Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2010

Football Snapshot: Ireland Manager Giovanni Trapattoni Stares At Model’s Breasts

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By Ollie Irish

Me, here, in a French maid's finishing school at three in the morning, with my reputation?

I favour two up front, innit

What's happening here: Republic of Ireland manager Giovanni Trapattoni poses with two models during the announcement that mobile network provider 3 will sponsor the Irish team at the Aviva Stadium, Dublin.

Barcelona ‘Keeper Jose Pinto Banned For Whistling

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By Chris Wright

UEFA have banned Barcelona 'keeper Jose Pinto (who appears to be sporting the 'Bo Derek circa 1979' look of late) for imitating the referee's whistle during their recent Champions League tie with Copenhagen which apparently constitutes improper conduct these days.

Spot The Baller: Vanessa Hudgens

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By Ollie Irish

Which Everton player is hiding behind the foxy visage of actress Vanessa Hudgens? Hmmm...

Previous answer: Zoltan Gera

10 More Brilliant Photos Of British Footballers Who Played Abroad

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By Ollie Irish

More great pics of Brits who played abroad (check out the first gallery):

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Denis Law - In between fruitful spells for Man City and Man Utd, the Lawman played in Italy for Torino, in the season of 1961-62.

Forgotten Wonder Goals: Paul Scholes vs Panathinaikos, Champions League, 2000

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By Ollie Irish

Paul Scholes breaks out the loft wedge, vs Panathinaikos in November 2000.

Controlled yet nonchalant brilliance from United, with the tasty cherry on top supplied by Scholes. This is a rare finish in the Ginger Ninja's canon as we all know, he usually prefers to twat the ball into a new postcode.

Shit Lookalikes: Gareth Bale & The Young Keith Richards

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By Chris Wright

Bale is easily Pies' most nominated Shit Lookalike candidate by a country mile and, quite frankly, if you don't know who Richards is then you need to reassess your musical preferences sharpish.

Pies Prem Prediction League: Week 10

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By Ollie Irish

"Tell you what Manish, I'm getting the word... nonce."

We're running a bit behind here at Pies Towers today, so we'll print the full table next week, with two weeks' worth of scores added exciting, eh. For now though, let's crack on with this week's Prem predictions.

Roy Hodgson Claims He Can Rebuild Liverpool Around Jamie Carragher

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool manager Roy Hodgson is in the process of drawing up plans for the January transfer window, despite the club's new owners NESV telling him that they will be spending cautiously until the summer at the earliest.

However, in a lengthy interview with the club's official website, Hodgson seems certain that the Yanks will be willing to stump up the dollars should the occasion arise:

"If we want the right quality, we have got to be prepared to pay the right price.

Ben Foster Has Started Better Than Joe Hart At Birmingham – Alex McLeish

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By Ollie Irish

Birmingham City manager Alex McLeish has hailed the impact made by goalkeeper Ben Foster.

Big Eck says Foster, signed from Man Utd for £6million, has begun his Brum career even better than Joe Hart the current England No.

Agent Swears Mario Balotelli Is Happy At Man City

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By Chris Wright

The agent of Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli has had to play down growing speculation in Italy that his client is seeking to return to the Serie A (with AC Milan), just two short months after moving to Eastlands in a deal worth £24.

Man Utd Miss Out As Wesley Sneijder Signs Five-Year Deal With Inter Milan

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By Chris Wright

Inter Milan have confirmed that Wesley Sneijder signed a new five-year contract with the club during a shareholder's meeting last night. The Ballan d'Or nominated midfielder is now tied to the Nerazzurri up until 2015.

Diego Maradona Fancies A Crack At The Premier League

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By Chris Wright

Hmm, Wigan or Stoke? Wigan...or Stoke?

The craziest little ball of crazy Diego Maradona has admitted that he would like to try his hand at managing a Premier League side.

Maradona told Sky Sports News this morning:

"Yes, I would like to manage in the Premier League.

‘Chicharito’ Nearly Quit After Two-Year Goal Drought At Chivas

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By Chris Wright

The father of Manchester United's new-found hero Javier Hernandez has admitted that his son came perilously close to quitting professional football after undergoing a miserable two-year barren spell with former club Chivas Guadalajara.

‘Call Me Ricky’ – The David Beckham Masseuse Prank (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Well played, lesbian chat-show lady. Well played, Becks you've come a long way from Nicky Butt, baby.

Via The Offside Rules

In Another Life: Steven Gerrard Supports Middlesbrough

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By Ollie Irish

You're looking at an old photo of a topless Tony Mowbray in his Middlesbrough days, celebrating some victory or other (a Boro promotion?). I have no more details than that. If I had to date the pic, I'd say late 1980s? I'm sure one of you lot will come up trumps.

Shit Football Kits: Partizan Belgrade, Early 1990s

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By Ollie Irish

Shocking. Partizan has Swiss manufacturer Vocado to thank for this fine mess.

Many thanks to Pies reader Dejan Zec for the tip. A fine choice, Dejan.

Got a nomination for a Shit Kit? Leave a comment, Tweet me, or email me: ollie@anorak.

Epic Football FAIL: Brazilian Player Guilherme Takes The Stairs (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Worthy of several repeat viewings, I feel.

Barcelona Issue Cesc Fabregas With Timely Reminder Of Their Love

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By Chris Wright

Since it's been about three weeks since they last reminded Cesc Fabregas of his Catalan roots, Barcelona have today seen fit to ensure the Arsenal captain that he is still very much in their thoughts.

So said Barca's director of football Andoni Zubizarreta this morning:

"I have not spoken to (Arsene) Wenger about a guarantee for the transfer next season.

10 Brilliant Photos Of British Footballers Who Played Abroad

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By Ollie Irish

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John Charles - In this photo, you can see the great John Charles in action for Juventus, against Arsenal at Highbury in 1958. Charles is a bona fide Juve legend, and was once voted their best ever foreign player, ahead of greats like Zinedine Zidane and Michel Platini.

Charlie Adam Set For Court Battle With Blackpool

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By Chris Wright

Cheque yourself before you wreck yourself

Blackpool captain Charlie Adam (who is, incidentally, the world's oldest-looking 24-year-old) is facing the unenviable prospect of having to take his current employers to court next week as he chases £20,000 of unpaid bonuses which he believes the club still owe him.

Bolton’s Ivan Klasnic Arrested Over Rape Allegations

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By Chris Wright

Greater Manchester Police have confirmed that they have arrested Bolton striker Ivan Klasnic over allegations that he raped a 17-year-old girl in his city centre appartment during the early hours of Monday morning.

Reports are suggesting that Klasnic was not at the address when the complaint was made and was arrested some time later.

Retro Horror Hair: Paul Gascoigne’s Ponytail At Lazio

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By Ollie Irish

September 1993: Lazio midfielder Paul Gascoigne channels the Divine Ponytail, fails miserably.

And the dead weasel in full flow:

Happily, Gazza's tonsorial disgrace didn't last very long.

Paul Ince Is New Notts County Manager

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By Ollie Irish

Paul Ince and his missus. You can feel the chemistry, right?

Notts County have appointed Paul Ince as their new manager. Hmm, not sure this is going to end well, but he deserves another shot, although I'm sure some County fans would prefer that it wasn't at their club.

Stay Away From Pepe Reina, You Swines! – Roy Hodgson Warns Man Utd

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By Ollie Irish

Liverpool manager Roy Hodgson has warned Manchester United against making a move for goalkeeper Pepe Reina, after the Spaniard was mentioned as a possible replacement for Edwin van der Sar. Oooh, bet Fergie is proper scared.

"It was just one of those stories that seems to occur it's just disappointing and annoying," Hodgson told the Liverpool Echo.

In Pictures & Video: Newcastle 0-4 Arsenal – Theo Walcott At The Double, Szczesny Shines

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By Ollie Irish

Perhaps surprisingly, it was Chris Hughton's Newcastle who fielded a weaker team even than Arsenal, although neither starting XI was exactly what you'd see these clubs put out in the Premier League. But there is a feeling that Arsene Wenger is taking the League Cup a bit more seriously than he has done for several seasons, and his team selection confirmed that.

Theo Walcott Is Too Quick For His Own Good

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger believes that Theo Walcott's whippet-like pace may be the root of all his recent injury problems:

"At his pace, when you get stopped, you are always vulnerable. Tonight, he got one or two tackles and he got away with it because he did not have his full weight on his standing leg.

Dead Leg Could Rule Carlos Tevez Out Of Manchester Derby

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By Chris Wright

Manchester City have given homesick striker Carlos Tevez special dispensation to fly back to Argentina in order to undergo treatment for a severely bruised knee.

Tevez sustained the injury during City's defeat by Arsenal at the weekend but was initially expected to be fit in time to face Wolves this coming Saturday.

Michael Owen Flirts With Retirement

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By Chris Wright

"Hi, Michael? Yeah, this is your career calling....it's over"

Manchester United's part-time striker Michael Owen has hinted that he may retire when his deal at Old Trafford expires at the end of the season, especially if none of the 'bigger clubs' are willing to take a gamble on him.

Wonder Goals: Koblenz’s Michael Stahl Scores From An Insane Distance

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By Chris Wright

Koblenz, who play in the third division of German football, shocked 2.Bundesliga outfit Hertha Berlin in the German DFB Pokal (domestic cup) running out 2-1 winners thanks to this outrageous effort from midfielder Michael Stahl from a full 61 metres out!

Man Utd Buy Nobby Stiles’ 1966 World Cup Winners’ Medal For £188,200

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By Ollie Irish

Manchester United paid £188,200 to buy Nobby Stiles' 1966 World Cup winners' medal at an auction of football memorabilia in Edinburgh. What's that, a week's wages for Wayne Rooney now?

The price topped the £165,000 fetched by Alan Ball's World Cup medal five years ago.

Former Arsenal Legend On Trial In Australia

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By Chris Wright

Arguably one of the greatest players to grace the Highbury turf has today gone on trial in Australia...in a manner of speaking.

Former Arsenal, Charlton, Everton, Rangers, Blackburn, Ipswich, Sheffield Wednesday and England legend Francis Jeffers has arrived down under for an assessment ahead of a possible 10-week 'guest' period with A-League side Newcastle Jets.

Man City Stars Hart, Barry & Johnson Drink Away Pain Of Arsenal Defeat At Student House Party

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By Ollie Irish

Gareth Barry, photographed near some booze. The horror!

Manchester City players Joe Hart, Gareth Barry, Adam Johnson and Shay Given were rumbled enjoying themselves a bit too much at a university party in St Andrews, Scotland, on Monday just one day after their team lost 3-0 at home to Arsenal.

Forgotten Wonder Goals: Dalian Atkinson Impersonates Maradona, Aston Villa vs Wimbledon, 1992

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By Ollie Irish

Dalian's finest moment was a goal worthy of any player who ever kicked a football. Shame he didn't do it a bit more often.

Still, these few seconds of rare, Maradona-like genius earned him the Beeb's Goal of the Season award in 1992-93.

Football Babe Larissa Riquelme Dresses As Wilma Flintstone, Boyfriend Plays Fred (Video)

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By WAG Watcher

If you thought we'd forgotten about Larissa... well, think again. Here she is dressed as Wilma Flintstone for a 50th anniversary tribute to the classic cartoon series:

The guy in the video is Koke Oneto, her on-off-on boyfriend.

We assumed Larissa would be more of a 'medallion sugar daddy' type, but it seems she's more into 'Dalston Tossers'.

10 Brilliant Photos Of West Ham Legend Clyde Best

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By Ollie Irish

When I put together a list of ten black pioneers in British football earlier this week, I shamefully failed to include West Ham legend Clyde Best, who boldly and often brilliantly forged a path for the likes of Cyrille Regis, Lawrie Cunningham, Viv Anderson and John Barnes.

West Ham Hoping To Snare Barcelona Starlet?

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By Chris Wright

Reports are suggesting that West Ham will make an audacious January bid with the intention of luring Barcelona into parting with one of their many burgeoning starlets, namely 20-year-old forward Bojan Krkic.

After a series of impressive cameos last season, Krkic has found first team football hard to come by this campaign after Barca added David Villa to their ranks over the summer and is thought to be assessing his options at the Camp Nou.

Arsene Wenger Talking ‘Nonsense’, Should Keep His Mouth Shut

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By Ollie Irish

Arsene Wenger is talking "nonsense" on the issue of overphysical play, according to Wolves chief executive Jez Moxey.

"It is an absolute nonsense. Well, I hope he hears this: 'keep your mouth shut'," Moxey told the BBC.

Roberto Martinez Is A Judas, According To Swansea City Fans

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By Ollie Irish

Swansea City fans hold up a 'Judas' banner directed at former manager Roberto Martinez, during the Swans' Carling Cup fourth-round match at the DW Stadium.

If it seems strange that anyone would consider the charming, articulate Spaniard a Judas, then you should know that many Swans fans still harbour a serious grudge against Martinez, mainly because he left their club by choice, despite once saying he would only do so against his will.

Look What £16.5m Gets You These Days

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By Chris Wright

SEE YA!

Does it seem right to you that the man doing the nutmegging in this video (Manchester United's erstwhile utility man John O'Shea) will soon be earning more than the nutmeggee (Real Madrid's Luis Figo) did during his time at the Bernabeu?

Shit Lookalikes: Rob Green & Kevin Bishop

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By Ollie Irish

Bishop is a so-called comedian.

Green is a so-called top-class goalkeeper.

Spotter's badge: Andrew Motley. Top work, Andrew.

Send us your Shit Lookalikes by email (ollie@anorak.

Amazing Diego Maradona Statue Shows Up In Naples

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By Ollie Irish

We hope the people of Naples are enjoying this new statue of Diego Maradona, lovingly sculpted from papier-mache by a Neopolitan artist. It's amazing, right?

The real thing:

Uncanny.

Spotter: @matthew_barker

It’s Only A Matter Of Time Before Steven Defour Joins Man Utd

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By Chris Wright

Standard Liege midfielder Steven Defour has once again insisted that he has received no contact from Manchester United (except, of course, for the little love letter that Sir Alex Ferguson sent when the Belgian shattered his leg back in September of last year), amidst growing speculation that the 22-year-old will be moving to Old Trafford in January.

In Pictures: Man Utd 3-2 Wolves, Carling Cup – Chicharito Strikes Again!

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By Ollie Irish

For the second match in a row, Chicharito was Manchester United's game changer. Having scored a quite remarkable (© David Coleman) winner at Stoke on Sunday, the Small Garden Vegetable finished expertly in the 90th minute to seal a 3-2 win for United against Wolves at Old Trafford, and with it progress to the last eight of the League Cup.

Wayne Rooney ‘Admits’ He Was Never Going To Leave Man Utd

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By Chris Wright

Whilst taking a thoroughly undeserved holiday in Dubai with his WAG Colleen, Wayne Rooney was apparently accosted by an angry Manchester United fan in the lobby of the five-star Burj Al Arab Hotel who asked the striker whether or not he felt he'd let the club down during his recent contract wrangling to which Rooney abruptly answered 'No'.

Liverpool Owners Rule Out Any Marquee Signings

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool's new owners NESV have effectively ruled out making any big-name signings during the January transfer window after voicing their concern over the £million's that the club has hemorrhaged in transfer fees and wages over the past few years.

MLS Balls: David Beckham Scores Illegal Goal, Wins First Trophy With LA Galaxy (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

D-Becks scores against FC Dallas, with a little help from Landon Donovan and a lot of help from an incompetent/blind referee:

You think that might be a foul by Landy? Yeah, could be. Last time I checked, shoving your opponent off the ball wasn't really allowed.

Unloved Roque Santa Cruz Wants To Leave Man City In January

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By Ollie Irish

Roque Santa Cruz: the worst Hide & Seek cheat you ever played with

Ridiculously good-looking striker Roque Santa Cruz has had enough of never being picked for Man City a situation that is partly his fault, as he's a bit rubbish compared with the likes of Tevez and Adebayor.

Liverpool Stars Fernando Torres & Jamie Carragher Take Penalties Blindfolded (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

How cute is Torres in this. I would almost go gay for him. Almost.

Gotta say, Nando and Carra are a lot better at this than Tottenham's players, but then the guy doing all the talking did give them quite a lot of assistance.

The Football Mascot Index No.6: Changy The Elephant (Everton)

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By Ollie Irish

Name: Changy the elephant. As mentioned before on Pies, Changy is fucking awesome.

Mascot of: Everton FC. Changy, named after the beer company that adorns Everton's shirt (rather than the slang for cocaine Mr Changy doesn't condone cocaine use, nor rape), replaced Mr Toffee as Everton's official mascot.

