Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2007

THE VOTE Can Liverpool win the Premiership this season?

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So here's the top of the table. Having predicted at the start of the season that Liverpool would win the Prem this season (yes, I also thought Reading were 'dead certs' for relegation, so what the hell do I know…), I'm happy to report that we now ha

Are Real Madrid bang out of order in their bid to sign Cristiano Ronaldo?

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Real Madrid are turning up the heat in their advances to Cristiano Ronaldo, but Man U are putting up a stiff resistance. The Guardian reports that Fergie is rather concerned about Real Madrid's apparent interest in Ronaldo, and claims that he and his

WAG of the week: Nicola T

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Name Nicola T
Nationality British
WAG of… Bobby Zamora, West Ham United's hit-and-miss striker. The couple have apparently been going out for the past two years; they reportedly keep a pr

Marco Materazzi is headbutted again!

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If headbuttee isn't already a word then it might be soon. Marco Materazzi is in danger of becoming a serial headbuttee! Having already made a bigger name for himself by being "that guy Zinedine Zidane headbutted" than through

THE VOTE Would you take a gamble on Ronaldo (no, the other one)?

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AC Milan have completed the signing of Ronaldo from Real Madrid for a fee believed to be in the region of £5 million. The Italian club has taken a gamble on the 30-year-old who was criticised for his

Classic Moments: Peter Schmeichel's volleyed goal against Everton

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The red-nosed Dane was not only one of the greatest keepers of all time, but also a useful emergency striker…

A message to John Terry from Jose Mourinho

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Jose Mourinho's notes to skipper John Terry are apparently not the tactical masterstrokes we thought...

[Rob Parker]

FA Cup draw for the Fifth Round

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Well, after the weekends heroics, the draw has been made for the 5th Round of the FA Cup. Sure enough, there are some tasty looking matches on offer. If Blackpool manage to defeat Norwich in the 4th Round replay, they'll face Chelsea in what should be

One to watch: David Nugent, Preston North End

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It's easy to see why so many clubs are reportedly keen to buy Preston striker David Nugent. He scored a cracking goal – great run and a composed finish – at Crystal Palace in the FA Cup on Saturday, which you can watch below…

Har

One of the world's greatest cricketers makes worst ever song

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With everyone mewing about how bad we are at cricket, we fans of the beautiful game can sit back and laugh. Especially when you consider that this man below could probably beat our boys on his own. This man is Brett Lee. Brett promises "I'll even

McLeish is the new Scotland boss

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In one of the most predictable moves ever, the Scottish FA have announced that Alex McLeish is to be the new gaffer of the Scottish national side. The former Rangers boss has signed a contract until 2010 and succeeds Walter Smith who resigned to take o

Oguchi Onyewu set for Newcastle move

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USA centre-back Oguchi 'Gooch' Onyewu is expected to complete a loan move to Newcaste later today. The Standard Liege player is undergoing a medical at St James' Park and will sign for the club if he passes.

Moves to Chelsea an

Good weekend, bad weekend

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Good weekend
Wayne Rooney Came off the bench to win the FA Cup tie against Portsmouth almost single-handedly. And his chipped second goal was out of this world.
Bristol City Managed a 2-2 draw against Middle

Horror Hair: Ian Wallace

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Ginger afro season continues on Pies with former Coventry City striker Ian Wallace. As if the haircut was not daring enough, Wallace is also sporting the Sky Blues' notorious brown away kit. The former Scotland international was Brita

Pies vs Lawro, FA Cup predictions: THE RESULT

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SATURDAY
Luton v Blackburn
Lawro says: 2-1
Pies says: 1-2
Actual: 0-4

Barnet v Plymouth
Lawro says: 1-1
Pies says: 0-1
Actual: 0-2

Jose Mourinho, should he stay or should he go?

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One thing is certain, if Chelsea don't win the Premiership or the Champions League this season, then Mourinho will want to stay at Stamford Bridge. He's too competitive to leave the club without winning a major trophy by way of farewell. I think he's

David Beckham as Sleeping Beauty's Prince Philip

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Even when he's riding a horse, he can't take that constipated pout off his face. Hollywood's gonna love him.

FA Cup fourth round: goal of the weekend, Wayne Rooney's sublime chip against Portsmouth. The best chip you've ever seen?

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One of the best chips I've ever seen. Right up there with these memorable efforts by Eric Cantona, Glenn Hoddle and George Best (49 seconds into the clip). I'd say Rooney's is the most technically perfect of the quartet. Plus, he beat a very tall keepe

David Beckham as Sleeping Beauty's Prince Philip

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Even when he's riding a horse, he can't take that constipated pout off his face. Hollywood's gonna love him.

Sticker Sunday

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Welcome back, sticker fans. Pies is continuing its bid to complete Merlin's FA Premier League Official Sticker Collection by opening three packs every Sunday and giving you a running commentary on how we are doing. Cl

Sing-a-long a Thierry Henry

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I think we may have had this on before, but it's always worth seeing again. Thierry Henry scores a wonder goal and just when you think that nothing on earth could match it, the commentator steps up and gives a rousing rendition of the Cornetto advert.

Micah Richards and Gareth Bale go head-to-head

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Although- as we predicted - the transfer window gossip has been dominated by the big clubs making cooing noises towards Micah Richards and Gareth Bale, both have stayed put so far. That means that the two young full-b

THE VOTE Who is the best player in the world right now?

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In other sports, it's clear who is the best player in the world right now. In tennis it's Roger Federer, in golf Tiger Woods, in rugby union Dan Carter, in snooker Ronnie O'Sullivan e

Fantasy Friday: week 21 review

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ATTENTION ALL FANTASY FOOTBALL MANAGERS

Don't forget to remove Robbie Savage from your teams before the deadline due to his lengthy lay-off with a broken leg. I know Savage's injury has come as a blow to many m

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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1 AS Monaco, Bordeaux, Fulham, Ipswich Town (current). Whose career path?
2 Who scored the first ever goal in the Premiership?
3 Picture round. Who's this then?

4

Horror Hair: Wes Brown's ginger afro

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Continuing our ginger afro theme - and especially for Pies regular Billyo - here is Wes Brown proving you don't have to be able to play like Carlos Valderrama to pull off the ginger afro on a football

Pies salutes the new president of Uefa. It's Michel Platini!

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Michel Platini is the new Uefa president after beating former president - and part-time walrus lookalike - Lennart Johansson in a vote in Dusseldorf. Platini, aged 51, said: "This is just the beginning of an adven

Horror Hair - Noel Brotherston

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We're in the middle of a ginger afro fetish at the moment at Pies. There have been a few over the years, but surely no-one can match the mighty bonce of Noel Brotherston.

