Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2008

Euro 2008 videos: Germany's victory parade... oh, hang on a minute

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German fans welcome home Herr Ballack and co. From this video, anyone would think that Germany had won the tournament - and from the way this ceremony looks, perhaps the organisers predicted as much. Fair play to the German fans...

Top 10 things we loved about Euro 2008

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Our favourite things about Austria & Switzerland 1. The football (especially that played by the Spanish) For most teams, relentless attack was the best form of defence - that was great news for neutral fans. The few teams that attempted...

Do you feel sorry for Michael Ballack?

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He came so close on three occasions this season, but there's no cigar for Germany's captain Michael Ballack might have ended the 2007/08 season as a winner of the Premier League, Champions League and Euro 2008. He made it to...

Euro 2008 Shit Lookalikes: Antonio Cassano & Val Kilmer

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Iceman, meet Madman More Shit Lookalikes...

Top 10 photos: Euro 2008 final, Spain 1-0 Germany

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A selection of the best images from last night's final More below......

Euro 2008 vote: Who was your player of the tournament?

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Who impressed you most in Austria & Switzerland? Spain were the best team of the tournament, by street, and congrats to them for deservedly winning last night's final; it was the most one-sided 1-0 victory I've ever seen in a...

Top Six: players whose value decreased at Euro 2008

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Who had a shocker at the Euros? 1. Luca Toni (Italy) Came into the tournament as one of the favourites to win the Golden Shoe; left the tournament without finding the net, despite having 12 shots on goal and even...

The XI: Euro 2008 Team of the tournament

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A team of Euro 2008 players who have caught the eye Gianluigi Buffon (Italy) His wonderful performances kept Italy in the competition longer than they deserved. Buffon gets the nod although it could have been Iker Casillas (he just had less to do in the tournament).

Euro 2008 Final, Five conclusions: Spain 1-0 Germany

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1. It is not always the case that the team which has played the best football wins a major tournament wins it, but it was on this occasion. Spain have been the best team from start to finish and they deserved their victory.

Top Six: players whose value has soared at Euro 2008

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Which unsung stars added a nought to their value after good showings in Austria & Switzerland? 1. Orlando Engelaar (Holland) One of only two Dutch players to start all of Holland's four games, the giant midfielder impressed with his strength,...

Top 10: John Motson quotes

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The BBC has cottoned on to what the rest of us have known for some time: John Motson has lost his marbles. Motty is being pensioned off after tonight's Euro 2008 final. As he hangs up the famous sheepskin coat, Pies recalls some of his finest moments.

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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Pit your wits against our final Euro-themed quiz 1. Career path Servette, Tenerife, Hansa Rostock, Bayer Leverkusen, Borussia Mönchengladbach (current) 2. Multiple choice Before David Villa's hat-trick against Russia, who was the last man to score a hat-trick in a...

Why can't Arsenal keep its players?

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Hleb, Flamini, Diarra and possibly Adebayor off to pastures new? Why do Arsenal's best players want to leave? Here are a few reasons why... 1. A rigid wage structure Rightly or wrongly, Arsenal has a wage structure that it's not...

Take part in The Big Kick!

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With Euro 2008 reaching final fever pitch, why not take part in your own football game this Sunday? At 11.00am on Sunday 29th June dads and their kids all over the country will be grabbing a ball and kicking it...

Euro 2008: Spain coach Luis Aragones up to his old tricks?

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It looks like Luis Aragones was once again using his own unique brand of motivation to propel Spain past Russia and into the final.

Photos: Spain 3-0 Russia, Euro 2008 semi final

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The best pics from last night's one-sided semi More below......

"70-80% chance" of Emmanuel Adebayor signing for AC Milan

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Togolese striker to turn his back on Arsenal? Adebayor is "80 per cent" an AC Milan player, according to one of his agents, Vincenzo Morabito. "Arsenal are looking for Adebayor's replacement. Until that search is over, the negotiations won't reach...

Euro 2008: Spain coach Luis Aragones is up to his own tricks

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It looks like Luis Aragones was once again using his own unique brand of motivation to propel Spain past Russia and into the final.

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Russia 0-3 Spain

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1. Sexy football from Spain. They didn't do anything special in the first-half, but once they got their goal they were stylish, elegant and brilliant to watch. Just what we had hoped to see more of after they had thrashed Russia in their opening match.

Football shorts: 25-year-old Stuart Attwell is Premier League's youngest ever referee

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Prem appoints youngest ever ref You know you're getting old when policemen and doctors are younger than you. I thought I was safe with Premier League refes though. Not any more. The Prem has just appointed 25-year-old Stuart Attwell to...

Top six transfer rumours, 26 June: Arshavin to Barcelona, Bentley to Spurs, and more footy gossip

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Today's hottest football gossip, brought to you by the number nine 1. Richard Dunne to Portsmouth Man City's captain is in the final year of his contract, and Portsmouth are very keen to tempt the player to south, according to...

Rumbled! Wayne Rooney caught smoking on Vegas honeymoon

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C-Ron off to Madrid, and now this: Fergie will be pleased The Sun goes crazy today over the news that Wayne Rooney was caught smoking a cigarette on his honeymoon in Vegas. Gosh! A drunk sub-editor fellow guest said of...

Football video: US footballer bites referee

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A football player furious after being sent-off has been accused of biting a referee on the face. Rannord A. Jones was playing a match in Delaware when the incident happened. Jones has been charged with several offences.

Euro 2008 fashion crimes: John Motson and Lawro's spectacles

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Word to the BBC: ditch these two jokers now Uncle Motty has gone into a branch of Boots and chosen his glasses from the section marked "Plastic frames suitable for wacky children's TV presenters". Meanwhile, Lawro has clearly bought his...

Football Maths: WAG Nereida Gallardo + Cristiano Ronaldo + sunshine + bikini = tabloid nirvana

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C-Ron soaks up the sun with his WAG du jour Say hi to C-Ron and girlfriend Nereida Gallardo. The classy lovebirds are currently on holiday in Sardinia, Italy - a destination the soon-to-be-ex-Man Utd star probably chose as it means...