Tony Mowbray Announced As New Middlesbrough Manager

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By Chris Wright

Mowbs looking Ayresome in his Boro heyday

Middlesbrough have confirmed that Tony Mowbray will be the man to take over from Gordon Strachan at the Riverside, after the dinky Scot vacated the post of his own accord last week.

10 Black Pioneers In British Football

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By Ollie Irish

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Arthur Wharton - Wharton, of mixed race (Scottish/Grenadian/Ghanaian), was the first black player to play professional football, not just in Britain but anywere. He was a very athletic goalkeeper with a fine turn of pace, and he occasionally played on the wing.

Wonder Goals: Ezequiel Lavezzi’s Improvised Chip, Napoli vs Milan (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Down there on the ground...

Admirably quick thinking and equally quick feet by Napoli striker Ezeqiel Lavezzi, in his side's 2-1 defeat by Milan last night.

Man Utd To Hand Patrice Evra New £20m Contract

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By Chris Wright

After shelling out the lion's share of £65 million to keep a certain stubby-fingered pink chap happy last week, Manchester United are now set to hand left-back Patrice Evra a new four-year, £100,000-a-week contract which will theoretically tie the Frenchman to the club until he turns 33 in 2014.

Ballon d’Or Shortlist Announced – No English Players On It, So Who Gets Your Vote?

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By Ollie Irish

Dutch playmaker Wesley Sneijder made a very strong case for being voted World Player of the Year for 2010

The Ballon d'Or shortlist, aka the World Player of the Year shortlist, was announced today. These are the 23 men who made the cut:

Xabi Alonso (Spain), Dani Alves (Brazil), Iker Casillas (Spain), Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal), Didier Drogba (Ivory Coast), Samuel Eto'o (Cameroon), Cesc Fabregas (Spain), Diego Forlan (Uruguay), Asamoah Gyan (Ghana), Andres Iniesta (Spain), Julio Cesar (Brazil), Miroslav Klose (Germany), Philipp Lahm (Germany), Maicon (Brazil), Lionel Messi (Argentina), Thomas Muller (Germany), Mesut Ozil (Germany), Carles Puyol (Spain), Arjen Robben (Holland), Bastian Schweinsteiger (Germany), Wesley Sneijder (Holland), David Villa (Spain), Xavi (Spain)

Now you might have noticed something: the glaring lack of English players.

My Favourite Kit: West Bromwich Albion 1977-81

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By Lisa R Marshall

West Brom striker Cyrille Regis in 1979

Choosing my favourite West Brom kit was easy. This was Umbro's second kit design for the Albion, the addition of their diamond design running along the sleeves and shorts, adding a bit of ‘how's your Father' to what was an already beautiful home kit.

In Pictures: Leeds United 0-4 Cardiff City – Bothroyd Strikes Twice

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By Ollie Irish

What a rousing win for Cardiff, their biggest ever at Elland Road in fact. Jay Bothroyd scored twice, but it was Craig Bellamy who caught the eye. The Welsh forward hasn't only added quality to the Bluebirds, he's also raised the confidence levels of every one of his team-mates.

Paul The Psychic Octopus Is Dead

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By Ollie Irish

Paul is an ex-octopus. RIP football's greatest psychic mollusc, nay, football's only psychic mollusc.

Yes, Il Pulpo Paul, who correctly 'predicted' (rolls eyes) a stack of World Cup results this summer, has passed away (according to a spokesperson at his aquarium) insert your lame "He didn't see that coming.

Tottenham Sign South African Defender Bongani Khumalo – Because He’s ‘Not Expensive’

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By Ollie Irish

The mighty Tottenham Hotspur have announced the signing of South African defender Bongani Khumalo from SuperSport United.

A pre-contract agreement means the 23-year-old will officially join Spurs when the transfer window re-opens in January 2011, subject to a work permit being approved.

Sir Alex Ferguson Predicts A ‘Five-Horse Title Race’

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By Chris Wright

Without name-checking any particular clubs, Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has revealed that he expects a five-way title battle this season with usual suspects United, Arsenal and Chelsea presumably joined by upstarts Manchester City and Tottenham in the race for the Premier League crown.

Shit Lookalikes: Rory Delap & South African ‘Inbred Brothers’ Dresie And Casie

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By Ollie Irish

And the original:

This famous portrait, taken in 1993 by Roger Ballen, is of twins Dresie and Casie, from Western Transvaal. A scary pair but can they take a long throw-in?

Spotter: Matthew Ingham. Great work, Matthew.

Darren Fletcher Would Like To Eat Chicharito… With A Nice Chianti?

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By Ollie Irish

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Back off Fletch with your pale skin and thin lips, you're really scaring me.

Fletch says

"If the gaffer asked me to eat a team-mate's liver, that's exactly what would happen, aye.

David James Was Drunk When He Agreed To Join Bristol City

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By Chris Wright

Former England 'keeper David James has admitted that he may have had a few too many Creme de Menthes when he accepted the call from Steve Coppell to join Bristol City back in late July.

James is quoted in this morning's Daily Star as saying:

I thought I would either stay with Portsmouth, move to a Premier League club or go to Scotland (with Celtic).

Indian Chicken Merchants Close To Blackburn Takeover

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By Chris Wright

Indian poultry and pharmaceuticals (chicken and drugs?) conglomerate Venkys are within weeks of completing their takeover of Blackburn Rovers.

A statement released this morning by Venkys chairperson Anuradha Desai via the club's official site reads:

"We expect to be the first Indian company to acquire a Premier League team.

Man City Explore £40m Deal For Wolfsburg Star

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By Chris Wright

According to this morning's Daily Mail, Manchester City are in a bit of a tizzy after 'missing out' on Wayne Rooney, and will therefore call Wolfsburg back to the negotiating table in a bid to wrest £40 million-rated target man Edin Dzeko (a player that the paper claims 'represents the future of European football') from their collective grasp, either in January or at the end of the season.

Viral Football: A Funeral For Sky Sports News (On Freeview)

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By Chris Wright

I feel your pain...

"Lonely Kamara, hair made of wire...shit moustache."

(via Caught Offside)

In Pictures: Man City 0-3 Arsenal – Cesc Fabregas Taunts City With ’15 Players’ Comment

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By Ollie Irish

Feisty words from Cesc Fabregas about Man City after Arsenal's 3-0 win at Eastlands on Sunday:

Even if they were 15 [players] and we were 11 we would still go and win.

We always want to go forward and create chances but the way we played, we were very difficult to stop.

Rio Ferdinand Is Rather Excited

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By Ollie Irish

Rio celebrates Chicharito's wonder goal at Stoke:

Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!!

Jesus Rio, calm down. You'll bust a blood vessel.

Shit Lookalikes: Rio Ferdinand and Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter villain

Blackpool Have ‘No Chance’ Of Holding Onto Charlie Adam

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By Chris Wright

"Adam, brings it down expertly in his own box...ah"

Blackpool manager Ian Holloway has reluctantly admitted that he stands little to no chance of holding onto his influential midfielder Charlie Adam, should any relatively bigger clubs come sniffing around in January:

"I know Charlie's a brilliant player and I have a lot of good players who, cunningly, we're not paying a lot of money to.

Top 10 Bald Footballers

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By Ollie Irish

Having followed Liverpool's progress this season with as much interest as I'm sure you have, it hasn't escaped my attention just how many chrome domes Roy Hodgson currently has at his disposal: Pepe Reina, Martin Skrterl, Paul Konckesky, Raul Meireles, Jonjo Shelvey, Joe Cole (sort of), David Ngog.

Newspaper Apologises After ‘Misquoting’ Gary Neville In His Own Column

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By Chris Wright

The Sunday Times of Malta newspaper have been forced to apologise to Gary Neville after 'misquoting' the Manchester United veteran in his very own column.

Speaking about the culmination of Wayne Rooney's contract wrangling, Neville was alleged to have said:

"After a difficult week the best outcome has been reached for all parties – except perhaps Manchester City.

Everton Youngster Dating Joey Barton’s Glamour Model Ex

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By WAG Watcher

Everton teenager Jose Baxter has hooked up with blonde, busty glamma model Amanda Harrington. The new couple were spotted together at the Liverpool Style Awards on Sunday (Via Goaly Moly).

Harrington used to go out with Joey Barton. Taking Joey's seconds?

Juventus Cheat Milos Krasic Dives Again (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

My main recollection of Man City vs Juventus in the Europa League a few weeks ago is the shameful diving of Juve's Milos Krasic I could hardly believe how blatantly the Serbian winger went to ground. Well, it looks like Krasic is a serial offender.

Wonder Goals: Nottingham Forest Star Lewis McGugan Scores vs Ipswich With Incredible Free-Kick (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Boooooom!

You know what I said that Chicharito's remarkable reverse header was the best goal of the weekend? Well, I think Lewis McGugan might have something to say about that...

A stupendous strike by the Forest youngster against Ipswich, from more than 30 yards out.

Newcastle Bruiser Andy Carroll Fined For Nightclub Assault

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By Chris Wright

Newcastle ne'er-do-well Andy Carroll has been fined £1000 after admitting to assaulting a man in the city's Blu Bambu nightclub back in December of last year.

Despite initially claiming that the glass had accidentally fallen out of his hand whilst he attempted to throw his Vimto into defendant Michael Cook's visage, Carroll eventually pleaded guilty to common assault and was therefore fined and ordered to pay an additional £2,500 by way of compensation at Newcastle Crown Court.

In Pictures: Celtic 1-3 Rangers – In-Form Gers Win Old Firm Derby

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By Ollie Irish

Neil Lennon's first defeat in the SPL as Celtic manager would of course be against the Hoops' bitter rivals. In light of their confident Champions League form, Rangers' victory here was no big surprise, but a couple of key decisions did go the way of Walter Smith's side, including a "soft" second-half penalty conceded by the home side that Lennon was furious about.

Michel Platini Warns That Goal-Line Technology Will Lead To ‘Playstation Football’

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By Chris Wright

This will never, ever get old

UEFA President Michel Platini, who was present at the Old Firm derby yesterday, has once again outlined his ridiculously atavistic aversion to implementing goal-line technology insisting that such aid will bring about 'PlayStation football', and backed his organisation's plans to station two 'additional referees' behind the goal-lines.

Michel Platini Warns That Goal-Line Technology Will Lead To ‘Playstation Football’

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By Chris Wright

This will never, ever get old

UEFA President Michel Platini, who was present at the Old Firm derby yesterday, has once again outlined his ridiculously atavistic aversion to implementing goal-line technology insisting that such aid will bring about 'PlayStation football', and backed his organisation's plans to station two 'additional referees' behind the goal-lines.

Newcastle Bruiser Andy Carroll Fined For Nightclub Assault

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By Chris Wright

Newcastle ne'er-do-well Andy Carroll has been fined £1000 after admitting to assaulting a man in the city's Blu Bambu nightclub back in December of last year.

Despite initially claiming that the glass had accidentally fallen out of his hand whilst he attempted to throw his Vimto into defendant Michael Cook's visage, Carroll eventually pleaded guilty to common assault and was therefore fined and ordered to pay an additional £2,500 by way of compensation at Newcastle Crown Court.

In Pictures: Celtic 1-3 Rangers – In-Form Gers Win Old Firm Derby

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By Ollie Irish

Neil Lennon's first defeat in the SPL as Celtic manager would of course be against the Hoops' bitter rivals. In light of their confident Champions League form, Rangers' victory here was no big surprise, but a couple of key decisions did go the way of Walter Smith's side, including a "soft" second-half penalty conceded by the home side that Lennon was furious about.

Wonder Goals: Nottingham Forest Star Lewis McGugan Scores vs Ipswich With Incredible Free-Kick (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Boooooom!

You know what I said that Chicharito's remarkable reverse header was the best goal of the weekend? Well, I think Lewis McGugan might have something to say about that...

A stupendous strike by the Forest youngster against Ipswich, from more than 30 yards out.

Juventus Cheat Milos Krasic Dives Again (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

My main recollection of Man City vs Juventus in the Europa League a few weeks ago is the shameful diving of Juve's Milos Krasic I could hardly believe how blatantly the Serbian winger went to ground. Well, it looks like Krasic is a serial offender. Here he is falling over some grass just this weekend in Serie A vs Bologna:

So he won (conned) a penalty, which Juve then failed to convert (near-instant karma the game ended goalless).

Everton Youngster Dating Joey Barton’s Glamour Model Ex

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By WAG Watcher

Everton teenager Jose Baxter has hooked up with blonde, busty glamma model Amanda Harrington. The new couple were spotted together at the Liverpool Style Awards on Sunday (Via Goaly Moly).

Harrington used to go out with Joey Barton. Taking Joey's seconds?

Newspaper Apologises After ‘Misquoting’ Gary Neville In His Own Column

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By Chris Wright

The Sunday Times of Malta newspaper have been forced to apologise to Gary Neville after 'misquoting' the Manchester United veteran in his very own column.

Speaking about the culmination of Wayne Rooney's contract wrangling, Neville was alleged to have said:

"After a difficult week the best outcome has been reached for all parties – except perhaps Manchester City.

Rio Ferdinand Is Rather Excited

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By Ollie Irish

Rio celebrates Chicharito's wonder goal at Stoke:

Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!!

Jesus Rio, calm down. You'll bust a blood vessel.

Shit Lookalikes: Rio Ferdinand and Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter villain



Blackpool Have ‘No Chance’ Of Holding Onto Charlie Adam

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By Chris Wright

"Adam, brings it down expertly in his own box...ah"

Blackpool manager Ian Holloway has reluctantly admitted that he stands little to no chance of holding onto his influential midfielder Charlie Adam, should any relatively bigger clubs come sniffing around in January:

"I know Charlie's a brilliant player and I have a lot of good players who, cunningly, we're not paying a lot of money to.

Top 10 Bald Footballers

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By Ollie Irish

Having followed Liverpool's progress this season with as much interest as I'm sure you have, it hasn't escaped my attention just how many chrome domes Roy Hodgson currently has at his disposal: Pepe Reina, Martin Skrterl, Paul Konckesky, Raul Meireles, Jonjo Shelvey, Joe Cole (sort of), David Ngog.

Football GIFs: Man Utd Striker Javier Hernandez Scores With Amazing Backwards Header At Stoke

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By Ollie Irish

I 'like' this all day long. Amazing improvisation by the small garden vegetable. It is also our undisputed Goal of the Weekend, beating fine efforts by Leighton Baines and Samir Nasri, among others.

As was pointed out on Match of the Day 2 (tuck your shirt in, Lawro, you're not at home), the backwards header is not new in football Uwe Seeler scored with a similar effort for the West Germans against England at the 1970 World Cup; the game in which England led 2-0 then blew it in spectacular fashion, no thanks to the substitution of Bobby Charlton and the absence of Gordon Banks.

Cristiano Ronaldo Scores Four Goals For Real Madrid, vs Racing Santander (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Okay, they're not the best goals he's ever scored, but notching four in one game is a fine feat even against such poor opposition (and Racing were awful).

Real are really starting to motor now they also spanked Deportivo 6-1 earlier this month.

Eredivisie Rout! PSV Eindhoven 10-0 Feyenoord (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

The F in Feyenoord now stands for Fail...

It's extremely rare that a team ships double figures in any of Europe's top leagues, but it happened in Holland on Sunday afternoon:

Dutch leaders PSV Eindhoven inflicted the heaviest ever defeat on former European champions Feyenoord with a 10-0 drubbing at the Philips stadium on Sunday.

Wayne Rooney Tattoo Fail: Dumb Man City Fan Blows £500 On Rooney Ink

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By Ollie Irish

Not the first time a City fan has ended up looking a proper clown for life. Why do they do it!?



Man Utd Eye Up Bayern Munich’s Midfield Powerhouse?

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By Chris Wright

Given Wayne Rooney's recent pleas for Manchester United to fritter away millions in the name of ambition, the scope for the rumour-mongers of this world suddenly became vast, and it was only really going to be a matter of time before some of the biggest names in European football were mentioned in passing.

‘It’s Hard To Get Up In The Morning’ – Ashley Cole

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea left-back Ashley Cole has revealed that he flirted with the idea of leaving the club over the summer in the aftermath of his stupid divorce from his stupid wife, and was only persuaded to stay after manager Carlo Ancelotti had suitably fluffed his ego.

FA Rule Steve McClaren Out Of England Return

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By Chris Wright

The FA's director of football development (and chief executive of the 'Cockney Grimace' committee) Sir Trevor Brooking has effectively put the kibosh on the rumours that Steve McClaren was in the running to replace England manager Fabio Capello when the Italian's contract expires in 2012, by insisting that the current Wolfsburg coach 'isn't ready' to return to the helm of the national side.