Noel was a tricky winger, and graced the flanks of Spurs, Blackburn Rove

Should Stuart Pearce take the England U21 job?

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Man City's gaffer, Stuart Pearce has admitted to having a "brief conversation" with the Football Association over the possibility of succeeding Peter Taylor as the manager of the England Under 21 side.

On stepping down, Crys

HolloWatch: Ian's been 'polishing his car'

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Just when you think it's gone quiet on the Hollers front, he comes up with another classic quote. To give you the background, the Argyle boss was responding to a question about David 'Chuck' Norris and Tony Capaldi, two of his players at Plymouth. Las

Free-kicks and long shots compilation

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Boof! He's got a foot like a traction engine!

Pies v Lawro, FA Cup fourth-round predictions

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You know the drill…

SATURDAY

Luton v Blackburn
Lawro says: 2-1
Pies says: 1-2

Barnet v Plymouth
Lawro says: 1-1
Pies says: 0-1

Continues after t

Spurs get a bye in UEFA Cup

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Jammy Tottenham have been given a bye into the last 16 of the Uefa Cup. Of course, this is subject to a possible appeal from scheduled opponents Feyenoord. The Dutch club were thrown out of the competition following crowd trouble earlier in the seaso

Scottish Football Manager

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The Scottish FA have announced that they are ready to unveil the new manager for the national side (after Walter Smith's shock exit) on Monday at a press conference. Everyone knows it's going to be Alex McLeish. If not, maybe they should give this blok

Fancy being an England mascot?

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How do you fancy leading out England as a mascot at Old Trafford before the team face Spain on Wednesday 7th February in front of thousands of fans? Sadly, this offer isn't open to us blokes. However, if you have a nipper aged between seven an

Horror Hair: Rio Ferdinand's afro

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Rio Ferdinand sported this splendid afro a couple of years ago, and I, for one, wish he'd kept growing it – preferably so it covered his mouth. I'd also like to see Man Yoo team-mate Paul Scholes attempt a similar barnet. There aren't enough ginger

Lookalikes: Dracula and Dimitar Berbatov

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As noted in our Sticker Sundays feature, Spurs striker Dimitar Berbatov is in fact Dracula.

[Rob Parker]

Has the battle for the title turned into a Cold War?!

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The race for the Premier League title is getting serious with the Mirror reporting that a spy plane recorded aerial footage of a secret Manchester United training session. The tabloid claims a secret client hired a con

Soccer AM Third Eye compilation video

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A six-minute compilation of some of Soccer AM's hilarious Third Eye moments.

[Rob Parker]

Headline of the day

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Good to see that one of the sub-editors on The Sun's sports desk is on message.

WAG of the Week: Belen Rodriguez

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Name Belen Rodriguez
Nationality Argentine
WAG of… Marco Borriello, AC Milan striker. The couple hit the headlines this month when it was revealed that Borriello had failed a drugs test.

Classic Moment: The Fall's Mark E Smith reads out the classified results on Football Focus

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Why had I not seen this before today? It's simply one of the best football-related moments of all time and has all the power of most Fall lyrics, but without the music. The BBC should get Smith to read the results every week…

Gary McAllister and assorted other Euro 96 penalties

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As Gary McAllister has chosen 24 January, 2007 as the date to speak out for the first time about his missed penalty against England at Euro 96, Pies is marking the occasion with this compilation of Euro 96 penalties. No Pizza Hut deal

England are off to Barcelona

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England's Euro 2008 qualifier against Andorra will take place at the Olympic Stadium, Barcelona, after Uefa gave permission for the tie to be switched. Both the Andorran and English football associations wanted the ven

Vincenzo Montella L'Aeroplanino t-shirt from Tshirts365

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Italian striker Vincenzo Montella is well on his way to becoming a cult figure at Fulham after three goals in three substitute appearances. And where there's a cult figure there usually follows a TShirts365

Jimmy Bullard, angling superstar

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Jimmy Bullard, who is currently recovering from a season-ending knee injury, is gaining quite a reputation as a top-flight match angler. Angling Times reports that the Fulham midfielder recently won a carp competition at Gold Valley Lakes (a fishing v

Gillespie may be out for some time

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Sheffield United winger Keith Gillespie is facing up to two months on the sidelines after admitting to a charge of violent conduct. The ex-Northern Ireland star was charged by the FA in relation to the incident with Reading midfielder Stephen Hunt wh

Wear glasses - don't head bowling balls

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This video here is an advert for glasses apparently. The bloke in question (Spider from Corrie if you can recall) may well need A&E as opposed to some new specs.

Beckham and Foccer?

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With Goldenballs Beckham off to LA, it seems that the US aren't taking the whole thing as seriously as us Englishmen. Some Scottish bloke has a show over there and compares Beckham to a rather frightening looking chap who plays 'football' (that's the A

Volzy auctions off a load of football memorabilia

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Fulham's Moritz Volz, who is fast approaching Ian Holloway as a Pies icon, is auctioning off a load of his football memorabilia, including his Nike 'Hoff' boots (he loves David Hasselhoff), a load of signed shirts and his own Germany

Shevchenko scores two goals against Wycombe

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Looks like Andriy has found his level at last – and that level is not the Premiership. League Two clubs, start your bidding…

Click below to see his second goal…

THE VOTE What did you think when you heard that Robbie Savage had broken his leg?

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Robbie Savage is one of the least popular footballers in England. He has girly hair, an Armani tattoo (form is temporary, class is permanent) and a knack of winding up opposition fans and players alike. Last night, during Blackburn's Premiership clash

A Reading fan's view of the Neil Warnock v Wally Downes rumble

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This clip, apparently filmed on a mobile phone during Reading's 3-1 win against the Blades on Saturday, features some industrial language (ie. a lot of swearing). All together now… 'F**k off Warnock!'

In related news, Keith Gillespie,

The Newcastle United Injured All-Star XI

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Why do Newcastle players seem to get injured so much? What tortuous fitness tests do they put them through up there? According to Physio Room, the Magpies currently have no less than 11 first-team players out of action. If my maths is

Oguchi Onyewu to sign for Chelsea?

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Oguchu Onyewu fans may be delighted to hear that Gooch could yet be on his way to west London. AP reports that Chelsea, who could certainly do with a tall central defender right now, are keen to sign the big American from Standard Liege, possibly for

Ruud van Nistelrooy walks away from Oranje

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There are two things that are pretty much unaminous when talking about Ruud van Nistelrooy. One, that he is a fantastic goalscorer. Two, he's annoying and stroppy. Well, he's furthered his mardy credentials further by mewing out of the Holland side.