Top 10 photos: Germany 3-2 Turkey, Euro 2008 semi final

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Our favourite snaps from Germany's dramatic win over the brave Turks More below......

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Germany 3-2 Turkey

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1. What a fantastic match (what we saw of it at least). The comeback kids were out-comebacked in the end. But Turkey deserved to make the final.

Video: David Beckham fights over pens in new Sharpie advert

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If you were to read that David Beckham was displaying his pens in a new commercial you would probably think it was a typo and that I was referring to his pant-bulging Armani adverts. But there is no 'i' missing from the word pens: in Becks' latest commercial venture, the man worth £87 million scraps with members of the public over a $4 pen.

Euro 2008 Top Six: Missing Turkey players

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Just like after Boxing Day supper, Turkey are down to the bare bones. Here's the six players they could have done with to help them beat Germany tonight 1. Arda Turan Arda would be in my team of the tournament, but he won't be in Turkey's team tonight. Despite being a skilful winger rather than a tough-tackling midfielder, the youngster has acquired the dreaded two yellow cards and will have to watch the semi-final from the stands.

The YouTube hat-trick: Paul Ince

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Pies picks out three great Ince clips, in honour of Blackburn's new boss 1. Getting on the wrong side of Big Dunc Ferguson was one player who even Ince wouldn't pick a fight with....

The XI: David Pleat's dream team

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Celebrating the numerous mispronunciations of the ITV co-commentator

Who the hell is... Alain Richard Ebwelle?

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Barcelona prodigy looks shit-hot Name Alain Richard Ebwelle Age 12 (!!) - not that we always believe African birth certificates. Nationality Cameroon Club history FC Barcelona youth teams Position Striker/winger. Is he any good? Judging by the above clip of...

Football Fashion Crimes: Rio Ferdinand's Kung Fu t-shirt

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Rio on holiday in Tel Aviv A handy pictorial reminder of why it's so refreshing that England aren't at Euro 2008. Much like any English tourists, there are few things more embarrassing than an English football star abroad. Rio, you...

Cristiano Ronaldo sold to Real Madrid: the Downfall video

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Hitler even less amused by sale of C-Ron than Fergie... Made us laugh, anyway - ah, the simple joy of ironic and crude subtitles....

Top six transfer rumours, 24 June: Samir Nasri to Arsenal, and other football gossip

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Just a few of the many rumours filling up today's back pages 1. Samir Nasri to Arsenal The 21-year-old French playmaker is expected to join the Gunners at some stage in the next week, although his agent Jean-Pierre Bernes insisted...

Miss Euro 2008: Miss Poland wins, by a landslide

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Miss Poland benefits from unusual voting patterns to lift title Hearty congrats to our Polish readers, who can proudly claim that their beauty queen is the lucky winner of Miss Euro 2008. It seems that most people in Poland voted...

Euro 2008: the hottest female fans, part 4

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Our latest selection of eye candy, taken from the quarter finals More below......

Euro 2008 FAIL of the week: What the hell happened to Luca Toni?

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So this is what a Mediterranean Niall Quinn looks like... Toni came into Euro 2008 with a reputation as one of the best big front men in Europe. He leaves Euro 2008 with a reputation as a giant, useless donkey....

Euro 2008 videos: Austria vs Germany, as played by naked women covered in body paint

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...And it's much more enjoyable than the real Austria vs Germany game, funnily enough Did they swap paint after the game? [Spotted... all over the web, including at The Offside and The Spoiler]...

Euro 2008 Shit Lookalikes: Mauro Camoranesi and Vernon from Coronation Street

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Camo's Corrie doppelganger

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Spain 0-0 Italy (4-2 after penalties)

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1. Nothing less than Spain deserve, They were the ones who tried to put in a performance on the night and win the match, and it is they who deserve to go through to the semi-finals.

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Holland 1-3 Russia

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1. Guus Hiddink is a genius. What a coach - you get the impression he could take Andorra or even Wales to the semi-finals of a major competition.

Euro 2008 Shit Lookalikes: Konstantin Zyrianov and Pinocchio

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He's got no strings to hold him down, but that nose must weigh a fair bit

The Euro 2008 logo domino topple

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Man uses 11,000 dominos to recreate Euro 2008 logo That should read "Man with way too much time on his hands uses 11,000 dominos to recreate Euro 2008 logo." Impressive, but also utterly pointless....

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Croatia 1-1 Turkey (1-3 on penalties)

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1. Sometimes the best team doesn't win. How did Croatia not win that? They deserved to progress, but Turkey are through. That's football for you.

Euro 2008 Top Six: Group-stage heroes

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The six men who impressed us most in the group stages 1. David Villa (Spain, forward) Four goals in two games lifted Villa to the top of the scoring charts, and deservedly so. He has looked razor-sharp alongside the admirable...

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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More Euro 2008-flavoured fiendishness 1. Career path GD Estoril-Praia, Vitória FC, Porto, Chelsea (current) 2. Multiple choice Michel Platini top-scored at Euro 1984, with how many goals? a) Six, b) Seven, c) Eight, d) Nine 3. Picture round Which Euro...

Miss Euro 2008, Grand Final: Poland vs Italy

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At last, we're down to the final pair - but can anyone stop Miss Poland? This whole Miss Euro 2008 thing has dragged on way too long, I'm sure you'll agree, but at least it's almost over. Based on voting...

Euro 2008 FAIL of the week: Swiss TV station runs Nazi subtitles under German national anthem

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Co-hosts upset German neighbours with anthem mix-up A Swiss TV station has apologised for running the words of the Nazi version of Germany's national anthem as subtitles to the current German anthem before their Euro 2008 group match against Austria....

Euro 2008 Horror Hair: Jens Lehmann, Germany

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Jens in danger of picking up Curly Monk nickname

Cristiano Ronaldo's brilliance & athleticism are no match for his vanity & petulance

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Michael Ballack showed C-Ron how to be a real team man Ballack was immense in Germany's win over Portugal. He inspired his team-mates to play above their level, which is the true measure of a world-class player - Diego Maradona,...

