Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2008

Shit Lookalikes - Steve McClaren and the Joker from Batman

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Pies reader Berbaismyhero has confirmed what we have all known for some time now. Steve McClaren is a Joker.

Classic Moments - Kevin Keegan crashes his racing bike on Superstars

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A classic moment to surpass almost all classic moments. I've been looking for this on YouTube for ages, so praise the Lord that it's now available for you to enjoy......

Choose your Premier League team of the season - No. 7 holding midfielder

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Since we started asking Pies' readers to vote for the players who would make it into their Premier League team of the season, we've got half the player's names penned in on the team sheet.Cesc Fabregas beat Steven Gerrard to the playmaker's position and now we're looking for a tough tackling central midfield partner to support the defence, break up the attacks and feed the flair players with simple passing.

Play Euroball, win tickets to Euro 2008

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Euroball is an online variation of the old penny football game that you may have played on a table when you were a kid - you know, the one with three coins and no small amount of finger-related skill. It's...

Top 10 swearing incidents in football

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In no particular f**king order... 10. Sir Alex Ferguson loses it on Sky You gotta love Fergie. Any hint of personal criticism and he reverts to Glaswegian type....

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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More fiendishness. Answers after the click. 1. Career path Como, Bari, Juventus, Barcelona (current) 2. Multiple choice Who won the first European Cup, in 1955? a) Juventus, b) Benfica, c) Ajax, d) Real Madrid 3. Picture round Who caught a...

Snapshot Classic - Fernando Torres has big manly thighs

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4 July 2003 Fernando Torres crashes to the floor after his attempted overhead kick during the making of a Pepsi TV commercial in Madrid, Spain. Ooh, check out his big, toned, manly thighs. Photo Clive Brunskill/Getty Images for Pepsi...

Classic Moments - John Fashanu rips his shorts on Gladiators. Awooga!

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Awooga! indeed. Fash has got some mad Powerball skills. Shame about his 'keeping my shorts intact whilst playing Powerball' skills. And a merry Xmas to you, from the Powerball team of Hunter, Wolf and the other guy on steroids....

Horror Hair - George Makaridze

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The young Dinamo Tblisi and Georgia keeper wears his hair tall and proud (even when conceding four goals against Northern Ireland). The tight, wiry curls really set off that Screech from Saved By The Bell chic look.

Gillette Soccer Saturday best FA Cup moments of the season

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This compilation features Jeff Stelling and co and some of their funniest moments covering this season's FA Cup. The video includes a surprising number of uses of the word 'beaver'.

Snapshot - Nicolas Sarkozy, Arsene Wenger and Gordon Brown meet at the Emirates Stadium

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Pies had long suspected that Arsene Wenger viewed Arsenal as the French Embassy in London. And what have we here? Monsieur Wenger is now hosting state visits from French President Nicolas Sarkozy at the Emirates Stadium.

Remember when Gary Neville acted as Cristiano Ronaldo's translator?

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Here's a charming post-match interview with C-Ron, accompanied by a translator who bears an uncanny resemblance to Gary Neville. The Man Utd winger looks like a scruffy, spotty urchin, but this was back in the days before he was...

Snapshot - Michel Platini presents Northern Ireland striker David Healy with Uefa goal-scoring award

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26 March Uefa President Michel Platini presents a special award to David Healy of Northern Ireland. The award, which recognises Healy's remarkable achievement of scoring 13 goals in the Euro 2008 qualifiers, was presented before the international friendly between...

France 1-0 England - player ratings

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David James Could have been quicker to react when Nicolas Anelka raced through on goal. Never looked like saving Ribery's penalty either, although otherwise his handling was sound. 5 Wes Brown Ran up and down the right flank with...

France 1-0 Engand - video highlights (or should that be lowlights?)

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This is for you, just in case you were bored at work and wanted to watch something even more boring than spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations: Jeez, this was a dull match. England's lack of ambition after France had scored was...

Shit Lookalike - David James and Moss from The IT Crowd

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Both consider themselves to be academics and share the same unkempt afro hairstyle - and, after last night's performance, maybe David James should start taking up wearing glasses too...

Top 20 football misses

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Some schadenfreude for your lunch break... Kieron Dyer's entry (the first one on the vid) is a little unfair - I've seen much easier chances missed....

Even Barcelona's street performers are world-class

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Spare some change senor......

Shit Lookalike - Haven't we seen this calamity from James before?

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David James conceded England's only goal against France last night in an almost identical way that he brought down Thierry Henry in Euro 2004 before Zidane claimed victory with a last minute penalty. You can see the goals in the highlights here along with us playing better football...four years ago!

The XI - Ginger players in the Premier League

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Pies celebrates a team made up of Premier League carrot tops (with a dubious guest appearance from David James!). David James

The Daily Vote - Will Fabio Capello eventually get it right?

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Fabio Capello might have seen some positives from last night but we couldn't see anything but the same uninspired passing, dull movement and over reliance on long balls that led to our failure in Euro 2008 qualification. The jury is definitely still out over whether Capello can transform England into a hard to beat passing team - do you think Don Fabio can do it?

Forgotten wonder goals - Paul Scholes' sweet volley from David Beckham's corner, 2000

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As the commentator on this clip notes, you would be delighted if this came off in a training session never mind a Premier League game. David Beckham drifts a pinpoint corner to the edge of the penalty area for Scholesy to volley home with a perfect finish. Scholes himself has cited this as the best goal he has scored.

Video - Haven't we seen this calamity from James before?

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David James conceded England's only goal against France last night in an almost identical way that he brought down Thierry Henry in Euro 2004 before Zidane claimed victory with a last minute penalty. You can see the goals in the highlights here along with us playing better football...four years ago!

Top Ten David Beckham highs and lows

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n the eve of David Beckham's century of England caps we thought we'd take a look back at one of the of the most inspirational careers in world football. Beckham's greatest asset has always been his 'bouncebackability' and his greatest highs have often been driven by his darkest lows - write him off at your peril because he almost invented the recipe for humble pie.

The Wednesday WAG - Yulia Voronin's fashion sense is criminally bad

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My eyes, my eyes! Here's a pic of Liverpool striker Andrei Voronin, one of the league's worst performers this season, out shopping with his wife Yulia. I can't decide who is wearing the more offensive outfit. Andrei is dressed...

Classic Moments - Rafa Benitez's magic hands

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I always thought there was something otherworldly about Rafa, and here's the proof. A magical example of Sky Sports' fancy graphics combining with a manager's touchline orders....

Top 20 underperformers of the 2007/08 Premier League season

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20. Louis Saha (Man Utd) Five league goals and the odd flash of brilliance from the glass-legged Frenchman is simply not a good enough return. But can a player who is injured so regularly be classed as an underperformer? I...

Snapshot Classic - David Beckham makes his England debut

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Becks lines up to make his England debut against Moldova on September 1, 1996.

Classic England vs France Moment - Roger Hunt gives England victory, 1966 World Cup

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This match was England's final group game of the 1966 World Cup. Sir Alf Ramsey's men kept up their momentum with a 2-0 victory over France. Roger Hunt grabbed both goals with a tap-in and a free header.

Andrea Pirlo loses his temper but Marco Materazzi is there to calm him down

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As far as I can gather, this advert is for a group of Italian banks who have joined together to create a formidable team. So good is this team that they overshadow the World Cup-winning team of 2006. And who should be on the next table but Marco Materazzi, Andrea Pirlo and Daniele De Rossi. The punchline - which you don't need to be Italian to work out - is that mild-mannered Pirlo loses his temper while Materazzi and De Rossi keep their cool.

The Daily Vote - Will it be 100 and out for David Beckham?

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Unless Fabio Capello has a very cruel sense of humour then David Beckham will win his much sought after 100th England cap when we play France tomorrow. Since Ferdinand is captain, it's unlikely Becks will start but is his century of caps simply a golden handshake for past efforts (and to silence the media circus) or will Becks still be in consideration when the competitive games start?

Forgotten wonder goals - Jurgen Klinsmann's overhead kick team goal!

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Just look at this strike from soon-to-be Bayern Munich coach Jurgen Klinsmann during his Stuttgart days. Overhead kicks are usually spectacular enough on their own, but look at the build-up play to this one. A pinpoint 40-yard cross-field ball which is casually volleyed into the area for Jurg to do the business with the overhead.

Eduardo gets revenge on Martin Taylor... in a videogame

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In which someone, presumably a slighted Croatian fan, has lovingly recreated Martin Taylor's leg-breaker on Eduardo using the Pro Evolution Soccer videogame - only this time it's Taylor on the end of a scything tackle. Justice is sweet, and it's...

Snapshot - England U-21 0-0 Poland U-21

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25 March England forward Frazier Campbell - who plays for Man Utd but is currently helping Hull to push for promotion to the Premier League - is fouled by Poland defender Piotr Kuklis during the Under-21 International friendly between...

Javier Mascherano's red card, the video evidence

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It seems that Mad Masch has perfected the art of swearing in English. Jose Mourinho used to swear at refs in Portuguese, but the Argentine midfielder didn't figure out that swearing in his native Spanish tongue might be a better...

Top Ten footballers who like having a fag

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It's not a pastime you might expect from a professional athlete but there have always been a few footballers who just couldn't say no to the terrible weed. Jack and Bobby Charlton puffed their way to a World Cup and probably celebrated with a pint and a roll-up. Times have changed but there are still a few sporting heroes who haven't managed to keep their Nicotine cravings at bay - and their not necessarily the pasty faced, yellow fingered, ash tray breathed ones you might think of.

Can Rio Ferdinand cut out the mistakes as England captain?

