Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2007

French Football Friday: Lyon still flying high, Paris St Germain sinking like a lead balloon

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
There are two very different stories at the moment for French football giants past and present. Lyon are currenly numero un - still top of the table after their 0-2 win at Rennes at the weekend. Former champions Paris St Germain on the other hand are sitting in the relegation zone after their 2-1 defeat at Nice.

Kaka, Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi on FIFA's World Player of the Year shortlist – are they the three best footballers on the planet?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi and Kaka have just been announced on a three-man shortlist for FIFA's World Player of the Year award. The award voted for by the managers and captains of the national teams of FIFA's member nations, will be presented at FIFA's world player gala in Zurich on 17 December.

The FA – do they know the way to sign Jose?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
I'm already bored with tabloid speculation about England's next manager, and especially the tedious 'Jose in come and get me plea!' bollocks being spouted incessantly by not just the red-tops, but broadsheets too. That said, I did want to post on this issue, because it gives me a chance to showcase my headline-writing skills.

What is the biggest football manager's job in the world?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
'The biggest football job in Europe and in the world is to be the England manager.' Sven-Goran Eriksson, November 2007 I respect Sven's opinion, but I think his quote is mere hyperbole. Forty years ago, maybe it was true, but surely there are bigger management jobs in world football these days?

The Fiendish Friday Football Quiz: harder than the kids who bullied Chuck Norris at school

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
1 Crystal Palace, Birmingham City, Crystal Palace (current). Whose career? 2 Who played for England at least once every year for 15 consecutive years, a record for any England player? 3 Who were the first English team to win a European trophy since the Heysel disaster in 1985? 4 What do Lucas Neill, Sam Allardyce, Neil Ruddock, Tim Cahill and Kasey Keller have in common?

Is Gary Neville's career over?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Football isn't the same without Gary Neville. He's one of the finest ever examples of a player who you love if he's on your team, but absolutely hate if he's not. Even Man Utd fans know deep down that he's a bit of a humourless prat, but he's their humourless prat. We do miss G Neville, it's true.

Future Football Star: John Bostock (Crystal Palace)

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 8 views
Neil Warnock wants to build his Palace team around a 15-year-old midfielder. The prodigy's name is John Bostock. You may have heard of him – the hype wagon is already rolling. Bostock, who hails from Camberwell, made his Palace debut last month against Cardiff, aged 15 years and 289 days.

Ouch! LA Galaxy's Kevin Harmse is a naughty boy/David Beckham's enforcer

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
The modern footballer just can't get up to the sneaky antics of their predecessors. As LA Galaxy midfielder Kevin Harmse has discovered following the match against FC Sydney, the TV cameras will see what you are up to even if it is away from the action. Harmse was spotted planting his foot on the arm of Sydney's Brendon Santalab.

Des Lynam is football's very own Setanta Claus

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Former Match of the Day (and indeed Countdown) host Des Lynam has reinvented himself as a Santa Claus impersonator. Des may have sacrificed his reputation as a respectable presenter and darling of the blue rinse brigade, but he will be ho-ho-hoing all the way to the bank for his portrayal of Setanta Claus.

Snapshot Classic: USA vs Colombia, 1994 World Cup

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
June 1994 Carlos Valderrama, the man with the most iconic haircut in the history of football, is hunted down by John Harkes during Colombia's first-round match against the USA at the 1994 World Cup, held at the Rose Bowl, Pasadena. The USA won 2-1. Photo Stephen Dunn/ALLSPORT

Funny old game: English referees are buffoons

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
Here's a video of some mean, foreign-speaking types taking the piss out of our referees – and when you watch it, you'll see why Europeans think our officials are a bunch of clowns. The clip where Jeff Winter gets smacked on the side of the head is particularly satisfying though.

Is David Beckham one of the most fascinating people of 2007? Barbara Walters thinks so

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
Barbara Walters, veteran American journalist/TV personality, has named David Beckham (and missus Victoria) as one her Most Fascinating People of 2007. I know what I'm buying Walters for Christmas - a good dictionary, so she can look up the true definition of the word 'fascinating'.

Three conclusions: Spurs 3-2 Aalborg, Uefa Cup Group G

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Hmm, not quite the romp for Spurs I had imagined before the match. Aalborg scored within two minutes (I chuckled when that happened) and then again on 37 minutes (I didn't chuckle when that happened) but a rousing second-half performance from was just enough to get the 'Yids' (in inverted commas, to placate the politically correct brigade) out of jail.

Kaka for Jesus: AC Milan star wants to become a priest

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite, aka Kaka, wants to spread the word of the Lord when he retires from football. 'I would like that a lot,' the Brazilian Jesus freak (I mean that in the nicest possible way) said in interview with the Italian edition of GQ. 'It's a difficult road - you have to study theology and deepen your study of the Bible.

Reluctantly, Jose Mourinho gives TV interview to Sky News about England football manager's job

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
I love the way Jose hides behind his gate for the duration of his interview, not to mention the cheeky wink as he turns to go into his house. I've never seen the Special One acting so modestly and speaking so softly, almost as if without football in his life he's a totally different person. That said, he didn't say 'No' to the England job – there's definitely something he's not telling us.

Gazzetta all di Pies: Juventus up to second after thrashing Palermo

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Juventus moved themselves up to second in Serie A with a 5-1 thumping of Palermo. The Old Lady was in unstoppable mood with David Trezeguet, Vincenzo Iaquinta, Alessandro Del Piero (two) and Marco Marchionni finding the net. Inter Milan stayed top, three points clear of Juve on 28 points, following their 2-1 win over Atalanta.

Three conclusions: Liverpool 4-1 FC Porto, Champions League Group A

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
So Liverpool are still alive in the Champions League. They have to go to Marseille and win in their final game of the group stage, but I think they're capable of doing that. Here's what I learnt from the match... No.1 Fernando Torres was awesomely good. Because he's fresh-faced, it's easy to focus on his speed and skill and ignore his physical power.

Funny old game: Liverpool fans chant 'We've got the best midfield in the world'

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 6 views
'Xabi Alonso, Momo Sissoko, Gerrard and Mascheranooooooo!' They definitely haven't got the best midfield in the world (I'd argue that AC Milan - Kaka, Gattuso, Pirlo and Seedorf – win that one), but Liverpool fans never let the facts get in the way of a good chant.

Three conclusions: Rosenborg 0-4 Chelsea, Champions League Group B

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
Chelesa win Group B with this mightily impressive away victory. Many experts thought there could be a shock on the cards in Norway, but that never looked like happening, as Avram Grant's team cruised to a 4-0 win. No.1 What was up with Rosenborg? Most of their players started as if they had been on the lash the night before.

The Snapshot: David Beckham receives traditional New Zealand greeting - a Maori nose rub

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
David Beckham of the LA Galaxy receives a traditional Hongi (Maori greeting) from local woman Ritihia Hailwood as he arrives at Wellington Airport on November 29, 2007. Photo Marty Melville/Getty Images

Hallowed Wembley turf turned into a racetrack for Michael Schumacher, Jenson Button and co.

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
First the NFL circus turns up and makes a right mess of the 'hallowed Wembley turf', now it's the turn of petrolheads. As this photo shows, Wembley Stadium is currently being transformed into a racetrack for the Race of Champions, an annual event that is taking place this year on 16 December.

Premier League review: Blackburn Rovers 0-4 Aston Villa – the shock result of the season so far?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Blackburn Rovers 0-4 Aston Villa (Carew 29, Barry 53pen, Young 81, Harewood 89) These days, Blackburn just don't ship four goals at home. They're so tough to beat under Mark Hughes and yet Villa hammered them; Blackburn's cause wasn't helped when skipper Ryan Nelson was sent off, rather unfairly, for tugging Gabriel Agbonlahor's shirt, but even with 11 versus 11, I'm sure Villa would have won.

Rock me, Slaven - download Bilic's new album

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 7 views
When he is not busy breaking English hearts, Croatia manager Slaven Bilic is the frontman of metal band Rawbau. The band apparently pride themselves on their "healing & religious, easy listening, alternative" brand of music. Click here to see their MySpace page and here for a Croatian metal site with more downloads and songs for your listening pleasure.

Three conclusions: Blackburn Rovers 0-4 Aston Villa

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
No.1 Fine performances from Gareth Barry, Gabriel Agbonlahor, Ashley Young and Scott Carson are a plus point for Villa - but that can be a double-edged sword for any Prem side not in the Big Four. Man Utd and co. will be looking more closely at Villa's star performers (maybe not Arsenal, who don't generally sign talented young Englishmen), with a view to making an approach in the January transfer window.

Uefa TV advert hits out at armchair football fans

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
This joint advert from Uefa and the European Commission tells armchair football fans to get up and get physical. I bet Michel Platini would be really impressed if the viewing figures for the next round of Champions League games dropped dramatically because we were all out at Pilates class...

What has Harry Redknapp done?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
It's just been confirmed that Harry Redknapp has been arrested by police investigating corruption in football. The Pompey manager has spent the last week being heavily touted as the best Englishman to coach the national team – but that looks like a lost dream now. He was one of five men arrested along with Portsmouth chairman Peter Storrie.

Oranje Wednesday: All 4-1 and 1-4 all in the Eredivisie.

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
The Eredivisie's top two teams both picked up 4-1 victories this week to maintain their positions at the top of the league. Ajax won at home to Vitesse thanks to goals from Luis Suarez, Gabri, Albert Luque and Klaas-Jan Huntelaar's twelfth strike in as many games. PSV won by the same margin away at Excelsior with Otman Bakkal, Danny Koevermans, Danko Lazovic and Kenneth Perez on the scoresheet.

Champions League review: Man Utd 2-1 Sporting Lisbon – Cristiano Ronaldo's last-gasp free-kick saves United

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Crissy Ronaldo scored against his former club, again, to ensure that Man Utd top Group F. United started slowly, and when Sporting's Abel beat a dozy Tomasz Kuszczak at his near post, a shock result seemed on the cards. But the introduction of the hyperactive Carlos Tevez at half-time, for the ineffective Darren Fletcher, sparked the home team into life.

Champions League review: VfB Stuttgart 3-2 Rangers – Rangers lose but should still qualify

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Entertaining match, this, and although Rangers lost out to the German champions, they still have a very good shot at qualification – Barcelona's 2-2 draw at Lyon means that Rangers need only a draw (a dangerous scenario, nonetheless) when the French club visits Ibrox next month to progress.

Pies' Football Xmas Shopping List, No.5: Copa Classic Footballers' Famous Haircuts t-shirt

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 19 views
Pies' love of Horror Hair is well-documented, so what better for Santa to bring us than this cool t-shirt dedicated to some of the beautiful game's most infamous barnets. Socrates, Roberto Baggio, Bobby Charlton, David Seaman and Chris Waddle are among the players getting in on the act. Click here to buy one for around £21.

Champions League review: Sevilla 3-1 Arsenal – Gunners lose first match of the season

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Sevilla stormed to victory despite conceding an 11th-minute goal from Eduardo da Silva. It was Arsenal's first defeat of the season, and in a match they didn't have to win. I don't think it heralds a dip in form for the Gooners, who had already qualified for the next stage of the Champions League.

Philippe Senderos – is he the new Pascal Cygan?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Three seasons ago Senderos was hailed as one of the best young central defenders in Europe. Many Arsenal fans believed he would be their new Tony Adams, only with less hair and more brains (he speaks six languages, roughly six more than Big Tony). Fast forward to 2007 and Senderos's career is, if not on the rocks, wobbling.

Killer Football Kits: Cameroon's Puma sleeveless shirt

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 15 views
Cameroon wore this eye-catching sleeveless kit in the 2002 African Cup of Nations – it looked pretty cool, too, like a basketball top. Fifa, spoilsports that they are, immediately declared the kit illegal and black sleeves were added for Cameroon's appearance in the 2002 World Cup in Japan/Korea.

Snapshot Classic: Sven, Steve McClaren and Sammy Lee form the 'dream team' for England

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
May 2002 Now that Sven has got rid of muppets like Steve McClaren and Sammy Lee, watch him go! They were obviously holding him back. This photo shows Sven, then manager of England, with glamorous assistants McClaren and Lee during the friendly international between England and Cameroon in Kobe, Japan.

Video of David Beckham's free-kick goal for LA Galaxy against Sydney FC

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
I told you yesterday about Sydney FC's 5-3 defeat of LA Galaxy Down Under, a defeat for the MLS team that was softened by the free-kick scored by David Beckham. Here is a video of that free-kick, and it's a beauty. 'It's a bender! Its a classic! It's a Beckham!'

Horror Hair: Miguel Veloso, Sporting Lisbon

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 12 views
Sporting Lisbon midfielder Miguel Veloso was one player especially hoping to catch Sir Alex Ferguson's eye when he played against Manchester United last night, and he certainly picked a haircut to do just that. The 21-year-old holding player is reportedly a target for Fergie who wants to add him to the Old Trafford Portuguese contingent before next season.