Wigan gun for Lee Chun-Soo

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Wigan boss Paul Jewell is going after Lee Chun-Soo. The South Korean starlet announced himself on the World Stage at the last World Cup with a stunning freekick against Togo. The 25-year-old former Asian Young Footballer of the Year has emerged as a ta

Big Ron back in football

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Ron Atkinson is back in football after a spell out after he made some very unpleasant comments about Marcel Desailly. No, he hasn't been appointed as the manager of the KKK's Five-a-side team. He 's now the director of football at non-League K

Top 10 Premiership Players Who Should Have Stayed Put

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The grass isn't always greener, no matter how much your wage packet goes up by, as these hapless Premiership footballers have discovered to their cost. I almost feel sorry for them. Almost…


1 Andriy Shevchenko (Chelsea)

Pub Debate: Would you go for Champions League football and a top four club, or double your money for a relegation scrap?

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Lucas Neill has decided on the latter. Despite interest from Barcelona after his impressive World Cup and a contract on the table from Liverpool, Neill has made the distinctly sideways

Ball-watching: A video of some sickening (but funny) ball-to-groin moments

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Ouch! These players must be wishing they had kept their eye on the ball rather than keeping their balls on the ball!

Teenage football fan asks for Boca Juniors tattoo, gets penis

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An Argentine football fan is suing a tattooist who drew a penis (yes, a penis) on his back instead of his favourite team's badge. The teenager asked to have the Boca Juniors logo inked on his back. But the tattoo artist was

Wayne Rooney loves to sing Oliver!

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Manchester United star Wayne Rooney has revealed he loves to listen to the musical Oliver! - and he knows the words to every song. The England striker revealed on his brand spanking n

Clothed un-streaker 'streaks' during a naked football game

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I presume this video isn't for real – probably some sort of advertising viral – but it's funny, nonetheless (features nudity). [Via The Offside]

Please can we have some decent match officials?

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So, Keith Hackett wants the BBC to stop criticizing his referees eh? Well, like I said last week, if that's going to happen, we need the match officials to sharpen up a bit. This weekend, much like any other footballing weekend, has seen a couple of in

Jeff Stelling invents Ruud Van Gullit

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Jeff Stelling has an unenviable job. He's paid to talk no stop for hours about football matches. Sounds fun on the surface, but would you get excited about someone getting his 6th goal of the season for Rochdale? Of course, in all that gabbering, Jeff

Free travel to football matches

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Fans who have experienced the thrill of an away match will know how addictive it is. The trip down, the pre-match pints in a strange pub, being in a strange ground. It's like a holiday with a football match stuck in the middle of it! However, loads gi

Pies v Lawro, Premiership predictions: THE RESULT

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SATURDAY

Liverpool v Chelsea
Lawro says: 2-1
Pies says: 1-1
Actual: 2-0

Aston Villa v Watford
Lawro: 2-0
Pies: 3-1
Actual

Top five Premiership goals of the weekend (with YouTube video)

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1 Jermaine Pennant, Liverpool v Chelsea
Sweet, dipping volley.

2 Morten Gamst Pedersen, Man City v Blackburn Rovers
Powerful, curling free-kick, around the wall. His first goal (also shown in t

THE VOTE Is this Gareth Bale kid worth £10m? (with YouTube evidence)

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I must admit, I have no idea if Southampton's Gareth Bale is as good as people say. I've only seen very brief clips of him on telly. Yes, he looks like a very talented kid, but £10m is an awful lot to shell out on potential – and for a full-back. T

Thierry Henry taunts Gary Neville

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Arsenal v Man Utd, a football tragedy (for United) in three acts:
1 Neville fouls Henry in the box = no penalty
2 Van Persie equalises = Henry has a quick word in Neville's shell-like (see video, below)
3 Henry scores injury-time winner

Shane Long tackles the Reading mascot

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Reading striker Shane Long seemed to enjoy opening the scoring against Sheffield United - just ask mascot Kingsley the Lion!

Good weekend, bad weekend

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Good weekend
Charlton A priceless first away win of the season for Alan Pardew's side at Portsmouth.
Benitez and Wenger The (arguably) surprise winners of the top four head-to-heads help to make matters much

Sticker Sundays are here!

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Welcome to Pies' new weekly feature Sticker Sunday. Readers who have been with us since our Bratwurst days might remember the successful Panini Mondays. Sticker Sundays will continue in a similar vein.

Every w

Hackett wants better treatment for refs from BBC

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Keith Hackett will meet BBC radio and television journalists next week in an attempt to counter what is seen as an increase in official-bashing in Aunties output. Hackett, who is the professional referees' chief, regularly talks to the LMA (League Man

David Brent shows off his football skills in The Office

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'That's why you shouldn't get involved…' Never use a football as a prop for flirting, especially not indoors, and especially not when you have worse ball control than Carlton Palmer. Rookie error. Good headbutt though – Zizou would be proud.

<

Glen Johnson nicked for stealing a toilet from B&Q

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This has to be the oddest football story I've heard in ages, but England defender Glen Johnson, who plays for Portsmouth on loan from Chelsea, and Millwall striker Ben May were caught at a B&Q in Kent on Wednesday after the p

Match of the Day's flying sheep

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Liverpool fans displaying that famous Scouse sense of humour.

Hossam Ghaly gets his teeth kicked out

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Poor old Hossam Ghaly. You play well against Portsmouth, only to be rewarded with having three of your teeth booted out. Ouch.

More Spurs news this way

Fantasy Friday: week 20 review

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All of the Pies Fantasy Football teams have been knocked out of the FA Cup after humiliating defeats to lower league opposition, but it is a relief really. Now we can concentrate on our league form. All that knockout football would hav

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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1 Birmingham City, Stoke City, Birmingham City, West Bromwich Albion, Fulham, Sheffield Utd, Derby County (current). Whose playing career?
2 Remarkably, Pele played for just two clubs during his long and distingui

Classic Moments: Holland v Portugal, Germany 2006

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Surely one of the most ill-tempered matches of all time. Sit back and watch the sparks (and Johnny Heitinga) fly once again.

[Rob Parker]

Pies v Lawro, Premiership predictions

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Lawro took us down to Chinatown last week, but only just. After two weeks, the score now stands at Pies 1, Lawro 1 (and Readers 1). Lots of juicy fixtures to get our teeth into this week, including Liverpool v Chelsea and Arsenal v Man Utd.

