Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2007

Ghaly to Blues for £3million

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Now this is one piece of transfer news that has left my jaw dropping in a most unattractive manner. Okay, so at Birmingham City the limited coffers reduce your targets more than those of the Premiership's heavy-hitters. Yes, Birmingham is not the most glamourous or alluring place for foreign imports keen to move to the UK, and Steve Bruce's managerial track record might not include many impressive trophies, but £3 million on Hossam Ghaly?

Shit lookalike: Brad Friedel and Ron Perlman

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A bit obscure unless you're into comic book adaptations like Blade 2 or Hell Boy. Both films featured the Holllywood actor, Ron Perlman, but if he can't make the next sequel then we're sure former US and Blackburn goalkeeper, Brad Friedel, would be the perfect substitute

Get your very own Instakilt kilt-towel as worn by Ronaldinho!

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The Daily Record reports today that Barcelona star Ronaldinho was presented with a kilt beach towel during the recent tour of Scotland. The 'bemused' Brazilian received the gift from a Scottish fan. The Instakilt is apparently a way for Scots to assert their national identity while holidaying in sunnier climes. It combines the Scottish national dress with the humble beach towel to create a sort of tartan sarong for men who are daring enough to wear skirts in the first place!

Hilarious photos of footballers when they were kids

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Well, whad'ya know? It turns out Fat Frank Lampard is actually carrying a few less pounds know than we he was a kid! This is one of a selection of photos in this excellent gallery of footballers when they were young. Can you guess which footballers this motley crew grew up to be? Answers after the jump. Did you get them? Left to right, it was Wayne Rooney, Steven Gerrard (in his Everton kit!

Sam accuses Buffon of 'common assault'

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Big Sam has accused Italy goalkeeper, Gianluigi Buffon, of common assault for a challenge that almost knocked out rookie, Andy Carroll, during yesterday's ‘friendly' against Juventus. Newcastle actually won the game 2-0 but the scoreline wasn't enough to calm down Allardyce who stormed down from his usual position in the stands to give the referee an absolute earful.

van Persie not bothered about scoring

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Now that Henry's off enjoying the siestas at Barcelona, it's up to Robin van Persie to step up and be the main goal threat at Arsenal, right? Wrong. According to the Dutchman, goals aren't all that important, a bit over-rated really: "It's not my aim to be the top scorer. My aim is to play good football with this team. I think we showed that against Inter.

Iraq beat Saudi Arabia to win Asian Cup

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Iraq have won the Asian Cup for the first time after defeating Saudi Arabia 1-0. Captain Younes Mahmoud headed the winning goal from a 72nd minute corner. The Iraqi squad includes Kurds, Sunnis, Shias and Turkomans. The players had faced kidnap threats, the murder of loved ones, and disruptions to their training schedules. The problems in Iraq forced Brazilian coach Jorvan Vieira to train the squad in Syria and Jordan.

One to Watch: Roy O'Donovan (Cork City)

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Meet Cork City striker Roy O'Donovan who is likely to link-up with his namesake Keane in the near future. Sunderland and Fulham are both interested in the 21-year-old striker who they believe could be the next Kevin Doyle. The Reading striker forged the route from Cork City to scoring regularly in the Premier League. O'Donovan scored 21 goals in the Eircom League last season, and both Keane and Lawrie Sanchez seem happy that he can make the step up to the Premiership.

The Snapshot: Iraq's players celebrate their Asian Cup win

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Iraq captain Younis Mahmoud celebrates winning the AFC Asian Cup 2007 final in Jakarta against Saudi Arabia with his team mates. (Photo by Koji Watanabe/Getty Images) Click here to see the winning goal

Des Lynam to return to footie TV?

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He left sports broadcasting on the Beeb for the money, sorry challenge of ITV and then hot-footed it to Countdown on Channel 4 faster than anyone can say "Robbie Earle –a football pundit?" And now silver fox, Des Lynam is going back to what he does best – footie. Des will front a big advertising campaign for Setanta Sports, letting people know about their new Premier League football coverage.

Quinn slates fellow club over inflated market

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Sunderland chairman Niall Quinn (that still doesn't sound right to me!) has hit out at his Premiership counterparts who have inflated the transfer market, singling out West Ham and Portsmouth as the worst culprits. Quinn said: "There's six or seven new owners who are spending money, but are they getting the type of player that the top four want?

Cult Hero - Dave Higson

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Few know the true genius of Dave Higson, but if you're a Bolton Wanderers fan, you'll know that he's a god. Known for his cry of "Ding Dong Do!", Higson was a fan first and a commentator second. Sadly, the great man is no longer with us, shrugging off his mortal coil at 58. Pay tribute to him by watching this video below.

Kit Parade - Birmingham home shirt

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Looks like Birmingham are going back to their kit of the seventies with the white and blue shirt, as opposed to the plainer uniform blue of previous seasons. To be honest, I prefer this new (old) look as it makes them stand out from the navy of Everton and Chelsea. Nice to see them reclaiming some identity! Made by Umbro, the shirt is available from various retailers, I've only checked the one site, UKSoccershop, who are selling the new shirt for £39.

Friendly Watch: Nani listens to Fergie's backflip warning

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The evidence is that Manchester United new boy Nani has taken his manager's concerns about his somersault celebration on board. His post-goal activities following this delightful effort against Guangzhou Pharmaceutical were much more muted. United won 2-0, Wayne Rooney having opened the scoring from the penalty spot.

WAG of the week: Oksana Andersson

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Things are looking up in Bolton after all... Name: Oksana Andersson Nationality: Born in Russia but now a Swedish national WAG of: Bolton's new Swedish signing, Christian Wilhelmsson – he was also linked with Man City but must have assumed Sven had ulterior motives Fame ranking: 4/10 A model of course but has also danced for Swedish girl group Sunblock - the imagination runs wild Babe ranking: 8/10 – A peach, especially if this picture is anything to go by

Friendly Watch: Dundee United 0-1 Barcelona / TH14 debut

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Thierry Henry scored in the final minute of his debut to give Barcelona victory over Dundee United. Believe it or not, before last night the Tangerines had a 100 per cent played four, won four record against Barca. The winner came from Henry following up his own penalty after keeper Grzegorz Szamotulski had saved.

Jonathan Woodgate voted worst La Liga signing of the century

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It might be a little premature given that are still 93 years worth of transfer flops to come, but readers of Spanish newspaper Marca have voted Jonathan Woodgate as the worst signing of the 21st Century. The £13.7 million Real Madrid signing, now with Middlesbrough, became a little too acquainted with the Bernabeu's treatment room for the Marca readers' liking.

The Snapshot: Brazil women celebrate victory over USA in Pan American Games

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Brazil players celebrate their 5-0 victory over the USA in the women's gold medal match in the Pan American Games at the Maracana. (Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images)

Nani banned from back-flips by Alex Ferguson

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Man Utd starlet Nani has been ordered to stop his back-flipping goal celebration, by manager Sir Alex Ferguson. The Portuguese winger performed a flip after scoring on his United debut, in a friendly against Shenzhen FC, but winced on landing: Lomano Lua Lua famously injured himself after performing a back-flip celebration, and Fergie doesn't want the same fate to befall Nani.

Reo-Coker - world class?

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There's nothing like a warm welcome but Villa's Stiliyan Petrov seems to be clouded by claret coloured spectacles in his praise of new signing, Nigel Reo-Coker. Petrov said without a smirk, 'Nigel is a great player, and I was surprised that West Ham let him go because he's one of the top midfielders in the world. 'He's the type of player who has a great heart, superb ability and he never gives up.

The Spuranos t-shirt from TShirts365

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TShirts365 celebrate Tony Soprano-alike Tottenham manager Martin Jol with this gangster-themed effort. Capiche? The Guardian's regularly entertaining evening mailout The Fiver has been referring to the rotund Dutchman as Tony Soprano for some time now. TShirts365 obviously decided it was time to record this in the post-modernist art gallery that is the humble t-shirt!

Shit Lookalikes: Alex Ferguson and a toucan

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Without doubt the shittest lookalike I've ever posted, but it is a rather amusing pic - so sue me. It was taken during a visit by the Man Utd squad to Chimelong Safari Park in Guangzhuo, China. It looks more like Phil Thompson anyway.

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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1 União Micaelense, Estoril-Praia, Salamanca, Deportivo de La Coruña, Bordeaux, Paris Saint-Germain (current club). Whose career? 2 What was the first club Alex Ferguson managed? 3 Picture round: who's the Miami Vice extra? 4 Last season the fastest goal in Champions League history was scored, after just 10 seconds. Who scored it? 5 Staying on the subject of the Champions League, who's the only player ever to be sent off in a Champions League final?

The Snapshot: Craig Bellamy's first argument with a match official of the season

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New West Ham signing Craig Bellamy gets into the first of an inevitable many arguments with match officials this season. Bellamy and referee Trevor Kettle reach boiling point in last night's friendly between the Hammers and MK Dons. (Photo by David Rogers/Getty Images)

Romanian side have a more relaxing pre-season than most

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While most clubs have their players running around the training ground until they've hurled up the last of those holiday excesses, Romanian outfit Cetatea Targu went for a more laidback approach. The players spent 10 days in a monastery. Club officials took the players into the mountain monastery six miles from the nearest village in the hope that the team would be 'close to God' for the new season.

Ronaldinho plays down St Mirren links!

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Barcelona star Ronaldinho has played down reports that he snubbed a move to St Mirren. The Scottish side tried to sign a 21-year-old Ronaldinho in 2001. Saints claim he turned down a loan move while his transfer to Paris Saint Germain was held up. But at a press conference ahead of Barcelona's friendly with Dundee United tonight, Ronny played light-hearted questions from Scottish journalists with a straight bat.

A funny old game

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If you're clock-watching at work or just need some cheering up then take a look at this collection of footballing lowlights including own goals, gaffes and starting with probably the worst head-butt/dive combo we've ever seen. The beautiful game it is not but we dare you not to laugh out loud at least once:
Comedy Soccer - Watch more free videos

Chinese revolution at Birmingham?

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New Birmingham City owner, Carson Yeung, has a dream – but we're not sure it's one that will help Blues fans sleep any easier tonight. Apparently, the Hong Kong-based tycoon wants to eventually put out a team featuring 11 Chinese players. "China has some good players but I don't think they have the right attitude," he said. "They stop progressing, they think too highly of themselves.

Friendly Watch - SV Salzburg 1-0 Arsenal

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It may be a new season, but it seems that it's the same old Arsenal. The Gunners lost to SV Salzburg 1-0 in their pre-season friendly after creating a bucket load of chances. Vladimir Janocko scored a late winner after Arsenal new boy Eduardo Da Silva went down quicker than a WAG in the back of a limo.
ATVO_-__Salzburg_v_Arsenal-_DEG-MFF_
Uploaded by blackmann69

Thomas Brolin and Dr Alban together in pop harmony

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Thomas Brolin is most famous for two things in England. Firstly, he's remembered for his goal against England in Euro 92, and secondly, that he ballooned in weight and went rubbish. Well, prepare yourself for a third thing. Here's Thomas Brolin starring in a Dr Alban video. Seriously. This will make your toes curl.

Want to write for Pies' club blogs?

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Are you a football fan whose talent for writing is classier than Ronaldo racing down the wing? If you can post stories and features on the Premiership's top clubs fast and accurately, this could be your chance to sign for the hottest squad in the world of blogging. Web or sports writing experience is an advantage but not essential, but a passion for footie is a must.

Fans rip into Kieran Richardson's move to Sunderland

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Over on The Guardian's footy page is some excellent fan artwork concerning the recent move by Kieran Richardson to Sunderland from Manchester United. Many feature Charley Uchea, currently the most unpopular person in the entire world, and presently residing in the Big Brother house. For me, this one got the biggest laugh. It features the caption "Charley's lessons finally paid off and Roy liked what he saw," guffawed Chris Aldridge.

Man City beat Spurs to Martin Petrov's signature

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Sven has beaten Spurs to the signing of Bulgarian international, Martin Petrov, following a £4.7m deal that brings him to Manchester City from Athletico Madrid. Apparently, Eriksson's name and not City's newfound wealth was the reason the winger chose the Eastlands – leaving Spurs to continue their search for a final left-sided piece to their jigsaw.

Friendly watch: Feyenood 1-1 Chelsea

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Frank Lampard and Carlo Cudicini helped Chelsea to a 1-1 draw against Feyenoord in this pre-season friendly. Lampard scored on 80 minutes to cancel out Kevin Hofland's headed opener, before keeper Cudicini saved Roy Makaay's spot-kick. The video below shows Chelsea's goal, which came from some promising attacking play by young substitute Scott Sinclair.

Warren Barton and Rob Lee arrested over limousine theft

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Former England internationals Warren Barton and Rob Lee have been arrested on suspicion of taking a luxury limousine and driving it while unfit. The ex-Newcastle pair were arrested at around 11.30pm last night before being released on bail. Barton, 38, and Lee, 41, allegedly took the Mercedes E220 from a street in east London. The car was found in the same road, after being involved in a collision with a van.

The Simpsons do Bend It Like Beckham

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Is that Nery Castillo she is supposed to be marrying?!

Shit Lookalike: Michael Owen and Jason Manford

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In the same way that overweight comedian Peter Kay looks like John O'Shea we think that another out of condition comic and 8 Out of Ten Cats presenter, Jason Manford, looks like a larger than life Michael Owen.

Dyer could quit Toon over 'family problems'

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Apparently, Kieron Dyer's likely move away from Newcastle hasn't got anything to do with a better contract or his testing relationship with the fans – it's about ‘family problems'. Newcastle manager, Sam Allardyce, sat down with the troubled midfielder and found that his mardy face wasn't just down to a series of injuries, pitch fights or being forced to play out of position.