David Beckham's odd-shaped balls - does Becks have a future in rugby or the NFL?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Sister Shiny site Scrumbag (try saying that after a bottle and a half of Calvados) posted recently on the topic of David Beckham and odd-shaped balls. Naturally, I clicked on it, only to find a semi-serious debate on whether Becks could have a career in rugby. This opinion is based on the recent PR stunt in Australia, when Beckham 'hoofed' some Aussie rules & rugger balls into Sydney Harbour.

Head to head: Rafael Benitez and Sam Allardyce

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Billy Davies is the sixth Premier League manager to leave his club this season – there's a Pies pat on the back if you can guess the others? But, it could be unlucky seven before Christmas with these two hanging from tenterhooks - Rafa's upset the owners while Sam isn't the fans' favourite.

David Beckham does it down under

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
The Beckham circus rolled into Australia where his LA Galaxy team lost 5-3 to Sydney Telstra, although Becks did score a trademark free-kick and avoided serious injury after a horror tackle from Brendon Santalab. Here he is being put under the media spotlight – there's subtitles if you can't understand what the Ozzy's are going on about

Alessandro Del Piero and Francisco Totti can kiss their TV careers goodbye

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Here are Italy team-mates Alex Del Piero and Francisco Totti struggling to get through a simple TV sketch. Apparently the gag is supposed to go: Totti: Alessa, how was your exam? Del Piero: Bad, bad. I gave it in blank. Totti: Me too! Now they will think we have copied each other! Unfortunately, Del Piero cannot stop laughing at Totti's pronunciation of his name.

'Umbrella' by Rihanna (The Steve McClaren remix)

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 9 views
Chav anthem 'Umbrella', sung by the lovely Rihanna (pictured), is both infuriatingly catchy and hugely annoying. People who like it have no taste or imagination. That said, I like a good remix - Fanbanta has a very good video of England fan/singer-songwriter Chris Cohen improving greatly on the original with new, Steve McClaren-based lyrics; a tribute to Stevie Mac's reliance on that enormous golf umbrella during England's 3-2 loss to Croatia last week.

Teutonic Tuesday: Bayern Munich return to winning ways in time to stay top

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Bayern Munich rediscovered their early season form this week to ensure they remain top of the Bundesliga. A poor string of results has seen Werder Bremen and Hamburg both move to within a point of the leaders. A 2-1 win over Wolfsburg was enough for Bayern to maintain their narrow advantage. The victory was needed as Hamburg defeated Hansa Rostock 2-0 and Bremen saw off Energie Cottbus by the same margin.

The Terribly Tough Tuesday Teaser

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 7 views
It's back and by God I know you've missed it. Name the footballers from each set of clues. Simple (and mildly devious at the same time)... EASY MEDIUM HARD Answers after the jump... Answers: EASY Kaka (Kaa the snake from The Jungle Book, x2) MEDIUM Frank Lampard (Ann Frank, a genie's lamp and Chuck Norris, who of course is well-hard) HARD Alessandro del Piero (Actor Alessandro Nivola, Del Boy from Only Fools and Horses, and the clown Pierrot) Anyone get all three this week?

Pies' Football Xmas Shopping List, No.4: Adidas Originals AC Milan tracksuit top

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Who needs a stuffy Xmas cardigan when you could be rocking this retro Adidas AC Milan track top over the festive period? Available online for £55

Is Samuel Eto'o the face of World Cup 2010?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
A mystery surrounds the launch of the official poster for the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, shown on the left. Sepp Blatter hinted last week that the African man shown heading a ball is none other than Samuel Eto'o, who hails from Cameroon. Local organisers, though, take a different view: 'The face represents every single African supporter,' an official statement read.

Hyundai Club Challenge: Sydney FC 5-3 LA Galaxy – David Beckham scores with trademark curling free-kick (team-mates still shit though)

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 7 views
More than 80,000 fans (including this shy quartet of ladies) came to watch Sydney FC take on LA Galaxy in a friendly at Sydney's Olympic Stadium yesterday – that's a remarkable attendance for a meaningless match between two mediocre teams – no offence, but by European standards, Sydney and the Galaxy are second-rate.

Killer Football Kits: Atletico Madrid's Puma home kit, 1986-1994

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
This is an exercise in striped simplicity from one of my favourite Spanish teams – no sponsor (between 1986-1989), no trimmings, a neat collar, classic red-and-white stripes. Everything I would look for in a strip. Why don't they make beautiful kits like this these days? Ah, because designers are paid way too much cash to overdesign, that's why.

Jay-Z raps about Freddy Adu

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 33 views
Is Freddy Adu going to disappear into the Bermuda Triangle? US rapper Jay-Z seems to think so. The Benfica youngster is namechecked on his new song American Gangster. The lyrics are: Yeah that's my goal And then I bid you Freddy Adu Prodigal Child, y'all not ready for the future Then I disappear in the Bermuda Triangle The Adu mention is 2min 7secs into this video.

Viagra can make you play football like Pele

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views

fottball - Viagra
Uploaded by unknown_002 The guy in this ad has a combover and a paunch, but one Viagra later and he's playing like Pele. Managers, take note.

Managers' merry-go-round: Alex McLeish to quit Scotland, Paul Sturrock returns to Plymouth Argyle and Paul Ince favourite for Derby County job

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
What with Ian Holloway's sudden departure from Plymouth to Leicester, and Billy Davies leaving doomed Derby because he had no cash to bolster his squad, it's time for the managerial merry-go-round to spin a few revolutions again: Paul Ince is the bookies' favourite to be the new Derby County boss.

The Snapshot: Iraq's premier football league starts again

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
A player from Electricity Club helps the goalkeeper from Al-Jawia to his feet during an Iraqi league match on November 26, 2007 at Al-Shaab stadium in Baghdad. Iraq's premier league started on November 26, 2007 at Al-Shaab stadium amid high security. Despite the security and the fall in violent attacks, the turnout was very low.

One good reason why Louis Van Gaal should be next England manager: his flying karate kick

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 5 views
Does Louis not like that! You wouldn't see any English manager I know attempting such a high kick. Van Gaal announced today that he would be interested in the England coach's job, and I think the FA should watch this clip (taken from the 1995 Champions League final, when Ajax defeated AC Milan 1-0) to see the sort of passion and enthusiasm the red-cheeked Dutchman brings to a job.

Classic Moments: Tomislav Pipica of FC Energie Cottbus heads ball into own net

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 9 views
Piplica, now 38, is something of a cult figure in Germany, where he is known for his spectacular blunders. This is the most celebrated of his 'keeping cock-ups – it's more like some glitch from Pro Evolution Soccer than a real-life clanger. Enjoy.

Shit Lookalike: Lawrie Sanchez and Mr Spock

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
When he is not busy impersonating TV's Gok Wan or signing any player with at least one Northern Ireland cap, Fulham boss Lawrie Sanchez loves nothing better than pretend he is onboard the Starship Enterprise.

Ian Holloway, Judas or just doing the right thing?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Plenty of Plymouth Argyle fans are up in arms that Ian Holloway, their beloved 'Ollie', turned his back on the club so suddenly, despite so often repeating his love for not only Argyle, but also the area. He seemed so settled in the south west that for him to be charmed by the silver tongue of Milan Mandaric seemed, well, just so unlike Ian.

La Liga Lunes: La Liga - the league nobody wants to lead

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
You know those cycling sprint races where both riders go as slowly as possible in an attempt to get the other to take the lead? Well that (give or take a bicycle or two) is La Liga at the moment. Real Madrid, currently the leaders looking nervously over their shoulders, dropped points with a 1-1 at Real Murcia on Saturday giving Villarreal the perfect opportunity to overtake them.

Derby County split with Billy Davies: pointless or predictable?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Billy Davies has today left Derby County, by mutual consent. Just one win in their last 14 games meant that the writing was on the wall for Davies. He got Derby into the Premier League in his first season, despite a glaring lack of quality in the squad. They're currently rooted to the bottom of the table, with a -28 goal difference.

Shit Lookalikes: Dirk Kuyt and Rocky from 'Mask'

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
Yet another tremendous Shit Lookalike from Pies regular Chringle. Mask is such an awesome movie – Cher rules in it. More Liverpool fun and games at Liverpool Pies

XI worst possible new England managers

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Well we say worst possible new England manager but we were are working within the realms of reality here (for once). In other words the list takes for granted that the new man will probably already have some experience within the game of football and probably some experience in management too.

The Snapshot: Fifa World Cup 2012 qualifying draw

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Former French international Christian Karembeu laughs as England are drawn in the same group as Croatia (again), in the 2010 FIFA World Cup preliminary draw at the ICC convention centre on November 25, 2007 in Durban, South Africa. Photo Shaun Botterill/Getty Images To take a look at the full European draw, click below.

Photographic evidence that Borat knew England would draw Kazakhstan in the 2010 World Cup qualifiers

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 30 views
This photo of a crestfallen Paul Robinson was taken after that bobble, during England's Euro 2008 qualifiying defeat in Croatia. With today's news that we have drawn Kazakhstan (and Croatia again), was Borat trying to tell us something we didn't yet know?

Heroes & Villains: Premier League weekend 24-25 Nov

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
HEROES Robert Green His injury-time penalty saved secured a point for West Ham against Tottenham. Nicolas Anelka Grabbed a shock winner for Bolton against champions Manchester United. Steven Gerrard Infuriatingly impressive for Liverpool against Newcastle.

Cobi Jones looks like an old lesbian

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 36 views
One of the hottest niche blogs around at the moment is Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians, a site dedicated to exactly that. I was looking at some pictures of David Beckham training in Australia (he's there with the Galaxy on a promotional tour) when I caught side of a woman alongside him who turned out in fact to be team-mate Cobi Jones.

England World Cup draw is very nice! High five!!!

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Group 6 Croatia, England, Ukraine, Belarus, Kazakhstan, Andorra I think England's World Cup draw is pretty decent; it could have been a lot, lot worse. Of the top seeds, Croatia were one of the 'softest' nations in the pot, but we all saw that Slaven Bilic's team have got our measure - but at least we can't do any worse under a new manager, and revenge will be a motivating factor.

Snapshot Classic: Chris Waddle's mullet versus Sweden

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 12 views
September 1989 Chris Waddle of England, mullet streaming behind him, wrong-foots Roland Nilsson of Sweden during a World Cup qualifying match in Stockholm, Sweden. The match ended in a 0-0 draw. England ended up making the 1990 finals in Italy, where they reached the semi finals, before going out to Germany on penalties.

French Football Friday: France celebrate qualification in their new kit

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
France held a 2-2 draw with the Ukraine as a celebration party for their qualification for Euro 2008. Les Bleus had already guaranteed their place in Austria and Switzerland with Saturday's sequence of results. Henry and co had some new gear picked out especially for the party though. The new France home kit is pictured above.

The Fiendish Friday Quiz: probably the toughest football quiz in the world

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
1 Lyon, Paris Saint-Germain, AC Milan, Marseille, Bolton, Birmingham, Leicester (current). Whose career? 2 Paolo Maldini and Cafu are two of three current AC Milan players who have earned the most caps for their national teams (Italy and Brazil). Who's the third? 3 Who was top scorer at Euro '96, held in England?

Martin O'Neill, Mark Hughes, Jose Mourinho, Sam Allardyce, Marcello Lippi and Alan Curbishley say 'No no no' to the England coach's job

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Managers are falling over themselves to say 'Hell no!' to the vacant England coach's job. Martin O'Neill, Mark Hughes, Jose Mourinho, Sam Allardyce, Marcello Lippi and Alan Curbishley have all, for various reasons, distanced themselves from the position, presumably because they're not tempted by the opportunity of picking up the most poisoned chalice in football.

Vote: would Alan Shearer make a good England manager?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Is Alan Shearer England's own Marco van Basten? In other words, is Shearer capable of coaching his national side despite a blatant lack of high-level coaching experience, relying instead on his reputation as one of England's finest ever strikers? To answer my own question, who knows? Shearer could be a huge success, or he could be a total disaster.

Croatian national anthem doesn't feature the word 'penis' – not if you sing it right

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 8 views
Croatia fans are thanking the British opera singer who made a boo-boo whilst singing their national anthem at Wembley on Wednesday. Tony Henry sang most of Lijepa Nasa Domovino (Our Beautiful Homeland) perfectly, apart from one small (or not so small) detail: Instead of singing 'Mila kuda si planina' ('You know my dear how we love your mountains'), he sang 'Mila kura si planina', which translates as 'My dear, my penis is a mountain'.

Snapshot Classic: Ruud Gullit signs for Glenn Hoddle's Chelsea, 1995

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
June 1995 Chelsea boss Glenn Hoddle shares a club scarf with new signing Ruud Gullit on a sunny day at Stamford Bridge. Photo Steve Munday/ALLSPORT

Robinho's magical dribble, Ecuador vs Brazil

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
All too often show-ponying (is that even a word?) ends in nothing – where's the end product, us conservative Brits like to cry – but in this case Robinho's mesmerising, 'now-you-see-me, now-I've-made-you-look-like-a-clown' dribble ends up in a goal. Via Guardian Sports Blog

Man ruins Sky News' new England manager hype

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
A Sky News reporter has never asked me who I want to be the new England manager, so I guess you never know how you will react until has happened to you. One man at the back of this mob of England fans suddenly gets an urge to go home - via the middle of Sky's outdoor broadcast set and taking part of the microphone with him!