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Fabio Capello's auditions for the role of England captain continue with the announcement that Rio Ferdinand will lead the team out against France on Wednesday, despite John Terry returning to the squad. Don Fabio made it clear that he would be trying out a few captains before deciding on his man once the competitive games start.

Definite proof that Avram Grant does know what he's doing. Maybe...

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During Chelsea's 2-1 defeat of Arsenal on Sunday, Avram Grant gave this masterclass in tactical instructions. Anyone have any idea what he could be telling his players to do?...

Top Ten footballers who like a having a fag

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It's not a pastime you might expect from a professional athlete but there have always been a few footballers who just couldn't say no to the terrible weed. Jack and Bobby Charlton puffed their way to a World Cup and probably celebrated with a pint and a roll-up. Times have changed but there are still a few sporting heroes who haven't managed to keep their Nicotine cravings at bay - and their not necessarily the pasty faced, yellow fingered, ash tray breathed ones you might think of.

Classic England-France Moment - Zinedine Zidane's free-kick, 2004

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Frank Lampard had given England the lead against France in their Euro 2004 opener, but this stunning free-kick from Zizou sparked a French comeback and they eventually won the game 2-1.

The 10 most unpopular people of the 2007/08 Premier League season

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10. Avram Grant Grant can't win - even when he wins. He's a scapegoat-in-waiting. The only thing that could save him is if Chelsea somehow overhaul Man Utd and win the league this season. Even if Chelsea win the Champions...

George Dawes (aka Little Britain's Matt Lucas) sings 'Football' on Shooting Stars

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Here is Little Britain's Matt Lucas in his previous incarnation as lounge singer George Dawes on Shooting Stars singing a little easy listening ditty called Football. Send that punk off the pitch, bitch.

Honduras defeats the might of the USA, both teams qualify for Beijing Olympics

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Props to Honduras, who beat the USA 1-0 on Sunday in Nashville, to win the final of CONCACAF's U-23 pre-Olympic qualifying tournament. The outcome of the match did not really matter, as both teams automatically qualified for the Beijing Games...

Shit Lookalikes - Ashley Cole and his professional lookalike Leon Knight

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Meet professional Ashley Cole lookalike Leon Knight. Last time we checked Leon Knight was a Wycombe Wanderers striker who began his career with Chelsea. But this Leon Knight's only connection with the Blues is the fact that he is paid to impersonate Ashley Cole.

Shit lookalike - Manuel Almunia and Jonny Lee Miller

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Arsenal's goalkeeper has the same sallow face and ill-advised blonde dye-job as Jonny Lee Miller's character in the iconic Trainspotting - and he's probably feeling like a 'Sickboy' after Arsenal's title hopes went down the toilet on Sunday!

Shit Lookalikes - Manuel Almunia and Jonny Lee Miller

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Arsenal's goalkeeper has the same sallow face and ill-advised blonde dye-job as Jonny Lee Miller's character in the iconic Trainspotting - and he's probably feeling like a 'Sickboy' after Arsenal's title hopes went down the toilet on Sunday!

Forgotten wonder goals - Jon Harley nearly bursts the net from 40 yards, 2003

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This thunderbolt from Jon Harley was the ex-Chelsea man's only goal during his stint at Fulham. Not that any Fulham fan would hold that against him. The 40-yard strike secured three points for the Cottagers against Aston Villa. Harley is currently at Championship side Burnley.

Enzo Maresca headbutts Sergio Aguero (with video) - Sevilla 1-2 Atletico Madrid

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Ouchio! This has to be one of the most blatant headbutts I've seen in recent years. It was inflicted by Sevilla's hot-headed Italian midfielder Enzo Maresca on Argentine wonderkid Sergio Aguero. Maresca could face a long ban after being...

Matt Lucas / George Dawes singing Football

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Here is Little Britain's Matt Lucas in his previous incarnation as lounge singer George Dawes on Shooting Stars singing a little easy listening ditty called Football. Send that punk off the pitch, bitch.

Premier League Easter weekend - 10 conclusions

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1. Man Utd will win the title. Any talk by Fergie of a three-horse race is typically disingenuous. Arsenal are spent, Chelsea are not quite good enough. The bookies now have United at around 1-4 to retain their title. I'd...

The Daily Vote - did Javier Mascherano deserve a red card?

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'Mad Masch' faces a £100,000 fine after he was sent off for Liverpool against Man Utd, after receiving two yellow cards, the second for repeated dissent. Liverpool are incensed with ref Steve 'Respect my authority' Bennett, who has not booked...

Top 10 football photos from the Easter weekend

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23 March Wayne Rooney tangles with Jose 'Hong Kong Phooey' Reina during the Premier League match between Manchester United and Liverpool at Old Trafford. Man Utd won 3-0 to strengthen their position at the top of the table. Click...

Burnley's blimp is released into the wild

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Just before Christmas a promotional blimp floating above Burnley's Turf Moor ground had its wires cut and was set free. This caused a bit of a stir with air traffic control informed of the stray inflatable. Unfortunately for the prat who can expect a knock on the door from police shortly, footage of the incident has now made it onto YouTube.

Tiny Carquefou knock Marseille out of the French Cup

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Fifth division outfit Carquefou pulled off a huge shock in the French Cup this week as they dumped Marseille out of the competition. The winning goal in the 1-0 victory was scored by Senegalese midfielder Papa Idrissa N'Doye.

The 10 most entertaining players of the Premier League 2007/08 season

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Entertainment comes in different shapes and sizes... 10. Dimitar Berbatov (Spurs) He's struggled at times with his attitude and form, but despite that there are still few players I enjoy watching more than the sulky/silky Bulgarian. His first touch is...

Mido has horror tackle previous

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Mido's eye-high lunge at Gael Clichy last weekend wasn't the Egyptian's first nasty challenge. This horrific tackle came in a supposed friendly match. It would be a nasty challenge whoever had made it, but with Mido's weight behind it... ouch!

Forgotten wonder goals - Marcio's flick for Brazil against Sweden, 1983

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Brazil's Marcio scores with a very cheeky backheel flick at the near post for Brazil in a friendly match against Sweden in 1983.

The Fiendish Good Friday Quiz

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Jesus Christ, this quiz is going out to you! To all Pies' readers, have a great Easter. (Answers after the click, as usual) 1. Career path Le Havre, Auxerre, Rangers, Newcastle, Juventus, Lyon (current) 2. Multiple choice Which nation made...

Choose your Premier League team of the season - No. 6 Playmaker

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As you might have see, we've been asking Pies' readers to pick their team of the season by voting for players in each position. So far, the back four is sorted with David James in goal, Arsenal's Bacary Sagna and Gael Clichy covering the flanks and a partnership of Ferdinand and Vidic in the middle.

Who should be Fabio Capello's next England captain?

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Don Fabio is still auditioning for the role of captain of the England team as he prepares to announce his selection for only his second game in charge - next week's friendly against Thierry Henry and co. Steven Gerrard was given the armband in his first match but there are rumours that Capello agrees with most in that Gerrard is a different capatain at club level than he is with the Three Lions on his shirt.

Ashley Cole's 'horror tackle' on Alan Hutton. Why did Mike Riley bottle it?

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Because it's Ashley Cole, one of the most despised players in the history of the Premier League, it's easy to get carried away and demand his head on a stick for the awful, over-the-top tackle he made on Spurs' Alan...

Nomis 'damn boots' commercial

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A quite brilliant advert for Nomis football boots. I thought it was a spoof at first, but it seems that Nomis is a real brand of boot. Nomis claims its boots, which are made from kangaroo and bovine leathers for...

What your Horror Hair says about you - Paul Scholes vs David Beckham

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These pictures show Paul Scholes and David Beckham in (left to right) 1998, 2000, 2002, 2004, 2006 and 2008. While Becks changes his hair as often as he changes his designer socks, modest professional Paul Scholes has stuck with the same combed forward ginger hair for the past decade (and probably longer than that).

Top 10 goals directly from corners

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Pies gives you the rundown on 10 of the best goals scored directly from corners.

England squad announced - Becks is back, but would he make your first XI?

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Fabio Capello has just announced his second squad selection to face France in next week's friendly. A recall for old Goldenballs is the biggest story, although Capello hasn't revealed if he'll be wearing the captain's armband for his 100th cap - or even starting. Among the other five new faces missing from the first dquad are Chelsea's John Terry and Frank Lampard while Jermaine Defoe and a long awaited return for Theo Walcott should add some pace to the squad.

Mini match report - Tottenham 4-4 Chelsea (Premier League): one of the greatest league games ever?

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TOTTENHAM 4-4 CHELSEA Spurs scorers Woodgate 12, Berbatov 61, Huddlestone 75, Keane 88 Chelsea scorers Drogba 3, Essien 20, Joe Cole 52, 80 This was a mesmerising, dramatic gem of a game - words can hardly do it justice....

Horror Hair - Justin Hughes of Colorado Rapids

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Colorado Rapids goalkeeper Justin Hughes has truly terrible hair. He looks like a poodle in a headband. Looking at Hughes' curly barnet for too long might also make you want to start humming the theme tune to Jonathan Creek!

The Daily Vote - is Cristiano Ronaldo better than George Best?

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Last night, Cristiano Ronaldo surpassed George Best as Man Utd's as the highest-scoring winger in the club's history. Ronaldo beat Best's record of 32 goals in a single season, set in 1967-68, with two first-half strikes against Bolton. Inevitably,...

Yet another YouTube compilation of funny football moments

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No doubt you will have seen many of these incidents before, but in a different order, and set to different music. That alone justifies this posting. Enjoy... (my favourite moment comes at 1min 04secs)...

