Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2006

Fantasy Friday: week 18 review

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Christmas has been and gone, but which of our Fantasy Football teams has Santa been good to? Click below for the latest league table and update. Don't forget that bumper points are up for grabs again this weekend with the hectic New Ye

Terry back operation 'successful'

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Chelsea hope to have John Terry back in action within a matter of weeks, after he undergoing surgery on his back injury. The England skipper has not featured in the Blues' last three Premiership matches, in which they have conceded six goals

Pressley to join Addicks?

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Former Hearts captain Steven Pressley has undergone a medical at Charlton, but his agent has not ruled out a move to Scottish champions Celtic. The 33-year-old was at The Valley on Wednesday and held talks with Addicks gaffer Alan Pardew. Th

Crouch shipped off to Newcastle in January?

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With Liverpool being decidedly average so far this season, January sees Rafa Benitez given the opportunity to flex his Spanish muscle in the transfer market... and with his sights set on David Villa from Valencia, someone will have to make way. It app

Shunsuke Nakamura reveals his goal against Dundee United was copied from a YouTube video

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It's not just bloated football bloggers who want to get back to their turkey sandwiches and mince pies that benefit from using YouTube videos. Celtic star Shunsuke Nakamura has revealed that his cheeky

It's a kit of an animal: Sausage snack firm supplies new gear for renamed Peperami FC

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A London part-time outfit has secured a new kit after deciding to change its name to Peperami FC. Wandsworth FC, of the Wimbledon and District League, decided on the new tag after being inspired by an

Carlos Valderrama gets groped in the penalty area

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This player is presumably trying to find out whether Little Carlos has a matching ginger Afro!

[Rob Parker]

Sir Alex Ferguson to get an iPod as a late Christmas present from Rio Ferdinand

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Rio Ferdinand has revealed he is to buy an iPod for Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson. And he's going to fill it with his favourite hip-hop and garage tracks before giving th

Hamman era ends as Cardiff do deal

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A takeover deal to secure the future of Cardiff City FC has been signed just minutes before deadline. There were fears that the club could have been put into administration if a deal was not done by noon on today (Friday) but

Henrik Larsson breaks leg

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With Henrik Larsson nearly ready to play for Manchester United, it's worth remembering that he isn't just an incredible goal-scorer... but a tough nut too. Larsson came back from a horrific leg break twice the player he was before... and had a better h

5 old school football Christmas presents

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1 Pro Action Football
Subbuteo's geeky younger brother, Pro Action Soccer, relied not on flicking but pushing as the players glided around the pitch like under-dressed Torvill and Deans (in theory at least).

Laurent Robert squealing when he gets tackled

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Does exactly what it says on the tin! Believe it or not, the noise made by Laurent Robert is caused by Chris Perry's tackle and he is not simultaneously shot by a sniper!

[Rob Parker]

This week's Premiership predictions

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Saturday
Fulham v West Ham (12.45pm) The Cottagers and the Hammers to remind Sky why this is an odd choice for the early kick-off. 0:0
Arsenal v Blackburn (3pm) I can only see a comfortable h

The Fiendish Friday Quiz: Xmas Special

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A bumper FFQ today. We wish a very Merry Xmas to all Pies readers. Thanks a million for your continued support…

1 Crystal Palace, Brentford, Wimbledon, Ipswich, Charlton (current). Whose career path?
2 X

Sonko "scared" ahead of Chelsea clash

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Reading's Ibrahima Sonko says he is "scared" ahead of the clash at Chelsea after receiving numerous death threats after his collision with Oilers' keeper Carlo Cudicini. The Italian was hurt in a collision with Sonko in October, the

Bolton plough on through Headington's snow

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These days, it's perfectly fine to wish for a white Christmas with all this undersoil heating and such. It wasn't always like this though... didn't stop the tough nuts of the Bolton side in 1954 when they took on non-league Headington in the FA Cup 4th

Jewell jumps to the defence of the special one

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Paul Jewell has leapt salmon-like to the defence of Chelsea gaffer Jose Mourinho after he received a fair bit of criticism for 'card-waving' at Newcastle. The Portuguese has been criticised for attempting (allegedly) to influence officials, b

Fantasy Friday: week 17 review

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Fantasy Friday returns from a week-long sabbatical spent Christmas shopping with David Beckham to find that the title race is really hotting up. And we're not talking Manchester United and Chelsea! Just two points sepa

Mourinho apologises to Andy Johnson

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Everton striker Andy Johnson has accepted the apology of Jose Mourinho over accusations that he dived against Chelsea. The Blues boss - presumably informed by Mrs Mour

Reed gets chairman's vote of confidence (uh-oh!)