HolloWatch: Ian Holloway leaves Coronation Street to become Leicester City manager

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Football's most quotable manager, Ian Holloway, has been appointed the new manager of Leicester City. Pies told you earlier this week that Ollie was likely to leave his manager's post at Plymouth Argyle to take over at the Foxes. Holloway has always maintained he was happy at Home Park and would honour his contract.

Unsettled Rafa Benitez hints he might be interested in the England manager's job – but would we want him?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Interesting developments at Liverpool today. Manager Rafa Benitez described his week as 'not the best' after arriving late for a press conference following a meeting with Reds' owners George Gillett and Tom Hicks. 'Maybe I could be Steve McClaren's replacement if I improve my English,' Benitez said.

Classic Moments: Phoenix from the Flames does a rare Alan Hansen defensive error

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
Taken from Baddiel & Skinner's Fantasy Football. The Peter Reid/werewolf gag actually made me laugh out loud, and I'm not usually one for laughing out loud – but then Phoenix from the Flames was always the best bit about Fantasy Football.

The Snapshot: Newspaper reaction to Steve McClaren's England failure

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
British newspapers carry headlines on England's defeat and elimination from Euro 2008. Photo Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images

Gazzetta all di Pies: Italy secure qualification for Euro 2008

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Saturday's win over Scotland secured qualfication for Euro 2008 for Italy so they rounded off their campaign with a 3-1 kickabout against the Faroe Islands. The visitors must have been happy enough to get on the scoresheet and keep the score down to three. Highlights of the Faroe Islands game below.

What vegetable will Steve McClaren be remembered as?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
First we had the Turnip and then the Swede so in keeping with tradition it's now ginger man McClaren's turn to be immortalised as a vegetable... Has to be a carrot - no one was tempted when he was dangled in front of our faces before and his downfall was eventually decided by a rabbit in the headlights between the sticks.

Yo' Selecta: Pick England's starting line-up for the 2010 World Cup finals

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
Ok, crystal balls out for the lads – let's say that England do qualify for the 2010 World Cup (I can dream, can't I?). What might the starting team look like for their first group match? I'd like to see a line-up like the one below, in a 4-3-3 stylee. It mixes experience and youth nicely, and has loads of pace.

XI worst decisions of Steve McClaren's England reign

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 23 views
1 Shunning David Beckham McClaren was determined to become his own man after succeeding Sven. Dropping Becks was an easy way to signal this, but it was a case of cutting his nose off to spite his face. The former skipper clearly still had a part to play and Macca was forced to go crawling back.

So, British football fans – who will you support now at Euro 2008?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
You're still going to watch Euro 2008, right? I know I am, and it will be a relative joy to watch every match without that horrible feeling in your stomach that accompanies every England game. And at least our Celtic cousins don't have to choose between supporting England and wanting them to fail.

Hungary's Vilmos Vanczak scores an own goal against Greece

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Unsurprisingly it is all doom and gloom this morning. We might as well try to lift the mood a little by revelling in other people's misfortune. Here is Hungary's Vilmos Vanczak managing to score an own goal with his seemingly innocuous header. Is that Scott Carson in nets?

Classic Moment: Graham Taylor's England managerial career comes to a close

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
A lot of comparisons are being drawn between Graham Taylor's time in charge of England and Steve McClaren's. Taylor's stint was considerably longer but failure to qualify for major tournaments put paid to both. This often hilarious and frequently cringe-worthy video shows Taylor throughout England's defeat against Holland in 1993, which all but ended his England career.

England 2-3 Croatia: what the papers say

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
'Useless, pathetic, insipid, spineless, desperate, rubbish and all those other words we are not allowed to print in the nation's favourite newspaper... England are the joke of European football.' The Sun 'That awful first goal set the tone for a classic night of England-watching agony.

England 2-3 Croatia: what the bloggers say

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 10 views
'How far have we failed to progress as a footballing culture (for we have not fallen at all; let's not kid ourselves, we've been consistently mediocre at best since the 1970s) that legions of fans can call into the BBC's 6-0-6 in 2007 and decry our failure to play 4-4-2 last night as the root cause of England's problems?

Pies' Football Xmas Shopping List, No.3: England vs Croatia, commemorative England shirt

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
The FA's online shop proudly offers this England vs Croatia commemorative shirt with an 'official' game date stamp applied to the front chest. God love the FA. Normally it would cost you £39.99, but online you can buy it for a bargain £29.99 – keep the pain of humiliation close to your chest at all times!

Surprise! Steve McClaren is sacked as England manager. Terry Venables is also out

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
I have almost zero energy when it comes to reporting the utterly predictable news that the contracts of England boss Steve McClaren and assistant coach Terry Venables have been terminated this morning. There will now be a 'root-and-branch' investigation into the state of the national team. About time too, but I hope these aren't hollow words from the FA, who have just admitted in a press conference to being 'embarrassed and extremely disappointed' by England's failure to qualify for Euro 2008.

Vote: Which home nation had the best Euro 2008 qualifying campaign?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
There won't be a single home nation appearing at Euro 2008 in Austria and Switzerland. England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland couldn't escape from their groups. But who has emerged with the greatest credit from the qualifying campaign? I have a suspicion that Stevie Mac's England won't win this vote.

Should Brian Barwick resign as FA chief executive? And should Trevor Brooking replace him?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Barwick appointed Steve McClaren in the first place – he interviewed well, apparently – but I don't see Barwick stepping down, although he did apologise to England fans. If McClaren's position was untenable, then how does Barwick escape not only without getting sacked, but also with a remit to choose McClaren's replacement?

Vote: Who would you appoint as the next England football manager?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 7 views
First things first – would any world-class coach really be tempted to take a job that involves constantly being slagged off by the English media, and where his main ambition is to qualify for a tournament that doesn't take place until 2010? Hmm, not the most appealing vacancy for the likes of Jose Mourinho and Fabio Capello.

Steve McClaren 0-1 Slaven Bilic

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
Q What's the difference between Lewis Hamilton and the England team? A England won't have a McClaren in the morning... Well that was a laugh, wasn't it? Yes, despite any misplaced optimism before the kick-off, watching England was the usual depressing, masochistic fare – we were gifted a lifeline by Israel and we wasted it.

England vs Croatia, the real player ratings

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 6 views
Scott Carson Could not have played any worse. I could have done as well in goal – seriously. 0 Micah Richards Meh. Not great, not that bad. Better than the rest of the back four though. 4 Wayne Bridge All you muppets who rate Bridge above Cashley Cole – behave, he's half the player a fully fit Cole is.

England 2-3 Croatia: Full time report - hang on we could still...no, we're out!

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 5 views
England are out of Euro 2008. We got off to the worst imaginable start by gifting Croatia two goals in the first 15 minutes – the first our now traditional goalkeeping howler, this time from Scott Carson, and the second a lesson in how not to defend. McClaren must have done his best Winston Churchill impression at half time but it was blind luck from the referee that got us back into the game with a penalty awarded for the slightest of shirt pulls.

England 0-2 Croatia: Half time match report – we're f*cked!

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
Could someone please tell Scott Carson it's not volleyball! What can McClaren say to turn it around in the in the second half?

What sort of reception will Steve McClaren get at Wembley tonight?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Not many of us thought that England would still be in contention to qualify for Euro 2008 ahead of tonight's game against Croatia. But Israel's win against Russia has inspired a comeback of biblical proportions – and a win tonight could leave us deceptively top of the group. Had we not been rescued, McClaren could have been on the end of a wrong kind of roasting when he faced his critics defeated at Wembley.

Oranje Wednesday: Holland edge out Luxembourg

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
Holland scraped past lowly neighbours Luxembourg with a 1-0 victory at the weekend. The win secured qualification for Euro 2008 but the Oranje would have been expecting to do so in a more emphatic manner. Here are the highlights from Holland's unexpectedly narrow win over Luxembourg: Holland have a rather snazzy new away kit out now as shown above.

COMPETITION! Predict the England vs Croatia score and WIN a retro football shirt

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 5 views
To be in with the chance to win a cool retro football shirt, courtesy of our pals at Retro Football Shirts, simply add a comment with your prediction for tonight's England vs Croatia game, complete with predicted scorers and goal times (gotta have those goal times, in case of a tie - an email address would be handy too so I can contact the winner).

Cult Hero: Zvonimir Boban, Croatia

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
Boban is one of the most popular footballers ever to pull on a Croatian jersey, partly because he was a damn good No.10 – he won four Serie A titles and a Champions League with AC Milan, and captained Croatia to third place at France '98 – and partly because of his immense patriotism. Boban remains a national hero in his native Croatia and is still remembered for the time when he attacked a policeman on the pitch, whilst playing for Dinamo Zagreb (the policeman had been attacking a Dinamo Zagreb fan).

Shit Lookalikes: Slaven Bilic and Rufus Sewell

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Do you see the resemblance between Croatia's intense coach and the frog-eyed English actor who often gets to play the villain? I do.

Steve McClaren listens to you, at last – he will drop Paul Robinson (and David Beckham too)

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Yesterday you voted for Scott Carson to replace Paul Robinson in goal for today's vital Euro 2008 qualifier against Croatia. Well, it seems Steve McClaren has listened, for once. Most of today's newspapers report that Carson will start tonight instead of the Spurs keeper. It seems I'm one of the few people who would stick with Robinson. Yes, his confidence is low, but he has done very little wrong in this qualifying campaign and to drop him now would arguably shatter his fragile confidence irrevocably.

Snapshot Classic: Davor Suker takes on Lothar Matthaus as Croatia beat Germany 3-0 at the 1998 World Cup

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
July 1998 Davor Suker (left), one of Croatia's greatest ever players, clashes with Lothar Matthaus of Germany during the World Cup quarter-final match at the Stade Gerland in Lyon, France. Suker scored in that game and Croatia won 3-0, a memorable result that, although it didn't involve England, made me a very happy man indeed.

Noemie Lenoir models lingerie for Victoria's Secret – Claude Makelele is a lucky man

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 52 views
Yowsa, here's a couple of pix of A-grade WAG Noemie Lenoir, taken at the latest Victoria's Secret fashion show. Like the headline says: Claude Makelele, Lenoir's fella, is a very, VERY lucky chap. Via Kickette

Pies' Football Xmas Shopping List, No.2: Garlando G5000 beech foosball table

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
This is considerably more affordable than the awesome Opus table, featured on Pies many moons ago. The G5000 combines classy Italian styling with an impressive set of features, including professional handles, sandblasted glass playing field – oh! suits you sir! – and leg levellers. Every bachelor pad needs one of these. Disclaimer: as with the Predator boots I posted on yesterday, I have absolutely no professional interest in this product - no one sends me any free shit, I'm sad to say.

Steve McClaren has special powers

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
A slightly weird video from FanBanta featuring comedian Kevin Day. England boss Steve McClaren shows off some of his special powers.

Shit Lookalike Deathmatch: Is Ronaldo's lookalike Kenan, Greg Gumbel, Craig Charles or Dennis the Menace?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 13 views
Following the impressive response to yesterday's open appeal for suggestions for a Shit Lookalike for Ronaldo, Pies is now giving you the chance to select your definitive Ronaldo Shit Lookalike. Among the pick of the suggestions were Kenan Thompson (aka Kenan from Kenan and Kel, Fat Albert), American sports presenter Greg Gumbel, Coronation Street actor Craig Charles and cartoon character Dennis the Menace.

Drunken Aberdeen fan goes urinal surfing at Parkhead

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 12 views
Ever Klinsmann-dived the length of a urinal head first into a puddle of other people's Matt Le Tiss? No, me neither and I intend to keep it that way. This Aberdeen fan, on the other hand, went paddling at Parkhead.

HolloWatch: Ian Holloway loves fudge cake (and Leicester City too, by the sounds of it)

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Pies hero Ian Holloway has demonstrated his sweet tooth by discussing his love of fudge cake in his BBC column this week. Asked by a reader what his favourite cake was, Ollie said: "Black Forest gateau's lovely, but if I was going to choose anything for a pudding it would be fudge cake with a nice bit of ice cream on top. "My mum also used to cut me a nice slice of madeira cake when I was younger and I still like that with a cup of tea.

Teutonic Tuesday: Germany to round off qualification by whipping Wales

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Having already qualified for Euro 2008, Germany's match against Cyprus at the weekend was a case of running through the motions. They ran through the motions very well though with goals from Clemens Fritz, Miroslav Klose, Lukas Podolski and Thomas Hitzlsperger provided a 4-0 drubbing. Klose then took time out to hurt Welsh national pride ahead of Deutschland's final qualification match against Wales.

Horror Hair: Ronaldo

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 34 views
I though that Ronaldo was bald by default rather than choice, but that was before dude grew a 'fro. It seems that the rotund one has hit the bottle and resorted to hair regrowth products. The Offside is reporting that the Brazilian international favours Crescina to give his hair a little more volume. Crescina prides itself on natural hair regrowth (although whether there is anything natural about a bald guy growing his hair back is up for debate).

