Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2009

Marouane Fellaini looks more ridiculous than you

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From this: To this: Jaunty and theatrical, I'd say....

WIN! An amazing World Cup 2010 tickets package

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This is how it works: Step 1) Enter our World Cup competition and you could win a very shiny, very lovely Sony Ericsson W996 mobile, which looks like this: Step 2) If you win the phone you are then entered...

Spot the Baller: 30 July, 2009

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Can you name that Arsenal player in one? Leave a comment with your shout. Yesterday's answer: Matty Upson Gold stars for Lee M, Mike P, Mikey and AFJ, who all went for Upson. No star for Oller, who guessed...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Stephen Ireland and Xerxes from '300'

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Awesome shout by Pies reader Anthony Vernal. To call this shit would be unfair -Â it's top quality. Can you do better than Anthony? Email Pies with your suggestion(s)....

Photo Gallery: Man Utd 2-1 Boca Juniors, Audi Cup

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The Audi Cup, you say? Yeah, no one cares about it, but still, I thought you might like to check out some high-res pics of Man Yoo in action against Boca Juniors. First, some highlights: Anderson scored his first ever...

John Terry and Frank Lampard: a football love story, in photos

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Pies sincerely hopes you enjoy this photo essay, which commemorates the manly, heterosexual love shared by JT and Lampsy... "He's all mine." "Not here John, you twat." ******************************************************************************************************* "Wahay! Look Lampsy, it's a ball!

Farewell Elano, Man City will miss you...

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Remember back to Elano's first spell at City. He played like a God, scoring wonder goals for fun, and generally giving fans the impression that Sven had signed the next Kinkladze. Then, disaster! Sven got the boot and Elano's...

John Terry and Frank Lampard: a beautiful love story, in photos

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Pies sincerely hopes you enjoy this photo essay, which commemorates the manly, heterosexual love shared by JT and Lampsy... "He's all mine." "Not here John, you twat." ******************************************************************************************************* "Wahay! Look Lampsy, it's a ball!

Newcastle United's new kit: spot the mistake

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They got the badge wrong... Aaah... what's that?... Oh. Sorry. My mistake. Seriously though, it still looks weird to see a Championship badge on a Newcastle kit. I'm sure I'll get used to it though....

What's Arsenal's best centre-back pairing now?

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Arsenal's central defenders, at time of writing: William Gallas Philippe Senderos Mikael Silvestre Thomas Vermaelen Johan Djourou The Kolo Touré-shaped hole is large, but despite the Ivorian's undoubted class, he never played particularly well alongside Billy Gallas; the two...

Photo Gallery: Kolo Touré signs for Man City

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So the Man City monster rumbles on, scooping up players from the big four and beyond. The latest arrival is Kolo Touré, who has signed a four-year deal worth more than £100,000 a week. The ex-Arsenal star joins former teammate...

Photo Gallery: Celtic 0-1 Dinamo Moscow, Champions League qualifier

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It's way too early in the season for a big club like Celtic to contemplate not reaching the lucrative Champions League group stages -Â but that looks very likely now after last night's morale-sapping defeat at home to Dinamo Moscow. Not...

Ian Wright says Patrick Vieira is coming back to Arsenal. Is Ian Wright right?

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Plenty of transfer toss to consider today, but by far the most interesting rumour comes straight from the big mouth of Ian Wright. The Arsenal goalscoring legend claims that Paddy Vieira may be set for a second stint under...

Top 10 links of the day: 29 July, 2009

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1. A very, very bad penalty miss [@ BigSoccer] 2. Alvaro Arbeloa is set to complete a move to Real Madrid from Liverpool after passing a medical [@ BBC Sport] 3. Top 10 Reasons why Football is better than...

Eight German footballers with gay Brüno hair

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Looking up at the stars makes me think of all the hot guys in the world... Click the photo below to launch the gallery:...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Mario Gomez and Crispin Glover in 'Willard'

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Three cheers (at least) to Sasha for this Premier League-quality suggestion. Great spot, Sasha. Got a lookalike for Pies? Email me with your tip, no matter how shit it is....

Spot the Baller: 29 July, 2009

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Think you know who the ballfaced England player is? Then leave a comment with your shout (click the image to enlarge)... Most recent solution: Scott Parker Quite a tough one this, so props to Mike P, who was the...

Video: Diego scores first goal for Juventus on debut

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Diego showed wonderful poise in the penalty area to score on his Juventus debut, in the Italian team's Peace Cup match against Seongnam of Korea. This is the sort of ability he showed regularly in the Bundesliga for Werder Bremen:...

Competition! WIN a copy of 'The Beckham Experiment'

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There's a prize incentive for Spot the Baller today. If you answer the following StBs correctly, you could win a copy of 'The Beckham Experiment' by Grant Wahl. I've read the book already and it's a fascinating account of Becks'...

Top 11 footballers who cried on the pitch

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It's OK, let it all out. Mummy's here... 1. Pele A 17-year-old Pele cries on the shoulder of Didi as teammates Gilmar and Orlando congratulate him on his fantastic performance in the 1958 World Cup final....

If John Terry is disloyal, what about Xabi Alonso?

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A Real Madrid fan holds up a Xabi Alonso Liverpool shirt during a recent friendly between Real and Al Ittihad at the Bernabeu Xabi Alonso is one of those players who even most non-Liverpool fans have a sneaking (or...

Video: Cristiano Ronaldo scores first goal for Real Madrid, commits first dive

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Ah, good to know that you can rely on some things in football today...

Snapshot: Bayern Munich's pre-season photocall

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(l to r) Danijel Pranjic, Franck Ribery and Philipp Lahm lark about with mobile phones during Bayern Munich's official pre-season photocall. A subtle nod to Bayern's telecom co. shirt sponsor, I guess. [Photo: Andreas Gebert/DPA/Press Association]...

Photo Gallery: Zlatan Ibrahimovic signs for Barcelona

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I still think Inter got a terrific deal in getting Samuel Eto'o plus a stack of cash for Zlatan, but have to admit Ibra looks great in Barca's kit. A front line of Henry, Zlatan and Messi is scary as...

The Football WAG Index No.3: Gemma Atkinson

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The former star of Hollyoaks has got jiggy (yes, I'm bringing it back) with the likes of Marcus Bent, Alan Smith (the Newcastle tearaway, not the big-nosed Sky reporter who used to play for Arsenal; that would be a bit...