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Charlton chairman Richard Murray has given his backing to woeful manager Les Reed and said that the Addicks' board will provide funds for new signings in January.

Reed's team have won one league game in six since Reed took over from Iain Dow

Billy Wingrove: Too clever by half

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All these football freestylers are very impressive indeed. However, few show how it could be used in a game of footy, which is what we all like best. Showboating is only great when there are people trying to kick lumps out of the skilled one. Well, thi

Gazza and the door-step challenge

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During his time at Glasgow Rangers up in Bonnie Scotland, Paul Gascoigne, already known as 'troubled genius' by this point, was followed by a film crew. We all know that former Spuds and Newcastle player  Gazza (or G8) likes a joke, so see what happen

Premiership flops XI (so far…)

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Yesterday we featured our Premiership team of the season (so far, of course). Today it's the list no player wants to be on – the Prem flops of the season. Who's failing to live up to the hype and their massive transfer fee?

Click below to re

Sheffield United to set up partnership with Sao Paulo

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Sheffield United are hoping to tie up the craziest Yorkshire-Brazilian partnership since Roque Junior pulled on a Leeds United shirt. The Blades are set to start talks with Sao Paulo over a deal which

Bizarre red card for Besiktas goalkeeper

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If anyone spots the heinous crime committed by Besiktas's Croatian goalkeeper Marijan Mrmic during this video, please let us know!

[Rob Parker]

Vote for your chant of 2006

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The BBC is offering its website users the chance to vote for their favourite terrace chant of 2006. The 10-strong shortlist is drawn from chants sent into be used in the site's Quotes of the Week feature. Click the link below to see al

Bury thrown out of the FA Cup (and Chester are over the moon)

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Bury have been chucked out of the FA Cup for fielding an ineligible player in their 3-1 second-round replay win over Chester City on 12 December. Chester, who are surely buzzing their tits off, have now been reinstated and will play Ipswich i

Breaking News: The Lord Stevens Report

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Having just watched the press conference regarding the exhaustive enquiry into bungs, the Premier League has targeted 17 transfers that need further investigation following Lord Stevens' look into illegal payments in football. Lord Stevens was

The Aurelio nailed by Taddei

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Rodrigo Taddei, Roma's midfielder, decided to get in on the showboating act when he came up against Olympiakos with his stupendous trick called "The Aurelio" named after Roma Assistant Manager, Aurelio Andreazzoli, and only the second ever fo

Premiership Team of the Season (so far…)

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We're virtually halfway through the 2006/07 Premiership season, so we thought now would be the right time to list our team of the season so far. It'll be interesting to see how much this changes come the end of the season. Click below to view our sele

Kit Parade: Southend United

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Giant-killing Southend United face Tottenham tonight with a place in the Carling Cup semi-finals at stake. Having seen off Manchester United, the Shrimpers now face Martin Jol's side

News Balls: Joey Barton on the move and other snippets

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Aston Villa, Newcastle and Middlesbrough battle it out for newly-appointed England spokesman Joey Barton [Mail]
Blackburn want to sign former player David Dunn from Birmingham [Mirror]
And, in a happy turn

The birth of football (according to German TV at least)

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This advert for German TV show Sportschau settles once and for all the debate about how football was invented.


German Football League - video powered by Metacafe

More classic football adverts:

Marco Materazzi's bicycle kick, Inter v Messina

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Did some Zidane magic rub off on big Marco when he was headbutted by the Frenchman at the World Cup? Judging by this splendid overhead kick, scored in a recent Serie A game, the answer is yes.

Breaking News: Liverpool vrs Arsenal match in doubt due to fog

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Attention fans who are thinking of going to the Liverpool/Arsenal Carling Cup match tonight. The quarter-final tie is in doubt due to Anfield being  shrouded in dense, thick, pea-soupy fog and a pitch inspection due at 18.15 pm.

If

Would you like Les Reed to 'boost your team's performance'? No, me neither!

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Les Reed is under-pressure after only a month in charge of Charlton Athletic with some reports claiming defeat against Wycombe in the Carling Cup tonight would earn him the sack. But w

Ecuador's Barcelona and Liga Deportiva Universitaria teach Lehmann and Drogba how to brawl

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Players from Ecuadorian sides Barcelona and Liga Deportiva Universitaria have been warned they face one-year bans and possible jail sentences after a brawl followed their match on Sunday. Former Southampton

England to host Germany for first match at new Wembley

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The German Football Association (DFB) have said that their national team will be England's first opponents in the new Wembley Stadium on 22 August, in 2007. Who else thinks that seems a bit optimistic? Anyway, Germany coach Joachim Low reveale

Rivelino: A genius.