WIN! A video blogging internship with Shiny Media, the people behind Who Ate All the Pies

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
How would you like the chance of winning a six-month internship with us at Shiny Media? You would? Excellent... Our buddies at LG are running a Video Media Talent Award – a competition to find and train two interns to develop skills in presenting or filming/editing with Shiny Media – the UK's leading video-blogging team.

Shit Lookalikes: Gary Lineker IS Alan Partridge

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
This has to be my favourite Shit Lookalike of all time, and I'm not sure it'll ever be bettered. Before Gary Lineker was host of Match of the Day, back in the time of Sir Des of Lynamshire, he often appeared as a pundit. Having just watched a clip of an old MotD with Des and Gary in those roles, I was amazed, nay astounded, to see just how much Lineker resembled Alan Partridge – the 'sports casual' clothes, the side parting, everything is perfectly Alan.

Killer Kits: Dukla Prague away kit, 1960s

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 14 views
This killer kit was immortalised in the Half Man Half Biscuit song 'All I Want for Christmas is a Dukla Prague Away Kit'. The red body/yellow sleeves look has never looked classier, and you've gotta love that retro Dukla Prague logo on the chest. Buy it online from Toffs

Classic Moments: How to shut up Jimmy Hill

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
I guess this was for Comic Relief back in the day. Nuff respect to the Big Chin, and lovely to see Alan Hansen (looking very young, dontcha think?) cracking up when the take is over.

Who Ate All the Pies' England XI vs Croatia

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Here's the eleven brave souljas I'd send out to fight for a draw against the might of Croatia tomorrow evening. Please post your preferred starting line-ups, so I can laugh at just how easy it is to select an England team (and explain why my team is better than yours, natch). Paul Robinson Hasn't done too much wrong in an England shirt in this qualifying campaign, although his one howler was against Croatia.

Spartak Moscow's billionaire owner will give Croatia's four best players a Mercedes each if they beat England

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Bribery alert!!! A Russian billionaire (not Roman Abramovich though) has offered to buy a Mercedes Benz for Croatia's best four players if they beat England at Wembley tomorrow – a result which would probably see Russia qualify at our expense, provided they beat lowly Andorra. (One of the cars is guaranteed to go to Croatian goalkeeper Stipe Pletikosa, who plays for Spartak.

Pies' Football Xmas Shopping List, No.1: Adidas Predator Swerve

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 12 views
According to adidas, its new Predator football boot is 'the most powerful Predator ever'. The new boot features Predator SMART foam on the strike zone to give 'extra power, swerve and control', which has to be a good thing, no? In tests, the boot was found to give 8% more swerve than its predecessor, making it ideal for banana-esque free-kicks.

So, would you pick David Beckham against Croatia?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Hmm, I'm not sure. Becks is clearly not 100% fit and he didn't impress me much against Austria on Friday. However, put into Steve McClaren's shoes, I think I probably would go with him, especially for such an important game. Beckham has top-level experience matched by few of his team-mates, and he does love the big occasion – he was never going to get 'up' for a wholly meaningless friendly in Vienna, whereas tomorrow's crunch meeting with Croatia will appeal to his vanity – in a good way.

The Snapshot: Houston Dynamo win second straight MLS Cup (and are the Dynamo the beardiest team in history?)

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 8 views
The future's bright, the future's orange... Houston Dynamo won their second MLS title in two years with a 2-1 defeat of New England Revolution. Congrats to the Dynamo, who have won the MLS title in every year of their existence, but spare a thought for the poor Revolution – this was their third straight MLS Cup appearance, and their third straight loss.

Goal of the week: Juan Riquelme makes the most of Lionel Messi's dribble, Argentina 3-0 Bolivia

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Fantastic run from inside his own half by Lionel Messi (he's making a habit of such runs) and a composed, first-time finish from the ever-wonderful Juan-Roman Riquelme.

Head to head: Paul Robinson and Scott Carson – who should be England's keeper against Croatia?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Steve McClaren has a few important decisions to make before tomorrow's game against Croatia but who's going between the sticks could be the deal breaker. Paul Robinson's troubled start to the season led to Scott Carson winning his first cap last weekend but should McClaren go for experience or form for our final decisive match? survey - Take Our Poll

Shit Lookalikes: David Healy (Fulham) and David Healy (Northern Ireland)

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 10 views
What is it about the green shirt of Northern Ireland that sees David Healy transformed from journeyman to world-beater? Thirteen goals in one qualifying campaign is really an incredible achievement – Healy should be a genuine candidate for the BBC Sports Personality of the Year shortlist. His 13th goal, which you can watch above (listen out for impartial BBC co-commentator), is a gem.

Caption this! Steward removes a streaker from the game between Leyton Orient and Brighton

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
This steward at the weekend's game between Leyton Orient and Brighton looks like he's got his hands full. We've covered the streaker's modesty with a pie, but in truth we could have used a mini sausage roll - it must have been a cold day (if you do want to see the chap in all his 'glory', click the NSFW link below). Let us know if you've got a caption for the embarrassed steward or the freaky streaker Oh dear.

The Snapshot: Eton College's wall football game

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
The 'Collegers' and the 'Oppidans' teams of Eton College take part in the 'Eton Wall Game' on November 17, 2007 in Eton, near Windsor. Competition between the two houses at the boarding school remains as fierce as ever since the first recorded 'Wall Game' took place in 1766. The object of the game is to get the ball to either end of the wall and score a goal, which has not happened since 1909 (Alan Hansen could not accuse either side of 'terrible defending').

Do Scotland deserve to go out of Euro 2008 after supporting Russia over England?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Before the weekend it looked more likely that the Scots would be going to Euro 2008 while England would be left back at home – probably throwing darts at a pull out of Steve McClaren's head. But, in a dramatic turn of events, Scotland's bravehearts fell to a last minute goal from Italy while England live to play another day courtesy of Israel's surprise win over Russia.

THE VOTE Should Steve McClaren be sacked if England DO qualify for Euro 2008?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Before the paint on Israel's upright saved us from Russia scoring the goal that would have knocked us out of Euro 2008 we ran a poll asking if Steve McClaren should be sacked if what we thought the inevitable happened. A unanimous 84% (762 people) said that if McClaren failed to take us to the Alps his time was up – but has anything changed now that we're in a position to go through?

Steve McClaren was on the toilet when Israel handed England a lifeline

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
While you might be of the opinion that it would be taking the piss if England failed to qualify for Euro 2008, head coach Steve McClaren was doing just that when they were given one last chance to qualify. The England boss missed the exciting conclusion to Israel's victory over Russia because he had nipped to the loo. He said: "Unbelievable.

Run-of-the-mill route one goal provides one of the greatest celebrations of all time!

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 6 views
Managers in the English lower leagues have been trying to convince the world that direct football has the best results for years now, but it is certainly true in this instance. Just look how this keeper celebrates his input to this route one goal. Bizarre! [Via Leftback]

La Liga Lunes: Spain qualify for Euro 2008 after victory over Sweden

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Despite a disastrous start to their qualification games, Spain booked their place at Euro 2008 with a comfortable 3-0 home victory over Sweden. Goals from Joan Capdevila, Andres Iniesta and Sergio Ramos ensured that a qualification which has included defeats against Northern Ireland and Sweden, when the sides last met, ended in success. Spain now face Northern Ireland on Wednesday in their final qualification game.

The Snapshot: Israel's players celebrate victory over Russia

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 6 views
They only went and did it! England were given one last opportunity to mess up qualification for Euro 2008 after Israel defeated Russia 2-1 on Saturday night. Goals from Elyaniv Barda and Omer Golan secured victory for the home side.

French Football Friday: Marseille defeat Lyon in the battle of the Olympiques

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Marseille ended Lyon's momentum in their bid to win a seventh successive Ligue 1 title. The underdogs emerged victorious in the battle of the Olympiques. Marseille are currently fourteenth in the table - while Lyon are top of the table - but they picked up a 1-2 away win on Sunday. Juninho opened the scoring for Lyon after just seven minutes, but a brace from Niang won the match for Marseille.

THE VOTE Should Steve McClaren be sacked if England don't qualify for Euro 2008?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
We all know what the tabloids think, there are conflicting reports about what the players think, but what do you think? Should Steve McClaren be sacked if England fail to qualify for Euro 2008? Has he under-achieved in the job or are the players to blame? Has he had enough chances to stop the rot or does he need more time to stamp his authority on the England set-up?

Caption this! England prepare for their final Euro 2008 qualifier

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
With the England squad already looking threadbare ahead of our final qualifier that could or could not decide our Euro 2008 fate we're not sure the introduction of blind martial arts is a good idea – although Nickey Shorey could just be taking team selection into his own hands. "Crouching Peter, hidden motive!" Let us know if you can come upo with a better caption for these lovers of kung-fu fighting

Shit Lookalikes: Julian Sands and Jurgen Klinsmann

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 6 views
Both men have the Teutonic (aka. 'blonde') air of a man who might be cast as 'Villain No.3' in a Die Hard movie. Sands has actually played a terrorist, in Season Five of '24' (the best season, by the way), whereas Jurgen is a much more peaceful type, known for driving a battered old VW Beetle during his days at Tottenham.

Head to head: English fans and Scottish fans - where does their allegiance lie?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
There's never been much love lost between the English and the Scottish, especially when it comes to football. So, the prospect of England missing out while Scotland qualify for Euro 2008 is daunting. If Scotland can get a home result against World Champions Italy – a win would seal it while a draw might be enough – they are through while our final game could be over before it's began if Israel fail to get anything against Russia.

Why you shouldn't play as Bradford City on Championship Manager

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
A bastardisation of a famous YouTube clip, but very funny. The English subtitles are priceless.

Snapshot Classic: Jurgen Klinsmann in his natural habitat

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 16 views
September 1988 Jurgen Klinsmann on the deck (post-dive?) during the Olympic third place-match between West Germany and Italy at the Tongdaemun Stadium in Seoul, South Korea. The Germans won the match 3-0, with Klinsmann scoring the first goal after five minutes. Photo Lutz Bongarts/ Bongarts/Getty Images

Cult hero: Jim Baxter, Scotland's greatest footballer

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
This is a fascinating little film looking back at the career of Jim Baxter, arguably Scotland's greatest ever player. With the Scots set to play Italy tomorrow in a crunch Euro 2008 qualifier, I suggest that manager Alex McLeish shows this to all of his players, as a reminder that Scotland can produce world-class players capable of competing with the best any country has to offer.

Horror Hair: Toni Polster, Austria's King of the Mullet

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 6 views
Toni Polster is an Austrian football legend. He picked up almost 100 international caps and scored almost 50 goals, a very tidy record indeed. However, I remember him mostly for his classic Euro mullet, one of the finest examples of its kind seen in the Eighties and Nineties. There was a hint of pubic curl in Toni's flowing locks, which always flirted with his collar, or below.

Classic Moments: Austria 4-3 England, Vienna 1979

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
England's first three results ever against Austria, in games that were all played in Vienna, resulted in three very heavy defeats for the home side. England won 6-1 and 11-1 in 1908, and 8-1 a year later. It's fair to say that Austria doesn't have a great record against the English, although only two matches between the two nations have been competitive internationals (two World Cup qualifiers, in 2004 and 2005, which resulted in a 2-2 draw away and a 1-0 home win for England).

Roberto Carlos soaks the linesman with his water bottle

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
Just look at that cheeky chappy Roberto Carlos. He knows what he's doing: he wants to throw his water all over the linesman and he does just that! There is no eye contact made afterwards, just a casual wave of apology. I would like to see one of the Premier League boys try this on a freezing November evening and get away without a card! [Via TheOffside]

Pat Jennings is a Unipart oil filter

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
In the days before football agents introduced slick PR and brand management to their clients, players took any advertising money they could get. Take the case of legendary Tottenham keeper Pat Jennings. He would think nothing of dressing up as a shot-stopping oil filter for a quick pay-day. You just wouldn't catch David Beckham dressing up as a wiper blade or Joey Barton acting like a dipstick.

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 7 views
1 Newell's Old Boys, Boca Juniors, AS Roma, Real Madrid, Internazionale (current). Whose career? 2 Uefa was founded in 1954, but in which country? 3 Juventus, Bayern Munich and which other club are the only teams to have won all three major European trophies (European Cup or Champions League, Uefa Cup, Cup Winner's Cup) at least once? 4 In 1965, which British club published the UK's first ever regular football club newspaper?

The football feuds XI

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
Football is full of bust ups from training ground incidents to heat filled moments during matches and behind the scenes – it's a man's game after all. But, while some can leave their anger on the field, there are others that just can't let it go. Sometimes personal battles go beyond sport and get personal resulting in relationships that will never truly heal.

Head to head: Ashley Cole v Gael Clichy

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Cashley has been out of action for a while but there was a time when he was hailed as the ‘best left back in the world', although that title has been used less since his move to Chelsea. In the meantime, his identikit replacement at the Emirates, Gael Clichy, has seamlessly taken over where Cole left off and Arsenal are looking unbeatable.