News, rumours & lies - Roy Keane hires psychologist, Steven Gerrard to lose England armband, new Liverpool kit leaked

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NEWS Swansea assistant manager Graeme Jones has been released by police after being questioned about an incident in the tunnel after Swansea's league victory at Bristol Rovers. Daily Mail Roy Keane (pictured) calls in a psychologist to help Sunderland fight...

Cristiano Ronaldo takes on a bull

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Cristiano Ronaldo turns matador in this new advert for Fuji Xerox. In the Japanese advertt, C-Ron shows off his tricks as the bull charges round after the ball. Don't worry if after a few seconds you start rooting for the bull - it is perfectly natural.

Mini match report - Man Utd 2-0 Bolton (Premier League)

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Man Utd 2-0 Bolton As predictable a result as you could ever find. Man Yoo could have scored five or six goals, but settled in the end for two first-half beauties - including another wonderful, dipping free-kick - from...

Horror Hair - Emmanuel Adebayor is Samson

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Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor has been branded Samson by The Sun because he has lost his goalscoring powers since having his haircut. The Togolese forward ditched his trademark beaded hairstyle last month and has not scored a Premier League goal.

When Mexican soccer coaches go wild!

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It's a ruthless soccer, er sucker punch. You have to love the slow-motion, 'face full of knuckles' shot. After that, it only gets better. Awesomeness defined......

The 10 worst hairstyles of the 2007/08 Premier League season

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Let's hear it for the quiffs, the braids, the bleach-jobs, the overused hair gel. Here are Pies' 10 favourite hairstyles of the 07/08 Premier League season... 10. Younes Kaboul (Spurs) What's going on here? It's all over the shop. Kaboul...

John Terry parked car in disabled space - are you surprised?

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Shock horror! England captain John Terry was caught parking his Bentley illegally in a disabled parking space on Esher High Street, before 'enjoying a leisurely family lunch in nearby Pizza Express'. According to the Wimbledon Guardian, JT 'has been strongly...

Zlatan Ibrahimovic doesn't like reporters

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Zlatan - cocky, arrogant, deluded prat, or just giving reporters what they deserve? You decide... More Zlatan vs reporters after the jump......

The Wednesday WAG - Yesica Toscanini (Juan Roman Riquelme's bit on the side... allegedly)

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If you believe the rumours in the Argentine press, than Riquelme, who has a wife and kids, has been seeing swimsuit model Yesica Toscanini. Yesica, who also hails from Argentina, has modelled for Sports Illustrated and Abercrombie & Fitch. Would...

Mini match report - Celtic 0-1 Aberdeen (Scottish Cup quarter final replay)

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Celtic 0-1 Aberdeen This is turning out to be quite the season of cup shocks in the UK. Aberdeen are no minnows, but they started as outsiders against Celtic in last night's Scottish Cup quarter final replay. Based on chances,...

Snapshot Classic - Glenn Hoddle signs Ruud Gullit for Chelsea

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This Snapshot shows Chelsea manager Glenn Hoddle unveiling new signing Ruud Gullit in June 1995.

Shit Lookalikes - Ray Wilkins and Peter Kenyon

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Here's Ray 'Butch' Wilkins, accompanied by an impressive pot belly, in action during a friendly for Chelsea Old Boys vs Boston Braves. Hmm, looks a bit like another Chelsea slaphead, no? More shit lookalikes...

Standard Liege keeper Rorys Aragon Espinosa copies Higuita's scorpion kick

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Standard Liege goalkeeper Rorys Aragon Espinosa relived Rene Higuita's scorpion kick with his own attempt in a match against Gent. The Ecuadorian didn't quite get the same contact as Higuita, but the ball didn't fly into the net so I suppose it has to go down as a successful save. I don't know too much about this guy and you probably don't either, so check out his MySpace.

The Daily Vote - the old and the new: do David Beckham & Theo Walcott both deserve an England recall?

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Today's back pages are ablaze with the news that Fabio Capello is set to recall both David Beckham and Theo Walcott to England's squad for their friendly against France next Wednesday. Capello sent right-hand man Franco Baldini to the States...

News, rumours & lies - Hleb tapped up by Inter, Sunderland want Diego Forlan, Berbatov off to AC Milan, Norwich star caught in pants

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NEWS Thierry Henry says that a return to England is 'not a possibility'. So there. Independent Blackburn Rovers sign 31-year-old Swiss midfielder Johann Vogel Goal.com RUMOURS Norwich midfielder Matty 'Party' Pattison allegedly caught drink-driving, dressed only in t-shirt, shoes and...

Jose Mourinho puppet and Sven Goran Eriksson the pimp

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The latest installment of the Rubber One's television phone-in show features Sven Goran Eriksson dressed as a pimp and some cracking line from David Beckham. Need I say more?

David Beckham's new tattoo is Chinese proverb

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David Beckham splashed out on a new tattoo during LA Galaxy's recent tour of the Far East and has been taking the opportunity to flash it around for the cameras. The top-of-the-range tat was done using a technique which is apparently not available outside Hong Kong and appears to have been brushed on to the skin.

Diego Maradona scores hat-trick for Argentina

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Yep, Maradona is back baby! The divine one scored three goals for an Argentine XI against a Bolivian XI (that included President Evo Morales, who scored one goal), in a charity match staged in La Paz to raise funds for...

Luca Toni loves German women, beer

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A funny Sky ad that I'd not seen before. Now that's what I call a pint (and then some) of beer......

Guatemala gets sweet revenge on Mexico. Don't f**k with the Jesus

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I didn't know anything about the whole Guatemala vs Mexico rivalry, but it makes for an interesting story: According to AOL's Sports Fanhouse blog, two years ago Mexico f**ked over neighbours Guatemala in the CONCACAF World Cup qualifiers. Fanhouse writes:...

Guatemala gets sweet revenge on Mexico. Don't f**k with the Jesus

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I didn't know anything about the whole Guatemala vs Mexico rivalry, but it makes for an interesting story: According to AOL's Sports Fanhouse blog, two years ago Mexico f**ked over neighbours Guatemala in the CONCACAF World Cup qualifiers. Fanhouse writes:...

Guatemala gets sweet revenge on Mexico. Don't f**k with the Jesus

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I didn't know anything about the whole Guatemala vs Mexico rivalry, but it makes for an interesting story: According to AOL's Sports Fanhouse blog, two years ago Mexico f**ked over neighbours Guatemala in the CONCACAF World Cup qualifiers. Fanhouse writes:...

Mini match report - Birmingham City 1-1 Newcastle Utd (Premier League)

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Birmingham 1-1 Newcastle I predicted that this game would finish 1-1, and I'm only annoyed that I didn't put any money on it. A vital equaliser from Little Mickey Owen, in the 56th minute, stopped a four-game losing streak for...

The Daily Vote - who's going down with Derby?

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There are only two relegation spots left, because Derby are down. Any two clubs from a long-list of eight could join County in the Championship next season. I have very little idea who those two clubs will be. If pressed,...

News, rumours & lies - £20m David Villa to leave Valencia, Robbie Keane to be fined £120,000, Michael Owen is 'world-class'

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NEWS Spanish striker David Villa (pictured) says he is ready to 'think about my future' at Valencia. Chelsea, Man Utd etc. ready to form a disorderly queue for his services. He'll cost £20m. The Sun Mido must serve three-match ban...

Cesc Fabregas and David Beckham star in new Indiana Jones spoof Pepsi advert

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Walking billboard David Beckham stars in the latest Pepsi advert, as an Indiana Jones lookalike. Becks sports a fedora hat and Indy-style battered leather jacket (with his name and number 23 on the back, of course). Thierry Henry, Lionel...

West Ham sign Nani...

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... in their dreams.

David Beckham shows off new tattoo, part 33885

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David Beckham splashed out on a new tattoo during LA Galaxy's recent tour of the Far East and has been taking the opportunity to flash it around for the cameras. The top-of-the-range tat was done using a technique which is apparently not available outside Hong Kong and appears to have been brushed on to the skin.

Snapshot - Will Michael Owen's goals save Newcastle from relegation?

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Keegan has been banging on about so-called 'six-pointers' but in the end he had to settle with sharing the points as his Newcastle side drew 1-1 with Birmingham last night. The good news on Tyneside is that Michael Owen scored with a typical poachers goal after Obafemi Martins shot was blocked - can Owen go on to repay the Geordies faith by scoring the goals to keep them up?

Wonder goal - Jorge Ribeiro scores from distance for Boavista against Belenenses

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This beautiful strike from Boavista's Jorge Ribeiro never gave the keeper a chance. Ribeiro, brother of Maniche, gave the ball a fair whack from getting on for 40 yards. The ball bounced in off the underside of the crossbar in what a generation of youngsters grew up calling a 'Yeboah'.

Forgotten wonder goals - Tony Yeboah goes in off the bar against Wimbledon and Liverpool

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As we have featured Jorge Ribeiro's Yeboah-esque strike for Boavista this week, it only seems right to remind ourselves of the original. So here is Tony Yeboah - a man signed by Leeds United seemingly with a brief to score spectacular goals which bounced in off the crossbar. Here he is against Wimbledon.

Choose your Premier League team of the season - No. 4/5 Centre-backs

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In recent weeks we've been asking Pies' readers to vote for the best players in their positions to make up our own Premier League team of the season. So far you've gone for the enduring David James in goal while the attacking merits of Arsenal's Bacary Sagna and Gael Clichy have sewn up the full-back positions - but who's going to compliment their silky skills with some steel in the centre of defence?

Lewis Hamilton shows off his keepy-up skills

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You just knew Lewis Hamilton would be half-decent with a ball at his feet. He's one of those annoyingly gifted kids who excels at any sport he tries....

Are referees getting their revenge on Roy Keane?