Spot the Ballers and WIN a copy of 'The Beckham Experiment'

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There's a prize incentive for Spot the Baller today. If you answer the following StBs correctly, you could win a copy of 'The Beckham Experiment' by Grant Wahl. I've read the book already and it's a fascinating account of Becks'...

Photo Gallery: Zlatan Ibramhimovic signs for Barcelona

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I still think Inter got a terrific deal in getting Samuel Eto'o plus a stack of cash for Zlatan, but have to admit Ibra looks great in Barca's kit. A front line of Henry, Zlatan and Messi is scary as...

Should Arsenal let Kolo Touré go to Man City for £16m?

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The force is strong with this rumour: Kolo Touré has not denied he's interested in a move to Man City. Put in Monsieur Wenger's geography teacher-style shoes, I'd be seriously tempted to let the Ivorian go for around £16m....

Sh*t Lookalikes: Jan-Moritz Lichte and Malcolm Gladwell

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We got ourselves a couple of Sideshow Bobs here. Lichte is the assistant coach for SC Paderborn (of Bundesliga 2 fame), and Gladwell is the cult author of best-sellers 'Blink' and 'Tipping Point'. PS. Many thanks for all the...

Pies is back

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Damn, it's good to be back! And so no thanks to a dispute between Shiny Media, Pies' former owners, and one of their more difficult shareholders ('difficult' being a very generous euphemism), I was locked out of Pies for...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Gabriel Obertan and a parsnip

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Thanks to the Crazy World of Chringle for this leftfield suggestion. I kind of see what he means, but I probably haven't smoked enough jazz cigarattes to fully appreciate it. Got a lookalike for Pies? Email me with your...

Samuel Eto'o to Inter, Zlatan Ibrahimovic to Barcelona. Who'd get the better deal?

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Barcelona's Samuel Eto'o and Inter's Zlatan Ibrahimovic are set to trade places, presumably because there is no dressing room in the world that could contain their twin egos....

Photo Gallery: Emmanuel Adebayor arrives at Man City, poses in City shirt

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It's happened people. The madness continues... Emmanuel Adebayor is officially a Manchester City player now, the club having confirmed on its official website that he has signed a five-year contract, for an undisclosed fee. This from the City website:...

Photo Gallery: Arsenal draw at Barnet, Rosicky and Vermaelen in action

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Arsenal drew at Barnet in their traditional pre-season friendly at the Underhill. Tomas Roskicky captained the Arsenal, a fine sight for Gooners who haven't seen Rosicky in action for many months, while new signing Tomas Vermaelen made his debut....

Video: Michael Owen scores on Man Utd debut!

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Who'd have thunk it?! Michael Owen scored on his Man Utd debut, coming off the bench to score the winner against a Malaysian XI (final score 3-2 to United). It was the sort of finish that Owen is renowned for,...

Spot the Baller: 17 July, 2009

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OK, yesterday's StB was way too obvious. No more Mr Nice Guy... Think you know who this is? Leave a comment with your guess. Yesterday's answer: Lionel Messi I thought the No.19 on the shorts might put some of you...

Snapshot: Man City taunt Man Utd with Carlos Tevez billboard

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A Manchester City poster bearing the face of new signing (and former Man Utd striker) Carlos Tevez overlooks pedestrians in Manchester city centre. Very cheeky indeed. [Photo: Dave Thompson/PA Wire] How long before this is subjected to an attack...

Snapshot Classic: Sunset over The Racecourse Ground, Wrexham

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The sun sets dramatically over Wrexham's Racecourse Ground, during a UEFA Cup match between Total Network Solutions and Osters IF [Photo: Matthew Ashton/EMPICS Sport]...

The Football WAG Index No.2: Elena Santarelli

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The Italian glamour model, who isn't at all shy about showing off her goods (check Google Images for NSFW proof) has dated several ballers, including Christian Vieri and Bernado Corradi. Click on the image below to view her gallery......

Man Utd sign unknown Senegalese striker. Does that make Alex Ferguson a liar?

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Less than a week after Fergie said he wouldn't be signing any more players this summer, what does he go and do? You've guessed it... Today Manchester United announced the signing of Senegal international Mame Biram Diouf (pictured above) from...

The Fiendish Friday Quiz is back!

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So many of you have requested the return of the FFQ that I couldn't hold out any longer. No doubt the format of the quiz will evolve in the coming weeks, but for now it has a comfortably familiar look......

Sh*t Lookalikes: Sylvie van der Vaart and Sarah Alexander

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A rare WAG lookalike to mix things up a bit: Sarah Alexander is a comedienne/actress best known for her roles in Green Wing and Smack the Pony. Sylvia van der Vaart is - of course - the wife of...

Everton Two, Liverpool One

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Everton's new store is located in Liverpool's biggest shopping mall, aka Liverpool One. Whoever decided to call the store Everton Two has my undying respect. Everton's megastore, located at Goodison Park, is now called Everton One. Brilliant....

Top 10 nasty new football kits

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Simple, classy? Er, no... Click on the image to launch the gallery:...

Photo Gallery: David Beckham, topless and back in action

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As we reported earlier, Becks is back with the LA Galaxy. Check out our gallery of the England star in action (includes male toplessness)... Click on the image to launch the gallery:...

David Beckham is booed, but helps LA Galaxy beat NY Red Bulls (with video)

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How dare you, America! Becks was booed by a small section of fans during last night's friendly between LA Galaxy and NT Red Bulls. No biggie though -Â the boos were to be expected, and it was hardly the cacophony you'd...

Noel Gallagher: John Terry is a 'Cockney cry baby'

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Undisputed quote of the day goes to Noel Gallagher: "I don't like John Terry and I never have. He's got funny eyes and he's a cry baby. He's also a Cockney and he'd absolutely be coming [to Man City]...

Sepp Blatter's Wikipedia entry is fun

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Can you spot the part of Sepp's Wiki entry that will very soon be deleted? Check it out (click image to enlarge): Factually accurate too? That's for you to judge. I give this, ooh, one hour before it's amended. Also,...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Carlos Bianchi and Larry David

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Carlos Bianchi is the coach of Boca Juniors. Larry David is the co-creator of Seinfeld and the brains behind the brilliant Curb Your Enthusiasm. Pretty... pretttty... pretttttttty good work by Andres Lopez. Thanks for the suggestion, Andres. Got a...

Spot the Baller: 16 July, 2009

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You should know the drill by now -Â can you identify the player with the football face? If you know who it is, leave a comment with your answer... Yesterday's answer: Dirk Kuyt Yes, quite a few of you recognised...