The English Israeli XI

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
With England fans crossing their fingers and hoping for Israel to pull off a shock result against Russia on Saturday, Pies celebrates the Israeli players who have plied their trade in the Premier League. Tal Ben Haim The no-nonsense centre-back arrived in England in 2004 when Bolton Wanderers signed him. During his three years at the Reebok Stadium he became a highly sought after defender.

Anton Ferdinand and Nigel Reo-Coker dance the Soulja Boy Crank

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 17 views
Slightly less cool than the Birdy Song. What a pair of tools.

David Beckham aims at streaker during Vancouver Whitecaps vs LA Galaxy friendly. He misses

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 34 views
Afraid to actually tackle the pitch invader, Becks' instinct is to chip a neat through ball into the path of said invader. Not the greatest pass he's played, to be honest.

Shit lookalike: Lee Bowyer and Tony Bennett

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
This is what Pies' Shit Lookalikes are all about: it's so shit that it's good. Either that or it's just shit!

Fanbanta's Wall of Support for Israel

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Oy vey! As Fanbanta rightly says, Israel vs Russia on Saturday is England's biggest game of the season – and they're not even playing in it. If Israel can prevent Russia getting a win, then England still have a chance of qualifying for Euro 2008. So we're all Israel supporters for now. Fanbanta has posted a Wall of Support for Israel, where fans can leave comments encouraging the Israelis to put one over on the pesky Russians (unless you're Scottish, in which case you leave a message like 'C'mon the Ruskies!

Gazzetta all di Pies: Lazio fan's death sparks riots across Italy

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Sadly all the football in Italy this week was overshadowed by the shooting of a Lazio fan and subsequent rioting across the country. Lazio fan Gabriele Sandri, 25, was shot by a policeman while sitting in his car at a motorway service station in Tuscany during a fight between Lazio and Juventus fans. Lazio's match at Inter Milan was called off prompting rioting in the city.

Snapshot: Brazil's Buru celebrates winning the Beach Football World Cup 2007

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
While we've been moaning the return of the cold weather, a World Cup has been played in the sunshine on the other side of the world. The Beach Football World Cup came to a conclusion in Rio de Janeiro at the weekend. It may not be football as we know it but the final result isn't too different with Brazil taking the title by beating New Mexico 8-2 in the final.

A threat to Thierry Henry, a racist statement or just a harmless tattoo?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 53 views
The gang at Deuce of Davenport spotted this gem. This Arsenal fan presumably got his tattoo as a tribute to his beloved Gunners and their loyal El Capitan. Now it has taken on a whole new meaning (or two). There was probably a few Gooners who wouldn't have minded putting a canon (or two) to Thierry Henry's head when he announced he was heading to Barcelona.

Snapshot Classic: Phillipe Albert vs Juninho, a footballing David vs Goliath

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 9 views
November 1996 Phillipe Albert (big, with 'tache) confronts Juninho (small, schoolboyish) during the Premier League match between Newcastle United and Middlesbrough at St.James' Park. Newcastle won 3-1. Photo Stu Forster/Allsport

Would it really be good for English football if we don't qualify for Euro 2008?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Paul Parker, ex Man Utd and England full-back (pictured), has said that he thinks it would be good for the game in this country if we don't qualify for next year's European Championships. 'If it takes us not to qualify for Euro 2008 for the penny to start dropping, then so be it,' he said. 'We need to get everybody looking at the real problems and so I hope we do not qualify.

Football with binoculars Japanese gameshow style

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Isn't this what football is really about? Forget the Premier League, lycra clad Japanese men wearing binoculars is where it's at. I'm not sure what you would call this - bino-ccer perhaps? Watch, laugh and then go and try it for yourself! [Via TheOffside]

HolloWatch: Ian Holloway become the first person to use the word poppycock this century

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
In his battle to be more crazy than Stephen Ireland, Plymouth boss Ian Holloway has resorted to using words that were eccentric 50 years ago. Ollie managed to slip the word 'poppycock' into an interview in which he dismissed speculation linking him with the Leicester City manager's post. He said: "Ask anybody who knows me how I feel about Plymouth Argyle and they'll tell you the truth.

Oranje Wednesday: Ajax and Feyenoord are evenly matched, it's official

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
As if the fact that Ajax and Feyenoord are separated at the top of Eredivisie only by goal difference didn't show us that they are very evenly matched this season, they laboured the point by sharing the spoils in a 2-2 draw at the weekend. Geo van Bronckhorst opened the scoring for Feyenoord in the first-half, but his goal was cancelled out by Dennis Rommedahl's strike early in the second-half.

Is Steve Bruce about to leave Birmingham for Wigan?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Premier League strugglers Wigan are looking to get a Brucey bonus by tempting Birmingham manager, Steve Bruce, to rescue the club from relegation. The Lactics have made an official approach to install him as their new manager, although it's been initially rejected by the Brummie board. However, it's claimed that co-owners Davids Gould and Sullivan may change their stance after discussions today.

Manchester United greatest ever Premier League XI

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 5 views
Fergie has been busy throwing down a psychological gauntlet to his current crop of players this week by claiming they are the best squad he's ever had in his time at the club. That means he rates them higher than the 1994 Double winners featuring players like Steve Bruce and Eric Cantona and better than the 1999 treble winners who, with Beckham, Keane, Scholes and Giggs, had one of the best midfields in the club's history.

Snapshot Classic: Roger Milla's corner-flag goal celebration, Cameroon vs Colombia, 1990 World Cup

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Roger Milla of Cameroon celebrates scoring his first goal with a trademark dance by the corner flag, during the World Cup match between Cameroon and Colombia at the San Paolo Stadium on 23 June 1990 in Naples, Italy. Photo Henri Szwarc/Bongarts/Getty Images

Horror Hair: Sandra Starke, Germany U15 women

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 22 views
Sandra Starke's old-school haircut – I hesitate to call it a hairstyle – exhibits a healthy disrespect of anything as shallow as 'fashion'. Yes, she's a girl with long hair. What's she going to do with that hair? Put a hairband around it and leave it at that. She's not here for a beauty contest, she's here to play some goddamned football.

Shit Lookalikes: Nicklas Bendtner and Devon Sawa

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 8 views
Devon Sawa is an actor. You may know him from lame horror movie Final Destination, and also as the guy who played obsessed fan 'Stan' in the Eminem video of the same name. Anyway, he looks a bit like Arsenal striker Nicklas Bendtner, dontcha think?

Blog of the Week: Hudsonia, a Ray Hudson tribute site

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Hudsonia is a newish blog dedicated to the wit and wisdom (more of the former and not a lot of the latter, to be honest) of Ray Hudson, cult co-commentator for GolTV. We've featured Ray a couple of times on Pies and it's no surprise that he now has his own dedicated forum. Here's a wonderful Hudson stream-of-consciousness pearl (a HudsonBall?

Frank Ribery playing keepy-ups with a cartoon bomb

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Here's good old Franck proving that you don't have to be pretty to sell stuff. In this case, he's promoting EA's Fifa '08 videogame.

Will Cesc Fabregas get the most out of his career if he stays at Arsenal?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
The ridiculously in-form Cesc Fabregas has pledged his future to Arsenal for a 'very long time', a pledge that will warm the heart of every self-respecting Gooner, from Stoke Newington to Dubai. I don't take such a pledge too seriously – yes he's happy now, but one season is a very long time in football – but it's very clear that he's a happy bunny at the Emirates, for at least as long as Arsene Wenger remains at the helm anyway.

Teutonic Tuesday: Werder Bremen and Hamburg within a point of Bayern Munich

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
For a while it looked like Bayern Munich were going to walk the Bundesliga this season, but they have hit a nasty patch of from. A 3-1 defeat at Stuttgart this week saw Werder Bremen and Hamburg both close the gap on Bayern to just one point. Bremen cemented their intentions with an emphatic 4-0 win over Karlsruhe, while Hamburg's 1-1 draw at Schalke was enough to keep them within touching distance.

Very gruesome sports injuries YouTube video

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 5 views
Ouch, ouch and ouch again! There is one football injury on here (and that, dear reader, is enough for us to post it on Pies!), but be advised if you have a nervous disposition or you're under 18, that some of these will turn your stomach. The Benny Hill music does reduce the impact though.

Shit Lookalike/Horror Hair: Paul McShane and Boris Becker

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 6 views
Two sets of ginger locks blowing in the breeze. Two pairs of ginger eyebrows and puffy eyes beneath them. One is Irish, the other is German. One plays in the red-and-white of Sunderland, the other played surrounded by the red-and-white of strawberries and cream!

The should have moved on XI

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
At a time when loyalty to your employer is unheard of in football, Pies ridicules 11 players who have sabotaged their own careers (to varying degrees) by staying put. Steve Harper At one point Harper was playing so well for Newcastle that he and Shay Given were rotated game-by-game. Given pushed on to another level and Harper chose to warm the bench when he would have walked into most mid-table Premier League teams.

Konami admit Pro Evolution Soccer 2008 jerkiness

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
I almost cried when I read about this on sister site PSPSPS about the PS3 version of Pro Evo 2008: 'Konami's finally admitted what PS3 owners have known for quite some time - the PS3 version of PES 2008 is a bit of a dog. It is, in fact, rubbish. The list of known problems over on the company's site is rather large, covering network issues, sign up issues and those lovely game-freezing crashes.

Michael Owen and Cristiano Ronaldo sit in a comfy chair to talk about football and Pro Evolution Soccer

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
It is accidentally turning into Pro Evo day on Pies! Michael Owen and Cristiano Ronaldo obviously haven't been experiencing any jerkiness with their versions of PES 2008. Here are the game's cover stars sitting in Ronnie Corbett's chair to talk football. Check out C-Ron's rapper-style hand gesture seven seconds in and Owen talking about being broken in gently to PES by the England squad for some mild entertainment!

Snapshot Classic: Diego Maradona wearing a Tottenham Hotpur shirt, 1986

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 11 views
January 1986 No, your eyes don't deceive you – that is indeed the Greatest Player in the World (at the time) wearing a Spurs kit. Why? Well, Maradona had turned out for a testimonial for Spurs stalwart – and compatriot – Ossie Ardiles at White Hart Lane. Amazing! Click... Spurs fans, you're back in the room... Photo Allsport

Killer Kits: Tottenham Hotspur's Hummel humdinger, 1985-1987

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 21 views
The first in our brand new Killer Kits series recalls Spurs' awesome Hummel/Holsten kit from the mid-1980s. Seeing Diego Maradona wearing it so well (see below) reminded me just how cool this kit was, in a retro kind of way. Glenn Hoddle looked good in it, Chris Waddle looked amazing in it; hell, even Gary Mabbutt looked cool in it.

Horror hair: Is William Gallas sporting a mohican?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 18 views
We first noticed something different about Gallas' bonce last week but couldn't be sure. It's not even conclusive in this picture but we think that the Frenchman has gone all punk with a mohican – is he trying to act the trendy dad to Arsenal's young stars?

Classic Moments: Derby County beat Real Madrid 4-1 in the 1975 European Cup

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
A little blast from the past to cheer up all those suffering Derby fans who are surely consigned to the fact that they will be relegated from the Prem at the end of this season. Ok, the Rams lost the second leg 5-1 but they'll always have this remarkable match to remember. Every single one of the 35,000 fans who squeezed into the Baseball Ground in Oct '75 will never forget the scoreline.

Shit lookalike: Nicolas Anelka and Tupac Shakur

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Seeing Nicolas Anelka all blinged-up to watch Bolton from the sidelines at the weekend (he was still wearing shades when the sun went down) reminded us of another ghetto-fabulous star whose mouth got him in trouble, Tupac (RIP).

La Liga Lunes: Real stay top after 4-3 thriller

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Real Madrid remain top of La Liga after a pulsating 4-3 victory over Real Mallorca. The champions came from being 2-3 down to win the match in exciting fashion. Robinho was at the centre of the display, bagging a brace, but it was Ruud van Nistelrooy who scored the decisive goal. Barcelona slipped up as they did a Martin Jol. They lost 2-0 to Getafe to fall four points behind Real.

Rangers fans obviously made an impression during their trip to Barcelona!

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
I'm not from Catalunya but if I was I would definitely read El Mundo Deportivo, if only for KAP's cartoons. Last week we featured his tribute to Ronaldinho's supposed return to form. This week he has been doodling Rangers fans. If you don't speak the lingo, one fan says: "They say Barcelona scored two goals..." His mate replies: "Great! I was so drunk I thought they scored four!

The Snapshot: Steve Bruce's Hitler moustache

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Looks like the Birmingham boss is doing his best Hitler impression. Of course, that's not what he's doing, but still... any excuse to get Steve Bruce and Hitler into the same headline. Photo Getty Images

Caption this! Diego Maradona takes to the dancefloor

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Dirty Diego took his fancy footwork to the dance floor when he appeared in Italian TV show Dancing with Stars months after having extensive stomach surgery to reduce his ballooning weight. He later quit the show after three episodes since he was forced to hand over his earning to the Italian authorities for unpaid taxes dating back to his time at Napoli – but the memory lives on with this picture, which we think screams: "I've strictly come.