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Roy Keane can't have made too many friends from officials during his playing career and, with some of the appalling decisions made against his Sunderland team since he returned to the Premier League as a manager, maybe his early behaviour has come back to haunt him.

Snapshot - Energie Cottbus shock below-par Bayern Munich

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15 March Energie Cottbus players celebrate after their shock 2-0 win over league leaders Bayern Munich at the Stadion der Freundschaft. If you're a fan of the Bundesliga, I strongly advise you read Raphael Honigstein's excellent match report on...

Football's 10 most memorable gestures

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1. Paolo Di Canio's fascist salute 'I always salute as I did yesterday because it gives me a sense of belonging to my people.' Yeah, right, Paolo. The nutty Italian has also claimed that he's a fascist, not a...

Female streaker forgets to take all her clothes off (oh, and Mexico fail to qualify for Beijing Olympics)

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Aren't you supposed to take off more clothes than this when you streak? A very poor show from this young American woman, who decided to perform a 'semi-streak' during the USA's 1-0 defeat of Honduras in Tampa, in the CONCACAF...

Football news, rumours and lies - David Nugent not going to Stoke, Jaaskelainen out for season, Bernd Schuster to be sacked, Champions League draw fixed?

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NEWS Stoke City abandon effort to sign David Nugent (pictured) on loan. Also known as a narrow escape. BBC Jussi Jaaskelainen out for rest of season with injury, needs back surgery Guardian RUMOURS Real Madrid lose again, Bernd Schuster on...

If the Premier League is the best in the world, then why does it have so many shit teams?

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I'm really looking forward to seeing how the Premier League relegation battle plays out this season, but not for footballing reasons, as most of the teams in the bottom half of the table are very poor - it's purely...

What would be your dream Champions League final?

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Now that the quarterfinal draw for the Champions League has been made with teams separated into opposite halves, fans who prefer not to 'take one game at a time' will be analysing various permutations to predict this season's final.

The Daily Vote - will Arsenal finish the season without a trophy?

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It's been such a good season for Arsenal, and yet they could finish the campaign with less silverware than rivals Tottenham, who are currently 28 points below them in the league table. With Man Utd and Chelsea starting to make...

Who is England's best finisher?

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here isn't a single English striker in the Premier League's top ten scorers this season - and two of only three national players to score double figures, Lampard and Gerrard, are midfielders by trade. That must be giving Don Fabio some cause for concern, especially since Wayne Rooney seems to struggle as a lone striker and he apparently doesn't rate Michael Owen.

Heroes & Villains - Premier League weekend 15-16 Mar

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HEROES Brian McBride Scored a vital goal against former club Everton to give Fulham at least a chance of avoiding relegation. Emile Heskey Grabbed the all important goal in 10-man Wigan's victory over relegation rivals Bolton. Freddie Sears The 18-year-old West Ham striker scored on his debut to score the winner against Blackburn.

The Real Betis bottle thrower strikes again, Athletic Bilbao keeper latest victim

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Athletic Bilbao goalkeeper Armando Riviero was hit by a bottle thrown from the crowd during their match at Real Betis at the weekend. Bilbao had just taken the lead in the 72nd minute when Armando was hit in the face with a full plastic bottle forcing referee Carlos Gomez to abandon the game. The keeper received stitches in a cut under his eye.

Shit Lookalikes - Lee Carsley and Stewie Griffin from Family Guy

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Surely up there with the shittest of our Shit Lookalikes? One is bald psychopath who lives in hope of one day ruling the world, the other is a bald psychopath who lives in hope of one day ruling the midfield.

Roma take a crafty corner (but the officials don't like it)

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Roma tried to take a very cheeky corner against AC Milan on Saturday. David Pizarro taps the ball with his foot as he places the ball and therefore takes the corner. Pizarro then pretends he doesn't fancy taking the corner anymore and jogs off into the penalty area. Simone Perrotta runs over to the ball and, knowing the corner has already been taken, starts dribbling the ball towards the box.

Snapshot - FC Dallas 0-0 LA Galaxy, MLS pre-season friendly (David Beckham plays 90 minutes, gets booked)

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15 March Landon 'Landycakes' Donovan of the Los Angeles Galaxy beats Marcelo Saragosa of FC Dallas during a pre-season match at Pizza Hut Park in Frisco,Texas. David Beckham played the full 90 minutes for the Galaxy, in front of...

Snapshot - Mexico 1-2 Guatemala, CONCACAF Olympic qualifier

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14 March Maynor Ignacio Lopez of Guatemala falls over Hugo Ayala of Mexico after being tripped up during the CONCACAF Olympic qualifier at the Home Depot Center in Carson, California. Guatemala defeated Mexico 2-1. Photo Jeff Gross/Getty Images...

The Bobbleheads quiz

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If you're a football fan and you fancy a challenge on a par with Pies' Fiendish Friday Quiz, then I recommend that you head over to Chicken Dinner & play their devious Bobbleheads quiz. All you need to do is...

Guess the score - Premier League, 15-17 March

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Pies predicts... Derby vs Man Utd Only one winner here, and of course it's not the worst Premier League team of all time (that's Derby, btw). Prediction: 1-4 Liverpool vs Reading This fixture will surely mark the end of Reading's...

Forgotten wonder goals - Thierry Henry's solo effort for Arsenal vs Liverpool

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The Champions League q-f draw has put me in an Arsenal vs Liverpool mood, so here's a wonderful solo goal from Monsieur Henry, scored at Highbury in the 2003/04 season....

Top 10 toddler tantrums from footballers

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Footballers can be a moody and emotional bunch of so-and-sos at the best of times. Pies celebrates 10 examples of the emotions of a football match boiling over a bit too much and leading to the players involved getting on like a bunch of spoilt toddlers!

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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1. Career path Olympique Lyonnais, Monaco, Barcelona, Roma (current) 2. Multiple choice West Ham once loaned Frank Lampard out to which club? a) Cardiff City b) Swansea City c) Wrexham d) Bristol Rovers? 3. Picture round Who dis? 4. Team-mates...

Football fashion crimes - John Terry's skintight jeans

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The crime The photo says it all - JT, out on the town with a few Chelsea team-mates (including Fwank Lampard, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Petr Cech, Michael Essien and 'loverat' Ashley Cole) at some Emporio Armani launch, was photographed by paparazzi...

News, rumours & lies - Lippi cheers for Arsenal, Gary Neville to make comeback, David Beckham to quit LA?

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NEWS Marcello Lippi, the only manager to have won the World Cup and European Cup, says that he would be cheering for Arsenal in the Champions League. Independent Stoke City sign Wolves striker Jay Bothroyd on a month's loan BBC...

The Daily Vote - Who will win Europe's all-English quarterfinal?

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We knew that there would be at least one all-English tie in the Champions League quarterfinals and Arsenal will play Liverpool for the first time in the competition - with the winner likely to meet Chelsea in the semis. Both teams impressed by beating the best that Milan could offer in the previous round but who will prevail on home soil?

Uefa Cup quarter final draw - Bayern Munich vs Getafe, Rangers vs Sporting Lisbon

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The Uefa Cup quarter final draw in full: Bayer Leverkusen v FC Zenit St Petersburg Rangers v Sporting Lisbon Bayern Munich v Getafe Fiorentina v PSV ... And the semi-final draw: Bayern Munich/Getafe v Leverkusen/Zenit Rangers/Sporting v Fiorentina/PSV A pretty...

LIVE BLOG Champions League quarter-final draw - Arsenal vs Liverpool, Roma vs Man Utd, Schalke vs Barcelona, Fenerbahce vs Chelsea

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So there is an all-English tie, and at least we don't have to look forward to another Chelsea vs Liverpool bore. Arsenal vs Liverpool is a draw than won't please either club, whilst Man Utd and Chelsea will be reasonably...

LIVE BLOG Champions League quarter-final draw

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The draw for the quarter finals of this season's Champions League, which includes the Premier League 'big four', will take place at 12pm. (By the way, the Uefa Cup quarter-final draw follows at 1pm - I'll live blog that too)....

LIVE Champions League quarter-final draw

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The draw for the quarter finals of this season's Champions League, which includes the Premier League 'big four', will take place at 12pm. Watch this space for news as it happens......

LIVE Champions League & Uefa Cup quarter-final draws

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The draw for the quarter finals of this season's Champions League, which includes the Premier League 'big four', will take place at 12pm. The Uefa Cup quarter-final draw follows at 1pm. Watch this space for news as it happens......

Forgotten wonder goals - Mikael Nilsson's banana free-kick, 1993

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Mikael Neilson, formerly of IFK Göteborg, must have wondered what he had to do to earn the same sort of sponsorship money as Roberto Carlos. This superb free-kick against PSV Eindhoven swerved as much as anything the Brazilian could serve up. Warning - this video may contain traces of Clive Tyldesley.

Sammy Lee speaks Spanish with Fernando Torres, Pepe Reina & Alvaro Arbeloa. Kenny Dalglish & Graeme Souness don't...

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From Michael Robinson's new Spanish football talk show, Informe Robinson. If you don't know Robinson's story, he used to play for Liverpool before moving to Spain to play for Osasuna in the late Eighties - he was a handy striker...

Wonder goal - Diego scores for Werder Bremen against Rangers

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This excellent goal from Brazilian midfielder - and Chelsea target - Diego deservedly won the match for Werder Bremen against Rangers, but the Scottish giants went through 2-1 on aggregate. This means we can enjoy Diego's strike all the more! He controls a clearance on his chest, takes two defenders out of the game with a Gazza-style flick over their heads, and then fires home a pinpoint left-foot shot on the half-volley.