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Portugal 2-3 Germany

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1. You can never write off the Germans, the Germans will also be there or thereabouts and, erm, you can't keep a good German down. Roll out the cliches, the Germans are in the semis.

Miss Euro 2008, second semi final: Italy vs Sweden

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Who will face the mighty Miss Poland in the final? Yesterday, Miss Poland romped into the final, with more than 6,000 votes - those Poles, they love to support their women. Today sees the second semi-final line-up, and it's a...

Euro 2008 preview: Portugal vs Germany, who you got?

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Tonight's first quarter final is being billed as C-Ron vs Ballack. But is it as simple as that? Germany They looked mediocre in the group stages, apart from one solid win over Poland, and I don't read too much into...

Euro 2008 Horror Hair: Petter Hansson, Sweden

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The teeny-bopper centre-back look

Arsenal sign the next Zidane

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Arsene Wenger gets his man The next Zidane, eh. That would be Samir Nasri, the 20-year-old French midfielder who made a very brief cameo appearance from the bench against Italy, only to be taken off when Eric Abidal was shown...

Football videos: Brazil booed by fans in 0-0 home draw against Argentina

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South American giants fail to score Brazil and Argentina drew 0-0 in last night's World Cup qualifier, but at least they moved closer to leaders Paraguay, who lost 4-2 in Bolivia. Having lost 2-0 to Paraguay at the weekend, Brazil's...

Euro 2008 Top Six: Group-stage flops

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Six players who failed to turn up 1. Petr Cech (Czech Republic) Euro 2008 confirmed what I long suspected - that Cech has not been the same player since he fractured his skull in 2006. He still makes fine saves,...

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Russia 2-0 Sweden

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1. What a difference an Arshavin makes. Russia with Andrei onboard looked absolutely irresistible. Sweden couldn't do anything thwart the Russia attack.

Rafael Van der Vaart farts on the bench

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Holland's Rafael Van der Vaart is not supposed to be on the substitutes' bench. He is obviously what they call a nervous watcher... as his Dutch team-mates will testify. The midfielder let one slip during last night's match against Romania, and it was so bad it had his fellow subs grabbing their sweatshirts and bibs to cover their noses!

Euro 2008 Shit Lookalikes: Mauro Camoranesi & Furio from The Sopranos

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Tony Soprano's enforcer vs Roberto Donadoni's enforcer FURIO FACT! He's one of the rare Sopranos characters that have been written out of the series without being killed. More lookalikes...

Miss Euro 2008, first semi final: Czech Republic vs Poland

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We're down to the final four (about time too)... On the pitch, the Czechs and the Poles couldn't get out of their group. At least fans of those nations can console themselves with the knowledge that their two beauty queens...

Average, negative Italy... oh no, not again

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The last thing Euro 2008 needs is a repeat of 2006 World Cup result As they've already proved with a big defeat to Holland, and narrow escapes against both Romania (Buffon's late penalty save) and France (got to play majority...

French coach driver an omen for his nation's Euro 2008 hopes?

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Driver of France's team coach, almost as bad as the players Raymond Domenech might have known that it wasn't going to be his team's night when the driver of the French team coach made about five attempts - never mind...

Euro 2008 WAGs: Raymond Domenech proposes to girlfriend Estelle Denis after losing to Italy

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Eccentric French coach has marriage on his mind Raymond Domenech was interviewed for France's M6 TV station after his side's defeat to Italy last night. He refused to comment on his future as head coach of the national team (there's...

Top Six: Euro 2008 midgets

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Six of the lowest centres of gravity to grace Austria and Switzerland (or else a bunch of short arses) 1. Florentin Petre (Romania) The 32-year-old winger is the shortest man in the competition at 5ft 5in. He is pictured above shortly before being trampled on by Fabio Grosso.

Euro 2008 Celeb Watch: Eva Longoria & Tony Parker attend Italy vs France

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Desperate Housewives star & man watch their team lose Among the stars who turned up to watch France lose to Italy were Eva Longoria and her bloke, Tony Parker. Parker plays for San Antonio Spurs in the NBA, but he's...

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: France 0-2 Italy

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1. France were unlucky on the night, but overall they have got exactly what they deserved. They have not really got going in the three games and it is no surprise that they are going home.

Should the Dutch play a weaker team against Romania?

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Holland can play part in France & Italy's demise. But should they? If Romania beat Holland this evening, France and Italy will go out of Euro 2008. That's the simple equation. Normally, I'd favour the Dutch to beat the Romanians,...

Miss Euro 2008, quarter finals: Sweden vs Romania

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The last quarter final to be decided Which beauty queen will join those from Czech Republic, Poland, and Italy in the last four? I have no idea (well, I have a clue). The decision is yours. Vote below......

Inter's top target is Frank Lampard. Why?

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Mourinho wants Lamps for his new gang. No, Jose, no. Of all the players in the world that Inter could have at the top of their summer shopping list, they choose Frank Lampard. Does Frank have secret photos of Jose...

Toyota TV ad brands Dutch footballers as diving cheats

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French sponsors take a cheeky pop at Arjen Robben and co. Clever ad, but the French may be laughing the other side of the road if they're knocked out by Holland this evening. We'd like to see a C-Ron Portuguese...

Football videos: Brazil and Argentina struggle in World Cup 2010 qualifiers

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South American giants humbled by smaller nations In this weekend's round of qualifiers for the 2010 World Cup, Brazil lost 2-0 to Paraguay, and Argentina were lucky to grab a 1-1 draw at home to Ecuador - only a stoppage-time...

Euro 2008 Shit Lookalikes: Roberto Donadoni & Wayne Coyne of The Flaming Lips

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Under-pressure Italian coach and maverick frontman share hair DNA The resemblance is uncanny. [Via When Saturday Comes]...

Euro 2008 Horror Facial Hair: Christian Fuchs, Austria

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All for one and one for Ballack

Top Six: Brazilians at Euro 2008

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You can't keep a good Brazilian down, even at the Euros 1. Roger Guerreiro (Poland) The tricky winger was born in Sao Paulo in 1982. He had his Polish citizenship fast-tracked in April 2008, with the help of Poland's head...