What does Joey Barton deserve for his horror tackle on Dickson Etuhu?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Football's least favourite bad boy, Joey Barton, is back in hot water after attempting to castrate Dickson Etuhu during the North East derby between Sunderland and Newcastle at the weekend. We'd hoped that Barton had left this sort of behaviour behind after being forced out of Man City with a catalogue of violent misdemeanours from stubbing a cigar out into a player's eye to beating the crap out of teammate Ousmane Dabo.

Horror Hair: Gavin McCann

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 18 views
Bolton midfielder Gavin McCann favours the balding badger look these days, so much so that he only just made it into the Horror Hair category and was almost a Shit Lookalike for Pepe Le Pew! He has always had a receding hairline, but it has now receded so far that it is practically in-growing. Against Middlesbrough yesterday, McCann was shamed into covering his hair in a bandage (OK, the clash of heads might have influenced his decision slightly).

Goal of the week: Everton's Tim Cahill equalises with an overhead kick against Chelsea

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
There were some great goals scored at the weekend – Fernando Torres touch of class from the sub's bench and Ronaldo's finish from an exquisite Tevez pass come to mind – but we're suckers for an overhead kick. Everton's Tim Cahill shielded a cross from MacFadden and, with the ball hanging in the air, swivelled to excute a perfect bicycle kick.

What's the biggest derby in the Premier League?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Local rivalries were resumed this weekend with a couple of big game derbies between clubs sharing the same cities – but with very little else in common. The North East derby between Sunderland and Newcastle was a bit disappointing and the Toon Army was lucky enough to come away with a point after being outplayed for most of the game. But the Birmingham versus aston Villa game for the second city's bragging rights was more spicy – eventually settled by local lad Gabriel Agbonlahor's last minute winner.

Blackburn's dyslexic kit man presents... David Betnley

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
There's only one David Betnley - you can be sure of that. Blackburn Rovers' kit man caused a bit of a chuckle yesterday when he got his 'n' and his 't' mixed up in David Bentley's name. The Rovers winger played with the incorrect spelling on the back of his shirt. The only time I can remember this happening before is when Man Yoo dropped their 'h' to create 'Beckam 7'.

Snapshot Classic: Alan Shearer and team-mates help England launch football kit for Euro 96

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Tim Flowers, Alan Shearer (with hair), Graeme Le Saux and David Seaman help launch England's kit at Wembley before the 1996 European Championships. But why are they standing on Frank Lampard's shirt? Photo Graham Chadwick/Allsport

The FA Cup first round proper - do we give a shit?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Not really, no. Did you pay much attention to the results from this weekend? Did you sit up and take notice when Harrogate Railway beat Droylsden, or when the students of Team Bath lost at home to Chasetown? Probably not. The first round 'proper' of the FA Cup used to be a big football event. But seeing it relegated to an afterthought on Match of the Day on Saturday night – despite the fact that there had only been three Prem games that afternoon – rammed home the point that the FA Cup has well and truly lost its magic.

Ruud Gullit, a good fit for the LA Galaxy?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Gullit has no track record as a manager. He was pretty shit at both Chelsea and Newcastle. I concede that he was a great, great player, but he's not a great manager, merely a good one with an ego problem – at least he can manage better than he sings (see video, above). I think he's always been too arrogant to manage a bunch of players who he probably thinks are nowhere near as good as he was.

Is Man Utd's squad the strongest Fergie has had?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
So, Sir Alex Ferguson thinks his current Man Yoo crop is his best ever. He wrote in his programme notes for the Blackburn game on Sunday (which they won 2-0, despite missing key players like Wayne Rooney, Gary Neville and Paul Scholes): 'I believe this is the strongest squad I have ever had... So much so I think I would be pushed to name my best overall team.

The Fiendish Friday Quiz (on a Monday for once)

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Sorry for lack of quiz on a Friday. Here it is, a couple of days late but as fiendish as ever... 1 Deep breath... Paulista, Santa Cruz, Mogi Mirim, Corinthians, Palmeiras, Deportivo de La Coruña, Barcelona, AC Milan, Cruzeiro, Olympiakos, AEK Athens (current). Whose career? 2 In 1989, the top three players in the European Footballer of the Year award all came from one club – which one?

French Football Friday: As you were as Lyon stay top

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Lyon continued their march towards a seventh successive Ligue 1 title with victory over Valenciennes. Goals from Juninho and Sidney Govou gave them a 2-0 win. The champions have found their form after a shaky start and are now undefeated in 10 games. Surprise package Nancy are proving difficult to shake off and remain only four points behind with a game in hand.

Benfica fans attempt to defend Augustin Binya's indefensible tackle

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
A Benfica YouTuber has begun clutching at straws like Celtic midfielder Scott Brown was clutching at his leg after the horrendous tackle by Augustin Binya the other evening. In defence of Binya, this compilation of "hard tackles" by Celtic players has been put together. There are fouls in this video, yes, but Binya's assault is in a different league completely.

The Snapshot: Dimitar Berbatov 'celebrates' his goal against Hapoel Tel Aviv

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Reportedly wantaway Tottenham striker Dimitar Berbatov can barely contain his indifference as he finds the net for Spurs in their 0-2 Uefa Cup win against Hapoel Tel Aviv. Photo Getty

HolloWatch: Ian Holloway is worried Stephen Ireland is going to out-crazy him!

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Pies hero Ian Holloway has expressed concern that Manchester City midfielder Stephen Ireland could replace him as football's number one nutcase. Ollie's bizarre rants have endeared him to thousands of fans and led to him being adopted as Pies' favourite manager. But he is worried that his outbursts just aren't crazy enough to keep up with the new generation of footballers emerging with a screw loose.

Who's the perfect Number 10?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 24 views
The Number 10 Shirt has become an icon of the game – often reserved for a special breed of playmakers from Pele to Ronaldinho. We're not sure if it carries any special powers but it's the number that everyone wants on their back – just ask Wayne Rooney who was awarded the Number 10 at Old Trafford this season. Argentina even attempted to retire the jersey in homage of Maradona after he retired from football, although FIFA rejected the request.

Peter Crouch is walking tall, but he's doing it with lots of make-up on

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Peter Crouch is the latest footballer to bring out a book. Crouchinho has brought out Walking Tall (oh, I see what he did there!) just in time to cash-in on the Christmas market. Perhaps including a huge sock as a complimentary Christmas stocking would improve sales. Anyway with most of these books you have to wait until the inside pages for the unintentional comedy gold.

David Beckham gets an England recall – but will he be denied 100 caps?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
So Steve McClaren's little jaunt to La-La land wasn't just a short holiday on the FA's expense account as the England manager has named David Beckham in what could be his final squad for our last Euro 2008 qualifying game against Croatia. Becks has made a comeback of Hollywood proportions to make it back into McClaren's thoughts as he desperately tries to fulfill his dream of making it to a 100 England caps.

VOTE: Will Israel rescue England with a result against Russia?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
England's hopes of reaching next year's European Championships are slim and none with practically our only hope pinned on Israel to get a result against Russia on Saturday. How it all came to fall out of our hands we don't know but a home draw against Macedonia, a divot in Croatia and failing to get a draw on a plastic pitch in Russia after leading will all be looked back on with regret.

Caption this! Liverpool's Peter Crouch takes some time out

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
"We always said that Crouch was all legs!" Let us know if you have your own caption for this picture of the beanpole striker on his hols

Gazzetta all di Pies: Inter Milan and Juventus share the spoils

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
In the biggest game of the season so far, Serie A leaders Inter Milan shared the points with newly-promoted Juventus. Julio Cruz gave Inter a first-half lead but Mauro Camaronesi grabbed a 77th minute equaliser for Juve. The 1-1 draw meant Inter remain at the top of the table but second-place Fiorentina were able to close the gap with a 0-1 win at Lazio.

Pele wants to get rid of defensive walls - has he had one Viagra too many?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 6 views
Every so often the greatest footballer on earth will come out with a curveball statement straight from the Sepp Blatter school of thought. He's claimed Nicky Butt was the best English player in the World Cup, insisted an African country would win it before 2000 and named Michael Owen as his favourite Man United player. And now he wants to break down more barriers in sport by getting rid of the defensive wall at free-kicks.

Is this the best penalty save of all time?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 13 views
Well, is it? Barnsley manager Simon Davey thinks so, but then again he is a bit biased because it secured three points for his side deep into injury time in Saturday's 1-0 win over Preston. Davey gushed: "It was the best I've ever seen. You have to hold your hand up and congratulate the keeper for that penalty save. He's a top keeper." Heinz Muller is stereotypically monikered German between the sticks.

Who Ate All The Pies? Cristiano Ronaldo, apparently

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 7 views
Manchester United winger Cristiano Ronaldo has been told to stay off the pies by nutritionalists who fear his new found love of northern grub could affect his performances. Staff at Old Trafford have told the pacy Portuguese to cut back on his intake of pies before he begins to put on weight. Ronaldo said: "I dated a girl from Manchester and she showed me that steak pies and chips are very good.

Top ten worst things about watching football in the pub

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 7 views
Since the ‘Sky fell in' and I found that I couldn't watch Premier League games at home as dishes (no matter how mini) are not allowed on my building, I've been forced to get my football fill at the pub. And, although I can't knock the alcohol and atmosphere, there's some things that are starting to wind me up. 1. Unless you turn up two hours before kick off and place a towel over one of the stools you're not guaranteed to get a good seat.

Florent Malouda is the latest player to put it where he wants it for Nike

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Nike's Put It Where You Want It bandwagon has rolled on a long way since we showed you Wayne Rooney defacing a camera with his marker pen back in July. The latest stop for TV daredevils Dirty Sanchez on the Put It Where You Want tour is paying a visit to Chelsea and France winger Florent Malouda.

Augustin Binya's horrendous tackle on Celtic's Scott Brown

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
It is not too often that you hear that Uefa have cited a red card for further sanctions. So when they announce they will be investigating an incident further with the possibility of increased disciplinary action, you know it must be something quite serious. That is certainly true of the tackle/assault which Benfica midfielder Augustin Binya was red-carded for against Celtic on Tuesday night.

United colours of the Premier League – who’s the best French player?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
We've been asking you to vote for the best players from several of the leading football nations being represented in the Premier League with Elano (Brazil), Cahill (Australia), Fabregas (Spain) and Toure (African nations) your first class foreign imports so far. Now it's the turn of the French revolution that's crossed the channel to entrance crowds with their Gallic flair.

Classic moment: Dennis Bergkamp completes his dream hat-trick against Leicester City

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
Just in case you've forgotten how good Dennis Bergkamp was here's the final goal of his sensational hat-trick that destroyed Leicester in 1997 – all three goals were so good that they won first, second and third places in Match of the Day's Goal of the Month competition. We dare you to suggest a better threesome that doesn't involve girls.

Horror Hair, the Colombian clash of the titans: Carlos Valderrama vs Rene Higuita

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 5 views
Here's a great picture of Rene Higuita and Carlos Valderrama of Colombia, celebrating together with a manly hug after qualifying for the 1990 World Cup (they beat Israel 1-0 on aggregate). When Higuita's poodle perm and Valderrama's distinctive afro clashed, it set off a tsunami on the other side of the world. Never before in the history of football have two such iconic haircuts come together in one moment.

Head to head: Alex Ferguson v Arsene Wenger – who's right about quotas for homegrown players?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 6 views
It's been one of the longest running feuds in the Premier League but the latest spat between the two is over Sepp Blatter's plans to limit the number of foreign players in English teams. With only one Englishman at Arsenal, Wenger is obviously opposed to the idea and it doesn't take much for Fergie to play Red Devil's advocate. Is this just more mind games or do either of them have a point?

Shit Lookalikes: David Beckham and John Terry

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 6 views
In which a former England captain and the current skipper of the nation team both show how to administer what I call the 'self-wedgie'. Via Kickette

Kimi Raikkonen would rather take a shit than meet Pele

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Who said F1 champ Raikkonen was boring? Dry, yes... boring, no. Personally, I'd rather meet Pele than take a shit, but, hey, I'm not as rich or famous as Kimi, so I guess we have different priorities. Kudos to interviewer Martin Brundle for keeping it together whilst live on ITV: 'Well, at least you'll have a nice light car on the grid...'

Snapshot Classic: Gary Lineker's hat-trick, England vs Poland, Mexico 1986 World Cup

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Not sure why England's favourite potato-crisp endorser is holding out a cup, begging for loose change, but I do know that he was responsible for this, one of my best World Cup memories. England's 3-0 win against Poland in Monterrey, Mexico, ensured their passage to the knockout stages, where they would meet... gulp... Diego Maradona and his divine hand.

Pub Debate: Are Wayne Rooney and Carlos Tevez the ugliest strike partnership in football history?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
I'm struggling to think of an uglier forward combination than Rooney and Tevez. They really are a mirror-scaring pair of players. Rooney has the big pink face and gappy teeth of a typically ugly British chav, whilst Tevez looks like the offspring of a scarred South American drug baron and a cackling circus freak. Harsh but fair. If you can think of an uglier duo, please add a comment with your nomination.