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For me, the greatest left winger who ever lived was Rivelino. I'll admit there is probably better, but he's the one I like the best. Why? Well, he could hit a ball so very hard and true and, well, he seems a bit mental. His celebration

Boston United's mascot bullies the Lincoln City mascot

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In the USA, sports fans are treated to cheerleading displays by good-looking ladies in skimpy outfits while they wait for a match to kick-off. In Britain, we have grown men dressed as 8ft animals locked in a battle of cheekiness and one-upmanship inste

Rapper The Game is a Blackburn Rovers fan

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Rapper The Game supports Blackburn Rovers and is apparently planning to watch his team play next year. The Los Angeles-born artist, famous as much for his feud with 50 Cent as for his Grammy-nominated

One to watch: Tom Huddlestone, Spurs

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Spurs midfielder Tom Huddlestone will be 20 on 28th Dec this year. For now though, he's the most exciting English teenager since Wayne Rooney. Given how much he's developed since the departure of Michael Carrick to Old Trafford, I don

Beckham for Bolton?

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You've got to admire the gall of Sam Allardyce. He's attracted players normally thought to be out of reach for a club like Bolton Wanderers and the latest rumour is one of the biggest and best. With David Beckham unsettled at Real Madrid, it's

Sven-Goran Eriksson off to Olympique Marseille?

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The Sun reports that Sven-Goran Eriksson has at last found a club willing to employ him as manager. The former England boss, still earning around £45,000 a week from the FA, is tipped to take over at Marseille once a £100m takeover

Adidas David Beckham Predator hoody

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  What better to keep you warm during those long hours spent sitting on the bench than a David Beckham hoody? This Adidas top features the David Beckham Icon logo (didn't realise he had one, but there it is on the right) and also a li

Romario: Goal machine

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Romário de Souza Faria more commonly known as Romário, has the psychique of a lunchtime boozer. He's rotund, lethargic and a pip-squeak (in fact, his nickname is Baixinho which essentially means short-arse).

Multiplex get 'sued' over Wembley debacle

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With Price Harry and Wills announcing a concert for their mum, Princess Diana (deceased) at Wembley stadium, you can't help but imagine Sir Elton John taking to the stage surrounded by men in hard hats still putting the roof on or something. Well, fun

HolloWatch: Ian Holloway back to his crazy best

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Plymouth boss Ian Holloway was back on top-form on Saturday with a trademark nutty post-match interview. An angry Holloway was not pleased with a 3-0 defeat against Preston, prompting him to coin the g

Action Man Sharpshooter ad

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'A new star on the soccer scene… Action Man Sharpshooter!' Why don't they make toys like this any more?

Good weekend, bad weekend

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Good weekend
Chelsea Closed the gap on leaders Manchester United to just two points with victory over Everton.
Alan Curbishley Led West Ham to a 1-0 win over United in his first game in charge.
S

Catch 22: Chelsea or Manchester United to win the league?

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With the gap between Manchester United and Chelsea down to just two points, it look like the title race could go down to the wire this season. But who do you want to win the league (assuming its a two-horse race)? I'm

Didier Drogba's wonder volley gets Chelsea out of jail against Everton

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Wow, just after I took The Drog out of my fantasy team, he goes and scores a blinder like this. Brilliant. Let the title race commence…

Classic Moments: Zlatan Ibrahimovic's solo goal for Ajax

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Zlatan has never really fulfilled the potential he showed at Ajax. This beautiful goal is one of the best we've ever seen and reminiscent of George Best's amazing dribble for the San Jose Earthquakes.

Internacional stun Barcelona to win World Club Cup. Do we care? Not really…

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A late goal from substitute Adriano (not that one) helped Brazilian side Internacional defeat favourites Barcelona 1-0 in the Club World Cup final in Yokohama, Japan. Barca were in command of the match until Adriano poked the ball home with just eight

Will you set the video for WAGs Boutique?

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ITV's WAGs Boutique, a reality TV show in which footballers' wives and girlfirends work in a boutique and compete to see who can sell the most clothes (genius), will be shown next spring.