Ju

Singer David Gray becomes a commentator for the day

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Musician David Gray is to take to the commentary box for Sunday's match between Arsenal and Manchester United. The 38-year-old will be a summariser on Radio Five Live Sports Extra's 1920s-style coverag

Freak gust of wind disrupts South African league match

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This freak incident occurred during a league match (Orlando Pirates v Black Leopards) in South Africa earlier this month - the linesman gets wiped out, and he's not the only one to suffer at the hands of the elements. And you thought it had been windy

Chat-show king Conan O'Brien gently mocks David Beckham and the LA Galaxy

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I love Conan O'Brien – his wacky hair, his whiny voice, his heavy sarcasm (whoever said Americans don't get sarcasm is taking out of their ass – stupid Americans don't get sarcasm, just like stupid Brits don't get sarcasm…)

'Man t

Classic Moments: Roy Keane is sent off for diving against Blackburn Rovers

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A fresh-faced Roy Keane – the same Keane who once called for anti-diving wristbands – is sent off by David Elleray for diving, during a league game at Ewood Park in 1995. You have to laugh…

Blog of the week: AVFC Blog, Aston Villa fan site

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AVFC Blog, an Aston Villa fan site, is 'very proudly claret and blue'. It all looks very professional – they even have competitions to win match tickets – and it's updated at least once a day. It's a must-read for any self-respecting Villa fan.

THE VOTE Are Manchester City the most boring side in the Premiership?

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Pies writer/devil's advocate/Bolton fan Mof asked earlier if Fulham were currently the most exciting side in the Premiership.

At the other end of the entertainment scale, may I suggest that the most boring team in the Premiership this season i

Giovanni Trapattoni's famous angry press conference at Bayern Munich

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My grasp of German is sketchy, but I think Trap is defending his Bayern team against accusations of playing negative football. At one point he says that 'Bayern are the most attack-minded team in Germany'. Anyway, you don't need to speak German to enjo

Garrincha: Forgotten footballing great

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Garrincha, in my opinion, is too often overlooked when great players names are mentioned. It's all Pele, Cruyff, Platini and Maradona. Obviously, there's nothing wrong with looking back at those players, but surely we all know how great they were? Garr

Does Celebrity Big Brother house the world's worst football agent?

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This man is on Celebrity Big Brother. I don't blame you if you don't recognise his face. I also don't blame you if you are wondering why his face is on a football site. Well, this idiot is called Jack and he's going out with Jade Goody. He's a massive

Are Fulham the most exciting side in the Premiership?

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When I think of Fulham, it's usually a dismal traveling support and uninspired football that springs to mind. However, that may not be the case this season as Fulham are, quite obviously, the most entertaining team on the planet.

Why?  Let's

More kung-fu football (this time from the pros)

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Following yesterday's look at kung-fu football film Shaolin Soccer, it is now time to see how the professionals do it. Here is a compilation of some of football's best kung-fu volleys. Lead on, Gus Poyet!

Robin van Per

Cult Hero: Kevin Francis

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Back in the days when Peter Crouch was still in short normal-sized trousers, Kevin Francis was English football's token giant. The 6ft 7in striker made his name at Stockport County, having moved to Ed

Classic Moment: Boris Johnson's rugby tackle

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I can never watch this too many times. Just the best comedy tackle ever witnessed on TV.

David Dunn moves to Blackburn, snubs Bolton, upsets Big Sam

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Sam Allardyce is not best pleased that David Dunn has turned his back on Bolton at the eleventh hour. Dunn had passed a medical at the Reebok and was agreeing personal terms when Blackburn Rovers (who he used to play for) chipped in with a cheeky late

Gabriel Heinze, what happened?

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Before he picked up a long-term knee injury, Gabby Heinze was considered to be one of Alex Ferguson's best signings. United fans loved him and pundits rated him as perhaps the best left-back in the Premiership. He was a no-nonsense defender and also l

All the latest transfer window rumours and gossip

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AC Milan hoping Ronaldo rolls back into town (probably literally) [BBC Sport]
Someone's told Martin Jol the January sales are on at Manchester City as he prepares a cheeky £10 million bid for Micah Rich

Hargreaves slams "spiteful" Spanish

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Owen Hargreaves has accused Real Madrid of responding in a "spiteful" manner to David Beckham's impending exit. The Bayern Munich midfielder, and England team-mate of Beckham at last summer's World Cup, believes Beckham "will have the

Top 10 hottest Premiership footballers: The gay vote

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Dan, a gay-and-proud Pies reader, has emailed us with his hottest Premiership footballers XI. Fellow gay men (and straight women too), let us know what you make of Dan's taste in blokes.

Read his list after the click…

In no particular

Kung-fu football courtesy of Shaolin Soccer

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This clip is taken from the film Shaolin Soccer (which I admit I had never heard of before finding the video). Click here to find out more about the film. I'll leave you with a quote on the film from an Amazon reviewer: "If you on

Football songs from around the world

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People often mock the Eurovision Song contest, but there is another musical form that is guaranteed to get peppered at every turn... and that's the football song. Englandneworder was an obvious freak of nature (by virtue of the fact it was alright) and

Ramon Calderon slates Beckham, the world

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Speaking to students in Spain, Real Madrid president Ramon Calderon made it clear that he's one disgruntled old man. Calderon slagged off Madrid's players – with special words for David Beckham – and had a pop at the fans too:

Cald

Cult hero: Mark Hughes

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When people look back on great players, one name is often omitted. That name is Mark Hughes. 'Sparky' had spells at Barca (where they called him Leslie), Bayern as well as spells at Everton, Chelsea, Southampton and Blackburn. However, it's his time at

Cristiano Ronaldo saves football from the underworld on your mobile

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Not content with his attempts to wrangle the Premier League trophy back from Chelsea, Cristiano Ronaldo has now taken it upon himself to save football from the demons of the underworld! Cristiano Ronaldo Underworld Football

Frank Rijkaard smashes up dugout as Barcelona lose to Espanyol

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This footage from Barcelona's defeat away at city rivals Espanyol on Saturday shows a frustrated Frank Rijkaard smashing the dugout as his side go 2-1 down. They eventually lost the match 3-1.

Bulgarian linesman 'saw Maradona's Hand of God'

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The Sun – who else? – reports that Bogdan Dotchev, the Bulgarian linesman involved in England's 'Hand of God' defeat to Argentina at the 1986 World Cup, actually saw Diego Maradona's offending hand, but failed to alert the Tunisia

Liverpool: 'Mr FIFA, sir, please can Javier Mascherano come out to play…'

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Liverpool have sent a begging letter to Fifa asking for permission to sign West Ham midfielder bench-warmer Javier Mascherano on a loan deal. Under Fifa regulations, Mascherano can't start for another club this season because he has a

Tuesday's FA Cup third-round replays: betting guide

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No less than eight FA Cup replays will be played tonight, with a couple of mid-table Premiership teams (Middlesbrough and Man City) looking to beat lower-league opposition at the second time of asking. [All odds Paddy Power]

Man City v

THE VOTE Should Man Utd sign any new players in the January transfer window?