Shepherd given the boot by Newcastle

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The times are indeed a-changin' at Newcastle. Firstly, they seem to have finally got a decent (and prudent) manager in Sam Allardyce after years of under achievers, and now, after almost 15 years with The Magpies, Freddy Shepherd was removed as chairman of Newcastle United. No fanfare, no fond farewell marked the end of the Shepherd era, but rather, a functional four-line statement that thanked Shepherd for his time while announcing that the deputy chairman, Chris Mort, would step up.

Lionel Messi dazzles with dribbling skills at 5 years old

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Check this video out of Lionel Messi, shot in 1993 when the Barca star was a mere slip of a lad at 5 years old. Frightening pace and skills even at that young age! Watch him bag goals and get a real kicking.

Wilhelmsson signs for Bolton Wanderers?

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Apparently, Bolton have swooped to sign Sweden international winger Christian Wilhelmsson for £2.1million. The Sun claims that the 27-year-old, who had also been linked with Manchester City and Tottenham, agreed a three-year deal with Trotters chief Sammy Lee on Tuesday night. I don't really know too much about him, but watching this video, I'm now very very very excited.

Blackburn want Santa Cruz

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Blackburn are trying to bolster their front line by bringing in Roque Santa Cruz from Bayern Munich. The Paraguay front man has apparently had enough of warming Bayern's bench and and wants a move to the Premiership. Mark Hughes is ready to pay £4.5m for the striker – not bad for a 25-year-old international in today's market, but could it mean last season's top scorer, Benni McCarthy is on his way out?

The Shapshot: Ronaldinho begins pre-season training in Scotland

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No, he hasn't made a shock switch to Celtic. Ronaldinho is in Scotland with Barcelona ahead of their friendly matches against Dundee United and Hearts. The boys from Barca were training at St Andrews. (Photo by Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images)

Shit Lookalike: Carlos Tevez and Blanca from Street Fighter

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Thanks to Pies reader Doug Myers, who has taken advantage of our new Facebook group to suggest this outstanding Shit Lookalike. Carlos Tevez - despite being a dead ringer for Red Hot Chilli Peppers frontman Anthony Kiedis - is also the spitting image of Blanca from the video game Street Fighter. That is uncanny! Oh, and if anyone has a clue whether this should be in the West Ham or Man United category, let us know!

Radiation leaks stopped play

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Italian club Catania have cancelled a pre-season jaunt to Japan amid fears than an earthquake had caused radiation leaks. The tour was scrapped because an earthquake in the northwestern city of Kashiwazaki is reported to have caused radioactive leaks from a large power station in the area. The quake, which struck on July 16, measured 6.8 on the Richter scale.

Be scared, Milan now have two Kakas

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Kaka's younger brother has joined AC Milan's first-team for the coming season. Rodrigo Leite - or Digao in Brazilian footballer nickname lingo - was signed by the Italian giants in 2005, but immediately loaned out to Rimini. But Digao - a 6ft 4in defender - has now been drafted into the reigning European Champions' first team plans for next season.

Dan Petrescu aka Fox Mulder t-shirt from RetroFootballTshirts

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One thing Pies loves about RetroFootballTshirts' range is that you will often come across a shirt in honour of a player who doesn't tend to cross your mind very often. And you can't beat a bit of nostalgia! One such player is Dan Petrescu. The Romanian full-back had certainly slipped my memory, but here he is in the Shit Lookalike-style Fox Mulder t-shirt.

Friendly Watch: Portsmouth beat Fulham 1-0

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Welcome once again to Friendly Watch. It's like the pre-season version of Springwatch, but with less Bill Oddie and more goals. This is possibly - unless anyone can think of another example - the first all-Premiership clash of the season. Portsmouth defeated Fulham 1-0 in the Barclays Asia Trophy with this goal from Benjani (although you are more likely to be struck by the eerily anti-Prem walking pace of the game).

Man Utd fans singing 'You'll Never Walk Alone'!

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I know that Liverpool fans don't have the monopoly on this song (Celtic fans sing it regularly, as do fans of Ajax and several other European clubs) but it's still weird to see Man Yoo fans belting out the song associated with their arch rivals. Are they on a wind-up, or did United fans ever adopt this song as their own? Answers on a postcard please (or just leave a comment!

Kit Parade: FC United of Manchester home kit

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FC United - the Manchester United breakaway club founded after the Glazer takeover - have unveiled their kit for the new season. This retro number does resemble the current Wales strip ever so slightly but with a collar over the v-neck. The shirt was designed by a fan as part of a competition organised by the club and doesn't feature a sponsor, which probably reminds FCUM fans why they are supporting the club in the first place.

Tuesday 10: Chinese take-aways - players who have moved from China to the UK

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With clubs including Liverpool, Portsmouth and Fulham heading to China to take part in pre-season friendlies, Pies looks at players who have moved in the opposite direction to ply their trade in England and Scotland. It is pretty easy to pick out those who had the ability to make their mark in England and those who had the ability to shift a few replica shirts.

Sven to bring Nery Castillo to Manchester City

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Sven Goran Eriksson is set to bring another new striker to Manchester City. I know that many Pies fans would love us to be able to reveal that the Swede's dream partnership is Rolando Bianchi and Emile Heskey, but alas Sven's love affair with clumsy Emile seems to be over. No, this does actually seem to be a pretty shrewd purchase, which leads us to believe Sven had little or nothing to do with it!

Pro Evolution Soccer players I have loved, No.1: Emmanuel Olisadebe

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I always, without fail, used to sign Olisadebe for my Master League team. In his PES prime (he was very good in PES2 and PES3, as I recall), the Polish striker (via Nigeria) was terrifyingly quick, skillful, cheap to buy and deadly in front of goal. He was my own cult hero and I used to decimate opposing defences with him. Ah, happy days. You'll always have a place in my Hall of Fame Master League team, Manu.

Kluivert offered trial at Sheffield Wednesday

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Ajax, AC Milan, Barcelona...er, Sheffield Wednesday. Former Dutch superstar, Patrick Kluivert has played for some of Europe's greatest clubs but his fall from grace seems to have almost reached rock bottom. Since coming off the bench to score the winning goal in the European Cup Final at 18, poor Patrick's love of partying has seen him thrown out of a few clubs – some where he was actually supposed to be playing football.

Marco Materazzi kisses Luis Figo's leg

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A little while back Pies was pondering whether Italian bad boy Marco Materazzi makes it too easy for people to libel him by repeatedly putting himself in compromising positions. On a completely unrelated subject, here is the Matrix bending down to kiss Luis Figo's leg!

Brighton get new stadium

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Brighton, home of pebbled beaches, dirty weekends, men in makeup and now a new football stadium...hopefully. As a Brighton resident, we've been waiting for this news for years but it seems the Seagulls can finally come home to roost. Brighton and Hove Albion have been given permission to build a 22,000-seater stadium in nearby Falmer after planning approval was passed today.

The 'I'm not good enough to play for my club' XI

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There's obviously no way you'll agree with every selection, but I'd still be interested to hear your thoughts on this XI, comprised of Premier League players who I think are playing at a level above them... Paul Robinson (Spurs) If Spurs aspire to be a top-four, title-challenging club, they simply must find a better keeper than Robinson.

Cristiano Ronaldo goes old skool with the reverse baseball cap

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C-Ron seems to be on a one man mission to bring the old back-to-front baseball cap into fashion. We are not sure whether the Man Yoo man thinks it's going to be the latest trend, or if he simply wanted as much of his face on show as possible. This time last year Pies hated this man. He won us over with his scintillating displays on the pitch last season, but nonetheless pictures like this confirm that he is a big tart!

Pies on Facebook. Join us!

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If there are any Pies readers out there with Facebook profiles (I imagine there are quite a few), then I urge you to join our appreciation society. Just type 'Who Ate All the Pies' into the search bar on your Facebook page to locate us. It's free to anyone to join and gives you a warm glow of satisfaction when you do.

Oliver Kahn scores tremendous PES own goal

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Fans of Pro Evo, you may appreciate this Kahn own goal, found on YouTube... or you may not. I always find it amusing when a keeper does something maverick (unless it's my keeper) like this. That Kahn, he's a loose cannon...

Top Ten Ginger Footballers

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There's been a lot in the national press recently about how unfairly the poor old gingers are being treated – it seems they're the last scapegoats for people to pick on in this politically correct world we live in. Well, instead of playing knock down ginger we've put together a list of the top ten ginger footballers who have ignored the taunts and become role models for red heads everywhere: 1.

Top Ten Ginger Footballers

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There's been a lot in the national press recently about how unfairly the poor old gingers are being treated – it seems they're the last scapegoats for people to pick on in this politically correct world we live in. Well, instead of playing knock down ginger we've put together a list of the top ten ginger footballers who have ignored the taunts and become role models for red heads everywhere: 1.

THE VOTE Is the Premiership Big Four now a Big Five? Or, can Spurs really win the title?

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The business end of the Premiership has been dominated in recent years by the Big Four, namely Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool. Few teams have even come close to challenging that dominance, but Chelski boss Jose Mourinho believes that Spurs are now strong enough to challenge that group this coming season, and thus create a 'Big Five'.

Friendly Watch: Wayne Rooney on target as Manchester United see off FC Shenzhen 6-0

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Wayne Rooney scored the pick of Man Yoo's goals as they saw of Chinese outfit FC Shenzhen in a friendly. Wazza scored a Messi-esque chipped lob. Ryan Giggs, Nani, John 'I don't belong in the list' O'Shea, Cristiano Ronaldo and Chris Eagles were also on target in a 6-0 win.
[Via 101GreatGoals]

Shit lookalikes: Eggert Magnusson and Freddie Ljungberg

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As the Sun might say, what a pair of egg-headed Swedes! Interesting that Ljungberg was snapped with the chairman at his unveiling, rather than the manager - is this a signing that Alan Curbishley didn't sanction or want, perhaps? (Ie. one of those Abramovich/Shevchenko things). [Photo: Getty Images]

Goalie kicks a head in

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Some 'keepers will do anything to keep their sheets clean. We all know that goalies are all mental too. So what happens when you try to stick it up one of 'em? Why, they kick your head in! Repeatedly!

Kit Parade - PSG home shirt

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28th and 29th of July sees Arsenal hosting The Emirates Cup. In the tournament, we'll see The Gunners alongside Valencia, Inter and PSG. Funnily enough, all the teams taking part have kits made by Nike. So with that, let's have a look at one of the shirts taking part. One kit I've always been particularly fond of is the PSG shirt. Featuring a brilliant crimson stripe down a midnight blue shirt, the PSG home kit is one of the most striking.

Michael Owen signs to Pro Evolution Soccer 8

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Konami has announced it has secured the services of Michael Owen, who will now appear on the packaging of Pro Evolution Soccer 2008 (I am, although as an Xbox owner I was very, very disappointed with the latest Pro Evo; hopefully the new one will be a lot better). Owen joins winger Cristiano Ronaldo, who will also appear on the cover. 'PES 2008 is a fantastic game, and the only choice for pro players,' said Little Mickey (as he read from a prepared press release in a stilted fashion).

For Thierry Henry, life with Ronaldinho and his new Barca chums is gay

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This one's going out to all Arsenal fans. Look at Thierry prance gaily with his new best friend. Look, he's happy! How quickly he's forgotten the little North London club that he used to call home. [Via Caught Offside]

De Rosario belts in a "smoker" in the MLS

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UPPER 90! THAT WAS A SMOKER! De Rosario's goal in the game between Houston Dynamo and New England Revolution was a peach, but is slightly spoiled by silly commentary.Not to be outdone, New England's opener is met with a bunch of men in wigs firing their blunderbusses. Seriously. With Beckham's move to the US, I imagine we'll all be keeping a closer eye on events across the pond

The Snapshot Special: Fifa U20 World Cup final (Czech Republic 1-2 Argentina)

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Check out some of the best photos from the final, courtesy of Getty Images: More after the click...

West Ham sign Freddie Ljungberg. Does Alan Curbishley know what he's doing?

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Well I didn't see this one coming... I thought Freddie was supposed to go to Fiorentina, but the Hammers have reportedly secured his services and will announce him as a West Ham player at a press conference later today. Hmm, I'm beginning to wonder about Curbs and his managerial instincts. If Rafa Benitez couldn't get the best from Craig Bellamy, I'm confident that Curbishley can't either.

Fifa U20 World Cup final, Toronto: Cezch Republic 1-2 Argentina

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The Cezchs took the lead after an hour, with a nice turn-and-shot by Martin Fenin, but fair play to defending champs Argentina, who blasted back with two decisive goals, including one from the insanely gifted Sergio Aguero (he also won the Golden Shoe as the tournament's leading scorer, and the Golden Ball as its most valuable player) and the winner from striker Mauro Zarate in the 86th minute.

Bobble puts Blackburn in control of Intertoto tie

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Blackburn's quest for Uefa Cup football is going to plan as they took a 0-2 lead in the first-leg of their Intertoto Cup tie with FK Vetra. Benni McCarthy gave Rovers the lead on 29 minutes, but it was Matt Derbyshire's 25-yard strike with 10 minutes to play which put them in a dominant position. Keeper Vaidas Zutautas and a bobble on the pitch in front of him can take some of the credit though!

HolloWatch: Ollie is coming to the Premiership

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Pre-season is under way, which means Ian Holloway is conducting interviews once again. Hooray! Ollie has welcomed himself back into the limelight by claiming his sights are set on promotion to the Premier League. The Plymouth boss said: "Everything I am doing, everything my staff are doing, everything we are trying to do as a board and as a company is geared towards the Premier League.

Fan power: 50,000 ordinary fans to buy a club

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No, it is not the latest online feature the Football Manager series: this is real life. Fifty thousand football fans will soon be bidding for a lower league English team. The scheme has been dreamt up by Fulham fan Will Brooks. His site - www.myfootballclub.co.uk - encourages fans to donate £35 in exchange for a stake in first-team affairs at the new club.