However, if more WAGs continue to drop

Fat man stages funny FAI protest

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What happens when a funny (and fat) Dundalk fan invades the FAI offices in Dublin? Why, he douses the place in petrol (as well has getting it all over himself) and demands a meeting with FAI Chief Executive John Delay! It's all about Dundalk's exclusio

Classic Moments: Gordon Strachan's goal celebration, Celtic v Hearts

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Celtic score a winner against Hearts in injury time, although from Gordon Strachan's brilliantly childish reaction, you'd think it was a playground kickabout… [More Scottish football on Pies]

The 2006 World Cup vs The Pipettes' Pull Shapes

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Can't believe we never come across World of Stuart's splendid musical interpretation of the 2006 World Cup (apologies if you've seen it before though). The song is 'Pull Shapes' by The Pipettes, btw.

Click on the image to load the video (or ju

Spurs to play behind closed doors and other UEFA Cup news

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Tottenham have been drawn against Feyenoord in the last 32 of the Uefa Cup - a repeat of the 1974 final that the Dutch side won 4-2 on aggregate, but may not be able attend the away match. The Uefa Cup game could be held behind closed doors be

Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse take off Motson

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John Motson is probably most immitated commentator ever. Most do it badly... and Harry Enfield is no exeption. Still, good to see Paul Whitehouse being a funny bugger with his Julio Geordio skit. Howay.

 

HolloWatch: Ian Holloway, number-one Dad

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Not may people know that three of Ian Holloway's four children are deaf. It can't be easy for Ollie and his wife Kim to bring up three children with disabilities, albeit an 'invisible disability' as he called it when interviewed about his family for <

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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1 Newcastle Utd, Bolton Wanderers, Aston Villa, Celtic (current). Whose career path?
2 Can you name the seven Premiership managers who also played for the clubs they now manage?
3 Picture rou

Proper Cheerleaders invade Bolton

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Saturday's match between Bolton Wanderers and West Ham had dramatic consequences. As we know, the 4-0 drubbing which the Hammers received resulted in Alan Pardew's sacking. Well, if you consider what Bolton's half-time entertainment was for the day, yo

Classic Moments - Pardew scores the winner in the greatest FA Cup Semi-Final ever!

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With all this talk of Alan Pardew, it's perhaps the perfect time to recall a peak in his career. Before his management days, he liked to play a bit of football. His greatest match came for Crystal Palace against the mighty Liverpool side of the late ni

Quotes of the Week

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Goran Ivanisevic... wait! It's about football honest! I'll start again... Huge massive great big football fan, Goran Ivanisevic played in the final of of the Masters tennis tournament in London sporting a West Bromich Albion s

Super goal from Josimar

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Imagine. You play for Northern Ireland. You're playing at the World Cup finals in the blistering heat of Mexico. You're playing against Brazil... who, as we know, are a bit good. Then, just as you settle down, someone

The Right Result: righting refereeing wrongs

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Do you ever wonder what might have been if the ref had awarded your side that last minute penalty or his assistant had noticed the opposition's striker was five yards offside? Well, The Right Result is a website which seeks to correct refereeing errors

Chinese goalkeeper celebrates penalty save. Oops it went it!

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China goalkeeper Wang Dalei runs away to celebrate saving a penalty in a shootout against Iran in the quarter-finals of the 2006 Asian Games, despite the fact the ball went in off his legs!

[Rob Parker

Joey Barton and Lee Naylor set for England call-ups

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England boss Steve McClaren has resorted to scouring the Premiership mid-table and the SPL as he aims to get his prima donnas' faltering Euro 2008 qualification campaign back on track. It is reported McClaren will be a

6ft 8in NBA star Paul Pierce lands on Wayne Rooney's metatarsal!

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Wayne Rooney came close to picking up another metatarsal injury on Monday night as his right-foot felt the full weight of Boston Celtics player Paul Pierce. The 17-stone NBA star fell on the foot - wh

Great Serie A goals from the 90s

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The nineties, for us Brits, were the golden era for Serie A (not that the Italians are bad now). Mainly because it was shown on our tellies on in the morning with that famed GOOOOLLLLLAAAAAZOOOO! theme. Some of European football's greatest goa

Titus Bramble in big fat freak leg shocker!

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Newcastle United ditherer Glenn Roeder has revealed that the Titus Bramble has spent eight days in hospital after an alarming flare-up in his injured calf. The 25-year-old's lower leg swelled to twice its normal size days after he picked up

Lampard hits back at Mad Jens' accusation

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Frank Lampard is the master of saying nasty things according to Mad Jens Lehmann. Well, judging from the tepid tyrade from Fat Frank, I'm inclined to disagree. Apparently, the ker-azy German goalie "shows no respect" to anyone on the pitch.