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Austria 0-1 Germany

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1. Germany are through after their scare but they don't look particularly special. Only a moment of quality from Michael Ballack saw them through without a tense finale.

Euro 2008 vote: Would you love it if Germany go out?

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Germany face do-or-die showdown with Austria for place in quarter finals On paper, the Germans will easily get what they need to go through as runners-up to Croatia in Group B - Jogi Low's men only need to draw with...

Euro 2008 Shit Lookalikes: Petr Cech and Czech fan in Petr Cech costume

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Czech Republic fan tries to recreate that Petr Cech look The likeness is uncanny. If Cech ever turns to the bottle - as he might want to do, after last night's error-ridden performance - then he knows now how he...

The sexy face of Euro 2008 failure

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Czech Republic fan and "friend" lament Euro exit I can only admire a man who has the time to facepaint an inflatable sex doll....

Miss Euro 2008, quarter finals: Spain vs Italy

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Vote on the third quarter final A heavyweight clash of the brunettes - who do you choose to join the good women of Czech Republic and Poland in the semi finals? Vote below......

Euro 2008: the hottest female fans, part 3

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A third gallery of eye candy from the Euros More below......

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Czech Republic 2-3 Turkey

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1. That was a crazy, enthralling game of football. The match had absolutely everything.

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Switzerland 2-0 Portugal

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1. Portugal's reserves are on the bench for a reason. The second string (Big Phil Scolari made eight changes) lacked the edge of the first-choice team.

Football fashion crimes: Viewers complain about BBC pundits' Euro 2008 "uniforms"

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Lineker, Hansen and co., more boring than ever The BBC has received complaints about the dress sense of its Euro 2008 football pundits. Viewers say Gary Lineker, Martin O'Neill, Alan Shearer and Alan Hansen look like they're in uniform, with...

Euro 2008 videos: Gigi Buffon's miracle penalty save from Adrian Mutu (Italy 1-1 Romania)

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Buffon proves why he's the best 'keeper in the world Watch the brilliant save that kept the Italians in the tournament. Who knows, if the World Cup holders beat abject France in their final group game, they could still win...

Howard Webb gets to ref another game (Greece vs Spain)

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Controversial English ref awarded another game by Uefa Despite being accused of being a cheat - and far worse - by most of the Polish population, Uefa is standing by Howard Webb. The English ref has been given Spain's final...

Football videos: Why England didn't qualify for Euro 2008, with Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard

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From ITV's Headcases...

Euro 2008 Shit Lookalikes: Euro 2008 ball and a Star Wars stormtrooper

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With the new ball flying all over the place and causing havoc for defenders and goalkeepers, if you're taking a shot at Euro 2008 it makes sense to use the force.

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Greece 0-1 Russia

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1. Hallelujah, Greece have gone! Banished for crimes against football.

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Sweden 1-2 Spain

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1. Just when you thought it was beginning more like the Spain we know and love - underachievement and failing to live up to potential - David 'Luxury' Villa steps up to win the match. Undeserved, but Spain are through.

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Italy 1-1 Romania

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1. So, so close. The Italians - the World Champions - were on the brink of elimination.

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Holland 4-1 France

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1. What an excellent game. End-to-end action, plenty of excitement and plenty of goals.

Euro 2008 FAIL of the week: German reporter fakes bomb threat to catch plane

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Who said journalists were smart? (Not us) A German journalist covering Euro 2008 tried to delay his flight from Verona to Vienna by making a fake bomb threat, according to reports in the Italian media. The 27-year-old hack showed up...

First Spain player to score vs Sweden wins a Hummer... on one condition

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Bookmaker offers free gas guzzler to first Spanish goalscorer Paddy Power, a bookies that specialises in special and unusual bets, is offering a free Hummer to the first Spanish player to score against Sweden in tomorrow evening's Group D clash....

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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Another Euro 2008-themed quiz to hurt your head 1. Career path Werder Bremen, Borussia Dortmund, Bayern Munich, Werder Bremen (current) 2. Multiple choice Patrick Kluivert and which other player top scored at Euro 2000? a) Nuno Gomes, b) David Trezeguet,...

Miss Euro 2008 quarter finals: Poland vs Turkey

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The second quarter final of Miss Euro 2008 Yesterday, you voted Miss Czech Republic (the poor man's Georgie Thompson) through to the semi finals. Today it's the turn of blonde Miss Poland (who got more votes than all the other...

Howard Webb, the most hated man in Poland, receives web death threats

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English ref receives death threats after penalty decision robs Poles of victory Howard "two watches" Webb has received death threats on the web after his controversial late penalty decision cost Poland a 1-0 win against co-hosts Austria. The Poles have...

Euro 2008 Shit Lookalikes: Torsten Frings & Gary Stringer

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German midfielder vs lead singer of Reef Remember Reef? They're defunct now, but still marginally famous thanks to their one big pop hit, "Place Your Hands", which was customised by Chris Evans for TFI Friday ("It's Your Letters"). Anyway, their...

Euro 2008 gossip: Ricardo Quaresma has signed for a "big club". But which one?

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Portuguese trickster claims to have signed for a "big club" With Porto out of next season's Champions League - Uefa suspended them in the wake of allegations of bribery in 2003/04 - it seemed inevitable that Ricardo Quaresma would look...

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Austria 1-1 Poland

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1. Austria should have had the game wrapped up before Poland had even woken up. The hosts (and in particular Martin Harnik) could not afford to waste such good openings early on.

Euro 2008 Top Six: Players you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley

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The scarier side of Euro 2008! 1. Servet Çetin (Turkey) A face only a mother could love and looks like he might wield a massive knife. He's also built like the proverbially brick outhouse!

Euro 2008 videos: Marco van Basten's new haircut is intense

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Dutch coach looks mean, talks a language we don't understand... Van Basten has gone into "boot camp marine" mode, but he still talks in a charming whisper - he's clearly going for the "speak softly, carry big stick" approach to...