David Beckham - fish oil salesman

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Some people took David Beckham's move from Real Madrid to LA Galaxy as a fall from grace and a sign that he was past his best. But Becks has always made his marketing profile equally as important as his career on the pitch. What then are we to make of the fact that the face of Adidas, Vodafone and Brylcreem is now flogging "vee Omeegah free fish oils" of Go3?

David Beckham, fish oil salesman

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Some people took David Beckham's move from Real Madrid to LA Galaxy as a fall from grace and a sign that he was past his best. But Becks has always made his marketing profile equally as important as his career on the pitch. What then are we to make of the fact that the face of Adidas, Vodafone and Brylcreem is now flogging "vee Omeegah free fish oils" of Go3?

Mini match reports - Werder Bremen 1-0 Rangers, Sporting Lisbon 1-0 Bolton (Uefa Cup)

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Werder Bremen 1-0 Rangers Diego's goal (watch it here) was worthy of winning any game, and it was more than enough to win this one for Bremen, if not the tie. Rangers go through to the quarter finals, but in...

Snapshot - Freddy Adu scores again for USA, in U-23 Olympic qualifier vs Panama

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Freddy Adu (No. 11), Marvell Wynne (12) and Eddie Gaven (20) of the United States celebrate Adu's 42nd-minute penalty against Panama during the CONCACAF U-23 Olympic qualifying tournament, held at Tampa's Raymond James Stadium. The US got their campaign...

Mini match reports - Portsmouth 4-2 Birmingham, Chelsea 6-1 Derby, Aston Villa 1-1 Middlesbrough (Premier League)

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Portsmouth 4-2 Birmingham A six-goal thriller on the south coast, although it was slightly less thrilling for Birmingham. Two goals in the first ten minutes from revitalised Jermain Defoe put Birmingham on the back foot early on. A Fabrice Muamba...

Funny old game - Japanese binocular football

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Like some Dadaist experiment, but much funnier......

Westlife's Mark likes the look of Freddie Ljungberg's cheekbones

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Whilst red-blooded Shane and Nicky from Westlife rave about the natural beauty of Scandinavian women, Mark is more interested in Freddie Ljungberg's award-winning bone structure. 'His cheekbones are so sharp they could be used as a weapon! You can't take...

Seven players of Cuba U-23 squad defect to USA

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Seven members of the Cuban Under-23 football team left their hotel in Tampa, Florida, this week. They have not been seen since. The incident has aroused suspicion - inevitably - that they all may be trying to defect to the...

Snapshot - Franck Ribery loses contact lens, Bayern Munich vs Anderlecht

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Handsome Franck hasn't really lost a contact lens, but he's certainly examining the pitch at very closely. Bayern lost 2-1 to Anderlecht in the Uefa Cup at home last night, but they won the tie 6-2 on aggregate. Photo...

Top 10 comedy penalty misses

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Everton and Tottenham's Uefa Cup penalty failures inspired me to put together a little list of some of the most amusing penalty cock-ups of all time. Ah, I love the smell of schadenfreude in the afternoon... 1. The Thierry Henry...

5 observations - PSV 0-1 Spurs (agg. 6-5 penalties)

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1. Juande Ramos' monopoly on the UEFA Cup is finally over, but only just. The Spurs manager has won the competition for the last two years with former club Seville and it took a penalty shoot out to prevent a possible hat trick. 2. Dimitar Berbatov scored one of the best goals of his career with a stunning volley after 80mins that sent the game into extra time against all odds - will Spurs still be able to keep hold of him next season?

Fast match reports - Portsmouth 4-2 Birmingham, Chelsea 6-1 Derby, Aston Villa 1-1 Middlesbrough (Premier League)

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Portsmouth 4-2 Birmingham A six-goal thriller on the south coast, although it was slightly less thrilling for Birmingham. Two goals in the first ten minutes from revitalised Jermain Defoe put Birmingham on the back foot early on. A Fabrice Muamba...

Wayne Rooney's tackle on Niko Kranjcar - how bad was it?

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For all Fergie's pissing and moaning in the wake of Man Utd's FA Cup exit to Portsmouth last weekend, he overlooked the fact that the most reprehensible act on the field was committed by his own player - Wayne...

Raymond Domenech bans the France squad from playing Nintendo Wii

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The France squad for the European Championships this summer are coming to terms with the prospect of two weeks without Nintendo Wii after coach Raymond Domenech banned his players from playing the console during the tournament. Domenech reportedly played Wii - strictly in the interests of his players, you understand - and picked up a nasty little injury.

Shit lookalike - Jimmy Bullard and Rocky from The Mask

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This least flattering of lookalikes comes courtesy of none other than Ian Wright who revealed on a radio show yesterday that Fulham's inspiration, Jamie Bullard, was nicknamed 'Mask' when they played together at West Ham - cruel but true...

Football fashion crimes - Cesare Prandelli's purple puffa jacket

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The crime I noticed the Fiorentina head coach's jacket during the first leg of their Uefa Cup tie against Everton. By thunder, it's a hideous garment, arguably the most shocking coat I've seen a top manager dare to wear -...

5 observations - Everton 2-0 Fiorentina (2-4 pens)

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1 English side dominates against international opposition before losing on penalties. In the words of Morrissey: "Stop me if you think that you've. Heard this one before." I have been talking Phil Jagielka up for an England call-up and it looks like his penalty-taking is already at the required level.

Snapshot - Didier Drogba prepares to bring Frank Lampard down a peg or two

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Four-goal Frank Lampard is getting a bit too big for his boots and Didier Drogba doesn't like it one back. What he needs is a good shove in the back to bring his Messiah-like celebrations to an abrupt end and leave him flat on his face (or at least flat on his belly with his face hanging dangerously close to the pitch).

Forgotten wonder goals - Scott Oakes' solo goal for Luton against Derby, 1994

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Stick with this video while it sets the scene for Scott Oakes to strut his stuff. Picking the ball up in his own half, Oakes runs and runs, and then he runs a bit more before unleashing a brilliant strike. A truly outstanding solo wonder goal.

Forgotten wonder goals - Scott Oakes' solo goal for Luton against Derby, 1994

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Stick with this video while it sets the scene for Scott Oakes to strut his stuff. Picking the ball up in his own half, Oakes runs and runs, and then he runs a bit more before unleashing a brilliant strike. A truly outstanding solo wonder goal.

Choose your Premier League team of the season - No. 3 Left-back

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The Pies' Premier League team of the season is shaping up quite nicely with readers voting for the ageless experience of Portsmouth's David James in goal while Bacary Sagna's seamless integration into the Arsenal team has made him your first choice right-back. Now, we're turning to the opposite defensive flank to find who has been the best left-back in the Premier League this season.

Shit lookalike - Jamie Bullard and Rocky from The Mask

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This least flattering of lookalikes comes courtesy of none other than Ian Wright who revealed on a radio show yesterday that Fulham's inspiration, Jamie Bullard, was nicknamed 'Mask' when they played together at West Ham - cruel but true...

Fake Nicholas Cage is given the red carpet treatment by Real Madrid

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This hilarious video shows prankster Paolo Calabresi conning Real Madrid officials that he deserves VIP treatment when he attends the Real-Roma Champions League tie because he is a Shit Lookalike for Nicholas Cage. This culminate in him being presented with a 'Nicholas Cage 1' Real Madrid shirt!

Kit Parade - Johan Cruyff's New York Cosmos shirt

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Well-educated footy fans will know that Cruyff played for the Los Angeles Aztecs between 1979-1980, but few people know that he also made a couple of guest appearances for east-coast rivals the New York Cosmos (see photo). Anyhow, the 1979/80...

Uefa Cup predictions - PSV vs Tottenham, Everton vs Fiorentina, Sporting Lisbon vs Bolton, Werder Bremen vs Rangers

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PSV vs Tottenham (1-0) Ledley King and Jon Woodgate are set to return at the back for Spurs, which should greatly improve their chances of keeping the clean sheet they need to stand any chance of winning the tie. Gilberto,...

The Wednesday WAG - Roxanne Pallett, Danny Simpson's new girlfriend

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Man Utd defender Danny Simpson has been seen out on the town 'oop north with Emmerdale starlet Roxanne Pallett (I don't watch Emmerdale - is she a wooden actress? Ho ho, see what I did there?). They're not exactly in...

News Balls - Thierry Henry back to England, Fergie & Queiroz in the dock, Chelsea target Diego, Man City angry with BBC, Drogba buys own replica shirts

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Today's steroid injection of football news, rumours and lies... Thierry Henry unhappy after being substituted by Barcelona vs Villareal. Which obviously means that TH is on his way back to the Premier League... The Sun The Football Association has contacted...

How to win football games - play in RED

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A study has found that teams in red are more successful than those whose home shirts are white or blue. The research, carried out at Durham and Plymouth universities, claims that biological responses to colours affect teams' performances. Boffins looked...

Lassana Diarra learns English the hard way

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"You are England so you have to speak English." No wonder Lassana Diarra couldn't wait to quit Chelsea. Just look at this relentless bullying. Apparently Geremi is Diarra's father!

The Daily Vote - if Thierry Henry returns to England, who will sign him?

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Thierry Henry has struggled at Barcelona (too many stars for his ego to rise above?), and recent quotes by buddy Robert Pires about how unhappy TH is in Spain have prompted made-up stories that he could yet return to the...

Roberto Mancini returns to the pitch but even he can't help Inter Milan beat Liverpool

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It would have been a great story: Inter Milan boss Roberto Mancini brings himself on as a substitute in a last-ditch attempt to score against Liverpool. Sadly this wasn't a desperate man's last throw of the dice but the Italian legend taking part in Inter's centenary celebration friendly match a couple of days earlier.