The Snapshot Special: David Beckham's LA Galaxy debut

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Becks dispatches one of his trademark long passes on his debut for LA Galaxy. (Photo by Shaun Botterill/Getty Images) Becks feels the force of a Steve Sidwell tackle. (Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images) Brand and product collide! (Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images) Mrs Beckham watches on, sandwiched by Katie Holmes and Becks' mum.

David Beckham makes his LA Galaxy debut against Chelsea

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David Beckham made his long-awaited LA Galaxy debut when he came on as a substitute for the last 12 minutes of the friendly with Chelsea. The former England skipper was expected to miss the game with an ankle injury, but made it on to the pitch much to the delight of the 27,000 sell-out crowd. He said: "The reaction to me when I just either take my top off or kick the ball has been incredible but it makes me feel a little bit embarrassed at times when I get that sort of reaction.

Top 5 controversial transfers

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With Fergie refusing Liverpool's £6.8m bid for Gabriel Heinze and claiming United would 'never' sell to their bitterest rivals, we take a look at a few transfers that have taken place between clubs with a history of hatred. It takes rhinoceros thick skin and elephant sized balls but a few players have endured the wrath of supporters to move onto bigger things - here's our top five: 1.

Friendly watch: FC Seoul 0-4 Man Utd

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A comfortable win for United, thanks to goals by Cristiano Ronaldo (keeper should have saved it though), Chris Eagles (smart finish after cheeky reverse pass from Ronaldo), Wayne Rooney (more suspect keeping) and Patrice Evra (again, a top-class goalie would have saved the shot).

Champions League Is Gay t-shirt from Stolli Clothing

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The Champions League: the greatest stage for elite players or a haven for overpaid wimps who wouldn't know real football if it nutmegged them? If your opinion is the latter, this could be the t-shirt for you. This Champions League Is Gay from Stolli Clothing is as bold, brash and in-your-face as a Uefa official. It will set you back £11.99, but then you should have the money to spare if you are not flitting all over Europe to watch your club in the Champions League!

Violence erupts in UEFA Cup match

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The beautiful game was blighted once more, in this UEFA Cup qualifier between Zrinski and Partizan Belgrade. Partizan ran out 6-1 winners, but it all pales into insignificance when you watch the ten depressing minutes of this video. When are UEFA, or FIFA, going to address this continuing scourge on the game?

Sven has his eyes on Yakubu for Man City

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Manchester City boss Sven-Goran Eriksson is clearly mental. Why? Well, the former England gaffer will reportedly hold talks with Middlesbrough's Yakubu this weekend over a possible £12million switch. Read that. 12 MILLION QUID! The Daily Mirror claims that the Nigerian striker is unsettled on Teesside, and has been also linked with a move back to Portsmouth over the summer.

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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That time of the week again... 1 Boavista, Benfica, Fiorentina, Benfica (current). Whose career? 2 Roberto Baggio is related to Dino Baggio. True or false? 3 Picture round. Which club's mascot? 4 Which two clubs did Thierry Henry play for before he was signed by Arsenal? 5 Which African country was Marcel Desailly born in? 6 The club crest challenge: Answers after the click.

Meet David Beckham's LA Galaxy team-mates, No.2: Cozmo the mascot

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Name: Cozmo Age: Unknown Position: Mascot What's his story? 'Universally known as a goalkeeper who can stop shots travelling at the speed of light, Cozmo has the speed and skill to play forward for any team on the planet.' Er, is he a goalie or a forward then? The Galaxy's website seems confused about this.

Everton release images of new stadium

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What do you think of Everton's new stadium? Looks a bit 'boxy' to me and I'm not sure about Everton being 'The People's Club'... but no matter. This should please Toffeemen no end! Another image can be seen on Everton's official site.

Kieron Dyer linked with move to West Ham

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Mystic Pies strikes again. The minute we start joking around about seeing Kieron Dyer move to West Ham for a reunion of the St James's Park Amateur Boxing Club, and Alan Curbishley makes it be known that he is interested in completing the whole set of ex-Newcastle bad boys. Curbs is desperate for a replacement for unspeakably stupid £6 million winger Julien Faubert who is out for six months with a ruptured achilles tendon.

Arsenal introduce the mid-game exodus

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The fourth offical at Arsenal's friendly with Genclerbirligi must be pleased he was relieved from electronic board duty for this mammoth, seven-man substitution. In fact, he wore himself out just walking down the queue to check the studs!
Genclerbirligi v Arsenal - 7 man substitution
Uploaded by Nvboy Arsenal won the game 3-0 with a brace from Robin van Persie and a goal for Theo Walcott.

The chronic official song of the Asian Cup: I Believe by Tata Young

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Well, that was the appalling I Believe by Thai-American singer Tata Young. It dates from 2004, but for some reason has been re-hashed to be the official song of the Asian Cup 2007. Not that us English can talk. Anyone remember the offical song to Euro 96? Answer after the jump, pop pickers. If you went for Three Lions by Baddiel, Skinner and the Lightning Seeds, you were wrong.

Victoria Beckham has freaky legs. Yuck

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This pic, taken as Posh teetered to a photo shoot in Beverley Hills, shows that the skeletal one has some freaky-deaky shit going on with the inside of her legs. [Via The Sun]

The Snapshot: Chile 0-3 Argentina, Fifa U20 World Cup semi final

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Angel Di Maria (just signed by Arsenal, apparently) of Argentina celebrates scoring the first goal against Chile during their semi-final game at the Fifa U-20 World Cup, held at the National Soccer Stadium in Toronto, Canada. It was a very ill-tempered game that ended with ugly scenes after the final whistle; Chile also had two men sent off.

God hates West Ham: new signing Julien Faubert out for six months

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In the messy wake of the Tevcherano affair, many non-West Ham fans would love to see the cheeky cockneys go down this season. The chances of that happening are slim, I'd say, but at least God is doing his best and striking down their new players before they've even had a chance to pull on a claret-and-blue shirt. The ink had hardly dried on the bumper contracts of Matthew Upson and Lucas Neill when they were both crocked, and now Julien Faubert is out for no less than six months, having ruptured his Achilles tendon during a pre-season friendly against Czech side Sigma Olomouc.

Classic Moments: Jossy's Giants opening credits

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'Put your faith in Jossy's Giants...' An awesome programme, which used to be essential viewing in the Pies' household. And it was written by legendary darts commentator Sid Waddell. Who could ask for more?

Birmingham City waste £6m on Mido

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Seriously, is Mido worth six million pence, let alone six million quid? That's a lot of money for a player who I would best describe as 'mercurial' (ie. wildly inconsistent, overweight and lazy). Spurs must be loving this deal. According to the Beeb, Blues boss Steve Bruce has also made an enquiry about Mido's Egypt and Spurs team-mate, Hossam Ghaly.

Arsenal launch stripey third kit. You like?

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Arsenal's new third kit, a stripey affair (in 'redcurrant and obsidian', or, for plain-speaking folk, 'dark red and blue-black'), that puts me in mind of the classic Barcelona kit, is launched on August 9th, although you can pre-order it now from Arsenal's online shop. I have to admit I think it's rather smart, at least a lot nicer than Arsenal's dodgy white away kit.

COLD WAR UPDATE: Russians target Michael Owen's knee

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Michael Owen's knee could become embroiled in the diplomatic row between England and Russia over the extradition of a Russian spy for the poisoning of Alexander Litvinenko. With the two countries currently enjoying a game of pass-the-diplomat, it seems those crafty Russians might just have the upper hand. Showing excellent foresight of the bust-up to follow, Russia arranged for the Euro 2008 qualifier against England to be played on an artificial pitch at Torpedo Moscow's 84,000-seater Luzhniki Stadium.

John Terry - made from girders

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There's tough and then there's John Terry. Despite breaking his toe during Chelsea's pre-season jolly against the Suwon Bluewings, he played on and still expects to be fit for this weekend's game against Beckham's LA Galaxy. Meanwhile, poor David still might not make the game because of a slight strain...diddums. Terry is obviously made from sterner stuff but we remember him coming back too soon after literally having his head kicked in by Abou Diaby last season, which put him out again and could have cost Chelsea the title.

Portugal U20 player grabs red card from ref. Doh

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A few of Portugal's U-20 squad react, how can I put this, like spoilt kids, in the dying minutes of their 1-0 loss to tournament favourites Chile in the U-20 World Cup, currently taking place in Canada (Czech Republic will play the winners of Chile vs Argentina in the final, by the way). Here's a handy tip for all young players: it's generally a very bad idea to snatch the red card out of the ref's hand as he's trying to send off your team-mate - unless you want said ref to grab it straight back and shove it in your face too.

Cult Hero: Mixu Paatelainen

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The first Finn to play in the Premier League? Jari Litmanen. Nope. Sami Hyypia. Nein. It was in fact journeyman Mixu Paatelainen. The striker played for 10 clubs before his retirement in 2005, but it was at Dundee, Aberdeen, Hibs and Bolton that he really made himself at home. With a name like his, Paatelainen was always likely to be decent Cult Hero material.

Chelsea to replace Real Madrid-bound Arjen Robben with Royston Drenthe?

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Arjen Robben has reportedly agreed personal terms over a move to Real Madrid, according to the BBC. Chelsea have not yet agreed a fee with the Spanish giants, but the Dutch winger is set to fly to Madrid on Friday. It's thought that Feyenoord's 20-year-old winger Royston Drenthe, who impressed hugely at the U-21 Euro Champs recently, has been lined up to replace his compatriot, as Pies told you last month.

Single white male: have Frank Lampard and John Terry had a lovers' tiff?

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Check out these two adorable metrosexuals, just posin' down for the paparazzi before a Chelsea party in Los Angeles. You wouldn't have caught Ron 'Chopper' Harris in flip-flops (Mr JT) or a thong sandal (Lamps). How long before these two lovebirds get into the recording studio and re-hash Glenn and Chris's Diamond Lights? But, hang on a minute, what's this I see?

Don't f**k with Juan Toja…

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Seriously, he'd kick your f**king ass from here to wherever he wanted to kick your ass to. Look at that mean stare, WWF-wrestling pose and wonderfully conditioned hair. Toja means business. The Columbian native was recently selected to the MLS All-Star First XI that's due to play Celtic later today, at Dick's Sporting Goods Park (love that stadium name) in Commerce City, Colorado.

The Snapshot: Man Utd's training session in Korea

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South Korean fans of Manchester United (Cristiano Ronaldo to be specific) cheer up during the team's training session at SangAm World Cup Stadium on July 19, 2007 in Seoul, South Korea. Manchester United will play against South Korea's Seoul FC on July 20. [Photo: Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images]

Paul Gascoigne: 'Gazza: My Italian Job' documentary

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This excellent documentary, first shown on Bravo I think, covers Paul Gascoigne's time at Lazio in the mid-Nineties. The great James Richardson (he really should be Match of the Day's anchor) narrates. This is part one of five clips. To watch the remaining four parts, click the link below... Part two... Part three... Part four... Part five.

Is John Terry worth £131,000 a week?

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Some good news and some bad news for Chelsea fans. First, the bad news: Chelsea skipper John Terry reportedly broke a toe in the 1-0 win over Suwon Bluewings in LA on Wednesday. JT played on until half-time when he was taken off in a pre-planned substitution. It has been claimed he was given a painkilling injection and could return to face LA Galaxy on Saturday, but it remains to be seen whether or not the injury will prevent Terry from starting the Premiership season.

Shit Lookalike: Gabriel Heinze and Seymour Butts

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Not quite uncanny but the Argentine hard man does bear a resemblance to US porn entrepreneur and star of E4's Porn: A Family Business – whether they pull the same expression after releasing a 'money shot' is open to question.

Homeless World Cup to kick-off in Copenhagen

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"Mmm, cardboard boxes for goal posts, isn't it?" as the Fast Show's Ron Manager might say. The build-up to the 2007 Homeless World Cup is in full swing ahead of the tournament getting under way next week. The competition will see homeless people from 48 countries travel to Copenhagen to take part in the annual street football event. The aim is to raise the profile of homelessness and poverty around the world, and help players to turn their lives around.

LA Galaxy thrashed as David Beckham watches on

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David Beckham watched new side LA Galaxy suffer a 3-0 home defeat to Mexican side Tigres. The Sun claims the Galaxy looked like a Sunday morning pub team. The paper also scoffed at an attendance of just 2,000 and that the hardcore supporters of the LA Riot Squad we have heard so much about numbered 14. Beckham sat in an executive box - ice pack on ankle - studying pen-pics of his new team-mates as Galaxy were torn apart.

Ipswich fine Pele £3,000

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Ipswich prankster Gavin Williams has landed himself with a £3,000 bill after he trashed a team-mate's car. The Welsh midfielder spray-painted Ian Miller's Audi TT. The club has ordered Williams to pay for the damage to Miller's car. And as if he wasn't in enough trouble, Williams signed his name as Pele on a first-team shirt that was to be given away to charity.

Horror Hair: Juan Carlos Toja

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Ah, the Latin American mullet - a Pies favourite. Some of the finest exponents include Luis Gonzalez and Marco Etcheverry. Keeping this classic Horror Hair look alive is FC Dallas midfielder Juan Carlos Toja. The 22-year-old Colombian claims his barnet is in homage to Doors singer Jim Morrison. We don't see it ourselves, but if it makes him happy.

Five football raid jokes

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As you might imagine, since the raids on Newcastle, Rangers and Portsmouth the forums and blogs have been buzzing with jokes at their expense. Here is just a small selection. Feel free to add your own as a comment. 1 Anti-corruption police have raided Newcastle United. Apparently the Magpies have no defence. 2 Police were called to Portsmouth after someone broke into their trophy cabinet.