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Germany 1-2 Croatia

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1. So it's not just England. Apparently Croatia can embarrass just about whoever they want!

Euro 2008 videos: Cristiano Ronaldo's new trick

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C-Ron unveils latest foot con in training Nice move Cristiano - like to see you try it in a game though. We christen it... the circle jerk....

Miss Euro 2008, quarter finals: Czech Republic vs Austria

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Down to serious business, with the first match-up in the last eight of Miss Euro 2008 A straight cat fight between the blonde charms of Miss Czech Republic (left) and the brunette representing the co-hosts Austria (right). Who wins? Vote...

Page Three girls play football in underwear

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What, after that headline, you're stopping to read this meaningless text? Shame that no video involving Chris Kamara's massive head can ever be truly sexy. [Via The Spoiler]...

Euro 2008: the sad face of Swiss failure

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Switzerland's hopes dashed after just two games This young Switzerland fan couldn't keep his emotions in check after his country became the first team to be eliminated from the tournament. Maybe he just bet a whole year's pocket money on...

Euro 2008 videos: Switzerland 1-2 Turkey, Portugal 3-1 Czech Republic

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Co-hosts out, C-Ron finds his feet Watch Arda Turan's added-time goal, which broke Swiss hearts....

Vote: Is Big Phil Scolari the right man for Chelsea? And is it the right time?

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Chelsea look to Portugal's Gene Hackman-alike As of 1 July, Felipe Scolari will take over as Chelsea's head coach. That's just two days after the Euro 2008 final, which could feature Portugal. A bit soon, no? Scolari has a fine...

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Switzerland 1-2 Turkey

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1. Both hosts are crap! Switzerland were supposed to be the 'good' ones and yet they are the first side to be eliminated from the tournament. Expect Austria to follow shortly.

Euro 2008 Shit Lookalikes: Kobi Kuhn and Jack Lemmon

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A Swiss role player Not only is Kobi Kuhn a Jack Lemmon lookalike, there is also a good chance that he is a Grumpy Old Man after Switzerland were eliminated from Euro 2008.

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Czech Republic 1-3 Portugal

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1. Portugal were flattered by the score, but they deserved the win. They are a pleasure to watch in attack.

Euro 2008 Horror Facial Hair: Hugo Almeida, Portugal

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"Hey, Cristiano, like my new moustache." "What new moustache?" "The one on my top lip. Look closer."

Euro 2008 photos: the female fans, part 2

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Another selection of the easiest-on-the-eye supporters More below......

Miss Euro 2008: Russia vs Spain

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The last of the group matches On the pitch, we saw silky Spain demolish the Russians in the opening game in Group D. But when it comes to Miss Euro 2008, which nation will progress to the last eight, Miss...

Euro 2008: Top 10 facepainted fans (after the first round of games)

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The usual array of supporters who've gone mad with the crayons Two Swiss fans become one Swiss flag. More below......

Euro 2008 videos: Zlatan Ibrahomovic's wonder goal, Sweden vs Greece

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Moody striker saves his best for the Swedes' first game A stunning strike by Zlatan - the goal of the tournament so far (although I did love Sneijder's team goal against the Italians). Enjoy it while you can - Uefa...

Euro 2008 Top Six: Most impressive players so far

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Who's shone in the first round of group games? Here's who... Pepe (Portugal) Strong and athletic at the back, and threatening when he ventured into the opposition box. Scored one fine header against Turkey, and had another disallowed. Had the...

Euro 2008 Top Six: Best players so far

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Who's shone in the first round of group games? Here's who... Pepe (Portugal) Strong and athletic at the back, and threatening when he ventured into the opposition box. Scored one fine header against Turkey, and had another disallowed. Had the...

Euro 2008 Gaydar: Cesc Fabregas's leather waistcoat

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A Fab fashion crime, par excellence In which young Cesc smoulders with his very best boy-band look. [Picture spotted at Kickette]...

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Sweden 2-0 Greece

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1. Praise be to Zlatan Ibrahimovic for briefly bringing a drab game to life with a wonderful strike. Not even George Clooney could stop that.

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Spain 4-1 Russia

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1. The emphatic victory was a great signal of intent from Spain. It was also a superb hat-trick from David Villa.

Euro 2008 Gaydar: Fernando Torres and David Villa, Spain

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El Nino exposed as arse groper

Euro 2008 team guide: Russia

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Will Guus Hiddink guide the Russians to glory? RUSSIA (Group D) Group mates Spain (10 June, Innsbruck), Greece (14 June, Salzburg), Sweden (18 June, Innsbruck) Three most valuable players 1) Igor Akinfeev Brilliant young goalie, with a nice line in...

Euro 2008 team guide: Holland

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Another sad story of in-fighting and underachievement? HOLLAND (Group C) Group mates Italy (9 June, Bern), France (13 June, Bern), Romania (17 June, Bern) Three most valuable players 1) Edwin van der Sar Vastly experienced and cool of head, unlike...

Songs of Euro 2008: Vatreno Ludilo, by Rawbau

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As far as we are aware, this is the only official Euro 2008 song performed by the coach of the country in question's thrash metal band. It is of course Croatia's Slaven Bilic and his band Rawbau with their own unique brand of rock music and red-and-white chequerboard patriotism.

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: France 0-0 Romania

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1. Zzzzzzz. What a load of rubbish. By far the most boring match of the tournament so far.

Euro 2008, Five conclusions: Holland 3-0 Italy

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1. The best game of the tournament so far, and the perfect tonic to the snoozefest that was France-Romania. Exciting action from start to finish, attacking football and excellent passing on display.

Euro 2008 team guide: Greece

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Can the defending champions shock Europe again? GREECE (Group D) Group mates Sweden (10 June, Salzburg), Russia (14 June, Salzburg), Spain (18 June, Salzburg) Three most valuable players 1) Giorgos Karagounis Proved his immense worth to Greece at Euro 2004...

