Brighton's AMEX Stadium: Breathe in that fresh sea air
Brighton & Hove Albion have issued a formal apology to Championship play-off semi-final opponents Crystal Palace after it came to light that excrement was smeared (apologies for all those taking elevenses at this point) on the floor of the Palace dressing room before the away team arrived.
As we've already seen with AC Milan's hideous new third shirt for 2013/14, Adidas are currently dilly-dallying with the concept of introducing totally redundant pockets to a few of their new shirts, but their design for Olympique Marseille's new third shirt is beyond the pale.
BT Sport are throwing their launch party as we speak and, Christ Almighty, the tidbits being leaked by journos on Twitter vis-a-vis their football coverage is already making it sound like some sort of hellish nightmare. If you had to pick your worst possible panel, you probably couldn't do much worse than BT themselves.
With their double-wide fat seats and prostitutes being given state-funded English lessons, it's fair to say that Brazil are doing a bang-up job getting their affairs in order for the 2014 World Cup that's, of course, if you choose to ignore the fact that none of the budget-blasting stadiums are actually ready yet.
It was a nauseatingly mediocre affair settled by a suitably shonky winning goal but, as this was Man Utd-Chelsea, there was still room for some dickish behaviour with David Luiz getting his fellow countryman Rafael sent off late on for a "swipe" in the corner.
QPR owner Tony Fernandes has today pointed the not-so-subtle finger of blame in the general direction of one Leslie Mark Hughes, blaming a raft of "questionable early signings" on the club's current malaise.
Having gained a bit of areputationfor being a tiny bit pap at dabbling in the transfer market over his years in management, we thought we'd have a look at the "top" XI of the worst deals Sparky has ever thrown other peoples' money at since first taking the reigns at Blackburn in 2004.
Ahead of their final game of the League Two season, Southend's players were given a pre-match gee-up by none other than Jeremy Kyle, i.e, the megalomaniac host/ringleader of the scum circus that is The Jeremy Kyle Show.
Can we just point out now that Southend's manager is Phil Brown.
Non-league side Rimington FC have been bestowed with ahumongousticket allocation of 19,000 for their upcomingWest Riding County FA Challenge Cup Final against Bay Athletic at Elland Road ground, despite the tiny village in Lancashire only having a population of around 400 people.
Despite having just pressed the flesh over a €31.5million move to Bundesliga top dogs Bayern Munich, it's not all rainbows and unicorn sighs in Mario Götze's world at the moment, with reports in Germany that his family are being traumatised by angry Dortmund Ultras.
In which, over in the Thai Premier League, Muangthong United's Macedonian midfielderMario Gjurovski celebrates scoring a rather nifty free-kick against TOT Sport Club (who have a mighty fine badge, we might add!) by whipping his shorts down and off, putting them over his head and gunning down the crowd with a fake machine gun.
Here's a wonderful little snippet from Barcelona's league title celebrations last night, wherein Carlos Puyol picks up the silverware from its podium and brings it back to the rest of the Barca lads for them to lift it.
For some reason Alex Song thought it was going to be he that the captain selected to lift the trophy alongside him, with the Cameroon midfielder's heart filling with joy for a split second before realising that Puyol had actually selected nearby Eric Abidal a man who, lest we forget, had a liver transplant and still ended the season back in the first-team squad and Tito Vilanova a man who, lest we forget, managed to fight off cancer this term to split the hoisting duties with.
As D:Ream once rightly sung, things can only get better for 18-year-old Moldovan goalkeeper Radu Mitu. The goalkeeper made his debut for Moldovan soccer team Milsami-Ursidos on Saturday, and would probably like to forget exactly how it went. Just ten minutes into the match, Mitu collected a ball that ran through to him, and attempted [.
In which RKC Waalwijk midfielder Jeff Stan goes in for a penny, in for a pound and completely wipes out the referee with a perfectly executed double-footed thunder lunge during RKC's Eredivisie game against NEC Nijmegen on Sunday afternoon...
Wily Dutch destroyer Mark van Bommel, 36, played in his final game before retirement for PSV against FC Twente at the weekend and signed off in the only manner befitting his long, distinguished and blood-spattered career: by shredding some poor bugger's ankles with a late lunge and duly being shown a red card (second yellow) 20 minutes from the end for his troubles.
With the La Liga title sewn up in Barca's favour and the Copa Del Rey final just around the corner, Real Madrid rested most of their big names for this weekend's game against Espanyol including Fabio Coentrao, though it appears no-one actually told him!
Coentrao turned up and took a place on the bench as the teams emerged before kick-off before Iker Casillas had a word in his ear and broke the news to him.
At 74-years-old he's earned the right, but former Manchester United midfielder Paddy Crerand is prone to getting a bit tetchy especially when it comes to people chatting bull-honky about his beloved team.