Five awesome indoor football goals

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1 In a word, wow. More goals below... 2 This Falcao dude has some crazy ball control. 3 Very sweet finish after a neat bit of skill, again by Falcao I think. 4 From the Masters series, a long-range lob by ex-Rangers star Scott Nisbet. 5 Pure comedy gold.

Big Brother's Charley gave X-rated lapdance to Leroy Lita. God help this country

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From today's super soaraway Daily Star: Charley, Big Brother dumbass and cousin to Kieran Richardson, performed an X-rated private lapdance for Reading striker Leroy Lita. I couldn't imagine a classier couple - they deserve each other, much like Preston and Chantelle deserved each other. Lita's reaction to a Daily Star pap coming over to take a photo?

Steve McClown's magic sees England drop out of FIFA's Top 10

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England have dropped out of the top 10 of Fifa's world rankings dropping to 12th. The drop means Steve McClaren's side have fallen to their lowest placing since June 2004 when they were 13th under Sven-Goran Eriksson. Ah! The magic of Steve McClaren! England have not played since the last rankings were announced but have managed to drop four places from their position of eighth in June.

Anelka scores a beaut in Peace Cup

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Being a Bolton fan, it's nice to see my boys ticking over nicely in the Peace Cup. Most impressive so far is Nic Anelka's second goal against Racing Santander. A sublime volley makes me briefly forget about my worries about relegation next season.

10 Brits who did MLS before Beckham

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Wo-oah, I'm an alien, I'm an illegal alien, I'm an Englishman in New York. Or so sang Sting. Well, Pies has compiled a list of Englishmen, Scotsmen and Welshmen who have been sighted in various locations around the USA. Here are the Brits who made their mark on the MLS before David Beckham had arrived. 1 Daniele Dichio Dichio had slipped off the radar of most football fans with a quiet couple of years at Preston North End during which he scored just five goals.

Kit Parade - New Man City home kit

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After a series of decidedly dodgy kits, it's nice to see Manchester City opting for something with a cool retro feel about it. The new Le Coq Sportif kit looks like something from the early eighties with it's ace pin stripe and, from scoping out the fans who live nearby, it's been a rousing success. It's available from Kitbag for £39.99 (shirt only) and will be seen being filled by fat bellies and topped by red faces shouting "COME ON SVEN!

Meet David Beckham's LA Galaxy team-mates, No.1: Landon Donovan

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Name: Landon 'Landycakes' Donovan Age: 25 Position: Playmaker (and team captain)/All-American hunk What's his story? After Becks, square-jawed Lando is easily the Galaxy's best-paid player, on a reported $900,000 a year. He joined the Galaxy in 2005, from San Jose Earthquakes, where he was on loan from Bayer Leverkusen.

Friendly watch: Hartlepool 1-3 Newcastle

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Michael Owen scored his first Newcastle goal since 2005 in Sam Allardyce's first game in charge. Joey Barton also made his debut to rave reviews as the Magpies came from behind to see off Hartlepool. Of Barton, Allardyce said: "He was very good - but that's him just taking it easy, really. He can be anything he wants to be as a footballer. He can be the very best if he wants to be.

Shit Lookalike: John Terry and Matthew Macfadyen

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Next up off the Pies Shit Lookalike conveyer belt is England and Chelsea guvnor John Terry and actor Matthew Macfadyen, who is best known for starring in BBC spy drama Spooks.

Stoke City dominate the annual mascots race

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Stoke City's mascot hippos scored a one-two in the annual mascots race at Haydock Park. Pottermus and his other half, Pottermiss, came first and second in the English Football Furlong. Some of the guys in lighter outfits ought to be ashamed of themselves, but nonetheless just look at those hippos go! Stoke fans, console yourselves that this is all you will be winning this season!

Classic Moments: Gazza's f**ing bloopers

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'What a thick f***ing Geordie bastard.' You said it Paul...

The Snapshot: Chelsea 1-0 Suwon Bluewings

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The "Chelsea FC Girls" welcome fans to the World Series of Football match between Chelsea and Suwon Bluewings outside the LA Galaxy's Home Depot Center on July 17, 2007. Chelsea defeated the Korean side 1-0, thanks to a Didier Drogba goal, which you can watch after the click... [Photo: Christian Petersen/Getty Images]
Suwan Bluewings vs Drogba 0-1
Uploaded by super-goal

You the manager! Select Liverpool's first-choice strike partnership

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Put yourself in the shoes of Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez (just don't complain if you're not the same shoe size). You're desperate to break the Chelsea/Man Utd Premiership axis of evil, so you've spent big in the summer. You've got rid of Luis Garcia and Craig Bellamy and now have the following forwards to choose from for the new season: Fernando Torres, Andriy Voronin, Peter Crouch, Dirk Kuyt, Ryan Babel A pretty damn strong set of forwards, I'm sure you'll agree.

Sven signs Geovanni

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Sven has signed another player for City – this time it's former Barcelona player and fading Brazilian, Geovanni. He may have helped put rivals United out of the Champions League in 2005 but his last appearance on English soil was as a failed trialist for Portsmouth. Here's his goal in that match and 'Arry telling us what a 'clever footballer' he is - surely, an oxymoron?

The Snapshot: Wayne Rooney's new crew cut

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Wayne Rooney, complete with new crew cut, powers past a couple of Urawa Red Diamonds at Saitama Stadium on July 17, 2007. The game finished 2-2. [Photo: Junko Kimura/Getty Images]

MSV Duisburg sign fat Brazilian plus team of zebras

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German side MSV Duisburg have signed some fat Brazilian dud(e) called Ailton (seriously, he's a little chunky, don't you think?). It also seems they have signed a team of psychedelic zebras - at least, that's the only logical explanation I could find for this wonderfully strange photo. [Photo: Getty Images]

Is Didier Drogba a ruthless mercenary or a decent professional?

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When he's not averting civil war in Africa, the Drog is telling any journalist who'll listen that he may or may not stay at Chelsea next season. He is quoted in today's Sun as saying 'Any strong economic pull can make me change my mind.' In other words. if he got offered a shit load more cash, he'd put a money-shaped gun to Chelsea's head and hope they match that offer.

Marlon Harewood signed by Aston Villa. Whoopy-do

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One average Prem club sells average Prem striker to another Prem club. Hmm, it's not the sort of news to make my day. I can't imagine that Villa fans are even that excited about the prospect of Harewood - who, let's face it, is not that good - arriving at Villa Park. He always seems to put in a lot of effort, and does occasionally find the net, but so what?

Mido off to Brum?

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Spurs striker Mido claims that he's agreed a transfer to Birmingham City. Mido has struggled to make an impact at White Hart Lane, even though he's looked impressive (to me at least) since securing a permanent move from Roma last summer. He has been linked with Fulham and Portsmouth, although Mido recently denied he had settled on a switch to Craven Cottage.

ManYoo held by Urawa Red Diamonds

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Man United have been held to a surprising 2-2 draw with Urawa Red Diamonds. The game saw goals from Darren Fletcher and Wayne Rooney. The deadlock was broken when Edwin Van der Saar who failed to stop a long-range effort from Uchidate. Shinjo Ono grabbed a late equaliser.
Urawa Red Diamonds 1 - 0 Manchester United (Uchidate)
Uploaded by MiP-1709

Franck Ribery rides a giant yellow toy pig

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Oh, I enjoyed writing that headline. Seriously though, what the hell is The Ugliest Footballer in the World doing riding a big yellow toy pig? Is it a Bayern mascot or something? It looks a lot like Pikachu, don't you think?

THE VOTE Is Kieran Richardson a good signing for Sunderland?

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Even the most ardent of Richardson supporters could never argue that he was an integral part of Man Utd's squad. Alex Ferguson seemed to rate him more highly than the rest of us - whenever I saw him play for United he ran around like a headless chicken, giving the ball away for fun and generally looking not fit to wear the famous red shirt. In fact, if asked 'Which player would you get rid of this summer?

Shit Lookalikes: Sven-Goran Eriksson, England manager & Sven-Goran Eriksson, Man City manager

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Look at these two jokers. You'd swear it was the same person. Sven really, really loves sitting in the corner of a dugout, doesn't he? Like some sort of bespectacled Swedish cat. He fears the technical area, where other coaches (Stuart Pearce for example) embrace it. Come on Sven, we want to see you get off your well-paid, not-so-well-padded arse and move into the technical area this season in the Prem.

Spurs down with SWP?

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Is there no end to Spurs spending? Rumours are that the club are in 'advanced negotiations' to bring pocket-rocket, Shaun Wright-Williams, to White Hart Lane this week. Tottenham have an eye on a Champions League spot this season and have been throwing money at the cause with several high profile signings including Darren Bent, Gareth Bale and Younes Kaboul.

Thierry Henry splits from wife

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Some new light has been shone on Thierry Henry's exit from Arsenal and his even-more miserable-than-usual manner for most of last season. It has emerged that the new Barcelona man has split from his English model wife, Claire. The Sun claimed Henry said: "I didn't really want to leave Arsenal — they're my favourite club and I loved playing for them.

David Beckham has ankle injury, may not make LA Galaxy debut v Chelsea

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From sublime hype to ridiculous and predictable reality. Yes, Becks LA Galaxy debut, set to be against Chelsea this Saturday, is in doubt due to a swollen ankle. Amazing what £250m will buy you these days. Galaxy head coach Frank Yallop said of Beckham: 'He's not done too much the last two days. His ankle is quite swollen but we hope it recovers quickly and he can have some part in Saturday's game.

Fernando Torres 'El Nino La' t-shirt from TShirts365

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Calm down, calm down. TShirts365 have come up with this offering which is guaranteed to look good under even the most flammable of polyester Scouse shell-suits. This is one of the first t-shirts to hit the market to celebrate Fernando Torres's arrival at Anfield. In Spain the Kid is called El Nino, but on Merseyside he's just La' like everyone else!

Taxandria 0 Feyenoord 12

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Blah blah blah... Feyenoord won 12-0 against someone I've never heard of. Sod all that and watch the video below... 42 seconds in... the Taxandria 'keeper does something quite stunning. [Mof Gimmers via 101GreatGoals]

Asian Cup 2007: Australia 4-0 Thailand

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Self-proclaimed Asian Cup champions elect Australia recorded their first win of the tournament in their third group game. The Socceroos had previously drawn with Oman and lost to Iraq. Thailand were a different matter: not so hot in the air, unable to deal with Mark Viduka and his big booty and unlucky enough to be the first side in 673 matches that Harry Kewell completed a run-on-goal against without tweaking his hamstring, groin or eyelid.

Raymond Domenech says Julien Faubert is 'unspeakably stupid' for joining West Ham

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France boss Paul O'Grady has blasted new West Ham signing Julien Faubert over his move to Upton Park. The £6 million winger joined from Bordeaux earlier this month after a move to Rangers fell through. His international manager says it was an 'unspeakably stupid' move. The France manager said: "I can't understand Faubert's decision to join West Ham.

Horror Facial Hair: Raymond Domenech

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As Raymond Domenech has been mouthing off today, Pies thought it was worth remembering the days when he didn't have a mouth. Here is the France boss showing that, before his time as a Paul O'Grady-alike, he was in fact a proto-Graeme Souness. But look at the thickness of that 'tache! It looks like his balancing a small rodent on his top lip. We would love to see a comeback for a grey version of this moustache.

Top Ten Transfers...so far

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There are bound to be a few more twists to this year's transfer season, especially if someone remembers where they put Carlos Tevez's ownership papers, but new TV money and the arrival of more glory hunting billionaires means there's been plenty of action. Here's what we think are the ten best deals done so far: 1 Fernando Torres (Athletico Madrid to Liverpool, £20-26m) Liverpool finally put their money where their mouth is but will El Nino blow hot or cold with Rafa's rotation policy?

Brazilian ref has the perfect strip

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Playboy Brazil has chosen a Brazilian football official for their next line-up. Paula Oliveira shot to fame after incorrectly ruling out a goal in a Copa Brasil match and received a three-match ban from the Brazilian FA. You can find out more about her and get a rundown of five top footballing females at Pies' sibling site, lostweekend.tv Also on the lads' travel site they've got the lowdown on why Leyton Orient are going to Ibiza but the Wengerboys are staying at home in a round-up of the pre-season travels of our top teams including Chelsea, Man U and Spurs.

Boris Johnson's tackle, once more with feeling

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As soon as I found out that Boris Johnson was going to stand for Mayor of London (he can't be worse than Ken Livingstone, surely), I cheered. Not because I'm at all bothered about who becomes the next Mayor of London, but because it means Pies can repost the greatest tackle in the history of football... Yep, still fu*king hilarious.

Friendly Watch: Club America 1-2 Chelsea

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Chelsea struggled to overcome Club America of Mexico, having conceded a goal after just three minutes. New signing Florient Malouda did score on his debut to equalise, then super skipper John Terry headed the winner with six minutes left to play. Watch all three goals below, plus a rather crap goal celebration after JT's goal. [Via 101GreatGoals]
Club America 1 - 2 Chelsea - SSN
Uploaded by FootballHeaven

Thaksin Shinawatra shows Manchester City fans his true colours

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They could overlook the corruption allegations and even his dubious human rights record, but this might be taking it a bit too far for Manchester City fans. Here is the former Thai Prime Minister proudly holding his United shirt aloft as Fergie looks on. Credit to our mates at Leftback for this beauty!

Cult Hero: Giorgio Chinaglia (New York Cosmos)

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Chinaglia, a striker, was born in Italy but grew up in Wales, where he began his football career, with Swansea Town. But he made his name with Lazio, where he played for seven seasons, scoring more than 100 goals in that time. He remains a cult hero with Lazio fans. Chinaglia was also one of the first big-name players to go to America to play in the NASL (North American Soccer League).

