Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2008

The world's most articulate Chelsea fan?

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John Terry is "always on the England team", apparently Legend. That is all. [Via our friends at The Spoiler] Watch the full interview after the click......

The Fiendish Friday Quiz: Euro 2008 Special!

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Fiendishness with a European flavour 1. Career path Boavista, Benfica, Fiorentina, Benfica (current) 2. Multiple choice Euro 2012 will be hosted by which two countries? a) Poland & Hungary, b) Poland & Ukraine, c) Poland & Latvia, d) Poland &...

There's Only One: Ronnie Ekelund

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THEN: Ronnie Ekelund has the strange claim to fame of having played Premier League football for two seasons without ever having signed for a Premier League club. The story goes that Barcelona boss Johann Cruyff and his old friend Alan Ball, then Southampton manager, were reunited when the two clubs stayed at the same hotel.

Top Six: Bets for Euro 2008

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Make money whilst enjoying the Euros, with Pies's top tips... (prices correct at time of posting) 1. Lukas Podolski to be top goalscorer: 25/1 (Blue Square) Germany will surely go far in Austria & Switzerland (it'll be like a home...

U.S. pundit Bob Boonah makes us laugh on the Cesc Fabregas Show

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Dennis Pennis creator Paul Kaye on top form, as ever Give Paul Kaye a knighthood now. Or an OBE, at least. More Paul Kaye football vids... Kaye as Labian Quest, football chant composer Kaye gives hooligan lessons in self-defence (classic)...

Football Gaydar - Wayne Brown and Boaz Myhill

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Hull's players get carried away about going up... Hull City's Wayne Brown and Boaz Myhill discovered there is nothing quite like securing promotion to the Premier League to create a bit of passion between team-mates. Just look at Brown: one arm round the back, the other in some strange headlock, eyes closed and lips puckered up.

Euro Classics: Karel Poborsky's expert chip, Czech Republic vs Portugal, Euro 96

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Long-haired Czech shows great Euro vision This goal has just been voted the best individual effort in the history of the Euros. And I have to admit that it is a lovely, lovely solo goal, and one that helped the...

Euro 2008 team guide: Portugal

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Pies tells you almost all you need to know about the Brazil of Europe PORTUGAL (Group A) Group-mates Turkey (7 June, Geneva), Czech Rep. (11 June, Geneva), Switzerland (15 June, Basel) Three most valuable players 1) Cristiano Ronaldo After Lionel...

Who is going to be worse: Stoke City or Hull City?

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When Stoke City secured promotion to the Premier League, Pies immediately sensed Derby County the sequel. But now Hull City are following them up there could be a genuine battle to be the next Premier League's worst team.

Euro 2008: France leave out Mathieu Flamini, include Lassana Diarra. What does Arsene Wenger know?

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AC Milan's new signing not good enough for France, apparently France coach Raymond Domenech obviously disagrees with the judgment of Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger. Mathieu Flamini, much coveted by Wenger, has been left out of France's 23-man squad for Euro...

Euro 2008 team guide: Czech Republic

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Pies' essential lowdown on the bouncy Czechs Group-mates Switzerland (7 June, Basel), Portugal (11 June, Geneva), Turkey (15 June, Geneva) Three most valuable players 1) Petr Cech, Chelsea's imposing goalie 2) Jan Koller, veteran striker still capable of striking fear...

Football videos: England 2-0 USA

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The best bits (i.e. the goals) from England's win against the lame Yanks Gerrard's goal was by far the best thing about the game: lovely pass by Barry, lovely finish by Stevie G. Bonus vid of France's defeat of Ecuador...

Top Six: Holy footballers

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Gavin Peacock is going to be a priest (honestly). Here's Gav and five other God botherers.

10 Conclusions: England 2-0 USA

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JT and Stevie G sink Team Soccerball 1. It was a decent performance against a poor side - nothing more and nothing less. Did we learn anything? Not really.

England vs USA: Player ratings

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David James A spectator for most of the match. Made one save of note, keeping out a weak Freddy Adu shot. 7 Wes Brown Usually appears less confident for England than his club, and this was no exception. Fine...

Euro 2008: Del Piero attacked by half-naked girls

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Italy's Euro 08 training session interrupted by streakers You get a higher class of streaker in Italy, clearly....

Westlife to play at Wayne Rooney & Colleen's wedding

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Irish chart botherers to serenade Roo's missus Westlife will perform at the wedding of Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin. Westlife are apparently Coleen's favourite band. How vomit-inducing sweet. The couple are getting married on 14 June in Italy and are...

Shit Kits: Arsenal, 1991

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This Arsenal away kit is a high profile example of a Shit Kit. The sickly yellow and black outfit donned by the Gunners in the early 1990s has been confined to history as the 'bruised banana' shirt (for obvious reasons). Arsenal have had a few dangerous flirtations with the colour yellow, but this effort is by far the worst.

Top Six: missing stars at Euro 2008

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Big names who won't be in Austria/Switzerland next month (from nations that have qualified) Raul (Spain) The Real Madrid captain failed to make the Spanish squad after falling out with head coach Luis Aragones following the 3-2 loss to Northern...

The Beautiful Game turns ugly

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Burger King viral ad is great... for 40 seconds anyway This (mostly) enjoyable video has been made to promote Burger King's new "Football Your Way" campaign, which aims to take a pop at the prawn sandwich brigade....

Meet John Lampard, Fabio Capello's star midfielder

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Fabio Capello finds out immediately the dangers of speaking in English at press conferences. He's looking forward to seeing John Lampard play, apparently.

Vote: Who should be Chelsea's next manager?

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The race to become Chelsea's new boss... Some very big names are reportedly on the shortlist to replace Avram Grant as Chelea's new manager: including ex-Inter boss Roberto Mancini, Felipe Scolari, Mark Hughes and - surprise surprise - Jose Mourinho....

Top six transfer rumours, 28 May: Miguel Veloso to Bolton, and other gossip

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Meg loves Mig 4eva? 1. Miguel Veloso to Bolton Gary Megson is hoping to jump the queue to sign Manchester United target Veloso. The Sporting Lisbon midfielder would cost £16 million. [The Sun]

David James gets naked for Cosmo

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Pompey keeper conceals penis behind ball Jamo took his kit off for Cosmopolitan's naked male centrefold issue. He protected his manhood behind a football - we thank him for that. Nigel Reo-Coker and Shaun Wright-Phillips also got nekkid for the...

Horror Hair: Miguel Veloso

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There could be fresh Horror Hair talent on the way to the Premier League in the shape of Sporting Lisbon midfielder Miguel Veloso. The Manchester United, and now Bolton target has a proven track record of bad barnets. The Portuguese international used to favour the scraped back greasy ponytail look, but his current offering is just as bad.

Kit Parade: New Arsenal kits for 2008/09 season... Or another fake?