Champions League review: Man Utd 4-0 Dynamo Kiev – Rooney and Tevez still on the same wavelength

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Well that was as easy as expected. The 07 Kiev vintage doesn't have anything like the quality to compete with Man Yoo and it showed last night at Old Trafford. Carlos Tevez and Wayne Rooney looked great together (from the neck down, at least) and Nani and Cristiano Ronaldo also impressed. Alex Ferguson rested a few key players – Rio Ferdinand, Owen Hargreaves and Ryan Giggs didn't even make the squad – and still United won at a canter.

Champions League review: Slavia Prague 0-0 Arsenal - Gunners qualify for the next round

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Not too much to say about this wholly forgettable match, other than that the result earned Arsenal qualification to the next round of the Champions League. Arsene Wenger made eight changes from the side that drew with Man Utd on Saturday, which showed how much he trusts his squad players to do the business, even in Europe's premier competition.

Champions League review: Barcelona 2-0 Rangers – Thierry Henry and Lionel Messi sink the Scots

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
A fully deserved won for Barca, although Rangers didn't disgrace themselves. Thierry Henry opened the scoring after seven minutes. The ball came off his arm, but you could easily forgive the referee for not spotting it. Lionel Messi ended the game as a contest when he pounced after Gers keeper Allan McGregor had merely parried an effort from Ronaldinho just before half-time.

Tottenham's Dimitar Berbatov: 'I love Spurs and I am not going anywhere'

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Some good news for Spurs today, in the form of quotes from Dimitar Berbatov. The Bulgarian striker told the club's website: 'The fans have been behind me ever since my first game. I want to tell them that I am not going anywhere... I don't want to see my name in the newspapers anymore - I just want to play football and enjoy myself.' Something is definitely off with Berby this season, that's for sure.

The Snapshot: Vancouver Whitecaps fan wants to marry David Beckham

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 33 views
A female fan holds up a sign showing her affection for David Beckham during LA Galaxy's exhibition match against the Vancouver Whitecaps at BC Place Stadium on November 7, 2007 in Vancouver. The game finished 0-0. Photo Jeff Vinnick/Getty Images And click below to see Becks' reaction to the proposal...

Jens Lehmann escorts Didier Drogba to the MTV Europe Music Awards. And I thought they hated each other?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Aw, don't they make a handsome couple! Mad Jens and the Drog (sounds like some dodgy 80s buddy-cop show) buried the hatchet when they posed together for pictures at the MTV Europe Music Awards in Munich. The kiss-and-make-up gesture looks genuine enough, but what the photo doesn't reveal is that a few seconds after this pic was taken, they both fell to the floor, clutching their faces.

Champions League preview and prediction: Group F, Manchester United v Dynamo Kiev

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Man United v Dynamo Kiev, Weds 7 November (ko 7.45pm BST) United have made a 100% start to the Champions League but they'll remember winning their first three games last year before a couple of defeats took it down to their last game – so we don't expect any complacency. Dynamo Kiev were soundly beaten in their back yard last time and with ex-Arsenal player, Oleg Luzhny, standing in as manager we can't see anything but a win, which will take United through tonight.

Champions League preview and prediction: Group H, Slavia Prague v Arsenal

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Slavia Prague v Arsenal, Weds 7 November (ko 7.45pm BST) With nine points on the board, Arsenal can afford to rest some of their stars and word is that both Cesc Fabregas and Alexander Hleb will be allowed to put their feet up for the night. That means they'll have to make do with the return of second-string players like Gilberto Silva - who also happens to be a World Cup winner so it's not exactly a weakened team.

Fan makes goalline clearance

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
We have all heard managers remark that fans have been like a twelfth man for their side, but this is taking things a bit too far! [Via The Offside/The Offside Rules]

Besiktas on strike over dodgy refereeing

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
The hacks at The Guardian obviously read a little wider than us. So while perusing English-language Turkish newspaper Today's Zaman they uncovered a potential reason for Besiktas' poor showing against Liverpool last night. The paper revealed bitterness about Besiktas' defeat to Fenerbahce in the Istanbul at the weekend, moaning about "hair-pulling, pushing, shoving, rough tackling and provocation by both sides, and above all, terrible refereeing decisions.

Head to Head: Didier Drogba v Dimitar Berbatov – who moans about leaving the most?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Both of these mercenary strikers have been making unsubtle noises about leaving their respective clubs since the going got tough. In his annual outburst, Drogba claimed that Chelsea was a ‘broken club' that he couldn't wait to escape and now Berbatov has a verbal note from his dad saying, ‘My son doesn't feel happy at Spurs anymore'. Surveys - Take Our Poll

Horror hairband: Dean Leacock (Derby)

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 10 views
A slight variation on our usual Horror hair theme but Dean Leacock's ghetto fabulous attempt deserves mention, although it makes him look more like a boy ‘in a hood' – we only hope that what's underneath is even worse.

Champions League review: Liverpool 8-0 Besiktas – who saw that coming?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Since when did Rafa's Liverpool score this many goals? Since last night, when they ripped an impotent Besiktas to shreds, thanks to a Yossi Benayoun hat-trick and a couple from Liverpool's forgotten man, Peter Crouch. Still, despite the freakish margin of victory, this was just one win – Liverpool's Champions League ambitions still hang on them getting another couple of wins.

Dr Dre and Eminem: Forgot about Dre (the Peter Crouch remix)

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Peter Crouch is back in the headlines, so it's the perfect time to post this comically bad 'remix' of Dre and Eminem's 'Forgot About Dre'. Whoever edited this mix, don't give up the day job – unless your day job happens to be editing music videos together with sports clips, in which case DO give up the day job.

Oranje Wednesday: Ajax go top on goal difference

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Ajax's free-scoring early season form sees them holding a narrow lead on goal difference over Feyenoord in Eredivise. The two clubs are neck-and-neck on 24 points, with only the Amsterdam outfits tendancy to find the net away from home separating them. Ajax defeated Roda JC 4-2 thanks to goals from Klaas-Jan Huntelaar, Luis Suarez, Albert Luque and Dennis Rommedahl.

10 conclusions: Liverpool 8-0 Besiktas

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 4 views
1 Rafa Benitez should play Peter Crouch more often. 2 Yossi Benayoun might finally be finding the form he showed at West Ham. Rafa should probably play him more often too. 3 Then again Ryan Babel was impressive too. Maybe 20-a-side is the way forward, Rafa. 4 Hat-trick hero or not, Yossi should give up and concede that he can't grow a moustache.

Champions League review: Schalke 0-0 Chelsea – what happened to the new attacking style?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Chelsea avoided defeat by the skin of the post's paintwork as they weathered a storm of Schalke attacks last night, although they still only need one win from two to qualify. After a bright start the ball spent most of the time in the Blues' half with Helko Westermann causing Juliano Belletti all sorts of problems and, to make matters worse, Petr Cech needed to be replaced because of a calf injury at half time.

10 conclusions: Schalke 0-0 Chelsea

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
1. Despite all the claims of a new brand of football, Avram Grant can do a good Jose Mourinho impression when he wants 2. Chelsea's fluorescent yellow away kit was the brightest move they made last night 3. Ten Cate must know something we don't as he's always sat smirking behind a dour faced Avram Grant 4. Juliano Belletti is a typical Brazilian defender – good going forward but often out of position at the back 5.

Sir Alex Ferguson is a chav

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
They have poached young players from around the world, toured Asia and the USA, and - in the latest attempt to increase their fanbase - Manchester United are now trying to exploit the not-so-lucrative chav market. Sir Alex Ferguson, long known for discarding his chewing gum in public places, has taken to wearing a baseball cap, puffa jacket, tracksuit bottoms and trainers.

South American goalkeeping in a nutshell courtesy of Gremio's Saja

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
We were given a little insight into the crazy world of South American goalkeeping at the weekend thanks to the exploits of Gremio's Argentinian goalkeeper Saja. The keeper ran the length of the pitch in the first-half to tuck away a penalty against Figueirense. In the second half, Saja managed a blunder which makes you wonder if he would have been better staying in the oppostion penalty area.

Champions League preview and prediction: Group B, Schalke 04 v Chelsea

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Schalke v Chelsea, Tues 6 November (ko 7.45pm BST) With seven straight wins and a more attractive style of football, it seems that Avram Grant knows what he's doing after all. The Chelse are on course to qualify with an away win in Germany tonight – at the same stadium we went out of the 2006 World Cup at. Grant would be brave to leave out Shaun Wright-Philips, who was awesome at the weekend, but he prefers Joe Cole and Malouda on the wings in Europe.

Champions League preview and prediction: Group A, Liverpool v Besiktas

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Liverpool v Besiktas, Tues 6 November (ko 7.45pm BST) It's ‘squeaky bum time' for the Scousers in the Champions League with the first of three must win games. They surprisingly lost against Besiktas in Istanbul to leave them bottom of the group but we can't see a repeat with Liverpool's twelfth man (the Anfield crowd) back in the team.

Head to Head: Roy Keane v Sam Allardyce

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Since we started our head to heads we've discovered that Cristiano Ronaldo is more vain than even Robbie Savage and Jens Lehman's arrogance outweighs Didier Drogba. Now it's time to take the gloves off by asking you to decide who's the hardest between two heavyweight managers that you wouldn't want to meet down a dark training ground – it's one North East derby guarantees a close fight.

Will Liverpool qualify for the knockout stages of the Champions League?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 5 views
Tonight is the first of three crucial games that will decide if Liverpool, finalists in two of the last three seasons, will even make it out of the Champions League group stages this time around. Thanks to a poor start, which has left the club with only a single point, Liverpool have to win all three of their last matches beginning with two home games against Besiktas and Porto before a potential decider away to Marseille.

Caption this! Didier Drogba and Michael Essien prepare for Chelsea's Champions League game

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 13 views
Chelsea's stars were less than impressed with Avram Grant's primitive training methods. "Look, now the fat man wants us to dribble through these cones!" Let us know if you can come up with a better caption

Carlsberg commercial shows it doesn't matter if you can kick a ball as long as you can open a can

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Carlsberg don't do football commercials... oh hang on a minute, they do. I don't speak enough Danish to know whether this is probably the best advert ever made. I think the moral of the story is that this bunch of no-hopers are terrible at football, but at least it gives them an excuse for a piss-up. Then again, we all know what happens when you put Danes who have had too much Carlsberg near to a football pitch.

Stephen Ireland celebrates goal by dropping his shorts

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 5 views
Troubled Manchester City midfielder Stephen Ireland celebrated scoring the winning goal in his side's 1-0 win over Sunderland last night by dropping his shorts. The occasional Republic of Ireland international pulled his shorts down to his ankles to reveal a pair of Superman underpants after scoring an excellent volley. His manager, Sven Goran Eriksson, didn't seemed to bothered by his antics.

Teutonic Tuesday: Hamburg move closer to out-of-sorts Bayern Munich

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Hamburg reduced Bayern Munich's lead at the top of the Bundesliga to just two points as the table-toppers slipped up again. Bayern played out a second successive goalless draw - this time against Eintracht Frankfurt - while Hamburg beat Hertha Berlin 2-1. Jose Paolo Guerrero (pictured) and Bastian Reinhardt were on target for Hamburg. Elsewhere, VfL Bochum beat Wolfsburg 5-3 and bottom side Cottbus picked up a surprise win over Schalke.

Is Steve McClaren right to travel to the USA to watch David Beckham play in a charity match?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Steve McClaren has travelled around 5,000 miles to watch David Beckham play in a charity match against Vinnie Jones' Sunday league team, Hollywood United. The team is mostly made up of ex-pat amateurs with a sprinkling of old pros like Frank LeBeouf and Alexi Lalas, and celebrity players like former Sex Pistol, Paul Cook, and actor Anthony LaPaglia.

Carlos Valderrama sent-off for waving cash at the referee

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 9 views
Crazy Colombian Carlos Valderrama was sent-off at the weekend for waving a bank note at the referee. The ex-international and some time member of the Hair Bear Bunch is currently the coach at Atletico Junior. Sporting a beautiful lime green outfit, Valderrama through a tantrum when his side conceded a penalty. He was dismissed after dangling money in the general direction of the officials.

United colours of the Premier League - who's the best African player?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Pele wasn't quite right when he said that an African nation would win the World Cup by the turn of the century. But, with the players emerging from the continent and the next tournament in South Africa, surely it's only a matter of time? We've been asking you to vote for the best players representing various countries in the Premier League with your results naming Elano (Brazil), Tim Cahill (Australia) and Cesc Fabregas (Spain) and your foreign All Stars so far.

HolloWatch: Ian Holloway wants Kermit the Frog to back his team

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Plymouth Argyle boss Ian Holloway has come out with one of his trademark eccentric quotes this week in the wake of criticism of his side. Ollie jumped to the defence of his squad - and himself - by dismissing his critics in the media as muppets. He said: "There has been a lot written and said this week. But as far as I'm concerned, it might as well have come from a Muppet.