London clubs raided by police

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The beautiful game is living up to its name again with the news that London's Met Police have raided three football clubs today as part of an investigation into alleged corruption. Police said the raids were not connected to Lord Stevens' ongoing Quest inquiry into the Premier League and were "totally independent". The police would not disclose which clubs were involved, or their league status, but said search warrants were executed between 7.

Souness in 'horror tackle' shocker

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Okay, it's not that shocking that Graham Souness is involved in an absolute shocker of a tackle. What is shocking is that, even though Graham lands his studs about an inch below the balls of his opponent, the referee doesn't send him off! Wait until about 2 minutes into the highlights of Rangers match against Steaua Bucharest... and wince.

Kevin Nolan gets the Subterranean Homesick Blues

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Have you seen the video for Bob Dylan's Subterranean Homesick Blues? (Click here if you haven't) Why do I ask? Well, lardy arsed Bolton midfielder Kevin Nolan does his own little tribute to it in his message to the fans of the Peace Cup. I wonder if that's how he writes his blog for the BBC? Either way, Nolan showed his love for the opposing goalkeeper with an absolute howler from a yard out (click here to see).

Victoria Beckham's 'Coming to America' NBC interview

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Californians will love Vic's relentless, vomit-inducing enthusiasm. It's like she's read a kids' book on 'How to Live the American Dream' or something: 'If you wanna be a spaceman, you can go and be a spaceman, that's cool...' Hmm. And Posh is into hiking? Yeah, right - only if she can get her claws on a pair of D&G hiking boots.

The Snapshot: John Terry and Frank Lampard, sitting in a tree...

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John Terry and Frank Lampard snuggle up during an appearance at the Adidas Sports Performance Store on July 15, 2007 in Santa Monica, California. Just look how much the pair love each other. It's scary. [Photo: Lisa Blumenfeld/Getty Images]

LA Galaxy decide they are now football's answer to the Harlem Globetrotters

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LA Galaxy have appointed themselves the footb... soccer ( I'll get used to that some time) version of the Harlem Globetrotters. The MLS outift - who not so long ago were concerned about the effect of David Beckham jetting back to England for international games - have decided that a David Beckham Travelling Circus is the solution to their problems.

Are Arsenal's players too small to compete in the Premiership?

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(Summary is not available.)

Copa America 2007 Final: Brazil beat Argentina 3-0 to lift trophy

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Just when you think you've got this game sussed... Argentina - who have been on fire throughout this tournament and were favourites to win - get whipped in the final by a Brazil side who have struggled along at times. The scoring was opened with a fine finish from Julio Baptista, who hasn't be able to hit the proverbial cow's backside all season at Arsenal.

Spectacular futsal scissor kick goal

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Overhead kicks on grass are for wimps. Real men - despite their girly hair - don't mind hitting the floor with a thud in the name of their art. And this futsal scissor kick is certainly a masterpiece. [Via FourFourTwo]

Arsenal to swoop for Argentine Rodrigo Palacio

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Arsene Wenger has been mesmerised by pendulum-like rat-tail Horror Hair of Argentinian striker Rodrigo Palacio and is preparing to make a £15 million move for him. The 25-year-old had been linked with a transfer to Barcelona, but they have since purchased a little-known striker by the name of Thierry Henry. Wenger is happy to blow the bulk of his income from the Henry sale - and break Arsenal's transfer record - on bringing Palacio to the Emirates.

David Beckham's LA welcome speech

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God, you'd think he was a member of the royal family. And don't think we didn't see you almost call it football, before quickly realising where you were. Slick.

Shit Lookalikes - Fernando Torres and Ziggy Stardust

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Fernando Torres, with his androgyny and mullet bears more than a passing resemblance to glam sci-fi sex pixie Ziggy Stardust. In fact, as this picture unquestionably proves, Torres is indeed a Spider From Mars. Possibly.

The Snapshot SPECIAL: Beckham fever grips LA (sort of)

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(Summary is not available.)

Why is £5 million the going rate for crap Championship players?

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If anyone knows Pies would really like to find out what the answer is. Michael Chopra is the latest player to move for a ridiculous fee. Cardiff have flogged the 23-year-old striker to Roy Keane's Sunderland for £5 million, and who can blame them. That is an extra nought on the figure they paid Newcastle for him last summer. Yes, he had a decent season and scored 22 goals but does that really mean he is worth £5 million?

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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1 CSM Reşiţa, FC Universitatea Craiova, Ajax Amsterdam, AS Roma (current). Whose career? 2 Which European club's crest features a female wolf? 3 Picture round: who 'dis? 4 During the Fascist era in Italy, which club changed its name to Ambrosiana? 5 Who is the only player to have scored in the Champions League with five different clubs (a bonus point for naming them all)?

Cesc Fabregas: I did speak to Real Madrid but I'm staying at Arsenal

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Arsenal fans will be delighted to learn that Cesc Fabregas has turned down a move to Real Madrid and pledged his future to Arsenal. The 20-year-old Spanish midfielder had been linked with a return to his native country for several weeks and the speculation wouldn't go away. Fabregas revealed he has spoken to Real, but was persuaded to stay at Arsenal by Arsene Wenger.

John Terry would 'eat' himself

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If rumours are to be believed (what else are rumours for eh readers?) then John Terry is smoother than Kojak's head. In fact, John Terry is so smooth that when reading an apparent chat-up line used by the Chelsea captain, I went a little weak at the knees. Holy Moly report (complete with the fine pun of Terry's All Bold) that Terry used the worst chat-up line ever with this little beaut.

The Snapshot: Oliver Kahn is strong like bull

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Oliver Kahn, Germany's most notable metrosexual, lifts weights during a Bayern Munich training session on July 13, 2007 in Donaueschingen, Germany. Either that, or it's a German version of hit TV show Superstars. [Photo: Christof Koepsel/Bongarts/Getty Images]

Serbian FA fined £16,000 for racist chants

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UEFA has fined the Serbian FA £16,000 after misconduct by players and fans during the European Under-21 Championship match with England. England's black players, including Manchester City's Nedum Onuoha, were racially abused by Serbian supporters. Trouble then broke out between players at the end of a game which England won 2-0. The FA was given a mandatory fine of £2,000 for the "improper conduct" of England's players during the fracas.

THE VOTE: How long will David Beckham last with LA Galaxy?

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Months and months of relentless hype come to an end on Friday 13th of all dates, as David Beckham will be officially unveiled as a Los Angeles Galaxy player today, at 6pm. He will be paraded, like some very expensive pony, before a select audience of season-ticket holders and special guests. About time too, because let's face it, hype means nothing in football.

Great goalkeeping blunder from the Vietnam-Qatar Asian Cup game

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Pies loves a good goalkeeping blunder - and this is a great one. Vietnam's Phan Thanh Binh unleashes his shot from 25 yards. Qatar goalkeeper Mohamed Saqr lets the ball squirm under his body Massimo Taibi. He can only spin round like a dog chasing its tail and watch the ball roll over the line.

Uzbekistan and their serial killer keepers

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Spare a thought for Uzbekistan coach Rustam Akramov. His nation are not exactly one of football's major powers, but nonetheless they are currently battling it out for the Asian Cup. The question is: who do you play in goal when all your keepers look like crazed serial killers? Meet (left to right) Pavel Bugalo, Ignatiy Nesterov and Gayrat Hasanov (we would like to stop at this stage to point out that Gayrat is the best name ever.

Luiz Adriano - in the back of the net

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This clip from last week's U20 tie between Brazil and the USA shows Brazilian youngster Luiz Adriano throwing himself into the back of the net at full speed (for some reason best known to himself). His side are losing with three minutes to play, but it is nothing smashing your face into the net won't solve!

Cristian Chivu up for auction on eBay

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Roma defender Cristian Chivu was put up for grabs on eBay after a fan got fed up of his on-off move to virtually any Champions League side who would give him the time of day. The Romanian is looking to move amid rumours that the Italian club could not offer the money he wanted in order to stay at Stadio Olimpico. Barcelona, Real Madrid and Inter Milan were all said to be interested, but the news that Barca were having second thoughts led one Roma fan to take matter into his own hands.

5 Transfers we'd love to see this summer (but probably won't)

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1 Robbie Fowler to Everton It would certainly interesting to see the childhood Evertonian lining up in a Merseyside derby against the club where he is known as God. Fowler is available on a free transfer, but a drop down to the Championship or a move to Australia or the States seem more likely than a move to Goodison Park. 2 and 3 Jonathan Woodgate and Kieron Dyer to West Ham Upton Park is no longer the Argentinian Embassy and is rapidly becoming the Newcastle United Old Boys Club.

Liverpool agree deal to sign Babel

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That's Ajax's Ryan, not the mediocre Brad Pitt movie of the same name. Rafa 'we're working with wingers' Benitez has reportedly got his man after an £11.5 million deal was agreed. The 20-year-old will finalise his move over the coming days. A statement on the Ajax website said: "The striker, who had a contract until 2010, will sign a five-year deal with the Champions League finalists.

The Snapshot SPECIAL: David Beckham's new Adidas LA Galaxy kit

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David Beckham and New Orleans Saints star Reggie Bush swap uniforms. [Photo: Adidas/Getty Images] More Beckham pictures after the jump... [All photos: Adidas/Getty Images]

Guess what? More trouble surrounding the Tevez transfer saga

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Can you believe there is yet more trouble surrounding the Carlos Tevez transfer (aye, that's him in there)? Well, West Ham have been warned by the Premier League that they face disciplinary action (which ironically includes the option of a points deduction) if the dispute over the proposed transfer of Tevez to Manchester United is not concluded to their satisfaction.

David Beckham's Escape to LA: the diary

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For those of you following David Beckham's Big Hollywood Adventure, here's how his diary shapes up for July (this is just the football, God knows what sponsors' obligations he'll have to fulfill): Thurs 12 July: Becks flies from Heathrow to Los Angeles. Fri 13 July: Press conference (6pm, Live on Sky Sports News) and pitchside presentation at the Galaxy's Home Depot Center stadium.

Drogba halts civil war in Ivory Coast

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When an article starts with "A single soccer match achieves what five years of combat and negotiations could not: an apparent end to Ivory Coast's civil war. The man who brought the warring sides together was not a politician or a gun-toting strongman, but Didier Drogba, the star striker for Ivory Coast." You have to let your ears prick up. Drogba?

Klokicker urinal goalposts: you shoot, you score

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Now you can piss and score a 'goal' at the same time, thanks to this 'football urinal sieve'. The ball even changes colour if you hit the target. Nice touch. According to the website that markets this wonderful invention, Klokicker (for that is it's name) 'will make men's hearts leap and make the women's league give a loud groan'. Whatever that means.

Tuncay Sanli is way too skilful for Middlesbrough

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Nothing like showing off to your new team-mates with a rebona goal, although you just know that some of them are thinking 'flash bastard' as he walks back... [Via 101greatgoals]

WAG of the week: Noemie Lenoir

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Name Noemie Lenoir Nationality French WAG of... The original holding midfielder, Claude Makelele. The couple have one child together, a son named Kelyan, born on 2 February 2005. If the rumours that Claude is hung like an XXL donkey are true, then she must be one happy lady. Fame ranking 6/10 Noemie is a classic supermodel-turned-actress.

Fans rip Sven and City in gallery

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Over on the Guardian's Footy section, there's a new gallery of fans' reactions to Svennis and his new job at City. There's a wrong Frank Sidebottom and Sven heading up the Kwik-E-Mank, but one highlight is this cracker with the quip "Knowing how much faith Sven put in a certain player who likes to look after himself, the City players go for a pre-season makeover.

Coleen McLoughlin launches new fragrance, Coleen X

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Call us terrible snobs if you like, but we would never, ever be seen buying our better half a fragrance endorsed by Colleen McLoughlin (Wayne Rooney's missus, if you didn't know). It's well chavvy, innit? According to Kickette, 'it will retail for £19.99 all across the universe, starting with Selfridges next month'. Colleen tested it on her family and Wayne before she was happy with it (no jokes about animal testing at the back, thank you).

The Arsene Wenger soundboard

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Several minutes' worth of fun to be had from this Arsene Wenger soundboard. I can't understand why there's no 'I didn't see the incident you speak of...' but apart from that, it's pure Wenger, with a fine range of 'errs' and other choice gems, such as 'It is not a long hard thing' and 'Don't force it anymore'. LINK: The Arsene Wenger soundboard

Uruguay lose to Brazil and the USA, take it badly - they really don't like losing

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Uruguay would win a Bad Losers World Cup every time. Their senior team scuffled with Brazilian players after the Copa America semi-final defeat on penalties, and their U-20 players started a scuffle with the youngsters from the USA after a loss (2-1 in extra time) in the U-20 World Cup this week. Don't fuck with the Uruguay.

Blog of the Week: Keeper Skool

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A football blog dedicated to just one position? It's crazy but it might just work. To be honest, goalkeeper is the only position that works for a blog like this - keepers are generally madder than a box full of frogs and therefore seem to get up to more crazy shit than players in any other position. Keeper Skool mixes up goalkeeping tips & advice with profiles, videos and other fun stuff.

Horror Hair: Bakary Sagna

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New Arsenal signing Bakary Sagna will certainly light up the Premiership with his peroxide barnet, even if we do have to wait until the Eboue is away at the African Nations Cup to get a proper look at him. Looking like the lovechild of Taribo West and a Backstreet Boy, Sagna is the latest in a series of black footballers who seem to believe that Premiership managers prefer blonds.

Support Getafe or you're going to hell!

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Getafe may have just lost manager Bernd Schuster to Real Madrid, but apparently another guy with flowing locks and facial hair is still on their side. The mid-table La Liga outfit is causing a bit of a stir with its new advertising campaign, which features Jesus Christ on the cross, Moses in the wilderness and Adam in the Garden of Eden all rejecting God and claiming they would only sacrifice themselves for Getafe.