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Is this what Arsenal will be wearing next season? This is a "leaked" photo of Arsenal's new home and away kits for the 2008/09 campaign. It's been floating around the web for a while now, but I'm still suspicious of...

Man Utd sell Gerard Pique: a good decision?

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Fergie makes £6m on Spanish defender - but should he have kept him? Barcelona have just re-signed Gerard Pique from Man Utd, for a fee reported to be around £6m. Pique is only 21 and he failed to break into...

There's Only One: Ilie Dumitrescu

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THEN: Dumitrescu arrived in the Premier League after some outstanding performances at the 1994 World Cup which saw him help Romania to the quarter-finals. Tottenham paid £2.6 million to bring the midfielder to England from Steaua Bucharest, where he had spent the first eight years of his professional career.

Euro 2008: Holland's stars get dirty

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Van der Sar and team-mates muddy-up for Dutch newspaper Scared? I was, when I saw this photo of Edwin van der Sar, taken for AD's Euro 2008 supplement. When the photographer, Erwin Olaf, was asked how he described the shoot...

In photos: England prepare for USA friendly

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Another meaningless friendly international? You bet! David Beckham, talking to sleeve, stretching groin....

Versus: John Terry vs Rio Ferdinand, who can lead England to the 2010 World Cup?

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Which central defender deserves the England armband? Don Capello has chosen JT to skipper England for their next game, a meaningless friendly against the USA, presumably as a consolation prize for spunking the CL final up the wall. But is...

There's Only One: Eddie Newton

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Remembering the poor man's Makelele THEN In his time at Chelsea (1990-99), Newton earned a reputation as a reliable squad player, best utilised in a defensive midfield role. In many ways, he can now be viewed as the poor man's...

Top Six: Avram Grant quotes

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Despite losing the title on the final day of the season and the Champions League only because of a John Terry slip, Chelsea sacked Avram Grant at the weekend. Given that his main downfall (apart from failing to entertain the Roman Emperor sufficiently) was not living up to the charisma of Jose Mourinho, we thought the best way to mark his departure was his top quotes.

Shit Lookalikes: Gaizka Mendieta & Harry Dunne from Dumb and Dumber

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Boro's forgotten star versus Jeff Daniels' retard Thanks to Pies reader Dan Chubb for this one. More Shit Lookalikes...

COMPETITION Win tickets to watch Ireland vs Colombia at Craven Cottage!

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Ticket-text.com, Europe's leading mobile ticketing company, has teamed up with Pies to offer readers the chance to watch the Republic of Ireland v Colombia international match at Craven Cottage on Thursday May 29th. It's the perfect opportunity for football...

Shit Kits: Hull City, 1993

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Welcome to the Premier League, Hull City! The Championship play-off winners will be bringing their own unique brand of style and class to top-flight football for the first time in their history. We could not let the occasion pass without celebrating their 1993 kit, which is probably the worst football kit of all time.

Wonder goal - David Beckham scores from 70 yards

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La Galaxy's David Beckham scored from 70 yards in his side's 3-1 victory over Kansas City Wizards. The ex-England skipper fired into an empty net after WIzards keeper Kevin Hartman had gone forward for a corner to press for an equaliser. The goal was scored from further out than Beckham's unforgettable long-range effort against Wimbledon.

Top six transfer rumours, 27 May: Fernando Torres to Chelsea, and other gossip

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How many managers does it take to spend £50 million? None, apparently.

BBC slash Celtic's transfer budget

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We have heard of managers achieving success on a shoestring budget, but the BBC is expecting Gordon Strachan to work miracles at Celtic. According to today's Gossip Column, the Bhoys boss will be handed a 20 quid transfer kitty in the summer. That's barely even enough to treat Artur Boruc to a new controversial t-shirt.

GIF of the week: Did John Terry spit at Carlos Tevez?

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Well, you can make your own minds up from this GIF. Just what is JT doing behind that sleeve? If he was trying to hide it from the referee, it is far from subtle. Anyway you can mull it over and let us know. Enjoy your Bank Holiday weekend (unless you live in a country that does not have one, in which case enjoy your normal weekend.

Shit Kits: Tottenham, 1985

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Spurs went for motorway chic with this mid-1980s kit. The design, courtesy of Danish company Hummel, features not only chevrons but also a hatched area across the chest. Dribbling round this lot must have felt like a tour of...

Who the hell is... Samir Nasri?

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Arsenal are on the verge of signing French youngster Samir Nasri so we had better give you the lowdown. Name Samir Nasri Age 20 Nationality French Club history Marseille

Should Manchester United be allowed to have a victory parade?

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Manchester United fans are fuming after being denied a Champions League victory parade because Greater Manchester Police and Manchester City Council are still scraping drunken Glaswegians off the pavements following the Uefa Cup final. It seems very harsh that Man Yoo fans cannot celebrate a fantastic double with the traditional open-top bus tour.

There's Only One: Gudni Bergsson

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Time for another stroll down Memory Lane (via Iceland).

Top six transfer rumours, 23 May: Robinho to Chelsea, and other gossip

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Thierry Henry to Spurs? Surely not... 1. Robinho to Chelsea The Real Madrid star's agent has flown to London to generate a transfer to one of the Premier League's big boys, and Chelsea are front of the key. Real are reluctant to sell, but that will count for little if the pint-sized Brazilian wants to move.

Horror Hair - Ryan Giggs, 1993

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As Ryan Giggs comes to terms with becoming a double European Cup winner and holder of Manchester United's record for most appearances we celebrate some classic Horror Hair from the Welsh wizard. Lest we forget, this was the era of the Fresh Prince and Jazzy Jeff (tick, tick, tick, tick, BOOM!) and Giggs has cannily incorporated his wavy locks into this Will Smith-style flat top.

Top Six: Football cry babies

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Six 'ballers who love to shed the tears. 1. Paul Gascoigne (England) Famously broke down after picking up a yellow card in the World Cup semi-final in 1990 which meant he would miss the final.

Fiendish Friday Quiz

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Flexing your football brain at Friday lunch-time 1. Career path Chelsea, Blackburn, West Ham, Fulham (current) 2. Multiple choice How many of Man Yoo's 18-man squad for the 1999 Champions League final are still at the club? a) two, b) three, c) four, d) five 3.

Horror Hats - Nemanja Vidic

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If the cap Vids

Man Utd vs Chelsea: video highlights

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The best bits from last night's gripping Champions League final This wasn't a classic game, but it was very tense and utterly absorbing, I thought - on reflection, United just about deserved to win, as they could have been three...

Football Gaydar - Michel Platini flirts with Sepp Blatter

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Are you trying to seduce me, Monsieur Platini?