Kit supplier Pony announces its return with David Beckham / Adidas spoof

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Shirt manufacturers Pony are attempting to return to the lucrative football market with this viral spoof of Adidas's Impossible Is Nothing adverts. They even brought in a David Beckham Shit Lookalike for the occasion.

Snapshot - shock result as Cuba hold USA in Olympic qualifying tournament

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Jozy Altidore of the United States (one of our 20 teenagers who will rule the world) battles with Yendry Diaz of Cuba during the CONCACAF U-23 Olympic qualifying tournament at Raymond James Stadium, Tampa. Freddy Adu scored first for...

Match report - Inter 0-1 Liverpool (Torres 64), Uefa Champions League

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Well that was easier than Liverpool could ever have expected. Inter had no luck over the two legs, missing several golden chances and having two key defenders sent off; both were dubious decisions. Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres are...

Massimo Maccarone, better now than he was at Middlesbrough

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This is Massimo Maccarone, scoring a thunderbolt free-kick for Siena against Fiorentina. I have it on good authority that this is the same Massimo Maccarone who scored approximately zero thunderbolt free-kicks for Middlesbrough between 2002-2007. What is it about...

Four English clubs in the Champions League quarter finals - why do I get the feeling that they'll draw each other?

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No country has dominated the last eight of the Champions League in such a fashion, so congrats to Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal and Man Utd for making the quarter finals - I reserve special praise for Liverpool and Chelsea, who comfortably...

Will off field problems ruin Liverpool's Champions League hopes?

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It seems that every time Liverpool start to perform on the pitch, another problem arises off it to put them off their stride. The Reds have been embroiled in a takeover battle between their American owners and interested Arabs for most of the season - and the latest bout could threaten their Champions League hopes.

Champions League preview & prediction - Inter Milan vs Liverpool

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Inter Milan vs Liverpool (0-2), 7.45pm GMT, San Siro If Liverpool can score just one goal in Milan, then the tie is effectively over, as Inter would then need to score four goals to win the tie - that's not...

Fans, player and coaches of Deportivo de Cali and America riot the Colombian way

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These crazy scenes come from Colombia and the Cali derby between Deportivo and America on Saturday. With Deportivo winning 1-0 a riot broke out in the stands. Police moved in prompting referee Wilmer Roldan to abandon the match on 82 minutes. Being the consummate professionals they are, the America players did the only thing the could and chased the referee off the pitch.

The XI - Outside the Premier League

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There has been no better time to be a Football League player given the number of Championship clubs through to the FA Cup semi-finals. Here is Pies run down on XI of the best players outside the Premier League.

Horror Hair - Glen Johnson

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The Horror Hair afro is back, folks! Emmanuel Adebayor was featured on Pies a couple of weeks ago, and now we are showcasing the beautifully burgeoning afro of Portsmouth's Glen Johnson.

Wonder goals - Dodo scores a classy volley for Fluminense against Arsenal

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If you thought dodos were extinct, think again. Here is video evidence that they are not only alive and well, but also capable of scoring sweet volleys. This particular Dodo is a Fluminense player and he scored a wonder goal against Arsenal (no, not that Arsenal but Argentina's Arsenal de Sarandi) this week.

Snapshot - Liverpool prepare to face Inter Milan

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Fernando Torres (left) tries to win the ball from team-mate Sami Hyypia during a Liverpool training session ahead of their Champions League match against Inter Milan tonight. Liverpool lead 2-0 from the first leg at Anfield. Photo Alex Livesey/Getty...

MLS stars Tellman & Albright like to hang out in hot tubs with drunken college girls

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And who can blame 'em? Here's Taylor Twellman (aka Iceman from Top Gun), a striker for New England Revolution and the US national team, cold-chilling with some college types in a hot tub in Cancun, Mexico. Is he going to...

News Balls - Tom Hicks says 'I'm not for sale', dad-to-be Xabi Alonso left behind, Spurs want to upgrade Bent & Chimbonda

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Today's hot news from the leather-stitched world that is football... Liverpool travel to Milan for Champions League tie against Inter, but Xabi Alonso (pictured with his missus) stays in England to see the birth of his first child. Rafa Benitez...

Shit Lookalikes - David Gold (Birmingham City owner) and Malcolm McDowell (Clockwork Orange actor)

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As spotted by me, whilst watching Sky Sports News this morning (Yes, I am a masochist). I will give myself a pat on the back now... More Shit Lookalikes...

Classic Moments - Liverpool 3-1 Inter Milan, European Cup, 1965

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In 1965, Liverpool went into the second leg of their European Cup semi final with a two-goal advantage against Inter, thanks to this sterling performance at Anfield. Sound familiar? Unfortunately, Liverpool lost the return leg 3-0, which meant that Inter...

The Daily Vote - Does Michael Owen still have an England career?

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He may have scored 40 goals for his country but, as Don Fabio has already shown, reputations count for nothing under his new England regime - just ask Becks. Owen only just made Capello's first England squad but was snubbed against Switzerland with suggestions that he was only fourth in the strikers pecking order - and his Newcastle form hasn't exactly strengthened a case for inclusion.

Which footballer would you slap in the face?

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This is how gridiron giant John Henderson (a 6ft 7in defensive tackle for Jacksonville Jaguars) gets hyped up before a match. Ok, whatever works for you dude... Which footballer would you like to motivate with a big slap before a...

Are big teams bothered about the FA Cup anymore?

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After this weekend's giant killing exploits in the FA Cup, there will only be one top flight team (Portsmouth) in the semi-finals for the first time in a century - and it's been 33 years since the final last lacked one of the big clubs from United, Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs and even Everton.

Choose your Premier League team of the season - No. 2 Right back

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We're continuing our search for the best players plying their trade in the Premier League this season - as chosen by Pies' readers. So far, 23% of you have slightly surprisingly named David James as the league's best goalkeeper - and that was before Portsmouth put Man United out of the FA Cup. Now it's time to turn our attention to the defence in front of him and first up is the right-back slot.

Shit Lookalikes - Dylan Moran and Stephen Hunt

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A couple of windswept, wild-haired Irish rogues, as nominated by - who else? - Sir Chringle of Lookalikesville. Fine spot sir....

FA Cup quarter final recap, or The Weekend of the Giant Killers (with video highlights)

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Well, that was different. Thanks to social commitments, I somehow avoided finding out that both Man Utd and Chelsea had been knocked out of the Cup until Sunday evening, by which time I was slightly drunk and therefore could not...

The Snapshot - Lineker, Hansen, Shearer and co. enjoy Barnsley's high-tech commentary booth

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Ah, how nice to see the Beeb's overpaid pundits being forced to endure the rustic charms of a proper, old-school football club. No frills in South Yorkshire, son. Messrs Lineker, Hansen and Shearer don't look impressed, do they?...

FA Cup semi final draw - Barnsley v Cardiff City, West Brom v Portsmouth

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Barnsley v Cardiff City West Brom v Portsmouth Well, Trevor Brooking and Bryan Robson made that an exciting two minutes of my life. There's not much to say about the draw, except that each of the four teams will still...

The Daily Vote - who deserves to win the FA Cup?

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Portsmouth, Cardiff City, Barnsley, West Bromwich Albion - take your pick from the least glamorous semi-final line-up the FA Cup has seen in years... surveys - Take Our Poll...

Lionel Messi proves that stretching to flick the ball over your head while running round giant cones is bad for your hamstring

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One day Adidas has Lionel Messi stretching his leg behind him around giant sand-covered cones, and the next thing his hamstring is kaput. Coincidence? I think not...

Barnsley 300 film trailer

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There are, it seems, numerous ways for football fans to channel the adrenaline generated by an FA Cup shock or two. For one pumped-up Barnsley fan, a YouTube montage in the style of a film trailer for 300 seemed like the most appropriate course of action. Enjoy.

Forgotten wonder goals - the Russian three-step

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Brilliant choreography from the Russians, confusing the hell out of their opponents. Anyone know which team it was?...

Heroes & Villains - FA Cup quarter-finals and Premier League weekend 8-9 Mar

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HEROES Kayode Odejayi Oh, you thought he might be here, did you? Odejayi rose to head home Barnsley's winner against Chelsea.

Shit Lookalikes - Obafemi Martins and a sea urchin

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Sadly this photograph doesn't quite do justice to Obafemi Martins' gravity-defying new hairdo. The Newcastle United striker has developed some pretty impressive spikes that would risk puncturing the ball if the Magpies ever got any decent crosses into him!

Video of Cowdenbeath vs Dunfermline, 1920 - a football blast from the past

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As this fascinating, poignant video informs us, 'there were 18,000 fans at this match', and every single one of them (men, women & children) was wearing a flat cap - like footballs, I'm sure flat caps were much heavier...

Choose your Premier League team of the season - No. 1 Goalkeeper

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With only around ten games to go, it's safe to say which players have been a success in the Premier League this season - so we've decided to assemble a team of the best performing players as chosen by 'Pies readers. We start in between the sticks with those eccentric loners who claim to be a different breed from their outfield teammates - the goalkeepers.

Dundee's Derek Lyle falls through a glass table

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At the start of the season Pies presented its Silly Injuries XI celebrating the footballers who had managed to rule themselves out of contention for selection in bizarre circumstances. We can now add to that list Dundee's Derek Lyle. The striker some how managed to fall through a glass table in his home which means he will miss his side's Scottish Cup quarter-final against Queen of the South.

How to rebuild an ancient team, by AC Milan - buy back Andriy Shevchenko from Chelsea, and unretire Paolo Maldini

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AC Milan overlord Silvio Berlusconi has been making noises about wanting to buy back Sheva - he's like the son I never had, sniff - from Chelsea. 'Shevchenko is a player who is ready to help and would be the...