Copa America 2007: Argentina beat Mexico to reach final

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A Brazil v Argentina Copa America final - didn't see that one coming! This game was a masterclass from the side that deserved to win last summer's World Cup. Soon-to-be-ex-Manchester United defender Gabriel Heinze gave Argentina the lead with his kung-fu volley. Lionel Messi then scored a goal so cute that you will want to marry it and have its babies.

The Snapshot: David Nugent shows off his new Portsmouth shirt

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New signing David Nugent poses with a Portsmouth shirt after a press conference at Fratton Park on July 11, 2007. [Photo: Clive Rose/Getty Images]

Cristiano Ronaldo gets it on with Bollywood star?

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A photo of Cristiano Ronaldo kissing Bollywood star Bipasha Basu (pictured) has prompted predictable speculation about a romantic link between the actress and the Man Utd star. The pair met in Lisbon last weekend, at a show to announce the new seven wonders of the world. Tabloid reports suggested that the after the show, the two got 'physical' (she tackled him, he dived?

Do you want to write about football for us?

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Shiny Media, the lovely people who publish Who Ate All the Pies, as well as many other excellent blogs, is looking for several football-loving types (that's you) to write (for cold, hard cash, no less) about the beautiful game. Think of it as a Pies Idol, but without that muppet Simon Cowell. So if you are interested in writing for us, don't hesitate to contact me (Ollie, Pies Ed.

Arsenal sign right-back Bakari Sagna from Auxerre

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Bakari who? you may well ask. Bakari Sagna, that's who. He's a 24-year-old right-back, signed by Arsene Wenger from Auxerre, for a reported £6-7m. Sagna's arrival, on a five-year contract, may herald a move into midfield for the ever-likeable Emmanuel Eboue, particularly as Freddie Ljungberg looks set to leave the Gunners for Fiorentina. This blurry pic, of Sagna apprently trying on the No.

Beckham-cam to follow our David's every move during his LA Galaxy debut vs Chelsea

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Welcome to David Beckham overkill! American sports network ESPN has announced plans to offer 'blanket coverage' of Becks' US debut, ie. LA Galaxy's friendly against Chelsea on July 21. ESPN will show the game live in the States, with no less than 19 cameras following the action on the field and one Becks-cam trained exclusively on the man of the moment.

New ESPN David Beckham LA Galaxy commercial

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Say what you like about the Yanks, they know how to do hype better than anyone in the world. Here's a new TV ad promoting Beckham's first match for the Galaxy, which, if you didn't already know from reading the previous Pies' post, is scheduled to be against Chelsea on July 21.

Premiership players addicted to internet porn, says some American idiot

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Jim Rome, funny guy - shame he has a gay handlebar moustache and pronounces Prem-eeer-ship like a massive arsehead...

England to play Euro 2008 qualifier vs Russia on artificial pitch

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England's crucial Euro '08 qualifier against Russia on 17 October looks set to be played on an artificial pitch, at the Luzhniki Olympic stadium in Moscow. I guess the Russian FA is worried about a frozen pitch, and with good reason - Moscow in October can be colder than a witch's tit. 'It is 99.9% certain it will be held on a synthetic pitch,' said a spokesman for the Russian Football Union.

FRIENDLY WATCH: Barnet v Arsenal, Sat 14 July

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Barnet host Arsenal in a pre-season friendly this Saturday at 3pm, in a North London clash of the haves and the have-nots. The match is Arsenal's first competitive game of the new season, so it will be interesting to see what sort of a team Arsene Wenger chooses to field. I'd imagine he'll ring the changes and make as many substitutions as possible.

The Snapshot: Real Madrid unveil Cristoph Metzelder

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Christoph Metzelder holds up his new shirt beside Real Madrid president Ramon Calderon (right) and club legend Alfredo di Stefano (left) during his presentation by Real Madrid at the Bernabeu on July 11, 2007. The German centre-back was signed by Real on a free after being out of contract with Borussia Dortmund at the end of last season. [Photo: Denis Doyle/Getty Images]

Portsmouth sign David Nugent for £6m

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That Harry Redknapp, he's a canny operator and no mistake. Who'd have thought that David Nugent, a much-coveted England U-21 international, would have ended up at Fratton Park? Not Pies, that's for sure. But that is indeed where Nugent is headed, on a four-year contract, after Preston North End agreed terms with Pompey this week. The deal is reportedly worth around £6m.

Robbie to Port Vale?

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We recently reported that Premiership legend and Scouse deity, Robbie Fowler, was having trouble finding a new club to ply his goal-poaching trade. Well it seems all is not completely lost, or maybe it is, as lowly League One club, Port Vale, have made a cheeky attempt to sign his services. We would have thought there would be more chance of his famous namesake and Port Vale shareholder, Robbie 'fat dancer' Williams, playing against the likes of Yeovil and Cheltenham next season.

Yawn... More bother surrounding Tevez

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West Ham have rejected a bid by Carlos Tevez to cancel his playing contract so he can slope off to ManYoo. The Hammers and the Premier League have also rejected a request by the pig ugly Argentinan representatives to have his registration cancelled. Basically, the Tevez camp want to try to re-start his transfer to Manchester United by doing the same deal that took Javier Mascherano to Liverpool.

David Beckham starts to wonder about his move to La La Land

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David Beckham, recently seen on the red carpet in his nice new Real Madr... sorry... LA Galaxy kit fears that he could disappoint a few Galaxy fans when he joins the club on Friday. Goldenknackers signed a five-year deal worth £125m-a-second when he joined the MLS side from Real Madrid. He said: "People probably do think they're going to see me turn out, and we'll win our first game 10-0.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Ladies and Gents... Arsenal and ManYoo

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Childish celebrations, having your head kicked in on the pitch, points deductions, being smacked in the face by Anders Limpar... welcome to Man United and Arsenal brawling... [Mof Gimmers]

THE VOTE Would you rather buy Jason Koumas or this luxury Mayfair penthouse?

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The UK property market has been overinflated for some time now. The football transfer market seemed to have calmed down a bit. Until now that is. Wigan have spent £5.3 million on the living football legend that is Jason Koumas. For that money you could buy a luxury four-bedroom penthouse apartment in Mayfair and still have enough change for a decent motor.

Copa America 2007: Brazil through to final

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Brazil are through to the final of Copa America 2007. But they need penalties to see of Uruguay after a 2-2 draw. Maicon put Brazil in front before Diego Forlan equalised. Julio Baptista put Brazil back into the lead, but Sebastian Abreu pegged them back once again. The game went to a penalty shootout, which Brazil won 5-4.

BBC journalists dreaming of extra time

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Last night's Copa America semi-final between Uruguay and Brazil was a tense enough affair. So pity the poor BBC journalist who dreamt he had sat through a tense 30-minute period of extra-time too. Copa America 2007 matches go straight to penalties without extra-time, and yet the BBC report claims a 'tense' spell of extra-time took place in which neither side could 'conjure up a breakthrough'.

Wayne Rooney puts it where he wants it - smack in the cameraman's face

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We showed you the new Nike advert in which Wayne Rooney demonstrates his lack of ability to draw a circle, but makes up for it with a scorching volley. Well quicker than you can say 'day do doe don't dee do', Nike have followed it up with this ad. This time Wazza sees himself paired up with a stereotypical American director with predictable consequences!

Let the Mourinho/Ferguson mind games commence

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It's July 11. We are juggernauting towards the new season like Ronaldo towards a buffet. And Jose Mourinho has decided it is time to get the Mind Games 2007-08 under way. The Special One has not fulfilled his quote quota over the last couple of months, but has sprung back into life with his latest offering. He said: "Manchester United's spending is something that we don't control, we don't want to control - we don't comment, we don't want to comment.

Worst foreign imports XI

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Last week we took a look back at the greatest ever foreign players to grace the Premiership, but you can be sure that for every Bergkamp there's a Boogers who's just as remembered...but for all the wrong reasons. So here's our line up of the worst team of Carlos Kickaballs ever to embarrass themselves in our league before doing the off Goalkeeper: Massimo Taibi (Manchester Utd) Who could forget the 'Blind Venetian's' blundering four games at United, which included the embarrassment of a Chris Sutton goal and that Le Tissier pea roller that slipped between his legs.

John Fashanu, not ready for speaking parts yet

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The sting's in the tail... 'No dialogue, yet...' Awooga!

First pic of David Beckham in his LA Galaxy kit!

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Yes, it's not some elaborate wind-up, David Beckham really is going to Los Angeles to play for one of MLS's weakest teams. Yay! And here's a pic of him in the Galaxy's new home kit, which looks not unlike the kit he wore for several seasons in Madrid. Love the red carpet motif too - it's like he's doing keepy-ups for the Queen. Not too late to back out though Dave.

THE VOTE Do West Ham have the most irritating squad in Premiership history?

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Craig Bellamy, Lee Bowyer, Lucas Neill, Anton Ferdinand, Nigel Quashie, Carlton Cole, Roy Carroll, Scott Parker (just for his squeaky voice)... surely West Ham now have the most irritating set of players in the history of the Premiership? Just as well they got rid of Nigel Reo-Coker, or the Premier League may well have judged them too damn annoying to remain in the top flight.

Lost football grounds video

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An interesting little video tribute to some lost British football grounds...

Vinne Jones is a Man Utd fan

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I know Man Utd fans don't always come from Manchester, but this is ridiculous. Vinnie Jones makes the least convincing Manc of all time. Taken from the movie Eurotrip, which, if this clip is anything to go by, is a steaming pile of dog shit.

Tuesday 10: Footballers who rap

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Word up, Pies posse. This week's Tuesday 10 celebrates rapping footballers. We really shouldn't be able to compile a list this lengthy but, alas, we can and we have. Shout out to John Barnes - grandfather of the UK football/hip-hop scene! 1 John Barnes The master of football rap. Not only did he rap on Englandneworder's World In Motion, but also led the infamous Anfield Rap.

A girl throws herself at Lionel Messi... from the stand

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Watching England's national team has often made Pies want to throw itself of the top of the stadium, but this Argentina fan does it after victory just to get a sniff of Lionel Messi's sweaty feet. Messi gives the girl a hug and gets on with it. If Pies was ever going to do something like this it would develop a crush on Frank Lampard - at least he could cushion the fall a bit!

Bianchi to become Sven's first signing for City

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Manchester City have a preliminary agreement with Reggina to sign striker Rolando Bianchi for £8.8m, according to the Italian outfit. Come Wednesday, Bianchi should be a City player. The hitman was the fourth top-scorer in Serie A last season with 18 goals as he helped Reggina secure their top-flight status by finishing 14th. Sven's first signing looks to be an expert goal poacher but does he have what it takes to make an impression in the Premiership?

Jamie Carragher rings TalkSport to defend himself

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Following yesterday's news that Jamie Carragher was considering his international future, the Liverpool defender rang up radio station TalkSport to respond to criticism about him. A very unhappy Mr Carragher rang the station to dismiss accusations he was a 'bottler'. [Via 101GreatGoals]

The Snapshot: Lee Bowyer and Craig Bellamy, train together in perfect harmony, side by side on West Ham's team sheet, oh Lord why don't we…

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Apologies for the terrible extended headline, but, hey, we kinda liked it. Here's a pic of Craig Bellamy, signed this week by West Ham, with Lee Bowyer, during a training session with the Hammers. Bellamy and Bowyer, what a charming combination! [Photo: Paul Gilham/Getty Images]

Craig Bellamy makes move to Hammers

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West Ham have completed the signed Welsh karaoke lover Craig Bellamy from Liverpool for a club record £7.5m. See his first training session here. The Wales captain has signed a five-year deal after one ineffective at Anfield. "I wanted to make sure that, if I left Liverpool, it would be to a club that is going to be pushing for Europe," Bellamy told the West Ham website.

Chelsea sign Florent Malouda… at last

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And about time too... so Chelsea have finally completed the signing of Florent Malouda from Lyon, on a four-year contract. The 27-year-old French international has moved to Stamford Bridge for an undisclosed fee. Malouda will join Chelsea in the US for their pre-season tour, which includes a match against LA Galaxy.

Bayern bag 13 in friendly

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I don't know who Hoslwanger (stop sniggering at the back) but judging the 13-0 defeat to Bayern Munich in a pre-season friendly, they're not very good. Anyway, a decent run out for Frank Ribery who bagged a hat-trick and... well... loads of other people scored... possibly including the kitman and a passing pigeon. [Mof Gimmers via]

Japan coach attacks 'amateur' players and reduces interpreter to tears

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Japan coach Ivica Osim had his interpreter crying like a baby as he delivered a post-match rollicking following a 1-1 draw with Qatar in their Asian Cup opener. Celtic midfielder Shunsuka Nakamura revealed that Osim was not best pleased after his side conceded a late equaliser. Nakamura said: " Osim was in a rage. He said he was a professional and prepared to put his life on the line and that we should do the same.

Hitler and his henchmen on Sheffield United's relegation

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If you thought Kevin McCabe and Sean Bean were the men most distraught at Sheffield United's relegation, think again. It seems the Blades board is made up of even bigger names than that! [Via 101GreatGoals]

Cristiano Ronaldo helps to announce the new Seven Wonders of the World

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Cristiano Ronaldo was on hand to announce one of the new Seven Wonders of the World at a ceremony in Lisbon at the weekend. The Manchester United winger announced (after staring gormlesly into space for a few seconds) that Chichen Itza pyramid in Mexico had been selected. [Via FourFourTwo]

Liverpool bid for Babel

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Liverpool have apparently made a bid for Dutch U-21 star Ryan Babel. The Ajax forward is rated as the brightest young prospect in Dutch football by none other than Marco van Basten and has already been linked to Arsenal and Newcastle - whadyareckon?