In need of a go-to guy for a good old-fashioned rant about the rumours that circulated last night vis-a-vis Sir Alex Ferguson's imminent retirement, Irishradio station Newtalk phoned Paddy up at sparrow fart on Wednesday morning to canvass his opinions on the matter.
As well as being a darn fine player when he wants to be, Roma enforcer Daniel De Rossi is a complete and utter sh*thouse.
That said, he's usually the kind of complete and utter sh*thouse that you want on your side: bloodying ankles, digging ribs, swinging rogue elbows, indulging in the odd spot of gamesmanship, riling the opposition and generally "putting himself about" to good effect.
In which, over in the Belgian Pro League, Lokeren goalkeeper Boubacar Barry goes flying across his goal to make a save against Club Bruggeand duly knocks himself out sparko doolally after copping a goalpost in the face in the line of duty this was after just four minutes of the game had elapsed.
PSG centre-half Thiago Silva was shown a straight red card we'll say that again, a straight red card for this soft as pudding/heinous and gross infringement of the referee's personal space against Valenciennes yesterday...
"HOW DARE THOU TOUCH THE SACRED NIPPLES OF REFEREE MAN?
Up there with David Luiz's gorgeous weak-foot top corner pearler for Pies' moment of the night from Chelsea vs Basel: a seemingly endless parade of jobsworth Chelsea stewards prevent Basel sub Marcelo Diaz from taking a corner for what seems like an eternity.
Last night's various Serbian Super Liga action was studded with a couple of calamities that simply must be seen to be believed, with Partizan Belgrade right-backAleksandar Miljkovic getting the ball rolling or, moreaccurately"sailing harmlessly over the bar" with a pitiful open-goal botch against Radnicki Nis.
You've no doubt already seen the Jose Mourinho quotes floating round this morning in which he openly flirts with the notion of "returning to a club in England where people love him", but ITV almost extracted themselves an exclusive batch of revelations direct from the Special Horse's mouth live on air last night only for a producer to scream down pitchside reporter Gabe Clarke's earhole that they needed to cut to adverts instead.
With their Campeonato Gaucho Cup semi-final against Juventude finishing1-0 after extra-time and with both sides scoring all of theprecedingnine penalties in the shootout, Gremio put their place in the final in the hands of a loanee:beloved Arsenal legend Andre Santos.
With PSG 1-0 through Javier Pastore and already down to ten men following the dismissal of Marco Veratti for two yellow cards, David Beckham managed to get himself sent-off in inury time against Evain yesterday despite only having been on the pitch for six minutes.
Robin van Persie was on autopilot when he arrived at The Emirates ahead of Manchester United's game against his old club yesterday, so much so that he almost took a wrong turn down Herpy Derpy Avenue and ended up in the Arsenal dressing room...
It has become as much of an Australian tradition as rumours of Shane Warne returning to the test cricket side and an obnoxious arrogant drunkard (careful). Yes, here it is, the annual lowlights reel from the Australian A-League. A few conclusions to draw: 1. There are far too many players completely missing their kicks when [.
Having been singularly unimpressed by Cesar Azpilicueta upon his arrival at Marseille in France in 2010, French radio presenter and former Marseille left-back Eric Di Meco brazenly vowed to his co-hosts that he would "eat a rat" if the Spanish right-back ever became first-choice right-back for his country.
We all love a childish prank now and again, and this Australian news reporter got fooled (or should that be merked) by the script writer this morning. The reporters were discussing Chelsea's victory in the Europa League final, and the lady in question started things badly by tripping up over Chelsea player names and even [.
There has been much debate about the Chelsea future of England midfielder Frank Lampard. The international is thought to be considering a move abroad possibly to the LA Galaxy as he has found opportunities to start matches diminished under Rafa Benitez, but fans at Stamford Bridge are loyal to their man.
Obviously photography was still in its infancy back in 1996
John Barnes could be a handy £15,000 better off today had he not thrown away Eric Cantona's shirt after the 1996 FA Cup Final in what he described as a fit of "immense frustration."
Cantona and Barnes swapped shirts shortly after the Frenchman won the trophy for Manchester United with an 85th-minute goal, but the Liverpool midfielder threw the shirt on the floor as soon as he reached the Wembley dressing rooms.
As a big "hey, f**k you!" to everyone who paid money to watch their wretched shower of shite this season, the QPR players have today collectively voted "the fans" as their Players' Player of the Year...
#QPR's Players' Player of the Year is the fans #ForeverRs
It didn't matter that none of the stadiums might be ready, because the Brazilian police had at least confirmed that their brave lads would be kept snuggly and dry during the torrential rain that would inevitably occur throughout World Cup 2014. After all, the tournament would be taking place during the wet months of.