Football Pielights: 18-22 October

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By Ollie Irish

To recap, here are some cool posts you might have missed on whoateallthepies.tv this week. Click on the thumbnails to be magically transported to each story...



Portsmouth Crisis: Administrator Andronikou Gives Pompey Hope For Survival

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By Ollie Irish

Portsmouth FC administrator Andrew Andronikou is still optimistic that creditor Alexandre Gaydamak, owed more than £2.2m by the club, will cut a deal and thereby prevent Pompey's untimely demise.

This from PA:

Asked whether the Championship game at Hull would be the club's last, Andronikou told BBC Radio 5 live on Saturday: "I think common sense will prevail and all parties will come to the table this weekend but it has to be this weekend.

Man Utd Star Wayne Rooney Speaks To MUTV About His Change Of Heart (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

What you can't see in this video is the tail tucked firmly between Wayne's pale, ginger legs. Neither can you see Fergie just off camera, weighing up a baseball bat in his hand and chewing gum furiously.

And yet, despite Rooney's ill-judged behaviour, I can't help but warm to him in this interview.

The Black-And-White Years: Dave Bassett Lifted By Glamour Girls, 1986

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By Ollie Irish

July 1986: Wimbledon manager Dave 'Harry' Bassett is given a lift by Wimbledon 'fans' (aka glamour models, we guess) Jane Rogers and Joanna Hart. Ah, the Eighties were great, eh.

More dewy-eyed nostalgia on Pies



Police Drop Rape Charges Against Titus Bramble

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By Chris Wright

The police have confirmed that no further action will be taken against Sunderland defender Titus Bramble, after he and his older brother Tesfaye were both arrested relating to an alleged rape at the Vermont Hotel in Newcastle city centre last month.

Robin Van Persie Watches Small Child Walk Into Metal Post (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Anyone order a shipment of child-sized FAIL? Ah, sign here please. Enjoy...

You know RvP was laughing inside, so fair play to him for keeping it together for the camera. Depending on your location, feel free to laugh on the outside.

Spotter: Sabotage Times



Ian Holloway’s Amazing Wayne Rooney Rant (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Ollie tells it like it is. And Ollie doesn't like it like it is. Isn't it?

Ollie rules OK. Always.



Wayne Rooney Signs New Five-Year Contract With Manchester United!

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By Chris Wright

A pair of statements released on the Manchester United site just minutes ago serve to confirm that Wayne Rooney has signed a huge new five-year contract at the club.

The first statement is from manager Sir Alex Ferguson:

"It's been a difficult week, but the intensity of the coverage is what we expect at Manchester United.

10 Brilliant Pictures Of Young Alex Ferguson

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By Ollie Irish

Fergie wasn't always a pensioner with a crimson face. He used to be a middle-aged man with a crimson face, as our photo essay shows...

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 10

November 1978: Fergie in Glasgow making history as the first football manager to take his sacking to an industrial tribunal claiming unfair dismissal.

Wayne Rooney Leaves Carrington Training Ground (Photo)

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By Ollie Irish

A pensive Wazza drives away from Man Utd's Carrington training ground in his big, eco-friendly car.

What song do you think he was listening to, people? Or perhaps he was listening to a self-help tape: How To Stand Up To Your Boss.



In Pictures: Man City 3-1 Lech Poznan – Adebayor Scores Hat-Trick, Celebrates With Rubbish Dance

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By Ollie Irish

This is the Emmanuel Adebayor City fans wanted to see when he was signed from Arsenal. But the Togolese striker can do it against mediocre teams like Lech Poznan, but he has yet to do it in the Premier League. All of which leaves one with the impression that Ade is something of a flat-track bully, who easily loses heart and fails to make his mark against the best teams.

BREAKING: Wayne Rooney Signs New Five-Year Contract With Manchester United!

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By Chris Wright

A pair of statements released on the Manchester United site just minutes ago serve to confirm that Wayne Rooney has signed a huge new five-year contract at the club.

The first statement is from manager Sir Alex Ferguson:

"It's been a difficult week, but the intensity of the coverage is what we expect at Manchester United.

Pies Prem Prediction League: Week 9

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By Ollie Irish

Don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired

1. Davey Chicago – 61
2. Ping Yang – 61
3. Lawro – 56
4. Who Ate All The Pies – 54
5. South City – 53
6. Al Neri – 52
7. Fellaini's Fro – 52
8.

‘If You Don’t Want To Train You Might As Well F**k Off’ – Andy Cole Reveals Keegan Bust-Up

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By Ollie Irish

Just read an interesting (ghost-written) piece by former goal machine Andrew/Andy Cole, in which he revealed the roots of his bust-up with Kevin Keegan at Newcastle, which set in motion his shock move to Manchester United. The piece was ostensibly about Cole's relationship with his former agent Paul Stretford who is now Wayne Rooney's agent and how Stretford engineered the striker's big-money switch to Old Trafford.

Liverpool Have NOT Made An Approach For Frank Rijkaard

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By Chris Wright

When asked about his immediate future after overseeing his side's truly dire stalemate with Napoli in the Europa League last night, Liverpool manager Roy Hodgson insisted that he isn't, and will never, consider resigning from his post.

Mesut Ozil Pushes Referee Out Of His Way (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

GTFO ref. What Mesut wants, Mesut gets. And Mesut wants the ball.

Spotted during Real Madrid's 2-0 win over Milan in the Chaaaaaaaaaampions League this week.



Paul Gascoigne Arrested Yet Again, This Time On Drug Charges

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By Chris Wright

According to this morning's Daily Mail, Paul Gascoigne has been arrested yet again, this time on suspicion of possessing Class A drugs (believed to be cocaine) after being held by police at a house in Burradon, North Tyneside, yesterday evening.

Zenit Ultras Storm St Petersburg Hotel To Attack Hajduk Split Fans (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

A colleague of mine who is an expert in Russian football predicted that Zenit v Hajduk would kick off, and he was absolutely right. Neither club has angels for fans, apparently.

According to reports, about 50 Zenit ultras stormed a St Petersburg hotel on Wednesday night to attack Hajduk Split fans before Thursday's Europa League match between the two clubs (Zenit won 2-0).

Tottenham Star Gareth Bale Backed For Brazil Call-Up!

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By Chris Wright

Tottenham's hat-trick hero of t'other night, Gareth Bale, has been told that he'd walk into the current Brazil side by non other than Pele himself Spurs' 'keeper Heurelho Gomes who currently plays second fiddle to Julio Cesar betwixt the Selecao's sticks.

Spot The Baller: Martin Freeman (Aka Bilbo Baggins)

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By Ollie Irish

Know who this Fulham player is, hiding behind the cheeky face of actor Martin Freeman (who's just been confirmed in the title role of Bilbo Baggins in the much-anticipated Hobbit movie)? Let's be having you...

Previous answer: Marcelo Salas



Wayne Rooney Graffiti: ‘Join Man City And You’re Dead’

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By Ollie Irish

Graffiti on a Nike billboard in Manchester city centre:

Er, okay then, that's fairly clear.

Some hardcore United fans also travelled to Rooney's home in Cheshire to warn him off a move to City. Eyewitnesses reported a mob outside his house, brandishing a banner also bearing the warning: "If you join City you're dead".

In Pictures: Napoli 0-0 Liverpool – Awful Match, Decent Result For Reds

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By Ollie Irish

An awful match to watch, but for a youngish, almost second-string Liverpool side that was without Messrs Torres and Gerrard, this has to be a good point. Whilst David Ngog and Ryan Babel proved again that they are not good enough, Kopites will have been encouraged by the dynamic performance of Jonjo Shelvey and, to a lesser extent, Jay Spearing.

Man Utd Announce ‘No Developments’ In Rooney Talks

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By Chris Wright

After keeping the press waiting all day, Manchester United released a damp squib of a statement at 7pm last night, announcing that the ongoing talks between the club's hierarchy and outbound striker Wayne Rooney were adjourning for the night with 'no significant developments'.

Three Napoli Ultras Charged With Attempted Murder Over Liverpool Attacks

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By Chris Wright

Three of the Napoli ultras that stabbed and maimed Liverpool fans in a series of unprovoked attacks early this morning have been charged with attempted murder by an Italian court.

From The Telegraph:

"Three men Mirko Fiorentino, Gerardo Lucio and Marco Marzano were arrested in connection with the attack and have been charged with attempted murder.

In Pictures: Man Utd 1-0 Bursaspor – Nani Wonder Goal FTW

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By Ollie Irish

A forgettable match was lit up by Nani's superb winner (and the sight of a few anti-Rooney banners in the stands). Watch Nani's goal, plus some of his other good work, in this highlights video:

Incidentally, Alex Ferguson is currently meeting with United chief exec.

Shit Football Kits: Sheffield United 1995-96 (AVEC ‘Diamonds’ Home Shirt)

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By Ollie Irish

Chris Short models Sheffield United's hideous home kit of 1995-96

Diamonds for the Blades? No, it's just wrong. At least United only had to endure this eyesore for a single season, before the kit designers (AVEC, in this case) reverted to traditional stripes for the 1996-97 season.

In Pictures: Inter 4-3 Tottenham – Gareth Bale Hat-Trick Salvages Pride For Spurs

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By Ollie Irish

When Inter stormed to a 4-0 lead after just 35 minutes a lead that was made all the easier to build when Heurelho Gomes was sent off after just ten minutes, for a foul on Jonathan Biabiany it seemed that Tottenham's Champions League dream was about to turn into a vivid 90-minute nightmare of epic proportions.

Robert Pires To End His Career At Non-League Crawley Town?

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By Chris Wright

Pies brought you photos of 36-year-old Robert Pires training with former club Arsenal earlier in the week, but manager Arsene Wenger was quick to refute rumours that the veteran French winger was about to be handed a short-term deal with the club (a la Sol Campbell).

Viral Football: Hicks And Gillett Receive The Taiwanese Animation Treatment

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By Chris Wright

Next Media Animation, the Taiwanese company responsible for the strange CGI rendering of Wayne Rooney's recent sex scandal, have been at it again this time turning their attention to Tom Hicks and George Gillett's ill-fated three-year reign in charge of Liverpool.

Was Peruvian Football Team Drugged By Rivals? (Video)

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By Paul Sorene

Were Hijos de Acosvinchos' players drugged before their game with promotion rivals Sport Ancash in the Peruvian league?

Having supped from water bottle made available by Ancash staff, Hijos defender Andy Salinas collapsed. The water bottle had been passed around.

Robbie Fowler Claims Rooney Is ‘Very, Very Interested’ In Joining Perth Glory

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By Chris Wright

Former Liverpool deity Robbie Fowler (the prowler, the growler, the howler © Jonathan Pearce, 1997) has claimed that, upon hearing of Wayne Rooney's unrest, he immediately travelled home to discuss a move to the A-League with the Manchester United striker.

Wayne Rooney Banner Spotted At Old Trafford: ‘Who’s The Whore Now?’

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By Ollie Irish

Spotted at Old Trafford last night:

Is there a bespoke football banner shop in the north-west? How do fans rustle up these topical banners so fast! My mind is boggling. Still, shame they couldn't fit this cutting message to Rooney on one single banner.

QPR Owner Flavio Briatore ‘Dreams Of Marcello Lippi’

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By Chris Wright

With QPR sitting on top of the Championship pile after enjoying a faultless start to the season under Neil Warnock, it seems that the slightly more physically repulsive half of the R's co-ownership duo (the other being malnourished Formula One hobgoblin Bernie Ecclestone) is already turning his thoughts to the Premier League.

In Pictures: Rangers 1-1 Valencia – Maurice Edu Scores Both Goals

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By Ollie Irish

Mixed feelings for Rangers fans, who watched their team miss several good chances against La Liga high fliers the Gers should have won, but a draw against one of Spain's in-form clubs is not to be sniffed at either. Mixed feelings too for Rangers midfielder Maurice Edu, who opened the scoring for his side after 34 minutes, then headed into his own net on 46 minutes.

Leighton Baines vs Jack Rodwell – Which One Could Be A Male Model?

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By Ollie Irish

Everton's Leighton Baines and Jack Rodwell model new EFC casualwear at the club shop.

Of the two, you have to say (© Graham Taylor) only one looks really comfortable doing the model thing. And it's not little Leighton, bless him.

Photos: PA



Liverpool Fans Stabbed By Napoli Ultras

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By Ollie Irish

Two Liverpool supporters were injured last night in skirmishes with Napoli fans ahead of today's Europa League game with the Serie A side, according to police sources. The word is, they were stabbed by Napoli ultras. The Foreign Office has since confirmed that the pair are recovering in a local hospital.

Andy Carroll’s Range Rover Torched In Arson Attack … At Kevin Nolan’s Home!

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By Ollie Irish

Breaking news: Andy Carroll's Range Rover has been torched in a suspected arson attack. The vehicle was parked on the drive of his Newcastle team-mate Kevin Nolan, with whom Carroll has been bailed to live (full story here). Could this crime be linked with Carroll's fisty, fighty past?

Chelsea Mull Over Rooney Move As Man Utd Line Up His Replacement

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By Chris Wright

This morning's tabloids (and a few of their broader-sheeted brethren) are rife with speculation over Chelsea's standpoint on the Wayne Rooney debacle, with the general consensus being that the Manchester United heathen will either be transfer-listed, suspended or both after the club's management convene to discuss matters later this morning.

Alex Ferguson Uses Cows To Explain His Beef With Wayne Rooney

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By Chris Wright

For those who may have missed it, Wayne Rooney released a statement last night that seemed to intimate that he refused to sign a new contract at Manchester United on the grounds that the current squad is a bit pap, and that the club don't have sufficient funds to rectify the problem.

In Pictures: Man City Train For Lech Poznan Europa League Tie

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By Ollie Irish

Brrr, it looks a wee bit chilly at the Carrington today...

Photos: PA



Photos: Cheryl Cole Meets Her New Madame Tussauds Waxwork

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By WAG Watcher

But which one is the real Cheryl? Hmm...

Photos: PA



Shit Lookalikes: Darren Bent & Lebron James

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By Ollie Irish

Bent is Sunderland's one-man goal machine.

James is the NBA's one-man hype machine.

Spotted by someone following us on Twitter, but I can't remember who sorry! If you remind us, we will give you a belated mention.

In Pictures: Arsenal 5-1 Shakhtar Donetsk, Champions League

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By Ollie Irish

Cesc Fabregas made his comeback from injury and lo, all was just fine. Arsenal shared the goals around, with (in order) Alex Song, Samir Nasri, Cesc, Jack Wilshere and Marouane Chamakh all getting on the scoresheet that's 14 goals in just three European matches.

Epic Fail: Chelsea Fan Thinks Club Badge Has Volleyballs On It

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By Ollie Irish

Football fans today, tssk.

...



Gary Megson Declares His Interest In Middlesbrough Job

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By Chris Wright

Hold on to your hats Middlesbrough fans, as blame-retardant manager Gary Megson has officially declared his interest in stepping into the tiny wee void left by former boss Gordon Strachan, who tore up his contract with the club on Monday.

What Is Inter Milan’s Best 5-Aside Team?

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By Ollie Irish

Here's my perfect Inter five-aside team...

JULIO CESAR Despite his costly boobs at the last World Cup, Cesar remains one of the most gifted keepers in the world.

LUCIO Probably the canniest defender on the planet.

Wayne Rooney vs Alex Ferguson Caption Competition – Win FIFA 11 Video Game!

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By Ollie Irish

Got a witty caption for this photo? Let's be having you...

The best caption, as judged by us, WINS a copy of EA's most excellent new FIFA 11 video game, for the console of your choice. Not bad, eh.

Terms & conditions: The closing date is midnight on Sunday 24th October 2010.

P*ss Artist Paul Gascoigne Could Face Prison

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By Chris Wright

Former Newcastle, Tottenham and England midfielder Paul Gascoigne was warned by a judge yesterday that he may be facing a prison sentence after his latest altercation with the police over drink-related offences.

During a short hearing at Newcastle Magistrates' Court, Gascoigne admitted to driving whilst more than four times over the legal limit.

Liverpool Leave ‘Big Two’ At Home For Europa League Clash vs Napoli

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool manager Roy Hodgson has demonstrated just where his interests currently lie, by omitting both Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres from the squad that will face Napoli in the Europa League tomorrow.

The BIG Football Vote: Which Club Will Sign Wayne Rooney From Man Utd?

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By Ollie Irish

Money makes Wayne's World go round

Spin the Wonderful Wayne Rooney Wheel of Destiny...


Which Club Will Sign Rooney From Man Utd?online surveys

Me, I went for Real Madrid - just because I think United will do everything they can to sell to a foreign club, rather than an English rival, and also because Karim Benzema + cash in exchange for Rooney seems like a decent move for all parties concerned.

David James Is Having A Baby … Football!