Volzy does Wimbledon

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Pies' favourite nutcase Moritz Volz, the wackiest player in the Prem, has been taking in the tennis at Wimbledon. As per usual, this was an excellent opportunity for an exciting entry in the Fulham man's online diary (one day this will be printed and become a bestseller, Pies is sure). And, as per usual, the diary entry was packed with the kind of crazy quotes we have come to expect from the German.

The Snapshot: Bernd Schuster unveiled as new Real Madrid coach

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Real Madrid legend Alfredo di Stefano (left) and gobby president Ramon Calderon (right) welcome new coach Bernd Schuster to the club at the official photo-call at the Bernabeu (Photo by Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images).

Carra to consider future with England

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Liverpool defender Jamie Carragher is considering his international future after failing to establish himself in the England side. Carra was omitted from England's last game (the Euro 2008 qualifier in Estonia) which has left him frustrated by his position in the national team's pecking order. "There are a number of reasons why I've been thinking about this," Carragher told the Liverpool Echo.

Polish fans storm pitch and clash with police during InterToto game

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In the InterToto Cup, Lithuanian side Vetra beat Polish side Legia Warsaw 2-0. However, the game took a violent turn when the match was forced to be abandoned at half-time after Polish fans stormed the field and clashed with riot police. Problems with hooliganism persist in the Eastern Bloc countries. Surely FIFA and UEFA need to get involved before we have another incident like the one in Italy?

Copa America 2007: Mexico 6-0 Paraguay

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Mexico were always favourites to win this game, so when Paraguay goalkeeper Aldo Bobadilla picked up a red card in the 2nd minute it was pretty much game over. Monobrowed baby/lethal in-form striker Nery Castillo tucked away the subsequent spot-kick, and added his second the other side of a Gerardo Torrado goal. Fernando Arce then scored the pick of the goal from 25 yards, before a Blanco penalty and Omar Bravo tap-in completed the rout.

Copa America 2007: Argentina 4-0 Peru

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There has been talk of Rafa Benitez's striker selection headache since the arrival of Fernando Torres at Liverpool, but he could soon have another option in the unlikely shape of Javier Mascherano. The Argentine midfielder - who is usually required to take his passport with him for ventures into the opposition half - is on two goals in two games for his country.

Real Madrid appoint Bernd Schuster as new coach

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Former German international Bernd Schuster is the latest man to be handed the poisoned chalice that is the Real Madrid coach's job. The 48-year-old has left mid-table Getafe to take over at the Bernabeu, where winning the league gets you the sack. Schuster - one of our 10 Facial hair sporting football managers - will be officially unveiled be Real at a press conference this morning (round about now, in fact).

Copa America 2007: Argentina 1-0 Paraguay

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(Summary is not available.)

West Ham come up smelling of roses?

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It' could be a tale of two chairmen if Carlos Tevez completes a move to Man Yoo later today – apparently he's completing a medical in Venezuela in a deal that could eventually be worth more than £30m. It's understood that Tevez will join United as part of an initial two-year loan deal with West Ham receiving some compensation to cover the complexities surrounding his ownership.

Liverpool sign Ukraine striker Andriy Voronin

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Liverpool have confirmed the signing of Ukraine striker Andriy Voronin on a free transfer from Bayer Leverkusen. "He is a player with pace and good movement," Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez told the club website. Andriy plays between defenders. He is a good worker and scores goals. He's the kind of player that can give so much to us." Let's have a butchers.

Sven to be named City boss at 3pm

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At 3pm, Manchester City will announce that Sven Goran Eriksson will be their newest signing. This much talked about move will be given the go ahead when Thaksin Shinawatra declares he is in a position to de-list the club from the Stock Exchange. Eriksson has been waiting for Thaksin, the former prime minister of Thailand, to build a 75% stake in the club before an official announcement could be made.

Classic Moment: Cheeky scamp decides he is good enough to play for Man Yoo

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This classic clip shows the hilarious moment when a boy invaded the pitch in a Manchester United versus Leeds United game to take a shot on goal. The youngster finds himself on the end of a Willie Morgan cross, but drills his first-time shot just wide. It is not a bad attempt - even Pele would probably lose a bit of accuracy if he was playing in Dr Martens!

Birmingham's new owner wants to secure relegation quicker

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Birmingham's prospective new owner Carson Yeung has revealed he will foist Hong Kong players upon manager Steve Bruce. Blues fans will be delighted to hear that the businessman sees their return to the Premiership as the perfect opportunity to test the credentials of young Hong Kong players. The return to the top for flight could degenerate into an international exchange programme!

Copa America 2007: USA crash out after defeat to Colombia

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Copa America's invited guests from the North, Team USA, are out of the tournament after their third consecutive defeat. The Americans lost 1-0 against Colombia with Jaime Castrillon scoring the only goal of the game. [They were already knocked out by the time this game was played - should have taken Landon Donovan to Venezuela! Ed.] [Via 101GreatGoals]

EXCLUSIVE Snapshot special: Darren Bent, Gareth Bale and Younes Kaboul unveiled by Spurs

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Something to please Spurs fans this morning: New Tottenham signings Younes Kaboul, Darren Bent and Gareth Bale pose with manager Martin Jol (far left) and sporting director Damien Comolli at Spurs Lodge on 5 July, 2007 in London, England. [Photo: Hamish Blair/Getty Images] More pictures from the unveiling after the click... Bent looks pretty good in white, don't you think?

USA disrespects Copa America, pays the ultimate price

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A big fat ZERO. Yeah, nil points. That's what the USA scored in this year's Copa America, after defeats at the hands of Argentina, Paraguay and Columbia. Eight goals conceded, two goals scored. Buy hey, that's what you get when you send a virtual B team to take on the best teams in South America. Without the likes of Landon Donovan (pictured vomiting up his small intestine after the US's weak effort) and DeMarcus Beasley in their ranks, what did the US really expect?

Greatest Foreign Imports First XI

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Some say nostalgia isn't what it used to be. But now that another icon, Monsieur Henry, has left our league we took a moment to reflect on the finest overseas imports that have ever played in the Premiership. Our all-star XI is restricted to foreign players that wowed us and then left – with an attacking 4-2-3-1 formation that guarantees goals and flair.

Tevez: 'Come and get me!' Premier League: 'Hang on a minute, who owns you anyway?'

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Damn, why can't a football transfer be as simple as 'You pay us what we want for this player and he gets to wear your shirt...'? Carlos Tevez may have issued the de rigeur 'Come and get me!' plea to Man Utd ('For me, Manchester United will be a sensational destination and to be a member of Sir Alex Ferguson's squad will be absolutely spectacular,' he said) but the Premier League look set to block the move, unless the whole 'who owns Tevez?

Marco Materazzi issues writs against British papers

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Italian World Cup winner Marco Materazzi has begun legal proceedings against three British papers he claims libelled him after the 2006 World Cup final. The Inter Milan centre-back is seeking damages from The Sun, Daily Star and Daily Mail over their reports of insults he made to Zinedine Zidane. His lawyer, Stephen Heffer, said: "Heffer added: "Marco Materazzi is issuing claims in the High Court against three newspapers, the Sun, the Daily Mail and the Daily Star for damages for libel and an injunction.

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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So fiendish you'll eat your own hands in frustration... 1 Shakhtar Donetsk, Dynamo Kyiv, Tottenham, West Ham, Dynamo Kyiv (current club). Whose career? 2 Which Turkish club are nicknamed 'The Yellow Canaries'? 3 Who's this new Premiership recruit? 4 Arthur Antunes Coimbra is the full name of which Brazilian legend? 5 Which Italian club plays its home games at the Stadio Friuli?

Does Marco Materazzi make it too easy for people to libel him?

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With photos like this knocking around, is it any wonder that Marco Materazzi finds himself being forced to take people to court for libel?! This is crying out for a caption that Marco's lawyer could really get his teeth into... Pies signing off before we end up with a date in the High Court ourselves!

Zlatan Ibrahimovic video compilation

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Hmm, if you thought Peter Crouch has 'good feet for a big man', you want to check out some of the mad skills Zlatan has in his locker. He's a bit of a big-headed show-off, but I love watching him.

Horror Hair: Younes Kaboul

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Fresh Horror Hair talent arrived in the Premiership today as Spurs wrapped up the signing of French under-21 captain Younes Kaboul. The centre-back seems to be going for some sort of thatched cottage effect. Pies is not sure what the sticky stuff holding his hair in place is, but there is every chance it originated from Martin Jol if the spherical Dutchman's gushing quotes are anything to go by.

10 Facial hair sporting football managers

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In honour of Rafa's new goatee, Pies celebrates 10 football managers who shunned the shaver before him. 1 Artur Jorge 2 Ricardo La Volpe 3 Guus Hiddink 4 Bernd Schuster 5 Ian Holloway 6 Graeme Souness 7 Jim Leishman 8 Harry McNally 9 Sam Allardyce 10 Big Phil Scolari

Asamoah Gyan: football's latest rapper

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Asamoah Gyan - the Ghana striker who made a big impression at the 2006 World Cup - is the latest footballer to be tempted into the recording studio. The Udinese player has recorded a track for the new album of Castro, dubbed 'Ghana's 50 Cent'. The 21-year-old forward could see the song released as a single. He is the latest in a long line of footballers to have a go at rapping.

THE VOTE Can Eduardo da Silva really fill the boots of Thierry Henry?

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Eduardo da Silva - First Interview
Uploaded by Nvboy A silly question you might think, but one that needs asking. Da Silva is unproven and talented - just as Thierry Henry was when he first came to Arsenal. So do you think Arsene Wenger has unearthed another diamond in the rough, or will Da Silva struggle to make an impact in the Premiership?

Shit lookalike: David Brent & Gareth Keenan vs Rafa Benitez & Fernando Torres

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We spotted this beauty on the ever-excellent Left Back and just had to pay tribute to (ie. steal) it. Top work chaps, love it. It is shit but it works...

One to watch: Jozy Altidore (New York Red Bulls & USA)

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Josmer 'Jozy' Altidore, a striker for New York Red Bulls, is still only 17 years old but he's not looked out of his depth in the MLS, scoring twice in New York's first three games this season. The Red Bulls are being extremely protetcive of their young star. Since the arrival of Juan Pablo Ángel in NY, Altidore has started only two matches. Altidore is currently in Canada with the US squad, competing in the U-20 World Cup.

Top six goalkeeping blunders from last season

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As spotted on 101GreatGoals. Good to see an Englishman at No.1. Makes us proud...

Transfer balls: Spurs sign Younes Kaboul, Aston Villa bag Reo-Coker and Fulham poach Steven Davis

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Spurs have won the race to sign France U21 captain Younes Kaboul from Auxerre. Kaboul, a 21-year-old central defender, was also linked to Roma and Inter Milan. The fee is reported to be in the region of £8m. Spurs definitely need to strengthen their defence of they are to challenge the big four, and this signing is a good start. 'If you ask people in France who is seen as the hottest prospect in defence they will say Younes Kaboul,' Spurs boss Martin Jol told the club website.

Old man Chris Sutton retires due to knackered eyes

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Chris Sutton has decided to retire from football because of a problem with blurred vision. At 34-years-old, codger Chris missed most of the second half of last season at Aston Villa after experiencing eye trouble in a match in December. And possibly creaky knees. And maybe his back was playing up as well. "I spoke to Chris on Wednesday and, given the eye problem, he has decided to retire," said agent Tony McGill.

Rafa wants extra on the wings

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Rafa Benitez wants something extra on the wings. Sadly, this doesn't mean Sir Paul McCartney will be gracing the flanks at Anfield (and he's rumoured to be an Everton fan anyway), but rather, Rafas top priority is getting some decent wingers to load up the new signing, Fernando Torres. Bolstered by the acquisition of their club-record signing, the Spaniard is arguably the first 'A-list' signing of his time as Liverpool's manager.

Could Man Utd's second XI qualify for Europe? Yes they could

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Talk about the gap between the top clubs in England and the rest of the Premiership. Man U's squad now looks so strong that they could arguably field two teams in the Prem and qualify for Europe twice over: First XI: Edwin Van der Sar, Gary Neville, Nemanja Vidic, Rio Ferdinand, Patrice Evra, Owen Hargreaves, Michael Carrick, Paul Scholes, Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney, Carlos Tevez Second XI: Ben Foster, John O'Shea, Wes Brown, Gerard Pique, Gabriel Heinze, Darren Fletcher, Ryan Giggs, Park Ji-Sung, Nani, Louis Saha, Guiseppe Rossi Oh, and that still leaves no room for journeymen like Alan Smith, Ole Solskjaer, Mikael Silvestre, Kieran Richardson and, er, Anderson.

Blades think about ratting on those nasty West Ham boys to High Court

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You really didn't think you'd heard the last of the Tevez saga did you? Of course not. Well, Sheffield United are considering continuing their legal battle against the Premier League through a high court appeal. Sir Philip Otton's arbitration panel found on Tuesday that it could not overturn the decision of an independent disciplinary commission not to deduct points from West Ham over the signing of Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano, but last night it was revealed that United are planning to challenge that verdict in the civil courts.

The Snapshot: VfB Stuttgart's pre-season training session

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(L-R) Antonio da Silva, Silvio Meissner, Roberto Hilbert and Arthur Copa sit on a golf caddy, during a training session for VFB Stuttgart in Donaueschingen, Germany. [Photo: Alexander Heimann/Bongarts/Getty Images]

Fernando Torres unveiled by Liverpool: the video

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A pretty low key photo call, with no 'Pool fans allowed in to see their new No.9...
Torres Unveiled At Anfield
Uploaded by FootballHeaven [Via 101GreatGoals]

Jermain Defoe: where did it all go wrong?