Is it me, or is Aaron Lennon no better than a headless chicken on speed?

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Last night Aaron Lennon confirmed what I have long suspected - i.e. that he's a bit crap, and not good enough to play for England. He may have quick feet, and a strange way of running that involves keeping his...

Shit Lookalikes - Heurelho Gomes (PSV's goalkeeper) and a proboscis monkey

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Not the first time that a proboscis monkey has featured in one of our Shit Lookalikes. First time around it was Sergio Ramos, this time, at the request of Pies reader Gunn, it's PSV's unbeatable goalie Gomes. According to...

Eduardo da Silva, the first interview after 'that tackle' (with video)

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If anyone can translate this for Pies, I'd be very grateful, although I imagine it's along the lines of: 'Martin Taylor is a very bad man, I hire hitman to visit his family, why has Arsene not signed my...

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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Your favourite quizmaster (sorry Rob, your questions are too fiendish!) returns with another edition of the best quiz in blogworld. Thinking caps on, answers after the click... 1. Career path Ajax, Sampdoria, Real Madrid, Inter, AC Milan (current) 2. Multiple...

Shit Lookalikes - PSV star Jefferson Farfan and a tapir

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Another inspired bit of animal magic from Chringle. More Shit Lookalikes to enjoy...

Goalkeeping howler from Werder Bremen's Tim Wiese. Daniel Cousin and Rangers not complaining

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Werder Bremen keeper Tim Wiese made a truly horrendous error during his side's tie with Rangers last night. Everything about it stank - the fact that it happened on the stroke of half-time, the fact that his team were still 0-0 in a Uefa Cup away leg at the time and, of course, the fact that he pushed a 35-yard shot into his own net.

Forgotten wonder goals - Peter Beardsley's chip against Brighton

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This goal from the final match of the 1984 season has everything: aggression, determination, speed, skill. The move starts as a slide tackle. Beardsley win the ball, turns on a halfpenny and finishes with a deft chip.

Forgotten wonder goals - Peter Beardsley's chip against Brighton

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This goal from the final match of the 1984 season has everything: aggression, determination, speed, skill. The move starts as a slide tackle. Beardsley win the ball, turns on a halfpenny and finishes with a deft chip.

Liverpool fans produce 'Gillett - the worst a club can get' t-shirt

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Apparently Liverpool fans are not best pleased with their American owners. They kept that one quiet, didn't they? Some Reds fans have produced the somewhat inevitable slogan t-shirt aimed at co-owner George Gillett. You can pick one up from eBay by clicking here.

The Daily Vote - Who has been the best managerial appointment this season?

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Earlier this week we questioned the wisdom behind some of the more baffling managerial appointments made in the Premier League by asking you to vote for the worst one - with a unanimous 43% not backing Keegan to stage a Second Coming at Newcastle. But among the many misses there have also been a few hits this season, with not only Daniel Levy being able to say, "I told you so'.

Snapshot Special - Mixed fortunes for British teams in the UEFA Cup

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There were mixed fortunes for the British sides still involved in the UEFA Cup last night - although it was our big name teams that suffered while the lesser lights managed a few surprises.

Watch out Chelsea, Jose Mourinho wants to 'kill' you!

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I've missed the regular output of Jose the Rentaquote. So I was delighted to read his recent comments on Chelsea, and what he plans to do to them when he returns to management. 'If I play them [Chelsea] in the...

Central Coast Mariners goalie Danny Vukovic hits referee, collects 15-month ban. Fair or ridiculously harsh?

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Mariners 'keeper Vukovic received a 15-month ban for 'hitting' A-League grand final referee Mark Shield, suspended for six months. After a seven-hour hearing earlier this week the suspension was cut from six months to three. He'll still miss this...

The Daily Vote - Who is the best foreign owner in the Premier League?

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Premier League clubs have become a billionaire's play thing for rich foreign investors in recent times - drawn by the potentially huge business returns from regular incomes, increased television revenues and the hope of establishing international brand values. They may tell you of their love of the game and fulfilling boyhood dreams but, make no mistake, these international fat cats are in it for the money.

John Carew shoots, scores with Alesha 'Strictly Come Dancing' Dixon

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The Current Bun is ablaze with the hot news that Aston Villa striker John Carew is dating TV's Alesha Dixon, winner of the 2007 series of BBC's Strictly Come Dancing. They report this amazing news under the (admittedly witty) headline...

My shortlist for PFA Player of the Year

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It won't be long before the PFA name their shortlist for the Player of the Year award, currently held by Cristiano Ronaldo. I doubt that the PFA will agree with my choices (no doubt Steven Gerrard will make his annual...

Is the Premier League now officially the best in the world?

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We already knew it was the richest and our attacking brand of football makes it the most exciting but, with the possibility of four English teams in the quarter-finals of the Champions League - can the Premier League now officially claim to be the best in the world?

Gazzetta all di Pies - Inter Milan slip up again. Roma in with a shout

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Inter Milan faltered again to give Roma an unexpected sniff of the Serie A title. The champions seemingly had another title wrapped up just a couple of weeks ago as they opened up an 11-point lead at the top of the table. That margin has been reduced to six points after a 1-0 defeat to Napoli at the weekend.

Shit Lookalikes - Anderson and Norma from Shameless

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Many of our Shit Lookalikes have been a bit too good recently, so it's refreshing to return to a genuinely shit one. If you don't watch Shameless, then shame on you - Norma is the lesbian lover of Frank's...

Forgotten wonder goals - Ernie Hunt's cheeky volley

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Coventry City's Ernie Hunt proves that football creativity didn't arrive in English football when Dennis Bergkamp stepped foot in the country. This goal from October 1970 was made in England. Willie Carr flicks the ball up between his heels for Hunt to volley past Everton keeper Andy Rankin. Toffees boss Harry Catterick dismissed the goal as "Like something out of a circus.

Kit Parade - FC Nurnberg are sponsored by Mister Lady (snigger)

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Many thanks to Pies regular Joe for alerting me to the magnificence of Nurnberg's current strip. The colour scheme is pretty nondescript - it's all about the shirt sponsor. Who wouldn't walk onto the pitch feeling a few inches taller...

10 players you could confuse for tramps

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Pies celebrates 10 players for whom being named on the substitutes' bench meant a lie-in. Here are our Shit Tramp-alikes. 1 Trifon Ivanov

Shit Lookalikes - Benjani and Nina Sosanya

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Pies reader SweetG reckons Manchester City's Zimbabwean striker Benjani is the spit of actress Nina Sosanya. Perhaps more a Shit Lookalike/Horror Hair combo. Keep your suggestions coming, Pies fans.

Snapshot Champions League special - Porto vs Schalke 04, Chelsea vs Olympiakos, Roma vs Real Madrid

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The best images from last night's Champions League matches, which featured Real Madrid, Chelsea and Porto: Real Madrid 1-2 Roma (Roma win 4-2 on aggregate) Rodrigo Taddei (right) of Roma celebrates his opening goal with his team-mate Juan. More photos...

The Wednesday WAG - Danielle Bux (Gary Lineker's rebound)

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Since splitting from his wife, Ol' Jug Ears has sought consolation in the slim, tanned arms of model/ex-air hostess Danielle Bux. The cute couple have already enjoyed romantic holidays in Miami, Rome, Vienna and Barbados. Well, how else is Lineker...

Champions League predictions - can Chelsea join Man Utd & Arsenal in the next round?

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My thoughts on tonight's CL action... Chelsea vs Olympiakos (0-0) As Arsenal showed last night, 0-0 is a dangerous scoreline to defend at home. Do Chelsea sit back and look for a 1-0 win, or go for the jugular. I'm...

The Snapshot - Fenerbahce come back from the dead against Sevilla

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Despite gifting Sevilla a two-goal lead, Fenerbahce managed to take the game to penalties after an equal 3-2 final score. The goalkeeper Volkan Demirel atoned for earlier mistakes by saving three penalties, which takes the Turkish club to the first Champions League quarter-final in their history - cue wild celebrations from his watching team mates.

Oranje Wednesday - Ajax gain ground on PSV Eindhoven

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Ajax closed the gap on Eredivisie leaders PSV Eindhoven to six points with a 4-0 victory over bottom-club Excelsior. A Klaas Jan Huntelaar brace and goals from Urby Emanuelson and Leonardo secured an easy victory. Meanwhile, PSV suffered a 3-1 at FC Utrecht. Despite taking the lead through a Timmy Simons penalty, the table-toppers slipped to their fourth defeat of the season.

The Daily Vote - Who has been the worst managerial appointment this season?

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It doesn't matter whether you're a title chasing club with millions to spend or a club struggling to stave off relegation, the most important decision for any Premier League club is the man they appoint as manager - so why have so many teams got it so horribly wrong this season?

Zinedine Zidane and Marco Materazzi - 30 years on

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This advert for Mexican news agency Milenio shows what might happen if Zinedine Zidane and Marco Materazzi fail to leave their infamous bust-up from a couple of years ago in the past.

10 conclusions - AC Milan 0-2 Arsenal

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1 Arsenal will fancy their chances of winning the Champions League now. It was an incredible victory for them.

10 Conclusions - Man United 1-0 Lyon

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1. Simply the best? That was Ronaldo's 30th goal in as many games this season, which makes him top scorer in the Premier League and Champions League - if there's a better player on the planet we'd like to know who...sit down Kaka. 2. Strength in numbers? United were able to rest layers like Scholes, Hargreaves and Tevez and still win in second gear - will United's strength in depth make the difference this season?