Miss Euro 2008: Sweden vs Greece

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The first match-up from Group D Just two group matches to go, before the quarter finals of Miss Euro 2008 begin. Today it's a classic blonde vs brunette showdown, between Miss Sweden (left) and Miss Greece (right). Vote for your...

Euro 2008 videos: Holland 3-0 Italy, France 0-0 Romania

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Video highlights of both of yesterday's games. Catch 'em quick before YouTube pulls them down... Holland make it look easy against the world champs: France vs Romania below......

Euro 2008 team guide: Spain

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Please don't underachieve again SPAIN (Group D) Group mates Russia (10 June, Innsbruck), Sweden (14 June, Innsbruck), Greece (18 June, Salzburg) Three most valuable players 1) Iker Casillas Probably the best goalkeeper in the world, and with a suspect defence...

Horror hairband: Gennaro Gattuso

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Not a good look for the Italian midfield terrier There's nothing like a girly headband for diminishing a player's hardman status....

Euro 2008 shorts: Cristiano Ronaldo voted most handsome, Ruud's goal was good, Ramsey snubs Man Utd, and more

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Euro links for your enjoyment C-Ron voted the hottest player involved in Euro 2008, according to poll of 12,000 women (he hasn't slept with them all). [MSN Sport] Dutch striker Ruud van Nistelrooy's opening goal in the win over Italy...

Euro 2008 team guide: Sweden

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Will Zlatan and his blond team-mates have more fun at the Euros? SWEDEN (Group D) Group mates Greece (10 June, Salzburg), Spain (14 June, Innsbruck), Russia (18 June, Innsbruck) Three most valuable players 1) Zlatan Ibrahimovic Hugely talented, but mentally...

NBA star Kevin Garnett is accepts free Chelsea shirt

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Basketball hero forced to like Chelsea Garnett is on course to help the Boston Celtics defeat the evil L.A. Lakers and win this season's NBA finals. In between shooting hoops though, he found the time to pick up a personalised...

NBA star Kevin Garnett accepts free Chelsea shirt

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Basketball hero forced to like Chelsea Garnett is on course to help the Boston Celtics defeat the evil L.A. Lakers and win this season's NBA finals. In between shooting hoops though, he found the time to pick up a personalised...

Bet of the day - Van Nistelrooy 6-1 to grab Holland's first goal

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Sponsored post from our partners BetClick The first glamorous showcase tie of Euro 2008: Italian defence meets Dutch flair. Neither side is going to want to lose points with France still to play. The betting is tight with one goal...

Miss Euro 2008: Netherlands vs Romania

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Vote on another clash of the football beauty queens Which of today's "beauties" (I use the term loosely) will join the sash-wearing stunners from Czech Republic, Turkey, Austria and Italy? The decision is yours. Choose between Miss Holland (left) and...

Non-Euro 2008 news: Man City offer Ronaldinho £200,000 a week

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The world's best player (two years ago) to link up with Darius Vassell? My mind is boggling If Ronaldinho ends up at Eastlands, it will be the biggest transfer coup in Premier League history, perhaps in the whole history of...

Euro 2008 Shit Lookalikes: Tomas Ujfalusi and Captain Jack Sparrow

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Ahoy there, ye land lubbers. The Czech Republic's buccaneering defender is a bit of a lookalike for Johnny Depp's Pirates of the Caribbean character.

Euro 2008 Shit Lookalikes: Leo Beenhakker and Christopher Lloyd

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It's time to go Beenhak To The Future, Pies fans, for Poland's Dutch coach Leo Beenhakker is Christopher Lloyd's Shit Lookalike twin. Just call him Doc Leo. The only question is can he go back in time and make his players defend a bit deeper in last night's match against Germany?

Euro 2008 team guide: Romania

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Will they find the Group of Death just a bit too scary? ROMANIA (Group C) Group mates Don't ask... but if you must know: France (9 June, Zurich), Italy (13 June, Zurich), Netherlands (17 June, Bern). Ouch. Three most valuable...

Euro 2008 photos: the hottest female fans (so far)

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When the action on the pitch flags, expect photographers to train their lenses on the prettiest girls in the stands......

Euro 2008 Horror Hair / Shit Lookalikes: Bastian Schweinsteiger and Pepe Le Pew

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The name says Pig farmer, but the hair says skunk-a-like

Euro 2008 videos: Germany 2-0 Poland (Lukas Podoslki punishes the Poles)

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In which a Polish lad betrays his former homeland Two goals - the second was a cracking strike - by Polish-born Lukas Podolski gave the Germans the ideal start to Euro 2008. Before the tournament began, I tipped him to...

Five conclusions: Austria 0-1 Croatia

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Not a good night Vienna, but it could have been worse 1. It is not a good idea to give away a stupid penalty three minutes into your opening game as hosts of a tournament. 2. So much for whipping boys. Aside from the first half-hour, the hosts were the better team. 3. Croatia's pony-tailed physio looks like he would be better suited to a career as a roadie to Slaven Bilic's band Rawbau.

Euro 2008 Horror Hair: Ronald Gercaliu, Austria

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Austria didn't qualify for the 2002 World Cup, which meant Ronald Gercaliu wouldn't have got his chance to show off his mohican when everyone else was doing it (overlooking the fact that he was still at school in 2002!). So while Becks and co. have moved on, young Ronald wasn't going to let his time in a major international tournament pass without showing off his own daft hairdo.

Five conclusions: Portugal 2-0 Turkey

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He's a goalkeeper, Jim, but not as we know it 1. What a well worked goal from the centre-back Pepe. He was a more impressive attacking threat than Nuno Gomes. 2. Portugal thoroughly deserved their win having hit the woodwork three times. It could have been four or five goals. 3. David Pleat is obsessed with threesomes.

Euro 2008 Shit Lookalikes: Tomas Ufjalusi and Captain Jack Sparrow

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Ahoy there, ye land lubbers. The Czech Republic's buccaneering defender is a bit of a lookalike for Johnny Depp's Pirates of the Caribbean character.