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Man Utd's first XI is as good as any in the Premiership, but their back-up players – O'Shea, Richardson and Fletcher spring to mind – aren't up to snuff, particularly in midfield. I think they should go all out to match Bayern Munich's asking pric

Wonder goal of the season, No. 12,348: Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Torino vs Inter

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Another wonder goal to add to this season's growing collection of wonder goals. Zlatan's volley secured a record 12th straight win for Inter, and sent them nine points clear at the top of Serie A. On form, they are currently the strongest side in Europ

Andriy Shevchenko is too old to play in the Premiership

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Crisis club Chelsea - although second in the Premiership is the kind of crisis most clubs would kill for - are fair game at the moment. And Arsenal's Alexander Hleb has taken the opportunity to have a

Kit Parade: Petr Cech's rugby headguard

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Petr Cech has revealed that he will have to play in a rugby-style headguard for the next three years to protect his fractured. The Chelsea keeper returns to full training today and will be sporting his custom-made head

Top five Premiership goals of the weekend (with YouTube videos)

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1 Thierry Henry, Blackburn v Arsenal
A counter-attacking masterpiece with a venomous finish.

2 Obafemi Martins, Spurs v Newcastle
As clean a strike as you'll ever see.

David Beckham frozen out by Fabio Capello. Maverick, good buddy, get me on a goddamned fighter jet to Hollywood, now!

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Real Madrid boss Fabio Capello has lost that loving feeling for David Beckham (playing the Goose that laid the golden egg). Time for Tom Cruise (playing the maverick Scientologist) to rescue his English buddy…

THE VOTE Is Ashley Young worth £10m?

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The Guardian reports that West Ham Utd have agreed to buy Ashley Young from Watford for £10m. Now, if ever there was an example of English players' worth being inflated to ridiculous levels, this is it.

Young is a £3m player, in my opinion.

Spectacular own goal from China's Yan Wung

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This spectacular own goal was scored by China's Yan Wung in a pre-World Cup friendly against France. Own goals are often comical, but there can't have been too many volleyed from the edge of the area s

Lookalikes: Diego Maradona and Sylvester Stallone

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When Sylvester Stallone put in an appearance at Goodison Park before Everton's game against Reading yesterday carrying a few extra pounds than when his first Rocky film came out in 1976, there was a ce

Pies v Lawro, Premiership predictions: THE RESULT

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Last week, we roared into a 1-0 lead over Lawro. That was the FA Cup, this week saw the return of the Premiership. So has the world's wisest pundit, the man who predicts every week, almost without fail, that one of the big four will beat a lesser team

Edgar Davids plays basketball with his feet. Duh

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Is this why Edgar Davids is attracting attention in the States? Could the dready Dutchman be about to become the world's first foot-basketballer?

Hollywood prepares to welcome Victoria Beckham…

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[Blatantly nicked from the always-awesome Holy Moly mailout]

Cotterill jailed for GBH

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Barrow defender James Cotterill is facing four months in jail after his off-the-ball punch up with Bristol Rovers striker Sean Rigg, during their first round FA Cup tie back in November. As reported by Pies, Rigg suffered two fractures to his jaw, whi

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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1 Newcastle Utd, Blackpool (loan), Bradford City (loan), Leeds Utd (loan), Sunderland (current). Whose career path?
2 Apart from both being total muppets, comic Jim Davidson and hack Gary Bushell also support whic

Pies vs Lawro, Premiership predictions

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Fresh from our giant-killing FA Cup victory against Mark 'Lawro' Lawrenson last week, we're more than ready to take him on in the Premiership this weekend. As ever, any crystal football-toting Pies readers who want to pit their wits against us (Sheps,

THE VOTE Worst January transfer so far?

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Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

a) Ben Thatcher, Alan Pardew's first signing as Charlton boss. Fee: £500,000. Bargain.
b) Djimi Traore, arguably the worst ever player to win a Champions League title, m

Mourinho wants Chelsea exit

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The Independent, among other newspapers, reports that Jose Mourinho has told his agent, Jorge Mendes, that he is prepared to leave Chelsea and will listen to offers to manage other clubs at the end of the season. I wrote yesterday that 'If I was to ma

David Beckham to join LA Galaxy this summer. Hollywood beckons…

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Posh will be loving her David's decision to leave Real Madrid in June to join LA Galaxy, one of the biggest and richest teams in America's MLS (Major League Soccer) – now she can hang out some more with best pal Katie Holmes, and no doubt attempt to

Classic Moment: Alan Partridge explains the USA 94 World Cup draw on The Day Today

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News of David Beckham's transfer move to America has put us in a Stars-and Stripesy mood. Enjoy some classic Partridge, as he attempts to unravel the mysteries of the (fake) draw for the 1994 World Cup.

Beckham's Escape to LA: the first reaction in quotes

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'David Beckham will have a greater impact on soccer in America than any athlete has ever had on a sport globally.' [Timothy J. Leiweke, president & CEO of Anschutz Entertainment Group, which owns the LA Galaxy]

'Beckham wil

Walter Smith quits Scotland for Rangers: what the bloggers say

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I personally wouldn't have had a problem with him taking helm of club & country, at the same time. But it looks like the SFA have scored a spectacular own-goal on demanding he sides with one - or the other. I always assumed you find a

Barrow defender sent down for GBH

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Barrow defender James Cotterill was sentenced to four months in prison for smashing a rival player's jaw during an FA Cup match. It is thought to be the first time in recent history a football player has been jailed in England for an offence on the pi

Jose Mourinho: transfer successes and flops

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I get the feeling that Jose Mourinho's remarkable reign at Chelsea could soon be over. Last season he revealed that he didn't always enjoy being manager of the most hated football club in the world – who would? – and this season the cracks are wid

Mourinho spits his dummy out over pocket money and Terry still out

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Chelsea special one Jose Mourinho has accused the Stamford Bridge board of refusing to back him in the January transfer window. It would seem Jose doesn't think he's had enough money already!

Reports have already suggested Mourinho could leav

Pompey sign Traore (who is better than Zidane)

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With the news that Djimi Traore has joined Portsmouth from Charlton for £1m, let's look at the great man in action. Slightly unfair to compare him to Zizou... but funny all the same.

[Mof Gimmers]

'Don't Tread' by Clint 'Deuce' Dempsey

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Fulham-bound Dempsey is ghetto baby. This is the video for a Nike-promoted hip-hop single Deuce released just before the 2006 World Cup. It's actually not that bad - not as good as 'World In Motion', but a lot better than the likes of 'Fog on the Tyne'

Wycombe hold Chelsea in Carling Cup semi-final

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League Two side Wycombe Wanderers held Chelsea to a 1-1 draw in the first leg of their Carling Cup semi-final. A Jermaine Easter equaliser on 77 minutes was enough to keep the Chairboys in the tie ahead of the second-l

Is Gemma Atkinson responsible for Cristiano Ronaldo's world-beating form?