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By Ollie Irish

Push David, I can see the head!

What's really happening: Bristol City keeper David James tries to keep the ball in play while Reading's Noel Hunt claims a corner during last night's Championship match at Ashton Gate. City won 1-0 with a Danny Haynes goal, but still remain at the foot of the table.

Liverpool Fans, Meet Your Next Manager…

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By Chris Wright

Galatasaray have confirmed that they have terminated the contract of coach Frank Rijkaard by 'mutual consent' after suffering an embarrassing 4-2 defeat at home to mid-table Ankaragucu (i.e. Darius Vassell's former employers) at the weekend.

Wonder Goals: Yuri Zhirkov Unleashes Hell For Chelsea At Spartak Moscow (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Get it while it's hot, as this vid probably won't be around for long (I already hear the ominous stomp stomp of the YouTube police) ...

Not a tap in, Jeff. What a hit son etc.

For this goal, Roman buy Yuri fifth best prostitute in Gloucester Road.

‘Please Buy Wayne Rooney’

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By Ollie Irish

I hope you like the smell of irony in the morning...

Eagle-eyed readers out there might notice that this photo was taken back when Alex Ferguson signed teenage sensation Wayne Rooney from Everton, in 2004. Now of course the image takes on a rich new meaning especially if you imagine that Fergie has a freakishly small Beadle-hand.

Newcastle Linked With Sporting Lisbon Star

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By Chris Wright

Reports circling over the past few days have been linking Newcastle with a January move for Sporting Lisbon playmaker Matias Fernandez who, on his day, is a little bit sh*t-hot.

However, the player's agent Alejandro Santiesteban has told the Portuguese media that he is yet to hear from representatives of the Toon regarding the 24-year-old Chile international:

"I'm not aware of the reported interest in Matias from Newcastle, nobody has got in touch with me so I think it must be a rumour.

Pep Guardiola ‘Admits Admiration’ For Rooney – Where Have We Heard That One Before?

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By Chris Wright

Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before...

Barcelona coach Pep Guardiola has begun the now customary charm offensive, instantly familiar to fans of Arsenal and Liverpool, admitting his keen admiration for Wayne Rooney who you may have seen isn't particularly keen to stay at Old Trafford anymore.

Landon Donovan Open To Everton Return

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By Chris Wright

LA Galaxy forward and deadpan virtuoso Landon Donovan has admitted that he is pining for a return to Everton when the January transfer window 'slams open', after spending a couple of successful months (ten Premier League games, 2 goals, 3 assists) on loan at Goodison Park last season.

Alex Ferguson Press Conference Video: Fergie Confirms Wayne Rooney Wants To Leave Man Utd

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By Ollie Irish

Footage of the already infamous Alex Ferguson/Rooney press conference:

Fergie deserves an award for that performance.

Your move, Wayne...



Carles Puyol Dedicates Goal To Sexy Model Girlfriend

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By WAG Watcher

You do the maths

Barcelona manbeast Carles Puyol is head over heels in love with his new girlfriend, model Malena Costa yeah, you can see why. So much so that he dedicated his recent winning header against Valencia to Costa, by making a heart symbol with both hands.

In Pictures: Wayne Rooney Trains With Man Utd For Bursaspor Clash

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By Ollie Irish

We present some piping hot pics of Wayne Rooney training with Man Utd today. Not long after the pics were taken, Rooney was taken off on a stretcher with a recurrence of his ankle injury (ah, the irony!) so he definitely won't play for United against Bursapsor in the Champions League.

Wayne Rooney Wants To Leave Man Utd – Alex Ferguson In Shock Admission

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By Ollie Irish

So much for dodging the bullets. In a press conference this afternoon ahead of Man Utd's Champions League tie vs Bursaspor, Sir Alex Ferguson openly admitted that Wayne Rooney wants to leave United.

"The player says he's adamant he wants to leave," Fergie said.

Rafa Benitez Attacks Former Liverpool Owners With Milk

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By Chris Wright

Whilst it's fairly difficult to fathom what Rafa Benitez is wittering on about at the best of times, you'll probably need an Enigma machine to decode his fresh critique of Liverpool's former ownership.

When asked to describe how he found having to work under Tom Hicks and George Gillett at a press conference, the Spaniard wheeled out a intricate milk analogy that precisely no-one understood;

"I prefer not to talk too much about Liverpool because I feel really sorry for the fans.

In Pictures: Blackburn 0-0 Sunderland

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By Ollie Irish

No goals, one red card, not a hell of a lot to talk about. Sunderland had the best chances and with Rovers a man down for more than 45 minutes after Chris Samba's sending off in the first half, they should really have bagged all three points. But Darren Bent had a rare off day, and Paul Robinson made a couple of fine saves to salvage a point for Big Sam and co.

Fergie Packs Wayne Rooney’s Bag For Man City

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By Ollie Irish

The way you're playing son, Man City can have you with a fucking bow on top. I even packed your overnight bag



My Favourite Kit: Newcastle United 2005-07

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By HulioGeordio

HulioGeordio's fav Newcastle kit, as worn by Alan Shearer and co. at the Stadium of Light in 1996

Deciding your favourite football kit should be an easy task. I mean, it's not like trying to decide your favourite goal – there are factors which influence a favourite goal which should come nowhere near to something as relatively less significant as a kit.

Tottenham Told To Leave Star Of David Flags At Home For Inter Game

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By Chris Wright


Tottenham fans travelling to tomorrow's stellar Champions League tie with Inter Milan have been advised by the club not to take 'Star of David' flags into the ground, although both UEFA and the Nerazzurri themselves insist that they have no problem with the Jewish symbol being waved.

Football GIFs: Roy Hodgson, Disco Dancer

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By Ollie Irish

Uncle Woy is stayin' alive at Liverpool, but for how much longer?

More GIFs



Leicester City To Rescue Darius Vassell

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By Chris Wright

Leicester City have confirmed that striker Darius Vassell underwent a medical at the club yesterday and is now close to completing a move after leaving Turkish side Ankaragucu back in May.

Vassell played under new Foxes manager Sven-Goran Eriksson at Manchester City and was also made his England debut by the Swede in 2002, scoring the equaliser in a 1-1 draw with Holland.

Hull Sign Arsenal ‘Keeper Vito Mannone On Loan

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By Chris Wright

Hull City have signed Arsenal's third/fourth-choice 'keeper Vito Mannone on loan until January 3rd.

Last week Mannone spoke openly of his frustration at finding himself slipping down the pecking order at the Emirates, highlighting the fact that his 'competition' haven't exactly been shrouding themselves in glory of late;

"I don't get regular playing time at Arsenal.

Ryan Giggs And The Mosquito Net

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By Ollie Irish

Ryan Giggs poses behind a mosquito net during a Manchester United UNICEF press conference at Old Trafford.

Man Utd's chief executive David Gill, Ryan Giggs and manager Sir Alex Ferguson pose with David Bull, the chief executive of UNICEF.

Russell Brand Gives Money To Hillsborough Family Support Group

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By Ollie Irish

Comedian Russell Brand has made a "generous" donation to the Hillsborough Family Support Group after watching spokeswoman Margaret Aspinall speak at the 21st anniversary memorial service at Anfield.

Brand, who supports West Ham United, met Aspinall in person when she attended his latest book signing at a branch of Waterstones in Liverpool.

Liverpool Eyeing Up January Move For £6m Russian Striker?

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By Chris Wright

Word on Pies Street is that Liverpool are seriously weighing up a January bid for Russian striker Alexandr Kerzhakov, who currently plies his trade in his homeland with Zenit St. Petersburg.

Chief scout Eduardo Macia was present to watch Kerzhakov score for his national side Russia against Ireland last week,and has apparently asked for further video footage of the 27-year-old who has already scored 11 goals in eight games this season.

In Pictures: Blackpool 2-3 Manchester City – Opportunist Tevez Mugs Tangerines

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By Ollie Irish

Cracking game, wrong result though Blackpool dominated the first half, played to win but didn't quite have the quality to finish what they started; they deserved a draw at least. City mugged them, in effect, although the visitors did play very well when David Silva came on midway through the second half.

In Pictures: Fulham 1-2 Tottenham

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By Ollie Irish

Continuing our pictorial round-up of the weekend's Premier League action, we come to Fulham v Tottenham, and disengages neutral mode a triffic win for the mighty Lilywhites. It's also Fulham's first defeat of the season, after a stack of draws that Mark Hughes seemed way too pleased with.

Wayne Rooney Needs To Look After No.1 – Man Utd Legend Roy Keane

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By Chris Wright

"Just because you are paid £120,000-a-week for running round with bog paper in your mouth, you think you are a superstar."

Former Manchester United captain Roy Keane has an awful lot of chips strewn across his shoulders, and we're not just talking your average anaemic French frie we're talking the kind of enormous, cheese smothered potato wedges you only see served in Las Vegas casinos.

In Pictures: Aston Villa 0-0 Chelsea

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By Ollie Irish

Villa and Chelsea neutralised each other, leaving behind as drab and forgettable a game as you could never hope to watch I suppose for the title race, Villa pinching a couple of points from the leaders has to be a good thing. Still, despite the snoozefest, we do have some pretty pictures from Villa Park, which you can check out below (click thumbs to enlarge):

Photos: PA



Robin Van Persie Love Triangle: Wenger And The Dutch Want Him First

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By Ollie Irish

Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger has struck the first verbal blow in a tussle with Netherlands head coach Bert van Marwijk, over the fitness of striker Robin van Persie.

Van Marwijk plans to select Van Persie for the Netherlands' friendly against Turkey on 17 November, but Wenger has told Bert to back off.

‘Big Man’ Will Persuade Rooney To Stay – Mourinho

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By Ollie Irish

The M6, bloody hell

"I don't think he will (become available)," said Real Madrid boss Jose Mourinho when asked about the Wayne Rooney Situation in a Champions League press conference today.

"I think the big man [Sir Alex Ferguson] will persuade him to stay.

Wee Gordon Strachan Walks Away From Middlesbrough With Dignity

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By Ollie Irish

Wee Gordon Strachan in his playing days (Scale 1:1)

Gordon Strachan has parted company with Middlesbrough following their poor start to the season – Boro managed just three wins in their opening 11 games, which is hardly the form of a pre-season favourite.

Columbus Crew Goalkeeper Will Hesmer Scores Last-Ditch Goal To Earn Draw (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

At 2-1 down against Toronto FC, and with time running out, Columbus Crew goalkeeper (and Justin Timberlake Shit Lookalike) Will Hesmer rushed forward to help out his team-mates in attack. He did more than that, showing excellent composure to fire home an equaliser from close range.

In Pictures: Arsenal 2-1 Birmingham City

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By Ollie Irish

Since the Taylor-Eduardo clash, this has become a fraught fixture, and Saturday's match was no different. Arsenal deserved to win, but it should be said that Marouane Chamakh won every bit of the penalty that led to his side's equaliser, after the unfeasibly enormous Nikola Zigic headed the visitors in front.

Forgotten Wonder Goals: Muzzy Izzet’s Overhead Kick, Leicester City vs Grimsby Town

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By Ollie Irish

Fancy a little something from the top drawer, sir/madam? How about this wonder goal, scored in November 2002:

What a beauty!

For the record, former Foxes star Izzet retired in June 2006 at the tender(ish) age of 31, having spent a couple of seasons laid up on Birmingham City's treatment table.

Blackburn Boss Sam Allardyce Thinks An Awful Lot Of David Dunn

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By Chris Wright

Blackburn manager Sam Allardyce says an awful lot of things over the course of a season, some are brain-bendingly pointless whilst others are just brain-bendingly pointless.

Hailing the return of David Dunn against Sunderland tonight after another injury lay-off, Allardyce trumpeted the midfielder saying that, if he could remain fit for longer than 75 minutes at a time, his presence alone would transform Rovers into a top 10 side;

"We know how important he is to the team.

In Pictures: Everton 2-0 Liverpool

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By Ollie Irish

No mysteries at Goodison: Everton, spearheaded by the surprisingly dynamic Yakubu, and driven on by the grunt of Tim Cahill and the guile of Mikel Arteta, were simply MUCH better than Liverpool.

Steven Gerrard apart, Liverpool's players gave a performance that bordered on the negligent.

Horror Hair: Everton Fan Rocks Sketchy Club Crest

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By Ollie Irish

As spotted at Goodison on Sunday:

Guessing this was a DIY job. Just a hunch.



In Pictures: Robert Pires Trains With Arsenal

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By Ollie Irish

Arsenal fans, sit forward and enjoy these pics of your team training for this week's Champions League clash (v Eduardo's Shak-Don, fact fans).

You may spot a familiar face some old French dude by the name of Bobby Pires in Arsenal gear again for the first time since 2006.

Skills: Ronaldinho’s Backheel Nutmeg, Milan vs Chievo (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Some fresh Ronaldinho tekkers to remind us of his magical heyday. Lovely stuff he almost looks sprightly there, and we haven't been able to say that for a couple of seasons.

Spotted by 101GreatGoals

Skills: Ronaldinho Has A New Trick (Video)

Mo' skills on Pies



The BIG Football Question: Is Roy Hodgson Out Of His Depth At Liverpool?

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By Ollie Irish

Uncle Woy: waving or drowning? Or synchronised swimming?

Today's BIG football question is not about Wayne Rooney (phew), but about Liverpool's beleaguered gaffer. And the question looks a lot like this:

Is Roy Hodgson out of his depth at Liverpool?

Are Manchester United The Thickest Club In The Premier League?

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By Alex Netherton

When I started work, I was left to do the more menial tasks. Sorting post, answering the phone, photocopying. The usual stuff that engenders a real respect for real life, and emphatically doesn't make you anticipate a healthy need for the Bic and a hot bath.

Harry Redknapp Flips Bird At Luka Modric

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By Ollie Irish

Swivel, yeah. Triffic, Luka, just triffic son.



In Pictures: Man Utd 2-2 West Brom – United Let Another Lead Slip

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By Ollie Irish

Edwin Blunder Sar (© Gary Lineker, or Gary Lineker's scriptwriter brilliant, ahem) handed West Brom a point, as Manchester United let another lead slip this season. Something is amiss at the hallowed Theatre of Dreams, as typified by Fergie's stubborn treatment of Wayne Rooney; Rooney was all smiles and winks on the bench, then sour and dour and badly out of sorts on it.

Stoke Striker Tuncay In Trouble After Storming Out Of Bolton Game

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By Chris Wright

Wobbly Stoke striker Tuncay Sanli is in trouble with his manager Tony Pulis for 'storming home' after being told that he hadn't made the match-day squad for Saturday's Premier League game against Bolton. The Turk apparently left the Reebok Stadium in a huff, hailed a taxi and then drove straight back to his house in Staffordshire.

Chamakh Is An ‘Embarrassment’

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By Ollie Irish

Arsenal vs Birmingham continues to develop into a really hateful fixture. Mmm, we like it spicy. After Arsenal's 2-1 win against McLeish's lot at the Emirates on Saturday, Brum centre-back Roger Johnson accused Marouane Chamakh of diving, then compared Jack Wilshere's red-card tackle on Nikola Zigic to Martin Taylor's infamous leg-breaker on Eduardo (Big Eck also mentioned Eduardo and Wilshere in the same breath):

We all think it (the penalty) was the wrong decision.

Ryan Giggs Returns From Hamstring Injury, Tweaks His Hamstring

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By Chris Wright

Manchester United veteran Ryan Giggs is facing yet another spell on the sidelines after aggravating the hamstring injury that he had originally sustained two weeks previous during the first-half of Saturday's game with West Brom.

NESV Owner John W Henry: ‘There Is Plenty Wrong With Liverpool’

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By Chris Wright

"John, John! Sign my balls!"

Liverpool's new owner John W Henry has refuted the claims of former co-owner Tom Hicks, who claimed that he and his associate George Gillett were victims of an 'epic swindle' when Henry's NESV group purchased the club for £300 million last Friday.

Later, W**kers: How Fox Sees The Wayne Rooney Quit Story

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By Ollie Irish

How Fox's website is covering the Rooney quit story (more on that throughout the day, naturally):

And lo, "Later, wankers" did verily become Ollie's shiny new catchphrase. As in, "They'll never score in the last five minutes and so I'm leaving the match early to avoid the rush.

New Liverpool Owners Want Frank Rijkaard To Make Everything Okay Again

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By Chris Wright

Rumours swirling around the internet this morning are suggesting that Liverpool's new owners NESV are weighing up taking the £3 million hit it would take to release current manager Roy Hodgson back into the wild thus clearing the way to install Frank Rijkaard at the Anfield helm.