Top six transfer rumours, 22 May: Arsenal close-in on Samir Nasri, and other gossip

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Transfer truths or sneaky speculation from bored hacks? You decide. 1. Samir Nasri to Arsenal Arsene Wenger has launched an £11 million bid to bring the new Zidane to the Emirates. Nasri wants to make the move and the only stumbling block is Marseille's masterplan that they might get Hatem Ben Arfa in a swap deal if they sell to Lyon instead.

Champions League final: 10 conclusions

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1 Man Yoo might not have deserved it on the night, but it has been their season. They have been the best team in Europe this season and it is not too often that the best team wins this competition.

Manchester United vs Chelsea - player ratings

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MANCHESTER UNITED Edwin Van der Sar The hero of the penalty shootout as he saved from Nicolas Anelka. A couple of important saves in the match too. 8 Wes Brown Quietly effective for the most part. Kept Malouda quiet, although the French winger was doing a pretty decent job by himself.

Shit Kits: Chelsea, 1994

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This shit goalkeeping kit made Chelsea's keepers look like patchwork Scousers. And nothing dates a football shirt quite like being sponsored by Amiga. Chelsea will shortly be taking to the pitch in Moscow wearing slightly more tasteful kits than this, but the blast from the past is being modelled by Russian goalie/poodle Dimitri Kharine.

Man Utd vs Chelsea vote special: Who will win the Champions League, and other key questions

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The questions on almost everyone's lips It's a vote bonanza on Pies today. So many questions - all you have to do is think and click... Where will you watch the final? ( surveys) More votes below......

Bet of the day - United 24-1 to win 3-1. Free £10 bet from Betclick

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Sponsored post from our partners Betclick. Have a FREE football bet on us. All Pies readers can get a free £10 bet here. Just register and open an account with BetClick.com and your first bet up to £10 is free...

Man Utd vs Chelsea: 10 random predictions

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We tell you who's going to win in Moscow, amongst other things 1. If United are losing with ten minutes to go, Clive Tyldesley will inevitably invoke "that night in Barcelona". 2. Chosen methods of leadership: Rio Ferdinand and John...

Top Six: Champions League finals (with video goodness)

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Six of the best CL finals (or European Cup finals, if you're old school), with all the YouTube evidence you need 1. Real Madrid 7-3 Eintracht Frankfurt (1960) A ten-goal thriller, although the result was never really in doubt. Frankfurt...

There's Only One: David May

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Time to go back to the old school again. And it seemed sensible to catch-up with a Champions League winner given that the big day has arrived.

Michael Ballack guarantees an exciting Champions League final while advertising condoms

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On the pitch Michael Ballack will take risks to score... but not in the bedroom. Apparently this is a UN AIDS awareness campaign, although given how breathless Ballack is after his snail pace dribble it could just as easily be for asthma. Try not to have nightmares about Michael Ballack thrusting a condom in your face, kids.

Video of Claude Makelele's two-footed tackle on Ashley Cole

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French midfielder almost puts Cashley out of the Champions League final According to Chelsea, Ashley Cole should be fit enough to play tonight, but no thanks to Claude "Mad Mak" Makelele, who scythed down his team-mate with a two-footed tackle,...

Champions League final: Man Utd's Moscow training session, in photos

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The best pics of United's pre-final training session C-Ron, simply the chest....

Champions League final: Chelsea's Moscow training session, in photos

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The best pics from Chekski's pre-final training session Ashley Cole lies injured after a hefty challenge by team-mate Claude Makelele. Cole should be fit to play this evening....

Champions League final: what should Man Utd's starting line-up be?

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Choose your Man Utd starting XI... Fergie has a very tough job picking just eleven players for tomorrow's CL final. He has told the media "I know my team", but obviously he has not yet revealed it. Which team would...

Bet of the day: Champions League final to go to extra-time

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There's a £10 free bet for all Pie readers on tomorrow's Champions League Final. Just open an account and your first bet up to £10 is free! - if you win you keep all the money, if you don't, you...

Joey Barton jailed for six months - should Newcastle United stand by him?

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Newcastle star faces several months in prison Bad boy Joey Barton has been sentenced to six months for assault and affray. The 25-year-old troublemaker was arrested in Liverpool on 27 December 2007 after he was involved in a confrontation outside...

Top six transfer rumours, 20 May: Wayne Bridge to swap the Bridge for Juventus, and other gossip

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Six rumours, but which is most likely to materialise? 1. Wayne Bridge to Juventus Claudio Ranieri is eager to sign Wayne Bridge for the second time in his career to rescue him from playing second fiddle to Ashley Cole. The Turin giants will battle a host of English clubs for Bridge's signature and have made an official approach to Chelsea.

Euro 2008 WAG Watch: Bastian Schweinsteiger's girlfriend is out of his league

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German midfielder punching above his weight Here's Bastian Schweinsteiger with girlfriend Sarah Brandner at Palma Airport in Mallorca, Spain. The German national team has just arrived in Mallorca for a training camp to prepare for Euro 2008 this June. I...

Shit Kits: Everton, 1995

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An ugly, but practical kit. This Everton away strip was safe to leave on the washing line in Liverpool because nobody would want to nick it. The season does hold some fond memories for Everton fans as they won the FA Cup. It also heralded the arrival of Joe Royle, Duncan Ferguson and Daniel Amokachi.

Top Six: Bombshells from the owner/chairman

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Tell me, Kenyon, are you loaned sums tonight? 1 Roman Abramovich - Chelsea "Erm, Peter. You know that £500 million I lent you the other day when you were strapped for cash? I'm going to be needing that back." The oil tycoon is apparently a more slippery character than we thought.

Chelsea line-up announced!

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HOT OF THE PRESS! Pies has acquired confirmation of the Chelsea line-up for tomorrow. All the information you need is after the jump. Remember where you heard it first.

Bet of the day: Chelsea to beat Man Utd in Champions League final, 34-1

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Sponsored post alert! It is not unheard of for games between United and Chelsea to be settled by three goals, usually with Chelsea winning - most famously in one of the greatest performances under Jose Mourinho when they comprehensively outplayed...

Top Six: Champions League final WAGs, starring Nereida Gallardo, Cheryl Cole & Noemie Lenoir

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The hottest Man Utd and Chelsea WAGs 1. Carly Zucker (Joe Cole, Chelsea) The fitness instructor-turned-C-list celeb has been dating Coley for almost six years. They're due to be married this June....

There's Only One: Jakob Kjeldberg

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In Pies' new feature we go back to the old school to reminisce about 1990s Premier League footballers. We will be reliving the glory days of some random, forgotten and downright obscure ex-pros, beginning with Chelsea's Jakob Kjeldberg.

Football fashion crimes: Jermaine Jenas's white blazer/vest combo

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Spurs midfielder goes all Miami Vice A good look for JJ? We think not....