Wonder goal of the day: Marcelinho Paraiba, Coritiba v Gremio

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Textbook counter-attack topped off with a sparkling finish. Shame about Paraiba's horror hair though....

Video: St Gallen 0-0 Liverpool, pre-season friendly

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Liverpool drew a blank in the opening match of their pre-season tour of Switzerland and Austria. The result won't bother Rafa Benitez, who fiddled extensively with his line-up -Â he made 11 substitutions at half-time! - and also had to make...

Transfer Toss: Liverpool target Roma's Alberto Aquilani as replacement for Xabi Alonso

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La Gazzetta dello Sport claims that a delegation from Liverpool has arrived in Rome this morning to offer around €16m for the services of Alberto Aquilani. The highly rated Italian playmaker is a potential replacement for Xabi Alonso, who...

Sepp Blatter falls on his fat face (with video evidence)

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Ah, I love the smell of schadenfreude in the morning. Enjoy... Looks like a dive to me. Yellow card, at least, for that. (Btw, this looks like it could be very old, but I've not seen it before.) One to...

John Terry is NOT going to Man City. Definitely. Maybe

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Summer lovin', happened so fast... This from the puckered mouth of Chelsea's chief suit, Peter Kenyon: "I don't know what they [City] are offering but I'm confident John is going to remain with us. John is a talisman, he's...

Snapshot: USA national team wins 'Upset' gong at ESPY Awards

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I don't remember the Backstreet Boys having this many members. [Photo: PA] At ESPN's annual sports awards (like the Oscars for sport in the States), the US men's national team won the 'Upset' award, for their overperformance at the...

The Great Football Song Library No.1: 'The Referee's Alphabet' by Half Man Half Biscuit

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The A is for my authority, which many players seem to question, thinking they're somehow going to make me change my mind. B is for babies, which a lot of managers cry like after a decision has not gone...

The Great Football Song Library No.2: 'Mark Viduka' by Alistair Griffin

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Like a Geoff Thomas shot, musical parodies often miss the mark - but this works perfectly, not just because Mark Viduka's name fits the chorus to Leonard Cohen's 'Hallelujah' perfectly, but because it's funny that anyone would choose such...

The Football WAG Index No.1: Noemie Lenoir

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Noemie Lenoir used to be married to ex-Chelsea midfielder Claude Makelele, but the couple split earlier this year. If you hope that means the unspeakably gorgeous French model (Lenoir, not Makelele) is back on the market, you're out of luck....

Spot the Baller: 15 July, 2009

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By the power of Greyskull, who the hell is this? (Click image to enlarge). If you think you know, leave a comment with your answer. Yesterday's answer: Florent Malouda Yep, it was little Malouda. Well done to those of...

Pro Evolution Soccer 2010: Liverpool players now more realistic (except Stevie G)

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This screenshot compares the new faces of Liverpool players for Konami's Pro Evolution Soccer 2010 with those in the previous version. All of the faces are more realistic, with the exception of Stevie G, who looks like he has...

Footballers who Tweet, No.3: Danny Dichio

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Danny Dichio now plays for Toronto FC in MLS. He is a cult hero of Toronto's fans, much as he was at QPR, Sunderland and indeed most of the clubs he's played for. That's how Danny rolls -Â fans love...

Farewell, Emmanuel Adebayor. Arsenal fans, will you miss him?

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Emmanuel Adebayor is off to Man City, barring a problem with his work permit; and as that wasn't a problem for him when he joined Arsenal, it should be fine this time around. Arsenal will get around £25m for...

Newcastle United will not scrape barrel again for Joe Kinnear

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There seems to be some confusion over the identity of Newcastle Utd's next manager. The Daily Mail claimed earlier that Joke Innear has been asked to return to his former job as the Toon's gaffer. This story was picked up...

Peter Crouch to Sunderland. Or Fulham. Er, and Spurs are interested too

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Crouchinho, an artist's impression... @ Fulham: @ Sunderland: @ Spurs: (Yes, my PhotoShop skills are strong today.) I've read reports that Sunderland have agreed a £12m fee with Pompey for Crouchy. I've also heard that the player himself would rather...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Rene Higuita and the cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz

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The hair, the hair! Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email me with your shout. Thanks for all of the ones you guys have already sent in. I will get around to posting up the best ones in the...

West Ham's new home kit for 09/10 is the Daddy

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Rather than hire a sexy beauty queen to show off your new kit (as Linfield did), West Ham Utd turned to celeb fan Ray Winstone (aka Ray, 52, from Essex) to show off its new Umbro home kit (that or...

Snapshot Classic: John Terry on loan at Nottingham Forest

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John Terry, aged 19, in action for Nottm Forest in April 2000. [Photo: PA] Aw, bless -Â look at his gormless chav face. Sweet. Mr JT spent a brief period on loan at Forest in 2000 -Â it certainly looks strange...

Quote of the day: Did Gary Neville taunt Michael Owen about his lack of league titles?

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Just picked this up from one of the sports journos I follow on Twitter (Steve Anglesey @ the Mirror) and thought you should hear it too: Gary Neville alleged to have introduced Mickey Owen to Danny Wellbeck at Carrington thus:...

Morning call: Will John Terry really go to Man City?

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Latest on the JT situation: Man City boss Mark Hughes has gone public in his pursuit of Mr Chelsea, by saying that the player would benefit from a 'change of scenery' (not to mention a massive pay rise). Sparky...

Pro Evolution Soccer 2010: Liverpool players now more realistic (except Steven Gerrard)

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This screenshot compares the new faces of Liverpool players for Konami's Pro Evolution Soccer 2010 with those in the previous version. All of the faces are more realistic, with the exception of Stevie G, who looks like he has...

Aston Villa sign Stewart Downing for £12m

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It's fairly safe to say that Stewart Downing is on his way to the Villa, for a reported fee of £12m. For all those fans who slag off Downing - there is something of the victim about him that makes...

NEW! Photo gallery: Carlos Tevez signs for Man City

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Hot, fresh pics of Tevez at Eastlands this afternoon. He and Sparky make a lovely couple... Click on the image to launch the gallery:...

Spot the Baller: 14 July, 2009

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Think you know who the ball-faced footballer is? Leave a comment with your answer... Yesterday's answer: Gilles Grimandi Many different Arsenal players were named, but only a couple of you got it right. Richie B was the first reader...