Horror Hair: Mauro Camoranesi

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 7 views
Mauro Camoranesi is one of those footballers who I can't remember ever having a decent haircut. His latest variation on the theme is no exception. The Juventus midfielder favours the ponytail look and this little bun-type effort leaves him looking a bit like an oriental lady. A Juve kimono would really complete the look.

La Liga Lunes: Real Madrid lose, Barcelona and Villareal close gap,

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
It has been an action-packed weekend in La Liga. League leaders Real Madrid lost 2-0 away at Sevilla. Barcelona closed the gap to just one point with a 3-0 win over Real Betis thanks to a goal from Thierry Henry and two Ronaldinho free-kicks. Their achievements were overshadowed by Villareal who also put themselves within a point of Real with a thrilling 3-4 win at Atletico Madrid.

Heroes and Villains: Premier League weekend November 3-4th

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
HEROES David Cann A linesman in correct call shocker! Cann didn't hesitate to blow the whistle when Gallas' last gasp shot crossed the line, which means the usual calls for video technology can be put on hold for a week – although Spurs fans who remember a similar incident starring Roy Carroll won't have taken any consolation.

The worst ever England XI

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 11 views
The voting is over and we now have our worst ever England XI as voted for by you. This nightmarish line-up features the players you deemed the most useless to have represented England in each position. Interesting-ish stats are that five of the XI have played for Leeds, three were in the most recent squad and six are (and will probably remain) one-cap wonders.

Horror Hair: Kevin Prince Boateng

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 5 views
Spurs self-styled 'Ghetto Kid' made his debut at the weekend but had a bit of a stinker – not least for his Pepe Le Pew haircut.

Wigan sack Chris Hutchings - can anyone keep them up?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
He was the bookie's favourite to go next so it's no great surprise that Wigan have shown Chris Hutchings his P45 after the club's sixth defeat in a row against Chelsea on Saturday. Wigan actually got off to a good start and we seem to remember them briefly topping the table at the beginning of the season – but they haven't won a game since August 18th against Sunderland, which has now left them in the relegation zone.

The Snapshot: West Ham 1-1 Bolton

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Jussi Jaaskelainen of Bolton claims a cross during the Barclays Premier League match between West Ham United and Bolton Wanderers at Upton Park on November 4, 2007 in London, England. Photo Ryan Pierse/Getty Images

Shit Lookalikes: Tom Huddlestone and a fridge freezer

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Cheers to Shit Lookalikes stalwarts Chringle for this gem.

Atletico Paranaense vs Gremio, round 1: Brazilian football teams fight in changing room and airport

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Woah, it all kicked off, handbags-style (ie. a lot of shoving and pushing and shouting but not much more), following a game between Brazilian clubs Atletico Paranaense and Gremio earlier in the week. A mass brawl, captured by TV cameras, started in the changing rooms and then continued at the airport. Any Portuguese speakers want to enlighten us as to what was said by the guys being interviewed in this clip?

Classic Arsenal-Man Utd moments: Arsenal 2-6 Manchester United

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
The Premier League's traditional top two are back at the top of the league and battling it out this weekend. This should add even more bite to this most pulsating of fixtures. This classic Arsenal-Man Utd encounter comes from the 1990 League Cup. Any match featuring a Lee Sharpe hat-trick must be a little out of the ordinary!

Classic Arsenal-Manchester United moment: Roy Keane and Patrick Vieira battle it out in the tunnel

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 19 views
The classic pre-match clash between Roy Keane and Patrick Vieira. The tiff reportedly started after the lanky Frenchman picked on Gary Neville!

French Football Friday: Lyon take control of Ligue 1

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Lyon's lead at the top of Ligue 1 increased to four points as early pacesetters Nancy dropped points. The champions won 2-3 at Paris St Germain, despite playing most of the second half with 10 men after having Anderson sent-off. Nancy played out a 0-0 draw with Metz. Round-up of this week's Ligue 1 action: And click here to see some disturbing footage and photos of the Marseille squad posing with children for a calendar shoot.

THE VOTE Pick your worst ever England team. Who are England's worst ever strikers?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
And so our epic, if slightly pointless, mission to uncover the worst players to represent England in every position draws to a close. In yesterday's vote you deemed Stewart Downing suitably useless to represent our team on the left-wing. This might be the last vote for the Pies worst ever England team but we are going out on a bang! There are some beauts to choose from.

The Snapshot: Netherlands Women 0-1 Germany Women, European Championship qualifier

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 19 views
Anouk Hoogendijk (left) and Karin Legemate (right) of Netherlands tackle Anja Mittag of Germany during the Womens European Championships qualification match between Netherlands and Germany at the Kras stadium on November 01, 2007 in Volendam, Netherlands. Annike Krahn scored the only goal of game to ensure a 1-0 win for the German world champions.

Classic Moment: The Day Today's John Fashanu night

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
We have featured this before many moons ago, but with Fash the Bash battling it out Gladiators-style to be selected as one of England's worst ever strikers it seemed a shame not to revisit The Day Today's hilarious tribute to John Fa-sharn-oo.

Classic Snapshot: East Germany vs West Germany, 1974 World Cup

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
June 1974 West Germany captain Franz Beckenbauer shakes hands with East German counterpart Bernd Bransch before the start of their World Cup first round match on 22 June 1974 in Hamburg. East Germany went on to win the match 1-0, thereby wiping the smug grin of the Kaiser's face. Photo Allsport UK/Allsport

Shit Lookalikes: Juande Ramos and Father Karras from The Exorcist

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Props to the chaps on The Guardian's Football Weekly podcast, who mentioned in their latest pod that Juande Ramos is a 'dead ringer' for Father Damien Karras from the movie The Exorcist. He bloody well is!

Classic Moments: Arsenal vs Man Utd, FA Cup semi final replay, Villa Park 1999

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
If tomorrow's Arsenal v Man Utd clash offers one tenth of the entertainment of this amazing FA Cup match, I'll be a happy man. I still don't think I've seen a more pulsating game in this country. Two teams – and bitter, bitter rivals, as they were, and still are – at the very top of their game, with United going for the impossible Treble.

Ashley Cole's dive against Man Utd – the moment he turned to football's Dark Side

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
I used to think Ashley was such a nice boy when he was making his way at Arsenal - the sort of polite young man you could take to meet your parents. Then, something happened to him. He went over to the Dark Side, for what reason I don't know exactly. It all started with this embarassing dive against Man Utd. You can almost hear the contemptuous sneer from Roy Keane, as if it's not even worth berating Cole because the dive was so ridiculously obvious.

Slightly lewd Snapshot: Rio Ferdinand enjoys this celebration

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
If anyone knows what's going on or what is poking where on the photo, please let us know!

THE VOTE Is it 'obscene' that John Terry earns '£150,000' a week?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
The sports minister, Gerry Sutcliffe, has branded John Terry's salary 'obscene'. Sutcliffe also attacked Chelski's general attitude to cash. He said: 'Good luck to John Terry but I think it is obscene to be on £150,000 a week,' said Sutcliffe. 'People in the street cannot understand salaries like that. Chelsea are £250m in the red and they may be able to cope with that but it's not the real world.

Is Alfonso Alves the striker that Man City needs?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
According to reports in Holland, Sven's Man Citeh have agreed a near £14m deal to sign Brazilian goal machine Alfonso Alves from Dutch side, Heerenveen. The striker just can't seem to stop scoring with 31 goals in his first 34 games for the club and he's already notched ten in four games, including seven in a single match, this season. With City struggling to find a first class forward – Valeri Bonjinov is injured and Rolando Bianchi turned out to be crap – could Alves' goals write another chapter in Sven's success story this season?

United colours of the Premier League - who's the best Spanish player?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 9 views
This week we've been taking a look at the finest imports from some of the greatest foreign football nations represented in our multi-cultural league. So far, over a thousand of you have voted to name Elano as the best Brazilian and Tim Cahill as the league's best Australian. Now it's time to cast eye critical eyes over the Spanish armada that seems to have largely sailed into Merseyside.

Football's worst drinkers XI

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
We think it was the late great Bobby Moore who said, "Lose and we're on the booze, score and we want some more". Football's booze culture isn't as prevalent as it used to be, what with new foreign disciplines, intense media scrutiny and a more athletic standard of play that means most of them just couldn't get away with it like they used to.

Shit lookalike: Gus Poyet and Cornelius (Planet of the Apes)

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Tottenham's new assistant manager could provide the missing link between the human race and parallel universe reigned by apes - or we could just be making a monkey out of him.

Are GOL TV's Phil Schoen and Ray Hudson the best commentating team in the world?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
Phil & Ray may not be the best around, but they are certainly the maddest pair of football commentators I've ever heard. We've featured the lunatic ramblings of Ray before on Pies, but I think his booth buddy Phil is fast catching him up in the 'talking nonsense' stakes, as you can hear on this video, taken from a recent Bundesliga match between Shalke 04 vs Werder Bremen.

Snapshot: Leandro celebrates Sao Paulo becoming Brazilian champions

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 9 views
Sao Paulo wrapped up the Brazilian league with victory against America yesterday, so striker Leandro did the only thing his could under those circumstance... do a tight-rope walk on the crossbar. As dangerous celebrations go this makes Steve Morrow look like a wimp! Leandro escaped unscathed though.

Classic moments: Robbie Fowler sniffs the line after scoring in the Lierpool derby

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Liverpool's favourite son answers Everton's terrace jibes about his suposed love of the 'high-life' by getting all Scarface on the sidelines

Carling Cup review: Sheffield Utd 0-3 Arsenal - Eduardo's double blunts the Blades

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 3 views
No cutting edge from the Blades last night (groan). Sean Bean's lads were powerless to stop Arsenal's young'uns. Eduardo got the party started with a terrific strike. He then added a second with a cool finish after beating United's offside trap. Denilson completed the job with a long-range beauty.

Carling Cup review: Liverpool 2-1 Cardiff - Steven Gerrard seals the win for Rafa

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
Nabil El Zhar (who hell he?) gave Liverpool the lead with a splendid net-burster from 25 yards out. Darren Purse equalised for Cardiff (not shown in the video I'm afraid), but within less than a minute Liverpool retook the lead through Stevie G.

Carling Cup review: Tottenham 2-0 Blackpool – Juande Ramos says his team must 'improve in all areas'

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 2 views
Juande Ramos's first game in charge at the Lane ended with a fairly comfortable win, thanks to goals by in-form Robbie Keane and Pascal Chimbonda, although Blackpool gave the hosts a good game and should have equalised from close range through Gary Taylor-Fletcher. After the game, Ramos made the noises all Spurs fans want to hear. He said: 'The most important thing was the win.

Video of sexy Brazilian girls in bikinis playing football. What more could you ask for?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 40 views
It's not rocket science, putting together a football blog - not when videos like this are freely available on the internet. Via The Offside and Doktor Fussball

Snapshot Classic: Mario Kempes helps Argentina win the 1978 World Cup

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
June 1978 Mario Kempes goes nuts after scoring during the 1978 World Cup Final between Argentina and Holland, held on June 25, 1978 at the River Plate Stadium, in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Argentina won 3-1 after extra-time. Photo Getty Images

Gazzetta all di Pies: AC Milan continue hit-and-miss season

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
AC Milan have summed up their Jekyll and Hyde start to the season within the space of four days. On Sunday they lost 0-1 at home to Roma, but last night they thrashed Sampdoria 0-5 away. The mixed bag of results sees them lying 10th in Serie A - precisely mid-table. City rivals Inter have a three-point lead over Roma at the top of the table.

Roda JC keeper Bram Castro scores dramatic equaliser

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
There are few things in football as entertaining as watching a goalkeeper find the net. It is so out of the ordinary that it can't help but attract attention even under the most mundane of circumstances. The goal scored by Roda JC keeper Bram Castro in the Dutch Cup last night was far from mundane though. Fidel's lad (only kidding, before you all embarrass yourselves down the pub) tucked the ball away with a cute finish from a corner that a Zimmer frame-less Teddy Sheringham would have been proud of.

The Snapshot: Sydney FC training session

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
Mark Milligan heads the ball during a Sydney FC training session at Macquarie University Sporting Fields on November 1, 2007 in Sydney, Australia. (Photo by Brendon Thorne/Getty Images)

Pick your worst ever England team. Who is England's worst ever left winger?

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 0 views
The worst ever England team as voted for by you, Pies readers, is really taking shape. Yesterday you picked a formidable midfield duo of Carlton Palmer and Seth Johnson to do the country proud. Today we want to know who you would like to see chasing Palmer's overhit passes towards the left corner flag. polls - Take Our Poll

Carling Cup review: Chelsea 4-3 Leicester City - Frank Lampard's hat-trick saves the day

Who Ate All the Pies at related • 1 view
When was the last time Steven Gerrard scored a hat-trick? Exactly. Three goals by Captain Lamps and one from Andriy Shevchenko (a fine finish too) were enough – just – to see off a spirited Leicester side in what was a cracking, see-saw match. Chelsea did look shit at the back though, although they are now about 10 times more exciting to watch than they were under Jose Mourinho.