Curbs new Hammers boss

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Well, with alarming predictability, Alan Curbishley has been unveiled as the new manager of West Ham United. Chairman Egg' Magnusson moved sharply to appoint the former Charlton gaffer after sacking Alan Pardew on Monday. &q

FA want video to punish divers

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The FA is set to lobby Fifa for the introduction of video replays to identify and punish players guilty of diving. Football's world governing body is set to meet in March and the FA hopes to raise the issue then. "We've already asked Fifa to all

Now that's what I call a volley

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Paolo Di Canio shows off his skills in training with a stunning rebona volley. In a word, wow.

Liverpool Christmas fancy dress party

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Over the years the Liverpool fancy dress party has become as much a part of the festive season as the Queen's speech or hearing the same songs incessantly no matter which shop you go in. While the Reds' Spice Boys of the mid-1990s did it in style, th

Djibril Cisse releases DJ album

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When he's not falling over and breaking his rubber legs for Liverpool, Djibril Cisse likes to get busy on the wheels of steel. The Frenchman has just released a compilation album of Africa-inspired dance music, called The DJ Inside Me (not sure which

One to watch: Alexandre 'The Duck' Pato

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Alexandre Pato is 17 years old and Brazilian football's next superstar. He's powerful, quick and incredibly skilful. He reminds us a bit of Cristiano Ronaldo. Pato is currently playing for club side Internacional in the World Club Championship – he'

Is Frank Lampard really fat?

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Frank Lampard gets a lot of stick – on the terraces and especially on internet forums – for being fat. Is it just me, or is this ridiculous? Let's face it, he's not fat at all – he's well-built.

There are 'fatter' players than Lampard in

Blog of the week: Joys & Sorrows

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Joys & Sorrows calls itself 'The best Birmingham City blog in the world' and we haven't found a reason to disagree with that claim. It's been going for just over a year now and it really is an excellent blog. Supporting the Blues is a

Premier League say no to foreign officials

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The Premier League bigwigs have ruled out the chance to use foreign referees to officiate in high profile top-flight matches. Didn't know this could happen? Well, recently German referee Michael Weiner took charge of a Bulgar

Fowler's touch-line sniff celebration

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Marco Tardelli. Falcao. Lua Lua. They've all got something in common. They are as well known for their goal celebrations as they are their prowess on the pitch. Perhaps we should add another name to that. Robbie Fowler. Fowler's 'touch-line sniff', aft

Player misses the world's easiest sitter

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Doing my best to translate some Spanish (which I don't speak at all), this clip seems to be involving a player from Cameroon who goes by the name of Kalusha Bwalya. Well, in this incident, the player majestically runs the full length of the pitch with

News Balls Special: Les Reed and Alan Curbishley are the news

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Here are some extra special News Balls dedicated to Les Reed and Alan Curbishley: the men everyone is talking about, apparently!

Les warns Alan Curbishley off Darren Bent

Why Steven Gerrard hates Les

Curbs wants to sign Nigel R

Champions League last 16 draw

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The draw for the first knockout stage of the Champions League has been made. I intended to tell you what the tie of the round is, but they all look so lip-smackingly delicious I can't decide! The draw in full is:

Porto v CHELSEA

Classic Moments: Manchester United snatch the Champions League from Bayern Munich, 1999

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The five British sides through to this season's Champions League knockout stages have found out who they will play in the next round. To celebrate, here is the dramatic conclusion to Manchester United's classic smash-a

The Fiendish Friday Quiz (yes, we know it's a couple of days late…)

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A few of our regular readers wanted to know why there was no Fiendish Friday Quiz last week. No reason other than my internet connection was down (something to do with high winds, I was told. Hmm…). I know a lot of you look forward to the quiz, so he

Transfer window fever begins

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There is a distinct increase in volume of newspaper football gossip today as greedy managers start tapping on the transfer window and pleading for someone to open it. Although the window will remain shut until January, click below for a round-up of all

Cristian Ledesma's wonder goal, Lazio vs Roma

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It's been a pretty special weekend for breathtaking goals, what with Matt Taylor's outrageous strike and Michael Essien's belter to save a point for Chelsea against Arsenal. And what about this effort from Lazio's Cristian Ledesma, which helped his sid

Alan Pardew's sacking: what the bloggers say

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'I hope that Alan Pardew knows how many West Ham fans are gutted for him. I hope enough stand up and make that clear on Sunday. I hope that Magnusson understands the magnitude of what he has done in doing this, and what the consequences may be if it t

Frank Lampard is a 'specialist in insulting people very badly'

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So says Arsenal stopper Jens Lehmann, who claims that Lampard called him nasty names during Chelski vs the Arse on Sunday. Lampard may have been provoked into name-calling by the loony German, who described the Englishman as 'vastly o