In Pictures: Charlton Athletic 0-4 Brighton & Hove Albion

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By Ollie Irish

With the Wayne Rooney shitstorm battering us all into submission, how about we retreat to League One to enjoy the relative calm of some honest football, in the form of pics of Brighton's big win at The Valley. We'll be safe there.

Gus Poyet is doing a brilliant job at Brighton: to thrash a Charlton side that previously was undefeated at home this season is a brilliant result and one that keeps the Albion firmly on top of the table.

Real Madrid Deny Wayne Rooney Rumours

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By Ollie Irish

Real Madrid's Director General Jorge Valdano says his club is happy with the strikers they have, despite being linked with a move for unsettled Wayne Rooney. Valdano also reiterated Jose Mourinho's assertion last week that Madrid won't make any squad changes in January.

Shit Lookalikes: Carles Puyol & Joy Stefanicki

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By Ollie Irish

Puyol is the shaggy haired captain of Barcelona.

Stefanicki is a former contestant on the current season of The Apprentice.

Several of you spotted this and sent it in. Thanks to y'all.

Send us your Shit Lookalikes by email (ollie@anorak.

Andy Carroll Charged With Assault

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By Ollie Irish

Newcastle United striker Andy Carroll has been charged with assault and will appear before Tynedale Magistrates Court this morning.

A Northumbria Police spokeswoman said: "Andrew Thomas Carroll, 21, previously of Prestwick, Newcastle, has been charged with assault.

No One Likes A Showboater (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Because sometimes the only way to deal with football's showmen is with a leading elbow to the FACE.

Via The Original Winger



New Liverpool Owner John W Henry Speaks To Media (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

He's humbled, he's gracious, he's here to win. So far, so good.



Top 10 Football Links: 11-15 October

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By Ollie Irish

Ten of the best football posts we saw this week. Well played, y'all:

1. The relationship between English football culture and American soccer culture The Run of Play

2. Six great dribbles Guardian Sport

3. Youth development in football is little more than guesswork, argues Gab Marcotti Sports Illustrated

4.

Sneijder’s WAG Yolanthe Cabau Sues Patrick Kluivert’s WAG Over Wedding Dispute

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By WAG Watcher

According to Sport.es, Wesley Sneijder's rather lovely WAG Yolanthe Cabau has taken legal action against Patrick Kluivert's better half, aka Rossana da Lima. Meow. Kluivert and Lima were guests at the wedding (this is awkward):

Cabau claims that de Lima's wedding planning company overcharged for her big day by more than €500,000.

‘I Would Take Robert Pires Tomorrow’ – Arsene Wenger

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By Ollie Irish

Following his release by Villarreal, Robert Pires is training with Arsenal in a bid to maintain his fitness. But Arsene Wenger is not tempted by the prospect of re-signing old Bob (he's 36 now) on a short-term contract, even though he says other Prem managers should be more than interested in the Frenchman.

Devastated Tom Hicks Vows ‘This Isn’t Over’

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By Ollie Irish

Tom Hicks is furious right now. And you won't like him when he's furious.

In an interview with Sky Sports, the Texan buffoon said:

There are better owners of Liverpool than the owners of Boston Red Sox [NESV]

I'm shocked, devastated and frustrated.

Video: Steve Nash (A Massive Dude) And Landon Donovan Shill For FIFA 11

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By Ollie Irish

You have to love Steve Nash. It's the law. He is a DUDE with a real, likable personality. And you don't know how rare that is in pro sports. And he supports Spurs. As in Tottenham Hotspur. What a guy.

Part 2:

Yep, still a massive dude.

The Black-And-White Years: Kenny Dalglish Sleeps With The European Cup, 1978

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By Ollie Irish

11 May 1978: Liverpool's Kenny Dalglish wakes up with the European Cup after scoring the winning goal in the previous night's final against Club Brugge. The Cup reported that Kenny was a very gentle and considerate lover.



NESV Finally Complete £300m Liverpool Takeover

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By Chris Wright

New England Sports Ventures (NESV) have completed their protracted £300 million takeover of Liverpool Football Club.

The American sports franchise have finally assumed control of Liverpool after defeating former co-owners Tom Hicks and George Gillett in their bitter legal battle to prevent the sale of the club thus bringing about the end of the American pair's ill-fated three-and-a-half year tenure.

Wanna F**k? American Soccer Babe Not Shy

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By WAG Watcher

This is Florida State University women's soccerball player Breezy Hupp. Yes, she is really called Breezy Hupp parents today, tssk. Anyway, she hates wearing trousers and she's not shy. On Facebook, she posted a simple message on the wall of FSU American football player Nick Moody: "Wanna fuck?

Sergio Busquets Allowed To Play For Spain U21 In Euro 2011 Finals

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By Ollie Irish

Peekaboo, you fucks you

Sergio Busquets has been given permission by his club to play for Spain's U21s in the Euro 2011 U21 championship next summer. He's 22 now but does qualify for the team. The current La Liga season ends on 25 May 2011, with Euro 2011 taking place from 11-25 June.

Fernando Torres Is Sad

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By Ollie Irish

(Context)



Chelsea Sign German-Born Striker, Aged 11

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By Ollie Irish

What you talkin' about Willis?

Leaving no stone unturned in their efforts to conquer the known football world, Chelsea have signed Michael Gyasi, a German-born striker who has spent a couple of years learning his trade at Northampton Town's Centre of Excellence.

33 Chilean Miners Offered Manchester United And Real Madrid Tickets

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By Ollie Irish


As if spending 69 days trapped underground wasn't enough it seems that the Chilean miners' trauma might not be over yet.

According to Metro the 33 men have apparently been offered Manchester United tickets, by Sir Bobby Charlton no less.

Malcolm Allison Dies At 83 – Both His Wives Are Upset

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By Ollie Irish

Sad news: Malcolm Allison has passed away, aged 83. Big Malc was one of English football's biggest characters of the last 30 years. In as much as we'd never seen a manager with a penchant for wearing fedoras and smoking cigars.

What Is Everton’s Best 5-Aside Team?

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By Ollie Irish

Here's my perfect Everton five-aside team. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!

TIM HOWARD They've got Timmy Tourettes in their nets, fuck off fuck off fuck off.

JOHN HEITINGA - All-action, muscular defender with the ball skills to venture forward too.

Pies Prem Prediction League: Week 8 – You vs Kobe Bryant!

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By Ollie Irish

Tell you what Manish, I still have literally no clue who Keyser Sose is...

The interlull is but a numbing memory. Seven weeks down, here's the table and it's even longer than Dion Dublin's third leg:

1.

The BIG Football Question: Does Ben Foster Look A Bit Special Needs?

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By Ollie Irish

Today's BIG football question: does Ben Foster look a bit 'special'? Vote now with your fingers...


Ben Foster: Does He Look A Bit Special?online survey



Leicester City Snap Up Aston Villa’s Curtis Davies On Loan

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By Chris Wright

Leicester City have confirmed that they have snapped up Aston Villa defender Curtis Davies on a month-long loan deal.

The 25-year-old centre-back, who has struggled for first-team football at Villa since finding new signings Richard Dunne and James Collins in his way after returning from shoulder surgery last season, will be available for the Foxes' game against Hull tomorrow.

Liverpool And Tottenham Both Linked With Lyon’s Star Striker

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By Chris Wright

Such a beautiful kit to leave behind

Both Liverpool and Tottenham are being linked with a move for Lyon striker Lisandro Lopez this morning, with the Daily Mirror suggesting that the French side would be willing to offload the 27-year-old Argentinian in January should they receive a bid of £14 million.

Video Evidence Of Aaron Ramsey’s Legs Both Working Properly

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By Chris Wright

Pies bought you positive news of Arsenal midfielder Aaron Ramsey's recovery from his horrific broken leg yesterday, and here is the actual video (courtesy of Arsenal TV) from which the quotes were taken which features footage of the Welsh wunderkind doing really good kicks 'n' junk.

Wayne Rooney’s Ankle Looks Fine! But He Can’t Shoot For Sh*t (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Video via 101GreatGoals

So Wazza's ankle looks okay, judging by the way he deftly dribbled past some barrels for his terrible but slightly addictive 'Street Striker' TV show (bet Fergie has that on Sky+ series link). But his shooting radar.

Jamie Carragher Signs Up For Life At Liverpool

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool stalwart Jamie Carragher has agreed a new two-year extension to his current contract, meaning that he will now be tied to the club until 2013 can you imagine how slow he'll be by then? He might even go back in time to 2005.

Spot The Baller: Kim Kardashian

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By Ollie Irish

Christian Vieri and Kim Kardashian: they make a lovely couple. Except it's not bubble-butted Kim really, it's one of Vieri's Lazio team-mates much to Christian's dismay, no doubt. But who? Clue: this pic was taken in 1998.

Previous answer: Jack Sparrow was hiding the pale visage of James McFadden.

Sunderland Want An Explanation For Darren Bent’s England Injury Curse

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By Chris Wright

Sunderland are seeking an explanation from the FA as to why their striker Darren Bent has had to be withdrawn from the England squad because of injury on three separate occasions during the past few months.

Bent missed the pre-World Cup friendly against Mexico with a hamstring problem (then was subsequently left out of the squad for South Africa), reported for the August clash with Hungary carrying a back strain which ultimately forced him to pull out and was also ruled out of England's miserable 0-0 stalemate with Montenegro on Tuesday after tweaking his groin during a training session the day before.

Nicklas Bendtner Lives Again!

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By Ollie Irish

Arsenal's Danish striker Nicklas Bendtner is set to make his first appearance of the season, against Birmingham on Saturday, after recovering from a groin injury which he aggravated at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

Bendtner claims he is "probably in the best physical shape ever".

Fernando Torres Lives Again!

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By Ollie Irish

By some miracle beyond our comprehension, Liverpool striker Fernando Torres has been declared fit for Sunday's keenly awaited Merseyside derby at Goodison. Wouhou!

The sicknote Spaniard tore an adductor muscle in Liverpool's shock defeat to Blackpool a couple of weeks ago.

Video: Big Sam Allardyce Hates Perception

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By Ollie Irish

Isn't this the man who said it would be a piece of piss to manage the likes of Real Madrid and Barcelona? And yet he can't even grasp his native language. Hmm, something doesn't add up.

Via Danger Here



Cheryl Cole Writes Very Bad Lyrics About Ashley Cole Break-Up

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By Ollie Irish

On her new album, Cheryl Cole sings a song called 'Happy Tears'. Here are some of the brilliant lyrics:

I cried when I heard you were cheatin'

I cried when I said I was leavin'

I cut off my hair and painted my toes

I sold all the diamonds and burnt all your clothes

I cried when I slashed all your tyres

I cried when your suit hit the fire

Yes, the song is about her split from Ashley Cole, and no, Cheryl didn't write the lyrics (which are, let's be honest, f**king awful).

BREAKING: Court Rules In Favour Of Liverpool & RBS, Hicks & Gillett Can F-Off At Last

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By Ollie Irish

Now get the f**k out

The High Court in London has ruled in favour of both the board of Liverpool FC and the Royal Bank of Scotland, by granting an injunction against Tom Hicks' Texan injunction to block the club's sale my injunction is harder than your injunction.

Abby Wambach Hits Old Dude, Makes Him Drop Hot Dog (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Impressive accuracy if Wambach was indeed going for the old guy's hot dog. If she was trying to hit the net... not so good.



Football GIFs: Elizabeth Lambert Pulls Opponent’s Hair

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By Ollie Irish

Get down. And again. And again.

Mo' GIFs!



Arsenal Expect Aaron Ramsey To Return To Action Next Month

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By Chris Wright

What do you look like sunshine?

In an update to the news that Pies first brought to you last week, Arsenal midfielder Aaron Ramsey has revealed that he is on schedule to return to the first-team fold at some point next month although he will allow the club's medical staff to make the final judgement on his fitness after suffering a horrific leg break back in February;

"I think it depends on the individual, sometimes people like to take a bit longer to make sure everything is spot on and some people want to get back as soon as they can.

Ashley Young: ‘Don’t Go Past Me Or I Will Break Your Legs’

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By Ollie Irish

A glimpse into the life of a teenage winger taking on grizzled old pros:

Charming.



The Football Hard Man Index No.7: Miguel Angel Nadal – ‘The Beast’

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By Ollie Irish

A man's man's man, was Big Mig. He earned the nickname 'The Beast' mostly because he was just a big old unit with a huge head. But he was much, much more than just a hatchet man the boy could play. After all, you don't spend almost a decade in Barcelona's first team if you don't know what to do with a football.

Cesc Fabregas ‘Satisfied’ At Arsenal, But He’ll Still Leave This Summer

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By Chris Wright

Arsenal made it through a summer which began with near-constant rumour-mongering, soon moved onto flagrant tapping-up and then culminated in a reported £35 million from Barcelona, somehow still being able to number Cesc Fabregas as one of their own.

Retro Football: 10 Brilliant Photos Of Chris Waddle

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By Ollie Irish

I still get the feeling that Christopher Roland Waddle is underrated in England I blame 'Diamond Lights'. In terms of poise on the ball, he was truly a world-class midfielder, albeit one who never quite made the most of his immense potential; I used to love watching him play for Marseille.

Football Rape Allegation: Liberia International Detained In Sweden

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By Ollie Irish

Swedish police have detained AIK midfielder Dulee Johnson following a rape allegation.

"With regard to the identity, that will come out in court but, yes, it is Dulee Johnson, but other than that I don't have a lot to say at the moment," Stockholm prosecutor Henrik Soderman told Reuters following local reports that a player had been detained before AIK's training session on Tuesday.

Shit Football Kits: Cork City 1990-91 (Away Shirt)

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By Ollie Irish

...


Nice marbling effect, Mr Adidas.

Cork City fans referred to this exceedingly nasty away shirt as the 'Pigeon Shit' kit. You can see why.

Spotter's badge to Pies reader Cian D for this.

Wayne Rooney Heading For Man Utd Exit?

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By Ollie Irish

To the outsider, it might appear that Wayne Rooney is very much heading the same way as Paul Ince, Jaap Stam, David Beckham and Roy Keane (to name just four high-profile Man Utd stars who fell out with Sir Alex Ferguson).

Rooney has still not signed a new deal at Old Trafford, and he and Fergie are singing from different hymn sheets this season.

England’s Starting XI For Euro 2012?

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By Ollie Irish

Peering ahead through the gloom, and desperately hoping England doesn't have a team based around the usual suspects (Terry, Ferdinand, Lampard and Gerrard) by the time the Euro 2012 finals come around, here's something like the more progressive starting team I'd like to see England field in Poland & Ukraine:

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 11

Sadly, I think inflexible Fabio Capello will stick with the same old names.

Shit Lookalikes: Martin Broughton & Sir Ian McKellen

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By Ollie Irish

Broughton is an old chairman who defied the monster known as Tom Hicks.

McKellen is an old queen who defied the monster known as the Balrog.

Spotted by me.

Nominate your Shit Lookalikes by email (ollie@anorak.

Yossi Benayoun Out For Six Months After Chelsea Doctors ‘Miss’ Torn Achilles

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By Chris Wright

Chelsea's summer signing Yossi Benayoun is expected to be sidelined for the next six months after club doctors 'missed' the fact that he had almost severed his Achilles tendon, despite putting through a rigorous set of tests and physicals.

Liverpool & Manchester United To Fight Over Dutch Starlet?

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By Ollie Irish

Ibrahim Afellay: Like if Jermaine Jenas and Cristiano Ronaldo had a lovechild...

PSV Eindhoven midfielder Ibrahim Afellay fancies a move to England. The 24-year-old, who scored twice for the Netherlands against Sweden earlier this week, says he would be interested in a transfer to either Liverpool or Man Utd.

Liverpool FC Ownership Struggle: Ballsy Tom Hicks Fights Back, NESV Must Wait To Buy Club

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By Ollie Irish

So, you know when Tom Hicks raped your entire family? Yeah, well he's back and he's still feeling a bit rapey...

This from the BBC:

A Texas court has granted a temporary restraining order stopping the sale of Liverpool Football Club, owners Tom Hicks and George Gillett have claimed.

Johnny Heitinga Would ‘Jump At The Chance’ To Leave Everton

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By Chris Wright

Despite only joining the club a year ago, Everton defender John/Johnny/Jenny Heitinga has admitted that he would jump at the chance to join Bayern Munich in the January transfer window, upon hearing of their reported interest last week.

BREAKING: John W Henry Arrives In London To Finalise Liverpool Takeover

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By Ollie Irish

John W Henry (pictured) appears to be one step closer to completing his takeover of Liverpool FC after arriving at the London offices of legal firm Slaughter and May, where the club's board are currently meeting to discuss the sale, in the wake of today's High Court decision against Tom Hicks and George Gillett.