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If the red-tops are to be believed, then Cristiano Ronaldo has been getting jiggy with 22-year-old Hollyoaks actress Gemma Atkinson. Is she the reason behind the Winker's sparkling form?

Perhaps not: the tabloids have also reported that lovely

Bruce Grobbelaar and his wobbly legs

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I don't think we've featured this classic footballing moment before, but Bruce Grobbelaar and his wobbly legs is always worth seeing again. You surely need balls of steel to do something like this in a European Cup final... still, it p

Walter Smith jilts Scotland to join Rangers

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I don't want to single out Walter Smith as the only man in football to f**k over his employers, but I have to say I'm pretty disgusted – although not at all surprised – that he has decided to leave the Scottish national team in the lurch. There's

Stuart Pearce says no-one leaves Man City (except the rubbish ones)

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Manchester City manager Stuart Pearce has insisted that Micah Richards, Sylvain Distin and Joey Barton will not be leaving the club. Rumours have been rife that the coveted trio are on their way out of Eastlands.

Pearce told the Manchester Ev

NEWS FLASH David Beckham to leave Real Madrid this summer

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BREAKING NEWS David Beckham will leave Real Madrid in the summer, according to the club's sporting director Predrag Mijatovic: 'Beckham will leave us, we will not renew his contract with the club,' he told Sky Italia television.

Classic Moments: Ronnie Radford's FA Cup screamer, Hereford Utd vs Newcastle Utd, 1972

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From perhaps the most famous FA Cup giant-killing of all time, when Hereford beat mighty Newcastle – well, they were mighty then – in the third round. Radford's bullet (the ball must have weighed a tonne, too) made the score 1-1, before substitute

Brum fans get kicked whilst they're down

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I feel sorry for Birmingham City's fans. I really do. The real ones are being kept out of the ground by over inflated ticket prices and they constantly live in the shadow of their arch rivals Aston Villa. Well, to make matters far worse, their

THE VOTE Has Rafa Benitez lost the plot?

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Right Rafa, let me get this straight: you're out of the FA Cup, there's no chance you'll win the Premiership, you've drawn minnows Barcelona in the Champions League and your one realistic shot at adding to the Anfield trophy cabinet this season is in

Ipswich players disciplined for trip to Amsterdam

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Five Ipswich Town players have been disciplined for taking a two-day break in Amsterdam last week ahead of their FA Cup tie against Chester City. First team regulars Alan Lee and Gary Roberts

Peter Schmeichel: The Premiership's answer to Rogerio Ceni

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Following yesterday's tribute to goalscoring Brazilian keeper Rogerio Ceni, it is time to remind ourselves of the goals of Peter Schmeichel. The red-nosed Dane is arguably the finest rush goalie to have graced the English game. He migh

Rafa says 'sorry' to Liverpool fans

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Rafael Benitez has issued an apology to Liverpool fans following their 6-3 trouncing by Arsenal at Anfield last night: "It is a bad night for us all and all we can say is sorry to the supporters."

He avoided blaming Jerzy Dudek for h

5 Unlikely football club owners

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As Graeme Souness bids to buy Wolverhampton Wanderers, Pies celebrates some of English football's more unusual and colourful owners.

5 Delia Smith - Norwich City
The TV chef has been a director at Carrow Roa

Baddiel and Skinner's seven greatest football moments

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The poor sound quality on this video from Baddiel and Skinner's Fantasy Football is worth putting up with to see some excellent funny football moments, including a goalkeeper's goal to put even Rogerio Ceni to shame.

[

One to watch: Jamie McCarthy

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A host of English and Scottish clubs are currently battling it out to capture 16-year-old Hamilton Academical wonderkid Jamie McCarthy. The midfielder/Neil Lennon Mini-Me scored his first senior goal a

Meet Rogerio, the goalscoring goalkeeper

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Rogerio Ceni of Sao Paulo has scored more goals than any other keeper in professional football. His tally currently stands at an amazing 68. Rogerio is a free-kick specialist, in the vein of Jose Chilavert, and also takes penalties. He's also a very go

Coventry striker up in court

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Coventry striker and kebab lover, Kevin Kyle, is facing two charges of breach of the peace following incidents in his hometown of Stranraer last year. A footballer? Being a rowdy bugger? Get outta town! The Scotland international, who joined the Cham

Souness confirms bid of £20m for Wolves

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When I heard that Graham Souness was to take control of Wolves, I naturally thought it would be something like a fight to the death with an entire pack. Well, it isn't. Old pig heart, Graeme Souness, has claimed that he's made a £20m bid to t

Obi Martins debut goal for Nigeria

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With Obafemi Martins being touted to Chelsea (and why not?), it's worth noting that, in essence, Obi Martins has always been ace.  Want proof? Watch his first goal for Nigeria against Ireland when he was just a slip of a lad at 19 years old. Great pac

THE VOTE Premiership Goal of the Month, Dec. 06?

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Althouth Matty Taylor's goal was amazing (Essien's wasn't bad, either), we'd vote for Paul Scholes stylish screamer, no question. What say you?

Rumour Tuesday: comings, goings and stayings

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Football's rumour mill is going into overdrive. Lots of hot transfer gossip to report:

Disgruntled Jose Mourinho to leave Chelsea at the end of the season [BBC]
West Ham in for Freddie Ljungberg (pictured

Miss of the day

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Oh dear. [Spotted by our friends at The Offside]

10 football pundits who don't deserve a job in 2007

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Honestly, the standard of football punditry is getting so bad that it almost makes us miss the unique vocabulary of Big Ron and the chinny musings of Jimmy Hill. Sky, ITV and the Beeb all seem to think that hiring ex-players to talk about football is

Ian Holloway to be disciplined for Blatter remarks?

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Plymouth Argyle boss/Pies hero Ian Holloway could be in hot water over reported comments made about Fifa President Sepp Blatter. Ollie allegedly blamed Blatter for the changes to the offside law and branded him 'an idiot and a lunatic' after Argyle's

Q. Is Lawro losing the plot? A. Yes he is

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A snippet of commentary heard during the Beeb's coverage of Sunday's Man Utd v Aston Villa FA Cup third-round tie:

Mark Lawrenson: 'Is it me or does the ball sound soft?'
Tumbleweed drifts across the screen
Jonathan Pearce: 'P

LIVE FA Cup fourth-round draw

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Arsenal v Bolton Wanderers
West Ham v Watford
Bristol City/Coventry City v Hull City/Middlesbrough
Chelsea v Nottm Forest
Chester City/Ipswich Town v Swansea City
Cardiff City/Spurs v Southend/Barnsley
Barnet/Colchester v

Wembley heartbreak

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For the first time in years, fans could once again sing "Wemb-er-ley... Wemb-er-ley" as, with any luck, this season will see the FA Cup final go back to its spiritual home. Of course, Wembley doesn't just hold great memories, but some heartbr

Up the people says Steve Bruce

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Thanks to some terrible photoshopping from me, Steve Bruce has become the country's leading socialist after claims that the magic of the FA Cup is on the wane after inflated ticket prices kept real fans away from the grounds this weekend.