King Kevin Keegan leads his players on the catwalk

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As the old saying goes, when you are in danger of leading a top ten Premier League team to relegation simply hit the catwalk. Well, that is the plan of Kevin Keegan at least. KK and some of his squad took part in a charity fashion show at St James's Park last night. The event was organised by Shay Given and his wife to raise money for cancer charities.

Milan 0-2 Arsenal - what the bloggers say

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Some of the best reaction to Arsenal's stunning win in the San Siro. Some of the bigger Arsenal blogs (Arseblog and Gunnerblog, for example) seem to be down right now, but this is the best of the rest: 'They'll be...

Nani has too much skill for Paul Stalteri

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Most people have too much skill for Stalteri, I concede, but this video shows that Nani has waaaaaaay too much skill for all but the best defenders. Some observers have been harsh on the young Portuguese winger's first season,...

Lionel Messi pings hamstring, blubs like a little girl

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Little Leo did his hamstring during the first half of Barca's 1-0 stroll against toothless Celtic last night, and left the pitch in tears, sobbing like a little girl who's lost her favourite dolly. Messi was replaced by Thierry...

David Beckham warns - 'My Chinese condoms don't work'

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Is this what happens when you use David Beckham's unofficial 'long love' condoms? Best to stick to a name brand, eh......

Arsenal OWN Milan - 10 first thoughts on an amazing night for English football

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I shouldn't be working at half nine on a Tuesday evening, but I've just watched one of the most satisfying football matches involving an English club that I've ever seen. Arsenal OWNED Milan, in the San Siro, and fully deserved...

Kaka doesn't belong to Jesus anymore...

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(Summary is not available.)

Kaka doesn't belong to Jesus anymore...

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(Summary is not available.)

Tuesday Teaser

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Three footballers, each one represented by a set of photo clues. Guess who they are (answers after the click). Clue: there is a Champions League feel to today's teaser. 1. 2. 3....

Champions League predictions - can Man Utd, Arsenal and Celtic all go through?

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Man Utd vs Lyon (1-1) United have the easiest task of all the British clubs left in the competition, thanks to Carlos Tevez's late goal in France in the first leg. Unless they totally take their eye off the ball,...

Will Teddy Sheringham be remembered as a Spurs or Man United great?

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Ever-ready Teddy Sheringham has announced that he will retire from football at the end of this season - at the ripe old age of 42 years-old. That's a pretty impressive run for a career that started as a 16 year-old with Millwall and brought him 289 goals along the way as well as over 50 England caps.

Would you exchange Cristiano Ronaldo for Lionel Messi?

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Man Utd are playing in the Champions League tonight, which means that today's tabloids are faintly abuzz with the 'exclusive news' that Barcelona want to buy Cristiano Ronaldo. Duh, of course Barca want to buy C-Ron. So would any club...

The Daily Vote - Can Arsenal's young guns overcome AC Milan?

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Arsene Wenger claims that his young team will come of age tonight against the old heads of AC Milan in tonight's Champions League second leg. The Gooners dominated the first game but only came away with a scoreless draw. They begin tonight as underdogs, especially in the intimidating atmosphere of the San Siro, but a score draw will be enough to take them through - can they do it?

Kevin Keegan can't promise Newcastle won't be relegated. Why not?

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Imagine Sam Allardyce or Glenn Roeder even saying that they couldn't promise Newcastle United would not be relegated, as Kevin Keegan did this week. Both Allardyce and Roeder would be slaughtered, by the press and by fans - and quite...

Snapshot - Mexico fan wields big green crack trumpet

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A young Mexico fan takes a hit on his big green crack trumpet, during an exhibition match between Australia and Mexico at McAfee Coliseum in Oakland, California (the game ended 1-1, btw). At least, I guess that's what he's...

Teutonic Tuesday - Bayern Munich, Werder Bremen and Hamburg all keep the pace

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It is as you were at the top of Bundesliga with the top three teams all recording victories. Miroslav Klose gave table-topping Bayern Munich a 0-1 win at Schalke. Werder Bremen remain four points behind courtesy of Markus Rosenberg's brace against Borussia Dortmund. Third-placed Hamburg signalled their intent with a 4-1 victory over Eintracht Frankfurt.

The XI - Players Fabio Capello must be having a serious look at

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Fabio Capello has made no secret of the fact that he will not be afraid to bring fresh faces into the England set-up, so here are 11 players that he must be giving some consideration to.

Is Antonio Cassano the biggest baby in world football?

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'Mad Tony' Cassano had a shocker at Real Madrid and now he is on loan at Sampdoria. He's done pretty well there since Christmas, scoring several goals and generally playing well enough to maybe force his way back into...

David Beckham 'Long-Love' condoms. Would you wear one?

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As I was on holiday in Brazil last week - I mention it not to boast but because I was staying very close to where David Beckham recently opened his soccer school - I missed the great story about the...

Shit Lookalikes - Fabio Aurelio and Roland Rat

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Liverpool's Brazilian full-back Fabio Aurelio has the ears and rodent facial features to make him a bit of a ringer for Roland Rat.

Shit Lookalikes - Gary Caldwell & Jan Venegoor of Hesselink and a Can Can dancer

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(Summary is not available.)

Young Manchester City fan loses his food live on TV

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It is difficult to comprehend what this young Manchester City fan must be feeling. Firstly, his 15 seconds of fame come along at precisely the moment he happens to be dropping his tray of chips. Secondly, after spending half-time queuing up most of the way round Eastlands for said chips the youngster is now left with the prospect of watching another 45 minutes of dire football - served up by City and Wigan Athletic - on an empty stomach.

10 ex-footballers who should be Dancing on Ice contestants

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Where are the ex-footballers on Dancing on Ice? Is it that no former player wants to go on it, just in case other players accuse them of being 'a massive gaylord', much like happened to Guardian-reading Graeme Le Saux? Obviously...

Snapshot - Man Utd players prepare for Champions League second-leg tie vs Lyon

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Michael Carrick, Rio Ferdinand and Wayne Rooney warm up during a Man Utd training session held at the club's Carrington training complex on 3 March, 2008. Photo Alex Livesey/Getty Images...

Aston Villa fans, stay classy

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During Aston Villa's 1-1 draw at the Emirates on Saturday, a section of Villa fans chose to sing about poor, wretched Eduardo. Predictable, sadly. The chant most widely reported went like this: 'He used to have silky skills, now he...

China 0-1 Japan, the most brutal football game of the 21st century?

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Karma resulted in a deserved victory for Japan, but only after their players received a sustained kicking at the hands of the Chinese, at the East Asian Championships. I don't recall watching a more calculated 90 minutes of intimidation...

Shit Lookalikes - Blackburn Rovers and a can of Red Bull

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Thanks to eagle-eyed Nahim1989 for this one. Good work fella....

Shit Lookalikes - Kevin Keegan and his ventriloquist's puppet

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Truly the stuff of recurring nightmares. And I hesitate to say which one has more managerial nous - King Kev or Mini King Kev (who, incidentally, looks a lot like Juande Ramos)? As spotted over at The Spoiler...

Shit Lookalike - Kevin Keegan and his ventriloquist's puppet

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Truly the stuff of recurring nightmares. And I hesitate to say which one has more managerial nous - King Kev or Mini King Kev (who, incidentally, looks a lot like Juande Ramos)? As spotted over at The Spoiler...

How wrong is it for a German footballer to go to a fancy dress party as Hitler?

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As you may know, Central Coast Mariners midfielder Andre Gumprecht, who is German, dressed in a Hitler costume as part of his team's Mad Monday 'celebrations', held after the Mariners lost the A-League Grand Final to the Newcastle Jets. What...

Competition winners - FIFA Street 3 for PlayStation3

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Thanks to everyone who entered our EA competition to win one of five copies of FIFA Street 3. We had a great response and I'm going to make sure Pies gets its hands on more gear for you to win....

Pies, the new (old) comment system

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Well, it's not strictly a new comment system - it's just that we've reverted to the old way, where you don't have to register to have your say. I noticed that since we introduced a registration procedure, comments have fallen...

Father Ted coaches the over-75s priest football team

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As featured in one of our past Shit Lookalikes, Father Ted and Father Dougal take charge of an ageing football team, and we don't mean Fulham.

Shit Lookalikes - George Boateng and Chris Rock

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One's a funny man, the other is a combative midfielder. Er, that's not funny, but it is true....

COMPETITION Win FIFA Street 3 for PlayStation3!

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Thanks to everyone who entered our EA competition to win one of five copies of FIFA Street 3. We had a great response and I'm going to make sure Pies gets its hands on more gear for you to win....

Heroes & Villains - Premier League weekend 1-2 Mar

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HEROES Nicklas Bendtner His last-minute equaliser against Aston Villa kept Arsenal top of the table.

La Liga Lunes - Real Madrid move five points clear of Barcelona

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We interrupt our normal La Liga Lunes broadcasting to bring you this overhead kick from Ronaldinho against Atletico Madrid. Unfortunately for Ronnie and his team-mates, this stunning effort was the opening goal in Barca's 4-2 defeat to Atletico Madrid. This was probably one game Atletico's fans wouldn't have minded losing because their victory allowed Real Madrid to open up a five point lead at the top of La Liga.

Mikael Forssell proves even hat-trick heroes can get cold

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We have just about accepted the strange phenomenon of the Premier League's foreign imports wearing gloves from August until April, but Birmingham City striker Mikael Forssell might be taking things a bit too far with his winter coat!

Forgotten wonder goals - Chris Waddle chips Dave Beasant in a five-aside game

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Chris, I have to admire your balls. Dave Beasant, you should be ashamed of yourself. More wonder goals And oh yes, I'm back from my holiday, relaxed and refreshed, and ready to blog the closing stages of the most...