Alan Curbishley claims West Ham 'want to talk to me'

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It's turning out to be West Ham Day on Who Ate All the Pies. In the wake of Alan Pardew's dismissal, Alan 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' Curbishley, failing miserably to grasp the concept of discretion, has told the Daily Express tha

Jens Lehmann and Didier Drogba show off their diving skills

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Does this even count as handbags? Handbags is a bit too manly to describe the shenanigans between Jens Lehmann and Didier Drogba in yesterday's Chelsea-Arsenal match. Try to keep a straight face as the

Saints go after Pressley

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Heart of Midlothian is without doubt, the most bonkers club in Europe at the minute. With the insane ramblings of chairman Vladimir Romanov (click here and here for examples), they've managed to retain the mental one, and lose one of their best player

Matthew Taylor's wonder goal for Portsmouth

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Attention Pompey fans. You're probably still laughing yourselves stupid at your loftly position in the league aren't you? Quite right too... lap it up. To make your memories of the weekend even sweeter, watch Matthew Taylor's sublime 45 yard volley aga

Pardew - Sacked.

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Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. West Ham have announced that they have sacked Alan Pardew after The Hammers have struggled all season and are currently in 18th place in the Premiership following Saturday's 4-0 annihilation at the hands of Bolton Wa

Good weekend, bad weekend

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Good weekend
Manchester United Now have an eight-point lead over Chelsea following their win over Manchester City.
Obafemi Martins The Nigerian striker had been criticised for his lack of goals but now he ca

Peter Kay in John Smith's advert: 'Ave it

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This classic advert features Peter 'Garlic... bread?' Kay as John Smith: the no nonsense footballer.

[Rob Parker]

Bradford fans produce Leeds United fanzine for Christmas

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Bradford City fanzine The City Gent has created a special Leeds United edition just in time for Christmas. The Super L666ds tribute book features no less than 36 blank pages. Billed as "diligent a

This week's Premiership predictions

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Saturday
Manchester United v Manchester City (12.45pm) United to go to town on City. 3:0
Blackburn v Newcastle (3pm) The Magpies are on a good run and could sneak it at Ewood Park. 1:

Mourinho plots to win the Championship as well as the Premiership

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Jose Mourinho is planning a clean sweep of England's top two divisions. The Special One has been touting the possibility of a Chelsea 'B' team competing further down the Football League in a different division from hi

Truly appalling football CDs - listen to your club's top tune

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These are quite possibly the worst pieces of football merchandise ever! FootballCD.co.uk is selling this collection of 'Football songs to sing and learn.' The perfect Christmas gift for the music-loving football fan, right?

Unfortunately instea

Fancy being a mobile guinea pig and bagging a brand new Nokia N70 and £100 credit?

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Of course you do… and we've got 30 up for grabs. If you want to be part of a unique and exclusive testing group for a brand new mobile service from Yell.com then we want to hear from you.

If you're based in the UK (sorry, overseas devote

Eggert Magnusson gets the Photoshop treatment in The Guardian's Gallery

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The Guardian's Gallery is usually good for a chortle at topical Photoshop works of art of varying standards. This week it is the turn of new West Ham owner Eggert Magnusson. Entries include a Humpty Du

Sunderland players in sex tape scandal

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It's a funny old game! Just this morning we were bemoaning the fact that, in the current climate of footballer sex scandals, you can no longer post an innocent video of a group of footballers spanking animals without people jumping to conclusions. And

Horror Tackle: Dean Windass tries to insert himself into Neil Young feet first

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This nasty tackle comes from last month's League One clash between Bradford and Bournemouth. Veteran striker Dean Windass has, for some reason, completely lost it just 13 minutes into the match and dec

Arsenal fans to wave fake cash at Ashley Cole

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Chelsea's Ashley Cole will be greeted by a shower of fake £20 notes when he faces former club Arsenal on Sunday. An email has been circulating urging Gooners to cut out the pretend notes - which feat

Juventus horsing around on video shoot

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What on earth is this about? Most clubs show off their squad for the coming season with a team photo, but not Juventus it seems. This video from a few seasons back shows the Turin giants prefer a promotional video.

In this age

Fantasy Football Neil Warnock style

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It's the new game everyone wants for Christmas (OK, it's not - I just invented this - but run with me). You're Neil Warnock. You have been given £5 million to keep your relegation-threatened club in the Premiership. How would you spen

Get to know Jermaine Pennant a bit better (with the help of MySpace)

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Jermaine Pennant was one of Liverpool's better players as they lost 3-2 to Galatasaray, including setting up Robbie Fowler for his second goal with an excellent run and chipped cross. But how much do

Horror Hair: David James (again!)