Photo Gallery: Cristiano Ronaldo trains in Ireland on Real Madrid pre-season tour

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Real Madrid are currently on a pre-season tour of Ireland. Pies has some exclusive pics of His Royal Highness Cristiano Ronaldo in training for you to gawp at... Click on the image to launch the gallery [Photos: PA]:...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Pavel Nedved and Ken from Street Fighter

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Hadouken! Pub quiz ammo: Ken's surname is Masters. Got a shit lookalike for Pies? Email me now with your shout....

The Great Football Song Library, No.1: 'The Referee's Alphabet' by Half Man Half Biscuit

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The A is for my authority, which many players seem to question, thinking they're somehow going to make me change my mind. B is for babies, which a lot of managers cry like after a decision has not gone...

Which one of the Premier League's big clubs has the most annoying fans?

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A simple vote, just because I'd be interested to see which fans 'win'. (I know who my money is on, just as I know who I'd vote for - every time - but I won't say just now.) So let it out... which...

Which Premier League club has the most annoying fans?

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A simple vote, just because I'd be interested to see which fans 'win'. (I know who my money is on, just as I know who I'd vote for - every time - but I won't say just now.) So let it out... which...

Do you want Michael Owen to succeed at Man Utd?

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I'll admit it: I want Michael Owen to be the Premier League's top scorer this season. There, I said it. Then I want him to go to the World Cup with England and win the Golden Shoe/Boot/Whatever FIFA call...

Video: Man Utd's new signing sounds like Thierry Henry

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Gabriel Obertan looks like the result of a failed Fly-style teleportation experiment between Mikael Silvestre and Barack Obama. But he sounds much more like compatriot Thierry Henry... Va va voom....

Carlos Tevez signs for 'extraordinary' Manchester City

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The world tour for Tony Hart's Gallery was a massive success As expected, Tevez is off to City, for £25.5m. And so another pampered ego who couldn't do his time on the bench moves on. But will things be...

Snapshot: David Beckham returns to LA Galaxy

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Becks is back in training for LA Galaxy. Here he faces the usual array of media microphones. [Photo: PA] Yesterday Dave had his first training session with the Galaxy, after returning from his loan spell in Milan. His public...

Alex Ferguson: I'm not signing any more players

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'I never accept second-best... ahem.' Today's quote of the day was uttered by Man Utd boss Alex Ferguson: "It is the end of our [transfer] business, so all these stories about who were are supposed to be getting -...

Top 10 links of the day: 13 July, 2009

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1. Oasis and Kasabian back England 2018 World Cup bid. [@ England 2018 bid] 2. Very sad news. John Hartson diagnosed with brain cancer. [@ BBC] 3. Man Utd to sign the 'new Ronaldinho'? [@ Guardian] 4. Watch Alex...

Support England's 2018 World Cup bid NOW!

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One of these men may feature at the 2018 World Cup Even though 2018 seems an awful long way off, imagine how amazing it would be to have a World Cup in England... For many of us, it's something...

Support England's 2018 World Cup bid REGISTER NOW!

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One of these men may feature at the 2018 World Cup Even though 2018 seems an awful long way off, imagine how amazing it would be to have a World Cup in England... For many of us, it's something...

Spot the Baller: 13 July, 2009

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I think today's StB is quite tough. You may disagree... Who's the faceless Arsenal player? If you think you know, leave a comment with your answer. [Click the image to enlarge, Photo: PA] Friday's answer: Juan Sebastian Veron No, those...

Flashback: Southampton score one of the greatest team goals in football history

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Just a goal of absolute beauty and as fine an entry into Pies' canon of forgotten wonder goals as you could ever hope to see; King Keggy's involvement in it is key. And what a lovely Southampton kit that...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Landon Donovan and Vegeta from Dragon Ball Z

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OK, this is shit, but shit meaning good -Â Landycakes needs bigger hair and a meaner glare, but he's not far off. And any time I can squeeze a pixelated game character into Shit Lookalikes, I leap at the chance....

A random football list: Top 40 magnificent moustaches

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Where did all the moustaches go? These days it's all bare upper lips and waxed chests. Shame. Get a load of this... Caesar Jenkyns Hail Caesar. The rugged Welshman was one of the hardest defenders of his era -Â he played...

Video: Cristiano Ronaldo and Karim Benzema take part in first Real Madrid training session

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How do Galacticos break the ice? By comparing pay packets? If so, C-Ron wins. And do you think Raul is jealous of the new young crop of superstars at his club? Would love to be a fly on the...

Gold Cup highlights: Stuart Holden spares USA blushes with wonder goal against Haiti

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The USA has never lost a group match in the history of the CONCACAF Gold Cup. That record was severely tested by Haiti this weekend, when only a brilliant Stuart Holden strike in injury time saved the pre-tournament favourites from...

David Bentley hit in the face. Much sympathy out there?

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'I've got a bad feeling about this...' 'Just smile Daveed, everything will be fine...' So David Bentley was thumped in the face as he sat in a restaurant. Not nice for the player and especially nasty for his heavily...

Video: Sky Sports presenter says the C word

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Stockport c**t. I laughed....

Six Premier League stars tested for HIV virus after having sex with infected groupie

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Ah, it's the sort of headline that make you proud to be a football fan. The Sun has this scoop: 'Six Premiership stars are allegedly facing an agonising wait for the results of HIV tests - after all bedding the...

Video FAIL: Sky Sports presenter says the C word

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Stockport c**t. I laughed. [Thanks to the Guardian's Sean Ingle for the spot, via his Twitter feed]...

MLS star calls referee a 'cheat' on Twitter

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Funny that Brian Ching, the first footballer we featured in our new series, Footballers Who Tweet, is now in a spot of trouble thanks to the social networking site. Ching Tweeted the following message yesterday, immediately after Houston Dynamo lost...

Photo Gallery: Fulham beat Melbourne Victory 3-0 on pre-season tour

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After a shock midweek defeat to Gold Coast United, Fulham won the second game of their pre-season tour of Australia. Roy Hodgson's team, led by skipper Danny Murphy, strolled to a 3-0 win against Melbourne Victory (the A-League champions). Their...

Who the hell does John Terry think he is?

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This from The Times: 'Though [John] Terry has had several injuries in recent seasons, Chelsea continue to insist he is "not for sale at any price". The club are, however, mindful of dealings with Terry over his last contract...

Video: Real Madrid unveil Karim Benzema

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Another day, another expensive galactico paraded in Madrid... Karim Benezma didn't quite match the 80,000 screaming fans who came to see C-Ron, but he still drew almost 20,000 to the Bernabeu, which isn't bad for a player who is not...