Man Utd Permacrock Owen Hargreaves Tipped To Play This Weekend

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By Chris Wright

Careful with that knee Eugene!

The man charged with remoulding Owen Hargreaves' blutack knee ligaments, Dr Richard Steadman, has tipped the Manchester United midfielder to make a long-overdue return to the first team for this weekend's Premier League game with West Brom after spending the best part of the last two calendar years on the sidelines.

Diving Ashley Young Has Meme Potential

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By Ollie Irish

Is it a bird? ... Is it a plane? (What are you, retarded? Planes don't wear capes) ... Nope, it appears to be... it is! ... Diving Ashley Young! Simulation in the air, ref!? That's a booking.

A pointed out by our chums at Two Footed Tackle, Diving Ashley Young (spotted in action vs Montenegro at Wembley) has definite meme potential.

Viral Football: Where The F**k Is Montenegro?

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By Ollie Irish

Good point, well made.



Sexy WAG Sara Carbonero On Touchline At Scotland vs Spain (Photos)

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By WAG Watcher

The WAG of Spain captain Iker Casillas, aka TV football reporter Sara Carbonero, was looking rather fine on the touchline at Hampden last night. She could not escape the not-at-all-lecherous gaze of our zoom lens...

Photos: PA

World Cup Winners: Sara Carbonero, WAG Of Iker Casillas



In Pictures: England 0-0 Montenegro – Another Ode To The Joyless

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By Ollie Irish

The positives: Joe Hart kept a clean sheet, Ashley Young and Adam Johnson showed good intentions on the wings, Joleon Lescott and Rio Ferdinand looked solid... er, that's about it. Kevin Davies won his first England cap, which on a personal level is great for him.

Ranking Dread: England Fail Repeatedly Against The Very Best In Europe

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By Ed Barrett

A familiar picture for all England fans: near but rarely far enough

The England national team is currently sixth in both the FIFA and Elo rankings. (The latter being nothing to do with the bewhiskered Brummie classical-rock ensemble: it's the international system that was in place many years before the FIFA system was introduced in 1992.

Classic Banners: David Beckscum, 1998

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By Ollie Irish

August 1998: Witty Arsenal fans hold up a banner referring to Manchester United's David Beckham, during the Charity Shield clash at Wembley Beckham, Beckscum; you see what they've done there!? Clever. They've even underlined SCUM to make sure you get the twist.

Robbie Savage Sparks Twitter Row With Darren Gough AND Stan Collymore AND Andy Goldstein

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By Chris Wright

Derby County midfielder and BBC 606 presenter Robbie Savage sparked a tetchy twitter row last night, after rubbishing former England cricketer Darren Gough's pre-match tactical analysis.

Gough, a presenter on talkSPORT, was discussing England's options before their Euro 2012 qualifier with Montenegro last night, but Savage (who apparently counts himself as a bit of an expert when it comes to football's subtleties) was not pleased with what he heard.

Liverpool Owners Hicks And Gillett Lose Court Battle

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By Chris Wright

Bit of 'breaking' for you in the ongoing soap opera that is the takeover of Liverpool Football Club.

It has just been confirmed that the High Court have granted injunctions against Liverpool owner's Tom Hicks and George Gillett that could feasibly pave the way for New England Sports Ventures to buy the club before Friday's debt deadline.

Shit Lookalikes: Zlatan Ibrahimovic & Nicolo (X Factor Loser)

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By Ollie Irish

Zlatan is a vainglorious poser with a huge ego and lots of talent.

Nicolo is a vainglorious poser with a huge ego and zero talent. (Which explains why he was booted off X Factor so quickly.)

Spotter's badge to Jamie Williams.

Man City Punish Man Utd Supporters For ‘Persistent Standing’

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By Chris Wright

Manchester City have cut Manchester United's ticket allocation for the next upcoming derby on November 10th, as punishment for United fans failing to comply with various safety standards during last season's corresponding fixture at Eastlands.

In Pictures: Scotland 2-3 Spain – World Champions Edge Scotland The Brave

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By Ollie Irish

A very predictable defeat for Scotland against the current world and European champions, but the manner of the defeat will have left many Scotland fans feeling strangely buoyant – because at least their team showed a good measure of guts and quality to fight back from 2-0 down (unlike the Czech anti-football debacle last week).

England vs Montenegro: A Match Report In Five Easy Pictures

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By Ollie Irish

England's insipid performance against Montenegro can be summed up in three pictures:



Ajax ‘Keeper Maarten Stekelenburg Keen On Man Utd Move

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By Chris Wright

Ajax and Holland no.1 Maarten Stekelenburg has dropped a rather large hint that he may be about to join Manchester United this summer, telling Dutch magazine NuSport;

"[United] is a club where everyone wants to play.

Italy vs Serbia Abandoned After Serbian Hooligans Riot

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By Ollie Irish

The Euro 2012 qualifier between Italy and Serbia was suspended after less than ten minutes of play due to serious crowd disturbances.

The kick-off had already been delayed by 45 minutes when Serbian fans threw flares onto the pitch and lit fireworks inside Genoa's Marassi stadium.

Liverpool Crisis Worsens: Dirk Kuyt Has Serious Ankle Injury

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By Ollie Irish

Holland gaffer Bert van Marwijk fears Dirk Kuyt could face a long spell in the physion room after the Liverpool player picked up an ankle injury in the 4-1 win over Sweden.

Kuyt lasted just 28 minutes of the Euro 2012 qualifier and was taken to hospital in an ambulance with what looked a serious injury.

Portugal & Liverpool Star Raul Meireles Scores Wonder Goal vs Iceland (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Boooooom! At least Liverpool fans can take some comfort in the form of new signing Raul Meireles, though whether he ever replicates this thundertwat of a strike in their colours is another matter (John Jensen MkII?).

And in the interests of Andrew Marr not calling me pimpled and single again, I am compelled to add that Portugal won their Euro 2012 qualifier 3-1 in Reykjavik, with goals by Meireles, sub Helder Postiga (former rubbish Tottenham striker) and some upstart called Cristiano Ronaldo.

Italy vs Serbia Abandoned After Serbian Hooligans Riot

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By Ollie Irish

The Euro 2012 qualifier between Italy and Serbia was suspended after less than ten minutes of play due to serious crowd disturbances.

The kick-off had already been delayed by 45 minutes when Serbian fans threw flares onto the pitch and lit fireworks in Genoa.

Skills: Ronaldinho Has A New Trick (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Probably of little use in a real game situation, but still impressive tekkers from Ron.

Spotted on the comprehensive 101GreatGoals (where else)



Alyssa Milano Wears An Inter Shirt Well

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By WAG Watcher

We refer you to the headline, because that's all there is to say... there won't be any crude gags about wanting to get Inter Milano's pants.



Snapshot: Liverpool Fans Protest At The High Court In London

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By Ollie Irish

12 October 2010: A group of Liverpool supporters gather outside the High Court in central London, for news about the result of the legal battle for the ownership of the Premier League club. At time of writing, no decision had been made in the case.

Versus: England vs Montenegro, The Supermodel Showdown

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By WAG Watcher

In the home dressing room, representing England, is Tiffany Pisani, the recent winner of Britain's Next Top Model:

... And in the away dressing room is one of Montenegro's premier supermodels, Sanja Brnovic:

The criterion: Who's lovelier?

Retro Horror Hair: John Dempsey, Chelsea – Aka The Combover King

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By Ollie Irish

Sweet Stamford Bridge, that is one amazing 'do. It's possibly the greatest combover in football history. Epic.

Stat-trick: After Chelsea, Dempsey played for Philadelphia Fury in the NASL. In 1979, he was voted the NASL's Defender of the Year, beating a certain Franz Beckenbauer into second place.

In Another Life: Arsene Wenger Is The Child Catcher

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By Ollie Irish

"Yar! To the Emirates we go! Yar!"

Don't have nightmares.

More in this series

Dimitar Berbatov, Video Rental Store Manager

Phil Brown, Bodybuilder

John Terry and Bobby Zamora, Big-Game Anglers

Rafa Benitez, Wine Waiter

Joe Hart, Women's Rugby Forward

Joachim Low, Catalogue Model

Alan Wiley, Aerobics Guru

Nigel de Jong, boxer



Singapore Billionaire Lim Ups Bid To Buy Liverpool

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By Chris Wright

Singapore-based billionaire Peter Lim has today improved his offer to buy Liverpool Football Club, after initially matching the £300 bid made by New England Sports Ventures last week a bid that was accepted by chairman Martin Broughton.

The 10 Most Annoying Media ‘Personalities’ In British Football

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By Ollie Irish

The most annoying people working in the football media in Britain today:

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Townsend epitomises banal football punditry, laced with the lack of imagination that permeates British football. And bizarrely, he seems to be no better at his job now than he was when he started with ITV

And the top 10 back in 2006, when we first published it (when it was limited to TV 'personalities' TV only):

10.

England Can Win The Next World Cup … But Will They Win The Next World Cup? No Way

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By Ed Barrett

"I just hope we're not having the same debate in twenty years' time."

So declared the insufferably smug John Inverdale on BBC television back in October 1993. The rugby-mad presenter – rightly detested by all true football fans and probably his own mother too – had for some reason been chosen as host of forum to discuss the question: "What's wrong with English football?

Danny Murphy Drops Out As England Pundit To Avoid Confrontation

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By Chris Wright

Fulham captain Danny Murphy has pulled out of his punditry commitments with ITV tonight amidst fears that any on-air questioning of the comments regarding 'tough tackling' he made last week could lead to further uproar from myopic pricks with nothing else to whine about.

In Pictures: Ukraine 0-2 Brazil – Dani Alves & Pato FTW

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By Ollie Irish

Pride Park was the rather unlikely venue for this international friendly, which Brazil won comfortably thanks to goals in each half by Dani Alves (first half) and then Pato.

We have got our grubby hands on some pics of the game, including the 'obligatory female Brazilian fan shot'.

My Favourite Kit: Manchester United 1993-1995 (Black And Gold Away Kit)

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By Ben Greenwood

What is it about away kits that bring out the best and worst in shirt manufacturers? For Manchester United the worst are the infamous grey, and the Sheffield Wednesday-esque blue-and-white of the 90s. But the best is an away kit too...

When it came to choosing my favourite United kit of all time I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the players and I are in complete agreement.

Arsenal Close In On Belgian Uber-Starlet

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By Chris Wright

According to talkSPORT's over-worked 'flagrant horsesh*t dressed up as news' department, Arsenal have won the race to sign Anderlecht's uber-starlet Romelu Lukaku after having their £12.5 million bid accepted yesterday.

The 17-year-old striker is being monitored by most of European football's biggest hitters (with Chelsea and Real Madrid said to be very keen on acquiring his services asap), and this is why.

Shit Lookalikes: John W Henry & Bill Nighy

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By Chris Wright

John W Henry is the Yank millionaire that most Liverpool supporters want their current pair of Yank millionaires to sell up to.

Bill Nighy is a English actor that has been in every single British film made since 2001 (as well as 'Minder').

Wonder Goals: Scotland U21 Star Chris Maguire Scores Direct From Kick-Off, vs Iceland U21

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By Ollie Irish

"Wowee!" is possibly the wettest reaction to a brilliant goal we've ever heard. Still, it doesn't detract from a brilliantly executed goal by the Aberdeen youngster (he's currently on loan with the Killies). Straight from the kick-off, no less albeit a kick-off straight after Iceland's U21s had opened the scoring.

Edgar Davids Crystal Palace Bust-Up: Davids Is The Guvnor

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By Ollie Irish

According to a popular red-top, Edgar Davids was at the centre of a "furious" bust-up at Crystal Palace's training ground and just to remind you, yes, it wasn't a cheese dream you had: Davids does play for Crystal Palace.

According to the Sun:

"The Dutch hothead, 37, stunned players and staff by grappling with left-back Julian Bennett and shouting: 'I'm the boss around here.

Police Issue Warrant For The Arrest Of Anton Ferdinand

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By Chris Wright

Northumbria Police have issued a warrant for the arrest of Anton Ferdinand, after the Sunderland defender failed to show up at a court appearance yesterday the very day that his older brother was being reinstated as the captain of his country.

Soccer Babe Larissa Riquelme Wants A Korean Boyfriend (Not Really)

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By WAG Watcher

Paraguay's No. 1 skank fan, the incomparable Larissa Riquelme, has signed a deal with Couple.net, apparently in the hope of finding herself a single Korean man that "fits her criteria". Hmmm.

Riquelme and Couple.net are to give single Korean men a chance to "woo her" (ahem) during a one-month period.

Football Fail: Northern Ireland’s Steven Davis Kicks The Corner Flag By Mistake (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Always keep your eye on the ball, Steve. It's Football 101.



Tottenham Interested In Serie A Striker – Thanks But No Thanks

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By Ollie Irish

The agent of Juventus' Vincenzo Iaquinta, one Andrea D'Amico, claims that Spurs are keen on signing the 30-year-old centre-forward.

D'Amico said: "Vincenzo is being tracked by several clubs — including Tottenham — who have been interested in the player for a long time.

Football GIFs: Female TV Reporter Jessica Kastrop Hit On Head By Stray Ball

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By Ollie Irish

At last, we present the cut-out-and-keep GIF of European football's best moment so far this season. In glorious slow-motion too it's hypnotic stuff.

Video: Jessica Kastrop Wears Petr Cech-Style Helmet To Protect Against Stray Balls

More GIFs!

Artur Boruc: Celtic ‘Made Me Lazy’

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By Chris Wright

Mad as a box of clinically insane frogs

Former Celtic 'keeper Artur Boruc has admitted that his slow start to life at new club Fiorentina (he is yet to start a game since joining La Viola over the summer) is due to the fact that he has had to reportedly shift three stones of blubber that he piled on during his time in Glasgow.

Lionel Messi Ain’t Even Mad

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By Ollie Irish

Today I am mostly enjoying this Lionel Messi face.



Darren Bent Joins England’s Growing Injury List

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By Chris Wright

Just a quickie to tell you that England manager Fabio Capello has confirmed that Darren Bent has been ruled out of tomorrow's Euro 2012 qualifier with Montenegro after suffering a groin tweak in training on Monday.

In Pictures: England Train For Montenegro Qualifier

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By Ollie Irish

Some sneaky, behind-the-scenes pics of Fabio Capello and his England boys preparing for tomorrow's Euro 2012 qualifier at Wembley:

Photos: PA

So no John Terry for England (meh), but the big question for me is about another centre-back: was it the right decision to hand back the armband to Rio Ferdinand, especially in light of Steven Gerrard's superb recent form for England?

Men agree size matters in the bedroom, but not in the way you’d imagine

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This is a sponsored post from Pfizer

According to new research by Pfizer, size really does matter in the bedroom. Apparently almost a third (32%) of men claim weight gain affects their confidence in the bedroom, whilst more than a third (34%) say that feeling unattractive gives them less confidence to initiate sex with their partner.

The Greatest Nutmeg In Football History, By Juan Roman Riquelme (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

With no Premier League action to provide a Goal of the Weekend, here instead is a genius nutmeg by the great JR Riquelme. Enjoy:

Ridiculous tekkers.

Spotted on Caught Offside

As a bonus, we've thrown in this Boca GIFmeg:



Cougar Angela Merkel Would Eat Mesut Ozil Alive

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By Ollie Irish

Snarl! Oh Angela, you hot cougar! She could just eat up smooth-chested Mesut Ozil. He wouldn't stand a chance, poor little Galactico.

Back in the real world, German Chancellor Angela Merkel was congratulating Ozil and his Germany team-mates on their 3-0 win over Turkey in a Euro 2012 qualifier on Saturday.

A Brief History Of England’s One-Cap Wonders

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By Ed Barrett

What do Lee Bowyer and Joey Barton have in common? Well, it's obvious isn't it? But in case you can't guess, here's another name to add to the mix: Segar Bastard.

No, no, not that...

Give up? The answer is that they each played for the full England team just once.

League Managers Association Condemns Danny Murphy For Hard Tackling Comments

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By Chris Wright

The League Managers Association (LMA) have been quick to criticise Fulham midfielder Danny Murphy for the comments he made last week blaming managers of certain Premier League teams for the current spate of ridiculously hard tackling we are witnessing on an almost weekly basis.

Giuseppe Rossi Nutmegs Chiellini, Tweets About It

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By Ollie Irish

Giorgio Chiellini has denied Giuseppe Rossi's claims that he was nutmegged during training while on international duty last weekend.

Rossi tweeted that he'd megged Juve's no-nonsense defender: "I'm happy for the nutmeg I made on the great Chiellini a couple of days ago.