Football Gaydar - Lionel Messi, Ronaldinho, Thierry Henry and Gabriel Milito

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Giving the Camp Nou a whole new meaning... Wellity, wellity, wellity. Looks like we might have a couple of Gaydar regulars on our hands (so to speak). Barcelona duo Ronaldinho and Thierry Henry are back... and this time they brought friends. Young Lionel Messi has been groomed through the Catalan giants' academy to make sure he does things the Barca way, and Gabriel Milito is the man making Henry's eyes boggle.

Would you rather... play for Arsenal on £20k a week, or Middlesbrough on £50k a week?

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Location, location, location - should it matter to a professional footballer? It's grim up north, so they say. They might have a point - for example, here's the best pic I could find of the Middlesbrough skyline (with apologies to...

Shit Lookalikes: Stig Inge Bjornebye and Dr. Strangelove

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Liverpool's least glamourous Spice Boy vs Peter Sellers Aptly, this is one of the strangest lookalikes we've ever run. Spotter's badge to Emmet Farragher....

Pies Awards: FA Cup final

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Pies dishes out its own gongs after the cup final, each one painstakingly handcrafted in Netto own brand kitchen foil. The Award for the player on the winning side doing the best impression of a loser Sylvain Distin

Top six transfer rumours, 19 May: Samuel Eto'o to Spurs, and other gossip

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Monday's most attractive transfer gossip. Surely one of these might happen? 1. Samuel Eto'o to Spurs Tottenham have outbid Italian giants AC Milan and Inter for the mouthy Barcelona striker (pictured). The Yids will go up to £24m for the...

Shit Kits: Manchester United, 1991

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Continuing our walk down the Hall of Football Shirt Shame of our Premier League teams, here is a youthful looking Sir Ryan Giggs sporting Manchester United's disgraceful away kit from 1991. Aside from being horrendous on the eyes, this shirt also managed to alienate Manchester United fans because it made them look like Scouse scallies and Manchester City fans at the same time.

Portsmouth's FA Cup win: the best photos (plus video of Kanu's winning goal)

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Pompey uphold the good name of the Premier League. We have the pics for you... Kanu gets jiggy with it - "it" being the FA Cup. Sacrilege!...

Last call for "My Video Life" entries!

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Have you entered our "My Video Life" competition yet? If not, there's still time - you can shoot something over the weekend in fact, as the deadline is the end of Monday 19th May.

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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More fiendish than Dr Shinawatra 1. Career path Blackpool, QPR, West Ham, Man City, Cardiff City (current) 2. Multiple choice Who sponsored the FA Cup between 1995-98? a) Axa, b) Carslberg, c) Littlewood's, d) Nationwide 3. Picture round Who's this?...

Gaydar: John Terry and Frank Lampard kissing on a bus

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This classic clip shows John Terry and Frank Lampard having a crafty snog on top of a double decker bus. The reporter claims: "It was the sort of day when John Terry and Frank Lampard kissed in public without a goal being scored." Every day is that sort of day! Leather jacket-clad Lampard obviously had chills that he was concerned might be multiplying.

Shit Kits: Newcastle United, 1990

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In 1990, Newcastle circumnavigated the traditional 'should we have thin stripes or thick stripes' debate by having both. The Toon Army still get fun poked at them for being walking barcodes, but I wouldn't be surprised if this particular kit did actually scan in the supermarket. Umbro served up this avant-garde disaster.

Shit Lookalikes: Giulio Migliaccio and Hollywood star Vin Diesel

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Palermo's slaphead must be bored with "are you that Diesel fella?" question This is almost too good for a Shit Lookalike, but we'll take anything these days. Spotter's badge to Marco from mCalcio, one of the best Serie A blogs...

Ungrateful pricks, No.2: Cristiano Ronaldo is off to Real Madrid

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C-Ron hints at Spanish move after Champions League final Cristiano Ronaldo says he may consider his future at the club after next week's Champions League final - great timing C-Ron, I bet Fergie will be chuffed to hear that. "I'm...

Top six transfer rumours, 16 May: you decide which one is most likely to happen...

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Friday's best transfer talk - truth or lies? 1. Gerard Pique to Barcelona The Manchester United defender is believed to have agreed personal terms with Barca. El Mundo Deportivo reports that the Spanish club have already agreed a four-season deal...

Top Six: Greatest FA Cup finals

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Pies counters yesterday's boring FA Cup finals with some of the greatest finals.

Bet of the day: Man Utd vs Chelsea, Champions League Final

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Please be kind to our sponsored post The long road to Moscow. Somehow it seems the most fitting city for this showdown of Mancunian brilliance and Chelsea's winning machine. There are generous odds on the game going to extra time...

Competition: Caption this & WIN a Man Utd FA Cup DVD box-set!

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Write the best caption for this photo and win a Man Utd DVD! What could be going on here, Pies readers (could it have anything to do with this news)? if you think you know, write a caption, add it...

Top Six: Boring FA Cup finals

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Pies recalls six Cup Finals that will live long in the memory for sweet FA.

Top six transfer rumours of the day - but which one is true?

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Today's hotter-than-July lies... 1. Mauro Zarate to Arsenal The on-loan Birmingham star (pictured) is on the wish list of one big-four club, at least according to his agent. I guess it's Arsenal who want him, as an Eduardo replacement. [Setanta]...

Top six transfer rumours, 15 May - but which one is true?

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Today's hotter-than-July lies... 1. Mauro Zarate to Arsenal The on-loan Birmingham star (pictured) is on the wish list of one big-four club, at least according to his agent. I guess it's Arsenal who want him, as an Eduardo replacement. [Setanta]...

Bet of the day - FA Cup Final, Cardiff 49/1 to win 3-0

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For a free £10 bet click here Cardiff are middle of the road, mid table, won 16, drawn 16, lost 14, even their FA Cup anthem Flying High entered the charts at 15. Curiously their last five games have all...

Shit Lookalikes: Tomasz Kuszczak and Boris Johnson

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New London Mayor looks a bit like Man Utd reserve keeper Spotter's badge to Pies reader Dan. Nice work. Seen any good Shit Lookalikes recently? Send us an email or leave a comment with your shout....

Grateful pricks, No.1: Olof Mellberg

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Villa's departing defender gives souvenir shirt to 3,000 away fans Villa stalwart Olof Mellberg, who's off to Juventus this summer, bought each Aston Villa fan a commemorative t-shirt, as a token of thanks for the support they have shown him...

Versus: Man Utd vs Chelsea, Champions League Final kits

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Man Yoo and Chelski unveil CL final kits Do fans actually like having to shell out for one-off, special edition commemorative shirts? If I was a Chelsea or Man Utd fan, I certainly wouldn't want to spend the best part...

10 Conclusions: Zenit St Petersburg 2-0 Rangers

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Big, bad, ugly anti-football club get found out in the end. 1 The better side won without a doubt, although Rangers were much improved after the break.