Five conclusions: Switzerland 0-1 Czech Republic

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1. What a damp squib to get the tournament underway. I felt as disinterested as the Swiss crowd until the Czechs broke the deadlock. 2. Poor old Alexander Frei. He cried his little eyes out (shades of Gazza). The Swiss skipper must know his tournament is over. 3. You would have expected the Swiss supporters to have been a bit more vocal and a bit more excited about the prospect of opening a major international tournament on homesoil.

Euro 2008 team guide: Italy

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Can the World Cup holders follow up with a Euro win? ITALY (Group C) Group mates Netherlands (9 June, Bern), Romania (13 June, Zurich), France (17 June, Zurich) Three most valuable players 1) Luca Toni On fire for Bayern this...

Euro 2008: The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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Another Euro-themed quiz to get your brains around 1. Career path Trelleborg, Juventus, Djurgarden, Rennes, Man City (current) 2. Multiple choice What are Euro 2008's two mascots called? a) Zagi & Zigi, b) Flitz & Bitz, c) Trix & Flix,...

Polish tabloid publishes picture of Michael Ballack's severed head

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Pies' headline of the day! Leo Beenhakker, the Dutch coach of Poland's national team, apologised yesterday after a Polish tabloid newspaper, Super Express, published a mocked-up image of him holding the severed heads of Michael Ballack and German coach Joachim...

Euro 2008: Top six rising stars

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We profile the young players set to shine in Austria & Switzerland 1. Mario Gomez (Striker, Germany) Just 22, although he looks older, Gomez has been tipped by many as a dark horse to win the Golden Shoe at Euro...

Euro Classics: Tomas Brolin scores against England, 1992

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Great goal, son. You've earnt that pie Before he became a pie-munching elk-killer Sweden's Tomas Brolin used to score goals like this free-flowing combination of one-twos. This was the winning goal in Sweden's 2-1 victory over England in the group...

Miss Euro 2008: France vs Italy

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A veritable clash of the titans Yesterday, Miss Poland earned more than 10,000 votes (!!) in her clash against Miss Germany, sparking accusations of a fix - Pies' polls usually get between 200-500 votes, so something funny was going on....

Euro 2008 team guide: France

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Without Zidane, can they escape the Group of Death? FRANCE (Group C) Group mates Romania (9 June, Zurich), Netherlands (13 June, Bern), Italy (17 June, Zurich) Three most valuable players 1) Franck Ribery A revelation for Bayern this season, and...

Euro Trash: Mascot hat

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More useless goods from the House of Platini

Euro 2008: the perfect fantasy football team

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If you're planning to play a Euro 2008 fantasy football game, here's our tips for a winning XI... We allowed ourselves just two players from each nation, and in a 4-4-2 formation: GOALKEEPER Igor Akinfeev (Russia) Under Guus Hiddink, the...

Top Six: Euro bust-ups

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When peace and harmony deserts European Championship squads

Miss Euro 2008: Poland vs Germany

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Germany are favourites on the field, but how will their beauty queen fare? The lovely ladies of Czech Republic, Turkey and Austria are already through to the last eight. Choose today between Miss Poland (pictured left) and Miss Germany (right)....

Euro 2008: Ribery v Toni, France v Italy

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This entertaining video shows Bayern Munich team-mates Franck Ribery and Luca Toni getting a bit patriotic in the run-up to their two countries meeting at Euro 2008. The duo try all sorts of tricks and contravene various Allianz Arena health and safety regulations in their game of one-upmanship.

Euro 2008 team guide: Poland

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The lowdown on the hard-to-pronounce Poles POLAND (Group B) Group mates Germany (8 June, Klagenfurt), Austria (12 June, Vienna), Croatia (16 June, Klagenfurt) Three most valuable players 1) Artur Borac Poland's No.1 keeper is one of the most underrated in...

Songs of Euro 2008: Allemann, by Elton

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German fans get their own anthem If you watch this video enough times, the chorus will get stuck in your brain, and not in a good way. I'm sure there's a sly dig at the English not qualifying in there...

Euro 2008: Xavi scores wonder goal in Spain vs USA friendly

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Spanish midfielder rescues win with lovely solo goal Spain beat USA 1-0 in Santander last night, thanks to this super goal by Barcelona star Xavi. The result saw Spain stretch its unbeaten run to 16 games....

Top 15 sexiest players at Euro 2008

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Following on from yesterday's Top 15 Ugliest Players, today Pies brings you the Top 15 Sexiest Players, as chosen by a select panel of female fans (and my gay friend Nick). 15. Alessandro del Piero (Italy)...

Top 15 ugliest players at Euro 2008

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They may be good at football, but look at the state of them... 15. Jakub Wawrzyniak (Poland)...

Vote: who will you support at Euro 2008?

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With no England to back, which team will you cheer in Austria & Switzerland? Which team will you support at Euro 2008 ( polls)...

Top Six: Euro 2008 kits

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The greatest gear that Austria and Switzerland has to offer 1. Holland away Holland's powder blue change strip continues the retro theme that Nike have maintained for the last three years or so. The KNVB is looking good as is the band around the chest.

Euro 2008 team guide: Germany

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Meet the tournament favourites GERMANY (Group B) Group mates Poland (8 June, Klagenfurt), Croatia (12 June, Klagenfurt), Austria (16 June, Vienna) Three most valuable players 1) Michael Ballack An undeniable world-class act, and in fine form for his club in...

Songs for Euro 2008: Can You Hear Me, by Enrique Iglesias

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Another four minutes of Euro trash Apparently, this is the "Official Song" of Euro 2008. Which means there are two official songs for the tournament: this, and Shaggy's Like a Superstar, which we posted up yesterday. No idea why. Hit...

Miss Euro 2008: Croatia vs Austria

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The vote for your Miss Euro 2008 continues... Yesterday you chose Miss Turkey over the frankly not-very-attractive Miss Portugal; she joins Miss Cezch Republic in the last eight. Today, it's the turn of the chosen beauty queens from Croatia (she's...