Snapshot Classic: Trevor Brooking starts career at West Ham United

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An extremely fresh-faced Trevor Brooking (aged 17) poses in a West Ham shirt prior to the start of the 1965/66 season. [Photo: PA/Barratts/S&G and Barratts/EMPICS Sport] Brooking signed for the Hammers as a teenager after leaving Ilford County High...

Spot the Baller: 10 July, 2009

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I think you know what to do by now. Name the ball-headed baller... [Click the image to enlarge. Photo: PA] Think you know who's celebrating with Becks? Leave a comment with your answer. Yesterday's answer: Darren Anderton Most of you...

Steven Gerrard makes theatre debut

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[Photo: PA] Steven Gerrard trod the boards - for the first time, as far as I'm aware - at Liverpool's Empire Theatre last night. Liverpool's captain was in the audience to watch the opening night of 'One Night In...

Barcelona really, really, REALLY want Cesc Fabregas

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[Photo: PA] Firstly, let me say that I think Cesc Fabregas is very happy and settled at Arsenal. But that doesn't mean he's ruled out moving to Barcelona - his boyhood club - this summer. The two states of...

Barcelona 99% certain to sign David Villa

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So Nando Torres won't get David Villa as a playmate. Barcelona midfielder Xavi Hernandez has spilled the beans about the future of the Valencia striker. Xavi told Sport: "Talking to him [after the Confederations Cup], I noticed that he...

Transfer Toss: Will Liverpool really bid for Franck Ribery?

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As this photo montage shows, Franck Ribery is back in training at Bayern Munich. But that hasn't stemmed the flow of transfer toss about Ribery's future. Most of Europe's major clubs have been linked with the wrong-faced Frenchman, and...

A random football list: Top 10 shameful ponytails

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The ponytail is a particularly nasty hairstyle, rarely seen in real life these days, but it has a shamefully rich heritage amongst footballers... Brian Kilcline You're looking at a man's man's man's man. Even with his girly hair, you'd never,...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Fabricio Coloccini and Matt Bowman, lead singer of The Pigeon Detectives

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Two very ugly men with wonky faces and indisputably shit hair. That is all. 'Nuff respect to Pies reader Kit Sheppard, who emailed us with this fine suggestion. Think you can do better than Kit? Email Pies with your...

The WAG Files: Coleen Rooney gets her just desserts

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This WAG-shaped rumour comes from a source who used to be Wayne and Coleen's next-door neighbour: "His [Wayne's] 21st birthday party was on a Sunday night after a Utd game. They were all very boisterous and the music was...

Photo gallery: Llanelli 0-3 Motherwell, Europa League first qualifying round

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Real, competitive football is here again! (And not a moment after the last season finished, it seems.) We ready to do this again? Phew... OK... Hell yes... Motherwell turned around a shock 1-0 first-leg deficit to reach the second qualifying...

Snapshot: Lionel Messi meets Mickey Mouse

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Lionel Messi's juggling skills impress the hell out of Mickey Mouse - what, hasn't Mickey ever been to SeaWorld? [Photo by Kent Phillips/Disney via ABACAUSA.COM] Messi was at the Florida resort yesterday to help promote the 'Disney Cup Youth...

Snapshot Classic: Carlos Valderrama v Tab Ramos, USA '94

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USA midfielder Tab Ramos attempts a sliding tackle on Colombia's Carlos Valderrama during a group game at the 1994 World Cup finals, held in the Rose Bowl in Pasadena. [Photo: PA] The US won the game 2-1, thanks to...

Photo Gallery: Chelsea unveil Daniel Sturridge

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'Pah! Yet another Englishman I 'ave never 'eard of.' New Chelsea signing Daniel Sturridge makes his first appearance in a Chelsea shirt: Solid signing by Chelsea. Again, not an Ancelotti signing but Sturridge looks an excellent prospect. I'm surprised Man...

Photo gallery: Liverpool unveil Glen Johnson

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G-Jo (that doesn't really work, does it?) swaps Pompey blue for Liverpool red. Photos taken today at Melwood: Nice legs, Rafa. I just threw up in my own mouth. [Photos: PA]...

Transfer Toss: Tabloid claims Man Utd want Zlatan Ibramhimovic

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From today's Mirror: "Sir Alex Ferguson is weighing up a move for Inter Milan striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Manchester United boss Fergie, who yesterday completed the £3.5million signing of Bordeaux winger Gabriel Obertan, has missed out on several of his...

Spot the Baller: 9 July, 2009

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Today's Spot the Baller is arguably easier than yesterday's edition, but I'll still be interested to see your answers. Who dis? (Click image to enlarge -Â the clues are there...) If you think you know who it is, leave a comment...

Arsenal set to miss out on Felipe Melo: is Arsene Wenger too cautious in the transfer market?

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Felipe Melo, who looked very good at the heart of Brazil's midfield in the recent Confed Cup, is off to Juventus, not north London. He has agreed a deal in principle to move to Juve for around £17.5m (Fiorentina,...

Fabio Aurelio injures knee badly while playing football with his kids on holiday

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Damnit kids, who do you think you are? Daddy told you not to tackle like Mascherano. Fabio Aurelio twisted his knee while having a harmless kickabout with his young children on holiday. Stupid boy. Early reports suggest the Brazilian's...

A random football list: Top 10 disgraceful mullets

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There's never a bad time to celebrate the most terrifying/amusing hairstyle in football history. Sit back, relax and enjoy our gallery of long-at-the-back horror hair... Frank Worthington Hello ladies. Charlie Nicholas Words fail me. Paul Mariner Sweet Jesus. Gerry Francis...

Wikipedia has no love for 'cunning' Chelsea

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'I thought being Chelsea manager would be more glamourous than this.' Ross Turnbull is the first signing of the Carlo Ancelotti era. The English goalkeeper, 24, was signed on a free transfer from Middlesbrough. But I wonder if Ancelotti...

Steven Gerrard and Robin van Persie are going nowhere

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In this silly season, plagued by filthy agents stirring the pot, it's nice to report that a couple of highly valued footballers have pledged their futures to the clubs they play for. Steven Gerrard has signed a four-year deal that...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Eduardo and Sally-can't-Dance, the transvestite from Con Air

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A thousand thanks to Pies reader Nick Dennon for this suggestion. SUCCESS. Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Email me with your suggestion....

Juventus launch new home and away Nike kits for 09/10. Both have black and white stripes...

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Juventus's new home kit features black and white stripes, as usual. Juventus's new away kit features, er, black and white stripes, albeit on a grey background. I thought the whole point about an away kit is that it's supposed...