Gaydar: The Landon Donovan issue

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Soccerball's poster boy is the master of homoerotica Wooly hat and underpants, a classic look....

The Pies Premier League awards for 2007/08

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After the end of thrilling, spilling Prem season, Pies dishes out its gongs Player of the season: Cristiano Ronaldo Right now, C-Ron is the Premier League. He may be half hype boy, half genius, but you can't deny that the...

Ungrateful pricks, No.1: Alexander Hleb

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First in a new series celebrating the Premier League's biggest ingrates Hardly anyone had heard of Alex Hleb before he came to Arsenal, in 2005 - he was a nothing player, playing in Germany for a mediocre club (Stuttgart). He...

Shit Lookalikes: Dave Kitson and Beaker from The Muppets

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Me me me me me, says Reading striker One's a relegated ginger striker; the other is a Muppet. So that makes them both Muppets, I guess. (Thanks to Chringle for the suggestion.) Seen any good Shit Lookalikes recently? Send us...

Top Six: Footballers called Pele

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There's only one Pele? Is there balls. 1 Pele As in Edison Arantes do Nascimento - the Pele. The Brazilian superstar-turned-corporate whore tops our list of Peles given that he is one of the greatest players to a kick a ball.

Top Six: Transfer rumours of the day

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Vote on which one is most likely to happen... 1. Peter Crouch to Villareal Will Crouchinho (pictured) be playing in all-yellow next season? Perhaps, if Villareal can find £15m for the English beanpole. [KopTV] 2. David Bentley to Spurs Juande...

Shit Kits: Stoke City, 1993

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Premier League new boys Stoke City (didn't expect to be typing that for the next millennium or two) are the first entrants in our revived Shit Kits feature.

Birmingham City's Olivier Kapo gives a £30k Mercedes to his boot boy

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The Blues' French star is way more generous than us In a rare display of generosity, Birmingham City midfielder Olivier Kapo gifted his £30,000 Mercedes to his teenage boot boy. James McPike (pictured), a 17-year-old trainee on City's books, was...

Gaydar: Cristiano Ronaldo and Ole-Gunnar Solskjaer

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C-Ron loves a man with a baby face Take two Man Utd stars into the shower? Ole and C-Ron look like a couple of the fresh-faced guys you might see in a Gay Chat phoneline advert. The hand on the...

Top 10 Shit Lookalikes of the 2007/08 Premier League season

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Our favourite Prem lookalikes from the last season Dirk Kuyt and Rocky from Mask Petr Cech and Captain Yamato Cristiano Ronaldo and Astro Boy...

Kit Parade: West Ham launch new Umbro away kit for 2008/09

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Here's what the Hammers will wear on their travels next season. We like, a lot You can't beat a bit of claret and blue - it's a classic English football colour combo, used to great effect by Umbro for their...

Forgotten wonder goals: Robbie Fowler owns Steve Staunton, Liverpool vs Aston Villa 1996

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God at the peak of his powers As first touches go, they don't come much better than Fowler's backheel nutmeg, which leaves Steve Staunton looking even more clueless than he did in his time as manager of Ireland. The finish...

Notebook: Drogba & Terry fit for CL final, David Bentley to Chelsea, Ronaldo rejects Real Madrid rumours, Michael Owen turning Japanese?

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Today's tastiest Premier League morsels • Didier Drogba says he and Chelsea team-mate John Terry will be fit for the Champions League final against Manchester United in Moscow. Both were injured in Sunday's 1-1 draw with Bolton, with Drogba hurting...

Daily Vote: was Sir Alex Ferguson the manager of the season?

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Fergie wins LMA Manager of the Year award Man Utd's boss has been voted Manager of the Year by the League Manager's Association, a justified reward for his team winning their 10th Premier League title. But did he do a...

Who the hell is... Jose Bosingwa?

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Chelsea splash out £16.2m on a right back. But who is he? We tell you everything you need to know Name Jose Boswinga Age 25 Nationality Portuguese Club history SC Freamunde, Boavista, Porto, Chelsea (current) Position Right back. He used...

Football Gaydar - FC Koln

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For footballers who list Roger Johnson not only as a Cardiff City defender, but also as a hobby...

Premier League end-of-season report card - part 2

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Like some wise old schoolmaster, Pies grades each Premier League team based on their 07/08 campaign. Here's part two: Man City (9th) Started brilliantly, finished with a whimper. Overall though, Sven-Goran Eriksson did a good job of restoring pride to...

Top 10 quotes of the 2007/08 Premier League season

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"Sometimes on a day off I go to the doughnut shop. When we play at home, I go there after the game and it's like a doughnut party! Everyone is eating doughnuts inside their cars - it's like a disco!"...

Premier League end-of-season report card - part 1

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Pies rates each Premier League team based on the 07/08 campaign Arsenal (3rd) Played some quite beautiful football at times but faded badly in the last quarter of the season, after leading the pack - Arsene Wenger should have added...

Stop the press - Sky Sports artificially hypes Cristiano Ronaldo

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Sky dubs fake commentary to pump up C-Ron's profile According to the people behind this YouTube clip, Sky used commentary from goals scored by Didier Drogba (vs Everton), Wayne Rooney (vs Newcastle), and Thierry Henry (vs Manchester United) to make...

Arminia Bielefeld goalie Rowen Fernandez scores own goal with face

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Bundesliga 'keeper takes one to the face Borussia Dortmund's Alex Frei hits the bar with a free-kick; Fernandez does the rest. Via FANartisch...

Snapshot - 2,000 naked exhibitionists pose at Austria's Happel Stadium for Spencer Tunick

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Happel Stadium, Vienna: Almost 2,000 people took of their clothes to pose for US photographer Spencer Tunick, who's famous for contriving such acts of mass public nudity. My favourite model is the tubby old guy on the right, who...

Daily Vote - which player is most responsible for Man Utd's title win?

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Congrats to Man Utd for winning their 10th Premier League title - they are deserved champions, for sure. But which of their players did the most to contribute to their success this season? Cristiano Ronaldo scores the goals and...

The XI - Didn't deserve to be relegated

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Pies puts together 11 players from the relegated Premier League clubs who still deserve to be playing top flight football (Derby players are conspicuous in their absence...).

Enjoy other football fans' pain and sorrow!

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Because relegation can be fun Admit it - there is something enjoyable in seeing other team's fans crying like little girls because their team went down. Here's a young Reading fan blubbing into his River Island shirt, like he's just...

Stop the press - Sky Sports artifically hypes Cristiano Ronaldo

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Sky dubs fake commentary to pump up C-Ron's profile According to the people behind this YouTube clip, Sky used commentary from goals scored by Didier Drogba (vs Everton), Wayne Rooney (vs Newcastle), and Thierry Henry (vs Manchester United) to make...