Euro Classics: Ronnie Whelan's scissor kick against USSR, 1988

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Surely this spectacular volley from the Republic of Ireland's Ronnie Whelan signalled the end of the Soviet Union. Or maybe not given that the USSR managed to draw this group game and force their way into the final. Yorkshire's Mick McCarthy launches a long-throw in and ginger Dubliner Whelan does the rest.

Football videos: Jose Mourinho's first press conference as Inter manager

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A couple of vids from Jose's first press conference in the Inter hot seat "I don't want to be the Special One any longer..." More below......

Songs for Euro 2008: Like a Superstar, by Shaggy

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The first of several songs for the Euros This is just one of the official songs for Euro 2008. It's slightly less annoying than Crazy Frog, but that's about the highest praise we can give it. Pure Euro disco nonsense....

Top six football rumours, 3 June: Roque Santa Cruz to Manchester United, and other gossip

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Tuesday's hottest football gossip 1. Roque Santa Cruz to Manchester United Sir Alex Ferguson is to take advantage of Blackburn's imminent loss of a manager to bid £15 million for their star striker. The move would represent a tidy return on the £3.5 million Rovers spent on the big Paraguayan last summer.

If Jose Mourinho could take just one Chelsea player to Inter, who should it be?

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Do Jose's job for him If you've just come back from a trip to the moon, you may not know that Jose Mourinho is Inter's new manager. It's good to see Jose back in football, although we'd have preferred it...

Euro 2008: Fabio Cannavaro's tournament is over (with pictures)

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Italian captain injures ankle ligaments, will miss Euros Cannavaro, who led Italy to World Cup victory in 2006, has been ruled out of Euro 2008. The central defender will have surgery on his left ankle in Vienna so he can...

Euro 2008 team guide: Croatia

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Can England's conquerors go all the way? CROATIA (Group B) Group mates Austria (8 June, Vienna), Germany (12 June, Klagenfurt), Poland (16 June, Klagenfurt) Three most valuable players 1) Luka Modric Tottenham's next saviour is a wonderfully gifted playmaker, with...

Top Six: Euro Championship goals of all time

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Our favourite goals from the Euro finals 1. Marco van Basten, Holland vs Russia, 1988 Pure technique, pure brilliance - and in the final too. The undisputed No.1....

There's Only One: John Jensen

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THEN: John Jensen's inability to find the net became legendary during his time at Arsenal, and yet it was he who opened the scoring in the Euro 1992 final against Germany. The goal, it seemed, prompted Arsenal manager George Graham to move for Jensen, although the transfer later became embroiled in the bung investigation that saw Graham sacked.

Miss Euro 2008: Portugal vs Turkey

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The second fixture of Pies' Miss Euro vote Yesterday you voted for Miss Czech Republic to progress to the quarter finals of Miss Euro 2008, at the expense of poor Miss Switezerland - one of the hosts, down at the...

Euro Classics: Oliver Bierhoff scores the first ever golden goal, 1996

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Germany's Oliver Bierhoff secured his nation's victory at Euro 96 with the first-ever golden goal. He did literally get a helping hand from Czech goalkeeper Petr Kouba though. Not a spectacular goal, but a landmark moment nonetheless. And it certainly meant a lot to those German players.

Trinidad & Tobago vs England, in photos (plus video highlights)

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The best snaps from yesterday's friendly in Port of Spain T&T's fans: prettier than England's fans....

Miss Euro 2008: Miss Switzerland vs Miss Czech Republic

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Vote for your Miss Euro 2008, starting with the co-hosts vs the Czechs One woman from each participating country at Euro 2008 has been chosen to represent their nation in a Miss Euro 2008 beauty contest (the contest took place...

Top Six: football rumours of the day, featuring Jose Mourinho, Gio dos Santos, Mark Hughes and Karmi Benzema

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Monday's best football stories 1. Karim Benzema to Man Utd Fergie is preparing a £30m mega bid for the very highly rated Lyon striker. God help the rest of the league if the United boss gets his man. [Manchester Evening...

Euro 2008 team guide: Austria

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The worst team in the Euros? Almost certainly AUSTRIA (Group B) Group mates Croatia (8 June, Vienna), Poland (12 June, Vienna), Germany (16 June, Vienna) Three most valuable players 1) Emanuel Pogatetz Middlesbrough's Mad Dog is back in favour, after...

Football fashion crimes: Sol Campbell's Ali Baba pants

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Pompey defender, putting the loon into pantaloons Here's Sol in holiday mode, strolling along the French Riviera with his WAG Fiona Barratt, an interior designer to the stars. The white t-shirt is fine, the sandals are fine, the gold chain...

Euro Classics: Ray Houghton recreates Euro 1988 goal vs England for Baddiel & Skinner

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Blast from the past, via Phoenix from the Flames Fair play to Houghton for subjecting himself - and his country - to utter, total humiliation. This clip didn't go down to well in Ireland at the time it was shown...

Euro Trash: Uefa Euro 2008 bathrobe

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What does Santa Claus wear when he is in his hotel room getting ready to go to the opening match of Euro 2008? Probably one of these actually.

Euro Classics: Davor Suker chips Peter Schmeichel, 1996

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Denmark goalkeeper Peter Schmeichel races all the way back from Croatia's half to get back to his own penalty area. And for all it matters he might as well have started breakdancing on the centre-circle. Schmeichel makes it back to his goal-line just in time to run out again and be lobbed by Davor Suker.

Top Six: European Championship penalty shootouts

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Six of the best shootouts this side of a John Wayne film 1. Holland 0-0 Italy, 1-3 on penalties (Euro 2000) An exhilarating match followed by an exhilarating shootout. Despite playing with 10 men from the 33rd minute, Holland dominated the match and failed to convert two penalties in normal time.

Six conclusions: Trinidad and Tobago 0-3 England

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England fail to ignite against TnT 1. That was not worth ten conclusions.

Euro 2008 team guide: Turkey

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The tournament's dark horse? Not really... TURKEY (Group A) Group-mates Portugal (7 June, Geneva), Switzerland (11 June, Basel), Czech Rep. (15 June, Geneva) Three most valuable players 1) Nihat Kahveci The attacking midfielder (pictured), who can also play up front,...