Farewell Didier Zokora. You will be missed. A bit

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After three seasons at the Lane, Didier Zokora is moving on. Spurs have accepted Sevilla's £7m offer for the Ivorian midfielder, and as a Yiddo I have to say it's a decent deal, for both parties. Zokora never quite...

WAG Gallery: Please don't stare at these pictures of Cheryl Cole's breasts

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I knew you'd click... And no, Pies is NOT going downmarket - Chery Cole has a decidedly upmarket decolletage. Look into her breasts, not around the breasts... Away you go (click to enlarge -Â boom boom)... Thank you for not staring....

Snapshot Classic: Fog stops play at White Hart Lane

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Tottenham Hotspur players Dave MacKay, goalkeeper Bill Brown, Jimmy Greaves and Terry Dyson (l to r) peer out into the fog in search of Manchester United players. [Photo: PA] The match, a Uefa Cup Winner's Cup first-round tie in...

Spot the Baller: 8 July, 2009

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Welcome to the second edition of our new daily quiz. Who the dickens is this, on the end of a yellow card? If you're struggling, click the image to super-size it. So who do you think it is? Leave a...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Diego Forlan and Kristine Lilly

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One is a gentleman footballer. One is a lady footballer. Can you tell who is who though? Think you have a better Shit Lookalike than this? I highly recommend that you Email Pies with your suggestion. This isn't Diego's...

Where does Cristiano Ronaldo rank in the list of Manchester United legends?

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"Who are these old men?" Few objective fans could deny that Cristiano Ronaldo is one of Man Utd's all-time great players. But where exactly does the departed C-Ron rank in United's hall of fame, alongside legends like George Best,...

Bayer Leverkusen's new 'McDonald's' away kit: I'm lovin' it

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Rene Adler and Tranquillo Barnetta show off Leverkusen's new Adidas away kit, which boasts a white, yellow and red McDonald's-style colour scheme. That wouldn't normally be a good thing, but I think this kit gets away with it. Another...

A random football list: Top 10 players who wear the number 13 shirt

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Some clubs have no No.13 squad shirt (Liverpool and Arsenal, for example), but not all players believe it's bad luck. Here's our list of ten players who aren't triskaidekaphobics: Michael Ballack Wears the No.13 for Chelsea and sometimes Germany. Indeed,...

Top six cricketing footballers

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Wally Hardinge Wally played cricket for Kent and won one England cap, against the touring Australians in 1921. He also played football for Newcastle United, Sheffield United and Woolwich Arsenal (just before they dropped the Woolwich from their name)....

The WAG Files: Paris Hilton ditched Cristiano Ronaldo because she doesn't want to be a footballer's wife

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Professional waste of skin Paris Hilton says that she ended her brief dalliance with Cristiano Ronaldo because she did not want to become a WAG. "I didn't want to start dating Ronaldo because I've got no intention of ending...

Nick Love's 'The Firm': a decent film about football hooliganism?

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Nick Love did a half-decent job directing the film adaptation of John King's novel 'The Football Factory', but then Danny Dyer did a half-decent job of torpedoing the movie's credibility. Now Love is making is own version of Alan...

Top 10 links of the day: 7 July, 2009

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1. Is Abbey Clancey's swimsuit too tight? I'll let you be the judge... [@ Daily Mail] 2. EPL Talk starts Legends of English Football series. First up, Sir Stanley Matthews. [@ EPL Talk] 3. Some high-falutin', wine-related football blogging...

Video: Steven Taylor is zany, charismatic and smart

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If you can't sleep, watch this video: Either Taylor is so thick and humourless he doesn't even know what a sitcom is (unless he mishears the question, in which case he's still thick and humourless); nor does he have any...

Sh* t Lookalikes: Gabriel Obertan (Man Utd's new signing) and President Barack Obama

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On the left, we have Man Utd's latest signing (well, provided he passes his medical). On the right is some dude with a tie who looks a little bit like Man Utd's latest signing. Got a Shit Lookalike for...

Footballers who Tweet, No.2: Freddy Adu

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Recently on Twitter, Freddy Adu asked followers to suggest a nickname for him. He replied to suggestions by Tweeting: "so far i like fredinho, the golden child, and the phantom. Who can give me better ones than these???" The...

Oguchi Onyewu signs three-year deal with AC Milan

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An official statement from Milan confirmed the news that Gooch is on his way to Italy: "AC Milan announces the signing on a permanent deal of defender Oguchi Onyewu from Standard Liege. The player has signed a contract with...

Spot the Baller: 7 July, 2009

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Welcome to Pies' new daily quiz. It's our version of Spot the Ball, but there's no missing ball. Instead, you have to identify the footballer whose face has been covered up using the limitless, yet largely untapped powers of Photoshop....

Snapshot: Velez Sarsfield fans sit on the fence

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Velez Sarsfield fans are hit by water cannons as they try to celebrate their team winning the Argentine league title. [Photo: PA] Velez beat Huracan 1-0 at home to take the title in dramatic and controversial fashion. Huracan had...

FC Augsburg: A is for atrocious away kit

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The home kit is fine, the away kit is too clever by half... You might not be suprised to discover that FC Augsburg's new kits are made by k-k-krazy German manufacturer Do You Football, who are also repsonsible for VfL...

The WAG Files: Argentine supermodel dumps Real Madrid star

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This is Argentine model-slash-actress Luli Fernandez. As you can see, she avoided every single ugly branch when she fell out of a tree at birth (isn't that what happens?). Until very recently, she was the WAG of Real Madrid...

How much is Cesc Fabregas really worth?

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So Arsenal have stuck a £40m price tag on Cesc Fabregas, or that's what 'sources' at the club told the tabloids. Whether or not there's any truth in this story - I doubt it - I wanted to ask you...

Photo gallery: Cristiano Ronaldo unveiled by Real Madrid

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Some big C-Ron pics for you to enjoy/throw darts at... [Photos: PA]...

Top 15 curtain hairstyles in Premier League history

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Remember when curtain hair was all the rage? Pies travels back in time to that very era, to enjoy some of the best hairstyles of the mid-to-late Nineties. Enjoy. 1. David Seaman Look how attractive the curtains made you to...

Transfer Toss: Manchester City target Carles Puyol

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Spanish rag Sport claims that Man City want to bring Carles Puyol from the Camp Nou to Eastlands. New Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti has told City to stay the hell away from John Terry, and even though JT and...