Emmanuel Adebayor does a crazy pre-match dance

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This 3rd Eye clip from Soccer AM show Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor doing a high energy pre-match dance routine. He seems to be enjoying himself anyway!

Snapshot - Inter Milan meet the Pope

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Inter Milan met Pope Benedict XVI this week to celebrate their centenary. Most of the squad must have been praying that they can hold onto their three-point lead over Roma and win the Serie A title. Captain Javier Zanetti presented the Pope with a personalised replica shirt with his name and number on the back.

Football Gaydar - Ronaldinho and Thierry Henry

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Where footballers are stopped in their tracks by a good tackle...

Football News - Gerrard's not going to Inter, Hleb is, Rijkaard's out, and Jewell gets precious

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Liverpool turn down a £25 million offer from Inter Milan for Steven Gerrard. His form normally gets a real boost from rumours like this... or not. [The Sun]

Petr Cech's orange kit will win the title for Chelsea (according to Petr Cech)

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Chelsea keeper Petr 'Tangoman' Cech is certain that Chelsea will lift the Premier League trophy this weekend thanks to the colour orange. Cech's new goalkeeping kit is orange The 26-year-old has turned sports psychologist to claim that his new kit is scientifically proven to give him an edge.

Daily Vote - Who is going to win the Premier League?

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It is well and truly crunch time, Pies readers. After a season full of ups and downs it has all come down to the last match of the season. By 5pm on Sunday we will know the identity of the 2007-08 Premier League champions. The question is, who will you be putting your free £10 bet on? Manchester United have won all the plaudits for their football and have been the pacesetters since the wheels came off on Arsenal's campaign.

Daily Vote 2 - Which two teams will get relegated?

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For every winner there has to be a loser. And unfortunately, in the Premier League this weekend, there will be one winner and two losers. If you take away Derby, who have been relegated since about October, it is one of the most competitive relegation battles in years. On the last day of the season Birmingham, Reading, Fulham and (if Reading manage to score about nine goals) Bolton can all still be relegated.

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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Last time I did the Fiendish Friday Quiz your combined total points was probably just shy of Derby County's haul for the season. Like an A-level maths examiner, I feel inclined to make this one a little easier! 1. Career path Excelsior, Feyenoord, Coventry, Aston Villa, Middlesbrough

Tell us about football and video and win £500 or some Nike vouchers

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Fancy winning £500? Or a load of Nike vouchers? All you have to do is enter our Cisco video competition telling us how you think video could improve football. Here's Dave's rather funny entry. To enter the comp go...

Bet of the day - Leeds to stick three past Carlisle at 11/1. Free £10 bet from Betclick too

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Free £10 bet at Betclick Bet on Leeds to win - 3-0 pays out £110 for a tenner. Click here. Pies has teamed up with BetClick.com to offer you a free bet - that's right, open an account and your...

Top 10 great relegation escapes

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Pies gives you the lowdown on football's Houdinis.

Heroes & Villains - Premier League weekend 11 May

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HEROES Danny Murphy Scored the priceless goal against Portsmouth that kept Fulham in the Premier League.

Forgotten wonder goals - Anders Limpar scores from 40 yards, 1992

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The quality of this video is very poor, but the quality of the goal is outstanding. Arsenal's super Swede Anders Limpar slows down to weigh up his options, spots the keeper off his line and does the business!

Make the season climax that little bit more exciting with a free £10 bet from betclick.com

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It's squeaky bum time. By rights Wigan at 11/1 at home look a tempting bet to ruin Manchester United's season. Last week they trounced Europe chasing Villa and at 0-2 came in at 29/1. They have also taken points...

Bet of the day - Wigan 11/1 to beat Man Utd. Free £10 bet from Betclick.com

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It's squeaky bum time. By rights Wigan at 11/1 at home look a tempting bet to ruin Manchester United's season. Last week they trounced Europe chasing Villa and at 0-2 came in at 29/1. They have also taken points...

Football video - World's worst throw in courtesy of Steph Houghton

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Leeds United Ladies' Steph Houghton saved this woeful throw-in for the Women's FA Cup final, the pinnacle of the women's game in this country. Talk about picking your moments.

Help Arsene Wenger choose a centre-back and a creative midfielder

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Arsenal boss wants to buy central defender & playmaker in the summer. Who should he target? Arsene Wenger has admitted he wants to strengthen his young Arsenal squad, specifically with two key summer signings: one centre-back and one creative midfielder....

Comedian Omid Djalili bullies Ray Stubbs' nephew

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This sketch shows Ray Stubbs getting irate as comedian Omid Djalili commentates on a park kickabout featuring his nephew.

Football videos - Levante players go on strike at the start of a match

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There were bizarre scenes in Spain last night as players from relegated Levante refused to start the match in a protest over unpaid wages. The players stood huddled around the centre-circle as if they were observing a minute's silence as Deportivo La Coruna kicked off the match. Deportivo unsurprisingly found themselves with an immediate opportunity to take the lead, but sportingly put the ball out of play for a goal-kick.

Wonder goals - David Beckham's brilliant brace vs Real Salt Lake

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Becks gets his mojo back, scores from open play! Sweet strike by Beckham to pull a goal back for LA Galaxy against Real Salt Lake in MLS last weekend. He then scored a lovely free-kick to help his team to...

Kevin Keegan, face-toucher extraordinaire

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When we told you about Kevin Keegan's love affair with Alan Curbishley the other day, we thought King Kev only had eyes for one man. Not so. A hilarious post over at The Spoiler proves that KK has a bit of a fetish for touching faces. Yes, opposition managers beware - Keegan is on the prowl and he can't wait to get his mitts on your cheeks.

Football News - Barry to Liverpool, Sven to Benfica, Ramos to Chelsea, Keegan to naughty corner

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Pack it up, pack it in. Let the news begin Liverpool have made a cash-plus-players offer worth £10 million for Aston Villa skipper Gareth Barry. Martin O'Neill is not keen on receiving Rafa's hand-me-downs. [BBC]

Football Gaydar - Lukas Podolski and Luca Toni frolicking with flowers

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For those who like to set up camp in the opposition half... Bayern Munich pair Lukas Podolski and Luca Toni look like they are having fun here. The bouquet-wielding duo appear just moments away from a full blown game of kiss chase. And is the German international stealing a sneaky tickle of his Italian team-mate?

Snapshot - Barcelona give champions Real Madrid a guard of honour

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Barcelona swallowed their pride to form a guard of honour and applaud fierce rivals Real Madrid onto the field. Barca's respect for the new La Liga champions did not stop there. The Catalan club then proceeded to bend over and be spanked 4-1 (a show of deference which probably went a bit too far for most of their fans' liking).

Daily Vote - is Gareth Barry worth more than £10m?