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David James might have ditched his greasy side-parting, but Horror Hair of that standard doesn't just disappear over night. The Portsmouth keeper has transformed his Clark Kent look into this backcombe

Micah Richards hung up on England call-up

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Manchester City full-back Micah Richards has revealed he nearly missed out on his first England cap after putting the phone down on Steve McClaren. The 18-year-old hun

Ex-Sun editor stands by Hillsborough 'truth'

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The former editor of The Sun, Kelvin MacKenzie, has reportedly claimed that the newspaper's allegations about Liverpool supporters at Hillsborough was "the truth". The Sun famously claimed t

Ronaldinho's side foot free kick under the wall against Werder Bremen

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He's a cheeky chappy, our Ronaldinho. Here is his goal from last night's Champions League match against Werder Bremen: a side-footed free-kick underneath the jumping wall to secure a 2-0 win and a plac

Jewell says "legalise diving"

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Wigan gaffer Paul Jewell has spoken out on the subject of diving admitting he would legalise it. What? Can that be right? Anyway, with everyone talking about 'simulation' at the moment after ManYoo's Cristiano Ronaldo went tumbling through th

Fenerbahce confetti show

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We've all seen the famous footage of the Argentinian fans showering their players with ticker tape during the 1978 World Cup finals... but what about the Turks? Well, the Fenerbahce fans can create an impressive mess of their own with this breath takin

Jimmy Hill's road safety video

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We've all seen how conscientious Kevin Keegan was, helping a nation's youth to safely cross the road. Well, step forward Jimmy 'Chin' Hill. Not to be outdone by that permed upstart, Jimmy taught the nation's drivers to... well... avoid mowing motor-cyc

Match of the Day 2's '2 Good, 2 Bad'

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Terrible punning name, but '2 Good, 2 Bad' is frequently the most entertaining thing about Match of the Day 2. Here's the latest instalment. You've gotta love Fulham's away fan(s) and the half-time entertainment at Wigan's JJB Stadium…

The beautiful, short career of Marco Van Basten

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Marco Van Basten may be the best centre-forward in football history. Such a shame that a chronic ankle injury forced him to retire so young – he was just 29 when he hung up his boots.

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HolloWatch: Ian Holloway is still Swiss Toni

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Plymouth boss and all-round legend Ian Holloway will go down in football folklore for his zany outbursts. His most famous (or should that be infamous?) moment in front of the microphone to date is, of course, his Swiss Toni-style speech.

Olly s

Rumour Tuesday

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Believe it or not…

Portsmouth keen on Ghanaian midfield star Sulley Muntari (pictured), currently at Udinese. [Mirror]
Barcelona prepare to make another bid for Thierry Henry. [The Sun]
Macclesfiel

Should Thierry Henry give up his armband and let Gilberto Silva captain Arsenal?

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Guardian football writer Kevin McCarra, whom I respect a great deal, has written a provocative piece on Thierry Henry, in which he argues that the Frenchman should step down as captain of Arsenal (to be replaced by Gilberto Silva). McCarra wr

The ball will be landing on runway two (or Man City versus Watford)

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Last night I witnessed an astonishing game of football. Manchester City took on Watford... and I don't think it would be unfair of me to say that the match was by no means a classic. In fact, I don't think it would be unfair to say that it was the wors

Steve McManaman video

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You may have seen the Top 10 Real Madrid Goals of All-Time video that we featured on here. Well, I couldn't help but notice one glaring omission. That being the handful of spectacular goals scored by Steve McManaman whilst he played fo

Listen to the 'I Love Martin Jol' song

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An inspired Spurs fan (at least we assume he's a Spurs fan) has written a moving musical tribute to Martin Jol. Well, we say 'written' – essentially he's taken 'I Love Rock'n'Roll', cunningly tweaked the lyrics and turned it into 'I

Sepp Blatter's super summer leagues

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FIFA president and self-appointed spiritual leader of football, Sepp Blatter, has proposed scrapping the traditional football calendar in favour of a summer season running from February to November. Blatter announced the plans for a un

Before they were famous - some familiar faces earlier in their careers

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This video features clips of the fledgling careers of some of English football's biggest names. Check out the Horror Hair material provided by David Beckham and Robbie Savage, and a goal from Michael Owen

Pele + ram = Zidane

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Premium TV websites: bane of the football blogger

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As stressful jobs go, I imagine football blogger is not particularly high on the experts' lists. There is not a great deal to get wound up about. Tucked safely behind our monitors - out of the radius of a Sir Alex Ferguson

MTV's tribute to John Barnes ('The British Pele')

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MC Scorcher >>> MC John Barnes.