Video: Mitchell and Webb mock plastic fans

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Because there's nothing worse in modern football than the office plastic... Hmm, wonder why they chose Liverpool? A mere coincidence, I'm sure. Still, as the cliché goes, it's funny because it's true. [Spotted @ the splendid Two Footed Tackle]...

The amazing story of Everton's new American midfielder

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[Photo @ venturacountystar.com / Juan Carlo] Everton's first summer signing is Anton Peterlin... Tumbleweeds roll past... When I first heard about the signing I had no idea who Peterlin was either, but I know a bit more now. He's...

Video: Cristiano Ronaldo unveiled in front of 80,000 screaming Real Madrid fans

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Ooh, doesn't the white shirt really make his tan pop! And number 9 too - the number of a certain forward called Alfredo di Stefano. As a fan of the Premier League and an Englishman, it's - strangely -...

Cristiano Ronaldo is 'in perfect condition', says Cristiano Ronaldo (and Real's doctor)

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The Ronaldo circus rolled into Spain today. This afternoon, Ron passed his Madrid medical with flying colours. Carlos Diez, Real's medical chief, said: "[Ronaldo] is in perfect condition and very eager to start the season as soon as possible." No...

A football list: Top 10 big men with 'good touch'

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'He's got good touch for a big man' is one of Pies' favourite football cliches. These ten players, listed in no particular order, prove that not all 6-footers are lumbering oafs. 1. Emmanuel Adebayor (6ft 3in) The unsettled Arsenal striker...

Hammarby v Trelleborgs: teenage girl invades pitch, makes dubious gesture at black player

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During a recent Swedish league match between Hammarby and Trelleborgs, a teenage girl invaded the pitch and gestured at Hammarby midfielder Maic Sema. As you can see, Sema happens to be black, and the disturbed invader happens to be...

Nike gives Manuel Almunia a deceitful Photoshop makover

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Before: After: Take one picture of Manuel Almunia conceding a goal. Open Photoshop, change the position of the ball (not a crucial detail, after all), change the kit and you have one shiny, on-brand ad for Arsenal's new goalkeeping kit....

Jim Rome is an ignorant dickface with a suspiciously well-groomed goatee

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 34 views
Exhibit A: 'Soccer is a reason to riot.' 'I don't hate, I relate.' 'Soccer still ranks somwhere between World's Strongest Man and professional poker.' If you see Jim Rome in the street -Â he's the one with the douchebag goatee -Â don't...

Did Michael Ballack throw up on his shirt?

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Here's Herr Ballack enjoying yesterday's epic Federer v Roddick snooze at Wimbledon (16-14 in the final set? It should have been exciting, but it wasn't). Can you spot the Chelsea midfielder? Clue: he's the one wearing the eye-burningly horrific...

Falcao scores genius indoor goal (with video evidence)

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Our chums at The Spoiler claimed that this beautiful goal was scored by the Falcao, i.e. the Art Garfunkel lookalike who played alongside Zico and Socrates in the Eighties. But unless my eyes deceive me, the Falcao who scored...

Follow Pies on Twitter. Tweet tweet

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If you follow Pies on Twitter, good things will happen to you. Plus you get to find out about new posts and other stuff going on inside my head. What's not to like!? (You don't have to answer that.) Because...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Man Utd's new third kit and a Nazi uniform

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Probably not the look Nike was going for... Chringle, you should be proud er, ashamed of yourself. Man Utd's new home kit for 09/10...

Rangers new home kit for 09/10 is an Eighties treat

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Umbro kill it once again with this very simple, very retro kit, which brings back memories of this old chess-board number: Another pic below: Now that is a proper football kit. Excellent work, Umbro -Â being bought out by Nike...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Man Utd's new training top and a Nazi uniform

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Probably not the look Nike was going for... Chringle, you should be proud er, ashamed of yourself. Man Utd's new home kit for 09/10...

Rangers new home kit is a 1980s treat

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Umbro kill it once again with this very simple, very retro kit, which brings back memories of this old chess-board number: Another pic below: Now that is a proper football kit. Excellent work, Umbro -Â being bought out by Nike...

Pies 2.0 shoots, scores!

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As you can see, Pies has changed, and about time too -Â the old design was clunky and frankly not a lot of fun to look at -Â much like Franck Ribery. We really hope you like the new look. There are...

Video: Michael Owen talks about signing for 'winners' Man Utd

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Look at Mickey's little face! He can't contain his freaking delight at escaping from Newcastle Utd! He's like a kid on Christmas Eve. Bless. I wonder what Liverpool fans think about a Liverpool legend (OK, not a legend, but...

Transfer Toss: Ashley Cole rejects Chelsea contract, Real Madrid interested

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Will Cashley join Real Madrid's All-New Galacticos? In a word, no A certain red-topped tabloid newspaper claims that everyone's favourite left-back has rejected Chelsea's latest contract offer, reportedly because he wants the same sort of mega cash (£100,000+ a...

Carlos Tevez promises to score against Man Utd and shout in Fergie's red face

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Fergie really hurt my pride (ahem) [Photo @ The Sun] Wow, if Carlito on a mission to alienate every single United fan on the planet, he's going about it the right way. In today's Mirror, he's credited with the...

Michael Owen signs for Man Utd, poses in home kit (with photo evidence)

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When do I wake up? The small print: Owen has signed a two-year, performance-related deal. Fergie reacted to the signing by lying saying, "Michael is a world-class forward with a proven goalscoring record at the highest level." Liverpool fans,...

The King returns to Anfield: Kenny Dalglish takes job at Liverpool's academy

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The rumours were right: Kenny Dalglish is returning to Liverpool to take up a senior role in the club's academy. King Kenny will also act as a global ambassador for LFC, travelling the world to talk about how soft...

Sam Allardyce didn't want to gamble on Michael Owen

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Get me a rum and coke NOW. I'm on a roll... Fergie seems willing to overlook Michael Owen's appalling injury record, unlike Big Sam, who wasn't prepared to take a risk on signing a player who might not be...

Even Sam Allardyce didn't want to gamble on Michael Owen

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Get me a rum and coke NOW. I'm on a roll... Fergie seems willing to overlook Michael Owen's appalling injury record, unlike Big Sam, who wasn't prepared to take a risk on signing a player who might not be...

Football scenes you'll never see: John Terry in a Man City shirt

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Chelsea didn't just reject Man City's bid for Mr JT; they blew it out of the water with a snide dismissal worthy only of the Great Peter Kenyon: "Chelsea Football Club can confirm it has completely rejected an offer...