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Have Liverpool priced Villa's captain too low? Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill believes Liverpool have undervalued skipper Gareth Barry at £10m. O'Neill and his club captain will hold talks early next week after Liverpool made a players-plus-cash offer for the...

Does Tom Huddlestone love Pies?

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If this was based on waistline alone, the answer would be a resounding yes. But no, we are talking social networking and Myspace. There is a Tom Huddlestone MySpace, which not only features links to Pies' videos of Huddlestone, but even includes our One to Watch profile of him!

Chant of the week - Manchester City fans adapt Pink Floyd

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City fans defend their beloved Sven 'We don't need no Phil Scolari, We don't need Mourinho Hey, Thaksin, leave our Sven alone!' Absolutely inspired....

Football news - green light for Liverpool's new stadium, Arsenal reveal summer transfer plans, Wenger angry over Fabregas tap-up claims, Man City approach Scola

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Today's best football news and rumours, brought to you in association with the letter 'P' and the number '5' Liverpool's revised plans for its Stanley Park stadium (pictured) have been approved by the city council, at last. Anfield will now...

Video - When is a football not a football?

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When it's a bowling ball, of course. It is an easy mistake to make as this advert for an opticians shows.

WAG Watch - Victoria Beckham looks more like Scary Spice

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Posh ages 20 years with the power of make-up With the help of a vicious backcomb and some deathly make-up, Posh manages to transform herself into Scary. She was attending the annual Metropolitan Museum's Costume Institute Gala, along with hubbie...

Tottenham Hotspur's new kits for 2008/09 season - does this mean that Berbatov is off?

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Spurs reveal new kits I guess we can presume from this PR shot that Ledley King, Robbie Keane and Jon Woodgate will all be at Tottenham next season? No Dimi Berbatov though? Does that mean that Spurs are more than...

Daily Vote - is a World Cup semi final unrealistic for Fabio Capello's England?

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FA set semi target for international team In their infinite wisdom, the Football Association has demanded that the national team reach at least the last four of the next World Cup, or Euro 2012. The FA revealed their optimistic vision...

Football videos - 'emotional' Jens Lehmann says goodbye to Arsenal

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Mad Jens interviewed after final appearance for Gunners So long Jens, we'll miss you and your crazy ways. Seriously, the Prem will be a less interesting place without you. More Jens YouTube goodness below......

Shit Lookalikes - Ronaldo's transvestite prostitute and Carlos Tevez

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Remember we told you about Ronaldo's brush with transvestite prostitutes? You must remember. If you can't, remember when The Sun told you about it then go back 24 hours before that. Now you remember. Anyway, the main developments since then have been Ronaldo's fantastic quote: "There were no sexual relations because the moment I discovered they were transvestites I ended the whole thing.

Match of the Day 2's 2 Good, 2 Bad review of the season

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Throughout the season the 2 Good, 2 Bad feature on Match of the Day 2 has been good for the occasional chuckle. They rounded up their 2007-08 coverage with a compilation of some of the best bits of the season, as well as last weekend's funny moments. It is worth watching for some true Gaydar moments involving Danny Murphy and Jimmy Bullard, and Sulley Muntari and a ref.

WAG Watch - Nerida Gallardo bikini video

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C-Ron's girlfriend (at time of posting) is strong like bull She may not be a lady, but she's all woman. Via Kickette...

Football Gaydar - Olof Mellberg gropes Wayne Rooney

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Sometimes as a defender you have to acknowledge that you were beaten by a better, quicker and younger player and be gracious in defeat. Alternatively, you could simply tug the player back by his genitals. Rooney never takes his eye of his balls. Prostitute Charlotte Glover once told the Sunday Mirror that her twin sister was "starstruck with Wayne and asked if she could touch his willy, so that she could say she had held Rooney's manhood".

Heroes & Villains - Premier League weekend 3-5 May

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HEROES Brian McBride An excellent display and a vital goal from the Fulham veteran to lift his side out of the relegation zone with a 2-0 win over Birmingham.

Horror Hat - Cristiano Ronaldo's back-to-front baseball cap

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It seems Manchester United star Cristiano Ronaldo was the victim of a practical joke at the weekend. While the 40 goals a season winger was supposed to be conducting an interview with Match of the Day, some prankster had obviously misled C-Ron into believing he was attending an audition for a New Kids On The Block tribute band.

Viral football vids - Cesc Fabregas set on fire

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Arsenal star plays keepy-up whilst ablaze! Does Arsene Wenger know that his most valuable player is getting up to such antics away from the Emirates? Cesc will do anything to promote his TV show for his Nike paymasters. But is...

Meet Stoke City, the new Derby County!

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Promoted Potters will be new worst team in Premier League history So, congratulations to Stoke City, who get to replace Derby County as the Premier League's gimp. Jon Parkin, Richard Creswell, Rory Delap, Leon Cort: these Stoke lads, journeymen through...

Snapshot - Nani gives Lucas Neill a helping hand

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West Ham mercenary offered hand relief by Man Utd starlet? I wouldn't want to share a prison shower with Nani or Carlos Tevez. Not on this evidence. Still, Lucas seems to be enjoying it, and that's what counts....

Football videos - Nani vs Lucas Neill, the headbutt debacle

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Portuguese cheater (not C-Ron, the other one) play-acts after butt And I thought Nani really had something with Lucas? Apparently not. Disgraceful stuff from Man Utd's trickster. Fortunately, the officials didn't buy it. Worthy of a five-match ban (but he'll...

Daily Vote - will Steve Bruce & Wigan Athletic go easy on Man Utd?

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Wigan boss urged by Chelsea to "really, really try" against United Seems that Sir Alex Ferguson has no shortage of go-to guys in a crisis. Alan Curbishley (lurking on the right of this photo) ordered his West Ham team to...

Football Gaydar - Xabi Alonso and Steven Gerrard

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For those who like to hold and give, and get round the back... Liverpool's dynamic midfield duo of Xabi Alonso and Steven Gerrard enjoy a game of tonsil tennis. I guess you never know what sort of urges winning a European Cup will bring out until you have experienced it yourself.

Wonder goal - Non-league goalkeeper scores 80-yard free-kick

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This spectacular goal was scored by Montgomery Town keeper Steve Goodwin in the far from prestigious Division 2 JT Hughes Montgomeryshire League. But thanks to the wonders of mobile phone technology and YouTube the goal was captured and is now available for all to see. Goodwin took a free-kick from the edge of his own penalty area which sailed over his opposite number and into the net.

Snapshot - tattooed Leicester City fan contemplates relegation

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Don't ask us why he's wearing a swimming cap... Who ate all the pies? This gutted Leicester City fan, by the look of him. And all the pasties, crisps and biscuits too. [Spotted on The Offside] Photo Getty Images...

Football videos - When penalty takers hit the woodwork... with their face!