Can Anelka repeat his heroics against The Gunners in the 4th Round?

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So, the Fourth Round draw for the FA Cup has been made with some tasty looking ties. Notts Forest have been drawn away at Chelsea and will be looking to cause further upset after beating Charlton at the weekend, but the pick of the draw is Arsenal agai

Good weekend, bad weekend

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Good weekend
Swansea The League One outfit secured an impressive 0-3 away win at Sheffield United.
Nottingham Forest Another League One side to beat Premiership opposition. Forest saw off Charlton with a 2-0

Sevilla's Luis Fabiano and Real Zaragoza's Carlos Diogo bitch fight

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This slap-fest happened at the end of Real Zaragoza's 2-1 win over Sevilla on Saturday evening. Luis Fabiano and Carlos Diogo enjoy a quick kiss, before Diogo throws one half-decent pu

THE VOTE Should Man Utd sign Henrik Larsson for the rest of the season?

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Henrik Larsson's Swedish club, Helsingborg, have said they will permit the striker to remain at Old Trafford until the end of the Premiership season. He was initially signed by United for just 10 weeks, but Helsingborg chairman Sten-Inge Fredin is pre

Pies v Lawro, FA Cup third-round predictions: THE RESULT

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We foolishly bravely took on Mark 'The Predictor' Lawrenson at the weekend, pitting our polished crystal football against one of the country's top pundits. From now until the end of the season, we'll be matching Lawro's predictions for BBC Sport, a fu

Cristiano Ronaldo wears little baby-blue pants!

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One for the ladies (and, of course, male Cronaldo fans)… is this what Sepp Blatter had in mind for new, skimpier football uniforms? He's such a hunk (Cristiano, not Sepp).

Official confirmation: Henrik Larsson will not be joining Bristol Rovers for the rest of the season

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You heard it here first! Henrik Larsson will not be joining mid-table League Two outfit Bristol Rovers until the end of the season. Confirmation came from Larsson's coach at Helsingborgs, Stuar

Kevin Nolan and the riddle of butterfly Anelka

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Kevin Nolan's column for the BBC is one of most thrilling reads this century. Of course, I am lying through my back teeth. It's terrible and amazingly dull. To point this out, I've lifted a passage from the Q&A section Kevin has at the end of

How much for an Owen Hargreaves?

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Once upon a time, there was this kid who played in Germany. He played a few games for England out of position and got booed. Then he played in his preferred role and everyone loved him. Including Manchester United, who have now been told by Ba

Pardew willing to sell Darren Bent?

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With Alan Pardew saying "There has been some interest in Darren [Bent]. A short time ago, my decision would have been to say quite categorically he wasn't going anywhere... But his knee injury has made me think a bit differently," he's basica

Fantasy Friday: week 19 review

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While most people spent New Year's Eve boozing as if they were attending an early 1990s Arsenal training session, our fantasy footballers were tucked up in bed ready to run their fantasy socks off and score plenty of fantasy points on

Sean Davis gives Lee Young-Pyo some diving pointers

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This funny incident from New Year's Day suggests Portsmouth's Sean Davis isn't convinced the contact he made with Tottenham's Lee Young-Pyo was forceful enough to require a swallow div

FA Cup third-round predictions: Lawro vs Pies

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As many Pies readers know, Mark Lawrenson makes predictions for each round of Premiership games (and Cup games too), on the BBC Sport website. To give him his due, he usually does pretty well. Well, we've decided to take Lawro on at h

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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1 Crystal Palace, Glentoran, Burnley, Reading (current). Whose career?
2 Which was the last team from outside of the top division to win the FA Cup? Two bonus points for naming the year and the defeated opponents.

Johan Cruyff YouTube video

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Enjoy this four-minute tribute to Cruyff, in which the great Dutchman confirms his status as the most graceful player ever to play football…

Ashes to ashes: farewell cricket, hello football

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Thank God that's over – watching the national press feign interest in cricket has been almost as pathetic as England's performances on the pitch. At least now we'll hear no more about cricket until the 2009 Ashes, leaving football to take centre sta

THE VOTE Cristiano Ronaldo or Wayne Rooney?

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Ronaldo and Rooney are good buddies, they play together at Man Yoo and they've both been hailed as 'the best young player in the world'. Yes, there's no doubt that Cristiano and Wazza are the 21st century Glenn and Chris.

But who would you r

Kit Parade: U-S-A!

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Fulham fans can celebrate Craven Cottage's new status as the American Embassy by snapping up the USA national team shirt. With Clint Dempsey having agreed a move to join Brian McBride and Carlo

NEWS FLASH Fulham captain Boa Morte signs for West Ham

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Fulham skipper Luis Boa Morte has signed for West Ham United, in a deal that is reported to be worth around £5m. Wow, I didn't see that coming.

Fulham manager Chris Coleman claims he didn't want to sell the Portuguese winger,

HolloWatch: If Pete Doherty can marry Kate Moss, 'there's hope for all of us ugly bastards!'

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Ian Holloway's latest column for the BBC Sport website (check it out here) is as entertaining as ever. He discusses broken New Year's resolutions, West Ham's woes, the FA Cup third round and the Pete Doherty/Kate Moss axis of tabloid evil, on which he

Clint 'Deuce' Dempsey and Oguchi 'Gooch' Onyewu to sign for Fulham?

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Sports Illustrated is getting rather excited about the prospect of American soccer stars Oguchi 'Gooch' Onyewu (a muscular defender, pictured left) and Clint 'Deuce' Dempsey (an attacking midfielder) coming to the UK

Breaking News: Le Guen and Rangers part company

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Rangers manager Paul Le Guen has left the club by mutual consent after a difficult couple of weeks at Ibrox. The Frenchman had recently stripped Barry Ferguson of the captaincy after claiming the player was undermining him in

Wigan slash ticket prices again

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As you can see from this picture here, Wigan Athletic have been suffering when it comes to getting bodies through the turnstyles. Recently, Paul Jewell has been frustrated at the low attendances which saw them cut the price of tickets for the Chelsea

Zidane has a 5-a-side kick about

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Imagine this. You're down the local leisure centre having a kick about with your chums... and then... Zizou turns up and makes a complete chump of you and all your pals. Well, I don't know if this is what exactly happened, but from this video, we can c

Fulham close in on Roma's Vincenzo Montella

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Fulham are close to completing a six-month loan deal for Italian striker Vincenzo Montella. The 32-year-old is expected to finalise the move later today. Nicknamed Little Aeroplane in honour of his aviation-th

Thierry Henry torments mascots as well as defenders

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Mischievous Arsenal striker Thierry Henry plays a prank on a young mascot leaving Ajax skipper Zdenek Grygera looking very guilty and eager to plead his innocence!

