duck Pitch Invader With Awesome Force (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

No ducks were harmed in the making of this video...

During Zulte-Waregem's match against Lokeren in the Belgian Pro League last weekend, African-born forward Habib Habibou ejected a duck from the field of play with a shocking combination of nonchalance and vigour.

Sunderland Duo Apologise To Fans After Newcastle Mauling

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By Chris Wright

Sunderland chairman Niall Quinn has issued a statement today apologising to the club's supporters for yesterday's 5-1 mauling at the hands of bitter rivals Newcastle United the Black Cats' heaviest derby day defeat in just over 55 years.

What Is Liverpool’s Best 5-Aside Team?

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By Ollie Irish

My idea of the best five-aside team Liverpool could field:

PEPE REINA One of Liverpool's few world-class players, Pepe walks into the team with the confident gait of a man who knows he has no real competition.

DANIEL AGGER Liverpool's best ball-playing defender would make a great sweeper in five-aside, I imagine.

Top 20 Premier League Photos, Halloween Weekend 2010

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By Ollie Irish

Twenty cracking photos taken at Prem matches this weekend:

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Manchester United's Nani (right) celebrates scoring their second goal vs Spurs with an acrobatic flip

The Man Utd vs Spurs Freak Goal Blame Game: Nani, Heurelho Gomes Or Mark Clattenburg?

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By Ollie Irish

Get away from me! I will only accept complaints from Mr Rio Ferdinand

So, lots of fun and games at Old Trafford, where Nani's unsporting and freakish goal we can at least agree it was unsporting and freakish settled the game in Man Utd's favour.

Arsenal To Launch Cheeky January Bid For Liverpool Outcast?

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By Chris Wright

Word on Rumour Avenue is that Arsenal are seriously considering making a cheeky January bid for Liverpool's bench-bound defender Daniel Agger, and that they may face competition from their north London rivals Tottenham in doing so.

Skills: Fernando Belluschi’s Rain-Soaked ‘Lollipop Nutmeg’ vs Academica

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By Chris Wright

(video via 101GG)

I'm not sure if it comes across on the video, but it has been raining a little bit in Portugal of late. Still a lovely piece of improvisation from Argentine midfielder Fernando Belluschi mind although he wasn't the only one at it, as Porto went on to win the game 1-0 courtesy of this rather excellent swivelling scissor-kick from Silvestre Varela.

Carlo Ancelotti Expects Ballon d’Or Snub For Didier Drogba

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By Chris Wright

With his eyebrow arched majestically toward the heavens, Carlo Ancelotti has today admitted that Didier Drogba's chances of winning this year's Ballon d'Or are slim to none after Chelsea crashed out in the second round of last season's Champions League,

The Italian coach also believes that the Drogba will probably have to wait until the Blues finally triumph in Europe before having his already considerable domestic achievements fully recognised by FIFA despite being nominated for the prestigious award for six years on the bounce now.

Napoli Playmaker ‘Couldn’t Say No’ To Manchester United

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By Chris Wright

Napoli's highly-rated playmaker Marek Hamsik has admitted that, should Manchester United come calling this summer, he'd find their advances very hard to ignore.

Hamsik's form has seen him linked with a move away from the Stadio San Paolo for the best part of two season's now and, when asked by RAI Sport about his myriad of potential suitors, the 23-year-old Slovakian midfielder seemed to flutter his eyelashes in United's direction:

"It is pleasing to hear that kind of comment, even if I haven't had any direct contact.

Stephen Ireland Needs To Get His Act Together – Gerard Houllier

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By Chris Wright

Aston Villa manager Gerard Houllier has warned midfielder Stephen Ireland that he will have to start proving his worth to the club after being overlooked for yesterday's derby stalemate with Birmingham.

After the game, Houllier had stark words for the bench-bound Ireland:

"Stephen needs to work harder.

Roque Santa Cruz Set For Getafe Loan Move

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By Chris Wright

According to various rumours doing the rounds this morning, Manchester City's £17 million outcast Roque Santa Cruz is currently crossing the 'i's and dotting the 't's on a January loan deal with Spanish side Getafe.

Fulham are also said to be interested in signing Santa Cruz on a permanent basis, with manager Mark Hughes keen to snap up the Paraguayan striker for the third time in three years, although he has stated in the not-so-distant past that a move to La Liga would be preferential.