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A few seasons ago, Jermain Defoe was being talked about as a future England star. Now he finds himself as fourth-choice striker (behind Dimi Berbatov, Robbie Keane and, arguably, Darren Bent) in a team that can't win the Premiership. His career has stalled dramatically and I find it hard to put my finger on a specific reason why it's happened.

Cop America 2007: Brazil beats Ecuador, scrapes into the quarter finals

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So mighty Brazil eke out a 1-0 win against Ecuador, thanks to a penalty by Robinho. The Brazilians advance to the quarter finals, just, but I still can't seem them troubling Argentina or Mexico, to whom they have already lost in the group stages. By the way, Brazil's victory eliminated the USA.

Frank Lampard told to report back early for pre-season training

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Looks like Frank, aka Eric Cartman, has been demolishing his fair share of pies and cream cakes during his summer holidays. Jose Mourinho won't be happy to see that his star midfielder has developed such an impressive set of man breasts, or moobs as we like to call 'em. And he could do with a spot of lipo on that wobbly gut. Too much Christmas pudding Frank?

Shit Lookalikes: Rafa Benitez and David Gest

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Rafa's new goatee has generated some new Shit Lookalikes. Yay! Remember, while Fernando Torres still has to prove he is a quality Premiership player worth £20 million he is undoubtedly a better signing than Liza Minelli!

Shit Lookalikes: Rafa Benitez and Peter Kay

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Rafa's goatee strikes again! Not only is the bearded Liverpool boss a dead ringer for David Gest, he also looks like Peter Kay in his sitcom Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere.

THE VOTE If Man Utd sign Carlos Tevez, is the title in the bag?

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Football's hottest rumour of the day is that Man Utd are closing in on the signing of Carlos Tevez. BBC sports editor Mihir Bose 'understands talks are underway and says Tevez may move on loan or permanently'. I'd love to see Tevez stay in the Premiership, and I'd imagine West Ham fans, deep down, would love to see him have another full season in England.

The Snapshot EXCLUSIVE: Fernando Torres is unveiled at Anfield

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Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez (nice goatee beard, Rafa) unveils new signing Fernando Torres at a press conference held at Anfield on July 4, 2007. [Photo: Gary M. Prior/Getty Images] As requested, click below to see more pictures of Torres's unveiling...

U-20 World Cup: USA 6-1 Poland - Freddy Adu scores a hat-trick

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Some really fine goals to enjoy from this entertaining match, which marked the USA out as genuine contenders for the FIFA U-20 World Cup, currently taking place in Canada. Freddy Adu's first goal of three was a lovely turn and finish; his second was great too. The boy wonder, hyped for so long as the next big thing in American soccer, looks like he's found his A game at last.

Steve McManaman to make Blues switch

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With the news that former England winger Steve McManaman has been appointed to the board of the company buying into Birmingham City, it's worth having a look back at his career highlights. The 35-year-old will become an executive director with Grandtop International if it takes up its deal to buy a 29.2% stake in the club. McManaman will offer advice to the group, and said "They know my expertise in sport in England and in particular football," he told the South China Morning Post.

Sven meets City players

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Former England gaffer and unlikely lothario Sven-Goran Eriksson has met Manchester City's players for the first time at their Carrington training ground. Eriksson flew to Manchester from London on Tuesday evening and is likely to scribble ink on a three-year deal with Citeh on Wednesday. He won't be formally unveiled as boss until City's prospective new owner Thaksin Shinawatra takes his shareholding in the club past 75%.

THE VOTE West Ham stay in the Premier League, Sheffield United stay in the Championship. Right call?

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A final decision to uphold Sheffield United's relegation from the Premier League was made yesterday. An arbitration panel decided that the Premier League was correct to not dock West Ham points over the registration of Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano. The panel stated: "The tribunal had much sympathy for Sheffield United's grievances. However, the tribunal had to apply the principles of judicial review and determine whether the decision was irrational or perverse.

Copa America 2007: Peru 2-2 Bolivia

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There was a bit of a Premiership connection to this 2-2 draw. Former Middlesbrough player Jaime Moreno gave Bolivia the lead, and new Chelsea signing Claudio Pizarro grabbed a brace for Peru. Peru are now through to the quarter finals.

Copa America 2007: Venezuela 0-0 Uruguay

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Oops, wrong video but you get the idea! Venezuela and Uruguay played out a dull bore draw which saw the hosts top the group and the Uruguayans sneak through as one of the top two third-placed teaks.

The Joy of Cesc t-shirt from Goalhanger

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This raunchy t-shirt from Goalhanger leaves Arsenal fans in doubt as to who is the man behind their sexy football. Apparently Cesc 'Haribo Kid' Fabregas is equipped to provide A Gourmet Guide To Midfielding for the rest of the Premiership. The t-shirt cost £16 and - if you reckon you can pull off (maybe that's an unfortunate expression) wearing a naked picture of Fabregas - you can buy it by clicking here.

Cristiano Ronaldo and Fergie risk shaving heads for new bet

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Manchester United star Cristiano Ronaldo has challenged his manager Sir Alex Ferguson to another goalscoring bet which would see one of the pair lose their hair at the end of the season. The Portuguese winger won £400 on a bet with Fergie last season after beating a 15-goal target. This season he wants another hair-raising bet and wants to see Fergie parting with his side-parting if he bags more than 20 goals.

The Snapshot: Lucas Neill poses for Harry Kewell

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Harry Kewell takes a photo of Aussie teammate Lucas Neill with a fan in a Singapore hotel's lobby, prior to the Socceroos depature to Bangkok for the 2007 AFC Asian Cup. [Photo: Robert Cianflone/Getty Images]

Robbie Fowler looking for work

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He may be revered as 'God' in Scouse circles, but it seems not everyone has as much faith in Robbie Fowler anymore. Liverpool's favourite prodigal son looks set to start the season homeless after not receiving any offers from another club for the first time in his career. The Liverpool striker has been released after a second spell with the club he calls home but has vowed to carry on playing.

Wayne Rooney - super sharp shooter

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If the latest Nike viral ad featuring Wayne Rooney is anything to go by this looks like tis a season to be fearful for Premiership goalkeepers. Wazza begins by sketching but seems to be a self portrait but is actually a badly drwan target on the camera's lens before calmly jogging 50 yards away, juggling the ball a bit and unleashing 'one of those' volleys.

Cardiff striker Steven Thompson knackers his groin in banana boat mishap

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Scotland and Cardiff striker Steven Thompson is facing up to six months on the sidelines after falling off a banana boat while on holiday. The 28-year-old former Rangers striker had an operation yesterday after the incident in the USA. ***EYE-WATERING QUOTE ALERT*** Thompson said: "The groin muscle ripped right off the bone. It is no secret that Cardiff were trying to sell me and it has pretty much put that on hold until January.

Dreadful penalty miss

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If Robinho showed us all how to coolly dispatch a penalty against Chile, here's how you don't do it. [Mof Gimmers]

Everton sign Juan Roman Riquelme... in their webmaster's dreams!

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Everton have been forced into an embarrassing backtrack after their website mistakenly announced that the club had signed Argentinian star Juan Roman Riquelme. The article was supposed to be test data for a new website but it was accidentally published yesterday. The 'news' broke at 11.30am yesterday and was online for about an hour before the error was spotted.

Chelsea face competition from Real Madrid in race to sign Malouda

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Chelsea have a bit of competition from Real Madrid in their race to get the signature of Florent Malouda. That's not all, the Galacticos are also sniffing around Arjen Robben. Real have made it clear they would only be interested in signing one of the wingers, with Malouda thought to be their first choice. Real president Ramon Calderon said today: "We like Robben and Malouda.

The William Gallas Poll of Peculiarity

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Shamefully pinched from Football365, this strange poll was too good to avoid sharing. On William Gallas' official website is this very peculiar set of questions. As much as his views on his fave telly progs are a treat, you have to headscratch over the poll regarding his season just gone. How do you remember him? As a bit of a waste of time?

THE VOTE: Liverpool fans, do you want to sign Gabriel Heinze?

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Rafa Benitez seems rather keen on bringing Argentine left-back Gabriel Heinze to Anfield. All well and good - Heinze is a quality defender who always gives his best. One small problem though: he currently plays for Man Utd and traditionally Liverpool and Man Utd don't tend to buy players from each other. It's a hate thing. Which begs the question, aimed at Pool fans: would you be happy to welcome a Red Devil to Anfield this summer?

Shit lookalike: Eduardo da Silva and Prince

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Thanks to long-time friend of Pies, Daryl, for suggesting our latest Shit Lookalike. It looks like Arsenal may have acquired The Artist Formerly Known As Prince as they attempted to fill the gaping hole in their strikeforce formerly filled by Thierry Henry.

One to watch: Daniel De Ridder (Birmingham City and Holland)

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Birmingham City have signed talented Dutch winger Daniel de Ridder on a free transfer from Celta Vigo of Spain. De Ridder, 23, has agreed a three-year-deal with the Blues. With respect to Birmingham, I'm slightly surprised that a 'bigger' Prem club hasn't secured the services of De Ridder. He was instrumental on the right wing in Holland's recent Under-21 Euro Championship victory, and obviously has the talent to play at a high level.

Copa America 2007: USA 1-3 Paraguay

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A very disappointing result for the US, but a fine showing from Paraguay, who qualified for the quarter finals with this win. America has an outside chance of qualifying if they can thrash Colombia in their final game and hope that Argentina gets a beating at the hands of Paraguay, but let's face it, that's not gonna happen.
USA 1-3 Paraguay
Uploaded by BozWolf [Via 101GreatGoals]

Copa America 2007: Argentina 4-2 Colombia

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Juan Roman Riquelme was the man of the match in the favourites' first game in the tournament, scoring twice and generally looking the dogs' bollocks. On this evidence, Argentina is a deserved favourite to lift the trophy, although Mexico are also live contenders.
www.copa-america-07.blogspot.com
Uploaded by rangel1906 [Via 101GreatGoals]

Fernando Torres plays keepy-up with a hand grenade

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So here's a vid of an advert in which Liverpool-bound Fernando Torres (how sweet that must sound to Reds fans) plays keepy-up with a hand grenade. After that, you can check out a music video, by Spanish pop band El Canto Del Loco, featuring a guest appearance by Torres.

The Pies Free Transfer XI

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Pies is not sure whether one of its wealthier readers has a spare stadium knocking around, but if anyone has (and a few million for wages to spare) we can put together our Pies Free Transfer XI. It's enough to bring a tear to the eye of Jean Marc Bosman! GK Jerzy Dudek RB Hatem Trabelsi LB Olivier Bernard CB Talal El Karkouri CB Michael Ball MR David Thompson MC Claus Jensen MC Lee Hendrie ML Boudewijn Zenden ST Nwankwo Kanu ST Robbie Fowler [List of available players compiled by Guardian]

US keeper scores against Norwegian champions Rosenborg

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USA goalkeeper Adin Brown saved his club side Aalesunds from defeat against champions Rosenborg by popping up to score a last-gasp equaliser. Brown nodded past Canadian goalie Lars Hirchsfield from close-range to keep his side just out of the relegation zone. What a star! [Via 101GreatGoals]

With Fernando Torres on board, are Liverpool genuine title contenders?

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Fernando Torres is due to fly into Liverpool Airport today and undergo a medical before sealing a £27m transfer to Liverpool, from Atletico Madrid. The 23-year-old striker has cut short his summer holiday to ensure the move goes ahead without delay. As part of the deal, the two clubs have also agreed for Luis García to move in the other direction; Garcia played for Madrid during the 2002-03 season.

Farewell Luis Garcia: we will miss you

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Because he sucked his thumb after he scored and wore a girly hairband, Luis Garcia was portrayed as the archetypal fancy foreign player. Okay, so he did give the ball away a bit too often, but I think he's an underrated player and he always seemed to score crucial goals, most notably the cracker against Juventus in the Champions League in 2005, the year Liverpool won the trophy.

The Snapshot: Werder Bremen's 'Chariots of Fire' training regime

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Werder Bremen players jog at the beach during their training camp on July 3, 2007 in Norderney, Germany. [Photo: Lars Baron/Bongarts/Getty Images]

Meet ze new Thierry Henry: Eduardo Alves da Silva

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Arsenal have made their first attempt to replace Thierry Henry by snapping up Croatia striker Eduardo da Silva from Dinamo Zagreb for an undisclosed fee. You will probably best remember the 24-year-old as the player - other than Gary Neville - who scored in Croatia's victory over England in the Euro 2008 qualifier last October. The Brazilian-born striker has seven goals in 12 international appearances for Croatia.

Copa America 2007: Mexico 2-1 Ecuador

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Mexico top Group B of the Copa America after following up their win against Brazil with victory against Ecuador. Nery Castillo was once again on the scoresheet, with Omar Bravo grabbing the second. [Via 101GreatGoals]

Shit lookalike: Nery Castillo and the monobrowed baby from The Simpsons

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Mexico's Copa America goalscoring hero Nery Castillo bears an unfortunate resemblance to the monobrowed baby Maggie hates in The Simpsons. Don't expect his ugly mug to put off Europe's big boys if he continues his current form though. The Olympiakos striker has just turned 23 and could be ready for his big move this summer.

La Galaxy want Dec from Ant and Dec

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TV presenter Declan Donnelly is reported to be a shock transfer target for LA Galaxy. David Beckham's new club have reportedly invited the shorter half of the Ant and Dec presenting duo for trials after he impressed them with his finishing during a kickabout for Robbie Williams' LA Vale celebrity side. The Daily Star (if you believe them) claim that the 31-year-old is now wanted by Galaxy.

Copa America 2007: Brazil 3-0 Chile

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Hat-trick hero Robinho kickstarted Brazil's Copa America campaign as he led them to a 3-0 win over Chile. He bagged his first from the penalty spot, deftly clipped the ball over the keeper for his second, but keep watching until the end of the video to his special third goal. That boy has some pace! [Via 101GreatGoals]