Mor

Should Chris Morgan have been charged with violent conduct for his 'punch' on Robin van Persie?

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Sheffield United captain Chris Morgan has been charged with violent conduct by the FA, following this incident involving Robin van Persie during the 1-0 win against Arsenal on Saturday. Morgan appears to strike the Arsenal forward, out of sight of refe

Kit Parade: Chelsea away 1961 retro kit

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This simplistic but nice replica of the 1961 Chelsea away shirt is courtesy of legendary retro shirt manufacturers Toffs. This was the style of shirt worn by Jimmy Greaves as he found the net 41 times in one season. The white v-neck wi

THE VOTE! Wenger vs Mourinho

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So who's the worst lookalike - Arsene Wenger or Jose Mourinho? Add your vote to the comments…

Gianluca Vialli video

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I know what Chelsea need right now. They need someone upfront with power, finesse, guile, predatory instincts and a lethal finish. Sadly for The Stamford Oilers, they've already signed that person a few years ago in Gianluca Vialli. Wa

Barca fans: 'We want Cristiano Ronaldo'

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A poll of Barcelona fans this week picked out Cristiano Ronaldo as the player they would most like to sign. Ronaldo's agent, Jorge Mendes, claims he offered the Portuguese winger to Barca late last season. Mendes told El Mundo Deportivo: 'I

Javier Mascherano: 'I have to leave West Ham'

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West Ham midfielder Javier Mascherano has admitted he is desperate to leave the club in the January transfer window. No surprise there. The 22-year-old Argentine joined the Hammers with compatriot Carlos Tevez at the end of the summer transfer window

Benayoun wants Hammers to take courage from mud

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Yossi Benayoun has hit out at West Ham's performances, highlighting the 6-0 annihilation at Reading. Benayoun, who originally turned down a move to Bolton Wanderers, now 4th in the table said "I am ashamed. I am shocked a

Beckham off to San Siro?

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If you believe the gossip, David Beckham currently has two offers if he want to leave Real Madrid this month. There is talk of him going to join the misfits at the Reebok Stadium to play for Bolton Wanderers. As unlikely as that seems

Perth Glory teammates fight each other Down Under

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Two teammates, Perth Glory captain Jamie Harnwell and midfielder Adrian Webster, were involved in this remarkable dust-up in the Australian A-League recently. The pair have both been fined $7,800. They were also handed a suspended one-match ban after b

Video if new Wigan Athletic signing Kristofer Haestad

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Wigan have completed the signing of Norwegian midfielder Kristofer Haestad. The 23-year-old international has joined the Latics on loan from IK Start. Here is a slightly pixelated video of Haestad scor

Meet Chelsea's new star defender Baltemar Brito

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Jose Mourinho appears to have put an end to Chelsea's defensive crisis, and the solution was underneath his nose all the time. The Special One has revealed he is considering playing 55-year-old assistant coach

Blog of the week: 101 Great Goals

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101 Great Goals, a new(ish) football blog gives you goals, more goals and then, when you think you're full, still more goals. That's all you need to know.

It's a great one-stop site for catching up on missed Premiership and Championship goals,

Horror Tackle: Noe Pamarot on Hossam Ghaly

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A kindly YouTuber has eventually got round to uploading Portsmouth defender Noe Pamarot's foot-first assault on Spurs' Hossam Ghaly. The sickening crunch on impact indicates it is wort

Car insurance company wants to know if you are a Blackburn Rovers player

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Pies reader and green warrior Cole Henley recently applied for car insurance from ecoinsurance. Cole was so surprised to discover that one of the choices under 'occupation' was 'Blackburn Rovers Player' that he emailed us this screens

Julian Dicks slates West Ham

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If you go to the Shepherd and Dog in the village of Langham on the Essex/Suffolk border you can get a well appointed bar with a wide variety of real ales and guest ales. You can also get some forthright opinions on the state of the current Wes

SWP gets 'merced' by Rio Ferdinand

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With Chelsea's Shaun Wright-Phillips the subject of much transfer spectulation (with the most noise coming from West Ham it has to be said), it's worth watching SWP in action. Not on a football pitch, but in a restaraunt getting stitched up by football

Fulham 'keeper cleared of serious injury

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I normally have a little whince when there is a horror injury in football, but I'm strong of stomach and watch on largely unflustered. However, that changed yesterday when I screamed like a girl when Antti Niemi fell on his neck and went all wrong-way

2006 Goals of the Year

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A veritable banquet of sublime finishes and net-bursters (with apologies for the dodgy picture quality).

[Via The Offside]

2007, the football wish list

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Who Ate All The Pies is back after a wee seasonal break, refreshed and ready for the second half of the football season. We hope you had a great Xmas and New Year. I battled gamely against a nasty chest infection but managed to squeeze in the odd minc

One to watch: Moses Ashikodi, Watford

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Watford have completed the signing of Rangers striker Moses Ashikodi. The 19-year-old former Millwall and West Ham youth team player had not found favour at Ibrox since moving there in

Liverpool 3-0 Bolton: Peter Crouch's wonder volley, the sequel

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Not for the first time, 'Crouching Giraffe, Hidden Volley' shows that he does indeed have 'great feet for a big man'.

More Liverpool news and views on Pies

Transfer Window: The race for Micah Richards and Gareth Bale

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The running stories of the newly opened transfer window seem likely to be the chases for two talented young full-backs. Real Madrid have joined the parties interested in 17-year-old Southampton left-back Gareth

Marco Materazzi tussles with Messina coach Bruno Giordano

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Marco Materazzi had a very quiet 2006. Winning the World Cup, but managing to overshadow that by being the man headbutted by Zinedine Zidane. What better way to round the year off than a touchline tussle with the coach

Classic Moments: Brian Glover dives in the box and awards himself a penalty ('Kes')

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What a wonderful full-length dive by Glover (the scariest PE teacher in movie history) to win a penalty!

If this clip (click on the image to view), from the wonderful 'Kes', doesn't send a shiver of nostalgia down your spine, nothing will. Glo

One to watch: Danielle Lloyd, Celebrity Big Brother

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Danielle Lloyd, stripped of her Miss Great Britain 2006 title after she was found to be dating Teddy Sheringham (who was one of the competition's judges), is, if you believe the tabloids, about to enter the Celebrity Big Brother house