Gary Neville Tears Hole In Universe, Admits Man City Are ‘Title Contenders’

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By Chris Wright

It seems that, as he moves nearer to retirement, Comrade Gary Neville is softening when it comes to his inherent loathing for anything that isn't in some way connected to Manchester United Football Club.

After sending the world spinning off it's axis last month by confessing through grinding teeth that he respected Liverpool's trophy-winning pedigree, Neville has now caused a schism in the fabric of time itself by admitting that bitter rivals Manchester City are now genuine Premier League title contenders;

"Last weekend's results (United drew 2-2 with Bolton) mean we are now behind Manchester City in the league, which hasn't happened too often in the past 20 years so there is no doubt that we have to see City as major challengers this season along with Chelsea.

Which Four Players Should Liverpool Sign In January?

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By Chris Wright

Wouldn't it be nice?

Liverpool scout Jakob Friis-Hansen (no relation to Alan) has revealed that, should New England Sports Ventures' proposed takeover bid go through as expected, he expects the club to bring at least four 'prominent' first-team signings once the transfer window opens up again in January telling bold.

In Pictures: Northern Ireland 0-0 Italy, Euro 2012 Qualifier – A Great Point For Norn

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By Ollie Irish

Triffic result for Norn Ireland, despite the best efforts of Italy playmaker Andrea Pirlo who made a lot of the play, as is his wont. A few pics from Windsor Park below:

Photos: PA



Viral Football: ‘Dear Mr Rapist’ (A Tom Hicks Spoof Video)

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By Ollie Irish

You may need to watch the original Dear Mr Hicks video before you watch this close-to-the-knuckle spoof. Context is important here.

NB: The video below features graphic language that some people may find unsettling. Not me though, being offended by words is just silly.

Carlos Tevez: Ungrateful Moaner Or Lonely Human Being?

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By Ollie Irish

Carlos Tevez, always happiest with his family. Here he poses for a photo with his beloved mother, Diegotina

Carlitos is fed up with life in England as a millionaire professional footballer. Not because he must suffer the incessant whinging of pathetic team-mate Emmanuel Adebayor (it doesn't help), but because he's homesick and misses his family.

Rio Ferdinand Set To Stay On As England Captain

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By Chris Wright

Despite being deemed unfit to captain Manchester United a couple of weeks back, it is widely expected that Rio Ferdinand will resume skipper duties for England when they take on Montenegro at Wembley tomorrow night.

Word is that manager Fabio Capello will give Ferdinand 90 minutes to re-prove his mettle, after temporarily losing the armband to Steven Gerrard whilst recovering from his latest bout of back knack although we are currently awaiting official word as Capello's press conference isn't scheduled until later today.

Paul Gascoigne Done For Drink Driving (Again)

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By Ollie Irish

Paul Gascoigne is to face another drink-driving charge after he was arrested by police in the Jesmond area of Newcastle on Friday afternoon.

Gazza was breathalysed, tested positive for booze and charged with drink-driving. He is set to appear at Newcastle Magistrates' Court on 20 October.

In Pictures: England U21 2-1 Romania U21, Euro 2011 Play-Off First Leg

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By Ollie Irish

With Fabio Capello watching in the stands at Carrow Road (good access for wheeeeelchairs, I hear), England's youngsters (aka the All-New Golden Generation) edged Romania in the home leg of their Euro 2011 playoff, with goals by Sunderland's Jordan Henderson and a winner by Man Utd defender Chris Smalling.

Roy Hodgson And Sammy Lee Have Meme Potential

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By Ollie Irish

First I saw this and liked what I saw. Now this (which is a couple of weeks old, I believe, but new to me and it's all about me)...

Yep, Sammy and Roy have meme potential.

Spotted on Off the Post



Football Graffiti: Jerzy Dudek Saves Liverpool, 2005 Champions League Final

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By Ollie Irish

A very cool rendering of Dudek's finest hour (click image to enlarge).

Anyone know where this artwork is? I'm guessing somewhere on Merseyside... I'm a good guesser, me.

Spotted on the time-killing RAWK forums



Football Pielights: 4-8 October

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By Ollie Irish

To recap, here are some cool posts you might have missed on whoateallthepies.tv this week. Click on the thumbnails to be magically transported to each story...



The Football Version Of The London Underground ‘Tube Map’

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By Ollie Irish

Why hasn't anyone done this before... a British football version of the classic Tube map (click to enlarge):

Brilliant. I 'Like' this all day long, especially when I'm making the journey on the Victoria Line from Tottenham's Bale to Pimlico Kranjcar.

Top 10 Football Links: 4-8 October

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By Ollie Irish

Ten of the best football posts we saw this week:

1. Why we must savour Jack Wilshere (not Wiltshire), by Barney Ronay Guardian Sport

2. How Man City could break even. More fine financial analysis from The Swiss Ramble

3.

Didier Drogba’s Chelsea Shirt In Line For Place In British Museum

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By Alan Duffy

Â

He can hardly be considered as one of the nation's sweethearts, but Didier Drogba could well find himself (well, his Chelsea shirt) taking pride of place in the British Museum very soon.

His replica no.

Roy Hodgson Is A Woman’s Man, No Time To Talk

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By Ollie Irish

Uncle Woy has 'stayed alive' so far (shazam!) but for how much longer?



MLS Wonder Goals: Sebastian Le Toux Has A Sweet First Touch (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

What a lovely, lovely first touch. Mmm. Lovely. Like Nando Torres in his pomp (if you can remember that far back).

A word about Le Toux: he's a striker for Philadelphia Union (signed from the Sounders in 2009), and although he's French he is now a green-carded US citizen, and so eligible to play for the States.

Video: Kick Kicking Out Of Football

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By Ollie Irish

Not for the faint-hearted, but then that's the whole point.

The video is the work of Le Grove, one of the most-respected Arsenal blogs so naturally there is an Arsenal bias, but the message is sound.



The Top 10 Dirtiest Premier League Players

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By Ollie Irish

This list is based as much on hard stats (fouls conceded and cards received) as subjective musing so don't shoot the messenger unless you really got beef.

In reverse order then, here are the ten dirtiest players in the Premier League so far this season:

â—„ Back Next â–º Picture 1 of 10

10.

In Pictures: England Train For Euro 2012 Qualifier v Montenegro – Kevin Davies FTW

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By Ollie Irish

Aw, look at Kevin Davies, playing with the big kids. Sweet. Now watch those elbows, Kev.

Photos: PA (click the thumbs to see the large images)



Football Bromance: Marouane Chamakh Thinks Jack Wilshere Is ‘Adorable’

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By Ollie Irish

Hold me tight, Jack... that's it. Now play with my hair

A lovely quote from Marouane Chamakh on Arsenal team-mate Jack Wilshere:

"I have been very impressed by Wilshere," Chamakh told skysports.com. "Wilshere is a great player and I think he is only going to improve further.

Ex-Tottenham Hardman Graham Roberts To Manage Pakistan

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By Alan Duffy

Â

Much has been said about the lack of English managers and indeed players with foreign experience. However, in a bid to redress that imbalance, former Tottenham defender Graham Roberts has decided to go all the way to Pakistan to improve his coaching CV.

The Football WAG Index No.35: Helen Flanagan (AKA Rosie Webster Off Corrie)

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By WAG Watcher

When she's not playing Rosie Webster on Coronation Street, Helen Flanagan relaxes by a) Splashing about for the tabloids, and b) Telling footballer boyfriend Scott Sinclair that he's not just a poor man's Theo Walcott (chuckle if only Scott knew).

What Is Chelsea’s Best Five-Aside Team?

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By Ollie Irish

Here's my perfect Chelsea five-aside team. In truth, the team almost picked itself:

PETR CECH Even with the silly helmet, Petr has to be the first name on the team sheet. As manager of this team, I'd just tell him to save shots and roll the ball out to.

Spot The Baller: Jack Sparrow

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By Ollie Irish

Arr, who be hiding behind the ghastly visage of Cap'n Jack Sparrow? Arr, shiver me timbers matey etc.

Previous answer: The Godfather = Paul Konchesky (Well done to epiblast, who was the first reader to answer correctly)



Viral Football: Hertha Berlin Player Caresses Female Referee’s Breast (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

We're later than a Karl Henry tackle on this, but still, we wouldn't be doing our jobs if we didn't post it...

A beautiful moment. Touching even.



Fulham’s Danny Murphy Blames Managers For Bad Tackles

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By Alan Duffy

Sam Allardyce Attempts A Rory Delap Special

Fulham schemer Danny Murphy has added his voice to the current debate over bad tackles in the game.

According to Murphy, the blame lies not just with the perpetrators of the nasty challenges themselves, but also with their managers:

"You get managers sending teams out to stop other sides from playing, which is happening more and more.

Manchester United’s Ryan Giggs: Wales Job Was Not For Me

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By Alan Duffy

Ryan Giggs has insisted that he never seriously considered quitting Manchester United to become the next Wales manager.

The veteran winger and all-round good guy was one of the favourites to take over the job after the sacking of John Toshack, however Giggs' bond with the Red Devils proved too strong:

"It was flattering but it was never going to happen.

Football Gear: Limited Edition Peter Saville England Shirt By Umbro

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By Ollie Irish

Umbro has announced the release of special edition versions of the new England home kit and England's 'Anthem' track jacket, which make full use of the St George's cross pattern designed by Peter Saville.

More pics (click to enlarge thumbs):

Via Umbro Blog

Your verdict?

Fulham’s Danny Murphy Blames Managers For Bad Tackles

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By Alan Duffy

Sam Allardyce Attempts A Rory Delap Special

Fulham schemer Danny Murphy has added his voice to the current debate over bad tackles in the game.

According to Murphy, the blame lies, not just with the perpetrators of the nasty challenges themselves, but also with their managers:

"You get managers sending teams out to stop other sides from playing, which is happening more and more.

Female Referee’s Assistant Sarah Ho Called A ‘Bitch’ In A-League (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Ugandan striker Eugene Sseppuya plays for North Queensland Fury. Sounds about right.

The female ref's assistant he called a "bitch" is Sarah Ho (pictured below). Bitches and Ho. Amazing.

Via Caught Offside



Skills: Dani Alves Scores Sublime Free-Kick For Brazil vs Iran (Video)

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By Ollie Irish

Dani Alves did this to Iran in Abu Dhabi (shame they couldn't hold it in Tehran):

Rather nice.

Shit Lookalikes: Daniel Alves and Quark from Star Trek



Manchester United Want Real Madrid Star – If Juventus Don’t Sign Him First

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By Ollie Irish

Italian newspaper Gazzetta dello Sport claims that Karim Benzema will be allowed to leave Real Madrid in January.

Gazzetta also reports that Manchester United will battle Juventus to secure Benzema's childlike signature, having been beaten to the punch once before for the French striker (by Real).

Young Football Hooligans On The Rise

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By Ollie Irish

The BBC reports that incidents of football hooliganism involving young people have almost trebled in the past three years.

"Association of Chief Police Officers statistics seen by BBC Radio 5 live show there are now 290 teenagers across the UK banned from football grounds.

Carlos Tevez To Barcelona In January?

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By Ollie Irish

You're never quite sure when Carlos Tevez is going to issue an outburst against his employers. For that reason, Barcelona haven't ruled out a January move for Man City's volatile captain, who had a bust-up with manager Roberto Mancini only last weekend.

Guess Who Defended Nigel De Jong & Karl Henry?

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By Ollie Irish

Nigel de Jong, eyes on the ball at all times

When asked this week if he felt the criticism of aggressive players like Karl Henry and Nigel De Jong was too harsh, one Premier League player said: "Yes, sometimes it is. As a player, the likes of Henry and De Jong I'm sure didn't go out to injure another player on purpose.

Wolves Are The Dirtiest Team In The Premier League – It’s Official!

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By Ollie Irish

Karl Henry says hi

Mick McCarthy's Wolves are officially the dirtiest team in the Premier League this season, with 114 fouls, 20 yellow cards and two red cards for their shame. So when Mick next ducks a journalist's question about his team's penchant for aggressive tackling, you'll know it's not because there's a media conspiracy against the less fashionable Premier League clubs; it's because the less fashionable clubs (Wolves, Stoke, Bolton etc.

Tottenham Want Experienced AC Milan Defender

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By Ollie Irish

Tottenham Hotspur are keen to sign AC Milan defender Daniele Bonera, according to Italian TV station RAI.

Fulham and Birmingham have previously both been linked with a move for the 29-year-old centre-back/right-back, who has struggled to break into Milan's first team since a long injury lay-off in 2009 – but Spurs now appear to be head of the queue.

Retro Football: 10 Brilliant Photos Of Romario

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By Ollie Irish

Click to see the full-size images of a bona fide goal-scoring genius...

Photos: PA

Like Batigol, who featured in a Wonder Goals post earlier today, Romario is definitely on our shortlist of greatest strikers. In terms of wrong-footing goalkeepers, Pies rates Romario as probably the greatest ever striker.

Federico Macheda Calls Wayne Rooney ‘Working-Class And Vulgar’

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By Alan Duffy

Vulgar? Moi?

Manchester United starlet Federico Macheda has apparently spoken in rather less than glowing terms about his team-mate Wayne Rooney. In an interview with Italian newspaper Gazzetta Della Sport, the former Lazio man is reported to have said:

"Rooney is a really great person, he always gives me advice, but he's a bit working class and vulgar.

Football Shorts: David Beckham Prostitute In Hospital With Heart Problems

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By Ollie Irish

The prostitute at the centre of a massive legal battle with David Beckham was hospitalised with heart problems this week.

Irma Nici (pictured) hit the headlines last month when she claimed the LA Galaxy star paid for her services twice in 2007.

Brutal Tackles In Football Must Stop – FIFA Medical Chief

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By Ollie Irish

This just in from the chairman of FIFA's medical committee, a Belgian by the name of Michel D'Hooghe.

"I have made myself a compilation of hard tackles with dramatic consequences over the last two or three years in the most important competitions in the world," D'Hooghe said at the 'Leaders in Football' conference.

Harry Redknapp Feels Sorry For Hicks & Gillett

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By Ollie Irish

Harry, you dick. That is all.

Via The Sun



Federico Macheda Calls Rooney “Working-Class And Vulgar”

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By Alan Duffy

Vulgar? Moi?

Manchester United starlet Federico Macheda has apparently spoken in rather less than glowing terms about his team-mate Wayne Rooney. In an interview with Italian newspaper Gazzetta Della Sport, the former Lazio man is reported to have said:

"Rooney is a really great person, he always gives me advice, but he's a bit working class and vulgar.

Chichester City Manager Fired During Game

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By Alan Duffy

The world of football can be a cut-throat business, with managers and chairmen constantly forced to make difficult decisions which can affect a player or manager's whole career. Usually the bad news is given face to face, with a quiet word in the gaffer's office or a friendly chat in the boardroon.

Forgotten Wonder Goals: Gabriel Batistuta, Man Utd v Fiorentina, 2000

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By Ollie Irish

Batigol leaves Jaap Stam for dead then unleashes hell with his right foot. Brilliant.

Asked to make a list of my favourite ever strikers, Batistuta would be in the top 10, no question.



A Glorious Education In Italian Football

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By Jacob Steinberg

There's an advert on television at the moment asking what information overload has done to us. If you haven't seen it already, two women are having lunch together in what appears to be a fashionable restaurant when a question from one of the pair causes her friend to apparently short-circuit and begin spewing random irrelevant facts with alarming speed, drawing the bemused attention of the other restaurant-goers and embarrassing her companion.

He’s Called Jack Wilshere, You Morons

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By Ed Barrett

Spot the difference

One of my guilty pleasures is to listen to talkSPORT when I should be doing more important things. But far more enjoyable than this is reading the comments on talkFORUM, a website whose apparent raison d'etre is to allow aficionados of the station to slag it off in extreme, obscene and often hilarious ways.

Robert Green Can Reclaim England Place, Says Clemence

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By Alan Duffy

A goalkeeper's lot is difficult one, living life on the edge, just one mistake away from ridicule. Just ask David James or indeed any current member of Arsenal's goalkeeping squad. West Ham's Robert Green is another glovesman currently enduring a tricky time between the posts, with his infamous fumble against the USA in the World Cup colouring his performances ever since.

Wonder Goal: The Brilliant Matty Burrows Backheel, Glentoran vs Portadown

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By Ollie Irish

Stunning, right. Stand up Matty Burrows of Glentoran. You just don't see backheeled goals from that far out. Imagine the fuss if Ronaldo or Messi had scored it.

Via DT



Tom Hicks Will Not Go Quietly

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By Ollie Irish

A couple of true soccer fans

Liverpool co-owner Tom Hicks has refused to recognise chairman Martin Broughton's authority as he fights to prevent the sale of the club to the owners of the Boston Red Sox baseball team.

Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney Loses £12 Million In A Year

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By Alan Duffy

While we, the great unwashed, struggle to pay our mortgages and dread opening every bill that drops through the letterbox, spare a thought for Wayne Rooney, a man who is also experiencing a financial downturn all of his own.

According to a football rich list published in the latest Four Four Two magazine, the Manchester United superstar has seen his wealth drop by a whopping £12 million in the last year, to the paltry sum of just £25 million.

Manchester United Wanted Me, Claims Craig Bellamy

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By Alan Duffy

Craig Bellamy, fleet-footed attacker and black belt in the ancient art of bashing a team-mate with a golf club, has claimed that prior to his move to Cardiff City in the summer, none other than the giants of Manchester United were after him.

Aaron Ramsey Nears Return For Arsenal And Wales

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By Alan Duffy

With the pitches of the Premier League starting resemble the battlefields of Europe in the First World War, with the bruised and broken bodies of young men strewn across the landscape, one young star injured in action some time ago looks set to finally make his comeback.

Manchester United Wanted Me, Claims Craig Bellamy

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By Alan Duffy

Craig Bellamy, fleet-footed attacker and black belt in the ancient art of bashing a team-mate with a golf club, has claimed that prior to his move to Cardiff City in the summer, none other than the giants of Manchester United were after him.

A Brief History Of English Football’s Statues

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By Ed Barratt

The new Peter Osgood statue at the Bridge

A statue of Chelsea legend Peter Osgood was unveiled this week at Stamford Bridge in the presence of, among others, Ossie's wife Lynn, Frank Lampard and the current Mr Chelsea, JT. Most Blues fans – or rather, those who supported the club before 2004 and have heard of Peter Osgood – are pleased that Roman Abramovich has put money aside to honour the club's heritage, even if he is spending considerably more on building a subterranean private nightclub under the stadium.

Classic Banners: Liverpool FC, Built By Shanks, Broke By Yanks

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By Ollie Irish

Of all the anti-Hicks & Gillett material, I think this banner says it best. It's poetic, it's right.

The photo was taken at Anfield in March 2010, before Liverpool's league game against Portsmouth.



Trevor Brooking Tips Steve McClaren For England Comeback

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By Alan Duffy

The enduring image of Steve McClaren may be of a bedraggled man hiding under an umbrella as England's Euro 2008 dreams crumbled in front of his eyes on a rain-sodden Wembley pitch. However, according to FA bigwig Trevor Brooking, the much-maligned McClaren may well be in the frame for the England manager's job once again when Fabio Capello's contract ends after Euro 2012.

Liverpool FC Protest Video: ‘Dear Mr Hicks’

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By Ollie Irish

I think they get the message, people. Nice vid though, in as much as it conveys well how strongly Liverpool fans feel about their soon-to-be ex-owners apart from the rape metaphor and heavy-handed threats at the end. At least there were no balaclavas and baseball bats.

Roberto Mancini: Tevez Mother Abuse Claims Are ‘Bollocks’

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By Ollie Irish

"I want you to go to the train station and buy a one-way ticket to Fuck Off"

Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini has played down his dressing-room row with Carlos Tevez on Sunday.

The Italian coach clashed with the Argentine striker during half-time in the (jammy) 2-1 win over Newcastle United.

Boston Red Sox Owners To Buy Liverpool

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By Alan Duffy

Finally, light is emerging at the end of the tunnel for surprise Premier League strugglers Liverpool. In recent seasons, the club has been embroiled in more boardroom dramas than an episode of Dallas, but now, courtesy of New England Sports Ventures (NESV),  peace may about to be restored to the kingdom of Anfield.

In Pictures: Arsenal Stars Attend NBA Exhibition Game In London (Lakers vs T-Wolves)

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By Ollie Irish

Photos: PA

Some famous Premier Leaguers showed up to watch the Lakers cheerleaders at the O2 Arena, including several Arsenal stars (led by Cesc Fabregas and Robin van Persie), Darren Bent, Bobby Zamora and Joleon Lescott. And, er, Steve Sidwell.

Mark Van Bommel Defends Nigel De Jong, Calls Him A ‘Sweet Guy’

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By Chris Wright

Saintly Dutch midfielder Mark Van Bommel is currently busy defending his compatriot Nigel De Jong, telling anyone that will listen that the Man City enforcer is really a 'sweet guy' despite breaking two legs and kicking a Spaniard in the heart all within a six-month period.

Goal Of The Weekend: Didier Drogba, Chelsea vs Arsenal

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By Ollie Irish

Breathtaking improvisation by the Drog. Few players could have scored such a goal, and that's why he wins Goal Of The Weekend over the likes of team-mate Alex and Man City winger Adam Johnson.

Outstanding assist by Ashley Cole also worth a hat-tip.

In Pictures: Chelsea 2-0 Arsenal, Premier League – We All Saw This Coming

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By Ollie Irish

"Sunday bloody Sunday... It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? You wake up in the morning, you've got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you've got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think "Sunday bloody Sunday!

My Favourite Kit: Tottenham 1985, As Worn By Diego Maradona

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By Jeff Maysh

Diego Maradona in a Spurs shirt! If ever there was an image that made us fickle Spurs fans ponder, ‘what if?' it was the vision of football's primo anti-hero wearing our bleedin' shirt. Okay, okay, Diego was trotting out, half-cut, for his pal Ossie Ardiles' testimonial – but what a player.

Euro 2012 Match Schedule Confirmed

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By Ollie Irish

I made zis

Uefa have green-lit the match schedule for the Euro 2012 finals in Poland and Ukraine.

Michel Platini's lovely bureaucrats approved eight stadiums in both countries at their executive meeting in Minsk this week, in between slurps of fine Bordeaux and mouthfuls of truffles soaked in gravy.

Liverpool Striker Fernando Torres Doubtful For Everton Clash

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool have confirmed that Fernando Torres is a major doubt for the upcoming derby with rivals Everton on October 17th, after the striker was forced to limp off after just 10 minutes of their demoralising 2-1 defeat at home to Blackpool on Sunday.

England Squad For Euro 2012 Qualifier Announced, Kevin Davies Gets The Nod!

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By Chris Wright

England manager Fabio Capello has announced his 23-man for the upcoming Euro 2012 qualifier against Montenegro next Tuesday and, as per usual, there are a few curveballs to digest.

Congratulations must go to Bolton captain Kevin Davies on receiving his first ever call-up to the national team, after getting the nod ahead of Newcastle's target man Andy Carroll.

Dirk Kuyt Apologises For Liverpool’s Woeful Display Against Blackpool

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By Chris Wright

A timeless image

As you may be aware by now, Liverpool continued to plumb new depths at Anfield on Saturday after being well and truly bested by newly-promoted Blackpool, eventually losing out 2-1 thanks to goals from Charlie Adam and Luke Varney.

Mario Balotelli Arrested After Breaking Into Women’s Prison

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By Chris Wright

Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli had to be interrogated by Italian police after wandering onto the grounds of a women's prison in Brescia last Friday.

Balotelli, who is yet to make his Premier League bow for City due to a knee injury, and his younger brother Enock were questioned for more than half an hour by police after they drove through the open prison gates to get a closer look at the institution.

Wonder Goals: Andrea Pirlo Nets A Pearler To Send AC Milan Top (With Video)

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By Chris Wright

Top. Corner.

This long-range beauty (were talking 40-odd yards) from AC Milan midfielder Andrea Pirlo was enough for the Rossoneri to see off Parma on Saturday and retake their place at the top of the Serie A pile in style.

Leicester City Appoint Sven-Goran Eriksson As Manager

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By Chris Wright

Leicester City have officially confirmed that they have appointed Sven-Goran Eriksson as their new manager, after Paulo Sousa left the club 'by mutual consent' last week.

Foxes owner Aiyawatt Raksriaksorn (pictured on the right) told the club's official site;

"We are delighted to welcome Sven to Leicester City Football Club.

Lazio Make Loan Move For Man Utd Striking Sensation

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By Chris Wright

Forgive the hyperbolic title but it's a slow day and I'm fairly hungover never should the twain meet.

Anyway, rumours are rife this fine morn that Lazio are currently negotiating with Manchester United over a loan move for their promising young striker Federico Macheda.

BREAKING Video: Nigel De Jong Breaks Hatem Ben Arfa’s Leg

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By Ollie Irish

Karl Henry yesterday, De Jong today...

Note: the footage is graphic. Poor Hatem.

As I just tweeted, physical intimidation epitomised by (frankly) thuggish tackles is becoming a serious problem in English football and in English football alone, it seems.

John Terry Sex Scandal To Break On Dawn Of Arsenal Match

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By Ollie Irish

John Terry: There may be trouble ahead

Tomorrow, the News of the World will run a cover story it has sat on for months (partly because a superinjunction forced them to do so).

Chelsea captain John Terry, whose family has had several encounters with the red-tops, will be named and shamed for allegedly cheating on his wife, Toni (pictured below).

Top 10 Football Links: 27 Sept – 1 Oct

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By Ollie Irish

Ten of the best football posts we saw this week:

1. Anyone can beat anyone in the Bundesliga When Saturday Comes

2. Gazza and Me, by Tottenham's former kit man Sabotage Times

3. How Mainz stopped Bayern Munich Zonal Marking

4.

BREAKING Video: Karl Henry Kamikaze Horror Tackle, Wigan v Wolves

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By Ollie Irish

If Mick McCarthy is fed up talking about tackles and discipline, then perhaps he should stop his players doing idiotic things like this...

That's more MMA assault than a football tackle. Straight red, no questions asked though Henry did ask questions of the ref, incredibly.

Football Pielights: 27 Sept – 1 Oct

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By Ollie Irish

Some of the most popular posts you might have missed on whoateallthepies.tv this week. Click on the thumbnails to be magically transported to each story...



Pies Classics: John Barnes Scores Wonder Goal vs Brazil In The Maracana, 1984

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By Ollie Irish

In which MC John Barnes, no doubt fuelled to the tits on Isotonic, beats the Brazilians at their own game. What a goal. I hadn't watched it for a while, and had forgotten just how good it was.



Milan Jovanovic Already Contemplating Liverpool Exit

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By Chris Wright

Liverpool forward Milan Jovanovic has admitted that he is already considering leaving the club, despite having only signed from Belgian side Standard Liege just two short months ago.

Jovanovic is quoted in this morning's Sun as saying;

"I am starting to find the time dragging on.

The Black-And-White Years: Terry Venables Limbers Up For England, 1964

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By Ollie Irish

October 1964: England's Terry Venables, 21 at the time, warms up in preparation for an international friendly against Belgium at Wembley (the match finished 2-2). Flexible, was El Tel.

Photo: Barratts/S&G and Empics Sport (Click image to see the full-size version)



David Ginola Returns To Tottenham, Explodes!

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By Ollie Irish

It's a bloody mess, but a beautiful, sexy, French mess. Ah, Ginola... a man with just as much ability as Cantona in my book, even if he rarely made the most of it.

Great acting by Ledley and Crouchy. If you like looking at wood through your hands.

In Another Life: Nigel De Jong Is A Middleweight Boxing Champion

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By Ollie Irish

In another life, Nigel 'The Eastlands Assassin' De Jong is a feared middleweight boxing world champion, albeit one with dubious taste in underwear.

Bonus points for anyone who guesses which real boxing champ's body we used for this Photoshoppery?

Arsenal To Launch January Bid For ‘The Daimbar Kid’?

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By Chris Wright

"They're smooth on the outside, crunchy on the inside..."

Arsenal are being linked with a £3 million January move for promising Tromso midfielder Kara Mbodj, who has been earning rave reviews from the Gunners' chief scout Steve Rowley.

Spot The Baller: The Godfather

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By Ollie Irish

Who is about to make Stevie G an offer he can't refuse?

Previous answer: Roger Johnson was hiding behind Jessica Alba



In Pictures: Utrecht 0-0 Liverpool – Pulses Not Racing, Hodgson On Back Foot

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By Ollie Irish

I suppose an away draw in Europe is not to be sniffed at, but this is Utrecht we're talking about, not Inter Milan; Utrecht currently lie 12th in the Eredivisie.

It turns out Roy Hodgson's Liverpool are even less fun to watch than Rafa's Liverpool, which is some feat well done Roy.

In Pictures: Man City 1-1 Juventus, Europa League – Adam Johnson Shines

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By Ollie Irish

Iaquinta celebrates his goal at Eastlands

Random thoughts on this match:

Yaya Toure is growing at an exponential rate and will soon be too big to fit into Eastlands. Seriously, he never looked this big in a Barcelona shirt

Juve players dive a lot.

Viral Football: Japanese TV Show Does Fine Maradona Impression

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By Ollie Irish

Well it's better than Alistair Fucking McGowan could do. If it's not a wee bit racist to say so, I love those crazy Japs. Disclaimer: Not all Japanese people make fools of themselves on barmy game shows. It just seems that way.



Pies Prem Prediction League: Week 7

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By Ollie Irish

"Tell you what Manish, I fancy the finest wines known to humanity."

Six weeks in, the prediction league table looks like this:

Ping Yang – 50
Davey Chicago – 44
Pies – 42
Lloyd – 41
Lawro – 40
B Sides – 39
George – 39
Fellaini's Fro – 37
Cape Toon – 34
Hollis – 34
Yahhhsteve – 34
Edhehe – 33
Jawillia – 33
Sariann – 33
Al Neri – 32
Podge – 30
Thrillson – 30
Mark Holleran – 29
Rich – 29
South City – 29
Jesus – 28
Mooks – 28
Philando Torres – 28
Dickardinho – 27
Enrique – 27
Tottenblog – 27
Kalezu – 26
Mareantheone – 26
Eamogomez 25
Lucid – 25
Mizman – 25
Sam Humphreys 25
Syndex – 25
Michael – 24
Raybuck Luck – 24
Shivam Manghnani – 24
The ball is round – 24
Isaac 23
Megaman 789 – 23
R-Hops – 23
Rob – 23
Trololololo 23
Lefty – 21
Marquette Jer 21
DaveHackney – 20
Java – 20
Jon 20
OlisHoplo – 20
Tinez 20
Andy CS 19
Adam FJ – 18
Pililuk 18
Snowmanvilla 17
Donner Meat – 16
Luke 16
M.

What Is AC Milan’s Best Five-Aside Team?

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By Ollie Irish

If you had to select the best five-aside team from your club's squad, who would be in it? There can be only five, as they once said in Highlander (sort of). Today we do AC Milan, a creaking squad largely made-up of egos and old men.

CHRISTIAN ABBIATI Milan's first-choice keeper, so I'll stick with him, the big bald fascist.

Kevin-Prince Boateng Reveals His New Nickname At AC Milan

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By Chris Wright

Ghanaian midfielder Kevin-Prince Boateng has admitted that he is loving life at his new club AC Milan, after joining them on an initial one-season loan deal from Genoa (the contract has now been updated to 'co-ownership' status) just days after leaving Portsmouth for the Serie A.

Leicester City Sack Paulo Sousa And May Have Already Appointed Sven-Goran Eriksson

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By Chris Wright

Leicester City have confirmed that they have 'parted company' with manager Paulo Sousa after less than three months in charge.

A statement on the club's official site reads;

"The decision has been taken as a result of the club's poor run of results this season.

Saint-Etienne Star Dimitri Payet Whups His Coach At ‘Ball In Hole’ (With Video Evidence)

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By Chris Wright

Saint-Etienne winger Dimitri Payet has just earned a call-up to the French national squad, presumably for his exemplary talent of being able to stick a football through a shed window from 40 paces although the fact that he's managed seven goals in seven appearances for Les Verts so far this season may also have something to do with it.

Man City Reveal Record Losses, More Than £100m

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By Chris Wright

You might want to find something to plug your bowels as you're probably going to lose control of them once you hear the following revelations.

Those prudent, thrifty Sheikhs over at Manchester City have today filed their financial results for last year (meaning that this summer's massive outlay on the likes of David Silva, Mario Balotelli and Yaya Toure is not taken into account), announcing that the club has 'suffered' record losses of £121.

Man Utd Striker ‘Chicharito’ Ends Up In A Ditch After Angering A Farmer

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By Chris Wright

Apparently this story is a couple of weeks old now, but you'll be glad to know that time has not withered it's majestic glory.

Apparently Manchester United striker Javier Hernandez was involved in a 'Mexican stand-off' with an angry farmer on a tractor whilst driving to the club's Carrington training ground t'other day.

Tottenham Register Interest In Moving To Olympic Stadium After 2012 Games

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By Chris Wright

Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy has confirmed that the club have 'registered an interest' in upping sticks and moving to the Olympic Stadium in Stratford, northeast London, after the culmination of the 2012 games renders it one of many vacant £multi-million follies.