VfL Bochum's new 'smudged' kit is mental

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Look at this piece of insania! It's krazy with a k. It's the work of a funky German company called Do You Football. That doesn't even make sense. So this is what happens when Germans think outside the box. The smudges...

Michael Owen arrives at Carrington for Man Utd medical (with photo evidence)

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It's happening! It's really happening. We have officially moved from the hazy world of rumour to Planet FACT. But as Bob said in an earlier Pies comment, Mickey could still fail his medical. Jeez, the little fella must be...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Michael Owen and Owen Hargreaves

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Now Fergie has two crocked Owens to play with. Boom boom....

Transfer Toss: AC Milan in for Peter Crouch? Madness gone mad

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You know how hard it is to PhotoShop Crouchy's head onto stuff? Harder than you'd think - he has a strange-shaped head (and a strange-shaped body, for that matter) This can't be right. Owen to Man Yoo and now...

Video: Michael Owen FAILS on Dragon's Den

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I'm out. That is all. [@ 101GreatGoals]...

Sir Alex Ferguson is old and out of touch*

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This is bollocks. Can I go back to the home now? Let us never forget that the only reason Fergie signed Cristiano Ronaldo was because his players told him to. So I wonder if actually Fergie is - at...

Transfer Toss: Man Utd want Michael Owen. Liverpool fans, you find this hilarious, right?

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My name is Michael Owen. I am aspirational, charismatic and fully fit, I promise. It's great to be back in red, representing a world-class brand I know Fergie is a pensioner, but what the dickens is he doing rummaging...

Video FAIL: Norwegian's backflicked own goal is worthy of Zlatan

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In which Moss FK midfielder Lars Øvrebø goes straight to the top of any list marked 'Own goals you wish you'd scored at the other end.' I also enjoyed the woefully contrived build-up play of HamKam's No.22, Roman Kienast....

Landon Donovan turns on David Beckham

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Landycakes has stood up to be counted. In an explosive quote from Grant Wahl's new book, 'The Beckham Experiment', the US midfielder reveals a shocking level of emnity and resentment towards Golden Balls. Get a load of this: "All...

Video: Kaka presented at Real Madrid

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50,000 fascists fans turned up at the Bernabeu to say hi to Kaka. Imagine how many will turn up to welcome C-Ron....

Cheer up Villa fans, Titus Bramble isn't that bad

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The terrible rumour that Villa fans awoke to this morning claimed that Martin O'Neill is about to sign Titus Bramble. Reports in today's Daily Star say that O'Neill will offer Wigan Athletic around £3.5m, plus teenage midfielder Barry Bannan...

Enraged Cristiano Ronaldo kicks in female fan's car window, allegedly

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Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry From today's Current Bun: "A girl suffered cuts on her arms when soccer ace Cristiano Ronaldo kicked in a car window, it emerged last night. The Portuguese star...

Rate Arsenal's new pinstriped third kit for 09/10

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Did Arsenal get Arshavin to replicate his famous goal celebration for a photo shoot for the Gunners' new third kit, or is this just a very good bit of Photoshopping? Either way, Arsenal's new third kit is rather smart,...

Video: Peter Crouch's favourite swear word is 'bollocks'

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A very enjoyable interview with Crouchinho, in which he reveals all sorts of stuff, including a passion for steak, Kerry Dixon and Kings of Leon. He also lifts the lid on his favourite swear word. Pies' favourite English footballer?...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Samir Nasri and Carla Suarez Navarro

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Carla Suarez Navarro of is Spain's hottest female tennis talent. Samir Nasri... well, you know exactly who he is. Now this is what I call a first-class Shit Lookalike. They don't really look much like each other, but at...

Quote of the day: Rafa Benitez is an obsessive control freak

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Most football managers are control freaks, of course, but I couldn't help but smile at a recent quote by Fernando Torres on his obsessive manager: "Rafa concentrates on the professional side of things. He tries to improve every minor...

Enraged Cristiano Ronaldo kicks in female fan's car window

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Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry From today's Current Bun: "A girl suffered cuts on her arms when soccer ace Cristiano Ronaldo kicked in a car window, it emerged last night. The Portuguese star...

Footballers who Tweet, No.1: Brian Ching

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On Twitter, the Houston Dynamo striker styles himself as "an active guy who loves to surf and who plays soccer for a living. Can't complain." The Chingster's positive attitude makes a refreshing change from many Prem stars, who don't...

Video: The best tackle in football history?

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That's quite a tackle. I call it the 'Chuck Norris double-leg sleeper'. Lethal when done correctly....

Cristiano Ronaldo signs for Real Madrid. For real. For £80m. The End. Oh, and Michael Jackson is dead

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She's not worth it, son From the Beeb: "Cristiano Ronaldo has completed his world record £80m move from Manchester United to Real Madrid after agreeing a six-year deal. "United, who accepted Real's offer for the winger on 11 June,...

Sh*t Lookalikes: Jimmy Bullard and Roger Taylor

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Mere seconds after I had posted about Hull City's retro new kit, a lightbulb went on over my head: Jimmy Bullard's pose is spookily similar to that struck by Queen's Roger Taylor for the band's groundbreaking video for 'Bohemian...

Woah, hang on a minute, Roque Santa Cruz cost Man City how much?!

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£18m! Really? What the what?! (Yes, I am a bit late to this.) I guess Mark Hughes has a major man-crush on Santa Cruz, then, otherwise he'd have wised up to the fact that the striker is worth ... ooooh...

Karim Benzema has already signed for Real Madrid. Sorry Man Utd and Arsenal

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... According to Spanish rag Marca, anyway -Â but then Marca is the mouthpiece of Real Madrid, so it's pretty much what you'd expect to hear. But I have to say Marca sounds very confident that the deal is already...

Will new Man Utd signing Antonio Valencia be an Old Trafford hero or a Fergie flop?

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Valencia is a good player with pace, skill and, crucially, solid Premier League experience at Wigan. And at 23, he's younger than Cristiano Ronaldo, the man who he replaces - not directly -Â at United. But will Valencia turn out...

Hull City's new Umbro kit for 09/10 is retro, in a good way

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No doubt many Hull fans will prefer the thick stripes of last year's home kit, but their new pinstriped home shirt -Â modelled here by Geovanni - takes me back to the mid-1980s, before the days of the Premiership and...

Football at the movies: Rudo y Cursi

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Everyone knows how difficult it is to produce a convincing movie about football; look at the Goal! 3 trailer for evidence. But Rudo y Cursi, a new film set in Mexico, gets it right -Â by concentrating on the characters...