Landon Donovan's future wife is not unattractive

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Terrible news, ladies. US soccer star/pin-up Landon 'Landycakes' Donovan is about to get married, to little-known actress Bianca Kajlich (pictured). The happy couple are set to tie the knot this New Year's Eve. Who Ate All the Pies would like to offer

Premiership team of the week

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Scott Carson (Charlton) Unlucky to be on the losing team against Sheffield Utd.
Nicky Shorey (Reading, pictured) Having a terrific season.
Gael Clichy (Arsenal) Excellent for the Gunners in

Horror Hair - Joleon Lescott

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There something going wrong at Everton. The results aren't bad, and the manager seems like a decent chap... so it can only be one thing. A crap haircut. Step up please Joleon Lescott. No picture really does Jolene's hairdo justice... b

The adventures of Cristiano Ronaldo (as told by Baddiel and Skinner)

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Don't invite Cristiano Ronaldo to a kids' birthday party…

Football freestylers

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If, like me, you still think you're half decent at footy, but consistently forget that running for longer than 10 minutes would result in an inevitable stitch/vomiting/need for a cigarette/pint, you'd do well to watch this video of some cocky young ups

Good weekend, bad weekend

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Good weekend
Craig Bellamy The Welsh striker put his time in the dock behind him by firing Liverpool to their first away win of the season at Wigan.
Sheffield United Came from behind to beat Charlton 2-1 in t

Cristiano Ronaldo collapsing figure

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After this weekend's theatrics from Cristiano 'Winker' Ronaldo, it only seems right that we show you the toy that all kids should have this Yuletide. We've featured this before, but with Christmas looming, it only seems fair t

Everton want to swap Lada for Rolls Royce (or at least Simon Davies for Luis Boa Morte)

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Sneaky Everton are apparently trying to con Fulham into swapping Luis Boa Morte (the Cottagers' skipper and talisman) for Simon Davies (mediocre Welsh midfielder). The Mirror reports

Best Premiership XI featuring players who don't play for the big four

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We've picked our best Premiership XI, but not including players from the so-called 'Big Four' (namely Man Utd, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool). Why? Well, we're a wee bit bored by the amount of coverage constantly given to those teams, so we thought w

Carlsberg's World Cup draw

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This is slightly out of date now, but I missed it at the time of the World Cup so I would hazard a guess a few other people did too. It's a Carlsberg advert, so you know the drill. Carlsberg don't do World Cup draws...

[Rob Parker]

This week's Premiership predictions

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Saturday
Arsenal v Tottenham (12.45pm) The under-achieving neighbours play in the early kick-off. North London derbies are difficult to call at the best of the times. I think this one will end in a draw. 1:1
Blackburn

Manchester United to sign Henrik Larsson

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Henrik Larsson - the man who has had more last stands than a General Custer Reenactment club - is to join Manchester United on a three-month loan deal in January. The Swedish striker joined hometown club Helsin

David Pleat: Arsenal are 'second-best in nearly every department'

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David Pleat has (ghost) written an interesting analysis of the current Arsenal team for The Guardian, in a bid to understand why the Gunners are struggling so badly. Pleaty concludes that Arsenal are faltering because they can't claim to have

Fantasy Friday: week 15 review

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It's about the time of year that most people start moaning about the number of Christmas shoppers roaming the streets and football manager's start moaning about the number of fixtures they've got to squeeze into the next week or two.

In our

Top 10 Real Madrid goals of all time

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Some beautiful goals here, from a club that knows a thing or two about beautiful football. Our favourite? Emilio Butragueno's touchline dribble (No.3), which is gloriously cheeky…

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

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1 Ajax, Sampdoria, Real Madrid, Inter Milan, AC Milan (current). Whose career path?
2 Can you name the players who currently wear the No.9 shirt for: a) Chelsea, b) Liverpool, c) Arsenal, d) Newcastle Utd?

Cult Hero: Temuri Ketsbaia

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The Georgian Geordie remains a huge cult figure on Tyneside, not because he was an amazing player but because he was several cards short of a full deck:

A lifetime's supply of goalkeeping blunders

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[Rob Parker]

Classic Moments: George Weah waltzes the length of the pitch to score, AC Milan v Verona

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We posted this classic length-of-the-pitch goal on Who Ate All the Bratwurst ages ago, and we thought we'd put it up on Pies, 'cause it's so damn good. Watch Weah beat about eight gentlemen of Verona. Go George!