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We have a new contender for our top comedy penalty misses. First of all, the penalty taker makes Gareth Southgate look positively clinical with his weak effort. Then as he attempts to do better with the rebound, he suddenly finds himself eating goalpost.

Snapshot - Giovanni Trapattoni unveiled as Ireland manager

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Old man of Italian football takes control of the Republic of Ireland "They told me to hold up this scarf and look confused... how I'm doing so far?" At least Trap spoke English at the press conference to unveil him...

Snapshot - Giovanni Trapattoni unveiled as Ireland manager

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"They told me to hold up this scarf and look confused... how I'm doing so far?" At least Trap spoke English at the press conference to unveil him as boss of the Irish national team. Which is more than...

Shit Lookalikes - Giovanni Trapattoni and actor Peter Martin

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Peter Martin is probably most famous for playing Joe Carroll in sitcom The Royle Family. In the programme, Joe is the browbeaten husband of a hyperactive Irishwoman. In a bizarre case of life imitating art, his Shit Lookalike Giovanni Trapattoni is about to find out what life with an over expectant Irish mistress is like.

Forgotten wonder goals - Eddie Gray slaloms his way to goal against Burnley, 1970

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Leeds United legend Eddie Gray scored this sexy goal against Burnley in 1970. At the start of the video he is on the byline and in danger of letting the ball go out for a goal kick. He then decides to start treating defenders like training ground cones on his way to goal.

Football videos - Fiorentina 0-0 Rangers (Rangers win 4-2 on penalties), Uefa Cup semi final

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Walter Smith's men can still win quadruple Congrats to Rangers, who reached the Uefa Cup final with a penalty shootout win against Fiorentina in Italy last night. Walter Smith's team might have buckled and were lucky not to concede on...

Football Gaydar - Christian Vieri and Paolo Maldini

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Pies celebrates the homoerotic side of the beautiful game What a lovely couple they make, in their matching tight t-shirts! And just how close must Vieri's penis be to Maldini's sculpted gluteus maximus? Christian, in particular, looks smitten. If you...

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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1. Career path Napoli, Parma, Internazionale, Juventus, Real Madrid 2. Multiple choice Which team's motto translates as "More than a club"? a) Barcelona, b) Real Madrid, c) Atletico Madrid, d) Deportivo La Coruna 3. Picture round Who's this? 4. Team-mates...

Daily Vote - Do Rangers deserve to win a quadruple?

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To the football purist, Rangers are a nightmare. Walter Smith's men play a game that is often cautious, set piece-based and defensive-minded. Lionel Messi accused them of playing "anti-football", and in as much as Rangers are aware of their...

WAG Watch - Nereida Gallardo wears R7 earrings to show love for Cristiano Ronaldo

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C-Ron's new WAG has, er, "class" Ronaldo's new girlfriend was papped this week wearing "R7" diamond earrings (coming soon to an Elizabeth Duke counter at Argos), clearly in tribute to the Man Utd superstar. She also has a new bob...

Football Gaydar - Dimitar Berbatov

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Putting the beautiful into the beautiful game... One thousand thanks to Chringle, King of the Shit Lookalikes, for sending in this cracking picture of Dimitar Berbatov. I'm not sure where he got it, or if it's a Photoshop job, but...

Tell us the video future, win the video present thanks to Cisco

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Here at Who Ate All The Pies we really love our surveys. Yep, we love nothing better than coming up with questions, wading through your responses, chuckling at your witty replies (well, sometimes) and generally finding out what you really think.

Tell us about 'My Video Life' and win £500 or some Nike vouchers, in our easy to enter competition

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You use your camera to shoot video. You use your phone to shoot video. You may even be capturing the world in high definition. Now's the time to get your footage working for you by entering our competition and...

London, meet your new mayor... maybe - yes, it's that Boris Johnson tackle again

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I'm about to go off and vote in the London mayoral elections. Before doing so, I had to rewatch this classic clip, just to remind myself not to accidentall vote an ex-Eton buffoon into power. There, that's quite enough...

Shit Lookalikes - Gary Lineker is Dumbo - it's official!

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Well, as close to official as you can get when the source is the Daily Star! Apparently, Match of the Day presenter and former England star Gary Lineker is being lined up to play the role of Dumbo by a top American photographer. The famously jug-eared forward is wanted by snapper Annie Leibovitz to play a key role in her Disney Dream Portrait Series.

Daily Vote 2 - Who will you be supporting in the Champions League final?

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We knew on Tuesday night that we were set for a historic all-English Champions League final, and we found out last night that it would be between Chelsea and Manchester United. So who will you be rooting for in Moscow? That is assuming you don't support one of those teams, of course, otherwise the answer will be pretty obvious.

Daily Vote - Chelsea vs Liverpool: who was your man of the match?

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Last night's game was a pulsating affair. If you were lucky enough to watch it, who gets your vote for man of the match? Most of the candidates wore blue, although I have put a couple of Liverpool players...

Football videos - Steven Gerrard pushes Avram Grant into the dugout

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This must be a Uefa ploy to get more American fans to watch the Champions League. Look, they have started incorporating American sports into the 'soccer'. Avram Grant brought a bit of basketball to last night's proceedings, and Steven Gerrard responded with a little bit of American football.

Surprising Football Love Affairs #324 - Alan Curbishley and Kevin Keegan

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What's this? Is Kevin Keegan Head Over Heels In Love? It sure looks that way as he grasps Alan Curbishley by the head and looks longingly into his eyes. I'm not sure Curbs is quite up for it as much, but he looks pleasantly surprised by the offer.

Chelsea's new home kit for 08/09 - hit or shit?

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Chelsea's new home kits for next season (blue for outfield players, naturally, and Dutch orange for the goalies) have been leaked on the thing they call the interweb. So what do you think? The blue shirt, complete with old-school...

Football videos - Chelsea 3-2 Liverpool, Champions League semi final

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Highlights of last night's barnstorming semi, the best European game ever contested between these two teams, which usually cancel each other out: Great game, and you have to say the right team won. And I bet Sir Alex Ferguson was...

Ego Watch - the many vainglorious poses of Didier Drogba

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The Drog showed off his masterful range of "look at me!" gestures during last night's CL semi. A man-of-the-match performance: "What's that? You'll have to speak up, I can't hear you because I'm so much richer than you and my...

Chelsea vs Liverpool - player ratings

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CHELSEA Petr Cech Solid until Ryan Babel's late late goal, which he really should have saved. 6 Michael Essien Started at right-back, but got involved in all areas of the pitch. An immense performance. 8 John Terry Not always...

COMPETITION Win a new Umbro England away football shirt!

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More than just a football shirt... Who Ate All the Pies, the football blog you can enjoy between meals, has teamed up with OFFICIAL ENGLAND KIT SUPPLIER Umbro to give one lucky reader the chance to win the lovely new...